#there’s that mismatch but not in a ‘we’re different which adds excitement to the relationship’

[salstini]

i love my bf, but more and more I think we’re just really not compatible so… I think I might break up soon. I’m hesitating though I dunno… But I’m definitely considering it

[fakeloveaskblog]

Patty have you ever asked Janus to join for dinner when you meet him? Maybe that can somehow help Logan with his flirting? Or at least get Janus more relaxed?

(btw you're adorable ily!!)

(*cracks knuckles* Oh yeah baby we’ve gotten to the angst. Words: 2364 )

Patty: ": D Oh hello lil magical bird who just talked to me! I love you too!! I didn't want to barge in too much into their relationship but now when my honeypie has asked him out once already I guess I can help just a bit!"

Patty had sunglasses on to look like a secret agent. This was an important step in her plan, she swore on it. She sneaked into the open library while chuckling to herself.

She glanced around and almost immediately caught her eye on Janus standing in the reception. She did a few sneaky walks between the bookshelves before sliding up to him.

"Hello Janister!" She greeted with a bright smile while putting her elbows on the reception to lean closer.

"Hiya PatPat. Logan is off helping a customer but he'll be back soon"

"Oh silly I'm not looking for him right now. I am actually here to ask if you could come over to our place tonight. You see I'm planning on making Jambalaya but I always make too much! I'm talking leftovers up to the roof!! But if a third person was there maybe I would be able to make a perfect amount" She lied. She was making jambalaya for Janus purposes alone!

Janus' heartrate shot through the atmosphere "To- me?- your place?- tonight?- I uh- I don't know if I have time-"

She pouted and did her puppy eyes "You sure? You don't have to if you don't want to!! But it would be nice!"

He let out a happy sigh "Sure"

She took his hand and let out a sqeaul "aaah Great! It'll be so fun!!"

---

Logan was leaning down so Patty could help him with his bowtie. "Are you completely sure I look adequate?" He asked.

"Oh honeybee, You look super duper ultra adequate. You're literally wearing a sweater with a math pun on it!!"

"Hmm sound argument. I can not deny the sexiness of math puns"

A knock came on the door. The couple stared at each other. Logan stimmed out of nervousness. Patty gave him a quick kiss before pointing between him and the door. They did a good luck high five.

Logan combed his hair back and leaned on the wall to look cool as he opened the door. Janus stood on the other side looking like a sardine that had just been pressed into a can.

He had on a purple vest with embroidered flowers details and with a long sleeved black button up under. Also a very funky pair of stripped pants with even funkier yellow snake socks under.

"Greetings Jan. You are looking" Like a dream. Like someone he wanted to kiss right this moment. "Very good"

"Aww are you trying to be a snake charmer Log-boy" Janus replied with a smirk.

"I am not a log or a boy. I'm an adult man made out of meat"

"You better be because I'm starving" He had downed 2 shots of vodka before coming to try to and cool his extreme anxiety. He was a lightweight.

Logan lead him into the living room "Are....Are you implying cannibalism?"

Janus shrugged while smiling.

The apartement truly did look like a mismatch of the couple's personalities. The walls were filled with maps of constellations and uplifting cat posters. On the bookshelfs cook books and travel books were stacked next to thick philosophy books and essays. The decorations were either cute porcelain animals, magical anime girl figurines or figurines of characters from Lo's different hyperfixations. The sofa was filled with fluffy blankets and pillows and stuffies were scattered around the light blue carpet filling the living room.

“Do you want to watch star trek while eating?” Logan asked with a hopeful glint in his eyes.

“As long as I get to watch your beautiful face as well” Janus flirted back while doing an unsteady fingergun.

“Oh- Of course” His crush’s sudden forwardness was making his heart flutter.

Janus curled up in the corner of the couch, making himself as small as possible. Logan sat down pretty far away from him.

He started the first episode. Janus had a constant smile on his face as he listened to Logan go between telling him facts and gushing over his favorite moments. All while he could hear Patty in the kitchen half singing along to dad rock.

“Does she want help with that?” Janus, known gentleman and also nervous wreck, asked.

“She’ll tell us if she need it. She likes cooking. I like baking. It usually works out”

Janus got an amused look on his face “You’re into baking? So all those times at work when you brought desserts, that was your making?”

“Yes. And they were delicious. Anything wrong with that?”

“No. No. I simply didn’t take you for the type”

“Well cooking involves creativity and there’s room for your own ideas. Baking doesn’t. It is only about following a structure and doing kitchen chemistry. Of course I love it” He lowered his voice “It is also tremendously good for when you need to flirt without words”

“Oh really? I better start looking up recipes then” He pulled in Logan's bowtie “You have any favorites?” 

In his head he had the guts to say ‘Your lips against mine would be my favorite’ in reality he said “HehuHFKdjf jam drops in the shape of heart. The heart part is important. It adds to the taste”

“It usually does”

Janus slowly looked him up and down. And then he realized what the fuck he was doing. He shot back into his corner of the sofa like a naked rat. Logan sat still with blushing cheeks, staring at the tv but not taking in anything that was happening except his racing heart.

“Done!” Patty exclaimed, coming in with a big ass fucking pot of jambalaya and a just as big bottle of wine.

She saw the nervous state both of the guys were in and quickly made up a plan. She slammed the pot down onto the coffee table and moved the blankets so they took up about half of the couch. Then she sat down using up as much space as possible leaving the guys no choice but to move closer to each other, If both of them sat their hands down they would touch.

Patty cuddled up to her husband with a proud smile on her face. Logan moved his arm around her. 

“It looks great sweetheart” He pressed a kiss to her cheek making her giggle.

“So do you!! And so does mr. star trek captain man!”

 She enjoyed the hell out of her jambalaya while the two idiots sent each other awkward smiles. Janus downed his glass of wine in record speed. (He took it slower with the food, he didn’t want to seem disgusting). 

The whole star trek episode went by. Logan asked Janus a thousand excited questions about how much he liked it. All of his answers made the nerd happy stim. They put on a documentary none of them were really interested in the background while continuing to chat. Patty went on a long epic story about how a kid at her daycare had tried to bite her finger off last week.

“Soooo” Patty sudenly changed the topic. She said it with an innocent tone “My nerdy lil honeypie over here had the biggest crush on Data for a while. It was adorable. ANd while we’re on the topic” The look she gave Janus was happy but it still sent shivers down his spine “You having any crushes lately? Just curious!”

Both of the men internally gasped at the audacity. The gall! The sheer power!! Janus was sweating like a naked rat who had just been clad for the first time.

“...Well.......I have actually been meaning to....Ask about the polyamourous thing?” 

The couple exhanged knowing glances before looking back at him “Mhm yeah Mhm” “I am poly and also a thing so I am an expert in this”

“So...I totally haven’t fallen in love with 3 people. 2 of which I met in the span of around a week”

Patton did a double thumbs up. Logan took a long sip from his wine. “We’re all gossipy bitches here. Tell all about it”

“Well. The first one is Remy-”

“The one with the sunglasses?”

“...Yes...Are....Don’t tell me they’re a serial killer”

Patty broke up into a chuckle “Logie-bogie tried to kiss them while he was drunk once”

“I threw up on their shoes”

“He threw up on their shoes!”

Logan saw the terror in Janus’ face as he worried that maybe 2 of his crushes were exes and quickly added “We are only acquaintance and I was momentarily struck by the impressive lenght of their legs” 

Janus went on to gush about Remy and Remus. Why he loved them. All the dates he had daydreamed about. And then finally his voice was shaking when he mentioned just having a third crush.

Patty let out a long yawn before he could say anything more. She stood up “Well looks like it’s time to snooze! I assume 2 big burly ultra masculine men like you two can handle the dishes”

“It will be a challenge but we shall do our best. Goodnight honey” Logan kissed her.

She leaned in and whispered “Good luck Logie-bear! You got this”

She giggled mischievously while going off into the bedroom. She closed the door behind her. Only the two lovebirds were left now.

“So the third crush? Who’s the lucky gentleman?” Logan asked.

Janus held onto his newly refilled wine glass so hard it nearly cracked. He forced a smile “Wouldn’t you want to hear about the fake couples counseling I go to together with Remus instead?”

“Fake what now?”

“Well me and Remus, who I am hopelessly in love with even though he clearly doesn’t feel the same way, started going to a therapist pretending we were a couple to see how long it would take before he realized we didn’t know each other. He hasn’t realized anything yet. It’s great!”

It looked like Logan’s eyes was about to bulge out of his skull “That sounds illegal. It should be. You are dragging shame onto the face of psychology you double dumbass!”

“I have done nothing wrong ever in my entire life and frankly I deserve to waste even more therapist’s time” Janus replied.

He let out a deep sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose “Which therapist is it that you’re harassing exactly?”

“Dr. Picani”

Logan’s eyes widened and he shut his lips tightly “Emile Picani?”

“Yes.....Please don’t tell me he’s a serial killer”

He slowly looked away while taking a sip from his wine “I have had intercourse with that man”

Janus choked on his drink. He coughed while staring at his friend with wild eyes “YOU FUCKED MY THERAPIST????”

“No.......He fucked me” Logan replied in a quiet tone. “Besides he’s not even your real therapist”

“He is still a sort of therapist man to me! I told him I enjoy Lana Del Rey. That was a very intimate moment for me!”

“Well I had a very intimate moment with him too”

Janus looked at him with flushed cheeks and wide eyes. He let out a chuckle which turned into a laugh which turned into Logan not being able to not laugh along which turned into the room filling with nothing but flustered happiness and laughter.

Logan grabbed onto his crush’ arm just to have some contact with him while his eyes teared up from laughter. Janus leaned his head against his shoulder and curled up close to him while giggling so much his stomach hurt.

“Oh we’re idiots” Janus sighed.

“We are. We truly are”

They stayed sitting like that. So so close. Logan’s arm around him. Janus breathing being felt against the other man’s skin. Their hands touching. Only comfortable silence surrounded them.

A few minutes went by. Janus looked at him shuly. His thoughts worrying about everything and anything “Should we- ehm- the dishes?”

The moment broke. Logan moved away before standing up “I uh yeah- we should”

It was strange. Just dishing together with his crush made Logan happy. All he could think about was getting to be this close, this domestic, with him every day. Getting to wake up next to him. Kiss his knuckles. Share a morning with him.

“Who was the third crush by the way?” Logan asked, glancing over at his crush.

Janus stared down into the water “I- I can’t say it”

“Understandable”

He stopped and turned fully to look at Janus. He had never been more unsure of where to put his hands before.

“Well I can...Say it I mean....I....I...Janus.....You make me happy just by being near me...You are so wonderful...I....I love you”

Logan couldn’t hold himself back anymore. He took a step forward and cupped Janus’ cheeks. He leaned forward, so close, so close that their noses and foreheads were pressed against each other. It felt like had been starving for this.

Janus froze. His wide eyes stared in shock at the other man. His hand moved up to his chest on instinct, to try and push him away.

Logan noticed his reaction. Of course he did. It was blindingly obvious. He forced himself to move away. He forced the desire to kiss him to simmer out.

“I-I’m sorry-” He mumbled out.

“No....Lo..” Janus took his hand. Holding it so so lightly in his own “I know” He looked up at him “I know. I’m sorry. I should go”

A horrible feeling of guilt filled Logan’s throat “You don’t have to” 

“I should go” He repeated, letting go of his hand.

Logan walked after him as he went to get his jacket “A date. Do you want to go on a date? Not just a hangout. Janus I- I want so badly to be close to you. We could go to the zoo, look at the snakes?”

Janus held his hand on the handle of the door. He didn’t look at Logan “Thanks for having me over”

He left. Logan stood alone in the hallway. His arms hanging helplessly at his sides.

[idnek83]

First Christmas

Rating: Mature

Pairing: Soda Kazuichi/Tanaka Gundham

Tags: Christmas Fluff, Established Relationship, Lots of causal smooching, No Smut, Implied Sexual Content, Alternate Universe - Non-Despair 

Summary: Soda and Gundham get ready for their first Christmas together. It's not much, and they definitely spent too much on questionable decorations, but, somehow, it's still perfect.

Read on Ao3

__________________

Christmas with Gundham was… different.

Neither of them had come from families where Christmas had been a huge thing. Soda was used to a discount tree and mismatched ornaments, some of which he had made himself with spare parts from the shop. As far as presents went, he usually got some new socks or something else practical, and, on years where his parents had the money to spare, a new screwdriver or wrench to add to his personal collection.

He had never woken up to piles of perfectly wrapped presents under an equally perfect tree, but he always enjoyed the day as a kid.

He had asked Gundham what his own Christmases had been like growing up, and between his eccentric words, Soda had gathered that they had had somewhat similar experiences: modest decorations and practical gifts.

The biggest difference appeared to be the “abhorrent feast” Gundham’s mother would serve every year.

“The angle who bore me created such fierce dishes; they would cause the toxins in my body to become so concentrated I could hardly withstand them myself.”

Soda cringed at the idea of spending every Christmas sick to your stomach, but couldn’t help but be touched by the idea of Gundham forcing himself to eat whatever his mother served him just so he wouldn’t hurt her feelings.

Soda usually just had take-out for Christmas, it was one of his favourite parts of the holiday.

But like he said, Christmas with was different.

_

At some point in November the topic had come up, and the two of them had started making plans for how they wanted to spend their first Christmas together.

They ended up going tree shopping at the beginning of December.

A little pop-up tree shop had shown up just down the street from their little apartment, and when Soda had seen it, he ran home and excitedly grabbed Gundham. He began to ramble about how he wanted to get the biggest, fullest tree he could carry, sweeping Gundham up into his arms as he did as if to demonstrate. Gundham had just laughed at him and allowed himself to be carried as Soda began to sing random bits of Christmas songs off key and dance around the apartment.

“While I am enjoying this ritual, my beloved, I do not see how it will procure us a tree.”

Soda blushed and place Gundham back on the ground, looking slightly embarrassed and, in Gundham’s opinion, very cute.

“Shall we?” Gundham reached for his boyfriend’s hand and moved to the door, watching as Soda immediately perked back up.

“Hell yeah.”

They made the short trek to the tree shop, Soda gushing about the amazing tree they were going to get the whole way. However, once they arrived and Soda actually got a look at the price tags on those big, full, amazing trees, his face fell. He knew they were expensive, but damn, they were really expensive.

Gundham had picked up on his disappointment, and began doing his best to make excuses for why the ‘amazing’ trees were actually subpar; a hole here, a strange lump there, and branches to weak to hold “proper seasonal embellishments” all over the place. Soda knew exactly what Gundham was doing, but just nodded along and squeezed his hand a little tighter as they looked for a more reasonably priced tree.

They ended up finding one that was somewhat sparse, but it was tall and had a good shape to it and, most importantly, was in their budget. After paying, Soda made quite the show of lifting it himself, hoisting it over his shoulder and flexing his free arm in an exaggerated manner to make Gundham smile.

It had been a little trouble getting it through the narrow halls of their apartment building, but a few minutes later, they had it set up in a corner of their home, undecorated but bringing a festive feeling to the space all the same.

Gundham noticed Soda’s previous bravado had died down and he was alternating between glancing up at the tree and down his hand where he was absentmindedly rubbing at some sap.

“What is wrong, dearest consort? Does this tree no longer please you?”

“N-no, it’s just… Well, I guess I just feel kinda dumb? I made a big deal about getting us the perfect tree and-“

“And you succeeded in doing so.” Gundham placed a hand on Soda’s cheek and kissed him. He was used to his boyfriend’s tendency to doubt himself, but that didn’t mean he was just going to let him do it. “Perhaps this tree has more space between its limbs than you had wished, but that will only make it easier for us to adorn it as we see fit.” He wrapped and arm around Soda’s waist and drew him closer, hand still on his cheek. “We shall create the most formidable display with it, we will be the envy of all who gaze upon it, and all will know us to be true masters of these yuletide rituals.”

Soda began to laugh as Gundham kissed him again.

“You’re right man, we’re gonna decorate this tree so good that it makes all our friend’s want to throw their trash trees out.”  He finally returned Gundham’s kisses, and they both decided to spend the rest of the evening in their bedroom.

_

“We should probably buy some ornaments soon, starting to feel weird just having a naked tree in the corner.

After a very pleasant evening, Soda and Gundham had decided it best to leave decorating the tree for the next day, only to realise in the morning that neither of them actually owned Christmas decorations.

The weather had been bad that day, so they put off shopping. However, a week had now gone by and the tree remained bare.

“You are right, my love.” Gundham stroked Soda’s messy hair and kissed his forehead. “Should we wait too long, we may find an inadequate selection as well.”

Soda untangled himself from Gundham’s arms and the blanket he had thrown over them once they had finished making love on the couch.

“We could probably do it now, if you’re feeling up to it?” Soda waggled his eyebrows at Gundham.

“You know full well it takes plenty more to render me immobile.” Gundham flashed a smirk, half humorous and half suggestive.

Before Soda could get to wrapped up in the thoughts of the last time he had immobilized Gundham, making him scream over and over until he was too tired to move, Gundham stood up. He began to dress himself, laughing and tossing Soda his boxers when he noticed his boyfriend getting excited again.

“There will be plenty of time for that later, dear consort, but for now, the tree demands adornment.”

They had dressed, much to Soda’s disappointment, and headed to the store.

_

Once they had arrived Soda wished they had put off shopping for an entirely new reason. There were just so many options. If they had waited and there really had been fewer ornaments available, then at least I would be easier to make a choice.

Soda looked to Gundham, but he looked just as overwhelmed by the selection. There were aisles upon aisles lined with various Christmas decorations, and at lest two appeared to be solely dedicated to tree ornaments.

They shared a look before heading down an aisle at random, hoping they would know what they wanted when they saw it.

It had been at least 20 minutes. Soda and Gundham had walked up each aisle a number of times and Soda was starting to feel exhausted. They should probably just grab something at this point. The only thing He had really manage to decide was that he liked the gold ornaments best, but that still left way too many options.

“Gundham, I’m going to die if we don’t pick something soon. Please, just grab something and lets go.”

“If you are sure…” Gundham glanced at the closest shelf, considering the selection for half a second before grabbing a box of gold and silver ornaments. “Do these suit your desires?”

Soda loved Gundham so much. “Yes. Beautiful. I love you. Let’s leave now.” Soda kissed Gundham and took the box from his hands. He moved to leave but caught Gundham glancing to a shelf just a little further down the aisle.

Soda turned to see what Gundham was looking at. It took a moment, Soda was at the point where all of the ornaments were starting to look the same, but he was pretty sure he knew which set Gundham was looking at.

He walked over to the shelf and picked up the box of all black ornaments.

“These ones too then.” He proudly proclaimed and begin to walk towards the tills.

“Dearest… you do not have to do that. I understand my taste can be a bit… ostentatious…” Soda knew Gundham sometimes got a little embarrassed about how much he liked anything that looked dark and/or mysterious, but he also knew his boyfriend genuinely enjoyed that stuff too.

So he just squinted at Gundham and reached for a second box of black ornaments before finally heading for the tills.

Gundham chased after him, obviously a bit flustered. He kept muttering apologies and telling Soda he really didn’t need the ornaments until they finally made it home.

Once the door shut behind them, Soda took Gundham’s face in both his hands and kissed him.

“Done apologizing? Get it out of your system?” He stared at Gundham until he nodded. “Good. Cus I love you and your stupid goth style, and I think these ornaments are fucking sweet.” Soda kissed him again. “Gonna have the most badass tree anyone’s ever seen.”

Gundham was smiling again, a soft embarrassed smile, but a smile nonetheless.

“Shall we begin then?”

_

An hour later Soda had to admit that 3 boxes or ornaments may have been too many, but the tree looked awesome and he wasn’t going to complain.

Covered from top to bottom in black, with accents of gold and silver and some warm white lights in between, the tree was a sight to behold. Yeah, it looked extra as hell, but Soda really did think it looked badass. Hell, even if he had hated it, it would have been worth it to see the look on Gundham’s face.

Gundham was openly smiling at the tree, looking as happy as he had been on the day Soda had admitted his feelings to him, and it was making his heart melt.

Soda wrapped his arms around Gundham from behind, and hummed into his shoulder.

“Y’know you really do have good taste, babe.” He couldn’t help but playfully bite at Gundham’s neck, making him laugh a little. “You fell in love with me after all.” He blew a raspberry into Gundham’s neck and they both dissolved into a puddle of smiles and laughter.

_

It was tacky. Soda knew it was tacky, and he picked up a back up just in case Gundham hated it, but he couldn’t resist it.

He had been out looking for a tree topper, probably some kind of star since neither of them were religious and an angle would look out of place on their tree, which had been “imbued with dark and mysterious energies.” And he really had planned on finding a nice star, preferably a gold one with some black accents or something to match the rest of the tree, but then he saw it.

The tree topper was a hamster. It’s arms and legs were spread wide, so it was vaguely star shaped, and it was dressed like Santa. Soda had choked when he saw it. Then he immediately bought it, grabbing a more generic looking gold star only after he broke out of his ‘buying-a-stupid-thing-Gundham-might-hate-but-might-also-love’ haze.

Now, standing at in front of the door to their apartment, Soda felt unbelievably stupid. It had just been a dumb waste of money. Gundham was gonna hate it and make Soda sleep on the couch for the night to make him think about what he had done. Ok, well, whatever. He’d just show Gundham the back up star and return the hamster later, he never even had to know about it.

He entered their apartment and the tension in his body immediately began to fade. Gundham was in the kitchen, humming along to Christmas music and pulling something out of the oven that smelled like it might be gingerbread. He turned and smiled at Soda before returning to what he was doing.

Soda set down his bag and started taking off his winter gear. While he was hanging his jacket, he heard Gundham approach him.

“Did you find an adequate decoration, dearest?” He placed a slightly flour covered hand on Soda’s shoulder and bent to kiss his cheek.

“Mmhm, it’s in the bag-” Shit. He kicked off his boots as fast as he could and turned. “Wait, Gundham-“

“Oh, this is magnificent. Excellent choice, my beloved, dark consort.” Thank Hamster Jesus, Gundham had pulled the normal star from the bag.  “Hmm? What else did you-” Soda retracted his thanks from Hamster Jesus, he could rot in Hamster Hell.

Gundham gently set the gold star down as he starred in horror at the abomination that was the hamster Santa star.

“Look, Gundham, I can explain. I just-”

Gundham burst out laughing. He clutched the Hamster Santa to his chest and absolutely cackled.

“Uh, Gundham?”

Soda watched in horror as he witnessed what he could only assume was Gundham snapping and going absolutely bat-shit insane. He had doubled over and fallen to his knees, still laughing so hard that Soda was sure he couldn’t breathe.

“Babe?”

Gundham took a deep, shaky breath and wiped tears from his eyes before setting Hamster Santa to the side and extending a hand so Soda could help him up.

At least, that’s what Soda had thought he wanted.

Gundham pulled his boyfriend to the ground with him, expertly rolling Soda onto his back and pinning him below him. Gundham bent to kiss all over Soda’s face, laughing a little again.

“Um, so…” Soda was at a loss for words. Had he broke his boyfriend with the shitty star or-

“I love it. It is terrible and I do not believe I have ever loved an object more.” Gundham laughed a little and sat back on his knees, reaching for Hamster Santa again and allowing Soda to sit up. He turned it in his hands and chuckled.

“Uh, really? You sure it’s not too, uh, tacky?” Soda smiled a little and placed a hand on Gundham’s thigh.

“Oh, it is incredibly tacky. Were I freed from this mortal shell and once more able to access the full depths of my dark power, I still do not believe I would be able to find any object more so.” Soda frowned, but Gundham kissed him again. “And yet, it brings me great joy to think you saw this and thought ‘what better gift could there be to bring my beloved, than an abomination which depicts a fusion one of his most cherished dark beasts with the blasphemous idol of a once holy day.’” Gundham laughed again and patted Hamster Santa with more affection than it really deserved.

“Uh, yup, my exact thoughts, word for word.” ‘Hamster funny, give Gundham’ was close enough to what Gundham had said, right? “But really, we don’t have to put that one on the tree, we can just put it somewhere else, or return it, or-“

“This beast will adorn the most honored spot on our tree, and I will not hear otherwise.”

“But won’t it kinda ruin the, like, aesthetic?”

“It will make the aesthetic, my love, and we will place it immediately.” Gundham stood and pulled Soda up with him, giving him another kiss on his forehead before pulling him to the tree by his hand. He proudly handed Hamster Santa to Soda. “Do the honours, my dearest.”

Soda grimaced as he was handed the tacky decoration, he really didn’t want to ruin their tree, and besides-

“I can’t reach the top of the tree, where’s the-” He was cut off by Gundham wrapping his arms around his waist and lifting him into the air. Soda couldn’t help but laugh, he liked being picked up by Gundham almost as he liked picking him up. “Fine then, have it your way.” He (gently) slammed Hamster Santa on top of the tree and crossed his arms defiantly, playing up his fake annoyance.

Only to lose any semblance of actual irritation when Gundham hoisted him slightly higher and threw him over his broad shoulder. Soda let out and incredibly manly squawk as Gundham patted him on the ass.

“Thank you, my consort, allow me to express my deepest gratitude.” Gundham’s voice had taken a very familiar tone, slightly deeper than it already was, and Soda found he no longer wanted to protest as Gundham carried him to their bedroom.

_

Christmas day had, admittedly, been fairly similar to the Christmases Soda had growing up. No giant pile under the tree, and mostly practical presents. Emphasis on mostly, Soda thought as he leaned back against Gundham’s chest on the couch in his reindeer onesie. Gundham wore a matching one. It hadn’t been planned, they had both bought each other the same stupid onesie complexly by coincidence, and they had both lost their shit laughing when they opened them at the same time as well.

Even if the day itself hadn’t been all that noteworthy, Soda couldn’t happen but think this was the best Christmas he had ever had. The chaos leading up to it had been so new to him, but he already cherished the memories he had been able to make with Gundham. The tree hadn’t been the full, perfect one from his dreams, but decked out in their badass gold, black, and silver ornaments and topped with sweet, tacky, little Hamster Santa, Soda knew it was definitely more memorable.

The gifts hadn’t been huge, or extravagant, or expensive like the ones he saw in movies growing up, but they had been thoughtful and full of love and even a little silly. Soda couldn’t think of anything he would have rather received.

He leaned his head back against Gundham’s shoulder, and his boyfriend kissed him without looking away from the book he was reading. Soda let out a contented sigh.

Sitting in Gundham’s arms, surrounded by their questionable decorations and thoughtful gifts, and wearing stupid matching onesies.

This was a perfect Christmas.

[revisionaryhistory]

Three Days ~ 78

~*~Sebastian~*~

The sun shone brightly when we woke up. I made Emma coffee first and we sat at the bar with fruit and yogurt. I wasn’t particularly hungry. Nauseated, if I’m honest. Emma was going home today. Yes, it was only for a couple of days, but that wasn’t what the problem was. I was afraid of how I would feel when she left. We’ve been together almost a week. We said I love you. Went to a concert with her friends, planned a vacation with mine, and celebrated a month together. Everything is wonderful. I don’t know how it will be when she leaves. Will I be melodramatically sad, anxious, and insecure that while she’s away she’ll figure out she prefers to be without me, or when she leaves will I be glad to have my space back? Realistically, the panic is more likely to come when she leaves France and we’re apart for six weeks. Today’s just a preview.

Around noon Emma was ready to leave. She’d gone through the bags of new stuff and left what she wanted to take to France. No sense packing it home only to bring it back. Especially when she was dealing with her suitcase on the train. Early afternoon was the best time to get her back. I walked her downstairs to her Uber and stopped by the security office to find out where the parking garage was. The security guard walked outside with us and pointed to a keypad on a pole next to the building. I walked into the building hundreds of times and never really noticed the large panes of windows that matched my building was a garage door. The same code that worked on the outside door worked on the garage and my spot was the same as my apartment number. That’s easy.

The Uber driver took Emma’s suitcase and lifted it into the trunk while we said goodbye. “I love you and I’ll see you Thursday.”

Emma kissed me and patted my chest, “I’ll let you know when I’m home.”

“Thank you.” I’m always going to worry about her getting home safe. Can’t wait until there’s snow and she’s driving to work or worse, here. I kissed her again, told her I loved her and tucked her in the car. Stood on the sidewalk until she turned the corner too. Avoided going back upstairs by running across the street and getting a bottle of something. Didn’t really matter what. I wasn’t thirsty. Took a walk around the block to drink my bottle of whatever. Finally, throwing the bottle away in the garbage can at the end of the block, I headed back upstairs.

I walked in my door and stood there with my hands on my hips, waiting for something to happen. Everything looked the same. Felt the same. Not sure what I expected. The apartment wasn’t going to suddenly have a portal to hell open up in between the dining table and couch. If it happened, it would be in the guest bathroom. Maybe my closet. I checked both to be sure. Nope, no portals. What I did find in the master bath was a mauve lipstick kiss print on the mirror. It was at my eye level but on the edge close to the wall. I smiled, thinking how she would have had to crawl onto the counter to put it there. I imagined she’d get the same thrill when she found the notes I’d hidden at her place and school.

A little over two hours later my phone rang. The prettiest girl in the world was calling me, “Hello, beautiful.”

She grinned, “Hey, handsome.  I’m home.”

Emma turned her phone around to show me her family room. “I can see that. How was the trip?”

“Uneventful.”

“Perfect.”

“What have you been up to since I last saw you?” The lilt of curiosity in her voice was funny.

“I’ve been busy. Checking email and seeing everything has changed.”

“You’re very flexible.”

“Not nearly as flexible as you, my love.” We shared a dirty smile. “Now, we’re shooting in Paris instead of London. Which is convenient and doesn’t require a flight. And tonight I’m having dinner with a former spy.”

Her eyes lit up, “That sounds fun.”

“It does.”  I agreed. “I’ve been trying to schedule something with him for a while. Finally worked out. It will be good to get in person and ask questions about all the shit I’ve been reading and watching.”

“I’m excited for you. You can get the psychological emotional part down. I imagine in person makes it easier to internalize.”

Not that I doubted, but she’d been paying attention when I’d talked. Her interest in the how and why of the craft side was as enjoyable for me as it was her. I wanted to show her more. I wanted to know about how she taught too, how she knew what to do and how she designed lessons. Which reminded me, “Add me to your online classroom so I can watch you teach.” There’s the added bonus of pretty much having her “on demand” if I wanted to see and hear her. I had the video from the party with her, Eli, and Boone too. That would make a long night alone a little more . . . stimulating.

We didn’t talk long. I was having an early dinner to allow plenty of time to talk and I needed to shower and get ready. Emma needed to unpack and start gathering things to repack. There’s also the part about she’d just left.

Dinner lasted much later than I’d anticipated. It was awesome. Dan told me stories and let me pick his brain. I told him about my part in the movie and he was able to give me some specifics. Not that I’d play the part exactly as he’d said, but I knew what to avoid, what wasn’t realistic. I liked that because a complete mismatch with reality could put me into my head and that’s the last place I wanted to be.

The next morning I hit the gym and had a good workout. Mirrors everywhere told me I needed more than a little personal grooming before leaving. A haircut was already scheduled and I called the salon to add on what I thought I needed. I had lunch with my manager to go over the next few weeks. I don’t have a full time PR person, but I do have a firm with which I contract. Emily had been in contact with them. About my girlfriend. Amazing how fast my mood went from good to not.

“Seb, don’t make that face.”

“What face?”

“The annoyed one where you’re holding in a tirade.”

“I’m glad you recognize the precarious ground you’re standing on.” I drank the last of my wine and crossed my arms across my chest. “I’m going to sit here and be very quiet for a limited amount of time. Talk fast.” I don’t have many tirades. A big part of that is due to the relationship I have with Emily. She’s been with me forever. She knows when to push, when to back off, and when to let me have a tirade. Girlfriends are and always have been a tricky area. Usually, Emily wants me to be more open about a girlfriend. Much like what previous girlfriends wanted. That never turned out well for either of them. Emma was altogether in another class. I wasn’t sullen because I didn’t want to hear about what I should be doing. I was feeling protective and didn’t want business in my personal life. Same issue, different reasons.

“Everything is good. Emma is good. She doesn’t have much of a social media presence and hers is private. Family and friends sometimes tag her, but there’s nothing problematic out there. Once her name is out there she won’t be hard to find because you and several of your friends follow her. It’s a quick find that she’s a teacher, where she works, plays volleyball, has a twin, and has musician friends. She’s known by Pearl Jam fans. They’re protective of all the females in the band’s orbit. Best guess is anything negative is wiped quickly. We called Pearl Jam’s PR people and they’ve worked with her, so we don’t need to. Until something comes up and then we’ll probably have to work with you too. Unless you go silent again.”

I must have twitched.

Emily held her hands out like she was calming a wild animal. “Everyone’s a little concerned because you let Will post something. Oh, and any pictures of her in a bikini are always in a group.” She smiled comically and sat back.

“The ones she sends me are solos.”

“Good to know.”

I sat a second, my blood pressure dropping. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

I nodded and shrugged, “I told Will to post the picture. Don’t know exactly why. I’m happy. I’m in love. I’ve grown. Past is past and I’m moving to the future. All of them.”

“So, the comments and everything. You’re okay?”

“No, Emily, I’m wonderful.”

I waited until I got home to call Emma. She hit voice call. I pouted even though she couldn’t see. “I am at Target replenishing my travel supplies.”

“Sounds fun! Are you in for shampoo and leaving with three hundred dollars worth of who knows what?” Isn’t that the way it usually works at Target?

“I have a list. I’m staying away from parts of the store I don’t need to be in.”

“Smart. What time do you have to be at the court?”

“We’re going to meet for dinner about five. Game at seven.”

“Give Sam your phone so I can pack and watch.”

“I bet if you ask nicely she’ll alert you when something big is going on.”

“I’m a decent multitasker.”

“How was dinner with a spy?”

"Dinner with a spy was" I shook my head and looked up, "fascinating. Books, even non-fiction, and video are good, but watching his expression and mannerisms was so cool. Especially when he had neither." I went on talking while she shopped. She laughed and gasped at the same parts I had. I was excited to see how I could incorporate this new knowledge. We hung up when she was checking out.

~*~*~*~

"Sorry about the loss." I cringed to soften the blow. I knew she didn't like to lose. Who does?

Emma growled, "Frustrating. I want a chocolate brownie or something."

"I think the bakeries are closed." It was a little after ten. "I'll get you one tomorrow."

"You're the sweetest."

"When will you be here?"

"Well before lunchtime. I got everything packed before the game. I'll shower tonight. Get up and be on my way. Do you have plans?"

"Yes. Vanity kicked in. I have a facial and haircut, before therapy. Want a facial?"

"No seaweed."

"Damm, that's what I booked for you."

~*~*~

I spent the morning packing. I’m not a heavy packer. I’ll wear the same thing over and over. I’m working so costuming will be taking care of most of my clothes. I’m invited to the fashion show. Being dressed is part of the package. Emma and I had made a list of places we wanted to see and things we wanted to do while in Paris. I composed an email and sent it on to the hotel’s concierge. I heard back almost immediately. They would create an itinerary and we could adjust it once we arrived. Perfect.

Emma would be back about noon. Our spa treatments and my haircut were set for three and my therapy appointment was around five. I cleaned up around the place. Nothing drastic. I had a cleaning service come in after I go away. I just make sure everything’s put away.  I had my suitcase closed and in the dining area when my text notification went off.

Emma ~ Are you home?

Sebastian ~ Yes.

Emma ~ Alone?

Sebastian ~ Yes.

 I am sensing something is about to happen.

Emma ~ When I get there would you like to play a game?

Sebastian ~ Yes.

 I neither know nor care what she’s talking about. It would be nice to know what I’m going to be playing, though.

Sebastian ~ Could I get more details?

Emma ~ Porn

Sebastian ~ You want to watch porn?

Emma ~ Pretend we're in one. Over the top, things that only work in porn, excessive moaning, name calling, filthy talk porn.

 Fuck. I’ve watched enough porn to know how this was going to go.

Sebastian ~ Yes, I would like to play.

Emma ~ I never doubted you.

Sebastian ~ Are you texting and driving?

Emma ~ Traffic and voice to text. Delivery girl, booty call, escort? Me. This time.

Sebastian ~ I don't know yet.

Emma ~ Text when you do.

Sebastian ~ I love you.

Emma ~ I love you.

 Woman has been away for forty-eight hours and shows back up with this shit. I wasn't a sex-starved horn dog five minutes ago. I wonder what she's wearing? Delivery girl, booty call, escort. I like her choices. I have to seduce the delivery girl. Or be seduced. Booty call would be a repeat. Familiarity without expectations. There are zero expectations with an escort. Well, there are expectations, but only mine. I feel like it's a question of how selfish I want to be and what questions I want to answer after. Booty call it is!

I texted her my choice and that the door would be unlocked. I sat in the chair to wait. Patiently.

[comicbookuniversity]

My Problems With X of Swords So Far....

SPOILERS!!!!!

As of this post, we are 16 of 22 chapters into this crossover event, the first of the Krakoa Era. I want to start off by saying that I have largely been enjoying this era of X-Men overall; I came for Jonathan Hickman taking over the franchise, but spent some of my quaruntine time catching up on the other titles and mostly enjoyed them. I am by no means an X-Men expert or superfan, but I know my lore pretty well and am a fan. That being said, let’s dive into this mess.

I want to give credit where credit is due, the first half of this event has been well crafted. The writers, as apparently led by Hickman and Tini Howard, have worked to create a consistent tone across all of the books and it shows. This is clearly an event crafted with care and skill. And aside from the error on Bogdanovic’s part, the art teams have been on point delivering great looking books. Considering this, the pedigree of the teams, and again, Jonathan Hickam, the guy who Marvel trusted to end Stan and Jack’s creation in Secret Wars, leading this event- this is should by all measures be much better than it is. Even if it didn’t live up to the aforementioned event, it should still be better than what we’ve got because of the ideas we’ve got on the page. I think these are all interrelated problems with the event, but I’m going to list them individually as I see them.

The Problems

1. Pacing- This largely effects the first half of the event, considering how the backhalf has changed, but we spent nearly 10 issues of the X-Men simply gathering their prophosized swords as ruled by the host of the tournament between the two sides, Saturynye. During this time, we did not get a lot of ideas of strategy or spycraft to learn more about a largely unknown enemy. We got a lot of decompressed character introspection, and even a set up to Al Ewing’s upcoming SWORD book (looking majorly forward to that book). This meant that we didn’t learn a lot about these characters that we did not already know to try to drive up the emotional tension that I don’t believe worked as the internal stakes did not match the scale of the external threats- the end of a utopia. This might have worked more if there were less of it and thus getting right to the heart of the matter. But the event spent so much space on spinning it’s wheels for.....what reason? Why was it necessary to give so much time this aspect compared to other possibilities? This brings me to my next problem.

2. The Promise of the New- One of the great things about this event is how it rewrites what we know about Apocalypse to make him more interesting while giving us a huge new set of characters and lore to get to know and love with the revelation of a whole secret history of mutants on Earth and then the history of the exiled mutants to what basically amounts to a Hell after fending it off from taking over Earth. It’s genuinely a great addition to Apocalypse and the franchise as a whole. I am supremely excited about the future of the Arrako people, but we spent 10 issues of the X-Men gathering swords while learning very little about this new land and new people. We learned about Solem a little bit and how he relates to the rest of Arrako, but that’s basically it. We are 16 issues in and we don’t know a whole lot about this lands or even more specifically the histories of Swordbreakers of Arrako. We know a little, but in all that time where the characters of X-Men and Arrako could have been interacting and building relationships to actually have drama beyond one side is coming to dominate the Earth for ancient reasons, we got next to nothing. And even as the tournament has started, the information and drama between the new side is minimal; enough to make the move the narrative forward but that’s it. I’m not saying I need a whole history course, but I definitely feel like we should know more than we do know about Arrako. I think we’ve in fact learned more about Otherworld than Arrako, which brings me to my next problem.

3. Otherworld....Why?- Seriously, why? It’s pretty clear both before and after Secret Wars that it isn’t necessary to travel through Otherworld to travel the multiverse. So...why? Because they want to build up Otherworld as a new playground for future stories and to connect othe ongoing drama of what had been happening in Excalibur, which...ok. Look I get that it helps to develop long unused properties to breath new life into them, but what does Otherworld have to do with Arrako other than apparently you have to travel through it to get to it? That seems forced to me and it does nothing to heighten the drama of the battle between Krakoa and Arrako. It forces a war to become a tournament, but other than that....again, it really doesn’t add anything. Otherworld’s role in this story is completely unnecessary. It’s easy to imagine this story without Otherworld. If Otherworld played a less forced role and a role that made more sense to the conflict, I wouldn’t have a problem with it’s inclusion or learning as much as we have about it. But, we’ve been given more information about various parts of Otherworld that have not been important and we could have spent that time learning more about or developing the relationships of Arrako/Krakoa.

4. A Tournament of the Absurd- I know I complained about it taking ten issues just to get our two sides into the same room for conflict, but then it took another three before we got to our first conflict. We were over half way through the crossover and no one had drawn their sword against their would-be enemy in favor of an overly theatrical and long dinner where we finally got some relationship building but were still not at the main draw of this attraction- the duels or whatever type of conflict it would really turn out to be. Literrally anything that involved the swords being used for combat got pushed back until like 60% through this story, which is squandering the promise of the premise. But finally, this week get got the to the action, and it was nothing like anticipated. Our first match lasts less 3 pages, which could be exciting if we understood what was going on with how the nature of the loss, but then it ‘s undercut by a plot point that makes very little sense and does not give the characters involved any real agency. An unexpected romance or marriage is always a nice surprise in a story like this, but this crossover doesn’t earn it. The characters are literally whisked away against their wills and told to marry each other without knowing a thing about each other, nor can they communicate with each other. If the marriage was a solution because of the two sides coming to an arrangement by the two sides talking it over or if it had been the two newlyweds plan based on their own insights and choices, then this idea would have been wonderful. But again, literally taken against their wills without warning and forced to marriage for the sake of two societies without it even being clear that this really advanced the cause of or guarnteed the safety of either side. Then we move forward to a fight that has promise only to be immediately stopped from fighting to participate in a childish contest between two obviously mismatched opponents that makes the contest one sided. Like, What The Actual Fuck? Why avoid the fight in favor of that contest? One clearly has more entertainment value than the other. Fuck it, fine, let’s see if Wolverine is given a fun fight. His first match (yeah, we’re getting too much Logan here) has potential, but the creative team decides to make the fight more psychedlic to the detriment of clarity of choreography and thus removes tension. It’s a style choice that pulls away from the fight and then the victory is undermined by a bullshit twist of the rules that compounds the lack of clarity into greater frustration. Then Wolverine is transported to a drinking contest against a teammate? Like, why? What does this do for the story? There’s a brief line used to justify it and the next thing it sets up, but it’s weak. It’s fucking frustrating, because developing the relationship of these two characters could have easily been handled differently rather than wasting one of the spots in the tournament for a point that is given instead of earned. I will give the third match a pass as that was actually what the story promised; intrigue and violence between the players.

At this point, unless something major changes, I’m calling it here: X of Swords is bad. It wastes is promised premise, it wastes it’s time, and it wastes it’s potential. The problem is that this is clearly crafted by people who generally know what the hell they’re doing, but for some ungodly reason their talents are not being put to their fullest. We’ve seen all of them write better stories; heck, the ongoing stories before the crossover started were better. Even if something major happens to really hook me back into this story that will only change my opinion from bad to mediocre because we’re already 75-ish% done with story, and that means all these problems will always be true. I really hope the characters of Arrako stick around after this story, because I think they have immense potential, but this is just a bad start. I know there are people out there that are happy with this story, and I’m happy for them. But, I hope I am not alone in seeing these problems. Let me know if I am not alone.

[drlissahawthorne]

marked me like a bloodstain

Who: Clarissa Hawthorne & Charlie Hawthorne-Mills ft. Andrea Hawthorne-Mills

When:  Saturday, December 5, 2020

Where: Hawthorne-Mills home

What: Clarissa calls on the aid of her sibling-in-law to help her make sense of her jumbled thoughts from the night before.

Warnings: talk of past abuse

Word Count: 1650

Notes:  Part 3 of 3. Part 1. Part 2.

The first thing Clarissa did when she got to Andrea and Charlie’s place was take a nap. She’d spoken briefly with them about what had happened, figuring it was best not to worry them more than she was already liable to. Then, after she’d slept for nearly five hours, she’d set herself up in the basement recording studio, deciding she wanted to work through as much of what she’d tried to create the night before as she possibly could.

After about an hour of trying and failing to make sense of even a little of it, she called on Charlie. Charlie was a music producer and the kind of person who could understand the gibberish she’d come up with in her haste to dump out every part of her brain into words. Which is how the pair of them ended up sitting at the piano, staring at a cluttered mess of mismatched phrases across the multiple notes on Clarissa’s laptop.

“So, what exactly were you doing last night that this happened?” They asked with a soft laugh.

“Uh, I think they call it coping with trauma?” Clarissa groaned. “He was my last boyfriend, the guy that made me choose between him and my work.”

“Oh, and you ran into him last night?”

“Yeah,” She sighed. “It was a nice night and then I got home and it was like everything I’d tried to ignore and bury and move on from, came out. Like, I just couldn’t focus on anything else, and even then, I wasn’t entirely focused.”

“You’ve certainly come up with a lot in a short amount of time, it seems. Can’t say all of it will be worth something right now, but we can definitely feel it out, see what we come up with, y’know? I’m honored that you’re even letting me near this. I know you’re not looking to make music, but…” Charlie drug out the word and Clarissa bumped them with her shoulder.

“Don’t even go there. This is just me working through shit. If it turns into something worthwhile, then it does, but we’re not going there.” 

Charlie held up their hands. “I know, I know.”

For a while they just worked on picking apart different notes and rearranging them, creating new documents with better structure so that things really did resemble poems or songs, versus the madness that had spilled from Clarissa’s thoughts. Eventually, however, they managed to get it down to one document that they really wanted to dive into. It was still messy, but it had the first line that had really come to Clarissa in it.

“‘You drew stars around my scars, but now I’m bleeding.’ Good line, raw as hell too. So, tell me about this guy. Tell me how this came to be, what caused this?” Charlie urged with a soft smile. Clarissa’s face scrunched up, looking at the other words in the document, glasses perched on the end of her nose.

“So, we met in Pittsburgh, he’s a few years older than me, I wasn’t looking for anyone, y’know? I’d been kind of cast aside by every other lover I'd had. People not wanting to deal with the fact I was losing my eyesight. And he came along and he was sweet and caring and he made me feel wanted. Like I was someone’s favourite. Like I was his favourite. And We did all this stuff together and it was amazing. But, I was already hurt and I didn’t want to see that with every positive thing that came of our relationship, there was a knife marking me in such a worse way.” Clarissa shrugged a little. “He was horrible to me, but every time I doubted, every time I felt those insecurities pop up and I felt unwanted or unworthy, he made me feel amazing and wanted again. So I kept falling for it, for him. After every fight. Every unresolved argument. No one else really saw it, except for Jill and I refused to believe her. He was a typical abuser, if there is such a thing.”

Charlie just nodded as Clarissa spoke, copying and pasting and adding pieces to the document they were working on. They obviously had ideas and Clarissa found it absolutely enthralling to see them work. To see them in their element like this. Sure, they’d helped her work on the arrangement she used for the Riptide cover, but this was different. This was what they were really good at. Taking the bare bones of a song and fleshing it out. Making it grow and expand and become something real and tangible.

When they were done typing, they showed the screen to Clarissa. “This is what we’ve got, it’s a starting point. Let’s give it a melody and see where it takes us, yeah?” 

Clarissa looked it over, whispering the lyrics to herself, trying to get a flow for them. It was definitely something that needed to be slow, easy going. Melancholy in a melody. The idea of reminiscing, even longing, for something now gone and past. The pain of loss still lingering despite the years that had passed.

Before she could even really think about what she was doing, she was finding her bearings on the piano and then started playing one of the melodies she’d thought of the night before. It wasn’t the one that had been strongest, but it was the one that felt right. Like it was meant to along with whatever this song was. Something rather simple but complex in its emotions.

“To kiss in cars and downtown bars was all we needed, you drew stars, around my scars, but now I’m bleeding cos I knew you, stepping on the last train marked like bloodstain,” Clarissa started to sing. It wasn’t a beginning. It didn’t feel like one, but it was definitely something. Something that she could work with.

“Let me see that,” she motioned for the laptop and Charlie handed it over, watching her type away. “So, when we met, it was this big event and I’d gotten sort of dressed up, nice shirt, heels, lipstick, and I don’t know if you’ve ever been to Pittsburgh, but there is an unnatural amount of cobblestone. And y’know, there’s this weird visual I have of that day, the sound of high heels on cobblestone, vintage tee, I’d literally sent someone the message ‘new phone, who’s this?’ I’m pretty sure. Like it was just this really vivid day in my memory, and not just because I’d met him, but that definitely plays a part.” Clarissa explained before hanging the laptop back, her additions at the top of the page.

“That’s really cool as a visual, actually, can you start playing again?” They asked as they looked over what she’d written. She obliged and as they moved along to the melody they started rearranging what she’d written, once again turning her stream of consciousness into something resembling song lyrics. They then started to add more. “I like this visual of clothing and memories. Is there anything about him you can tell me that could work with that?”

Clarissa thought for a while, scrunching up her face a bit, fingers still idly playing the notes of what was definitely turning into a song. “Drunk, late at night, dancing. Probably fall, so he was wearing jeans, and being silly, he’d joke about kisses being the fastest way to heal a broken heart, some days I think he was right about that.” She laughed a bit, watching as Charlie continued typing.

By the time Andrea called the pair of them up from the basement for dinner, they were bubbling with excitement. They had something that actually resembled a song on their hands. It wasn’t anywhere near finished, but it was far more than they’d had when they started and it made Clarissa feel a lot better, both about herself and everything that had happened since the day before.

“Well, you two have certainly been hard at work, haven’t you?” Andrea teased as they set the boxes of takeaway down on the kitchen table. “I figured I’d be nice and order takeaway, so we could do something together while we ate and before I lost you both to the basement again.” 

“Sorry, I know I came over to hang out and have barely seen you.” Clarissa apologised and Andrea just shook their head.

“Please, I haven’t seen you this excited about something since… Lissa, it’s been years. You weren’t even this excited when you got the job in Brooklyn. I’m just happy this is turning into something good for you. There will be plenty of time to hang out and do things when this is done. I mean, you’ll be back in here in two weeks anyway, and then you’ll be here for a week and we can catch up and do stuff then.”

“But, we really should be nice and play a game with them while we eat, what do you say?” Charlie smiled and Clarissa nodded.

“I think we can do that, might be a good thing to give our brains a break, right?”

“I certainly think so, but you’re the one with the doctorate.” They all laughed as they dished food onto plates and got settled to play a game.

Two hours later, all three would find themselves in the recording studio as Clarissa performed, for the first time in full, a song Andrea had helped dub ‘cardigan’ and for good reason. It was a start to something, what that something was, Clarissa didn’t know, but what she did know, was that Jill, and anyone else privileged enough to hear it, would definitely like it. Maybe not as much as she did, but they would. It sounded a lot like healing to Clarissa, and that was something anyone who knew her would be able to get behind, or so she hoped.

[duchessofostergotlands]

Maybe I'm just really negative, but I was super surprised to see that the collection is only for sale for two weeks... it just seems so short for it to actually make the impact they want? But what do I know? 🤷‍♀️ love your blog btw, hope things are going well! Also, not sure if it matters: Reitmans is a Canadian clothing store/company that has a few subsidiary stores, one used to be Smart Set (I think those are closed now?).

Waaaaaaait a second, TWO WEEKS? Did I read that right? What a bunch of miserly jerks these companies are. It’s basically free advertising for them and all they have to do is give 1:1 (at cost not retail) for ONE ITEM each and they’re only going to do it for TWO WEEKS???? I hope it didn’t come off as if I was blaming Meghan or her strategy there! I was just trying to point out how stingy these companies are being (in my opinion). I hope it didn’t come off as if I was blaming Meghan or her strategy there! I was just trying to point out how stingy these companies are being (in my opinion) /// While I do think the Smart Set could be a bit better it seems to be a wonderful start! One thing though that I adore about Meghan is that she seems to be so excited about everything that she does and that excitement is definitely infectious!!! /// Something I really dislike is the type of garments. The dress is very flattering, but the pants have a high waste that in overweight people like me gives us the “crotch chub” effect lmao. Most of the clothes only look good on a certain type of woman. Add that to the limited sizes and 😬😬 /// So it looks like that shift dress comes in hot pink (it looks red to me?) but only blue and black dress purchases get donated to Smart Works? Weird. The Jigsaw jacket and pants they’re linking to are part of Jigsaw’s pre-existing Paris line of work wear. While the shift comes in extended sizes, I’m not impressed the jacket and pants only go up to a UK 16. And I’m interested in how the 1x1 will work. Idk it’s all weird // I’m honestly disappointed with the line. It’s a great cause but all the pieces were existing in at least one of the retailers, just re-done for the line, it’s only 5 pieces, sizes go up to 16UK (14US), they’re made in polyester and the campaign for smart works will only last 2 weeks? Idk it just spiralled into a “let’s make it look like we’re good” kind of line // I don’t know why but I thought each brand was launching a “look” for smart works, is it just one place has the shirt, another the trousers, a third the purse etc? // I really want to love Meghan’s idea, I really do. But I can’t.

Ok so I decided to combine all the messages I got about this in to one kind of master post. My plan is to go through what I liked and what I’m not too fond of. I don’t know which one should go first so I’ll put headings and you can read them in your preferred order haha. I should hopefully hit most of the points:

The Good

I talked about this before but I think Meghan’s really underrated skill is being able to spot gaps and understand where she can add value. Having worked with public donations, I related to a lot of the issues she pointed out and I think it’s very astute of her to be able to quickly pick that up for each organisation 

Once again, women of colour were front and centre. The women modelling in the campaign were representative, they had different body types and attitudes too. I think that commitment is really impressive

Although some things are in more limited sizes- I think one of the items anyway- most things go up to a Size 24 which is more inclusive 

I think we’ve already seen that there’s going to be a huge uptake in the clothing line so I expected that they’ll report a really big result

Her behaviour around the collection so far has been pretty adorable. From the behind the scenes videos to today, she has seemed genuinely excited and passionate. She’s obviously worked hard on the project and when you watch videos I think you want to back her up!! 

She’s doing what I have complained about royals not doing in the past. She is doing something with a tangible end result. They will be able to say they gave x pieces to the charity whereas most royal projects have no clear outcomes or outputs. It still doesn’t tell us the impact but it’s better than we normally get from royals!!! More of that please. 

The Less Good

I don’t like 1 for 1 models and that’s just an unavoidable fact. I’ve talked about it before and my opinion hasn’t changed since: https://duchessofostergotlands.tumblr.com/post/186776510814/hi-jess-you-said-you-didnt-like-the-one-for-one

I don’t like the clothes. I’m not going to go into a huge amount of detail because this is exclusively personal preference and nothing to do with the merits of the project but I know someone will ask so let’s get it out of the way. They’re too old for me personally. I do get why they went the basic route and re-used things though as it’s quicker and easier  

“It’s not a hand out, it’s a hand held.” I mean, it is still absolutely a hand out. I know what she was going for but the dictionary exists. And it’s still a project where vulnerable women are supported by the whims of the privileged. I am a bit concerned at some of the narrative emphasising the purchaser which plays in to what I talk about in point 1 

 The things she pointed out when she was at Smart Works were that donations “can be a potpourri of mismatched sizes and colours, not always the right stylistic choices or range of sizes.” Now I don’t know if her project actually addresses that issue. It provides high quality clothing but with a one for one model it means that whatever people are buying, that’s what the place gets. It isn’t saying “how many of each item of each size do you want and need to create a more cohesive wardrobe?” and then providing it to them. Something that’s interesting about relationships like this, as a Fundraiser who has managed similar relationships, is that a lot of times when they say “10p from every product will go towards x charity” that’s not true. We have a relationship like that with a corporate organisation and they tell us what they’re going to give us in advance based on projected sales. The money you pay doesn’t come anywhere near us. For smaller projects it might be different but that’s how we do it so we can budget and forecast. It’s possible that Meghan has actually done that but that leads me on to my last point….

The “Doesn’t Fit Into Either Category”

I have quite a few unanswered questions. I’m sure that some of these are answered and please do share links with me but I don’t know where I’m supposed to be going for the fine print, the terms and conditions. So:

I read in one article that proceeds would be going towards the charities rather than just products. Is this true? 

If it’s not true, where is the money from sales going?

Have they had an agreement like the one I mentioned above that guarantees a certain number and mix of items for the local branches and uses the 1 for 1 thing as more of a selling point?

If it is a 1 for 1 model, does that extend to colour choice and size?

Are each of the pieces being sold in a different store or is everything available in every outlet?

This isn’t Meghan’s fault, there’s no reason to think she knew about this, but it is so shady of M&S to put a pink version on that is exactly the same but doesn’t benefit the charity. After Meghan saying they put purpose before profits, that’s a dick move from them 

Overall

Meghan has clearly put a lot of heart and soul in this project and I think identified a real gap where she could have a meaningful contribution. I personally don’t think that a 1 for 1 model is the most effective way of meeting that gap and although there are plenty of positives I think the cook book was a more comprehensive project than this one 

[kittymochi-art]

Sup guys Im back with more todomomo fluff. I need to add more stuff for my portfolio for a todomomo zine Im gonna be applying for..!

It’s a chilly evening, and the students are getting more excited as the holidays grow near. It’s one of the few times of year that they get a break from school and get to spend it with their families. At least, it’s supposed to be spent with family. The closer the winter break gets, the more anxious Momo becomes. While yes, her parents said she can come home for the holidays, they’ll both be busy on business trips. There’s no point celebrating Christmas in an empty mansion, no matter how lavishly decorated it is. Momo lets out a sigh as she sits on the common room couch with her hand under cheek. She has her encyclopedias sprawled out on her lap and the remaining portions of the couch. Just because she won’t be celebrating Christmas this year doesn’t mean she should slack off on her studying. She may be the smartest in the class, but she worked hard to earn that spot. At least, that’s what everyone else says. Academically, Momo is unchallenged. When it comes to practical use of her quirk, that’s a different matter... It’s very frustrating not being able to use the full capabilities of her quirk because of her lack of knowledge. If she wants to create something, she needs to know every component that makes up the object. That is why she studies so hard. The more she studies, the more useful her quirk will become. She’s so absorbed in her book that the sound of her name makes her jump in her seat. A frightened squeal escapes her lips. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” the deep voice says. Momo places a hand over her heart to compose herself after her fright. “It’s alright, Todoroki-san. I didn’t notice you approach.” The half-and-half boy eyes her stack of notes and encyclopedias scattered about and raises an eyebrow at her. “You know we have winter break in a few days, right?” “Well yes, but it’s unbecoming of me to slack off just because Christmas is almost here!” Shouto pauses at her statement. This is why he admires her so much. She’s constantly working hard at becoming a hero. Perhaps he should also put in some extra study time on his break. It’s not like he has anywhere to return to for Christmas. “Do you mind if I join you?” His question catches Momo off-guard. Does he actually want to study? She’s really only trying to distract herself from all the cheerfulness around her. Everyone else is enthusiastically buying presents and packing to go home for the holidays. If she recalls correctly, Shouto doesn’t have the best relationship with his father. Maybe he’s in a similar situation as her. “I was actually going to take a break, but you can still join me here,” Momo says with a friendly smile. She scoots her books out of the way so he can sit down. It’s a little awkward because the books act as a barrier between them, but Shouto doesn’t seem to care. “Are you excited about Christmas, Todoroki-san?” Momo asks to get rid of the awkward silence that fell over them. Shouto contemplates her question for a bit. He begins playing with the ends of his bangs which have gotten a little too long for his liking. “Honestly, not really.” Momo’s head lowers and her smile falters. “Yeah, I can understand that.” The change in her demeanor was very subtle, but Shouto was able to pick up on it. “Really? Aren’t you going back home?” “Well... My parents will both be away on a business trip so there’s really no point in me going back. When I was younger, Christmas was my favorite holiday because we always got to spend it together. As I’ve gotten older, however, they’ve been busier...” Momo realizes she’s rambling so she waves her hands in front of her frantically. “I-I mean, I understand they need to work! Being an adult means having responsibilities outside of your control sometimes.” Shouto looks at her curiously with his mismatched eyes. His expression changes to a more thoughtful one as he grasps everything she told him. For some reason, having him listen to her makes her feel very self-conscious. Momo can feel her cheeks begin to get warm. “The only time I liked Christmas was when my mom still lived at home. She’s been in the hospital for a long time now...and since I don’t like my father, it makes me want to avoid going home.” Momo listens to him intently. They really are stuck in a similar situation. It makes her realize that they should also be allowed to enjoy Christmas. Sure, it won’t be anything fancy, but they can still have a fun holiday break! Momo’s eyes begin to shine with excitement as she marvels at the possibilities. Shouto notices the change in her aura and eyes her curiously, wondering what she’s possibly thinking after he told her about his family situation. Momo balls her fists excitedly and smiles broadly at the boy sitting across from her. “Todoroki-san! We should celebrate our own Christmas here, together! If we’re going to be stuck here anyways, we should still make it fun and memorable.” Shouto watches her as she excitedly talks about possible things they can do. His arm is resting on the back of the couch and he rests his hand under his chin. A small smile spreads across his face and he doesn’t bother getting rid of it. “Yeah, I’d like that...” They sit and talk into the evening until Momo eventually falls asleep on the stack of books between them. Her head ends up resting on Shouto’s shoulder, and he doesn’t dare wake her up because it actually feels quite nice. He gazes at her sleeping form and notices how peaceful she looks… For some reason, his heartbeat quickens and he can feel the back of his neck get hot. After a while of being a human pillow, he allows himself to rest his eyes until he too falls asleep. He’s actually looking forward to Christmas this year.

[lissahawthorne]

marked me like a bloodstain

Who: Clarissa Hawthorne & Charlie Hawthorne-Mills ft. Andrea Hawthorne-Mills

When:  Saturday, December 5, 2020

Where: Hawthorne-Mills home

What: Clarissa calls on the aid of her sibling-in-law to help her make sense of her jumbled thoughts from the night before.

Warnings: talk of past abuse

Word Count: 1650

Notes:  Part 3 of 3. Part 1. Part 2.

The first thing Clarissa did when she got to Andrea and Charlie’s place was take a nap. She’d spoken briefly with them about what had happened, figuring it was best not to worry them more than she was already liable to. Then, after she’d slept for nearly five hours, she’d set herself up in the basement recording studio, deciding she wanted to work through as much of what she’d tried to create the night before as she possibly could.

After about an hour of trying and failing to make sense of even a little of it, she called on Charlie. Charlie was a music producer and the kind of person who could understand the gibberish she’d come up with in her haste to dump out every part of her brain into words. Which is how the pair of them ended up sitting at the piano, staring at a cluttered mess of mismatched phrases across the multiple notes on Clarissa’s laptop.

“So, what exactly were you doing last night that this happened?” They asked with a soft laugh.

“Uh, I think they call it coping with trauma?” Clarissa groaned. “He was my last boyfriend, the guy that made me choose between him and my work.”

“Oh, and you ran into him last night?”

“Yeah,” She sighed. “It was a nice night and then I got home and it was like everything I’d tried to ignore and bury and move on from, came out. Like, I just couldn’t focus on anything else, and even then, I wasn’t entirely focused.”

“You’ve certainly come up with a lot in a short amount of time, it seems. Can’t say all of it will be worth something right now, but we can definitely feel it out, see what we come up with, y’know? I’m honored that you’re even letting me near this. I know you’re not looking to make music, but…” Charlie drug out the word and Clarissa bumped them with her shoulder.

“Don’t even go there. This is just me working through shit. If it turns into something worthwhile, then it does, but we’re not going there.”

Charlie held up their hands. “I know, I know.”

For a while they just worked on picking apart different notes and rearranging them, creating new documents with better structure so that things really did resemble poems or songs, versus the madness that had spilled from Clarissa’s thoughts. Eventually, however, they managed to get it down to one document that they really wanted to dive into. It was still messy, but it had the first line that had really come to Clarissa in it.

“‘You drew stars around my scars, but now I’m bleeding.’ Good line, raw as hell too. So, tell me about this guy. Tell me how this came to be, what caused this?” Charlie urged with a soft smile. Clarissa’s face scrunched up, looking at the other words in the document, glasses perched on the end of her nose.

“So, we met in Pittsburgh, he’s a few years older than me, I wasn’t looking for anyone, y’know? I’d been kind of cast aside by every other lover I’d had. People not wanting to deal with the fact I was losing my eyesight. And he came along and he was sweet and caring and he made me feel wanted. Like I was someone’s favourite. Like I was his favourite. And We did all this stuff together and it was amazing. But, I was already hurt and I didn’t want to see that with every positive thing that came of our relationship, there was a knife marking me in such a worse way.” Clarissa shrugged a little. “He was horrible to me, but every time I doubted, every time I felt those insecurities pop up and I felt unwanted or unworthy, he made me feel amazing and wanted again. So I kept falling for it, for him. After every fight. Every unresolved argument. No one else really saw it, except for Jill and I refused to believe her. He was a typical abuser, if there is such a thing.”

Charlie just nodded as Clarissa spoke, copying and pasting and adding pieces to the document they were working on. They obviously had ideas and Clarissa found it absolutely enthralling to see them work. To see them in their element like this. Sure, they’d helped her work on the arrangement she used for the Riptide cover, but this was different. This was what they were really good at. Taking the bare bones of a song and fleshing it out. Making it grow and expand and become something real and tangible.

When they were done typing, they showed the screen to Clarissa. “This is what we’ve got, it’s a starting point. Let’s give it a melody and see where it takes us, yeah?”

Clarissa looked it over, whispering the lyrics to herself, trying to get a flow for them. It was definitely something that needed to be slow, easy going. Melancholy in a melody. The idea of reminiscing, even longing, for something now gone and past. The pain of loss still lingering despite the years that had passed.

Before she could even really think about what she was doing, she was finding her bearings on the piano and then started playing one of the melodies she’d thought of the night before. It wasn’t the one that had been strongest, but it was the one that felt right. Like it was meant to along with whatever this song was. Something rather simple but complex in its emotions.

“To kiss in cars and downtown bars was all we needed, you drew stars, around my scars, but now I’m bleeding cos I knew you, stepping on the last train marked like bloodstain,” Clarissa started to sing. It wasn’t a beginning. It didn’t feel like one, but it was definitely something. Something that she could work with.

“Let me see that,” she motioned for the laptop and Charlie handed it over, watching her type away. “So, when we met, it was this big event and I’d gotten sort of dressed up, nice shirt, heels, lipstick, and I don’t know if you’ve ever been to Pittsburgh, but there is an unnatural amount of cobblestone. And y’know, there’s this weird visual I have of that day, the sound of high heels on cobblestone, vintage tee, I’d literally sent someone the message ‘new phone, who’s this?’ I’m pretty sure. Like it was just this really vivid day in my memory, and not just because I’d met him, but that definitely plays a part.” Clarissa explained before hanging the laptop back, her additions at the top of the page.

“That’s really cool as a visual, actually, can you start playing again?” They asked as they looked over what she’d written. She obliged and as they moved along to the melody they started rearranging what she’d written, once again turning her stream of consciousness into something resembling song lyrics. They then started to add more. “I like this visual of clothing and memories. Is there anything about him you can tell me that could work with that?”

Clarissa thought for a while, scrunching up her face a bit, fingers still idly playing the notes of what was definitely turning into a song. “Drunk, late at night, dancing. Probably fall, so he was wearing jeans, and being silly, he’d joke about kisses being the fastest way to heal a broken heart, some days I think he was right about that.” She laughed a bit, watching as Charlie continued typing.

By the time Andrea called the pair of them up from the basement for dinner, they were bubbling with excitement. They had something that actually resembled a song on their hands. It wasn’t anywhere near finished, but it was far more than they’d had when they started and it made Clarissa feel a lot better, both about herself and everything that had happened since the day before.

“Well, you two have certainly been hard at work, haven’t you?” Andrea teased as they set the boxes of takeaway down on the kitchen table. “I figured I’d be nice and order takeaway, so we could do something together while we ate and before I lost you both to the basement again.”

“Sorry, I know I came over to hang out and have barely seen you.” Clarissa apologised and Andrea just shook their head.

“Please, I haven’t seen you this excited about something since… Lissa, it’s been years. You weren’t even this excited when you got the job in Brooklyn. I’m just happy this is turning into something good for you. There will be plenty of time to hang out and do things when this is done. I mean, you’ll be back in here in two weeks anyway, and then you’ll be here for a week and we can catch up and do stuff then.”

“But, we really should be nice and play a game with them while we eat, what do you say?” Charlie smiled and Clarissa nodded.

“I think we can do that, might be a good thing to give our brains a break, right?”

“I certainly think so, but you’re the one with the doctorate.” They all laughed as they dished food onto plates and got settled to play a game.

Two hours later, all three would find themselves in the recording studio as Clarissa performed, for the first time in full, a song Andrea had helped dub ‘cardigan’ and for good reason. It was a start to something, what that something was, Clarissa didn’t know, but what she did know, was that Jill, and anyone else privileged enough to hear it, would definitely like it. Maybe not as much as she did, but they would. It sounded a lot like healing to Clarissa, and that was something anyone who knew her would be able to get behind, or so she hoped.

[boozeymustdie]

Feature Story: Frank Iero

OCTOBER 8, 2017 BY BECTON SIMPSON

Frank Iero and Bec

Frank Iero is a busy man.

So far this year, he’s been involved in a serious bus crash in Australia, toured with Taking Back Sunday, made an appearance at Slam Dunk festival, played with the all stellar line up of Thrice, Rise Against and the Deftones, and now he’s released a brand new EP, Keep The Coffins Coming, and has embarked on a month-long tour of the UK and Europe in what he describes as “the first headlining tour for Parachutes.”

After the accident down under that left him and a couple of his bandmates banged up in hospital, Frank Iero and the Patience were thrown off kilter for a while and plans were put on hold. So, despite the release of Parachutes in late 2016, this is actually the first time Frank has had the chance to tour it properly, as a headliner rather than a support act. It’s now ended up being a ‘double tour’ for both Parachutes and Keep The Coffins Coming.

“I like to multitask as much as possible,” laughs Frank. “Feels like it’s been almost a year in the making though, y’know?”

We’re sat in a darkened corridor backstage at the Academy in our makeshift ‘office’ with a couple of mismatched chairs we’ve managed to squander from the Student’s Union. It’s half an hour before the doors open, and as we chat, we’re also listening to the sounds of Frank’s excellent line up of support bands soundchecking a few rooms down – the Paceshifters, The Homeless Gospel Choir, and Dave Hause & The Mermaid.

Despite his own soundcheck going on fifteen minutes longer than expected, Frank seems relaxed and happy. His laid-back manner and cheeky sense of humour make him easy to interview, and the passion when he talks about his music and inspirations shines through. The fact that Frank has been to the UK no less than three times in the space of twelve months is no coincidence.

“I really do fucking love it here. I really do,” he says enthusiastically. “I feel like as a young person, I didn’t truly understand all the history of it. I got held up on the hardships of travel, and didn’t get to enjoy it as much…” And he has similar words to say about the touring lifestyle in general. “I’m incredibly thankful for all those opportunities to get to see all this. I mean, it’s unreal. That education is unlike anything else you can possibly get. You start to have this real worldly view. You realise that being a big fish in a little pond is worth nothing. There’s so much more out there. So many people out there, so many cultures out there, so many things to experience and to do and to see.”

Frank talks like an excited, wide-eyed boy, still in awe of the world around him, despite having been in a touring band since he was a teenager and now approaching 36 years old. Perhaps it is this consistently fresh outlook that always seems to keep him on the road. He still enjoys it, and very rarely takes time off.

“There’s something to be said about creating and getting to play, y’know? I’ve done that for so long, I don’t know what my life is like without it,” he readily admits, but he also insists that next year he is definitely having some time to himself and his family.

“I’m telling you, this is it,” he insists with a playful giggle after I express doubt over his ability to avoid the addictive lure of the road. “At the end of this year, I’m gonna take some time. I swear to God. I keep saying that, I do, but I actually made the phone call two days ago. I had stuff ready for next year, and I fucking canceled it.”

Then, adopting a more serious tone and speaking in a reflective murmur I can barely hear above the noise in the next room, he admits, “I think this year’s just been a little too much for me, and I think it’s put a lot of things in perspective. I think I need 2018 to be mine.”

It really is fair enough, considering everything Frank went through at the beginning of the year, and how busy he’s been since that, bouncing back doubly hard in a way that a lot of people couldn’t. Plus, he has a wife and three kids at home who are bound to miss him when he’s away, and finding the work/life balance is always tough.

“It’s like a tightrope, and I think that you spend a lot of time trying to make everyone happy and end up not succeeding so much. And then everyone’s miserable and so are you! I think you owe it to yourself to kinda take a step back and get your head straight and kind of figure out who you are without this, y’know?”

Then, never quite able to stay serious for too long, he adds with a little twinkle, “Plus, if you’re on the road, you’re probably not in certain cities, probably in Brazil, that people are going to be very upset about!”

It’s no secret that Frank’s fanbase is widespread and worldwide, and when he doesn’t tour those cities and countries, he gets frequently pestered about it on Twitter. His online relationship with his fans has been well documented in the rock press, and he definitely gives as good as he gets. Although recently, a lot of the Twitter hype in his fanbase has been surrounding the recent release of his brand new record, Keep The Coffins Coming, which has so far has been met with warm reception and favourable reviews.

Despite it being a ‘new’ release, the four tracks on the EP are not new songs and were in fact recorded before Parachutes. Frank has been sitting on this one for a long time, and he goes on to explain why it seemed like the right time to release these very special tracks.

“When I recorded this, it was really something I did just for me. I’d just finished touring on Stomachaches, and I had a conversation with Paul, my manager, and he said, ‘Alright, well what’s next? What do you wanna do?’ And I said, ‘I don’t really know. I have some songs, but I don’t know what the next thing is just yet.’ And he’s like, ‘What are things that you’ve always wanted to do that you’ve never gotten to do?’ So, we made a list – a bucket list – of people I wanted to work with, things I wanted to accomplish. And he was like, ‘Alright, let’s start checking them off,’ and one of those was to work with Steve Albini.”

Albini is something of a legend in the music industry, having produced records for Nirvana, the Pixies, and Jawbreaker to name a few, and Frank readily admits “he’s someone that made me want to create and make records” and that he’s wanted to work with him “since I was like, 11!”

Frank’s childhood dream finally came true when his manager placed a phone call, and before he knew it, he was in the studio. For Frank, it was a fulfilling and exciting experience, but also an eye-opening one on a personal level that ultimately led to him choosing Ross Robinson as the producer for Parachutes.

“Steve’ll tell you, ‘I’m not a producer. I’m an engineer, and I want to facilitate your vision.’ He’s very hands-off, and I think that’s because of experiences he’s had in his formative years of becoming an engineer and learning the recording process. He saw one of his favourite bands get kind of railroaded by a producer, and he said, ‘I’m never going to do that again. I just want to showcase bands’…and he’s booked constantly because of that, and also because he is such a genius and such a talented engineer and guy…he knows his shit. So, when we got in there, I didn’t know how much time we were going to have or what we were going to do. His process was very confidence-building in that he said to me, ‘The reason you’re here is because you know what you’re doing. I’m not gonna come in here and tell you how to play your songs.’ And that was amazing, but I still felt like I was…on my own in that realm, y’know? Which is cool…but I had done that with Stomachaches. I did it all by myself. I didn’t have anybody else to bounce ideas of off; it was very DIY. And yes, for this, Steve would be behind the board and micing things and getting the sounds that I wanted. But there wasn’t someone there who would really get to the core of what these songs were about and push me farther. It was all on me. And I knew that I needed to – these songs demanded that. And that’s why the record was done by Ross.”

As for the track choice on Keep The Coffins Coming, at least one of them will be familiar to casual Patience fans – “I’m A Mess” – which is featured in its final form on Parachutes and is given a different lease on life with this earlier and slightly rawer version.

And those who have been following Frank’s solo career from the beginning may also have an awareness of the other tracks on the album. “BFF,” for example, was originally released back in 2014.

“That was a song my daughter wrote that I did in my basement before even Stomachaches,” explains Frank. “And when I knew I was working with Steve, I handpicked that song because I knew I wanted to do a full band version of it…I thought that…just the tendencies of that song and the way I heard it in my head…what it could be…it was a perfect Steve Albini song.”

Then there’s “You Are My Sunshine,” a cover of an old classic, of course, and one which Frank used to whip out and play live on stage occasionally.

“No Fun Club” is an interesting one. It’s probably the noisiest and punkiest of the four tracks. It has gone on a musical journey of its own, reforming and taking shape into something else entirely, although the music is still roughly based on a joke song Frank released some years ago…

“It’s not the first thing I released but like…around the first couple of EPs and 7 inches I did on my own under my solo ‘career,’ I put up a song on Soundcloud called “Xmas Sux.” It was just kinda this thing that I threw together in an hour in my basement, and it was just an experiment to see if I could do these types of things. As soon as I put it up I was like, ‘I kinda really like this song, but it’s a joke.’ I didn’t really put too much thought into it, but I liked that I could take that and make it something important. It’s this idea that songs don’t die until you say they’re done with them. I can have that idea and mold it and grow it and evolve it years later, and form it into something that has some gravity – and actually has some meaning behind it and a purpose.”

Evolution is a key theme on this EP, and even for Frank in general, who is constantly changing the name of his band.

“It’s not just to confuse people,” he laughs. “It’s to keep me interested. Every record, the band name is gonna change. The original idea when I was formulating what Parachutes was gonna be, I was like, ‘Maybe I’ll do two records, a double record. One will be Patience and one will be Patients,’ but it didn’t make sense to split those songs up when it came to fruition. It just felt like a full record. So this time around, after the whole experience in Australia and stuff like that, it was just my own clever little way of being able to change the band name up again.”

I tell him I think it’s a cool idea to which he replies, without missing a beat, “I think it’s cool too,” before cracking up in a fit of giggles. But Frank’s not the kind of guy to use throwaway, unimportant titles for anything – either for his band names or his records. Wordplay and meaning are clearly important to him, so it goes without saying that Keep The Coffins Coming wasn’t just chosen simply to keep up his dark emo credentials. There’s a much deeper and more interesting message behind that choice of words.

“With Stomachaches, I could trace every song back to a feeling of illness. With Parachutes, every song was a story about feeling safe or an instance that allows you to kind of enjoy life or experience that fall. This…this is more like…these ideas, these songs, these creations that we have. We relinquish control of them, and we send them out into the world…almost like sending the bodies home from war…and if you can continue that process of creating and inspiring, creating and inspiring, and never letting these ideas fizzle out…just keep them coming and coming and coming. Then hopefully, even beyond our own mortal souls, these things will carry on.”

Inspiring words, indeed, Frank, and we certainly hope you’re right!

Keep The Coffins Coming is out now on Hassle Records, iTunes and all your usual music providers. You can still catch Frank Iero on tour if you’re in the UK until 21st October. You probably should try and do that – he’s pretty damn good. Check out frank-iero.com for dates.

Link to Article

[polyrolemodels]

How Representation Works...or Doesn't

How Representation Works...or Doesn't A Follow-Up

In the early afternoon of Thursday May 11th, I got an email from a colleague. First, she congratulated me on my upcoming book about the intersection of race and polyamory, then she congratulated me on my appearance in the New York Times. The piece, Is an Open Marriage a Happier Marriage?, had just been published that morning. The congrats were both a friendly greeting and a way to lead into the real content of the email while also saying, “I see you there, Kev. Doing big things.”

The true purpose of the email was to ask if I'd be interested in taking part in a round table about family and parenting. Eventually, I would respond that I was indeed interested. But before I had a chance to even read that email, I received a second one from the same colleague. Delivered only eleven minutes after the first, it simply read “Oh my gosh, Kevin! I just read the article. You must be upset. I’m so sorry!” While this wasn't the way my day started, it pretty much encapsulated how the whole day went. Boundless excitement followed quickly by frustrating disappointment.

My wife and I contributed to Is an Open Marriage a Happier Marriage? because our names were thrown into consideration by Mark A. Michaels and Patricia Johnson, the authors of Designer Relationships: A Guide to Happy Monogamy, Positive Polyamory, and Optimistic Open Relationships. Mark and Patricia are familiar with the impact nonmonogamy has on our family and our work regarding race and polyamory. Logically, they thought we'd offer some insightful perspective to such a piece. And what a mainstream piece! I’d be lying if I said that hadn’t factored into my decision to participate. My Poly Role Models blog, while a fairly popular free resource, couldn’t hope to hit the broadcast range of even the lowliest New York Times article. An increased readership could help countless people find their way to and through ethical non-monogamy. Unfortunately, any perspective I could add or range I could reach is buried beneath a sad story of floundering marriages. To be clear, the sad story of floundering marriages are both valid and valuable. My work definitely covers that as well. But it covers more than that...and therein lies the problem.

Is an Open Marriage a Happier Marriage? is predominantly the story of a married couple, Elizabeth and Daniel, who have grown dissatisfied in their lives together. Their mismatched libidos create an unbearable strain on what was otherwise a happy union. If you’ve ever been in a similar situation, you understand. Sexual incompatibility is such a weighty factor that it can severely hamper strong relationships; even if it’s the sole stressor. In response to the growing displeasure, Daniel researched ethical non-monogamy and discussed it with his wife. What followed was not ethical non-monogamy.

Elizabeth shot the idea down. Only to find romance with a new fellow anyway. First, behind her husband’s back, then to his face without his willful participation...despite his pain. The guy Elizabeth took up with? He was also unhappily married and cheating on his spouse. He didn’t even have the benefit of an unresolved conversation about the vague possibility of opening his marriage to use as a justification. Look, I’m not judging. Unreasonable expectations of exclusivity, in the face of incompatible sex drives, need to be discussed.  Partners that come to ethical non-monogamy by way of infidelity needs to be discussed. These are already being discussed. In fact, the idea that ethical and consensual non-monogamy are just the product of unhappy marriages is already the predominant narrative. We've heard these stories before. They get pushed out to mainstream media every few months and frankly it's gotten boring.

It’s clear that Susan Dominus has a specific story that she is trying to tell. But I question who that really serves. The non-monogamous newcomers, who don’t fit this couple-centric view, won’t find any love here. In this article, they are either outsiders or at the whim of a shaky marriage that views them as a crutch. Even those who do fit in the coupled model, on display here, don’t have much to look forward to. The stable and happy couples featured are virtually voiceless in this article. What little speech we’re given is limited to seemingly reluctant acceptance of the situation we’ve found ourselves in.

The name of the article challenges the traditional views on marriage with the idea of a happier alternative. So, where was that? I know you’re not supposed to read the comments section, but I did. What I found was dozens of people remarking about how unhappy people are in open marriages… how easy it is to spot which partner is into it and which is just going along with it… how it’s all just about finding excuses to cheat. That’s the story these readers came into this article believing. With all of it’s sad photos and stories of even sadder partnerships, those readers are left with a pretty solid confirmation of their pre-established attitudes. For those with lived experience inside of ethical non-monogamy, we are left with yet another narrowed view on a life we know to be both varied and vibrant.

As someone who provides a platform for dozens of true accounts of ethical non-monogamy, I’ve learned that each one resonates with those who need to find themselves and their experiences validated. Obviously, you can’t tell every story in a single article but then why gather a wealth of resources that serve to expand the perspective? Authors like Eve Rickert, Franklin Veaux, Patricia Johnson, and Mark Michaels were all consulted and left out. Twelve thousand words are a lot of space to flesh out an idea. Especially with tons of time and energy spent on taking photos of the whole shebang. With the bulk of the content focused on unphotographed people using aliases, why were our names and faces used... only to ignore our observations?

Now, I’m not flat out saying that my wife and I are only included as token people of color. I am challenging anyone to show me what the difference would be if we were. Our voices are mostly unused, but our faces are pretty prominent in a photo that shocked the people in our lives. One friend said it is the saddest they’ve ever seen either of us look. Another said that, without context, they would’ve believed all of the photos to be from a story about divorce. A visual storyline to match the narrative of non-exclusive but unsatisfying marriages.

In the case of sexuality, the article is almost devoid of mentions… except in regard to the single gay couple, Logan and Robert. Though there was valuable insight in the bit of text dedicated to their perspective, their voices were mostly left out as well. In an article that read as extremely heteronormative, there were no occurrences of the words “lesbian”, “bisexual”, “pansexual”, “queer”, or “trans”. There were six mentions of the word “gay”. Five in a single paragraph containing a reference to gay advice columnist Dan Savage and the two sentences from one of that couple’s husbands. The sixth “gay” is some dude’s name. Again, maybe Logan and Robert are not included as token LGBT representation. But how would it have looked differently otherwise?

What we’re missing is proper representation. Better representation. At least better than having our identities used as a prop to tell a story that doesn’t see us or accurately reflect us. At least better than an edgy title that doesn’t even bother to get out of it’s own way. By which I mean, letting a story write itself with the pieces you put together. A great example of which would be Daniel Krieger’s Polyamorous People feature for Narratively’s People of Interest series. In which, Krieger trusted his subjects to be both interesting and honest without trying to force either. The results are a much wider set of experiences, along a broader range of personal identities, done in roughly a quarter of the word count.

The ideal solution to any of our image problems is simply to tell our own stories. Non-monogamy already bucks convention by its very nature. We come from all walks of life and practice our lifestyles in countlessly diverse ways. We don’t need to be made into a compelling story. We already are. The story isn’t how we exist, it’s that we exist. All we need to do is open our mouths to speak our own truths. When someone on the outside of us attempts to speak for us, regardless of the platform, they carry in their preconceived notions...and worse they carry their desire to shoehorn us into those notions. While I thank and appreciate the New York Times for trying, what they gave us was not nearly what was promised or expected or needed.

But, hey… I guess it could be worse. At least there weren’t any stock photos of three pairs of white feet sticking out from under a white duvet.

[sandytree1]

14:25 - 17:58 You might have captured too much depth. Even if the captured screen is small ... See, her hips go down in this part, but earlier she held this pose the whole time, even when bending forward. So make the flow here more like this. Then when she’s putting force into it, turn more to this side. If you don’t create flow, the sense of force doesn’t come through. Also, it’d be good if you modulated her poses more. Instead of moving in a straight line, do it more circular. That way it feels better? The greatest corrections are for the movement of her hip as she raises herself up. I hadn’t really considered that stuff about energy escaping before. It’s different. The whole feel of the scene ... is just better. The picture is different. 

19:09 80% backgrounds are done digitally, but I paint the backgrounds with poster paint and drawing paper. Same as from elementary school. We set up a fixed camera above his desk. Long side for a background pan down, so it’ll probably appear for about 3-4 seconds. Doing a 1 second cut will take the background artist a week to complete. 

22:00 The blue tags are layouts. Yellow tags are completed key art. According to the schedule, half of these cuts should be yellow by now. But the youngsters have only gotten OK for one cut apiece. 4/% are having trouble progressing from the layout stage. 

23:20 These corrections are for dialogue cuts, which hardly has any movement at all. What could be wrong with them? The answer lies in this diagram by director Yoshinara. The position and perspective of the characters are a bit off, also the angle’s not what the storyboard intended. I originally had the camera above, but it’s actually better to use a lower angle. And due to the positions, her eyes should look towards the right. I see, it’s more focused to the center this way. Based on these positions, the target dragon should be over here, but I have it here [eye pointing]. They’re facing this way with the camera above them, and it’s incorrect. 

To show the back and forth between multiple characters talking to each other, you need a firm grasp of the relationship between their positions. The diagram that director Yoshinari made was for this purpose. It shows the positioning of the five characters. Since cut 268 has the camera between the dragon and the teacher, the focus should be towards the right. The camera position in cut 263 is horizontal and at a distance, so there’s almost no angling. Cut 269 has the camera partially inside the group. The teacher is shown obliquely. Only cut 271 has a mismatch. Can you spot it? 

You draw while visualizing this arrangement in your head. This is another fundamental skill for an animator. Do you agree with this advice? Yes, I can’t believe I didn’t notice it sooner. I’m not sure if I definitiely will nail this in the future. I couldn’t spot it without seeing it all together. 

Start of a lecture series sponsored by Anime Mirai. He photocopied a layout sheet to work on during the few brief pauses. You better put that away once class starts! The third course is a photography lecture followed by camera training. They’re learning how to do real photography with a single-lens reflex camera. “There’s master focus, exposure, composition and equipment, and included with that is the lens angle. As these have had a great impact on animation drawing. I’d say they have many elements in common.” 

27:10 Now for the photography practice. Each of them carries a camera for a photography meet at a nearby shrine. Although they’re looking at the same scene, each person has their own way of framing it. “You have an unique point of view.” Spending day after day stuck to their desks, they haven’t been outside for a while. A brief moment of freedom. 

After New Year, Trigger is moving their offices to a different floor. We should be done with the key frames according to the schedules, but we’re a bit behind. At this time the key animation is about a third of the way complete. Only 100/400 cuts have finished animation with color added. 

30:00 These are assembled into a test film. The scenes with the youngsters in charge have few cuts with colors. Most are unfinished, and just captures the layout line drawings. Especially prominent are the cuts where the backgrounds are complete, but the characters are pure white. The only ones that provide peace of mind are the minotaur scene done by Kaneko-san, who has some months of prior experience already. He’s been progressing at a good pace since the beginning. At the moment he’s only got two keys left. 

33:50 These are the layouts, showing the flow of movement. The pinks are the directors, while the white part is mine. So what’s different? The motion, the whole performance, is different. I basically just went by the storyboard. But doing it that way makes it a little less exciting. I don’t know how to improvise. I can’t really get an image in my head. So I draw more like the storyboard. 

34:50 Let’s compare and see just what’s different. While the director’s part moves more gracefully. Sakamoto’s part has its charm too. Seems some animators can spot differences other people can’t. I’m pessimistic y nature. The moment I think I did well, it comes back with tons of corrections. I never had much confidence to begin with ... but up close, I can feel that director Yoshinari is a true genius. I spend hours working on a cut, then Yoshinari fixes it up and it only takes him an hour or two. It makes me realize I have a long way to go. 

36:50 The word genius keeps popping up among the young animators, but how does director Yoshinari really work? As we watch him work, we’re surprised to at the lack of indecision in his lines. He hardly uses the eraser. He also flips through the drawings much less than the youngsters. He progresses before our eyes as if the drawing were already finished inside his head. Sakamoto spent two days, while the director only spent four hours. 

39:15 Whenever someone corrects my work, I assume that they’ll return it completely different. But director Yoshinari incorporated my idea instead of abandoning it. I personally find that very hard to do. The part where Diana kicks off from the wall was not in the storyboard. That was Sanomiya’s original idea. If we compare them, the director hardly changes the base poses. He just reordered the modulations for the act of standing up from a crouching position. He restrained the urge to do it his way, and instead incorporated my clunky movements. But this way I can take it in easier. I think it’s wonderful that he’s teaching us in this manner. 

41:40 Checking the in between animation. She literally inspiects the completed animation drawings one by one, checking for any inbetween mistakes or omissions. Patience and concentrations are useful skills. It’s like checking a flick book. The reason I flip back and forth so much is because I keep changing the area I’m checking. One moment I check the claws, the jaw, etc. I noticed the teeth has no shadow when there should be. Doesn’t feel natural if the shadow just suddenly disappears. 

Watching the editing is a part of the job too. “Get involved in other aspects of the work besides animation drawing.” This is one of the objectives for nurturing young animators that Trigger agreed to. In a typical TV series, after submitting the key art, you almost never see your own work before it’s broadcast. These five are seeing this stage for the first time. Editing involves omitting or refining footage to meet the predetermined film length. First they play it from the start, to check impressions given by the whole.

52:50 He seems close to perfecting the fireworks key art that he’s been wrestling with for a long time. Nowadays, most fireworks are almost always done in CG. However Handa-san has animated the firework stars by hand, down to the individual grains. His key art totals 38 sheets, including materials for the special effects. It was all by hand, so it took a lot of time. a week for 4,5 seconds of ONE bang. Now the rest is up to the inbetween, painting and compositing departments. 

Compositing is the last step in the production of an animated work. Based on directions from the animators, they add special effects with the computer. They may use computers as a tool here, but the concepts behind the process are unexpectedly analog. For instance, tataki is a technique passed down from the days of cel animation. Tataki materials created on paper are captured by the computer, then arranged for easier digital handling. The blue spots adds more pizzazz to the orange explosion. 

And now, the final screening. Getting to see the finished work as a whole. This half year project is coming to an end. 

1:03:00 One last question. Do you like these young animators? Well, hm. I’d have to spend a little more time with them to know. Come to think of it we mainly communicated through drawing. If possible, I’d like them to continue this line of work. There’s so many who leave this industry even when they have potential. I do hope I can work with them in the future. 

[socialattractionuk]

What to do if your partner keeps turning down sex

(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

Ah, the curse of mismatched sex drives. It can be brutal.

You may love your partner with all your heart, but if they don’t want to have sex as frequently as you do, the relationship can die a slow death.

You feel irritated, neglected, and rejected. It’s hard not to take someone you love saying ‘no sex, please’ to heart.

On the flip side, it’s tough for the person who wants sex less frequently. Sex can start to feel like a chore you’re being nagged into, that you put up with rather than enjoy.

That’s not a positive situation for either party. It’s vital to reach a place where everyone’s satisfied and able to say ‘not right now’ without worrying they’re tearing their partner’s heart in two.

But how do you reach that place?

What can you do if your partner keeps turning down sex?

First off, don’t make a spreadsheet, as one Reddit Hall of Famer did.

(Picture: imgur)

Or if you do, never show it to your partner. No one likes to feel like their behaviour is being watched and tracked like a science experiment.

Instead, do this…

Have the conversation

Yes, we know, it feels deeply awkward to ask someone why they don’t seem keen on sex. But having an honest conversation about the issue is the only way you can work towards solving it.

There are some rules to follow when it comes to the conversation.

First off, don’t do it immediately after you’ve tried and been turned down for sex. That’s when emotions will be running high, and perhaps the reason they don’t want to have sex in that moment (they’re tired, they feel sick) will also make them reluctant to have a chat.

Make sure you’re not accusatory or aggressive. The goal with this conversation is not to make your partner feel bad for not having sex, but to find out why they haven’t been keen recently.

Remember: Consent is not a given in a relationship, and your partner is completely entitled to say ‘no’ to sex.

‘There are tons of reasons that someone might not be as interested in sex as another person, and quite often, it’s nothing to do with the person that they are having sex with,’ Sammi Cole, sex and relationship expert at Lovehoney, tells Metro.co.uk.

‘External stress, medication, loss of confidence, changes in routine, health issues, past trauma, and age are just some of the factors that can affect our sex drives, so before you rush to, “they clearly don’t want me any more”, take the time to talk things through in a calm and non-accusatory way.

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‘Make sure that neither of you have to rush off anywhere, and that you’re not likely to be interrupted.

‘Start off with something positive, such as telling them how much you enjoy being intimate with them, that you’d love to do it more often if they’re open to it, and try to focus on offering solutions rather than laying blame on either of you. “Would you like to tell me what’s on your mind?” is much more open-ended and friendly than, “You always turn me down, what’s wrong with me?”.’

Make sure that your partner feels able to share their reasons without any judgement or having to worry that you’ll be offended. The reasons might be more complex than you’re imagining, and may not have an easy fix – anxiety related to sex and past trauma might require therapeutic work – or they might feel like a criticism on your sexual skills.

Remain calm and chat through things neutrally to check in with how your partner is feeling and why they might not be up for having sex.

Change up the way you’re initiating

If you find yourself getting turned down every time you try to initiate sex, it might be time to change your technique.

This will depend on the reasons your partner has given for not being keen (which you’ll have found out in the conversation you just had, if you followed the tip above), but it’s also about adapting to what works for your partner.

If your partner is too tired for sex, try swapping to a different time rather than just before bed.

If they tap your hand away because you go straight to one area of their body, try starting off with kisses on the neck or a different move you know they like.

(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

Let them initiate

When you’re the one with a lower sex drive, each initiating move from your partner can feel like a pester. Which doesn’t feel great for anyone.

You might find that giving your partner the space to initiate when they’re keen will actually increase the amount of sex you have.

Of course, it’s worth having a chat to let your other half know that this is the plan, so they don’t think you’ve just given up trying.

Give them the confidence to initiate, encourage them to make a move when they’re in the mood, and then give them the time and space to do that.

Relieve the pressure

When you keep turning down sex and you can see your partner’s getting frustrated, sex starts to feel like something you have to do rather than want to do.

And that pressure can completely sap any sex drive.

Or the stress of knowing you aren’t satisfying your partner can make you feel rubbish. Or there’s so much pressure to perform that you feel like the sex has to be absolutely mindblowing.

Take down the pressure and relax, both of you. Try not to set any rigid rules about how often you ‘should’ be having sex, and try not to react with anger or disappointment when your partner isn’t interested.

It’s vital that the person you’re with feels comfortable saying ‘no’.

Understand that turning down sex doesn’t mean they don’t love you

There are all kinds of reasons that someone might not be up for sex as often as you’d like. Hopefully the conversation you’ve had will enlighten what those reasons may be, but it’s still tricky not to take it personally when the person you love isn’t up for sex every night.

Remind yourself that sex is not the same as love, and that there are other ways your partner can show they care.

If you’re feeling rejected, bring that up, but think about other ways you can express your love as a couple other than sex.

(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

Add some fun back in

All the above makes sex feel a bit serious, which doesn’t make a sesh feel like a particularly exciting prospect.

Shake things up to make sex appealing and free of any of the heavy emotional stuff.

That might mean making the setting special with candles and fancy bedding, or introducing a sex toy, or agreeing to try out a new position.

Julia Margo, the co-founder of Hot Octopuss, tells us: ‘Introducing sex toys can help, particularly for women who take longer to feel aroused. Couples’ toys such as PULSE DUO can help to stimulate both partners during foreplay.

‘Or for intercourse, the ATOM is a powerful cock ring with a vibrating area that provides additional stimulation for women. For men struggling with erectile problems or performance anxiety, cock rings can also help produce and maintain a stronger erection.’

And remember, if the sex is glorious, your partner will want more. Listen to what they want, make them feel good, and enjoy more sex as a result.

Consider scheduling

We know, we know, it doesn’t sound like the most thrilling thing, but there’s nothing wrong with scheduling sex.

If time constraints, tiredness, or other situational stuff are the reasons your sex life has taken a dip, clearing a dedicated timeslot for sex can be a huge help.

We’ve written previously about the benefits and pitfalls of scheduling sex for the weekend, and it won’t work for everybody. It’s important to allow for spontaneity.

But it can be beneficial to agree that every Sunday morning (or whatever time works for you) you’ll have sex, to meet what you’ve determined is an acceptable baseline and avoid the sting of disappointment.

Scheduling can be sexy, too. Something as simple as asking your partner whether they’d be up for having sex this evening, rather than waiting to initiate once you’re home, can help build up anticipation as well as making sure they won’t do a workout, drink booze, or do anything else that might put them off.

(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

Give them confidence

Often low sex drive will be down to a lack of confidence or low self-esteem. Maybe your partner doesn’t feel attractive, and thoughts about their appearance are putting a stop to any sexual desire.

Making your partner feel beautiful, desirable, and confident is key.

‘Make sure, too, that when you do have sex, you’re being complimentary and supportive, and paying attention to what they want and enjoy,’ says Sammi. ‘Positive sexual experiences are much more likely to lead to increased sexual desire than bad ones.’

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Masturbate

I mean, if you’re feeling really pent up and need a release, masturbation is completely allowed and encouraged.

It’ll relieve some of the pressure and take the edge of.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help

As we keep mentioning, the reasons for a low sex drive can be complex – and they may not be something you can resolve alone.

If you’re struggling, it’s okay to talk to a sexual therapist or couples counsellor. Sexual trauma is something that can greatly benefit from professional help, and it’s not something to just squash down

If you or your partner think that a low sex drive could be a result of medication, or mental or physical illness, make an appointment with your doctor.

Sex and sexual desire are big parts of our relationships and our lives. If they’re causing issues, you deserve the support and help you need to get better.

Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed to ask for help.

MORE: Prepare yourself for you-turning, yet another bleak dating trend

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[aion-rsa]

INTERVIEW: Greg Pak’s Weapon X Threatens Mutantkind With Extinction

Over the years, the mutants of the Marvel Universe had faced a number of dangerous foes, but perhaps the most sinister are to be the scientists and operatives of the clandestine genetic research program known as Weapon X, which seeks to weaponize and control the abilities of mutants and other super humans. The program’s sadistic experiments and illegal operations have brought it into clashes with a number of heroes, with the result normally finding it destroyed or shut down. And yet, somehow it always seems to come back in a new, more dangerous incarnation.

RELATED: Weapon X-Plained: Marvel’s Mutant Super-Soldier Program Declassified

This April, writer Greg Pak and artist Greg Land kick off a brand new “Weapon X” title where the discovery of the latest incarnation of the program will unite a ragtag band of mutant anti-heroes. The team, which will include characters like Old Man Logan and Sabretooth, will then embark upon a high stakes and desperate crusade: Uproot and destroy the new Weapon X before it accomplishes its ultimate goal of mutant genocide.

CBR: In your new “Weapon X” book, the sinister program is back and seemingly more dangerous than ever. What can you tell us about its agenda and the way it operates?

Greg Pak: I absolutely loved the original “Weapon X” storyline that Barry Windsor-Smith wrote and drew back in the day, and over the years, it’s been a trip seeing the Weapon X super soldier program go through a variety of terrifying incarnations and missions. This time, Weapon X is back with more formidable technology than ever — and with a mission to exterminate all mutants.

I don’t want to reveal too much for fear of spoilers, but yes, this is a secret undertaking by an underground enemy that our heroes will have to use all their power and smarts to figure out and thwart. We’re part blockbuster action movie, part thriller, and part detective story. As we put this story together, we’re always asking what an incredibly smart and ruthless opponent would do. In the fulness of time, we’ll reveal exactly who is behind the program — and I think X-Men fans will be pretty thrilled.

Can you talk about the incident that brings your cast together? Are they fully formed when “Weapon X” #1 begins?

The cast assembles bit by bit as Weapon X makes its initial moves over the first couple of issues. I’m pretty thrilled by the pace — the action is shocking and relentless, but we’re structuring this so that each character gets great dramatic intros and big, fun moments and we’re building great emotional stories and relationships as we go. It’s easy with a team book to kind of step on your own cast and lose the chance to make the most of their amazing potential. I’m feeling pretty damn good about how this is coming together so far in a way that lets every cast member shine while building a big, thrilling story.

Let’s talk a little more about your cast. From what I’ve read, it sounds like you’re having an especially good time bouncing Old Man Logan and Sabretooth off of each other. It seems like there’s a sort of classic mismatched buddy action vibe to them.

eg Pak: Heck, yeah. Logan and Sabretooth have known and hated each other forever, so it’s always fun to push ’em together, particularly when they have to team up. Part of the fun is that they hate each other, but they really know each other, and they’re far more similar than they might care to admit. That gives their conflicts a chance to have some humor and even charm. At the same time, there’s always the very real potential that they could decide to betray or even kill each other when the opportunity arises…

I’m having a ton of fun with the rest of our cast, too. Lady Deathstrike has been a total kick so far — you’ll see her in the “X-Men Prime” #1 book in March. Domino and Warpath each have their own take and objectives that have been a blast to explore. The cast is small and diverse enough that we’ll be able to explore everyone’s different motivation in ways that serve the dramatic conflicts and emotional side of this big story in a fun way.

What’s it like for former comrades in the original incarnation of X-Force, Warpath and Domino, to reunite in this book?

All will be revealed in the fulness of time! I’ll just say that because of their pasts, our various characters have ample reason to trust or completely distrust each other in various surprising ways.

Lady Deathstrike is the one non-mutant member of your team. What made you want to bring her into the book?

Jeff Lemire wrote some great issues with Lady Deathstrike and Old Man Logan in his “Old Man Logan” book, so that opened the door for us to take the next steps here. Generally, she’s been a villain and a huge X-Men enemy, so the question is, what kind of threat would be sufficient to make her actually team up with Logan and company? You’ll have to pick up the books to find out! I’ll just add that Lady Deathstrike’s history and power set also make her essential to our villain’s plans and the plot of our story for reasons I can’t reveal just yet.

Is this the book’s full cast? Or are there more members to be revealed later?

There is indeed one more huge hero who will be revealed later on down the line. And, of course, our big villain has yet to be revealed. I can say no more!

Since the cast of your book features three former X-Force members, and they’re out to take down a threat to all mutants, I can’t help but think of Chris Yost and Craig Kyle’s run on “X-Force” and Rick Remender’s “Uncanny X-Force.”

Sure, it’s definitely in the tradition of those books and other books that feature a more ruthless, special ops team of X-Men. Classic stories like Barry Windsor-Smith’s “Weapon X” are a huge thematic inspiration. If you loved those books and characters, you’ll get a kick out of seeing where they go in this book. But if you never read those books, don’t worry at all — you can pick up this book without having read anything and be ready to rock and roll.

What’s it like reuniting with your “X-Men: Phoenix – Endsong” collaborator, artist Greg Land, on this book? What do you enjoy most about Greg’s style?

It’s been fantastic! Greg and I have talked about working together again over the years, and I’m thrilled it’s finally happening with this book. Greg’s been killing it. Back when “Phoenix – Endsong” was coming out, folks talked about how seamlessly that book seemed to fit visually with Cassaday’s work on “Astonishing X-Men,” with a kind of realistic art style and rendering that made all the big sci fi action feel even more real.

The pages Greg has been turning in for “Weapon X” have made me grin – there’s a lot of natural environments that he’s rendering so beautifully, and he’s bringing out great nuance in the little moments and expressions. On one page I’m looking at right now, I just love the way he’s got Old Man Logan going from a small, unguarded smile to suddenly sharp and wary eyes. It’s small and subtle, but it works so well. And then when the blades come out… you’re gonna love it.

Finally, how big of a scope and scale will your initial “Weapon X” stories have?

It’s going to be ruthless and brutal and thrilling throughout, with constant surprises regarding the nature and danger of the enemy and constant escalation in threat level over time. Greg is tremendous with choreographing and depicting action, and he’s pulling out all the stops with this thing.

One thing we’re consciously trying to do is to keep all of the action as visceral as possible, so it feels even more thrilling because it feels within the realm of possibility, if that makes sense. I’m working hard to avoid that cliche of ending with big fight to stop a giant tower of blue light that’s gonna blow up the world. I mean, don’t get me wrong — I typically love movies that end with everyone fighting to stop a giant tower of blue light that’s gonna blow up the world, but this story feels like it wants to be more grounded and visceral. The threats are massive, and you’re gonna see action you’ve never seen before, but you’re also gonna feel what it takes in muscle and blood every step of the way for our heroes to take it on.

On a personal level, this book is a pretty exciting milestone. I’ve written a pretty huge number of X-books over the years, but this is my first big run on a mainstream core title. I wrote “X-Treme X-Men” for a year, and that was an absolute blast, but it was kind of doing its own thing in alternate realities. “Weapon X” is giving me the chance for the first time to cut loose in a big X-book right in the middle of things. We’re working hard to make it as awesome as we can, so please do pre-order and buy the heck out of it!

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