#just read the first two books and. oh wow. oh man. i am in shambles..

[onlymagpie]

they make me so unwell‼️

[phinksimp]

Jealous phinks headcanon please!

Oooooo I love jealous Phinks! Hope you enjoy my little drabble!

You sighed as you walked to the restaurant with your best friend and her boyfriend.

"Y/N, are you sure you don't want to wait for Phinks?"

You shook your head. "I'm pretty sure he won't be coming."

Small arguments were a common occurrence between you two. There was often a lot on Phinks' plate, and he tended to take his frustration out on you. While he wasn't one to get physical with you; he often disregarded your feelings and would say things he didn't truly mean.

To you, it was just "Phinks being Phinks", most of the time. But the last argument over spending too much time at your job had crossed the line for both of you.

"Why do you need to work anyways?! If you ever need anything, all you have to do is tell me and I'll get it for you!" Phinks went to grab your hand, but you quickly slapped it away.

"By 'get it for me', you mean steal it, right?!" You pushed past him to grab your purse. "I don't know what the hell you're doing most of the time...but from now on; I don't want anything from you if it's stolen." You glared at him before walking out the door. "I can't blame you though. What kind of real job could you get with your qualifications? All you're good for is hurting people."

You replayed the argument in your head over and over as you made your way to the restaurant. Part of you knew you had to apologize eventually, but part of you knew you may have gone too far.

"Y/N!"

You turned to see the son of your boss waving as he walked towards you and your friends. He had recently moved from another country to learn under his father, as he would be the one to take over in a few years.

His blue eyes contrasted against his dark black hair and fair skin. His black suit with a slightly unbuttoned white dress shirt showed off his figure. There were several people in the office who had developed a crush on him.

"Oh, hi Charles! Grabbing dinner?"

You hit your friend discreetly on the leg as soon as you felt her nudge you. She whispered out the side of her mouth;

"Woah Y/N, who is this guy?!"

Charles smiled once he caught up to your group. "Yeah, I don't really know this area yet though. Do you have any places you can recommend?"

Your friend chimed in before you could speak.

"We're actually heading to a really good izakaya right now. You're more than welcome to join us!"

You screamed internally, praying he'd say no.

"Why I'd love to!"

You shot your friend a glare as she replied with a wink. She never really took a liking to Phinks, saying she could tell he was "no good" despite anything you would tell her. Of course she would take this opportunity.

You looked back as Charles walked beside you, hoping Phinks would show up.

---

Phinks groaned as he stood outside the restaurant, his hands in the pockets of his tracksuit.

Why the hell am I here? Is this even the right place?

He was still upset over your last argument, but he hated to drag things longer than they needed to be.

He shot up slightly when he saw your friend and her boyfriend step out of the restaurant for a smoke.

Phinks went to approach them, but something told him to keep his distance. He hid behind a wall, listening intently.

"Wow Y/N's new boss is a real catch! Handsome, rich and super nice...unlike no brows." Your friend laughed as she took a puff of her cigarette. "I think he likes her too. I hope she wakes up. It's not like Phinks is the type to get married, and it's what she's dreamt of since we were kids! 3 years and not even a hint of anything happening. I don't know how she tolerates him!"

Phinks clenched his fists as his blood went cold. He pondered for a minute; debating whether or not he should bother looking.

He took a deep breath before glancing through the window.

There you were, and there he was; his arm casually draped along the back of the bench seat behind you.

Phinks had half a mind to kill him right there and then.

He peeked at the window once again, his heart dropping when he watched you laugh.

It had been a while since he had seen you smile like that..

He grit his teeth, thinking about what to do. His jealousy was beginning to grow, and he knew he would go off in a blind rage if he let it get to him..

His body instinctively began to wind his right arm, but he stopped immediately. Instead turning back home to your apartment.

Phinks remembered you mentioning your new boss in passing, but never took much notice to it.

The man was successful, handsome, well mannered and well dressed.

Everything he was not.

All you're good for his hurting people.

Phinks looked up at the sky, your words repeating in his head.

You're right, Y/N. That's all I'm really good for...

-------

You did your make up in the bathroom as you checked your cellphone for the time. Charles would be picking you up for a corporate meeting in 20 minutes.

It had been 3 months since your argument.

3 months since you last saw or heard from Phinks.

It drove you mad that there was no way for you to contact him. He had left his cellphone at the apartment and you didn't know anyone he worked with.

You hoped he had just been called away for a job suddenly.

But you figured that what you said was unforgivable. You knew that despite his tough and cold demeanor; Phinks was a sensitive soul.

Maybe he wasn't coming back this time.

You wanted to apologize for what you said. It wasn't true. There was so much good to him that even he failed to see at times.

You quickly packed your purse as you made your way outside, not wanting to make your boss wait.

Your heart dropped as soon as you walked out the doors of your building.

There he was.

He wore a grey suit with a white dress shirt.

You panicked when you saw his arm in a sling, and his black eye.

Your body shook as you approached him, mixed feelings of guilt, relief and worry overwhelmed you.

"Phinks..."

He adjusted a duffle bag along his shoulder as he shot you a soft smile.

"Where are you going, Y/N?"

The question took you by surprise. "I'm going to work. My boss, well the son of the boss is picking me up."

Phinks felt his blood begin to boil. The images of you laughing with Charles in the restaurant making his jaw clench. "Like hell he is!"

Phinks made his way over to you, wrapping his uninjured arm around your waist as he pulled you into a kiss. He had missed you over the past few months, his motivation being the goal of never wanting to see you with Charles or any other man again.

He finally pulled away, allowing you to catch your breath.

"Quit your job, Y/N."

You pulled away completely in a knee jerk reaction to his words. "No way! What's wrong with you?! I don't even know where you've been! I still have bills--"

"I've got enough money for us."

He placed the duffel bag in front of you.

Your heart sank, expecting to find wads of cash.

What did he do this time?!

Instead, Phinks pulled out an envelope with a book.

You took it hesitantly, your eyes widening as you read the pages. Several deposit entries filling each page. "What the... you were--"

Phinks nodded his head. "Yupp. Heaven's Arena." He laughed. "None of that money was stolen. So you can save your breath." He made his way over to you, flipping to the first page of the bank book as he held your left hand. "The account is under your name, just in case anything happens to me. I'm sure there's more than enough in there." He placed his hand on your face. "You were right-- hurting people is all I'm good for."

"Phinks..."

The blonde haired man smirked. "Would your new boss give you all this?!"

Just as he said that, Charles pulled up in his car. He got out immediately as soon as he saw Phinks. "Y/N! Is everything alright here?!"

Phinks stepped in front of you, his uninjured hand now in a fist. "Who the hell are you?" Phinks lied, knowing exactly who this man was.

Charles cleared his throat. "Well, my name is Charles and Y/N is one of my associates."

Phinks huffed. "Never heard of you." He went to wrap his arm around your waist. "And besides, Y/N doesn't work for you anymore."

Before you could say anything, Phinks pulled you in closer. "Sorry for the inconvenience, pal. If you'll excuse us; we've got a wedding to plan."

You gasped as Phinks turned you towards the apartment, holding your left hand as the large diamond on your finger shimmered in the sunlight. "I'll make sure to send you an invite, Chuck."

"Phinks, when... what..." your mind was in shambles as you tried to process everything that was happening.

Is this his way of proposing? Are we engaged?!

Phinks spanked you, snapping you out of your trance. "You know, I'm still not over what you said. You're going to have to make it up to me, like a good little wife."

The tone of Phinks' voice made your temperature rise, as you knew exactly what he meant.

Charles stood there dumb founded as he watched the two of you walk off.

"Wow, that's one hell of a man if I ever did see one."

[bellamyblakru]

HEYYYYYYY i’m so excited to respond to ur ask it made me so happy to see u in my notifs and i’m so excited for u for ur milestone! anyways i kinda want all of them but i decided to cut down to 🥺 :)))) 👀 pls rant i will read it all and ☕️ for morgwen andddd manon from the tog books. <3 <3 :*

HEY AMY!!! i hope you had a lovely day today🥺thank you for the ask💞

🥺- for my mutuals, ill talk about why i follow you and why everyone should be as well

omg im pretty sure i met and started following you like the day of that bellamy scene™️ because i remember thinking how fucking horrendous that episode ended, and, at the same time, how amazing that night on tumblr was aksnakaaj. so that night, tumblr was a fucking disaster and chaotic and funny asf. i remember texting @tkstrrand the entire ep (bc she couldn’t watch it for some reason) like how boring it was/how she wasn’t missing much blahblah and then when the death scene happened at the last fucking second, i sent her about a thousand separate incoherent texts in the span of like two minutes LOL tumblr was in shambles and i made a few posts about how fucking dumb the show was—one post i made i told my few new followers to fuck the 100 and just watch merlin and you texted me about it!! we have literally so much in common (with merlin, atla, the 100, tog!!!) that when you texted me about how you felt about that scene compared to merlin’s ending, my thought was like “this blog is so kind and we feel the same way and i need to follow asap.”

you are literally so sweet and lovely to talk to🥺that night™️ may had been disastrous, but i can look on it with a lighter heart because we met because of it!! every time we talk i always smile so much (and dw, i know i still have to get clone wars for our boy anakin👀👀)

dude, everyone should be following you because your blog is incredible, your tags are superb, and you are literally one of the sweetest people i’ve met on here😭💞 i adore you.

👀 - and ill tell you a parallel from merlin or the 100 that still fucks me up

this post for merthur still FUCKS ME UP by @camelotsheart

THE EYES. THE GIFSET’S BEAUTIFUL COLORING. THE EYES. EYES. I CANT. THIS GIFSET HAUNTS ME. parallels, man, i fucking love them.

☕️ + send me a ship/character/movie/book and ill give you my opinions on it

my opinions on morgwen:

I LOVE IT SO MUCH. I SHIP IT WITH MY WHOLE ASS SOUL. dude, their potential as a ship is incredible😭i fucking love them together. i wrote them as a side pairing in my first multi-chapter merthur fic and i adored writing their interactions and dynamic sm. if morgana was going to be with anyone, my first choice will always be gwen. i also read them as a pairing in fics all the time because the pure power-couple potential is insane.

hot ☕️ here™️: i think if someone was to bring morgana back from the brink of hatred, it should have been gwen (not merlin). so, like, i could definitely see merlin telling her about his magic and whatnot and maybe that would have stopped her from going dark side...but...i didn’t think merlin should have (ekk probably an unpopular opinion).

see, i love merlin with my entire heart..and tbh telling uther fucking pendragon’s ward that he had magic was just too much of a gamble—especially with arthur’s life on the line, which literally became merlin’s sole purpose in life (another matter for a different essay™️). i understand his need to keep it a secret from her even more when the large reptile repeatedly got into merlin’s head that she was bad news from the jump (also another matter for a different essay™️).

SO. that leaves two options for our miserable magical gal: arthur or gwen. now, i honestly believe arthur wouldn’t have hurt her if he was told. and i even think he may have became more sympathetic to the magical community because of it—especially when he saved mordred wayyyy early on that cemented the fact that arthur was not uther. but i can also understand why morgana wouldn’t tell arthur, and it’s pretty much the same reason merlin didn’t tell her about his magic: the risk was too big and she didn’t want to gamble her life with an unknown reaction.

now we get to the main point: gwen would have been the best option for her. whether it is platonic or not, gwen was always there for morgana. gwen is such a kind, loving soul, and she deeply respected and adored morgana—you can tell by the way she smiled around her in the beginning seasons, how she would get her flowers, how she would worry about morgana’s wellbeing. even though gwen was morgana’s servant, she cared for her in more ways than were required and it showed. they were best friends. the entire incident with gwen’s father, which was horrendous, might be the reason gwen would be rightfully upset about the subject of magic; however. she knew her father wasn’t magical, she knew uther was a tyrant, and she knew morgana’s heart. someone is gonna tell me that if morgana had explained to gwen what happened, how her magic was innate, how morgana would never fucking choose to have magic anywhere near her shithead guardian (who probably would have killed her imo if he knew bc you know the whole “fire will purify” bullshit), that gwen would hate her??? I MEAN LITERALLY WATCH THE LAST EPISODES AGAIN. when QUEEN GWEN realizes that the whole time it was merlin saving everyone’s asses, and she connected all the dots, her face showed nothing but pure understanding and acceptance.

gwen was such an underused character. her fucking potential arcs could have been phenomenal (again, LOL, another matter for a different essay™️), and the way canon made morgana use gwen was fucking gross and im not a fan🙃 but fuck canon. i ship them and i love them to pieces ✌🏻thank you for coming to my talk✌🏻

my opinions on manon mf blackbeak:

oh boy, where do i start? i would die for her...is that too extreme for the starting place? i fucking LOVE manon blackbeak dude. oh my god, so, remember when her and aelin fought for the first time in QoS? i remember jumping up from my lounging position with my hand over my smiling mouth because i love both of these badass hardcore women with everything i am. i mean, aelin owns my ass (she is probably my favorite character of all time rn) but manon hits differently. her storyline at the beginning was so bleh, but, man, did it escalate fast to “holy shit” to “i fucking love her” to “oh fuck im sobbing.”

the only thing i will complain about with her character in canon was the fact that my girl was straight???? excuse me?? she has been alive for fucking forever and she is straight? no. i cant accept that. tbh i ship manon and elide🥺 (i also ship dorain and chaol oops). but her character development was everything and i cant think too long on what happens because i will start crying tbh sksjsmakks

okay wow im so sorry for, uh, spilling every thought i had into this. it legit took me like a day to respond 😔

i appreciate you so much. thank you🥺💞

[kristannarubbish]

A World in Color

[A/N] Hi Kristanna fandom! My name is Maeve. I haven’t written fanfic in years, but this somehow happened. This is a modern AU where when you lock eyes with your soulmate for the first time, the world goes from black and white to color! I really hope you all enjoy this and give it a read! Have a nice day!

Rated: T? (there’s some cursing and I have no clue how the rating system works)

WC: 2502

Pairing: Kristanna

Anna knew about how when you meet your soulmate, the world was supposed to turn to color. It was supposed to be vibrant and magical, like she had read in books. She had heard of colors like blue, which was supposedly the beautiful vivid color of the sky and green, which is what made forests so brilliant. She couldn’t even begin to imagine what these colors looked like. That’s what had made her feel so strange about her current situation. 

She had met Hans in her sophomore year of college. She was an early childhood education major and he was a business major. He was only there by formality because he knew his father could swing him an executive position at any major corporation that Isles Industries was friends with. His father insisted he must go to college first and find a suitable girlfriend to make a wife and have children with. He found that in Anna.

That was a long time ago now. Anna was older and was just finishing up her student teaching. Hans was off every night to some event or another and wasn’t getting home until late. This had made her feel wildly insecure. Why wouldn’t it? All of these young, pretty women near him, throwing themselves at him every night of the week. Anna often had to remind herself that they were hired to be there. But soon after remembering they would kill to be her nice shoes, living in a penthouse on the good side of town. Life was good. Settling down with a nice man was what she was supposed to do. Or those are the things she told herself to justify her black and white world.

“You make my world light up in all of the wonderful colors they are supposed to be Anna. Your eyes are a wonderful green and your hair a beautiful brown,” Hans had said to her with a bright smile on their third date five years ago. Are those the color of my hair and eyes? Anna thought. No one had ever told me what color they were before. 

Anna was nervous, but plastered on a bright smile, “You’ve made the world light up with color for me too.” She knew she was lying, but she couldn’t bring herself to tell the truth. What if the world was actually in color for him because of her? Maybe he is my soulmate, but the color thing just doesn’t work for me. Yeah, that sounds about right, she would convince herself night after night while lying in their lukewarm bed. Which is why we’re here, now. 

Anna had climbed into their king sized bed long before he came home, as she did most nights nowadays. Tonight she couldn’t seem to sleep, though. The sounds of horns honking out her window were just as loud as they normally were. The city lights just as bright, sparkling like diamonds out her window. She chopped it up to going back to school nerves, even it was only second graders and still two weeks away. This is what she thought until Hans came home. 

It was a tad before midnight, so he thought she was fast asleep. He stumbled in the door, immediately grabbing Anna’s heightened attention. He slowly but surely made his way to their shared bedroom, hanging onto the door frame when he got there. 

“Hans?” Anna asked turning on the bedside light and rushing towards him.

“Oh,” he burped and it stunk of vodka, “Anna! I’m so glad to see you.” Even when he was drunk he tried (and failed) to keep his business man like demeanor that he always had. She took his arm and guided him to their bed. She sat him on the edge and asked, “Are you alright?” Grabbing a now warm glass of water she kept on her nightstand to hand to him, he broke his failed economical tone and smiled brighter than she had possibly ever seen.

“I’m amazing babe,” he sneered, “the function tonight really helped with closing a deal!” His words remained slurred but she knew that when he came home like this, which seemed to be happening more and more often in recent months, that what he said was usually truthful.

Anna nodded and smiled softly, “Well, I’m happy for you.” He took long gulps of water and she lightly placed her head on his shoulder. She inhaled deeply and smelled something weird. Spice and, she sniffed again, roses. She never smelled like either of those things. Anna slowly realized the deal he closed had nothing to do with business. “Hans?” He looked over at her. “Did you do anything with anyone tonight?” Anna sat up to look at him, afraid of the answer.

It was almost as if those words had sobered him up, “Anna? What? No! Why would you think that?!” The disgust was laced in his voice was like the smell of another woman on his body.

She immediately fell into to the passive and submissive demeanor she always did when he raised his voice at her. “I’m sorry,” she said meekly. She got up to get back on her side of the bed. Hans stood up and scoffed at her. He began taking off his suit jacket and unbuttoning his shirt. Anna squinted at his neck, there was a mark near his collarbone.

Anna had never felt a rage like this before. It surged through her like nuclear acid. She tired to carefully piece the words she would use to pierce his heart but everything in her mind was going at a million miles per hour so all she could do was stand up and say, “What the hell Hans?!” 

He turned around quickly and looked at her as if she was a chicken with its head cut off. “Anna. Nothing happened, there were a few drinks spilled and that was it,” he rolled his eyes to turn back around. She marched over to him and pressed a warm finger on the mark on his collar bone. “Oh babe, this is nothing,” he said with a knowing tone, as if this had happened before.

“I- I am not some… some, some girl to be walked all over! I am no doormat!” Blood boiled in her veins while her voice was caught in her throat. Tears began to spill over her eyes and her face became red. She didn’t know what to be more angry about, him cheating or her not leaving him sooner, knowing her world being in black and white was no coincidence.

“Don’t kid yourself dear, you are the definition of doormat,” the words spat out of his mouth like daggers into her heart. She felt the world spinning around her. The entire world was crumbling around her.

Anna was at a loss for words, so she stumbled to her drawers to put on some jeans and give in to the voice telling her to get out of there. Truth is, she had been ignoring that voice for awhile. 

It was strange, he almost growled, feeling the perfect picturesque life he built falling to shambles. While she was struggling to put on pants, he got a grip on her arm, “Don’t you fucking dare Anna.” The grasp was tight and all knowing. Her big eyes flashed up at him, looking scared. For what, she didn’t know. Was she scared of him, her future or her own denial complex.

Before the grip could get any tighter, she freed herself with a slight scream. “Christ Anna! It’s like you want the neighbors to hear!” He barked, extremely frustrated.

“Oh let them hear Hans! Let them hear,” she raised her voice higher for the neighbors to hear this next part, “that you cheated on me! And that I actually care about it! Wow! Real shocker here! A woman actually cares about if her boyfriend is cheating on her or not!” While slipping on a pair of sneakers and grabbing her purse, Hans continued to scream obscenities at her. She slammed their front door in his face.

Wow. That felt good. She thought as she hit the button for the elevator and released a heavy sigh. It was a weight lifted off her chest- temporarily. Fuck. Now what do I do now? Anna looked out onto the streets as the warm August air danced in her face with people going to bars in tiny dresses with all their friends. A bar, yeah. I could use a drink. 

Anna walked into an old Irish pub with a melancholy air. Her blood has since cooled down, but started to feel very lost. She slid into a seat at a table for two. The bar was somewhat crowded, but a lot less than she thought it would be for midnight on a summer Friday. She ordered a glass of wine, trying to figure all of this out and if she knew one thing, she knew a super strong drink wouldn’t help. 

I’m such an idiot. It was probably nothing. Just another girl teasing him, trying to get in on his fortune. Well, as far as I’m concerned, she can have it. Anna scoffed at the thought. The bar slowly cleared out as the night wore on. People all around her getting too plastered to stay, or not plastered enough. I wonder if any of them are going to cheat on their significant other tonight. She shook her head, chasing the thought away with a sip of rose. 

Truth is, Kristoff noticed her the moment she came into the door. He had been sitting at the bar for hours. Sven was supposed to come and meet up with him around nine but, apparently Katherine couldn’t watch the baby on her own tonight. It boggled his mind that his friends were having entire human beings and here he was, glancing over his shoulder at the pretty girl sitting alone, who kept staring at her phone. Something about her was so magnetic and entrancing. What is she thinking about? Probably her husband. He checked her finger with a quick glance and no ring. Boyfriend? Probably. A girl like her would never settle for a guy like me. He turned back around with a heavy sigh, trying to see how many names of wines he could memorize from the menu.

Kristoff had always wondered about color. He grew up in a rural forest area with his adoptive family, with parents who had always told their children how marvelous the world would look to them once they found their soulmates. It boggled his mind even more once he moved to the city for a fresh start and he would hear whispers at subway stations about how red the paint of the metal beams were and how yellow the numbers on the brick had become. Red and yellow, he would think, shaking the thought away to stop thinking of any chance of him having a soulmate. He was beginning to think he was just someone who didn’t have one. 

Anna stared at the phone with intensity, deciding on what to say when she eventually had to call Hans back, after five missed calls, which relatively speaking, was a lowball for him. She kept stealing fast glances at the only man left at the bar. Well, the only one that wasn’t the old man who decided the “No Smoking” sign was simply a suggestion. He had mussed hair and seemed quite tall and muscular, even sitting down. She wondered how this scene would look in color. She smirked at his back after coming to the conclusion she was bordering on creepy. Her attention was drawn back to the black mirror staring back at her. With a swig of rose she opened her phone and cracked Hands number.

Anna sighed into the phone as it rang. Ring… ring… ring… She stared at the floor while still deciding what to say. 

Kristoff had now shifted his position so looking at her wouldn’t be a neck breaking situation. He was afraid she noticed the whiplash he was giving himself. He looked at the painting far behind her head so it wouldn’t seem as strange. Smoothness was never his strong point. 

Voicemail. Not surprised. Anna looked at her reflection in the somewhat shiny table as she began, “Hey, it’s me. Call me back when you get this. Or when you’ve got a minute, whatever is most convenient for you. We really need to talk.” She took a deep breath and paused to collect her words before they escaped her.

In that moment, Anna looked up and locked eyes with the rugged man at the bar. In a flash, a snap, a split moment, a life altering millisecond, the world flooded into color. Both Anna and Kristoff’s eyes went wide and mouths agape. Suddenly, the man’s tousled hair was a handsome light shade, that wasn’t a rich grey. His wide eyes were this brand new luxurious shade that matched the polished wood of the bar countertop she saw in her peripheral. Anna had never seen such color like that in someone’s face and she immediately knew she never wanted to see it anyone else’s. 

Kristoff did not break eye contact with the most beautiful girl he had ever seen, and it wasn’t because she was the first girl he saw in color. Her eyes were this… this stunning color he had never seen before. He had heard the color of the ocean could be in a person's eyes, was that this was? Blue? In a moment, he understood why his mother and father had fawned so much over color. But Kristoff didn’t want to see it in the forest or the ocean, he wanted to see it in this girl’s face. He had no idea what anything else looked like but he knew that her eyes were better. 

Still in the midst of her life altering trance, Anna realized she was still on the phone. “Wait, you know what? Maybe just forget it. Because by the time you get this, my love will have gone,” she shakily clicked the all of a sudden bright, “end call” button. At a quick glance, Anna looked at herself in the dark phone screen. She didn’t know what the names of the colors of her hair and eyes were, but looked far too bright for her eyes to be green and hair to be brown. She couldn’t spend too long focusing on herself though as this man’s magnetic force drew her closer. 

Anna stood up slowly, using the now vividly colored table to help herself stand. She deliberately walked to the bar, not breaking eye contact with this beautiful stranger. He took her hand to help her onto the high bar stool. As their trance slowly faded away, they both began at the same time.

“An-” “Kris-” They both laughed shyly.

“Anna,” she said with a newfound clarity in her voice she hadn’t heard in over five years.

“Anna,” He got used to the feeling of that name in his mouth, he had a feeling it would be in there for longer than he could count, “Kristoff.”

“Kristoff,” Anna smiled and she went to shake his hand but realized his was still in hers, and it felt right. Her cheeks turned a flushed pink. “It’s great to meet you.”

“Y-You as well,” Kristoff stumbled, soon blushing as well, “So… color, huh?”

Anna smiled brightly, cheek to cheek, “Color.”

[umbramatic]

Night Of The Living Tuesday (Revolutionary Girl Utena X ???)

I'm sorry

Night Of The Living Tuesday

It was evening at Ohtori Academy. The setting sun's rays dappled upon Student Council Burger, the campus' premiere restaurant. A green haired, slender young man excitedly approached the doorway from the inside and changed the sign from "open" to "closed." "Eight-oh-clock! So long, everyone, I've got a date with a little lady, and her name is... is... actually I forget."

It was then he noticed another student standing at the door. 

"What do you want?"

"Saionji is the restaurant open?"

Saionji sighed. "Read the sign."

The student glanced over, then continued. "I want an Ohtori burger deluxe and double smashed egg fries."

"No. I can't hang out here all night! I've got a life." 

The other student frowned. "Well fine, if you don't want my money..."

"Did you say money?"

A red-haired, elegant young man strode over gracefully, perhaps too gracefully. 

"Are you saying if this venture stayed open later you'd give us more funds for the student council?"

The student smiled and nodded as he pulled out money. More students came to join him. The redhead smiled back, pulled out a katana, and sliced the "closed" sign in half.

"Ladiies, gentleman, nonbinary fellows, welcome to the night shift. From now on Student Council Burger is open 24 hours a day."

Saionji's eyes widened in horror. "What? No, Touga, you can-"

He was interrupted by the other students barging in the restaurant eagerly. There was the click of a stopwatch as a blue-haired, wide-eyed boy approached from further inside, eyes sparkling. "Wonderful! We can do so much for the Student Council this way!"

"Not you too Miki..." said Saionji. He turned to the redhead. "Touga please..."

"See you in the morning, you two," said Touga. I can't stay here all night, I've got a life." 

And he strode off into the sunset. 

"T-Touga..." Saionji said. 

"Isn't this great Saionji?" said Miki. "Just you and me together for hours and hours and then the sun will come up and we'll have help[ed the student council so much!" He clicked his stopwatch. "Are you ready to do this Saionji?"

"No."

Miki shrugged. "Well we've got customers!" 

They took their places, Saionji at the counter and Miki in the kitchen. Saionji produced a wooden sword, handed it to the nearest customer, and gestured to his chest. 

"Please stab me as hard as you can."

"Look Saionji!" said Miki. "I'm working in the kitchen! At night!" 

:"...Don't hold back."

------------

"Hey Saionji! Guess what? I'm frying eggs... at night!"

"Look at me! I'm clicking my stopwatch... at night!" "SAIONJI I CUT MYSELF ON MY SWORD! At night!"

Not even by plugging his ears could Saionji drown it all out. Now Miiki was - he was marching around the counter in a circle, chanting "night night night" over and over to the tune of... Never Gonna Give You Up? That song was like ten years old.  Weirdo.What had gotten into him? He needed a distraction. 

"Miki! Stop your prattling and get rid of this!"

He hurled a bag of garbage toward Miki, which he caught. 

"Oh! Good idea! I can take  out the trash at night too!" said Miki. 

He approached the door and then promptly froze. 

"...Oh. Right. The dumpster is outside."

Saionji sighed. "Where else would it be?"

"...Are you sure you don't want to do it? It's unusually dark out tonight."

Saionji smirked. "How unbecoming of you. Your sister certainly wouldn't approve."

Miki scowled. "...Fine."  He lifted the bag over his head. 

"FOR THE WORLD REVOLUTION! AND MY SISTER!" And he barged out the door. 

For the next several seconds Saionji heard loud screaming from outside. Then Miki barged back in and started heaving breaths like he had almost drowned before standing straight and clicking his stopwatch like nothing had happened. 

"Twelve seconds." 

Shit. He still hadn't snapped out of it. What was a Saionji to do? 

Wait. That old schoolyard rumor...

"So you're not really afraid?"

:"Of course not," said Miki. "I'm a MAN." 

"You're braver than I am. Especially after..." He shuddered. 

"After what?" Miki said, eyes widening.

"You haven't heard? They've been gossiping about it for weeks!" said Saonji, throwing up his hands. 

"I haven't! Gossiping about what?"

"I shouldn't tell you. It'll RUIN the night shift for you," Saionji said with a grin. 

"N-no it won't! I'm a man, remember?"

"You mean... You've never heard the story of the Shambling Duelist?" Miki blinked. "D-Dueling Shamblist?"

"Shambling Duelist!"

Miki's eyes crossed. "The Crambling... The Ambling... the Scrambling... the Brambling... the Gambling... the Rambling... Gah!"

Saonji sighed. "...Alright, the Shambling Duelist. But most people call him-" he screamed, eliciting several odd looks from the patrons - "because that's all they have time for before he robs them of their manhood!"

"W-what is the story of this fearsome duelist?"

"Years ago at this very academy, the Shambling Duelist used to be a Student Council member just like you, only CLUMSIER. And then, one night, during a climactic duel, it happened..."

"He forgot his Rose Seal?" 

Saonji raised his eyebrow. "...No."

"He forgot to turri on the Dueling Arena?"

"Still no."

"He learned to respect women?"

"Of course not! His opponent cut off his hand!"

Miki put a hand to his mouth. "N-no..."

"And then he replaced his hand with a rusty sword! And then, he got run over by a runaway elephant! And then at his funeral they expelled him! So now every... What day is it?"

"Tuesday."

"Every Tuesday night, his ghost returns to Ohtori to destroy the patriarchy!" 

Miki gulped. "He's... Coming tonight?"

"Indeed."

"Does he... have a calling card?"

"There are three signs the Shambling Duelist has returned to Ohtori. First, the lights will flicker on and off. Next -" 

A student approached the counter. "Hey can I have some ketchup?"

"Oh, sure," said Saionji, handing the student their ketchup. "NEXT, the phone will ring, and there will be no one there!"

At this point Miki was nervously biting his fingernails. 

"The final sign is the Shambling Duelist showing up in front of this very restaurant, atop the ghost of the elephant that trampled him! Then he gets off and crosses the street without looking both ways because he's already dead! Then he taps on the window with his rusty sword hand..." Miki shuddered "N--no please..."

"He opens the door..." he leaned in very close to Miki. "He slowly approaches the counter... And you know what he does next?"

"W-what?"

"Oh never mind. You don't want to know."

"What is it?"

"You sure?" 

"Tell me!"

Saionji suddenly appeared behind Miki. "He ROBS YOU OF YOUR MANHOOD." 

It was then Miki started screaming. 

...And screaming and screaming and goodness he wouldn't stop screaming. Saionji just laughed at it for a while but once he stopped laughing and Miki was STILL screaming he realized he should probably do something maybe.

"Miki- Miki I was joking." 

Miki finally stopped screaming. "Huh?"

""It was all a lie! I was just messing with you!"

Miki blinked. "So the Shambling Duelist isn't real?"

"Of course not! I just exaggerated an old schoolyard rumor. It's all baloney."

"Oh! You got me good!"

He started laughing. And laughing. And laughing some more. Saionji sighed. This was going to be a long night. 

-------------

Hours later, in the dark of the night, Saionji was reading a book, and by that I mean writing in his exchange diary, when something dripped on his head. "Wait what?"

The drip was accompanied by strange noises. "What's that?"

"This is wonderful Saionji!" said a voice.

Saionji screamed and whipped toward the source of the voice to find Miki cleaning the ceiling with suction cups. "I never have time to clean the ceiling during the day!" 

Saionji turned back to his post and sighed. "Why did Touga even bother opening this place 24/7? No one wants an Ohtori burger at 3AM!"

-----------

It was dark in Nanami's room. She was sleeping soundly. Then her alarm clock rang and she bolted upright. 

"Three AM already? Oh boy!" She pulled an Ohtori Burger from an expensive minifridge next to her bed, fought off intrusive thoughts about cannibalism, and chowed down. 

----------

"I mean look around!" Saionji said. "This place is deserted!"

It was then the lights started flickering on and off. Saionji rolled his eyes. 

"Good one, Miki."

"Thank you! But good what?" said Miki, now on the ground. 

"The lights, you're flickering the lights, just like I sai-"

He looked over to the nearest light switch and to his horror saw it wasn't moving even as the lights changed. Miki looked too, a puzzled expression on his face.

"How are you doing that, Saionji?"

"It's not me! It must be- must be a power surge through campus-"

It was then the phone at the desk started ringing. With dread, Saionji picked it up. "H-Hello?"

All he heard from the other side was strange moans. Miki giggled. 

"Good one yourself Saionji!"

'"W-what do you mean?"

"Your fable said the phone would ring and there'd be no one there! So you're making the phone ring somehow."

"Miki I'm not doing this!" Saionji slammed the phone down. "Okay breathe, breathe... what was the stupid story, it had the lights -" they flickered, "the phone-" it rang, "and-" He looked out a side window and gasped. 

"And SHADOW GIRLS WILL PUT ON ALLEGORICAL PLAYS!"

He paused. "Oh, wait, they always do that. What WAS that third thing?"

He heard a trumpeting and froze, slowly turning toward the entrance. 

There, outside the glass doors, wass an elephant. 

"Wow," said Miki," "I didn't know they kept elephants on campus!"

"They don't," said Saionji. 

The elephant stepped aside to reveal a shadowy figure, nebulous, with four glowing red eyes. 

"Hey, that must be the elephant's handler!"

The shadowy figure drew a rusty sword. 

It was at that point Saionji started screaming. 

"The Crambling... The Ambling... the Scrambling... the Brambling... the Gambling... the Rambling..."

"The Shambling Duelist!" said Miki. 

"Now you get it!" said Saionji. "We're going to die!"

"No, no, I'm honored! You dressed up as this mythical duelist so you could beat me in a duel!"

"First off, I could beat you in a duel anyway. Second off how could that be me when I'm right here?!"

Miki stared at Saionji, Then at the Shambling Duelist. Then at Saionji. Then at the Shambling Duelist. 

Then finally screamed. 

By then the Shambling Duelist had opened the door. 

"Nonono please-" said Saionji.

"Have mercy!" said Miki. 

The Shambling duelist approached the counter. 

"M-Miki, deep down, I always kinda felt I should respect women..."

"Saionji I used your katana to pick my teeth."

"What?"

The Shambling Duelist raised its sword. The two screamed. The Shambling Duelist pointed the sword at Saionji. 

"YOU!" said the Shambling Duelist, in a booming voice that sounded like multiple. "I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL!"

Saonji stared, "H-Here? Now? This isn't the Dueling Are-"

The Shambling Duelist slapped him. "NOW, COWARD."

Saionji hastily got up and drew his sword. Miki stood back to watch. 

He made a thrust at the Shambling Duelist but it was countered with ease. His jabs grew more frenzied, but they were all expertly parried until he was knocked flat on his back, the Shambling Duelist's sword pointed at his throat. 

"No... Please... I'll do anything... I'll apologize to every girl on campus if that's what you want!"

The Shambling.Duellist laughed a booming laugh and tossed its shawl aside, revealing a pink haired, fair-skinned girl and a purple-haired dark-skinned girl, laughing in unison. 

'"..Utena? Anthy? said Salonji. "You two? How?" said Miki. 

"We overheard your story when we were here earlier and decided to pull a prank," said Utena. 

"IIt was my idea," said Anthy with a giggle. "Well, at the very least, you sure fooled us!" said Miki. "So that was YOU the whole time?" said Saionji. "With the elephant and the phone calls and the lights?"

Utena raised an eyebrow. "What lights?"

The lights flickered again and everyone turned to see a tiny monkey flipping the light switch. 

"Chuchu!" everyone said in unison in mock scolding. Chuchu winked and turned off the lights. 

***

The whole reason this ABOMINATION exists is because I've been rewatching Utena with a bunch of people who have never seen it before. The watch parties were usually on Tuesdays, I kept making jokes about the Tuesday Night line from the original Spongebob episode, and  that snowballed into... This. Happy Halloween. 

[tlbodine]

The End of 1960s Horror...

After a few delays, we’re back on track with our jaunt through the horror decades. Last night’s films were two favorites and genuine classics. 

First up, Rosemary’s Baby (1968)

The film, directed by Roman Polanski, is an adaptation of a novel by the same name by Ira Levin (the guy who wrote The Stepford Wives). I’d never read the book, and @comicreliefmorlock​ had read it but never seen the film, so that made for some interesting compare/contrast. 

The big takeaway? The movie is so much sleazier and, well, rapey-er, despite being an extremely faithful adaptation (even down to exact dialogue lines being replicated). 

This may have been influenced by the director. It’s hard to watch Rosemary’s Baby now without the film being clouded by knowing that Polanski was charged in 1977 with drugging and raping a 13-year-old (a charge which caused him to flee the country, allowing him to continue making critically acclaimed movies without suffering any particular consequences for his crime). You can read more about that here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roman_Polanski_sexual_abuse_case

It’s also interesting to note that, a year after Rosemary’s Baby came out, Polanski’s pregnant wife and four friends were among the victims of the Manson family murders. 

There’s a lot to unpack there. 

But let’s get back to the movie. Rosemary’s Baby tells a pretty straightforward story: A pair of newlyweds move into an apartment and develop a relationship with the eccentric elderly couple next door. The husband is a struggling actor who serendipitously gets his big break shortly after meeting the old folks. The wife, raised Catholic and from a large family, is eager to start having children of her own. She succeeds in getting pregnant, but it’s a difficult pregnancy, and through a series of odd events, she becomes convinced that everyone in her life is part of a satanic coven of witches intent to sacrifice her baby. 

Ira Levin has always impressed me with his skill at writing about women -- not just writing female characters well (which he does) but deeply understanding the fears and anxieties of womanhood in a way that is frankly surprising from a male writer in the 1960s. That shines through clearly in the film, and I can’t say for certain how much of that was influenced by Polanski -- not having seen any of his other movies, I’m not sure how he handles other source material. 

Anxieties explored head-on by the film include: 

Spousal rape 

Gaslighting (and “hysteria” perhaps) 

The loss of bodily autonomy inherent in pregnancy

Woman-as-vessel-for-baby as opposed to “whole individual person” 

I could write whole essays about this movie, and I probably will at some point. The primary plot fails to shock or frighten me anymore, of course, but there are still some lingering fridge horrors that are deeply unsettling in the vein of “oh my god can you IMAGINE how it would feel to be her right now.” 

Next up, and our final film for the decade, Night of the Living Dead (1968)

Written and directed by George Romero, Night of the Living Dead was a groundbreaking work for the zombie genre. Drawing clear inspiration from Richard Matheson’s story “I Am Legend,” Living Dead was an original tale that pulled together disparate strands of mythos to create many of the tropes that remain staples of zombie media. 

The story centers on an event of possible cosmic origins, with radiation leading the recently deceased to rise and go on a murderous, flesh-eating rampage. Well-dressed corpses shamble about and kill. A group of strangers are stuck defending a house together, one of them is secretly infected, the group tears itself apart with infighting -- you name the zombie apocalypse trope, it’s all here. 

One of the really interesting and groundbreaking things of Night of the Living Dead is that it features a black male protagonist. Now, I can’t say for certain that this is the first time in history someone made a movie about a heroic black man, but it’s certainly the earliest in our chronology that we’ve seen. And Ben (played by Duane Jones, an accomplished stage actor) is truly a great character -- resourceful, kind, brave, sometimes sassy and never afraid to stand up for himself. 

The role wasn’t written for a black character -- Romero said Jones just gave the best audition -- and the film is all the better for it because it avoids all of the troubling stereotypes that would haunt black people in horror for several more decades. 

In my opinion, the movie deserves a spot in history for that reason alone, but even aside from this historically significant casting choice, it’s just a good movie. A bit slow by modern standards, but with plenty of good action and some clever storytelling. Large chunks of it play out almost like a silent film, with the score and visuals doing most of the heavy lifting. The choice to film it in black and white helps to make it seem almost timeless (and likely helped to assuage the concerns of the viewing public, who were still squeamish about gore). A lot of the story is also told through snippets of radio broadcast and second-hand accounts, which adds to the claustrophobia of the main storyline while hinting at a much larger and more devastating event. 

And the ending! 

I remember watching Night of the Living Dead for the first time when I was in 8th grade. It was on TCM, I think, and I gleefully watched it alone in the dark and was totally blown away by the ending. I won’t ruin it in case you’ve never seen it, somehow, but man I didn’t see it coming, and cynical-preteen me thought it was the coolest shit. I still think it’s a very daring ending. 

Incidentally, WOW, the post-Hayes era of filmmaking took off with a bang. A few films ago we could hardly show a married couple kissing, and now we’ve got full nudity (including an appearance from Mia Farrow’s nipples in Rosemary’s Baby), on-screen graphic violence, and “morally corrupt” endings where the bad guys win. 

It must have been a wild time, growing up on the films of the 40s and 50s, and then coming of age in the 60s to see how WILDLY DIFFERENT they became in a few short years. 

The 1970s are coming, and I am stoked, because we’re entering the era of movies I adore (and which the Morlock has never seen) and I’m so excited to revisit them. 

[forevershua-blog]

11 Questions Tag~

Yooooooo~ I must admit I’m really interested in seeing this and how the questions change whenever it’s been passed around. 😆

I’ve been tagged by @justsomekpopstuff and @jejublr this time, and I’ll tag both of you again! and @honeywonu, @jiminyoongs, @bfwooz, @softhaos, and @earlymornings-midnightcoffee (I want to tag some others too but I’m afraid you’re too busy and feel burdened or bothered, so if you want to, please feel free to do this)

My question:

Describe your ideal life when you’re in your 60s!

What do you love about yourself?

What is the nicest thing someone else has ever done to you?

What’s your very first memory?

Warm milk or cold milk? Warm water or icy cold water?

How do you feel today?

If you must move abroad and change your nationality, which country would you choose? Why?

Do you prefer sleeping alone or having roommate(s)?

Morning person or night owl?

Do you sing in the shower? What’s your favourite song to sing these days?

If you can choose ANYTHING for your meal tomorrow, what would you have?

(my answers are below the keep reading bar~)

JJ’s Questions:

[1]  How did you get into kpop?: Was it seven years ago? My roommate was a huge VIP but she was pretty updated too about other groups. So, one day she showed me SNSD’s Run Devil Run MV, and guess who got turned into Tiffany’s fan overnight! :))

[2]  Go on a rant about why you love your ultimate bias: wow JJ thank you for giving me this stage to officially rant about our shared husband. (crackling my knuckles, wiggling my fingers and preparing to type a long scientific essay titled “Why Ryan Loves Joshua Hong and Why You All Should Too”)

I love his dancing. Actually, his dancing is what dragged me to stan him in the first place. He isn’t technically perfect like Dino or DK (he often misses the beats of the song because he’s too busy counting the steps in his head), and he doesn’t pour enough emotion to the dance. But there’s something in his carefully calculated moves that screams ELEGANCE. I don’t know if he intentionally do it that way, but compared to other members, his way of dancing is saving him from the risk of injuries. And if you watch their performances, you will realize Joshua always does everything exactly how he does it on the first time, down to the angles and the way he sways his hands. Isn’t it fascinating?

His acting. This is hard to explain, so let’s just agree with me that his ability in changing his expression and masking his own emotion is as good as (if not better than) Wonwoo.

His soft voice. I don’t have to explain this point, do I? From his heavenly singing voice to his raspy normal voice and that hahahaHAHEUG! laugh. 😍

His physical features. From head to toe. It’s just perfect. 100 points. 딱 좋아. 내 스타일이야.

He looks innocent but sinful, calm but mischievous, tamed but beastly, all simultaneously.

I have endless other reasons but I don’t want to waste anyone’s time so let’s stop here.

[3]  What is your favorite scent?: The clean linen freshly out from dryer, fresh roses in foggy early morning, and black tea.

[4]  What is your self-care routine?: I don’t think this can be considered a self-care routine, because honestly I don’t have such things as “routines” right now. So, I keep my life and my actions around two main questions:

If I die tomorrow, am I going to regret this? Would I beg to rewind the time and be brought back to life?

If I live for the next hundred years, would I want to live this exact life?

By answering to those questions, I keep track about what I really need and what I really want for myself. I always make sure to shower as long as I need it. I eat when I’m hungry. I sing and hum when I walk to and from work. I wear make up when I need to but I wouldn’t think twice before going out barefaced.

Simple life = happy me

[5]  What is the worst story you have ever read?: There’s this novel where the female protagonist is really weak and lacking in personality: an okay-but-not-really-good job, financially unstable, still living with her parents, but instead of trying to do better, she focused herself to please her fiancé. When she finally broke the engagement, she fell sick because of the stress. Right after that, she started chatting with three guys separately, and all of them succeeded in convincing her that they loved and wanted to marry her (side note: all three showed the hints of a jerk, but she didn’t realize, at all). In the end, while contemplating which one to give her hand to, she got into accident and died. The end.

[6]  What makes you the most soft?: This is hard. 🤔 I’m the softest person in the world I can get all soft just looking at the bright blue sky.

[7]  Do you believe in karma?: Yes.

[8]  Who is the kpop idol who isn’t your bias but you will always hype tf out of?: Seungkwan. My Boo. My baby. My precious boy.

[9]  If you could punch one person in the face, who would you punch?: Only one? My older sister.

[10]  Who are your favorite singers, dancers, and rappers in kpop?:

Singers: IU, VIXX’s Ken, Roy Kim

Dancers: VIXX’s N, Seventeen’s The8, Oh My Girl’s YooA

Rappers: Seventeen’s Vernon, VIXX’s Ravi, Infinite’s Dongwoo

(bonus: this goes without saying but Joshua Hong is my favorite singer, dancer, and rapper above anyone else)

[11]  What is your Hogwarts house?: Ravenclaw (took the test several times with different accounts because I’m that doubtful about myself but my close friends are totally unfazed by the result so yeah I guess I’m a true Ravenclaw)

Nat’s Questions:

[1]  The world is in shambles. Society collapsed. You found a book. Read it or burn it?: Read it, of course! Why should I burn a book???

[2]  Eat the spiciest wing any man has ever tasted or the most sour candy in the world?: The most sour candy in the world. My weak stomach can’t tolerate too much spiciness.

[3]  Who’s your favorite singer in kpop and why?: No matter how many times I get asked this, the answer will always be Joshua. I love his sweet voice in low notes. <3

[4]  Describe yourself with an emoji: 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔

[5] Who do you look up to?: Anyone whose height is more than 158cm. There are so many people I look up to. If I must choose just one, then… my uncle (aka. my mother’s youngest brother). He is a quiet and wise man who went through a lot of obstacles in his life but can still see the positive in everything and everyone.

[6]  Give me three songs to listen to on a rainy day!: Rainy day is the perfect time for broken heart songs! XD

Infinite - 왜 날

Yoon Hyun Sang & IU – 언제쯤이면

Roy Kim – 그때 헤어지면 돼

[7]  How many siblings do you have? Tell me something about them! If not, would you like one?: One older sister (4 years older, married, one daughter, living in another city 5 hours driving from my hometown) and one younger sister (10 years younger, second year of high school, living at her school dorm, half EXO-L half Carat, the one who keep my phone line busy for at least 2 hours almost every night).

[8]  Cats or dogs?: Both.

[9]  Pick someone famous as a roommate!: …you all know whom I will choose.

[10]  If you were in jail, what would most likely be the cause?: This is what the elders in my family always think would be happen to me (and why they always try convincing me to be less honest for my own sake): falsely accused for a fraud, organized by someone at high position who hates me for being too honest and is scared that their dirty secret would be exposed.

[11]  How would you want to be remembered by people?: The one they can always run to when they need a pat on the back and a little help.

[trulyowenfree]

Why Norwood Fisher might think I'm the Devil!

  Well, after that random roadside run-in with Johnny Knoxville (see my last blog entry), you can bet I was ready and gunning! With game stickers in hand, and the tie-straps of my backpack (it's an old olive-green canvas military one) halfway undone, so I could get into it quick. Even though it's not what I expected when I went to LA, or certainly not what I went there for, serendipitously meeting one mega-celebrity had me vow silently to myself...that the next one wasn't gonna get away so easily. After such a huge 'defeat' I decided very firmly, that if I ran into any more celebrities on that tour, like Sean Penn, Josh Brolin, or even Crispin Glover...then I was gonna make darn sure that I at least got a book into their hand. And hopefully even tell them something about my TV and Movie ideas. Though of course...I also really didn't think any of that kinda stuff was gonna happen again. Not to goofy old me anyway. But, if you are a True Fighter like I am, then every defeat you get handed is only an excuse to fight harder, and so that's exactly what I did. I hit those sweet old LA streets the very next day! Right back out there, trying to make my own Luck! And I even put that lucky Devil Pin on my hat (the one I found on the train down from Seattle) to see me safely through the city. This time I caught the train out to Santa Monica, and planted stickers all around the college. Then I hit the library and handed out some more fliers until the cops started looking my way, and you can say whatever you want about the folks in Los Angeles, but most of them are at least half-friendly. I mean, nobody threw the fliers back at me or anything, but no one really seemed like they cared a whole bunch either, and I even found a few of them cast down onto the ground around the corner, like brightly colored leaves that had just fallen off the Give-a-Damn Tree. So of course I picked them up, because nobody likes a litter bug...and they also have a link to my website, right there on the front. Next I rented another scooter and cruised down the beach-path through Venice, and on to Marina Del Rey, where boy-oh-boy do they got boats! My skull and crossbones stickers didn't look out of place at all either. Not there among all the sailboats and mega-yachts. Like any minute now a group of Real Pirates might shamble down the sidewalk and invite me out to lunch or something. Or maybe even rum, but I only drink coffee now.

I stopped off at the library there too, and people seemed very responsive when I told them about my books and handed them a flier. People who live on boats tend to be a literate lot, since cruising often has a bunch of down time to it, and books don't eat up your batteries. So a well stocked library is a fine addition to any good vessel, and especially books about pirates and treasure, or even just a few short sea tales, or traveling to another country. After Marina Del Rey I headed back to Venice, and my dear readers...I have to tell you...that place is kind of a Heartbreak now. It used to be one of the most magical parts of the Los Angeles metro area, or am I wrong? More than many other places in the City of Angels...Venice will make you feel like any second you might become famous. Like any given moment you and Roller Skate Guitar Guy might end up on the big screen, or that some big producer might spot you loitering by old Muscle Beach and ask you to be in their film. And the Boardwalk... But now...in late 2018...the whole neighborhood smells like some kinda' thrown-away-dirty-hippie-super-polluted-gutter-punk-Hemp-Fest; with two-block long piles of garbage, and super depressing homeless encampments in almost every alley. Even all along the main sidewalk at the beach, like nobody cares at all anymore, or like The Desolation has just gotten so far out of hand now, that there just is no way to ever catch up again. Like there really never was a way to take care of everyone, and we are all on our own now. Welcome to Hell. And don't get me wrong either, I'm not against Marijuana legalization or even Weed itself, but when it's all you can smell all day, and there are kids and families around, but so many crowds of heavily unwashed people (who are obviously the ones smoking it, right out in the open)...well...it just doesn't have the attraction it used to for me. Which is totally fine actually. I've been meaning to quit anyway, and the outside thought that it might lead me (back) to a life on the streets someday...is a clear and easy deterrent. Nobody wants to be a smelly old street bum. No matter how high or drunk you get all day. But I was just being dramatic above. Ganja by itself will probably never force a person out into a life of blatherskite level homelessness, but it's still a good idea to be careful. I bought myself a new hat from one of the vendor booths along the main drag. A distressed-looking ball cap with the big brown bear from the California flag riding an even bigger bright green surfboard. Then I went to find myself something decent to eat, away from all the smells and commotion. Which wasn't as hard as I am making it sound really, because Venice, California is still one of the hippest, coolest, and most interestingly flavorful places on the planet, so I ducked into one of the many colorfully decorated breezeways off the main boardwalk and found a cute little one-of-a-kind coffee shop to get a sandwich from. Two fried eggs on good wheat toast, with broccoli sprouts and feta cheese...and yes oh yes I poured a whole bunch of hot-sauce on there too. Then, what was shaping up to be a super-fine day turned into an even brighter one, because when I stepped back out into the courtyard a long thin and lovely Mocha-skinned lady was sitting at one of the tables underneath a brightly colored canvas umbrella, and she smiled really wide and toothily at me when I looked her way, so I walked right over and sat down next to her. I guess I must have looked like Mr. Confidence about the whole thing too, because she even cleared all her papers and books over to one side of the table, just so I could put my plate, cup, and backpack down. But, if you've ever read anything else I write, then you know darn well I was actually coaching myself through each and every played-out moment, like: “Oh man, you're doing good, Free...don't screw it up. Just keep your cool and do not let her know how fine she really is. Holy crap! Look at those...cheekbones. Ah ha ha ha!!” (Look, I'm really only asking your opinion here, but do you guys think it means a person is clinically crazy...if they laugh out loud at their own jokes---but only inside their own head...a lot? OK...maybe even all the time. Well? Huh? Does it? Wha'd'ya think? And...what about if it echoes?)

Her name was Nadia and she said she lived over in Inglewood, but liked to come out to the beach to visit her mother in her condo. She reminded me of a dancer as we talked, with quick graceful movements of her long lovely hands, and an evil-sweet toothy smile that could melt the paint right off a gas pump from fifty yards away. Nadia smelled like some kind of bright purple flower too, so I leaned in close as we spoke, just to breathe in as much of her as I could. And she didn't seem to mind at all. “So what brings you out here to LA? You come down to try some of this Cali bud? Shit'll knock you right out if you ain't careful...” “No honey, I'm visiting from Colorado, and we have all the Weed you could ever ask for. It's like going to Baskin Robbins or something; 33 flavors in every store. I'm actually out here on a book tour, to promote my new Treasure Hunt Game. I write coffee-table adventure books, and if you solve the puzzles inside...you could be the first to find my Hidden Pirate treasure.” I took out a copy of the first book, and I even had a couple copies of Three Short See Tails with me too, so I laid them out on the table for her to look through, while I bragged about myself some more. But don't be trying to judge me for it either. You would have pulled all the stops out for this girl too. I mean it y'all...she was fine! And the sizzling hot idea of me scoring even one of her Cappuccino kisses made it seem like the whole rather uphill tour might just pay off after all. Yes! “So you're a real shipwreck treasure hunter? Wow! Man, my horoscope even said I was gonna meet somebody interesting today, but I didn't know it was gonna be someone like you. This must be our lucky day.” The way Nadia looked at me right then, with just a bit of flush to her cheeks, and dilated auburn eyes, let me know she really meant what she said, so I took her beautiful brown hand and moved myself even closer, suddenly feeling a whole lot warmer in the cool December air. “I actually have to get going right now, Babe. I'm out here today doing a bunch street-level promo work for my website, and I want to cover as much ground as possible before dark. Sunset comes kinda early this time of year, though not nearly quite as bad as up in the mountains, but I want to try and hit the gym before dinner too. Do you think maybe we could meet up later? If you're not busy...” “I actually am busy tonight.” As she picked up my phone and started typing her number into it. “I have my kids this evening, but we could go out tomorrow night if you are still around. I'd love to show you all the local sights.” She gave me another one of those smolderingly fantastic LA Woman looks, and let it linger even longer just to punctuate her last sentence, so my dumb old heart fell right into it. Pounding so loudly now at the thought of what 'sights' she might have been exactly referring to, that I was totally sure sweet Nadia might even hear it. So I gathered up all my things as calmly as I could and excused myself quickly, before I fumbled and failed, but then made sure to steal a kiss from her velvety fragrant cheek as I walked away. Just in case it was all a dream. Out on the sand again, I ran into a regular looking middle-aged guy running an expensive looking metal detector back and forth across the golden cinnamon sand. We met over by the graffiti walls, near Old Muscle Beach. I stopped him to talk, and he was very friendly, especially when I told him about what I was out there doing, and that I was a detectorist too.

“Yeah, I actually live up there in Ventura, but we come down here on the weekends and do really well sometimes. One weekend me and my partners found six-thousand dollars worth of jewelry. Not too bad for only the cost of a tank of gas! But I sure would like to get down there to Florida some day though. I bet I could really clean up.” I asked him (I think his name was Jonah) if it was OK for me to put a picture of him on my blog, and he said it was no problem at all, so here you go sir, and Good Luck: Next I stopped by the book-store in Venice, to try and consign my work, but the buyer wasn't in so I made my way over to the Santa Monica Pier, sticking my skull-and-crossbones Treasure Hunt stickers everywhere I went in between. On the backs of signs, on light-posts, dumpsters, newspaper stands, and especially onto any pieces of graffiti I really liked. Though of course one has to wonder at the possible efficacy of a sticker-marketing campaign...in a place so very sticker-polluted as Venice. Like everybody who has access to a printer and a pack of label-paper tried to leave their mark at one time or another, but at least I'm not the only one. Santa Monica was totally crowded that day too, since it was a Saturday. Just imagine a half-crushed case of sardines thrown down into a trash compactor, then getting squashed by some gigantic falling boulder. I mean it. We could barely move! And then a box of canned peas and carrots showed up on the very next train. So it was packed! I put up with it long enough to fight my way out to the end of the pier. And I was lucky enough to spot a long silver sea-lion playing around in the foam while waiting around for a fish. The ocean was green and cool-looking, with long strands of red-blue Kelp undulating around the barnacle crusted pilings, and the sounds of carnival rides and screaming children hung in the air like diurnal sonic fireflies. If there even is such a thing.

And it sure is funny how the dank and briny smell of the sea goes so perfectly well with the savory floating scent of hot dogs, popcorn and cotton candy. Sorta like mermaids and pirates holding hands. They're not even of the same World really at all, but still somehow just seem naturally made for one another. The sun was getting low in the sky by that time, so I walked into the shopping district on the bluff, to go get some weight-lifting in before dark. I'm not a beef-head or anything either, in case you were wondering, or a gym-nut, health-freak, or even all that into the whole thing really, but I started going to the gym last winter (in Colorado) to keep from falling asleep when the sun went down (at 4pm), and fell totally in love with what a half-hour-a-day on the weights does for my overall energy levels. Plus I have a few deep nagging joint-injuries, from being a construction worker most of my life, and whatever beneficial chemical it is that weight-lifting releases into my body...does absolute wonders for all that stuff too. So yes, I highly recommend it, and especially after you work at a physically demanding job all day. Because then you get the real benefit. Going to the gym, or running, biking, surfing, or even playing sports after you bust your hump outside all day...is like putting the icing...on a steak. Plus, higher-end public gyms generally have really nice showers and saunas in them too, so I walked out of there feeling like a Movie Star or something. Ready to take on the World...again!

The cool evening air felt amazing on my clean and freshly-worked body, while the wafting smells of food and cigars decorated the Santa Monica streets, and I was breathing it all in deeply. I stopped at a food vendor across the street in the park on the high bluff (forgot the name), then leaned on the cement balcony and watched the lights out on the pier as I devoured three more very heavenly tacos.  I walked toward the train feeling very satisfied, and was just about to call up Nadia to make the whole day complete, when I looked to my left and noticed a couple walking leisurely beside me, which seemed out of place in the Saturday evening bustle. The man turned towards me a bit so I could see his face better, and I couldn't believe it! It was Norwood Fisher; the bass player and founding member of Fishbone!! “Excuse me sir, is your name Norwood?” “Yeah, that's me.” He replied with a wry little smile. His date was a cute and tiny surfer chick, with shiny blue eyes and a bob-style haircut. She seemed especially amused that her date was getting recognized, so they stopped right there in the middle of the sidewalk, just to talk to me. I immediately pulled up my shirt-sleeve, to show him my Fishbone fore-arm-tattoo, and told him “My name is Truly Owen Free, and I've been a Fishbone Soldier (it's what they call their fans) for a really long time now. We've actually met before. A couple times, and in different towns around the country...but I'm sure you meet a lot of people....” “Well alright! That's very cool man! What you up to this evening?” “Oh I'm just out walking the city and promoting these books I've been trying to write.” As I reached for my trusty backpack. “Would you mind if I gave you one? I think you'll like it.” I handed him a sticker too, then pulled out a copy of How I Became a Real Pirate, and he took that graciously too, but I have to go ahead and tell on myself again, when I say that I was making another mistake right there. And it was because of that stupid Starstruck thing again. Norwood Fisher is one of the most down-to-Earth Rock Stars you could ever want to meet, but for some stupid reason I was getting nervous while I talked to him. I guess part of it is I feel weird for treating someone special, but I was also interrupting his date. It was all inside me though. I was the only one having a problem. If I had been paying better attention I would have realized he was ready to have a real conversation, and was genuinely interested in what I had to say, but of course I assumed otherwise, and I really can't tell you why. But I did manage to spit out, “Yeah, I'm on a multi-city promo tour for my two new books. I'm riding the trains around the country and trying to generate some sales. Grass roots style! Street level.” “Well that's the way we do it!��, as he turned the book over a couple times, to check out the cover. The copy I gave him was the older out-of-print version too (see my Amazon account); with the black cover and only the skull and crossbones on the front, and the somewhat-sinister sub-title that only comes with the full-length novel. And I don't know if it was the very piratical cover that spooked him, or if he was picking up on my nervous vibe, but when Norwood looked up again...he gave me a cock-eyed taken-aback guard-dog look, like he wasn't too sure about me now. Like he had noticed something new about me, which he hadn't seen before, so maybe now he better put his guard up. And of course that just made me even more nervous, so I said “Thank you Norwood. Hope you enjoy it, and there's links to my site inside. You guys have a good night.”, then walked away quickly, before I made it worse. I walked backwards through the crowd, away from the train (?!), so I could cross the street and not seem like I was following them. But then when I started walking up the opposite side, I looked over...and they were walking parallel to me across the busy street. Norwood just happened to look my way at the same time too, and we even met eyes...so now it looked even more awkward! Like I was stalking them, and trying not to look like it! Celebrities are so weird. Of course I called my friend Terrence back in Tarpon City, just as soon as I was on the train. He's the only other person I know who is as big of a Fishbone fan as I am, so I just had to let him in on the story. “Are you serious? And you met him in LA?! Oh man, you are out there living life, my brother Truly! I wish I could be out there with you. And you say you even gave him one of your books? That is amazing. I bet he's gonna like it.” “Yeah Terrence, I can barely believe it just happened, and I was there. I totally screwed it up though. He was being really cool, and I think he even wanted to keep talking, but then I made him nervous or something. And I totally gave him the wrong book too. I gave him a copy of the pirate one, but should have totally given him Three Short See Tails. It even has Fishbone glyphs in it, from my tattoo, but I got all nervous again. I'm such a Starstruck little kook!” “Ahhh, don't be so hard on yourself buddy. At least you're out there trying, and it sounds like luck is on your side, if you ask me. Maybe you'll run into him again, or even somebody else. So you should just keep right on doing what you're doing. But hey listen I gotta run. I'm at work right now, and somebody might have a heart attack if I don't pay attention to these monitors, so let me get back to you later. Good to hear from you, bro. Keep on truckin'!”

But you know I still beat myself up, all the back to my vacation rental, which was really just a bunk in a tiny bedroom...with four other people in it. Not even a hostel really. Just some guys house he was paying off by running an Air-BnB mill. Pretty good trick really, and you would probably meet all kinds of people. Hmmm... I got back to the room about eight, and was feeling so low I decided to call it an early one. I put my bag in a locker and was just about to hang my hat up when I noticed the shiny red Devil Pin winking at me in the lamplight. “Oh! That's probably what freaked him out! Norwood saw the black sinister book cover, and the devil pin...and thought I was The Devil himself or something. Especially with my weird old name, and especially here in LA. 'Cuz I'm sure The Devil has a house around here somewhere. Probably a few...” Fishbone has some pretty strong ties to the Gospel community, and are known to be mostly good and spiritual people too, so maybe Norwood thought I was some kinda evil weirdo trying to get at him. Or at least that's the best I could figure. And that really sucked. What another major fail! Just trying to do something good, but I ended up freaking out someone I wanted to get closer to. Dammit! I vowed right then and there...to go to the very next Fishbone show and explain myself. But if you are an adventurer too, then maybe you should check out my armchair treasure hunt. Bet you can't crack the code. Copyright 2020 Truly Owen Free. All rights reserved. Read the full article

[lunar-winterlude]

Feelings - 8

Rating: G Word count: 1690 Summary: Link’s confession changes their relationship more than either of them expect. 

AO3

Back in the hospital again, and it was Link and Christy’s turn to visit Rhett and Jessie. They entered the hospital room to find Rhett pacing with a tiny bundle in a blue cap in his arms as he talked to his wife. He and Jessie both looked the way Link imagined he and Christy had when Lily was born—exhausted and slightly shocked but still happy.

“Look at my boy,” Rhett said proudly, turning so they could see the sleeping baby in his arms. “Locke McLaughlin.”

To everyone’s annoyance, he wouldn’t let anyone else hold Locke until Jessie told him to quit being selfish. Even then, he hovered over his visitors—Link especially—and fussed to make sure they were holding his son properly.

That same possessiveness carried on for weeks. Link came to visit one day to find Jessie reading a book in the living room and Rhett nowhere in sight.

“He’s trying to get Locke down for a nap,” she said before Link could ask.

“How’s he doing?” Link asked. He meant Locke, but Jessie had other thoughts in mind.

“He’s been intense,” she said with a slight headshake. “He wants to carry Locke everywhere. I’m lucky if I get to feed him without Rhett asking if he can get either of us anything.”

Link chuckled. “That’s not so bad, right?”

Jessie sighed. “No. It’s been wonderful actually. But he’s been getting underfoot.” She frowned. “He’s spending the night with you tonight, isn’t he?”

“Yes,” Link said quickly. He felt his face quickly growing hot, even though this was an arrangement they had kept for a while now. “Thank you,” he added. “For letting me take your husband.”

Jessie smiled back at him, but there was something sharp hidden beneath her innocent expression. “Thank you for letting me take your wife.”

~

Rhett was already a light sleeper, so when Locke’s plaintive cry echoed through the house at one AM, he had little trouble getting out of bed and padding barefoot down the hall to his son’s bedroom. Locke was a loud crier. He had a pair of lungs fit to put a punk rocker to shame, or so Mama Di had said on her first visit to see her new grandson. Rhett shambled into his son’s room, wincing at his shrill cry, and picked him up from his crib.

“It’s okay, buddy,” he crooned. “Ain’t nothing gonna happen to ya. I’m right here.”

He paced the length of the house, rocking his son gently in his arms. He talked to Locke, telling him about plans he’d made for the future.

“When you’re old enough, we’re gonna play basketball together,” he said. “I’m gon’ show you all my best moves. You’ll be the best point guard in Harnett County.”

Locke only squinted up at him, tiny fists grabbing for Rhett’s chin.

“Hey, that’s my beard there!” Rhett chuckled. “You won’t get your own for a long time.”

He daydreamed a little then, trying to imagine what it would be like to have an older child. It was a strange concept, stranger still since he had trouble imagining anyone calling him “dad.” There were other things to consider, too. Would Locke be as tall as his father? Would he be a good kid or a troublemaker?

Rhett paced the house until he began feeling drowsy. Locke’s eyelids were drooping, but when Rhett tried to lay him down in his crib, he immediately started screaming again and didn’t stop until his father was holding him again.

“You really don’t like being alone, do you?” he murmured, kissing him gently on the forehead. “Well, me neither, I guess.”

Some nights, he dozed off while sprawled on the couch with Locke curled up on his chest. He usually woke up in the morning at the sound of Jessie turning the shower on upstairs. A few times, she woke him gently with a kiss on the forehead and reminded him that both he and Locke would be more comfortable in their own beds.

Gradually, Locke began sleeping through the night, but the same could not be said for Rhett. He was restless for different reasons now.

Work was becoming something he dreaded. The days were painfully slow, and the people were nice to talk to but wholly unimaginative, in Rhett’s opinion. He stopped pretending to read the long-winded manuals on his desk. He spent his time dreaming up plans, ways that he and Link could finally make good on their blood oath to “do something big together.”

He told Link about this one early Saturday morning while the two of them were out hiking. The day was warm, vestiges of summer’s humidity still refusing to give way to fall. The trip had been Link’s idea, since they hadn’t had much time to spend together lately, but for some reason he was very quiet today.

When Rhett mentioned that he was thinking of quitting his job, Link’s brow furrowed behind his sunglasses

“We can’t just quit, man,” he said.

“Jessie and I have been saving whatever we can.” Rhett swiped a wayward bough aside with the stick he carried. “We have enough for several months at least.”

“What would you do when the money ran out? We’ve barely made anything from writing music.”

Rhett shrugged. “We’ve never really pushed ourselves to really write though, have we?”

Link only waved his hand in a gesture that Rhett knew meant be quiet.

The trail wound through the woods, always leading them up, up, up. The ground finally leveled out at a lookout point at the top, where they could see the hills and valleys spread out before them like a verdant blanket. Link sat on the bench near the railing at the edge, rummaging through his backpack. He came up with two water bottles and handed one to Rhett.

It was peaceful up here, Rhett thought. The beautiful view and quiet bird songs in the trees were calming to his restless mind. Inspiring, even. Rhett wished he’d thought to bring his guitar along.

“Christy’s pregnant,” Link said. “We just found out last week.”

The news hit Rhett like a gale force wind. He inhaled to speak and almost choked on his water. “R-really?” he exclaimed when he could speak again. “That’s great, man!” He nudged Link when his friend’s ears began reddening. “You don’t waste any time, do ya?” He elbowed Link harder. “Do ya?”

“Oh stop it.” Link shoved him, but he was grinning now. “Lily’s already up and walking and tryna tell us what to do. Girl’s practically a teenager already. Christy wanted another baby. And,” he added sheepishly, “so did I.”

Rhett laughed out loud at that. “Well congrats, man. I’m happy for you.” He scooted closer and put an arm around Link’s shoulders. “I’m happy for you,” he repeated softly.

Slowly, Link lowered his head to Rhett’s shoulder. “See, that’s part of why I don’t think quitting our jobs is a good idea. Not responsible to just up and leave when you got offspring depending on you to feed them.”

Rhett was irritated at that. “That’s why we’ve been saving money, man! I’m not irresponsible.” He rubbed his hand over Link’s shoulder in slow motions. “I know I asked you this already, but are you happy with your job?”

He felt Link’s body jerk with the force of his answering scoff. “Hell no.”

“You think you’d be doing Christy and Lily any favors if you stayed there? You think they’d be happy if they saw you miserable?”

“They already see me miserable,” Link said wearily. “I come home too late to eat dinner with them. Sometimes I gotta work overnight. You know how it is. There are some days Lily’s still asleep when I leave in the morning and already asleep again when I come home at night. There was one week I think I spoke to her like twice. That’s ridiculous!” He lifted a shaking hand to his forehead. “And I’ve been getting these headaches, too, like real bad migraines. You’re right. I’m not happy there.”

He was on the verge of changing his mind, so Rhett said what he hoped would tip the scales in his favor.

“What about the oath we made?”

With a sigh, Link lowered his head to his hands, his elbows resting on his knees. After a moment, he tilted his head to meet Rhett’s gaze.

“You really think we should try this,” Link said quietly.

“Heck yeah.”

Link rested his chin on his folded hands and looked out across the landscape before them. Rhett waited, hardly daring to move. He hadn’t realized how nervous he was for Link’s response until now.

“I’ll think about it,” Link said finally. “And I’ll talk to Christy, too.”

Rhett almost felt weak with relief. “That’s all I could ask for, man,” he said. He took another gulp of water. “So, um, you got any names picked out for baby Neal?”

“Well, if it’s a boy, he’s gonna be Charles Lincoln the fourth. If it’s a girl…” Link grinned sheepishly. “I was thinking maybe Ninja.”

Rhett really did choke then, sputtering for air as he laughed harder than he had in weeks. Link pounded him on the back until he calmed down.

“Wow.” Rhett wiped tears from his eyes. “Maaan... I really hope it’s a boy.”

“Why you gotta say that? When we told Lily she was going to have a brother or a sister, she got really excited. She really wants a little sister now. Plus Ninja’s just Nina with a J.”

“Sometimes you really worry me, Link.” Rhett shook his head. “Listen, if you name a girl Ninja – or anyone, for that matter – you’re just asking for her to get teased. It’s like you want her to have a terrible life. Watch.” He thickened his southern drawl and leered at Link. “‘Is that your real name? Is Ninja your real name? Naw c’mon, girl, you can tell me!’”

Eyes rolled in response. “Man, it’s just–”

“Nina with a J. I heard you. And shit is just hit with an S.”

Link actually laughed out loud. “Whatever, man.”

[actionbookz-blog]

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** DON’T MISS THE BONUS DEALS ON THE ENTIRE THOMAS PRESCOTT SERIES & 3 A.M.: PREMIUM **The Afrikaans (Thomas Prescott #3) ($3.99 Reg $7.99)Show Me (Thomas Prescott #4) ($3.99 Reg $7.99)3 a.m.: Premium (Henry Bins Books 1 -5) ($4.99. Reg $9.99)MEET THOMAS.THOMAS IS HAVING A ROUGH GO.HIS GIRL LEFT HIM.HE’S ALONE ON THANKSGIVING.HE’S OUT OF WAFFLES.AND NOW SOMEONE IS TRYING TO KILL HIM.From a reader:All of us with kindles watch for the bargains – admit it. I got this book because it was a bargain and had good reviews. It was simply put, terrific. The mystery was excellent from the get-go and the main character, Thomas Prescott, is very funny: “I’m not into politics. The last time I voted was for Carrie Underwood.”In the opening scene, Prescott is in Maine suffering from depression on Thanksgiving. He hops a plane to his home town of Seattle and almost immediately finds a dead body adrift on the shore outside his boyhood home. Even though he is an ex-cop and retired consultant to the FBI, he can’t keep his hands out of the investigation. The investigation leads him to different suspects, investigators, supporting cast members and locales.The book has the very good mystery, the excellent main character, very good supporting characters (no matter how minor, none are cutouts) and there is the added element of a bit of science thrown into the mix. To divulge it would be a small spoiler, so I won’t, but I always like to learn a bit of something while being thoroughly entertained.Halfway through the book I ordered Mr. Pirog’s other two books. I then thought: “Uh oh, what if the ending isn’t any good?” After the ending, I was even happier I will have two more of Mr. Pirog’s books to look forward to reading. –Richard A. MitchellBook Description:His love life in shambles, Thomas Prescott returns to Seattle, the very place he fled from after his parents’ deaths nearly a decade earlier. Just as Thomas is getting settled in, he sees a body floating in the private cove behind his boyhood home. It is a woman. But not just any woman. The governor of Washington.As the suspense ratchets, and the twists unfold, Thomas is thrown into the middle of the biggest murder investigation in Washington state history. Prescott is forced to confront the demons from his past and unearths a new enemy, one that couldn’t possibly be human, one that has haunted man since the dawn of time…More reviews:Pirog engages readers with a tight plot, well-developed characters, historical context, and just enough pop culture to keep you begging for more. Thomas Prescott is witty, arrogant -yet generous, and operates on just enough id to make him adorable. He is my favorite naughty character by far! Every page begs to be turned, every chapter begs to be completed, and the end leaves you begging for the next book! –TamiI read approximately 8-10 books a month and have for years so that should give an idea of how impressed I am with his author. I am writing this review because this author DESERVES to be read. Refreshingly funny, quirky and still produces a many layered well thought out mystery thriller. “Gray Matter” adds even more than just chuckles and a thought provoking who done it, this story even went as far as to throw in tears. I was mesmerized from the first page by not only the main plot but by the sub plot as well, the ending left me surprised and with tears in my eyes. WOW! –Tif Saucer

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[grizzlefur]

WWEm - The Chairening

((25-6 Sep))

!WAR NOONRETFA YADNOM si siht ,secnerefer s'relggiZ hploD naht ytrap eht ot retaL

niaga yaw gnorw eht epat eht dedaol ev'uoy ,leinad lleh gnickuf

tuo ti tros

--------------------

ahem

technical difficulties aside, let's watch some wrestling

it's monday because fuck off, i don't do schedule

this is the go-home show from no mercy, so presumably something will happen

even if it's just cesaro getting new teeth

and miz is already here

wait, shit, apparently this is actually ontario, california

now i need to retract that whole rant from last time, on the grounds that this is apparently a real place

anyway, slideshow of jj gettng fucked on by the miz to resounding cheers

everyone loves miz cos they're still in SoCal

even if he is wearing a janky-ass check suit

oh, and he's here to interview roman

great

now people love miz even more by comparison

miz kicks off by mentioning taker so people remember how much they hate roman

throws roman a softball question about how it feels to take over from cena, he stares into the middle distance for an uncomfortably long time

and then canned monologue about how he now respects cena

and he doesn't see why he should be spending time in a room with miz

who's like well i'm the one here with a belt so nyahhhhhh

takes the opportunity to throw shade at jj, roman stands up for him and says miz couldn't beat him one on one

asks the miztourage for a beer

miz is like no my talk show has standards

and like hey yeah it's such a bad thing to have two guys helping you out oh waaaaaait

floats the idea of the miztourage vs the shield, the crowd goes nuts

roman laughs, is like yeah fuck that, crowd hate him

and then talks about his path to the universal championship, manages to mess up brock's name

miz commences to a+ ranting about how he's the most important champ on the show

certainly the most hardworking

roman's like fuck it, okay, let's fight

miz desperately backpedals

is like nope sorry can't wrestle in this suit and also my wife is pregnant

so relevant

makes his farewells, leaves, but OH WAIT here's kurt

to be like yeah cool let's do this shit

roman/miz later on, mizoturage v matt hardy and jj now

because jeff's shoulder's fucked AGEEN

but first let's have this advert for hiac

although why you'd need to advertise it is a mystery to me when you could just read kevin's outstanding twitter feed

back in the room, and here are the hardyz

jeff's here to watch

and  rock out to their music

slowmo replay of the tower of doom spot that fucked his shoulder, doesn't look pleasant

and here's jj, met with overwhelming ambivalence

matt's got his green trousers on so at least they're coordinated

bell rings, jason commences to dismantle the other team by himself

finally tags matt in, crowd start paying attention

matt brings his usual brand, laughing like a goat and shambling curtis axel to death

ad break, so the miztourage get some offence in

because we all know heels are allergic to being filmed

apparently they did it by stepping to jeff and making jj defend him

you'd think that'd be a job for his actual brother, but then you clearly don't know the hardyz

corey talks about his time in the ring with bo for some serious oldschool nxt nostalgia

jj throws curtis out of the ring, double hot tag, cue matt mashing bo's face

side effect, curtis breaks the pin, jj spears both of them into the corner, twist of fate on bo for the pin

cole manages to mix matt and jason up

i guess they are both basically the same colour

positioned on the thin line between actual poc and tan as fuck

up next, we talk about the universal championship match

yay, more brock on my tv

after this ad for smackdown

and total bellas

featuring nikki and john arguing about power of attorney

thrilling

corey claims the universal title match was like a sci-fi movie, offers precisely no information to back this up

well, i guess it was less interesting and well-executed than the premise would suggest, so i guess there's that similarity

yeah, that's me throwing shade at disappointing adaptations of hugo award-winning books

(all of them)

come at me

in any case, here's elias

wearing his chicago tour shirt

(which i now own)

ontario have mixed opinions on walking with elias

apparently we're having a rematch of him and apollo tonight

this diss track is primarily about apollo, because nobody has anything interesting to say about ontario, CA

anyway, here's apollo

and titus

fight starts immediately as the bell rings, ref has to sneak in to pick up elias' scarf

booker talks about titus' political ambitions, corey reprimands him that "we don't do politics"

if only everyone in the company took that view

(wow, there's shade for everyone today)

the crowd are vocally behind apollo, which is novel

elias punches titus in the leg to distract apollo, superkick and drift away for the pin

after which titus runs in to fight elias

and everyone's like ohhhh yeah he's a wrestler

very short scrap before elias runs away

up next, finn does a thing

and we need to stop hyping the whole 'Man vs Man' thing

how was nobody on creative like welp that's a fucking stupid tagline, let's just do some more coke instead

cancer kids ad, and now charly interviews finn in a room made of curtains

i wouldn't put it past finn to have an interview in twin peaks

finn thanks bray for pushing him to succeed, restates his universal title ambitions, leaves

well that was short

meanwhile, here's curt hawkins and his 118-match losing streak

and here's braun

this'll go well

curt's like waaaaaaait a second this was a bad idea

and runs away

into the crowd

braun doesn't give a shit, leaps the barricade to chase him throw the crowd

and chokeslams him through a table

guys, that table was presumably there for a reason

now where will the tech guys keep their snacks

picks him up, takes him up to the stage and powerslams him through the led boards

god bless you, curt

bumping like a champ

braun goes back to the ring, gets a mic

like fuck that guy who wants to come and give me a real fight

and it's dean, because ill-considered decisions are totally his thing

walks over to examine curt's corpse, shrugs, heads to the ring

dean is, as ever the living embodiment of eh, fuck it

he's here with the scars of having the best match on the last night's show

but all his teeth, so could be worse

so braun's just focusing on working his bad shoulder

which is weirdly technical for him

you'd think just pounding the shit out of him would work just as well whether he's got a bad shoulder or not

dean tries the princess bride-style sleeper, gets smashed into some turnbuckles for it

keeps trying punching braun and getting headbutted to death

collapses, braun tries the foot pin

doesn't take

this match is like 90% just dean ragdolling around the arena, but it's actually p good

he gets a bit of offence courtesy of an eye poke

dean tips braun over the ropes, braun's like whatevs dude i'm tall and just stands on the floor

booker makes reference to braun having a "cloak of invincibility" [sic] despite the fact that he lost the night before

and dean gets powerslammed into oblivion

where's seth anyway

not here for his best bro

corey's commentary on the highlights package from that suggests he may not in fact know what a ddt is

backstage, kurt tells a ref to be extra careful in the miz match

and now here's enzo

who we gave a belt for some godforsaaken reason

he proposes a 'celebratory brouhaha'

kurt's like dude that was the shadiest win do you actually deserve it

enzo makes more noises, kurt caves

offers some advice from a longtime champ, enzo's like nah dude you're good and leaves

up next, alexa exists

after this archive footage of stone cold driving a beer truck into the arena eighteen years ago

presented by snickers for no particular reason

but now here's dean in the trainer's room

seth's brought him ice, asks him to be less ludicrously self-destructive now they're working together

like dude maybe at least let me know next time

dean calls him predictable, seth tries to prove he's not

so he's going to ask for a match with braun next week

dean's like yeah, fair, i did not expect that

perhaps not a great idea though

ah well

in the ring, here's alexa

in a sleeveless silver jacket that i would so totally wear

now maryse isn't on the show, i'll just have to steal alexa's wardrobe ideas

alexa thinks of all of us as her personal friends, and she's very disappointed in us

for not appreciating her victory

and looking forward to asuka too much

and here's...mickie?

god, this division is so arbitrary with who the next contender's going to be

apparently alexa said some uncomplimentary things about her on raw talk

i was busy not watching it

in my defence, it had 100% more lawler than i need in my day

alexa is just doubling down on the sarcastic praise of mickie

can't really narrate it, because we all know how sarcasm works in text

damn this restrictive medium

alexa's like hey i would fight you, but i don't want you to break a hip

mickie comes back by making fun of alexa's boobs

class

she wants alexa to repeat what she said on raw talk or fuck off

oh, apparently it was calling her an old lady

alexa repeats, gets kicked out of the ring

yet more hype for roman/miz

i am resolutely unhypened

but up next, seth/sheamus

after this asuka advert

still with the sun tzu quote for whatever reason

here comes seth, still burning it down

i love the person in the crowd with a giant milk carton sign with MISSING above a picture of cesaro sans teeth

sheamus is in full kkb gear, cesaro's just in a grey suit and aviators, which mostly has the effect of making him look like pitbull

cue slideshow of the match at no mercy

including the spot that should totally have been the finish

ooh, apparently cesaro's teeth were pushed up into his gums rather than out

ouch

not that i ever really trust wwe's descriptions of injuries, tbh

seth suicide dives sheamus, takes a moment to mock cesaro, eats an irish curse for his trouble

sheamus gets seth up in a stretch muffler, which is a move that seems to have undergone something of a resurgence just recently

and then into a cloverleaf

eventual rope break, but that did not look fun

speaking of moves that are coming back, seth gets a punt to the face

sheamus and cesaro take a moment to grandstand, giving seth time to dodge the eventual brogue

sheamus goes to the top rope, seth meets him downstairs with a gut kick, kingslayer for the pin

which apparently they're calling the ripcord knee now?

well w/e

up next, talking about cena

yaaaay

after more ads for our other shows

and now finn's backstage

runs into goldust, who's got his mojo back

goldust takes issue with finn positioning him as a victim and someone who needs help

a view you might recognise from previous editions of this blog

hi, dustin

finn apologises, goldust accepts but then punches him in the face a bunch

quotes godfather 2 at him, breathes in his face, leaves

but now it's time to talk about cena/reigns

have this slideshow in which we try and make it look way more dynamic than it atually was

and the clip from raw talk with cena being magnanimous

which i did watch, thanks to the miracle of...THE INTERNET

*internet theme plays*

(answers on a postcard what you think that would be)

video package ends, we move on

really thought we were gonna get something more than just replays of last night

but hey

nexg up, roman/miz

after this advert for story time and title card about how wwe's the best at twitter

here's roman, nobody cares

case in point: i spent his entire entrance staring blankly at my facebook feed before realising i should probably say something

a+ journalism

as i type that, enter the miz in a delightful silver lamé sheath

and also his minions in human clothes

bell rings, miz kicks off by trying to talk his way out of this match

makes the point that nobody really has anything to gain from this entirely meaningless match, and he's not wrong

roman accepts the handshake, then punches him a lot

such mixed messages

miz gets out of the ring and hides behind his dudes to rant, roman stands there and laughs douchily because his current gimmick is 'You know that smug fucker who's in your friend group for no reason you can really establish and whom you could quite happily punch in his big grinning twat face? Yeah, him."

miztourage are continually interfering whenever they're more than about five degrees from the ref's eyelines

wwe refs are like the shitty starting enemies in any stealth game

roman's selling an injured back, corey waxes lyrical about sciatica

as you do

and then takes the chance while roman's getting kicked in the face to say 'xiphoid process'

superman punches to all three heels, giving miz time to get away

that last line spoken in the voice of sandra bullock

(yeah, esoteric references)

miz eats a driveby, hits a big ddt for a nearfall

roman counters a finale into a spear, pin, #romanwinslol

the miztourage immediately come in to kick the shit out of roman

they'll be a long time at it

he is so full of shit

fights them off, superman punches miz again, stops to taunt him

sets up to powerbomb him, curtis and bo hit him with chairs

oh yeah, we're setting up for the furniture PPV

makes sense i guess

miz hits a finale, gloats

end thing]

or not

miz decides he didn't get to take part in ç, runs back to the ring to give roman some

and then another finale onto a chair

hits him with another chair, then the three of them do the shield fists over him

good moment

speaking of things that are not that, enzo's brouhaha is coming later

but next, finn/goldust

after this ad for 2k18

and nxt

back in the room, goldust is here and i've only just realised how much his music reminds me of music from freespace 2

*does the arms*

wait, does this mean we're having enzo's dick party as the main event?

well, i guess that means something eventful will happen

and it'll presumably be in the form of everything going wrong for him

this match just went really quickly into both of them being really vicious

finn's like i'll be helpful and magnanimous and shit, but if you cross me i will fucking end you

seems reasonable

goldust is floored by a pele kick to the air a couple inches above his shoulder

followed by a really sloppy sling blade

who do i blame for this

and then, despite selling hurt ribs, hits a coup de grace for the win

i know when i've hurt my ribs, i like to concertina my body onto another human from a significant height

wyatt cut, house lights go out, creepy child singing

wyatt cut again, end thing

huh

apparently later we have sasha/bayley v nia/emma

and here's bayley and sasha backstage

tension abounds

they both try and passive-aggressively semi-apologise for fighting over the belt last night

and bayley tells a sad story about her shoulder trauma and physiotherapy

they bond, end thing

and now here's kurt backstage

enzo accosts him, kurt has the facial expression any of us would have when accosted in a corridor by enzo amore

enzo wants a stipulation for his party

anyone touches him, they lose any shot at the belt

kurt's like fine whatever please go away

"Oh, and one more thing: you're annoying as hell. Annoying. As. Hell."

kurt angle, speaking for all of us

time for the women's match now

here's noa

or indeed nia

Pro Wrestling NOAH Jax

have a hispanic heritage month thing for julio cesar chavez

just under the bar before we run out of month

back in the room, emma's here, as is her excruciating new music

what are cfo$ even on atm

and now sasha in her matador jacket

and bayley in a cancer charity tshirt, because if one wrestler was going to wear one, it'd be her

did we really need that slowmo footage of bayley's shoulder shitting the bed?

this match presented by novartis, because we at dubby dubby wee are 100% cure there could be no problem with emphasising the link between wrestlers and pharmaceuticals

nia leg drops bayley's bad arm, which is a move that would look nasty as hell on an uninjured arm

bayley throws emma into nia, ensuing tension gives her time for a hot tag

sasha and bayley both outside doing some strong team work, bayley runs nia into the post

emma almost gets a rollup, eats a bayley to belly off a blind tag for the pin

that was...functional?

as long as the intended function is continuing the shittening of emma, i guess

backstage, enzo rants at strangers like a homeless methhead

guess what we've got next

after this ad for raw in denver with rollins/strowman and roman/miz for the belt (why?)

enzo arrives, corey commences to rage against them taking the belt away from the best thing in the division and giving it to "essentially a Muppet"

and now he's trying to convince booker to cover for him while he sneaks off

wait, can i do that?

daniel?

...

daniel is gone

touché

enzo's doing a speech

and he's personifying the belt as a woman again

essay question: Are there objects or status symbols that Enzo Amore *doesn't* want to put his dick in?

[30 marks]

mocks cass for getting injured, rails at the fans

compares himself to cena, batista and the rock

unveils his baseball jersey which he's had framed

mocks 205 live

...is he still a face?

i have no idea

cue the 205 theme music

and the entire fucking cruiserweight roster pouring out onto the stage

he starts talking again, they all stand on the stage looking just beyond done with him

mocks rich for dancing and cedric for having no charisma, they're both just like dude have you seen yourself

calls gran metalik fat

"I call it how I see it, right?"

the clarion call of the douchebag everywhere

mocks jack, drew and noam for...unclear reasons, is interrupted by neville's entrance

uses the phrase 'real man', i reach through time and the television to slap him in the face

makes fun of neville's ears

this is some incisive material right here

neville gets on the mic, so i'm happy

calls enzo out for being a toxic shitbag who's alienated everyone he's ever met

fair

spins us a tale of how enzo was dumped on the division's doorstep and the rest of the division convinced him to keep him

and does a superlative rant at him for making the division into a joke

and announces he's here to kill enzo on behalf of the whole division

enzo pulls out his piece of totally legally binding paper

which may in fact be a post-it note?

talks shit at him some more, continues to mock everyone in the division

tells him to fuck off

neville thinks fuck it, i have principles, kicks him in the stomach

and throws him into his framed douchebag jersey

and also everything else

enzo tries to run, the entire roster walks up the ramp to block him in

this is some heartwarming shit right here

neville catches him again, resumes the murder

feeds him his piece of paper, kicks him in the head to raucous applause

this is the greatest double turn ever

red arrows him so hard he does a full handspring out of it

and we fade on a fallen douchebag with a mouth full of paper as a conquering king breathes heavily on him

as all great works of literature do

right, since daniel's not here i guess i need to do the technical bits

which lever is it that switches tapes to smackdown

gonna try this one

----------------------------------------

Well, let's all just accept that that was not the correct lever to pull and try and move on

daniel got back just in time to get my leg out of the tape deck

also he brought sushi, so is forgiven for being slightly late for the second show

with all that said, let's get on with some THURSDAY AFTERNOON SMACKDOWN!

(okay, daniel was *very* late)

i'm only a week and a bit behind, i've done worse

although hiac is on sunday, and i'm going out tomorrow and saturday

this could be fun

need to watch a week and a bit of wrestling in like a day an a half

woooooo

anyway, the show's starting with a recap of vincegate

and shane talking about how great the mcmahons are

and somehow being a face, despite the fact that the mcmahons are just objectively the worst

and everything kevin has done is totally proportional

speaking of, here he comes in the present

(the present time, that is)

(kevin owens has not been giftwrapped)

just had that smackdown moment of remembering how good the announce panel is

or at least it should be, if tom could remember how to speak english

we're like two minutes into the show and he's cocked up three times

kevin gets in, calls shane out

and also everybody who called him a coward

like sure, i wasn't here last week, but now i am and shane's nowhere to be seen hmmmmmmm

calls shane a very smart man

[citation needed]

kevin claims to personally like vince, so that should get some heel heat

and he's like look what i did to someone i respect and like, so how much will i fuck you up, you twat

on a related note, here comes sami

looking serious

steps in and just straight asks kevin what is wrong with him

like dude, we hav our problems but you are seriously off the rails here

apparently this feud is going to destroy kevin's career and also his life and family

kevin's like yeah w/e you're just jealous

sami is despondent

some people just can't be helped

no kevin, don't draw our attention to the fact that shane mcmahon is going to be headlining hiac

kevin argues sami has never done anything as important as him headbutting vince

sami comes back like yeah, while this is all technically true, you're a cheating fucker

sami will have his day and it will be beautiful and wholesome

(when all of current creative have died)

calls kevin trash, both drop their mics and square up

here comes bryan to interfere

confirms that shane is not here, and might not turn up tonight

a+ commissioning there

proposes kevin/sami tonight

well that'll be original

oh, who cares

i mock, but every one of their 84736395 matches has been great

end thing

later we have a pride of bulgaria celebration

apparently

and also dillinger/corbin next

after this ad for new day/usos at hiac

which is so going to be the best match again

and the first of many plugs for the hiac theme

by a band i've actually heard of for once

and here's baron

i think they've tweaked his music again?

i don't remember this many vocals on it

but it's possible i just stopped paying attention when baron came on screen

roll recap vt of the ongoing feud

tbf, i don't mind this new music of baron's

it's kind of shitty nu metal, but he's a shitty nu metal kind of person

and here's tye

i miss his alien waistcoat

(five words i have never said before)

and also here's aj for some reason

possibly just to show up both of their themes by being so much better

tye throws baron over the ropes while he's looking at aj

cue ad break

during which the heel has had a bunch of offence

funny how that works

the internet confirms that baron's music is new as of this ep

good to know i'm not completely unreliable

meanwhile, tye is wrestling a good match and baron is being baron

and aj is on announce

baron gets chased outside, ends up face to face with aj and throws his bottle of water over him

and then throws tye at him

and tye loses to a weirdly fast countout

so that happened and wasn't bullshit at all

aj runs into the ring, baron fucks off like a shitty nu metal motorbike wolf guy type

oh, he's sticking around

gets up to the stage, decides to get a mic and head back down to taunt aj

claims aj can only win with help, because he apparently hasn't been watching wrestling in the last decade

challenges him for the belt at hiac

end thing

another ad for the pride of bulgaria celebration

during which rusev will apparently receive the key to the city of plovdiv

which sounds like the shit i'd make up, but it's actually what they said

anyway, next it's jinder being just the worst

after an ad for total bellas

and a recap of all the shit that just happened with aj and baron

and confirmation of their hiac match, if we needed it

but now here's the indian contingent

flanking jinder

(sick burn)

this week jinder is apparently here to compliment shinsuke

oh, no, he's going to laugh at his face some more

who wrote this angle

and who didn't fire them

ha

as they were laughing at one picture, he started moving

THE FEED IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE BUILDING

shinsuke announces his presence, cue the best entrance

jinder freaks out, the singhs rush him and get beaten up

allowing jinder to come from behind and  slam shinsuke into things

like he does so...

well, like he does

shinsuke fights back, beats up all three and kinshasas jinder

end segment, hire new writers

apparently tonight will be the first owens/zayn match on smackdown live

this is the only reason they rebranded, so they could make that matchup fresh again

up next, hype bros/usos

and here come the new day, who are notably neither of those teams

they've brought popcorn and snacks

presumably to lurk and be hilarious for this match

after this cancer ad

i'm not convinced by the SUPER DELUXE FURNITURE KALEIDOSCOPE graphics for tlc

better or worse than HANDS AND SKUUUUUUUULLS

hard to say

but i think the designer of both needs to calm the fuck down a bit

back from ads, the bros are already in but the usos get an entrance

new day are in the front row of the crowd

but e still has binocualrs

bell rings, the usos immediately kick a significant percentage of the shit out of mojo

new day start a mojo chant, giving him enough of his namesake back to get a hot tag

looked away to answer the phone, came back thirty seconds later to see the usos get the pin

why is this such a ppv setup show when there's another week to go

usos get mics, go over to call the new day out

e produces a mic from his box of popcorn, because of course he fucking does

new day clap back, xavier challenges them to a cell match

that match will be every flavour of bonkers, and i am very excited for it

corey's like well we have to wait and see whether it gets made official

because apparently he doesn't know how wrestling challenges work

but up next, plovdiv pride

wait, i'm being told that that may not mean what i think

after this ad for raw

and here's aiden?

in a lovely suit

he's emceeing the party

what a cravat

(actual cravat for once)

and he has the mayor of plovdiv with him

huge if true

aiden does a big hype piece for rusev, he comes to the ring as aiden sings the national anthem

crowd boo and do usa chants, because dicks

okay, imma have to look up the bulgarian national anthem and see if this is actually it

if it is, props to aiden

well, at least half the crowd held the boos until after the national anthem

okay, one research break later i can confirm that someone in dubby dubby wee actually did their homework this time

the mayor is reading from a scroll kindly held by aiden

in bulgarian, obv

boos resound

i caught some of it, because it's quite similar to russian

repeats the speech in english for the cheap seats

and apparently september 26th is now rusev day

add that to your calendars

i didn't mention it, but rusev is wearing a natty waistcoat and on a bulgarian flag podium throughout

rusev thanks the mayor, replays the vt of his nine-second win over randy

plovdiv has the cheapest-ass key to the city i've ever seen

and believe me, i've seen the keys to many cities

rusev repeats his claim to have ripped out randy's fangs

p sure i'd remember that

it's apparently his jungle now

which is handy, because nobody had said anything about a jungle before now

aiden has a rusev day song he wrote for us

randy appears out of the crowd to rko aiden mid-flow

and then i thought for a minute he rko'd the mayor as well

but rusev had pushed him out of the way and gallantly taken the fall for him

there's way more nationalism on this episode than i'm comfortable with, ftr

but now, sami gets called into bryans office/curtain corridor/upholstery and poster shop

apparently shane is on his way

sami wants him to hold off so he can beat on kevin himself

bryan will see what he can do

but up next, charlotte/carmella

after this ad for 2k18

and yet another total bellas plug

and now randy's in a corridor

accosts renee, rather than the other way round for once

gives her a challenge for rusev at hiac if she sees him

wishes her a happy rusev day, leaves

and now we're back in the room

with charlotte

but still no peacock robe

booo

really long recap vt of charlotte/nattie

when it could be summed up with 'she's a hart, she's a flair, not gonna go well'

carmella arrives with her briefcase and her boo on his leash

which she then fastens to the turnbuckle

i have no clue what they're trying to go for with this, but i'm enjoying it

tom's like corey, you're down with the alternative kids, the fuck is this about

carmella distracts the ref with deviously detachabale jewellery, letting ellsworth push her off the turnbuckle

which was kind of charlotte's own fault for going up the turnbuckle her enemy's minion was chained to, tbh

carmella hits her with a dodgy-ass crossbody

charlotte kind of had to jump into it to take the bump

and after a functional few minutes, carmella eats a superkick for the pin

this remains such a ppv setup show

what will we do next week

now here’s nattie in new gear

even more transparent than usual

she's like hey char good to know your dad's ok he can watch me kick you to death at hiac lollllll

grin, end thing

this episode, snickers brings us the debut of cena for some unstated reason

but more importantly, fashion files returns next week

and by next week, i do of course mean two days ago

time, eh?

and...

undertaker bongs?

whaaaaaa

oh wait, it'll be dolph

the announce team are all buying into it because of course they are

oh hey, corey's got his number

just like really dolph the fuck is wrong with you

while this is true, the big hat kind of suits him

the crowd twigs, they hate him

he's like come on guys, did you really think you'd see taker twice in one year

which is fair

i need a gif of him going "Ahhhhh, the 90s" there

halfway through his usual rant about how anyone can gimmick, here's a walking gimmick to...prove his point?

anyway, it's bobby roode

i could cheerfully slap both men in this feud

bobby gets into the ring, calls dolph out for being a hypocrite

someone had to

are they trying to angle him as a kind of face-of-the-people babyface here?

cos that's just weird after his nxt run

challenges dolph for hiac

crowd chant for it, dolph's like i don't give a shit guys, shut up

dolph accepts, tries to do the rest in peeeeeeacehmgrlfrgn, bobby shuts him up so he can say glorious some more

but now, main event time

all the matches in this episode have been functional at best, so hopefully this'll pick it up

after this ad for 205 and a recap of all the shit that went down with enzo

and here's a sami

specifically zayn

although i do kind of want him to ride a eindeer to the ring

and here's kevin, no bullshit

bell rings, mutual pummelling begins

these guys are fighting like they're very aware that another segment overran and they don't have a lot of time

so they're just having the same match, but sped up like 20%

sudden cut to another feed, shane is in the building

back in the ring

kevin dodges a crossbody into a beautiful superkick

clip from the ad break of sami hitting a brainbuster on kevin on the apron

okay, yeah, these guys are elevating it

sami jumps over a popup attempt, counters into a blue thunder bomb

kevin dodges a helluva kick, so sami hits an absolutely brutal tope on him instead

and by 'on him' i do of course mean 'largely on his own ankles'

goes for a torpedo ddt, kevin blocks with another superkick

lovely timing there

and hits the apron powerbomb

at which point the ref calls for the bell

because apparently that move was worse than sami's apron brainbuster?

enter some medics to do helpful yet unspecified medical stuff

sami tries to fight them off while being functionally dead in his usual 'dead fish who will fucking have you' style

kevin sits on the announce table watching all this, then decides he sitll has more rage to vent, and bodychecks through sami and all the medics

and now he has a chair

KEVIN OWENS OF EARTH.

YOU HAVE GREAT RAGE IN YOUR HEART.

puts the chair around sami's neck, sets him up to throw him into the post, and HERE COMES THE MONEEEEEEEY

shane mcmahon, a man of deep principles who will only intervene when one of his employees is inches from death

kevin throws sami at him, hitting him in the face with his chair necklace, and runs away

another average day in the life of kevin 'maladjusted preteen' owens

everything focuses on shane and kevin staring at each other between the ring and the top of the stalls, and corey's like ummmm should someone maybe check on sami?

and we fade with that question still hanging in the air

but hey, sami'll be fine

we all know those two are like those irritating paired bosses in every rpg where you have to kill them at the same time or they'll just keep bringing each other back

nothing short of a complete detonation of canada will stop them

and on that bombshell, good night!

(i hate myself)