#just sometimes i need to hash out my research somewhere in order to make sense of it )

[oldtmer]

hi, i’m on my shit again -- but i needed to place this somewhere while i work out timelines for my gatsby prequel & also my former drill instructor ass is seething at this information

we know gatsby was a big fuckin’ liar, but telling everyone he was a major in the first world war after only having been in the military for one year, or maximum two years including training, etc ... even with the possibility of his being thrown into a battalion leader role because of causalities in the field (which was not uncommon then, especially for his division), there’s no goddamn way he could have been anything more than a corporal -- and even then, if he had been thrown into a “major” rank, with the filling of positions due to casualties, the highest he could have been is a sergeant major. and that’s really pushing it, and really stretching the luck of gatsby. he’d have had to have months waived from his TIG in order to just become a corporal in that time frame, and even then he was just some penniless farmer’s child. unless he was a fucking damn good soldier in training and on the field, it’s just safer to assume that gatsby is a big fuckin’ liar (which we already knew), and move on from there.

but then there’s a five year gap between the death of dan cody and his time meeting daisy. he could have, theoretically, joined the military for the start of the world war like nick had -- wherein nick served in the 3rd division (good for him, he’s a fucking badass i don’t care what anyone says), but gatsby served in the 7th infantry division (which was only established in 1917), and he met daisy while in training. in 1917 ... so, what the fuck did he do in those five years? that’s for me to find out and write about my dudes 👈👈

[nancywheelxr]

Omg omg omg omg plz do a Uncle Peter and Uncle Aaron fic

“You did what?” Uncle Aaron rasps, hand still pressing tight to his chest and slightly out of breath, and his expression is somewhere between anger and disbelief. On the other side of the room, Peter throws his hands up, mouth stuffed with a bagel.

Yup. That’s about what Miles expected.

Okay, he should probably back up a little and explain.

*

So, look, there are the facts:

The body of Aaron Davis never reached the morgue. The vehicle containing his body was shot out of the road exactly eight minutes after it left the alleyway. No suspects were apprehended and Officer Jefferson Davis was ordered to close the case twelve days later after all leads had gone cold. 

That had been nearly a year ago.

Now, here are some more– mildly less believable, but hey, last year the multiverse kinda went bananas, so who’s Miles to call anything crazy, right? – facts: 

Three weeks ago a grumpy wizard dumped Peter in Miles’ backyard. He had a cool cape, though, that Miles thinks might have waved at him at some point? Anyway, there was this wizard, right, and he dumped Peter in his mom’s hydrangeas and then he told Miles to keep an eye on Peter because Peter had apparently been cursed and couldn’t stay in their universe for the time being? No, he did not know when he’d be back to collect him, and no, he would not be taking criticisms on his plan right now.

It had all been very strange.

So yeah, that was a thing that happened. Apparently, Peter’s universe had been attacked by a sorcerer and Spider-Man got the wrong end of a particularly nasty banishing spell. 

“It was not my fault,” Peter had said, head halfway into Miles’ refrigerator, “if the Avengers could keep their damn villains of the week out of my neighborhood, then none of this would happen– hey, is the chili still good? No, you know what, nevermind, it probably is, let me just check the milk–”

And that had been that. 

“ – and you know, Harry Potter over there, didn’t have to just dump me here,” except, Peter had seemed to want to explain thoroughly what happened first, “I bet he could have just waved his hand and be done with it. He fixed the whole molecular-universe-rejection thing, didn’t he? Sorcerer Supreme, my–”

Miles had kind of zoned out after a while.

*

Those were the facts, see, and all of them were out of Miles’ hands, that’s a very important thing to notice.

*

So, since, Doctor Wizard hadn’t bothered to stay to hash out the finer details before peacing out back to his dimension, that left to Peter and Miles to figure out where to stash Peter while this whole mess was sorted out.

It’s not like Peter has a functioning social security number or even the money to buy some real state or pay any sort of rent. Sure, they could go to Aunt May’s place, but whenever Miles tried to bring it up, Peter got that weird face on, that looked kinda guilty and like, infinitely sad, and Miles didn’t have the heart to suggest it again.

Besides, he doesn’t think it would be good for May, not if this took a while.

Somehow, that ended up equaling with Peter squatting at Uncle Aaron’s old place.

It had seemed the logical conclusion, at the time. No one was using it and Miles’ dad hadn’t wanted to let go of it, not yet. Privately, Miles thinks it’s ‘cause his dad still hopes Uncle Aaron is out there, alive. The lack of a body to bury does that, he thinks, and wholeheartedly agrees with his dad.

If there’s still a chance, Miles would take it.

Anyway. So, Peter had been staying at Uncle Aaron’s place and being an all-around sorta cool mentor while helping out Miles with the whole superhero gig. 

It had really been just a matter of time until his parents caught up with it.

*

Again, let the record show, that while yes, Miles had been the one to come up with Uncle Peter, it had been Peter that came up with the marriage thing.

*

Another couple of facts to keep in mind:

Fours hours ago, Miles and Peter had busted another of Kingpin’s research facilities. Inside it, handcuffed to one of the beds, they had found Uncle Aaron recovering from surgery.

According to his retelling of events, that had been his twelfth procedure. Kingpin had been the one to pay for the Prowler gear, therefore, Kingpin owned the Prowler. Kingpin does not throw away expensive resources– not even the ones who needed open-chest surgery, blood transfusions, illegal not-yet-tested drugs, and too many lung surgeries. No, Uncle Aaron does not know what he had been planning to do with him once he recovered enough, but he figures it would be nothing good, probably blackmail him into working for him again.

Bringing him back to his old place had also brought up the fact that someone else had been living there.

Which brings them back to:

*

“Why the hell would you tell them that?” Uncle Aaron twitches, glaring at Peter like he wants to bring out his gear to saw him up a bit, “of all the all the– are you an idiot?”

Miles cringes. This is spiraling out of control fast. “Look, I know this isn’t ideal–”

“You think I want to be married to a Supervillain?” Peter, having swallowed his bagel, screams back at Uncle Aaron, seething with righteous anger, “I’m not exactly having the time of my life here either, pal!”

“Okay, I wouldn’t say he’s a supervillain, exactly,” Miles tries to placate him, “more like a henchman, maybe? And he’s totally reformed! Right, Uncle Aaron? Right?”

It’s not a real question, exactly, Miles knows that moment on Aunt May’s roof had been a turning point for his uncle, knows the second he let go of Miles, the second that bullet his chest, he wasn’t a bad guy anymore. He couldn’t be, not when his nephew was Spider-Man. 

And Miles would be damned if he wasn’t going to give his own uncle a second chance.

Still, as soon as the words leave Miles’ mouth, Uncle Aaron seems to deflate. He sighs, running a hand across his face before motioning Miles over. “C’mere, kid,” he waits until Miles is sitting beside him in the dusty couch, the white sheet used to cover it still on the floor by their feet. “Yeah, of course I’m reformed,” his mouth still twitches in amusement at the term, then falls into a grimace again, “and I’m so fucking sorry for the things I’ve done, even more for what I did to you. If I had known–” he shakes his head, “not that it makes that much better– but point is, you bet I’m done being a bad guy. I’ll never hurt anyone again, alright, and I’ll never hurt you, Miles, I’m so sorry for all of that.”

“Hey, erm,” Miles swallows past a lump he hadn’t noticed growing in his throat, and looks around, panicking at the sight of Uncle Aaron– cool, laid-back, fun Uncle Aaron– close to tears and looking wrecked by guilt. His eyes meet Peter’s across the room and he looks about as uncomfortable to be there as humanly possible, but he still gives Miles a thumbs up, smiling kindly. “It’s okay, Uncle Aaron. I know– you can do better now,” he finishes awkwardly, not quite able to stop himself from hugging him.

After a long pause, Miles feels his uncle returning the hug fiercely, holding him like he’s not yet sure this is all real. “You really are something else, kid.”

*

It had taken Miles and Peter half an hour to unhook Uncle Aaron from all the machines and monitors in his cell, and Miles had cried silently at how sick his uncle had looked and pretended not to notice the blood trail they left from where the IV tube had been hooked at the crook of his arm– Uncle Aaron had looked about to keel over and any blood wasted on the tiled floor had seemed alarming.

Peter had taken most of his weight and told Miles to go ahead make sure the hallway was clear. 

Not for the first time, Miles had wished Gwen was there, if only to bully him into being less sad.

*

“Okay,” Uncle Aaron says, huffing a little after they both had regained some sort of composure– ha! Check that out, composure, his English teacher would be thrilled with him using fancy words. “We still gotta figure this thing out.”

“I want a divorce,” Peter demands, standing with his hands on his hips, “I’m sorry but this just isn’t working out, babe.”

“Call me that again,” he warns, glaring, “and I’ll whoop your ass, lung surgery or not.”

Miles tries to picture it– breaking the news of Uncle Aaron’s return to his parents then the subsequent divorce. That would mean Peter would be homeless again and no more excuses to be hanging around Miles. ‘Sides, Peter leaving Uncle Aaron now that he’s sick would not look good. That would definitely be a problem if they want Peter to be able to stick around.

Well, shit.

“You can’t,” he blurts out, shrinking a little when both adults whirl on him, “I mean, you totally can, but it would make it so much harder because how are we gonna explain why Peter is always around? And mom kinda already likes him? She sends him casseroles sometimes, even though dad still grumbles about it.”

Uncle Aaron groans. “Of course she does,” he drops his head on his hands, “this is a mess.”

“Rio’s casseroles are delicious,” Peter admits, tilting his head thoughtfully towards the kitchen like that’s enough to make him reconsider this whole scheme.

“And I know dad is like, still annoyed you allegedly didn’t tell them about this,” Miles adds, “but I swear he’s trying to be more chill–”

“Hang on,” Uncle Aaron looks up, for the first time since they rescued him from the lab, seeming less defeated. His eyes are almost as bright as they were before, alight with something gleeful. “This would annoy the hell out of your old man, wouldn’t it?”

Miles blinks, a sense of impending doom encroaching like an inevitable storm that has nothing to do with his spider senses. “I guess?”

“Say,” he turns to Peter, giving him an assessing look, “spider-hobo, how about we strike a deal?”

“Okay, first off, I was dumped in this universe without warning, alright, it’s not like they let me pack a bag first,” Peter scowls, crossing his arms, “second, what kind of deal?”

“You need a place to stay and an excuse for my brother not to arrest you,” Uncle Aaron smirks, and Miles thinks he knows where this is going but he’s not sure how he feels about it, “and I could use a hand to keep watch, I’m sure Kingpin’s not gonna give up so soon.”

And it would have the bonus of annoying Miles’ dad which is Uncle Aaron’s favorite past time.

This is so spiraling out of control.

Peter squints. “So you want a bodyguard?”

“So you want not to be homeless?”

“Fine,” he huffs, throwing his hands up and rolling his eyes, “we’re married now, I guess. Hurray.”

“Please, you should be happy,” Uncle Aaron sits back, stretching his legs under the coffee table, “you are married to me.”

That sends Peter into another inflamed rant. “Look, I’m a goddamn catch–”

Man, Miles groans, pinching the bridge of his nose. This is going to be a disaster and with his luck, it’s going to snowball into something huge before it bursts into flames. Again, he wishes fiercely Gwen was there, he bets at least she’d get a kick out of this.

Faintly, he hears Uncle Aaron ignoring Peter in favor to nudge his feet. “Hey, kid, do me a favor and don’t mention to your dad I cursed in front of you, yeah?”

Across the table, Peter snatches another bagel, biting into it with a vengeance.

[writing-with-olive]

Traditional publishing process

As one of my recent posts says, I’ve been doing some research about the traditional publish process and how it works. While I do not yet have a solid understanding of how long these processes are, I’ve gotten a pretty good sense of what happens and in what order. This is more of a general overview, as more specific details will change between different publishing houses.

(all parts of the process listed below the cut)

1) Querying

When you’re done writing your manuscript, and you have decided it is as polished as it can be with the current resources you have, you start to query agents. This is usually done through email. It is important to make sure you do your research about the agents you want to query beforehand, and don’t query agents who don’t seem to be qualified, or who don’t seem to be the right fit for you or your manuscript. It is better to not have an agent, than to have a bad agent, and querying an agent you won’t want to represent you is a waste of everyone’s time. Make sure to follow the agent’s guidelines when you query.

Your initial query will not be your whole manuscript. That’s way too long for an agent to go through. But if an agent is interested by your submission, they may ask for a partial, which is usually somewhere around the first fifty pages, and/or they may ask for a full, which is your full manuscript. In some cases, you will get an R&R, standing for revise and resubmit, which is pretty much what it sounds like; you will revise your manuscript, and then resubmit it.

2) Choosing an agent

If an agent decides they want to represent your work, you and the agent will get on a call and hash out what the process would be moving forward, and what the relationship between you and the agent would be. Based on this, if you think that the agent is going to be a good fit for you and your book, do NOT say yes right away. Let them know that you would like two weeks to make your decision. This is pretty much industry standerd. In that time, you are going to email all of the other agents who have not gotten back to you and let them know that you have an offer. This gives these other agents a chance to make a counter-offer if they would like. If other agents do make a counter-offer, decide which offer seems like the best one for you and your book after the original two weeks, and let them know.

3) Revising your manuscript

Some, but not all, agents are editorial. This means that they will work with you to revise and polish your manuscript further. If this is the case, you and your agent will work on your book, possibly incorporating rounds of beta readers. Once you and your agent decide that it is the best it can be at this stage, you will begin to go on submission.

4) Going on submission.

When you’re on submission, your agent will begin pitching your manuscript to editors at publishing houses. This is not unlike querying, only on a slightly smaller (though just as important) scale; agents act as gatekeepers, meaning that there are a lot fewer things on submission than there are being queried. 

Depending on the relationship you’ve set up with your agent, you may or may not be aware of what editor responses are. Some authors like to know everything that’s going on in the process, others just want to know when an editor picks up your work, leaving the rest to the agent. Both of these options are completely fine, and it has more to do with personal preference than anything else.

5) Acquisitions

If an editor decides that they want to work with you and your book, then you move on to acquisitions. This is when a publisher will pitch a book to the rest of the publishing house. Your book is not alone in these meetings; usually there are several books being pitched in the same time frame. The various teams will discuss whether or not publishing your book makes sense financially, and if there’s a market and readers to sell the book to. Remember: publishing is a business.

6) Getting your book deal

If your book passes Acquisitions and the publisher decides to publish your book, you will get a book deal. It is then up to your agent to negotiate the deal to get you the best possible outcome. Your agent should NEVER go with what the original deal is.

Be careful to read through the whole contract before you sign it. If you’re not careful, you can give away rights that you didn’t intend to, including audio or foreign rights. Also, your publisher may claim rights to the series, meaning that if the book doesnt’ sell well, or you don’t get a deal on future books, you will not be able to publish sequels through another publishing house. Always be wary of phrases such as “in perpetuity” 

7) Your advance

In traditional publishing, you will get an advance when you publish a book. This is a sum of money that is payed to you, and is frequently split into two or three parts. The first is usually when you sign your contract, and other important milestones, such as when you complete your manuscript with your editor’s approval, and when you publish. Your advance is the publisher’s prediction of how much money the book will bring in, after the publishing house and your agent have taken their cut (in other words, it’s the publishing house’s prediction of what you will make in royalties off of your book.). So long as you uphold your end of the contract, the money is yours to keep (minus taxes, which are high); you do not have to give any of it back to the publisher. You will not yet earn royalties at this point (more on that ahead)

8) Editing

During the editing process, you will likely work with several different people. The first stage of edits is developmental edits. This is when you’re delving into the deeper structure of your book. During this stage, it is completely possible to cut or add entire scenes, or sometimes large portions of the book to make it the best it can possibly be.

Then there are line edits. This is when you and your editor will go into the sentences and paragraphs. You will be looking for things like flow, pacing within scenes, and redundant phrases or words.

Then there are line edits. This goes in even further. Your editor will look for places where there can be better wording, fix punctuation, and generally clean things up on a word by word level.

Finally there’s the proofread. There are usually several rounds of this, each one to try and catch any of the little mistakes that fell through the cracks on previous rounds of editing. Usually, several people will read through your manuscript to find these little errors.

As you may have noticed, edits start large and big picture, and then narrow down. The point of this is that there’s no use agonizing over trivial mistakes when you may need to cut or add entire chapters. And if you start with the small stuff, you’re just going to have to do it over and over and over as the overall content changes.

7) Promotion and Book Design

While your book is in the later stages of editing, the promo team will begin the promotional campaign. Depending on where you are in the publisher’s list (more advantageous books get pushed nearer to the top), the amount of promo help you will get will vary. You will likely have to help promote your book as well.

This is also the time when cover designers will be creating your book cover and others will be formatting your book. Depending on your contract, you may or may not get a say in the cover design, but the publishing house usually gets the final say.

Once the book is fully formatted, you will also get a number of ARC books (ARC standing for Advance Reader Copy). You can use these books as promotional tools. For example, having people on booktube review your book.

Members of the publishing house may also reach out to places such as libraries and brick-and-mortar bookstores (such as Barnes and Noble) to carry your book

8) Book Launch

When the big day arrives, your book goes live! Congratulations! You have successfully published your book.

9) Royalties

Depending on how well your book does, and how big your advance was, you may or may not earn royalties. The larger your advance, the harder it is to begin earning royalties. The reason is that you have to earn back all of the money from your advance. Meaning that after the publishing house takes their cut, and after your agent has taken their 15%, the cumulative amount leftover must surpass the amount of your advance before you can earn any royalties.

Note:

As I have not published yet, either through the traditional or indie route, I cannot say for sure what this is like on a first-hand account. That being said, what I have listed above is what seemed to be consistant across several sources. If you want to find more information, Alexa Donne’s youtube channel is an EXCELENT resource. If you have more to add, or corrections to make, do not be afraid to reblog with your comments.

[sagamemes]

love and other disasters (2006) sentence starters.   below the cut, you’ll find a total of 140 lines of dialogue from love and other disasters. as per usual, feel free to alter diction, pronouns and anything else your heart desires. i’ve edited slightly to fit roleplay and randomised the order. warnings for sexual themes, aids mention, marihuana use, cheating.

❝  well, actually i was just having lunch across the street and came to tell you the good news in person.  ❞

❝  why is it that as soon as i fall in love with a man, he abandons me?  ❞

❝  we fuck and then you say you don’t want a relationship.  ❞

❝  so despite your fragile beauty, you’re actually built like an ox.  ❞

❝  what other secret are you keeping from me?  ❞

❝  what’s more important, true love or fashion?  ❞

❝  you’re straight? since when?  ❞

❝  why else would someone like you have a coffee with someone like me?  ❞

❝  you make me sound like an exchange student.  ❞

❝  i can’t believe i drove him out of the country.  ❞

���  what’s the point of shagging someone ad nauseam if you’re never going to love them?  ❞

❝  it’s okay. i forgive you. so you can stop feeling sorry for me or guilty or whatever.  ❞

❝  i think accidental meets are better... that is not to say accidents can’t be planned.  ❞

❝  i had to give his ego cpr.  ❞

❝  it’s just sex. he fills a void. literally.  ❞

❝  news of my crush just travelled across the atlantic ocean!  ❞

❝  you’d know if you were great.  ❞

❝  i suppose i first noticed when i was around 8. i thought it was just a phase, you know, but eventually, i had to accept the truth. i like women. ❞

❝  it’s a romantic comedy! how do you think it ends?  ❞

❝  i’m like, fuck that. i know i’m talented. i don’t need some ____ degree to tell me.  ❞

❝  have you ever thought this whole ‘true love’ thing might be a conspiracy?  ❞

❝  [full name] may be a giant, but you are a giant in waiting.  ❞

❝  three years and you still treat me like a one-night stand!  ❞

❝  the stages of a relationship can be defined by farting.  ❞

❝  no, actually, i’m very out of shape and that nearly killed me.  ❞

❝  i was so caught up in my head i missed out on getting to know you. and i would like to get to know you. i mean, if you’re willing to give me another chance?  ❞

❝  i've never actually been in a relationship except in my own head.  ❞

❝  so how do i get to know you?  ❞

❝  i don’t know that [name] is the love of my life. but i’ve decided to give him the chance to be.  ❞

❝  are you asking if i’ll still love you?  ❞

❝  there’s nothing more important right now than global poverty. i mean in the warming sense.  ❞

❝  that boy---gay as a goose.  ❞

❝  i think you’re exactly the kind of person they would have wanted me to marry.  ❞

❝  we had a row about his car. i told him i don’t generally get into vehicles that cost less than my handbag, he accused me of being a spoiled bitch.  ❞

❝  if you’re going to get any more in touch with your inner child, you’re going to need an inner nanny.  ❞

❝  was i right or was i right?  ❞

❝  he went to [public/private/boarding] school. he probably enjoys being spanked.  ❞

❝  where did you learn to speak [language] like that?  ❞

❝  what’s more important, anything or fashion?  ❞

❝  you /are/ a desperate fantasist.  ❞

❝  do you want to go to bed? you know, have sex.  ❞

❝  it would’ve meant breaking your rule to only to have sex with people you don’t really love and to only love people you don’t have sex with.  ❞

❝  i had no idea that under that shy, sweet exterior was such steely confidence!  ❞

❝  i’m afraid you’re drunk.  ❞

❝  truth is way too complicated. and unsatisfying. and hard to believe.  ❞

❝  i’m going to this black tie thing for my roommate.  ❞

❝  that’s not love, [name], that’s the flu.  ❞

❝  we work in fashion. everyone is an overpampered monster.  ❞

❝  [name] is going through a nasty divorce. she needs positive affirmation.  ❞

❝  i’m sorry, but [full name] stands for everything i absolutely despise.  ❞

❝  i think people shouldn’t bite the hand that feeds them.  ❞

❝  how very ‘all about eve’.  ❞

❝  i’m just nervous. he’s meant to have a ferocious temper.  ❞

❝  i’m probably gonna get fired tomorrow, but it was worth it just to see [name] in action.  ❞

❝  he came over and we shagged. then i asked how he felt about monogamy.  ❞

❝  and this is the person you think you could be in love with? someone you’ve never even spoken to? someone you’ve never even met?  ❞

❝  the only thing that’s changed is what might happen between you two.  ❞

❝  i mean, i had a bad age five. i had a terrible age five, actually.  ❞

❝  maybe love isn't something that happens to you. maybe it's something you have to choose.  ❞

❝  you could’ve worn something nicer.  ❞

❝  you want a brownie? i made them myself.  ❞

❝  i’m not miserable, and i believe in true love.  ❞

❝  well, you know what they say, ‘the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach’.  ❞

❝  [name], pick out the sexiest outfit and go home immediately!  ❞

❝  i think my parents would have really liked you.  ❞

❝  i can’t believe you’re cooking dinner for some guy you met yesterday.  ❞

❝  an affair? you’ve only been going out for two weeks!  ❞

❝  nothing like a happy set.  ❞

❝  well, i better be off. my flight’s at 9 and i’ve still got to pack.  ❞

❝  my memoirs, darling. i’ve decided to publish.  ❞

❝  i’m sure you’re far prettier than [name]’s wife.  ❞

❝  everyone’s miserable because they’re looking for this nonexistent ‘thing’, or else they’re miserable because they think they settled for less.  ❞

❝  do you always judge people so quickly?  ❞

❝  you and [name]? you and---you and [name]? oh my god! oh, look, i... i.... i won’t say a word, i promise. cross my heart.  ❞

❝  i’m a superficial assistant at a major fashion magazine. you’ll ruin my reputation.  ❞

❝  stop doing research and would you write your goddamn screenplay!  ❞

❝  when’s the last time you’ve considered falling in love?---i’m not talking about some character in a book or a movie.  ❞

❝  [name] would have loved to come tonight, but thanks to the conspiracy of silence between the catholic church and the tories in the face of aids, he can’t.  ❞

❝  love isn’t always a lightning bolt, you know? maybe sometimes, it’s just a choice.  ❞

❝  there’s quite a bit of hash in them.  ❞

❝  i’m following your advice. i’m breaking my rules.  ❞

❝  i know i should have said something before. but every time i started, it seemed like the wrong time.  ❞

❝  everyone knows you can’t be drunk and tango. so if i can tango, then i’m not drunk.  ❞

❝  would it be alright if i borrowed an outfit just for tonight? i have kind of a date.  ❞

❝  actually, i can’t believe i haven’t tried to fix you up with him years ago. he’s perfect for you!  ❞

❝  can we not talk about my non-existent film career right now?  ❞

❝  well, i suppose i’d never have lived up to your fantasy anyway.  ❞

❝  you’re almost out of shampoo so i had to use soap.  ❞

❝  you broke up with him a month ago!  ❞

❝  i just remembered. i need a pedicure.  ❞

❝  for the last six months, you’ve been saying one thing and doing another.  ❞

❝  there is no need to be nasty to me just because i don’t remember people’s names.  ❞

❝  hello? i’m waiting! [name], when i have to ask for it, it’s too late!  ❞

❝  that’s the problem with life. it’s nothing like the movies.  ❞

❝  apparently, he shags her four times a day and inspires her to write new volumes of poetry! isn’t that great?  ❞

❝  i happen to care about [name]. a lot. and i hate the fact that he feels more than me. and i hate the fact that i'm not in love with him. because i know i should be. because he's smart and sweet and decent and i don't want to hurt him. so i keep hoping that i’ll grow into it.  ❞

❝  you could’ve worn something, full stop.  ❞

❝  we can’t have you all alone in [city] on a friday night!  ❞

❝  so then i had to fuck him.  ❞

❝  he calls me five times per day, begging me to go out with him. apparently, my voice haunts him.  ❞

❝  oh, these are lovely, but [name] hates flowers.  ❞

❝  i promise i won’t make a pass.  ❞

❝  i’m going to enjoy making her feel stupid about this one.  ❞

❝  but you don’t like me in that way.  ❞

❝  oh, so you’re saying i should forget about him for purely geographical reasons?  ❞

❝  why are you reading a cookbook in the nude?  ❞

❝  since when do you say ‘lots of love, big kiss’ to your boss?  ❞

❝  i can’t explain it, but... it was amazing. because it was like i was finally seeing the person i’d been waiting for my entire life.  ❞

❝  we’re related, but only by birth. so don’t hold it against me.  ❞

❝  i mean, thanks to a chance encounter at a beach party, you hook up with one of the world's top fashion photographers. first class travel, exotic locations. you really hit quite the jackpot.  ❞

❝  i just wanted to tell the truth and somewhere along the line it got mixed up with a bunch of lies.  ❞

❝  i thought this whole dead animal thing was ten years ago.  ❞

❝  you don’t talk about monogamy /after/ you shag a guy...  ❞

❝  whoever designed those heels must really hate women.  ❞

❝  you’ve got to go. i’ve got friends coming over for brunch. ❞

❝  he never even showed, which proves my theory: he must think i’m a stalker freak.  ❞

❝  he’s in love with you, [name]. you’re not in love with him. it doesn’t get more simple than that.  ❞

❝  well, unless you want me to feel totally humiliated, say ‘yes’.  ❞

❝  i just don’t see much of a future together.  ❞

❝  you’re an artist, [name]’s an artist.  ❞

❝  he said you really sorted him out on the relationship front. and i could certainly use some help there.  ❞

❝  you’re not stupid, you just saw what you wanted to see.  ❞

❝  i just remembered [name] might have a boy at the house. can i stay at yours?  ❞

❝  we’re having a strictly phone-based relationship.  ❞

❝  i can’t help it, i’m naturally dramatic!  ❞

❝  oh, you know, i said how great he is, how he’s going to make the right [girl/boy/person] happy, how it’s really not him, it’s blah blah blah...  ❞

❝  i’m feeling small enough as it is.  ❞

❝  look, most great artists have to deal with rejection in their lifetime.  ❞

❝  see, this is exactly why i don’t want to be in a relationship with you!  ❞

❝  i’m always like this when i have to see my mother.  ❞

❝  maybe true love is a decision. you know, a decision to take a chance with somebody. to give to somebody without worrying whether they'll give anything back. or if they're gonna hurt you, or if they really are the one.  ❞

❝  the problem with straight men is that no matter how hard they try, they still need to control, to dominate.  ❞

❝  thank god you’re gay!  ❞

❝  you seem to think the only reason anyone would be with him is for this ‘jackpot’.  ❞

❝  i never felt ugly or fat.  ❞

❝  i’m not getting married without a maid of honour.  ❞

❝  he’s just the sweetest, funniest guy i know. if he wasn’t [straight/gay], i’d have married him ages ago.  ❞

❝  i’m a fantasist, not desperate.  ❞

❝  you don’t know me. and if you did, you’d know i’d never take advantage of [name].  ❞