#just to be clear i am NOT talking about kpop

[holyviolence]

yall dont fucking understandwhat it does to me when a romantic interest is a hot asian guy...... like i know that representation matters for a reason but genuinely i feeeel it when i can be represented as a stereotypical romantic lead . im not being coherent. but like/. the chivalrous and sexy and tender-hearted and honest male lead is asian! and to only see this once i had already finished puberty just draws more attenion to the fact that i had never seen it as a kid. that does shit to u man. it seems like a silly or small thing but never seeing anyone think of asian masc people as attractive maybe probably did some damage to the ol self esteem.

[gyuwoncheol]

Cheol’s been prepping you to take his cock for weeks but you’re about to body slam him into the mattress if he doesn’t fuck you right now (which might have been what he wanted all along, corruption kink go brrrr) 😈 “you want it so bad? Then sit on it. Aww don’t be scared I know you’re ready” -⚡️

TW: afab! reader, dirty talk, use of pet names, piv sex, unprotected sex, mentions of creampie and oral sex, bratty & whiny reader, reader is described to be much smaller than Cheol. Not proofread. 18+ only (MDNI).

Note: changed it up a little bit, ⚡️ anon. Hope you enjoy!

Because this is blonde cheol with a bratty reader, I am compelled to tag Zeta my love @multi-kpop-fanfics . It’s simply how the world works 💞

“Nooo. Stop!” You whined and yanked on Seungcheol’s blonde locks, pulling him back up to face you.

Seungcheol was confused to say the least. His eyebrows quirking as he studies your facial expressions. “You okay?”

“Just fuck me, Cheol,” you blurt out, frustration clear in your voice and Seungcheol swears he heard the angels sing.

“What–“

“I said, fuck me. No more teasing, no more prepping. I’m done!” You glare at him. Not that you were ungrateful for your boyfriend’s expert oral skills, but when all you’ve gotten the past few days ever since his return from a 3-month tour is everything but his cock, you think it’s okay to sound ungrateful.

“Aw, impatient baby,” he mocks as he grinds his crotch on yours.

“Excuse me?! I’ve been patient! Way too patient! Three months and 18 days patient!!!!” Cheol laughs at your attention to detail, clearly amused at how needy you’ve been. Not that he wasn’t— he was, he’s been dreaming to have his way with you the moment he got home four days ago. But apparently, he could take a few more days of waiting, making sure you were well prepped and ready to take his huge cock again after so long. And maybe he just loved to tease you a little bit more, waiting to awaken the brat in you. “Cmon, Cheollie..” you switch up to a sweet tone, blinking with doe eyes and drawing his face to yours for a kiss, “it’s been too long, don’t you wanna feel my tight pussy around you?”

Seungcheol’s dick twitches in the confines of his briefs at your words but he tries to play it cool with a roll of his eyes.

“Better yet baby, don’t you miss cumming inside—“

Your sentence is cut off with a yelp as the large man who was once above you rolls you both around on the bed, effectively having him pinned between your legs, straddling him right where he wants you. Seungcheol grabs you harshly to connect your mouths in a hungry kiss, the clashing of your tongues and teeth rendering you to a moaning mess while you hurriedly remove his shorts and undergarments.

When Cheol’s hard member springs free and rests on his stomach, the blonde man leans back to examine your next move. He’s not disappointed when the first thing you do is run your wet folds along his shaft. The guttural groan he lets out makes you even more wet than you already are. But that’s a good thing because now you’re looking at Cheol’s thick and long cock, and perhaps he did make the right decision to prep you for it for days.

“Nervous, baby?” He asks with that stupid brow raise of his.

“No,” you answer without hesitation but even then, you didn’t sound so confident.

“Well be my guest, princess. What’re you waiting for? You wanted it so bad didn’t you? Ride me.”

You nodded at Seungcheol, swallowing thickly before wrapping your small hand around his heavy shaft. You aligned him at your entrance, carefully letting his bulbuous head breach your sopping hole. Cheol takes notice when you suck in a sharp breath and close your eyes. It happens the same time he feels the constricting push of your walls which has his hands flying to eitherside of your hips.

“Doing s’good for me, princess,” he encourages, mustering all self control not to just thrust up into you.

“S-so biiig,” you stammer, sinking down to ease another inch of him.

“Not so mad about my prep anymore, eh?”

You roll your eyes at the smug remark, “fuck you.”

“You already are, prin— shit!” Seungcheol curses when you suddenly seat yourself fully to shut him up.

Moans reverberate around the room from both of you after your little stunt. The stretch is painful at first but it slowly morphs into fiery pleasure with every soothing rub of Cheol’s thumb on your hip. You take a deep breath and plant your palms on his chest, circling your hips once.

“Fuuuuck,” you both drawl out, lust fully flowing through your veins.

“Missed this,” you pick up your pace, repeating the motions of lifting your hips then grinding down to stimulate your clit.

“Missed you,” your boyfriend replies. He reaches out one hand to squeeze on your breast before his fingers roll your nipple expertly, causing you to clench harshly on his cock.

“Fuck, princess. If you do that again, I might just cum now.”

You scoff at his remark, ready to tease him back, “aw, who’s the impatient one now?”

[etoilesbienne]

re: boundaries

I've made many posts previously on this subject already, so people are already aware of my stance regarding disliking the way "boundaries" as a concept are used by the mcyt fandom, however I want to have a brief meditation on why this is the case, and a look at common arguments about them.

however i do want to make clear that i don't mind boundaries as a concept, actual boundaries. as in "if you do x, i will respond with y" kinds of boundaries. I think cc are completely fair and understandable in this kind of perspective. if someone makes a kind of content they dislike, they're free to block that fan or express discomfort over it. That's normal.

my critical eye is turned toward the fandom's perception of "boundaries" as a sort of fandom ruleset, either you follow them with the in-group, or you're thrown in the out-group and labelled all sorts of insults, anywhere from a criminal offender to just having people be plain nasty toward you. this in my opinion, really feeds into the fandom habit of having "cliques" as fandoms are social networks that are voluntarily joined. i find it juvenile at best.

at worst, on the other hand, is the concept of mcyt having mixed in kpop stan culture around 2019 with smplive (great server. horrific fandom at the time it was run. all of the smplive fans still left are veterans worthy of respect for surviving that.), which caused a very explosive mixture.

kpop fandom has this outlook and parasociality toward idols because these idols are borderline unreachable. even in smaller groups, companies generally (not always.) discourage idols from talking one-on-one selectively with fans. there deserves to be a more thorough examination of kpop fandom with stan culture, that i believe i am not fully qualified for. my point is that kpop idols are a hell of a lot harder to reach for english fans, whether through language barrier or through professionality done by companies.

the explosive mixture is bringing this same mentality - the mentality that these people you look toward as the main source of the fandom as being untouchable, perfect people. it's dehumanizing in its own right, but aside from that, it creates a dangerous fandom situation. as best shown using smplive with CallMeCarson from before.

CMC is the origin point of boundaries within the MCYT fandom, having held a live in fall of 2019 talking about how a popular danganronpa themed wattpad smplive fanfiction was upsetting for him to read. CMC had an intense fanbase that could and would look up to him no matter what. of course the fanbase would go after and harass this author off of the internet and deleting their work (which remained lost media until this January of 2024. Almost half a decade.) after this situation, only months later it comes out that CMC had in fact been manipulating women aged 17 to early 20s, into sexual dms and sending him explicit photos of themselves for around a year. i am of the opinion CMC would have done this behavior regardless, however, the fact he had access to so many women who put him on a pedestal without considering he could exploit them was exacerbated by the stan culture mentality of mcyt's fandom at the time. this is not a criticism of the women, it is a criticism of the fandom culture of the time for failing to treat carson as a human being who had every capability to treat people like this.

no cc is exempt from that mentality by the fandom. carson knowingly used his position within the fandom to make the choice to do that to those girls. no cc should be exempt from the real possibility of the consideration that they can fuck up, not always in the way that they necessarily need to be cancelled or deplatformed, carson is an extreme example that is absolutely not representative of cc as a whole, but there needs to be a healthy level of doubt and separation between creators and fans.

to reiterate: cc are not your friends. cc do not need you to speak for them. you do not know these people personally. to present your defense of them and their personal opinions like you spoke to them directly and are close friends is dangerous, both for yourself, and for other fans in the community.

everything i have listed is why i always will be critical toward any fan group or clique that presents themselves as being pillars of the community, and why i am critical of any page or resource that tries to list "boundaries" as hard fast rules to be self policed by the fandom. not only is that punitive mentality, it's careless and poor understanding of how communities at large work.

i don't think a "boundaries" list is necessarily a bad idea in the long run either, if these lists were, like, compilations of streamers' twitch chat rules, that'd be cool! but generally these lists lack any nuance of why and where some boundaries may apply. like a ton of streamers hate ships being spammed in chat, but could give less of a fuck about people making ship fanart. or like wouldn't care as long as the ship art isn't put in their main tag.

as well as the general ignoring of regular boundaries, we all remember the horror show of people dono-ing to cc in 2020-22 asking for their boundaries right? like just so we're explicitly clear, walking up to someone and asking what someone's opinion of making adult content of them is very much sexual harassment. that's objectively something fans should not be asking to cc. if they want to say something, they can speak up on their own. they do not need your prompting. if you wouldn't ask it to your boss in an office, don't ask cc it. tangentially related is the ignoring of boundaries based on disliking fans harassing each other or other cc. those boundaries never get to be prioritized for a reason, as those behaviors feed into the stan culture mentality of pitting sources against each other in fan wars.

parasociality and stan culture turn mcyt fandom into a power vacuum where fans who like to self-police to a dangerous extent try to take charge. this makes the fandom worse.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

This will be more of a personal post sprinkled with some thoughts on AYS?!, so for those interested strictly in shipping content, you can skip this.

I couldn't help myself yesterday to wait until my work schedule was done. So I watched the first two episodes during lunch break and work, while using the keyboard from time to time to not appear offline.

And then a second time in the evening, without as many interruptions. I even texted my sister to remind her that the episodes have been released (she has JK's songs on her playlists and that's where it stops). My tone was very casual, as if I just remembered it was already up. As if I haven't actually been thinking and obsessing about that show for a year now. But that's because I can't let this online, fandom "life" seep through my other, "real" one. I've always struggled with my feelings of shame over being part of such spaces. Which is why I avoided them completely. Up until four years ago. I'm still dealing with it. I don't want to tell people that I have an interest in a kpop ship and that it's been ongoing for a few years now. It feels to foreign to the image I allow others to have of me and this kpop stuff is childish to say the least. I've fallen victim to the talking points I've argued against intellectually. But life doesn't work that way. My rational brain doesn't get along with my feelings.

So I keep my thoughts about shipping, fandoms, jikook here. And I share them with friends and people that have a connection to it. It's why I have a blog. So I can post a photo of jikook holding hands at the beginning of their journey and at least 10 people will understand it cause they like the same thing. I'm not a loser on my own here so the thought feels comforting.

I didn't have specific expectations about AYS?!, but I felt happy watching it. It was different, but a good different. Having the opporrtunity to witness them from morning till evening without any interruptions painted an interesting picture and it's the first time to see some parts of their dynamic.

They bicker, they flirt, they get lovingly annoyed, they get bored, they get silent, they get touchy. It feels more real than any 2-min clip from a Memories DVD could possibly show us. I don't want picture perfect jikook because it doesn't exist. Being in stan spaces, all I see everyday is worship, a mentality that is then transfered to the people surrounding the idol. But I don't want JK to worship Jimin 24/7 or vice versa. That's not a real relationship of any kind. I want to see them treat each other like they're just people. Which is what they did. Too bad that some have interpreted that as negative when in fact all we got were clear signs of actual closeness. And nothing beats it like Jungkook's attitude towards Jimin being sick. Shippers/supporters have clips and endless arguments on hand to explain the closeness between jikook, but honestly? That first evening in the cabin when JM was in the bathroom and subsequently the next morning should be the sole argument from now on. It can't be more obvious if it hit us in the head.

It's not about needing confirmation at every step of them being a couple. At least I don't need that. In the long run, it wouldn't even matter if they're not. What's noticeable is that they appear to be one and that doesn't come out of thin air.

Is my mood volatile these days? Yes. Actually these past few months. Do I need this show as one of those feel good series? Definitely, because there's nothing else out there to catch my attention in terms of tv content. I don't want to pick apart and poke holes and question every single line to make myself feel miserable. Everything else is too bad and I am too lame so I rely on this show for a short, temporary thing that improves my mood. I don't care about other things, doubts or worries. I really really just want to enjoy jikook doing whatever they want. I don't have high standards.

[jealousmartini]

It's 21:09, or 9:09 pm on the 12 hr clock shifters. You know the drill. Let's shift.

∘₊ ✧───────────────────✧₊∘

Some stuff I have included in my kpop drs (Specifically O.M.G and MKB) that make them really special to me😫🥹❤️

000 :: Friendships and crushes

Around 2011 to 2018, companies like BIGHIT, Starship, and JYP were very lenient toward friendships with other K-pop idols opposite their gender. This is so special to me because I have THE LOUDEST MOUTH EVER when it comes to who I've got a crush on (looking directly at you wonyoung, jungkook, nayeon, jhope, chuu, taehyung, jimin, keeho, yeonjun, yoongi, sana, jin and namjoon) and who I am best friends with. (looking directly at you wonyoung, jungkook, nayeon, jhope, chuu, taehyung, jimin, keeho, yeonjun, yoongi, sana, jin and namjoon again.) Yeah i am best friends with idols i have crushes on If you couldn't tell. This basically gave me the freedom to talk my ass off about "Ooo wait whys San from ateez kindaa" or "NAH cus what do yall know about my goat min yoonfreak yo." And "No cus I've got the biggest girl crush on Jennie from blackpink right now"

All companies would only become stricter with this after 2019 due to fans complaining about dating rumours and feeling like the relationships are too close (girl I know like I've heard these complaints before) because they like the idea of their idols being single. This makes the 3rd generation of kpop even more precious due to how open idols were with who they were friends with.

Just to make this clear tho, no one in BTS has confirmed or explicitly admitted they have a crush on anyone in O.M.G (or MKB for that matter) they have only mentioned how "so and so" is really cool or subtle compliments like "blah blah is actually really pretty" but I will admit Taehyung mouth is almost as big as mine when it comes to who he likes lmao and sometimes he makes it a little obvious with the "subtle hints" he gives☠️☠️

001 :: Fun facts about O.M.G and MKB!

OMG and MKB are practically the same. One of the only things that differentiate them from each other is the way OMG and MKB was introduced to the KPOP industry.

O.M.G started off as an independent kpop group made by 6 girls for fun but then ended up being adopted by JYP in 2015 because of how much they had blown up in Korea and JYP saw a lot of potential in O.M.G, but even before then, they were widely known and loved amongst Koreans and most of the Western world. It started off as an animated girl group, all music, choreography, aesthetics, designs and art were made by me lol but the girls were basically of me and my 5 friends. They would debut the same year JYP adopted them and it would be in 2016 when O.M.G was officially recognised and accepted as a kpop group.

O.M.G would also be labelled as the experimental group because O.M.G wasn't made to be serious but for fun and because of how successful every era of O.M.G is. I mean literally not a single genre they have done has flopped they are just that good.

Now MKB is literally the same as them. 6 girls who body every and all Genres and concepts and aesthetics like it's nothing. Icons. But MKB wasn't a pre-existing group. JYP had put these 6 girls together and allowed them Creative freedom. This was an experiment made by him that would only come around ONCE and ONE TIME ONLY. He wanted to see what 6 girls could random make together and see if they would be a hit (he wanted to copy BTS lmao) thus why MKB is labelled as the female BTS because of how similar their aura and character was. No one can explain it but everyone gets it.

Both O.M.G and MKB's fanbases are called "Charmings," and their fans independently refer to the members as "Darlings"

How did the fanbases of O.M.G AND MKB even come to be? Literally 70% of Charmings are originally ARMYs. Because of this I frequently refer to my fanbase as CHARMYs

O.M.G and MKB when they aren't abbreviated? O.M.G stands for Oh My Gosh and MKB stands for MaKe-Believe.

002 :: Small appearances in other idols mvs and helping produce music

Randomly popping up as a background character in a kpop group's mv who I am close to isn't rare. Sometimes it's not very obvious, sometimes I am literally hiding in plain sight. I tend to try not to do it too much tho. I can't be THAT ACCESSIBLE..

I already make all of my music from scratch. So I thought it would be pretty cool if I git nosy and helped TWICE or ITZY with ad-libs and instrumentals. No this isn't an excuse to hangout with them more why tf would you accuse me of that.

[milk-tea-sakura]

✩°𓏲⋆🌿. ⋆⸜ 🍵✮˚˙ . ꒷ 🍰 . 𖦹˙—⋆｡‧˚ʚ🍓ɞ˚‧｡⋆

𝓦𝓮𝓵𝓬𝓸𝓶𝓮 𝓽𝓸 𝓢𝓪𝓴𝓾𝓻𝓪’𝓼 𝓑𝓪𝓴𝓮𝓻𝔂!

How can I take your order? Just pick a dessert, drink and a member of your choosing. Please indicate who you want me to write about or I won’t do your request.

Fandoms: Stray Kids, Ateez, BTS, Enhypen, P1harmony, Seventeen, TXT (I am open to other groups! Just specify thegroup and member you want!!)

I do accept polyamourus relationships (member + reader). Up to 3 or 4 members! It makes it manageable on my end and however, occasionally I do write full group fics.

You can order in the inbox of @milk-tea-sakura I’ll get your order out asap, just check to make sure that I am taking orders before you order. Also let me know if you want it sweet or spicy!

And big thanks to @bunnys-kisses for giving me the inspiration for this. If you want non kpop character I recommend checking them out. And don’t forget to check their order list because we don’t have the same meals.

Order list below the cut!!

❀ꗥ～ꗥ❀ 𝐌𝐚𝐢𝐧 ❀ꗥ～ꗥ❀

Cheesecake - “Baby, don’t make me spell it out for you… you know I want you.”

Castella cake - “I can give you a list of how you make me feel.”

Swiss rolls - “Oh my, what have I dont to deserve such a beautiful smile.”

Apple pie - “I must be in heaven”

Mochi - “If you don’t behave I’ll let the boys handle you.”

Dango - “How can you still look so attractive while crying?”

Miso butter cookie - “You’ve never even touched yourself?”

Crepe cookies - “What if I told you I’ve been in love with you since we were kids?”

Nama Chocolate - “You know, I could get you off right here, right now.”

Purin - "If he fucks with me again, i'm finishing inside of you."

Tiramisu - “I wonder if the boys would also like to see this cunt. Would you let them see it?”

Strawberry shortcake - “Why are you being so gentle with me? I like it when you’re rough.”

Fluffy pancakes - “Your thighs are shaking so much.”

Watermelon Sorbet - “How about you put these lips to work instead of just talking all the time?”

Zebra cake - “You taste like heaven, and I can’t get enough.”

Lemon slice - “Be good for me and I’ll untie you.”

Pull-apart bread - “I know you said no marks… But what if I put them where nobody except for me will see them?”

Ice cream sandwich - “You act all innocent and look so sweet, but I know what a dirty mind you really have.”

Chocolate cake - “We have to be quiet. If you make a sound, I’ll have to stop!”

Souffle - “When I tell you to sit on my face, I want you to sit, is that clear?”

S’mores - “I know baby, I know. I’m right here just breathe.”

Belgian waffles - "I've been waiting for this kiss since the moment I laid eyes on you."

Shortbread cookies - "You kissed me! You kissed me, how's that not a big deal?"

Angel food cake - “You know, I’m holding back from fucking you over this kitchen counter, don’t push your luck.”

Red velvet cake - "Why do we keep pretending we don't want to kiss each other?"

Croissants - "No goodnight kiss for me?"

Crepes - "If you wanted a kiss, all you had to do was ask."

French toast - "Just because I'm drunk doesn't mean I don't mean it when I say I want you to kiss me."

Churros - "On a scale of one to ten...how mad would you be if I kissed you right now?"

Eclairs - "I think I deserve a kiss."

Bagel - "You can't just kiss me and expect everything to be okay."

Peanut butter bars - "The only way this is ending is you getting pregnant."

Scones - "You're so much more agreeable when you have something to occupy that mouth of yours."

Fudge - “You know, a hug can be like medicine and make some of the pain go away. Wanna try?”

Chocolate mousse - “Is it okay, if we just lie down and watch a movie? I’m not feeling so good.”

Hot cross buns - “If you want to keep sitting on my lap you have to stop wiggling around like that.”

Brownies - “I see you’ve started without me.”

Cinnamon rolls - “Are you trying to turn me on right now? Because it’s working.”

Mango sorbet - “You have my full attention.”

Carrot cake - “C’mere, Sit down, tell me what’s going on.”

Pastry braid - “There’s no one else I’d rather bother for the rest of my life than you.”

Sourdough bread - “I would run out of breathe trying to describe all the reasons why I love you.”

❀ꗥ～ꗥ❀ 𝐒𝐢𝐝𝐞 ❀ꗥ～ꗥ❀

Misutgaru - Bondage

Banana milk - Cuckolding

Strawberry milk - Food play

Chocolate milk -Gagging

Omija tea - Breeding

Chrusanthemum tea - Public/Semi-public sex

Bacchus - Temperature play

Citron tea - Wax play

Green plum tea - Voyeurism

Barley tea - Cockwarming

Matcha - Doggy style

Genmaicha - Oral sex

Sakura tea - Rough sex

Royal milk tea - Vanilla sex

Melon soda - Jeaoulsy

Yakult - Spanking

Ramune - Orgasm control

Sake - Daddy/Appa kink

Soju - Mommy/Eomma kink

Coffee - Praise kink

Bubble tea - Sub! Reader

Vodka shot - Dom! Reader

Coconut water - Sub! Character

Sparkling water - Dom! Character

Energy drink - Aftercare

Champagne - Pregnancy

Red wine - Size kink

White wine - Strength kink

Espresso shot - Body worship

Lemonade - biting/hickies

Latte - Sugar daddy! Character

Water - Film/recording

Milkshake - Unprotected sex

Chai - Protected sex

Root beer - Degrading kink

Earl grey - Age gap

Americano - Big cock

Light roast coffee - Drunk sex

Medium roast coffee - Accidently launching relationship

Dark roast coffee - Lingerie

Hot chocolate - Cowgirl position

On the house - Author's choice!

[y-vna]

Just so it's clear, one of my big dni crits is this:

TW: My rant includes HEAVY topics of ed (eating disorders) and intentionally starving yourself/unhealthy weight loss 🙁.

This post is also ULTRA long, will definitely contain grammar and spelling mistakes, and I'm not going to say 100% everything here is accurate information, as I'm a human and I make mistakes too.

Let me get this clear, I dont mean anyone harm with this post. My intention isn't to hate or attack/hurt anyone to make them feel upset. I know that having an ed is a serious matter. I have friends and family who actively have/had these kinds of eds, so im not uneducated on this subject and I do understand it to a very in-depth degree. This is not to say I know everything about this topic, however.

It is definitely not easy to recover from, and lots of people struggle from it every day. I am NOT saying people with this disorder are any less human than anyone else. I'm saying it's toxic for those who do have it since it actually harms your body a lot, and pushing it on others (not the fact you have it in the first place) is something I don't support.

So respectfully, if you do support/promote eds as a positive thing, or are/follow/interact with blogs who do, BLOCK ME AND DNI. thank you.

I love everyone for who they are inside, regardless of what their body looks like. And I'm telling you right now, as someone who tried so hard to have a perfect body and stop eating bc im super insecure, it's not worth it, and it makes you feel so shitty. I love you, whoever is reading this, no matter what. So please don't change who you are just to make others happy :( <3

--

So I was looking thru tumblr, and this one post kept getting shown to me where people were talking about basically the idea of: "its worth it to keep losing that undesired weight, you'll see results soon" as like a motivational thing. The tags (straight up tells you it's supposed to be inspo to becoming skinny and supports the idea having an ed is the only way to get a dream bod), and their whole blog had ed encouragement/motivation. To keep...starving, i guess.?? Despite their user being about being strong and healthy, nothing about this is healthy or keeps your body strong.

I didn't decide to write a whole rant about just that part of the post because I didn't start getting super concerned until i read the notes/comments (since i had seen a lot of these 'tw : ed' blogs before already). What I saw was that tons of users were promoting starving yourself as a goal and a good thing, and basically glorifying having an ed. And also using kpop idols with skinny and perfect figures like wonyoung to tell others that (almost a literal direct quote from this user-) 'us ed people don't want to be helped and we won't stop starving ourselves until we reach the weight we want.'

"You see it as negativity cause you're not disordered." KEEP IN MIND THE PERSON THEY'RE TALKING TO USED TO ACTUALLY HAVE AN ED (the screenshot below is the person they were talking to). I understand you can't push people to get help if they don't want it, but you have to draw a line when you start saying that every person with ed doesn't want help, which just isnt true. I looked at their blog, and it was all just calculating how many calories they ate and burned every day. Most of the posts they basically only totaled 300 calories a day. THAT IS SUPER SICK ☹️. An average human needs like 2000+ calories a day. It actively influences people to copy them by posting and blogging this SUPER unhealthy weight loss. It IS NOT positive on any level. It does nothing good for you. You won't feel any happier when you look in the mirror if all you can feel is pure hunger because you won't give your body what it needs. This is so sad to me because all the comments had people trying to ask how to start starving themselves, and every blog I clicked on all had ed triggers on their posts and bios. Some of those blogs were saying NOT to become like them because they can't see themselves recovering now that they're in too deep.

As said by people online who actually had and got through having an ed, they have explained it is very unhealthy and they were glad to recover. So even though I do not have an ed, and you might think I shouldn't be "judging" people who have them, there are plenty of formerly ed diagnosed people who know the bad effect it has on others/had on them because they can accurately relate. You can still educate people on a subject even if you yourself do not have to suffer from it/have it, as long as you're doing it properly with proven facts (literally all credible research you do anywhere backed by science and experts will prove eds aren't healthy). People educate themselves to teach others about other illnesses, ongoing or past wars in history, etc, they don't have firsthand experience with/from. And they can still be just as valid sometimes.

My whole point here is that on tumblr and so many other social media platforms, I keep seeing people (posts like this and whole blogs centered around this stuff,) encouraging (mainly young) girls to stop eating altogether to have a body that society and other people are more satisfied with. That's why, for a while, I also tried to do the same because of the people saying it was a positive thing to gain a bad relationship with food and start counting your calories to be perfect. I'm also someone who struggles with body image and being shamed for gaining weight. But at some point hou need to realize hurting your body and mental state is SO WRONG. NOBODY is perfect. So don't push you or anyone else to be. I learned this, and I get its super hard to ignore the judgment forced onto you by society and your surroundings, but there will be people who appreciate you just how you are now. Like me.

So with all that said, the moral here is:

Don't starve urself (on purpose. Bc some people genuinely have trouble eating and starve themselves non intentionally. I have friends who do this 😭)

You're perfect how u are now without being as slim as your idols (and even K-pop idols don't tell others usually to be like them because they know that their companies forcing them to strictly control their weight isn't something they want fans to look up to).

Don't force (potential) ed on others

Don't encourage unhealthy relationship with your body and food

I do support people with eds, as long as they aren't trying to make it something others should look up to, and aspire to have.

If you are someone who wants to normalize having an ed as healthy or positive, please do not interact with this blog and feel free to block me :(

Thank you for reading, have a good day and ily for whoever is reading this. 💗💖💓💕

[somethingpersonarelated]

Another No More What Ifs Analysis

Okay, so... between wanting to analyze this and Our Light, and the kpop posts that I'll be doing that overlap with this. This blog will turn into Persona Music Analysis hour. Long post. Heavy spoilers for P5R, Proof of Justice, and Mementos Mission. BEGIN!

Let's begin with some context for the song. I think this is crucial to understanding why it is associated with Akechi's character. If you're familiar with this, you can skip to the lyrical analysis! The best analogy is that Beneath the Mask is to Akira as NMWI is to Akechi, in my opinion. Proof of Justice was an OVA released with the P5 anime (in May 2019) a couple months before the release of Persona 5 Royal in Japan (October of the same year). This OVA is centered around the relationship between Akira and Akechi. Specifically, Akira's grieving process as he goes through the places where they used to meet to find clues about the phrase "Proof of Justice" which was written in the Leblanc crossword. The Jazz Jin, as noted by Muhen here, is a place where Akechi would typically go alone. He also notes in confidant rank 4 that it wasn't necessarily a place that he was keeping secret, but that he never brought people around there since it was his personal space to reflect. As we'll examine, the content of the lyrics is too specific to not be related to the story, and there aren't any other characters or themes I could think are as associated with the song as Goro Akechi. Just wanted to clear this up first, as for some it's not entirely clear why the song is specifically Akechi's (since it's not explicitly stated, and the lyrics are hard to catch while you're playing through normally).

Lyrical Analysis

people come and they go some people may stay with you though I am all alone tonight and I kept on asking myself questions

The very first line is one of the easiest to dissect. Goro, since the death of his mother, has had few stable figures in his life, whether it is his parents, family, or friends. This also extends to his line of work as a celebrity detective, as he is kept so busy that there are very few people he sees on a regular basis, at all. He notes in the second confidant rank (if you choose to ask if he has no friends) that he doesn't have people that he chooses to spend time with. [I chose this option on my last play through and remember it but I can't find the dialogue anywhere].

The doubt that grows in this verse comes from the second line. He is taken by surprise that there is someone he is giving thought to for more than a couple seconds at time. Someone he is... to some degree choosing to spend time with even though he is doing it for the mission. At first, to investigate the Phantom Thieves identity to prevent them from interfering in his revenge plot, and then to lure Akira into a death trap. Tying it back to the first line analysis with the third and fourth line, this dissonance has put the first example of his doubt in this song.

Conceited I was at time I never really doubted myself But tonight got me thinking about it all if I am the fool or what not

There is a self-awareness that Goro always has about his personas (in the metaphorical sense). Goro kind of knows that he's arrogant and it was not ever something that bothered him. Even his character flaws will not get in the way of his plan, even if those flaws are just his humanity peeking through. There's a longing in Lyn's delivery of the last two lines here. He's stumped as to why he feels this way and the inner conflict makes him pause more than he is comfortable with.

"If I am the fool or what not." This line, is literally perfect, the double meaning is just ugh! We'll see this idea again near the end of the song, but I want to take an opportunity to talk about it now. For two years, Goro was the only Persona-user he knew, so he had no reason to believe anyone would ever stand a chance against him. Not only is he angered at himself for allowing Akira to get close to him and cause these doubts but he's also questioning what his role was.

I do not regret with my choices I'm rather proud ooh I know I won't change anything because I can only be me so

I had already written parts of this analysis like two months ago but I saw a post written by @vashtijoy here on how Mementos mission has a sneaky reference to this song. So check that out! It's something I never noticed.

Before Shido's palace, there's an acceptance of the circumstances in this line, that he has to do it regardless of what he may think because he has a goal. Throughout the third semester, we see an Akechi that is alive and tried to deal with the consequences of his actions before Maruki took that opportunity away from him. But he does not show remorse for what he did, that it was the only path he could have chosen with the information he knew.

How can I be so sure? at a crossroads I'm afraid too But I can't let fear get the best of me Someone once said burn my dread babe

This verse... this verse makes me wanna cry. I cannot even lie to you. The direct statement that there is fear behind the fact that he doesn't want to kill Akira and the acknowledgement in the last two lines that one of them has to end up dead. That he is also acknowledging that Akira must also be fearful, by playing with fire through continuing to lead the Phantom Thieves. The doubt is consuming him in this verse. The crossroad offers two choices, one where he sacrifices himself for Akira and one where Akira no longer is with him. The reference to Persona 3 really carries the weight here with this theory. I would explain more but I only spoiler tagged for P5R so we move.

Who knows what tomorrow holds? just wanna live my life the way I want what fills up my soul is passionate music that makes me want to sing

The first line, to me, reads that he's given up on allowing himself to think if there's another way to resolve his doubts. That there's another path where neither of them die and that it can't exist. He wants to live freely, which is what he thinks is assured once his revenge plan is complete. In another world, maybe it was one where both of them could be together without this chasing them. The last two lines I don't have a particular opinion about, but I think they add to the fact that Goro has given up entertaining other possibilities.

my story will be starring me just like yours ooh ooh who knows when will it end what matters most is how you bring joy to life so

I think about confidant rank 8. It feels written all over this line, and we come back to an idea that was present with "If I am the fool or what not." I think there's a bit of that 'hatred' that he talks about, that he's resentful that Akira story will end differently than his own. He's waiting for the day to come and resolves by centering himself, that once his goal is achieved, that he will achieve joy for the first time in his life. Refusing to acknowledge that Akira was showing him companionship that brought him happiness for one last time.

The Theme of Doubt

One of the things I have had trouble defining is what the doubt Goro is referring to is, or why the doubt is there. It's one of the things that is left in the air. Speculating here a little more than I usually will try to: the doubt stems from the fact that Goro is enjoying his time with the protagonist and is unsure what that means. In terms of what he is doubting, I'm not sure, I don't think he is referring to his plan, but rather the fact that Akira is caught up in it at all. His resolve to complete his plan never changes, but he wishes he could choose to leave him out of this. This tracks with a line stated by the SIU director which implies that some of the cruel actions carried out by the conspiracy/antisocial force by Akechi are not entirely his idea. He still carries them out without hesitation, but he never thinks of them himself. One of the reasons I wrote out this analysis was to see if there were any opinions on what this part of the song meant since I have trouble wrapping my head around it myself.

Goro, in base game and third semester, never shows any form of doubt or regret to the protagonist directly, only brief flickers and implications from dialogue. But this song is layered with it and bashes you in by telling you that it is what he is struggling with most when it comes to executing his plan. It's what nags at me even though I've tried to analyze this song a couple of times on my own.

IN CONCLUSION: I obviously hate goro akechi. (lying is fun)

[itzsana-kiddingmenow]

Alien:

𝒍𝒆𝒆: Alien!Jisung

𝒍𝒆𝒓: Reader

𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘪𝘤 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰 𝘪𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘤𝘶𝘱 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘦𝘢 𝘪 𝘴𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨! 💗🧋

 ⚠️ I choose to keep some element of surprise to the story, so read at your own risk! THERE ARE SOME MENTIONS OF VIOLENCE!!!⚠️ 

I DIDNT INCLUDE THE PROMPTS IM SORRY 😭😭😭

OH MY GOD THIS IS SO LONGGGG I HOPE YALL ENJOY BUILDUP 🤞🏼 ALSO IDK HOW TO FEEL ABOUT THIS cause it’s just more story than tickling lol, i think it’s cute tho

𝕥𝕒𝕘𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕥: @someone-who-loves-kpop-saranghae @jeonginsdiary @leeknowstan33 @v--143 @wereallgonnadieonedaybutnottoday @inkytornpages

“What are you doing?” Your voice cut through the air, clear as day. 

The boy you were watching clearly didn’t understand you. He tilted his head, looking almost innocently at you. 

Your voice shook. “I said, what are you doing?” You were honestly scared.

You had come home from a long day at work, just to find someone in your house. 

Now, the boy understood. “Who are you?” You asked. 

“My name is H-Han Jisung.” The boy spoke in muffled English. Clearly, it wasn’t his first language. 

“Han Jisung, why are you in my house?” You asked, practically shaking in fear.

“I don’t know where I am. I saw your human…house and I wanted to ask for help.” He replied. 

“What? Why would you break into my house if you wanted to ask for help?” Your body was shaking, Jisung noticed. 

“I wasn’t aware that it was wrong to do. Why are you shaking, are you hurt? Let me help you…” You immediately jumped back away from his touch. 

Han looked hurt, but you couldn’t care less. He had broken into your house, and now he was trying to take care of you?

That’s when you backtracked completely. “Wait wait wait. What do you mean, human house?” You took two steps back, pressing your hand to your wrist to check your pulse. 

“I mean…human house.”  Han Jisung pulled off his beanie, and you clamped your hand over your mouth to stop the terrified scream from leaving your throat. 

The antennas dangled over his head, wobbling and tilting when he spoke.

 “I know this might come as a shock to you…” He was cut off by his own loud scream when you suddenly grabbed a vase, throwing it at his head. 

“Wait WAIT!” He yelled, raising his wrist to block the hit, and the vase shattered against his wrist, blood dripping from the cuts. 

The blood was blue. 

That only spurred your actions as you continued throwing whatever you could reach at the boy, pool balls, picture frames, your record player, which Jisung luckily swerved. 

The boy dodged your hits, you were just throwing things and your limbs at him. 

He tilted his head to avoid a spatula, and caught one of the pool balls as it soared past his head. Talk about reflexes.

“Please! Just hear me out!” He yelled, ducking when your record box flew over his head.

He kept walking closer to you, which honestly just scared you even more.

Then you ran out of objects to throw. You grabbed your phone from right next to you. 

You were planning to call the police, but Jisung caught your wrist right before you were able to raise it, a dark look in his eyes as a stream of his azure blood flowed down his face. 

You tried to scream for help, but his hand slammed over your mouth before your throat even gained the courage to make a noise. 

“Now, just lis-OW!” He yelled when you kicked him in the shin, ducking down and overthrowing him just like you had learned in your karate lesson. 

You flipped him to the floor, straddling Han’s waist and pulling his arms above his head. You had learned about pressure points, but you were unsure on whether it would work on…whatever he was. 

You tried anyway, and true to your word, it didn’t work. 

He kept struggling, and no matter how much your tried to keep him down, you knew that soon enough, it would be fruitless, and he would overpower you.

So you started hitting wherever you could. There’s no way he didn’t have a pressure point. 

True to your point, you hit riiight underneath his neck, and he slumped underneath you.

You made sure to pick him up gently, only to find out that he weighed barely anything, and you could feel his ribs by just touching. 

You felt wrong for sympathizing with an alien who broke into your house. You should be calling the police. 

But maybe, seeing the cuts from the objects you threw at him, you wanted to know more. 

Aliens exist.

The reality only hit you now, and the shock from the thought almost caused you to drop the unconscious boy in your arms. 

You looked down at him, and felt kinda bad. You had asked him a question, and when he had tried to answer, you had hurt him. 

Jisung opened his eyes, and then promptly regretted it. 

Bright lights flashed in his eyes, and he immediately started struggling, just to find out that you had tied him to a chair, no doubt that it was so he couldn’t escape.

Han whimpered in fright. What if you had called the police? 

He would be sent away to some government lab, where they would run experiments on him like some rat.

Jisung immediately tried finding any way to escape, any backup plan, anything. 

His antennas drooped disappointingly as he accepted his fate, leaning his head back and breathing heavily. 

He noticed, however, that you had wrapped up his wrist, and all the other cuts that littered his body. 

He was also wearing different clothes, a thin shirt and black sweatpants.

He could feel his anxiousness flare up as waves of panic took over him, like water in the sea. 

Jisung tried to keep his breathing regulated, he couldn’t afford to have an attack where there was no one to help. 

The door opened, and the appendages hanging above his head perked up. 

He tried to keep his breathing steady, and he gulped and blinked his frightened tears away. Maybe you would let him go?

You walked into the room, instead, carrying a lamp. 

It was clear that you were incredibly afraid and worried that he was going to hurt you.

“What…are you?” You asked, prodding at his side with the lamp end. 

He twitched and bucked away from the feeling. “Ummm…I’m a really weird…human.” He responded. 

You gave him a very sarcastic look before handing him a mirror. He gulped when he saw his own face, littered with sparkles and stars. 

“Your makeup rubbed off a little, so I used some makeup remover. You’re not even human, are you? Are you an alien?!” You asked. 

Jisung gave you a very sheepish look. “Umm. I guess you can call me that…” He grinned at you, and you couldn’t help but feel happier inside, even if you kept your stoic attitude outside. 

“You’re gonna tell me everything. Or else.” You waved a baseball bat around, clearly threatening him. 

However, he just leaned backwards, a little smirk playing on his lips. He stared at the bat. “That’s cute.” He added, laughing when your face turned a stubborn red. 

You lifted his chin with the bat. “You’re gonna speak. Now. Unless you want those little antennas to get smashed into your head.” You practically growled. 

He looked slightly more frightened. You knew you weren’t actually gonna bash his head in, but you felt bad. 

You watched as his chest heaved, tears flowed down his face, and his breathing become unsteady. 

You knew what was happening. He was having a panic attack. Maybe you should’ve been a liiittle less graphic with your threats. 

You ran out of the room to get some water for the hyperventilating boy, feeling terrible and trying to find a way to apologize. 

Soon enough, you had gingerly untied the alien, and he was sitting criss-crossed on the floor, sipping at the water. 

“Water tastes different here…” He commented quietly. 

You nodded. “I bet…”

You both sat in silence for quite a while. You decided that it was probably the right time to apologize. 

“Listen, I’m sorry for threatening you earlier, I was a little frightened-” You started, but Han waved you off. 

“Dont worry about it! It must have been quite a shock for you, huh?” He gave you a wide, toothy grin that made your heart soar. 

“Yeah.” You giggled, poking his side, just to hear him squeal and jerk away. 

“Ticklish?~” You tease. 

“What does that mean?” He asked, rubbing at his side. 

“You don’t know what tickling is?” You gasped. Jisung thought for a few seconds before shaking his head. 

“Well, i’ve got to teach you now, don’t I?” You ask, sneakily straddling his waist as he gives you the cutest little confused look. 

“Hm? What are you doi-NG AGH! THAHAHAT’S SOHOHO WEIRD!” He squealed and bucked as your hands dug into his sides through his thin shirt. 

“Weird how?” You asked through his laughter. 

In reality, you found the screaming boy beneath you incredibly adorable, and you constantly resisted the urge to squish his cheeks. 

“HAHA WHY AHAHAM IHI LAHAHAUGHING?!” 

He squealed loudly and arched his back when you attacked his v-line, however, one scribble to his back and he was back on the floor. 

“HAHAHA! PLEHEHEASE! DOHOHON’T STAHAHAHAP!” He screeched. 

You had a double take. Wait, what?

Don’t stop?

“Why don’t you want me to stop?” You continued the tickling, making sure to give small breaks between each spot. 

“It feels so good and tingly. And I feel happy. Why would I want it to end?” He asked, and you only saw sincerity in his eyes. 

He doesn’t understand how flustering it was for a HUMAN to admit the same though. 

“Oh! Okay!” You smiled. Even you kinda didn’t want it to end so quickly.

You started on his ribs, counting each one, just to come to a shocking discovery. 

“You only have ten ribs?” You made sure to count again.

“HAHA YEA! EHEHE WHY?!” He asked, tears pooling up in his eyes as they squeezed shut. 

“Um I don’t know. We have twelve.” You informed him. 

“twehehelve?!” He yelled, arching his back yet again. However, you took care of that.

You wormed your fingers into his back and flipped him over, smiling when he giggled in anticipation. 

You immediately attacked his back ribs, laughing with the lee as he let out a desperate cry for mercy. 

“NAHAHAHAHA!” Jisung cackled as he tried his hardest to keep his hands at his sides, not wanting to hurt you in any way. 

Jisung shook his head wildly when you attacked his sides yet again, and he lost himself in another round of mirth. 

What you find incredibly endearing, however, was how his antennas wobbled and shook as he was tickled, and whenever you stopped to give him a break, they drooped in exhaustion. 

You nonchalantly attacked his knees, digging into the sensitive skin beneath them, not really expecting a response, however, the area had him screaming like he was getting murdered.

“NOAHAHAHA! PLEHEHEHEASE I-IHI STOOOOP!” He yelled, unable to take the tickles anymore. 

Of course, you stopped. You didn’t wanna kill the first alien you had ever seen. 

Jisung gasped for breath, smile still wide and bright as he sprawled onto the floor. 

“Wait! Can I do one more thing? I just wanna try it out I swear…” You reached over to stroke an antenna, making sure to be gentle as to not scare the boy. 

He didn’t seem to mind, in fact, he leaned into the touch. 

“Mhmm, sure.” He sounded almost…sleepy. 

You made a mental note to give him tons of aftercare. 

You lifted his shirt up while he was still vulnerable to the head rubs, and his antennas were perking up with happiness. 

You ducked down and suddenly pressed your lips to his bellybutton, blowing outwards in a ticklish raspberry. 

He immediately squealed and tried to curl in on himself, but a simple push onto his ribs had him on the floor again. 

“IHIHIT TIHIHICKLES SOHO BAHAHAHAD!” Jisung squealed cutely when you attacked his v-line next. 

You littered his flat belly with kisses and raspberries, absolutely murdering the boy with tickles. 

“NOOOO! HAHAHAHA IHITS ENOUGH PLEASE! I CAHAHANT BREAAATHE!” He screamed with the last of his breath, tears had dampened the collar of his shirt, and his hair was considerably disheveled. 

You finally let up and admired how pretty Jisung looked when he was wrecked, face flushed and wet as his antennas hung above his head, thoroughly shaking. 

You pressed a kiss to his cheek as they puffed up, watching as he blushed a deep red. 

“Sorry, I couldn’t help it.” You grinned sheepishly and pulled him into your lap, stroking his hair as he fell asleep. 

Later, when he woke up, the smell of food wafted through the air. 

Han realized that he was laying in a bed, in a cozy-looking room that was most likely yours. 

He slowly opened the door, walking into what he assumed was a kitchen. 

He watched as you danced while you cooked, humming and twirling as you mixed whatever was inside the pot.

He suddenly felt very relaxed and fond. Jisung wanted to hug you. 

He walked up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist, eliciting a loud squeak from you. 

“Ticklish?~” He teased the same way you had done earlier. 

“N-NO JIHIHIHISUNG!” You screeched as fingers dug deep into your waist. 

i hope you enjoyed! please check my intro post before interacting! love ya! 💕💗💖

not the anon saying i can do it as a drabble but i end up making it my longest and most favourite fic-

it’s 2171 words lol 🤡

if you guys want a part two with some story line to it pls gimme some ideas

also no lee reader thx!

[nayeonline]

Ari's K-Pop Roundup: March 2024 (ILLIT, ARTMS, CHUNGHA, VCHA + MORE)

Check out last months installment here :) sidenote: sorry about this episode being a bit heavy on the smaller reviews - have been experiencing a cruel and unusual combination of illness and exam season lol - next month will hopefully be slightly better

Magnetic - ILLIT (SUPER REAL ME)

Whether you watched HYBE's 2023 idol survival show 'R U Next?' or you had the self preservation to skip it, if you were into k-pop at that time, you definitely heard about it. The show gained attention from the community originally because it was from HYBE, the newest, and arguably currently the most influential k-pop company goliath, and because HYBE's girl groups (notably Le Sserafim and NewJeans) are famous for influencing the kpop scene instantly upon debut, and maintaining their spots in the top 10s of the charts for many months. This was HYBE giving us a look behind the curtain at the making of the next big girl group, and letting us call a lot of the shots along the way. Or at least that's what it was supposed to be. Rigging in these type of idol shows is practically expected, but HYBE was a new offender, and their crimes weren't only frequent, but pretty obvious. The fans protested, but nothing changed. ILLIT, the group that emerged on the other side, was a group that was hardly a showcase of the talent on display on the show, nor a reflection of the fans and their biases. It was a reflection of who the producers felt fit their pre-established concept for the group, an influencing factor that wasn't made clear to the fans watching, nor potentially, to the idols participating. Ironically, since the whole point of a survival show is to drum up support and build a fanbase for a group's upcoming debut, ILLIT has arguably started off on a worse foot than if they had just dropped 'Magnetic' on YouTube out of nowhere, NewJeans 'Attention' style.

However, regardless of their rocky start, ILLIT is here, with their debut mini album 'SUPER REAL ME', featuring the title track 'Magnetic' - let's talk about it. 'Magnetic' capitalizes on that glitchy, 8-bit, distorted, bedroom pop sound that's been blowing up recently, both in the k-pop industry by NewJeans, LOONA, and tripleS, and in the western space by Pinkpantheress. It's easily catchy, and highly danceable, and the members sound amazing on it - I felt especially drawn to Minju's delivery, her vocal tone is beautifully unique, and Wonhee did a stellar job as the centric member of the choruses. Magnetic's allusions to NewJeans are undeniable, if only lacking that certain NewJeans je ne sais quoi. I don't really have a problem with this, if I get more fun songs out of groups allegedly 'copying' NewJeans then it's a win for me, my only fear is that if ILLIT doesn't find their own niche they will be called knock-off NewJeans for the rest of their careers, which isn't fair to the girls. TripleS got accused of something similar back with AAA's 'Generation', but since then they have carved out a space for themselves in the industry, making music and exploring aesthetics others aren't.

As for the b-sides, I was kind of obsessed with 'My World', even though it is functionally an intro; it's such an unexpected earworm. 'Midnight Fiction' is cute, even if I think it needed another hook or layer of production to elevate it more. 'Lucky Girl Syndrome' is slightly better than 'Midnight Fiction', but a bit worse than 'Magnetic'. It's very obvious that the title came before the track, and it bizarrely sounds kind of like 'Sensitive' by Loossemble? The chorus is slightly weak, but I am obsessed with the instrumentation and the production choices - this song sounds nothing like NewJeans, I really hope they draw from this vibe in their future releases.

Overall, a pretty decent debut. You will definitely catch me streaming 'Magnetic' over the next few weeks, whether it will have the longevity to stick around in my playlist for longer remains to be seen. Good luck ILLIT, you've had a rough start in the industry, but it's clear that they have a big career ahead of them, and I for one, am seated.

Pre1: Birth - ARTMS [LOONA] (Dall)

After an iconic run of Haseul and Heejin's solo projects, as well as ODD EYE CIRCLE's first release out of BBC, 5/12 of the LOONA girls are here as ARTMS. 'Birth' is a song that operates outside of the conventions of kpop formulae; its experimental, confrontational, melancholy and bears an undercurrent of rage. Tonally and structurally it is unique from anything being released right now, and lyrically its compelling and mysterious. If this is a taste of what the upcoming album is going to sound like, I am extremely excited.

The music video is one of the best kpop has to offer - its so unlike anything else I have seen. I heavily encourage you all to go check out the theories the orbits/ouriis have been cooking up because LOONA LORE IS BACK!! I am very curious if the loossemble lore will link to this in any way, but that remains to be seen.

EENIE MEENIE - CHUNG HA, feat. HONGJOONG

Chungha is back, with a new company and an old concept. I'm not sure how to feel about this track, its clear she feels very confident in this style and it does suit her more than 'Sparkling', but I think 'Sparkling' was overall a better song. The production of 'Eenie Meenie' is very high quality and I especially loved that guitar layer in the chorus, and bringing Hongjoong in for a verse was a great call, he fits the song and matches Chungha's vibe perfectly. Unfortunately however, I don't find the chorus to be very catchy, which is clearly what the song is banking on in order to chart. The whole 'eenie meenie minie mo' thing is odd, but honestly could have been worse if this song had been given to anyone other than Chungha, the real death sentence for this song was the lack of interesting melody. I'm happy that Chungha is now making the kind of music she wants to, I just hope that the quality of releases go up in the future.

Only One - VCHA

Who knew that when Fifty Fifty crumbled due to their (allegedly) god awful company, it would be VCHA of all groups to successfully pick up the retro girlpop gauntlet?? 'Only One' is genuinely so fun, that post chorus is a killer, and even the mildly awkward writing clears up after the first verse. The girls have such great chemistry, and they are all genuinely improving their skills every comeback, and although I may have questioned JYP's decision to debut girls who had barely been in training, seeing the girls improve in real time is lowkey actually a selling point - like now I want to pay attention to them to see how good they are going to get?? JYP making an intelligent marketing decision?? In this economy?? Congratulations VCHA, you have officially established yourself as a force to be reckoned with, KATSEYE had better bring the heat when they debut to compete with this.

MINI REVIEWS:

Get Goin' - aespa: did you know this song existed? no! Is it surprisingly really fun? well yes! not sure what aespa has to do with fraggle rock, but if it takes Apple TV spamming SM Entertianment's dms to get aespa to release more music, then that's what must be done.

The knight who can't die and the silk cradle - LUCY: (req. by @a-moth-to-the-light) I've always been mildly aware of LUCY, but until my moot requested I review their latest release, I had never heard any of their songs. Needless to say, I was severely impressed. This song is so cinematic and heartfelt - to my knowledge it isn't part of an OST to a particularly cinematic kdrama, but it might as well be. I heavily encourage you all to go watch the mv with subtitles on, or read the translation, because lyrically this is a masterpiece. LUCY, you have officially caught my attention, I will be checking out future releases.

Paths to home - 문채원, HOWUS: The music video for this song, at time of writing, currently has 147 views, I have no clue how I stumbled across it, but I am so glad I did. 'Paths to home' is a beautifully constructed and performed citypop inspired track that to me evokes LOONA's early discography, especially those from Hyunjin's solo project. It is so perfectly constructed to my tastes, I love it to death. I have no idea how 'HOWUS' as a project works, I don't know if it's a group, a company, a subunit, or apparently even when it was released because according to some websites it came out in 2022 (the struggles of extremely nugu kpop cannot be understated), but what I do know is that this song deserves more attention, and I adore it. This is one for the NewJeans, LOONA yyxy, tripleS +(KR)ystal Eyes girlies.

Wish You Hell - WENDY (Red Velvet): SM finally gave Wendy a song that isn't a ballad!!! This song is pretty fun, but I wish it bit more oomph. The lyrics leave much to be desired, but Wendy's vocal performance is naturally very high quality, although I wish she went a bit harder in some sections - she's singing about wishing someone hell, but tonally it sounds like she's serenading them lol. A fun song, could have been better with another few drafts. Seulgi's 'best Red Velvet solo project' crown is yet to slip.

BBB - Purple Kiss: I will never shut the fuck up about how good 'Zombie' is, so seeing them explore similar sounds is so exciting for me!! 'BBB' is a very easy going listen, never awkward, never unpleasant, and although I think it needed a little something more to elevate it, it's a fun song I could easily see myself loving this summer. Swan absolutely ate up this comeback btw.

XXL - YOUNG POSSE: Bizarre sfx aside, I am very glad young posse is attempting to bring back 2000s hip hop into kpop, even if the execution is mildly clunky.

[itsseohannbin]

• Like A Volcano | Part Four | •

Han Jisung Mini Series

© itshannjisung, 2024

♡ itsseohannbins masterlist ♡

Series Masterlist

Chapter Genre: Angst⚡️A lil but of Fluff?💕

-Bestfriends to Lovers Trope-

Summary: being best friends with the kings of kpop always has its ups and downs, and when you're offered a spot on the next European-American book tour to promote the publishing of your new book, there's one kpop king in particular who just doesn't want you to go.

Pairing: Idol!Han Jisung x Female Reader x Bestfriend Skz

** Includes two of my own original female characters, both whom are romantically involved with two of the members. Chan x Jo / Minho x Ash **

Warnings: Swearing. mentions of pregnancy. comments about committing murder. mentions of injuries sustained from domestic abuse (bruising. a fractured wrist & old cigarette burns.) mentions of Jisung being a whore. Chan calls Jisung a whiny bitch. the boys do not use honorifics. I think thats it? If I missed any, lmk!!

Word Count: 5.9k

**this chapter is slightly changed & revised**

Enjoy!

“I’m going to end his fucking bloodline.” Jo growled as she stomped past you and made her way towards one of the attendees desks.

“Hello to you too?” you responded in question as your arms fell out in confusion, your purse and carry-on falling to the floor next to your two suitcases. Chan burst through the airport doors a second later looking worried and every bit weary as he chased after Jo.

“Dude, what the hell?” you greeted him with an annoyed glare. “I thought I told you to keep her in the car.”

“Yeah, well, she jumped out before Min even had a chance to park.” He let out an irritated breath as he too walked right by where you stood. You turned your body and watched as he reached out to grab Jo by the wrist, stopping her in her tracks abruptly.

She whipped her head around and glared at her boyfriend in pure rage.

“Chris, I love you, but please, for the love of God, let me go before I do something I’m gonna’ regret.” she seethed, her eyes burning into his fiercely. You cleared your throat and called out to her.

“Jo, please, don’t do anything stupid.” you begged. You loved her, but you were tired and just wanted to go home.

Her eyes flickered to yours and narrowed into slits as the glare she was giving Chan turned to land on you.

“Anything stupid?” she asked, disbelief clear in her tone. “I’m not doing anything stupid. I’m going to kill him. I’ve never been more sure of something in my entire life.” she hissed. A look of confusion and mock betrayal crossed over Chan's features as he let out an awkward chuckle and attempted to ease the tension that was palpable in the air around you guys.

“Well, that’s just offensive, Love, I’m standing right here.” he spoke with a nervous smile. Jo glanced back at him with her jaw clenched and her hands balled into fists.

“Now is not the time for your fucking nonsense Christopher. I need to do something!” she growled again before she turned and tried to fling herself towards the attendees desk. Luckily, Chan was quick with his movements, and with a heavy sigh, he pulled her closer to him, trying to wrap his arms around her to help soothe the anger that tore through her system.

“Love, there’s nothing we can do.” he spoke calmly and softly, but the twitch in his jaw told you he was just as angry as Jo was, if not, moreso. 

Seojun fucked up, and if it wasn’t for him being the only one who could calm down Jo and talk her through her moments of anger like this, Chan would be reacting the same way. But someone needed to be strong for the rest of them, and of course, as always, it was Chan.

“That’s bullshit and you know it!” Jo snapped as she pulled herself out of his soft embrace and continued her trek towards the attendees desk. The two girls who stood at the counter had been staring at her outburst in shock and one of them backed away as Jo approached. The other calmly smiled and nervously asked how they could help her.

“Get me on your next flight out to Amsterdam. Immediately.” she demanded, slamming her credit card onto the desk so hard it made the two girls flinch away from her.

Chan glanced back at you helplessly with his hands out, almost as if to ask what the hell he should do. You rolled your eyes and gestured towards your bestfriend.

 “Dude, stop her!” you called before he nodded and rushed to her side. He started to peel the credit card out from Jo’s grasp while apologizing profusely to the two poor unsuspecting women in red uniforms.

Just as you let out a breath of relief and turned to grab your things from the floor, you heard footsteps rushing towards you, and when you looked up, you barely had enough time to grab Minho by the arm and halt him as he charged to join Jo on her mission.

“Min, stop.” Your voice was firm as you struggled against him, your feet moving backwards as he continued to pull forwards. 

It took him a second to even realise you had caught him, and when he did, he looked back at you with a murderous twinkle in his dark eyes; one that made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. If you didn’t know him as well as you did, you’d be shitting yourself from his scowl alone.

“Y/n. Let go of me.” he demanded, his voice so low and dangerous it almost made you loosen your grip. However, you knew there was no way in hell Chan would be able to fight off both he and Jo from cornering the poor attendees, so you squeezed harder with your good hand and met his hard glare with one of your own.

“Minho. Enough.”

Minho knew he could’ve easily pulled himself from your grasp, but after glancing down and seeing the cast on your arm, he took a deep breath and turned his body fully towards you, his voice easing as he willed himself to relax. 

“Look what that douchebag has done to you.” his voice broke as he inspected your arm carefully, his fingers running along the bruises that poked out from under the hard plaster. “He’s going to pay for this.” 

“Minho, hey.” you called for his attention and after a few silent seconds, his eyes landed back on yours. The anger was still there, but his sorrow overpowered it easily. “I know it looks bad, but I’m okay.”

Minho took another deep breath as his fingers traced higher up your arm, feeling for any more injuries beneath the sleeve of your t-shirt. He stopped short when his thumb traced along the place where your arm and torso met, running over the small bundle of scabs that sat there. 

Immediately, he lifted your sleeve as his eyes turned towards the injuries and you knew based on the look on his face that he knew exactly what the injuries were from. His jaw clenched as the fire returned to his eyes, but before he could mention anything about the old cigarette burns, you took his hand and squeezed it.

“I’m okay, Min. I’m here and I’m breathing and I’m alive.” you reassured him. 

At your last words, Minho blinked away the tears that were forming along his waterline and he pulled you roughly into a hug, burying his face into your hair.

“I hate you.” he mumbled.

You sighed into his embrace, feeling your body finally relax for the first time in what felt like centuries. 

You were home and you were safe.

Seojun couldn’t hurt you anymore.

“I love you too, Min.”

As you squeezed your arms tightly around him, your eyes fell onto Ash, who had finally managed to come through the airport doors looking very much out of breath, and very much… pregnant?!

“Somebody remind me to get those two idiots leashes the next time we’re at the pet store.” she huffed as she practically waddled to where you and Minho stood. Her belly was nearly the size of a volley-ball, and she looked absolutely ethereal despite the dirty look she was sending her fiancé.

“Ash! What the hell is this?” you squealed in disbelief as you pulled away from Minho and stepped forward to hug her, Jo and Chan momentarily forgotten.

“Oh, don’t even get me started on this thing. I swear to God, she’s already taking after her father. She’s such a bully.” she complained around a giggle before she hugged you tightly back. “Welcome home, Babe.”

“How long has this been a thing for?” you asked then as you pulled away and inspected her adorable belly.

“Almost eight months now.” she responded with a loving smile as she followed your gaze down to her bulging stomach. You instantly reached a hand out and smacked Minho’s arm as he pulled Ash against his side and planted a kiss to her cheek.

“Assholes! How come you didn’t tell me?” you shot at the both of them. They both blushed and smiled at one another before Ash beamed back at you.

“We wanted to wait and surprise you with your new-born niece when you came home from the tour.” 

You shook your head at them and pulled them both in for a quick tight hug as you congratulated them joyfully, however, the sweet moment was cut short when Jo’s voice echoed around you guys, bringing you all back down to reality. 

“Chris, please, let me go!” she cried as she tried to pull away from him again. His hands were wrapped firmly around her flailing wrists and he had bent his body to bring his face level with hers. His eyes held nothing but love and patience in them as he stared at her and spoke softly.

“Jo, please. Take a deep breath and relax before you have an asthma attack.” one of his hands let go of hers so he could reach up and cup her face, his thumb stroking her cheek gently. You didn’t realise Jo was crying until her body jolted around a hiccup as she tried to do what Chan instructed.

“I have to do something,” she spoke, her voice now small and broken. “She didn’t tell us. Why didn’t she tell us?” 

You felt your heart shatter upon seeing her this upset and you immediately went to her side. You grabbed her free hand, pulling her eyes off of Chans and onto you. 

“Hey,” you whispered, offering her a small smile while you rubbed your thumb across her knuckles. It was like she totally forgot you were even there. She stared at you flatly for a second before her eyes registered that you were here with her and that you were okay.

“Come on, let’s go talk in the car.” you spoke softly to her as Chan released her cheek and kissed the side of her head, his fingers slipping down to interlock with hers.

She sniffled and shook her head at your suggestion.

“I’m not leaving this airport unless it’s on the next flight out to Amsterdam so I can kick his ass into the next lifetime.” she pouted, though her feet automatically followed yours as you retreated back to Ash and Minho, away from the frightened and confused workers.

“It’ll be easier if you wait until he comes back to Korea so all ten of you can go after him at once.” you suggest, your body internally cringing at how easily you suggested it. Jo just glanced up at you with her big coffee-coloured eyes, a small smile forming on her freckled face.

“That’s actually a brilliant idea.” she whispered in awe as she let Chan and you guide her towards the airport doors. Minho had picked up your two suitcases and Chan grabbed your purse and carry-on from where they were sitting on the ground, handing them to you before you all exited the building into the bright morning sun.

“Thank you. I tend to have those from time to time.” you responded dryly as you hooked your arm through hers. You were mostly doing it to offer her comfort as she slowly calmed down, but a part of you was nervous that if you let her go, she’d turn around, run back inside and hop onto a plane before anyone could stop her.

Despite the way she charged angrily into the airport, you were happy that you decided to call her and Ash after your plane landed instead of grabbing a taxi back to your apartment. Seeing them made being home more real. 

Back in Amsterdam, after the whole incident at the bar, Juho had brought you back to the hotel the three of you were staying in and helped you pack your suitcase as quickly as possible. While you were getting changed and cleaning yourself up, he made a few phone calls and managed to get you onto the next flight schedule home. 

He had then driven you to the airport and dropped you off later that night, reassuring you he would take care of everything and that all you had to do was relax and get home safely.

The flight itself was a long one, nearly twelve hours to be exact, and even though you slept for most of it, you were still exhausted and drained from everything that happened to you.

Seojun didn’t even try to contact you once, which you were thankful for. Sookie attempted to call you, leaving messages after hearing the news from Juho, but you ignored every single one of them. 

It wasn’t until you were waiting for Ash and Jo and the boys to arrive to come pick you up did you get news from Juho that everything was being taken care of. A tweet would be made at the end of the week by the head of the tour company that there was a family emergency that had occurred and you were needed back home, thus claiming your absence for the rest of the tour.

He suspected the fans would respond well to the news as the tour company was planning on sending out refunds to anyone who wanted them, and he also informed you his company was already investigating Seojun and Sookie’s relationship. He estimated the tour would be cut short in a week or two and everyone would be sent home.

You were happy to hear about it, though the thought of Seojun returning back to Korea made you nervous. He had been to your apartment, the family house, and pretty much everywhere you and the gang would hang out. Even though he wasn’t contacting you now it didn’t mean he wouldn’t try once he was home. And boy would he be pissed.

“Does anyone else know I’m home yet?” you asked in an attempt to distract yourself before your thoughts could lead you down a dark path. The five of you were piled into Minho’s truck, the two boys in the front and the three girls in the back. Chan shook his head as he turned in the passenger seat to look at you.

“No. And we’re not going to tell any of them until you’re ready for them to know.” he assured you before Ash spoke up.

“Although you may not have a lot of time. Once that tweet goes out, they’re going to be asking questions.” she said. You nodded.

“I think I just need a day or two to recover and then I’ll come to the house and surprise everyone.” you smiled around a yawn before resting your head on Jo’s shoulder.

“Let one of us know and we can plan a little surprise party for them or something. I know they’ll all be so happy to see you.” Ash smiled as she leaned her head against your shoulder, the three of you looking squished yet comfortable together in the backseat.

You let out a sigh at her words, your brain disobeying you by thinking about the one person you wanted to see now more than anything, despite him probably never wanting to see you again.

“Not everyone. Not Jisung.” you barely whispered with a frown. Everyone heard you speak into the silence, and Chan turned his head around again to give you an encouraging grin.

“Especially Jisung,” he corrected.

Before you could argue with him, Minho cleared his throat and met your gaze in the rearview mirror.

“I have to warn you, though. Jisung’s been-'' he paused and thought about his next words carefully before speaking up, your interest piqued. “He’s been different.”

“Different how?” you questioned.

Minho let out a long breath, as if whatever it was he was going to say had been weighing on him for some time now.

“Well, in short, pre-debut Han Jisung has definitely made an appearance or two.... or six since you’ve been gone. He’s been mean…and irritating…and more than a little miserable.” Minho answered truthfully with a grimace.

“Well, when we actually get a chance to see him, that is.” Chan added. 

You glanced between the two boys with a quizzical look on your face, trying to figure out what they were saying when Ash let out a breath and spoke up for them.

“He moved himself into a hotel for the first three or four months you were gone. He came home before the tour started, but now that it’s ended, we don’t really see much of him anymore.” she spoke with a shrug and gave you an apologetic smile for whatever she was going to say next. “He goes out. A lot. Sometimes he won’t come home until morning when all of us are gathered around eating breakfast. Binnie and Min have tried asking where he goes at night, but he just ignores them and disappears into his room to work for a few hours before he goes out again.” 

“Honestly, he’s probably out whoring around somewhere. He’s certainly turned into one since we’ve been back.” Jo grunted from beside you before you could say anything.

Chan turned and sent her a disappointed look. “Okay now, Love, I wouldn’t go that far.”

Jo’s face scrunched up in disdain. 

“I would. He’s turned into a whore.”

“Jo, please.” Chan pleaded, his mouth set into a frown as he stared at her. “We talked about this.”

“What? I’m still not happy about what he did. Just because Seojun and his band of harlots now sit higher than him on my hitlist doesn’t mean I no longer want to kick his ass.” she grumbled, giving Chan a challenging look. 

You could practically see the way Chan was resisting an eyeroll at her words, so you jumped in before an argument could ensue between the two of them.

“What do you mean he’s turned into a whore?” you asked, the twist in your gut making you not even want an answer back.

Minho interjected and answered your question before Jo could, earning a glare from her in the rearview mirror.

“Well, post-debut Han Jisung has also made a slight appearance, though it’s not as bad as it used to be,” he explained as he drove.

Jo snorted from beside you.

“Not as bad? Dude, anytime we go out anywhere now we have to pull him off of some chick's mouth when it’s time to leave. Sounds a little slutty to me.”

Ash sighed and glanced around you so she could look at Jo.

“Yes, but we don’t have to worry about him going home with them, or him bringing them back to the house either. It’s not slutty unless he sleeps with them.” she reasoned. You felt more confused than before.

“What are you guys on about?”

Minho sighed as he clutched the steering wheel. “Whenever we go out to clubs or bars now, Ji just seeks out a pretty woman and stays glued to her side pretty much all night. They’re usually found dancing together or making out in dark corners when it’s time to go.”

Minho's words cut through you like a knife, slashing at your heart without mercy. Your breath then got caught in your throat for a second at the thought that swirled through your head. 

He's moved on.

“Oh.” you responded. Your voice sounded eerily calm, neutral, and expressionless despite the way the cracks in your already-shattered heart began to extend. “Awesome.”

“Look, it’s not as bad as you think.” Chan encouraged as he reached out to grab your hand reassuringly. “Seeing as I’m the one who usually has to go and detach him from these women, I can honestly say he’s not at all into it.” 

“You stand there and watch Jisung make out with women?” Jo suddenly interjected, her angry behavior now turned bratty and annoyed. Chan granted her a quick glare before he shook his head and rubbed at his eyes.

“Jesus, Jo, no. I don’t stand there and watch him. I’m just saying, in the seconds it takes for me to walk up to them, I’ve noticed based on his body language that he’s not into it.``

Silence filled the vehicle suddenly as the two of them stared each other in the eye, both challenging one another to speak. You felt a wave of discomfort wash over you when no one else decided to break the tension that was suddenly filling the car.

Ash and Minho looked unbothered, as if they were used to this switch in behavior by now, but you were having trouble wrapping your head around the sudden change in dynamic.

No less than twenty minutes ago Chan was holding her as she cried into his arms, soothing her and helping her calm down before she gave herself a hernia, and now they were glaring at one another as if Jo was actually pissed that he stopped her from leaving on a plane back at the airport.

You swallowed roughly and tried to alleviate some of the stress that clouded the air surrounding you.

“Not into it, how?” you asked quietly. Chan ignored you briefly and addressed Jo with a certain dominance you never noticed he had before.

“Are you done?” he asked casually, his brows lifted expectantly. Jo bit her cheek, her brown eyes widening as a frown of regret spread across her face. She nodded, leaving you even more confused as to what the hell was going on. 

“Sorry Chris.” she apologised before giving him a small smile. Chan smiled back and you felt like you suddenly had whiplash. 

What the fuck was happening?

“To answer your question Bunny, Ji never actually touches any of the women he meets.” Chan started to explain as his attention turned back to you. You blinked, wondering if you had just imagined the entire ordeal, but Minho’s small chuckle proved you didn’t.

“While these girls have their hands all over him, scratching up his arms and pulling at his hair, his hands stay planted on whatever objects he’s pushed them up against. Anytime they try to pull him against them, he’ll resist. Anytime they ask to take him home, he’ll stop what he’s doing, turn around and leave them high and dry. It’s like he’s looking for a mental distraction, not a physical one.”

“Yeah,” Minho added onto Chan's tangent as he pulled up to a red light. “He hasn’t been with anyone since the night you left, and the only reason he went through with that hook-up was because he let his emotions take over. He said he didn’t even enjoy himself because he was too busy thinking about you.”

You blinked once at Minho's honesty, feeling a blush cover your cheeks at how casually he brought up Jisungs sex life.

“Why would he do that?” you asked. Minho raised a brow while Chan gave you an expressionless look. Ash even let out a laugh from beside you.

“Oh, come on Bunny. You know why.”

“He loves you.”

“You big dumb idiot.” 

The three of them all laughed while you crossed your arms and let out a huff of frustration at their claims.

“Well, he sure has a funny way of showing it,” you mumbled, reminiscing back to how over the last year and a half, you hadn’t heard from him once.

Jo rolled her eyes and exhaled roughly.

“It's not like it’s intentional.” she finally gave in to the Jisung talk despite wanting to be mad at him still for all the crap he did. “And I guarantee if he knew you were back, he’d never leave your side again.”

“Why don’t you join us tonight?” Ash piped in then with excitement. “We’re going to The Basement for a couple of drinks and some dancing. I know the boys would be happy to see you.”

The four of them all looked at you in anticipation at Ash’s invitation, causing you to bite your lip nervously. It would be nice to surprise the guys and see everyone again. It’d be even nicer to get some drinks in you and dance all the stress away with your friends, but you were tired.

It was a long flight, and you still felt so much stress and anxiety and downright exhaustion from fleeing Seojun and the tour itself. You didn’t think you had the energy in you to go out clubbing tonight, no matter how enticing it sounded.

“I don’t know. I don’t think I’m ready to see Ji yet.” you told them all honestly.

Ash elbowed you playfully in the ribcage while she wiggled her eyebrows.

“I bet he’s ready to see you.” she teased.

You laughed and shook your head at her before Minho suddenly spoke up once more.

“Lemme ask you a question, Bunny.”

He had pulled up to the front of your apartment block and turned off the car abruptly before he unbuckled his seat belt and turned to look at you head on. Everyone's attention was on him as a serious look settled onto his face, and you felt nervous as his eyes found yours.

“Do you still love him?”

That was the stupidest question he could’ve asked you. Despite everything that happened between the two of you the night before you left, despite all the shit you endured over the course of the tour with Seojun and Sookie and everything in between, despite the very clear, very painful absence in your life and in your heart, your answer always remained the same. 

“More than anything else in the world.” You answered without hesitation, tears springing to your eyes. After all this time apart, not speaking to each other and not seeing each other on a daily basis, your heart only longed for him more. 

You searched for him around every corner, looked for him in every crowded room, listening for his voice everywhere you went.  You reached out for his hand every time you felt anxious, hovered over his contact info in your phone every time you felt lonely, dreamt of him holding you every time you felt homesick.

He was a constant in your life even without him being in it at all.

“More than anything else in the world.” You repeated quietly, mostly to yourself as that realisation hit you like a bucket of ice cold water.  

He was the one. 

He was your person. 

Even when you left to indulge yourself in what you thought would be a perfect romance with Seojun, your heart ached for him. 

He was the one you loved. 

He was the one who made you laugh until your stomach hurt and your bladder was threatening to let go. He was the one who made you feel safe in his arms whenever a panic attack took over your body. He was the one who’s smile could brighten your whole day.

He was the one who loved you back without judgement, who never raised a hand your way when you spoke your feelings out loud, even if those feelings weren't what he wanted to hear.  He never gaslit you and manipulated you into loving him back.

He was everything to you and more.

And you needed him.

“Jisung would wait an eternity for you if he had to, but please, please don’t make him.” Chan spoke softly, pleadingly. You shifted your gaze from the centre console of Minho's truck to him. “He’s been such a whiny bitch since you left and I can’t take anymore of it.”

The smile on Chan's face told you he wasn’t serious about the last part, that he was just trying to make you smile, which he succeeded in. 

“Sounds pretty on brand of him.” You joked back, wiping at your eyes. You were so tired of crying. “I don’t know guys. I don’t think I’m ready to jump into something else right now. Or ever honestly. Seojun really fucked me up.” you then admitted.

Minho gave you a sad sigh.

“We understand Bunny, we understand completely. And you know we’d never pressure you into something you didn’t want to do. We just want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy.”

You nodded at his words as you wiped at your eyes once more.

“I know. Thank you Min. I know what happened with Seojun wasn’t my fault. Not completely anyways. And I know I deserve to be happy, I just-” you paused and let a sigh of your own out. “I want to come out and see everyone and talk to Ji and figure out where he and I stand with everything, but I just need time.”

“Then we’ll give you all the time you need.”

 *****

The clock that sat above your TV tic-ticked noisily throughout the quiet apartment. It was half past ten o'clock and you were sitting on your couch, fiddling aimlessly with the fabric of the old blanket you had wrapped yourself in. 

Jo had texted you a couple hours prior saying they were all heading out to the club and asking if you needed a ride, but you declined. You decided you wanted to stay in for the night and get a good night's rest before you surprised the guys tomorrow.

But once you had showered and brushed your teeth and climbed into your familiar bed, you were wide awake. Every thought you could think of flew through your mind, and it left you feeling so anxious and claustrophobic that you decided to move to the couch to prevent an anxiety attack from happening in the small confines of your bedroom. 

You had a window cracked while soft music played through a speaker that sat in the corner. You had a cup of tea growing cold on the coffee table in front of you, but you were too entranced by the candle that flickered in the cool breeze to even reach out and take a drink.

You debated getting up and taking melatonin to help you fall asleep, but the kitchen that was less than ten steps away suddenly felt so far.

Your brain was too preoccupied with thoughts of Seojun.

He had finally texted you.

Nearly twenty-four hours later.

The texts started off tame. A simple ‘Where are you?’. You had rolled your eyes as you read it but you didn’t bother responding. It had taken him a full day to even realize you had left. Clearly, he didn’t care all that much about where you were.

You intentionally left him on read, hoping he’d feel the sting you were so familiar with by now, but it only made him more angry. Not long after, the spam texts flew in, blowing up your phone.

‘Where the fuck are you?’

‘Why is Juho telling me you’re back in Korea?’

‘Why did you leave?’

‘Are you two fucking?’

‘You unfaithful whore.’

‘When I get back home you and I are going to sit down and have a serious conversation about respect and your role in this relationship.’

‘Will you fucking answer me?’

‘Guess it was all a lie then, huh? You never really loved me at all, did you? Thanks for wasting my fucking time.'

The last one he sent was the one that caused you to silence your phone completely and leave it sitting on your bedside table.

‘see you soon, Darling'

A threat.

You knew he wouldn’t be back in Korea for another couple of weeks, you even texted Juho just to be sure, but the thought of being alone in your apartment now scared the shit out of you.

What if he showed up? Would he wait until you were alone and blindside you, or would your friends be willing to stay with you for a while until everything blew over?

The stress made you feel nauseous.

You thought about calling Chan or Minho and telling them about what Seojun had sent, but you knew it wouldn’t do any good. They were out having a good time and Seojun was still in the Netherlands. There was no reason to work everyone up over an subtle threat.

Still, you couldn’t help but suddenly feel helpless, defenseless in your apartment all alone. He seemed to linger in every dark corner, hiding behind every door you opened. Every creak and crack had you on edge. Every flickering shadow caused by the candle in front of you made your heart race.

It wasn’t fair.

How was it that Seojun got off so easily? How is it that you gave him nothing but love and devotion and now you were the one left suffering alone? Like the universe was out to get you for all the bad you’ve done while growing up. Though, of all the terrible acts you had inflicted upon yourself over the course of your lifetime, Seojun by far had been the worst form of self-harm.

Minho was right. 

You deserved more.

You deserved to be happy.

And the only one who would make you happy, the only one who ever made you happy, was Jisung.

It’s always been him.

And it was time to get him back.

That was the only thought in your mind as you abruptly threw the blanket off of your body, blew out the candle and charged for the door. You barely paused long enough to slip on a pair of shoes and grab your keys before you left, not even bothering to take a look in the mirror that sat beside the front door.

It wasn’t until you had reached the outdoors and a brisk wind hit you did you realise you didn’t change your clothes. Your hair was pulled back into the messiest bun, barely held together by a thin elastic, and your face was make-up free for the first time in what felt like months. You probably looked more than a little homeless to anyone passing by, however, your determination had complete control of your body and you feared you’d lose your nerve if you even thought about stepping foot back inside.

The oversized t-shirt that you stole from Jisungs closet years ago was distressed, worn out and littered with holes, but it hung low enough down your body to cover the pair of pyjama shorts you had pulled on after your shower. The warm, tight material of the shorts barely covered your butt, and it did little to protect you from the cold air, but with the adrenaline coursing through your veins so rapidly at your own bravery, you barely noticed it.

When you hailed a taxi and arrived outside the club, the line was still long despite how late in the evening it was. People were huddled together in groups as they laughed and joked with one another, trying to pass the time until they’d be let in. A group of girls at the front of the line eyed you as soon as your converse-covered feet hit the curb, sending you looks of disgust and disdain at your current state.

The thought of the club being filled with beautiful women who were all half dressed and liquored up, ready to dance with anyone and everyone made you feel uneasy and your resolve slipped as a wave of insecurity passed over you. But, the feeling was gone a second later when you thought about all the women inside who’d be vying for Jisungs attention. 

The thought of him hooking up with someone just through those front doors while you stood outside only made you move faster, approaching the bouncer with a committed smile.

Thanks to the weekly visits you and your friends used to make to the club, and the bouncer being a long time friend of Changbins, you were able to walk straight up and surpass everyone in line, earning glares from the people around you.

“I had a feeling I’d see you here tonight.” Dae-hyun laughed as he stepped aside to let you in. “You don’t exactly meet the dress code, but I guess it’s better than what ninety percent of the people inside are wearing.”

“I’m here on a mission, Dae,” you replied with a wave of his head, ignoring his teasing. You hardly caught his reply as you whipped past him, your feet sending you moving in double time.

“Chan said you’d probably show. You know where they are.”

And with that, you entered the club with only Jisung on your mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist || @sungshineworld @collisvng @ihrtlix @queen-in-the-shadows @cassidymb121

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[gluion]

[part two] of boundaries and secret glances (i'm lucky to be loved by you) ➵ kim sunwoo

idol!kim sunwoo x ex-idol!reader

as a well-respected independent producer in the industry, you get requests from different companies for collaborations. when you accept to work on chanhee and sunwoo's unit track for their upcoming album, you are left to your own devices as you work closely with sunwoo. who is to say what can happen over the days?

genre/warnings ➵ strangers to friends to lovers (though sunwoo has always had a crush on you since your debut), music and lyrics au, fluff, angst with happy ending, afab reader (they/them pronouns), drinking, kpop mistreatment, mental and physical abuse done by companies, close proximity, sunwoo is a FLIRT!!! and also obsessed with you, LOONA IS FREE HERE!!!, iz*one sadly does not exist </3, boundaries are definitely crossed in the sense that you should not be flirting this much with a co-worker turned friend, slight suggestive content at the end

word count ➵ 14.6k words (30.3k words in total)

parts ➵ [1] [2]

taglist ➵ @deoboyznet @kflixnet

a/n ➵ thank you for taking time to read the second part! please note that idols shown or talked about in this fic are not meant to reflect my real thoughts on them. i love all the idols here in this fic. i would really appreciate it if you could take the time to like and reblog this.

want to be part of my taglist? send me an ask! masterlist

It has been a week since your fight with Sunwoo. Soeun chose to defer her employment with IST for another two weeks until she can get her hands on someone to take her job under you. To be clear, you did not care about how Mr. Yoon attempted to screw you over. In fact, you were used to it and trained yourself to not think too much about it.

What bothered you about everything was how Sunwoo seemed to turn his back on you so quickly. Despite all the late nights and moments spent in close proximity, the friendship proved itself to be weak in the face of adversity. You guess Sunwoo needed more from you to truly think of you as a friend.

Now, you were seated in Sunwoo’s favorite Japanese restaurant which had turned into your favorite as well. You were only there for the sushi to patch the wounds that he inflicted on you; food cures everything. Yet, when Hikaru offered a bottle of sake for free, you could not deny her request.

A bottle of sake turned into two and a half, and you were officially drunk. You realize that sushi is not the most filling food to eat before you drink. As you stayed seated and slouched on your table around 1 AM, you were left with your thoughts as Hikaru stayed with you.

“Hikaru, I don’t know what happened,” You slur which has Hikaru letting out a hum.

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“I… I don’t know what happened between me and Sunwoo,” You say as you finally sit up straight.

“Something happened between you two?”

You hiccup and take a moment to make sure you do not vomit. Before you could respond, you heard the bells ring. Once the mystery person made their way to you, you showed a lazy smile.

“Sunwoo!” The person in question sighs as he scratches his head.

“Thank you, Hikaru, for calling me. I’ll take care of them from here.”

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know something happened between you two.” As Sunwoo walks to you, you raise your arms.

“Carry me you asshole!” Despite the sting of your words, the way you exclaimed it was merrily. Sunwoo sighs, faces away from you, and crouches down.

“Get on my back.” You gladly accept his offer and wrap your arms around his shoulders, jumping on his back. The moment he stands up, you stumble but he holds on you tightly.

“Again, I’m sorry about this Hikaru. Do I have to pay for anything? Please send the receipt to the dorm if necessary,” Sunwoo tells Hikaru, making her shake her head.

“No, it’s okay. Just take care of Y/N. Do you need help?”

“I’ll be fine. Thank you!” With that, Sunwoo exits with you on his back.

As he was walking back to your place with you on his back, you were resting your cheek on the back of his head. In fact, you were mumbling something that he could not quite catch.

“Hmm? Y/N, did you say something?”

“Why…” The rest of your words turned into incoherent nonsense that Sunwoo was not sure if he should ask you to say again considering your state.

“Y/N, I couldn’t hear you.”

“Why do you not like me?”

That has Sunwoo stopped in his tracks. As he continued to carry you on his back, he looked at the path in front of him as you continued to mumble.

“Sunwoo,” You hiccup. “What happened to us? Do you not like me?”

Sunwoo’s heart ached at your words. He did not know how to reassure you that he enjoys everything about you, especially in your current state. In fact, it would be no use. With that, he continued to walk with you on his back.

The journey back to your place gave you enough time to rest and sober up somehow. As you gained a clearer conscience, you realized how having Sunwoo carry you on his back was terrible for you. There was no way you could live this down. Yet, you allow yourself to snuggle into him as you take in his smell.

Sunwoo smells of jasmine and rose. The scent of berry lingers on his hair along with the smell of laundry that clings onto his clothes. As you breathe him in, you realize how comforting his presence is in your life.

Once you two finally reached your place, he attempts to wake you up as he thinks you were asleep

“Hey, we’re here.”

As you got off his back, you look away and attempt to make your way to the door. Sunwoo grabs your hand before you could do so and spins you to face him. What he did not expect was to see tears falling down your face.

“Y/N, I’m–”

“Sunwoo, what did I do wrong? Did you not think of me as a friend?”

“What? No, I–” You attempt to shrug his hand off your wrist but fail.

“Let me go,” You say as more tears continue to fall down.

“No, I won’t.”

“Sunwoo, let me go.”

Greeted with no response as his grip remains firm, you attempt to shrug it off once more. Without any success, you start to sob even harder.

“Please, let me go!” Your sobs were even louder, your body shaking as your throat started to strain.

“Y/N, I can’t. I care about you.”

“No, you don’t! If you did, you would have never asked me to take that offer!” You argue back as you look at him straight into his eyes.

“Y/N–”

“Sunwoo, please! The longer you hold onto me, the more confused I get about our relationship. Like, what are we? Friends? Enemies? Strangers who want to flirt? What are we?! It’s so hard to understand you after everything!”

With that, Sunwoo pulls you into his chest and hugs you. As you continue to sob and hit your hands on his chest, he continues to hold you despite everything.

You wish he never bothered to be friends with you. Why could you two not remain colleagues? Why did Sunwoo have to reach out to you and leave you with a broken heart?

It took you a few minutes until your wailing started to calm down. As you start to get exhausted from crying, your arms began to grow tired while your throat started to ache. At that moment, you do not do anything as Sunwoo continues to hold you in his arms.

The moment he lets go of you, he caresses your face so that you could look straight into his eyes. Your bloodshot eyes along with tear-stained cheeks became a painful sight he could not bear to look at, especially knowing he was the cause of this. Despite everything, you saw how his eyes continued to hold the entire universe.

“Y/N, I need to say this to you right now because I’m scared you’ll go back to sleep thinking all of this.”

“I–”

“No, Y/N. Hear me out just this once, please?” Before you could say anything, he went on.

“Y/N, I have always thought of you as a friend. In fact, I regarded you as the one person I wanted to continue spending time with. Maybe it’s because our friendship is so fresh, but I loved every moment I got to have with you.” Sunwoo draws patterns on your cheek with his thumb. “Whether it would be in the studio as we worked in comfortable silence or in my favorite Japanese restaurant that turned into your favorite as well, every single moment is precious because it had you in it.”

“Sure, I was ecstatic to know that I would be spending time with my celebrity crush, but I learned more about you the more we continued to work together. Did you know that I fall asleep to the thought of spending more time–no, that I fall asleep to the thought of you? Everywhere I go at any moment, I always think about you; I wonder how you are today; I hope you got to eat well today; I wonder what other things you can reveal that can keep me absolutely hooked on you.”

“Y/N, I don’t think you realize just how precious you are in everyone’s lives. If you think I never saw you as a friend, well I need to tell you otherwise. I appreciate everything about you—your place in my life has become a comforting presence that I cannot imagine without. In the short period of time we got to know each other, I learned more about you outside of the idol persona I was infatuated with then.”

As your drunken brain tries to process, your mouth parts open.

“I… I don’t get it, Sunwoo. What are you trying to say?”

With that, Sunwoo lets out a sigh as he closes his eyes and loosens his hold on your face. As you continue to stare at him, he has no idea what to say. It was silent for a moment. 

“Chanhee and I talked to Jihoon. We’re trying to negotiate again with our CEO.” You were left in shock.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen but I’m trying to fix it, okay? Hyung just informed Soeun just today, and we’re trying. I don’t want to discuss the details now because I want you to be in a sober state to fully discuss it with you. But I just want you to know I’m doing everything possible to fix this. You do not deserve to be fucked over again—you deserve better,” Sunwoo continues.

The guy who betrayed you was doing all of this for you? It felt surreal that Sunwoo would go to these lengths to right this situation. Maybe it is because you thought that your relationship with him was built on nothing but shameless flirting, but he continues to prove you wrong—you’re so glad he does.

Before you could say anything, Sunwoo says, “I’ll see you when you’re sober, okay?” With that, he engulfs you in a hug.

And he whispers, “Y/N, I miss you. Just let me know when you’re ready to talk.”

With that, Sunwoo nuzzles his face into the top of your head. And before you know it, he gives you a small kiss on the crown of your forehead. Your eyes were closed as his lips linger. The warmth of his lips felt like a blanket you would wrap yourself with when the storm came. You could only wish it could remain like this.

He finally lets go of you and lets his hand hover over your cheek. As you looked up to the guy who had singlehandedly given you warmth and heartache over the weeks, you still wish nothing but happiness for him. It’s not that you lacked respect for yourself for what he did—it’s that Sunwoo still deserves all that is good in the world no matter what you may feel.

Sunwoo drops his hand back to his side and gives a small smile before he decides to walk away. As you stay rooted in place, you watch his figure become smaller as he continues to walk. But before you decide to go back into your house, Sunwoo looks back at you.

“I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me. But I would never hold it against you if you couldn’t.”

It’s been a few days since your last encounter with Sunwoo. Currently, you were in your office going through your emails (which surprised Soeun—even yourself). As you were considering denying all of the requests from these different companies, Soeun continued to give you a rundown of what Jihoon told her regarding the negotiation process.

“Jihoon says that since the anticipated comeback day is coming closer, the situation works in our favor. He mentioned that they haven’t found the right producer to work on Chanhee and Sunwoo’s track. That means that with the tight schedule, their company may reconsider what you produced as the final track.”

You only let out a hum as you continue to scroll through countless emails.

“Hey, look at me,” She says as she snaps her fingers to grab your attention.

As your eyes rip away from the screen, you look at Soeun who had a frown on her face. Clearly, she knew something was up considering your behavior that night with Sunwoo.

“Y/N, I know you are an independent artist but you still need to be careful about what you do. You are a well-respected artist in the industry and we cannot do anything to risk that! Y/N, you are free to go drink out and whatnot but you can’t just drink in public alone! Imagine if people saw you, let alone see you get picked up by Sunwoo! Remember how Keeho and Intak were caught in the club? Or even Taehyun?”

You understood where Soeun was coming from because she is right. It was completely stupid on your end. It was bad enough that you had to sustain yourself as an independent artist. It would be even worse if the public commented on your irrational public drinking behavior.

“I know, I know. I’m sorry.”

“I sure hope you know!” Her voice raises which you flinch at. Soeun notices the way you react and closes her eyes in an attempt to calm herself down.

“I’m… sorry for the way I’m reacting. Y/N, I know I’m going to work in IST soon enough, but I’m still your manager and friend. I’m trying to look out for you,” She says with her eyes open as she takes a seat in front of you.

“And in my attempt to look out for you, I want you to feel comfortable enough to tell me what’s on your mind.”

As she says those words, you lean your head back and look up at the ceiling. No matter how long you and Soeun have been together, you always found it hard to be vulnerable. It is not her fault but yours.

“Soeun, I don’t know. I’m just so lost in what I’m feeling and I–it’s all so confusing, you know? Like–oh my god, why is it so hard to vocalize my thoughts?” You let out a small laugh as you pick on your nails.

“It’s okay, take your time. You always know I’m here to listen, just say whatever comes to mind.”

So you talked, and it went on for hours. The best thing about talking to Soeun is that you always felt understood by her from how she responds to how she reacts. There really is no friend like Soeun—one who is willing to go to all lengths for your happiness and safety.

“Y/N, would you ever find it within yourself to forgive him? I mean, I don’t think I would,” She says, which makes you chuckle.

“The weirdest thing is that I would have never forgiven anyone for that. I mean, I opened up to Sunwoo about my own trauma only for him to completely disregard it.”

And it is true. Sunwoo should not deserve your forgiveness—just like how JYP Entertainment, Stone Entertainment, and IST Entertainment do not deserve it as well. To be treated as a tool that people can use at their own will to only benefit themselves is something no one should ever experience. You decided that you do deserve to be respected. So why do you find it in your heart to want to forgive him?

“I just find it crazy that I cannot bring myself to forgive these entertainment companies but for Sunwoo, I would. Call me infatuated or too up into my delusions, but all the days I’ve spent with him have only shown me a guy with a heart of gold and pure intentions to not only protect but to love immensely. Like, that’s just the type of guy he is! And this comes from someone who is always cynical about men.”

Soeun laughs, caresses your hand, and says, “No, you’re right. I’ve known you for how long and I have never seen you actually consider forgiving a man just like that.”

As you looked down at your intertwined hands, you could only sigh.

“Soeun, am I wrong for wanting to forgive him?” You ask as you look up to her.

With that, silence enters the room. As you wait for Soeun’s answer, anxiety starts to pool in your stomach. You did not want to come off as easy for wanting to forgive the guy who brought joy and sorrow within the past weeks.

“Y/N, wanting to forgive shows just how strong you are. Many people may disagree and say that you’re in the wrong for wanting to forgive him, but I believe that it just shows more of the Y/N I know. You’ve been wronged by so many people but I never see you use that as an excuse to treat people shitty, and that’s what I love about you. That’s why I always say you need to be kinder to yourself and give yourself more credit for all that you do.”

You felt yourself pout at what Soeun said. “Soeun, you’re going to make me sad!” She only laughs.

“I’m right though! I think even your fans would think the same, and I’m sure Sunwoo does.”

You press your tongue against the inside of your cheek as you think about her words. Instead of saying anything, you let go of Soeun’s hand and grab your phone. Once you typed out your message, you gave it one more read and sent it. 

It is 2:36 PM. You were seated in one of your favorite cafes that you would frequent back when you were still in 1CON. As you take a sip from your cup of earl grey tea, you scroll aimlessly through your Instagram.

“Y/N-ah!” You look up to see Jiwoo and Heejin whose smiles lit up the whole room.

Whenever you feel lost, you always find yourself going to these two. They were the ones you relied on the most back in your Produce 101 and 1CON days. Maybe it was due to being in the same unit groups during the competition or being roommates when you were still in 1CON that made you three grow closer. Nonetheless, you were happy that your friendship with them continues to last past disbandment.

“Heejin and Jiwoo! Thank you for meeting with me,” You say as you stand up and give the two a hug.

“Heejin-ah, I’ll get us our drinks. You stay with Y/N,” Jiwoo says as she makes her way to the cashier.

“Y/N, I have a feeling that I know why you called us,” Heejin says with a small smile as you two take a seat.

“Yeah, shocker,” You joke in hopes to lighten up the mood.

“Don’t worry about it. I get it, men truly are something.”

“They really are! I can’t believe I’m letting a man do this to me.”

Before Heejin can respond, Jiwoo comes to you two with some drinks and pastries.

“Here you go, Heejin! Let me just settle down and you can spill on Sunwoo,” She says excitedly which makes you chuckle.

With that, you explain to the two your whole situation with Sunwoo from the start to current. As you talked about the close proximity and all the other actions that transpired between you two, you could see Heejin and Jiwoo squeal.

“Yah! I never knew that all of this happened between you two! You downplay it or leave out so many details in your messages,” Jiwoo scolds you.

“I know, my bad. It’s just, it still feels weird to think that this all happened. But going back, my dilemma still remains. I don’t know what to feel about Sunwoo.”

Heejin scoffs and says, “Do you really not know what to feel about him or are you seeking some kind of external validation?”

“Hey! I mean, I’m both?” You shyly admit.

At first, Heejin and Jiwoo look at each other. A part of you had a feeling that they came prepared with whatever they wanted to say beforehand. With that, they look at you and give you a piece of their minds.

“Y/N, you should just talk to him,” Jiwoo starts off.

“I think it’s all hard to say whether you should forgive him or not if you don’t actually hear him out, you know?” Heejin takes a sip from her cold brew. “And I know that you’re the type of person who wants to come to these situations with a clear understanding of what to do, but it’s not fair for him. In no way am I trying to defend this guy’s actions because it is still pretty shitty and I would scold him. However, I think that your decision to forgive him or not will only be clearer if you talk to him.”

“I agree. If you come in there with a clear and strict decision of forgiving him or not means you don’t want to hear what he has to say. Plus, I do think it’s good on his end that he’s trying to make up for his behavior by trying to negotiate with his own agency. Everyone knows how hard it is for idols to stand up against their own companies—we would know out of all people would know,” Jiwoo points out.

Both of them made sense in what they were saying. If anything, you were starting to understand how important it is to have a talk with Sunwoo.

“So, I’m not wrong for wanting to forgive him?” You ask as you seek validation.

Jiwoo sighs. “You’re not wrong for wanting to hear him out. To hear out the person who betrayed you in hopes to understand and possibly forgive them speaks so much of your character, Y/N.”

“You know, you really are too good for this world. In other instances, I would have told you to ghost this guy and go on with your life.” You laugh at Heejin’s words. “Yet, the way you talk about Sunwoo and all the good things he’s done for you makes me hope that it all goes out well. You’re the one person I trust when it comes to forgiveness—you know that you deserve respect. Of course, you still need to work on acknowledging your achievements,” Heejin continues making you gasp.

“Hey! Soeun won’t get off my back on that, you know?”

“Yeah because it’s true and something you need to focus on,” Jiwoo argues and smacks your arm.

“You work too much!” Heejin exclaims.

“Heejin, I have to work or I’m going to be broke. Being an independent artist is hard,” You point out.

“We get it. I mean, you’re talking to us out of all people!” 

Your group bursts into giggles. It is crazy to think that you three had to undergo mistreatment that scarred your lives. In no way was it right but it is something you three trauma bond over.

“So, what are you going to do?” Jiwoo finally asks.

Instead of answering, you grab your phone and message the man who you needed to hear from.

Sunwoo was not focused during his dance practice. If anything, he has been unfocused since you first stormed out of the building that one day. Of course, he tried to do anything that would help him get his mind on track. However, with the comeback date approaching and no clear future for his and Chanhee’s track, he has been stressed out. It did not help that he missed your presence the most.

“Yo, Sunwoo? You good?” Kevin snaps Sunwoo out of his trance.

“Huh? Oh yeah, sorry.”

Everyone in the group knew that Sunwoo was not his usual self. With the stress of the comeback and his argument with you, many of the members noticed how scatterbrained he has been. Although Chanhee and Changmin made an attempt to talk to him about it, he always shut them down. This is why when Sunwoo approached Chanhee with the idea of talking to Jihoon, Chanhee was shocked about his best friend talking about you after so long.

Jihoon says that he is getting close to sealing the deal with Mr. Yoon. However, he requested to have a meeting with Sunwoo and Chanhee to hear the request from them. With the meeting happening in three days, Sunwoo found himself ridden with anxiety.

There are so many ways in which the meeting could play out; Mr. Yoon easily agrees with their negotiation and has Y/N’s work as the final track; he denies the request and pushes back the unit song for the next comeback instead; or, Sunwoo could lose his job. Everything about this situation stressed him out, but he knew that it was something that needed to be done.

“Okay everyone, let’s stay focused. We have so many segments to fix on,” Sangyeon calls everyone’s attention.

“Sangyeon’s right. Sunwoo, we really need your help here,” Changmin hated to say that to his best friend knowing fully well of the situation, but the time constraints were putting pressure on everyone.

“I know, I know. I’m sorry everyone,” Sunwoo apologizes as he rubs his eyes in frustration.

“Hey, let’s cut some slack for Sunwoo. He’s going through a lot,” Eric attempts to defend his best friend.

“Yeah, but if we don’t show Jihoon hyung anything good, we’ll be scolded,” Hyunjae explains.

“But you guys know that Sunwoo hasn’t been sleeping well since his fight with Y/N,” Chanhee chimes in.

“I know that, but remember when we delivered a bad performance to Sunghoon?” Juyeon shares which made the chatter stop.

The mention of their old manager brings the group into silence. Everyone’s experiences were different, but all would agree Sunghoon has single-handedly traumatized the members. Through insults, invasion of privacy, and gaslighting, many members of the group felt unsafe with him.

“Hey, don’t think about him. We’re safe now, okay?” Sangyeon says before anyone could continue spiraling down into memory lane.

“I’m sure Jihoon hyung will understand, but we still need to present something that would fulfill the standards of the company,” He continues as he stretches his shoulder.

Before anyone could say anything, the door of the practice room opens and reveals Jihoon and Jongseob, their choreography teacher.

“Speak of the devil! We were just talking about you, hyung,” Kevin exclaims with a smile on his face.

“Oh, talking about me? I hope you’re not planning to find a way to sneak out of the dorm again,” Jihoon jokes.

“To be fair, Hyunjae and Younghoon dragged us with them!” Jacob tries to defend him and Kevin while Jihoon only laughs.

“How’s the practice? I thought it would be good to leave you guys to work by yourselves,” Jongseob asks the group.

No one answers.

“I’m assuming that you’re still struggling.”

“Hyung, I think we’re getting stressed by the lack of time and progress,” Changmin pouts.

“And that’s why I’m here to help! Let’s try to refine up to the 2nd verse and work on the rest tomorrow, okay?” Jongseob asks which has the group scream out in happiness.

“Can I speak to Sunwoo first?” Jihoon asks.

Sunwoo only nods and walks out of the practice room with Jihoon. He continues to follow Jihoon until they reach an empty recording studio. Once the two entered, they made their way to the black couch that stood at the end of the room and sat down.

The thing is that Sunwoo is nervous. The name of Sunghoon being mentioned brought him memories he wished he could forget. So to be seated alone with Jihoon only rid him of anxiety.

Sunwoo did not have it in him to share what he went through with anyone. So when Y/N asked him back then what his experience is like with The Boyz, he purposely omitted it. It is not that he did not trust Y/N but more that it was hard for him to ever have to vocalize his own experiences with Sunghoon that almost pushed him to leave the group.

“Hey, Sunwoo? Are you okay?” Jihoon snaps Sunwoo out of his trance.

“What? I’m sorry. I’m okay, hyung,” Sunwoo says with a quick smile as a cover-up.

Jihoon only frowns and says, “Sunwoo-ah, I know you well enough to see that you’re upset about something. It’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it but you don’t need to lie to me.”

Sunwoo shakes his head and lets out a sigh.

“I’m sorry, hyung. It’s just that I’ve been so lost with… everything, really,” Sunwoo attempts to joke as he lets out a chuckle.

“No, I get it. With what you’re going through with Y/N, the comeback date coming soon, and your upcoming meeting with Mr. Yoon, I would be surprised if you weren’t stressed.”

“Yeah but… I’m trying to deal with it.”

“And you know that you don’t have to deal with it alone, right?” Jihoon is only met with silence.

“Sunwoo, you are a very talented guy whose charisma manages to bring up everyone’s mood. You somehow–no wait, you are the life of the party for many and the shoulder to cry on for others. So you should know that whenever the burden is too hard to carry, you have people you can rely on—me, your members, Y/N even.”

Sunwoo only sighs as he plays with his hands. “I know, you’re right. I think it’s just weird to still be open about anything.”

“Hey, I understand. I mean, I get that it would be weird to be open with your manager but I always want you to know that I am not like Sunghoon,” Jihoon tries to make a point by holding onto Sunwoo’s hands.

“I’m sorry to bring his name up but I know the damage he’s inflicted upon you guys mentally and physically. Every day, I still see how his memory continues to live with you guys from the way you function during comeback season to the way you treat yourselves. So when I look at you now, I feel the need to reiterate it.”

Sunwoo cannot help but smile at Jihoon. One of the things that Sunwoo appreciates about Jihoon is that he has always been attentive to the needs of the group. From food cravings to fatigue levels, Jihoon always found ways to make sure every member was heard and understood.

“Thank you, Jihoon hyung. It means a lot. You do so much for us and I hope you know how much we appreciate you,” Sunwoo says, which earns a smile from Jihoon.

“I know that even if you guys tend to mess around or sneak out of the dorm every once in a while.” The two burst into laughter.

“Well, I just wanted you to know that. Now, the reason I called you here is to talk to you about more details about what to expect from the meeting.” Sunwoo nods. “Thankfully, Soeun and I discussed thoroughly the details and what might help with the negotiation pushing through. Thankfully, I will be in the meeting to help so you don’t have to worry too much. I do think you and Chanhee need to prepare a good and rational explanation as to why they should accept Y/N’s work as the final track and I can deal with all the technical details such as dates and whatnot. I’ll send you a proper message later tonight.”

Sunwoo nods firmly and shows Jihoon a smile. Before he could say anything, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. As he takes it out to see the notification, he is surprised to see a message from you. As he gasps, Jihoon could only guess what has Sunwoo in such a reaction.

“I am guessing that you have somewhere to be.” Sunwoo shoots Jihoon a smile and hugs him briefly.

“Thank you, hyung! I’ll see you later,” He says as he stands up and quickly makes his way to the door.

“Yah, don’t forget you need to be in the dorm by 9 PM latest!”

It is 4:21 PM. You were seated in the same cafe where you met up with Heejin and Jiwoo. You decided to get a chai latte to accompany your book. Although you tried to read the pages of Crying in H Mart, you could not keep your mind off of your upcoming meeting with Sunwoo.

You decide to grab your phone and look back at your conversation with Sunwoo.

y/n: are you free to meet?

zzoguri 🦝: of course! i can meet you around 4:30?

zzoguri 🦝: where should i meet you :]

y/n: there’s actually a cafe i frequent that’s near my place. it’s called milk and roasters

y/n: i can send you the google maps details if you need it

zzoguri 🦝: it’s okay i found it. i’ll see you :]]

As you continue to look down at the conversation that took place hours ago, you start to feel anxiety pool at the bottom of your stomach. Although you are the type of person who stands their ground and likes to hear people out, you cannot deny that you were the anxious type. Your tendency to overthink always brought you to hypothetical situations you never wanted to experience.

This is why you never noticed that Sunwoo entered the cafe as you continued to stare down at your phone.

“Hey.”

You felt yourself jump in your seat at Sunwoo’s sudden voice. As you look up at him, you notice a sheepish smile plastered on his face.

“Jesus! Sunwoo, you scared me.”

“To be fair, I wanted to see if you really were easy to scare like I’ve seen in the old 1CON vlogs,” He says as he takes a seat across from you.

“Oh god, you really watched those? I was such a baby then.”

“Of course I did! You were my number one pick—you still are.” You could only roll your eyes at Sunwoo.

“Plus, Haknyeon did mention you’re my celebrity crush,” He continues as he looks out the window.

You only giggle and say, “I can’t believe that getting me to work on your unit track was just a ploy for you to meet your celebrity crush.”

Sunwoo was about to protest but no words left his mouth. “Yeah, it really was.”

You try to hide the smile forming on your face by taking a sip of your chai latte (though you are not sure if you were blushing). Once you put your phone and book away, you look right at the boy seated across you.

“I’m ready to listen regarding the negotiation.”

Sunwoo lets out a sigh at first to prepare what he was going to say. Although he spent his time drafting a flow of what he would say on the way to you, he was scared that he would fuck this up.

“Ever since our, you know… fight, I’ve been trying to find a way to make this all right. I thought I could just apologize but I knew it wouldn’t be enough.” Sunwoo tongues the inside of his cheek. “I mean, I basically asked you to give your work as a demo despite knowing all the times your old companies didn’t credit you for your work—let alone properly pay you for it. That’s why I talked with Chanhee about negotiating again and he was open to the idea.”

“We eventually found ourselves talking to Jihoon hyung and one thing led to another. We’re trying to push for your work to be the final track for many reasons; there’s not enough time to outsource another producer who would deliver a track within the projected internal deadline; it would be impossible for me and Chanhee to squeeze in enough time to work with a new producer since we’re focused on our comeback performances; and it’s also not fair to you—above all reasons, that is the one that I find important to address.”

Sunwoo takes a deep breath. “Y/N, I’m sorry for ever asking you to do something that would only have you relive your trauma or create room for more disrespect directed towards you. When I looked back at our conversations about your time in JYP and Stone Music Entertainment, I only realized after our fight what I was asking you to do. You do not deserve to be forced to relive your trauma. So above everything, I’m sorry.”

You are silent for a moment as you process his words.

“Sunwoo, so why did you ask for me to accept the deal then?” He lets out a sigh at your question.

“I… don’t know,” He admits. “I know, that sounds so shitty but I really don’t know what was on my mind to push you into the deal. I think I wanted to believe that they wouldn’t make any significant changes to your work; I just wanted to rap to the song you produced,” He trails off.

“But also, I think a part of me was scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“I… I think I was scared of how Jihoon hyung and Mr. Yoon would react if you denied the deal. I–this isn’t about me, sorry. Just know that it was wrong on my end; I’m doing all that I can to fix this,” Sunwoo answers as he looks down at his crossed arms that rested on the table.

You do not know what came to you, but you found yourself reaching out to Sunwoo’s arm. As you rested your hand there, he looked up at you with eyes filled with guilt.

“Sunwoo, it’s okay. You can tell me—this is also about you as much as it is about me.”

At first, Sunwoo was hesitant to share with you something so traumatic and personal to him. He hates to vocalize any experience related to Sunghoon. Yet, the moment you showed your smile that filled him with warmth without fail, that is when he knew it was time to tell you.

“A part of me would think that I would have to carry the blame or the burden if you denied the deal,” Sunwoo starts off. “I felt as if I would have to be in charge to clean up the mess. I mean, I was the one who pushed for you to be the producer for the unit track. It made me think that if we didn’t get to use your work, I would need to do all the work once again. But most of all, I was scared that I would get scolded by the company.”

Sunwoo sighs. “Y/N, remember that conversation we had when we were at the convenience store? The one where you asked me what it’s like to be in The Boyz?” You only nod.

“I know I mentioned that the scolding was the worst of it all and… it’s because of what the group had to go through back then.” You found yourself slowly rubbing his arm in hopes to comfort him.

Sunwoo sucks in a breath.

“We had a manager before Jihoon; his name is Sunghoon. He was our manager back in our pre-debut to freshly debuted days. At first, Sunghoon was a great manager. I mean, he took care of us and defended us on most occasions. If anything, we trusted him so much with so many secrets.”

“But something flipped in him—or maybe he was just always a bad person and we never noticed. At first, he would manipulate us into thinking we were too fat or we lacked so much skill that it would cost our debut.” Sunwoo found himself shuddering at the memories. “At one point, I remember that he made Changmin believe that it would be impossible for him to improve in singing. Changmin took that to heart because he only had dancing. He knew that if he didn’t show any improvement, he would be kicked out of the group.”

Sunwoo closed his eyes. “I think one of the worst things I underwent is the physical and mental exhaustion he would subject me to.”

“Out of all the members, he expected me to be the perfect dancer—the one to get the choreography and perform it exquisitely within the first days of learning it.” Sunwoo shakes his head. “But for some reason, he made me believe that all the times I would slip up were the main reasons why I was holding the group back. Although the group tried to tell me that I was one of the best dancers and it was fine for me to make some mistakes, I started to believe that I was at fault if I wasn’t doing anything perfectly.”

“It started to reach a point where Sunghoon would force me to stay late in the practice rooms alone and he would force me to perform the same choreography until I got it perfectly. The other members said it was weird that only I was being subjected to that but the others had other mistreatments they were being put through; Haknyeon was put through inhumane diets; Juyeon and Changmin were forced to sing until their vocal cords would strain; Kevin and Jacob would not be allowed to talk to their family back in Canada; and so much more.”

The more Sunwoo shares his story, the more your heart would ache for him. It was not right that he had to go through such a traumatic experience in the same way that you should not have been discredited for your creative works. It is not right that so many trainees and idols are continuously subjected to mistreatment as if they are only tools for the success of these companies.

“No matter how many times Sangyeon tried to talk to Mr. Yoon, he would not believe us. And somehow, Sunghoon always found out whenever Sangyeon tried to talk. The–god, the physical abuse I had to see Sangyeon undergo was terrible. I think he had it worst out of all of us.” Sunwoo bites his lip.

You wish you knew what to say when you heard Sunwoo’s story, but his experience is something you do not think you had a place to comment on. All you could do is hold onto his arm—only caress him in a way that you wish could heal him of all wounds.

“Somehow, we managed to get our families involved. It was risky since we had no contact with them because of Sunghoon, but Hyunjae found a way. It only helped that some of us were still minors when we debuted. Mr. Yoon finally listened once our families got involved and we never saw Sunghoon again.”

“But the worst of it all is that no one knows what happened to us publicly. We weren’t allowed to talk about it outside of the group—even our families weren’t allowed.”

For a moment, silence comes to you two.

He sighs. “I don’t know what Sunghoon is doing now; many of us pressed charges against him but he quickly solved it. So while he continues to walk around, I’m here still picking up the pieces. I feel at fault for everything that doesn’t go the way we had planned out—just like how Sunghoon made me believe that any mistake I committed held back everyone.”

You do not say anything. In situations like these, you think it is best to just listen until the person speaking gives you a clear indication to talk.

As Sunwoo continues to look down at your hand that rested on his arm, he felt a sense of warmth fill him. And you least expect it when he grabs a hold of it and intertwines his fingers.

“Y/N, I want you to know that you do mean the world to me, and I’m sorry that I ever treated you like that.” His eyes are filled with guilt as he says those words. “But I feel even more sorry knowing that you started to doubt our friendship just because of my actions. So I meant every word I said that night when I brought you back home, and all others during the time we spent together,” He speaks as he draws circles with his thumb on the back of your hand.

It felt so nice to be cared for by Sunwoo—you could only imagine how it would feel to be loved by him.

“Sunwoo, I forgive you and I’m sorry you had to go through that.” You give him a small smile. “You don’t have to be sorry for ever keeping that memory to yourself; I would’ve done the same. Typically, people would just apologize or even go on with their days. You though… you went to such great lengths to fix all of this, and I’m forever thankful for you.” You take a look at your interwoven hands. “So I want to at least tell you… thank you for this, and I always want you to know I’m here for you every step of the way.”

Sunwoo cannot help but smile at your words. “You’re too good to me.”

“I think you’re talking about yourself,” You giggle.

Sunwoo was seated across from Mr. Yoon with Chanhee and Jihoon by his side. He still could not believe the day had come. He has had numerous discussions with Chanhee and Jihoon about what needs to be said. With the pressure of comeback day coming, the uncertainty of the NEWSUN track, and your overall happiness, he knew he had to do anything possible to have Mr. Yoon agree to the negotiation.

“Hello everyone. You have called this meeting to hold a negotiation regarding the NEWSUN unit song and to discuss our last encounter with Y/N,” Mr. Yoon starts off.

“Yes sir, I will have the boys speak first and I will present the technical data after,” Jihoon responds.

Chanhee sucks a breath in. “When Sunwoo and I were conceptualizing what we wanted from this track, we wanted to ensure a performance that captured our charms, capabilities, and message we wish to convey. It took months for us to truly decide on what type of song we wanted but we were always certain to have Y/N produce the final track from the start. It is our dream to work with them—let alone meet them. With that, both Sunwoo and I were happy to see the final product of the track that we believe fulfills the standards of the company, especially under the supervision of Jihoon hyung.”

“Although you wish to have Y/N’s work as a demo, both parties previously agreed to their work acting as the final track with only minimal edits if necessary. However, with them unaware of the change in the contract, we lost the perfect track to work with. With this, Chanhee and I agreed that it would be best to discuss with you on what can be done to proceed forward,” Sunwoo says.

Jihoon points his laptop screen to Mr. Yoon with the calendar showcased. “Sir, we have spent around a month working with Y/N as the producer as we were under the impression that their work would act as the final track. However, with your proposed changes of requesting a demo, it was impossible for the team to outsource enough producers willing to agree with the proposed internal deadline.

“Along with this, the group is now at the stage where they are heavily focused on refining their performance for the title track. With the time constraints, both Chanhee and Sunwoo may be unable to work with a new producer to create the track they envisioned. Lastly, it is important to point out that the company luckily got away with this as Y/N is an independent artist with not enough manpower to sue for a breach of contract. Still, it is not right that we amended the details of the contract and did not get a clear understanding of whether they were aware of the changes,” Jihoon continues.

“We ask for you to reconsider having Y/N’s work as the final track as it fulfills the vision of mine and Chanhee’s. Y/N is a well-respected artist in the industry whose tracks ensure success for the artists they work with. Through the number of sales and streams other artists have as seen here…” Jihoon shows a line graph. “... then we can hopefully predict similar results for the group as well.”

Sunwoo hesitates for a second as he gets a good look at Mr. Yoon whose facial expression never faltered. “My time working with Y/N has improved me as an artist as I got to learn from them. Not only that but I believe they are a well-respected partner that the company could keep close contact with. But above everything, Y/N does not deserve the treatment we subjected them to. If anything, it is an honor that we got to work with them.”

Sunwoo takes a second to breathe. “Both Y/N and I have grown closer during our time working, and I would hate to disrespect an artist and friend like them.”

For a moment, the CEO only looks at the three people who sat across from him. Sunwoo knew that Mr. Yoon could do anything he wanted and that they would have no absolute say in it. But for once, he was clinging onto that string of hope that maybe their company has changed and learned to listen to their artists.

“Okay.”

It took a bit for Chanhee, Sunwoo, and Jihoon to register what Mr. Yoon said. However, when he nodded, a smile showed on their faces.

“You are right, Y/N is a well-respected artist who we must keep in close contact with. With the time constraints, I cannot risk pushing back the unit track any further as the marketing materials have already been made. And Jihoon is right, I am lucky enough to have gotten away with this but it doesn’t make it right.” Mr. Yoon sucks a breath in. “So you are right, and I’m sorry for not listening to you. Jihoon, please send an email to Y/N’s manager. Hopefully, they would still allow us to use their work as the final track,” He orders Jihoon.

“Now, get back to work. You better deliver good results for this comeback.”

It is 3:23 PM. You were at home enjoying a bag of chips as you watched The Uncanny Counter on Netflix. Soeun had an emergency to attend to which is why you decided that today would be a good day to not do anything. As you were sprawled over the sofa, you watched So Moon and Do Hana interact on screen.

“Sejeong is so pretty,” You muttered to no one as you continued to snack away.

While you were invested in the show, you were surprised to hear the doorbell ring. You frowned to yourself as you got off the couch. Once you make your way to the front door, you take a look into the peephole to see Sunwoo.

“Shit!” You exclaim quietly as you look down at your clothes; a grey oversized RJ of BT21 shirt and blue checkered shorts.

You can hear Sunwoo’s snicker from the other side of the door.

“Yah, Y/N! I can hear you, let me in.”

“Sunwoo, I am not dressed up!”

“It’s okay, just let me in,” He knocks on the door.

As you get annoyed with his knocks, you give in and swing the door open. A smiley Sunwoo appears by your doorstep (though you did notice his smile getting wider when he saw what you were wearing). You frown at him and take a step to the side to let him in.

You close the door and say, “I did not expect to see you today.”

“Well, I’m here. I just had my meeting with Mr. Yoon.” You felt your lips part open as anxiety started to creep in.

“Oh my god, I thought it would take some more meetings.” For a moment, you felt yourself panic over what news Sunwoo may have brought into the household.

However, Sunwoo still had that stupid smile on his face (something you still greatly love and despise). And you are left shocked by what leaves his mouth. “I sealed the deal. Y/N, your work is now officially the final track of mine and Chanhee’s unit song!”

As soon as he shared the news, you felt yourself jump in happiness and hug Sunwoo. At first, Sunwoo was stiff as he was not expecting you to hug him so suddenly. But the moment you hugged him tighter is when he let himself melt into the hug. His arms went to wrap around your waist and lifted you off the ground slightly.

“Sunwoo, I can’t believe it! You did it!”

Although the negotiation seemed more about you, you believed it to be for Sunwoo. Ever since he told you his story in the cafe a few days ago, you were worried about him confronting his boss. You did not want him to do anything that would ultimately risk his career. And yet, here he stood before you, victorious than ever.

With your arms still wrapped around him and his with yours, you decided to lean a bit backward to look at him properly. “You managed to get the track! Now, you and Chanhee can say that you fulfilled your number one wish.”

Sunwoo chuckles as he looks directly back at you.

“Yeah, I guess so. But Y/N, that’s not my number one wish.” You let out a gasp.

“Kim Sunwoo, you’re saying that working with me is not your number one wish? After Haknyeon had to tell me that I was your celebrity crush?”

Sunwoo rolls his eyes. “How many times do I have to say that you are my celebrity crush?” You only frown at him.

“Haha, stop with the lies.” He shakes his head.

“Well, you better be happy you at least got to get that wish fulfilled—whatever your number one wish may be,” You mutter the last half bitterly which only makes him laugh.

You let go of him and make your way back to the couch in your living room. As you moved aside your bag of chips, Sunwoo took a seat beside you.

“Hey, you don’t want to celebrate this win?” You let out a hum as you were thinking over his question.

“Shouldn’t we be celebrating with Chanhee then?”

“Chanhee has something else he needs to attend to,” He says only for you to pout.

“I miss that guy, you know?”

“Well, we can try to celebrate with him on another day.”

You nod. “Well, what do you have in mind?”

“Honestly, I can only think of eating out as an option.”

You started to think of what other things you and Sunwoo could do. “Oh! What about drinking?”

As you look at him excitedly, he only shakes his head with a small smile on his lips.

“No drinking? Why? Is it because it’s your comeback soon?” You ask.

“No, it isn’t that.”

“Well, what’s wrong with drinking? You hate drinking with me, do you?” You tease only for Sunwoo’s smile to get bigger as he shakes his head once more.

It takes him a moment to speak. “I don’t trust myself with alcohol when I’m around you.”

You felt your eyebrows furrow at the statement. With such an ambiguous statement, you were not sure what to make of he just said.

“Okay… well we can just eat out,” You say as you shut off the television screen.

“Alright.”

“But before anything,” You move closer to him and give him another hug. “Thank you again, and I’m so proud of you.”

It is 3:34 PM. You were in the backstage area where The Boyz will be having their comeback showcase. The group wished to extend an invitation to you to show their appreciation for having you work on Chanhee and Sunwoo’s track. As you tried to peek through the curtains, you noticed how big and spacious the stadium was.

“Y/N-ah, we have to move,” Soeun grabs your attention by tapping your soldier.

As she started to walk, you followed her closely. Every time staff members would pass by you, they would always greet you ecstatically. It still feels surreal that many people recognize you and respect you despite 1CON disbanding two years ago. No matter how washed-out of an artist you try to make yourself out to be, the love and regard you receive from many prove otherwise.

Soeun stops in front of a door that you are unfamiliar with. The moment she knocks, the door swings open to reveal Eric all dressed up in an oversized shirt, fishnets, and leather pants.

“Y/N! It’s so nice to see you here,” He says with a smile and takes a step to the side.

“I’ll see you later. I’m going to meet with Jihoon,” Soeun briefly says before leaving you.

As you take a step inside, you could see Hyunjae, Sangyeon, and Juyeon getting their makeup done. In contrast, Changmin, Chanhee, and Younghoon were busy playing around while Jacob, Haknyeon, and Kevin were on their phones showing each other TikTok videos. All of them were dressed up in clothing that would involve corsets, fishnets, leather, and more. 

“Y/N! You’re here!” Haknyeon exclaims.

As everyone greeted you, you could only smile. “Hi everyone, I’m sorry I could not bring you guys anything to congratulate you on your comeback. However, I would like to treat you guys to dinner one day.”

“Ah, thank you! You really don’t need to,” Sangyeon responds.

“Please, I insist. I mean, you gave me an opportunity to participate in this album so it seems only right. I also got to make some new friends through this opportunity.”

Chanhee cannot help but smile. “Y/N, I still cannot believe that we got you to work on the NEWSUN track. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.”

“Will you be going to the afterparty later?” Kevin asks to which you nod.

Before you could say anything, you notice Sunwoo emerging from the back of the room dressed in a crop top with fishnets under and leather pants. For a moment, you feel your brain blank out at the sight of him (and his abs, though you hate to admit it). But the smile that shows up on his face when he sees you is something you could not help but feel so much warmth from.

“Y/N! I did not expect to see you here in our dressing room,” Sunwoo says as he walks closer to you.

Before you could say anything, he wraps his arms around you and gives you a hug. You felt shy at the sudden action, especially since his other members could see the interaction.

“You came to support me, didn’t you?” Sunwoo says cheekily with a wink to which you only roll your eyes.

“Sunwoo, can’t you just thank me for showing up?”

He only laughs and lets go of you. “Thank you, Y/N.”

“We also have a gift for you,” You spin to look at Juyeon who is not seated in his chair anymore.

You were surprised to see him bring out a signed album of theirs from behind him. “Wow, thank you!”

As he hands you the album, you closely inspect all the signatures on the cover of the album. You notice the smiley faces, the heart, and even a “Thank you, Korea’s Sweetheart Y/N <3” on it. You can only smile.

“If you look through the pages, you might actually find some doodles or notes from us,” Sunwoo shares as he looks over your shoulder.

As you skim through the pages, you can only giggle at the drawings that the members have left. “I hope you didn’t leave any of your drawings here, Sunwoo.”

“Hey, I can draw!” Sunwoo exclaims as you move your head to the side to be able to see him since your back was facing him.

“Whatever you say,” You smirk as you continue to flip through the pages.

Before Sunwoo could argue, Jihoon and Soeun enter the room.

“Ah, I see you’ve given Y/N the album. It would be good to take a picture of you all together and then Sunwoo, Y/N, and Chanhee.”

Everyone collectively agreed to take these photos so you all moved out of the dressing room to take a proper picture. Jihoon held his phone up as you and The Boyz repositioned for the photo. While half of them decided to crouch, the other half of them including yourself remained standing behind them. As you are pushed to the middle of Sunwoo and Changmin, you cannot help but hold the album up so it can be seen in the picture.

“You guys can get a little closer,” Jihoon calls out which has you all squeezing in.

“Perfect! I’ll be taking the picture now.”

“3…” You continued to hold up the album but felt Sunwoo nudging your side.

“2…” His arms start to snake across your waist.

“1…” And he brings you closer to him.

For a moment, you cannot hide the shock that appears on your face. But as you hear the shutter sounds, you quickly cover it up with a smile.

“There we go!” Jihoon says as he looks down at the photo.

“Can we just get Sunwoo, Chanhee, and Y/N?” Soeun asks those who are not part of the picture to step aside.

While Chanhee took his position beside you, Sunwoo’s arm never left your waist. You were hoping that you were not blushing hard enough for the members to notice—let alone Sunwoo. Though you could not help but look over at the other members who seemed to snicker at you two.

“Okay, 3…”

“2…” You felt Sunwoo rest his head on the side of yours.

“1…” All you can do is squint your eyes at his action.

The shutter sounds go off. “Y/N-ah, you’re so cute!” Soeun calls out.

Once you open your eyes, you can see Jihoon smiling in the pictures. “I’ll airdrop these to Soeun.”

“Can I see them?” Chanhee asks.

When Jihoon showed you three the photos, you could see your smile wide as ever and your eyes squinted as Sunwoo's head rested on yours. While Sunwoo opted for a wink, Chanhee chose to give a smile and a peace sign.

“Yah, Kim Sunwoo! Why do you and Y/N make me look like a third-wheeler?” Chanhee complained only for the others to laugh.

“So true, don’t leave out poor Chanhee,” Changmin jokes. 

“Hey, I’m not!” Sunwoo tries to defend himself.

The group continues to argue but all you do is watch. The best thing about these guys is that you could really see their love for one another. No matter how many quarrels or (friendly) bullying they decided to put each other through, you knew how much they cared for one another.

“I hate to break the conversation but we really need you guys on stage in 10 minutes,” Jihoon points out.

As the group quickly made their way closer to the stage, Sunwoo stayed back for a bit.

“I will see you later, right? In the afterparty?” He quietly asks.

You nod. “Yeah, good luck.”

The moment you smile at Sunwoo, he feels himself smile as well. And somehow, he was quick enough to give you a kiss on the cheek. As you were left stunned in your place, he could only smile at your reaction.

“I’ll see you later.”

As he left you and made his way closer to the stage, you could not help but melt at the feeling.

“Y/N… did I really just see that?” Soeun asks as she tries to hold back a squeal.

Instead of replying to her, you quickly open the album and flipped through. In the pages, you saw notes from members that talked about some of their fondest memories with each other during the production of this album. You noticed doodles on different members’ faces and messages directed to you all around.

Once you reached the section that discussed the NEWSUN track, you saw messages from Chanhee and Sunwoo. Before you read Chanhee’s, you found your eyes focusing on what Sunwoo had to say:

Hi Y/N!

I still can’t believe that I got to meet my celebrity crush of how many years just because I asked for you to produce it. I want to say thank you for all the time we spent together when we prepared for this track. This track was already personal to me when Chanhee and I spent months figuring this out, but it became even more meaningful when we got you on it.

In the few days we worked together and the following weeks that came, I’ve learned to grow as an artist and as a person because of you. I’m so glad to have you in my life, and I’m thankful to have gotten to know you in all aspects you shared with me.

♥️ Your number one fan forever, Sunwoo

God, you really needed to know what to make of your relationship with Sunwoo.

The showcase was a success. You really enjoyed watching The Boyz not only perform but even interact with the fans. It kind of reminds you of all the other showcases you had with 1CON. 

Now, you were being driven by Soeun to the location of the afterparty. You were typing away on your phone as you messaged Heejin and Jiwoo.

chuu chuu 🍎: oh my god y/n!! i thought you would ask what you guys really were before the showcase

heekki 🐰: yeah because didnt we agree on that?? what happened 🤔

y/n: well… i didnt LMFAO 😭 guys im so lost like i cant believe he just kissed me on the cheek infront of SOEUN!!!

heekki 🐰: that’s why you need to talk to him!!

heekki 🐰: it’s been so obvious he’s liked you since he met you

chuu chuu 🍎: i think him saying he can’t be trusted with alcohol when he’s with you just proves it too

chuu chuu 🍎: don’t forget the meaning of the song you worked on!!! remember!!!

heekki 🐰: omg he’s been hinting at their song when he said that? damn sunwoo 🤮 you are much smoother than i thought

y/n: STOP!!! okay i will talk to him i swear

“Y/N, we’re here,” Soeun says as she pulls up in front of the same building where you went to that one party with Sunwoo.

You exited the car and glanced back at Soeun. “I’ll see you later, maybe?”

Soeun only chuckles and says, “Yeah, unless Sunwoo decides that he wants to bring you home himself.”

“Soeun! Don’t say that!” You gasp at her comment only for her to laugh.

“Have fun!” With that, she drives off to wherever.

You continued to make your way into the building and tried to find the function room where the afterparty was being held. Thankfully, it was easy to find since you could hear songs from their newly released album being blasted through the walls.

Once you swung the door open, you saw staff members, idols that The Boyz is friends with, and others who are unfamiliar to you. You quickly made your way through the crowd of people in hopes to find anyone who could bring you to Sunwoo.

Before you could take another step, you felt someone grab on your wrist from behind. As you look back, you see Sunwoo dressed out of the crop top but in an open-button shirt with a tank top under.

“You really did come!” He says as loud as he could over the music that blasted.

“Of course I did, we need to celebrate your success.” He only shakes his head at your praise.

“Come on, I’ll bring you to the drinks–”

“Sunwoo, wait.” He stops pulling you in the direction where the bar is.

You suck a breath in. “Can we talk? Like maybe outside?”

For a moment, Sunwoo felt hesitant. His mind could only guess what the conversation may be about. With the way you look at him, he nodded and continued to walk in a different direction.

Eventually, you found yourselves by the outdoor area where you had a good view of the city lights and night sky. With his hand still holding onto your wrist, you continued to follow him to a green steel bench. The two of you sat down beside each other. As you tried to adjust your body to face him, you noticed that his hands have found themselves covering his ears. With that, you decided to rest your hand on top of his and bring it back down to his lap. 

“Hey, it’s nothing bad,” You attempt to ease his anxieties.

Sunwoo sighs. “I’m sorry, I think it’s the nerves.”

You can only smile at him as you draw circles on the back of his hand with your thumb.

“Well, you’re at a party with me where there’s alcohol surrounding us,” You try to joke as you look down at your intertwined hands.

Sunwoo only chuckles. For a moment, silence comes to you two. As the wind comes in and rustles the leaves of the bushes, you are left to hear the sounds of nature (and the muffled sounds of The Boyz’s music) as you try to think of the words to say.

“Sunwoo, we’ve known each other for a while now. I mean, I originally agreed to work with you guys to see Soeun’s new workplace. I had to come to terms that she was going to resign from being my manager. But I think I found it within myself to accept it.”

In some way, your time working with Sunwoo helped you prepare for letting Soeun go as your manager. Somehow, you also found yourself getting accustomed to the feeling of working inside a company throughout all the times you and he would work.

“It’s just, I really was not expecting to gain a friend when I accepted the request, especially a close one. It’s weird because for all the other people I worked with, we’ve only been friendly to each other. But you, you actually took your time to really… know me in the same way I got to know you.”

“You listened, understood, and even comforted me when I needed it. I hope you know that I am thankful for all of that.” You smile. “That’s why above everything, I’m so glad I got to meet you and become friends with you in the process. I mean, you really did show me the pleasures of being your friend. Despite our fight, you always found a way to fix it all up.”

You sucked in a breath with your eyes downcasted. “But Sunwoo, with all the moments we shared, I don’t… even know what we are. The more time we spend with each other, the more boundaries keep getting crossed.”

And you finally let it out. “Sunwoo, what do you want from this—from us? I can’t just let you get away with all the flirting, the compliments, even the kisses.”

You hear Sunwoo chuckle which makes your eyes look up to him.

“It’s just funny when you mention kisses as if you didn’t leave me a kiss the night I brought you home.” You cannot help but let a giggle slip out.

“Okay, I’m at fault too. But I’m serious now—I don’t think I would’ve given you that… kiss if it weren’t for all the times you flirted with me.”

Sunwoo smiles as you whisper those last words. With his free hand, he reaches out to your face to caress your cheek. For a moment, he only looks at you with eyes full of adoration.

“Y/N, I like you and I want something with you.” He tucks your hair behind your ear. “For the longest time, you are the one celebrity crush who I followed closely. In your work, performances, and charisma in your Produce 101 & 1CON days, I always found myself admiring you and feeling supported by you. Even if you didn’t know me personally, I always felt as if you motivated me to keep going during my newly debuted days.”

“But when I finally got to work with you, that’s when I got to learn about you more outside of what I saw. In those moments, I realized that what started off as admiration had turned into something intimate and genuine.”

Sunwoo’s thumb draws patterns on your cheekbone. “Remember how I admitted to having a bigger dream other than collaborating with you?”

“Yeah, can’t believe I wasn’t your number one wish.”

“Well, you are.” You cannot help but smile at his words.

“For a long time, I think you’ve always felt like this unattainable wish to have. Yet, I worked so hard to be able to meet and work with you—the universe listened,” He whispers those last words as if he stored such beautiful phrases within him.

“I mean it when I never expected a genuine crush to develop within me when I got to know you more. I don’t want you to think that all of what I feel is based on the crush I had on you when I saw you on TV. No matter what, I never want you to doubt the feelings I have for you.” The moment Sunwoo smiles, you feel every limb of your body filled with warmth.

Before he could say any more, you felt your eyes flicker down to his lips. With him aware of that action, he held himself back from saying anything. His breath hitches at such a small action. As you feel yourself slowly lean in, you let your eyes flicker back up to his.

“Can I?” You whisper.

Instead of Sunwoo replying verbally, he closed the gap between you two. You wish there were words to describe what it feels like to kiss him. For now, you can only think of one word—overwhelmed.

There were so many emotions that came with the kiss; genuineness, joy, and desperation were to name a few. Sunwoo’s plump lips on yours were something you dreamt about late at night; you cannot believe that the dream came true. In the same he described you as an unattainable wish, kissing him felt the same as well. As you feel yourself get stuck in a daze with the kiss, you break it off and rest your forehead against his.

“... Wow.” You felt your heart hammer in your chest as you processed what just happened between you two.

“Was that okay?” He whispers with his eyes still on you.

You take a deep breath. “It was more than okay. I just–I felt so overwhelmed.”

“We can take it down a notch if you would want.”

“No!” You said a little too quickly which made him grin.

“No?” He mocks you.

You scoff. “Just shut up.” And you brought his lips back on yours.

With your lips interlocked for the second time, you cannot help but wrap your arms around his neck. It is as if there is some carnal desire within you to be as close to him as possible. Nothing is on your mind except for Sunwoo; his smile; his heart of gold; his ability to make you smile; his lips. You feel Sunwoo start to smile in the kiss which has you parting ways.

“God, Y/N—I didn’t know you wanted me that bad.”

You frown at him. “As if you don’t want me too, Mr. “I have always had a crush on you” like…” Despite your words, you cannot help the smile that threatens to show itself on your lips.

“Yeah, I do want you,” Sunwoo says so casually as if he did not know the effect his words had.

You feel yourself blush. “You know, you say that shit so easily to me that a part of me started to believe that this was just your way of being friendly and that I was looking too much into it—though many people did keep saying you were hitting on me. Do you do this with others you work with?”

“You talked about me to other people?”

“That’s what you got from what I said?”

Sunwoo lets out a laugh. “I was hitting on you. To be honest, I was doing it since I first met you but I think everything started to feel genuine during our first time in the convenience store. I mean, that’s when I got to actually know you but I’ll never really know when I first started liking you that way. All I know now is that I like you now, no matter if you were in 1CON or not.” He smiles. “And no, I usually think I don’t pay attention much to others the same way I do with you.”

The great thing about Sunwoo is that he always tries to soothe your doubts. Somehow, the universe gave you someone who likes you for all that you are. You two had your own baggage that you guys brought to the relationship, but you knew that anything felt possible as long as he was there.

“Now, what did you tell others about me?”

“Can you not?”

“You know I can’t. I like knowing how much you like me.”

It is 1:47 PM. You were dressed up in semi-formal attire appropriate for meetings. As you held your iPad close to your chest, you felt your palms getting sweaty and your heartbeat booms loud in your ears. The last time you were this nervous was when you were waiting for the final line-up results for 1CON.

“Y/N?” The secretary called out your name.

As you shot up from your seat, the secretary pointed to a door. “You can enter now.”

Once you made your way to the door, you felt yourself take a moment to breathe. The nerves were getting the best of you, but you knew that now is not the time to ruin your chances. You swung the door open and were greeted by Song Jooyoung and Choi Kyusung—the members of Black Eyed Pilseung and CEOs of High-Up Entertainment. 

“Ah, Y/N! It is so nice to meet you once again,” Mr. Song says as he gets up from his chair to shake your hand.

“Ah, Mr. Song and Mr. Choi, it is a pleasure to see you once more.” Once Mr. Song took a seat, you sat in the chair across the two.

“I guess it is only right to first say that we were pleasantly surprised to see you when we opened auditions. It’s not all the time that you see Korea’s sweetheart wanting to audition for your company,” Mr. Choi says.

You smile at the two. “You’ve certainly improved since 1CON disbanded. Not only have you been producing music for yourself and artists but your vocals and movements have certainly grown over the years. When you weren’t signed, were you actively practicing?”

“Actually, I think I’ve been slacking when it comes to dancing. It was really me, my old manager, and two colleagues that really helped in making sure I would still be relevant in the industry.” You admit to Mr. Song.

“I mean, we can only imagine. It must have been a difficult experience,” Mr. Song says.

You let out a sigh. “It’s… definitely an experience. I think I learned a lot from this.”

“Well, you will have all the time to tell us about it later on. We evaluated your audition along with your recent works over the past two years,” Mr. Choi starts off. “After careful consideration, both Jooyoung and I agreed that you would be perfect for High-Up Entertainment. With your current skill set, we believe we can help you further hone these in hopes that you can reach your true potential.”

“Here in High-Up, we believe in the importance of artistic freedom. Not only will you be able to share your aspirations and dreams with us but we will guide you all throughout the process. Rest assured, you will not be alone—it is important to us that our artists can speak of what they wish to pursue,” Mr. Song says.

“Y/N, we know how difficult you’ve had it in the industry as an independent artist. Most of the time, you are criticized or praised for choosing to work on your own.” Mr. Choi takes a deep breath. “But we want to make sure that you know that we are here to support you every step of the way. You won’t have to work alone anymore.”

You feel yourself smile at the news. It means a lot to you for Mr. Choi and Mr. Song to say those words. After being subjected to mistreatment by different companies and being pushed under the spotlight for everyone to comment on everything you do, it warmed your heart to know that there are people who do care.

Not everyone is wishing on your downfall, and not everyone wants to treat you like a tool. Over the course of time, you realized that some people want to see you succeed.

“Thank you so much for having me,” You say as you bow your head.

“Before we officially sign you into the company, we will briefly discuss the terms of your contract. We will be sending it to your email right now,” Mr. Choi says as he types away on his laptop.

“Are you free to go over it? Don’t worry, we won’t pressure you to sign it right away. After all, we want you to have enough time to carefully deliberate.”

Instead of verbally answering Mr. Song, you opted for a nod.

“Alright, let’s get started.”

“Soeun, I got in!” You exclaim as you were seated on the bus going back to your place.

“Oh my god, I’m so happy for you! And you’re under the care of Black Eyed Pilseung.”

“Don’t worry, I haven’t signed the contract.”

You hear Soeun let out a sigh of relief. “Oh thank god, Y/N. Please let me look through it tonight and I’ll email you back.” You chuckle at her reaction.

“Of course. I’ll be sending the original and revised contracts your way. It’s funny how you’re still looking out for me even if you work in IST now.”

“I’ll always look out for you.” You smile at Soeun’s reply.

It’s been four months since Soeun officially resigned from being your manager. During those four months, you did not accept any offers for any collaborations. You knew that it would make your life complicated if you entertained any offers without any manager present. Instead, you focused on creating more tracks for yourself and scouting a company that you felt is worth trusting.

The bus was nearing your stop. As you got off your seat, you waited for the doors to open.

“Thank you, Soeun. I mean, you’ve done so much for me,” You say as you finally step out of the bus.

“Hey, I hope you’re still not beating yourself up over the fact I left JYP Entertainment with you. That was my decision, you know?” Soeun said as you were walking back to your place.

You let out a sigh. “I know, but it was hard to just be… okay with it. But I hope you're enjoying what you do in IST.”

“I actually am. I’ve been helping out Jihoon often with The Boyz and handling some of the trainees. You know, Jihoon was not lying when he said The Boyz are really… boys.” You let out a laugh at Soeun’s sharing.

“C’mon, it’s a group of like 11 guys. You must have at least expected it.”

Soeun groans. “I know. Thankfully, they’re nice and fun to be with most of the time. Though they can get out of hand.” You can only laugh.

You finally reached your place and tried to fish out your keys. “Hey, I’ll call you back. I just got back to my place. I’ll send you the documents later.”

“No worries! Take care and love you!”

“Love you Soeun! Thank you again.” Once she hangs up, you successfully retrieve your keys and unlock the door.

As you entered your home, you closed the door behind you. “I’m home!”

“Welcome back!” Sunwoo says as he comes from the kitchen dressed up in a sweater and checkered sleep pants.

You and Sunwoo have been together since you confronted him the night of his showcase. Most times, you found yourselves staying at your place since Sunwoo shares a dorm with Chanhee, Changmin, and Younghoon. During the past months, Sunwoo has been with you during this weird unemployment but self-discovery period. Never was he ever condescending to you, and you needed that desperately.

“Hey, you,” You say once Sunwoo pecks you on the lips.

“You know, you still look so good in that outfit.”

You chuckle as he looks at you from top to bottom. “I know Sunwoo, you said that when you saw me getting ready.”

“Yeah, but…” Sunwoo gives you one more kiss. “I just want to remind you.”

“Well, thank you. I like those pants on you.”

“You like it more when it’s off.”

You roll your eyes. “Point taken.”

As you made your way to the living room, Sunwoo followed closely behind you. The two of you took a seat on the couch.

“So… how did the meeting go?” Sunwoo finally asks.

You smile at him. “I got in!”

“Really? Y/N, that’s huge!” He says as he brings you into an embrace.

“I know! It’s crazy that I might be working under Black Eyed Pilseung.” You giggle at his reaction.

He gives you a kiss on the forehead. “I’m so proud of you. I never doubted you.”

“Yeah. During all the times I was panicking, you were always there to keep me at ease,” You murmur as you nuzzle your face into his neck.

“Though, I need to go through the contract again with Soeun. Wanna go through it with me tonight?”

“Of course, I’d do anything for you,” Sunwoo says as kisses your cheek.

You feel yourself smile at his words. He never fails to comfort you with words that feel as if they came out of a poet (though you could consider him a poet with how many lyrics he has written).

“I know you do, and I’d do anything for you too,” You say as you look up at him.

“Yeah, you let me stay in your home even when you’re not around.”

You roll your eyes. “Sunwoo, you practically live here at this point considering all the times you’ve slept over.”

“You don’t want me over?” He pouts.

“You know I do.” You look away from him only to be greeted with more kisses all over your face.

“Of course I do!” He teases as you groan playfully at his kisses.

“Sunwoo! You’re so obsessed with me.” He laughs and gives you one more kiss on the lips.

For a moment, you two look at each other with adoration. Nothing was said but it did not matter for all that needed to be uttered was shared in that moment.

“I love you,” Sunwoo whispers.

You feel your lips quiver at Sunwoo’s confession. Never did you ever expect yourself to be liked by someone in the way Sunwoo likes you.

“I love you too,” You say in response.

As you see Sunwoo smile at your words, you knew that your future would have him in it. At that moment, you knew how lucky you were to be loved by Sunwoo.

if you liked this, please take some time to like and reblog this!

[beautifulpersonpeach]

I’m relatively new to the fandom and have really enjoyed a lot of your posts… I have a question that I couldn’t quickly find an answer to in searching through your tags…

What’s the deal with streaming? Like, I listen to BTS. I enjoy them a lot, I listen to a pretty even mix of all their albums though I probably like MOTS:7 era the best). Some days I listen to them like all day lol (if I’m cleaning the house or something) and I listen to them a lot in the car or while working. I’ve enjoyed some solo releases more than others so I naturally streamed those more. but like the more I start following accounts on here and on army twt the more confused I get about the intense pressure to stream constantly? I’ve heard that people play certain songs (or albums I guess?) on repeat on mute and/or have dedicated streaming devices they keep going all the time.

Not to be negative or rude at all but like…what? Maybe because I’m new to KPop and have never followed it until BTS but that just sounds so weird and… idk the word, maybe disingenuous? Again I do not mean this as an attack I am just genuinely confused. Wouldn’t BTS themselves want us only to listen if we were actually enjoying it and not out of some competitive attempt to get better ratings? It feels so odd to me, like that is not how I would behave with any other artist that I love. I would only ever listen to them out of a genuine desire to hear their music. But there seems to be so much weird shaming out there for when/if songs are not streamed heavily enough? And for any other artist I would just write that off as a difference in taste among the fandom, but here it’s treated like a personal wrong against the artist…?

But as I say that I’m sure there’s more to it… I have definitely seen people talking about payola or chart manipulation so idk. If I should google this instead, just tell me to, I just have already tried and didn’t find that much clarity, just a bunch of people on quora and Reddit talking about certain songs not getting streamed enough.

Anyways this is super long, sorry if it annoys you. Just thought you seemed knowledgeable and levelheaded enough to ask? Love your posts. All the best.

*

Ask 2:

Okay wait I’m the anon that just asked about streaming and I went and re-read your post about “inorganic success” — I had read it before but somehow I didn’t put together that the 24-7 streaming is an attempt to combat payola or like go up against it I guess. Okay. That makes more sense. I still feel like there’s a weird focus on charting but I guess if it’s about getting more concert venues and more radio play it makes sense.

You can ignore my last ask then I’m sorry if I’m being dense or something lol.

***

You haven’t at all asked a stupid question. Your confusion is easily explained by you being new to k-pop, and everyone new to this madhouse asks this question eventually. I’ve talked about this before, but can’t find the post for the life of me so I’ll briefly go over it again.

First, you need to understand what k-pop is. K-pop is a system that gamifies music consumption. Competition is something you’ll see in the music industry regardless. Western stans such as Arianators, Barbz, and the Beyhive have organized around streaming goals and efforts for at least 10 years now. But there’s no other music industry that explicitly emphasizes competition among groups and fans, the way the k-pop industry does.

Competition is baked into its DNA:

From the idol training system under agencies with supposed specialities that are treated like warring houses a la Game of Thrones (a mentality created by the Big 3),

to the music shows where fans are encouraged to vote daily and weekly for the best artists and where wins are tied to streaming numbers,

to the highly publicized year-end award show criteria that outline key metrics for wins in streams, sales, and fan votes.

Basically, the k-pop industry creates a clear hierarchy of talent and acclaim for artists in their system, directly stokes fan participation in buying into that hierarchy, and the numbers are the easiest litmus test/short cut to settle the question of who is at the top.

And all of this is served with a cocktail of parasocial delusion and entitlement that has (more easily manipulated) fans thinking their perceived investment into their faves, earns them the right to micromanage their fave idols’ careers. All of this benefits the labels and industry because they’d rather have you more engaged (even if toxically), than not.

Everybody here buys into this system despite what they’ll tell you, some just manage to keep their wits and perspective to prevent getting sucked in, while others fall headfirst into it.

And so, like I said in my ‘inorganic success’ post you referenced, the focus on streaming is part of fans really just playing the game. Excess is something you’ll see on the charts in any case, whether in k-pop or in the West.

The difference with BTS and ARMYs however, is in the why of how the fandom streams. Essentially, you’re more likely to find people just as passionate about the music itself as they are about giving that music its due in hard numbers and consequently, recognition. You’re more likely to find fans like this in the ARMY fandom, than any other, in my opinion. Some people forget that the og ARMYs were k-pop fans first. They were fans who intimately understood how this system worked, they understood why the Big3 maintained dominance in k-pop for literal decades, and they saw the worth in the music BTS made, loved it enough to invest time into the playing the game better than anyone else at the time - pushing BTS from nugu status to where they are now, competing well outside the realm of the k-pop system but in a space that remains complex and highly competitive.

Another aspect that differentiates how ARMYs stream vs other k-pop fandoms, is that due to the sheer size of the fandom in absolute numbers, the average ARMY typically streams less than a typical k-pop stan. Basically, in other fandoms the typical stan has to stream more per person to have even a fraction of the gains seen in the ARMY fandom. ARMYs also aren’t doing anything other fandoms aren’t doing, it’s just that so far, they’re more efficient at it and don’t have to worry too much because BTS makes music that keeps attracting more fans, adding to the size of the fandom. They’ve also generally stayed away from more illegal methods given the intense scrutiny and animosity the fandom has faced for being part of the reason BTS upended the ordained hierarchy in this space. It sounds silly but it’s true.

But that’s only one side of the story. The other side is that in the fandom, everybody here really just does what they want. And many people genuinely enjoy listening to BTS that much and that intensely. Going by personal experience in what I observed before I became ARMY, I noticed that many ARMYs are Type A and organized - people who like and study data. The first time in my life that I saw someone create a spreadsheet for fan theories on a k-pop MV, was when an ARMY made one for I NEED U MV. I’m not sure what it is about BTS, but from the beginning they’ve attracted the sort of fans who genuinely enjoy listening to music often, people who enjoy creating and playing around with playlists, and people who track and measure applicable data. So your assumption that the people who stream like this are people who don’t actually enjoy the music, is wrong. In my opinion. For a lot of ARMYs, streaming and appreciating the music isn’t mutually exclusive.

Personally, I listen to music a lot. And I’ve always been that way, so when I became ARMY, I just sort of naturally fit into that culture. The sort of music BTS makes is a joy to listen to, I play their stuff literally everyday and it feels like the most normal thing in the world for me to sleep to Serendipity sometimes (in my sleep playlist which includes brown noise and rain sounds), or to do laundry to Let Me Know playing, or to drive to UGH and Set Me Free Pt 2 playing. I have multiple accounts because I listen to all kinds of music all the time, and it’s just convenient for me to have things set up such that I can flip on a playlist in every situation I’d want one on.

But like I said, the reality is that everyone in this fandom does what they want. It’s true there are certain people in the fandom who obsess over streaming, these are typically chartmys and akgaes, but most other people stream however they like. Fandom in general is a pressure cooker environment so I don’t blame you for noticing that pressure, but at the end of the day you really should just do what makes the most sense to you.

ARMYs generally recognize the reality of the space they are in, they recognize what it means for BTS, and most simply tweak their normal listening habits to maximize the gain and support to BTS. Plus sometimes it’s fun to play into fandom’s initiatives as a way to connect with other fans (such as in streaming parties).

I ended up rambling but let me know if this answered your question.

[jealousmartini]

REALLY IMPORTANT AND USEFUL STUFF TO SCRIPT IF YOURE A KPOP SHIFTER

∘₊ ✧───────────────────✧₊∘

○ You understand, you can speak and write Korean fluently

Just an obvious one

○ You understand Korean meme culture, and you actually find it funny😭🙏🏾. Like well-known jokes and memes that are popular from movies or songs or stuff like that.

This is so important for foreigners like me since I don't know jack-SHIT about the memes and jokes over there

○ You don't forget to use the correct honorifics for your family members and group members vs your manager and people you aren't close with. Take these just in case

BANMAL = Informal language

Hyeong; Hyung = Literal meaning: “older brother” Is also used to call: A male friend or a male sibling who’s older than you (as a male). Used by: A younger male to call an older male friend or sibling

Noona; Nuna = Literal meaning: “older sister” is also used to call a female friend or a female sibling who’s older than you (as a male). Used by: A younger male to call an older female or sibling

Oppa = Literal meaning: “older brother” is also used to call a male friend or a male sibling who’s older than you (as a female). Is used by a younger female to call an older male friend or sibling

Unnie; Unni = Literal meaning: “older sister” Is also used to call a female friend or a female sibling who’s older than you (as a female). Used by a younger female to call an older female or sibling

Namdongsaeng = Literal meaning: “younger brother”. Is used to call a younger male sibling or any male who’s younger than you (as a female/male). Used by an older male/female or an older sibling to call a male who’s younger

Side note: You don’t use this word when you call them. Call them by name.

Yeodongsaeng = Literal meaning: “younger sister” Is used to call a younger female sibling or any female who’s younger than you (as a female/male). Used by an older male/female or an older sibling to a female who’s younger than them

Side note: You don’t use this word when you call them. Call them by name.

JONDAENMAL = Formal language

Ssi = Literal meaning: “Mr./Miss/Mrs.” Is used to call someone who you need to show some respect to. Used for business environment

Nim = Literal meaning: “Mr./Miss/Mrs.” (It’s more polite and respectful than Ssi)

○ You are highly respected, loved and admired amongst Koreans and other Kpop idols

I think that although it is great to have international fans, you should also have a strong Korean fanbase since that is where the genre was born

It also helps to be talked about positively from both popular and underrated K-pop groups. Whether about your looks, your personality, your skills or whatever. This shows you are actually very interesting and more than the general public see your potential.

○ You perfectly match the Korean beauty standard, You are the Korean beauty standard OR your beauty is so original and rare that Koreans love it even though it doesn't match their standard

I personally scripted the third one because even though I match some small parts of the beauty standard like long slim fingers, clear soft skin and perfect teeth, my overall appearance does NOT follow the standard. I am still a slim thick pear, I am still black and I still have textured curly hair.

○ You can match / have the same humour with other kpop idols you're close friends with. Also script you are intentionally and unintentionally funny

This connects with the Korean meme culture point I made. You have GOT to understand what your own friends are joking about and find it funny too as well as BE funny, cus god knows how many times a meme reference is gonna be made amongst your members while you are doing one of those challenges like RUN BTS and you don't get what they are talking about😭

note to self💌 : gonna make smore later — 🍊💭

@theshifterbear @livingmydreamlife5555 @cocozydiaries @4ellieluv

[bandzboy]

I need everyone to see what’s really going on here because I’m not going to let this slide quietly. Shame on you. Shame on every single person on that list who thought it was okay to gang up on me and bully me into taking down my post. I spoke up about the harmful behavior that’s been poisoning this fandom, and instead of reflecting on that, you all decided to prove my point by attacking me. You think you’ve silenced me, but all you’ve done is show everyone exactly what you’re made of.

I came to this community to share my love for Seventeen, just like everyone else, but it’s become clear that some people here are more interested in creating drama and tearing others down than in supporting the boys. The way you and your so-called friends banded together to bully me into silence is exactly the kind of toxic behavior that’s ruining Caratblr. You’ve shown your true colors, and they’re ugly. What does it say about you that instead of addressing the real issues I brought up, you chose to attack me instead? It says that you don’t care about the truth, and you don’t care about the well-being of this fandom. All you care about is protecting your fragile egos and keeping up this charade of being ‘real fans’ when your actions prove otherwise.

You didn’t just hurt me with your bullying; you hurt the entire community by showing that anyone who dares to speak up about the issues here will be met with hostility and cruelty. You didn’t silence me—you only made me more determined to speak out. You’ve shown everyone watching just how toxic this fandom can be, and that’s on you, not me. You think you’ve won by forcing me to take down my post, but all you’ve done is expose yourselves as the bullies you are. Shame on you for thinking that you could get away with this without anyone noticing. Shame on you for proving every point I made in that post by turning against me in the way that you did.

This isn’t just about me. It’s about every Carat who’s been silenced by people like you, who think they can control the narrative by bullying others into submission. You’ve shown everyone what kind of people you really are, and there’s no coming back from that. Shame on you.

bold of you to say all of this truly but i am gonna point some things out real quick 1) you said you are not "not gonna let this slide quietly" and yet you are on anon AGAIN like you were behind an account made for the sole purpose of calling out a group of people that just have morals and opinions 2) you claimed we bullied you? it's interesting because my friends and i weren't the ones who made a list to target people and to possibly rally others to boycott our content and essentially put a target on our backs.

for the second (and last time i hope) you don't know me personally or you don't know any of my friends and mutuals that you put in your stupid list. you don't get to talk to me like you have it all figured it out when you truly haven't. all i am doing on tumblr right now is my part and sharing information about things going on in the world. you claim to call out "real issues"? please don't make me laugh. i don't know you either but i would assume that the way you are acting is because you are possibly insecure that you don't have a solid belief system and kpop is getting the best of you. us saying we don't like certain svt songs don't exactly affect your life. us saying that svt shouldn't collab with certain people because those said people aren't good and have a history of being awful is not a bad thing... that is called having a brain and having intact morals. me saying we should boycott hybe because of their continuous support and promotion of zionism by employing zionists and letting their artists collab with them is valid especially in our world's current climate. idk if you noticed... there's a genocide going on and people are dying because of this ideology.

i could explain why palestinian fans decided to organize this boycott to begin with but i can see this is useless because you aren't willing to listen. so i'll just say this: stop harassing people because you don't agree with their opinions and you possibly aren't healthily stanning svt. it's not our fault and we are confident about our beliefs and how we support them. you on the other hand may not be. so, i'm just asking you to reflect and leave us alone

[lostheretics]

PLOT TWIST (4)

▸ chapter 4; the art of learning and overthinking

pt. 1 || pt. 2 || pt. 3 || pt. 4

✵ cast : jung wooyoung x fem!reader, kim hongjoong, lee juyeon, kim younghoon, ateez, mentioned oc and many kpop artists name or group

✵ genre : romance, marriage life, eventual angst, smut, mafia!au, non idol!au

✵ summary : there was a saying that learning is a lifelong process. what will you learn about the underworld, the first time you stepped into it? you might have what they call a beginner's luck, but will that be enough for the things you'll be facing soon?

✵ notes : 8k-ish. wow. thanks for waiting, to those whoever awaits i guess. i was thinking of making a taglist for this fic. taglist will be used for updates; ANY updates regarding PT. just drop ur @ in my askbox (here). also, PLS REBLOG.

WARNINGS BELOW CUT.

☒ warnings: smut... like a wholeass breeding kink i laid it all there, once more. marriage talk, maybe a swear word(s) here and there, do remind me if i missed anything

☒ i do not condone mafia acts nor any acts that goes against the law at all. everything mentioned are just purely fiction, made to entertain myself and fellow readers in this particular platforms.

☒ do not repost this on any other platform without my permission!

✓ reblogging, liking, and commenting this post in tumblr (through comment or askbox) are very much appreciated.

"what's happening?"

"i think they're fighting."

"over what?"

"dunno."

"guys, why are you standing like that?"

"like what?"

"like clearly, fucking eavesdropping. who—"

"—ssshh! they're at it again. can you hear what he said to her?"

"not a single word."

seven men stood in front of hongjoong's office with their ears flat against the door, hoping they could get a hint of anything that happened inside. however nothing was heard, no clear words exchanged between you and hongjoong got out of the door, courtesy of his soundproof room. that was besides from hongjoong's screams alongside your own. your two voices went against each other, each time getting louder and louder.

hongjoong was livid upon your actions before.

yet you stood your ground still. 

"—we just had this opportunity, y/n, and the one time, the one fucking time i trusted you to stand under the light, you fucking threw everything that we worked hard for away just like that!" he screamed, clearly driven by anger upon your actions back at the lee mansion. to the lee juyeon.

"i threw no one and nothing! i did what i was supposed to do, i was trying to save ateez!" you screamed back defending yourself.

to your words he almost laughed maniacally. ”save ateez? by putting us in jeopardy?”

closing your eyes, you sighed. the atmosphere was tense between you and hongjoong, and it was not something that you imagined would happen in the first months of officially being a part of ateez. as a part of ateez, of course it was your goal to make ateez better and powerful. yet hongjoong couldn’t seem to see it from your point of view.

exasperatedly, you sighed. ”have some trust in me. am i not a part of ateez?"

"precisely.” 

he pressed, before continuing. “because you're a part of ateez, y/n, that's precisely why you should be more careful! anything that's gonna happen to you, gonna happen to us and it's all on you. you risk not only your life or mine, but our brothers. your husband. our allies. everyone that worked under and with us, can't you see it?"

"did i not secure our place in the gala? on my first night introduced to the underworld?"

hongjoong was immediately silenced. on that note, you were right. you secured ateez’ place in the gala.

on a special note, that is.

“hongjoong?”

turning to juyeon, hongjoong stuttered his words out, “mr. lee, please forgive y/n’s boldness, she only worked in the shadow before a-and never ha-“

“make sure you all come to my gala. the whole week, i expect you all to be there. i’ll introduce you to some of my friends.” juyeon cut his words. looking back, hongjoong caught juyeon’s eyes wandering to the corner where he just had his conversations with you, but to no avail when he didn’t caught you in his line of sight.

juyeon drew a small smile which surprised hongjoong, before looking back to him, “she’s intriguing. i should have more time to know her, and i insist it.” he then straightened his hand out for hongjoong to take,

“i should hope to see ateez more in the future.”

“what did you two talk about?”

it was a question, but you know hongjoong would demand an answer from you.

a shadow brought into the light, and not even in one night, was able to reach a place even hongjoong has never reached before. a higher league. anyone in their right mind would question it the way hongjoong did. 

“what did he say to you?” you countered.

“don’t answer a question with another, and i asked first.” 

with the staring contest the both of you were having and hongjoong’s stubborness, you know you wouldn’t win against your captain. 

you sighed, “i just said something about admiring his father’s work, that he was a winner, then he just said i fascinate him and made sure i came to the gala. that’s all, i promise.” you explained.

“joong, i don’t know what else to say but i just wish you could see that i’m on your side. i want ateez to win, the way you want it. nothing else.”

silence took over as hongjoong’s thoughts done the same to his head. 

"okay." he sighed after a few moments. "but i'm warning you, y/n. no more bold moves that i don't know of. behave." he pressed. he moved towards his table and sat down. 

"you're dismissed."

and so you left the room.

it takes time. 

it takes time, was the sentence you say to yourself repeatedly on daily basis. ever since you got tangled with ateez, married to one of its member. ever since you knew hongjoong and worked your hardest for his trust. that it would take time for hongjoong to fully trust you. 

your intentions haven't faded still. 

midnight strikes. the kitchen was cold and empty. sitting on the island, the bourbon in your hand had melted the ice as you hold it, just staring at it blankly. you chugged it in one go and filled your cup once again. a sigh slipped through your lips unconsciously. 

were you too much? 

the events that happened the last weeks played in your mind, as you go through it one by one, moment by moment, correcting yourself in your mind. 

the first time hongjoong unofficially accepted you into ateez. 

babel. 

lee juyeon and the conversation you had. 

it most definitely was the unexpected outcome, how you crossed the boundary, how, weirdly enough, he was intrigued by you instead of angered by your statements. how you secured ateez's place in the gala all because of he insisted you'd be there. based on that thoughts alone, you couldn't help but wonder what will happen at the gala soon. 

and that man in the garden, with his piercing brown eyes. 

strikingly handsome man. 

it was quite an embarrassing scene, yet all through it he only showed his concerns. even after he picked you up and moved you to a quiet hall. even after you just said a quick thank you and hurriedly ran away from him, not wanting to cause another scene any further. 

you didn't get to know his name. 

not that you needed it, it was just for formality. he saved you, after all. 

raising your cup, you sipped your bourbon again. you were just reaching the bottle to pour another, when wooyoung's voice halted you. "how many have you had?" 

turning your head, you saw him standing near the arch with a disapproving look on his face. 

"five... this would've been the sixth," you answered truthfully, chuckling to ease the air. 

"you know i hate it when you drink. i don't want you to bring back that awful drinking habit of yours." he scowled. "i don't want you to get sick, baby. you know that, right?"

by bad habit, he might be referring to your habit of drinking those poisons like water. you'd drink when you're happy. when you're sad. when you got problems. for lunch, for dinner. any time you could drink you'd drink, and it had became a part of your life so much that you didn't think much of it. though you always stay sober instead of drunk. 

and wooyoung hated it so much he cut off all access to alcohol after the first few months of becoming your boyfriend. it was a weird feeling, the withdrawal you had. yet you weren't being fussy about it, only coming back to alcohol on certain occasion like parties, dinner, and now, just casually thinking of life on a slightly deeper level. 

you smiled, "you're worried. i understand." you put down your cup on the sink, and put away the bottle back on its rack. you sat back on the chair as wooyoung walked towards you. he positioned himself between your thighs. your hands instinctively circled his neck, as he caressed your thighs softly. a peck landed on your chin. 

"a penny for your thoughts?"

the dreading question left his lips. the one question which has no definite answer, at least for the night. too much thing going around in your head with little to no way to explain it. you shook your head, only answering to him with that smile from before. 

"was it hongjoong hyung? what did you guys talk about? he seemed mad." he urged still. 

"you asked as if it was bad and you were ready to land a punch on him."

"that's because i might."

chuckling, you circled your hands tightly around him, assuring him. "i'm okay. we're okay. he's just concerned and he voiced it all so well. as he's supposed to do, as our captain." you assured him, adding a peck on his cheek to secure your statement. "don't worry, woo. it was just about the gala."

"you sure?"

"yeah."

"then there's no reason for you to stay up late anymore..." he pulled on your waist, "come to bed then? i hate sleeping without you." he whined. 

he offered you his hand, which you took happily. hand in hand the both of you walked towards your room, ending the night. safely tucked underneath the warm blanket, protected by the arms of none other than your lovely husband.

there were papers scattered around the wooden table, the computer screen was on but untouched, and a half cup of coffee that turned cold by then. 

messy table, messy head they say. 

yet it was far from how juyeon looked standing by his windowsill. his shirt were still unchanged from last morning, but still fits him well with no crinkles. his tie was loose, with his sleeves rolled up. the clock on his table was the only reminder the day had changed and the sun will soon be up, yet there he was still. 

lacking sleep and deep in his thoughts. 

a knock arrived on his office door yet he didn't bother to look up, only doing so when his butler called his name. 

"sir juyeon," he called. 

breaking his train of thoughts, juyeon looked to the elderly man standing near his desk. "ah, park jipsa*." 

"sir, the sun is almost up and you haven't had any sleep. you're not doing any of your job either. you're risking your health, sir." the elderly butler reminded him, which juyeon only replied with a chuckle. 

"you sound like you actually care about me." he mused with a chuckle, not forgetting to give him a side look. 

"that's because it's my job, sir. to make sure the lee family line goes on. it's always been a park's job to make sure of it, since years ago and for years to come," he countered back, face straight yet his eyes still hold a hard look in them. 

"not to mention it was your father's dying wish for me to keep you safe." 

ah, the lee minhyuk. dearest father. melancholy hit him, juyeon gazed to the purplish orange sky sitting outside his window. the sun was starting to show itself, welcoming itself to the morning. 

"never thought i'd be here without him." juyeon murmured to himself. 

"he loved you so much he designed everything through and through, just for you to be here," 

that old man had served the lee family since the time of juyeon's grandfather's reign. he had served lee jiyoung until her downfall, served lee minhyuk until his death, and finally lee juyeon himself. for those years, nothing about the man ever changed. 

his tongue still sharp as ever,

and his loyalty remained strong as ever. 

nothing but truth came out of his mouth. lee minhyuk was one of the fiercest man to ever live; despite his ways of usurping and his infamous act in backstabbing his own family. the world might remember him as a hero, as a villain, but to juyeon he was simply a loving father. loving enough to fulfill juyeon's need as a child even after his mother's death. 

to put everything in, he simply missed his father.

juyeon blinked a tear away, sighing before he brought back himself to reality. "you got the thing i asked for?"

"yes sir." park jipsa took out a folder and moved forward, handing it to juyeon. juyeon took it from him, opening the folder himself and screened through its pages. 

"jung y/n was an orphan. her lineage is unknown at all, our investigator asked around the orphanage and said she was just dropped there and have been there since she was a baby. the orphanage had a funding program which enabled people to fund for the children there, if they wish to help but not to adopt. that funding helped jung y/n to go to school and after that, she got a scholarship to pursue further education abroad,” the butler explained, before adding, "not much is found about her life there. after that she just went back here and took small jobs. she met ateez and jung wooyoung, courtesy of the dirty job her boss had with ateez. the rest are history, they got married and here they were."

juyeon hummed. "nothing else?"

"nothing else. nothing related to you nor the mafia world,” he answered. "may i ask who she is to you, sir? for you to look about her this way."

"that's what i'm trying to find out too, park jipsa." he grinned, closing the folder. "i just found her, and she's... enticing. i can't quite put it in words yet. like i've known her before. but alas, we haven't. but i’ll make sure we do.”

"ah, and that thing i requested?" juyeon asked once again.

his butler nodded, "it's almost ready and will be sent first thing after it's done."

juyeon let out a satisfied hum. standing up, he stretched a bit before retreating from his office. 

"i'll be resting the whole day. don't bother cleaning up my desk. i'll be available for work tomorrow." he announced as he walked out. 

the butler nodded and bowed. 

"as you wish, sir."

the lee family gala week only started a few days after chuseok. with a few days off, ateez decided that they'd visit a family for the holiday. that family happened to be wooyoung's only remaining relative; his father who lived around the rural area of the town.

it's not like the rest of the members didn't have a family. however, wooyoung's father was the only elderly figure that aligned with ateez, as in being in underworld. he was a part of a small gang who understood a little of the underworld, only stopping when he had wooyoung. some said he sort of trained wooyoung to get into the underworld. the rest of ateez's relative aren't much involved; hence the bond was better with wooyoung's father. 

jung ilwoo, but he was more famous as just mr. jung. 

the air in the countryside sure was different from the one in the city. along the fresh air  the smell of barbecued beef filled your nose. the members were preparing for dinner behind you, going back and forth. 

"food's almost ready!" seonghwa shouted, and people quickly gathered around, finishing their tasks faster. 

"guys, where's wooyoung?" you asked when you couldn't found him within the crowd. 

"try the kitchen. he was in charge of making songpyeon." one of them quipped. 

answering a quick okay, you walked into the house. you called upon your husband by his name, which he loudly answered back, telling you of his whereabouts. 

there you found him, sitting in the kitchen comfortably, skillfully molding the colorful songpyeons by hand. 

"woo, come on, dinner's almost ready," 

"hold on," he didn't even spare you a glance, "i'm trying to make the songpyeons as pretty as possible." he remarked while proudly showing you one of the songpyeons he made. 

you tsked him. "they're gonna end up ruined in our stomach anyways."

your nonchalantness had him scowling. "it's holidays, we deserve something pretty. and they say if you can make pretty songpyeons, you'll make pretty babies." he insisted. 

"you seemed to be interested in babies a lot these days." you noted, with a lighthearted chuckle. 

but it didn't set a reaction you expected out of wooyoung. rather than giving you another witty remarks or anything light to the moment like he always did, he stopped a while, stunned, before lowering his head, consumed by deep thoughts in his head. that chuckle and smile on your face was quickly wiped out as you reach for him. 

"woo?" you called, nudging him by his shoulders lightly with your fingers. 

he raised his hand, grazing your fingers before taking it in his own palm. he took a moment of silence while holding your hand, tracing every marks in there. 

"i've been thinking about making a family of our own. it's been a while," he blurted out. 

"i know. san told me," your other hand went up to his cheek, caressing him softly. "why haven't you told me this face to face?" you asked him. 

"i dropped hints. like a lot." he jokingly said. "but i guess anyone would take it as a joke as usual—"

"you're not a joke, never."

"—point is i was just afraid, i guess." he finished nervously. 

"of what?"

"that maybe you don't want kids. that maybe we'd be bad parents, or worse, if i wasn't good enough to become a dad, considering my... line of work. and many more reason." he explained, eyes still looking down at his own feet. 

there's only one jung wooyoung. 

however the times you've spent with each other had made you both realize that there are many things you don't know about each other. like how hard it was for wooyoung to voice out his thoughts, preferring acts than words. as a capo he was more used to receiving commands, listening, doing things and getting them done, despite being able to have thoughts of his own and proving it more than once. having lived with it longer than he was with you, it became something that stays with him. he might be mouthy and loud when he was clingy or showing his affections to you and others, but not when it comes to himself.

i’m okay, it’s nothing much. those were the words that most likely would came out of his mouth. all those times when he came home bruised all over his body, or even bleeding. when he could barely move without wincing in every step he took, clearly in pain. when he came out of hongjoong’s office with his head down, always the same answer.

it took you hours, even days to extract it out of him. and you’d never forget to appreciate him when he finally came clean about his problems. 

“woo, look at me.” you spoke softly, pulling up his chin softly to stare into his eyes. “i’m your wife, you’re my husband. remember? we made a vow.” which he nodded. 

“i understand that you might need time to speak up, but i don’t want us to keep anything from each other. especially things regarding our marriage, our family.” you explained. 

“and about that,” you quipped, “i’m not opposed to it. but i want us to be more ready instead of just being reckless.”

upon your words, a hopeful smile appeared on his face, his eyes turned crescent along with it. “really?” he asked, making sure which you answer with a nod. “does that mean we can start trying and preparing?”

you feigned a gasp, “i thought you’ve been trying since forever?” 

you both laughed to it. the moment was soon broken by a shout from outside, loudly calling for dinner. "c'mon, let's not make others wait."

hollers welcomed you when you and wooyoung walked out of the house, joining the rest on the veranda for dinner. 

“i hope you didn’t taint the kitchen. your dad cooks and eat there, y’know.” yeosang teased, eliciting laughs from others. 

“how about i taint your ears, shithead?” wooyoung taunted back menacingly, “i’ll gladly move next to your room, if that’s what you want.” he ended. the smile quickly wiped out of yeosang’s face as it turned pale with the imagination of restless nights caused by your nightly acts next to his room. and with wooyoung's stamina? it'd be miracle to have a 3 hours quiet time. 

after all, that's why you both got your own quarters, far from others' in the mansion. 

“i’d rather have my ears stabbed then.” he deadpanned.  

dinner started, along with chatters shared between the boys and wooyoung's father. though the old man preferred to answer shortly, being a quiet person he was. 

you didn't talk much with him, with how he answered so shortly. yet you still care for him, constantly reminding wooyoung to come home once in a while or bringing things for his father. 

"woo, aren't we gonna make offerings with the songpyeon and everything?" you quipped. dinner was done, you and wooyoung were in charge of washing dishes. 

wooyoung raised his eyebrows and returned a loud, "huh? what offerings?" 

"to your ancestors? it's a part of the holiday too, right?" you asked. 

after thinking for a while, he let out a loud 'ah'. "my dad stopped doing that when i was like... ten? i don't know." he answered nonchalantly. "besides, my dad said my grandpa and grandma passed a long time ago, when he was younger. he kinda decided it's way past the time."

"not even to your mom?"

the question left him stunned for a while. 

"right... she's dead. i don't know a thing about her though."

"i'm sorry, love." you offered an sympathetic smile. "was she bad, did she neglect you or something?"

he shrugged, "i don't know. dad never really talked about her, he was kinda dismissive about it. just said that she died not long after i was born."

he inhaled, then exhaled, seemingly deep in thoughts before speaking again. "but i don't think she's bad at all." he stated. "one time when i came home from school, i think i was around eleven or twelve... he set up an offering table. there were no photos, no name or anything. i asked him who it was for, and he said it was for my mom. he said it was an... important time and she would want to be remembered. so we prayed for her. and i asked one more time about her to my dad."

"what did he say?"

"he just said he believed that my mom would've loved me. it's just that fate didn't really allow us to be together. sounds cliche as fuck and i don't really get it even now. but i decide  to believe that she did love me. it's easier that way too. i never asked much after that."

"so you never know anything about her? at all?" you queried, invested in his back story. 

stopping his movement in wiping the plates, he leaned back and furrowed his brows, deeply thinking. then he answered, 

"dad said my eyes were like hers, and she gave me my name. he also said she was brave and i took after her, just in a reckless way." 

that conversation ended with laughs escaping from both of your mouths. and so did the night. 

midnight passed, and you were sure everyone was fast asleep when you moved to the living room. 

the songpyeons you had spared before were placed neatly on a plate, along with some other offerings like fruits. there were a bowl of rice and a soup. lighting the candles, you sat down in front of the table. 

you've decided to pay a little respect for wooyoung's mother, if he and his father decided not to. 

you thanked mrs. jung for bringing wooyoung to where he is now; as your loved one, while wondering what would she be like if she were still here. what would she see from you, and many things. you prayed that wherever she is now she'll do well, promising you'll do your best to be wooyoung's wife. 

he might be a pain in the ass sometimes but thank you, he's the sweetness everyone needed in this bitter life.

you were just sitting comfortably in the silence when you heard someone clearing their throat just behind you. turning your back, your eyes found mr. jung standing there, just staring at you blankly. 

"abeoji*..." you stuttered like a deer caught in the headlight, quickly standing up. awkwardness filled in, you knew you weren't wrong for doing it, but it feels unfair to do it yourself when wooyoung and his father didn't even do so. despite being in laws with mr. jung, you still feel like a stranger in the household. 

he raised his hand calmly, dismissing the awkwardness. then he smiled at you. he took a closer look to the offering table you made for mrs. jung. 

he then just stared at it longingly. 

not a single word slipped out of your lips when he observed you and your midnight activity. he just sighed again, retreating. 

"you really are something else." he chuckled with his deep voice. 

"i'm sorry if this offended you." you apologized, but he just shook his head. 

"you're doing something nice, how am i offended?" he said, "i trust she'll be at ease... now that you're here."

he then proceeded to speak more. "always a surprise, something else she was. i wish she could've seen wooyoung and how he grew up, what kind of man he will grown into."

"i'm sure she would've been so proud oof wooyoung and you. for raising him to the man he is today. i believe she'd do anything for you if she could." you said soothingly. 

"hmm, it shows." he quipped. “for everything to fall this way, i can see why she chose…“ he stopped himself, staring at you for a while, before moving his eyes to the offering table once more. 

“this.” 

you raised your eyebrows upon the cryptic message, confusion written all over your face. upon seeing your contorted face, instead of further explaining things, the man chose to retreat, offering you a small smile.

“good night, y/n.”

it was a weird encounter with mr. jung. 

however, you remembered wooyoung and hongjoong's words, about how cryptic and confusing the elderly man can be. and you were never in one thought anyway with mr. jung, so you decided to drop the thoughts of that night. 

but surprise, surprise, oh the thoughts you were going to have today. 

"...say what?" you dumbly ask once again. 

your butler sighed, once again offering the fancy box in his hand. "it came just this morning, madam. a gift from lee juyeon for the gala, addressed to mrs. jung y/n." he explained. 

the whole people sat around the table were silent as they watched the scene unfold before them. wooyoung rose to action first, snatching the box from the butler and putting it on the table.

upon opening the box, he was met with a neatly folded fabric of what seemed to be a dress, a set of jewelry, a pair of masks, an invitation and a piece of paper. he took both the invitation and paper, observing the contents. he found the gala theme to be a masquerade party, the lee family invited ateez to be a part of the gala for a week. he then moved his eyes to the other piece of paper, reading it carefully. 

he decided to read it out loud. "dearest mrs. jung, i hope you accept this token of good friendship between us, ateez and lee family. come to the gala and— what the fuck? —and allow me to have a dance with you— what the," he seethed, "what is this royal bastard doing?! sending you these and- and a dance?! hyung didn't you tell him she was married?" he asked, voice going an octave higher. 

"well he did use 'mrs. jung', so he should've known." yeosang quipped, back to eating his breakfast. 

"hongjoong?" you asked him unsurely. he took the paper from wooyoung's hand, reading the content quickly before putting it down. 

"we need this connection." he sighed, but proceed to look up to you, "how about you? are you okay with this? i know this is important and we kinda don't have a choice, but i wanna know how you feel about this. don't do it if you're not comfortable." he made sure, eyes glimmering with hesitation. you just nod, though hesitating, you sure want to give the best. 

"we have no choice." you murmured agreeing with him. 

"uh, excuse me? i'm her husband? shouldn't i be the one saying that?" wooyoung cut in the conversation, still salty and filled with jealousy. 

"ooh, the green monster is showing." one of the boys said, inducing laughter. 

hongjoong just chuckled. "hey, no one is in fault in here. i told him she was married, y/n explained to him that you are, no doubt, her husband." he explained. 

"you do you, woo. watch on your wife, but remember," he pressed on his last word, "business is business. keep it professional. and i see there's a pair of matching masquerade mask in there. i think it speaks a lot." 

standing up, hongjoong clasped his hands together, gathering his voice before announcing, "tonights is the start of the gala week. prepare yourselves, show up all clean, be ready, and be at your best behavior. i expect the best out of all of us. we're leaving at five this evening."

he raised his cup of morning tea, proposing a toast.

"to our glory."

the whole day, wooyoung has been pouting, seething, if not drowning in jealousy over the morning shenanigans. it was bound to happen anyway, with how possessive he could be. not that you're complaining, that side of him could lead to many passionate things to your marriage life. 

passionate arguments, and even more passionate endings, fiery make ups. 

you constantly teased him, drawing even more crinkle on his face leading to you laughing. he was still upset, but it went moderate when you found that juyeon not only included a pair of matching mask, but also a matching tie to your dress for wooyoung's attire, in which wooyoung complained with a ‘tie and a dress? that’s hardly fair.’

in the end, you both had to use the gift well. 

"fuck, that royal bastard has a good taste, too." he murmured, on today's evening while waiting for you on the living room. 

he was trying his best to still look upset, keyword trying. the only thing that made him angry in the first place was the fact some other guy gave you something personal; but can he truly stay mad when you look this good? 

it was a long black dress, his favorite color. a sleeveless dress with a halter style top and a choker neckline. the piece being backless and having an absolutely low cut on the front part did not help at all, only accentuating the curves of your breasts. the only cute thing the dress provided was the frilly tulle skirt. the pair of earrings and bracelet only made you shine brighter, giving you that elegant look. 

and it didn't help you the way wooyoung look with his all black suit and a tie matching to your black dress. his usually messy hair was now tied up. the rolex he got sat nicely on his wrist, giving him that professional look. as if he wasn't ravishing enough to begin with in his usual baggy t-shirt and sweatpants, he had to rub his handsomeness to your face this way. 

"you look absolutely ravishing, wife," he couldn't help but blurt out, eyes still watching you like a hawk watching on its prey. he landed a smooth kiss on the back of your hand. 

"and so are you, husband." you smirked. you boldly reach out, pulling on his neck to land a playful kiss on his lips which he happily returned. 

"please, for the love of god, get a room." 

at this point, none of the boys' complaints got into any of your brains. hand in hand, and still stars trucked, you both got into the designed rolls royce. you thought the sunset looked nice that day, but all wooyoung see was you, all the way to the lee family mansion.

the lee family mansion, to say it was nicely decorated wouldn't do any justice. 

everything was decorated in a golden brown hue, the lights were set in a yellow tone. just from the lobby you could faintly hear a classical music played by orchestra, and you could see some art pieces here and there, the ones that were guarded and, maybe, were lent from museum. 

talking about old money. 

there are some guests chatting just around the corner of the great hall, while the rest busy themselves waltzing around in the middle of the room with their respective partners. 

"tiger in. is everybody in the room?"

hongjoong's voice came through each of your ear pieces. you and wooyoung look at each other before nodding, confirming that you hear the same thing. pressing a button, you each confirmed of your presence. 

"yeon in."

"uno in."

"mars in."

"lion in."

"howl in."

"bear in."

"fox in."

lastly, you spoke, "ocean in."

"remember. behave. dance or talk around, make new allies, and observe. dismissed." hongjoong's voice once again blasted, before a light beep came through, ending the conversation. 

from the corner of your eyes you could faintly see the members starting to scatter around the room, some in pairs, some alone. your arm was still intertwined with wooyoung, as he lead you further into the great hall. 

"i think we have some time for us." wooyoung remarked, stopping in near the dancing crowd. stepping in front of you, he offered his hand. "what do you say? shall we dance?" 

smirking, you accepted his hand. "lead the way, husband."

he hold your hand in his, while his other hand rested on your waist. you put your other hand on his shoulder. he lead you both to the middle of the dancing crowd, feet tapping to the music as he swayed you in his arms. 

wooyoung was undoubtedly a good dancer. he lead you in such a way you were easily swayed and moved, as if your muscles became his to move around. he spin you around, eliciting chuckles from the both of you when your tulle twirled with your movement. once again his hand landed on your waist, pulling you close to his body. 

"you're so beautiful." he whispered. 

"and you're so handsome. how many times more are we going to have this conversation?" you ask amusedly. 

"until i forget how beautiful you are." 

he lowered his eyes, taking your whole attire. the dress, the black with gold stripes mask similar to his adorning your eyes, the soft velvet gloves encasing your hands— you looked stunning. you looked so stunning he couldn't help his hand to go higher, resting it on your bare back, giving it a gentle squeeze. his breath went heavier as he felt your smooth skin under his palm. 

you hissed upon his touch, hot against your skin. "woo—" you warned. 

"i need you," he exhaled, "god, i need you so desperately. you're so beautiful it's driving me insane." he spoke breathily. 

"baby, we're at work." you reminded him of the reality, but it didn't seem to bother him at all as he moved his lips near your ears, his breath ghosted around as he lightly nip your earlobe. 

"it'll be quick, i promise. i'll make it good." his grip on your back went tighter, "please," he begged. 

he moved his head back, staring at your eyes and lips for a second. lust were clear in his eyes, from behind his mask. he dived for your lips, kissing you lightly, though you know he's holding himself back so much as you were both in a middle of a crowd, while at work. the kiss might be light and seemly innocent, but not with the way he bit your lower lip when he pulled back, alluring you with his lustful gaze. 

he pleaded once again. 

in which you could no longer keep your stance, nor your needs, nor your sanity. a whispered yes escaped your lips, and he was fast in pulling you away from the crowd, away from the great hall, practically running to the farthest and quietest bathroom. patience be damned, as thin as ice when he backed you up against each hallway, kissing and groping each other as if there's no tomorrow. 

thank the lees for having such a big bathroom. 

wooyoung basically pushed you inside the room, making your waist hit the cabinet as he locked the room. 

oh, the primal look in his eyes. 

he took of his mask, threw it somewhere across the room. you did the same. he stepped forward, claiming your lips with his once again, this time with no restraint as no one was around. you could hear your breaths racing, the messy smacking of your lips against his, raising heat to your face and your insides. 

"baby," you pulled, trying hard to hold him, "baby we gotta be quick," you reminded him. 

he just nodded. "turn around for me." and you obeyed him, turning around to face the huge mirror in front of you. "watch us baby. don't take your eyes off the mirror." he commanded. 

and you did.

you watched as he stared at you through the mirror, his hands busy in picking up your tulle skirt revealing your black panties. you picked your skirt from his hand, bunching some of the fabric in your hands, putting it aside. 

he slid his hand through your (already soaked) panties, and you involuntarily closed. "eyes open, baby girl." he gripped your jaw. he quickly pulled his zipper, lowering both his underwear and pants just enough to let his dick out. you couldn't see it, the anticipation of it filling you, until you could feel him putting your panties aside, teasing your other lips with his tip before he pushed his dick inside your walls, up to the brim and stilling, catching his breath. 

"stop fluttering around me," he whined feeling your walls massaging his cock nicely. "fuck, so tight."

you were already a moaning mess by the time he slowly moved. 

"faster, woo," you begged already letting the greed take over. his faint smirk was visible through the mirror. 

the snapping movement he created was so good you almost lost balance, but he caught you just in time as he brought his body closer to you, trapping you between the cabinet and himself. he put his hand near your stomach on the cabinet to save you from further unwanted pain, as he laid his head against yours, lips right beside your ears. 

"my good girl, so dirty, so in love with me she'd let me take her in someone else's bathroom, at work," he groaned into your ears. "your moans are so pretty, baby. here i thought the dress was the only pretty thing on you." 

praising or degrading, at this point you have no idea. not with how delicious his cock glided around your velvet walls. not with how his lips playfully glided across the column of neck, giving feathery kisses. 

"y-you're fucking me so good, woo," you moaned out. 

"yeah? always giving the best for my girl, no?" he asked you, and you nod obediently. 

"look at how beautiful you are now, y/n." he gripped your jaw, forcing you to keep your eyes open, "other men might give you this dress, and this dress looked so damn good on you, yes,"

so this is what it was about. partly. 

"but only i can make you moan so pretty like this. make your pretty pussy flutter, make your face contort in pleasure prettily when i give you those mind blowing orgasm," he taunted, "only my dick can please you, filling you up with my cum the way you like it."

a loud moan slipped through you agape mouth, amusing wooyoung. "you always loved my cum, don't you? filling you up to the brim. fuck, could get you all round and pregnant. would you like that?" 

"yes, yes, yes!"

"yes what, baby?"

"give me your babies, fill me up, i'll be pregnant for you, fuck!" you cried out, feeling the hot wave on your lower parts, "fuck baby, i'm—" your brain short circuited stopping your words, completely replacing it with louder moans. 

"you're gonna walk around and dance around with my cum inside you. i don't want a bit of it spilled out. want you to remember that you're carrying me inside of you while you talk and move around with other men." he seethed. he slipped his hand under your skirt, easily found your clit and pressed it with his thumb, making fast figure eights on it. 

you desperately turned your face, hand going behind you to pull him by the cheek closer to your face, wanting to kiss him so bad. he captured your lips in a messy kiss, creating strings of saliva as both tongue danced around. he fastened his movement when he felt your pussy fluttering around him and your moans getting messier, which only mean you're close. 

you came with a loud moan, your essence wetting his dick and some dripping down your thighs. wooyoung chased his high, groaning loudly when he stilled, making sure he put his cum deep inside you.

"clench baby. keep it inside." he inquired as he pulled out slowly. he quickly put your panties back, getting some tissue from the cabinet to wipe the rest of your essence on your legs as well from his overly wet dick, before putting it back to its place. 

he zipped himself up before helping you to stand properly, straightening your skirt to put it back to its proper state, then smiled as if you both didn't just sin in someone else's bathroom. you were still dazed and catching your breath. turning around, you circled your hands around his neck, pulling him for a sweet soft kiss for a cherry on top. 

a ringtone blasted from wooyoung's phone, breaking the kiss. 

"shit, it's hongjoong hyung." he cussed, but still pressing the green button, "hello?"

"where the fuck are you? and where's y/n? why aren't you both answering to your receivers?" hongjoong's voice blasted from the speaker so loud wooyoung flinched and had to put his phone away from his ears, trying not to be deaf in such a young age. 

"hyung, chill, we were just stepping out for... a fresh air." he made up while holding back his own laugh. hongjoong might be absolutely mad over this shenanigans, but it's so worth it.

"get back here asap. juyeon's asking for y/n. and i've sent everyone out to look for yo—"

and just then, the door bursted open, revealing jongho and his face, contorting in disgust when he finally realize the scene happening in front of him. 

"in the middle of work? really?" wooyoung could only throw a sheepish smile. he sighed, before answering to his earpiece, "found the two lovebirds. in a damn bathroom so far in the east wing doing god knows what." he almost gagged. 

jongho stepped backwards, "let's go. y/n's wanted."

"never knew bathroom air could be so fresh."  someone quipped through the receiver. 

the crowd in the great hall once again welcomed you. you caught hongjoong and juyeon in the line of your sight, and you knew it was your cue to go. sharing one more quick kiss with wooyoung, you departed for the two men, leaving wooyoung and jongho behind.

you threw juyeon a sweet smile, "evening mr. lee. what a great party you have here."

"and attended by a great person, too. i see you're putting my token of goodwill to good use." he remarked, taking your hand and landing a kiss there. "and i hope this a way to say yes to a dance with me?" 

"it's a yes, sir."

juyeon smiled back, excusing you and himself to hongjoong before leading you to the dance floor. his movement was slightly stiffer than wooyoung's but he proved to still able to lead a dance. never having to stood this close to another man made you feel nervous, obvious to your awkward touch on his shoulder. 

juyeon watched your awkward body language with an amused grin on his face, "lighten up, mrs. jung.  i can promise you it's not my intention to create any problem between our relationship. especially so early like this."

"so you're planning to do it in the future, then?" you teased, in which he replied with a curt smile. 

"i hope not. i'd like to make friends more than foes." 

you followed his lead in the dance, lightening up yourself before juyeon as you both chatted. lee juyeon is as smooth as he is light with his lips, in contrast to his usual hard look and rumored harsh personality. despite you being the one who had to approach him and initiate alliance, he talked more and eased the air around, sometimes even joking around.

after a while, you finally decided to push the topic you've been dreading for the past week. "so what do you think, mr. lee? of my proposal, alliance between us?" you asked, anxiety churning in the pit of your stomach. 

juyeon went quiet upon your sudden intrusion, and you thought maybe you were too fast on confronting the issue. his eyes wandered around the room, trying to escape your gaze, you presumed. however he tightened his grip on you, bringing you closer to him. 

"i actually have considered it, and i think it's a nice proposal, but," he stopped for a while, "i must make sure that this will work, the lees and ateez. so i can't just accept you working under my family just like that," he continued. 

your heart almost dropped, and maybe so did your face behind the mask. 

"however, i have a way to do that." he spoke again, and you quickly raised your head, awaiting his next response. 

"look to your left. your nine o'clock." he commanded. you slightly turned to your left, eyeing the part of the room he mentioned. he then stated, "see the man in black and white suit, a black diamond pin on his necktie and plain black mask?" 

you nodded, confirming that you saw the same man. 

"his name is kim younghoon, from seoul kim family. ever heard of them?"

"yes. another mafia royal family. almost like your family, i think."

"not as mighty as mine, but yes." he asserted.

"what about them?" you questioned. 

juyeon took a deep breath, readying himself as he explained. "the lees and the kims have been an ally for many generations. but unfortunately, after the thing... between my dad and lee jiyoung, it sort of created a gap between us." he added, "most of their families were supporters of my aunt." you nodded. 

"their fields are similar to ateez's biggest industry at the moment. meds, drugs, et cetera. you'd found common ground with them and ateez will grow more. here's where you came in handy." he remarked, "i want you to act as a third party between our families. fix things between us. i'll introduce you to kim younghoon, pass you up for a dance. you'll work with them, and if your work is good, your bond with them will automatically be stronger, however, they won't be able to ignore the fact that i was the one that brought you to them."

"a good work to the kims means a good work for me and my family. a good work with the kims and lees means you have connections to two of the most powerful mafia families. a win-win, a perfect domino effect, don't you think?" he proposed. 

you furrowed your brows. 

truthfully, juyeon was right. it would be like hitting two birds with one stone. the lees are ruler of the south, and the kims held most part of seoul, not to mention the amount of their members that entered the politics and industries.

you’ve heard yeosang mentioning the kims more than twice. how they owned many hospitals, many other companies as well, but putting their drug company as their main family business. the kims are born from a line of doctors, professors of medicinal world, as well as businessmen dan businesswomen. some of them are even took part in the government’s ministry of health office, to maintain free passage for their own business. they don’t take much part in the dirty work within the mafia world, but they were still influential enough within it.

“taking a sweet time, aren’t we?” 

“i’ll take the offer.” you quickly blurted out.

juyeon stared at your face, your eyes, trying to find any faults, any sign of hesitation, as this was considerably a hard job for a rookie no matter how easy it sounded. yet all he was met was a pair piercing eyes staring right back at him. “i won’t pull back. just like what i said before.” 

the music stopped, just after you said your last word. you both bowed at each other, ending the first dance session perfectly. taking his offered hands to you, he led you away from the dance floor right to your awaiting guest. you walked just slightly behind him, letting juyeon take all the lead.

juyeon tapped on the said man’s shoulder when you stepped behind him.

juyeon let out a curt smile when kim younghoon turned around to face him. “kim younghoon,” he greeted shortly.

“juyeon.” younghoon replied just as short with a smile on his face. “nice party.” 

juyeon hummed, “never a boring party with the lees.”

the cold and thick atmosphere between the two were unmistakable, clear to anyone’s eyes who dared to observe. juyeon and his piercing gaze, kim younghoon as his calm demeanor, yet straight eyes and body language, keeping his dominant persona in check. 

when juyeon realized the meaningless chit-chat would lead nowhere, he pulled you forward placing you right beside him. “this is mrs. jung y/n of ateez. i told you about her just before the gala, remember?”

upon the introduction, you quickly bowed at kim younghoon out of courtesy. you wouldn’t dare to stare yet, but you could see him offering you a warm smile and a bow just from the corner of your eyes.

“i do remember.” 

“well, in my opinion you should offer her a dance. she’s a great dancer, from my short yet unforgettable experience,” juyeon had said, pulling you even further for you to stand before kim younghoon. “she follows exceptionally well.” he implied.

“then i should find out by myself.”

he offered juyeon one last bow out of courtesy, which juyeon replied back with one. juyeon stepped back, before turning around and completely disappear from both of your presence to give you a space of your own.

a counting tap was heard, indicating the start of the next dance session. younghoon offered his hand to you, “may i?”

you took his hand in you just when the music started, and he quickly led the dance, bringing you to the middle of the dancefloor between the crowd. 

it started off awkwardly, as you racked your brain, thinking hardly of what to say, of how to start a conversation at all. lifting your gaze, you were met with younghoon’s pair of soft brown eyes, already staring at you.

oh. oh. you felt something tugging in your stomach as your brain remembered and tried to recall the deja vu you just had. those brown eyes. the garden, the sound of your breath hitching.

“you…” your words were stuck, as you were stunned.

the man in the garden, your helper, your savior, was none other than kim younghoon.

younghoon smiled, you could see his eyes curved into a crescent from behind his mask making his brown eyes shine even brighter.

“miss,” he greeted softly. “i finally know your name now, y/n.”

what kind of coincidence was this?

also i almost lost my whole document (fic bits, drafts, etc) bc i stupidly brought my phone to the pool and now it's dead.

* jipsa; butler

* abeoji; father (sorta formal)

ok i think i might start aiming to write >5k for each chapter so WE. CAN. GET. IT. DONE.

also i feel like i'm gonna focus more on younghoon, juyeon, y/n and hongjoong in the next chapter bc i need to start building the plot up.

I HOPE U ENJOY