#just... to unpack and to digest and to move past the “what the actual hell is wrong with this chick” stage

[rawliverandgoronspice]

serielle of lanayru, aka "queen who spends 90% of her life on screensaver mode"

her brain at any given time:

an icon

[elixir448]

Good Girls 3x01 Thoughts and A Very Bad Attempt at Speculation

What an episode! I felt like we were moving at breakneck speed and the commercial breaks weren’t enough time for me to catch my breath. It was super fun to watch the episode live with everyone and freak out together, even though I doubt I’ll be able to pull it off next week.

Anyway, if it’s not obvious, I really loved the episode and now that I’ve had some time to digest everything that happened, I have a lot of thoughts.

Opening Montage

This show loves a good montage, particularly an opening montage. This one did not disappoint and really dove straight into the meat of the episode, which was Beth struggling with her guilt over shooting Rio (see below) and the girls trying to perfect their counterfeit cash.

I love that there was no dilly-dallying. No prolonged pretense that the girls are law-abiding citizens now. Nope, they’re trying to do everything they can to get their money-making hustle started up. All the jobs make so much sense:

Beth - she loves crafting, she uses it all the time and she’s good at it. There’s literally no place that makes more sense for her to work at!

Ruby - I recall from last season that she had a friend who worked at a nail salon and did her nails for Thanksgiving and it just makes sense that she would be good at doing nails since hers have always been on point during the last two seasons.

Annie - the shot where she was skidding into view was perfect! The job fits so well with her recklessness and I felt like it was such a good callback to her driving the Porsche in 1x01.

Beth’s Guilt

I know people have had a lot of thoughts regarding this. I agree with some of them and not so much with others. Personally, I think it was well-handled overall and I don’t think we’ve seen everything that this storyline has to offer yet. We’re only on episode 1 of a 16 episode season!

One of the main complaints I’ve seen is that Beth was pretty flippant at times with the fact that she killed Rio, saying things like “I don’t wanna bring him back” and “I think we could take him because I’m guessing he’s mostly skull.” While I agree that these remarks are flippant and disrespectful, I also think it’s really significant that this only happened in the presence of other people, like Ruby, Annie and Dean. In the first instance, with Ruby and Annie, I think she was trying to downplay the extent of how messed up she must have been feeling to have approached Rhea and Marcus in the first place; by saying that she doesn’t want Rio back, it makes it seem as though her only intent was to try to help Rhea and Marcus in some way, rather than because of the fact that she has been profoundly traumatised by what happened. Don’t even get me started on the fact that Ruby points out “It’s not going to bring him back!” This is Beth’s best friend and sister and for her to feel the need to point this out shows that she recognises that there is something extremely unhealthy about Beth’s behaviour but also that it’s about more than just guilt.

With Dean, I think it’s notable that he apologised about the fact he brought up Rio, acknowledging that it might be a trigger for Beth. That indicates that over the 4 month time skip that we’ve had, it’s potentially an issue that has come up. By living in the same household as her, he maybe picked up on the fact that she is not, in fact, okay. Trigger is a word that is very much used in the context of mental health issues and it’s significant to me that even Dean has picked up on this. Furthermore, she never even mentioned that she was going to paint the girls’ room purple to him; she clearly doesn’t value his opinion very much and we know that Beth is a fairly emotionally clammed-up character; I can’t see her revealing the slightest thing to Dean about how she feels regarding Rio’s death, beyond her crying and collapsing into Dean in 2x13 following the shock and trauma of it all.

Another thing that’s important to acknowledge is that nobody, not Dean and not even Ruby or Annie, knew what Beth and Rio were to each other. Hell, Beth didn’t even know what they were to each other. They shifted from antagonists, to two people who were orbiting around one another, back to antagonists, to two people who had sex, to business partners, to friends (and very tentatively on Beth’s part, Rio was a confidante for her), to lovers and then to ‘work’. There was probably so much more in between and a lot of overlap. Even the terminology I’ve used here doesn’t really fit their relationship! I mean, it’s hard to put the label of lovers on Beth and Rio when they had sex twice and never even had a defined sexual relationship. And they were always orbiting around one another. They still are. They never interacted once in this episode and yet Rio’s shadow hangs over almost all of Beth’s scenes. These storylines are driving the plot forwards and this episode basically pulled that rope that’s been around the two of them for so long now even tighter.

Let’s bear in mind Ruby and, in particular, Annie’s reaction to finding out that Beth and Rio had sex; basically, they were shocked, horrifed and, on Annie’s part, judgemental. They never saw Beth and Rio in the moments that we, the audience, saw them in. In 2x09, Dean believed that Beth having sex with Rio was a direct consequence of him cheating when we know it wasn’t; Beth also hit Dean right where it hurts and said that she just really liked having sex with Rio but we know that she was emasculating Dean in that moment.

By acknowledging how torn up she is over Rio’s death, Beth would have to unpack everything she felt for Rio, after she ‘murdered’ him. She was never able to do this even while he was alive; in fact, she struggled to even acknowledge what was happening and the connection between them. If she shared this with the people in her lives, none of whom understood what she and Rio were to one another...well, what would be the point? He’s gone, she feels guilty and the truth is that guilt and remorse don’t bring people back from the dead.

We get it but they don’t and they never have.

The other complaint I’ve seen is that Beth’s guilt seems to be solely tied to taking Rio away from his son. I can partially understand this but I do think that it’s not the sole reason for Beth’s guilt and it certainly wasn’t the only reason for her guilt that was depicted in this episode. The opening montage alone is a terrific example of this.

It starts with Beth in this dimly lit environment and then when she snaps out of it and realises she’s in front of a customer, we see that she’s actually in a shop and the customer is in a brightly lit portion of it, in front of the counter, while it’s much darker behind Beth. It might mean nothing but the way that scene starts really indicates to me that thinking of Rio takes Beth to a dark place.

In the opening scene, Beth reflects on Rio. The man. The fact that this was a man she knew. But did she really? He’s gone now though. And she feels weird. Suddently confronted by the abruptness of death. There’s no mention of his family in this scene at all. She thinks mainly about his death, how it’s haunting her and how she isn’t sure if she ever really knew him. It’s clear to me that she doesn’t just feel guilty because of Marcus. The scene really underlines how much time Beth has spent thinking about Rio and about him alone.

Despite this, she has four kids. The introduction of Marcus in 2x01 gave Beth an insight into Rio’s life that he had carefully orchestrated to make her realise that they were more similar than she wanted to admit and that they had similar motivations. Their children are certainly not the only things in their lives that connect them. Beth and Rio see each other and they always have. They enjoy the thrill they get from crime but they also have families to provide for. It’s justified until it isn’t. Basically, I think Marcus being a major perpetuating factor for Beth’s guilt makes complete sense and it would be strange if this was less of a factor than it was portrayed as in this episode. They were both parents and of course Marcus is representative of the pain she caused when she shot Rio.

Rhea’s Cheque and Rio’s Money

I’m going to include this discussion here just because I think it links up nicely with Beth’s guilt. Also I weirdly love that Beth and Rhea were wearing the same colour in this scene. I don’t really know what it represents but Rhea has clearly opened up to Beth over the past 4 months and Beth opened up to Rhea in this scene, sharing her financial troubles, so maybe it has something to do with that.

It was so difficult to watch these events unfold on screen. I remember thinking gosh, I really hope Beth doesn’t cash that cheque but also kind of hoping she would because of the plot potential with the consequences of such an action.

Beth is at her very lowest here. I think the last time we saw her come close to this was when Dean took the kids in 2x08 and we saw the aftermath of that in 2x09. Emotionally, financially, ethically and morally, she has hit an absolute low and she knows it. She obviously feels like a crap person and spent the entire night thinking about cashing the cheque, about Rio, about Rhea and about Marcus. Honestly, it’s heartbreaking to watch.

I think it’s really important to highlight the financial burden she’s facing at the moment. She risks losing the roof over her family’s heads. Her kids’ heads. Her babies.

It’s also important to point out that, of the three girls, Beth is the only one who is in a dire financial situation right now. Stan is raking in the money at his new job, even though both he and Ruby clearly don’t love it, and the Hills are making ends meet for Sara’s post-transplant medications. Also, as they no longer seem to be paying a lawyer to have the charges against Stan dropped, it looks like that financial burden has been removed too. Annie no longer has to pay a custody lawyer and is not at risk of losing Sadie (I have no clue what happened with the drug felony charges; I think that was dropped as a storyline between seasons 1 and 2); I do think she needs money for hormonal blockade medication but it was not mentioned in this episode. My point is that, in this episode, it’s very clear that Beth is in big trouble financially and is imminently at risk of losing their family home.

I love that the writer’s aren’t shying away from the implications of such an action and that it’s a real moral dillema, both for Beth and for us as the audience. They aren’t portraying Beth as a sanctimonious individual in this episode. She doesn’t know that Rio’s coming for her so she has nothing to fear on that front in this episode. She ruminates for an entire night. Just because she thought long and hard about it doesn’t justify her actions. Of course it doesn’t! It’s still utterly reprehensible and she’s agonising over that. But it’s necessary. And I love that the writer’s are choosing to depict such a complex, deplorable act on screen by a main character!

New and Returning Side Characters

JT - I cannot even begin to describe how happy I was to see JT in the first episode. We knew he was returning from the news during hiatus but this was even better than I expected. The actor had such brilliant chemistry with Retta in season 2 and with Christina and Mae in 2x09. The four of them just clicked and were hilarious in the two scenes they shared in this episode. I wonder if the issue with him using Ruby’s address for access to her school district will be explored further in this season or if that storyline won’t be mentioned again, especially since it seems that scam is just running in the background now!

Lucy - She is just precious! I adore her already and Charlyne Yi is amazing. I am so consistently impressed by the casting for this show and I really feel like Charlyne is going to fill the James Lesure shaped hole in my heart right now. She clearly adores Oju (sorry if I’ve spelt that incorrectly!) and I’m starting to wonder if Annie kidnaps Oju as a way of preventing Lucy from getting in their way, for example, if she demands a cut or if she decides to tell someone about the counterfeit cash or take advantage of the girls in some other way, just like they have with her. Or perhaps Rio interacts with Lucy at some point this season? Oh my god. All the possibilities are making my head spin!

Krystal - What a genuine sweetheart! Noureen DeWulf did an incredible job and I pretty much fell in love Krystal immediately. The fact that she thought to give a gift basket to the Hills? And the whole scene with the gag reflex? I adore her. I’m really crossing my fingers for a Stan and Krystal friendship arc. They are both such wholesome individuals and I hope that Ruby comes to recognise Krystal for who she seems to be so far, which is a genuinely nice gal. Also, we know that Onyx (played by Megan thee Stallion) is going to be up to no good so I’m excited to see her interact with Krystal and Stan on screen! God please give me Krystal and Stan having each other’s backs.

Rhea - Jackie Cruz is a boss. From what I’ve seen bouncing about on Tumblr, she’s supposed to be appearing in 4 episodes of what has been filmed so far. I really loved her and Beth’s friendship in this episode, even though the foundation of it is deceitful and extremely unhealthy on Beth’s part. I’m not sure if Rhea will find out what Beth has done and I can only imagine the fallout and angst should Rio ever share it with her. But I can’t help but love the two of them. I mean they were chatting about hot coaches! We rarely see Beth loosen up like that with people. Just compare it to her interacting with the PTA mums in 2x10. The difference in Beth’s demeanour is striking. I’ve seen some theories that Rhea already knows who Beth is and is playing her, which is definitely possible. My gut instinct says no but my theories for this show have been wrong so many times before. I also just want to see Rio’s face when he realises that Beth has inserted herself into this private part of his life; he’s going to be absolutely furious and I am here for that plot.

Marcus - How were the fandoms predictions and fanfic writers’ portrayal of this character so accurate? He’s an angel. And he and Jane are clearly best friends! Is this what dreams are made of? And he loves planes too. This episode. Oh my god, this episode is feeding me. Please let Rio give Marcus the planes he made in that hotel room. Please! Ahem, moving on. Manny has said several times that their is something that stops Rio from killing Beth in this season, a line that he won’t cross and that it’s addressed early on. I’ve seen some theories that it could be because Marcus adores Beth. It definitely could be! But I wonder if there is another reason why, particularly if the doors into the crime world are really blown off their hinges in this season and they have a common adversary or goal.

The Hills

I cannot emphasise how much I love Stan and Ruby. For me, they are definitely the heart of the show alongside the three girls. This episode really doubled down on that and I missed them so much.

So the Hills are managing to pay for Sara’s meds, particularly with the money from Stan’s new job. It seems that he’s having to step in to prevent people getting too forward at the strip club and is getting into some physical altercations because of it. I am so excited for his storyline this season, especially after Manny said that it is the storyline he is most excited about. I mean, I’m scared. But here for it.

Sara’s struggling with her meds and I remain shocked by how completely adorable lil’ money is.

I’ve already said it but I want a Krystal and Stan friendship. I’m so curious to see how the strip club ties into the overall plot of the season. It has to have something to do with the counterfeit cash right? And maybe Onyx becomes involved at some point?

Ruby’s scene on the phone with Gwen is so incredibly important. I always do my best to be nice to people who I’m on the phone with, even when it’s frustrating. The scene was so well done and I loved the message of how you don’t know what someone else going through. So be nice. And we know Ruby’s nice. But she’s also scared for her daughter and frustrated with Stan’s job and we all get it. Even Gwen does.

Annie and Sadie 

Oooooofffft. Could that call out have felt more like a burn? I feel like Annie kind of needed to hear this and what Mae has said in her interview, about Annie becoming more cautious and little more introspective, makes so much sense now. Of course it would be Sadie that would trigger such a shift! Although not for long apparently, given the inappropriate crush that Annie seems to develop (from 3x04 synopsis); I do still think that it’ll be on the doctor that Rob Heaps has been cast as but I kinda wish it would be some else. I am curious to see how the writers handle this moving forwards because Annie’s already done some pretty serious self-reflection in this episode and I really do think that whatever happens, she’s not just going to forget what Sadie said. I imagine it’s something she’ll struggle with this season. 

Also, fuck Noah (I posted the exact same thing while watching the episode). He sucks.

That scene with the toothbrush had me hollering. I know some people hated it but I guffawed my way through it. For me, Mae really delivered on the hilarity in this episode, alongside Lucy. Her bickering with Ruby while she was trying to make a dumb point was sooo good.

Agent Turner

I know a lot of people hated Turner and are glad that his character’s gone. But god, I’m going to miss that obsessive, sanctimonious son of a bitch. I adored him as a character and James Lesure was absolutely fantastic. Also, can I just say that he was a total snack? Especially in that suit. Killer. I’m also kind of bitter than I won’t see some of my wishes come true this season, mainly seeing more scenes between Beth and Agent Turner and them having a drink together, even if they were still antagonists. We coulda had it aaaallllllll!!!!!!

I’m really, really going to feel James Lesure’s absence and I wish him well on his next project.

I love that the writers understood the importance of giving him a final scene with Beth. These two have been playing a cat and mouse game for two seasons and I needed a farewell to their relationship. His pop-by on Beth’s place of employment was really well done and Christina and James killed it, although they always do so why am I surprised. Him saying “It’s not easy making an honest living” really takes me back to the moral hypocrisy he displayed with Stan in season 2, stating that he did what he had to, to get to the letter of the law. Don’t get me wrong, I love complex, rich, fun characters like Turner and I really like that writers chose to display this facet of his character again, with him fully believing that he has the moral high ground over Beth.

Rio

Right. As soon as I saw Turner walking with that plastic bag in his hand, I knew he was going to see Rio! The planes! The planes! If he gives a plane to Marcus in the next episode, I will die. Happily.

Also, I was struck all over again by the way Rio moves, talks and his presence in that scene in the hotel room. Manny brings so much to the character and it’s really amazing to watch.

We got some really important insight into Rio’s character in this episode, one of which is that there have been significant periods where he has been absent from Marcus’ life, which is such a great piece of character insight. We saw Beth struggle to balance crime and family in season 2. We saw Rio attempt to comfort her and share his own experience in 2x09 (”It’s lonely at the top.”) and I really loved that this episode shed some light on the fact that Rio is like Beth in this aspect. That he struggles just like her and misses his kid. Retrospectively, it adds this kind of tragic depth to the first bar scene in 2x09.

That last scene. Ohohohohoho. So much to talk about. It seems pretty clear to me that Rio has a pretty solid alibi with how much he interacted with the lady in the hotel lobby. I love that, of all things, he wants to chat loyalty points and EXCUSE ME “NEAT”. I never thought I would hear that word come out of Rio’s mouth but here we are. And I’m into it. Also, the way his voice shifts when he says business. Oh boy oh boy.

So it seems pretty clear that Rio’s spent the past 4 months playing Turner, clearing the board for himself to come in (I think this is going to have repercussions which I love because we always see the consequences of the girls’ actions but rarely of Rio’s actions). I’m also really curious to find out if Carlos Aviles’ character was in the van and if he’ll say anything about it? Maybe to Beth or if we’ll see him and Rio interacting at some point this season.

The whole thing with the billboard was a great touch and really doubled down on how devious but also cocky Rio is. I really got the same vibe from the final scene of the The Usual Suspects, where Kyser Soze uses the items around him in the room to construct an elaborate, convincing lie for law enforcement. And they fall for it. Gosh, brilliant.

Also, loved Rio’s outfit in that last scene. And looks like there’s no nose ring either. I had a feeling there wouldn’t be, even with the video that dropped on Valentine’s day just because of that shot of Rio in the season 3 trailer, without a nose ring.

So that’s it! I have no clue where else to slot this in but Beth’s hair and clothes. A++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++!!!!!!!!!! Like, her hair doesn’t really look like a wig anymore and those sweaters. THOSE WELL-FITTED BLOUSES. I could not stop staring. She’s a literal angel.

Also, quick warning that I’ll probably reblog and add stuff to this because I’ve definitely left some stuff off of this because I’m too tired to finish.

[currentlyreadingmanga]

Toilet-bound Hanako-kun Chapter 14: The 4pm Bookstacks (Part 4)

Previously: a lot happened. A whole lot. We’re finally learning about Hanako’s backstory and boy oh boy was it tough to read. And the worst part is that we’ve barely even scratched the surface of his story and I already was on the verge of tears. And I think this flashback isn’t over yet. So this can only mean good things for my sanity as we go through the rest of the chapters. It’s :) gonna :) be :) just :) great :)

Now onto the next chapter!

I don’t know if I’m emotionally prepared to keep going after the last chapter but my curiosity is also kinda killing so we’re gonna pummel through anyway! 

.................................................. (ಥ﹏ಥ) I’m so sad and it’s only the first page oh boy

It looks like we’re starting right where we left off but it looks like Hanako is employing a tactical move that I like to call “swift and sudden change of subject”. And I get that he clearly doesn’t want to talk about it but sigh I wish he would.

There’s the lunar rock! Oh, that’s interesting. He says that it fell right in front of him when he was about four years old. Tsuchigomori doesn’t really believe it’s an actual lunar rock, but Hanako says that he thought he wouldn’t, but that that won’t change what he believes

...baby boy ♡o(╥﹏╥)o ♥♡ sweet baby boy look at that smile 

BUT more importantly

“We”, you say, huh? Okay, so before when the suspicious green-haired girl said “is yours like that, too?” I had asked a lot of questions since that comment had opened various possibilities. The main theories I had at the time was that maybe if more than one person summoned Hanako, then maybe different versions could appear or even that it could have been the same Hanako but acting differently depending on the person who called upon him. And this “we” comment could still point to something similar, maybe hinting that he has multiple personalities. But it also makes me think of another answer that I can’t believe it didn’t cross my mind earlier: could it be that he has a brother? Would that even work? Like, it would mean that his brother has to be dead too, right? So idk, maybe it wouldn’t be possible, But they keep hinting at this idea that there’s “another Hanako”, so I think I should keep various options on the table just case.

....................baby boy

I’m sorry for gushing so much but he just looks so excited about his rock and the moon I :(((( I’m very torn because he’s adorable but he’s also covered in bruises and cuts and I just want him to be safe even though this is the past and nothing can be done now

Also! The fact that he said that this rock is his prized possession and now it is Tsuchigomori’s yorishiro (aka the object with the strongest emotional connection he has in his possession) says a lot about their relationship, huh? He really must care a lot about Hanako, much more than he lets on.

But yeah, Tsuchigomori wants to go back to the important subject at hand but once again Hanako uses “swift and sudden change of subject” and it’s super effective! It’s really taking all of my self-control not to post every panel with smiling Hanako here, he’s too precious, hel p. It seems like he really likes the moon and probably space in general and that’s really cute

o h

The way my heart just sank oh my fucking go d child please get away from the window Tsuchigomori please get him away from there

(;;⚆ _ ⚆ )  Tsuchigomori pl e  a se get him down from there before I have a heart attack

Oh okay, he’s back, mostly, kinda. He’s still on the window sill, though, and it’s giving me anxiety. I really need him to step back inside the room. God, I would have panicked just as much as Tsuchigomori right there jfc

Okay so, after slapping Tsuchigomori’s hand away when he tried to help him (which, hello, physical manifestation of his own unwillingness to get help), Hanako mentions how Tsuchigomori has said before that he’s worried about him and that he wants to help, and the teacher confirms that yes, that’s the case

..............................god, I think I kept mentioning it last chapter too, but there’s something so powerful about the way Hanako was drawn in these last two chapters. He’s clearly the same character we have come to know, but there’s such vulnerability and humanity in the way he’s portrayed that it really tugs at your heartstrings. He looks so small and vulnerable, just like the child he is. A child that has seen and experienced too much but who still smiles to not worry those around him.

Ah, speaking of which

;u;

So yeah, here’s where he gives Tsuchigomori the rock. And the latter is surprised to be receiving it since Hanako did say that this was his most prized possession. Hanako says that whenever he looks at it, he fees as if he could go anywhere..........okay, that just brings up more questions, because why would he give away something that gives him hope?

..................oh. Oh no, I don’t like the implications right here, no sir

...........................................fuck. I really really don’t want my hunch to be right but. this really implies that he could have decided to end his own life. Because then he wouldn’t need his rock, not if he was bent on “not going anywhere”. And he’s saying it with a smile too what does that mean ...........I..........okay, let’s keep reading

It looks like the memory is over and we’re back to Yashiro and Tsuchigomori in the nurse's office. Wow, it’s night already, this whole ordeal really took quite a while.

Tsuchigomori confirms that what Yashiro saw where indeed the memories housed inside the yorishiro and oh! That’s right! That means that Hanako was the only person to have successfully changed their future, at least according to Tsuchigomori. How exactly did he change it would be the question to ask now. 

Tsuchigomori starts to talk about the significance the moon landing had on society at the time since before that “going to the moon” was just another unattainable dream that only existed in people’s imaginations. But then it became reality and the world was full of hope because it opens the door to dreams that before seemed so unattainable now seemed possible. And how, among this cheerful climate, there was one boy who at that moment decided he wouldn’t be going anywhere.

Then he mentions that, as his teacher, he was worried about him, or so he pretended to be. Ah, okay. he says he “pretended” because he had already read his book, so even if he kept asking Hanako to tell him what was happening to him, he already knew. Hmmm, he says that he’s just “a supernatural pretending to be human” and that’s why he didn’t think much of it, but I honestly don’t think he would have been so indifferent if the book said that Hanako was gonna die soon (I’m assuming that conversation we saw wasn’t too much earlier in Hanako’s life since he didn’t look that much younger and the classroom sign said “2-2″ so he probably was in junior high? I think). So maybe the way his future change really was with him dying. Did Hanako die before he was supposed to?

oh

Oh, that’s.........that’s heartbreaking. He really did die too soon, way too soon. Fucking hell, that’s not what I expected at all. Like, when Tsuchigomori first mentioned that one person had been able to change their future, I had imagined that it would be a positive change, you know? Because usually, those type of scenarios play out with the person avoiding a bad situation that would be detrimental to their future. But it seems like here it’s the opposite.

Also, just imagine being in Tsuchigomori’s shoes in this situation. Like, you’re worried about the kid but then you find out that he's gonna be okay: he'll become a teacher after he delves into what he's passionate about. So you relax a bit, since what’s been written in the books never changes. But then, one day, suddenly and unexpectedly, that boy dies, that same boy who smiled at you and seemed to have such a bright future ahead of him. His life was cut short and now he's another being that haunts the school you work at. And you tell yourself that there was nothing you could have done since the future had never changed before, but a part of you whispers the "what ifs" every time you see his face on the hallways and it’s just. again, I repeat: heartbreaking.

;u; look at this good man. He really is a softie on the inside.

Oh dear, it looks like she’s really shaken up. Can’t say I blame her, that’s a lot of heavy information to digest in one go.

Awwww and of course, there are Kou and Hanako barging into her room, because these loud boys are loud. Also, Kou should know by this point that Hanako doesn’t have any regard for personal space with anyone so, yeah, it’s kind of a lost cause lol

Oh, sweetie...The whole ordeal was really emotionally taxing on her. Like she says there, we all knew that he was a ghost from the start but learning about his life makes us face the fact that he’s also alive at one point. He was around Kou and Nene’s age when he died. Again, we knew that deep down, but now the fact that his future was cut short is impossible to ignore. That’s the reality of the situation and Yashiro has a lot to think about after this. She’s still only, what, fifteen? and it is a heavy burden to deal with.

Oh? He probably notices that something is off by her reaction? Does he know what she saw when she destroyed the yorishiro?

Okay, so he goes to confront Tsuchigomori about it

Hmmm, so yeah, like I thought at the beginning of this arc: he’s probably not ready to actually share the details of his life with her yet. And honestly, after the last two chapters, I see where he’s coming from because this is a lot to unpack.

........oH

(ಥ﹏ಥ)

(TдT)(TдT)(TдT)

[id-rather-be-an-outsider]

Sunflower Dreams | pt I

Aaron Davis (Spiderverse) x Reader

word count: 1757 (or about that, I made some tweaks after I copy pasted it here so uh.... rough guestimate?)

summary: when young and educated y/n’s given the opportunity of a lifetime, she plans accordingly. her life is finally starting to be perfect, until suddenly, it’s not anymore. her friendly neighborhood bachelor, Aaron Davis, helps her pick up the pieces, as she unknowingly makes him see that there’s more to life than being a villain.

a/n: I decided to write this story bc Aaron Davis gets no love, which is crazy to me, and because I had a little idea cooking up in my head that I thought would be a good story. I took a lot of inspiration for the protagonist from my own life, but you’re only gonna hear slivers of it for now. I have no idea how many chapters this is gonna be, but like. I hope someone enjoys this, bc I know I will enjoy writing it. also. I wrote this story from my perspective, so when I imagine the reader, I envision her as kinda ambiguous in the ethnic department (I’m mixed but white-presenting), but she can be whatever ya’ll want her to be. lightskin, darkskin, anything. okay. Imma let ya’ll read now haha jk I also gotta say, HELL YEA I USED TREVANTE RHODES AS MY PERSONAL FANCAST FOR AARON DAVIS, THAT MAN IS FWOINE AIN’T NOBODY FINNA TELL ME ANY DIFFERENT FUCK OUTTA HERE

    I didn’t make a big deal about moving to New York to pursue my Masters. Already had my Bachelors in Business Administration with a minor in Fine Arts, just got my Bachelors in Education, and now I was ready to chase after my Masters. It only made sense to take the opportunity. How often are you gonna be offered a full ride in exchange for opening your own business in Brooklyn upon graduation, with the funding necessary to do so? Once it took off, I’d return to Tacoma and pay the city my gratitude for making me who I was.

     As I was saying, it was a quiet departure. Thank God I’m a minimalist, otherwise I would’ve had a LOT more items to bring with me. My boyfriend and I packed all my belongings and made the trek across the US after saying goodbye to my family and friends. He was driving. We held hands all the way there. Sometimes speaking, sometimes not.

     When we got to my new home, I already had a parcel of mail waiting for me from my university. After we took up the first load, we sat down on my empty floor and opened it. It welcomed me home and had a map, coffee shops and fun places circled for me to go visit. It was sweet.

     By noon we had everything in my unit thanks to a friendly neighbor named Aaron Davis and his nephew, a funny kiddo named Miles who reminded me of why I came to New York in the first place, and by the evening we had everything unpacked. We walked to a Starbucks and had coffee and sandwiches, now sitting on my bed with our stomachs full. The window was open, the faint beeps and honks of traffic coming from far below.

     We curled up into each other. “I fucking hate this,” I said. “It’s not fair.”

     “I know. I do too. And you know I would stay here with you if I could, but I’m still having no luck finding a job here.”

     “Fuck finding a job, I’ll be the breadwinner of the family,” I laughed, even though I was serious. He knew I was.

     “I can’t burden you like that financially. I promise, as soon as I land an interview, you’re gonna be the first to know. And as soon as I get hired, I’m showing up on your doorstep.” He kissed my forehead. “I don’t say it near enough, but I love you, and I’m so proud of you.”

     “I love you too. And thank you. It’s like, my entire life is falling perfectly into place, all but- well- except for you.”

     “We’ll get there, I promise. For now, just finesse every man or woman here who will buy you dinner, and try to have fun.” He rubbed my back, continuing, “You’ve never dated anyone but me, so... take it as your opportunity to learn about what you like, and once we’re together again, we can find a way to fit any new and quirky tastes you find you have into the relationship. But-“ His hand moved down quick and slapped my ass, squeezing it and illiciting an ‘ow’ of protest from me- “This is still mine, so no fucking, or else I’ll be doing more beating than just beating that pussy up.”

     I laughed and said, “You fuckin’ freak.”

     “Yea, but you like that shit.” He said confidently.

     “Shut the fuck up, why you gotta be so loud about what we do when the window’s open?” I gave him a light punch, then whispered in his ear, “But aye, like, I won’t deny it.”

     “Good, because that would’ve been real awkward after I’ve been in them guts for four years straight.” Then he lowered his voice. “Speaking of which, I’m trynna be in them once more tonight and tomorrow morning.”

     “I dOn’T hAvE aS HiGh Of A sEx dRiVe As YoU!” I mocked him in my best Spongebob voice. “Always lyin for why?”

     He pulled me on top of him and kissed me, his way of telling me to shut up nicely. “Shhhh, I’m just trynna make the most of the time we have left before I have to go back to Tacoma.”

     “But you don’t have to go,” I said, “You can stay here-“

     He cut me off with a series of kisses, “I already-“ “-bought-“ “-the tickets-“ “-so I actually do kinda have to.” He wrapped his arms around me, petting my hair. He always said I had the softest curls he’d ever touched.

     “I just wish you could stay,” I whispered. “We’ve already made it through so much, each of us on our own and then together, I just-“ I cut myself off. The tears welled up in my eyes, threatening to spill over. “-I just-“

     “Baby, say it. If your overthinker brain is gonna torture you with this, I wanna hear it so I can put those thoughts to rest.”

     “I just keep thinking that something’s gonna happen to you and I’m gonna lose you. The very idea of that terrifies me, and makes me want to weep-“ I go cross eyed as I watch a tear fall from my eye and trail down my nose- “-because I don’t know how to live without you. And I mean that in a couple ways.”

     “Well... I’m not leaving you forever. I’m coming back here as soon as possible, I’m gonna talk to you on Discord every chance I get, I’m gonna call you every day,  and I’m gonna go to sleep every night dreaming that I’m here with you. For all we know, I could be coming back here in less than a month.” He tilted my chin up to look in my eyes. “Even if I’m not physically present, I’m always gonna be here. You’re never alone.”

     “I love you.”

     “I love you too.”

     In the morning, we slept in late and cuddled until he absolutely had to get up. We both hopped in the shower and he put on his airport clothes while I pulled on a pale, lemon yellow sweatsuit with a white gold chain to match. Gotta let these hoes know, I outdress them even on my bummy days.

     The ride to the airport was a back and forth between us kissing at red lights and screaming out different lyrics from XXXTentacion, Post Malone, JUICE WRLD and whoever the hell else we felt like listening to as we drove, much like we did since the beginning of our relationship.

     When we got there, we took our time saying goodbye since he didn’t have to stress too much about baggage check. We said we loved each other, once I couldn’t see him anymore I called him and we talked while I drove back to my new home and he waited for his flight, and then he was called to board so we got off the phone, but not before he promised me that he would call me as soon as he landed.

     When I got home, I stopped by the mailbox to see if I had anymore mail and simultaneously checked my Instagram, seeing a flurry of notifications. Suddenly, his mom called me.

     “Hi mom, what’s up? Are you okay?” I said as I scrolled through my Instagram, trying to make sense of all the digital confusion.

     She sniffled.

     “Mom, what happened?”

     “Check the news, babygirl... have you not seen it yet?”

     “Uh, no, I haven’t, but I’ll check it out right now,” I said, putting her on speakerphone.

     She started sobbing, saying “I’m so sorry, baby, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have called you like this, but I wanted to be the one to tell you.”

     And that’s when I saw my worst fears in a news article:

NYC - Sea Bound Plane Crashes, No Survivors

A horrific accident has happened today, and experts are still struggling to find out how - a plane headed to Seattle malfunctioned mid-flight, claiming the lives of everyone on board. Many of the victims have already been identified by their families, not by looks, but by the identification on their bodies at the time of the incident. Below this article are photos of the bodies. If you think you can identify one of them, contact...

     I couldn’t finish reading. I scrolled and saw the bodies, all of them mangled and torn apart, almost unrecognizable as humans. Hearing his mom say ‘he’s dead’ over and over again as I stared at the pictures made me lose my stomach.

     Up came all of my breakfast, and whatever Starbucks I hadn’t yet digested from the night before.

     “Mama, I love you, but I have to call you back later-“ a pause as I threw up again. “I’m physically sick. I’m so sorry,” I sobbed the last sentence, and after hearing a teary goodbye from the other end, hung up. I’d dropped my mail the first time and only now noticed that it was covered in my mess. I didn’t care. I started crying, which was a mistake, because it only made me throw up more, this time nothing but bile.

     “Hey, are you okay?” I whipped around, facing Aaron Davis, the friendly man from the day before.

     “I- I’m sick.” I said, and immediately burst into tears. “Please help me.” Those three words rarely ever left my mouth, but even I know when I can’t do something on my own. He put his keys in his pocket and reached out to me.

     Mere minutes later, I was in my unit, crouched over the toilet, heaving. Aaron had guided me there, holding my hair out of my face as I continued to puke. He called management and told them what happened, and he told me they were already cleaning it up.

     “Listen... I know it’s not my place to say anything, seeing as I’m just your neighbor, but...” He rubbed the back of his neck as he was crouched beside me. “I overheard the phone call. And I overheard the conversation you had with your boyfriend last night. He loved you.”

     “I know he did.” I said, because it was true.

     “I just... look, if you need anything, I’m here. I know you‘re hurting a lot right now, and I know you may want nothing but for everyone to leave you alone, especially the new dude who isn’t minding his business, but if you need anything, I’m here. And Imma check up on you. You’re not alone. You’re never alone.”

     I laughed, but it held no real warmth. “He said that last part to me yesterday night.”

     “He was right. And still is.”

[thestaticghost]

((I am sorry, I must vent about this shitty roommate. I tried not to, but I am frustrated.))

So, I’m gone for an entire fucking month, right? One whole month for my roommate to take care of the apartment and the animals. Should be fairly easy, especially since he got a vacuum and there are my cleaning supplies under the sink. And because the most high maintenance pet I have is Chase, who is a dog. He’s had a dog before. This one is smaller.

Nope. I come home a minute before he does and the AC is out. He claims it went out while he was at work, but I have a tough time believing him because of all the fans around and because of how long he let his toilet go without being fixed (I yelled at him when he started using my toilet and my toilet paper, but it was like a month). Okay, fine whatever. There’s a dead plant in the windowsill, with dirt all over and a random (empty) dog poop bag? Uh...okay. At least my plant Steve is alive. 

Dining room table has a box for a bulb and a pizza box on it. I ask him if it’s the same pizza box from before I left. IT IS. He fucking set it aside and put it back out, as a joke. Meaning there was an ant lure in the apartment for a full month. Plus Chase has shit in the living room, making me think he didn’t take him out this morning because he always poops in the AM. Oh and Chase is greasy. Even though I said to give him a bath. Okay, great. It’s not like I’m paying you out of my currently tight budget to have taken care of my dog.

Roommate leaves at this point, having been home for a total of ten minutes, and I hang out, not unpacking because the maintenance guy is coming to look at the AC. While dude does his thing, I go to get a drink. The calendar has the month erased but not the days. The koolaid pitcher is out, clearly cleaned, and there are some dishes piled up in the sink. Okay, weird. I touch the fridge. THE HANDLE IS GREASY. I open the fridge. THERE IS FOOD ALL OVER THE SHELVES. Also, there’s like nothing to drink. The water pitcher is almost empty, even though you’re supposed to refill it every time you use it. I assume for half a second he ran out of koolaid and didn’t bother getting more because grocery shopping is not his strong suite. Nope, there’s koolaid. Looks like he’s used exactly none of it since I left. And the pitcher is empty, though refilling it is another rule key to keeping the system going smoothly.

The countertops are greasy, with dried spots of what looks like bean juice on both sides of the kitchen. There is dirt around my fish tank, showing he didn’t move anything when he “cleaned”. The top of the trashcan is disgusting. The sink, what I can see of it, is dirty. The top of the microwave is dusty, the inside plate is disgusting, and it looks like a power surge hit it and he never bothered fixing the time. And there’s little shot jars of whiskey with residue in the bottom of them. Is he seriously trying to get ants?

Maintenance guy leaves. My digestive system is shot after a month of fast food, so I go to the bathroom. Shower curtain is spread, so there’s a positive. I decide to peek inside, thinking of showering. The bottom of the shower is dirty and there’s orange buildup from soap residue growing bacteria. Great. There’s only one bathroom with a tub, so I know he’s been using mine. Oh, and there’s a dead moth and spider on my sink. 

There is now dirt on the carpet, but I can’t remember if that was there when I first got in or if it was tracked in. In my bedroom, whom only my dog should’ve been in for more than five minutes, there’s this random slice of wood on the floor, but other than my mess from using shit and moving back in, it looks decent.

At this point, I’ve already messaged roommate, and he’s all “well obviously I missed some spots so what’s up” like the entire apartment isn’t a missed spot. He claims he’ll clean when he gets home, and I linger, determined to get my drink before I go and start unpacking or cleaning. IDK what to start with. But where’s my boner cup? I stuck it in the dishwasher before I left, and it’s been a literal month. He must’ve done the dishes at this point.

Oh and did I mention he didn’t know where any of my cleaning supplies were? I asked about paper towels and wet wipes. We’re out and he gave me a shrug emoji, saying his borrowed baby wipes from his mom. Did he wipe the apartment down with fucking baby wipes? I have yet to ask, dreading the answer. I don’t even use my cleaning wipes for more than quick fixes or touch ups that I don’t want to waste the time filling the sink for.

It’s in the dishwasher. He ran the dishes before he left for work. So either he’s not done dishes for an entire month, in which case how, or he’s let someone use my boner cup. Which for some reason is the final straw. He already uses my rainbow cup, having basically claimed it for himself, but fine, whatever. He doesn’t have that many cups, so he can borrow one of my favorites. But the boner cup is mine. It’s tantamount to someone using any of my vampire dishware without asking. Oh, and I found the burnt out reptile bulb from earlier, sitting on top of a menagerie of supplies I have yet to sort through on top of my dog kennel.

So I just leave. I take Chase and I go to work to buy the kitten some wet food and cool off. Vent to my mom and a coworker, get my new schedule (I’m opening all the time now boo I hate opening we open at 7 fucking AM). Once my chill is back, I go and unpack. I take my shoes off and while transporting some stuff to the kitchen discover the floor is just as disgusting. What the absolute hell.

Decide I won’t clean, see if he lives up to his word. Pass out around 7 because I don’t sleep in hotels well, wake up at 8:30 to see a message from roommate’s mom about the kitten I’m adopting and how I’m apparently getting her tonight? No. Once again, roommate fails to communicate jack with me.

What’s funny is if I stay in Huntsville past the end of this lease and me finishing training (I may transfer to a salon who actually follows policy if I feel here isn’t working out and I don’t want to finish my degree), I was thinking of saving up to buy a house in the next three years. And, he’s gonna still need to rent and stuff, so I had been thinking of offering to rent out a room to him if he didn’t have a place to go. He doesn’t know this, obviously, because I decided to keep the thoughts to myself until closer to time. But this sort of shit has me second guessing myself. I’m not the cleanest person, but this is seriously a dealbreaker before he even realizes it. As it stands, when the lease is up for renewal in April, I may be able to afford an apartment of my own, and if things don’t improve at least a little, I may leave him to dry and get my own place.