#justified cause I'm dumb tho

[arsenicalofarsons]

the pixel brush made this drawing look prettier than it actually is tbh

[tocomplainfriend]

I am mad

Yup!

Bro shut up, she is white - being Latina is not a race, is an not the same as color skin. And she is a second generation immigrant too. So like... this isn't like a Salvadorian person doing a cartoon, is a daughter of Salvadorians... That grew in the USA. Being Latino doesn't mean you aren't white, you can be any race and Latino. Still wouldn't make up for the lack of representation or the existing racism. In the piece of media that's "diverse".

Salvadorian is not a race, LMAO. That's crazy- you think someone from Argentina who is white, is not white cause of their nationality??? Being Latino and having that culture does not equal a race. It's in itself a racist thing. This Latino = Race is terrible, It also comes from the idea of the "You are not Latino because you are not brown", assuming all people from Latino America are brown by default. You know how much has that happen to me? -AND MANY OTHER PEOPLE.

(I'm Latino btw)

I already have an older post about it, but - you can really see the lack of diversity in the show a lot. (Will talk about it even more other day).

Again the main thing you get is MEN, hypersexual skinny queer men (cis). You won't get to see female characters being well written, thought all the season 1 and all the episodes we got rn of season 2. All characters are skinny and similar body types and repetitive design choices. Funny enough, shows that lack of human characters still have better race-coding that helluva. (and well in hazbin you'll get POC characters that are gray, lack all ethic features... even when they are humanoid. So that is great.)

Bro you could, you imagine a character being black and having different textured hair, and you go to hell... AND EVEN THO YOU ARE HUMANOID- your hair became straight and spiky, and you are now a light gray? If you build a world like that... it just seems like the perfect racist excuse to delete ethic features out a POC character because you don't want to draw them. "Not going to a single hint of their race/culture unless it revolves on their death"... If the character became a fucking coin with dot eyes, maybe (not really, shows with no human/humanoid characters still are capable to race-code their characters). But all of these characters are humanoid- why do none of them have their different characteristics? Also, this is about a real person in the real world choosing how to design a character.

This tweet also implies that a black character when they were a life they had ethic features, but lose them when they go to hell. Which is even more fucking stupid.

If a white person with straight hair goes to hell, and their hair remains straight (assuming it has nothing to do with their death), why wouldn't there be black people with textured hair? This is dumb. This goes back to the fucking thing of "No black people in fantasy media", In the same way, it's stupid for fantasy stories to revolve around white people characteristics in fictional species and people in that world- not including all the rest of diverse human characteristics POC people have it's crazy. The biggest problem here is why the fuck all Viv's sinners characters (main characters designed by her) that are supposed to black (or mixed like Alastor) have 0 characteristic. THEY ARE HUMANOID, THEY AREN'T EVEN ABSTRACT OR AN ANIMAL OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. She didn't want to draw that nor change designs, and wanted to justify the whole concept of Alastor even using Voodou.

HOW ARE ALL THE ANGELS THAT VIV WANTS TO BE BLACK (black voice actors specified, or are race specified) HAVE NOTHING??? LIKE HELLO THE 'I'm such a nice angel character girl' HAS SPIKY STRAIGHT HAIR??? SHE IS AN ANGEL AND BLACK, WHY DIDN'T YOU DID HER HAIR TO BE CLOUDS- It's THE EASIEST SHIT YOU COULD’VE DONE.

BOOM! A FUCKING TROLL FROM A KIDS MOVIE WITH DIFFERENT HAIR. BOOM! THE FUNK TROLLS ARE SO EXPLICITLY BLACK CODED.

---

-

Bro, you know this whole thing of people with textured hair have to forcefully straighten their hair or wear wogs to a job... because people consider it ""Unprofessional"" cause racism? The erasure and discrimination of POC people and their features is a problem. That's why it is important to people represent all of those things:

(Marvel's Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur)

The only reason of why Alas tor is even mixed is purely cause Viv used the Voodou symbols because she thought they were creepy and edgy. It's sucks that all the angels and sinners that are supposed to be black have nothing.

[gale-gentlepenguin]

Did you finish the S2 of the Total Drama Reboot (all the eps are out already) ? I did and while the season started strong the ending flopped badly imo.

Incoming spoilers (and long rant) if you haven't watched it yet:

The winner is not it I'm sorry. Wayne is a cool character but he had zero stand outs moments to justify his win. They tried to recreate Owen's win in Island but at least Owen was really strong in some challenges (including destroying the main villain Heather in the final 3 challenge). Wayne literally flopped hard in almost all of the challenges this season and then got hard carried by his best friend's boyfriend in the final 3 for his win. Also I don't understand how he got so many enthusiastic supporters when Raj and Bowie were the only characters he interacted with from that group, especially cause he didn't even need them as Bowie literally did almost all the work for him by himself.

Julia dominated this season but it felt hollow, she quite literally had no opposition left after she got Bowie booted off. Imagine if Heather got booted in the middle point of World Tour and Alejandro just freely dominated his way into a final 3 with the likes of DJ and Cody (which he somehow would've still lost just to have one of the good guys win). That's pretty much how I felt about the final 3 from this season. Mkulia (and their cheating conflict with Bowraj) did carry the first half, so I'm gonna give them that.

Priyaleb literally got turned into a Skave 2.0 with their flip floppity mess drama just without the "Keith" plot point at the end to bomb out their relationship completely. They turned Priya into a Courtney knock-off who's more obsessed with revenge and winning (even tho she already won a season) than her own boyfriend. She even seems to despise Caleb's personality and is only in love with the idea of having a hot boyfriend (just like Courtney seemed in love with the thrill of being with a bad boy than Duncan himself and we know how that relationship ended up). Honestly if they bring up this couple for another season they're def gonna have a huge messy break up, I just don't see them lasting with the way they've been portrayed in these last S2 eps.

Ngl but I actually enjoyed Ripaxel, even tho they were just the gross comedic relief side couple. Surprisingly Ripper treated Axel like a Queen (unlike Caleb who just kept embarrassing his girl over and over on international tv) and Axel stopped abusing him completely after they started dating, so they're unironically one of the healthiest TDI couples so far. And even tho they're the horny couple at least Ripper really does seem to have genuine feelings for her unlike Priya for Caleb.

And I really hated the Hockey Bros flanderization this season. Last season they were dumb himbos but they were still very competent in the team challenges, heck arguably the best overall from their team. But this season they literally got turned into man children who probably wouldn't be able to cross the street without Bowie around to take them by their hands. Which literally didn't make sense at all when this season was supposed to focus more on them than the last one.

They really had Millie go crazy in that one ep and almost kill Damien just to win a challenge, but honestly I kinda dig that. Her team was so boring that they needed at least one (secretly) unhinged member.

Bowie was clearly weaker as a character this season but he still served. Scary Girl was technically in only 2 episodes and you know she still SERVED. I didn't really care about the other characters this season tbf.

So overall it might still not be the worst season (I mean All Stars and Pahkitew still exist) but season 1 of the Reboot was def superior imo. While I'm not opposed to at least some of this cast coming back in a future season I really hope they create a new cast beforehand if they get the greenlight for new seasons cause they're already exhausting all the plotlines for this one and some of them already started to become flanderized. At the very least they should add new characters and change the location to shake things up if they still want to go ahead with this cast.

So Yes, I did finish Season 2

And much like season 1 I found it mid. I think Season 1 ended stronger, but started pretty weak. While Season 2 was the reverse

I did think it had a promising start, I even liked how Priya and Kaleb were set up for the drama. But after the reveal it kind of... fizzled out. Like they could have milked the drama more and Priya had a right to want revenge but Priya was never such a super angry revenge person before and it felt weird.

They turned Caleb into a complete idiot after they resolved the arc. He was smart, just not game show savvy. That was his thing.

I wouldnt call it anywhere CLOSE to the atrocity that was Skave. But it was a lot less fun. At least Priya calmed down at the end.

But the moment the season went down hill for me was when Damien got eliminated.

I really felt they were setting him up for something good in the character arc department but they didnt. I knew he was doomed the moment he found the immunity idol but it would have been a nice inversion to have HIM use it.

And lets be real, I didnt care about the final 3 at all, I knew Julia wasnt going to win because lets face it she is basically Diet Heather.

They even did something to her hair like Heather.

As for Wayne winning. I didnt care, it was going to be him or Caleb.

Season 2 could have used more Scary Girl. Every scene she was in was gold.

I also appreciated the tasteful cameos of Owen. MacArthur and the Tennis pros.

It wasnt anything awful, but i did find it fizzled out in the later half.

[nayruwu]

I don't want to come off as rude please don't take it as offense but I don't think guren is actually taken accountable, maybe by fandom on certain matter but narrative pretty much white washed most of his actions & whatever is left will be done in future I don't have any doubts about that. I'm not even saying this as his hater because I used to defend him before a lot but with how kagami is going right now I don't think ons wi have any 'good' ending because kagami makes characters do some heinous & evil things that cannot be undone but then justify it later on even if it make sense or not. As for mahiru, im not asking you to see her from different perspective if you don't like her I understand she's just too far gone as character even I feel uncomfortable with her. But consider this for a second, she don't actually have her own character, her personality revolves around guren most of time even tho she have her own traumatic past but none of it ever get mentioned let alone explored, she's just an accessory for guren so pushing most hate on her for what author is doing is kinda stupid cause no one is putting gun on his head to write that & logically speaking a person like mahiru who loves her own standing & hates when others cannot go all out like her wouldn't actually fall for someone like guren it's just author who fixated her on him so he can write gurens story. As for constant glorification of beauty, she was 16 don't you think author is very weird with how he was sexualizing a minor through narrative in every weird way possible? & why I think this needs to be talked more when addressing all those "mahiru goddess" complains is because he's really weird for that, 1st he sexualizes kids a lot be it shikama saying toddler looking mikayuu to breed, ferid's mansion having kids in very suggestive clothing in mikaela novels & kids literally r4p!ng eachother on same novels, kureto using r4p3 threats baby shinoa, sayuri & shigure just there to get stripped time to time, mitos assault end up becoming more about how much hurt guren is, & 10 yo mahiru mocking about putting seeds in her to shinya like that's not normal & mahiru isn't any exception. Take it as grain of salt but when it comes to actual criticism ons fandom tend to not talk about what's actually weird about the writing aside from bad writing & hiragi sisters getting in way by doing something dumb & irredeemable ons fans only ever address it when they're really pissed off by chapter or hit the ceiling with patience. That's it, I hope it didn't come off as offensive im sorry if it did tho.

oh don't worry, you're good! i've talked about these things before and don't really want to repeat myself again so i'm sorry if this answer is short. but yes, kagami definitely messed up with guren recently and i don't think anyone that seriously likes him on a deeper level disagrees. i'm all up for criticising him, i just think that the fandom has been beating his ass enough for the last 3 and a half years. especially now that Mx. 'I Cause Pain And Suffering To Get My Loved Ones Back Version 2.0' Doji has entered the stage and is somehow getting glorified to hell and back for it.

you guys keep making me think about mahiru please stop i don't wanna. i'm gonna be mean to her and say i think her obsession with guren mostly stems from the weird fantasy she's got going on in her head with the forbidden romance and her prince freeing her from the clutches of her family, so it could have been any guy naïve enough to fall for her brainwashing. insert "she's in love with the idea of guren, not guren himself" paragraph here. she's weird, i don't get her, i want to think about nicer things. like byakkomaru's paw pads. they're good.

perhaps you should just ask the guremxhi stans. they probably know more than me! be nice about it though.

and i've seen plenty of criticism towards the consant SA mentions and really odd descriptions of the girls - it's the first thing anyone talks about when someone asks whether or not they should read catastrophe. we're all aware of it, we all hate it, but it's useless to complain about the same thing over and over again. kissies

[imnotreal-png]

>:) -- Entry 1

OK i just smoked a joint after i wrote the date and now im kinda chillin but imma still yap on dis hoe.

I am a loser. Like a huge loser, okay? Like im not dumb or wtv, i may have reached a weird and insane level of self awareness, but im just as much of a loser as anyone else.

I keep catching myself trying to people please and overstepping my boundaries and justifying it with "oh everyone else does it, so what, its normal" like ok dumb bitch that doesn't make it okay, get a grip.

But i will be yapping away abt alot of stupid bullshit i deal with and stupid things make me sad. I am very well aware that I am irrational, but these are things i feel in those moments that i always hold in because i don't want people 2 see that weak side of me. It's embarrassing and it's not me.

In truth, i have nooo idea what i'm doing. I have 0 clue on where i'll be in the future. I didn't think i'd make it this far and not on some suicidal shit (idk if u can say that word here, oops.), i just genuinely thought that i'd somehow perish?? Like i wasn't really real in some weird way. I just didn't exist. Even though i was always the center of drama or the cause of all things chaotic, i was always misunderstood. god that's so fucking cringe but hear me out.

I always said shit that i believed was clear enough to be understood and yet it wasn't. Even my tone apparently has been rude this entire time. But no one would actually tell me how i come off, they just ate it up in silence and then spaz on me. Even now i don't really understand because i truly believe i am very clear on what im saying. Yet it's still...not seen the way im trying to show it? Idk if im making any sense bruh but whatever. Maybe im narcissistic but no one understands my brain the way i attempt to express it...or i guess how i see it. Idk i guess im just frustrated that no one understands me or gets my brain.

Also it's super cringe when people tell me im mature for my age. Literally eat my shit. actual ick. get away from me.

I hate my mom. She hates me too but she hates me bc I'm not the pussy she wishes she was when she was my age. She's the most childish person i know. I genuinely do not care what she thinks of me whatsoever. She's just power hungry and immature. Actually, I don't even hate her, i just hate that she gets to have all this power over me. I just want my freedom, thats it. She can hate my lifestyle or whatever the fuck, as long as im not living with her. At the end of the day, im truly content with who i am as a person and my moral compass etc, she cant affect that. I just need to have my own space and leave her household to finally be free and actually experience life in a comfortable and more peaceful way. I guess that's all i can say rn. I just wish she would respect my boundaries and stop treating me like im her competition and she'll always be superior. She won't and i cannot wait for the day she finally see's that lol.

!! super irrational moment alert !!

LMAO this is super cringe but like when i started music i put "listen 2 my moozik" in my bio bc we say muzik in albanian but americans wud have 2 read it as moozik to get it right + its funny? Ever since i started rlly getting exposure and performing out there, all these NON SLAVS/BALKANS have started putting it in their bio's 🙄 like be fr, its sooo obvious (at least to me). And now some of these mfs i've interacted w startes stealing my lingo and the way i type [this isn't how i type when i txt friends. its worse and i shorten everything in a miserable way cuz its funny] and it's cute at first but now mfs on social media posting the way i do and talking the way i do. [insert side eye bc yeah] and it's kinda cringe cuz they're actually rlly shallow and mainstream people, they just look like they trying 2 hard to be quirky. lol.

im probably tweakin tho idk.

i wish i grew up with art. i wish my parents had that and were able to introduce it to me. I feel like a fraud when i try to be creative and do things. Even with making music. As much as i enjoy it and love it and it really does make me happy, it feels fake. I can't play any instruments, i can't sing, im far from a good writer, fuck if know anything abt music theory...i literally just click buttons and make sounds on my computer lol. I didn't grow up indulging in art and creativity, i was actually always super bad at it. I wish i had a deeper connection with it. I wish i understood it better. I wish i expressed it better. I wish my ideas were my own. I want to be able to create something that is truly mine without feeling like im a fake.

UHHHH so imma just come on here and vent whenever i feel like i have something i need 2 say. This is intended for the void, if u come across it...cringe.

[misterbitches]

(SNOB vOICE excuse me for talking abt myself on my own blog 2 no one...im always sf paranoid ppl think i'm being more pretentious than i actually am if they stumble upon my untagged posts)

i'm not a creative writer which is why i went to film school and not real school and write scripts. but i'll watch something dumb and post fics every now and then. so during lockdown i got this crazy idea in my head abt this very self-indulgent ridiculously boring but fun-for-me character study fic for winteam. i don't even know why i would have gotten the urge, i just liked them so much and bounprem's dynamic too.

around that time things everywhere were super fraught (still fucking is obviously) but it was when the pandemic was super bad and people were dropping like FLIES and there was constant state-sanctioned murder. in thailand there were a lot of protests because of a coup going on there and a protester in the VICE video i watched on it said music helped them deal with the poverty and drug use in the slum they lived in in thailand. the left and/or artistic, indie, DIY scenes in other countries always fascinate, inspire, and entice me. uniteasia is a great resource for alternative asian music. a large chunk is dedicated to metal, which i'm not into, but there's a decent amount of post-/punk, DIY/grunge, indie/alt, and post-hardcore. i've been seeing a lot of shoegaze lately too.

so all this brewing in me i started to really think about a (queer) anarcho-commieesque band au fic but team is a (gasp) [cis] girl and i know i know boo hoo but also fuck that! i got a comment about that which bugged me cause i had to justify my sexuality which was weird because why are we both not embarrassed to be on ao3? i get the impulse but no because it was specifically because of all the stuff above and me listening to a lot of my favorite bands like nirvana—in uwma win had posters of nirvana on his wall plus his hair (which could be poser-ish but now he has like 3 and a radiohead poster and an arctic monkeys and oasis poster so you know what werq plus i am actually a poser)—and hole, fiona apple (who had just come out with her new album), vince staples, a bunch of other good shit, and getting into sonic youth. it just got me thinking of like music and art and diy and gender and identity because that's something those bands/people talk(ed) about and struggled with, along with sexuality obviously, and i wrote a lot; still writing. so much was going on then but like life had to stop so so much wasn't? that intensity they bring...what it would be like when there's so much shit going on in the world, if team was different when shit is so different. in any other circumstance, i wouldn't have imagined this specific scenario (i published one? i think or maybe two fics i had for them b4 and wrote some on my own)

anyway i thought about just taking it down and completely reworking some of it into some script for some dumb romcom i'd attempt to write in a pipe dream for it to get made but these 2 are just too compelling for me and now that this show is here??!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?! they're the only ship that could make me give half of a shit enough to even think this hard or continue something for up to 2 fucking years or even think about it. and for what? cos the fic is bad cos again can't write like that but just what? they had FORTY MINUTES in uwma. that's actually bonkers insane. like i cannot believe this????? how can i clown on them too much when they got so many of us fuckin' whipped. it's fun writing them just being hot and cool and doing art tho lmao it's fun watching them jus tbeing hot and cool and freakishly in love anyway i'm editing the stuff i've written and posted and will just save it instead of reposting. so if anyone ever read it before they can be extremely surprised at how different it is ^___^

speaking of music prem's song is really fuckin' good it's just the right amount of good pop with an edge it's a greaaaaaat background song for their scenes. genuinely good and i am never a fan of tv OSTs they are usually generic to me

[morethanonepage]

1, 2, and 11 for the ask game! I'm super curious! :D

1. what's the fic youre most proud of?

talked about here, but i'm also going to put in a good word for a strong enough foundation, because it was gen so i knew it wasn't going to get as much readership, but i still wrote/finished it and still let myself get WAY more personal/self-inserty than i usually do when writing fic. like i'm usually way more subtle about kining w characters but here it was way more obvious (perhaps only to me until i told everyone about it LOL).

2. what's a fic that took you to an emotional/dark/hard place?

oh man a real blast from the past from my Les Mis days, The Weight of Us. Which was for a fic exchange:

So basically, some dubious consent between Madeleine and Javert, even to the bordering of non con. (Depending on how far the filler wants to take this.)However, the catch is this. Throughout the whole thing, Madeleine is being really soothing, really “kind” and supportive, but firmly, firmly insistent. He continues to do this until Javert is overwhelmed and weepy, and Madeleine remains hushy and comforting. Because Creepy!Comforting!Madeleine everyone. Rating can be anything, and the content doesn’t necessarily have to be sexual. Just Madeleine as a charitable and yet deeply manipulative coercer.

because i made the PHENOMENALLY dumb decision to write it from valjean's POV, meaning, i was writing dub/non-con from the point of view of the person -- doing it.

i think it's a good fic. i think the writing is also pretty high quality (i got some really nice comments about it, even specifically from the original prompter. if you go and read the comments you'll see my embarrassing flailing about it). but yeesh. i still don't know how i did it -- i think a part of me was responding to the -- actual inherent ugliness of valvert a ship? like no doubt i DO ship it, still, and it's an interesting dynamic for me, still, and in their old age (in the post-seine everybody lives version) i think javert and valjean COULD be good for each other, COULD save each other, etc, etc, etc.

but the fact remains that javert represents (CANONICALLY) the institutional injustice and oppression that straight up ruins valjean's life. like it's at least somewhat clear (in the book/better adaptations) that he isn't sadistic, but he also just does not care about hurting other people if he thinks they're guilty.

so yeah. it's troubling to me, on some level. and for valjean to forgive him is also, on some level, rankles me. like it's a theme of the book that valjean IS a good person, that by the end on some level he has come to understand at least sort of why javert is the way he is and doesn't hate him for it but on the other hand like. maybe he should??

idk. it's the kind of tension that i find appealing in a ship, while fully understanding why other people wouldn't like it. (tho most people who don't like valvert just uh. don't care about the old mens fucking when there are cute interchangeable revolutionaries to throw together).

but anyway. i justified the POV and the actions and the whole thing of that fic also on the level of, the book is ALSO fairly clear that m-sur-m valjean ISN'T the best version of himself yet -- it's not until he sacrifices his life to make sure an innocent man goes free AND saves Cossette that he's fully formed as Basically A Saint. so that was a timeframe where he could be a little bit more of a jerk, a little more angry at javert, a lot more willing to mess with him.

i still didn't feel great about it tho.

11. Has a fic you’ve written ever caused issues/controversy?

i mean not CONTROVERSY (that i know of lol) but i have, like most fic writers who have been doing this since the LJ days or before (i was never on fanfic dot net but one hears things), gotten my share of comments i found upsetting, ranging from complaints about:

this ship isn't canon, why are you writing it???*

this situation is an alternate universe, WHAT is the point of that????*

why are you glorifying the US military, it's BAD**

the ending to this fic is unearned, Character A is TOO MEAN to Character B, they shouldn't've ended up together***

the ending to this fic is unearned, Character B is TOO MEAN to Character A and never apologizes, they shouldn't've ended up together***

*these were both going back to my Heroes writing days. so that was the first fandom i wrote for! what fun new things i learned about putting your very personal writing out into the internet to be judged. has this stopped me from judging other people's very personal writing? absolutely not but then again i don't leave mean comments about it. on the fics themselves anyway.

**i will give the commenter the US military one BUT i will also say i was writing characters who, i believe, in that situation, would see at least some of what the military did/offered to be good thing. so. that doesn't mean it's my opinion but it's an opinion held by a lot of people and depiction doesn't equal endorsement etc etc.

***obviously these were on the same story lmfaoooo. so i actually found that comforting, bc they like -- cancelled each other out, in my mind.

[tteokdoroki]

💃- hi baby just checking in after that mean anon c:

Idk if this has been said but it was so fucking dumb to play the race card to try and justify why u shouldn't do what you're doing like??? Okay so no other race can write fanfics now?? Simping over kpop ppl is reserved now??? Damn ig the the rest of gotta do something else like paint or smth (no offense to the artists tho love u ppl bc I can't draw for SHIT)

That part where they had to call out ur race was just so hilarious to me

Oh wait that was majority of their msg LMAOOO

I'm glad u were able to laugh abt it's absurdity tho bb lots of love n kisses for u

NAUR cause casual racism is so crazy to me i just gotta laugh BDKAKSJD

it’s fine tho me and soobin are kissing in my room rn 🥺🫶🏾 anon can stay mad or whatever im just chilling !! thank you for checking on me pretty baby, sending you choco n kisses because you’re so sweet!! i miss you and i hope you’re doing well, drinking water and such MWAH MWAH

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom 14-20 thoughts!! I finished up s1 :D these last few eps were actually really really good!!!

-did. did tucker really just say esperanto was a dead language only spoken as a secret code between geeks. google says around 100,000 people actively speak it. oh my god...it being an auxiliary language doesn't mean its 'just for geeks to speak in code' ...it helps bridge gaps between people who don't have a language in common...

-danny really isn't pulling punches when it comes to fighting the ghost-cop possessed people huh. like he SLAMMED KWAN INTO THE CONCRETE SO HARD. HE THREW PAULINA INTO A BILLBOARD. will that...I mean it WOULD carry over to their bodies non-possessed, right? like if the ghost piloting their bodies gets hurt?? itd be so upsetting to be possessed, lose time, then wake up covered in bruises (and possibly, broken bones??) real horror movie stuff im sure wont be addressed in any way

-tuckers parents seem nice! I like them :)

-WULF IS CUTE AND I FEEL BAD. im so glad the gang realized he was only causing trouble bc of the shock collar walker put on him and helped. also, him wearing that big hoodie with the hood on, and thinking its subtle. we can tell youre still a giant wolfie :) THEN GETTING SUCKED INTO THE PORTAL AAAAH :( anxiously waiting to see Him Again....

-DANNY BLASTING HIS PARENTS THINKING THEY WERE OVERSHADOWED LMFAO GET THEIR ASSES. maddie marking how many ghosts she gets with lipstick tallies on the side of her portal gun? kindaaa iconic tho. (ALSO, SHE WAS LIKE, 2 FT AWAY FROM HIM RIGHT AFTER SHE TRIED TO SHOOT HIM. HOW DO YOU NOT RECONINZE YOUR OWN SON??? like sure, he might have diff hair/eye colors. but like, if one of my family members dyed their hair, and was wearing contacts, its not like id be like 'wHO IS THIS STRANGER!!!' ...he still has all his facial features!! same everything!!! I hate it here)

-paulina being #1 girl realizing danny's a friendly ghost immediately. smart queen. lancer and kwan ran away right after he made this sweet baby face at them:

which is hilarious.

-ok. im not saying his bullying is JUSTIFIED, but. dash looked so pleased with the (cute!) poster he just painted, and danny comes thru the wall and spills paint on his nice letterman jacket. his anger is justified maybe 65% of the time so far...(not the way he handles it, but STILL.) at least lancer is stepping in!! and them making a silly little bet was...cute?? until dash pulled out his GROSS UNDERWEAR AND SAID DANNY WOULD HAVE TO EAT THEM???? WHAT THE FUCK MAN. TUCKER WAS SO RIGHT ITS FUCKING WEIRD TO CARRY THOSE AROUND EWWW. THIS KID IS UNWELL. lancer was right, his animatronic setup was SUPER IMPRESSIVE?? hes actually pretty creative. danny meanwhile is stealing the fright knight's design...I hope dash is taking art classes or smth with his sports

-fright knight is the most bestest ghost so far i LOVE THAT DESIGN. I am biased towards knights, and characters with swords, but he fucks so severely. and should sue danny for copyright infringement for stealing his design for his haunted house. if some 14 yr old broke into MY house and stole MY sword, id also be pissed. his evil winged unicorn rules too with its FANGS. and he just CAN SHOVE THE PORTAL OPEN WITH HIS HANDS??? is he the strongest ghost weve seen so far? idk but hes my fav. SOUL SHREDDER IS SUCH A COOL SWORD NAME TOO. ANY NAMED SWORD ALSO FUCKS. 'flaming bedsheets of DEATH' funny king. ALSO he was polite to dash and tucker when just asking for directions and telling tucker 'oh maybe, just a suggestion, maybe be nicer to me and be more respectful :)' I LOOOVE HIM.

-I noticed this in the Ember ep, but jazz has an electric guitar in her room!! talent musical queen!! its cool to see hobbies just in the bg.

-fright knight's murder castle reminds me of the booby trapped murder castle in zexal!! another supposedly 'for kids' show with murder/trap castles! we love that. if you are a dp fan reading this, give yugioh zexal a try. its also got 13-14 year old protags and involves (alien) ghosts. the cardgame is just a vessel for the plot, which is really good. (I just want more people to watch my fav yugioh, man)

-danny. with a SWORD.

-danny doesnt NEED TO WIN this contest, dash didnt STEAL HIS DESIGNS AND STEAL A SWORD. he also got excited to hear lancer got sent to a dimension with his worst fears too just so he could win the contest? DANNY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!! BRO MAYBE YOURE 14 AND HAVENT FULLY DEVOLPED YOUR WHOLE BRAIN YET, BUT...THATS FUCKED. this kid casually says the most deranged things, I do worry for my spooky son. once again, therapy needed. that judo toss was great tho. I wonder if he actually did pick up some martial arts stuff from his mom?

-danny can fly 112 mph!!! thats so fast! I love the lil montage of him and his friends testing his abilities and stuff, very cute and a good way to showcase what he can do by now and how much more proficient he's gotten from ep 1!!! I'm sure he's going to get more abilities :)

-im glad...maddie's at least TRYING this ep. I do feel for her because her husband is a man baby. but the fact it took 16 episodes to get a kinda semblance of any kind of real concern or attempts at bonding. hmm. jack's 'BACK OFF SHES A MINOR' @ the ghost trying to attack jazz. also was very funny. and him wanting to make an action figure of her? are the parents redeeming themselves to me? slightly. they gotta Work Harder

-THE GHOST. IS FLYING. THE PLANE.

-fenton machete. but she doesnt carry a PHONE??? ???

-I mean I expected vlad when you namedrop him earlier in the ep, and also the title card picture, and dalv corp being fucking vlad backwards. but seeing him just pull up on a golf cart made me bust out laughing. WITH the gift baskets prepared. why wouldnt you at least be suspicious. also, if he wants danny to be his lil sonboy, why is he so fucking malicious?? dude you are going about this in such a bad way. stop it. get some help.

-maddie not even hesitating to drag danny out. fucking good. danny is so right, go on the internet to date. get a cat. how do you spend...how many years?? has it been since college?? at least 20, right, since the parents/vlad are in their 40s? hung up on ONE girl. my god, man. incel drama queen. her kung fu IS impressive, but dude. 'we both know hes a creep' SO right. it sucks but they do need a phone and shit being in the middle of NOWHERE. also, just stealing his helicopter was great. <3

-'you must be exhausted carrying the weight of that mistake you made years ago' 'well we all make mistakes. maybe I'll make one now!' WHY DID THIS EXHCHANGE SEND ME. AND VLAD WITH THE BREATH SPRAY EWWW BITCH. 'OLD BAIT BREATH' SOO RIGHT. both danny and his mom playing him HAHAH hes so dumb. or rather, I think he thinks with his emotions too too much and is...actually pretty gullible? lmao he believed danny was ready to give in SO fast. (which is sad hes that hopeful, like you have SO MUCH MONEY YOU COULD EASILY GET ANOTHER GIRL WHO HAS A KID. AND WOULD WANT TO BE WITH YOU AND BE SUPPORTED. GET OVER THIS (1) WOMAN ALREADY IM GETTING SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT AAAAH)

-GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR. it was also in the title card, but I still got very excited. we love bears here

-SAM'S BAT SWIMSUIT COVERUP!!! her outfits are simply iconic.

-'i'd tell you to go to the mens room, but I don't think you qualify' top paulina transphobic moments. :( and him wearing a tanktop to the swim park? hmmm! (actually I think she was overshadowed by then, so, KITTY top 10 transphobic moments??)

-kitty just piloting paulina around makes me feel SO bad tho, paulina's gonna wake up and be like 'wtf do you mean I was dating this rando' like youre leading danny on to make johnny jealous, and also just POSSESSING POOR PAULINA. dude take your relationship problems ELSEWHERE. last time we saw them, they seemed like such a cute couple!! wtf johnny!! I mean, she sucks for trying to make him jealous, he sucks for looking at other girls...maybe they need a break, but Not Like This. or, you know, just. better communication...

-and the A-listers having a full packet and a stamp system. who organizes this. kwan fucking owning being the new danny though, this is hysterical. THE TUCKER/KWAN FLOWER FIELD TWIRL. UNIRONICALLY ADORABLE. and him giving it his all for the poetry slam. bless his HEARTTTT.

-Star owns. actually, all of the extra characters are shining this ep and I love it.

-INVISO-BILL??? NOOOO THEY DID HIM SOO DIRTY. DANNY SWEETIE IM SO SORRY.

-johnny and danny bein friends and staging a fake fight (which danny takes too seriously, once again this child has aggression he NEEDS TO WORK OUT) I hope these three stay friends, I said it before but danny needs more friendly ghosts to hang with.

-at this point, Danny's ghost enemies are a lot like, I dunno, batman's rouge gallery is the first thing that comes to mind. they all have their own gimmick and unique designs, but most of them are easy to beat after learning the Moral Lesson. I still get excited when any of them show up again, though. 18 is another valerie episode!!!! :D skulker really said you two will get along if I have to handcuff you together <3 and the gym teacher really said, youre married now, have a flour baby! ngl, I'm not really watching this show for the shipping stuff (which I am very scared to look at the fandom for after I finish this watch through- I feel like there's probably discourse/arguing about ships...) but. I'm gonna put my opinion out there. valerie/danny > sam/danny. maybe I just really love the enemies to lovers trope. And the secret identity stuff adds Extra Flavor.

-SKULKER JUST HAVING THE BOX GHOST AND DANGLING HIM BY A STRING. HILARIOUS. and him watching them with binoculars and making his silly little commentary. AND MAKING THE SACK BABY CRY. LMAO. THIS DUDE IS A BABY KIDNAPPER. skulker is super fun

-danny, you just...collapsed the water tower. and then attacked the nasty burger machine...mascot thingy...out of anger..I KEEP SAYING HE'S GOT ANGER ISSUES BUT. HE REALLY NEEDS A LESSON IN MANAGING COLLATERAL DAMAGE!!! So does valerie!! They're both pretty focused on each other. I mean it's good of Danny to say he's trying to make sure PEOPLE don't get hurt, but... (I mean I guess it's not something 14 year olds WOULD worry about, but as an adult im like, who's going to fix that? how much money will that take??)

-TUCKER MAKING BANK. and sam and tucker being super emotionally attached to their flour baby and being pretty good parents. that's cute...also him just straight kissing her and being like. WAIT. O_O JDSKAFHD. his mom baking them into cookies was the funniest possible result. tbh I dont feel like this is on tucker, if anything the other kid's shouldve been more responsible! He was just taking an opportunity to get that $$ which I respect

-Danny being more understanding of Valerie's situation in the end (helping her at her job, too, and trying to keep that a secret for her!!!) And seeing them work together this ep, and also her letting phantom get her out of the ghost zone...was very sweet. LOVE that. more valerie eps pls

-me when I realize vlad's big stupid house exploded because of his own carelessness with changing the ghost portal ectofiltrator or whatever: *pointing and laughing*

-me when I realize it means he's gonna go make danny's life hell for it somehow: >:(

-SCOOBY PARODY!!! I feel like there's gotta be some scooby doo/danny phantom crossover stuff, right? also, 'guys in white' men in black wishes

-'oh, that's right! dad married the love of your life! you're bitter and alone!' DANNNNNYY GET HIS ASS ONCE AGAIN WE ARE POINTING AND LAUGHING AT VLAD

-'jack, you captured the ghost boy!!' UMM. he did nothing <3 'we have a weapon's vault??' YOU HAVE A WEAPONS VAULT??? and jack didnt put a handle on the inside. of fucking course he didnt! why would you leave that to your son!! or expect him to clean YOUR LAB when its where you work with probably dangerous chemicals and weapons and hes 14!! give him normal chores, like, I dunno, vacuuming, laundry, dishes...CMON. I hate it here. But I'm glad Jack is more chill about danny while he's a ghost, and willing to work with him for this ep. AND. I DID ENJOY JACK PUNCHING VLAD IN THE FACE. AND GENERALLY JUST OWNING HIM. the ghost punchy fists are actually amazing. like yeah, just punch a ghost in the face. that rules.

-ep 20 opens with the coolest fucking ghost lady design. her tattoos can come off and fight. MA'AM. I like ur nose ring and your cape maam hello 👉👈😳

-sam's grandma is hilarious and the most valid member of her family and I love her. thats my grandma now. and tucker covering for sam by dressing as her. thats true friendship <3 also skipping school to go to a goth circus. just bestie things! sam's parents are haters but for all the wrong reasons.

-'my family has controlled ghosts with this for generations!' WAIT. WAIT FREAKSHOW /ISNT/ A GHOST? I didn't expect that...he's just a fucked up guy controlling ghosts? anyway watching danny shoot at police cars and rob banks while mind controlled. its like, the most stereotypical 'bad' things lmao. (tbh an evil ghost circus troupe is a sick concept)

this gives off big deviantart emo edit vibes

(I'm going to assume evil circus reaper danny has a lot of fan content. people love an edgy au, except this one is canon (even tho its via mind control...having the protag go evil otherwise might be hard, I guess?) but au where he stays with the troupe...that has to exist, right?)

ANYWAY. excited to start s2!! lowkey surprised by how many notes some of these posts have gotten. I've gone back and tagged them all with 'dp thoughts' so they're easier to find on my blog! ^^ and I will probably possibly do (more) fanart on my art blog after I finish the watch of the whole show, so like. @sanchoyodraws follow my art blog :)

[drunkme-mories]

Okay, here I go...

Since I’ve met you, I find myself on an eternal repetition compulsion.

“Repetition compulsion is a psychological phenomenon in which a person repeats an event or its circumstances over and over again. This includes reenacting the event or putting oneself in situations where the event is likely to happen again.”

It’s like I’m on an infinite roller coaster, stuck on the loops. I don’t know why I am unable to get over you. (I mean, it has been almost 2 years that I’m trying to...).

Some days I go to bed, with a feeling that when I wake up the next morning it would all be just the same, just like before, you know? It would be a usual Friday, before the pandemic, and I’m feeling nervous just to imagine if I’d see you later that night and if you would finally notice me.

You’re still in my head (almost 24/7 lately), but I just don’t know why. Sometimes I justify it with the fact that we never talked in person about everything, we have barely texted about it. I even used to believe that what we had was a karmic relationship.

I keep asking myself “why I’m still thinking and caring about her, even after everything that has happened?” We’ve lost the most important thing to me, that was our friendship. And I know I’ve probably lost the sympathy of your friends (but I promise that you didn’t lose my friend’s sympathy, ‘cause every single time I have talked to them about you, I have always emphasized the fact that it had nothing to do with your character, and that you’re a good person with a good heart) and it hurts so much to know that we will never be able to meet up at the bar again, grab some drinks and spend the night laughing and having fun like we used to.

I even miss the nights we spent during this quarantine texting each other, talking about some crazy shit that has happened to us some years ago, to send each other TikTok’s, to know what’s going through your mind, what’s happening in your life, who’s the new girl that you’re breaking the heart, stuffs like this you know?

I was finally getting used to the idea that we would never see each other again, wouldn’t even talk again, but maybe unconsciously I don’t want that, I don’t want to say goodbye, I want you in my life, even if it’s not like a lover but as a friend, and I wish we could make it out without hurting each other again, and without hurting my lover too.

Well, she was always insecure about you, because even she could see how pure and intense my feelings were for you, even when I didn’t want to see it, and didn’t want to assume it (to you, to her, and myself). And I would probably feel the same way if I were in her shoes.

Since the goddamn day I fell in love with you, I live with this guilt, that consumes me more and more every day, the guilt of not being brave enough to tell you at the time what I was feeling for you (even tho you were always really mean to me, but that’s not the point right now), just like Lizzie did to Casey on that episode... Or to just have sent you a drunk message saying “hey bitch I fucking love you can you stop being trash to me and just accept to go on a date with me, to steal me a kiss after some glasses of wine, and tell me that you feel the same way about me?” you know? 😂

But now this guilt is even worse, because I’m with someone else, who I unconditionally love and cherish, but I know that I’ll never love anyone the same way I have loved you and it kills me inside.

Sometimes I think I'm not enough for her, that I wouldn't be enough for you if we ever had become something, that I don't deserve to be loved, and I know that it's probably true...

But anyway, sorry if sending you that previous ask sounded like I was being selfish, or that I was trying to take advantage of you, ‘cause it wasn't my real intention.

I wish I could erase this feeling on us, so we could meet again and laugh about all of this chaos, especially about the stuff we both wrote about each other ‘cause, I mean... I was never a good writer, but I kinda wrote some poems about you, I even wrote you a letter, remember? Not that I'm trying to be cocky but I nailed the poems, they're pretty good, maybe I should try to write some more so I can publish a book, Rupi Kaur style 😂 sorry, I tend to use humor as a coping mechanism.

But anyway, I hope you're doing good, that you have achieved your dream of entering a med school, that you're going to therapy, and I'm still hoping we could still be friends, even grab a coffee someday, and finally talk about everything in person. I will always wish you the best! 🌕

Yeah let me go topic by topic ok.

First of all. It’s good to talk to you again.

Second, yeah I also feel lost in that loop (by the away great taylor song about it the way I loved you check that out). But I don’t thing it’s karma at least no a bad karma. I think we have this weird connection that every time I’m thinking about you a lot, like these lasts days you show up in my life again and I can’t help but think that we’re going to always be in each other’s life bc were supposed to. This weekend my family was talking about other lives and even I don’t believe in that, I thought this may be us.

About lost our friendship I spoke to one of my friends a couple months ago that I was missing you. And I didn’t know why. So I told him “ok I’m going to text her”. He told me to look at our old conversations to see if eventually we’d have those conversations now that you’re dating. And FUCK looking back to that hurt me. But it was good to see how much I’ve change, you know, that last convo when I was saying that I was jealous and i couldn’t just say “I’m jealous of you, you dumb bitch” was especially cringe for me. But yeah, he’s the only friend of me that knows and he’s not our (strange to say our bc that’s no us at all) number 1 supporter. Cause I don’t even now how to explain to people what we had. It’s something that we don’t even know what it was or what it is.

Now let’s get in to the topic that you blocked me. And I know that was important for you relationship and stuff but I was heartbroken. Like unfollow and muted ok, but cut me like that was cruel of you. I understand. But was hard. I also wanted to told you about some big changes up in my life, wanted to know what you’re up to, love life, college, family and everything. You were some weird friend of me after all.

About being friends I’m 0% into that right now. At this point I can’t see myself having anything with you (but I’m up to a illicit affair). Also fuck her. This 6 moths made me hate her so much and I know is jealousy but I don’t care. I know it’s not kind of me and blablabla but fuck it, she’d also hate me to if she took a look in my brain. And she’s right to feel insecure bc if I had a chance I wouldn’t doubt about it (guess me being a trash didn’t change that much lol). And I know she’s good to you, know she treats you like I’ll never be able, but I just think it should be me, you know, even though if we were both single we’d be nothing like that. So yeah that’s another topic. Fuck her.

And yeah Casey and Izzie will always remember me of you, and also will some songs, and some other movies. That was all I had of you in the last 6 moths so I guess that will change eventually.

It’s good to hear that even though she’s having a lot of was once mine, she would never have it all. That’s good. This past moths I’ve seen she take everything that as ours and turning in to yours so it’s good to know that if I show up at your wedding I would still cause some trouble.

Some things never change right?

I’m really sad to see you putting you down like that. So if my opinion has any importance to you, I think you’re too much for her anyway. And I’m sorry to help you feeling that you don’t deserve love in any kind of way. I think having a past, like you like to call me, won’t make you least or not deserving her love.

It’s not you’re fault you had a 10 and she’s a 5. Ok maybe a 9. Ok in 2019 I was definitely a 5 as well.

Don’t be mad at me I’m just joking ok.

In the moment we sat down and talk about this time we’ll have some good laughs. I still got those poems and I’m still waiting to have the box you told me about. And I guess that’s whats keep us here talking in one unofficially social, talking in other language, me writing texts about you. I’ve never lied to you that I love this drama and I think you might like this as well.

Least, I want to tell you again that right now I can’t see myself having a friendship with you cause I still have a lot of feelings going on. I like to imagine us meeting again in the future, both change, both grown, and living all the things we’ve always wanted but we’re both not ready for it. After that being said, I wish the best for you as well. I’m not going to end it that way bc I feel like this is not the end. So I hope you read this and send me a chat on here so we can talk privately. If you feel like that’s not the right thing to do, I’ll be always here fore you and I’ll always have a song to send you for you to remind of me in secret. Missing you.

[asrisartarena]

What would happen if Anti was having one of his really bad anger outbursts and it cause Robbie to go into some sort of panic attack? I'm talking shaking, tears rolling down his face, gripping his head, etc. (I'm sorry but I just like angst and i think you could do justice to it and give it a good ending!)

Aaaa no it’s okay! I love me some good angst too if it’s done right, so no worries!!

I actually have had this little headcanon drabble thing in my mind for a while that’s very similar to this, so I’ll post it under a read more!!

One time Anti and Marvin started having a heated argument around Robbie, and Robbie basically went nonverbal the moment they started raising their voices at each other, but they both got super heated in their argument and Robbie could smell wave after wave of anger coming off from them, and it started making Robbie have a silent panic attack. Shaking, rapid shallow breathing, glazed-over eyes, the whole nine yards, and the anxiety from it all started making Robbie feel incredibly nauseous. 

The stress kept building up and up and up until he just… throws up from the stress, since I hc that Robbie pukes when he’s too stressed/anxious, kind of like how zombies in some video games upchuck as a defense mechanism. 

The sound gets Anti and Marvin to stop arguing and divert their attention from what they were arguing about. Marvin quickly goes to grab Schneep while Anti helps Robbie calm down somewhat, and when Schneep gets there and takes Robbie to his office to check him over, Anti and Marvin look at each other with guilt in their eyes bc of how badly their arguing affected Robbie.

After Schneep’s done checking overRobbie, he sheepishly goes over to Anti and Marvin, who are both silently sitting at the kitchen table, and Robbie’s like “’m…sorry”, and Anti and Marvin are just “??? For what?” and Robbie’s like “For…worr-ing…Ati, an…Mar-Mar”, and Robbie’s voice is all shaky when he says that and it makes Anti and Marvin’s hearts hurt so fucking much and they look at each other for a second before immediately consoling Robbie and telling him that they should be the ones apologizing for working Robbie up like that, and that he didn’t do anything wrong, and that he shouldn’t feel bad for how he reacted to the situation bc his reaction was totally justified and he shouldn’t feel bad about that.

While Anti and Marvin are consoling Robbie, tho, they’re interrupted by Robbie sniffling, and they’re like “Robbie?? Robbie, what’s wrong??”

And that’s when the tears start spilling out of Robbie’s eyes and he’s crying like a little kid and he’s just “No…like, to…hear…f-fight…from, b-bro…thers” and he cries harder and he’s wiping his eyes with his sleeves and whimpering and crying like a small child, and the sight breaks Anti and Marvin’s hearts all over again. Marvin starts quietly crying and not really caring that it’s in front of ppl at the moment, and Anti’s eyes are teary, and they both just hug Robbie and they promise him that they won’t fight in front of him ever again and that they’ll do their best to try and get along with each other, and Robbie just quietly sniffles into their shoulders and hugs them tight, mentally exhausted from the events that took place earlier, and all he wants to do is sit between them on the couch and watch dumb movies together.

Once the trio has calmed down, Robbie asks them if they can all sit on the couch and watch movies for a few hours, and Anti and Marvin smile and nod and while they’re heading to the couch, Anti suddenly scoops up Robbie, who screeches in surprise and then starts laughing, and playfully tosses him on the couch like a big brother would his little brother, and Anti flops onto the couch and grabs Robbie in a gentle headlock and starts ruffling his head and giving him noogies, which Robbie responds to with shrieking laughter and playful struggling, while Marvin is in the kitchen making popcorn to snack on during the movies (he also grabs some beef jerky for Robbie bc that’s one of Robbie’s favorite snacks).

A few hours of watching really stupid comedy movies later, Schneep finds the three of them all on the couch, sound asleep, with Robbie sleeping in between Anti and Marvin, the popcorn bowl still sitting in Robbie’s lap. Marvin’s mask is sitting crookedly on his face and he’s snoring lightly, whereas Anti’s fast asleep and snoring loudly, and Robbie, despite being undead, breathes softly and has a slight purr to his snore.

Schneep takes a picture of them all sleeping together and puts it in the SepticEgo Scrapbook, and to this day he’s never let Anti and Marvin live it down.

[sangfearmoved]

every rendition of soda, different in its own right, is valid. she stands up well as a character, but you yourself enable her to by being an excellent writer. for someone who actively throws things to the wall and hope it sticks, i presume you add adhesive before doing so, because that conglomeration works wonders for you and your ideas are well thought out. its always a pleasure to have you both on my dash! i'm also a friggin dumbass bc i just told you i was sending an ask why am i on anon

what’s my rep?  ||  always accepting ✧

i mean…….i probably would’ve suspected by the quality of the review itself, ‘cause lbr here, but

guh that means a lot tho……………i know i can come up w some pretty wild and straight-up nasty ideas for soda that have no business being in a splatoon oc. i just get frustrated bc i see people do the Same Things & Worse to their splatoon ocs and garner huge praise for it and i get kinda miffed?

like — i feel like i get treated like i’m dumb sometimes, or don’t understand consequences. but, like, the reason soda doesnt face consequences is 1) i. literally could no longer rp her in-universe and 2) the story concerns itself with greyer morality to just have her go to jail or whatever. in her old draft, crush was literally her punishment. all the more reason he was a lawyer 👏

and then…..gestures to throwing things at the wall? i just !! let soda write herself !! i don’t even write or mention some of the worst things she’s done but she sure did them !! like……just bc i write a murderer doesn’t mean i’m gonna be one or think it’s GOOD. i don’t think i need to justify myself every which way to sunday to write an edgy splatoon oc and be taken mildly seriously???

like………….this rendition of soda is so much more light-hearted than she was ever meant to be. which is sad, but i made her with the intent to mess up her mental state in all the ways the campaign offered, so she’s honestly far healthier than she probably should be rn.

HHH i didn’t mean for this to turn into a vent but i have Frustrations ™ point is i’m self-aware enough to know soda’s hard to stomach

the sad part is i rewrote this to be shorter

for as much as ill thank you for saying i’m a good writer, i still feel like i’ll never convey her liveliness to the extent i see it — i just wanna have the best narrative possible for her sake. a lot of my frustrations with how she’s perceived have been projected into her narrative so i can try to let her grow around them.

that probably doesn’t change the fact that i have Too Many Ideas and too stubbornly want coherent plots/themes/motifs, but……. oh well. i just let soda do what she wants. and she wants to do everything.

tysm for the feedback !!!

[pixiechangeling]

aaah that sounds exhausting. do you have any free time you could schedule doctors appointment to/can you ask to leave early? also that sounds unfair from ur boyfriend.. like i was close (still am actually, just not their fp anymore) to someone w bpd so i get it can be tough sometimes but still. like if he feels exhausted/frustrated by it maybe he should take a look at himself&see is he handling it the most healthy way. i'm kinda projecting here tho, could be other stuff too.

(2) &i don't mean that u r a burden, of course not! but me&my friend had a big fallout at some point cause of my unwillingness to share too much of myself. but at the same time i was bad at putting boundaries. i wouldn't tell them if something was too much&that lead me to resent them. i did think at the time it was all mostly on her but now later on i think it was more of a vortex we both fed.(3) i guess what i mean is: i feel ur boyfriend should take a look at why he doesn't react/is disinterested in ur distress. where is that attitude coming from? sry if the analysis was not what u wanted! def don't mean to make u feel worse in any way. i do get along w my parents fairly well so yea i think so. one of my sisters is here for the summer too&other important ppl live in the city nearby. funny, town that once felt v suffocating is more comfortable now that i've had chance to leave lol

I don’t have any free time probably for another couple of weeks. But! I have an early finish one day next week so I’m gonna try and book in an appointment for then. I just made a note in my phone to remind me to do that tomorrow when the clinic opens. I totally understand that I’m A LOT to deal with at times. I mean, I’ve asked him to tell me when it’s too much or he needs time to himself or when he has his own stuff to attend to, but I don’t think he knows how to do that. Anyway, I know I used to put a lot onto him but I’ve made an effort not to do that anymore and I really don’t think I do now? I never, ever message him when I have a problem or if I’m in a funk or expect him to do anything about it or listen to me, I don’t ask for any of his time or energy idk. I’ve worked really hard to work on my stuff by myself and not make it his problem and I kinda stopped talking to him about stuff because he doesn’t know how to deal with me and he also doesn’t know how to deal with not knowing how to deal with me. Like, I understand and accept that he’s not an emotive person and that he’s not comfortable making himself vulnerable to me/other people, and I’m not going to ask for more from him than he can give. BUT. It’s v hard for me to understand how someone could just not react to someone’s distress. He says that it’s not bc he doesn’t care, it’s bc he doesn’t know what to do but I can’t wrap my head around that leading to completely ignoring someone. It’s so deeply ingrained in my nature that I’d want to hug someone, or talk to them or reach out to them that I can’t understand his way of acting and I’m sure he’s telling the truth but I can’t see if from his point of view. Also, It’s REALLY hard for me to accept the reasons people give me for their actions hurting me because most of my relationships have been abusive and full of the abuser justifying their abusive behaviour by manipulating me so when I feel really hurt by someone I have an insanely difficult time accepting reasoning if it doesn’t immediately make sense to me bc I’m wary of being manipulated. Idk if that makes sense, but yeah it’s bringing up lots of stuff for me and I’m feeling pretty guarded against him and it’s making me want to just avoid him completely. And because of all that I just feel like there’s noooooo point talking to him about anything bc I feel like he doesn’t and can’t understand me or what I want. Realistically it’s not a good idea for me to talk to him about stuff I feel he’s not doing/my needs that aren’t being met rn because I’d probably be more accusatory than I need to be when it’s not like I’m obligated to him trying to meet my needs anyway.This is really long and rambly, my brain is all borderliney atm and it’s hard for me to make rational sense of any of it because my feelings are taking over and I can’t even make sense of all of them. It doesn’t help that I’m super tired and worn out and sick and like literally all I want is to feel like ANYONE cares about me and like I’m worth anything and I just DON’T and it’s making me cry a lot. Sry for the dumb long rant abt it.ANYWAY! I hope you have a nice time in your town! I feel you on feeling more comfortable once you leave. My hometown feels like a relaxing place to visit now I’m not suffocated by the oppressive smallness of it. How many siblings do you have?