#jyn and cassian fic

[mostthingskenobi]

CASSIAN’S RECKONING - Chapter 1: The Razor

FIC SUMMARY: Cassian Andor, Jyn Erso, and the rest of Rogue One survive the Battle of Scarif, delivering a major blow to the Empire. But Wilhuff Tarkin will not be made a fool. When Cassian falls into the Grand Moff's clutches, he pays dearly for the Rebellion's victory.

Special Note: I commissioned the wonderful @amikoroyaiart​​ to create 5 illustrations for this fic. I’ve included one of them in this chapter (scroll down to see it!!! It’s 🔥🔥🔥). The rest will be released on my Patreon to my Jedi Knight and Jedi Master tiers.

READ THE FIC ON AO3

I come bearing gifts.

I've been working on this fic since the Andor series began. Jyn and Cassian have become my latest obsession. I love them. But, let me say this right up front: Rogue One is perfect exactly as it is. The only reason I wrote this fic was as a guilty pleasure for myself because I ship RebelCaptain so hard it hurts my soul. Plus there's a general lack of Cassian whump in the world, so I've taken it upon myself to remedy that.

If you are not into whump, turn back now. I don't get too gory in this fic, but there's a lot of hurt before we get to the comfort--as per my usual.

I'm only sharing chapter 1 for now. I just wanted to wet your whistle before I post the rest after I've finished writing it (which should be very soon--I only have a few chapters left). I hope you enjoy.

——————–

PROLOGUE

People had been disappearing since the Empire reared its ugly head. Force sensitives, intellectuals, journalists vanished into an imperial abyss, never to be seen again. Cassian Andor hadn’t expected to be one of them; sure, he’d been imprisoned as a boy, forced into their sick system, ground up, and spat out again. But that was different than disappearing. Even when he’d been sent to Narkina 5 he’d been with other men; he wasn’t the sole witness to the facility’s grotesque truth.

The Rebel Alliance had always assumed the Empire had secret prisons, holding cells, cages—places tantamount to dungeons where these vanished beings were tortured, interrogated, or enslaved.

But now Cassian had proof they existed.

He had irrefutable evidence.

Because he was currently being held in one of these arcane locations, tied to a chair in a freezing cold, pitch black cell.

No one knew where he was, not even himself.

And no one was coming to his rescue.

——————–

CHAPTER 1: THE RAZOR

The mission had been a risk right from the beginning. But what else was new? After surviving Scarif, everything seemed easy in comparison. Jyn had been doubly angered by the plan, firstly because they were sending Cassian on another extremely dangerous assignment less than two months after being released from the medical ward—he had broken several ribs and a leg falling from the databank in the citadel spire. But she was even angrier that they weren’t sending her with him.

“This is ridiculous,” she fumed while they briskly walked through the curving corridors in Yavin 4. “Can’t you talk to Draven? Get me put on your crew?”

“There’s a reason you’re not going.”

“And what is that?” she said, her tone acidic, expecting his answer to be personal.

“They don’t want to put multiple Rogue Squad members together on missions for a while.”

“But that’s insane. We all work best together.” She grabbed Cassian by the elbow and abruptly stopped him. “We’re stronger together.”

Looking at her face, he finally understood. She was afraid. “Jyn, I’m better,” he said gently.

Her voice became quiet though her eyes remained hard. “You almost died on the transport back to base.”

“I know,” his tone softened further. They both pretended they weren’t traumatized by Scarif, pretended that seeing a wall of death rushing at them across the ocean hadn’t turned their blood to ice. He reached out and took her arm in his strong hand, giving her a reassuring squeeze.

“I just don’t think you should go if you aren’t one-hundred percent,” she said.

“I’ve been on other missions since Scarif.”

They had moved closer, their foreheads almost touching. “But this is different. This one…” she shook her head, trailing off. “This one spooks me.”

“It’s almost exactly the same plan we had for infiltrating the Citadel.”

“But Tarkin is a madman, Cassian. And since we’ve stolen the Death Star plans, this mission is like poking a wounded beast.”

He couldn’t hold back a crooked smile. “Are you worried about me?” he teased.

“Be serious,” she replied disapprovingly, which made him smile bigger.

“Tarkin’s not even going to be there. We’ll get in and get out. They won’t have a clue.” He turned and kept moving down the hall. “I don’t have a lot of time so if you want to talk, you have to do it while we walk.”

“Why don’t they want us on missions together?” she asked, her anger from earlier coming back as she hurried to keep pace.

“They picked up some chatter on an imperial comms relay. The Empire has put us on a wanted list. Specifically, you, me, Bodhi, Chirrut, and Baze, but any rebel who survived Scarif is in danger. The Alliance doesn’t want to risk putting us all together in case we get captured. They don’t want to give the Empire the satisfaction of grabbing us all at the same time.”

“What?” Jyn couldn’t keep the fear out of her voice, and she cursed herself for it.

“Don’t worry. Apart from Bodhi, they don’t have any of your names.”

“But they have your name?”

“That was unavoidable.”

“Why?”

“Because I was sent to prison when I was thirteen. They have my face and name permanently on file.”

She grabbed him with more force this time and spun him to a stop. “Cassian!”

He recoiled from her, not sure if she was going to hit him. “What?!”

“This is madness!”

“You know as well as I do that this is the life of a soldier, Jyn.” He was trying not to shout back at her. She had an uncanny knack for getting under his skin. “We don’t get to rest and lay in bed and bundle up until we feel better. We get up and we keep going. You would do the exact same thing if you were me.”

She didn’t reply. She looked down, her chest heaving as she tried to calm herself. Cassian suspected she had an internal battle raging; half of her wanted to protect him, the other half knew she had no right telling him what to do. She certainly never allowed anyone to control her decisions. Eventually she would concede the point. He knew her well enough to know Jyn Erso was no hypocrite.

She nodded but still wouldn’t make eye contact. Cassian took her by the shoulders and turned her square to him, gently squeezing her until she looked up. “It’ll be OK.”

She smirked, acceptance finally softening her features.

In some ways they were closer than ever, comfortable enough to touch each other, challenge each other, even voice their fears. There was no question they trusted each other implicitly—facing death side by side will do that. But in other ways they were miles apart. Unresolved tension existed that Cassian didn’t fully understand. He had theories, but no data to confirm. They were both wounded animals protecting their survival; a lifetime of loss driving a wedge, not just between the two of them, but between them an anyone who wanted to get close. Their friendship was good, it was solid. And though their gaze would linger or their touch was intimate, they were both unwilling or unable to be fully vulnerable. So, Jyn and Cassian remained as close as two fearful, orbiting objects could be.

“You better not break your leg this time,” she joked. “I won’t be there to drag you out.”

He laughed softly. “Is that an order?”

“Definitely.”

They both smiled shyly. After another shared, lingering look they carried on walking.

“So, give me the rundown.”

“I’m not supposed to tell you any of this. I shouldn’t even have told you I’m going on this mission.”

“Come on, Cassian, you know I might catch something the rest of you missed.”

They had arrived at a door that he now paused against. “You’re right, your brain is wired for strategy. But you can’t come in here.” He punched the access panel and revealed the men’s locker room.

Unfazed, she followed him in, much to the surprise of two young recruits. “Beat it,” she barked.

Cassian smirked and shook his head, enjoying the way she pulled rank. He didn’t countermand her order and watched, amused as the soldiers grabbed their gear and practically ran for the door.

“What are the mission details?” She didn’t skip a beat.

Andor moved to his locker and opened it while he talked. “We’re taking a confiscated lambda shuttle to rendezvous with Tarkin’s star destroyer Executrix. We’re going to board under the guise that we’ve been sent by Imperial Military Intelligence to upgrade local data vault security. We’ll use Scarif as an excuse, telling them we’re checking for vulnerabilities.” He took a kit from his locker and walked to the sink.

Jyn pulled herself up on the counter next to him and crossed her legs. “What if Tarkin is there?”

“He won’t be. We have confirmation that he’s taken charge of the Death Star and only goes back to his star destroyers occasionally.” He untucked his shirt and pulled it over his head before throwing it at Jyn.

“What are you doing?” she queried, catching the garment. She glanced at his muscles then quickly looked away when her eyes fell upon a massive scar running around his ribcage, stretching from his chest to his back.

He noticed her flinch but didn’t acknowledge it verbally. “I have to shave.”

“Why?” she said, recovering herself.

“Because I need to look like an Imperial Military Intelligence officer.”

The corner of her mouth pulled up in a wry smile. “Can’t look like a scruffy rebel?”

“Not today,” he said, turning on the hot tap and pulling a razor from the kit. They carried on talking while he worked, splashing steaming water on his face before rubbing shaving cream into his beard.

“What if this is one of those rare occasions when Tarkin is on board?”

“It won’t be, Jyn,” he said firmly, starting to drag the blade expertly over his skin. “A contact confirmed he’s on the Death Star.”

“If he’s on the Executrix, it’s very likely he will recognize you. He’s the sort of man with a mean memory. And there is almost certainly footage of us infiltrating the Citadel on Scarif. Tarkin will recognize you the minute he sees you. You should prepare for that eventuality.”

“And how do you recommend I do that?”

She thought for a moment. “Just pray he isn’t there.”

Cassian snorted. “There’s the brilliant strategy I was waiting for,” he teased, lifting his chin to get at his neck.

“Your best bet is to run. You’ll want to have multiple exit strategies, unexpected ones, to get back to your shuttle. And you might want to consider bringing a droid who can launch a bunch of empty TIE fighters or perform a trash dump while you’re making your escape.”

He had frozen in place, the blade against his throat. “Why?”

“Because when the cruiser activates its tractor beam, you’ll stand a better chance if their scopes are full of debris.”

He didn’t move for a long time, his eyes wide as his brain worked through the problem.

“You forgot about the tractor beam, didn’t you?”

He removed the blade from his neck and nodded. “Can we disable it?”

Jyn shrugged. “Maybe. But you’d do better to confuse it. Disabling it might draw too much attention.”

“It would have been the perfect job for K-2.” Regret lingered in Cassian’s tone.

They locked eyes for a moment, each haunted by K’s final ‘goodbye’ and the eerie way his voice warbled before fading out.

Jyn shook off the memory first. “So, what are you really doing on board? You’re obviously not installing a security update.”

He carried on shaving while he spoke. “The Council wants to find out more about Project War-Mantle and Stellar Sphere.”

“War-Mantle? Why do I know that name?”

“It’s one of the files we saw in the data vault on Scarif.”

Jyn’s eyes became wide. “I remember now.”

“They’re all part of Tarkin’s initiative. The Council thinks there might be information on his local archives that isn’t held anywhere else.”

“You’re right, this is essentially the Scarif plan all over again.”

“Yep.” He leaned forward and splashed more water on his face before drying off with a towel. He ran a hand over his chin and jaw, feeling for any missed spots.

Jyn was surprised how sharp his features looked without a beard to soften their edges. His jaw and cheekbones were straight as a knife. She watched as he studied his boyish appearance in the mirror. Cassian rolled back his shoulders while changing the set of his jaw. The boyishness instantly faded, replaced with imperial coldness as his brow became arched above his aquiline nose.

He reached out for his shirt and as she gave it to him Jyn asked, “What makes you think they won’t see you coming?”

It was Andor’s turn to shrug. “Hope, I guess.” He pulled on his shirt and as he tucked it in, Jyn slid off the counter and came toward him, grabbing the towel he had discarded. She reached up and gently took him by the chin, turning his head to the side before using the towel to wipe away some shaving cream he’d missed by his ear.

“You don’t have any room for mistakes on this one, Cassian.”

——————–

END NOTES

NEXT CHAPTER IS CALLED “THE SCYTHE” - If Cassian had known what was going to happen next, he would never have agreed to the assignment.

Thank you for reading!

Likes, comments, and reblogs are very welcome!

Much love!

——————–

READ IT ON AO3 - Kudos and Comments Welcome :-)

READ CHAPTER 1 “The Razor”

READ CHAPTER 2 “The Scythe”

READ CHAPTER 3 “The Cold”

READ CHAPTER 4 “The Expendable”

READ CHAPTER 5 “The Truth”

READ CHAPTER 6 "The Detritus"

READ CHAPTER 7 “The Salt”

READ CHAPTER 8 "The Power"

READ CHAPTER 9 “The Betrayal”

READ CHAPTER 10 “The Ruse”

READ CHAPTER 11 "The Reprieve"

READ CHAPTER 12 “The Ghosts”

READ CHAPTER 13 "The Redemption"

READ CHAPTER 14 "The Spoils"

READ CHAPTER 15 “The Interrogation”

READ CHAPTER 16 "The Rogues"

READ CHAPTER 17 "The Absolution"

READ CHAPTER 18 "The Reach"

READ CHAPTER 19 "The Hologram"

READ CHAPTER 20 “The Divide”

READ CHAPTER 21 “The Cost”

READ CHAPTER 22 "The Fallout"

READ CHAPTER 23 "The Wounds"

READ CHAPTER 24 "The Hand"

READ CHAPTER 25 "The Heart"

READ CHAPTER 26 "The Beginning"

[happydragon]

Everyone look at this amazing art by @jojobaaaa !!! This was made alongside my Prequel Big Bang Fic for @swprequels-big-bang !!

Many thanks to jojobaaa for the amazing art, @prowlingthunder for beating my fic, and @yeehawgeek for hosting this event!!!

[jynnjecki]

[callioope]

EN GARDE

A rising star in youth fencing, Jyn Erso once hoped to compete at the Olympic level, until a change of circumstances compelled her to quit unexpectedly. Three years later, she still refuses to discuss the subject, even with family and former teammates. But it’s fine. She’s found other purpose. She’s even met a guy — he’s kind, smart, talented. There’s just one problem: he’s also an Olympic-level fencer. When she breaks off their burgeoning relationship, she’s forced to confront the truth about what she’s really running from and what she really wants.

Read on AO3

[colleybri]

One of the greatest hugs in any film

Interview question: “Do you think Cassian and Jyn would have managed to connect even more due to their shared life experiences if they had even more time?”

Diego Luna: “Obviously! What a good question. I think that hug represents everything that could have been but was not and everything that was too, because that hug meant they were part of something together and I believe that union lasts forever”.

One of the single best story decisions that was made in Rogue One was this incredible hug between Jyn Erso and Cassian Andor, as they await death from the blast of the Death Star.

It’s sad enough just in the context of the film. After Season 1 of Andor, it’s even more moving. I think some of us will be emotional wrecks after Season 2. 

One thing I’m starting to realise only now is how Jyn’s story, as revealed in the film (and the novelisation), reflects Cassian’s so much. She was also a child of war, displaced and effectively orphaned, adopted before being forced to embark on a new life. She had it even worse than him, in many ways. But just like him she had an early zeal to fight, which she similarly went on to lose because of the bitter pain that commitment caused. She becomes disillusioned and cynical about the Rebellion. It takes a combination of hard knocks and a resulting realisation of the desperate NEED to fight the Empire - in order to preserve all that they hold dear - to radicalise both of them to the extent that they are willing to sacrifice their lives for the cause.

Cassian is already in that place - he reached it five years before. But in Season 2 I expect we will see further challenges, see the desperately awful things he might have to do and what else he will need to sacrifice ahead of his actual life. Sacrifices that wear down his soul, bit by bit. Luthen’s monologue hangs over everything. “ I burn my life for a sunrise I know I’ll never see.” It’s a bitter irony that Cassian is frequently placed in sun-rising imagery, culminating in the ‘sun’ of the explosion.

Jyn, in Rogue One, seems to be the spiritual shot in the arm that Cassian needs. In the same way that being inspired by his love for Clem, Maarva and Bix helps to spur him on in the Season 1 finale (when the chances of successfully rescuing Bix must seem non-existent)  Jyn seems to me to be the crucial reminder for Cassian of why he is doing all this in the first place. Her love for her father stops him from obeying the order to kill him. He just can’t do it. He can’t put someone he is growing to care about through the same agony he went through himself.

In the end, neither can live with themselves if they don’t fight. But both of them are fighting for the right reason: love.

The hug is platonic and therefore perfect because it’s universal, in a way: we can imagine - in their final seconds - that they can both see and feel the warmth and the arms of every single person in their lives who they ever loved in any form: parents, siblings, lovers, friends. And of course they also die feeling the arms of each other - bound together by their fight and sacrifice but also an embrace with someone they might have gone on to know, and to love, if the universe had been a kinder place. 

It’s one of the most perfect and beautiful death scenes in any film I’ve seen. 

But it’s also heart-crushingly sad. 

‘What could have been’. 

…..

Edit:

I think the earlier elevator scene is where they acknowledge the loss of what they could have had together. Cassian stares at Jyn with unblinking focus but he looks like he’s dying already from his injuries, and Jyn - not yet knowing for sure that she’s about to die too - looks completely devastated. By the time they reach the beach and see the blast approaching both of them look accepting of their fate… and I imagine that they can use their final moments to internally say their spiritual goodbyes to everyone they ever loved in their lives - and to each other. They are content to die together. They are at peace as they “become one with the Force”.

….

The sand is coarse on his fingers as he tightens the embrace and closes his eyes. Her face had been that of the last being he will see, and he is at peace with that. After all, she had already started to mend his broken soul and remind him of why he was doing all this in the first place. 

Love.

She is warm against him, her grip intensifying his physical pain, and intensifying whatever is going on now in his soul. They hug as if in the hope of keeping each other whole, the hope of somehow stopping the inevitable coming-apart. Almost as if to stop time and be forever in this state of in-between.

But there is no time at all. 

So he thinks he will imagine that the light is coming from her, her bright spirit - her hot molten core - soldering and melting them into one being. 

‘I don’t know where you end or where it is that I begin.’

Extract above from  ‘Dawn Chorus’ chapter 5:

Diego Luna interview:

’ I don’t know where you end or where it is that I begin’ - from the song ‘Vision’ by Peter Hammill.

[astromechs]

jyn/cassian + peace for the prompt game

one-word character/ship five-sentence fic prompts; still accepting!

By Jyn's best estimate, they'll have about five standard minutes before someone disturbs this hard-won peace — and she's going to make the best fucking use of that five minutes there could ever be, which so far she hasn't wasted a single second of; she hadn't even bothered to walk Cassian all the way back to their shared quarters, instead opting to drag him by the jacket into the first available supply closet.

Which he hadn't complained about, and even now, when they're forced to break and catch their breath, his murmur against her mouth is light, teasing: "Bodhi's been worried about you."

"He can wait five minutes," she volleys back in a mirror image of that tone, "because it's not like I've been waiting weeks to do this with him."

Cassian hums his agreement and dips his head in at an angle that's better for the both of them, kissing her with the intensity that's in everything he does — and after those aforementioned fucking weeks apart, that takes every bit of the air left in her lungs and has her knees shaking, threatening to buckle underneath her.

It's almost too good to be true — and with the banging on the door that's soon to follow, forcing them apart with a mutual groan, she knows that it had been.

[lenawin4]

For RebelCaptain Appreciation Week 2024, Day Five: Headcanons

Cassian could not remember a time when he starved. The same could not be said for Jyn Erso.

or: Cassian and his quest to feed Jyn.

-

It started weeks ago, when Bodhi drank too much Correllian gin (predictably, it was supplied by one Captain Solo; Cassian could never fathom how they shared the same rank) and stumbled out of the hangar in their arms. En route to Bodhi’s quarters, the pilot asked Cassian and Jyn if they had Jedhan ale, brewed for two months and aged for five years by a sect of the Guardians of the Whills, the ones who only studied the Force pedantically and never spiritually, according to Chirrut.

“My sisters could drink me under the table,” said Bodhi. “Three kegs and still more to spare, but they always had to drag me back home before I embarrassed them. Took a few holograms to embarrass me, though. Kept them; they sent them to me when I was, I was on Eadu. They wanted me to visit more often. I should have, should have visited more often, yeah?”

“You did what you could,” said Cassian.

“Anyway,” said Bodhi. “Gone now.”

“Not gone,” said Jyn, halfway gone herself. “Just waiting for us all.”

“Do you believe in that?” She wore the kyber crystal around her neck, still, and she meditated with Chirrut whenever she could, but she was also practical and lethally blunt. Did she look forward to seeing Saw, Lyra, and Galen again? If he had expired on that shuttle over Scarif, bloody and delirious and home in her arms, would she think he was waiting for her, too?

“My mother taught me to have faith. Did yours?”

“Yes,” said Cassian. Maybe he was not far from a certain level of talkative intoxication either. “We prayed. We hoped.”

“There you have it, Bodhi. Hope.” She squeezed the pilot’s shoulder and smiled.

Warmth spread across Cassian’s face, tingled down his spine, and grounded into his stomach—the way tree roots stretched across acres, ancient and complete. It was from the gin and the exertion of carrying a drunk man to his room. It was just that, and nothing and no one else.

READ ON AO3

[mikemakesanexit]

Some fic fanart for @tellallthetruth-but-tellitslant!! It’s soft Cassian from the ‘Frequency Hopping’ series and Jyn’s cute beach fit from ‘The Warrior’s Apprentice’ go read the fics i love them so much, they’re feedin my andor hyperfixation XD

Jyn’s pose is a reference by @kibbi

[andorerso]

REBELCAPTAIN FIC RECS FOR DAILYREBELCAPTAIN'S VALENTINE'S DAY FEST

I liked the idea of choosing a theme so I decided to go with one of my favorite genres: hurt/injured Cassian and protective Jyn 💗

Such a Being Within by @frostbitepandaaaaa She stumbles toward him, falls to her knees and frames his precious face in her hands. “Cassian, what is going to happen to you?”

He hesitates, contemplating if he had the strength to lie to her and, Force, she almost wishes he did. He shakes his head, curls a hand around her wrist. “I don’t know.”

critical redundancy by @fulcrumstardust “Stop!” she yells at him, and grabs his face between her hands. The leather of her fingerless gloves feels cold against his sweaty skin. “You’re coming home with me.”

He almost wants to believe her.

to break open a heart by @rebelrainfall “They - I - I can’t lie,” he finally gasps like it hurts him to say, flinching away from the words themselves. “You don’t have to,” she soothes. Cassian shudders, whimpering. “You know you can tell me anything.”

Jyn drags Cassian from a crime syndicate cell. Something is very wrong.

Look to the Sky by @briamarie38 There were so many things she wanted to do:

Touch him Comfort him Kiss him Hold him.

So many things she wanted to say:

I love you I’m sorry I missed you … Please, don’t die.

Instead, she pressed her blaster into his hand, curling his fingers around it...

Wake With You by @thegiddyowl After cracking three ribs from a pneumonia-induced cough, Cassian is sent to the med bay for a dip in the bacta tank. Jyn is there to keep an eye on things just to see everything go wrong.

Close One by @cats-and-metersticks and @thegiddyowl When a mission very quickly goes seriously wrong, it's up to Jyn to get her and Cassian off planet.

[dilf-din]

Let Down Your Guard, Lover (Open Your Door)

Rebelcaptain Fluffbruary day 16: neighbor, horse, desire

WC: 11.5k

Warnings: language, alcohol mention, pining idiots

A/N: here’s something to make up for the pain I dropped on Valentine’s Day! This one really got away from me. I hope you guys enjoy it!! I’ll try to have this cross posted on AO3 later tonight 🫶🏼🫶🏼

Day 1

Everything smelled like dust and sweat. A thick summer heat made the air feel as stagnant as it was stale. Even with the windows in the living room opened to the twilight sky, there was no wind to stir it around.

Jyn sank against a pile of boxes with two cold beers in her hands, offering one to Bodhi who gladly took it. Their foreheads were damp, long strands of dark hair plastered to each one.

“Well, we did it,” Bodhi said, still cheerful somehow.

All of Jyn’s cheer had bottomed out by their fifth trip up the narrow staircase and had yet to return.

“Thanks for all your help.”

“I’m just glad to have my best mate in my favorite city,” he smiled back, pressing the bottle to his lips and taking a long drink.

Jyn picked at the peeling wrapper with what was left of her nails. They had been chewed down to uneven nubs during the process of agonizing over checking and double checking every mental and physical list she had accumulated before packing up her small life and moving across an entire ocean. She and Bodhi had met years ago in a Uni exchange program. He had come to stay with her and her uncles for a term, and they became fast friends.

He checked his watch and sighed, “I’ve got an early morning. Think you’ll be alright?” he asked, pushing himself off the ground and offering her a hand.

She took it and hoisted herself up next to him.

“I’ll be fine. Just gonna shower and deal with this mess in the morning.”

He gave her a quick high five and let himself out the front door.

Jyn sighed and took a moment to really take in her space. Her first apartment.

The wooden floors had deep dings in them from decades of use, and nail holes had been sloppily plastered over leaving uneven textures on almost every sickly white wall. It was clinical and old, but it was hers.

Every room had wide windows that let immeasurable amounts of light in and looked down on the crowded streets. Her new bed had been delivered today, and she and Bodhi had even picked up a black velvet couch from someone on Facebook marketplace earlier that day. Jyn had a few pieces of furniture, a few pots and pans, a few mismatched plates, and a deep well of hope for the future.

Her stomach let out a low growl, and she decided to phone in a pizza from the place that had been eying them from across the street during their seemingly endless trips up to her flat. She also decided to fish out her bedsheets and some fresh clothes while she waited, shuffling through the towers of boxes and cursing herself for not labeling them more clearly.

Jyn showered in lukewarm water, washing away the sweat and grime that clung to her. The air here felt thicker than it did in London, like a second skin she had yet to get used to. She swiped a clear spot in the steamed up, segmented mirror and tried her best to detangle her hair before piling it on top of her head in a haphazard, still too wet bun. For clothes, she had fished out an old pair of cotton sweats and a navy shirt with her uni’s name across the chest in thick white lettering. It was a little short on her from a washing mishap her second year, but she was too fond of it to toss it just yet.

A soft knock hit her ears from the front room, the empty walls carrying it to where she stood in her bedroom.

“Coming!” she called out to who she assumed was the pizza guy as she hurried across the gritty floor and regretted not pulling on a pair of socks.

She pulled the door open and was face to face with a shy looking man with deep brown eyes. In his hands was her pizza box.

“Um, hi. I’m your neighbor. They delivered this to our place, but we didn’t order it,” he awkwardly held the box out for Jyn to take.

“Oh bollocks. I must’ve told them your number by mistake, sorry. I just moved in. You probably heard me fighting with the elevator this afternoon.”

He chuckled but didn’t respond, a small smile gracing his lips. He had hair almost the same color as his eyes dancing just beyond his ears and curling around the nape of his neck.

“Well thanks. I’m Jyn,” she smiled.

“Cassian.”

They shared a moment of unwavering eye contact, only breaking it when another tenant on the hall hurried out of their door, excusing themself as they squeezed behind the pair.

“Right, well. I’m gonna go eat this I guess.”

Cassian nodded, “Welcome home. It’s a pretty wacky neighborhood, but we try to take care of each other. We’re just next door if you need anything,” he gave another small smile and a half wave of his hand.

Jyn smiled and closed the door behind her, her attention almost immediately going back to the pizza as her stomach let out another noise like a sad cat.

In the hallway, Cassian became alarmingly aware of the pace of his heart and the sweat that was coating his palms. He wiped them quickly on his jeans and headed back into his apartment. Meshi was perched at the counter with his feet tucked under a stool. He didn’t look away from his computer screen as he heard his roommate re-enter their home.

“All good?”

“Yeah,” he smiled dreamily, sliding off his slippers and nudging them next to the shoe rack that sat by the entryway, “All good.”

Day 2

“Shit,” Jyn hissed looking at the half assembled coffee table and the snapped off piece of metal hanging from one of the screw holes. “Shit. Shit,” she leaned back on her legs and braced herself with her hands tapping the ground in thought.

Cassian had said to ask if she needed anything, and not that she was looking for an excuse to see him or anything, but she thought this definitely qualified. Besides, it couldn’t hurt to ask.

She brushed the dust off of the front of her jeans and slipped on a pair of sandals before exiting her door and approaching the one right next to it. Jyn smiled at the welcome mat they had placed in front of their entryway. A little faded, but a nice, warm touch nonetheless.

She knocked and stepped back to wait, suddenly feeling less bold.

The door opened quickly, but she was met with a man who wasn’t Cassian. He had much shorter hair and a bit of a confused look on his face.

“Hi, um, I’m Jyn. Your new neighbor?”

His eyebrows softened with a knowing look.

“Do you by chance have an allen wrench I could borrow? Mine cracked off in my bookcase,” she said pathetically holding up what remained of the handle.

The man chuckled and invited her in, “Sure, just one second.”

She crossed the threshold and stood in the doorway trying to take in as much as she could without looking too curious. Everything was more neat than you would expect for two men in their twenties. Not a book out of place, not a dish in the sink.

In the living space, the curtains were neatly drawn, and there were even some throw pillows on the sofa. The kitchen counter was spread with folders and pens next to an open laptop, and she guessed that Cassian’s roommate worked from home. And judging from his high and tight faded haircut, she reasoned he was ex military and at least part of the reason for the flat’s pristine condition.

The man had crossed over to the kitchen to rummage through a drawer.

“Cassian’s at work today. I’ll let him know you stopped by.”

“No need,” she said quickly, “Just needed to borrow this,” she hoped he wouldn’t notice the pink that was teasing at her cheeks.

“I’ll do ya one better. You can keep it”, he smiled, crossing the space once more to place the small tool her hand, “Name’s Melshi, by the way.”

“Melshi,” she repeated, “Well thank you, Melshi. I appreciate the kindness.”

He nodded and smiled as she let herself back out the door and into her own apartment.

Day 12

It was a while before Jyn and Cassian saw each other again. She started to wonder if he really existed, or if he was just a perfect figment of her imagination.

Imagination. She had to remind herself that she didn’t know anything about him, and that getting to know him as a friend was the best course of action. She had spent a lot of time her first two weeks wound up in daydreams about the boy next door with the dark hair, so she decided to make an excuse to see him.

The rotting bananas on her counter were begging to either be thrown in the bin or turned into a bread. So she went with the latter option and decided to add in some cinnamon and walnuts. Jyn had never been one for cooking. She learned enough to get by in Uni and resorted to ordering takeout whenever possible, but how hard could banana bread be?

She quickly prepared the batter and poured it into the two dingy loaf pans she had inherited from her mother. They were dull in color and covered in small dings on the inside and outside, but it was one of the few things Jyn had left of her, so she couldn’t bring herself to part with them even if they didn’t get used very often.

While the bread baked and filled her flat with the sweet smell of cinnamon, she put one of her dad’s old records on to play while she cleaned the mess in the kitchen. Humming to herself softly, she scrubbed each dirtied dish, wiped the counters, and even emptied the overflowing bin.

It was a Friday evening nearing dinner time, so Jyn decided to let the bread cool and bring it over first thing in the morning. She heard what she was pretty sure were two voices through the brick wall of her living room and hoped that Cassian would still be there in the morning.

Just as she was beginning to wonder about her dinner plans, her phone buzzed from the kitchen counter. It was Bodhi.

“Hello there!”

“Jyn! What are you doing for dinner?”

“Nothing yet, I just realized how late it was.”

“Want to order some Chinese? I’m at the video store up the road to try and snatch a copy of the new Conjuring.”

Jyn smiled, “I’ll phone it in.”

She ended the call and pulled the menu to the nearest Chinese spot off of the fridge where it hung with a faded snoopy magnet from her childhood.

Bodhi arrived about the same time as the food, quickly filling her in on all of the latest drama from the office. Jyn would be joining him in a data analysis role come Monday, but the way he had talked to her for years about his coworkers made her feel like she already knew everyone.

She listened to his stories complete with enthusiastic hand gestures and couldn’t help but laugh. Neither one of them noticed that they hadn’t paid a second of attention to the horrific goings-on of the movie on her small tv. The food in front of them was picked at until not much was left but some lo mein and a few egg rolls. The credits had long rolled when Bodhi checked the time, “Geez, almost eleven. Want me to help you clean up?”

Jyn shrugged him off, “Just got a few boxes to toss in the fridge. You’re good, Bo,” she smiled.

The clattering of plates stacking told her he had intended to help no matter the answer.

“What’s this?” he called from the kitchen.

She turned to see him gesturing at the two loaves of bread on the cooling rack.

“Oh, just some banana bread.”

“But you can’t cook.”

“Shut up!”

“Why two?”

“One’s for the neighbors.”

“For the guy?” Bodhi suddenly seemed very interested, “I thought you wanted him to like you, not die of food poisoning.”

“Shut up,” she repeated, crossing the space to defend herself. “It’s just banana bread. An idiot could make it.”

“Let’s hope that luck came through for you,” he said with a teasing smile.

“Good night Bo,” she said pointing at the door with an annoyed but fond smile.

Day 13

Jyn paced back and forth in her entryway for several minutes trying to garner up the courage it would take to walk twenty feet to the right to knock on their door. It was half past nine, which felt like a reasonable enough hour to drop off a late morning treat on a Saturday. She took a deep breath and knocked, shifting back and forth on her heels, trying desperately to get all her nervous energy out before someone, hopefully Cassian opened the door.

After several seconds, there were no signs of life. She knocked once more and almost instantly regretted it when she heard a muffled voice call that they were coming.

The door opened to a very disheveled looking Cassian who must’ve rolled out of bed to answer her knock. His eyes were still heavy with sleep and his long hair was sticking up at angles that Jyn would’ve never thought possible. He was wearing faded blue plaid pajama pants and the softest grey tee shirt she had ever seen.

“Hi, so sorry. I um, I made some banana bread last night and thought you guys might like some,” she stammered suddenly feeling like crawling under their welcome mat and hiding.

She held the plate out awkwardly and turned to leave, but Cassian grabbed her wrist with a gentle hand.

“I love banana bread”, he said with a sincere smile, “Come in for a cup of coffee?”

“But I already woke you,” she said regretfully.

“I needed to wake up anyway,” he shrugged it off, inviting her in with a sweeping motion of his arm.

“We stayed up too late playing a game last night,” he admitted a little shyly, a chuckle spilling out of his upturned lips.

Jyn took in the state of their living area. The previously tidy space had been overtaken with a game board, dozens of cards and small tokens, a stack of empty pizza boxes, and some notebooks with scribbles in them tossed in the floor.

She smiled at the thought of them staying in on a Friday night to a rousing game of, whatever that was, as opposed to going out for drinks or dates. She had also noticed during her other brief visit that none of their pictures seemed to show a long term girlfriend (or boyfriend), and she counted that as another quiet victory.

Cassian had made his way into the kitchen, bare feet softly padding against the tiles. He moved quietly and surely, pulling out a bag of freshly ground beans from a local spot and filling a long necked kettle with water. The click of the gas igniting was the only noise in the room as he placed the kettle on the stove before turning to face Jyn once more. It was a comfortable silence, and she started to wonder why she had been so in her head about seeing him again. She pulled out a stool to sit at the counter opposite him and was the first to speak again.

“So, wild night?” she teased, leaning an elbow on the counter and cupping her chin.

He smiled shyly and looked down at the floor before meeting her gaze again, “Same thing we’ve done every weekend since college. Neither of us have ever been big party guys.”

“I was a wreck in uni,” she said wrinkling her nose.

“Were you now?”

“Well you know, lower drinking age and all that.”

“Sounds like you could give me a run for my money,” he laughed.

“I’m not sure that’s something to be proud of,” she raised an eyebrow and flashed a smile to match his.

“How did you end up here?” he turned to continue preparing the coffee, wetting a filter and placing it in the top of pristine chemex.

Jyn puffed out a breath of air while her mind spun, trying to summarize the last few months of her life.

“I was just ready to get out of London, so a friend put in a word for me at their office. And before I knew it I was on a plane and shopping for hand towels and lugging a heavy arse couch up a way too narrow stairwell,” she paused, “It all happened rather quickly. I’m still getting used to the time difference. I’m not usually an early riser.”

“A party girl like you?” he asked in mock surprise.

Jyn laughed, bright and clear showing all of her teeth, and Cassian’s heart skipped two beats. This conversation was quickly becoming a game to him of seeing if he could get her to laugh like that again.

“Well we can’t all be Monopoly jockeys,” she quipped.

“Hey now, Rivals for Catan is much more sophisticated than Monopoly, but I could easily beat you at Monopoly as well,” he countered.

They went back and forth, gliding through conversation topics like seasoned dance partners. Picking up where the other left off, following each other’s feet without ever breaking eye contact. It felt effortless, like how talking to someone you’ve known your whole life would. The kind of friend you stayed up whispering secrets under the covers in a twin bed with, laughing till you felt it in your ribs.

Jyn was mesmerized watching him work with his hands while he talked, carefully portioning out coffee grounds, adding bit by bit of water and taking the time to inhale as it bloomed and filled the kitchen with a warm, rich scent. Cassian seemed like a person who was full to the brim with passion for everything he touched. Jyn could tell he liked to put his whole heart into things. He didn’t seem fast paced and half assed like so many people she had met. Even the way he listened was completely engaged as they swapped stories of professors and classes and horrible group projects.

Cassian picked two mugs from the cabinet to the left of the stove and placed them on the counter in front of Jyn. One looked like a tourist mug from the Statue of Liberty, and the other was shaped like Darth Vader’s helmet. Jyn smiled at the little pieces of his life she was getting a glimpse of, and reached out eager hands for the Statue of Liberty one while he poured a golden brown stream into it, not nearly as warm as his eyes were when they caught a shot of the sun.

Cassian leaned against the counter and took a thoughtful sip from the remaining mug.

“Colombian,” he smiled, “One of my favorites.”

“Would it be a crime to ask for a spot of cream?” Jyn asked hiding her nose behind her mug.

“Ugh, you’re one of those people,” he feigned a chest pain, clutching at his shirt with his free hand.

“What, a normal person?” Melshi’s voice called groggily as he exited his room and joined the pair at the counter. His accent was extra thick in the morning, the sounds of his vowels were particularly drawn out.

He crossed to the fridge and pulled out a white and blue canister and offered it to Jyn, “Almond milk okay?”

“Yes, please,” she smiled gratefully, popping the top open with her thumbnail and dumping in a generous amount.

“Cass is a coffee snob. Don’t let it get to you,” Melshi smiled.

“Jyn brought banana bread,” Cassian gestured to the plastic wrapped plate on the edge of the counter.

“You can stay,” he said eagerly reaching for a stack of plates and forks.

“Oh no, I’m good. I have a whole loaf in my flat waiting for me,” she said declining the offer for a slice while the boys carved into it.

As they were taking their first bites, the watch on Jyn’s arm buzzed a tinny tune.

“Shoot, I’ve got to go give Lady her walk. Thank you for the coffee,” she drained the last of her cup and walked by them to set it in the sink.

“See you around. You’ll have to come over for game night one of these weeks,” Cassian called as she let herself to the door.

“I’d like that,” she smiled, giving a small wave before disappearing back into the hall.

Melshi waited until the lock clicked and spit a mouthful of bread directly into the trash can.

“Oh my god, what did she do to that?”

“It’s not that bad,” Cassian said completely unconvincingly.

Melshi wiped his mouth with a paper towel and scraped the rest of his slice into the trash, “Oh you’ve got it bad.”

“Whatever man,” he looked down at the plate of bread that was somehow impossibly wet and dry at the same time.

Melshi grabbed his shoulder and squeezed it as he laughed on his way to the bathroom.

Day 14

Sunday came with steady drizzles and low thunder. Not enough rain to flood the busy roads, but enough to make sure the bottoms of your pants were always wet. Puddles of grey water filled each crack and uneven spot in the pavement, rolling off of Jyn’s rubber boots, but sticking to Lady’s white fur.

Jyn didn’t mind the dreary weather. Lord knows London was rainy enough for a lifetime. She liked to imagine she was in a film scene, that she would stumble into the love of her life in a downpour. Maybe they would share an umbrella or squeeze in together at a bus stop. Maybe she would drop something and they would bump heads leaning down to pick it up. The cold air coming on definitely brought out the side of her that longed to cuddle up by the fire with someone.

She was still learning the area and definitely took a wrong turn or two on the way back to their building, but Lady didn’t mind the extra steps, though she was sure to take a long nap as a reward after the pair dried off.

Jyn decided to stop and check the mail room before heading up to her floor. She was expecting a package from her uncles of some tea and goodies. The key stuck multiple times in the stripped lock, and the hinges creaked loudly telling stories of years of use. With a smile on her face she plucked the brown box out and looked at her uncle Chirrut’s scrawling font addressing the package to her.

“Jyn?”

The call of her name pulled her attention to the door, and she quickly shut the small locker.

Cassian stood behind her with some bags in hand and his hood up. Specks of rain dotted his shoulders and the tip of his nose.

Lady gave a low growl and Jyn shushed her.

“I thought you had a dog not a horse,” he said with a small laugh, trying to mask his nervousness.

“She’s a Great Dane,” Jyn said with a toothy grin.

Lady came up to Jyn’s ribs. She had stark white fur with smoky grey markings and drooping red eyes, and she was sporting a yellow raincoat that covered part of her front legs and secured around her middle. Cassian had never seen an animal so huge.

“She’s very friendly,” Jyn assured.

Lady’s demeanor softened as she noticed Jyn talking to the stranger as if he was a friend. She pushed her big wet nose and towards Cassian’s hand to get a better whiff of his scent, but he retracted it quickly.

“She’s pretty,” he stammered, “Well I won’t keep you,” he nodded and backed out of the room.

“Wait, we’ll go up with you,” she followed him to the elevators.

He shifted the bags in his hand to call an elevator down and they stood in wait. Jyn almost thought she saw his hand shake as he reached out to push the button, but she wrote it off.

“Feels like home when the weather’s like this,” she remarked and he nodded.

“You just missed the snowy season. It should be pretty mild the rest of the year.”

The elevator gave a deep, faintly buzzing beep as the set of doors to the right opened up to let them in.

There was barely enough room for the three of them. Cassian swallowed hard as Lady stood between them, his skin pricking beneath his jeans from where he felt her fur brush up against them.

Jyn made a few more remarks about the weather and their walk that he barely registered as he prayed for the climb to go faster. When the doors finally opened, he rushed off, apologizing over his shoulder for leaving so quickly.

Jyn wondered if he was okay, watching as he dropped his key ring clumsily and fumbled with his door handle.

“I didn’t say anything weird, did I?” she asked out loud, mostly to herself. Lady cocked her head and followed her to their doorstep.

Day 26

Cassian had stopped by a few nights prior to invite Jyn to game night. She had offered to bake some cookies, to which he quickly declined and assured her that they would provide all the food.

She had been buzzing about it to Bodhi for days, and now that the evening was here, she was curled up with a flu. Her skin was a sickly shade of grey, and sweat coated her entire body while she simultaneously shook from chills. She had extra blankets piled on, but just a sports bra and sleep shorts on beneath the cocoon to try and even out her temperature.

A glass of tepid water sat untouched on the table beside her, the only thing she had had the strength to get on one of her trips to the restroom. She laid defeated, her mind in a thick fog and her body heavy with fatigue.

Bodhi had left work early yesterday for a long weekend upstate with his boyfriend, so she was left to her own devices. Hopefully it was something she could sleep off in 48 hours and crawl back into work on Monday, good as new.

She had spent the entire day in a fever dream trance, slipping in and out of consciousness, reliving some of her worst moments on repeat. She saw her parents, and longed for the cool touch of her mother’s hand on the burning skin of her cheeks and forehead, dreamed of the way her father had fed her soup when she was younger and unable to hold the spoon on her own. The ache of her heart rang loudest of all as her body groaned beneath the weight of whatever virus had laid claim to her cells.

——

Cassian checked the clock obsessively, wondering what might’ve held Jyn up. It was nearing eight o’clock, and he wondered if maybe she got stuck at work, or if something worse had happened.

“It’s all right, mate. I’m sure she’s got a good reason,” Meshi said softly, feeling too bad for his friend to even tease him.

They ended up watching Back to the Future and working their way through two large pizzas instead of introducing Jyn to the world of Catan, but in the back of his mind, Cassian couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.

Day 27

Cassian woke early on Saturday morning to a noise he couldn’t quite identify. It sounded like scratching at the front door, thick nails against wood over and over. In a sleepy haze, he tried to decipher what it could be, when he heard a high pitched whine.

“Is that a dog?” he asked out loud, as he kicked off his covers and exited his room to find an equally tired looking Melshi heading towards the front door.

The pair opened the door to find none other than Lady, Jyn’s Great Dane standing at their door looking particularly distressed.

“Lady? Is everything okay?” Cassian asked cautiously, stepping out into the hallway, only for the large dog to bound back towards the open door of Jyn’s flat and whine anxiously.

Seeing the door wide open made his stomach drop, and he rushed after the dog with Melshi close behind him. There were claw marks on the door frame and next to the knob. It must’ve taken her a while to get it open. All the lights were off and everything seemed tidy at first glance. He quickly ruled out a break in, and tried to figure out what was wrong.

Lady led them into the kitchen and nosed at her empty food and water bowls before stopping in the hall and huffing in the direction of the bedroom. Cassian walked past her and peered in the doorway to see what he thought was Jyn, wrapped in blankets and shivering violently. He checked the thermostat outside her door to see it was set way too low for this time of year and switched the heat on.

“Jyn?” he asked quietly.

“Hello?” she called back fearfully through chattering teeth.

“It’s me. Cassian,” he entered slowly and knelt by her bed.

Her eyes were glassy and skin damp with sweat, with hair mussed and matted on her forehead.

“Lady came to get us,” he explained softly, “How long have you been sick?”

“Yesterday morning,” she mumbled, drawing the blankets around her small frame, trembling.

Melshi poked his head through the door, “I’m gonna take the lass out to wee. Looks like she held it as long as she could, just cleaned up a spot in the kitchen.”

“Can you pick up some medicine? And soup?” Cassian asked quickly, “My wallet is on the counter.”

“Sure thing,” he nodded and retreated down the hall.

“I’ll be right back,” Cassian said, laying his hand on top of hers for just a second.

The space was already heating up. He checked the vents to make sure warm air was pouring out, pleased that her unit was still functional as sometimes theirs was spotty in the winter. In the kitchen, he filled a kettle and set it out, hoping Melshi would think to get some tea, then grabbed a rag and wet it, and poured a new glass of water.

Cassian crouched back by her bed and wiped at her forehead with the rag. He carefully cleaned her face, washing it of the dried on sweat, and smoothed her bangs back. She looked at him with thankful eyes, as green as ever, but missing the fire he noticed the first time they met.

“Can you drink some water for me?” he asked softly and she shook her head.

“C’mon, we can’t have you getting dehydrated.”

“Stomach hurts,” she muttered.

“Just a bit,” he pleaded, reaching his hand out to rest between her shoulders and prop her up enough to take a few sips of the glass he was holding out.

When she was done, she hit the pillow hard and another round of chills ran down her spine from the temperature of the water.

Cassian leaned back on his heels and pulled his hoodie off in one motion.

“Here,” he said offering it to her, not wanting to dig through her closet or intrude any more than he had to, knowing it would help to warm her up.

She reluctantly unwound herself from the blankets and pulled the hoodie over her head.

“Do you have another set of sheets?” he asked.

“Closet,” she pointed to the door in the hall.

He grabbed a fresh set of navy blue sheets and an extra quilt and exchanged them for the old ones he had found her in. Even with the hoodie that was still warm and smelled quite a bit like him, her body continued to shake.

“Hold me?” she asked in an impossibly small voice.

Cassian swallowed hard, “Of course, yeah.” He walked to the other side of her bed and scooted the quilt a little closer to her, not crawling beneath it though he desperately wanted to. The mattress sank beneath his added weight and the metal frame creaked as he adjusted his limbs and rolled onto his side, tucking himself around her. He pulled the lump of blankets against his chest and tentatively draped his arm around her waist. She pressed back into him, desperate to share the warmth of his body. The back of her head tucked under his chin, the hood was still pulled up cocooning her. He nuzzled his nose into the it slightly as he closed his eyes and willed her to stop shaking.

It wasn’t until this moment that he allowed himself to exhale. Being woken up by a horse sized dog and walking up to her door wide open had sent his heart into a panic that he had shoved down, not wanting to lose his cool and compromise whatever situation it was that she was in. He had felt a twinge in his gut since last night, like he knew she needed him.

“I got you,” he whispered against the hood on her head.

Jyn’s breathing steadied, and exhaustion overcame her. Within two minutes, she was open mouth snoring, just a small growl coming from the back of her throat as she slept in his arms.

Cassian thanked whatever god might be listening that she was safe in his arms right now. He didn’t know much about her at all, and definitely wasn’t familiar with her sleeping habits, so he did his best to stay as still as possible. Just deep breaths and a heartbeat against her back, no matter how badly he wanted to trace her arms, wipe her bangs from her forehead, press a kiss to her shoulders. From the clock on her night table, he could tell about an hour had passed since they first arrived when he heard Melshi and Lady come back through the front door.

He heard the clack of Lady’s nails on the wood floor and the clink of her leash hitting the kitchen counter when Melshi laid it down. Then, he heard kibble filling her bowl and the rush of water from the tap. There was a rustling of bags as well as he heard Melshi sorting through everything. Then the floor creaking slightly as his friend made his way down the hall.

He peeked into the room, face softening when he saw the sleeping girl in Cassian’s arms.

“Food?” he mouthed.

“Not yet,” Cassian mouthed back.

Melshi gave him a thumbs up and let himself back into the rest of the apartment. He decided to watch some tv with Lady until Jyn woke up, then they would both probably head back to their own flat for the day.

Cassian felt his body relaxing against hers. It wasn’t yet eight o’clock. Lady had woken them up almost two hours ago which was early on a weekend for him. His eyes grew heavier from their shared warmth and proximity, and he allowed himself the reverie of imagining this would one day be how they always woke up. Early Saturday sunlight, hazy feeling of love.

——

When he felt Jyn stirring in his arms, he peeked at the clock to see it nearing ten. Jyn rotated to where she was now facing him. Lips parted, breathing softly against his cheek. He felt his own breath hitch at the sight of her. Even sick, she was breathtaking. He drank in this moment greedily, knowing any minute now, she would wake, and he would be apart from her again. Now that he had known proximity, distance would never do. He craved the nearness of her orbit, to know the touch of her mouth against his. He suddenly felt like he needed to take a cold shower and jumped from his spot next to her, exiting the room as quietly as he could.

He closed the bathroom door behind himself and splashed cold water on his face. His cheeks were flushed with desire, and he hated himself for not being able to swallow it down. She was sick, that was all. He wouldn’t be in this situation if she wasn’t vulnerable, if she wasn’t in need.

Cassian gripped the sides of the sink tightly, doing his best to steady his breathing and rein in his thoughts. This wasn’t the time or place to be having these feelings. He switched back into caretaker mode and headed into the kitchen to see what Melshi had brought back from his outing.

“Matzo ball soup in the fridge, NyQuil on the counter, oh, and I got some Gatorade,” he called from the couch where lady was sprawled with her head in his lap.

“Perfect, thank you,” Cassian responded, opening her cabinets in search of a pot to reheat the soup in.

“Enjoy your nap, lover boy?” Melshi asked with a small quirk of a smile.

“Shut up,” Cassian, turned to face the stove, hoping to hide the heat in his cheeks.

“What? You look good together is all I’m saying.”

Cassian ignored his comment, dumping the soup from the plastic container it came in into a small saucepan and finally putting on the kettle he had filled earlier.

“Is she up?”

“No, but I think she will be soon. I heard her stomach growling. I’m not sure when the last time she ate was.”

“We’ll get her set up and head on back. I can stop by and let Lady girl out again later.”

“I’ll probably stay a while if she wants,” Cass called back, crossing his arms over his middle and leaning back against the counter while he waited for everything to heat up.

Melshi decided not to comment, and instead just smiled at the large dog in his lap, turning his attention back to the local news that was droning in the background.

——

Jyn woke to a pounding headache. The sun streaming in through her drapeless windows stung her eyes as she tried to piece together the last 24 hours with blurry vision. She buried her face in the hoodie and breathed deep. Everything came trickling in like a gentle stream. Cassian. The sound of his voice. The softness of his eyes. The feel of his arms around her. She felt lightheaded. Maybe it was the sickness, but maybe it was him.

She struggled to a sitting position and ran her hands through her hair. A warm shower later would help her to feel almost human, but she didn’t have the strength for that just yet. She pulled a pair of leggings off the pile in her chair and labored to pull them over her bare legs before padding down the hall, leaning against the wall for support.

Lady scrambled across the living room when she heard Jyn groan softly, drawing Cassian’s attention to the edge of the kitchen.

“Hi girl,” Jyn said with a small voice, a weak hand reaching to stroke Lady’s face while she wagged gently and pressed her nose into Jyn’s stomach.

Cassian felt like he had the wind knocked out of him seeing her standing there in his hoodie dwarfing her frame. The sleeves fell way past her hands, and the hem hung below her hips where it rested smugly above his. She looked like she was about to keel over, and he ducked under her arm just in time to give her more support.

“You shouldn’t be up walking around,” he chastised.

“I’m hungry,” she grumbled softly. All of her weight rested against his chest as she leaned her head in and closed her eyes.

He scooped her up with ease and carried her across the rest of the flat to the couch. Melshi was rearranging the cushions and holding up a blanket to drape over her while Cassian nestled her into the warm spot that his friend had been sitting in.

“Thank you,” she said with a small smile.

Jyn hated needing people. She loathed feeling helpless or inept, but she would be lying if she said she wasn’t thankful to have someone there with her when the prior night she had been quite certain she was dying.

The boys scooted the table closer to the sofa and set her up with everything she could need. There was a steaming bowl of soup, two DayQuil tablets next to a glass of water, a bottle of juice Melshi had picked up from the deli, and a sleeve of crackers.

After about half a bowl of soup, she started to perk up a little bit, her body thankful to have energy again. She then placed the two orange pills on her tongue and swallowed them down with greedy gulps of juice. The pallor of her skin started to fade back into her normal coloring.

“Wait, so how did you get in?” she asked again, her brow furrowed tightly as she listened to the pair recount the story from that morning.

“My dog came to get you?” she asked skeptically.

“Swear on my life,” Melshi laughed.

“I felt so bad that I couldn’t take her out. I didn’t know who to call,” she lamented, reaching out to pet Lady’s head which was perched on the edge of the couch keeping a watchful eye on Jyn.

“She and I are great friends now,” Melshi smiled cheekily, “I don’t mind helping out with her while you’re on the mend.”

“Thank you,” Jyn smiled, suddenly feeling the weight of sleep overcome her again.

“I think I’m going to take another nap.”

“We’ll get out of your hair then,” Melshi announced, clearing the dishes from in front of her and carrying them to the kitchen.

Cassian didn’t feel right leaving just yet, and decided to listen to his gut like he should’ve last night.

“I’ll stay a little while longer if you don’t mind,” he said with a small smile.

Jyn gave him a dopey smile of her own as she sunk back into the pillow nest they had made for her, “I’d like that.”

Cassian rose to meet Melshi at the door, “I’ll be there in a minute,” he said in a low voice.

“Yeah yeah, Romeo,” Melshi muttered with a wink.

Cassian rolled his eyes and locked the door behind Melshi.

“Do you want me to help you to bed?” he asked, taking a seat next to her and feeling her forehead with the back of his hand to check for a fever. She leaned into the touch and closed her eyes, lamenting that she wouldn’t be sick forever and soon this attention would end.

“Just stay close,” she asked quietly, nestling her pillow against his thigh and pulling the blanket up to her neck. Her body buzzed with warmth from the combination of food, medication, and affection.

Cassian reached a tentative hand down and smoothed it through her hair. The side of her cheek turned up in a smile, and he took it as permission to keep going. His fingers ran along her scalp, separating out tangled strands of hair and brushing through them. Just as quickly as she had fallen asleep this morning, she was softly snoring again, relishing in the gentle touches he was offering her. She wanted to reach out with greedy hands and take every bit she could. She felt like a kid seeing a piñata burst for the first time, taking every bit for herself. But the rational part of her reminded her to pace herself, reminded her there was time. Time to know him. Time to be known.

She dozed in and out for a few hours, just content for her body and mind to be at rest. Cassian stayed beside her like a sentinel, strong arm resting down around her shoulder and cupping her elbow. His thumb absentmindedly rubbed circles over the sharp bone.

At one point she head the low timbre of his voice speaking softly to Lady. She kept her eyes closed, but listened closely to his words.

“You were a very brave girl this morning, you know that? Taking care of your mom like that. Smart girl,” he praised gently.

Though he had previously been apprehensive of her, she quickly proved that his old fears were not a good metric to judge people, or animals, by.

He looked fondly at the sleeping girl next to him and started to open himself up to the possibility of future days spent in each other’s company. Maybe he wouldn’t always wake at night clutching his chest, aching desperately for the things he lost. Maybe he wouldn’t always be waiting for the other shoe drop, because maybe, this time, there was no other shoe.

Day 37

That weekend came and went and so did a whole other week before Jyn really started feeling like herself. It took a while for her appetite to come back and for the fatigue to really let go of its grip on her.

Just the simple act of riding the train to and from work in the mornings and evenings depleted all of her extra energy. Her flat was in desperate need of a cleaning, and all of her messages were going unanswered. It wasn’t until she was finally folding a pile of laundry that had grown nearly as tall as her that she fully caught Bodhi up on the weekend he had been away.

Her phone sat on the edge of her bed, his incredulous voice coming through the speaker.

“He gave you his hoodie? He stayed to watch while you slept? He walked your giant dog that he definitely does not like? Babes, he likes you.”

“He does not. He was just being a good friend,” she scoffed as she turned the arms of his hoodie the right way and laid it across her lap. She hadn’t wanted to wash it and lose what was left of his scent, but she knew she couldn’t keep it covered in her germs forever. The last thing she wanted was to get one of them sick again. Her arms almost moved to pull it on over her old tee shirt, but she stopped herself. It was best to give it back to him, to not get caught up in a runway fantasy where he was her boyfriend come to save her.

She didn’t need saving, but she did need looking after sometimes, and she would be lying to herself is she said she didn’t wish he was the one to look after her.

——

“C’mon Jyn, you stupid girl,” Jyn chastised herself in the mirror. She had been laboring over a text to Cassian for two hours. Two. Hours. Staring at a phone screen and fretting about wording and whether or not to use emojis.

“It’s just a text message,” she reminded herself as her thumb hovered over the send key before pressing it with a sharp inhale.

Hey Cassian, I was wondering if you would like to join me for dinner tomorrow just to say thanks for everything. 7 o’clock at Barbuto. Let me know.

He replied almost immediately, causing her to fumble with her phone when she saw the bubbles indicating he was typing.

Wouldn’t miss it. I’ll be there :)

“Fuck yeah,” she whispered to herself, doing a little dance in her bathroom, unknowing that he was on the other side of the wall pumping his fist in the air.

Day 38

There was never a stage of her life where Jyn enjoyed dressing up. Not for her father’s achievement dinners when she was a child, not in uni for formals, and not now, getting ready for a semi kind of date with the boy who took her breath away. She just felt more herself dressed down in a casual setting. Fancy restaurants were too high stakes for someone who swore as much as she did. But still, she pulled on her one nice dress and a pair of boots with a small heel. She fluffed out her bangs to make sure they were even, and even attempted a basic smoky eye. Her old roommate taught her the beauty of smudging everything and making it look intentional rather than messy.

When she was in her taxi on the way to the restaurant, she began to wonder whether or not they just should’ve rode together. That would’ve made sense, but what if it was awkward? Suddenly, a barrage of doubts started ringing in her ears while she glanced at the time nervously. She woas somehow early and would therefore have plenty of time to rethink every decision she had ever made while she waited for Cassian.

She ordered a gin and tonic at the bar while she waited for her table to be ready, hoping a small buzz would calm her nerves. One drink turned into two and then three as she waited and waited with no word from Cassian.

The waiter approached with a sympathetic smile, “Would you like to order anything, miss?”

“No, sorry. You can pass it on to someone else who actually cares enough to show up,” she said with an air of bitterness, fishing in her wallet for a pile of cash and leaving it on the table. She tipped back her glass and finished the last of her drink, ice clinking loudly as she set it back down unceremoniously.

Jyn staggered out of the restaurant, half hatred, half alcohol, completely embarrassed. She felt like a fool for thinking the story could end any way but this.

When she entered her flat again for the evening, she beelined straight for her bedroom to scrawl a message on a pink sticky note. With a slap, she stuck it to the front of Cassian’s hoodie, and marched it to their doorstep, leaving it for him to find whenever he made it back from whatever was clearly better than spending an evening with her.

Back inside for good this time, she peeled her boots off by the door and almost broke the zipper on her dress from yanking it down her side so hard. She wet a rag and tried to scrub the makeup from her eyes, ending up looking like an even more pathetic drunk girl with every swipe. With eyeliner still smudged beneath her tearful eyes, she pulled on a pair of sweatpants and an old tee shirt, and resigned herself to the couch. She checked her phone one last time to see still no text from Cassian, and threw it on the table, finally breaking down. The tears spilled eagerly down her face, big and wet like a sad cartoon character and she felt even more ridiculous and embarrassed for getting worked up over a boy. She cried herself raw while Lady looked at her with a concerned gaze.

“I should’ve known I was making it up, Lady. I should’ve known better than to let my guard down,” she lamented, a weary hand rubbing across her forehead.

Between the crying and the alcohol, her head began to throb, and she resigned herself to polishing off the pint of chocolate chip ice cream she had been saving for as a midnight snack in lieu of the lasagna she had spent all day thinking about. She turned on some movie she had seen a dozen times before and tried to ignore the creeping anxiety she felt when she thought about the awkward encounter that she would have when she inevitably had to face Cassian again.

Around eleven, she heard footsteps in the hallway, first to their door, then rushing back to hers.

A tentative knock.

“Jyn?” his voice was muffled by the door.

She bit her tongue, not wanting to make any noise to signal that she might be awake.

“Jyn, if you’re there, I am so sorry. I have a reason for not showing up tonight, and I’m sure you’ll never believe me, but I really hope you’ll give me another chance.”

A fresh wave of tears started falling without warning as she clamped her hand over her mouth to muffle the small sob that squeaked out.

Cassian pressed his hand against the door, hoping that he could make it up to her some day. He walked back to their apartment with heavy shoulders and leaned down to scoop his hoodie up off the door mat where it he had found it sitting with a note that simply said, “thanks for everything,” and then he broke too.

Day 49

Jyn had not seen or spoken to Cassian since that night. He never texted, never called. By now, she had a good feeling of his schedule, and made a point to only take Lady out when she knew he was at work or not around. Sometimes she would watch the sidewalk from her window until she was sure she saw a glimpse of him exiting, wait five minutes, and then leave herself.

She was utterly humiliated and numb from the whole ordeal, deciding it was best to continue on as if they were strangers, which they practically were. Strangers that had shared coffee and childhood stories. Strangers that slept in the same bed that one time. Strangers that felt like they were touching a live wire every time they made eye contact.

Bodhi had no explanation for what could have happened, but he kept urging her to give him another chance.

“Please at least give him the chance to explain himself,” he pleaded as they split an Italian sandwich in the break room.

Jyn gave him a dead panned look that said “are you fucking kidding me” as she peeled the pepperoncinis off her half.

“Why didn’t he text me, Bodhi?”

“I don’t know! But I trust this guy. I know he isn’t an asshole like the rest of them.”

“He certainly isn’t going above and beyond to make me think that,” she grumbled.

“He wouldn’t have done all those things if he was an asshole. That’s a lot of effort to go through if you’re just trying to get in someone’s pants.”

“Gross.”

“But true,” he raised his eyebrow and bit into his sandwich.

“I don’t know, maybe. I just don’t even think I can look him in the eye.”

“Couldn’t hurt to try.”

“Shut up,” she snorted.

——

Jyn trudged through the door that evening in defeat. Her week had been hell. Just today on her way home, a car splashed stagnant water on her just before she reached her apartment building, she had snagged her skirt on something and torn it all the way up the side, and her favorite dim sum place had been closed for a family emergency.

Her sour mood was inevitable, and she didn’t even feel like faking happy at this point. Her legs were sticky from sweat and the puddle she got bathed in. She hoped her shoes weren’t ruined as they squished beneath her with each step. She carefully peeled off her wet clothes and kicked them into a pile in the corner to deal with later. A hot shower would solve at least a dozen of her current problems. She struggled with the loose shower knob and prayed tonight wasn’t the night it broke off completely. Before the thought even left her head, she heard a pathetic crack as it came off in her hand.

“Oh come the fuck on,” she said through gritted teeth, grasping at the stump of a knob and trying to turn it any way to no avail. Cold water drenched the rest of her as she cursed, now completely soaked and full to the brim with rage. She felt and looked as pissed off as a wet cat.

She knew there was nothing in her tool kit she could grab to twist the handle and turn it back off.

“No, no I won’t do it. You’ve got to be kidding me. Fuck.”

She swallowed down the last ounce of pride she had that by this point was clinging to her with a white knuckle grip, pulled on a pair of sweatpants, and walked to her neighbors’ door in defeat. Her hair was stringy and wet, sending streams of ice cold water down her bare shoulders.

This time, she didn’t even try to work up courage to knock, knowing how pathetic she would look to either party who opened the door, but she really hoped it was Melshi.

The door opened almost instantly, and she found herself face to face with the man she had been avoiding.

“Jyn? What happened? Are you okay?” Cassian’s face was painted with ten levels of concern as he took in the sight of her for the first time in weeks.

“I just need to borrow some pliers,” she said, trying not to make eye contact, “My shower handle came off.”

“Hold on, let me help you,” he turned to grab their toolbox from the top of the fridge and she groaned internally.

“I just need the pliers, if yo—“

“Let. Me. Help. You,” he said firmly, and added on a, “Please,” with those eyes that made him look like a kicked puppy.

The day she had been dreading was here. And not only was it here, she was half dressed, soaking wet, and starving. Par for the course for her life.

She turned wordlessly on her heel and led him through her apartment and into her bathroom.

“It’s been on the verge of breaking for a while. It was brittle and stuck a lot when I moved in,” she explained, crossing her arms over her chest as he tried to assess the damage.

All that was left was a nub barely a centimeter long. He tried a few different angles and grasps with the pliers, but each one slipped right off.

He grunted in frustration as it became apparent to him that the only way to get a secure grip was to stand under the stream of water.

“I can do it,” she offered.

“Please let me,” he said again, a firm hand reaching out to hold her wrist, not letting her dodge his eye contact this time. Deep regret sat heavy in his dark irises as they bore into her own and pleaded for a shot at forgiveness.

She nodded almost imperceptibly, hoping the tears she felt creeping into her vision weren’t as obvious to anyone on the outside.

Cassian climbed into her shower and gritted his teeth as he yanked on the fixture three times before it switched off with a loud groan. The tan henley shirt he had been wearing was soaked along with his hair. He pushed it back from his forehead and sputtered out a mouthful of water, and Jyn couldn’t help but laugh at the sight.

“Let me get you a towel,” she leaned into the hall to pop open the linen closet and pull a stack of clean towels out for the both of them.

They both started with the ends of their hair, scrunching out huge pockets of cold water.

“The fixtures in this place are shit,” he commiserated.

“You can say that again,” she laughed lightly.

“Jyn,” he started.

“You don’t have to,” she began.

“I do though,” he said firmly with pleading eyes, “Please, you have to let me explain.”

She swallowed hard and leaned back against the cool tile wall, raising her eyebrows as if to say “out with it.”

“So that day, I got held up at the office. Just for a few minutes. One of the interns accidentally wiped a hard drive while trying to recover a corrupted file. Everyone else was leaving, I didn’t want to leave her there alone. She was terrified,” he started, and Jyn’s heart thawed the smallest bit listening to him talk about helping a scared college student out.

“That only took a few minutes though. But, it took long enough that I missed my first train and had to wait another twenty minutes for the second one. I was just pulling my phone out to text you that I would be late, and a fight broke out on the platform. These two guys started throwing blows and tumbled over onto the tracks. I jumped down to pull them up before another train pulled in, and my phone fell out of my pocket. I saw it get obliterated and there was nothing I could do to stop it.”

So that’s why he hadn’t texted her. The fear of rejection loosened another prong from her tired heart.

“Then the police showed up, and I got taken in for questioning and as a witness. They didn’t let me go until after ten that night. And when I got home and saw my hoodie, I just knew you must’ve been so hurt,” he lamented. He had made his way closer to her now, closing the gap that had been separating them, mending the wound in her heart as well when he spoke.

“Jyn,” he brushed the still damp hair back from her eyes, “There is nothing on the planet that could have kept me from you. You have to believe me,” he whispered.

“Of course I believe you,” she looked down at the ground suddenly feeling dizzy from his closeness and the familiarity of his scent that she had missed every night since she gave him back the hoodie.

His lips inched closer to hers, hovering so she could feel his breath falling on her chin and the prickles of his mustache.

“Your move, Jyn. I need to know you want this, because I want it so badly,” he whispered hoarsely, lips brushing against hers as tried to hold on to his resolve.

A breath hitched in her throat as she finally allowed the band of tension to snap and pulled him into her hungrily, fervently.

Kissing Jyn was like coming home after a long day. She was warm against him, tongue sweet and welcoming. He allowed one of his hands to dip under the hem of her shirt and roam up the expanse of her back, pressing his wide palm flat against her soft skin.

Jyn tangled a hand in his hair and the other rested at his hip, her pinky finger dipping into the waist band of his pants and sending a heat through his body.

Cassian could feel a newfound tension welling inside of him. Now that he finally had a taste of the thing he had longed for, he wanted to dive in headfirst, to be completely submerged in their collision. Their hands started to get more desperate, pulling at clothes and dragging nails across skin. But what really did him in was the breathy moan that fell from her lips when he nipped at the skin between her neck and shoulder.

He didn’t want to, but he needed to pull away.

“Wait, wait.”

Jyn was suddenly afraid she had gone too far too fast.

Cassian read the look on her face and immediately tried to dispel any fear, “No, it’s not like that. If I don’t stop now, I’m afraid I never will.”

Her lips quirked into a mischievous smile, “And if I say that’s okay with me?”

He held up a finger, “Ah, wait. You need a shower. And so do I. Let’s start there and pick up where we left off after dinner,” he smiled.

Jyn frowned, bottom lip puckering out in a way that drove him crazy. Cassian leaned down to press two more kisses to the swollen pink skin before telling her to go grab clean clothes. He pinched her ass on the way out the door, and she swatted at his hand half heartedly.

He finally felt like he could breathe again.

She finally felt like she could breathe again.

——

Walking in to Cassian’s apartment with half wet hair and disheveled clothes drew quite a look from Melshi.

“I see you two made up,” he grinned from the couch.

“Man, shut up,” Cassian hissed.

“My shower broke,” Jyn explained lamely, her arms full of toiletries and a fresh towel.

“It’s just through here,” Cassian said softly, his hand on the small of her back as she disappeared down the hall.

As soon as he heard the lock click in place, he turned on his heel to stare daggers into his roommate.

“Don’t fuck this up.”

“I was gonna say the same to you, mate.”

Cassian leaned against the kitchen counter and rubbed his face in his hands as he tried to process the last thirty minutes of his life.

“Do you want me to disappear? ‘Cause I can disappear,” Melshi offered, already grabbing his phone and the bag of chips he had propped next to him on the couch.

“Nah, stay. I don’t want to make it any weirder than it’s already been.”

“Good weird? Bad weird?”

“Great weird,” Cass smiled almost wistfully, causing his roommate to snort.

In the bathroom, Jyn’s heart pounded as her imagination ran wild. Though their last interaction had been pretty hot and heavy, she was caught up in thinking about the sight of her shampoo next to his. She thought of his bare feet on the tile, trimming up his beard in the morning while she showered. She thought of shared kisses with still wet noses and cheeks flushed from the steam, and when the time came for body wash, she reached for his instead of hers, hoping the scent would linger and lay gently on her sheets tonight while she tried to sleep thinking about the boy next door.

Day ???

Spring faded into summer, and summer into fall. The days grew impossibly longer, than too short to feel like you had ever gotten enough done.

The clock was nearing midnight as Cassian tiptoed through his dark apartment with a plate of warm cookies in hand. He bumped his bedroom door open with his hip and saw Jyn adding an extra blanket on her side the bed. She turned to smile at him when she heard the click of the knob closing behind him. He wasn’t sure when it was that she took his grey sleep shirt, only that he liked the look of it better on her than he ever did on his own body.

The bedside table on that side of the room now held her fan that she ran year round because she liked the noise, hence the extra blanket. Beside it sat her phone charger, allergy medication, and a book she had been thumbing through in her downtime.

His space had become her space and vice versa. They took up an unapologetic amount of space in each other’s homes and hearts, one of those couples who made eyes at each other across every room at every gathering.

Just earlier tonight, they had dipped out of a gathering early to go watch the newest installment of a docuseries that they had been looking forward to.

Cassian climbed into bed and nestled the plate of cookies between the two of them while Jyn flipped through the channels, pointing the remote at the tv on top of his dresser. She pressed her face up against his shoulder and he breathed in the scent of her freshly washed hair and the moisturizer she applied before bed.

“Thank you for going with me tonight,” he whispered into the crown of her head, leaving a lingering kiss there.

“And thank you for leaving with me when things got loud,” she angled her head slightly to look into his eyes.

“I’ll always follow you home,” he murmured.

She pressed her lips to his before turning back to face the television.

In the room next door, Melshi was sprawled on his bed with Lady taking up the other half, both of them snoring into the night.

[mostthingskenobi]

CASSIAN’S RECKONING - Chapter 2: The Scythe

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Things turn bad very quickly for Cassian. Commence whump.

Thank you so much for the feedback and the interest generated by chapter one. I hope you enjoy this new chapter :)

Please heed the tags. This is a whumpy fic with subject matter that some may find difficult. Please check the tags on AO3.

READ THE FIC ON AO3

——————–

CHAPTER 2: THE SCYTHE

The mission started fine. Cassian’s credentials were real, taken from an Imperial Intelligence officer currently being held prisoner by the Alliance, so docking on the star destroyer had not been a problem. The inspection crew came aboard, approved their presence, and allowed them to disembark. It was the first and last step in the plan that went well.

Cassian led his men into the ship’s corridors and headed directly for the data vault, only to be sealed in a crosshatch almost immediately. When one set of blast doors opened, a death trooper squad poured in and the game was up; the mission was an instant failure. If Cassian had known what was going to happen next, he would never have agreed to the assignment.

He and his men were quickly disarmed, lined up, and forced to their knees. A viper probe droid came forward and scanned them one at a time, moving up the line, registering each face before finally reaching Cassian. The large red iris rotated and whirred. He lowered his eyes, praying for a miracle, but his face produced a match in less than four seconds. The droid buzzed loudly and projected hologram footage of Cassian taken from the Scarif security system.

The lead death trooper’s voice crackled through its helmet. “He’s the one we want. The rest are expendable.”

The squad lifted their weapons and shot all of Cassian’s men. He screamed in useless protest, grabbing hold of his fellow rebel who collapsed beside him. But, before his brain could process the horror, something heavy collided with his head, sending him sprawling across the reflective, black deck. The trooper who hit him advanced quickly, expertly striking him again across the face with his blaster’s stock. Cassian’s head snapped back, knocked senseless by the blow.

He didn’t lose consciousness but he no longer had control over his limbs. He lay stunned, aware that blood ran down the side of his head. Eventually, two troopers hoisted under his arms and dragged him down the corridor. He couldn’t really see, and his brain could not understand the troopers’ voices. All he registered was how his body jostled, how his feet dragged, and how occasionally he heard the whoosh of blast doors opening and closing. After what felt like a lifetime, he was dragged through a final set of doors and dumped unceremoniously on the floor. He looked up just in time to see a heavy, armored fist pummel him. A strange grunt escaped his throat before his head smacked against the tile, making the world go dark.

——————–

Cassian woke long before he opened his eyes, passing in an out of consciousness over an indeterminate amount of time. Everything was eerily still, no shuffling fabric, no mechanical whirring, no energy from another living being. He gradually became aware of himself; his head was wet with cold blood, his arms and neck and face ached, even his teeth hurt. Slowly, he opened his eyes to get his bearings, but froze when he saw his wrists. He had forgotten about the death troopers, forgotten about his murdered soldiers, forgotten he had been on an imperial star destroyer. But when he saw his wrists locked with metal cuffs to the arms of the chair he was sitting in, everything came flooding back. His veins turned to ice as his stomach dropped.

He twisted in his seat to check the rest of the room but he was completely alone. The chair he was secured to sat in the center of a cold, plain metal cell. The walls were totally bare. A table covered in his confiscated gear was behind him against the wall.

His mind began to race. Where am I? How long have I been here? Has it been long enough for Jyn to realize something’s gone wrong? No one has a clue where I am…

His thoughts were interrupted when the cell door suddenly hissed open. A squad of six death troopers entered and took position around the room’s perimeter.

A final figure crossed the threshold, a man slight and compact but who moved like a scythe through wheat. Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin had the most unsympathetic eyes Cassian had ever seen. The very look of his sharp, skeletal body sent a shiver up the rebel’s spine. Andor clenched his jaw, replacing all feeling of fear with disdain and practiced smugness.

Jyn, like a mythical oracle, had predicted this mission’s pitfalls down to the letter. Cassian felt relieved she wasn’t part of this assignment. Force knew what kind of horrible punishment awaited an Erso if captured by the Empire. Whatever Tarkin had planned, Andor was grateful she wasn’t here to experience it.

The Grand Moff stood staring at him for a long time, as though waiting to see if Andor would display any bravado. When it became clear the rebel refused to speak first, the older man smiled mirthlessly. “Cassian Jeron Andor, rebel intelligence. An excellent catch, to be sure, but imagine my elation when I discovered you were also the scum who led a deadly attack against Scarif. How fortuitous.”

Cassian doubted that Tarkin had ever felt elation. The hatchet-faced man clearly only felt sadistic or sardonic pleasure.

Tarkin advanced on Andor, glaring down his beak-like nose at the young man, his arms crossed tightly over his chest. “Your mole on the Death Star is really my mole in the Rebellion. I have to confess, I’m rather disappointed by how easily you fell into my net. But not to worry. We’ll make the most of our time together.” He waved his hand at the death troopers around the room. “Each of these men lost a comrade at Scarif. They want their pound of flesh, Andor, and I’m inclined to give it to them. One can never underestimate the importance of keeping up morale.”

The officer nodded to one of the troopers before returning to his place by the door. The soldiers closed in, one grasping Cassian across the forehead, straining his head back while other troopers began pulling off his boots and socks, leaving him barefoot. His mind instantly flashed with fear as memories of Narkina 5 came rushing back. His belt was removed, then his stolen imperial jacket was unbuttoned and pulled open revealing his white undershirt.

Cassian had run his own interrogations; his mind quickly tried to anticipate what was coming, tried to comprehend why they had removed these particular pieces of clothing. Even so, he was unprepared for the torrent of ice water that suddenly sprayed down on him. A tapered nozzle directly above his chair quickly drenched him and left him gasping for air.

Finally, the deluge ceased. Cassian spit water and squinted through the blood that washed out of his hair and into his eyes. He couldn’t stop his teeth from chattering against the cold that burned across his skin, the kind of cold that eventually sunk into your bones.

Tarkin didn’t say another word. He simply turned on his heel and left the room, followed by the death trooper squad.

Cassian, wholly caught off guard by this encounter, sat violently shivering.

The lights flashed out and he was left in total darkness with only the sound of his icy gasps to keep him company.

——————–

END NOTES

NEXT CHAPTER IS CALLED “THE COLD” - The Empire would need a lot more than cold and dark to break Cassian Andor.

Thank you for reading!

Likes, comments, and reblogs are very welcome!

Much love!

——————–

READ IT ON AO3 - Kudos and Comments Welcome :-)

READ CHAPTER 1 “The Razor”

READ CHAPTER 2 “The Scythe”

READ CHAPTER 3 “The Cold”

READ CHAPTER 4 “The Expendable”

READ CHAPTER 5 “The Truth”

READ CHAPTER 6 "The Detritus"

READ CHAPTER 7 “The Salt”

READ CHAPTER 8 “The Power”

READ CHAPTER 9 “The Betrayal”

READ CHAPTER 10 “The Ruse”

READ CHAPTER 11 "The Reprieve"

READ CHAPTER 12 “The Ghosts”

READ CHAPTER 13 "The Redemption"

READ CHAPTER 14 “The Spoils”

READ CHAPTER 15 “The Interrogation”

READ CHAPTER 16 "The Rogues"

READ CHAPTER 17 “The Absolution”

READ CHAPTER 18 "The Reach"

READ CHAPTER 19 "The Hologram"

READ CHAPTER 20 “The Divide”

READ CHAPTER 21 “The Cost”

READ CHAPTER 22 "The Fallout"

READ CHAPTER 23 “The Wounds”

READ CHAPTER 24 "The Hand"

READ CHAPTER 25 "The Heart"

READ CHAPTER 26 "The Beginning"

[anretc]

Fic: Shatter Into Constellations

Shatter Into Constellations (762 words) by anr Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso Characters: Jyn Erso, Cassian Andor Additional Tags: Kissing, Fix-It, Jyn Erso Lives, Cassian Andor Lives, 5 Times, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence Summary: Sliding his arm around her shoulders, Cassian tugs until she's pressed tight against him, his lips grazing her temple. (aka, Five times Cassian and Jyn kiss.)

[jynnjecki]

T-there’s a canonical 12 year age difference between Cassian and Jyn 🧍‍♀️

[incognitajones]

I was not expecting to write anything for Rebelcaptain Smut Month this weekend, but the combination of "I want you to take whatever you need from me" and Dreamy Bruises added to a concept I had on the back burner unlocked something and I wrote ~3000 words in the last 36 hours.

bend me back in two [3K, rated E]

[colleybri]

Together, on this beach

(Rebelcaptain appreciation week day 1 prompt: Significant Moments)

I would have loved to cook for you, on a beach like this.

Freshly caught fish, perhaps, cooked simply on a fire in a pit in the sand. No salt required as the sea lingers on their skins. Maybe a little pepper if we had some. The scent of the cooking brings you near and you watch as I turn the fish on their skewers, the skin blackening and popping a little with the moisture. I see the need in your eyes as you ask: “Is it ready yet?”. That same hunger in your eyes that first held me in their tight grip made literal here - and I catch a child-like gleam in them now as you bend nearer to look and to allow the sound and smells of my cooking to entice you. “You’re a man of hidden talents, Captain Andor,” you flirt, unashamedly, and I have to shoo you away as the need to just keep looking at you is too strong and I don’t want this meal to be anything other than perfectly cooked. But you keep coming back to where I kneel before the fire, distracting me by embracing me from behind and watching on, your chin resting on my shoulder, until the meal is finally ready. Then I watch you try to guzzle like a child, and you yelp when a bone pricks your mouth. And you also burn your tongue and your fingers too because you are so impatient and impetuous and run headlong into eating as you do into many things. And afterwards you start to lick the juices from your fingers and at the sight of that my own hunger becomes too much. We clean each other’s fingers, then each other’s lips.

We have strong appetites.

I would have loved to dance with you, on a beach like this.

To music of our own imagining, or drifting in from the distance because we are alone, together, as we dance on the shoreline. The water laps around our bare feet. The sun sets and the first stars emerge. The air stays warm, and we dance on. You like to lead, sometimes. I let you guide me, feeling your gentle but insistent support. I am strong and whole again, and your fingers feel good against the muscles of my arms as we dip and sway, and you trust me absolutely now. It ‘goes both ways’ - and so do we. Our movements are graceful, balanced, organic and united. We are like one being, perhaps some strange yet beautiful creature from the sea, come to shore this quiet night to flirt a little with the land. Who needs a ballroom on Coruscant or Chandrila and who needs fine clothes; your combat gear is as beautiful to me as any flowing gown, and far more real. And when we finally tire of dancing I will enjoy unwrapping you like a present I thought I could not possibly ever deserve again.

I would have loved to lie with you, on a beach like this.

Our only blanket, the warm night sky. Our bed, the sand: soft courseness, tactile, getting everywhere. You grumble “This will be shedding every time I shower for weeks,” and we laugh, easily, as if we have known each other for years. Enough phosphorence in the gently lapping waters to allow us to see each other, clearly. The softness of your skin, soothing on my scars. The softness of your eyes, soothing on my soul. Like the tide, we rise and fall - the rhythm of the waves in each movement. Sometimes a gentle sea. Sometimes a storm. Always in motion as one.

And we cry as we make love. Happy or heartbroken or both. I kiss the salt warmth of your tears as your body stiffens with another sweet climax, and your cries on each crashing wave of pleasure pull at my heart all over again and I weep too because all sex like this is built on the knowledge that this time, this most clear and beautiful ‘now’, might be the last. I had always had trouble, before, saying ‘goodbye’. As if never saying goodbye would keep goodbyes at bay, somehow. But now I know our final goodbye gives life meaning, and true beauty has sadness too amidst the pleasure. So we relish the before, and the after too, and each moment in between of the long warm night. The next moment and the next until the moments run out. And soon enough I don’t think, for each of those nows, of everything I’ve lost - but concentrate on what I’ve gained instead: the knowledge that I tried my best. Hope.

You.

I would have loved to sit with you, on a beach like this, and watch a sunrise.

And that, I have. We have.

Your arms are strong and supportive, and you have supported my soul as well as my broken body. In the elevator, you realised you were losing me and I wanted to comfort you, but I could hardly breathe for the agony and it was only the sight of you that kept me from fainting. But I wanted to see you without your own pain on your beautiful face and I could hardly stand it and almost wanted to look away, but I couldn’t and I didn’t. Feeling the life draining away I wanted the light of your face shining on me through the coming darkness. But I didn’t want to give you the pain of seeing my pain and I’m sorry that you did.

So in a way, seeing the blast and our clean, painless and mutual death coming… gives me strength again. I can comfort you, and myself, knowing this. I can rally myself one last time and give you what I know I would have wanted. The same message I needed, and didn’t get, on the beach at Niamos.

I give you the love of your father. My final gift of words.

You take it so gratefully, and gift me in turn with your hand, taking mine, and then the warmth of your embrace. And you hold me and support me again as you have held and supported me throughout this last vital mission, when I realised I could recommit to everything I believe and learn to love again through you and with you - side by side and heart in heart.

The Rebellion came first. We took what was left.

In this life, we couldn’t have more than this. But we have had this. We will always have had it.

So in my mind and in my heart, and in this universe and in much kinder ones… we will eat, dance, make love… and die in each other’s arms. It is what’s left. It’s ours, forever.

Together, on this beach, we have what might have been.

[astromechs]

He can't afford to let that sit, though; hope is a dangerous thing, one that can lead to distraction at best, and much worse most of the time.

cassian andor/jyn erso, 1023 words, rated t. concept piece for a dark angel (2000) au, (belatedly) written for rebelcaptain week day two: other media adaptation