#kenobster opinions

[kenobster]

Most ppl on tumblr are aware of the Bechdel-Wallace test, but a lesser known method to gauge the presence of thoughtful characterization in any given narrative is the Baker-Morrison test, which focuses not on female characters, but rather on supporting characters in Obi-Wan-centric fics (particularly members of the 212th division of the GAR or, more broadly, the clones). For example, if an Obi-Wan-centric fic features a scene in which two canonically named clones speak to each other about something unrelated to Obi-Wan (or, in some iterarions of the definition, something unrelated to Obi-Wan AND his wellbeing), then the aforementioned fic is said to have passed the Baker-Morrison test. In this essay I shall

[swbigbang]

Participant Question

You actually have a few different questions @kenobster​ so we’ll go in order: 1) If your fic requires a trigger warning, add it, even if it's posting day 2) If your fic requires trigger warnings you didn't originally list in the tags on March 2, then check with your beta and artist. If they're uncomfortable working on the fic with that change, we re-match you both - no hard feelings and there won’t be any sort of penalty! Stories evolve, just be sure to let us know if we need to rework groups. 3) Our process isn't "get complaint, immediately ban."  If your work does not have a trigger warning that it should, we ask you politely.  If you don't change it, we ask you again, a little less politely.  If you still won't change it, we remove your fic (or art!) from our collection and you fall under ban proceedings.  We try very hard not to get to that point. 4) If you are in doubt, err on the side of caution, and if you want other opinions on if you need a warning, consult our discord!  We have a lot of people willing to help out with this exact problem.

[kenobster]

The thing about Anakin (in prequel trilogy movies) is that he actually is a really good person by default. He is a war hero for a reason; he cares so deeply and unconditionally. Sure, he's a little careless sometimes and a little impulsive. He makes mistakes and bad calls and sometimes he needs to get his hormones under fucking control. But overall, he's very much trying to do a good job. He listens to feedback, he asks for advice, and he apologizes and tries to improve when he realizes he's wrong. 

Really, he only ever crosses unforgivable lines when two very specific criteria are met: (1) when the most sensitive points of his trauma are being put under an immense amount of pressure; (2) when his support system, for whatever reason, is absent. 

And even when those two criteria are met, he still struggles not to cross those lines as hard as he can for as long he can--until he eventually just snaps under the pressure.

Example #1, the Sand People massacre. Long before going to Tatooine, Anakin’s trauma points were already under an extreme amount of pressure. He was having nightmares about his mom--reminding him of his childhood as a slave and of the slavery in which he’d left her behind. When Anakin does go to Tatooine, his support system consists solely of a girl whom he does like and does trust but whom he doesn’t know very well. Old wounds continue to reopen as he takes his first steps into Mos Epsa and speaks with Watto, a being who owned and abused him. Anakin has no reason whatsoever to think Watto isn’t the orchestrator of his mother’s torment. But does he kill, dismember, or otherwise attack Watto? No. He remains polite. So polite, in fact, that it’s unsettling.

When he hears about his mother's capture and torture from the Lars family, Anakin is, suffice to say, upset. To rescue her, he goes alone (no support system). Even with his mother actively being brutalized (trauma), Anakin does not arrive with the intention of violence. He does not massacre the entire village in an attempt to rescue her. His plan is clearly to sneak in unnoticed, grab her, and sneak out. Even after seeing her strung up, at no point does his plan seem to change… Until she dies. In that moment, his mom, the epitome of his failure to free all the slaves, has just taken her last breath. He is completely alone. His mom has practically been slaughtered. His mom. Thus, his trauma hits a breaking point, and his usual support system is out of sight. 

He snaps. 

It is his choice, yes, but it is the result of a decade of abuse and generational trauma. It is also very much a mistake/accident… In other words, it is not an example of his true values and beliefs; it is an example of their temporary absence.*

*Evidence supporting this is in the scene with the line “to be angry is to be human,” but that’s a subject that needs its own whole ass post. I’ll link it later if I ever write it.

Example #2, the Jedi massacre. There are so many posts on the subject already that I'm not going to spend time detailing every single instance in which Palpatine isolates Anakin or manipulates Anakin into isolating himself. But a brief overview: sowing distrust in the Jedi Council, creating a narrative of deceit around the Jedi Order, orchestrating events to get Obi-Wan dead/offworld, and associating the dark side of the Force with Padme’s presence (via suggestions that only a Sith Lord can save her). With that, Anakin's entire support system is crippled. Unlike in AOTC, he is surrounded by loved ones, yes, but they can’t help him. By Palpatine's design, Anakin eventually bars each of them from entry.

Meanwhile, Palpatine is putting his trauma under extreme pressure and manipulating the shit out of him. Starting on the Invisible Hand itself, when Palpatine encourages Anakin to kill Dooku.* The movie explicitly connects this scene to the sand people massacre, which immediately establishes an awakening of old trauma. Wounds reopen, and Palpatine presses on them and he presses on them and he presses on them. Padme’s looming death becomes the symbol of his past trauma (of what he failed to protect and what he did as a result). And through Palpatine’s misinformation campaign, the Jedi become the perpetrators of this trauma, rather than the support system.

*For reasons beyond the scope of this post, I do not consider Count Dooku's murder to be an example of Anakin crossing an unforgivable line. I consider it to be an example of Anakin making a bad call. Even so, one could easily argue that his support system was absent and that his pressure points were being targeted in this scene, too. But I find that argument uninteresting because it doesn't apply imo.

Still, Anakin resists. Still, he tries again and again to retain his ideals. He seeks advice from Yoda. He listens to Obi-Wan's feedback and apologizes. He opens up to Padme. He initially rejects Sith Lord Palpatine. He tries to do the right thing by telling Mace Windu and letting the Council handle things. Because that's who he is--that's his true nature. Anakin is alone in the Council chambers (no support system) when Palpatine taunts him with Padme's inevitable death (trauma). And still, he resists. He races to Palpatine's office, but does he immediately kill, dismember, or otherwise attack Mace Windu? No. Even as Palpatine continues to press on his trauma (“I have the power to save the one you love!”), Anakin tries to reason with Mace. However much he is rationalizing the truth to his benefit, he is still trying to get out of this trap. He even admits the core of it in the end: “I need him!” Even then, even when Mace rightly goes for the killing blow, Anakin is still resisting! He attacks, he dismembers, but he doesn't kill. He makes an impulsive, ill-thought-out, almost reflexive decision (supported by the horror in the line “What have I done?!”). It’s as if Palpatine has shoved him right up against that unforgivable line, and Anakin is using his last inch of space to not teeter over it. 

Then Palpatine kills Mace Windu. In his mind, Anakin has nothing left after that. In his mind, he is responsible for getting Mace killed (trauma), and he doesn’t see how the Jedi can possibly forgive him (no support system). In his mind, his wife is dying (trauma), and he is alone in the presence of his abuser (no support system).

He snaps.

Unlike in AOTC, this does not happen by accident. These events were deliberately and continuously manufactured by a Sith Lord with an agenda. Palpatine directs Anakin’s explosion onto the Jedi Order, where Anakin compounds upon his trauma with more murder and more death. He becomes isolated to Palpatine's manipulations by killing (or enraging) his entire support system.

Afterward, Palpatine has all of the fuel he needs to make Anakin snap and snap and snap, over and over, for a very long time.

Who is to blame is such a boring, irrelevant question when we have such a fascinating character. The prequel trilogy gives us a complicated villain who is simultaneously the executor of such horrific violence and also the boy who wanted to free all the slaves. A villain who kills a part of himself every time he kills another. A villain who is so horrifically victimized even whilst he commits his terrible crimes. And because it's fiction (aka the victims of his actions are narrative elements, not people), I'm allowed to feel unashamedly devastated for him. I’m allowed to see the truth: that Darth Vader is only the suit he wears. The mask concealing the good person underneath. The Jedi Order was Anakin’s family, too, and you should feel sorry that he lost them. You should feel sorry for the way he is abused in ROTS. Darth Vader doesn’t represent who Anakin is or what he believes, and blame is irrelevant to this truth.

Because support systems matter. They matter to people who have gone through trauma. Yes, sometimes they are even the ONLY difference between the choice to do good and the choice to do bad. Sometimes, all that is necessary to prevent a heinous crime is to help them before they snap. I think people are uncomfortable with Anakin because that kind of helplessness is a really hard thing to admit. It's not fun to realize that you could have made similar choices if you had been in the wrong place, at the wrong time, with the wrong person. Research has shown people greatly prefer to attribute their accomplishments to their own actions and choices in life. It makes sense. The realization that external factors may have played a role in everything we take pride in is scary--but this fear leads us to the bias that we could never become Darth Vader. Even if we were raised as a slave, even if our loved ones were taken from us, even if our sense of reality was being manipulated and distorted--somehow we would not be broken. We would remain Anakin Skywalker.

It's a comforting fantasy for people who have done nothing wrong.

As someone who is human, someone who has made mistakes and bad calls and who regrets the times I might have crossed lines, I find a lot more comfort in the message George Lucas provides. The prequel trilogy is a story about the harm someone (anyone) can do if they're not careful. Anakin becomes Darth Vader not because he’s innately evil but rather because he’s under extreme pressure and no one is able to help him. In contrast, the original trilogy offers compassion and an opportunity for self-forgiveness. Darth Vader chooses to become Anakin simply because one person looked at what he'd done and said, "Stop. This isn't you." In the face of how helpless and dangerous every one of us can be, I find Anakin’s story to be really meaningful, and I wish more of us appreciated it.

[kenobster]

I dislike the headcanon that Anakin struggled to understand the difference between "master" in a slavery context and "master" in a mentorship context.

Even though it's usually held by Anakin stans, this headcanon actually robs Anakin of some of his best, most compelling traits. Anakin (at nine years old) is portrayed as compassionate (eager to help at great risk to himself with no hope of reward), competent (able to make tactical decisions and perform great engineering feats under a wild amount of stress), and wickedly smart (among other things, he regularly supplies ideas on how to work around Watto's bullshit). If you and I are able to comprehend the difference between "master" as denoting a cruel participator in the enslavement of another human being and "master" as denoting a wise mentor who has achieved expertise in both skill and ethical conduct, then Anakin, even as a child, can certainly figure it out. His admiration for the Jedi would inevitably lead him to ask the necessary questions. By virtue of his compassion, he would strive to see things from their POV. And his competence/intelligence would allow him to comprehend their answers. Not to mention, Anakin is an expert on slavery. He has been studying this subject for nine intense years. He knows exactly what slavery looks like. Thus, jumping straight from Watto's ownership and into the Jedi's care, Anakin would recognize in an instant that Jedi mentorship is not slavery. In short, he's smarter than you. (And don't tell me you don't get it. You're reading this post on tumblr(dot)com, so I know damn well you learned the term "sensei." Don't play dumb with me.)

Thus, I'm very disappointed that people overwhelmingly write Anakin, as a padawan, having a fraught relationship with Obi-Wan in regards to calling him "master." I see this headcanon manifest a few different ways: (1) the Jedi explain what "master" means, which results in Anakin being upset and choosing not to not call Obi-Wan or anyone "master" (at least for a time); (2) the Jedi (who, in these fics, are implied to be dumb at best or ignorant at worst) do not explain what "master" means, and Anakin silently grows up traumatized by having to call Obi-Wan or anyone "master"; (3) some combination of the former; or (4) the subject is never raised; thus, no contradiction to the former is presented. (Authors of fics that fall into the no. 4 category are obviously not to blame for the former three scenarios; I'm just making an observation that little alternative exists--at least, not to my knowledge... Feel absolutely free to send your recs.)

It's a really strange headcanon to appear so commonly because major canon contradicts it entirely. In the prequel trilogy, Anakin regularly calls Obi-Wan "master" as a term of endearment. Even at his most obnoxious in AotC, Anakin only ever says "master" in a tone better than or equal to neutral (which actually still defaults to respect purely by nature of the word that is being used). In fact, there are plenty of opportunities for Anakin to use the term resentfully (i.e. during the scene "You will pay attention to my lead" -> ">:( Why?"), but he never does. In contrast, he conveys enormous respect for Obi-Wan both to his face ("Then why don't you listen to me?" -> ":( I am trying") and in a private setting ("as wise as Master Yoda and as powerful as Master Windu"). The best evidence supporting otherwise is how he calls people "mister" in TPM. However, this happens prior to Anakin's indoctrination into Jedi culture, and we don't know why he is doing it. Nothing suggests an aversion to the way the Jedi use the term "master"; it could be something as simple as a custom-made-habit from Tatooine .

Based on these samplings, canon strongly suggests an alternative to the dominant opinion: Anakin experiences absolutely no distress from calling Obi-Wan "master" and he has been doing so of his own volition from a very young age.

I think the reason why the opposite opinion is so popular is because of how much Anakin's past is the catalyst for so many plot elements, including his characterization as Vader. Even as an adult, slavery is a giant source of trauma for him. Freedom and autonomy (or the lack thereof) are two of the central pillars to his character arc (all the way from "I'm a person and my name is Anakin" to "henceforth, you shall be known as Darth Vader" ... and then, back again to "just for once, let me look upon you with my own eyes"). It's clear that words are important to Anakin, and they can be weaponized against him--so it's easy to see how people got here. But I reject the notion that the Jedi (nurturers, peacekeepers, scifi buddhist monks) are doing any form of word-weaponizing, even unintentionally (when their whole thing is about being mindful/empathetic/compassionate, especially about alternate POVs).

I especially reject this notion when an actual emotional abuser is standing right there, next to Anakin, at all points in his Jedi life. Word-weaponizing is sort of what emotional abusers do. And you know who is responsible for blurring the line between "master" in a slave context and "master" in a mentorship context? Palpatine. Palpatine is the true culprit of the mechanism in this popular headcanon. He knows very well that Anakin is coming from a place in which "master" has, for a long time, meant wisdom/endearment/teaching/mentoring. He encourages this assumption and deliberately blinds Anakin to the fact that "master" in a Sith context actually means slavery. Vader becomes Sidious's slave in every aspect of the word. He calls Sidious his master, he bends himself to Sidious's every whim/command, he wears the cage that Sidious constructs for him--and he doesn't even realize it. Because Palpatine has twisted the word "master" into both a term of endearment and a term of superiority. Anakin can no longer tell the difference between learning and serving because Palpatine has made them the same thing. In the end, Anakin does become distressed at the word "master" but only because of Palpatine's abuse.

In short, enough of Anakin being dumb and incompetent and unempathetic as a padawan. Enough of the Jedi Order being either cruel or ignorant when it comes to Anakin's past as a slave. I get the urge, I really, really do (because Anakin's trauma post-slavery is super fucking addictive)... but friends. You're putting this urge into the wrong place. I beseech you--please come join me in this new playground, in this fun paradise!

Let the emotionally abusive Sith Lord emotionally abuse your darling!

Let. Palpatine. Make. Anakin. Suffer. :)

[kenobster]

Mostly to save myself some space on a post later, I'm gonna be anecdotal for a second and talk about my complicated feelings about Fox whump.

For context, I've actually enjoyed Fox whump on occasion. Recently, I even wrote a tiny bit of it. While I have not delved much into Fox fan creations (other than the fic This, too, was a gift, and my enjoyment this incredible fanart), I have, for a long time, been observing Fox fans & Fox spaces and noticing certain trends in the Fox & Corrie Guard fandom. Although Fox has about two minutes of screentime for the entirety of TCW (and never removes his helmet IIRC), fandom has expanded upon his character with an enormous amount of headcanon. To keep us all on the same page, I'd like to establish a baseline of my understanding of his character. For starters, people seem to characterize Fox as a good person but also (endearingly) a total trainwreck. He's someone who has made mistakes and done some not-so-great things, who huffs and haws and gripes and groans, but who eventually decides to do the right thing. Generally, Fox fans seem to agree that Palpatine is manipulative and abusive of him and the Corrie Guard, but they do tend to fall shy of acknowledging that Anakin was one of Palpatine's primary victims. In fact, despite the amount of attention Fox fans seem to devote to Obi-Wan (and Codywan as a ship), their headcanons leave Anakin mysteriously absent. At worst, the Fox fandom seems notoriously biased against Anakin and has characterized him in ways much worse than pre-O66 material actually shows him to be.

Normally, this kind of headcanoning wouldn't be an issue to me. As a writer of trashy noncon, I support the stance that every fan should be allowed to create, headcanon, and play as they wish in their fictional sandbox. In the case of Fox fanon, however, I have misgivings. These headcanons, characterizations, and portrayals of whump tend to usurp everything about Anakin's storyline and fill it with Fox instead. For a classic example, see this post's idea to put Fox in a situation practically identical to popular Darth Vader/Anakin fanlore. For another example, see this poll where Fox outscores everyone by a landslide on the matter of who deserves to kill Palpatine the most, a poll upon which Anakin doesn't even make the list. Additionally, see this popular post listing the top three characters who deserve to kill Palpatine, upon which Fox ranks No. 2 and Anakin isn't featured at all. That's Fox, a character with two minutes of screentime (much of which was spent killing Fives), versus Anakin, the protagonist of the PT and the character who actually killed Palpatine. Though only tangentially related, I've also seen fanart that paired a member of the Corrie Guard with Padme, Anakin's own wife! From where I'm standing, Fox and/or the Corrie Guard seems very much like a convenient substitute for the gaps made by tearing Anakin out of his own narrative.

In this sense, the existence of Fox fanon & whump is completely baffling to me. The PT and the OT (the most canonical of canon!) have already provided the exact character that Fox fans seem to crave. Anakin was the victim who was groomed, manipulated, and abused by Palpatine before and after Order 66. Anakin is the good person who made a terrible mistake, the one who huffs and haws and gripes and groans but does the right thing in the end. Anakin is a gift to those exact interests, and what did the Fox fandom do? They denied this gift so fiercely that they had to invent their own fanonical blorbo to take Anakin's place.

Time and time again, I've wondered what could possibly explain this. So far, my developing hypothesis does not bode well. Outside of fandom, society as a whole is currently cycling through another unmerciful and intolerant phase (i.e. cancel culture, purity culture, censorship, etc). It's true that people must face the consequences of their actions and that justice is incredibly important—but there's a fine line between justice and revenge, and an even finer line between preventative and punitive justice. Even the scummiest scum of the earth deserve to be treated humanely. For those who live in the United States, there's a reason the Bill of Rights contains the Eighth Amendment—the government's duty to protect its citizen from cruel and unusual punishment. The idea that it's morally acceptable to treat "evil people" (i.e. murderers, rapists, etc.) like dogshit while they are locked up and/or prevented from doing further harm is one core flavor of the the newest brand of purity culture, but this time it's being weaponized by extremists on the radical left.

Coupled with societal distate toward any villain perceived to be appealing to a young female audience (you know which villains I mean), this new brand of purity culture has invaded fandom spaces as well. In countless narratives, authors are denied or criticized for giving fictional villains redemption arcs. In countless posts, fans are denied or criticized for feeling sympathy toward the ways in which villains can be victims. In Star Wars specifically, a large portion of fandom refuses to acknowledge Anakin's suffering. They label him as evil from birth and/or puberty, and they feel little-to-no compassion for the ways in which he was abused and traumatized (see this post for further description of this subject). Some of fandom even demonizes people like me for not sharing their viewpoints.

It makes sense that people who have been swayed by this new wave of puritanical propaganda will attempt to nullify any morbid fascination they feel toward Palpatine's abuse of Anakin/Vader. Showing sympathy toward a child-killer could easily result in an uncomfortable level of cognitive dissonance, after all. Thus, my hypothesis is that fandom created a new blorbo to cope with their guilt-ridden interest in Anakin. They created a palatable blorbo. A blorbo who shares the same general vibes but has committed less atrocities and is, therefore, still "redeemable." A blorbo who, by virtue of being a fanon creation, is inaccessible to the misogynist disgust society holds toward well-known villains. In other words, I believe that Fox fanon sprung from people's inability to face their sympathy for Anakin—or rather their inability to face the fact that there is no simple answer to the overlap between villainy and victimhood. And now, because of that, we have Fox whump. We have Fox fans who are convinced that a character who shares many similar attributes was evil from birth and/or puberty.

Whether my hypothesis is true or false, I am well aware that there is nothing I can do about the existence of Fox fanon now. I have little interest in ridding the world of Fox fanon anyway... In actuality, I hope with all of my soul that my hypothesis is false. Why? Because if my hypothesis is true, then that's a problem. And it hasn't gone away. And it isn't going away. Regardless of whether we individually like Fox or not, I think it's incredibly important that we collectively reflect on this.

[kenobster]

7 and 10 for the opinions meme!

from the Choose Violence Ask Game, thank you for the ask!! ^_^

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

Hate is such a strong word lmao, and usually canon has already gotten me to hate a character before I even witness fandom behavior (i.e. Satine - though I really only hate her in the Obitine lens; otherwise, I like her or am neutral). So I've been really racking my brain for this one lol.

If we change it to "which character began to annoy you" .... there are a few. Hunter from TBB is one. I don't get why ppl like him so much. Fandom be like "he's a hot dad!!!" and I'm just like.... Rex exists. In fact a lot of clones have started to annoy me lately bc fandom apparently thinks they're hotter than Rex, so I think this is a me problem (or maybe a Rex problem, he needs to mind his own hotness).

Another one is actually Luke. Like I am pretty neutral on almost all OT content (unless it's Vader being abused by Palpatine, that's hot). But even then, I'm super neutral on Luke. But there's constant Luke discourse on my dash. Like "Luke's character is like this, not this" or "Luke wouldn't do that, he'd do this" and I'm like who is even saying what these posts claim ppl are saying? Also, most recently, I was reading a fic where I guess Anakin forgot he had twins or something bc he acted like Luke was his only child. So idk, it's definitely been pushing me the wrong way lately.

(These are all spicy takes lmao, so everyone please understand these are my personal interests, not actual analysis or even opinions I will stand by. But also all of you are wrong if you disagree with me. ;D)

10. worst part of fanon

I have so many things to complain about that I decided to narrow this down by defining fanon... For this post, fanon will refer to any popularly held headcanon that I see in fanfic that is generally innocent/harmless and does not regularly get brought up in discourse (I have to eliminate sand ppl things, etc. or we'll be here all day and I'll make so many enemies lol.)

So with that definition, the worst fanon imo is the characterization of Obi-Wan as a master to Anakin. Things like "Obi-Wan never told Anakin he loved him" or "Obi-Wan didn't tell Anakin he loved him enough" or "Obi-Wan never helped Anakin recover from slavery bc he didn't know how to handle such complex topics" (.... yes... surely that trait is how he became a Jedi Master on the Jedi Council, mmhmm) or "Obi-Wan didn't hug Anakin" (one of my BIGGEST pet peeves oh my god, why would he not hug a child????) or literally any variation of these themes. Whether Obi-Wan hugged Anakin or told him he loved him or actually asked him about his needs/wants/past, etc. - none of those subjects have been raised in well-known canon to my knowledge? And based on how Obi-Wan talks to Anakin as an adult in canon and how Obi-Wan treats other children (i.e. Numa) in canon, I'm pretty sure he did every single one of those things while raising Anakin. I have no idea where this fanon comes from (actually I think I do but I'm too tired to whine about how Jedi aren't emotionally repressed right now, esp bc it breaks my discourse rule), but it infuriates me. Anakin had a very good life with Obi-Wan, -glares at everyone on his hellsite-, alright?

Anyway, thank you again for the ask, I very much enjoy angrily spilling tea. lmao

[kenobster]

9 and 16 (anakin and obi wan) for the ask game please. im sorry but im not at all lol. love ur writing <3

Omg thank you so much!! For the ask and for the kind words. :') Hahahhaha these two questions are great, I LIVE for these questions.

from the Unhinged Star Wars Ask Game: Round 2

9. Who’s more kinky: Obi-Wan or Anakin?

(Note: For this question, I'm taking them in their default states, not in the context of a relationship with any specific character.)

I don't really find either of them particularly kinky! However, I absolutely do think that Obi-Wan is the kinkier of the two.

(Obi-Wan Headcanons:) I think throughout the horniest of his Padawan years, Obi-Wan had tons of casual sex with some of his trusted friends, but that, once those pesky adolescent hormones tapered out, he slowed down and became less of a THOT. So, as a teen, he probably tried all sorts of things and has a vast array of experiences in the bedroom... but as an adult, he's already formed a pretty good idea of what he likes and doesn't like, and he enjoys what he likes as it comes and/or is available to him (aka, he's not gonna die without sex lol). His biggest preferred kinks would maybe have something to do with his feelings of inadequacy or his perfectionism complex. I think that a little bit of BDSM play would feel really nice to him for that — as long as it was spontaneous and nothing super intense or deliberate. Like someone being rough with him or some sexy demeaning talk might get him going, as long as everything stayed super lighthearted and softcore (and as long as the sexual relationship was mutual re giving and receiving.)

(Anakin Headcanons:) Anakin, however, is as vanilla as they come. If you've never heard the song Jizz in my Pants by Lonely Island, first of all, I promise that you will NOT regret watching this (let it get to the first chorus before you give up — it's HILARIOUS, I swear). Second of all, I think this describes Anakin's kinks (and his feelings about Padme) pretty spectacularly. I don't think Anakin's at all opposed to trying certain kinks, and I do think that he's the type of person who can get into anything if it's making his partner happy (he is the subbiest sub in the galaxy and has a praise kink with the mass of a black hole lol) — he just doesn't seek kink out. He doesn't need to! He'll jizz his pants from a lap dance. Hell, he'll jizz his pants from a strip tease. He'll masturbate the same exact way every time, and it will probably last 2 minutes tops. During Anakin's teenage years, Obi-Wan probably wrote a review just like this one, but was appalled at Anakin's clear lack of variety — no experimentation, no curiosity whatsoever. Just a photo of Padme, a pack of lube, and a box of kleenex.

If we're talking Obi-Wan versus Vader, however, specifically in how it relates to, ahem, Vaderwan..... well, for that, my answer might change.

16. Describe Obi-Wan's and Anakin's undergarment preferences.

For Anakin, I headcanon that he has ADHD. That means he, more likely than not, has some sensory issues associated with ADHD. I think these sensory issues would particularly apply to tactile information as shown by his clear hypersensitivity (i.e. his dislike of sand) and the way he seeks stimuli (i.e. his interest in working with his hands, specifically with his prosthetic or droids). Thus, in relation to his undergarments, tactile information is probably extremely important to him.

The type fabric would be one consideration. I think he'd like something smooth and silky and/or velvety, instead of anything coarse or rough. And I think his metric for classifying fabric as course or rough would skewed compared to the average individual's metric — so linen and maybe even cotton would be out.

Another consideration (and possibly an even more important one) would be the size and shape of the undergarments. Assuming boxers/underwear, that elastic band would need to go high enough on his waist so that it's not slipping down all the time — but it would also need to be loose enough to not be a constant bothersome pressure (so probably high-rise boxers, a size up from his actual size). (Yes, I am speaking from experience and projecting this experience onto him, shut up. XD In seriousness, I bet there's a reason his Jedi robe is clearly a size up from what would fit. He clearly prefers loose-fitting clothes that don't bunch up and cause annoying sensory issues at specific points.)

Anyway, I don't know how underwear/boxers work in relation to dicks, but I imagine that's a huge deal for him, too, and would require just as much consideration of the above. In other words, however that shit operates, it needs to be the right texture and not too tight.

For Obi-Wan, he is a minimalist with a theme, but he also seems very finnicky about things being orderly and neat. There is so much going on in this man's life and he has very little control over literally any of it. I think Obi-Wan would be the type to try to simplify/organize what he can to minimize disruption to his routine as much as possible — that way, the disruptions outside of his control are less disruptive. (For example, if he keeps himself at a constant 0, then 12yo Anakin throwing a sensory-overload tantrum can't tip him over into 100. And 12yo Anakin has many sensory-overload tantrums. XD)

In terms of undergarments (again, assuming boxers/underwear), the first order of business would be to make sure they're all exactly the same. Cotton/linen/satin/muslin/etc? High-rise/hipster/other-boy-styles-that-I-don't-know? Beige/dark brown/white/whatever? Doesn't matter — as long as they all are absolutely identical. Obi-Wan is not going to spend fifteen minutes every morning searching his drawer for the exact pair he wants. That would be even more ridiculous than spending fifteen minutes trying to match socks. Obi-Wan wears earthy colors and simple robes because of how easy it is to match them with each other. He can reach into his tidied closet and grab the first set of tunics he sees. Of course, Obi-Wan secretly finds shades of brown upon shades of brown extremely aesthetically pleasing — but he will never admit this choice is anything but a tactic to save time.

The second order of business? Well, Obi-Wan is a man who prepares in advance. He is well aware of the possibility of things going to shit within a fraction of a second. One minute, he may be indulging in a nice cup of tea in his quarters on The Negotiator, and the next he might be knee-deep in the muddy trenches of some swamp planet. A well-functioning pee flap in one's underwear is critical — and it better be easy and quick to finagle whenever he's taking a quick piss while dodging blaster fire. (It's not just him. Everyone has to pee at some point. And the clones HATE their codpieces, yo.)

[kenobster]

Number 10 and your best guess at number 20 for the unhinged Star Wars asks!

Your Pal's Star Wars Ask Game

Thank you friend! I love your username hahahha.

10. If you could pull a George Lucas and sneak into Disney plus and edit any Star Wars scene, what changes would you make?

Hmmmmmmmmm. I was scared someone would ask me this because I need to think of the perfect answer, and I'm sure I've thought of one before, but I can never remember lmao. You're asking the tough questions. >.> There are a lot of scenes I could be noble about and edit them for the grander story arc or thematic value. But that's hard to think about, so I'm going to go instead with a self-indulgent response. I'd either

(1, to avoid pain) remove the Tusken massacre scene altogether or at the very least make it so Anakin didn't kill the women and the children, too. Not because I need him to have not done those things in order to like him (quite the opposite) but actually because I want everyone in fandom to shut the fuck up about it lmfao. Instead, we can just add in a little yelling and screaming and PG-style violence to make the same point. :'). Or,

(2, to seek pleasure) I'd absolutely make sure this part of the script (whether or not the fact-checking of it confirms this is real) made it into the final version of ROTS:

And yes, it would appear on-screen just as creepy and euphemistically sexual as it reads.

20. Please describe in as much detail as possible the signature scent of Ewan and/or Obi-Wan. (Are they different? Probably)

I have no sense of smell, so I literally don't even know how to answer this lmfao. But I guess Ewan McGregor probably smells like a nice and cleanly person while Obi-Wan Kenobi smells like a ruffian who hasn't showered in 10 years because there are no showers on Tatooine.

In my fics, I guess Obi-Wan smells like dirt and blood and ash until he gets a fucking break from the war for a hot shower-length minute--at which time, he starts to smell much more like Ewan, and that's nice. :) But it's also sad because I'd like him to suffer, and smelling nice means he's not suffering enough. >.>

And in at least one of my fics, he probably smells like piss because. Well. I can't help what the whumpers have done to him :').

[kenobster]

anakin stans and kylo stans should be friends and dont hate me as kylo ren aka ben solo fan because anakin would be doting grandfather of ben

Lmfao the only thing that went through my head for hours when I first saw this ask is @stealingpotatoes fanart where Anakin introduces himself as Kylo Ren and Rey's grandfather. Pretty much the vibes I'm picturring hahaha, I love it so much.

Anyway, yes, you're absolutely right. Excusing some villain faves and vilifying other villain faves is absolutely unacceptable for many reasons, but a couple that come to mind...

(1) There is absolutely no action that makes someone "irredeemable." The only requirement for redemption is the conviction to stop doing bad and start doing good. (Here's a lovely post @kcrabb88 made in detail about this for your pleasure.)

(2) People who pit villains against each other are just trying to avoid the spotlight on their own misogynist behavior. We all know that fans of villains (like Kylo Ren and Loki and Snape) are hated not because there's anything wrong with being stanning those characters but rather because societal perception is that they're exclusively the favorite characters of silly teenage girls (and even if that were true, I would still ask "wtf is wrong with silly teenage girl having interests in the first place" 🙄).

I'm not ever going to fall into the trap of it being "acceptable" to like The Winter Soldier but "ridiculous" to like Loki, and I'm not going to love Vader while making fun of Kylo Ren either. :) We are allies, not enemies, no matter how much the discourse tries to separate us.

In short, I'm with you, friend. We will stand together on this hill because we are smart, intelligent people and we know that our hills are only part of the same larger hill. :) ♡

[kenobster]

For the ask game: 1, 2, & 10!

Your Pal's Star Wars Ask Game

OOOOH these are good ones, thanks anon!

1. Qui-Gon Jinn: love or hate? Discuss.

I very passionately could not care less. He's boring! I don't love or hate, I'm boooored. But that's a terrible answer, so let's go through every single Qui-Gon subject I could possibly have feelings on and describe why I don't.

(Oh boy this list became extremely rude but shit fam, I'm being asked my personal opinion lol. What else am I supposed to do?)

Phantom Menace? Meh. He's the mystical wise type... but Yoda does it better. He's the seemingly disciplined and empathetic role model/teacher, both as Anakin's male!parental figure and as a Padawan's Jedi Master, but... Obi-Wan does that better. He's a rebel, a rule breaker; he doesn't follow the Jedi code perfectly (and, as a result of George Lucas's whiteness, is a little bit racist), but... Anakin does that better worse. Apparently ppl were mad at him for using his final words to ask Obi-Wan to train the Boy, instead of saying "I love you" or something... but I snored through that scene until Obi-Wan's Sith-slaughter woke me up... so unfortunately I didn't hear any of that shit. 🤷‍♀️

Jude Watson? I skip his POV lol. No seriously, he's pretty boring, his internal conflicts are kinda kid-like, not very Jedi-Master-like, not even really very complicated or compelling. And maybe that'd be enough to hate him, but fandom's response to the series neutralizes my opinion in his defense. Re, first two books as an example, Qui-Gon was going about minding his own business when Yoda came along and tried to shove a child onto him -- him, a man who not only didn't want and wasn't ready for a new kid (after the old one became a freak), but also explicitly stated so to Yoda numerous times. Yoda did not take no for an answer. In fact, Yoda pretty much egged Obi-Wan on to pull the same guilt-tripping nonsense, despite Qui-Gon repeatedly saying to both of them stop, no, don't. And neither Yoda nor child listened. Luckily Obi-Wan grew on Qui-Gon so everything worked out in the end, but Qui-Gon didnt do shit wrong lol. It's not his fault Obi-Wan was being sent to the agricorp. It's not his fault Obi-Wan repeatedly disobeyed everyone's instructions and put himself into danger... or that Xanatos was a sadistic freak. And it's certainly not his fault that Yoda (in these books) lacked an understanding of consent and riled up an angsty Padawan into hoping falsely. The book may be boring af, especially Qui-Gon's character arc, but give the man a break, ffs. (And stop letting Tumblr gaslight you.)

Obi-Wan Kenobi show? Yeah Qui-Gon being someone his Padawan cried to abt his nightmares made Obi-Wan look suitably pathetic and sad, and I liked that a lot. But the second Qui-Gon appeared? Ugh. You just had to ruin Depressed!Obi-Wan for me, didn't ya? 🙄 I liked you better when you were playing hard to get.

Fanfiction? Ppl can do what they want and I support them. But I am tired of how Qui-Gon is either the villain or the saint and extremely two-dimensional. That's okay to have 2d characters! It really is! They serve a purpose! But this two-dimensional Jedi ain't for me. And honestly him being angelified is just as much of a dealbreaker to me as him being demonized. I like Messy. I like Trying Hard and Failing. I like Loving and Hurting and Hating and Loving. I like whatever Obi-Wan and Anakin got going on. Qui-Gon is boring and even worse, his presence in fic tends to make Obi-Wan into a two-dimensional victim, which drags Obi-Wan into boringville too. :(

Master and Apprentice by Claudia Gray? Hmm, actually, this was some good shit. Would read again. Take notes, kids. This be how you write a Qui-Gon.

Anyway this is how I feel, and I can't help how I feel. So go enjoy your mystical, potentially abusive wildcard in peace. I won't stop you! ^_^

2. Pick a Padme outfit to be your signature look.

This one all the fucking way (and the ROTS version of this hairstyle too):

If I were in Star Wars, I'd exclusively put my hair in a bow. Also, it looks really cute on Padme specifically.

10. If you could pull a George Lucas and sneak into Disney plus and edit any Star Wars scene, what changes would you make?

I answered this question on a whim earlier, but you know what? I absolutely stand by it. Make Palpatine caress Anakin's face as he injects our favorite nineteen-year-old boy with Unwanted Sexual Sithcraft. That is the only correct scene revision.

[kenobster]

Hey just wanna say i (as an individual who ships obikin) thank u for putting encouraging words about obikin even if u see them as besties. It’s really discouraging to see so many other shippers sh*tting on obikin people just for shipping obiwan and anakin. Yes ik it’s a controversial ship if u look at it closely but i just do it for fun (and love the chemistry between them). I dont shit on other ships (unless it’s really REALLY problematic) and like cant they just leave us alone in peace?? Same with reylo like yes it’s another controversial ship but again if u dont think and/or look too hard then just have fun with it.

I dont mind codywan im not a huge fan but i see why they ship it, just aint feeling it like obikin does. Same for the rest of other ships (except for dinluke i will die for it as well)

Sorry for the ramble (^^;) long story short that campaign speech u put for the silly ship poll was well put!

Hi anon, I am incredibly glad to hear that I could reassure you after all the mean things that antishippers have been saying about your ship. Ship and let ship is a crucial rule in this house of mine, in which Obikin and Codywan are both very welcome. :D

However, I do invite you to examine some of your own beliefs about this subject. Specifically, I'm curious what compelled you to say "I don't shit on other ships (unless it's really REALLY problematic)." While that's the part that most stood out to me, there is other concerning verbiage in your ask (i.e. the frequent use of the word "controversial" and "if u don't think and/or look too hard" which both felt like similar apologetic statements you use when shipping something you feel others will judge you for).

First, I want to highlight what you said about why you ship Obikin — "i just do it for fun (and love the chemistry between them)." To me, that communicates that you don't see any harm in someone enjoying a ship purely because it is appealing to them. Additionally, you say, "can't they just leave us alone in peace??" which suggests frustration that other people don't share your opinion.

Is it possible that the "really REALLY problematic" ships are enjoyed by people for reasons similar to yours? Is it possible that they, too, would like others to leave them alone and let them enjoy a harmless hobby in peace? What makes it acceptable to shit on their ships and not yours? Who gets to decide which ship is an Obikin-level ship and which is a "really REALLY problematic" ship? You? Me? Can you be certain that our definitions agree?

The first thing you should consider is what makes you feel like a ship is "really REALLY problematic." I think you'll find that most of it is a Squick factor — a gross-level factor. Maybe Obikin is "hot" to you, but it does gross other people out. Similarly, perhaps some ships, especially ones with components that might not make much sense in real life, are "hot" to others but gross you out.

For example, I'd like you to picture Chancellor Palpatine kissing AOTC Anakin on the mouth. Make sure your imagination includes Anakin's young boyish features and his barely-legal Padawan braid. 😉 Now imagine them having sex. In case you're having a hard time picturing this, here's some pictures of them to help you out! 😊

If you're like most people I know, I bet you're super grossed out right now. You might even consider Palpakin to be much more problematic than Obikin. But I chose Palpakin as a comparison for a reason! Because, when it comes down to it, how are these two ships any different in scale? Anakin views both Obi-Wan and Palpatine as a father figure. Both have mentored Anakin since he was 9 years old. There is a significant age gap and power imbalance in both ships. I've even read both Obikin and Palpakin fics that feature sexual activities with Anakin while he's still a minor.

It seems the only difference is that one tends to gross out the average person more than the other. Is being grossed out a reason to shit on someone's harmless hobby? For example, I'm extremely grossed out by sushi. Is that a reason to ban sushi worldwide? Obikin might gross me out, but I don't come after you or your fellow shippers. Palpakin might gross you out, but that's not an excuse to come after me. And maybe other ships gross both of us out, but I will not join you in going after them.

In other words, ALL fandommers, as you so aptly put, "just want to be left alone" and "enjoy the chemistry" of their ship without "thinking about it too hard." So until you agree that NO ship is problematic, you are inviting the same criticism upon ships that YOU like. Because anti-shippers aren't just coming for the "really REALLY problematic" ships; they're coming for every single one of them.

[kenobster]

I welcome all the followers I just got and am very glad y'all seemed to liked my Anakin meta. *_* I love the little rascal very much and I will use my dying breath to defend his character from bad actors misinterpreting the prequel trilogy.

PSA, in my house, we love and support Obi-Wan as well. Obi-Wan Kenobi was a great Jedi, a great person, and a great mentor to Anakin Skywalker. Obi-Wan (along with the Jedi) has no culpability in regard to Anakin's fall to the dark side (quite the opposite, in fact), and that concept is something intrinsically and deliberately woven into every single one of my interpretations and headcanons. In this house, we exclusively blame the Palpster (but lovingly so).

Agree or disagree, that's fine by me! You can think whatever you want. :) But if I catch anyone twisting my meta to justify their negative takes on Obi-Wan or the Jedi Order, then please be aware that I am plotting your demise lmao.

[kenobster]

I can see that the whole stewjoni dualsex thing might be problematic... at times... maybe... But counterpoint: a) knock him up and b) uh, um, Triple Penetration In Three Holes

Look lmao, I'm not here to say what's problematic or unproblematic (unless you hate Anakin, of course... in which case, please consult my very serious Ted Talk on the subject).

Anyway, I said what I said in that answer, not because I think ppl who write Stewjoni biology should stop (I'm not a party pooper nor an anti, so please carry on ^_^), but rather because I was furious over a blatant hypocrisy on someone else's post lmao.

But on a personal level re your counterpoints.... and how do I say this gently...... Oh! Right:

YKINMKATO

Lmao, there we go.

In case anyone would like to drizzle some Fine Kenobster Tastebuds over their Fic Perusing Repertoires, they're absolutely welcome to consider my below counter-counterpoints.

(Note: I am incapable of getting horny over consensual smut, so we're assuming these are noncon/dubcon adjacent, but in full honesty, I'm sure you could wiggle these into any smut fantasy of your choosing.)

counter-counterpoint #1: i've read fic that made fortuna's thumb more erotic than any number of simultaneous penetrations.

counter-counterpoint #2: if u wanna get a biological boy knocked up, see below for instructions:

Step 1: Detach the bowels from the blorbo's anus and connect them to an external poop bag instead;

Step 2: Insert a uterus (along with a pre-fertilized egg attached to its lining) into the blorbo's abdomen;

Step 3: Connect the anus to the cervix (please note that no other modification to the anus is necessary);

Step 4: Ejaculate into blorbo's anus repeatedly (please note that, as the egg is already fertilized, this step may be completed as a fun little treat or skipped at your leisure);

Step 5: Pump blorbo full of pregnancy hormones while you wait for the fetus to grow to term;

Step 6: When your blorbo begins to go into labor, watch with mirth as his body fails to eject the baby through such an inelastic hole. Feel free to laugh yourself giddy as his ass-muscles get all torn up and scarred.

Step 7: Unless your goal is for your blorbo and its fetus to die, eventually show him some mercy and conduct a C-Section.

In other words, don't be a pussy about giving the blorbo a pussy.

counter-counterpoint #3: may I direct your attention to the many cunt-having blorbos out there? For example, Padmé has some very Obi-Wan-esque qualities, and she comes with a canonical interest in pregnancy and ready-to-lactate boobs! "But Padmé's not a Jedi," you whine. Bitch, please. If you're giving Obi-wan a cunt, then I think you can make Padmé a Jedi, yeah? -pats your head- Live your dream. Be free. <3

***

Anyway, if you were hoping for some serious thoughts in response to your ask, then (1) I apologize lmao, I have chronic inability-to-be-serious blogger syndrome; and (2) please copy paste your ask and resubmit it here instead. ^_^ If you do that, I promise that you will get a very comprehensive post that describes my exact opinions on the subject, no joke. Give it a whirl.