#ketamine healing rn

[kinkshame-puncher-666]

Does anyone even listen to bad religion in their most emotional state??

[tuffluff7]

I am very alive lately. Ketamine therapy did a lot for me. I am happy. I also feel capable of things like love and trust and connection for the first time in a long time. My bf really helped to pull me out of my rut, also I love our love and our past even if it's complicated and we hold each other and cry after we read notes we gave each other as friends and not as friends and something inbetween haha. here are a few of my favorite sections from stuff that's 10-7 months old now

I am just so grateful for every day that passes by. Maybe theres something in the november air :) it makes me ponderous like rn where i can't sleep so I decide to write a little diary entry on my little tumblr blog which I do occasionally. Last fall i was doing badly and I felt so dead inside for so long I forgot what feelings of core human happiness even rlly felt like. This year has been so healing for me, i feel like I found an identity as well as feelings of belonging, togetherness, genuine love I dont know if i have ever felt in my entire life which is def in part bc of working thru a lot of my shit on psychadelics but also my loved ones are so very kind to me and I am very lucky. I have become a spiritual person which i never thought would happen ever lmfao but it's the right people and mindset and I'm just glad to be here

here is a little drawing I did today in class only 20 people came and the lecture hall was so empty. I didnt realize that thanksgiving break started tuesday because I was out for my surgery so Im preeettyy got darn happy about that. Also my grades r really good I feel good about that. Bless this world and bless my growth.

[nevertellmetheodds2017]

not following my own advice

me writing to someone Sep 15: 

sorry that you fell - that's the last thing we need, right? I'm being so careful now but I do dog agility with a young lab cross and sooner or later I'm going to take a big tumble. I try as much as possible to be prepared though, good footwear, avoid slippery surfaces and pay attention to what I'm doing. We have to baby our bones now

baby our bones now - yeah, super important!!

also me Sep 19: 

let me fling myself out of my van, ass first, from over 50cm in the air, onto a concrete floor!!!!!!

I was IN the cargo area, squatting inside the van & adjusting Olive’s crate. I’ve done this hundreds of times & normally when getting out, the idea is one or both the legs precede the body. This time, my leg caught on something & I looked like this, except with more left leaning (no doubt thinking about the election, ha) & my right hand futilely grabbing at air. 

my left leg hit first, then my left arm & tailbone, & then yes, I whacked my head like that.  I’m sure it was epic. 

My first aid team came to my rescue. We could tell the arm was shit so we knew I needed to go to the ER

We just had to decide whether to drive or call an ambo & we decided to drive. It was eerily quiet there & I was seen very quickly. Al got to come in with me. I was wheelchaired because my ass hurt so much, it hurt to walk. 

The xrays confirmed to absolutely nobody’s surprise that I had a fracture. Specifically, I had broken the distal radius. They decided it could just be reduced & casted in the ER & they got me set up with ketamine and propofol. Al got to watch. Apparently the RT had to help push on my shoulder while the dr yanked on my arm so hard that I was getting pulled off the stretcher. 

so the ketamine? It Is awesome. 10/10. I totally see the street drug appeal of this one. Also I’m apparently a lightweight & was out with a small dose. They had brought in extra syringes but didn’t need them (& didn’t give them to me take home, hmmmf). 

here I am, post reduction, arm in cast & still stoned 

(oh no, stretcher rail down; don’t let the clinical instuctor or the falls prevention committee see!) 

Hey, if you want to weird out staff, remember people’s names & greet them by name when coming out of sedation. I greeted my RT, RN & the Dr all. “Hello first name who only introduced yourself from habit & now is startled to hear the pt say your name. Yes, it is I, your stoned patient with intact short term memory”

So now we wait for it to heal. I saw ortho today. Once reduced, it became more obvious that there are 2 breaks in the radius, which means there is a risk it will move.  They will xray it weekly to monitor. If it stays put, in 3 weeks they can swap out the plaster cast for a lighter fiberglass one. If it moves, we need to discuss surgery to pin it. Surgery when on chemo is tricky - I’d need to potentially stop chemo to get my blood counts up. Bone healing might also take more time; chemo slows all healing.

In the meantime, I’m learning how to do things with one hand. 

& trying to be careful

[anonil88]

We are are who we are Episode 7 lb

Look at all those chickens

So quiet on election night thats wild. Maybe because they just don't care.

Sarah showed up in sweats, this is bad.

Damn they are dead, damn.

Trust they see more in barracks, a lil tit is not gonna hurt anyone. Also damn Chloe them thangs are sitting. Hello.

No time at all to pray.

I mean Fraser, your mom is gay she has a bit of semblance that trans people exist. Also taking a child that is not your own to an enfo assessment can turn out awful for that kid if their parents don't accept them. Especially if you are not in a position to take care of and invite that child into your home to raise.

Fraser get your head out your selfishness, be aware of your audience.

God, did their friend die?

A moment of silence simultaneously is eerie.

Oh no ;(

Damn an iud.

I'm with curly haired kid not the blonde one.

Based on Fraser being blunt like that with 0 I still think he may be somewhat on the autism spectrum or at least he has anxiety.

I hope Danny doesn't kill himself.

R.I.P Craig

She is only gay sometimes aka not now, that switch up is hella cold.

Oh, well I guess he gets his bluntness from Maggie.

Basically Maggie you are the distraction and she is breaking up with you.

DAYUM, she does have a son though. One who no one views as her own cause he's not biological which is weird. She already has those insecurities and everyone keeps reminding her of thatm

Grief bonding is real.

Danny is snapping, Sam sees this is ridiculous, and Harper/Cait ran to Fraser fast.

Wait Fraser and Cait could still be a thing, even though I doubt it, cause they aren't cis and Fraser definitely isn't straight.

Gosh this is a bleak group vigil. Oh wow, Craig's wife is there.

So military couples both wear their blues/greens at formal events together gotcha.

Harper/Cait's dad can get drop kicked rn i swear.

Fraser just being a support for Harper/Cait aww he finally got that he said the wrong thing earlier.

Leave her be Maggie.

Sarah really is mothering these two kids, oh fuck Richard is drunk. Damn he knew all 3 soldiers who died closely.

Its not her fault they died also, there is a chain of command. Someone gave her an order and she went along with/followed the order. If she had said no more troops it would have gone over her head and still happened.

This episode is really really good so far. The pacing, the story, just really well done. This series as a whole is a slow burn to the end it seems cause so far this is super cohesive.

Back to the house where they last saw Craig.

Ahh religious battles. So he was gon say no to the alcohol but yes to the coke??

Sam doing coke and ketamine, chileeee.

Drugs and alcohol only provide temporary relief from grief y'all. It's something you actually have to work through even though it hurts.

Yea please someone go follow his widow please. I mean technically even if you divorce someone and have kids you will always be bonded to them. Technically it always follows you that you've been married before in your paper trail.

Noooo Fraser Noooo, you can't just pop up on people like that.

Fraser seeing this half-naked man is bumbling. Yea kid, they were having sex or about to. You interrupted

Maggie is going to put this child under house arrest i swear.

Not these two weirdos baiting a child into a sexual encounter/threesome.

Come thru Dev with this soundtrack though we love a good radiohead moment.

Oh thank the lord he came to his senses, yes lets get out of there Fraser. He clung to that man like a scared leaf and looked at that woman with so much confusion. If Sarah finds out he's getting soldier man is fired.

Okay forest lmao

Thats how you fuck up your bike, don't do that.

Close the fridge before you defrost is damn.

Not him looking for a gun and then deciding on alcohol. Boy it is perfectly okay, you weren't ready and thats okay you aren't old enough and that man is far too old for you.

The freezer please.

Alcohol poisoning here he comes. Where is Maggie? I know Sarah is busy at work but where is Maggie. He feels like a failure because what he was looking for was a male figure to connect to and its muddled with attraction.

Oh there they are, awesome. He is so mad at Sarah. Maggie really can be an excellent mother when Fraser needs it. Glad they are home to take care of him.

They can be soulmates and not fuck.

As I said sex doesn't heal the pain of grief.

Soundtrack is 🔥🔥🔥

Yo Danny stop, omg they all are snapping, this is someone else's house. This is why you don't do psychedelics right when you greive or something traumatic happens. Those folks gonna enter their house and be pissed.

I wonder if the bottle was like half full cause he drank an entire thing of whiskey.

Oh awesome he got his moms to help, yay and Maggie is a doctor too so that works out well.

It is telling that they felt safer calling Fraser and his parents, rather than their own. Glad Danny is okay though.

Kids really don't allow for no funny bidness.

Oop thats a subtle, "I know you're fucking my wife so stop."

But she said it straight up with her wife, like I know why and what you did but let's not do that. Oh so both parents think their kids are bad influences on one another.

Damn so she habitually does this, their relationship has so many unstable variables and factors.

Awe they are on skype, also I now remember Harper/Cait told Fraser not to kiss anyone else.

Clearly Jennifer is still not watching her kids because her son just left out the door. Her son just left and she didn't even ask him what he was doing.

Is he gonna pray? Set up to look like something bad but he's in reality going to pray?

This gif is beautiful

I am excited for the finale, if this is the 2nd to last episode. They both gonna fall into their queerness fully.