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caralara · 2 years

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Faith In The Future Predictions

Here’s a bunch of predictions entirely based on my gut for what the Faith in the Future tracks will be about. Let’s see if I get any right. Happy FitF Week!!

1. The Greatest:

High Energy. “Why didn’t he pick this as a single?” Maybe self ironic: I am the greatest (not) (but yet I am)

2. Written All Over Your Face

A song about a secret love and it’s bittersweet because the point of the song is that his lover is shit at hiding their love because it is Written All Over His Face

3. Bigger Than Me

we already know. to me it’s about him realising, no matter how complicated his relationship to larries and his fanbase is, that it really is bigger than that and him. It isn’t really only about larry anymore. His fanbase has created a space that has become so safe for so many people, and that is a good thing, no matter what, and so so important. Together, we can progress.

4. Lucky Again

where Walls to me was an album about getting on the track of getting back together, and things finally looking up again after. along period of uncertainty and heartache, this feels like it will be about being grateful for the second chance at the relationship, and taking it seriously while also enjoying it very intentionally, now settled in the second round. Second time’s the charm, innit?

5. Face The Music

Might be about Queer Struggle. Having to make hard decisions, having to finally face things after running from it for too long. It’s fucking terrifying and freeing at the same time. Maybe also literally with he/him pronouns, but in a clever, ambiguous way.

6. Chicago

Will look on the surface to be about Danielle and Briana - but it really actually is about babygate. Lots of guilt about lying, doing it for the greater good, sketchy people making money off of publicity and exploiting vulnerable characters, so much frustration! Maybe a reference to the musical. Maybe a lighthouse theme somewhere in there, or keys and being trapped/locked. Maybe a penguin reference. Maybe something about loyalty?

7. All This Time

Either Always You 2.0 or about someone really close finding out about who you really are way down the line (family member?)

8. Out Of My System

End It End It End It. Need to get rid of this so I don’t have to hide from my demons anymore.

9. Headline

Similar theme to Just Like You? Maybe about scandals chasing him around every corner. Maybe a ‘put your fucking seatbelts on it’s gonna be a bumpy ride’ kind of song. Maybe a bit bitey, getting the frustrations about the actual headline’s about him out. Maybe though a bit of ‘there’s all these headlines about us/me, but I don’t give a fuck’

10. Saturdays

I LOVE Frankie Sandford. And obviously Susan Boyle. Let’s get ready for a little dancey dance. Or it’s about being young and dumb and going out to your local pub with your mates and enjoying youth while it lasts, because the first silver strands are already coming through.

11. Silver Tongues

Ready to bring the fucking roof down? Louis having fun Arctic Monkey Style while being the most sassiest little fuck you’ve ever seen, and making you dance your socks off to the tune of him showing off just how brilliantly he can word things, not only in his songs, but in every part of his life. It’s his master skill.

12. She Is Beauty, We Are World Class

“Baby, baby, baby, no need to be jealous. I know the public thinks I am with this gorgeous woman, but you know what? She might be beautiful, but baby, you and I are a whole different league, we are World Class.”

13. Common People

“I am from Doncaster, and I love it. People look down on common people, but there’s beauty in it.” OR. Continuation of SIBWAW: you and I are nothing close to common, and neither is our love.

14. Angels Fly

Fuck I don’t want to, it’s making me cry already. Probably about Jay and Fizzy.

15. Holding Onto Heartache

Reminiscing about how he likes to hold onto heartache, and how that can help remembering the people you lost and hurt by, but also that he’s learned to let it go, and that that can be freeing too.

16. That’s The Way Love Goes

Maybe really an observation of Love experienced by the people close to him. Also maybe about him not understanding other people’s love in comparison to what he’s experienced. Maybe a “love is shit, relationships are complicated and always doomed. Not mine, though. Stay safe, xx”

I am so fucking pumped for this album and I can’t wait to listen to it.

#faith in the future #fitf #lt2 #louis tomlinson #faith in the future predictions #prediction #this is me just clowning about #yk #nothing serious #what do you think=#??

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castlebyersafterdark · 2 months

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Especially as a gay guy who with no hesitation crushed on so many straight male celebs without an ounce of whatever the hell this girl's mindset was. They're never going to meet you, let alone propose marriage!!

wow that story about your friend was so interesting! i imagine such a formative part of growing up queer is these 'hopeless' crushes, so why does her (straight) scenario hinge on whether they could actually be together? its as though her fantasy hinged on a glimmer of possibility. on hope. hmmm.

i think when we play pretend, even as kids, there's this impossibly simultaneous belief of two opposite things: that its both real and not real. the key is that they are balanced and both true somehow - so i could daydream about billie joe armstrong from this one magazine poster pasted on my bedroom wall for years but i def knew i wouldnt and probs didnt even want to meet him! i mean, i was like 13 and he was an adult, which kids now are freaking out about, but i didnt think twice about crushing on him because i wasnt hoping to meet or actually marry him lol.

but i guess today with social media where we can glimpse these people's lives, our fantasies become more 'possible' and the real-not real balance gets thrown out of whack. honestly i think it either spoils the fantasy (oh no theyre human after all) or it makes people believe they could actually be friends with celebs (because theyre human! yay!)... and like, yeah, technically, but when i see people saying 'i just need to meet them and we'd be besties' it always makes me cringe, because parasocial relationships make people forget that relationships really really are two-sided. and your fav celeb might just not... like you that much. or they might just be a bit boring irl for more than the length of a tiktok video lol.

idk, i've worked in jobs where i've met a fair share of celebs i admire from many different fields, and its amazing, the difference between idea of them and the presence they have in person. after that i decided i didnt like to meet my heroes because the imbalance felt so weird to me.

so maybe your friend knowing this guy was gay, it ruined her balance of real-not real make believe. whereas i assume you, knowing you were having gay crushes on straight dudes from a young age (</3), probably had this self awareness and so your fantasies hinged on something other than possibility. did you also like any celebs who were rumoured about, like prince or bowie? as i recall there was some ambiguous sexuality in the 00s alt scene, but who knows how much was for show? (mcr springs to mind)

Yeah, I definitely think it's very common across the board for a lot of people that once something interferes with their fantasy, it just breaks them a little. Which I always just find so odd because celebrity crushes are so far from reality so why does it matter so much?? Absolutely different if it's someone you know irl, you're into them, and then you either find out they have a SO, they're not sexually compatible, or they just... don't want you haha. Add a very thick layer of 'they'll never want you' to celebrities because while yes, famous people do get with non famous people, you crushing on someone famous as you go about your day to day normal life is a lot different than a random encounter that is so rare it's not even worth mentioning as logic to this situation. People get upset when they find out the celeb they like is dating someone. Or they come out. Or whatever. The make-believe really warps some people. (This could be a whole discussion on the rabid Mlvn fan issue, as a meltdown on the verge due to their ship sinking and their ideal fantasy world centered on Mike/El crumbling down, breaking their brains)

For example, I've made it pretty clear I have a big gay embarrassing crush on Finn. What does it matter though haha I will never meet that man. Don't want to, and I'm also very happy and smitten and secure in my personal life. It's just normal human attraction. Talent and being hot is appealing. I'm just a random fan. Same as everyone else! I could talk for hours about the parasocial epidemic but you said enough so I'll let that one sit. Also, I don't think I'd like him less if it turns out he's straight. Still follow his career. Still think he's fine as hell. I'll just probably like him more if he's on this side. That's my honest take.

And totally sad for kids that their peers and people older than them are promoting this thought-crime culture that it's weird or wrong to fantasize about other people, especially those older. That's just life!! It doesn't mean anything. It's admiration, it's aspirational, it's learning about yourself.

And to your last point, I can't remember all my crushes when I was young, mostly actors in shows or movies rather than musicians. Bowie and Prince would have been too old for me to even give a second thought about haha but I'm sure they were so validating for people a little further back, unless this just meant like them. I mean there were celebs that were out or who were rumored of course, but the biggest one I can think of was Lee Pace, esp during the height of the Hobbit filming. I was really into those movies in high school. He had rumors, which turned out to be true! So, there's an example that worked out actually.

This is kinda embarrassing now but my dream man growing up was Shaun White. Memory lane stuff right there, goddddd 🫣🤣

#clearing out old ones #asks #queued

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gureishi · 4 years

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Saeyoung + 13? Or Saeyoung + 11?

[417]

Of COURSE, my friend~

Oh boy, this one was fun to do. I really hope you enjoy it ♡

thirteen: left your mark on me

Saeyoung X Reader, T, words: 2643

・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・

It’s the first time Saeran has ever texted you.

Technically, you think—heart pounding—that’s not true. Him texting you was, you suppose, the catalyst for everything that’s happened to you over the last few months. But the Saeran you know now—the quiet, tired boy who’s just recently started saying hello to you when you show up at his home—never. Certainly not.

Your hands tremble as you swipe to open his message. Something’s wrong, you think, because why else would he reach out to you? You feel your heartbeat in the roof of your mouth and say a prayer in your head. Be okay be okay be okay be okay…

“Come over,” says the text.

What?

“Is everything okay?” you text back with one hand, already tripping across your room, grabbing a jacket. Be okay be okay be okay be okay…

He answers immediately. He types fast, like his brother.

“Yeah,” he says. You let out the breath you’ve been holding. “Come talk to him. I don’t want to.”

You pause, one arm in your jacket. Come talk to him? That ambiguous phrase could mean so many things, and god, you want to know more, but you can’t want to press him—that he reached out at all is a huge step, one you wouldn’t dare jeopardize.

“Be right there,” you text back, stuffing your other arm into your jacket, slipping into shoes. You keep your phone in your hand as you throw the door open, taking the steps two at a time, but he doesn’t text you again. Of course he doesn’t—he’s said what he needed to say.

You put on loud music in the car, feeling the need to drown out the sound of your heartbeat. You roll down the window even though the wind blows your hair into your eyes, making it hard to see. You go over the messages again and again in your head: talk to him, he said. Talk to him about what?

Your music pounds over the speakers, rocking the car a little, and you grip the steering wheel slightly too hard. You’ve just missed rush hour and the traffic is dying down, so you make good time, driving just the tiniest bit over the speed limit. He’d scold you for it, you think—he’s always admonishing you for driving too fast, even though he pushes his fancy little cars to their limits on the empty dirt roads around the bunker. Hypocrite.

You take the exit, follow the street as it loops round and round, make the turn-off onto the unmarked road that leads to his home. The stars are starting to come out now.

You slow down as you see the bunker looming in the distance; from the outside, it’s ominous, and yet it fills you with an inexplicable warmth, flips your stomach around.

You shout the password at the garage without stopping, grinning as the first door opens for you. You half-expect to find him here, body mostly hidden under one of his cars, mysterious tools littering the ground around him. He’s often here when he’s sulking—today, though, the garage is empty, dark and dank. You pull into the one parking spot he’s left open for you—as far as possible from his cars, dressed for nighttime in their little protective hoods. I can park, you think grumpily. He doesn’t trust me.

But you know this isn’t true, and it’s confirmed again as you slip out of your car, keys in hand, and step cautiously toward his main door.

“Welcome,” it says to you in it’s robo-voice.

This is new.

“Šukran,” you say.

And without any further prompting—without questions, or quizzes, or nearly impossible translations, it opens. Almost as if it recognizes the sound of your voice.

Huh.

You kick off your shoes, tossing them into the jumble by the door. Saeyoung’s are heaped in a pile, some upside down and sideways; Saeran’s are lined up nearly beside his, in a perfect line as if to say “look, this is how it’s done.” This makes you smile.

Neither twin is in the living room. There’s a light under Saeran’s door, but you leave him be.

Anxiety building in the pit of your stomach, you pad down the hall in your socked feet. Saeyoung’s office is dark, but there’s light on in his bedroom. This, by itself, is unusual—without you here, it’s rare that he goes into that room at all.

You knock softly on the door, and when he doesn’t answer you push it open.

“It’s me,” you call softly, squinting as your eyes adjust. The room is as bright as the rest of the bunker is dark; all the fluorescent lights on are, starkly illuminating the black and yellow decorations. There’s barely any empty space on the walls, and it reminds you of his mind—so crammed with thoughts that there’s no place to rest.

In spite of his near-inhuman senses, he doesn’t see you at first.

He’s sitting on the floor, back propped against the side of the bed, headphones over his ears. His eyes are closed, knees tucked up to his chest. He looks small, like this—like you could scoop him up in your arms and carry him away.

“Hi,” you say, a little louder.

He jumps, eyes flying open, headphones slipping off one ear. He makes a spluttering noise that could be “huh?” or “hi” or just “haaaaah!”

You smile.

“Saeran didn’t tell you I was coming, then?”

“N-no, I…Saeran?” He blinks up at you as though he doesn’t quite believe you’re there. It’s then that you notice the sunken-in look about him: his eyes are clouded and sleepy, a little red-rimmed. His cheeks are pale.

You sink onto the floor beside him; you copy his posture, tucking your knees to your chest.

“Saeran told me to come talk to you,” you admit, looking down. You’re not sure why, but now that you’re here, you feel a little embarrassed. “So I did.”

“He…he…” Saeyoung looks lost for words. A part of you—a little bitter, self-conscious part—wonders if he wishes you hadn’t come. As if he senses what you’re thinking, he spins abruptly to face you, sitting cross-legged. He moves fast: in an instant, you’re almost nose-to-nose. “Sorry,” he says quietly, and you feel his breath on your face; your cheeks burn. “I’m soooo happy to see you, kitten. I was just…ah, surprised.”

It’s hard to breathe with him close like this. You bite your lip.

“I’m happy to see you, too,” you tell him.

And you are. His hair’s a little messed up, like he’s been running his hands through it, and there’s a sparkle in his eyes now—though he’s still got that harrowed, tired look about him.

“I, uh…” He looks down, his face reddening a little. “I was actually wishing you were here, earlier. I should’ve just called you myself.”

He pushes up his glasses and rubs his eyes with one shaky hand.

“Do you wanna tell me what’s wrong?” you ask.

He sighs, and you feel like maybe he’s been half-holding his breath all day.

“Not really,” he says.

“Saeyoung.”

He peers at you through his fingers; you feel you must look foolish with the stern expression you’re making, but he smiles.

“Oh, I just adore you,” he groans, now dropping his face into both hands. “I can’t resist you, you know.”

“I know.” Gently, you place a hand on his knee; he twitches in response.

“It’s something silly,” he warns, voice muffled by his hands. Suddenly, he tips forward; you realize what he’s doing just in time and shift your weight so his head lands on your shoulder. His breath is on your collarbone now, and a shiver runs through your body.

“I’m sure it’s not,” you say.

He exhales again, and fleetingly, you wonder if he’s doing this on purpose—breathing on the exposed skin of your shoulder just to tease you. Even gloomy like this, he can’t resist the urge to try and rile you up.

“I guess I sort of…realized something,” he mutters, voice low. You have to tilt your head down to hear him.

“Yes?”

“Having Saeran here is the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” he murmurs. He’s almost whispering, as if he’s afraid to be heard. “One of the greatest,” he adds, grazing your wrist with his thumb, calloused and rough and wonderful.

You hum your affirmation, not wanting to interrupt now that he’s talking.

“But…” He trails off as if he’s not quite sure how to explain it. His head is still on your shoulder and you can’t see his face; with your free hand, you gently brush his hair off his forehead. “My whole life,” he continues, a little more confidently, “I’ve just had one thing I’m trying to do. Everything I’ve done has been about making sure he’s safe. Now that I’ve got him, I…”

“Don’t know what to do next?”

He twists his head sideways—like a cat, you think, seeking out attention. You tangle your hand in his hair, pulling it a little, and you swear he purrs.

“Yeah,” he admits, voice breathy. “I’m not sure what I’m…here for, now.”

“Saeyoung.” You say his name firmly—something has dawned on you. You straighten abruptly and he pulls back if as startled. He’s still got that weary look, like he’s spent the day like this, buried under a pile of his own thoughts. “Saeyoung, has anyone ever asked you what you want before?”

“What do you mean?” He sits up straight too: faces you, fingers still gently gripping your wrist.

“Listen,” you say. “I know you want to live together with Saeran, and now you do. And you want him to be safe and happy. But aside from those things, what do you want?”

You can tell he’s puzzled; he cocks his head thoughtfully.

“I don’t, um…”

“Try to think.”

“I mean, I…”

He’s got this sort of helpless look about him, and you can’t take it anymore. You take his face in both your hands, gently holding his cheeks—which are flushed, almost feverish. Touching his face makes your body tingle.

“Let’s start small,” you tell him. His eyes are so big and bright behind his glasses and you feel a strange impulse to kiss his eyelashes. “Tell me one thing you want right now.”

His eyes lock with yours and then you see his face flush—if possible—even darker. His gaze trails down your face, lingering on your lips.

“Well…” he lilts, tilting his head to the side. “There is one thing I wanna do, but—I mean, ahh, I would say that I’m thinking about…”

“I’m gonna help you,” you whisper, hands still on his cheeks. “Tell me what you want and I’ll make it happen.”

His face is red—oh, so red.

“Well, the thing is, I…I really want you to kiss me,” he murmurs. Finally. The buzzy air between you was becoming almost unbearable.

You lean forward and he waits, patient, still, longing. He’s already so close; you ghost your lips over his and he melts into you instantly. You swipe your tongue over his bottom lip.

When you pull away he’s panting, eyes cloudy.

“Good,” you tell him. “What else do you want?”

“I…ah…” His voice sounds almost slurred: he’s overwhelmed, you think, by the way you’ve taken control. There’s a sort of dazed smile dancing over his lips.

“Tell me,” you urge. “Think of this as practice. I’m gonna teach you how to ask for what you want if it kills me, Choi Saeyoung.”

Oh, the look on his face is wonderful: delighted and spellbound.

“I want, ah…um, th-this,” he says—which isn’t really a request, but it’s a start. He takes your hand in his and guides it upwards, pushes your fingers into his hair.

“You want me to pet you?”

“Yeah, like…like how you did before.”

You comb your fingers through his messy curls, separating the strands with your fingertips. And you face is still so close to his, and he looks so hopelessly adoring, so you lean forward and kiss him again: once, quick and soft.

“Can you, uh…can you do what you did before? With my hair?” he asks weakly. What you did before…?

Oh.

You tangle your fingers in his hair a little more roughly, pulling it, and he squeaks and kisses you again, this time with unbound enthusiasm. You feel like you’ve unlocked a secret weapon.

Hand buried in his hair, you kiss just his lower lip, then the tip of his nose, his cheek, his jaw. You trail kisses down the side of his neck and he inhales sharply.

“Will you do that again?” he asks.

“This?” You kiss his neck again, gently, just under the curve of his jaw.

“Y-yes, but um…harder.”

Interesting. “Do you want me to?” you ask him—because this is practice, after all; you’re helping him—not just satisfying your own curiosity about how much he’d squirm if you just…nibbled him a little.

He giggles, high-pitched and awkward. “Mmmm…yes, I want you to,” he mutters, and that’s enough for you.

You take the smooth skin between your teeth, biting down, and he yelps. You were right—he does squirm, wiggling around like a fish. You suck the skin into your mouth, biting a little harder.

And by the time you pull away he looks dizzy; there’s a beautiful, silly grin on his face.

“That’s gonna leave a mark,” you say softly, touching the already-reddening skin with your fingertip.

“I…think I like that,” he says, with some surprise.

“Good job,” you tell him, opening your arms—he eagerly leans into you, rests his head on your chest. “That was, uh…good practice.”

He laughs, warm and open and sleepy, and you wrap your arms around him.

“Excellent practice,” he murmurs. “I’m gonna need a lot more practice, though, so…”

“I’ve got you,” you tell him. You plant a kiss on the very top of his head and he hums. “I want you to start thinking about other stuff you want too, though. Okay? Life stuff.”

He gets comfortable, snuggling sleepily into you. He’s exhausted himself worrying, you think; he needs to power down that gigantic brain.

“Aaaaanything?” he sings, his tone lighter now, more relaxed.

“I mean…” Oh no.

“I want a hundred cats!”

“Saeyoung.”

“I can get them and squish them all and have them all sleep in my bed with me?!”

“Saeyoung…”

“And make a cat army and ride into battle on the back of a giant cat?”

“No.”

“Heeeeey,” he whines, and you squeeze him tighter, stroking his beautiful, messy, overwrought head. “You said anything.”

“Within reason, honey.”

He murmurs something only half-coherent about horse-sized cats and nuzzles into your chest. You wonder how much he’s slept in the past few days, stewing over his future. It’s normal to worry about these things, you think—but for Saeyoung, who’s never once thought about his future, it’s nearly impossible.

But this is what you want for him. You want to see him make choices for himself—to learn how to put his happiness first.

“One cat,” you murmur into his hair. “Let’s start with one cat.”

He hums, head heavy.

“Three,” he mumbles. “One for each of us.”

“Sure, baby,” you tell him, curling a lock of his thick red hair around your fingertip. He’s so soft and helpless like this—dozing off curled up in your arms, humming softly as you pet his head. “If that’s what you want,” you say, “I’ll make sure it happens.”

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

Let me know if you’d like to be added to my taglist!

@currentlyprocrastinating @thesirenwashere @ultrasupernini @cro0kedme @otomefoxystar @dawn-skies06 @nad-zeta @hunterelys @pamakali @strwbryflvr

#mystic messenger #mysticmessenger #saeyoung choi #707 #saeyoung x reader #707 x reader #gureishi writes requests #xaaa-reivenx #417

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haus-seeblick · 3 years

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Suptober Day 4 - Secrets

Title: “Messy”

Rating: General Audiences

Word Count: 3,503

Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, John Winchester, Original Characters

Tags: John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Angst, Breaking The Rules, Dean is Sam's Real Parent (But he shouldn't have to be), Dean Giving Sam a Childhood, Dean Has Self-Esteem Issues, Dean Meets a Cute Boy, Unwanted Haircut, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Dean is 13 and Sam is 9

Summary: John leaves Dean and Sam alone at a motel the day before Halloween. Despite John's hard-and-fast rules about leaving the motel room, Sam convinces Dean to take him trick-or-treating. While they're out, Dean meets a boy who makes him feel like breaking the rules was worth it.

On AO3 Here

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Dean, you know the drill,” John says brusquely as he hoists the duffel over his shoulder. “Tell me the rules.”

Dean stands up from where he’s folding laundry on the motel room floor. They stopped at the laundromat this morning, John tossing Dean just enough quarters for two small loads before taking Sam along with him to the local library for research. They’ve been tracking a creature for days and John’s still not sure exactly what it is.

Dean would have loved to help with the books. Instead he sat in front of the laundry machine, exactly the same as the hundreds of others he’s fed with quarters over the years, and watched their clothes spin around and around. He noticed new holes in Sam’s jeans and socks when he moved them to the dryer. If his dad will let him use some of their wound-stitching thread, he’ll repair them after this hunt.

He faces his dad, posture straight and hands behind his back. “The rules are stay in the room, keep the doors and windows locked, don’t answer the door for anyone except you and Bobby, only spend money if I absolutely have to, and always have a weapon in reach,” he rattles off.

John nods, face impassive. “And the most important rule?”

“Protect Sammy,” Dean says firmly. He glances over to the rickety table under the window, where his scrawny little brother is filling out a worksheet. It’s part of the last round of homework their teachers had given them at their previous school, right before John took them out again to hit the road.

Dean quietly tossed his own homework in the garbage and told Sammy to finish every worksheet, because he was going to mail it back to the school and his teacher would check it. Sam’s even writing a letter in the cursive he’s learning to go along with it.

Dean has no clue what the address of the school is.

John pulls the Impala key out of his pocket and opens the door. “I’ll be out of cell range during this next leg. Check in date is Thursday. Don’t call for help until Sunday.”

Dean nods. John steps halfway out the door before turning back. He eyes Dean for a long moment, as if he’s trying to come up with something to add. Eventually he just says “I’m cutting your hair when I get back. You look messy.”

The door closes. In the silence of the room, Dean reaches up and touches his bangs. Just this morning, in the reflection of the washing machine door, he admired how his hair was curling a bit over his ears. It framed his face and made him look softer. Less skinny. More like the other boys he’d seen at school.

Oh well.

The Impala roars to life outside in the parking lot, and Dean listens until the purr of the engine fades away down the road. He looks at the half-folded pile of laundry at his feet.

“Tomorrow’s Halloween.”

Dean jumps a little. Sam’s right next to him, eyebrows raised expectantly. Dean pushes him away and drops onto the couch, nudging a balled-up pair of socks with his foot. “Don’t sneak up on me.”

Sam sits down next to him. “Dean, I think Dad forgot about Halloween.”

Dean rolls his eyes. “He didn’t forget, Sammy. It just doesn’t matter.” He avoids looking at his brother, running his fingers over the ridge of threads barely holding together the hole in his own jeans.

“But I told James I’d be a doctor,” Sam needles. “He’s gonna be a pirate.”

Sam’s ability to instantly make friends always leaves Dean feeling half-proud, half-nervous. Sam was in third grade with James for less than two weeks, and he still talks about him constantly.

Dean thinks it’s better not to get attached. He just can’t bring himself to teach Sam that particular lesson yet.

He sighs and glances at Sam. “You know you can’t trick-or-treat with James anyway, right? He’s in Denver.”

Sam groans dramatically and flops against the hard backrest of the couch. His shaggy hair falls into his face. Dean looks at the longest strands, curving past Sam’s cheekbones.

“We can just do Halloween here,” he suggests, even though he knows “buying candy from the gas station” definitely doesn’t count as necessary spending.

Sam shakes his head where it’s still resting on the couch. “That’s not real Halloween.”

“We’ve never done a real Halloween, so how would you know?” Dean’s just buying time now, putting off the moment when he has to say “no.”

The stink-eye that’s sent his way is of epic proportions. “I watch TV, Dean.”

Dean rubs his face. “Sammy--”

“--Oh, please, Dean, please!” Sam shifts into begging mode, sitting up and whipping out the puppy eyes. His left eye is half-covered by hair. “I know we’re not allowed, but can’t we break the rules just one time? It can be a secret.”

They hold eye contact for a moment, but Sam’s more stubborn. Dean looks away first, his eyes falling to the laundry on the floor. Almost unconsciously, he reaches under the lumpy couch cushion next to him and lets his fingers graze the pistol stashed there. His stomach rumbles and he wonders how far he can stretch their last cans of soup.

Suddenly, a secret doesn’t sound so bad at all.

“Okay,” he says.

Sam must’ve not expected Dean to relent, because he’s silent for a couple seconds before whooping and launching himself at Dean. “Ahh! Thank you thank you thank you!”

Dean can’t help the smile tugging at his lips. He hugs Sam back, the kid’s bony shoulder digging into his ribcage. After a moment, he pulls away and puts on his most serious face. Hands on Sam’s upper arms, he looks him straight in the eyes. “Sam, if we do this, you cannot tell Dad. Do you understand?”

Sam nods enthusiastically, still grinning. Dean digs his fingers into his arms. “Listen to me, or we’re not going.” He waits for Sam’s face to fall a little before continuing. “You can’t just not tell Dad, you can’t drop hints. You have to clean up all your wrappers. We can never talk about it. Do you get it?”

Sam’s eyes are wide now. He nods again, very small, and Dean knows he’s gotten through. He loosens his grip on Sam’s arms. “All right, then. How are we gonna make you look like a doctor?”

Sam beams.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next night, they lock the motel room door behind them and head out. The neighborhood that starts a few streets behind the motel is pretty normal, as far as Dean can tell. The houses aren’t super big, but the yards are, and there are toys scattered on some of the lawns. The biggest house on the corner even has a tree swing. The big tree reminds him of the one in their front yard in Lawrence. He tries not to think about that too much.

It’s dark, and chilly -- they’re still in Colorado -- and Dean holds his jacket closed in front of his chest. The zipper broke a couple weeks ago. Ahead of him, Sam doesn’t seem to feel the cold at all. His “doctor coat” flaps behind his legs as he skips down the sidewalk. It’s just a sheet from the bed that Dean stuck together with safety pins in a certain way (it doesn’t look like a coat at all, but the mirror in the motel bathroom was shattered so Sam couldn’t see it anyway). He hung their stethoscope from the big first-aid kit around Sam’s neck, with the express instruction not to lose it, and he emptied the rest of the first-aid kit onto the couch so Sam could carry the empty box with the big red cross and look professional.

Sam hasn’t smiled this much in weeks. Dean’s neck is crawling with the knowledge that he’s breaking rules, bigtime, but he shakes it off. They’re out now. It’s done.

Sam has already latched on to a group of kids making their way up the drive to a single-story brick house. Dean hears him introduce himself, sees him flash the big toothy smile that Dean told him makes him look friendly. The other kids compliment his stethoscope, and Dean relaxes a little.

Everyone in the group is wearing what looks like homemade costumes, too — there’s another bedsheet, draped over a short kid’s head like a ghost (if only ghosts actually looked like that, Dean thinks); and a long black coat, obviously from an adult, dwarfing a kid who Dean’s pretty sure is supposed to be a vampire. Sam, in his makeshift getup, fits right in.

Dean’s trailing behind the group, letting Sam do his making-friends thing, when he notices another older kid doing the same. He looks about Dean’s age, maybe a year older, fourteen or so, and he’s dressed like an angel with a blue halo made out of pipe cleaners. The rest of his outfit is normal, though — a t-shirt that’s printed to look like a suit and tie, under a regular puffy winter coat. Dean’s eyes linger on him as they follow the younger kids up to the house. When they come to a stop so Sam can ring the doorbell, the other boy looks over at Dean, too.

“Hi,” he says. In the yellow glow of the porchlight, his eyes look greenish blue. “I’m Al.” He reaches out a hand. Dean looks at it for a moment, then takes it. They shake. Al’s hand is warm and smooth, a stark contrast to Dean’s freezing, calloused palm. Dean wishes he could hold on a bit longer.

“Dean,” he replies, dropping Al’s hand. He’s not sure what to say next. That’s Sam’s area of expertise.

Luckily, Al doesn’t let him flounder long. “Do you live around here?” he asks, friendly and curious. Dean’s used to hearing that question asked with a thick layer of suspicion, usually out of the mouth of some nosy adult. He still gives his practiced answer, though.

“No, me and my brother are just visiting our grandparents for a couple days.”

Al nods, accepting the lie easily. “I thought I’d never seen you at school.” He points at the sheet-clad ghost. “That’s my sister Katie. She’s seven. It’s the first time our parents are letting me take her trick-or-treating on our own.”

Dean smiles and gestures at Sam, who’s holding the empty first-aid kit out to the homeowner for candy. “That’s Sam. He’s nine. Same deal for us.”

“I like his costume,” Al says. Dean bristles for a moment, until he realizes Al’s being sincere.

“Thanks,” he replies. “I like Katie’s too.” He sweeps his eyes over Al again. “Why are you wearing a fake suit with your halo?”

Al looks down at himself and laughs sheepishly, smoothing down the front of his t-shirt. “I wanted to do a toga with a sheet, but it’s way too cold. I just dressed up ‘cause Katie wanted me to. The halo was the quickest thing.”

“It works,” Dean assures him, suddenly wanting Al to feel good about himself. He shuffles his feet a little, kicking at the fallen leaves littering the walkway. Al smiles at him and something grows in Dean’s chest, a warm, glowing ball, making everything feel tight and tingly. He’s not sure what to do with it.

Sam appears at his elbow suddenly, much to Dean’s relief. He ruffles Sam’s hair. “What’d you get?”

Already chewing on something that looks very caramelly as it squishes between his teeth, Sam holds out the first-aid kit. “She gave me two big ones!” he announces around his mouthful. Two full-sized Milky Ways, one already half-unwrapped, slide around in the box.

“Cool,” Dean says. “Don’t get a stomachache.”

“They’re gonna get stomachaches,” Al says ruefully as Sam and Katie bounce down the driveway to hit the next house. “We should steal some of their candy, y’know, just to protect them.”

The word protect briefly jolts Dean out of his growing sense of relaxation and he sneakily pats his chest, feeling the sheathed knife tucked away in the inside pocket. He makes sure he can still see Sammy (now bounding up the walkway of the next house), and takes a breath. Everything’s under control.

“You okay?” Al’s looking at him with his eyebrows drawn together, a lock of dark hair falling into the crease. He has nice hair, Dean decides. Floppy and kind of messy, squished flat in the middle by the band of the pipe cleaner halo.

“Yep,” he says, forcing the cheer into his voice. If Al notices, he doesn’t say anything. They continue to follow their siblings through the neighborhood, leaving some distance so they can talk. Al tells Dean about school, that he likes science and hates history, that his favorite band is Journey, that he wants to play soccer but his dad wants him to play football, and that he wants to be a veterinarian.

“I like cars,” Dean says in response. “I’m not great at school. Not sure what I wanna do when I grow up.”

Not sure how to tell you that I’ll probably be hunting monsters for the rest of my life.

Al leans on the picket fence of the house that they’re currently waiting outside. “You could be a teacher,” he says.

Dean narrows his eyes at him in confusion. “I just told you I’m bad at school.”

Al shrugs. “My favorite teacher says he didn’t like school. That’s why he’s so good at helping us. He gets it.”

The heavy layer of clouds above them breaks, and a ray of moonlight lands across Al’s face. They’re standing between streetlights, so the silvery glow makes Al’s blueish eyes gleam. Dean finds he has to breathe a little harder than normal. He shakes his head.

“Nah, if anyone’s gonna be a teacher, it’s Sammy. He’s really smart.”

Al hums and pushes off the fence. Sam and Katie are moving on again. “I don’t know, man. You seem smart to me.” He pats Dean on the shoulder, the warmth of his hand seeping through Dean’s threadbare jacket.

In the relative darkness, Dean smiles so hard his eyes squeeze shut.

Eventually, they’ve stopped at every house in the neighborhood. Dean’s pockets are full of the candy that doesn’t fit into Sam’s overflowing first-aid kit. Al’s coat pockets are bulging, too. Sam and Katie run sugar-hyped circles under a streetlight while Dean and Al stand on the corner, looking at each other a bit awkwardly.

“Uh-- I’m glad we ran into you guys,” Al says finally. “You’re really cool.”

Dean’s glad that he’s the one facing away from the streetlight, because his cheeks heat up and probably look way pinker than they would from just the cold.

“You too,” he says. “Wish we lived around here.”

“Where do you live?” Al asks. “You know, just in case we ever take a road trip.”

Unless your destination’s my dad’s car, I don’t think you’re gonna run into me.

“Sioux Falls,” he says. “South Dakota. I live with my uncle.”

If Al finds that strange, he doesn’t pry. Dean could hug him. He wants to hug him.

Katie comes barrelling over, dragging her pillowcase of candy along the pavement. She’s huffing from running around, ghost sheet dangling half off her body. “Al, I’m soooo tired.” She flops against her brother. Sam comes trotting up behind her and grins at Dean. Dean tries to smile back, but there’s a lump in his throat, something that’s making it hard to breathe.

Al pats Katie on the head. “We should probably go home, anyway. It’s getting late.”

Still taking tight little breaths, Dean nods. “Uh-- yeah, us too. See if Sam can sleep off the sugar rush.”

“How long are you staying with your grandparents?” Al asks.

Dean looks at his feet. Weighs the pros and cons of sneaking out again. He’d have to take Sam; there aren’t actually any grandparents who could watch him.

He can’t risk it.

“We’re going home tomorrow morning,” he says, every word dropping like lead. Sam shoots him a confused look, but he ignores it.

Unless he’s imagining it, Al’s face seems to fall. “Aw, too bad. Wait! Hang on.” He rummages through his candy-heavy pockets until he pulls out a little spiral notebook and a nub of a pencil. He writes something on a page and rips it out. He hands it to Dean.

“Our phone number,” he says with a little smile. He steps forward and the streetlight catches his eyes again. Dean thinks that in the sunlight, they’d be bright blue. Al gestures at the paper. “You’ve got a phone at your uncle’s, right? Maybe you can call me sometime.”

There are way too many feelings jumbling around in Dean’s chest for him to say anything coherent, so he just nods. Al smiles wider. “Cool. I’m happy we met you.” He takes one more step forward and — Dean stops breathing altogether — wraps his arms briefly around Dean’s shoulders. He’s very warm. His hair smells good. Dean’s brain doesn’t catch up quite in time, and he misses his chance to hug back. The edge of Al’s halo brushes Dean’s forehead as he pulls away.

“Thanks for hanging out,” Al says, putting his arm around Katie’s shoulders and turning to go. “Have a good drive back home!”

Dean clears his throat. “Bye, guys,” he says lamely. Sam waves enthusiastically to make up for it. They stand under the streetlight for a long few minutes, watching Al and Katie go.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sam manages to eat every piece of candy by Thursday morning, which is the day they’re supposed to hear from John. Dean makes him eat canned vegetable soup in between meals of Mars bars and Skittles. They scrounge the motel room for wrappers, tossing them all into a big garbage bag that Dean’s going to throw into the dumpster outside. He finishes folding the laundry, counts the money to make sure it’s all there, re-packs the first aid kit, and puts the sheet back on the bed without the safety pins.

Anytime the unease creeps in about having broken the rules, he looks at his brother’s shining face and pushes it back down. He and Sam rehearse their story in case John asks them what they did and Sam even finishes all of his worksheets. Dean folds them up and hides them at the very bottom of his duffle. He tells Sam he put them into the mailbox in the motel office.

And every few hours, he pulls the folded little piece of notebook paper out of his pocket and looks at it. In careful handwriting, Al had written:

Alan Montgomery

(from Halloween. I hope you call.)

And his phone number.

Thursday afternoon, Dean takes the candy-wrapper garbage bag out to the parking lot. At the last second, he pulls Al’s note out of his jeans. After a long moment of reading and re-reading it, he gently folds it back up and tosses it into the bag. He throws the whole thing into the dumpster.

But not before memorizing the number.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

John gets home late Thursday night. Before they check out of the motel on Friday, John sits Dean down on the toilet seat in the bathroom and pulls out his electric clippers.

While John has his back turned, plugging in the clippers by the sink, Dean pushes his hand through his hair, feeling the soft strands bunch up between his fingers and fall back down onto his ears. He remembers Al’s messy hair brushing his cheek when they hugged.

John flips the clippers on and the buzzing fills the bathroom. For the second time, Dean is glad that the mirror is shattered.

With every lock of hair that tumbles to the ground, Dean recites Al’s number in his head.

“There,” John says gruffly, after the floor and Dean’s lap are littered with honey brown strands. “You look like a man again.”

Dean stands up, brushing off his jeans. His head feels cold. “I’ll get a broom,” he says.

He’s halfway out the bathroom door when John says “Dean.”

Dean freezes, already wondering where he left a wrapper, how John found the garbage bag, if Sam let something slip. He slowly turns back. John’s wrapping the cord around the clippers.

“I need you to come on the next hunt. We’ll drop Sam off at Bobby’s.”

Bobby’s, where the telephone is. Dean’s heart beats hard for a different reason now. He tries to look casual. “Are we gonna stay for a bit?”

John’s already shaking his head before Dean’s done talking. He pushes past him and drops the clippers into his duffel bag on the bed. “No. We’ll be on the road for a while.” He stops and looks at Dean. “Weren’t you going to find a broom?”

Dean loads a dustpan with his hair and empties it on top of the garbage bag in the dumpster.

He whispers Al’s number again.

#suptober21 #sorry for the angst #it's Hating John Hours over here #Al is not intended to be a time-traveling Cas btw #I just liked the idea of a pipe-cleaner halo and of Dean having a type #Anyway Dean is Sam's parent #Fuck John Winchester #Dean deserved a cute teenage boyfriend #spn fanfic #ficlet

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thehierophage · 3 years

Text

March 25, 2022 e.v.

Dies Veneris,

An Vviii e.l.

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

The Day of Pé, the Day of the Blasted Tower

Hebrew Letter: Pé

Numerical Value as Letter: 80

Numerical Value as Word: 81 / 85 (Pé+Aleph or Pé+Hé)

Meaning: Mouth.

Thoth Card: The Tower (Atu XVI)

Alternate Title: The Lord of the Hosts of the Mighty, The House of God, The Blasted Tower.

Image:

Correspondences:

Tree of Life Path Association: Key 27 - Netzach to Hod (from Sephira 7-8)

Astrological Sign: Mars

Element: -

Egyptian Godforms: Horus, Mentu, Set, Onuris

Geomantic Figure: Pentagram

Gemstones: Ruby, any red stone.

Perfumes: Pepper, Dragon's Blood, Cape Aloes, all hot pungent odors.

Plants: Wormwood, Rue, Ribwort, Sulphurwort

Animals: Horse, Bear, Wolf, Boar, Jaguar

Colors:

King Scale – Scarlet

Queen Scale – Red

Prince Scale – Venetian red

Princess Scale – Bright red rayed azure or orange

The Secret Instruction of the Master:

Break down the fortress of thine Individual Self, that thy Truth may spring free from the ruins!

Mnemonic:

Bellona, scream! Unhood the Hawks! The roar

Of Universes crashing into War!

Recommended Text for Meditation: Liber Liberi vel Lapdis Lazuli, cap. I

Liber Liberi vel Lapdis Lazuli

Adumbratio Kabbalae Aegyptiorum

Sub Figura VII

Being the Voluntary Emancipation of a certain Exempt Adept from his Adeptship. These are the Birth-Words of a Master of the Temple.

A.˙.A.˙.

Publication in Class A.

Imprimatur:

N. Fra A.˙. A.˙.

1. My God, how I love Thee!

2. With the vehement appetite of a beast I hunt Thee through the Universe.

3. Thou art standing as it were upon a pinnacle at the edge of some fortified city. I am a white bird, and perch upon Thee.

4. Thou art My Lover: I see Thee as a nymph with her white limbs stretched by the spring.

5. She lies upon the moss; there is none other but she:

6. Art Thou not Pan?

7. I am He. Speak not, O my God! Let the work be accomplished in silence.

8. Let my cry of pain be crystallized into a little white fawn to run away into the forest!

9. Thou art a centaur, O my God, from the violet-blossoms that crown Thee to the hoofs of the horse.

10. Thou art harder than tempered steel; there is no diamond beside Thee.

11. Did I not yield this body and soul?

12. I woo thee with a dagger drawn across my throat.

13. Let the spout of blood quench Thy blood-thirst, O my God!

14. Thou art a little white rabbit in the burrow Night.

15. I am greater than the fox and the hole.

16. Give me Thy kisses, O Lord God!

17. The lightning came and licked up the little flock of sheep.

18. There is a tongue and a flame; I see that trident walking over the sea.

19. A phoenix hath it for its head; below are two prongs. They spear the wicked.

20. I will spear Thee, O Thou little grey god, unless Thou beware!

21. From the grey to the gold; from the gold to that which is beyond the gold of Ophir.

22. My God! but I love Thee!

23. Why hast Thou whispered so ambiguous things? Wast Thou afraid, O goat-hoofed One, O horned One, O pillar of lightning?

24. From the lightning fall pearls; from the pearls black specks of nothing.

25. I based all on one, one on naught.

26. Afloat in the aether, O my God, my God!

27. O Thou great hooded sun of glory, cut off these eyelids!

28. Nature shall die out; she hideth me, closing mine eyelids with fear, she hideth me from My destruction, O Thou open eye.

29. O ever-weeping One!

30. Not Isis my mother, nor Osiris my self; but the incestuous Horus given over to Typhon, so may I be!

31. There thought; and thought is evil.

32. Pan! Pan! Io Pan! it is enough.

33. Fall not into death, O my soul! Think that death is the bed into which you are falling!

34. O how I love Thee, O my God! Especially is there a vehement parallel light from infinity, vilely diffracted in the haze of this mind.

35. I love Thee. I love Thee. I love Thee.

36. Thou art a beautiful thing whiter than a woman in the column of this vibration.

37. I shoot up vertically like an arrow, and become that Above.

38. But it is death, and the flame of the pyre.

39. Ascend in the flame of the pyre, O my soul! Thy God is like the cold emptiness of the utmost heaven, into which thou radiatest thy little light.

40. When Thou shall know me, O empty God, my flame shall utterly expire in Thy great N. O. X.

41. What shalt Thou be, my God, when I have ceased to love Thee?

42. A worm, a nothing, a niddering knave!

43. But Oh! I love Thee.

44. I have thrown a million flowers from the basket of the Beyond at Thy feet, I have anointed Thee and Thy Staff with oil and blood and kisses.

45. I have kindled Thy marble into life - ay! into death.

46. I have been smitten with the reek of Thy mouth, that drinketh never wine but life.

47. How the dew of the Universe whitens the lips!

48. Ah! trickling flow of the stars of the mother Supernal, begone!

49. I Am She that should come, the Virgin of all men.

50. I am a boy before Thee, O Thou satyr God.

51. Thou wilt inflict the punishment of pleasure - Now! Now! Now!

52. Io Pan! Io Pan! I love Thee. I love Thee.

53. O my God, spare me!

54. Now! It is done! Death.

55. I cried aloud the word - and it was a mighty spell to bind the Invisible, an enchantment to unbind the bound; yea, to unbind the bound.

Love is the law, love under will.

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romanceboys · 4 years

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(interview) cosmopolitan korea november issue 2020 — shining visual, shinee key

1. agreeing to have a magazine photoshoot scheduled a week after discharge must not have been an easy decision. i tried my best to not look like the military had changed me during my service. people don’t notice when you’re in a good condition, but when you come out in a poor state, they notice right away. this will probably be my last schedule for the month of october. i want to rest for a bit. 2. that's understandable. how was your military life? what i gained from the army were health and people. while i was in the military band, i came across many non-celeb friends, especially young friends who did music. it was an opportunity to learn about what people like these days. though adjusting was hard, it was fun. 3. some say that the mandatory service is like a vacation for workaholic idols. would you sympathise? vacation doesn’t seem like the right word, rather i was able to live a planned life. there was time dedicated to resting, training, sleeping, etc., a daily routine. i liked having to live doing things regularly. 4. for key, dancing and singing are a given, but you do more than the usual with acting, variety tv, musicals, etc. i’m curious about whether you tend to showcase only what you’ve gotten good at on your own, since you’re smart, or is it the result of your ceaseless efforts? besides music, i think the rest is just packaged well. though i can’t make it look like i’m doing really well when i do things poorly, it’s got to do with good marketing too. i also think i have a good grasp of how to look like i’m doing well. 5. it’s said that people who are lively and can express themselves definitively end up incurring the public’s wrath at least once, but over the course of 13 years, there was no such happening. others might not know, but i was aware of many of my failures. there were several shows that i didn’t stand out in, or many times when neither talking nor singing worked. through such experiences i think i was able to cultivate my judgement. 6. all celebrities showcase themselves, but they don’t do so without hesitation. comparatively, key tends to express himself naturally. and so, ‘naturally-talented celebrity,’ one with many talents, comes to mind. had i stayed still and not shown myself, i don’t know what would have happened. i probably wouldn’t have been able to shoot for a photoshoot like today’s either. i’m the type of person who has to do multiple things simultaneously. for instance, i was able to do <amazing saturday - do re mi market> after 10 years of debut. through this program, there were many who most likely saw me and my personality for the first time. but had i not done it, would there be many people curious about me when i’m not in the public’s eye? of course not. though there are people who can arouse the public’s curiosity just by staying still, i don’t think i’m one of them. 7. your objective assessment of yourself is quite cold. i learned that the more you keep denying yourself, the more uncomfortable it gets. there are those who set an absolute standard for themselves and even improve by working towards it, but i don’t think i fall into that category. i came to a realisation by trying out things this way and that way, and then by staying still. in the end, i learned that being passive wasn’t the answer. even if i like my career as a celebrity, it’s meaningless if the people don’t like me. 8. what’s your judgement criteria for making choices? back in the day, i would do things people would like even if i disliked it. but now if i’m unsure about it, i don’t do it. i realised that forcing myself to do something in such an ambiguous state would not make a huge difference to my life. but you never know. i’m saying this now but then i might end up taking on many things randomly. however, what’s certain is the need for something new. 9. in the ‘solitary chatroom’ fans asked about your plans following discharge, to which you replied “i’ll probably be doing something?” have you not found something new to do yet? i’m troubled over whether to start youtube or not. i doubt people will be curious about my unbroadcasted, ‘off’ (-camera) appearance. the problem isn’t whether to start youtube or not, it’s the how that is important too. i haven’t found the answer to whether i can do it unabashedly. while competing with professional youtubers, i don’t even know if my content will be competitive enough. i’ve been deliberating for a long time. 10. after seeing you and your fans converse like friends in the ‘solitary chatroom,’ i felt that you adore each other. it took a long time for me to reach the point where i could show myself to the fans to my heart’s content. the fans must have waited for a long time too. in the past, i was focused on presenting myself to the public. i did take care of my fans back then too, but i thought it was more meaningful for me to show new people new things. whereas, now i know that if i continue to tread in the right manner, people who like me will continue to like me. it seems more proper to deliver high-quality content to those who are waiting for me. 11. it’s your 13th year of debut. i think you might feel beyond colleague camaraderie for the shinee members. whether we like it or not, i think it’s affection. it's all inevitable and natural. it’s difficult to answer questions that ask about how much i love the members or how close we are. it’s like asking one how much they love their mother. neither colleagues, nor friends, nor family; it’s a relationship that is hard to describe. 12. one idol vented, “it’s upsetting that idols are given secondhand treatment despite being young for the years of experience they have.” have you ever had these thoughts? of course. but i do get why people think that way. it’s because they must have seen them working as idols for a long time. if that’s the case, then they (idols) should switch it up; towards something different, something that’s enjoyable to the public. on that note, rain and lee hyori seniors are quite cool and amazing. while continuing to dance and sing, they’ve chosen to keep up with the times as well. 13. it seems like key possesses the perspective of a content creator rather than an artist. i think the duties of an artist seem to be gradually increasing. youtube has become as popular as the television these days. that’s why i believe one should be able to adapt. 14. is there an unexpected side to you that people don’t know of? i have a simple side to myself, but people don’t seem to know about it. haha. i mentioned this to my military juniors as well that i prefer receiving a letter over presents. i feel like people are burdened by the idea that it’s a must to buy me something nice. of course, since they only see me on sns or tv, they might feel that way, but i’m truly a simple person. 15. what is key’s definition of a break? it’s thinking no thoughts. when i’m having fun or sleeping, i don’t think about work. that moment itself becomes my break. in our line of work, i believe we can change the quality depending on how much we involve ourselves in the process. and so, obviously, you end up with a lot to think about. when i watch a movie, i end up projecting myself onto the character; when i listen to music, i wonder about the song. back in the day, i couldn’t watch audition survival programs at all. because my hands and feet would tremble. this happened so naturally. that’s why i don’t have a tv at home. i only watch what i want to watch separately. 16. when do you feel that you’re a pretty decent person? (there has been) many a time when i like myself but the word decent is making me quite worried. haha. honestly, i’ve had a group of friends for 10 years now. they come running whenever i call them, even if people curse me out i feel nothing when these friends are around. going by the friends i have then, i’m not that terrible of a person, am i? i actually feel the sorriest towards the people who work with me. i can’t help but say things they’d dislike since it’s necessary for work. but seeing how i’m concerned over this itself makes me a pretty decent person, doesn’t it? haha. 17. as i listen to you talk, you seem very simple-minded but also a deeply complex person. being simple-minded is the easiest thing yet the hardest. you have to give up on a lot but can’t because it’s hard and scary. i came to this realisation naturally without any wake up call. 18. do you feel burdened by the fact that your future as shinee key depends on the choices you make now? no. it’s been a long time since i set goals for myself. i believe i will continue to find more work if i do the things i’m assigned without disappointing others. when i was young, i never once thought i’d become the key i am today. it’s just that now there are more people who favourably view my choices than before, so i expect it’ll be the same in the future. 19. only a confident person would be able to say that. i’m easily frightened but i don’t dread. i worry thinking ‘is this right?’ but when it comes down to making a decision i do it conclusively. people who dread a lot don’t take risks, but those with fears don’t run away.

translated by romanceboys — take out with full credit (source)

#shinee #key #kim kibum #cosmopolitan korea november issue 2020 #interview #translations #e:the story of light epilogue #key:enlistment hiatus

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youarejesting · 4 years

Text

Quarantine.70

[Masterlist]

Beta: N/A Pairing: BTS x reader Friends2Lovers Genres: friendship, drama, romance SLOWEST OF BURNS. until the anticipation kills us all… Rating: PG-13 and above Summary: Your brother works with a few BigHit dance teams and whilst having permission to accompany him at work the city shuts down banning anyone from stepping outside for a whole WEEK while they disinfect the streets. If you step outside you might get arrested, shot, or poisoned by the chemicals they are emitting through the city. Words: 1.3k Announcement: This is the end of this Arc we have an interlude and then the final ARC begins there is a great deal of events I am so excited to write about so stay tuned

[Part 1] [Part 69] [Part 71] [Tag Yourself Here]

Mister Dong walked you to the elevator and you took out your phone and began recording hoping to catch a confession to use against him. “Did you tip off the press?”

“Not me, But it happened at the right time, someone else ratted on you, before you could affect the boys career.” He sneered

“You're an asshole, you know that right, I perpetually hate you,” you smiled at him as you got into his car. “The anger is bubbling inside me and I hope you know I won’t go down without a fight”

“I know, that’s why I have an ultimatum, you leave for good from South Korea and take this money and I will let your brother and Areum keep their jobs” he smirked, “think about that.”

“So you're threatening me and my family, that if I don’t leave the country you will fire my brother and his girlfriend?” You were beyond furious with the man, what the hell did he think he was doing, why was he trying to sabotage the boys and yourself. What the hell did he gain? The more you pondered the more you wondered if he was actually working for another company.

He pulled up outside your brother's home and you stepped out phone ringing. Answering you gave mister Dong the finger as he left in his car. “Hello Mal-chin are you okay?”

“Are you okay?” His voice was shaking, he sounded close to tears but not from sadness, he almost sounded like he was in shock “that article, I just saw it. It's from my dad's Pen name. He is a reporter. I didn’t think he would do something like this, I am so sorry?”

“It’s okay, I hated being treated like some kind of saint and getting awards, whilst keeping such a big thing a secret” There really was something freeing about finally getting the judgement you deserved.

“You don’t hate me?” His voice was so tiny and unsure, you smiled softly, no longer feeling the weight on your shoulders but you felt a little sick. Sick that he had to deal with the negative sides of his father's work.

“No I don’t hate you” you sighed, phone buzzing, “I have to go I have another call”

“Hey, Y/n, don’t worry, we have just posted the official article about what happened. The new report says our officers are responsible for shooting the man and you were just present we spun the story a little to pardon you from the limelight”

“I am sending a statement, read it and memorise it if any reporters ask you to tell them exactly what is written” you agreed and quickly hung up.

“I was there, with former captain Won-shik and his team, mister Kim Seokjin and we had just rescued Jeon Jungkook, who had been taken by Mister Choi’s people we were heading back in a peaceful rescue mission to retrieve him when we ran straight into Mister Choi he held a gun to Seokjin’s head and told us to stay back. As we were trying to negotiate I got to close and he shot me in the leg while the soldier shot him before he could kill anyone else” You mumbled it felt a little like a lie but the officer on the phone said you were working with Major Won-shik and a part of the team so they consider you in that moment a soldier and are keeping it ambiguous.

Thanking that you had a spare key to your brothers new house, you headed inside and took a seat on the couch. Jungkook facetimed you, you could see him and Taehyung sitting on the couch in the living room. “Can you sneak over?”

“Not tonight boys, Mister Dong has banned me from seeing you. He is threatening Areum and Thomas’ jobs, I am wondering what I should do?”

“What do you mean wondering?” Yoongi hissed snatching the phone and looking at you through the screen. “If you are even contemplating it then clearly we are dispensable and you should just leave”

“Woah Yoongi that is harsh,” Hoseok said as Jimin tried to calm him down. “We all were contemplating quitting for her and she isn’t thinking the same way?” “Listen if it was my job on the line I would, but it is my brothers and his girlfriend. I would never kill someone to save myself’

“That’s funny, the news says you would” He spat, throwing the phone onto the couch you assumed he left judging by the others calling out his name, Taehyung called your name but you hung up.

Everyone was too stressed but that was such a childish way to handle the situation. You called your brother, hoping the three of you could come to a decision. Needless to say the two refused to let you sacrifice your happiness for their jobs.

It had been almost an entire week since you had spoken to the boys, of course they texted you and you texted politely back but you were working through things. Mostly paperwork with Doctor Chang at his little clinic and your liaison with the Korean army was Major Won-shik who was filing the paperwork and you were given a full military scholarship to be Doctor Changs apprentice.

Finally on the friday you were meeting Wendy and Mal-chin after work the three of you were having a wonderful time, eating frozen yoghurt and window shopping, Mal-chin's hair was still so long and you couldn’t see his eyes.

“Hey do you want me to get you an appointment for a haircut?” He didn’t seem to like that idea as in a split second he blanched before trying to tame his expression. “No, it’s okay if you don’t want to, do you want me to pin your hair out of your eyes?”

He nodded and looked up at you softly letting you move his hair to the side retrieving a pin from your hair you frowned, “I only have a little bow clip, is that okay?”

“It will be fine, I don’t know anyone here besides you two. Just don’t make me look silly.” He smiled and you placed them into his hair. He checked his reflection and deemed it appropriate before you each continued on.

“Let’s have some dinner” The three of you had dinner and you walked Mal-chin to the train where he returned the clip.

“Thank you for letting me borrow it” He smiled, “I just don’t want to cut my hair yet, a lot of guys my age have long hair so I want to fit in and make friends”

“I get it, try all these fun things, while you're young, it’s just hair and you have the rest of your life to change how it looks and the colour--” Cut off by a big hug your last words a wheeze.

“Thank you for everything, for just being here even though my dad…” He sniffed eyes watering and he wiped it on the corner of his dress coat sleeve. “If ever you need anything, I will help however I can”

“Well actually, I know your dad is a good reporter, perhaps we can do business, I have someone I want him to look into”

The meeting was called at the end of the week, on Saturday and officially your name was cleared. There wasn’t much to do that morning, Wendy and Mal-chin had already helped pick out a business outfit, ‘something powerful like the girls in Kdrama’s’ Mal-chin had proposed when you presented them with the challenge of appropriate attire.

So here you were feeling bad ass with some heels and it had taken a long time to be able to walk in them again and tight black business pants and a deep purple v neck with cap sleeves. You had your nails and hair done as a group, Mal-chin obviously sitting out when it came to the salon but sporting a navy nail polish.

But you were ready and you meant business, this was going to be one meeting they wouldn’t forget for a long time. Because you had information they didn’t know about Mister Dong.

[Part 1] [Part 69] [Part 71] [Tag Yourself Here]

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rangerlink · 4 years

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it’s interesting to think about how, even though Link is the Hero of Hyrule, there are a lot of Links that aren’t actually from Hyrule at all

Zelda Classic is hard to tell and it’s not really gone into because NES, but it seems like Link just lives in the woods? Anyway the part of Hyrule he’s in has been totally abandoned, probably for a while

Then in Ocarina of Time he’s a Hylian, but he grew up with the Kokiri and thought he was one of them, and had to be told about Hyrule’s creation myth by the Deku Tree because he presumably didn’t know it, and why would he?

It’s kind of the same situation in Twilight Princess, where Link’s a Hylian who was basically adopted by a village that’s outside of Hyrule. Like Ordon’s situation is kind of ambiguous, but the characters don’t seem to think of it as properly Hyrule (see: Rusl saying that Link has never been to Hyrule, Shad correcting someone who assumed Link was from Hyrule). It definitely has a totally different culture from Hyrule though. It kind of seems like it was low-key annexed by Hyrule when the Lost/Faron Woods became more navigable, and that’s why it’s a province like Faron/Eldin/Lanayru? Idk

And then in Wind Waker, Hyrule just straight-up doesn’t exist anymore, and some of the islands have traditions based in Hyrule’s existence but by-and-large they have their own culture.

(Skyward Sword is interesting because that Link isn’t technically from Hyrule, but Skyloft worships the same goddesses Hyrule does and it’s presumably where Hylian culture grew from, so)

And like I have no idea where I’m going with this, but it’s interesting to think about because what does it mean to be the Chosen Hero of a country you’re not even from?? What does it mean to be the Hero Chosen by the Gods when you may or may not believe in or even have heard of those gods??

I guess when you’re Link you just kind of go along with what people are telling you, because maybe somebody you care about is being endangered by whatever you’re supposed to fight or maybe you’re just a kid so you feel like you don’t have much choice....

(behind the cut is basically a case study of Wind Waker with these thoughts in mind, but also kind of just me going off about how good the end of Wind Waker is, if that interests you)

But then thinking about Wind Waker, Link isn’t even initially chosen be the gods (I think)? And he has to prove his worth to them, and initially he’s mostly doing this so he can save his sister, and then he does save his sister but like, King Daphnes is his friend so of course he’s going to help him out, and Tetra has become his friend too (and he also kinda Likes her) and Ganondorf is still after her, and Ganondorf’s plans are still kinda ambiguous at this point but according to King Daphnes, he’s endangering the Great Sea as well, so Link ends up on the Traditional Link Journey anyway?

And it’s interesting that in this game there are so many references to Ocarina of Time, but they’re juxtaposed against a Link who doesn’t and couldn’t understand any of them. Like the stained glass windows of the Seven Sages, for the player they’re a really exciting nod to characters they probably know and love, but to Link they’re just some people.

But the thing about Wind Waker is that the big decision in the end is made by King Daphnes, the only adult on the hero’s team and the only one who remembers Hyrule. And he decides that the right thing to do is to let Hyrule go. To allow Link and Tetra and everyone else in the Great Sea to make their own future.

Like, Link simply doesn’t have the knowledge and understanding of Hyrule’s history he’d need to make that choice. He’s like 13 years old and kind of dumb in the way that 13 year olds are, and he didn’t grow up in this, and it hasn’t really been explained to him except in broad strokes, basically in order to get him to agree to be The Hero. Like, he takes on the role of the Hero of Hyrule, but he has no idea what that means or how much worse it could have gone for him, you know? And it’s so important that King Daphnes recognizes that, and I think recognizes how unfair the role of The Princess Zelda is to Tetra as well. He recognizes that they’re not from Hyrule and they shouldn’t be the ones who have to deal with its problems.

Like you can see why it’s so fun to think about Zelda games with the idea of Link Not Being From Hyrule in mind!!! Like, I’d love to think more about Twilight Princess through this lens, since it was a bit of dialogue from that game that inspired this line of thought in the first place. (and then if you brought Ocarina of Time into it you could talk about Agency and how much of it Link actually has, but that’s another story for another time)

#loz meta #Wind Waker #loz #the legend of zelda #twilight princess #ocarina of time #Skyward Sword #zelda classic #i'm probably overtagging this but oh well #i speak

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casually-inlove · 5 years

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Hi can u analyze again She Li and is his relationship with Mo, please? I really love read what you think about them

Hi~ I actually did write a few things about them previously – you can read those posts here and here. My opinion of them hasn’t changed all that much.

So for your ask I’m gonna jot some thoughts about this chapter only.

Firstly it’s quite remarkable that She Li already had quite the reputation before transferring into the school. Mo heard things about him. And, it’s a bit of guess on my part, I’m thinking that She Li was rumoured to be a tough fighter because of his medical condition. Let’s recall that as a child he didn’t feel any pain and the doc advised his parents to give him a treatment. It’s uncertain at this point just how well the treatment went, but I’m guessing that by the age of 12-13 y.o. She Li still experienced some residual effects. Of course, it’s only a guess. The “fought hard” part could mean that he was an experienced or/and calculating fighter, etc but I don’t think it’s a stretch to assume that his physical condition contributed to that.

What also kinda stood out to me is that a young kid like that quickly figured out how to handle a grown-up attacker. She Li didn’t even hesitate to grab that bottle – it’s such a pragmatic move, not to mention that it’s very dangerous.

The most important part is probably how She Li immediately tried to use the situation to his advantage. He purposefully planted the idea that the destitute man might have died and that if they called the police, they would get in trouble, and without giving the other boy a breather or time to think he immediately went on about “owing him a favour”, implying that Mo owes him a life. I must say that’s a pretty dirty move. Swindlers of all sorts resort to that: they use the heightened emotions of the victim and their confusion to convince them to do as they say. She Li saw the attack, assessed the situation, and practically decided to prey on Mo.

I also have the impression that the cause of death was left ambiguous on purpose, although it’s pretty clear that Mo believes he’s guilty. I really wouldn’t put it past She Li to manipulate him into believing so. The man could have died in a traffic accident indeed, but She Li might have bent the rumours to make it seem like it’s just a cover-up or something.

The whole “you owe me” also takes a new additional meaning. For once, She Li literally says that Mo owes him his life. That’s a hell of leverage over someone regardless of the circumstances. But more than that, with the newest chapter reveal, it sounds like a threat of blackmail. “We murdered someone, so we are in this together. You know that I know and you know that I can make this information public”. That kind of message is even more effective, considering that Mo believes himself to be guilty. It certainly made him easy to manipulate.

All in all, She Li had him caught in his web. Perhaps he similarly assembled his gang – preyed upon people and exploited their dire situations to his advantage and then made sure they can’t leave him because they were made to be partners in crime. Kinda like ruling with shared guilt. I suppose it went only downhill from there, as the manhua suggests that She Li was involved in shady things (that chapter where he tried to convince Mo to take the fall for some suspicious looking grown-up fellow, who might have been a member of some gang – kinda makes you wonder if She Li, too, dabbled in criminal activities).

I guess for She Li it’s incomprehensible that someone managed to slip off his hook. Supposedly there’s more to his fixation on Mo as She Li clearly took interest in him early on, upon meeting the other boy in the hospital. It’s uncertain at the moment, but he could be fascinated with causing others pain (bc he couldn’t experience any), or it could be that he’s jealous of the warm relationship between parents and children. Unfortunately, it’s unclear in this chapter whether She Li remembered Mo, so I won’t be drawing any conclusions yet.

It’s possible that She Li “gets dirt” on people to make it impossible for them to betray him. For whatever reason, he’s quite fixated on the idea of being betrayed and left behind – I’m guessing it has to do with his household milieu, or perhaps, it’s more of his need to be important to someone – as he didn’t seem to be important enough for his family. When he “saves” others, they have no choice but to defer to him.

Sadly, She Li believes that ruling with fear is the key to keeping people by his side.

#19 days #she li #mo guan shan #Anonymous #q&a time

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erenspaths · 4 years

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This chapter was pretty cool but not enough eren centric per me...

But again, Isayama being a genius, offered us some new perspectives and theories that could almost proved, I’m gonna explain my point here..

After a talk with my co-writer, and friend, Yama @shingeki-no-eren, we conclude that something weird appears now to be concrete: Eren is somehow pretty dead. At least, only his will survived thanks to the paths and the fact he is the attack titan that I remind you, is the only titan that can’t be controlled, manipulated by others: the attack titan has its own will, its own goal to archive.

So yeah, his transformation in founding titan in Shiganshina needed his physical body to be but it seems that since his transformation, Eren looks asleep, almost like dead. His eyes are closed, his posture seems to be that of an unconscious person, his head and arms held together by wires? seemed to support the theory in which Eren’s mind and body are manipulated by someone else or entity.

Honestly I don’t know. I’m torn between several theories that all make sense to me.

First of all, one theory that I surely excluded is that Ymir Fritz manipulating Eren because after reading the manga as a whole again, Eren by freeing Ymir and when he asked for her powers to carry out his project, reiterates that he doesn’t need her to help him to bear his burden, he doesn’t her to follow him because she’s finally free, to wander in the paths without giving any account to the holders of the titans’ powers. He also stated that she could follow him if only it was her own will.

So Ymir’s apparitions in the paths next to Eren or during chap 131, is her own will. Eren is free to act whatever he wants to act, actually.

But then again, Eren is clearly tied by some kind of wires.. maybe they are only there to support the monstrous weight that Eren’s arms and head must weigh in suspension... 🤷🏼‍♀️ nevertheless, his current posture is still reminiscent of that of an articulated puppet. I just can’t help myself to think that Yams made that in purpose to be ambiguous.

So Eren may could be manipulated by the attack titan.. I saw that theory many times, and honestly I really thought about it, and pieces by pieces it makes sense and in way it makes no sense... are you still with the thread of my mind? 🥴

Let me explain.. as I said previously, the attack titan is the only titan to have its own will, its not controlled by any other external wills, but according to Eren and his determination to kill all of his enemies, the fact that he is the attack titan shifter only increases his personal will. I don’t think that this titan can manipulate Eren as an independent entity, it would mean that this particular titan is able to think and act independently of its shifter, but that doesn’t make any sense at all. Rather, the attack titan should be seen as a turbo engine and Eren’s will is its fuel. Yet Eren can still act and work without the AT while the AT cannot act and work without being possessed by a shifter.

Beside that, we know that Eren can have access to future moments and this thanks to the power of the AT. It’s precisely this titan that allows him to see the future, yet we never have access to Eren’s predictions though, only memories or flashbacks that can be triggered at any moments when the situation is suitable and necessary elements gathered. For example, before the raid on Liberio, his will is strengthened when he remembers his mother Carla being eaten by his father’s first wife Dina transformed into a primal titan.

Because let me remember you that before that raid, Eren seemed to have lost some of his will to destroy his enemies after spending some time in Marley and after sharing an evening with his comrades, drinking and eating with some muslim people. He is a little in doubt... “should I act as I planned?” - “Humanity doesn’t seem so rotten, it’s like inside the wall after all, there are some good people and some bad ones.”

Then the next day, he vanished. Spending months pretending to be an eldian soldier in the Marleyan army, trying to refocus his main goal by infitraiting the enemy camp, in order to get as much infos as possible.. then meeting on his way back to Liberio, the little Falco Grice, a kind of sunshine boy, who helped him without asking questions.. again, Falco made Eren questioning himself but then again, Falco wasn’t enough this time to change Eren’s mind.

He made his plan become real during his raid on Liberio and took back the warharmer titan and finally came back to paradis with Mikasa and the others.

But finally what made Eren increasing his will during his talk with Reiner? It’s Willy Tybur’s discourse that made him gone fury. He got it. Whatever he can do, even if he forgives to those who hurted him, even if he tries to change his mind, the others won’t do the same. The other part of the humanity hates Paradis, hates Eldian people, hates Eren. They should die.

There are three solution offered to Eren at this point:

1. He follows Zeke’s plan, and helps Zeke to euthanize Paradis’ inhabitants, and forces Historia having a bunch of brats during her 13 years of existence because she would finally be the FT shifter so her children could become the new shifters of the 9 titans and the story continues...

Well...Zeke’s plan could work if you accept to commit a genocide on your own people. But who knows if someone from outside the walls won’t be committing the same thing Grisha Jaeger did to steal the FT from Frieda Reiss? All you need is one silly eldian and subject of Ymir, who survived Zeke’s plan of euthanasia and some old serum or some spinal fluid and here we go..

2. He follows his own will to destroy his opressors/enemies in order to take back his freedom for him and his people, but he needs to commit a global genocide for that. But they would be finally free.

3. He does nothing and let the rest of humanity oppressing them and bring back the FT and the AT to the royal bloodline family, so Zeke or Historia.

He picked up option 2, because his will is strong. He is so determinated and that’s what chap 133 showed us.

“No matter whatever you want to say, you can’t change my mind, I won’t stop the rumbling, I can’t gamble Paradis’ future”.

“If you really want to stop me, you’re free to do, come and fight me but don’t fail and kill me, otherwise you will lose.”

Eren is offering a chance to his old comrades to fight him, he is not begging them to kill him, he is offering them a chance to change things and reach their own purpose: save humanity. But he warned them that if they don’t want to change their mind, he is not going to change his.. they will finally be forced to fight, unfortunately.

To come back to my theories, Eren is dead only his will remains.

It could be a possibility if you take Eren in the paths moments. He is always in his child form, when his determination to obtain his freedom started. At the age, his obsession for freedom started but especially when he got his titan powers from Grisha, more specially when he became the FT shifter even if the FT powers weren’t released yet for Eren. As Ymir who is also always portrayed as a child when we all know she died as a young grown woman, at the end of her adolescence, again she seems to look the same little girl when she obtained the titans powers.

To my part, Eren and Ymir look like ghosts, a kind of illusions, or a sort of holograms. They look weird and totally dismissed of a real physical body as a real person.

But finally, is that possible? Are we sure that into the bones of Eren’s FT titan form there is Eren’s physical body? If Eren’s really dead already, is he going to reborn into another person, form or is he going to remplace Ymir in the paths?

Eren remains to be the only solution of all this story. He is the key. He is the solution.

All he has to do, is taking back the 9 titans powers and trying to summon the demon of the earth to bring back the powers that were given to Ymir, 2000 years ago, then vanishing... is that possible you think?

Feel free to interact, I would love to read your theory or your opinion about that fucked post. ☺️

#sorry my typos I will fix it later #eren protection squad #eren jaeger #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #eren snk #rin is talking #eren #aot #eren yeager #snk theories #ending theories #eren theories #chap 133 #snk 133 #snk spoilers

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allthefilmsiveseenforfree · 4 years

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What Lies Beneath

So my wife is incredibly supportive of my movie-watching goals. She helped me set up my blog and my Patreon, she was my very first patron, and she watches at least half the movies with me. As my patron, she has the right to request one movie per calendar year for me to review just for her. But sometimes she tries to skirt the rules by insinuating, nay, cajoling nonstop in her goal for me to watch a movie she wants me to see without it counting as her “official” selection. And because I love her, I (sometimes) allow it. Such was the case with What Lies Beneath, a twisty psychological haunted house thriller that stars two middle-aged, serious actors (Harrison Ford and Michelle Pfeiffer), and that I shockingly wasn’t lining up at the megaplex for when I was 13. What did my preteen self miss? Well...

A fucking GREAT movie is what I missed. I won’t sugarcoat it - this was a huge surprise in the best way. I won’t spoil the ending at all, because this is one film I think you really need to watch unfold for the first time without knowing exactly what’s going on. Basically, Claire and Norman Spencer are new empty-nesters, and in their gorgeous Vermont home all to themselves, strange things start happening. Is it something to do with the mysterious new neighbors? Or maybe some past traumas that are dug up over the course of the movie? Could their house be actually haunted by some malevolent spirit? All of these are distinct, and delicious, possibilities, and it’s a hell of a lot of fun figuring out what exactly is going on.

Some thoughts:

A VERY GOOD DOG at the very beginning! I was so concerned for the dog at a few points in the film, but the dog (Cooper) is absolutely fine and remains happy and carefree all the way to the end of the film.

I have always had a thing for Harrison Ford, and that is not diminishing at all as I watch him shirtless in bed while writing a paper about science. Unf.

Very into the way this exposition is handled - Claire (Pfeiffer) missing her daughter and finding the Julliard tank top in her dresser, then looking through photo albums where we see the daughter wearing it, then see Claire studying at Julliard, then see HER wearing the tank top, plus some articles about Norman’s father dying and photos from a car accident in which I think her first husband died. It’s all tiny pieces of exposition, just little bits of information that you, the viewer, have to put together and remember, and I love that.

Don’t love Norman (Ford) gaslighting her about what to do about the neighbors. If you mind your own business and never reach out when people sound like they need help, that’s how people get hurt. Makes me think he has something to hide or maybe some kind of connection to the neighbors?

Loving the Rear Window vibes of spying on the neighbors, thinking you’ve witnessed a murder, complete with binocular surveillance.

There’s a lot of wind in this movie. Wind is basically like another character.

The layering of dialogue - Norman and his friend are talking about a colleague who got fired for stalking an intern, and Claire and her old friend are catching up. The two conversations are overlapping, and I think they’re both important but we’re so wrapped up in Claire and her friend that that stalking conversation gets buried. This is really well-thought-out character development and building of backstory and motivation. I haven’t watched a movie this skillfully thought out in quite awhile.

I hate the way Norman diminishes her. Like he’s charming and he’s Harrison Ford, but he kind of implies that she’s hysterical or silly for the things she’s been experiencing, and laughs at her expense.

She didn’t say goodbye after playing with the Ouija board. ROOKIE MISTAKE, everything that happens afterward is clearly a result of poor Ouija etiquette.

Oh interesting, so she was in a terrible car accident a year ago, which is part of why everyone is worried about her mental state and fragility. We don’t discover this until HALFWAY THROUGH THE FILM. This is storytelling like prestige television does it, and it’s so unusual to see in a film now that it keeps bowling me over.

Their water bill is gonna be sky high after this. These completely full tubs? The rates are astronomical.

Oh no things have escalated so quickly - I feel like I’m trying to outsmart the twist at every turn and I can’t quite grasp it, which is good because I actually think this is an incredibly plotted movie that’s so purposefully and carefully crafted. I can’t help but feel that we are missing so much now, because we just don’t get mid-level budget domestic dramas with A-list actors like this anymore. I think their era might have completely passed, and that’s a damn shame because the nuance and care here makes this such a delightful and surprising ride to take.

A huge part of that is Ford and Pfeiffer just absolutely nailing how they play every single scene. Their chemistry is great, and watching them play off each other, you can sense all the layers of their relationship, all the past traumas and the lies and the reconciliations.

He says “I know you’re going through something I don’t understand and I’ve tried to be there for you” but like...have you, Norman? You’re always working, you shut her down every time she wants to talk.

The brilliance here is that you don’t know if something supernatural is actually going on or if there’s a rational explanation, and I’m so here for the ambiguity. We simply don’t get enough ambiguity (that’s purposeful) in mainstream Hollywood films anymore. It’s all in the indies, which are great, don’t get me wrong! But I want more audiences to see how it could be done.

I know I just keep going on about it but every new scene reveals a detail that feeds into the overarching mystery in such a natural way. For example, this NICE callback to the key, which I had totally forgotten about. This honestly is a fantastic slow burn of a film, really well done.

I’m so enjoying Harrison Ford using his charm and his looks and his general Harrison Ford-ness to play a not very nice guy. He’s not a lovable rogue like Han Solo or a stubborn adventurer with a heart of gold like Indiana Jones, he’s just a guy who thinks he deserves to have what he wants at any cost. He’s worked hard, he’s a “good guy” and he thinks that he’s entitled to have things go his way just because.

Holy shit the symmetry with the first scene of the film to the big climax - that’s just some damn good writing, that is.

I’m so pleased that there’s no music at all during this final sequence - the score had been a bit overbearing at times, but this eerie silence with just the water running is, frankly, terrifying.

One slight critique - the movie has almost as many endings as Lord of the Rings. You think it’s done, and then there’s another whole section that you think is gonna be the last, and then everything’s underwater again and it’s STILL NOT DONE. But in a good way, I didn’t get nearly as pissed as I do at the end of LOTR.

Holy fucking shit, Clark Gregg wrote this?????? Agent Coulson Clark Gregg?? This is my absolute favorite bit of movie trivia I’ve learned all year.

Did I Cry? No.

I am never going to stop talking about this movie. Wife was right, and I will say it loudly and publicly - I am so glad she cajoled me into watching this film. If you haven’t seen it, watch it immediately. It’s smart, it’s well-paced, it keeps you guessing, and it boils over into an absolutely bonkers climax in the best way. I will be thinking about this for aaaages and missing the way movies outside of the “Disney/Pixar/Marvel vs. teeny independent Spirit Award winner” machine used to get made.

If you liked this review, please consider reblogging or subscribing to my Patreon! For as low as $1, you can access bonus content and movie reviews, or even request that I review any movie of your choice.

#121in2021 #what lies beneath #what lies beneath review #harrison ford #michelle pfeiffer #clark gregg #movie reviews #film reviews

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redjaybathood · 4 years

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Well, since you need a distraction. Salty ask, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 13, 14, 15, 26, 27.

What's trying to kill you? Point me in the direction of what I need to fight

1. It's not that I can't get them - it's just some popular pairings are my nOTPs or squick me out! Dick/Roy, for example. I mean, they have had a great friendship and all but, during that time, in Titans, Dick has Kory, and later had ambiguous relationship with Barbara (or maybe they dated? I am not big on their history), Roy had Donna, and then he had a baby with Jade. It just irks me to imagine them somehow getting together at that time. And they weren't really all that close, as a dating opportunity goes, afterwards.

Other pairing that I don't get, because I don't want to get it: Batjokes! Sweet Jesus. If there's a pairing from hell, it's this. I mean, the reason the pairing exist is obvious: to pair a hero and a villain, plus, Joker is fucking obsessed with Bats, plus, he often coded as flamboyant gay? I think? I only remember some panels so it's more of impression, don't ask me for evidence. Anyway, that's offensive.

Plus, the dude killed countless people - and among them, his son. If that's not an automatic reason for disqualification, I don't know what is.

Also, Joker/Jason. No. NO. Though this is not popular, thank God.

2. Jaytemis is brOTP. I mean, zero chemistry but magical friendship, hello?

3. Sure! I unfollowed and probably blocked a lot of people with dumbass opinions on characters, ships and morals. Coincidentally, most of them, though not all, were Dick Grayson fans. I tried to expand my knowledge of the character and followed a bunch of people - whoa was that a mistake! For a long time, it left on me a very deep impression and I even began to hate Dick Grayson by association.

I am sure you know how it is.

4. In addition to what I wrote earlier, it's Bruce/Dick and Bruce/Tim. Ugh. I know it's weird probably, given I wrote and read Brujay. I don't know, guys, it just feels different! Do I consider them as more real kids of Bruce than Jason so any romance is impossible? Or are they more fragile somehow and reading a dark fic with them is too much? I don't know, but that's how it is.

I don't know if they are all that popular, I try to filter it out on AO3.

5. I don't like Jaytims and Jaydicks anymore, and it's mostly about my attitude towards these characters which changed because of their fans. Them being together with Jason is just not believable to me anymore.

7. Reconciliation with Bruce. I mean, I loved to read and to cry about fics like that. But now, what's where to reconcile about? You have to let some things go, and Bruce is one of them, for Jason.

8. No! I am pretty low-key, I think, so nobody sends me hate. There were a few comments here and there, I think there was a comment or two on AO3 made either with anon or throw-away account, but at the end of the day, I am luckier than most in this regard.

9. Joker. DC please kill him off.

Even Bruce, who is one of my hated characters, I love to hate him, you know? You have to have an antagonist to your protagonist.

Whereas Joker is a useless piece of shit and you can just replace him with anyone.

10. Death of the Family. What fucking family? They're really not. Not to mention, it's obvious that Joker does know their identities and Bruce, what, convinces himself that he doesn't? Yeah, I am sure it will go swimmingly.

Also, anything that goes with Batman Who Laughs. Bruce mixed with Joker, who kills all of the Batfam? No. Just no.

11. Isabel Ardilla. I think she was underused by Lobdell, he created her with one function in mind, Jason's civilian girlfriend, and didn't develope her basically at all. So I get she's not loved. But hating her, calling her a gold-digger or a cougar, that's a bit too much.

I have a soft spot for Isabel, what can I say.

13. Alfred is not a kind good grandfather as the fandom paints him. And I don't think he really gave a shit about Jason, or Damian, or maybe even other kids.

14. I don't have any unpopular opinions on fandom itself. It's a pretty chill place most of the time. Or maybe my half a year hiatus just smoothed out all the rough edges.

15. Unpopular opinion about Titans TV series: Dick being the main character really fucked up the potential the show had. First season should have been focused on Rachel, but it was a Dick Grayson breaking off from Robin show. Second season should have been about the old Titans and Deathstroke and Rose - she should have gotten developed more and in a way that makes sense for her betrayal and redemption to have any weight. But no, it is Dick Grayson struggling with imaginary guilt and getting a new identity. Third season is supposed to be about Kory, right? Who wants to bet it's going to be Dick Grayson and a love triangle or something?

26. Of course Jason is the most shippable character (despite me headcanoning him as ace). No, I will not explain, except elaborate that he could be shipped with literally ANYONE, hero or villain, (except Joker), and even people from other media. Like uh, Deadpool? Dean Winchester? Derek Hale? You name it, I can come up with ~100-200 words idea for a shipping fic.

27. Joker. I can't ship him with anyone ever

#ask meme #asks #(my own body tries to kill me though probably not but it feels like it - so thank you for this ask)#i fell asleep thinking about the answers and it's a much better subject

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tiramisiyu · 4 years

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Tears of Themis: Main Story 5-18 Translation

Translated parts: Chapter 5 – Sounds of Falling Snow (Part 1, 2, 3): 5-1 / 5-3 / 5-5 / 5-7 / 5-9 / 5-11 / 5-13 ♦️ ♦️ 5-14 / 5-16 / 5-18 / 5-20 / 5-22 / 5-24 / 5-26 / 5-28 ♦️ ♦️ 5-29 / 5-31 / 5-33 / 5-35 / 5-37 / 5-39 / 5-40 / 5-42 / 5-43 Translation Masterlist: here

Video: (16:34) 【未定事件簿】最新主线雪落有声中篇完整剧情_哔哩哔哩 (゜-゜)つロ干杯~-bilibili

MC: Looking at the police’s case file, Kong Moli’s car accident does indeed look like an accident.

On the road, I opened the iPad to check the case file materials that Xia Yan got.

MC: Kong Moli’s car rammed into the highway guardrails because the car brake pedals were too worn, resulting in loss of control of the car brakes…

MC: It sounds like it makes sense.

Xia Yan: On Kong Moli’s SUV, there was only one brake pedal that was too worn. The others were far from a degree that required replacements.

Xia Yan: Although the left and right brake pedals having different wear levels is a typical situation, if the difference is that large, it’s fairly rare.

Xia Yan: This can clearly be counted as a point of suspicion. For the remaining things, at least from what we can see from the case verdict report, there aren’t any flaws.

MC: Are we almost there yet? How long have we been driving?

I cleared away the iPad and suddenly felt a little dizzy and nauseated.

Xia Yan: I told you to not look earlier - do you feel uncomfortable now?

Xia Yan: There’s lemon water in the thermos. Drink a little, it’ll be a little better.

I had just picked up the thermos when Xia Yan slammed on the emergency brakes.

Good thing that the thermos was only half-full with water, or else my clothes would be completely covered in water.

MC: Xia Yan, you… huh?

Right in front of the car, there was an old man who appeared from who-knows-where, slowly and leisurely walking on his walking stick and crossing the street.

He glanced at our car once, not having the slightest awareness that he was holding up normal traffic.

MC: This person is… Sun Heping?

Yesterday, when I was going through Kong Moli’s case file, I specifically paid attention to Sun Heping, which was why I could recognize him in a single look.

Xia Yan: That’s him. Let’s get off and ask.

Rainbow River Village

MC: Hello, sir. May I ask if you are Mr. Sun Heping?

MC: I am a lawyer from Themis Law firm. This is my certificate.

Taking advantage of the bit of time when Xia Yan was stopping his car on the roadside, I helped Sun Heping across the road.

Sun Heping: Lawyer? This old man isn’t getting involved in a lawsuit.

MC: You’ve misunderstood. We haven’t come to find you for a litigation.

MC: I am the friend of reporter Kong Moli. Do you still remember her? I came because of her.

Sun Heping: …

Sun Heping: I don’t recognize any reporter. Don’t think you can dig up any news from me.

Sun Heping: Since I haven’t received my pollution compensation for even a single day, don’t think that you will hear a single good word from me about them!

MC: Mr. Sun, please calm down…

MC: Who do you mean when you say “them”?

Sun Heping: What did you just say you were? A lawyer, right?

Sun Heping: Then “them” are the people who paid up to have you do the lawsuit!

Sun Heping: I’m all too familiar with your group of pettifoggers. Aren’t you all the type to speak for whoever hands over more money!

MC: (I didn’t even say anything, so why am I suffering through this barrage of scolding…)

Sun Heping shook off my hand, grabbed on his walking stick and walked forward two steps, as if dealing with me would be the same as dealing with something dirty.

MC: Mr. Sun, please listen to me. I’m investigating Kong Moli’s car accident, I’m not what you think…

Sun Heping: Hurry and leave. Leave Rainbow River Village - the village does not welcome you.

Having left these words, Sun Heping walked away angrily.

I wanted to go and block him, but I was pulled on by Xia Yan.

Xia Yan: This isn’t the place to talk. Sun Heping is also a tough person. Best not to force him.

Xia Yan: Let’s go look first for…

???: Are you both looking for Sun Heping?

MC: !!!

A middle-aged man appeared behind us. He suddenly stuck in his words into our discussion, startling me terribly.

MC: (Is this the Rainbow River Village head, Wang Han?)

Though Xia Yan and I have seen Wang Han’s picture in the case file, directly showing that we recognize him would likely arouse his wariness.

Xia Yan: Sir, you are…?

It was clear that Xia Yan had the same thought as me. With the Sun Heping lesson just now, pretending to be clueless for now was the best policy.

Wang Han: I’m the village head of Rainbow River Village, Wang Han.

Xia Yan: Hello, Village Head Wang, we are from Themis Law Firm.

Xia Yan: This is Lawyer [MC]. I am her assistant, Xia Yan.

Wang Han: So you were the leader of a law firm! It’s an honour to welcome you; what business brings you here to our little mountain?

MC: (Leader? Village Head Wang, your way of talking is kind of too…)

Wang Han: It couldn’t be that Old Man Sun has caused an issue?

Wang Han: Ah, he’s just got a terrible temper. He really isn’t a bad person - please be magnanimous and let him go.

Wang Han’s expression had “grief and lament” written all over it.

If not for their surnames being different, I’d even suspect that he was worrying for his own father.

MC: (It’s not that I haven’t seen people who would usher us into the location, but why does Wang Han make people feel so awkward…)

INVESTIGATION START

Watch

What is the electronic device that seems like a watch on his wrist?

> Health wristband

> Electronic watch

MC: (Is the black thing on Wang Han’s wrist… a health wristband?)

MC: (These few years, health wristbands have been very popular. Though it really can track health situations…)

MC: (But to an office worker, it can only give a clearer understanding of how bad one’s health is…)

Suddenly, the logo on Wang Han’s wristband caught my attention.

MC: (This is… Heirson’s logo?)

MC: (Wang Han uses Heirson products?)

MC: (Heirson’s been continuously suspected for the Rainbow River pollution. As the village head, why would Wang Han use their products?)

MC: (Could it be that after Kong Moli’s lawsuit, Wang Han believed that the only source of the pollution was the paper mill?)

Belt buckle

MC: (The logo on his leather belt is… Pax Fashion?! And it’s from the high-end product line?!)

MC: (I remember this product line’s male accessories mostly have prices of around 5 digits.)

MC: (If this leather belt is real leather, then it’ll be even more expensive…)

MC: (Wasn’t it said that Rainbow River Village isn’t particularly wealthy? Why do the people in the village pay so much attention to dressing up?)

MC: (Village Head Wang, I’m suddenly forming doubts about your income levels…)

Tropical shirt

Wang Han’s body fat and fair complexion-

> Took proper care > Rarely participates in farming work

MC: (I remember that the materials said that Wang Han is 57 years old this year, but looking at his external appearance, he really doesn’t seem like an aged person.)

MC: (Even if he usually takes proper care, a typical farmer who does work in the fields wouldn’t have his kind of fair complexion…)

MC: (Plus, he’s a fat guy. The fat seems too much…)

MC: (Village Head Wang, I’m guessing that you haven’t worked in the fields for years…)

MC: (It couldn’t be that on typical days, you only busy yourself with attracting investments and banqueting?)

MC: (Wang Han doesn’t look too much like someone whose main job is farming. Plus, his attitude towards Heirson is somewhat ambiguous.)

MC: (If we’re not confident, it would be good to converse with him to maintain everything.)

INSPECTION END

MC: Village Head, you’ve misunderstood. We came to find Sun Heping to understand the situation.

MC: Do you know about the reporter Kong Moli who got into the car accident on the highway outside the village last year?

MC: We’re helping her clear up her inheritance, and we wanted to understand the exact situation of the accident that day.

Wang Han: So it was like this. Then, if the two of you aren’t opposed to it, you can come to my house to sit for a bit.

Wang Han: Old Man Sun’s house is far, and he wasn’t in the village that day. If you have any questions, you two can ask me.

MC: That would be great.

Looks like Wang Han had no doubts against my excuses.

Wang Han: My house is just in front. You two don’t need to drive - we can just walk over.

Saying this, Wang Han walked in front on the road.

When he passed my side, Xia Yan suddenly tugged my hand and pointed to the loop of keys hanging on Wang Han’s leather belt.

MC: ???

Seeing that I hadn’t reacted, Xia Yan just sent me a message.

“His car keys don’t have Pax Mechanical’s logo.”

“If he only has one car, then he changed cars.”

#tears of themis #tot translation #weiding shijian bu #未定事件簿 #xia yan

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miss-spooky-eyes · 4 years

Text

OC Inspirations: Devinahl & Indy

I was (delightfully) tagged by @vespertine-legacy a while ago and I’ve hesitated to do this because I knew I was going to talk WAY too much - but it was weighing on me, so I decided to open up about the sources from which I stole, that is, drew inspiration for Devinahl and Indirae.

What three fictional characters is your OC a combination of?

This doesn’t apply to every OC - not even mine - but its certainly true for a few : Many of our characters are, to an extent, inspired by characters we see in movies, books, games, TV shows, etc.

Does this apply to any of your OCs? Was it a conscious decision on your part or not? Is your OC a combination of three (or more) fictional characters?

If so - post some GIFs / pics and tell us about them! What does your OC draw from other characters?

Too much Devinahl & Indy chat after the cut.

DEVINAHL

The truth is that when I came to creating my Imperial Agent Devinahl, and in particular fleshing out her backstory in far, far too much detail, there were some sources that I went to extremely explicitly and deliberately. And chief among them was ...

1. Garak, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

That’s right. Garak from Deep Space Nine. Plain, simple Garak. Outcast. Exile. Spy. Addict. Perennial liar. Patriot. Terrorist. Would-be genocider. Very good tailor.

(If you haven’t seen DS9, then you need to. It’s like Star Trek, but if it was actually good? And Garak is a big part of what elevates it.)

Is it weird to compare my ancient video game Barbie/gorgeous sex bomb badass assassin and seductress to a cold-blooded space lizard who spends his days hemming pants? Possibly. But there are aspects of Garak’s character that, consciously and unconsciously, I made parts of Devinahl’s DNA.

Firstly, Garak is a patriot. He loves Cardassia so much that despite seeing its flaws with absolute clarity, despite having been exiled and reviled by it, he would die without question to serve it (of course, he’d much rather make someone else die). And while seeing that as a weakness, despite knowing that the Cardassia he has committed to serving is disappearing before his eyes, there is still a part of him that believes that that commitment - that neverending sacrifice - is noble. The only noble part of him. That’s central to Devinahl’s character (which is, in turn, the way I made sense of the IA storyline). That while hating and despising the Sith, she would nevertheless believe in the Empire - not so much believe that it is good (at best, I think she sees it as order and stability where the Republic is corruption and chaos) as believe that her commitment to it is the only redeeming thing available to her.

Secondly, the way that Garak will take his needs, vulnerabilities, sincere emotions and package them in ways which gets him what he has to have to keep going, without ever giving up full control? Particularly in the extraordinary episode The Wire, in which a dying Garak tells Dr Bashir a series of lies about himself in order to elicit Bashir’s forgiveness, because he needs to be sincerely forgiven but without ever telling the truth?

Out of all the stories you told me, which ones were true and which ones weren’t? My dear doctor, they’re all true. Even the lies?

That is everything I tried to do with Dev, particularly in my fic about her and SCORPIO, particularly when it comes to her and Arcann. To know what she needs, as Garak needs absolution from Bashir, and tell just enough truth - put herself into just vulnerable enough a position - to get it, but never without reserving something, holding something back, whether it’s the knowledge that she can maneouvre herself out of SCORPIO’s clutches at any time or her real name? That’s a fucking survivor.

Thirdly, the relationship between Devinahl and Sifter (the spymaster who finds her as a traumatised child and grooms her for Intelligence) and specifically, the deathbed scene I wrote in Riddle was directly inspired by Garak’s relationship with Enabran Tain and that death scene.

Yes, Devinahl was not Sifter’s actual daughter, but in every real sense she was formed by Sifter - and had Sifter had just one day with Dev like Tain had with Garak, Dev would have been lost. She would have turned herself into a carbon copy of Sifter, and she would have died. But the bittersweetness? The acknowledgement that the parental figure you love will never, not even now that they’re dying, love you as you want them to?

‘I should have killed your mother before you were born. You have always been a weakness I can't afford.’ ‘So you've told me. Many times. ...’ ‘Elim, remember that day…in the country. You must've been almost five.’ ‘How can I forget it? It was the only day.’

(The love and infinite sadness with which Andrew Robinson says that line, ‘It was the only day’? I’m crying just thinking about it. Anyway, it was everything I was thinking about and wanted to achieve in that scene.)

Oh ... and Devinahl’s ambiguous relationship with her implants? Well, Garak also has an implant in his head. And that’s all I’m saying about that.

2. Oryx from Oryx & Crake by Margaret Atwood

A novel character rather than from TV or movies, I hope that’s OK. And I know that there are ... very problematic elements to the way Atwood writes about Oryx, her family, her culture, her background. But she was one of the strongest elements that went into creating Devinahl and her backstory.

There were specific aspects of the story Oryx tells to Jimmie - particularly the parts about being told to scream and make a fuss if a man tries to take you away to a hotel room, and then being told not to make a fuss when a man tries to take you away to a hotel room - that became part of Dev’s story. But there was also a general attitude and way of looking at life I wanted to capture and incorporate. Oryx’s philosophy of value?

Of course (said Oryx), having a money value was no substitute for love. Every child should have love, every person should have it. . . . but love was undependable, it came and then it went, so it was good to have a money value, because then at least those who wanted to make a profit from you would make sure you were fed enough and not damaged too much. Also there were many who had neither love nor a money value, and having one of these things was better than having nothing.

I wanted to create a character who could look at life and suffering and abuse, even her own, and view it in that dispassionate way which horrifies someone from my middle-class Western background - and then I wanted to test that idea, to bring it up against SCORPIO and have SCORPIO try to break it down with torture, to see if it was just a cool facade/necessary illusion. I wimped out of really testing that belief, instead having Dev always know that she could get out of her situation/having her find a way to be loved without truly having to sacrifice her protective patterns ... but if I was a little braver and better, I’d have tested it to breaking point. How far can a character go who thinks like that while still remaining, on some level, compassionate/human/likeable?

3. Saffron (Firefly)

I could have gone Black Widow (definitely the inspiration for Dev’s aesthetic in terms of outfit etc). But the plain truth is that I thought more about Saffron while dreaming up Devinahl/writing her backstory than I did about Black Widow (yes, Widow turned her weakness into strength in a manipulative fashion all the time, but Garak did it better, and other than that she mainly looked after boys in a way that I did not want Dev to be limited to).

Firefly, for a show that had - what - 13 episodes? - exercises far too much of a hold on my imagination and Saffron, especially in the first episode in which she appeared, was such a tremendous character. The way that she found exactly the triggers to turn each member of the crew inside out? (And if she’d had more time, it absolutely would have worked on Wash and Inara, too - it only didn’t because she had to hurry.) Dev has that. I can’t write it, because I suck, but she has it.

Oh, and nobody will ever know Devinahl’s real name (apart from you, if you read my fic about her backstory) and she’d die before letting you know it. That’s straight from Saffron. As is, I suppose, the man who would accept her just as she is without needing to push to know her secrets, except it worked out a little better for Dev and Arcann than it did for Yolanda and Durran Haymer because Dev and Arcann will always have pegging.

INDIRAE

(This will be a lot shorter than the section on Devinahl, I promise.)

1. Steve Rogers, Captain America (and whatever else)

I have never been super into the MCU, but the key reference I used to find a way into Indy’s character, back when she was nothing more than a cool-looking Cathar Bounty Hunter, was Steve Rogers. (November can attest to this)

Indy’s physical size - she’s six foot if she’s an inch, and big - is key to her personality, but equally key is the idea that she would always experience that size as uncomfortable and slightly alien to her. Like Steve Rogers, she started out as the scrawny kid always getting beat up by everybody ... And when she got her strength (with a hefty assist from the toxic waste run-off into what was her family’s only source of water) and suddenly got TALL and STRONG? She did not like bullies - which was what led her to help Coda out of a jam at the spacesport and started them on their road.

(If there’s a better way to play the BH storyline than as a stone-cold mercenary with an utterly unwilling heart of gold ... then I don’t know about it.)

2. Xena, Xena Warrior Princess

I’ll be completely fucking straight with anybody about this (so to speak): I love Xena, I had an obsession with it as a teenager I’m still unpacking, and the show tends to feed into my characters in an ... odd way.

Indy is physically imposing like Xena, is the main thing; and her dynamic with Coda owes a lot to Xena’s with Gabrielle (although Coda is as big and tough as Indy, she is the fast talker/smooth operator to Indy’s laconic strongman). I wanted Indy to dominate action scenes the way that Xena does, be that kind of a force of nature; and watch her struggle to find ways to channel that charisma, to need Coda’s help to understand how to do it.

3. Dottie Henson, A League of Their Own

OK, first of all, I do not want to hear any kind of mockery. This is, unironically, one of my favourite films of all time.

Again, we come back to the core theme of a character struggling with her own greatness/potential. That’s what is the most fascinating through-line of A League of Their Own: Dottie, this unbelievable baseball player/physical presence (yes, she’s very tall, just like Indy) who is so terrified to admit that she wants anything more than her smalltown life and dreadful husband, even while the evidence of her talent and passion for the game is burning up these ... fields? Diamonds? I don’t know baseball apart from this film.

Indy certainly hides behind not wanting to be a bounty hunter. She doesn’t believe in any Mandalorian nonsense about romanticising what is an unglamorous job. She’s just doing it for credits and afterwards, once she’s secured her family’s future, she’s totally going to go home and settle down in some acceptable, domestic way. Being on the Mantis with Coda, it’s absolutely just a means to an end. She doesn’t want to be there, she doesn’t care about it, it’s not who she is, she doesn’t need it. This life, the adventure, the freedom, the fighting for survival, it’s certainly not what gets inside her and what lights her up, no, not at all.

Oh, and Dottie is also a reluctant leader. She doesn’t see why her talent should put her in the position of telling other people what to do - but then, on the other hand, she sees so clearly what they need to be doing, and when she says to do it, they listen. She doesn’t want to carry this team, but they’re only a team so long as she carries them.

(Don’t worry, Coda’s not going to let her lie to herself for too long.)

#swtor #excessively long answers to memes #oc: devinahl #oc: indirae

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