#keypilled

[wanderingajax]

Uhmmmm paracelsus body pillow design??

[yoongiblunt]

It’s the way at age 23 I’m going to see the front bottoms tomorrow and using tumblr again,,,,

[a-big-bottle-of-coins]

I think we should go back to when keys were huge so i would stop fucking losing them :(

[gamjabyte]

I SWALLOWED THE KEYPILL AND IT GAVE ME A DISEASE

[artoriarts]

abacelcus hcs because I’M ILL!!!

- previously stated in my “aba still wields human paracelsus” post but despite being smaller in just about all dimensions, aba is freakishly strong, paracelsus’ (near?)equal or, depending how jacked up on rage and homunculus adrenaline she is, superior when it comes to pure physical strength. he still puts up with it when she wants her big strong husband to help her with things she could clearly do alone

- aba, unlike elphelt, did not immediately claim paracelsus as her husband - might change my mind but I think the progression was aba finds flament and clearly gets attached to him but not quite the spousal connection yet, flament gives her the inch of using that desire for connection to get her to wield him and get him blood, and she, so desperate for the first attention she’s ever received, takes that a mile to the furthest “reasonable” extreme she’s aware of, marriage, the name change following alongside, and though initially he simply put up with it for the food, their eventual softening let it of course develop into something more.

- Also imagining that flament’s transformation into being keypilled was not entirely voluntary, and came as part of her turning him into her ideal husband; thinking that, while he does have ultimate control over what does and doesn’t go on with his body while fighting, his wielder has heavy sway over how he shifts, and getting made into a key is something that she had so much passion in that, if he were to push against it, though I don’t think he did, he would’ve had to actively fight for control of his own body

- being artificial beings, both aba and paracelsus’ human form lack bellybuttons due to no umbilical cord being involved in their growth process (im p sure aba has one on her model but shhhhhshhshhhhhhh).

- Paracelsus, being whatever the hell he is, doesn’t care that much for food - he *can* taste it, but that’s about as far as it goes for him. Aba, conversely, was used to eating mold and whatever she could scrounge and cultivate in Frasco, and when that’s your standard for 10 years, everything else becomes a delicacy, and she is now a total foodie.

- aba continuously grows new teeth, cycling out a full new set every ~1 1/2-2 years. This is fortunate because she chips and loses her teeth much more frequently than the average person and does not know what a dentist is.

- aba has described, in intricate (and explicit) detail, her wishes to have children with paracelsus when he gains a human form. Despite his honest faith in their growth together, he is absolutely fucking terrified of them trying to raise kids as they are, both the first time she mentions it, and the nth.

okay gütbye this is not the last time I will do this <33333

[yoongiblunt]

So yesterday that homeless guy came back to my job and not only did he act up but when I came around the corner to absolutely get his ass, he fucking bolted. So I had to go after him but I couldn’t cause I had customers so I had to get my manager to go after him until I spoke to my customers and I ran out after him as soon as I could.

Dude had all of us plus the cops down there after his ass, turns out he sold all of my shit and was using my bag. No sign of my id or any of my cards.

That bag, my wallet, the charms— all of that was gifts from friends. So I am super bummed. I ended up throwing the bag away because it had nasty weird shit in it and smelled bad. But I had a total Kyle moment and went behind the dumpster and started punching shit. Hand v sore but not too tore up. Fuck this guy. They said they couldn’t do anything about him because he didn’t do anything this time?????

So he will probably be back lol. And now he knows I was looking for him so I guess I can’t leave my job by myself or I might have to fight this hobo??????????

[yoongiblunt]

I love that they dressed as a Manson girl that is high fashion that is editorial that is camp boots the house down yas queen hunty

[yoongiblunt]

I think I’m finding myself again

In the needle in my eye

The drip in my throat

Rocks in my lungs

But I’ve never felt more here than when I’m there

[yoongiblunt]

Ya know maybe I should care that my hands shake as bad as they do but I also have done a lot of drugs in this life so that’s probably it

[yoongiblunt]

I'm currently so sore that these pills are doing nothing for the aching in the back and my neck

and while ive had four or five or six

feels like i take so much that it all never sticks

maybe a tolerance break or sobriety would help me out but I doubt i'll ever commit to that

I couldn't even commit to playing guitar or soccer or marching band

So if that makes me a man then a man I will be

shits kicking in and its hard to see so maybe i'm not as strong as I thought I was

but really who would be and why would that be me?

[yoongiblunt]

I am so depressed and the only happiness I’ve found is drinking from the bottle or shoving powder up my nose as far away from home as I can get

[yoongiblunt]

The hater in me hates to see her wearing his hoodie

And the lover in me wants to wish them all the best

[yoongiblunt]

My toxic trait is that I am endlessly weak to this one skinny white man.

I’ve liked him for almost as long as I’ve worked at my job, but it’s been in various waves.

A friend of mine expressed interest in him though and I am the most noncommittal, I will ruin that boy, I can’t stand intimacy dirt bag on the planet and I just wanted someone to make him happy tbh. Cause I would def make him a worse alcoholic bc my own substance abuse issues would become his, and he has enough to worry about.

She’s also one of the most wonderful people I’ve ever known. I think that if she wants to have at him, she can.

But then she got a boyfriend and I thought it was cool to start talking to him again bc she wasn’t.

At some point her and her bf broke up— when, I’m not sure bc she was even talking about playing step mom to that other guys kid. Like, I thought I wasn’t infringing on anything.

So him and I have some various ups and downs in that, mostly him just being very caught up in his sexuality. He has been open about being a little gay. He has also been a “I wish you would stop avoiding my eyes when we work together. When you won’t look at me it hurts me” ass dude. I hate him lmao.

At my birthday party him and I got really drunk on my friends couch and things got kinda serious in terms of him like, wanting to talk about identity and sexuality and shit. All the yellow tape that comes w knowing me.

Next thing I know we are working together and talking nonstop about our feelings and I get him high w me and we talk more about our feelings and then suddenly those two are talking.

Suddenly she isn’t talking to me.

Suddenly she IS talking to me and it’s apologies for being with him when she ‘knew there were feelings there’. I just told her it was chill and that I cared more about her than a guy, which will always be true.

The three of us are really working on being better to each other. Yesterday she drove me to work. I still get butterflies when I talk to her boyfriend but I keep it normal. I only talk music and video games with him. Yesterday he was doing shots with me and we were talking about elder scrolls because I was on some ‘I’ve heard tell of this “shot” you speak of’ bullshit at the bar and it had him laughing. Men can be bros after flirting with each other for 6 months straight. I’m determined I can be his friend and nothing more because honestly not having him as a fixture in my life would ruin everything. He’s someone I respect and think highly of as a person and as a musician.

Then last night we were both trashed and I invited him to come sit and have a cigarette while we watched the band play— he was doing sound. So it’s just two jessie pinkman ass dudes mumbling to one another, shoulder to shoulder, about sound and he’s getting anxious that the levels are off and I’m like dude where’s ur board go tinker. He says it’s too far away from us he doesn’t want to move but he wants me to listen. Tbh I think the levels were fine and the drummer was just blasting to do it. I see his gf walking nearby and invite her to sit with us, but she doesn’t hear me. I had wanted her to take my spot, just to b cool, bc our knees are touching and we are leaning into each others ears to hear one another and I didn’t want it to look like we are being any kind of way.

He tells me not to move and that he is his own person. It’s around then that she gives me a look, and I can read it easily. I need to back off, and I don’t mind. I know boundaries, so I lean away from him and say I need to go get another shot.

I come back and our friend Jamarion is slumpt out on the table, too drunk and percd out. Im not letting this kid get sick like that so I get him a water and tho I’m off the clock hit the managers office to get one of his friends to come pick him up cause none of the immediate people are good to drive.

Manager Caleb comes up and asked what I’m doing, he’s chill and loves all of us and just wants us to b safe. Man smokes weed w me in the dumpster daily. He heads out to Jay and is tryna help him and my guy gets all weird like you shouldn’t have told Caleb????

I have to calm him down cause he’s like, upset that I got Caleb to help Jay, as if that even really matters. Jay is not trippin we get him inside and my friend Fay says that they can get him home when we leave. Fay and I go everywhere together. So we leave Jay in the inside bar w the other kitchen guys and Caleb and go back out to the deck to listen to music.

Cam and I sit next to each other, his hand will brush mine from time to time, and I will forever be too weak to him in that way because I do miss when he would come up behind me and ruffle my hair and ask me to smoke a spliff w him in his truck and we would talk about kissing but never do it because we were both too straight to do that.

I miss having a gay torrid romance, but never enough to hurt my friend or infringe. I kissed her goodbye and told her I loved her to death and took Jay home. I spent the rest of the night being emo and playing guitar and talking about him.

Tbh I hate it here.

[yoongiblunt]

The most empty I’ve felt is at home in your company

[yoongiblunt]

My mental health is absolutely shot

I was in a terrible mood yesterday. I just stood around pissed off at everyone and everything. I went home and was annoyed the whole time I had company so I went to bed as soon as everyone left and then forced myself to sleep thru my entire day so that I wouldn’t be present for the rest of my shitty mood. It’s like 1pm and I’m just now waking up, I still need to shower and get ready for work.

I opened Snapchat and saw all the fun things people were doing and wished that I was in a better mood so I could do those things too.

I just wanna be happier.

I saw this post as soon as I opened my phone basically and it was like ‘how does it feel to wake up alone on your last day?’ And damn it I really did not need to see that.

I constantly fear dying before I’ve made an impact or at least felt what falling in love *is*. Like, real, mutual love. I just want someone to fall for me too, and I’ve always been afraid that it would never happen for me. At 23 it’s really depressing that regardless of how many people I’ve made out with, I’ve never slept with anyone. I never make that next step. It could have happened plenty of times for me, I’m just awkward. I wonder if I’m ever going to achieve anything or if I am meant to stand around hoping and dreaming for more and always just being stuck.

[yoongiblunt]

I was NOT meant to have a good day emotionally

How did my friend forget that they said they were gonna drive me home and then head home without me

And why is my dealer also not hitting me back up

And also I really wanted to go grocery shopping