#kim Seungmin angst

[starseungs]

take a shot. ksm.

kim seungmin x fem!reader — it really shouldn't take a genius to figure out that you and your co-star didn't get along. you knew kim seungmin. you knew how life functioned despite the cameras. and you knew that it was harder to keep a good shot hidden than it was to delete a bad one.

genre/s — drama, angst, fluff, a sprinkle of comedy, actors au, enemies to lovers, slowburn • 19.4k words

warning/s — y/n gets referred to with she/her pronouns, profanity, implied death taken lightly (humor purposes), miscommunication to too much communication, y/n easily gets into a bad headspace, inaccurate depictions of filming a movie, the angst is strong = the fluff is strong, other idols are mentioned as characters along with skz members, mentions of alcohol in a scene

note — my longest fic yet !! it also took me so long to finish this (like three weeks i believe) and there were some struggles that happened in the making of this, but it turned out to be my most favorite work ive done ever. thank you for the people who patiently waited for this since the teaser, and remember that reblogs & feedbacks are greatly appreciated 🫶 i hope you enjoy the read !!

2024 ⓒ starseungs on tumblr. do not steal, repost, or edit.

00 : ZERO.

“I’m sorry, what?”

The car remained silent despite your words of confusion. You felt as though your world had come to an extreme halt, giving you a whiplash as the buzz of the road outside continued to pierce through your ears. There was nothing else to keep your mind away from the absolute bomb of news that was just given to you; your manager had turned it down before uttering the horrid sentence that brought your untimely demise.

The car may have kept on with its task of moving forward—but you were stuck frozen in place.

“You’re joking.”

Your world fell on seemingly deaf ears. The man up front, steering the wheel, rendered himself mute to your growing distress, finding the busy traffic of city life interesting enough to keep his eyes glued. But the urban chaos didn’t distract you one bit from brewing a storm of gunpowder inside your throat.

And just like that, a ghost of a click was heard.

“No—please tell me you’re joking,” you voiced out, tone betraying your attempts at keeping things respectful. It soon came to your attention that the effort was of no use, as your manager still chose to keep his peace. “Changbin!”

The car swiveled a bit off-lane for a second before returning to its correct course. Normally, such an abrupt action by a vehicle would concern you, as you would argue that you were still much too young to suffer at the hands of a road accident, but no such thoughts even made their way into your brain. Just like how time had stopped for you, there was no time for debating over survival either. One life-or-death situation was already enough for you.

You wanted answers, and you were going to get them.

Changbin exhaled audibly from the scare he just put both of you through. His hands shook with a slight tremor, and that was all it took for him to decide that pulling over to the nearest parking area was for the best.

“Don’t yell in the car like that!” You scoffed at his scolding, finding the whole situation ironic.

“Oh, so you can do it all the time, but I can’t?” You shot back. Changbin sighed tiredly, finally registering the extent of your agitation. "Plus, I have a perfectly good reason why I’m yelling!”

“Listen, Y/N, it’s really not that bad—”

“Yes, it is that bad!” The words spill out of your mouth in utter disbelief at his attempts at assurance. “I’m working with Kim Seungmin, of all people!”

“And that’s why it’d be fine!” Changbin argued, running a hand through his already tousled hair. You blinked at his reply, baffled by the sheer implication.

“—How?”

Changbin clicked his tongue at the question, finding it hard to digest just why you were so against working with the mentioned actor. With the mere sound of that actor’s name spat out of your mouth, one would think that he had somehow managed to offend your entire bloodline. But that kind of bitterness could only be achieved through a sour history, so you really couldn’t empathize with your manager’s mindset either.

Even you knew that this movie would be enormously successful from the director alone. Director Han Jisung’s influence and presence in the industry were not a laughing matter—in fact, you should already be trembling in anxiety just knowing that you snagged probably the biggest role you’d ever get in your whole career. He was only around the same age as you, but the winding list of his achievements was already one for the records. And yet, here you were rethinking your contract with him even before the project started.

Just because of who you were going to be acting alongside with.

“Seungmin is a nice person,” Changbin explained gently like he was coaxing a child, intentionally ignoring the way your face scrunched up at what he said. “I did my research, ok? Everyone only has high praises for him, both on and off-set. Isn’t that enough to be trusted?”

You bit your tongue to stop yourself from digging a deeper hole to lie in. The answer was no—it wasn’t enough to be trusted. Now, at this point, someone would’ve had half a mind to ask why you were so sure about your vendetta against the man. If a person was so well loved in a world where cameras were pointed at them in every waking minute, then shouldn’t all the dirt be found by now, if there was any?

To that, your answer would be yet another no.

Because you knew Kim Seungmin. You knew how life functioned despite the cameras. And you knew that it was harder to keep a good shot hidden than it was to delete a bad one.

“Turn the car around.”

Changbin’s eyes almost popped out of their sockets at your demand. Surely, he had heard you now. You crossed your arms and leaned back to rest comfortably on the car seat, turning your head to face the window and glare at the world outside, continuing on with their lives like a well-followed routine.

“Y/N, this is a big opportunity—”

“I said, turn the car around. I’m not attending this cursed table reading.” You pinched the bridge of your nose to keep the incoming migraine at bay.

“You really think I’ll willingly step into a room with the devil’s incarnate? I’d rather get shot—”

01 : ONE.

“—sensing a great shot!”

Director Han Jisung nodded positively at your performance, satisfied with your initial portrayal of the female lead.

“If we keep going like this, then I’m expecting this project to be a big hit. The casting team really did their pay’s worth on this one,” the young director hummed. “Especially you, Actor Kim Seungmin. I don’t know how they managed to get through your company's walls, but I’m glad they did. You’re perfect for the role!”

You felt your eye twitch as the figure bearing the name appeared within your vision. His mouth curled up into an arrogant smirk, hastily covered up by a bashful smile. You cringed at his actions that only you seemed to see. Why was this prick acting all humble?

“Ah, I always wanted to act in one of your films, Director Han. This is more of an amazing opportunity for me than you, honestly.”

That smoothed honey voice wrapped itself around the room’s premise, charming everyone around like it was coming from an alluring siren. All except you.

Your mouth filled with a coating of spite as his next sentence echoed through your ears. His eyes locked you in as a target, a wordless challenge shooting straight at your own.

“Plus, seeing who my co-star is, I’m quite thrilled to see the end product,” Seungmin grinned with a manic glint.

Fuck. You should’ve turned that damned car around yourself. Maybe then you’d be enjoying a relaxing time in the tub, surrounded by bubbling suds of fragrant soap, instead of being a frontliner in this mental war your acting counterpart seemed to subject yourselves to. Now, you had to withstand the feeling of your body instantly going on auto-pilot after his words.

It was commendable, really—how Seungmin could take over a space of this size filled with various types of people so easily. He had major talent in that field, which greatly accentuated his acting power. Seungmin had a way with words, and while you would never be caught praising him out loud, you couldn’t help but acknowledge the bitter truth deep inside the darkest parts of your brain. It was almost obsessive, the way your mind zeroed in on his presence. Even as you let the busy table chatter away into a buzzing noise that barely made its way coherently through your ears, your eyes stayed glued to the figure in front of you, carefully studying his mannerisms as he enthusiastically interacted with everyone. You weren’t someone who Seungmin’s charms would work on—instead, you felt like prey, waiting to be pounced on any second now.

Before you knew it, the table reading came to a close. You could faintly remember standing and packing your things quietly, more focused on the sudden stinging feeling you felt coming from your eyes, already threatening to water. “This is ridiculous,” you huffed in frustration. Why did you feel the need to cry like a child at this very moment?

“With the way your script is being shoved in that tiny bag, yeah, I would say that too.”

“Leave me alone, Kim.”

You hear him chuckle, causing your grip on your leather bag’s opening to become tighter, feeling the metal zipper bite at your palm. “There’s a lot of Kims here, Y/N. Be careful now; they might mistake you for being rude to them,” he chirps. Fucking chirps. Like a small bird who deserves to be doted on. Except the man before you was neither small nor deserved to be doted on—Kim Seungmin would never be described in any of those words in your world.

“Right. Since they’re also talking to me right now,” you scoffed back. Thankfully, that seemed to keep the tears at bay for now. You refused to break down in front of the most infuriating man in your life.

“Still stuck up as ever,” he sighs. Your eyes almost popped out of their sockets at his comment. You? Stuck up? If anything, that would be him! “This would be our first piece together after that charity drama our acting academy did way back a few years ago, so would it kill you to be civil?”

Ah. There it was. The infamous acting academy.

JYP Academy of Theatrics was admittedly one of the most successful acting academies in the country, known for producing many big name acts throughout its years of operation. Every aspiring actor has probably gone through the phase of wanting to be part of the academy’s carefully limited population of trainees—you included.

You remember the first time you brought up your plans on becoming an actress to your parents; their apprehensive faces telling you to try going to an acting academy first before giving up everything and running towards your dream blind. Young you didn’t realize the underlying implication that your parents were expecting you to be discouraged and give up on your thoughts of becoming an actress for good. Instead, you aimed high with the thoughts of their support, confidently applying for JYP Academy.

To your parents’ surprise, you passed both rounds of the screening, becoming a full-fledged acting academy trainee at one of the most prestigious places for it. It was also where you met the thorn in your life that was standing before you at the present.

“And frankly, I’m looking forward to this. So can we not ruin the mood on set?” He had the nerve to add. That was all you needed for your last string of restraint to snap.

“Why? So you could enjoy the power trip of watching me fumble around like a headless chicken after getting scolded a thousand times for my horrible acting skills?”

“What?”

You watched as Seungmin’s face morphed from exhaustion into a look of confusion at what you had just said. However, you knew better than to give him the benefit of the doubt—so you continued to shoot your bullets at him.

“I know you, Kim Seungmin,” you motioned towards him. “Don’t you dare think I’ve forgotten your days at the acting academy, especially that damned charity drama. But consider yourself lucky, since I won’t drag your ass down this time, Golden Boy. In fact, watch me shine on set even if it’s against your will or whatever is going on in that ego of yours, because I refuse to bow down to you. Things may have been different seven years ago, but I’ve grown since then. So if you want to prove to me that you have to, then know how to keep your mouth to yourself around me.”

After your little round of firing the pent-up rage inside of you, you snatched your bag from the table and stormed out of the room without another word. You had half the mind to worry if anyone had heard your little squabble with Seungmin, but you were already too far down the hall to go back and check, risking a blow to your conscience if ever you tried to go back. You only had the fact that you had managed to keep your voice surprisingly low throughout the whole exchange to console you.

With this, you continued your trek towards the parking lot to meet your manager once again—blissfully unaware of the state in which you left your co-star back in the room.

“What the fuck just happened?”

It took everything in Seungmin to not march after you and demand an explanation for what you had just said to him. In all honesty, Seungmin was baffled. Out of all the possible scenarios he had imagined to happen when meeting you, this was definitely not one of them. Sure, you two weren’t exactly the best of friends way back in your academy years, but he had at least considered you an acquaintance.

Even then, he didn’t remember your relationship being this bad. For all the times the both of you clashed heads, he couldn’t recall a single time serious bad blood was developed. The memory of you laughing joyfully as he messed up a line in your shared scene together on a monthly evaluation was still fresh in his memories—so just where did this hostility come from? If he were to base his conclusion off your words earlier, then it must have something to do with the charity drama, and that only made Seungmin more lost.

What you said earlier did hold some truth to them—you were scolded a lot by their advisor, slash project director, but in no way did you do badly in the production. Seungmin could testify to that. After all, he was witness to the amount of praise you got from fellow trainees as they watched you act out your scenes on camera, even though his younger counterpart was jealous of all the positive feedback. So now, he really couldn’t understand where your deep-rooted bitterness towards him came from. He even gave you some tips during the times you seemingly struggled with their advisor’s vision!

“Seungmin?”

He turned over to where his name was just called, seeing his manager approach him while bowing politely towards the small number of production staff left in the room. “Oh, did I take too long, Minho?”

“Yeah, but it’s alright. I knew you were going to catch up with a friend,” Minho looked around for a bit before continuing, “Speaking of which, did she go already?” Seungmin couldn’t stop himself from clicking his tongue at his manager’s words.

“It’s a long story.”

Well, two can play that game. If you truly knew him like you said you did, then you would know that Kim Seungmin isn’t one to give up when he sets his mind to something.

02 : TWO.

You wanted to give up right at this very moment.

Today was the first day of filming for the movie you were cast in as the female lead, yet here you were, one push away from having a mental breakdown. It was your first lead role—one that you had wished on countless stars to get ever since signing a contract with your current agency. Yet, now that you actually have it, you were left unsure of whether your acting could do proper justice to the character given to you. The confidence you flared towards Kim Seungmin a few days ago was nowhere to be found right now as anxious thoughts swirled through your head instead.

When you first read the script as one of your manager’s proposals for your next project, you instantly felt like the female lead’s role spoke to you the most. The plot itself was a masterpiece, clearly right up Director Han’s alley with its sentimental undertone and themes of self-discovery. It followed the male lead, returning back to his hometown for a high school reunion after just deciding to quit his job at a well-known corporation in the city. At the reunion, he meets the female lead, whom he remembers having the biggest crush on back in his teenage years—before he moved to the city for college.

In comparison, the female lead never left their homey countryside town. She attended the nearby community college and also settled her adult life in the same area. However, that didn’t mean that what she had achieved was all she wanted to do in life. Like everyone else, she too, had her own dreams. Unfortunately, she lacked confidence in herself to chase opportunities and got stuck right where her starting line was.

And in a way, she spoke to you.

You didn’t want to admit it, but perhaps you regret running your mouth like that at your co-star during the table read. It was a moment of weakness, you tried to tell yourself. Emotional you talked too big for what you could handle, so now you were left here to deal with the consequences of your actions.

But lies had their truths too.

It was true that you wanted to shine on set—outshining Kim Seungmin was just an added bonus to the thought. You’ve spent far too long in others’ shadows, never really feeling like you had the chance to show your fullest potential. That was something you fought for constantly, starting from your days at the academy up until the present, only to have no such luck. Maybe that was why you developed a habit of becoming pessimistic at the worst times, becoming your own enemy as you fall into a pit of self-sabotage, effectively going against everything you’ve ever wished for yourself. It was a cycle of keeping yourself confused with your own decisions, and it was a frustrating process.

You could only stare from the actors’ corner on the site as you watched the crew members run around making final arrangements for today’s shoot. Normally, you wouldn’t have seen this part of the process, as actors would often arrive later on when everything was nearly set, during their actual call time. You just intentionally went early, deciding that you weren’t going to get any more sleep even if you tried, seeing as most of the previous night was spent trying to make sure you had your lines all perfected. Sleep came rough yesterday, and you had no one else to blame but your own nerves.

At least the set looked great—today you were filming all the scenes needed for the high school reunion. The place was this quaint function hall in a small town about seven hours from the capital city, the same town you would be staying in to shoot for a little less than a week. You couldn’t help but think that maybe the new environment contributed more towards your slowly diminishing confidence, feeling yourself too far away from the strong presence of individualistic urban life. A defeated sigh was all you could do in attempt to ease yourself, even the slightest.

“I’m beginning to think this is going to become a pattern,” you hear a familiar toned voice comment. “Meeting you distressed, I mean.”

You spare the figure a half-hearted glance before rolling your eyes, forcing out an appropriate greeting. Or what was appropriate in your books, anyway.

“Oh, it’s you.”

Seungmin’s face displayed his feelings of amusement, which in turn made your frown deepen. “Not even a good afternoon? That’s harsh of you, Y/N,” he says in a tone made for mockery. “You really don’t like seeing my face, huh?”

“More like, I just don’t like you, period,” you grumbled in annoyance. “Also, why are you even here this early?”

Your surprise at his punctuality was real; you were not expecting to see him on set three hours early. But maybe you should have foreseen this behavior, seeing as the Seungmin you knew back then was also one to be on time during all lessons, activities, and practices. A part of you was then thankful for the question coming off as general because if you added any more comparisons, it would’ve seemed like you held on to too much information on him from the past.

“Just because I’m the main character doesn’t mean I should be fashionably late. Would it tick you off to know that I like being punctual with things?”

“Yeah,” was your immediate reply, not needing to think about it any further. “Since now, I have to time myself to arrive just before the call time.”

Seungmin lets out a deep sigh at your words. “You don’t want to spend any more time with me than necessary, got it.” He says, then lifting a finger up to tap against his ear. “But you know, you should really learn to keep your plans away from enemy ears.”

You tried your best not to show the inner war that just sparked inside of your head—you really shouldn’t have found that small gesture attractive, but the romantic side in you swooned so easily against your will. And for what? Kim Seungmin, of all people? You really should tone down all the enemies-to-lovers content you were consuming, because this was the last thing you wanted to happen. Real life just doesn’t play out like that.

Giving him some slack and perhaps a half-assed attempt at reverse psychology, you replied with a tired tone. “I’ll agree with you on that one, so you may walk away now, Kim.”

Except that Seungmin didn’t seem to catch the memo.

“Says the one who keeps talking,” he snarks at you. “For someone who told me to keep my mouth to myself around you, you’re the one who keeps the conversation flowing.”

You rolled your eyes for the second time since starting this conversation. At this point, you were convinced that Kim Seungmin was on a mission to dislocate it. “You just have to win everything, do you?”

“It’s my charm, I suppose.”

“And I disagree. The only charm you have is that mouth of yours you use to manipulate everyone around you.”

That seemed to snap something within Seungmin. “What the hell did I ever do to you?” He spits out furiously. “I would’ve already sued you for defamation if you acted like this around everyone else, so you should be thankful that I’m being tolerant of your attitude right now.”

“Thankful? Why would I be thankful?” Was your baffled response. “You know, I’m starting to believe that you don’t remember what you put me through all those years ago at all, and it’s only making me more upset that you seem to hold no remorse whatsoever.”

“If it’s that bad, then go ahead and tell me!” Seungmin hissed in an attempt to keep his voice down and not cause a scene. “I don’t have time for this roundabout game you have going on, and honestly, neither should you. We have a high-profile movie to film, and I would never let whatever this is ruin the hard work of a hundred people—so get your head out of your ass and either clench your teeth and save the working environment we have or be a dear and solve this issue with me right now.”

Now you were just barely containing your rage. It was at this point that you realized that Seungmin wasn’t faking anything; and that made it sting a lot more in your already scarred heart. Of course, someone like him wouldn’t understand why you were acting like this. Someone like him, born talented enough to be loved and praised by everyone, would never see the other side that you had to be dragged through—the side that existed all because of people like him, too.

“Fuck you, Kim Seungmin,” you croaked out through tears. “I knew someone like you would never understand.”

And you ran.

“What are—Y/N! Come back here!”

03 : THREE.

“Y/N, where in the world even are you? You need to come back to the actors’ tent right now!”

Changbin’s voice boomed through your phone’s speaker a lot louder than usual, causing you to jerk it away from your ear in pain. Well, you did deserve the scolding—after running off to God knows where in a relatively remote town you didn’t even know, you would be pissed as hell too if you were your manager. What kind of actress just leaves the set without a single thought like that?

“I swear, Y/N. Do not tell me you’re lost because I’m pretty sure I left you somewhere safe the last time I saw you,” you hear Changbin huff on the opposite end. “I can’t believe you told me that you were going to be fine on your own, and I actually trusted you. That’s it! I’m not letting you wander around the set anymore from this point onwards!”

You couldn’t help but find your manager’s rant funny, despite the clear threat being held above your head. “Really? I’m telling you that it’s almost call time, and you’re just laughing. Fine, go on your own soul-searching, or whatever it is you’re doing. I’m telling everyone you left your role to go play hooky—”

Oh, you could only wish. After your little squabble with Seungmin, playing hooky didn’t sound like a bad option. Sadly, you still had a conscience that weighed on you—even more hypersensitive to the people around it with your co-star’s earlier comment of ruining other people’s hard work. You hurriedly shook your head to get rid of the negative thoughts that were starting to plague your head once again, and instead focused on the group of trees that lined the path towards the entrance of the function hall.

“Changbin, I’m fine.”

“Damn right, you should be!” He screeches one last time before calming down. “But in all seriousness, you need to head over here now, or Director Han is going to chew me a new one. He knows my sister, and I don’t want to be berated for not doing my job properly by her of all people.”

You chuckled at the competitiveness in his voice. “Don’t worry, I just took a short walk for fresh air. You know how nervous I was earlier on the way to the set.” Changbin hummed in acknowledgement.

“And on the way to this town in general,” he teases. It didn’t last long, though, since he immediately followed up on your well-being with a soft tone. “Did the walk help? I can get you some hot tea too, if you want.”

“Look at you, finally being a proper manager,” you threw back at him, snickering as offended noises started to pour out of your phone. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll take you up on that tea offer. Plus, I’m just around the corner now.”

Once you saw his figure coming into view, you hung up the call and opted to wave your right arm to catch his attention. Changbin broke out into a frantic sprint towards you the minute he saw you approaching.

“Oh, thank whatever deity there is. You need to head over to the tent right now and—” He suddenly stopped mid-sentence, holding you still at arms length to give you a look of confusion as he scanned your face. “Did you cry? Why are your eyes like that?”

Shoot. You had totally forgotten about that for a second. “Ah,” was all you could muster in a sheepish daze. “It was just to let the nerves out, you know? It’s nothing serious.”

Changbin narrowed his eyes at your excuse, making you hold your breath unintentionally. It felt as though you were being picked apart, trying to find the truth that you desperately wanted to keep hidden. Eventually, the man before you decided to let it be, sending you off with an exhausted wave.

“Hm. Alright, and it’s already going away, so it must’ve just been a light session. Try to blink it out more so that it’s long gone once you step in front of the cameras.”

You silently breathed out a sigh of relief. “Will do. Thanks, Changbin.”

“Stop being a sap and head over to the tent already,” he chuckles before sending you a comforting smile. “Good luck. I’ll just be here.”

A grateful look found its way onto your face as you walked briskly towards the actors’ tent. You should really treat Changbin to dinner after all of this is over, you think to yourself, putting on your game face and entering the enclosed area with a newly steeled heart.

Now, Seungmin wasn’t the type to be overly concerned with others’ business. While he wouldn’t exactly call himself an extreme individualist, he still did have an appreciation for community. You wouldn’t catch him dead in the act of trying to mingle with someone else’s issues if it had nothing to do with him. However, all that seemed to somehow fly out the window whenever it had something to do with you.

To him, you were a person qualified enough to be considered intertwined with his own life. Sure, he hadn’t seen you in person for years, but that still would never be able to erase the fact that you knew him behind the cameras. Actually, even worse.

You knew the person he was before he even took up acting as a career.

Perhaps that was why he was so bothered by the way you were acting with him recently. He doesn’t even recall ever being that hostile to someone since his high school days, and that alone terrified him. It was like he regressed back to the days of his youth whenever he interacted with you—and that did more harm than good. The younger him was full of teen angst that he wanted to bury deep inside the confines of his past, but the animosity you seemed to harbor personally against him made him wonder if he was truly missing important information from that era of you both.

So when he saw you walk into the tent with fading redness evident in your eyes, just right after your small fight with him earlier, he instantly felt a punch in his gut. In all honesty, he wasn’t aiming to make you cry—it just so happened that the spur of the moment was so intense that he spat out things he barely meant. Sure, they still stemmed from the truth of how he felt since he did want to make amends with you, but even he wants to kick himself for the way he worded things so out of pocket. His reaction to the situation was so childish that it would be easier to think he finally went insane from the busy schedules he’s been doing than believe that what he did was a conscious decision. He was supposed to be the mature one at that moment, reaching out to fix the issue.

And yet here he was, feeling like a child in front of you.

He wanted to approach you, apologize for earlier, and maybe another one for whatever stupidity his old self did that was clearly bad enough for his mind to completely block out entirely. If you were reacting this much, it had to be at least somewhat of a traumatizing experience. Seungmin doesn’t think he ever got that bad back then, but everyone had different perspectives—and yes, young him had a tendency to be a prick. He still had friends, though, and no one ever called him in to discuss his behavior, so it wasn’t like he was a bully.

Either way, he felt the need to apologize—and maybe get an apology back, but his legs wouldn’t let him. A part of him knew that if he did approach you at the moment, you might run away again, and it was almost time for the briefing. Instead, he settled on looking at you across the pop-up room, hoping that his silent sentiment was delivered.

Which it was not. At all.

If anything, it added more pressure to whatever nerves you were holding back. Seungmin’s gaze was so piercing to the point that you didn’t even need to turn and look to know that he had his eyes locked on you. What does he want from you now? Oh, right—you two would be filming your scenes together in a matter of about an hour or two. Maybe this was Seungmin’s way of telling you to get your shit together while finally respecting your wishes to be left alone. Improvement is improvement, so you’d leave him alone to do his thing too.

“All right, is everyone here?” A lean man in his mid-twenties walked in, asking everyone inside. There was another person following him, yet seemingly younger. “It seems so. If someone you know is late, just fill them in with the details later.”

The first man lifted up a thick bind of paper, which you quickly recognized as the script. “I’m sure everyone has read their copy of this. My name is Hwang Hyunjin, and I’m the head scriptwriter for this film. Over here to my side is Yang Jeongin, my assistant. We’re here to give you a briefing on how this shoot will go for today since Director Han and Assistant Director Lee are busy with the filming crew as of the moment.”

So they were the ones behind the script. You felt your excitement levels increase as various questions about the story’s making filled your head—but you would save that for another day. Perhaps during the crew dinner after the movie’s filming was completed.

“Today, we’ll be filming one of the first scenes in the movie—the reunion. That’s why there’s a lot of you are here right now, despite the story only really having a few recurring characters. Still, whatever your role is, I hope you take this opportunity with pride. All of you here will be treated as actors for as long as you stand on this set, so have the dignity of one. Whether you have lines or not, what I expect from all of you is your best, and only your best,” Head Scriptwriter Hwang emphasized.

The briefing continued on with the necessary information for the reunion scene, with detailed clarifications and stage directions. If you weren’t locked in on all the information being fed to you, you would’ve had half the mind to acknowledge how strikingly handsome the man was upfront. A few others did, though, and you couldn’t really blame them. The guy could be an actor himself if he wanted to be.

“And I believe that’s all for now,” Head Scriptwriter Hwang clapped his hands in satisfaction. “Hair and makeup will take care of you all for about an hour and a half. I see that some of you already came prepared, so go ahead and touch up yourself if you want to. Main characters, you have your own booths,” he glances towards the stations at the end of the tent.

“You’ll be called up when needed. Actor Kim Seungmin, please get ready first since we need you for the entrance shots. That is all. Good luck.”

Head Scriptwriter Hwang bows politely to all of you before exiting the tent with Assistant Yang. With that, the battlefield begins.

You couldn’t remember much of what was happening other than you being sat down in front of a well-lit mirror and letting yourself become a doll in the hands of the make-up artists. The one assigned to your hair did start a short conversation about your previous works, to which you could only thank her shyly for her support. While you weren’t the most popular actress out there, you were still relatively well-known, with notable works under your belt. Seven years of experience wasn’t something someone could just laugh at, after all.

On the other hand, your co-star was a famous A-lister who was most likely getting paid significantly more than you for his role in this film. You glanced a bit to your right, where Kim Seungmin was happily chatting with his hair and makeup assignees, his voice effortlessly traveling its way over to your spot.

Ever the social butterfly, that one.

“Are you excited?” The woman assigned to your hair, who you learned was named Eunha, asked. You looked at her, startled by the sudden topic change. “Sorry—it’s just that you kept looking over at Actor Kim that it came to mind. He is quite the looker, isn’t he?”

“Oh.”

How should you even respond to that? It wasn’t like you could just go around advertising your personal beef with the man when, as far as you knew, he had a clean record on his plate. That would just be a lawsuit waiting to happen. You’d have to settle for something vague instead. “I guess,” you cringe at the evident pain in your voice.

“I’ve heard from others in the industry that he’s a great guy. You’ll have a blast filming this movie with him. I know it’s a bit awkward right now, but I’m sure you’ll warm up to him soon. After all, you’re both the lead roles.”

You’ll surely have a blast, alright—straight to the ego.

This conversation just gave you the unfriendly reminder that you had to act all lovey-dovey with this man, and if anything, it was triggering some unpleasant memories. By memories, you meant the charity drama from your acting academy days.

Your experience with that project was interesting, to say the least.

It had all started with Seungmin winning the prize of being the drama’s male lead after getting the top spot on the year-end evaluation for the junior level. Along with his prize came the privilege to choose who he would be acting alongside, only to surprise everyone when he chose you, a trainee who barely got recognition and wasn’t even in the top ten of your level. At first, you felt honored. It was like you were finally getting acknowledged, and by the top performer, no less. So you worked hard to do your part properly, wanting to repay Seungmin for his act of kindness; only for that kindness to turn out to be a mockery of you.

The difference in skill between you two was just too wide. Your shortcomings showed far too much, and your mistakes ended up being emphasized to the point that your level advisor became endlessly frustrated with you. First, it was the scolding. The woman clearly did not appreciate you holding back the entire production, especially since it was for a cause, so she would point out every problem in your acting, which quickly took a turn after you showed barely any improvement. Eventually, your advisor started to berate you—going as far as constantly referring to you as the reason the drama would fail. When you tried to raise the concern with her that it was affecting you negatively, she only brushed you off with a comment about how you should know to take constructive criticism this early to succeed in the actual industry.

At eighteen years old, you could only clench your teeth and accept your fate.

Things only got worse when you overheard Seungmin talking to his friends near the vending machines after practice one day—the same day they were talking about you.

“Dude, why did you choose Y/N to be the female lead?” One of Seungmin’s friends, Yeonjun, groaned aloud. “She’s awful at it. What? Do you like her or something?”

Seungmin only shrugged. “Not really,” he said, uninterested. “I just kept seeing her name during level advancements but never saw her doing anything to stand out. If she got this far, then I should give her a chance, no?” Yeonjun pursed his lips at the answer.

“That’s just cruel, man. The witch has it out for her now.”

“Then she can just do better,” Seungmin chuckles, taking a sip from his soda before continuing. “Not my problem anymore. If I do my role well enough, maybe they’ll pay less attention to whatever she’s doing.”

Beomgyu, another friend of his, scoffed. “So, like—you’re basically using her to your advantage.” You watched Seungmin wave him off without a care.

“Stop making it sound so bad like that,” he hums at the thought. “Let’s just say I’m saving her the embarrassment. Like you said, it was my fault she’s getting thrown around like this anyway,” Seungmin continues before tossing his empty can of soda in the trash.

And wow, did you feel like one after hearing that.

Starting from that point onwards, you held a dislike for Kim Seungmin. It did, however, give you enough spite to use as a driving force to do well in the charity drama—eventually climbing up to senior level right beside Seungmin, where you two clashed for the higher ranks before graduating and starting your own careers.

Despite this, the memory of the junior project still stayed ingrained in you, never really managing to fade away like you wanted it to, causing you to struggle in your quest to succeed in the industry. The deprecating thoughts came at the worst times, making you revert back to that eighteen-year-old who kept her tears at bay as the director shouted at her for the nth time.

It was particularly the worst right now.

“Cut! Bad take!”

You snapped your head towards Director Han, who looked so frustrated that he started to resemble a certain someone from the ghosts of your memories. Kim Seungmin was in front of you, his tongue poking at his cheek after hearing the comment. Right, you were at the set—shooting a scene. And you had just failed to say your next line.

“Actress Y/N, you can’t just keep forgetting your lines like this!”

04 : FOUR.

You really can’t go on forgetting your lines like this.

“Y/N.” Changbin sighs heavily. “Seriously, what’s going on?”

It would have been amazing if the gods could hear your plea. Your wish was fairly simple, after all—to be buried six feet under at the moment. To hell with being a popular actress; you wanted nothing more than to disappear right now after that stunt you just pulled. On the first day of filming, no less.

Should you just go dig your own hole instead?

“It won’t happen again,” you softly replied, like a child getting scolded by their mother.

Your manager could only take a deep inhale at your words. “And I believe you, I really do,” he says. “But I can’t just let this go like this.”

Of course, he couldn’t. You would do the same thing in his shoes. Changbin was a manager for an actress—an actress who clearly can’t even manage herself. Your job’s core had a simple description, and that was to act out your lines. Lines that you had to memorize, internalize, and perform. What was the point of having seven years of experience under your belt if you couldn’t even do the basics of your occupation?

“You have to understand, Y/N. It wasn’t just once, or twice, or heck—not even thrice! You had a minimum of five retakes per couple of lines, and that’s already concerning enough for me to have to intervene. Director Han was really disappointed today, and it’s only the first filming. The only reason you’re still coming back on set tomorrow is because, at the end of the day, we managed to get good takes despite the issues. So pray tell, is something wrong?”

The humble inn’s room you were staying in became devoid of sound from your lack of response, making the cicadas outside seem a lot louder than they actually were. Your sitting figure made you look small in front of the man before you, who was pacing across the room in distressed strides. In all honesty, you had nothing to say back to Changbin. As much as you trusted him like your own older brother, explaining your oh-so-stellar performance earlier would entail having to reveal your past with Kim Seungmin, which was the last thing on the list of secrets you wanted to get out. Thus, there was only one solution to your dilemma.

“Can we replace Kim Seungmin?”

Changbin’s jaw slacked. “What—him again?” He laughed humorlessly, completely baffled at your request. “And replace, you say? Y/N, at the rate we’re going, you’re the one in danger of getting replaced!”

Okay, you should’ve expected that. But the sting from your manager’s comment wouldn’t hurt any less, even if you did.

You were well aware of all of your shortcomings as an actress. The seven years you gained in this industry clearly taught you a lot of important lessons, but those same seven years barely did anything to your ability, no matter the amount of effort you desperately poured into your career. It felt like a futile attempt at pouring into a cup that had a big hole at the bottom—knowing you could be filled to the brim with the necessary factors to succeed exponentially, yet still letting everything go down the drain.

Maybe this was the wake up call you needed to acknowledge that you’re the only one holding yourself back. And you had the slight inkling that you knew all along where this whole mess stemmed from.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what, even?” Changbin ran a hand through his already tousled hair. “Look, if you really don’t want to tell me, then fine. I’ll respect your wishes. But you can’t expect me to understand where you’re coming from if I know nothing. Deal with how overbearing I could be, or I don’t know, just keep that in mind.”

“I understand.” You meekly nodded. “Sorry, again. I’ll do better tomorrow.”

With your vague words, Changbin eventually came to the conclusion that you weren’t going to speak about the issue today. Walking towards you, he finally accepted your decision with a light pat on the head. “You don’t have to say that to me, Y/N. Maybe to the crew tomorrow. And Actor Kim Seungmin if you want. Just promise me a better performance tomorrow, and we’ll be good.”

You chuckled dryly. “Yes, I’ll do that.”

“Alright.” Your manager rolled his shoulders back, releasing the tension that built up from his pacing. “I’ll go to my own room now. Get some good rest. You need it after what happened today,” he chuckles.

“Okay, good night.”

You plastered a small smile for him, only letting it drop completely after you heard the door shut. After that, it was just you and your mind, ready to play the most depressing thoughts all through the night to beat you down once again. However, you weren’t going to fall for that today. You had already promised a better performance on filming tomorrow.

And what better ways were there to achieve both than practice until the sun rises?

Well, that surely did it’s work for you because you walked into the set the next day looking like a few years had just shaved off your lifespan. But as long as you could still function well enough to participate in the shoot, then you would consider your little sacrifice worth it.

A certain someone would beg to disagree, though.

Seungmin has never felt more concerned in his life. Just what in the world did you do all night to come out of your room looking like a literal zombie? To make matters worse, no one was even batting an eye at your less-than-ideal state! He watched you get your makeup done from across the tent with a thoughtful expression.

“Is it just me, or did Y/N get no sleep whatsoever?”

Minho cringed at Seungmin’s blunt comment. “Oh, you noticed it too?” He purses his lip, feeling uneasy. “I feel bad for her, but after the mishap from yesterday, I wouldn’t be surprised if she stayed up all night trying to make sure it doesn’t happen again. No sleep is better than no role in this industry, after all.”

Seungmin frowned at his manager’s words. That can’t be right. Sure, as actors, getting roles to play was their bread and butter—but no project was going to be worth more than their own well-being. If your condition was bad, then how were you expecting to have the proper mindset to act well? That should be simple logic.

He huffed. “I’m going to talk to her.”

Before he could even take a step forward, a strong force had already pulled him back. “Stop right there, Seungmin.” His manager gripped his shoulder in warning. “I know you mean well, but please do not do anything to agitate Actress Y/N any further.”

Seungmin turns back in disbelief. “What are you even talking about?”

“Aren’t you two close? I know how you joke around when you’re comfortable, and I’m just letting you know that this might not be the best time to do so.”

The actor narrowed his eyes at the implication being thrown his way. “You know, you’re making me out to be a major ass right now.” Minho shrugged.

“That’s because one wrong move, and you might as well be,” he sighs. “Look, all I’m saying is that what she probably needs right now is support. Someone who would give her motivation to get through the shoot today.”

Seungmin deadpanned at his manager’s sudden advice. He wasn’t expecting Minho, of all people, to lecture him about how to properly interact with others. “Exactly?” The younger of the two raises a brow. “What else do you think I was going to do?”

Minho looked hesitant for a second. “You and I both know that you’re not exactly the most—” he trails off, making random expressive movements with his hands instead. Seungmin scoffed.

“Spit it out.”

“—Motivating. You’re probably the least motivating person here.”

Seungmin visibly blanched at Minho’s admittance. Truth be told, he wasn’t expecting the older man to say anything particularly nice, but the actual reveal was just completely out of his radar.

Even when he was young, Seungmin never struggled with making friends. He’s always been well-liked by the people around him, which has made him fairly popular amongst his peers. With such a positive response from a lot of people regarding him as a person, Seungmin was clearly gifted in the art of making friends. So now, being told that he lacked the skill of uplifting others greatly confused him. If that were true, then shouldn’t he have had the opposite experience with socializing?

“I—” He stutters, caught off guard. “Do my social skills not prove to be enough for you?”

“Those are two completely separate things,” Minho barely managed to suppress a sneer. “Seungmin, you’re great at casual talk—that’s no surprise. But you also have the tendency to be dense. And that’s putting it lightly.”

“Oh.”

That would make sense. A part of him also admitted that his younger counterpart did struggle with connecting to others. Yes, he had a lot of friends, but that didn’t mean he saw all of them equally. As harsh as that may be, the old Seungmin had this unfathomable standard for people he could call friends, which he used as a strict criteria for judging others. He still kicks himself whenever he gets reminded of how big his high horse used to be, for no reason. Seungmin was more than willing to leave that time of his life at the back of his mind to collect dust. His life has been so much better without it, and he would do anything to maintain this satisfactory present he has carved for himself.

His manager chuckled. “Who knows, though? Maybe you could finally practice your empathy with this conversation. You’ve been around professional robots for far too long.”

“That sounds like an insult,” Seungmin says, expressing his doubt.

“I’m just saying it as it is.” Minho patted his back twice. “Now, I already warned you enough. If you still want to talk to Actress Y/N, then go ahead. Just know that whatever comes out of that mouth of yours is completely your responsibility, and I will not cover for you if you come out of this one with a broken friendship.”

Seungmin let the words sink in.

“There you go, all done!” Eunha exclaims, lightly pushing your hair forward to make the volume more noticeable. You gave her a thankful smile.

Eunha was someone you'd only known for two days, but she was already becoming your favorite person on set. The way she manages to lighten your mood every time made her worthy of being on the list of people you greatly appreciated, especially with how things were going for you recently. Today too, her positivity was very welcomed.

“Thank you,” you say while admiring her work. “It looks pretty today too.”

The hairstylist beamed. “Of course it should be,” she huffs in pride. “You need to be the prettiest one here on set. After all, you’re the female lead!”

You knew she didn’t mean it to be, but her words felt like little stabs to your heart. The prickly ache spread slowly, like poison that was meant to be discrete. You chuckled to offset the pain.

“Right.”

Female lead. The character you worked so hard for—only for you to also ruin the chance with your own hands. You couldn’t help but think of how ungrateful you were being, and for what? A personal grudge towards your co-star, who was being more professional about the situation than you ever tried to be? It was almost laughable how belatedly you realized that the situation was never going to be in your favor. You weren’t someone looking to be pitied, so why were you hypocritically trying to paint yourself as the distressed damsel?

Eunha sent you a troubled glance as she fixed the tools on the table. “Are you alright? I—” She sighed. “I didn’t want to point it out earlier, but I guess my concern got the best of me. The bags under your eyes looked deep earlier—Yerin did a great job covering them up, though! You don’t worry about how you’ll look on camera, but I’m just worried about your condition.”

You sheepishly scratched your arm at being pointed out. “Sorry for worrying you. I just forgot the time last night and fell asleep late. You could say I was too excited to shoot again today.”

“Well, that’s a lie if I’ve ever heard one.”

You jumped in your chair, startled by Seungmin’s voice suddenly joining the space on your side of the tent. Eunha’s eyes gave you a silent apology before bowing to Seungmin and heading out of the tent, indicating that her task was finished. Your gaze fluttered toward your co-star, who was looking at you in a disapproving manner. It was then that you remembered his comment.

“And that was rude of you to disrupt a conversation that had nothing to do with you.”

Seungmin wasn’t fazed by your bite. “Why didn’t you sleep?”

“I asked a question first, Kim.” You crossed your arms at being ignored. “Also, I did sleep.”

"No, you didn’t,” he pressed on. You could feel your blood pressure rise at his insistence. “Even a twenty-minute nap could do wonders. You just look horrible.” You scoffed at the insult.

“Gee, thanks. Exactly what I needed to hear.”

Seungmin’s eyes widened comically, and you almost laughed at the sight. Almost. He looked so guilty of what he had just said that you felt the urge to tease him as revenge.

“Wait, no—”

“An explanation isn’t necessary,” you hummed. “Even if that wasn’t a joke, I could really care less right now.”

Your reply made Seungmin flail his hands around like a madman. “It was a joke. I didn’t mean anything about it,” he coughs out before composing himself after realizing how silly he was acting. “Sorry.”

“Ok. Thank you for apologizing.”

“Sure,” he trailed off. Seungmin was now unsure of what to even do.

Oddly enough, your heart warmed at his reaction. A part of you was thanking yourself for finally becoming more rational, as you thought that maybe he wasn’t so bad. Sure, your past together was still rocky territory, but you had to remind yourself that time had also passed. Seven years at that. That detail took you back to the conversation you two had back at the table reading. You remember the way you hissed at him that you had changed—what made you assume that he couldn’t do it too? Everyone was allowed to become better versions of themselves, and Kim Seungmin wasn’t exempted from that. He was but another person living amongst others in this world, after all.

Changbin was right. Seungmin also deserved an apology.

“I guess I also owe you an apology,” you say softly. “About how I’ve been towards you the whole time—it was immature of me. I hope we can continue to work well until the end of this project, like you said yesterday.”

“Now, this is just odd.”

Seungmin was now utterly lost. He recalls approaching you despite Minho’s warnings, deciding that he had enough self-restraint to not screw it up—only to end up insulting you without meaning to. But that wasn’t the confusing part.

It was your reaction.

In Seungmin’s experience, you weren’t one to let something go like that. Even back when you both were in your senior level days at the academy, a simple jest from him would set you off into flames. The you he knew would immediately choose to chew him out, hoping that he would get burned by a rogue ember of your fury for even just attempting to speak such words. But the person in front of him right now did none of that. The you in the present simply took the accidental insult and even apologized for the ones you’ve spat out over the previous days. It was a whiplash, to say the least—just yesterday he was still fighting to keep you in a flowing conversation. So, what was this he was witnessing?

“Is it?” You snicker. “Just think of it like winning. You were right. This is a high-profile project, and I’m over here messing around. I’ve prepared a better performance for you all to see today, so be rest assured.” Seungmin still wasn’t assured.

“Y/N, are you sure you’re alright—”

“Main characters on set!”

Damn. So that’s how it feels for your conversation to get interrupted by someone unrelated to it. Seungmin internally acknowledged your annoyance earlier and kicked the memory of himself from a few minutes earlier.

You turned back to him, tilting your head. “What was that?” Seungmin refused to admit that he found the action cute.

“No, it’s nothing,” he said, clearing his throat. “Let’s have a good shoot.”

05 : FIVE.

Okay, you do not think this was turning out to be a good shoot.

You were already regretting pulling another all-nighter the day after you got absolutely no sleep. This meant that you were already nearing 48 hours of no sleep, to which you were surprised you were still even capable of functioning. You had never gone this long without sleep, and it was both thrilling and terrifying to you at the same time.

Honestly, you were already expecting to feel lethargic after the shoot yesterday, especially after staying up the entire night to master your parts and was planning to go to sleep early to make up for it. However, after getting nothing but praise from the directors and filming crew the whole day for your stellar performance that day, you came to the conclusion that perhaps your sacrificial act was exceptionally effective. A little too effective since your manager even said that your acting became much more alive than the takes you did the previous day, despite feeling the complete opposite internally.

Now, while you normally wouldn’t describe yourself as someone who was peer pressured easily, it still felt really nice for your hard work to be acknowledged after the disappointing performance you had the day before. Which also led you to your current predicament—woefully repeating the same magical process that helped you gain your reputation back.

“You’re yawning an awful lot.” Seungmin raised a brow in question. “Don’t tell me that all the praise you got yesterday already got to your head, and you suddenly find all this boring.”

An irked look made its way onto your face, pinching hard on Seungmin’s arm. You watched in satisfaction as he yelped audibly at your damage, jerking away in reflex. “What the fuck, woman?”

“It’s what you get,” you say nonchalantly while shrugging. Seungmin scoffs at the response.

“Just because we have a truce now doesn’t mean you can abuse me whenever you like,” he snarls. “What happened to the Y/N who didn’t want me to talk to her unless, quote on quote, necessary?”

You cringe at the unwelcome reminder of your previous activities. “I apologized! Would you rather have me act like a total bitch again?”

“Well—no. That Y/N was a pain to deal with.”

“Then be grateful for what you have right now.”

Seungmin lets out an amused snort, crossing his arms and leaning backwards closer towards the living room’s walls, where you two were on standby. “Oh, believe me. I’m more than grateful.”

The set right now was in a cozy cottage house, designed to imitate what the female lead’s family home would look like. You had already moved past the beginnings of the main characters’ romance yesterday and were now heading into the development stage, where they spend more time together until they realize their feelings. A domestic scene in one character’s home was a popular trope—which was, of course, also included in the movie.

If today’s shoot goes well, then you only have one day left in the filming process before everyone packs up to head back to the city. Not for Seungmin, though. The male lead still had to film the first part of the movie where he quit his job at the company. You’d have to laugh at him about it on the last day.

First, you had to get through this shoot without fainting flat on your face.

It was a particularly hot day too, which made your drowsiness even worse. The rural countryside cottage didn’t have an air conditioner set up, so you had to make do with fans all over the place. But that barely did anything to cool you down, as the air around the place itself was humid. At least you weren’t shooting out in the sun today.

“Geez, my makeup might melt even before we start filming,” you groan. “That’s if my head doesn’t explode first.”

Seungmin chuckles. “Blame your character for being a sweater enthusiast. That outfit must be torture in this weather.”

He wasn’t wrong about that. The thick baby blue cardigan you were wearing felt like a punishment to wear at the moment. It was unfortunate that you felt really cute in this get-up because you wanted to trash on it so badly.

Actually, fuck it. Comfort matters more.

“I don’t understand how she does it,” you whine dramatically. “Every scene she’s had has her wearing some kind of version of a sweater. Does she not get hot at all?” You pull on your slightly weighted cardigan.

“I do think she’s plenty hot enough.” Seungmin smirks, glancing at you while waiting for your reaction.

You hummed in agreement. “She’s probably just tolerating it since it's her clothing style. I’ve had my fair share of those moments too.”

It wasn’t something you could see since you were more preoccupied with watching the staff prepare for filming, but Seungmin’s ears were slowly turning red. He took note of how his less than savory joke completely flew over your head, now leaving him to drown in the embarrassment of his original intentions.

Internally, he was already having a boxing match with himself. He thinks she’s plenty hot enough? What does that even mean? You were the only image he had of the female lead since you had her role! Seungmin wanted the ground to suddenly swallow him whole at the implication.

You, on the other hand, were fighting a completely different battle. The combination of the heat and your severe lack of sleep was becoming dangerous. You could already feel a growing pounding in your head, the world’s noise becoming more muffled by the second. It seemed like your vision wasn’t affected yet, though—and for that, you were relieved. That meant you could still stretch yourself out until the shoot was finished. You’d already done this once yesterday, so a second time wouldn’t be that bad, right?

Wrong.

Seungmin’s voice as he carried out his lines in the scene seemed so far away to you already, and it had only been an hour since the cameras started rolling. Internally, you were already sounding the sirens. Something was definitely wrong—you don’t think Seungmin was supposed to sound like he was underwater.

Your co-star seemed to notice that you were out of it too, except he couldn’t exactly stop the scene as you were still conducting your parts as proficiently as you could. Director Han hasn’t called a cut yet, either. So, he settled on carefully watching you for signs. You also thought you could last until the scene was over—until you couldn’t.

The last thing you remember was a figure rushing over to you before your sight went pitch black.

“Y/N!”

“Cut!”

Seungmin felt his heart race as he dashed over to catch you from crashing to the ground. What was going on? You were completely fine a while ago. How did you end up fainting? Could it have been the heat? He didn’t think it was going to be that bad for you since he was dealing with it pretty well. The heat wasn’t exactly unbearable. So what was it?

“Actor Kim Seungmin,” D.O.P. Bang called out. “We should take her to the medic tent. Someone, call her manager.”

Seungmin had never agreed more to a suggestion in his life.

“Seungmin? What’s—” Minho’s face paled in shock at the sight of your limp figure. “Oh, shit. That’s why everyone is running around like headless chickens. Quick, let’s get her to the medics.”

Minho sped over to give the actor a helping hand on steadying you, only to be stopped. “We’re wasting so much time.” Seungmin clicks his tongue.

Everyone could only watch as Seungmin positioned his arms on your back and behind your knees, hastily pulling you up towards him in a bridal carry and speeding away to the medic’s tent. Minho’s jaw dropped at his talent’s actions before recovering from the shock and tailing him.

“Seungmin!”

“What?” Seungmin responds half-heartedly as he sets you down on the cushioned stretcher, stepping back as the medics do their job.

“You—” Minho squeaks out. “What was that?”

“What was what?”

“That!” He gestured towards you, still unconscious and being checked on by the medics on standby. “Did you just carry Actress Y/N?”

Seungmin ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “And what about it? Did I commit a crime or something? I was just helping!”

Minho was conflicted. In all the years he had been working as Seungmin’s manager, the actor had never shown this much attention towards his other co-workers, despite maintaining an approachable and friendly image. Of course, that wasn’t particularly a bad thing—especially in an industry where caution towards everyone around you was basic common sense to prevent yourself from going down a road that would lead to your demise. The view was great up where it was high, but the fall was just as immense.

What Minho did acknowledge was your past with Seungmin. Because of that, he was inclined to think more about your friendship with his talent and how that played into your dynamic. Yet, over the course of the two days you two had been filming, he hasn’t exactly seen the kind of relationship he was expecting. There were discrepancies in what he knew about you and Seungmin, as well as gaps in the bond his actor painted a picture of. In times like these, there were only a few reasonable explanations that Minho could think of, which made him uneasy.

Something big was coming in the future—one that he needed to prepare for as early as now.

Hurried footsteps could be heard nearing the tent as Seungmin and Minho diverted their lines of sight towards the entrance, just in time to see a fairly muscular figure come in all frantic. “How is she?”

Minho immediately recognized the man from a conversation he had in the personal staff area, recalling his introduction as your manager. The former bowed slightly in greeting. “Manager Seo Changbin.” Seungmin felt his blood boil after seeing your manager’s late entrance.

“Where even were you?” He asked coldly, intentionally making his tone sharp. “You know, for her manager, you sure are practically nowhere to be found during shoots.”

Changbin splutters at the accusation. “Y/N doesn’t like it when I stay to watch! She says it’s pressuring!”

“Sure. But it’s your job to be on standby in the event that she needs you. How come you weren’t?”

“I—”

“Okay, that’s enough.” A new face entered the space, who Seungmin quickly made out to be Assistant Director Lee. The second-in-hand gave him a disapproving look. “Actor Kim Seungmin, please stop lashing out at Actress Y/N’s manager.”

Seungmin felt like he was seconds away from committing arson. “I’m not lashing out if it's a reasonable argument!”

He felt someone grab a hold of him, forcefully pushing him down to sit. It was only then that Seungmin seemed to finally be conscious of how emotionally he had been acting—accepting Minho’s foresight on his actions. Assistant Director Lee, on the other hand, did not appreciate his recklessness.

“That it is, but we’re going to need you to stay calm,” he states. “The situation is sensitive enough as it is.”

Seungmin felt like he had no choice but to agree. He couldn’t risk making an unreasonable scene in such a respected project set, and knowing you, a tension-filled tent wasn’t going to be your preferred area of rest. Glancing back at your unconscious figure still being tended to, he let out a sigh to release the extra pressure in his chest.

Just what was he doing right now?

Once Assistant Director Lee saw him calm down a significant amount, he clapped to disperse the heavy silence. “Great. Now, can someone inform us when she wakes up so we can restart the shoot?”

So much for calming down, because Seungmin’s temper flared up again in an instant. “Are you kidding me?” He growled. “No, we are not proceeding with filming today!”

“Actor Kim, we don’t have enough time—”

“I’ll pay for all the expenses for the extension and rescheduling of all the remaining shoots. Put all of it under my personal bank account.”

Minho’s eyes almost popped out of their sockets in shock. “Seungmin, what—”

“I said what I said,” Seungmin continued. “Now go do it. Both of us won’t step in front of the camera for the rest of the day.”

“You can’t just decide that for Actress Y/N,” Assistant Director Lee reasoned in disbelief.

Unluckily for him, Seungmin had already made up his mind—and when that happens, he isn’t one to give up on it.

“Then we’ll tell her it’s cancelled because I’m sure as hell won’t be filming today. You can’t make her act out the scenes prepared today without me.”

Assistant Director Lee was conflicted. Taking a day off so suddenly when they’d already had everything set up was going to be such a waste—and frankly, Director Han was already on edge about it. Granted, this wasn’t the first time he’d come across this situation, and certainly won’t be the last in his time in the industry. Now, an actor telling them that they’d pay for the cost of their demand? That one was new.

Kim Seungmin was notorious in the field for being a perfectionist, so he honestly came in here expecting him to agree with their plan. Maybe he should’ve considered the rumors he’d heard around the set that Actor Kim and you were closer than they initially thought. With that, Assistant Director Lee could only sigh. He’d just have to deal with Director Han’s displeasure.

Along with being a perfectionist, Kim Seungmin was also incredibly stubborn.

“I understand,” he concedes. “I’ll inform Director Han.”

Seungmin tried not to show his surprise on his face. He didn’t think he’d actually get this result so easily, but it was welcomed. “Thank you.”

“Let us know if you change your mind.”

“I won’t.”

Assistant Director Lee chuckled at Seungmin’s firm reply before announcing his leave. The atmosphere in the tent improved as he stepped out, but awkwardness still lingered in the air. Minho dropped down to slump on a plastic chair, leaving Changbin to stand stiffly near him.

“Y/N is totally gonna kill you, dude.” Minho groans, completely letting go of formalities in stress.

Seungmin had half the mind to be embarrassed by his choices. “And to think I’m doing this all for her sake,” he scoffs good-naturedly before turning to your manager. “Did something happen before the shoot? She couldn’t have passed out like this just because of the heat today.”

Changbin scratches at his neck. “Uh, I’m not sure—”

“—It’s exhaustion,” one of the medics spoke up. “Her body seems to be completely fatigued, as well as slightly dehydrated, but that must be the heat’s contribution. Has she not been getting enough rest?”

They watched as Changbin’s face morphed into shock, completely unsure of how that could’ve even happened. “But she said she was going to bed early yesterday!”

Your manager was slowly getting on Seungmin’s nerves. First, it was his constant absence from the set. Next, it was his blatant disregard for your well-being. The last time he checked, a manager was supposed to be aware of their talent’s condition as much as possible. Any less and it would be neglect.

He narrowed his eyes. “The picture you’re painting for me is not a good one, Manager Seo.”

“What are you implying right now, Actor Kim?” Changbin pounced back, Seungmin’s tone stirring negative emotions inside him.

Seungmin refused to back down. “You know damn well.”

“Kim Seungmin!”

“Watch your mouth—”

A rustling noise interrupted the three men’s small disagreement. “Ugh,” you groaned in pain. “What in the world?”

“Y/N!” Seungmin jumps up without a second thought to rush over. In the distance, Minho and Changbin’s eyes meet in mutual speculation.

“Seungmin, sorry, but please shut up.” You raise a hand to cradle your head. “My head is pounding.”

You could vaguely make up a medic handing Seungmin some pills and a bottle of water, saying something about how you were stable enough to just need rest and hydration. The next thing you knew was feeling a hand gently take your chin to create an opening and a pill being dropped inside, along with a water bottle pressing against your lips. You gulped it down in shock.

“The fuck—” You coughed. Another hand came up again to wipe some of the water you spilled around your mouth before you pushed it away. “Kim Seungmin!”

Your co-star rolled his eyes at your dramatics. “Would it kill you to stop being so fussy?”

“Not when you’re treating me like a child!”

Changbin clears his throat, effectively stopping your bickering. “Uh—I’m going to go get us lunch,” he meekly informs you two. “The medics also already went out to get food earlier, so I think we need to get our share before it’s all gone.”

Minho nods at Changbin’s words a bit too enthusiastically for your liking. “I’ll come with him. You two can talk while waiting.”

The two of you watch as your managers dash out of the tent like cartoon characters, raising a suspicious brow at their sudden change in behavior. Seungmin clicked his tongue in annoyance before turning back to you and flicking a finger at your forehead without warning. You squealed at the added pain as Seungmin’s suppressed laughter filled the room.

“You are such an asshole!” You shriek while bringing both hands to shield your forehead belatedly.

“And your hair looks like a nest,” he replies with a snicker.

You gave him a glare at his comment, rubbing the sore spot gently. “Shit,” you whined, feeling the ache from inside your head again. “I can’t believe I fainted. How long was I out? What about the shoot? Are we resuming after lunch?”

The questions you were asking him only served as Seungmin’s reminder of his actions earlier, causing his mouth to run dry. Truth be told, even he was unsure of how to tell you everything that happened while you were away in dreamland. He couldn’t just drop the ball at you that he made sure that the shoot had been cancelled just for you to have the rest of the day to rest up. At the same time, there was practically no other way to convince you that the cancellation wasn’t your fault unless he told you the truth.

But Seungmin had already caused you enough misunderstandings to last a decade—and he wasn’t about to add another one.

“You weren’t out for long,” he told you. “I’m actually surprised you even woke up right away. The shoot’s cancelled.”

He watched you pause to let the words sink in. What did he mean by the shoot’s been cancelled? Wouldn’t that be too costly? After all, you were literally renting a place far away from the city to shoot this movie. A shoot cancellation meant an extension, which also meant new arrangements needed to be made. You curled up into a ball, wanting to evaporate into the clouds at the heat of the sun. How much more were you going to screw up everyone’s experience with this project?

“Is it because of me?” You muttered.

Seungmin felt something inside him break at how small you made yourself seem. This was exactly what he was trying to avoid, only to once again fail to prevent it. That one was on him, though—he didn’t manage to tell you right away that he was the one responsible for the shoot’s cancellation. He felt the need to chase away your negative headspace as fast as possible.

“Why do you always blame yourself first? I cancelled the shoot, so just get some more rest.” He sighs.

Your eyes snap upwards to meet his. He had got to joking. “What?” You ask, bewildered at the statement. “And they agreed? I can still continue!”

Seungmin immediately acts to lift your legs back up on the stretcher when he sees you trying to get up. He places a heavy hand on your calves to lock them in place before sending you an unamused stare. “Land a single foot out of this stretcher, and I’ll make sure the shoot gets moved to next week.”

“You can’t just do that!” Your mouth gaped open like a fish. “Do you even know how bad the cost is going to be to extend for that long?”

“I’m more than capable of shouldering the expenses.”

That single statement made your stomach drop. “You cannot be serious,” was your horrified reaction. “Seungmin, did you pay for the extension costs?”

The man before you only shrugged, like he hadn’t just dropped significant information. “What about it?” You blanched at his unconcerned attitude.

“What do you mean, what about it?” You asked, absolutely outraged. “I swear, you’ve always been like this! You think you could just play around with everything around you, since you can. Why can’t you take things seriously for once?”

It was Seungmin’s turn to look offended. “Now, when did I ever do that?”

“The charity drama!” You cry out. “Yeah, I knew all about your little plan back then. If you acted well enough, they wouldn’t pay attention to whatever mess I was making, was it? I even overheard you telling your friends you chose me to become the female lead just because you were curious about how I kept advancing levels when I barely met the standard—and there I was foolish enough to believe that you chose me for my skills!”

“I—” Seungmin stammers. “I don’t remember that.”

“Of course you wouldn’t,” you held back a sob, feeling emotional as you poured out your inner insecurities. “Why would you? Someone of your caliber could go around bending things to your will, and no one would bat an eye since they would justify it with your talent. I’m the complete opposite, Seungmin.”

Seungmin was quite alarmed, to say the least. These were your side of the story—the side that he never got to acknowledge. He could only watch you try to keep yourself together in front of him, clearly struggling as your emotions ran wild at the release of what seemed to be years of suppressed experiences. His body was screaming at him to move and comfort you in any way he knew how, but for the first time in his life, Seungmin was completely frozen in guilt.

“I’ve lived the life below people like you. We were the ones that were always stuck in the shadows, where stepping on us became the norm. People like us were the pieces in your games of chess who couldn’t even speak out in the fear of being thrown out.” You inhaled deeply before meeting his gaze. “It was a life you would never even begin to imagine experiencing at your ability, Seungmin.”

Your words were like spears thrown at Seungmin’s heart. They all rang true in his head. He would never understand what you went through because he was part of the problem. Seungmin thought back to his past, trying to recall where it all started.

He was a young child, only ten years old, when he discovered his passion for acting. His class decided to do a play for the school festival, and he got the role of the main character completely by chance through drawing lots. Young Seungmin didn’t think of it too much and agreed out of obligation. It wasn’t until practices started that he started to take an interest in it after receiving constant praise from his classmates and homeroom teacher. This fascination only bloomed more on the day of the festival, where he found out that performing for people could be this exhilarating.

From then on, Seungmin made it his lifelong dream to become an actor. Seeing his talent in the field, his parents supported him wholeheartedly, eventually leading to them suggesting he join an acting academy to improve. The praises didn’t stop even after he joined the academy—in fact, they only doubled in frequency, making Seungmin come to the conclusion that he must’ve been some sort of prodigy. Perhaps it was due to that mindset of his that he paraded around like the world was his. To his defense, none of the adults around him saw the wrong in his behavior and even went as far as encouraging it.

It was when he graduated from the academy and started his work as a professional actor that he got humbled by all the talent around him. Everyone seemed to be on his level or greater, which completely shattered his worldview. During those times in his rookie years, he learned the importance of hard work and how much it could really make a difference. There was one time that he thought to himself—maybe this was the reason he felt so attracted to you.

You were the first person he ever associated with the difference that hard work brought. Seungmin first noticed you on the first day of intermediate level. He had gotten to that level first and thus kept an eye out for notable candidates from the beginner level. The thing is, he had never even heard of you or any of your performances—so it was a complete surprise to see you climb up to intermediate level. From then on, he observed you from afar, never really approaching. To him, you seemed plain; someone who didn’t even exude star quality. So eventually, he forgot all about you again.

Until he saw your name on the same paper as his, indicating that both of you would be in the same batch that got promoted to junior level.

The charity drama was another project Seungmin gained an unexpected opportunity from. With the privilege given to him as the top ranker for the year-end evaluations, he chose you as his female lead. All Seungmin wanted was to see what kind of shine you had as an actor, and he was rewarded greatly with your stellar performance after days of painful practices. When you were once again bumped up to senior level right alongside him, he was ecstatic. You had changed since the charity drama, and your aura started to take up more space in their small practice room. Seungmin wanted to get closer to you, but the two of you would only end up clashing every time. He guesses that you and him were just complete opposites in everything, down to your work ethic. He still tried to interact with you in any way he knew how, though—which led to his friends teasing him about his little crush on you.

Now, he couldn’t help but think that maybe they were right.

Seungmin pulled his hand away from your calves, letting his hands fall down on his sides before bowing deeply. “I’m sorry. There would be no excuse for my actions, and it’s even worse that I have no recollection of the details when I’ve obviously affected someone. I know an apology wouldn’t erase everything that has already happened, but it would be the start of my attempts to make sure it doesn’t happen again. At this point, all I can ask for is your forgiveness.”

You quickly reached out to grasp his arms, trying to pull him up from his act of remorse. “Get up—oh my god. It’s fine, Seungmin. Really. I’ve already forgiven you yesterday, honestly. My behavior also had some faults towards you, and it was unacceptable.”

“Knowing why now, I think it was more than reasonable.”

You let out a laugh at his words. “You’re just trying to make me feel better,” you teased. “Now, I think the other crew members also deserve an apology from us.” Seungmin’s face paled at the reminder. Just imagining Assistant Director Lee scolding him for his audacity earlier was sending him into early retirement.

“Yeah,” he coughs. “But can we not take back the shoot cancellation? It would be so awkward for me if we did, and you still need the rest.”

“Fine, you big baby.” You pinched his cheek after seeing his childish pout. Seungmin was quick to swat your hand away, despite the burning sensation he could feel heating up his ears. “So does this mean we’re friends?”

Even if he could feel a crack form in his heart from your innocent words, Seungmin refused to show it.

“Sure. Friends.”

06 : SIX.

Being friends with Seungmin was odd.

Granted, you already got a taste of what that felt like for the two days that flew by since you two decided on a truce. However, you didn’t really feel much of a change in your dynamic in those two days—not until things took a turn after your conversation in the medic tent.

After your little heart-to-heart session, Seungmin had begun acting strangely. And by strangely, you meant becoming a complete one-eighty from the Kim Seungmin you were used to. It was almost like he was replaced by a softer, more warm-hearted version of himself. In one talk, you were suddenly subject to his endless affection, albeit still exhibiting the Kim Seungmin flare that you were comfortable with. Overall, it was just weird to think that four days ago, the two of you were fighting like cats and dogs. Now, you watched him bounce up and down as he gave himself a pep talk to prepare for the kissing scene.

“Are you that nervous?”

Seungmin flinches at your question, seemingly not expecting your voice to enter his head while he was seconds away from a meltdown. Your co-star looks at you sheepishly. “Is that bad? This is driving me insane.”

That was another thing different about Seungmin after the medic tent incident. He acted a lot more endearingly in your eyes. You faintly recall a comment you made a few days ago about how Seungmin would never be akin to a small bird who deserved to be doted on. But seeing the Seungmin in front of you right now, you might just take back your words.

Kim Seungmin had a lot more layers than you thought—and you found yourself wanting to uncover them all.

“I’m sure this isn’t your first kiss on camera,” you snort. “Just go do it like you usually do. Act like how your character would act in the moment. You have my whole consent, anyway.”

Seungmin wanted to tell you how much you didn’t understand his dilemma right now. In all fairness, even he was somewhat unsure of what was happening to him the past few days. All he did know was that he was right in what he thought during the first day of filming—he really did feel like he was turning younger in front of you.

It was almost embarrassing how easily he slipped into that carefree attitude around you, especially after your conversation in the medic tent. He was doing so well up until then, so what happened? Seungmin couldn’t be more curious about his own actions. He did have an inkling of what it was, but he needed more proof to act on it. Seungmin couldn’t risk becoming more of an idiot in your eyes. You already had too much of that experience with him during your filming yesterday, which was the rescheduled shoot of the one he demanded to pause.

That also meant that this was the last day you two had on set together before everyone packed their bags and headed back to the city. After that, it would be just him again on set to film the movie’s first scenes of his character.

Seungmin wasn’t disappointed. He totally wasn’t.

“What are you going to do if I lose control and give into my character, huh?” He argues. You stopped reading your script to give him an unamused stare.

“Seriously?” You scoffed. “If you really must know, then I wouldn’t do anything. If that’s what the male lead feels, then the female lead just needs to reciprocate if they’re really in love with each other. As their actors, we need to deliver those same emotions.”

You didn’t get what was making Seungmin so on edge about the scene. Reviewing his past works, this certainly wouldn’t be his first on-screen kiss, nor was it his first romance project as the male lead. What made you so different from his other co-stars that was making him act like a rookie?

“If anything, I should be more nervous than you. This is actually my first kiss scene!”

“That’s just even worse!” Seungmin whines, burying his face in his hands. “This is gonna be terrible.”

It was then that you finally had an idea as to why Seungmin looked like he was having a mid-life crisis this early in his life.

You felt a grin creep up on your face and paste itself there. “Did you want this to be a good memory for me?”

Seungmin groans at your poking. “Stop teasing me! So what if I do? Did I commit a crime, huh?”

“The crime of stealing my heart, yes.”

“You’re insufferable.”

“Thank you,” you laugh. “I try my best.”

Seungmin mutters something beneath his breath—something you couldn’t hear because of Director Han calling for the two of you. He watched as you skipped away, leaving him to follow in your footsteps. Seungmin smiled at the picture painted in front of him.

“I know.”

You stopped at your designated place in front of the camera, turning back to look at Seungmin beside you, who was already sweating bullets. Your hand unconsciously lifts up to wipe them off, which startles the both of you. Seungmin opens his mouth to say something but was cut off by Director Han’s loud voice.

“Alright!” He claps. “This is our last scene for the day before we call it a wrap! I’m sure you two already know what it is, so all I’ll say is don't think too much about this. Enjoy it, or whatever you want to do—as long as it looks natural. Sounds good?” The two of you nod at him.

“Okay, camera starts at three,” he says, motioning towards D.O.P. Bang. “Two, one. Action!”

You took the opportunity to appreciate the scenery around you as the camera started rolling. The scene was set on a hill with a breathtaking view of the rest of the town. Hues of orange and pink start to tint the surroundings as the sun sets in the background. It was nothing less than ethereal, and you almost envied the female lead for having this moment in her life.

“I’ve always wanted to take someone here,” Seungmin says, reciting his lines. “When I was younger, I told myself that I was going to bring my true love here and propose. It was unfortunate that I moved away—this was my favorite spot in the whole world.”

You let yourself completely immerse in the situation. “Propose, huh? I’m sure the lucky person would love it up here. It’s so serene, like it's taking away all your stress just by being here.”

Seungmin gently grabs your hand into his, making you turn to meet his eyes. You almost gasped out of character after seeing the immense amount of love swirling in his gaze. Love looked great on him, you pointed out in your head. One day, Seungmin was going to look at someone else with the same gaze—someone that he loved with all his heart. A tinge of hot green jealousy burned in your stomach at the thought.

Part of you yearned for someone to look at you even just a fourth of the way Seungmin portrayed the male lead’s longing for the female lead. But for now, you had a role to fulfill. You could just lock these feelings up for later.

“Do you?” He asks. Your breath hitches at his question. “I’m not proposing—well, not yet. But I brought you here for a similar reason.”

Seungmin reaches for your other hand, now holding both of them. “I love you so much. I know our time together hasn’t been the longest, but it seems like my heart has found its way back home. Honestly, I first thought that it was just because I was back in town, but eventually I realized that I felt at home with you too.” He caresses your knuckles with his thumbs. “Maybe my heart knew where it belonged long before I did. I loved you back then, just like I love you now.”

You couldn’t help but genuinely tear up at Seungmin’s monologue. It was such a beautiful feeling to be loved, and you hoped that someday you could experience the same kind of love you acted with. “So, I’ll ask you this question,” Seungmin continued.

“Will you be mine?”

“Yes,” you sobbed out.

Seungmin lifts his hands to cup your crying face, bringing you closer to his own. The moment your lips connected felt so magical that you ended up leaning in more, savoring the moment with your fluttering heart. Seungmin reciprocates the act, kissing you with more emotion than he did just a second ago. His lips felt like smooth pillows, coaxing you to release all the tension you had left and rest—with him. Seungmin was being careful yet passionate at the same time, leaving you to drown in the sheer magnitude of the butterflies.

You couldn’t help but love every passing second that you were lost on his lips.

When you two pulled away due to the lack of air, he kept his forehead to yours, noses touching. The soft sound of both your laughter filled the surrounding area.

“Cut! That’s a wrap for today!” You hear everyone start cheering at Director Han’s words. Seungmin chuckles at them as he slowly steps back, missing the way your body followed after his warmth.

“Congratulations,” he says gently. You felt your heart skip a beat. “Your first on-screen kiss, done. How did I do?”

Oh, this was going to be dangerous for your heart.

07 : SEVEN.

There’s been an empty feeling in your heart since yesterday that you were trying to ignore.

It was currently the day after you returned to the city. You watched the bustling streets of urban life filter through the car’s tinted windows while Changbin continued to drive you back home after a busy day in the company. Something you had never expected to happen was getting attached to the small countryside town you filmed in enough to miss it like this.

You felt it when you stepped out of the car yesterday to head back to your apartment—the polished concrete floors of the parking building suddenly felt foreign to you. The abundance of luxury cars was evident in the space, reminding you that you were once again in the city. It felt almost cold and lonely with the way you couldn’t see the hills you got used to seeing all day long. But it would do, you think to yourself.

The city could also be warm if you wanted it to be.

“Oh? I think they’re filming the first scenes of the movie in a building around here,” Changbin pointed out from the driver’s seat. “Minho mentioned this street a day ago.”

You raised a brow at his words. “Since when did you and Seungmin’s manager get so close?”

“Ever since you and his talent did,” Changbin snickers.

Heat rose to your face at your manager’s teasing. It was no secret to anyone who witnessed the movie’s shoot that you and Seungmin got extremely close after the fainting incident. You were sure that his efforts to stop the filming from continuing that day was also the talk of the town with the crew members. After all, who would go so far as to pay for rescheduling costs for their co-star? Sure, you and Seungmin were friends, but the two of you were barely talking in the first few days of the project. Anyone in their right mind would find his actions out of the blue—just like you did too.

Maybe it was just Seungmin’s way of making up for all the things you both went through. At first, it made you mad at how he flaunted his blatant disregard for the people affected by his decisions. The image of younger Seungmin came to mind, triggering the part of you that still held a slight resentment for what he did before. However, you found yourself slowly changing your mind as you two apologized to the crew members for the sudden decision, promising them swift and quality scenes the next day. As Seungmin walked you back to your inn’s room, you couldn’t help but feel a tinge of happiness bubble in your stomach at the thought of someone caring enough to do this for you.

You watched as the evident signs of a film crew appeared in the distance, right in front of an office building. The same tents you’ve come to familiarize yourself with stood strong, indicating that this was indeed filming the same movie you were working on. It was already early in the evening, so they should be wrapping up any time soon. Should you stop by and say hello?

“Do you want to stop by and visit? You don’t have any schedules left for the rest of the evening,” Changbin suggests, getting ready to park near the building if you give confirmation.

Maybe you could repay Seungmin for his support over the past few days by visiting him. You smile at the thought of catching him off-guard.

“Sure, why not?”

The summer air of June was starting to make itself present despite already cooling significantly due to the sun saying its goodbyes an hour or two ago. Bright lights scattered across the vast street, a mixture of car lights, building lights, and streetlights morphing into the familiar image of a city that everyone knew. You walked towards the set peacefully, effectively going under the radar with a black mask covering your face. It was just a few steps more until you reached the barricade, when a familiar voice called out your name.

“Y/N?” Eunha squinted her eyes to determine if it really was you, only for you to watch them widen in surprise when her conclusion was proven correct. “Oh, it is you!”

You waved as you got closer. “Hi, Eunha. I saw you guys while passing by and thought I’d give you a visit,” you say shyly. Eunha beamed at your explanation.

“That’s so sweet of you; you’re always welcomed here!” She gives you a hug, quickly separating to drag you over the barricade. “Come on, I’ll show you to the others.”

Witnessing the set as a visitor was interesting. Despite the multiple people that greeted you on the way, it still felt as if you were an outsider with a V.I.P. pass to tour the set. Normally, you would be somewhere near the center, where the main scene was going to be shot. So staying back and watching the other crew members do their own things on the outskirts of that area was a new experience. In a way, you felt giddy like a child on a field trip.

“Actress Y/N is here!”

Eunha’s ecstatic voice traveled throughout the main area of the set, catching the attention of the directors, who had a figure you knew all too well standing right beside them. His eyes snapped up from the monitor D.O.P. Bang was showing him, eyes searching around for yours. Once he caught sight of your face, his eyes lit up.

“Y/N?”

If anyone asks, you totally weren’t checking him out. The clean black office suit he was wearing was incredibly flattering on his features, along with the formal brush-up the hairstylists put his hair in. You had only seen him with his hair down for the past few days—with his character supposedly portraying the look of someone who was comfortably back home to rest. And while that Seungmin was also objectively handsome, the way his hair was framing his face right now was stirring something more inside of you. Swallowing the feeling away, you straightened yourself.

“Hi, Seungmin.” You laughed. “Missed me?”

Seungmin abandoned his post with the directors and sped towards you. “Why are you here? It’s getting late,” he says, worried. Seungmin lets his eyes wander behind you for a second before a frown finds its way to his face. “And where’s that damned manager of yours?” You sighed at his obvious complaint.

“When are you going to let down on Changbin?” You say, unamused. “I swear, he means well. I came from the company, so he’s guarding the car since it’s just on hazard.”

“Still—” Seungmin tries to argue, only to be cut off by you waving your finger like he had been a bad child.

“Stop that. We talked about your coddling.”

He clicks his tongue in disapproval. “Maybe I’d stop once you actually learn how to take care of yourself.”

A series of claps interrupted the conversation you two were having. “Okay, break it up, lovebirds,” Minho says while inserting himself between you two. “It’s so nice to see you again, Actress Y/N. But we have a crew celebration dinner to attend, so I’ll borrow Seungmin first over here.”

Your co-star resists his manager, staying firmly on spot to prove a point. “Wait, I’ll walk her back to her car first.” Minho gave him an odd look.

“What do you mean walk her back?” He questions. “She’s attending. You just need to get changed out of that suit.” It was your turn to look confused.

“Huh?”

That was how you suddenly found yourself sitting at a long barbecue restaurant table with the other female crew members, silently listening to their energetic conversations while downing as much meat as you could. You didn’t know if this was a curse or a blessing in disguise, but you would surely regret it if you didn’t make the most of what was handed to you. Free food is still free food, even if it was a sponteneous invitation from the directors.

“I’m so happy we finished filming!” The woman assigned to your makeup, Yerin, said aloud. “Now it's those computer bastards’ turn to slave away.”

You couldn’t help but feel guilty for a portion of her hardships. “Once again, I apologize for all the trouble I caused you on set.” You slightly bowed while still sitting. “Hopefully, it will be better the next time we get to work together.” Yerin only waved off your apology.

“Oh, please—don’t be such a worrywart! Having you on set was a delight,” she squeals. “Plus, we had a blast seeing the development between you and Actor Kim Seungmin.” Eunha’s face quickly turned into one of horror.

“Yerin!”

You paled at her words. “I’m sorry, what?”

What did she mean by that? The inside of your mind turned into a battlefield at Yerin’s implication. Your eyes immediately turned to search for Changbin, feeling the need to inform him of a possible issue in the near future. In your experience in the industry, scandals always started like this. You didn’t want this to affect Seungmin’s career negatively, so it was always better to prepare early than late.

“Don’t listen to her, Y/N,” Eunha frantically says, trying to get a hold of her co-worker. “She’s just drunk.”

Yerin pushed her hands away, albeit weakly. “Eunha, stop being such a party pooper,” she whines. “We all know they’re dating now. Oh, our crew has tight lips, though! We won’t sell you guys or something.” That didn’t ease the panic that had already formed in your stomach.

“We’re not dating.”

You could only watch as Yerin’s showed genuine shock at your revelation. “Wait, for real?” She gasps. “That’s too bad. You two look great together!”

“Yerin, seriously!”

“Sorry, I’ll just go get some fresh air.” You excused yourself as politely as you could before standing up to head out the front door.

The now-cooled air pricked at your skin, making you breathe a bit more easily than in the humid interior of the restaurant. You lowered yourself to the narrow road’s curbside, choosing to sit down and admire the quiet neighborhood’s lights. It felt a lot better out here than inside, making you feel guilty for not enjoying the celebration more than you should have as one of the main characters for the project.

If you had refused, it would’ve been a bad look. You didn’t have a schedule for the night to use as a reason, and lying to the people who gave you the opportunity to work on your biggest project yet was out of the question. At the same time, you think of what you would’ve been doing instead if you had said no to their dinner offer. Laying down in your apartment while eating takeout wasn’t such a bad scene. The sliding of the aged wooden door brought you out of your thoughts.

“See? Just what I said,” a monotonous voice pointed out. “No self-preservation skills whatsoever.”

You rolled your eyes at the comment. “It’s just the outside of a family-owned barbecue establishment, Seungmin. There’s practically no one out here at this time.”

“Does that not make it worse?” He gave you a look of disapproval, crouching down slowly to join you on the curbside. “You have a knack for making people worry, do you?”

“Then stop worrying!” You snapped—his words reminding you of the situation you had just fled from to find peace.

Seungmin raised his hands in surrender. “Woah,” he exclaims. “Alright, something is clearly wrong. Talk to me.”

You could only turn away, feeling yourself unable to face him. It was an awkward subject to bring up, and you told yourself that Yerin had already promised that the crew was tight-lipped. Objectively, there was nothing more left for you to worry about. Subjectively, the implication bothered you. Seungmin furrowed his eyebrows at your reaction.

“Hey,” he calls out softly. “Did someone say something to you back there? You know I can beat them up, right?”

You grimaced at his attempts to comfort you. “You’re so violent,” you frowned. “What if it was a woman?”

“Oh, then I’m out of that. Sorry.”

“So full of shit, that’s what you are.”

Seungmin chuckled. “And that I am,” he replies, amused. “But seriously, I’m all ears if you want.”

A bitter taste announced its presence on your tongue, your mind forming a whirlpool of thoughts once again. “Why? Since we’re friends?” You spat out.

The space around you turned silent with Seungmin’s lack of response. You fought the urge to give him a discrete glance, just to see the damage you created. It took a few more seconds of the evening breeze being the only one talking between you two before Seungmin eventually spoke up.

“I’ll let you in on a secret,” he says in a low voice while running a hand through his hair to pull it back. His hairstyle from earlier was long gone, leaving you to wonder how he got rid of the hairspray so easily. “I actually don’t like that we’re friends.”

He watched as you deflated rapidly at his confession.

“Not in that way!” Seungmin splutters. “It’s just that I—ugh.” He brought up a palm to rub across his face.

Now, you were lost. The path of where the conversation was going became lost to you, making you stand in uncharted territory. Seungmin stayed silent for a few more seconds, trying to collect his thoughts. You let him have the time.

“You might curse at me for this or even put a distance between ourselves. But since this is our last day seeing each other on set until the movie’s release, I’ll take the chance now before I end up regretting I didn’t.”

“Seungmin, what—”

“The thought of staying just friends with you has been bothering me for a while now. It was like I was subjecting myself to my own personalized torture, where I couldn’t get away even if I tried. I’m still not sure what this entirely means for me—for us, but what I know is that platonic would never satisfy me at this rate.” He purses his lips, contemplating how to continue.

Eventually, Seungmin raised his head slightly to meet your eyes. “It’s odd. Admittedly, I’ve had my fair share of romantic relationships in the past, yet none of them could compare to what I was feeling now. At first, I thought it was just an obsession with you. Something that stemmed from my previous interest in you back at our senior level of academy—”

“You had a what?”

“I know,” he laughs humorlessly. “My friends used to tease me that I had a crush; that was why I was bothering you so much. Back then, I just brushed them off as jokes, telling them I only saw you as a rival. Well, look where that ended up.”

You were frozen in shock at his confession. “Seungmin,” you start. “I don’t know what to say.” He shakes his head.

“You don’t have to. Just let me have this moment to pour everything out,” he says. “Y/N, to put it into words, I feel at ease when I’m with you. At the same time, it always felt as if I was constantly worried about when it would end. That I would be left on my own again once you had finished your business with me. I tried to reason with myself, to put an acceptable distance between us in the case that what I had wasn’t the best for you. But I couldn’t do it, Y/N. Every time your voice entered my ears, it was like becoming a child. Unable to control their emotions and doing things without a second thought just because it felt like the right thing to do at the moment.” Seungmin looks up to the sky.

“That kiss we had—I think it was the happiest I’ve been in a while. It might have been just a job to you, because you could say it really was, but for me, it was finally a chance to express everything I had been holding back for the past few days. All I want you to remember is that nothing from that act was faked,” he exhales. “I really don’t think this is something you feel for a friend, so—”

“Let’s see where this takes us.”

“—What?”

“I’m not sure how you expect me to top what you just told me, but I’ll try with my own words.” You teased him with a genuine smile. “Seungmin, I feel strikingly similar to what you feel about me. Just maybe not as intensely yet.”

You let yourself move at the need to cup his face as he continues to look at you in shock. “I’m sure you already know that I spent quite a long time hating your guts, so the fact that I even started to feel an attraction towards you was shocking, to say the least. I was never one to believe in fictional tropes, despite my lifelong yearning to experience a love like that even once. As an actor, I’ve made a career out of acting those scenes out for people to see. But also as an actor, I knew more than anyone else how much real life would never be able to compare to the scripts I’ve seen brought to life on set. They were methodological, a feeling so carefully put together to achieve its maximum potential—real life isn’t like that.” You inhale deeply.

“Things happen for no reason, like they don’t for no reason either. And in a way, I felt both with you.” Your hands lowered themselves towards his hands to hold them tightly. “Enemies-to-lovers? It was laughable at first, but as the days went on, everything just fell into place as if it always belonged there. You feel like a child in front of me? I feel like I’ve never felt warmth in my entire life until you came along. When I first got out of the car yesterday, it was only then that I described urban life as cold and lonely in my entire life. I thought that maybe it was because I got too attached to the homey feel of the countryside that everything I’ve ever known somehow became foreign in a few days. But maybe it was just because of you.”

You found yourself giggling at the dumbfounded look he still had on his face, mind slow to take in what was happening in front of him. “What I’m saying is that I would love to see where this takes us. Right now, you can’t expect me to fall in love all of a sudden, especially considering our past. Though if you try hard enough, perhaps that might be just around the corner. What do you say?” Seungmin finally broke free from his trance, eyes watering.

“I’ll show you hard work that you’ve never seen before in your life.”

“And I believe it.” You pinch his cheek before standing up. “Now, let’s go back inside? The party is still ongoing.”

Seungmin clumsily follows, calling out just in time before you opened the door. “Wait—I still don’t have your number.” You gave him an astounded stare.

“Seriously?” You breathe out. “We went through all that, and we still don’t have each other’s numbers?”

Seungmin voices out his offense. “Well, I’m sorry that I was missing all my shots!”

“So, does that mean you’re gonna take a shot now, loverboy?”

“For you, yes.”

taglist 🔖— thank you for waiting ! 🫶

@fairyki @hysgf @euncsace @comet-falls @starlostseungmin @ameliesaysshoo @hyunverse @djeniryuu @lixxpix @stayyyyyyyyyyyy21 @feelikecinderella @abbiestearsricochet @heelovesmeknot @floating-moon-dust @yoontaethings @hwangism143 @jazziesssss @hwangflora @vixensss @yourlocalstayyxi @dollce-exe @bambispostsblog @authentic-65 @dandelions-143

[sunboki]

baby fever! w kim seungmin because i am suffering unimaginably from my absolute need to have a baby HELP

he would be so sweet?? like i- 😭😭

at some point he would begin hinting at it, whether that’s claiming certain baby clothes are cute or even straight up bringing it up

if you’re hesitant, be prepared to witness a very pouty, though nonetheless respectful seungmin who, after many attempts, convinces you

granted, this isn’t a one time thing, but your own kid — meaning, before even trying for a baby, matters need to be discussed

although… let’s just say there weren’t any problems in the baby-making department.. courtesy of the baby-fever induced husband of yours 😀

i know for certain he cried during your ultrasound, pretending he was rubbing his eye till you noticed the swelling tears poor bby :((

he’s simply enamored by you?? in every way?? how is this possible

not to mention when you begin showing and he is SMITTEN (not like he wasn’t before)

stares at you with heart eyes i swear

you’re just so beautiful and adorable and round and sweet, rip seungmin’s heart </33

stands behind you all the time with his hands reaching to rest over your bump, rocking back and forth so happily

swaying to a slow song in the kitchen together >>

also, when i say he’s serious about you becoming overstimulated, i’m not kidding it’s his sixth sense

the moment your lip starts to tremble or you start to become overly emotional or overwhelmed he’s all over you, gently holding your face and treating you oh so carefully, paying attention to your every need

especially when you go out, if you begin to feel nervous or exhausted, anticipate a very concerned yet protective husband to hold you close to him, practically shielding you from the rest of the world like your personal cozy space

he ordered that soup you like but you lost interest right after he brought it in? no problem, seungmin is here to cater to any and every craving

feet hurting? back achy? say less, free massages every night no matter how busy his day was

whatever circumstances, you and the baby are his first priorities, always

expect him to sing soooo many lullabies (and they’re so pretty HOW)

sets up the nursery w the help of the other boys, likely checks if everything is baby-safe a billion times

..he might’ve passed out during the delivery… but you didn’t hear it from me

definitely has the baby carrier on his front all the time, feeding your baby little snacks while roaming around the studio

seungmin swears he’s never been more in love in his entire life (that is, apart from when it comes to you), so on the first night you get to bring the baby home, he has them swaddled to his chest, unwilling to let go

if only your little one knew he had your husband wrapped around his finger ☹️

sunboki, may 2022 ©

[dazed--xx]

SKZ!Fake Texts: It was all a bet (Maknae line)

Hyung line

A/N: yes there will be a second part with a makeup for y’all 🤗 comment if you wanna be on the Taglist

Jisung:

Felix:

Seungmin:

Jeongin:

Taglist: @corrodedthorn @lovesunshinefelix @moonchildlv @hello-stranger24 @msauthor @yangbbokari

[temptaetions]

cinnamon sugar 🌙 k.sm (m)

a/n: the photo above is from seungmin's instagram. i don't own the media, but i sure was blessed to see it. anyway, i think this is my first post with like...actual smut in it. please forgive me, because it is so shitty, i'm so bad at writing it. anyway, uhm, enjoy! my anon ask is now on, if you'd like to send any requests in!

synopsis: her lips taste sweet, like cinnamon sugar...she's such a treat.

genre: best friends to lovers | idiots in love | x fem!reader | smut | fluff | angst

pairing(s): best friend!kim seungmin x virgin!reader

word count: 6k. lowercase intended.

rating: 18+. minors do not fucking interact.

warning(s): swearing, mutual pining, a lot of emotional turmoil from both parties, horribly written smut [between k.sm x reader: unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it!!!!), creampie, soft d/s themes, (slight) overuse of pet names (angel, sweetheart) oral (f. receiving), paragraphs of praise, so much kissing, some grinding, the lightest amount of nipple play. riding/missionary, crying during sex, multiple orgasms, reader begs a lot, they stare into each others eyes and hold hands while fucking oh my god]. this is slightly self indulgent but the guilt i feel after writing it, and so badly at that, is overwhelming.

what to listen to: gaze - sweetback | eat it - megan thee stallion | agora hills - doja cat | real love - mary j. blige | whatta man - salt-n-pepa & en vogue

message from: seungmin🧸🤎

[7:32pm] i’m coming to pick u up, i want a cinnabon.

message to: seungmin🧸🤎

[7:33pm] ur paying 🤑

"can i get aux?" you say as you slide into seungmin's car. the leather of the passenger seat was cool to the touch, a sign that nobody had sat in your self-assigned seat. "hello to you too, best friend. how was my day? oh, it was lovely! it's so nice to see you, too!" "oh, shut up, min. you don't give a shit if i ask those questions or not." you chuckle, snatching his aux cable out of the center console. "you know me so well, fuck. i hate small talk. just merge souls with me." you and seungmin had been best friends for over ten years. he knew you inside and out - from your scalp to the bottom of your feet (including the scar from his razor scooter slamming into your ankle at age sixteen.)

you shared a lot of interests, but none as intense as your love of music and cinnamon rolls. he was always at your dance recitals. your biggest fan, really. he cheered, but never showed you more praise than necessary.

"i need you to stay humble, it helps me tolerate you." he murmured into your hair after one recital last year. you just shook your head in amusement, holding it high as you let him march you to his car for dinner.

"oh, i updated our playlist! i have a few new things on here." you said excitedly as you scrolled through the playlists on your homepage. you shared this love language – you had dozens of collaborative playlists with user ksm922, and you giggled at the ugly photos of the two of you he often used for the covers.

"sure." he shrugs, using his pinky to turn the volume dial up. your eyes trail on his slender fingers as they return to the wheel, but you shake it off just as quickly. pressing play, you let the smooth r&b sounds fill the car.

"oh, this is nice. what is this?" seungmin nods his head along to it, and you glance at the screen. "gaze by sweetback. it played on my sade station, and the vibes are just so kim seungmin, yanno?" you close your eyes and fake being a disc-jockey, his hand coming to pinch your arm lightly, a chuckle playing on his lips. "stop that, you'd be a horrible deejay."

"are you sure this isn't about sex? geez, bub, act like you get some." he teases, and you swat his arm. "i do get some!" "oh yeah? from who?" his eyes are trained on the road as he bullies you about your sex life (or lack thereof), allowing you a moment to stare at his ringed fingers. oh, the way they gripped the wheel, they could so easily grip your neck–

shut up, y/n.

"your mom." you huff, crossing your arms with a pout. you hated this conversation, and you often avoided it with him. yes, seungmin was your best friend, but you never wanted to talk about your sex life with him. he had experiences…and you heard from so many people how good it was.

with him, to be specific.

"what are we, thirteen? you wish my mother would breathe in your direction, you fucking virgin." he scoffs, and you force a snicker out. you glance at your phone, a smirk threatening to escape as it started. "oh, this one is good. turn it up!" he obliged, not even giving the screen a second look.

you settle in your seat as megan thee stallion's voice blares through the speakers, muffling a soft laugh behind your hand. seungmin hated the idea of you being a sexual being, and you often used it to bother him. you liked seeing him get red in the face, and squirm. it doesn't mean you understood it, but it was hilarious.

legs shakin', hit it 'til the bed breaking…bed springing, talk to it…

seungmin's mouth is agape, his cheeks firetruck red…

i don't want just one nut, daddy, i need the whole tree, ah…

…before his nimble fingers press skip. 

"are you serious, y/n? in my christian minecraft server?" his eyes are still fixed on the road, his knuckles turning white from his hold on the steering wheel. weird.

"it's megan! i love her, she's the hot girl coach. you don't want me to be a virgin forever, do you?" you joke, and he scrunches his nose. "since when do you listen to music about getting your…ugh, whatever. don't ever bring up sex appeal, you repulse me." you laugh loudly, your hand going to pinch his cheek softly. "you're so cute when you get flustered, min. here, i'll play pretty boy by the neighbourhood in your honor."

he can't stop thinking about it. it's been four hours since you played the song in the car, and it's still stuck in his head. well, what he did hear.

you, inherently, did not come across as a sexual being. you didn't, and that wasn't seungmin being just a platonic, nice friend – you genuinely did not care to be the core of anyone's sexual desire. you wore oversized shirts and loose jeans, the occasional dress paired with black pantyhose and boots. "gotta hide my ankles, minnie. that's how they getcha." but thinking about you…listening to that song? your hips winding down on some other man like he's seen you do on stage? hell, some other man's face when he's right here?

it made him sick.

and you were so beautifully unaware as you swirled your fork in your cinnamon roll, bringing the tines to your lips and sucking the icing clean off them. not a second lick or adjustment, just straight off. he felt his cheeks heat as his cock twitched in his pants, and he almost missed you waving your fingers in his face. "yo, you good? you seem distracted." you have a bit of icing on your lip, and he subconsciously reaches over to wipe it off. your eyes are wide as he does so, and he doesn't know why he can't move his thumb from your lip. he doesn't know why everything feels like it's moving in slow motion, and he just watches as you instinctively suck your lip between your teeth at the loss of contact.

you're so pretty, fuck, you're so pretty.

"i'm good. do you want to go?" he's surprised to hear his own voice, and you nod absently. he was acting weird, he knew he was, but he feels like there's a fog in his brain that he can't shake. maybe it was the way he'd memorized every curve of your body, from watching your fluid dances. maybe it was the way that you smiled so innocently, you were so innocent. your eyes big and pure, your heart full, your mind…naïve.

he didn't understand the sudden urge to ruin you, but he knew he had to get over it, and fast.

"fuck." he groans, and your head whips around to look at him. "you okay?"

he nods quickly, his hand landing on the small of your back to guide you to the car faster. "min, if you have to shit, you can just say that." "ugh, shut up. you always say the most unhinged shit. no wonder you can't get laid." he rolls his eyes, and you just laugh. "trust me, it's not for lack of opportunity." you let him open the door for you, and you wink at him playfully, his fingers flicking your forehead before shutting the door. it was true, multiple of your friends had offered to…deflower you. hyunjin, on your dance team. minho, on your production team. felix, your choreographer. even their friends in the music department had offered, and you simply smiled, shaking your head at them. "i just like to flirt, your dick is your problem."

but much like seungmin, they had all seen the way you moved. how easily you sunk to your knees, how smooth your gyrations were, the way you looked like you enjoyed it. you felt good knowing people were attracted to you, but it never compared to what you believed was seungmin's innocent gaze.

it was weird to want more from him, and it pained you, slightly. he was cute, your best friend. cute, experienced, and he knew you. he knew you so well, what could go wrong? he could reject you, that's what.

you're in your own head when you realize the car has been moving, and rather fast, at that. "min, seriously. are you shitting your pants?" you roll your eyes, and he brings the car to a screeching halt. "bro, your brakes." you cringe, covering your ears as he pulls into his driveway.

"are you going to kill me? no way, jisung always said i'd go out this way. please, tell my mother i love her and make sure i get the best spot in heaven." you feign terror as you unbuckle your seatbelt, not noticing the way seungmin can't even look at you. you feel how hard he slams his door, and you give his car a pitiful look as you slide out, following him to his apartment. he lived on the first floor, what a privilege.

he doesn't look at you as he walks into the apartment, tossing his keys onto the kitchen table. "y/n, i have a question."

"oh? mr. attitude has a question, does he?" you smile sarcastically, crossing your arms over your chest, the cowhide leather of the letterman you stole from him in high school rough against your skin. "alright, let's hear it." "why are you still a virgin?" okay, not what you were expecting. don't let it fluster you. you don't really notice his hardened expression as you try to answer. "well…it's just not on my list of priorities. i'll get fucked when i get fucked, you know?"

you shrug, not thinking much of your answer as he steps closer. "hm, i don't buy it."

raising an eyebrow, you shake your head, unbuttoning the jacket. "you're acting so weird, seungmin. if you wanna fuck me, just say that."

you sound surprisingly confident, and you can feel your heart pounding in your ears as you slide the jacket off, draping it over the couch. you gather your hair forward, spinning to speak to him again. "did you still want to watch the mov-" you're cut off by his lips pressing against yours, his hands gripping your hips, pulling you closer. you can't move, your hands frozen as he works you carefully, lips burning against your own. his movements feel desperate, and you let your body take over as you kiss him back, a soft sigh escaping his lips as your tongue slips between them. the kiss is hungry, his hands are digging into you so deeply you're sure you'll bruise. 

he stops. his fingers let go of your hips, and he pulls away, your lips chasing after his as he does. your lip gloss is glittering on his face, before he covers his eyes. "i'm so sorry, y/n. i have no idea what came over me, i…i'm sorry, please, let me take you home."

you can't speak, your mind still swirling with endorphins. your best friend of ten years just made the biggest move on you, and without a word, you managed to fumble it. no way. absolutely not.

"sorry for what? i'm not understanding." you suddenly feel very vulnerable, your skin littering with goosebumps at the sudden change in the air. "i'm perfectly fine with…whatever you were doing."

seungmin peers back at you through dark eyes. "no, y/n. we can't." he swipes his keys off the table, and you huff. "and why can't we, seungmin? what is so bad about kissing me?" his eyes are wide as you ramble, and it's all word vomit. you can't seem to stop it, but he's drinking every word.

"what is it? am i a bad kisser? is it because i'm a virgin? i don't think it's very fair that you can openly admit to being other girls' firsts but you can't even do that for me. you haven't even offered. i'm not saying you fucking have to, because you're my best friend and you always will be. but holy fuck, seungmin, i'm trying to get some. you said i should, so why not be the one i get it from?" 

you're out of breath, and seungmin just shakes his head as he takes one, two steps back in front of you. "you think i don't want to be your first? you think i don't want you all to myself, to ruin you for anyone else? you think i don't want to fuck you stupid, until all you know is my name? are you hearing yourself right now?"

"you're certainly not acting like it. it doesn't have to mean shit, seungmin. it's just sex." you roll your eyes, leaning on the couch. "it's not just sex, y/n. this is a huge step for you, for us. our friendship is on the line, and i don't want to do something you might regret later." you shake your head, and he hates when you get stubborn like this, you won't listen to reason. "still not seeing the issue here. i lose my virginity and gain some experience for the next guy, you get your dick wet. we go to bed, and we act like it didn't happen in the morning. you take me home, we listen to our playlists on the way there, and we go about our days."

he flings his keys onto the floor, his hands reaching to hold your face. he tucks a few strands behind your ears, fingers lovingly caressing your pierced lobes before he looks you dead in the eyes. "y/n, if i give you what you want tonight, there is no chance in hell you're going to fuck someone else."

you stare back at him silently, your eyes darting to his lips before your tongue peeks out to wet your own. it's not the worst thing in the world, being with seungmin. it could be good…and not just the sex. he knows you, you know him…his lips felt like they were made for you. they always had, since your drunken kiss on christmas eve.

"you say that like it's a threat." you challenge, and he bites back a smile, nodding his head. his hand has traveled to your hip, his other still holding your face when his nose touches yours, his breath hitting your lips. "if you want me to stop at any point, just let me know. understand, sweetheart?"

you nod, leaning forward to connect your lips. he pulls back, shaking his head. "i need to hear you say you understand."

"jeez, seungmin, i understand. i get it, can we please move this along?" you're not the least bit embarrassed as you whine against him, and he lets you kiss him. your lips are eager, your hands carding through his hair as he licks into your mouth. the kiss is all teeth and tongue, a soft moan interrupting it as he gives your clothed breast a gentle squeeze, his thumb working over your pebbled nipple. "min, i…" "what, tell me what you want, sweetheart." his lips trail down your jaw, nipping along your exposed neck carefully. your whines are like heaven to him, "n-need you.." "aw, you need me? need me where?" he's loving this, the way you squirm under his lips, under his nimble fingers. you push your chest into him involuntarily, "h-here. please?"

you grab his wrist, a wave of confidence taking over as you guide his hand under the waistband of your sweatpants. his fingers are cool against your clothed heat, a soft wet patch forming on the fabric. his eyes are wide as he instinctively lets his hand run over the spot, watching as you flinch, lip caught between your teeth. he presses hard against you, a gasp falling from your mouth. "i haven't even touched you, and look at how wet you are for me. a little pathetic, hm?" "'m’ yours, minnie. always, always been yours." you don’t mean that, he thinks. he's letting you grind against his hand, his gaze transfixed on your face. your brows furrowed, eyes screwed shut as you used his hand to get yourself to the edge. his cock twitches at the little pants falling from your lips, when he decides he's had enough. you nearly cry at the loss of contact, his hand escaping the confines of your plush thighs. "minnie-" "if you're gonna cum, it's gonna be on my face. let's go, sweetheart." he tugs you towards his bedroom, your legs weak as you try not to stumble behind him. "bed. on your back."

he's pulling his sweater over his head, and you nearly coo at his messy hair in your fucked out state. he feels a flush coat his cheeks as you lay there, waiting for him to tug your pants off. hooking his fingers in your waistband, you lift your hips to make it easier, and he slides your underwear and sweatpants off in one go. you suddenly feel shy, closing your legs. 

"ah, ah. it's just me, sweetheart. do you want to stop?" his hands move to your knees, the cool metal of his rings sending a soft shock to your spine. "no, i'm…okay. i'm just nervous." "it's okay, angel. i got you, don't worry." he presses a kiss to your forehead, nose…lips. he lingers there a bit, but doesn't let it deepen as he runs his hands down your legs. his fingers dig into your thighs, pulling them apart for him to settle between. you're soaking, the heat of his stare making anxiety bubble in your stomach. "fuck, you're going to be the death of me." his lips press soft, chaste kisses along your inner thigh, nipping carefully as you mewl. "minnie, please..i..please…" you end in a whimper, and who is he to deny you when you beg so nicely? he buries his nose in your pussy, bumping your clit as he lets his tongue drag through your folds, collecting your sweet, sweet arousal on his face. your hand flies to his hair as his lips suck on your clit, thighs threatening to close around his head. he doesn't care, he'd die a happy man right there between your legs.

"f-fuck, seungmin, ah! right there, holy f-fuh.." you're shaking around his head, bucking your hips into his face as gently as you can muster. he loves it, but he can't tell you that as he drowns in the scent of you, the obscene sounds of his tongue against you paired with your pretty whimpers ensuring he'd probably cum in his pants. "oh, b-baby i'm gonna.."

his hand reaches for yours, interlacing your trembling fingers with his, his other hand massaging your thigh in encouragement. he can barely bring himself to talk, a soft moan of his against your clit sending you over the edge, a soft cry of his name echoing in the room. "that's it, good job angel. you did so well for me, hm?" he's still lapping at you, not wanting to miss a single shiver or whimper from your body. "s'always that good? min?" he peers up at you from his spot between your legs, your lips parted as you blink, a tear rolling down the side of your face. he moves up to wipe it away, but you take his hand in yours, kissing his palm softly. "you okay? we can stop." he presses his forehead against yours, not able to process your cute gesture without wanting to bawl. you nod, a lazy smile crossing your lips as you reach to kiss him. "m'all good, minnie. do you…want me to help you?"

you can feel his clothed cock pressing against your leg, practically begging to be set free, and you teasingly buck up against it. he inhales sharply, shaking his head, "i want tonight to be about you. i want to make sure you feel good, okay? are you sure you want to continue?" "yeah, m'all yours." you sigh against his lips, a chaste kiss from you to him. "can i take this off, sweetheart?" he yanks lightly on your shirt, and you nod. you help him tug it over your head, your fingers reaching backwards to unclasp your bra. he feels like all the air is sucked out of the room as you lay beneath him, for him, in all your glory. every curve he's imagined just as gorgeous. "you're staring, it's making me shy." your soft voice snaps him out of his thoughts. "no, no, fuck, you're gorgeous. look at you, oh my god, i.." he trails off, his hands resting on your tummy. "you just went down on me, and you're short-circuiting over my tits, kim?" your teasing is not helping his brain, but the attitude brings him back to reality. "you know that's not all it is, stop it." he rolls his eyes, thumbs rubbing circles into your skin. it's soothing, the warmth of your skin radiating against his. he dips his head between your breasts, trailing open mouthed kisses all over your chest and stomach. "you're so beautiful. i'm literally the luckiest person in the entire universe." he's mumbling to himself mostly, but you feel soft tears prick at your eyes. his lips latch around one of your nipples, a gasp from you making him pull off with a pop. "can i…are you sure you want this, y/n? i really, really don't want you to regret this."

you grab his face in your hands, your thumbs lightly padding over his cheeks. "i want you, entirely. in this life, in the next life. okay? i got you, don't worry." you echo his words back to him, and he bites his lip, a hint of something in his eyes as he pulls back to unbuckle his pants. kicking them off quickly, you wait until he straightens to take a peek. 

the rumors were true. he's thick, his tip a soft mauve. your mouth is watering at the sight, when a snap of his fingers catches your attention. "eyes up here, sweetheart. i want you to look at me, can you do that?"

you nod, a shy smile on your lips as he goes to spread your knees again. "no, wait, minnie…" he feels his heart skip a beat at your voice, eyes flickering to yours in concern. "i…can i be on top? i read that…it can be better that way." you swallow thickly, and he feels the tips of ears burn but a smile grazes his features. "you studied for sex?"

any awkwardness is gone. you scoff, a light smack landing on his arm. "forgive me for wanting to be in control."

"you want to be in control? okay. fine, but you won't last long." he shrugs, sliding onto the bed behind you, eyes taking in the curve of your ass before you turn. "lay back, asswipe." "watch the attitude, or i'm shutting this shit down." he says, eyes serious as you feel your cheeks heat. you watch as he gets comfortable on his pillows, and you crawl over to him, your hands brushing against his sides as you straddle him. "we can go as slow as you want, okay?" his words are reassuring as his hands reach for your thighs, and you nod.

you take a deep breath, lightly letting your cunt drag along his length, his tip bumping your clit. you shiver, a buzz going up your legs as he takes your hips in his hands, manually guiding you over his cock. "did you read about this too?"

"shut up." you roll your eyes, his hands holding you in place. he looks…so convincing like this. like everything will go back to normal after this, like everything will be the same. he'll still be your best friend, and you'll still be desperately, hopelessly, stupidly in love with him. it's overwhelming, and you just bite your lip, shaking your head. "you're staring." "your dick is twitching, but i'm not saying shit." scoffing, you take him in your hand gently, lining him up with your aching center. you sink down slowly, the tip barely swiping your entrance when you grimace, a hiss escaping your lips as you screw your eyes shut. "i know, angel. here, let me help you." seungmin pulls you closer, his back against his headboard, careful not to pull out. you watch as his hand snakes between the two of you, his thumb softly circling your clit, your eyes threatening to close. "eyes open." you oblige, feeling a gush of arousal at his command, and you have no room to feel embarrassed when he begins to shallowly fuck into you, matching the pace of his thumb. your eyes are glossy as you move your hands to hold onto the headboard, your chest flush to his face. he kisses your shoulder, your soft whimpers music to his ears. 

"deeper? or stay like this?" he asks, voice shaking slightly, the warmth of your pussy almost staggering. it's humiliating how worked up you have him, but you need to stay humble. it helps him tolerate you. "d-deeper, is okay."

his arms wrap around your waist tightly, slowly pulling you down further, a whine escaping your throat as your hands move to his shoulders, your eyes meeting his. he's trying not to cum from the way your pretty cunt swallowed him so perfectly, taking him so well. made for him, just him. "m'so full, minnie." you clench around him, and it takes all his willpower not to finish. he's not far, he's practically seeing stars…but the way you're looking at him, you're so pretty, so ready to cry over his cock. he needs to drag this out as long as he can.

"y-you can move, if you want. p-please, want to feel you." you're pleading, he knows. he swallows, confidence wavering as he nods, slowly thrusting up into you, the squelch immediately catching his attention, eyes tearing from yours. he watches the way you take him, your body begging to be ruined by him. he moves a little faster, your mind beginning to blur as he falls into a rhythm. 

your nails are digging into his shoulders, your lip caught between your teeth as his hips rock against yours. his eyes flicker back to your face, and you manage a quick wink. he feels his cheeks burn beet red as he looks away. he feels like such a fucking virgin, when he is the one that's your first, not the other way around. pretty girl on his lap and he can't even look at you.

he wishes you had been his first, too, and he wishes you would have asked him sooner. you're so smart, you're so gorgeous, your lips taste like cinnamon sugar. fuck, he loves you. you're his best friend, you feel so good around him and you know him so well. he loves you, so fucking much.

his hips come to a slow, your moan drawing out as he drags his cock against your walls at an agonizing pace. "'still want to be in control, angel?" his lips press to your clavicle, and you nod against his neck. "will you tell me if it's good?"

he pulls you back, hand coming up to caress your face. "how could it not be, when it's you?"

you don't say a word, allowing his lips to meet yours in a chaste kiss. he slumps a bit, and you maneuver so his back is almost flat on the bed, and you try not to moan as the movement makes his cock hit you just right. "whenever you're ready, just use me how you want to." you feel a flutter in your stomach, giving an experimental roll of your hips, your hands flat on his side. raising your hips, your thighs tremble as you start a rhythm, bouncing on him carefully. he's watching you, the way you move so fluidly, like you're dancing. like you're enjoying him, using him, making his brain feel useless. he can't speak, just drinking in this picture of you he's never going to get to see again after tonight, taking in your throaty moans.

"m-minnie?" your eyes are low, your hands moving to his chest, pushing your breasts together. fuck, you are art. "y-yeah?" 

he can't even focus as you whimper, clamping around him like a vice, moving slightly faster. "m'close, i can't..i.." you're still looking at him, and he can't. he can't take it, using his strength to flip you on your back. he interlaces your fingers, pinning your hands above you as he roughly fucks into you, sharp cries falling from your lips.

his head dips, lips dragging along your jaw as he whispers in your ear. "this is where you belong. under me, begging for me. got it?"

you feel chills cover your body as you nod, "y-yes, god, yes." "good girl." he's so unsure of himself, he's so afraid he'll scare off your high but he needs to know. "did you mean what you said earlier?" he's speaking through gritted teeth, his eyes focused on the gloss in your eyes.

"hmm?" your brows furrow, your bitten lips slightly agape as his thrusts become sloppy, and he just shakes his head, opting to kiss you instead. hoping it'll help the knot in his stomach go away, hoping it will help you forget he asked. you can't help but pant into his mouth, feeling him smile against your lips. "you can let go, sweetheart. you did so well for me, yeah? i got you." you don't register how tightly you squeeze his fingers, or how deeply you're kissing him as you feel the white hot sensation rip through you. he's drunk off you, and you can feel him spurting inside you, his cum trickling out of you as his thrusts come to a slow, slow, stop.

but he doesn't, his lips don't. he can't stop kissing you, he doesn't want to talk. he doesn't want to tell you how you made him feel, how he can never see you the same again. he doesn't want to watch you walk out of his apartment tonight and possibly never be able to talk you again. he doesn't want to ever, ever hear about you doing this with some other guy, but he made his bed. 

your thighs are trembling around him, and you tug your fingers out of his grasp, pulling as far away from his mouth as you physically can. he pouts, chasing after them, only stopping when your eyes blink slowly at him.

"you alright?" his voice is soft, almost scared. you nod, swallowing thickly as you look away, tears forming in your eyes. "ah, talk to me, y/n. it's okay." "i meant it. what i said, earlier. i…don't know why i said it, i never planned on saying it. i'm sorry if it's going to make things awkward." you feel a tear escape, your hand quickly pawing it away. "awkward? with you? it’s not possible." he murmurs, and you glance at him, but he's staring at the pillows above your head.

"but you don't feel the same way." you say, almost as if you're trying not to hurt your feelings by letting your own words reject you, instead of him. he shifts, and you realize he's still inside you. he props himself up on his elbows, hands holding his head up as he peers at you. "you think i don't?"

"i know you don't." you laugh coldly, and he smiles. "yeah, miss sex expert? you know everything? did you read that, too?"

"ugh, stop. i'm never telling you anything again." you're becoming increasingly aware of your nudity, and seungmin can feel the hot flame of shame creeping up his back. he shakes his head, hating the way his blushing cheeks burn so bright. "i want you to tell me everything, forever. i love knowing you, i love trusting you. i'm glad you trusted me with this."

you can't look at him. his hand moves to make you look at him, fingers lightly squeezing your jaw. "and i meant what i said, too. you can't fuck anyone else. only i can see you like this, okay?"

his eyes are searching your face, watching you attempt to nod. "and…" he sighs, feeling tears prick at his eyes. "and i love you. i love your smile, and how you laugh when you play sex songs in the car. i love when we split cinnamon rolls, because you always try to take the bigger piece as if i won't just let you have it. i love when you say my name because it rolls so nicely off your tongue. i love how you move so effortlessly, and how you remember every little thing about anyone, ever. i love that you're funny, and you're so passionate. i love that you're so smart, far too smart to think that i wouldn't sell my soul to live an eternity by your side." his voice is trembling, and your eyes are wide and full of tears, full of adoration, of love for the stupid boy hovering above you.

"i love you, please. please say you're mine." his tears spill, and your lips part, a soft sob escaping as you pull him close, the cool metal of his necklace dragging against your damp skin. "i'm yours, always. i'm yours, i'm yours, i'm yours. i love you." you mumble against his lips, your tears mixing with his on your cheeks.

"thank fuck, i was about to end it all thinking about you doing that fucking trick on someone else." he mutters, and you snort as he buries his face. "that wasn't in the article, funnily enough. it just felt like the right thing to do. think if i pierced my clit, it'd feel better for you?" you ponder aloud, and he nips at your skin.

"don't even start, i haven't even pulled out." he groans, and you laugh loudly. "you're so pretty." he pouts, and rolls his eyes as they start filling with tears, your hand quickly wiping the ones that spilled. "is this going to happen every time? i kind of hate it."

"god, i hope so. i love seeing you like this for me." you tease, and he scrunches his nose. "shut up. stay humble, it's the only way i tolerate you." he nuzzles his nose back into your neck, and you let him stay there, carding your fingers through his hair.

"y/n?"

"yes, seungmin?" "i'm yours, you know that?"

"mmm, i do now. just mine?" "just yours. always." he nods as he pulls himself off you, placing a kiss on your temple, before brushing his lips on the shell of your ear. "someone has to fuck the attitude out of you, and i'm so glad it's gonna be me." you feel your skin heat at his words, and you smack him lightly. he gives a playful thrust, making you gasp before slowly pulling out. "you're off the hook for now, my angel. let's get you cleaned up." he doesn't stop kissing your face in the shower, or when he's shampooing your hair. he doesn't stop kissing your shoulders as he towels you dry, or your tummy when he works lotion into your skin. he can't keep his hands off you, even when you say you need to put clothes on. he can't get enough of the burn of your skin against his, and moves as fast as a human possibly can stripping the sheets off his bed and replacing them. 

he can't stop, and he won't stop kissing you, splitting cinnamon rolls with you, or singing sex songs in the car. he can't stop, and he won't stop, supporting you at your recitals and fucking you stupid as a reward. he can't stop, and he won't stop filling your cup until it's overflowing, making you laugh until you cry, and dragging moans of his name from your throat.

he can't stop, and he will never stop, loving you.

temptaetions © 2024. no translations, reposting or modifications are allowed. do not claim as your own. viewer discretion is advised. your media consumption is your responsibility.

[atinyniki]

baby bump

group: stray kids !

pairing: idol!kim seungmin x f!reader

genre: angst with a happy ending

warnings + additional info: reader is referred to as y/n, established relationship, seungmin is referred to min, pup, and minnie, pregnancy, suggestive towards the end???

authors note: i love kim seungmin. that is all i have to say about this. this is also not proofread. english is not my first language, so please excuse any grammatical or spelling errors. happy reading :)

wc: 3250

“no no no”

this can’t be happening. 

you flip over the pregnancy tests to see 6 pink lines staring right at you. you took three, just to make sure you weren’t pregnant, but the tests didn’t come out the way you wanted them to.

you hear the front door close, and quickly scramble to hide the tests. walking out of the bathroom, you see a tired seungmin. his features are soft, relaxed, but his eyes are cold. 

“how was work?”

“exhausting.”

you frown, “i can tell, would you like dinner?”. “dinner sounds nice”

seungmin loves coming home to you. you’re his safe space, and it’s like all his problems disappear when you’re with him. he loves you a lot, and you know it.

after heating up the leftovers, you hand him his plate and you both sit at the table. his expression isn’t quite placeable, but if you were to guess, he looked pretty upset.

“what’s wrong minnie?”

his head jerks up at you quickly, your voice bringing him back from his thoughts. “oh… just comeback stress”

you hold his hand, squeezing it reassuringly. he seems to loosen up at this, and starts eating. 

you’re scared to tell him the news, but figured you’d tell him after the comeback mayhem has died down.

seungmin hasn’t been home a lot lately, and you’re just starting your eighth week of pregnancy. you recently got a checkup while seungmin was at work.

you’ve been throwing up a lot recently, but you figured it was normal in your first trimester. hopefully seungmin doesn’t notice anything’s wrong. he’s been a lot less attentive anyways.

“im home!”, you hear him yell from the front door.

“go shower, foods almost ready!”, you yell back.

you figured he’d appreciate you making his favorite meal when he got home, maybe it’d even cheer him up a little.

once he got back, you start setting out the food.

“how was your day?”

“exhausting.”

he had been answering that question the same way for weeks. it was always just ‘exhausting’. you just hoped that one day he would just respond with ‘good’, but he never did. 

there was nothing you could do to help with his work, but you could help at home. once you both finished your food, you brought him to the bed and peppered kisses all over his face. 

his soft giggles let you know you’ve succeeded, and you slowly start to calm down with the kisses. “seungmin…”

“yeah?”

the words sit right at the tip of your tongue. you have to tell him now, it’s the perfect time, but instead, you blurt out something else.

“i love you”

his heart swelled, “i love you too pup”, he smiled while he gave you a kiss.

you both drifted off to sleep that night, safe in eachothers arms.

it’s your 3rd month in right now, and if you’ll be honest it’s getting really hard to hide your baby bump.

seungmin hasn’t been home that much lately, he’s been working so late that he has to stay at the dorms. it’s getting harder and harder to do everything by yourself, and you can’t find the perfect time to tell seungmin about your baby either. 

you’ve been getting weaker, and your hormones were out of balance. random waves of whatever emotion passing through at different times, you just wanted to have seungmin by your side. he always knows how to calm you down.

you’re laying in bed now, scrolling through your phone, waiting for seungmins text to see if he’ll be coming home for the night. 

you slowly felt yourself drift off to sleep, but you tried to keep yourself up to wait for him. you felt too tired to stay awake anymore.

you wake up to your phone ringing hours later, ‘dog kisser’ it read. what would hyunjin be calling you for at almost four in the morning? you immediately picked up.

“hello?”, you cleared your throat once you heard how raspy it was.

“sorry, did i wake you? i was just calling to tell you that seungmin staying at the dorms again tonight”

“okay… thanks jin”

your tone threw him off. “what’s wrong y/n? are you okay?”

you ignore the question, “is seungmin still working?”

“uh yeah i think so, im worried about him y/n. he hasn’t slept at all, you should probably talk to him.”

“oh… okay, i will. you should sleep now hyunjin. 

“i will, you get some rest too. you sound tired”

you say your good nights and goodbyes, but you can’t seem to fall back asleep. you’re lying in your bed, your eyes wide open. you just want to cry, you’re so worried for seungmin, but from all the tears you’ve cried these past days, your eyes have dried out.

as much as you try to cry to finally get that release, they don’t leave your eyes. you can feel your heart cracking more and more every second you think about how seungmin must feel right now.

seungmin came home for once the next day, but it was extremely late. he came home to see your sleeping figure on the bed.

seungmin feels guilty for always being home so late. he doesn’t know the last time he’s heard your voice in person. 

tears well up in his eyes. he can’t imagine how terrible you must be feeling right now. what good is a boyfriend who can’t help his pregnant girl?

he quickly takes a shower and meets you in bed, careful not to shake you too much. he wants you to get as much rest as you can. he quickly bends down to kiss your baby bump, then your forehead. it’s become a routine at this point, since the only times he sees you is when you’re asleep.

he wants you to tell him when you’re ready…

its been a month. seungmin has stopped coming to the house completely, but he still manages to find time to call you everyday. his work has become more hands-on, so he has to be at the dorms and studios more often. 

he makes sure he’s understanding of how you’re feeling, making sure not to undermine any of your feelings.

it’s been so difficult without him, and you really do want to tell him, but you know it’ll make everything worse for him.

it’s been difficult for him too. he hasn’t told you but he’s been crying himself to sleep every night. the guilt is eating him alive, and there’s nothing he can do to help the pain. it’s gotten so loud that even jeongin has been able to hear him cry some nights.

seungmin comes home one night a week later, and he just can’t do it anymore. he’s been thinking about it for a while, but it was also kind of an impulsive decision. seeing you fall asleep on the couch waiting for him broke something in him.

tears start streaming down his face as he crouches down in front of you. he kisses your small baby bump again. he realizes you’ve been wearing thicker and looser clothing to hide it.

“y/n. y/n wake up”

your eyes slowly start fluttering open. your smile reaches your eyes after seeing your boyfriend after so long. you reach for his face, but he pulled away. that’s when you knew something was up.

“what’s wrong my love?”

his heart shattered right there and then, but it was too late. there was no way you could piece it back together for him, and neither could he. 

“i can’t do this anymore”

you look at him, head tilted in confusion. “what do you mean minnie?”

he stays silent. you begin to worry. did something happen at work? did his-

“i want to break up.”

oh. you weren’t expecting it, that’s for sure. you wanted to stay strong though. you figured being sad all the time probably wasn’t good for the baby.

you contained your tears as well as you could, but couldn’t seem to make out any words. your hands shook as you reached for his. 

“why?”

seungmin truly didn’t have an answer to that, not one he could tell you at least. he couldn’t tell you that the reason he’s leaving is because of his own guilt. he knows it’s selfish, but he couldn’t come home to you like this anymore. he couldn’t break you any more than he already has.

he hesitated for a bit, but eventually got something out. “i don’t think i love you anymore.”

lying to you hurt him more than anything else. he wished he could tell you he still loves you, but he knows that wouldn’t allow you to move on. that was unfair to you, and he didn’t want to make it any worse.

“did i do something?”

“no.”, he responded coldly. you’d never heard his voice like that before, not when he was talking to you.

you were at a loss for words, and your tears finally started falling. harsh sobs racked your body, and it was getting hard to breathe. through your struggles, you still managed to get a couple words out.

“you… i thought…”

“you thought what?”, he responded quickly.

“i thought… you w-were the one…”

hearing those words broke his entire soul. he didn’t know how long it’d take him to recover after that. he truly thought he was going to die right there. that it was a bad nightmare and he’d wake up any second. but he didn’t. 

“well, i’m not.”

he began to get up, he couldn’t bear to see your face anymore. it was so difficult for him to lie to you. 

“don’t go… please. stay with me, i’ll be better i- i promise”, you yelled through your tears. he was already darting towards the front door, but he turned around.

“bye, y/n”

an apology sat on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn’t let it out. quickly, he walks out the door before he can look back. there was no reversing what he had just done. he was certain he had just lost you forever.

before he actually left the estate, he lingered there for a while. it hurt him more, but he knew he deserved it. he heard you cry for hours that night, you never left your spot at the front of the door.

he brought you food from the convenience store and left it at your door, quickly ringing the doorbell and running back to his car, and leaving for good.

he felt like the worst exboyfriend in the world. how could he just leave you like that? it’s as if he treated you like you were nothing. like his baby meant nothing to him.

you regretted not telling him before. you still feel guilty about it, you’re carrying his baby girl and you couldn’t even find the courage to tell him.

seungmin went to the only person he could. chan.

chan was always down to earth, and gave the best advice. seungmin was in need of exactly what chan had to offer.

“chan please what do i do”

“please seungmin calm down, i can’t tell you anything until you chill”

chan helped him deal with his own feelings, but as much as he wanted to help his friend, he knew it was seungmins fault in the first place. 

seungmin really wanted you back, but he knew he couldn’t do that. he knew he’d just break you even more. he couldn’t play with you like that. but he just needed you back by his side.

you’re shot out of your thoughts by your phone ringing. 

“ji? what’s up?”

“y/n you need to pick seungmin up. please…”

your heart dropped at the thought of him again. the man that broke your heart with no explanation, and left you to pick up the pieces on your own. 

“why? what happened”

“i don’t know. he’s not okay… he hasn’t left his room and there’s just crashing and wailing”

wailing? you’ve seen seungmin cry but wailing was rare. something was up. there was a different part of the story that you weren’t aware of.

“ji… i don’t think i’m in proper condition to drive right now.”

“fine then. ill get changbin hyung to pick you up. please? it’s urgent.”, he begged.

“i… okay just- let me get ready”

you quickly throw on some clothes, careful to hide the bump. you knew you were going to tell seungmin once you got there. it was too much to hold on your own. 

changbin came to pick you up, and the drive there felt like torture. you just wanted to see seungmin again. as much as he hurt you, you missed him a lot.

you made small talk with changbin, but not much. he knew you were nervous, but he tried to distract you as much as you could. 

once you made it to the building you ran as fast as you possibly could.

you ran to his room and knocked. 

“seungmin it’s me. please open the door…”

seungmin rushed to open his door. he thought he was hallucinating.

your heart fell to your stomach when you saw him. bloodshot eyes, dark eyebags. his hair was a mess, he was a mess. his clothes were everywhere, things from his desk scattered all over the floor.

you slowly make your way into his room, careful not to scare him off. 

“seungmin…”

he slowly sunk to his knees in front of you, his mouth hung slightly agape.

he begins to smother your bump in kisses. your mind goes blank. he starts crying even more when he sees how big it’s really gotten, holding it in his two hands. 

he sunk down even lower, and he just hugged his knees and cried even harder.

you were at a loss for words. you didn’t know he knew, but you didn’t think you did a great job at hiding it anyways. you sat on the bed silently, right next to him. he was still crying, just at the foot of the bed.

“i’m so sorry…”, he mumbled out. 

it was the only thing you could hear him say within all the mumbling. 

“please, i’m so sorry”

“y/n, i’m so sorry”

his hands shook as he crawled towards you, tears hitting the floor with a splash. 

“i love you so much. i lied y/n. i love you to the ends of the world. i just… i didn’t know how much longer i could take seeing you like that. i thought it’d be better for you if i just left. you could’ve moved on and found someone better. your baby could’ve had a better dad, one who was actually present in their life and-“

“seungmin. you’re rambling”, you cut him off.

“i know i am, but i really have to explain. i want you back so bad y/n. you haven’t left my mind at all. i need you y/n. so much it hurts. i haven’t been the same since i met you. i’ve been so used to keeping to myself but then i got attached. i miss you. i miss us. i just knew i couldn’t keep hurting you… so i left. but now i just regret it and i was so stupid and-“

he stops talking when you reach a hand down to him and help him up. his knees wobble as he stands, but he gets up and sits down on the bed.

“i’m so sorry pup…”

you didn’t answer him, you just held him for a bit. you let him cry into your chest, even though you were still in pain. you were glad you had some closure now. you knew that he still loved you, but you couldn’t take him back. you had to know that he wouldn’t do anything like that again. 

“seungmin, you have to start telling me these things. if anything, take a break. you can’t let all of this pile onto you, there has to be some way you can let it out. talk to me, please.”

“do you still-“, a hiccup, “-love me?”

you couldn’t help but smile a little. you wipe the tears off of his face and pinch his cheek a little. “of course i do min. i don’t think i could ever stop”

“be my wife”

your heart jumped right back up. “what?”

he quickly ran to go grab the box that was on the floor, pulling out a gorgeous black diamond ring.

“i love you y/n. i truly want to spend the rest of my life with you. take me back, please.”, his voice was sincere, still shaky from all the crying. 

you were in shock, you really wanted to accept but you were scared he’d leave again. “promise me you won’t leave me again seungmin”

“i won’t. i promise if i get you back i’ll never let you go”

you let out a light sigh and smiled. you wrapped your arms around him, foreheads touching, “i love you minnie”

he held your wrist and put the small band on your finger. 

letting out a shaky breath, he pulls you in for another kiss. his tears dripped onto your nose as he pushed you further onto the bed, now hovering over you.

“i love you so much y/n. thank you”, he says between kisses. you can feel him smile against you, his velvety lips waltzing with yours.

he cups your baby bump with his hands and kisses all around it.

“how far in are you”, he smiled up at you.

you couldn’t resist the way his gentle eyes looked at you. he just looked so adorable like this right now. you use your hands to cup his face and pull him up. 

you stare into his eyes, “i’m six months in… she’s a girl”. tears leave his eyes once again, kissing you softly.

“i love you both so much, i promise i’ll never leave you again.”

he kisses you again, this time more sensually. soft ‘i love you’s echoing throughout the room. you missed him so much, you were happy he finally realized it.

his hands travel up your waist, still kissing down your neck. light red heart-shaped splotches appear all across your collarbone.

every kiss feels like your heart and body is being set on fire. you were so happy to finally have him after so long.

suddenly, the door flings wide open, the boys all piling on top of eachother like dominos.

“YOHHH I SAID NOT TO LEAN ON THE DOOR”, you heard changbin yell.

“IM SORRY JEEZ- I COULDNT HEAR BECAUSE THEY WENT QUIET”, hyunjin yelled back. you couldn’t stop yourself from laughing. they all scramble to get up and leave the room. 

chan lingers for a little bit. “congratulations you two”, he says with a bright smile, “you’re both going to be amazing parents”

seungmin settles down next to you on the bed, hugging your body as tightly as he could. “can i just hold you for a bit?”

“of course minnie”, you couldn’t help but chuckle at how much he looked like a puppy right now.

“i missed you y/nnie”

“i missed you so much more min.”

his hand meets yours and he gives it a squeeze, playing with the dainty diamond that decorated your ring finger. he was ready to start this new chapter of his life with you, as long as he had you and his baby girl by his side.

<3

[charmercharm3r]

Masterlist

warnings: smutty thoughts

thinking about seungmin and dry humping...

now I know we all see him as the calm, cool, collected one. but sometimes he just can't help himself.

mornings before you or he has to leave for work are the times where he wants- no, needs you the most. it's like he purposely plans to ruin you minutes before someone needs to walk out the door, sort of like a challenge he needs to win. he loved to take his time when he had it, loved to make you shiver and sweat at the same time because the build up was excruciatingly good.

this was another game. mornings like these, when all the other members were home and they agreed to get breakfast together before heading to the company, seungmin felt like he'd explode if he didn't have you in some way.

he was fully dressed in his practice outfit for the day. he'd already said good morning to jeongin and brushed his teeth with felix, whereas you hadn't bothered to get up. seungmin was merciful with letting you sleep in, getting himself together as quietly as possible until minho announced the car would be arriving in fifteen minutes.

it was like a clock was counting down the seconds in his head as he moved across the bed towards your sleeping body. dipping his head into the exposed area of your neck, seungmin peppered gentle kisses along the skin wherever he could. barely thirty seconds had passed before you stirred awake.

you wrap your arms around his neck and pull him into you, lips connecting as his internal timer tells him he's moving too slow. though, that makes it all the more fun.

seungmin takes good care of you, he always does. even as he strips the covers off of you and maneuvers your legs to wrap around his torso, seungmin makes sure to whisper sweet praises in your ear as you try to stay conscious. you feel light as air in this delirious state, practically floating because your boyfriend is saying all the right things and touching you just enough to thoroughly soak your sleepwear.

"pretty thing, so cute in the mornings. wanna just eat you up," he nibbles on the lobe of your ear, erection nudging into your thigh as not to do too much too fast. but at the faintest hint of a moan, whether it was you slowly coming into consciousness or being just as horny as him, seungmin pressed his crotch into you all the same.

"need you so bad, but I have to leave soon." a whine fell short in the back of your throat, but it was enticing enough for him. "if you let me use you now, I'll treat you so well later. I promise."

you nod, eyes unable to focus clearly but it was impossible to miss the cheeky lust behind his smile. "horny baby," seungmin clicks his tongue, "can't get enough, can you?" in agreement, you shake your head, no.

eleven minutes.

your hips cant upwards into his, a strained groan leaving his lips. the unspoken permission let him hook his arms under your knees, legs hiking higher. seungmin kissed you again, rougher this time as he quickly readjusted to tower over you.

he felt like an animal, a new flame igniting in his gut as he grinded his cock against your clothed pussy. the pleasure that came from the motion only made him move faster, harder until the bed was creaking.

seungmin's favorite thing to do was be able to look down as see you entirely gone, not a thought in your head except wanting to cum. you looked messy, sexy as your tight sleeping tank top rode up to expose your stomach. as if you could read his mind, you lifted the material over your breasts, rippling like waves as seungmin used you to chase his high. for a moment, he leaned down and took your nipple between his teeth, gently biting and drawing another lewd moan from you.

shuffling behind the door caught his attention. six minutes. he needed hurry.

he pushed your knees to your chest, your shorts and the front of his pants laughably soaked through. it wasn't until he moved higher did he catch a glimpse of your pantiless cunt.

oh, seungmin almost blew his load on the spot. almost. he was so close, moving the wet fabric of your shorts out of the way. he couldn't wait any longer, couldn't get enough of you and your pretty pussy.

"so good. so fucking good- god."

three minutes.

it felt even better for you with one less barrier in between. sleepy moans left you like a mantra, that and seungmin's name the only thing either of you could hear. if the bedframe hitting the wall wasn't enough, your big mouth was a dead giveaway.

two minutes.

he moved as fast as he could without hurting you. his pants were soaked enough that the friction between your two bodies was heavenly in it's own way. your clit was burning with pleasure, somehow the pain and lack of awareness so delicious. seungmin just needed a little bit more, just a few more seconds when-

knock, knock.

"car's here."

[skzsauce01]

What Was I Made For

Synopsis: College is hard, but it's even worse when you're a pre-med student and it's even, even worse when you don't want to go into medicine. Fortunately, the ghost that haunts your apartment is more kind, more annoying, and more helpful than you ever thought possible. College AU, ghost AU.

Warning: alcohol, bad parental relationship, mentions of death

Word Count: 6.2k

Pairing: f!reader x ghost!Kim Seungmin

A/N: Good luck with exams and classes!

“Honey, I’m home,” you call. The handles of the reusable grocery bag you picked up from a club booth at the beginning of the semester are already starting to fall apart, so you’re forced to flip on the light switch with your shoulder blades. You glare at Seungmin, who is lounging on the couch, staring at the ceiling. “Could you at least pretend to help?”

“What’s the point? I can’t even eat whatever you bought.”

You sigh and set down your haul onto the tiny kitchen island that doubles as a dining table. When you make a big production of taking out your groceries, Seungmin still doesn’t look up. Despite his inability to eat food, he usually shows some interest, if only to judge your snack choices.

On the counter, bananas in a plastic produce bag to prevent fruit flies, and a new roll of paper towels. On the top shelf of the fridge, a tub of Greek yogurt that Seungmin makes fun of you for liking. Assorted salad mixes in the crisper. A whole rotisserie chicken and a carton of eggs on the middle shelf. In the cabinet goes a party-sized bag of barbeque chips, a pack of chocolate chip cookies you don’t want to discuss how much you paid for, and a box of protein bars. 

You take the last item out of the bag and hide it behind your back. You hover over Seungmin. “Guess what I got?”

“A bag of potatoes that will grow spuds because you can’t finish them all.”

“That was one time! Try again.”

He guesses wrong again and again, so after the fifth attempt, you hold your prize in front of his eyes. “A better vegetable peeler, just like you told me to. Are you proud of me?”

For a moment, his sullen eyes brighten at the memory of you struggling with your old peeler. He watched with great amusement as the flimsy blade repeatedly got caught on carrot skin and you grew more infuriated with each catch. In the end, you gave up and ate the skin, fuming with each bite of your meal. Seungmin laughed so hard, you thought he would lose control of his physical form and slip through the floor. 

He sighs, all of the joy escaping through his lips. “Yeah, sure. Sorry, it’s just one of those days.”

“We all have them. Hey, why don’t we do something tonight? I’m done studying, so we can watch a movie or play Mario Kart or something.” You plaster a smile on your face. “Fun, right?”

“You’re never gonna get into med school if this is how you work.”

Despite his admonishments, he sits up and swings his legs off the couch to make room for you. He didn’t choose an activity so Mario Kart it is. You leave your peeler on the coffee table and grab your joycons. When you flop beside him, tossing the blue one in his lap, he grumbles as he’s jostled around.

“I don’t even wanna go to med school,” you remind him. He already knows since it’s all you complain about these days as the MCAT draws closer, but that’s never stopped you from repeating yourself.

“Wow, what a problem. I’d die to go to med school.” 

Without thinking, you snort. “Too late for that.”

Seungmin has been dead for nearly two years. The old apartment complex burned down in an electrical fire, and due to the housing demand in the area, the university quickly built a new one in its place. Sure, you suspected it was probably haunted, but rent was on the cheaper side, especially for a single room, so you moved in and learned about your unofficial roommate during your first night. You thought you were going to faint when you saw a stranger leaning over your stack of practice books, and you thought you were going to be killed when he simply said, “I was also pre-med.”

“Sorry,” you meekly say. Why is the Mario Kart music so cheerful? It would be worse if it was sad, but the upbeat tune just makes your mistake more poignant. “I shouldn’t have—”

“Well, you’re not wrong,” he interjects. “Doesn’t matter. You better not pick Birdo this time.”

While you normally would have fought him six ways from Sunday for Birdo, you choose Yoshi instead and pick his favorite circuit to start off the night. He makes no comment about your sudden generosity, but you both know the reason. There’s no such thing as pity in this household, but apologies are aplenty.

When you come back from your anatomy lab the following day, whatever guilt you felt is gone when Seungmin holds up your pack of cookies with a disapproving look. You must have forgotten to put it back in the cabinet before you left. Either that or Seungmin rummaged around your belongings when the roommate contract stated that he could not and would not.

“You seriously paid for these?” he says. 

“They’re good! And artisan,” you huff as you snatch the package from his hands. You hope you didn’t crush any cookies in the process. “I support small businesses.”

“They haven’t been a small business or artisan in, like, twenty years. How did the cat dissection go?” 

You reach for an overpriced cookie and snap off a piece with more force than necessary. “Fine. A little gross, but I guess I’m used to that by now. You wanna see the pictures I took?”

He tries to feign nonchalance, but his body seems more substantial, less ghost-like as you scroll through your camera roll. Even though he oohs and aahs at the most inappropriate images—you really don’t think the digestive structures of a cat deserve that much admiration—you can’t help but smile. He hasn’t looked or sounded this lively in weeks. You thought it might have been your snark rubbing off of him, but he always has a biting remark at the ready, remedied only with his good-natured demeanor. Of course, that demeanor has been slowly crumbling, so to see him be his usual self again feels good.

Satisfied, he lets you take your phone back. “Sometimes I miss lab. I hated doing the lab reports though; have fun with that.”

And just like that, your happiness goes out. “That’s tomorrow’s problem. I should study before work. You wanna help me out? I hate physics.”

Look, if your roommate were a pre-med student, had unlimited time, and no other obligations, you would force them to help you study, too. Plus, Seungmin loves MCAT practice, so it’s a win-win.

To your surprise, he doesn’t jump at the opportunity like he typically does. Under normal circumstances, he would be scouring the living room for where he last left his flashcards. Instead, he says, “Why don’t you take a break?”

“A break? You, of all people, suggest that I take a break when you were just telling me about my bad study habits? Who are you, and what have you done with Seungmin?”

He rolls his eyes. “I didn’t realize you wanted to do physics that badly.”

“I don’t. This is weird from you though.” However, after a moment of contemplation: “Whatever. Pick a show to watch. I’m gonna draw.”

He selects House because he’s still Seungmin after all. This is the show that inspired him to go into medicine, and is, as he’s mentioned many times before, “the greatest show on the planet.” It’s entertaining, you admit, and you do like seeing all of the obscure medical cases Dr. Gregory House solves, but it’s a grim reminder of your parents’ dreams for you. With the dialogue of the characters echoing in your head, you sketch a frog sitting on top of a stack of pancakes. You initially bought your tablet for note taking, but it really is much better as a tool for art. 

“It’s always animals, plants, or dessert now,” Seungmin remarks, craning his head to get a better view while you continually pull your screen away. “What happened to your big fantasy pieces?”

“Rule one: no looking until I say so. Rule two: no questions unless I say so. Remember?”

He ignores you. “You used to do a lot of those things when you first moved in. With the crazy landscapes, guys with abs in crop tops, cat-ear ladies with fancy dresses, villains who you definitely wanted to—”

“I get it!” Your face is blazing. He makes your artistic—purely artistic—interests sound so much worse than they are. “I’ve just been busy with life, so I don’t have time to work on them anymore. Anyway, animals, plants, and desserts are cute.” In a smaller voice, you add, “And they make me happy.”

Just like pictures of a flayed cat makes him happy.

He goes quiet and lets Dr. House fill the air. While he pretends to be engrossed in the show, you turn back to your sketch to fix your frog’s eyes to be less downcast. No sad frogs allowed.

You don’t remember exactly when the dread began, but you do distinctly remember glancing over the syllabus for your genetics course and wanting to collapse. Each item was manageable by itself, but the totality of the class, of your future classes, of your future hurtled at you at full force. For so long, you convinced yourself you could do it. You would complain the whole time, but at the end, you would be addressed as ‘Doctor’ and you would be happy. Your parents would be happy, so you would be happy and realize that it was all worth it.

Even if you cried every night, it would be worth it. 

You took a deep breath, looked at the list of assigned textbooks, and pulled out your credit card. You went through more dire situations than this stupid course. This would be easy enough.

Two weeks after the art fiasco, you finally test out your new vegetable peeler on potatoes. Your friend gave you five for free since she was having trouble finishing the large amount she bought. While you stand over the sink, humming a song your neighbor has been practicing for the past week, Seungmin is hunched over the coffee table, doing something secretive with flashcards. He’s been working on a new set of them since the art fiasco, which makes no sense since you have a perfect set of a thousand that you bought online. But no, he has been toiling day and night to create handmade ones. You don’t even want to know where he got the supplies.

Well, you already know where and how, but if your neighbors come knocking, you know nothing.

In fear that you’ll “ruin the surprise,” you have been forbidden from even stepping foot onto the living room carpet. Really, there’s no point because you can get a glimpse if you lean across the island. Nevertheless, you keep your eyes on the growing pile of potato skins. You have five potatoes worth of fries to make.

Ten minutes later, when you have moved onto slicing, Seungmin declares that he’s done. He places the baking sheet you left on the island onto a chair and triumphantly sets down his masterpiece.

When you pick up the topmost one, you can’t help but smile. Alongside the words “absolute threshold” is a cartoon rabbit with alert ears. Tiny music notes are dotted on the top edge of the card. 

“To make your studies less stressful,” he says. 

You don’t have the heart to tell him that you’re always some degree of stressed but nevertheless thank him. The flashcards are adorable, even if Seungmin’s drawing skills aren’t the best. “Newton’s first law” has an indistinguishable creature kicking a ball, and “law of independent assortment” features some of the strangest plants you have ever seen.

“I love them.”

“What do you think of my art skills? Better than you, right?”

You laugh and turn back to your cutting board. “You should’ve considered art school instead of med school. Professional artist Seungmin,” you muse. “I can see you in galleries and museums.”

“Don’t forget the history textbooks. Why didn’t you consider art school? You would be perfect for video games or something.”

For some time, you did consider art school. You spent the first two years of high school daydreaming about sitting behind an easel, translating a model’s likeness onto paper. Perennial paint splatters on your jeans, permanent charcoal stains on your fingers—that was the only way you wanted to study human anatomy. 

“My parents. You know how it is. Can you season the fries in the bowl?”

While Seungmin dumps copious amounts of salt, pepper, and whatever random spices he picked from the cabinet, you reflect on your teenage self. A part of you knew that drawing would only be a hobby, but another part kept hoping your parents would come around. When Hyunjin’s parents announced he was going to study chemistry, your mom wondered why he didn’t choose art when he was such a good artist. In fact, half the neighborhood, whose children went into STEM fields one way or another, were shocked he chose chemistry. Of course, if their own kids had opted for non-STEM majors, they would have been livid. Just like your parents had been.

“Did you ever think about not going into medicine?” you ask as you add more potato slices into the bowl.

He adds a swirl of oil to the mix. “No. It’s all I ever wanted to do. I volunteered at the hospital in high school, got an internship at a clinic here. I was studying for the MCAT and then…”

And then the university’s outdated housing killed him. It sounds horrific when phrased like that, but it’s more truthful than “Promising Young Pre-med Student Kim Seungmin Dead After Apartment Fire,” as the city newspaper headlined. His student ID photo smiled earnestly at readers, and a recent picture showed him posing in a lab coat.

It hits you then. Seungmin is dead. You knew this logically; you saw the articles, passed by the vigil, and signed the student letter demanding better accommodations. Then you forgot his existence until you applied to live in this building and when he appeared in your bedroom, you forgot about his death. Despite witnessing him walk through walls and tiptoeing around his deceased status, Seungmin has never really been dead to you. He’s your roommate who sleeps in the living room, your study partner who loves all things related to biology, or your friend. He’s too alive to be anything else.

“Did you preheat the oven?” he asks, breaking you out of your spiraling thoughts. Your body went on autopilot, and now the baking sheet is covered in pale potato sticks.

You glance at the dark oven and head over to do what you should’ve done twenty minutes ago. “My bad.”

“You’re the one eating these. Can you even finish all this?”

It’s far too much, but what else were you going to do with five potatoes on the verge of going bad? You suppose you could have not accepted them from your friend. “I can try?” you say, more to convince yourself than him. “I’m no coward.”

“Really? Then why do you hide when we watch horror movies?”

“That’s different. Mario Kart while we wait?”

“I call Birdo.”

Despite his declaration, you’re the one playing Birdo while he settles for Waluigi. Seungmin gloats when he hits you with a red shell, laughs when you fall off the track, and celebrates when he gets first place. He’s practically corporeal, alight with hopes and dreams you wish were your own, but he’s only the echo of the past. Meanwhile, blood flows through your veins and oxygen into your lungs, yet you’re stuck in a potential future you don’t even want.

At the end of fall, between your human biology midterm and that stupid philosophy paper, you break. It’s during one of your MCAT practice exams, so you at least can cry at your desk. You can’t even cry without guilt; your mind immediately starts trying to reread the problem you’re stuck on through your tears, as if trigonometry will solve your crisis. 

It feels like an elephant is sitting on your chest. Every time you think you’ve calmed down enough to begin again, another wave of sobs overcomes you. Just holding your pencil makes your throat tighten.

“Are you okay?” Seungmin’s voice is slightly muffled by your bedroom door, but you doubt that a thin piece of wood concealed your cries.

You choke out, “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“... No.”

You swing open your door with sardonic fanfare, spreading your arms like a ringmaster. Seungmin makes no comment about your swollen eyes or your sniffles. You almost wish he had.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” he asks. He takes a tentative step into your room, and when you nod, he lets himself fully in. It’s been several months since he’s last been inside. Unmade bed, cluttered nightstand, paper-strewn desk—nothing much has changed. He sits on your chair, resting an arm on top of the throw blanket you’ve thrown over the back.

“I don’t know what there is to talk about,” you say after a moment of silence. “I hate class, I hate work, I hate my life. A breakdown has been long overdue.”

You stare at the floor, afraid to meet his gaze now that he’s seen you like this. Ever since you discovered Seungmin, you’ve crafted the perfect blasé attitude to accommodate your new living circumstances. He leaves you alone sometimes and stays cordoned off in the shared spaces to give you privacy, but you don’t break apart in your apartment for good reason. You’re open and raw like a bloody wound. Will he want to patch you up with bandaids, or will he pick and prod?

Pick and prod, you pray. Make some flippant remark about how easy you have it, how he wishes he could be in your position instead. Because if he does, then the situation must not be that bad.

Softly, Seungmin says, “What can I do to help?”

Your heart drops to your stomach. “I don’t know… I should probably get back to studying anyway.”

“Really? Are you serious?”

“What else am I supposed to do?” you snap. Seungmin at least has the decency to look sheepish. “The MCAT’s in July, and I don’t even understand half the things I’m supposed to know. I’m barely getting C’s in philosophy and art history because of it. That’s so humiliating.”

“Have you thought about, you know, not going to med school?”

A harsh laugh rips out of your throat. “Every single day. But it’s too late. I’ve already wasted four years, so what’s another four?” That doesn’t even include residency.

“You’d hate it.”

“Story of my life.”

The room goes quiet. Maybe you were too severe with your words, but how else do you explain it? 

“What if you became a medical illustrator?” he abruptly suggests. “You’d know exactly how to draw everything. It’s perfect for you. And it’s still STEM-related.”

It doesn’t matter if it’s in STEM. Your parents laid out your options very clearly: doctor or disappointment. Some career choices were less disappointing than others, but they would still be disappointments.

“I need to study,” you say.

He stands up from your rightful seat at your desk. Softly, so very softly, he says, “I’ll let you get back to it then.”

“Thank you.”

He shuts the door behind him and leaves you with your despair. True to your word, you return to your practice exam, this time without crying. Your mouth is dry the entire session, but you don’t dare drink any water in fear that rehydration will trigger your tears. It’s stupid but keeps you holding on. 

When you check your answers and review terminology, you refer to the set of flashcards Seungmin made for you. He didn’t expect you to use them, but his drawings have helped you better memorize the definitions. You shuffle through them, occasionally trying to figure out the relationship between whatever Seungmin drew and the word written. Other times—but not enough for your liking—you know exactly what they mean.

The rabbit from “absolute threshold” stares at you with lopsided eyes, and Mendel’s warped pea plants grow beneath your fingers. The whole world blurs.

A month after move-in, after too many beers and barbeque chips, you asked Seungmin, “Why do you haunt only me? You can travel through the whole building, but you’re only ever here.”

He gestures at the room with a sweeping flourish. “This used to be my apartment. Sort of. They changed the floor plan, but this is the approximate location of where I lived, so when you moved in, it felt like fate.”

“Ah, a med school sufferer to keep you company.”

He laughs, but it sounds insincere. “How drunk are you right now?”

You glance at the row of empty cans you lined up on the counter. One, two, three, four, five. Five and a half, if you count the one in your hand. “Pretty drunk, I think.”

“So you won’t remember what I tell you, right?”

“Probably not,” you lie. “What is it?”

With a sad smile on his face, he says, “I haunt you because it’s like seeing someone live the life I could’ve had. Would’ve had.”

Your outburst doesn’t go forgotten, but you and Seungmin dance around the topic with the grace of a seasoned ballerina. You show him your grocery hauls, he scolds you for buying expensive cookies. The two of you play Overcooked instead of Mario Kart and pretend that Overcooked will strengthen your friendship instead destroy it even further. Seungmin is really bad, embarrassingly so. 

“Are you going to the party this weekend?” he asks as he drops onions all over the floor. There’s no health department in the game.

“I would ask you to be more specific,” you say, “but we both know I’m not going to any parties. Go chop the onions.”

“You need friends.”

“I have friends. Who do you think keeps us giving us potatoes?”

He scoffs. “That’s not a friend. That’s an enemy. We need more dishes.”

While you wash a stack of dirty dishes, Seungmin dashes between prepping ingredients and watching the timer on the soups. As expected, he doesn’t take the pot off the stovetop quick enough, and soon enough the whole kitchen is in flames. You scream at him to get the fire extinguisher, he wades through the sea of onions, and the level ends with a single gold star.

You set your joycon down and lean your head back. “Three stars or nothing” is your motto when playing Overcooked, but perhaps you can make an exception for Seungmin.

“Why’d you ask me about a party?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. Seems like a college student thing to ask. And a college student thing to do. Go to parties, I mean.”

“Not for us.” You stretch your arms and legs out, knocking your socked feet against the coffee table. “When have you ever seen me willingly leave the apartment?”

“Never,” he admits, “but you should enjoy your youth.”

Whatever mutual agreement you thought you and Seungmin had does not exist. You have long known that you would have to sacrifice your twenties for your future. There would be good moments among your struggles, but so many of your memories would be of test prep and studying. As your parents so eloquently put it, “You can draw after you retire.” 

“That’s funny coming from you,” you say. You wave a hand in front of his face and observe the way his eyebrows scrunch together. “Are you really Seungmin?”

“Do you know any other ghosts?”

“Do you actually regret dedicating so much time to studying?”

“No. I mean, I went out when I could, but you…” He mindlessly thumbs the buttons of the controller as he tries to find his words. “Well, maybe I do a little bit, but it was fulfilling. Or was going to be anyway. You’re miserable. I’ve never seen you without dark circles or eye bags.”

How needlessly observant of him. “Thanks. It’s the quintessential college look.”

“Take care of yourself.” He raises his joycon and nods at the TV. “Let’s go again. Three stars only.”

And just like that, you and Seungmin go back to pretending as if everything is fine, like the last few minutes were idle chatter about the weather. You yell instructions at him, and he retorts back with something snarky; all is well.

You suppose you should have realized why Seungmin asked you such out-of-character questions two weeks ago. Death anniversaries don’t typically go onto your calendar, but you could have made an exception for Seungmin. How did you forget? As you walk down the stairs, a wave of guilt washes over you.

The annual university-held vigil occurs on campus, but the apartment complex has their own small affair in the courtyard. Framed photos of the victims huddle together at the base of a half-wall. Already, there are several flowers and notes strewn about, and you add your own carnation to the pile. You have a note as well, and it burns your hand as you debate whether to leave it or not.

Twelve people died that night. “Only” twelve, as some papers reiterated. Twelve out of three hundred doesn’t seem too horrific given the state of the fire, but that’s still twelve people dead. Plenty more got injured trying to escape, and they aren’t honored at this memorial. The living don’t get commemorated—they live with the memories of the day, and that’s remembrance enough for the public.

“Hey.”

No one else is around, so you say, “Hey,” back to Seungmin. He disappeared for a few hours, and you assumed he would be gone until sunrise. In the days leading up to his death anniversary, he has grown increasingly depressed, looking vacantly out the window and mouthing words to himself. You idiotically thought he was just having one of those days.

“How are you holding up?” you ask.

“Fine, I guess. Good turn out this year,” he remarks as he kneels down to pick through the gifts. “The construction workers didn’t even show up to work because of superstition or something.”

“I’m really sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I know, it’s just…” You wave the folded notebook paper in your hand. Maybe you should’ve bought some stationery after all. “Read this later. I’ll see you whenever.”

You gently place it beside your carnation, return back to your apartment, and lock yourself inside your room. It’s too quiet, and you’re too restless. Your head tells you to do practice problems to burn off your energy, but all you’ve been doing as of late is listen to your head.

As you sketch an anatomical heart—underneath a completely necessary and painstakingly accurate rendering of a male torso—your bones say that this is right. 

To Kim Seungmin, a star that went out too soon—

You deserved so much more than this. I don’t even know what else to say because nothing feels more appropriate. 

I’m living in your old apartment—where it used to be, at least—and I can’t help but feel that I’m living the life you should have had. Sometimes I can feel your presence when I’m studying. I can hear you reciting definitions and shuffling flashcards. When I’m really losing my mind, I can see you sitting on the couch watching House episodes with me. It’s comforting and terrifying.

You already know this, but I don’t want to go to med school. I hate it and I hate being a disappointment to my parents, but I hate being a disappointment to you the most. You should be in my place, so I thought I should try and complete your dream for you at the very least. I’m already miserable, so I should make the most of it. For a while, I thought this would make you happy, but it’s been making you sad and worried recently. I thought if I could make you happy, then it would be worth it, but I’m realizing it’s not, but I’m too scared to leave this path. Sometimes I don’t know who I am without med school looming over me, and it 

I wish we would’ve met earlier. You’re an amazing person, full of light and kindness. The world is darker without you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done and for everything that I didn’t do because you deserve so much better than whatever you’ve been given.

“Do you want to talk?”

Seungmin’s upside down face appears between you and the iPad you have been holding up with both arms. Philosophy review is simultaneously boring and maddening, but you have a final to be studying for. You should’ve started much earlier, but twenty-four hours of cramming has not failed you when it comes to general education elective courses yet.

“Not really,” you say as you push his face out of view. He’s corporeal at the moment, so your hand meets resistance rather than going right through. “I’m busy.”

“Did you apply for a ‘biomedical visualization’ program? That’s a medical illustrator thing, right?”

You don’t need to look at him to know he’s thrilled. Since the memorial, you began looking into medical illustrators as a backup plan. You only meant to learn about the basic requirements, but curiosity got the better of you, and you attended an online informational session. Seungmin overheard bits and pieces because of how thin the walls are, you got cagey when he asked, and he put his endless hours of free time into detective work. 

“I didn’t apply. I’m just looking around. Now go away.”

“The living room is a communal space. So you’re considering it then?”

You don’t respond and bring your iPad closer to your eyes. To read the tiny notes on the margins of your classmate’s notes, of course.

Seungmin cackles and claps his hands. “You are! This is good! Why are you so morose?”

“Because you interrupted my studying? I have less than ten hours to cover three months of content.”

“You’re deflecting. Are you worried about your parents?”

“Morose and deflecting,” you murmur. “Two gold stars for your vocabulary usage.”

“Are you?”

You shut your eyes, envisioning the stern faces of your parents when you announce over dinner your plans to spend your life not being a doctor. Their expressions morph from confusion to anger to grim when they realize how serious you are. 

Are you serious about this? You’re not even sure yourself. It feels like you’re in high school again, holding onto a shred of hope for a future you aren’t allowed to have.

“What if I lie to them?” you say. “I tell them I got into a school that’s super far away, go there, and return when I’ve firmly established myself as an illustrator or whatever I end up doing. It’ll be too late for them to do anything.”

“That’s one way to do it. But wouldn’t it be better if you were upfront?”

You groan and turn back to your classmate’s notes. What is it like, you wonder, to not be crushed by the weight of approval? What is it like to know you won’t be scorned for your choices? No matter what you do, someone—your parents or Seungmin—will be upset.

“Upset” is a very mild way to describe your parents’ reactions. After six cans of celebratory beer—you passed all of your classes this semester!—you called your parents to tell them good news. Somewhere between the silent congratulations and questions of your home arrival, you blurted out, “I think I’m gonna do biomedical visualization. Medical illustration. Art. It’s still medical-related, but not a doctor.”

And after a lengthy discussion filled with shouting, you’re not allowed to come home this year or ever again. CALL ENDED flashes on your screen, but you grip your phone so tightly you can feel your heartbeat in your fingertips. Your whole body is tense, flushed with indignation and shame. No tears come. You expected something like this but nothing to this extreme. Their words echo in your ears.

Ungrateful. Selfish. Disgrace. 

Logically, you know you’re none of those things, but you can’t help but feel they’re at least a little bit right. You sink into your desk chair and wait for the inevitable knock on your door. To step out of your own accord would be mortifying. 

“Are you okay?” asks Seungmin.

“I’ve been disowned in every way except legally,” you answer as you let him inside your room. “What do you think?”

“Sorry.”

“No, it’s…”

It’s not fine, but your mouth started saying so by default. You perch on the edge of your bed and stare at the stack of practice books that have been untouched for two days on your dresser. They would belong better under your bed where they’ll be out of sight.

Suddenly insecure, you ask, “You’re not gonna leave me, right? You’ll still help me peel potatoes and let me know when my artisan cookies are on sale?”

He chuckles. “The only way you can get away from me is by moving or by graduating. I’ll be here. Instead of nagging you to study, I’ll critique your anatomy.”

“That’s against the rules.” Nevertheless, you smile at the thought of Seungmin hyperfixed at your artistic renderings and comparing them against pictures from a textbook. “Thanks.”

Seungmin smiles back, and he radiates so much warmth that you forget it’s winter.

EPILOGUE

“Honey, I’m home,” you call. 

You nearly trip over the door sill in your heels but catch yourself in time. Wearing heels to commencement is a bad idea for more reasons than one. Clutching your friend’s graduation bouquet, you flip on the light switch with the back of your hand and glance over your apartment. Other than the dozens of boxes scattered across the living room and kitchen, nothing else belongs to you; goodbye coffee table you stubbed your toes against too many times; goodbye peeling school-issued couch. You half-expected to see Seungmin lying on it, staring at the ceiling like he used to. 

“Seungmin, where are you?” When he doesn’t answer, you try again. “Anyone home?”

You wander around the small apartment, checking behind doors and furniture like you’re playing hide-and-seek. He’s nowhere to be found, and you go through the apartment again in a frenzy. He could be in a different part of the building, but he always knows when you’re looking for him.

“Where are you? Seungmin, this isn’t funny! I know you can hear me.”

It takes twenty minutes, but you eventually realize he’s gone for good. No goodbyes, no hugs, no teasing—he just waved you off to your ceremony and shut the front door. You knew he wouldn’t be able to help you move out, but you thought he would still be here when you returned. He researched additional art classes for you, suggested works for your portfolio, and consoled you whenever you were overwhelmed. It’s a knife to your heart that he’s not here.

In between tears that you don’t allow to fall from your eyes, you carry your boxes of belongings to your car. You have a new place to call home, but two perfectly nice housemates and a dog aren’t good replacements for a ghost who annoyed you from sunrise to sundown.

I hope you find this note eventually. I know we have the rule where I’m not supposed to go through your belongings, but since we’re not going to be roommates any longer, I hope you’re not too mad. Completely unrelated but you’re really good at Mario Kart. So good. Birdo was designed specifically for you.

Congratulations on graduating. You’ve worked hard this year. Could have worked harder sometimes but you did it! Relax a bit during your gap year and enjoy your youth. Those art classes will be easy for you. Biomed visualization will be easy after pre-med studies.

Stop rolling your eyes and sighing. You know I’m right.

I’m sorry we didn’t get a chance to say goodbye. I know you wanted it, but I don’t think I could have handled it. The truth is that I was ready to go a couple months ago when you started compiling your portfolio. For two years, I didn’t know why I was still here. At first, I thought my unfinished business was about the circumstances of my death. (Stop wincing. I’m dead. It’s a fact.) Then the administration stepped up. They did the bare minimum, to be honest, but at least changes were made. When you turned up, I thought I was supposed to fulfill my dream of going to med school. Turns out, I still have no idea what exactly why I was here, but seeing you live the life you want and choose the future you want makes me feel like business is finished.

To L/N Y/N, a star that will keep shining for decades to come—

I’m so proud of you and everything you’ve done so far. There are so many opportunities waiting out there for you, so don’t be afraid to take any chances. I’ll be with you always.

[seungmoonandstars]

𝐼’𝓂 𝓈𝑜𝓇𝓇𝓎 𝐼 𝓌𝒶𝓈𝓃’𝓉 𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒

Kim Seungmin/female reader

wc: 1.8k

synopsis: someone is cheating // pt 1

rating: mature/angst ꩜ (contains: aggression, confrontation)

⤜ · · ♡ · · →

3pm

SM: I won’t be back until Sunday, love, but I’ll call you tonight before you fall asleep! Hopefully I can catch you before you do

YN: it’s okay, Min. I’ll be here, and I’ll be up for a while

SM: I’ll text first just in case

YN: ♥️

12:30am

SM: sleeping?

11am

SM: I’m sorry I missed you last night, we can try again today!

2pm

SM: babe, you know I hate double triple quadruple texting you. Are you okay?

· · ♡ · ·

Saturday, 10:30pm

Seungmin struggles for a moment with his key, but manages without dropping his bags. The door swings open, and he’s greeted by a dark foyer, a dark living room, and a single faint light coming from the kitchen. And it’s too quiet—no tv left on, no music playing to fill the silence, like usual. It’s a little warm inside, and it was a warm day, but Seungmin can feel a breeze coming in from one open window.

“I’m home,” he calls out softly, and his voice carries down the hall and into the open door of the bedroom. But the apartment is empty. You’re not here.

He looks down at his phone, opens his texts, and types. His face falls slowly as he figures out another message to send to you. Seungmin has been away a lot lately, and things have felt strained, but you always answer, eventually, even if it’s hours later. You’ve never been silent for more than a day, and now it’s going on two.

sm: hi love, I’m home early

After making sure you’re not just sound asleep in bed, he starts to type one more message. But he stops himself, and instead he starts to unpack his things.

A few minutes later, his phone buzzes.

yn: hey, I’m so sorry sweetie. I’ll be home soon. I went out with some friends and my phone died

He sighs, relieved to finally hear from you. But he doesn’t reply right away; he waits until he empties his bag, showers, get dressed, and makes himself tea.

The lock clicks and the door swings open just as he reaches for his phone.

“Minnie!” You run to him and he opens his arms to hold you against him. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”

He fights with questioning your absence—not from the house, but from answering his texts, and decides to wait. Right now, he wants to sit down with you and relax; talk; catch up. Maybe that will reveal the answers without him having to ask—he hopes it will, because it’s slowly starting to eat at him.

· · ♡ · ·

“We traveled all day today, a lot of driving, so it was a little hectic.” He curls up on the couch and hugs his knees tights to his chest. “I missed talking to you last night.”

“I guess I was more tired than I thought”

“But I’m here now”

Seungmin’s little nod, his hesitant smile…you missed him so much, and you’re not sure you can even begin to tell him just how much. You crawl across the couch and kneel in front of him. “You’re here”

The kiss you give him is returned, but it’s as hesitant as his smile.

“What’s wrong, Min?”

He shakes his head, “nothing…I’m okay, uhm…”

“You can tell me, you know that”

Yes, he can. The two of you tell each other everything, and as far as Seungmin knows, there are no secrets between you. So why does he suddenly feel so uneasy? “Just too tired to think straight. Maybe we should go to bed.”

“Yeah, let’s go to bed. Clean sheets and everything, all ready for you.”

· · ♡ · ·

Weeks pass, and eventually, Seungmin feels better—less worried, less unsure about things. It’s not completely gone, though. Every hour that passes without a reply from you makes his heart sink a little more. But then you do reply, and everything is fine for a while. Communication between you has changed…just a little bit, but enough.

It’s turning into a vicious cycle, and it’s not good for his head right now. He feels distracted from his work.

Seungmin video calls you on his way home a few days later. You don’t answer.

-

Coming home is like deja vu. Dark, though not quite as dark this time. The tv is on, and so is the bedroom light. Seungmin can hear the shower running when he closes the door. He’s relieved he doesn’t have to worry like last time, and for some reason, even though so much is still eating at him, being home feels good, and everything feels okay. You’re home and waiting for him, and maybe you haven’t been in much of a talking mood lately.

That’s all this is. Everything is good.

He hears his phone buzz and feels for it in his back pocket, but it’s not him. Yours is sitting on the kitchen counter, right next to the coffee you were drinking not long ago. It doesn’t seem out of place of him to look at the notification on your screen, because he’s done it before—you don’t hide anything from each other. But this time he isn’t sure of what he’s seeing. It’s not a text notif, or Instagram, or twitter. It’s not KakaoTalk, which he knows you use, just not much. This one is from Line, and the sender is a name you don’t recognize: 민수

Maybe it’s a coworker, or a client. You know so many people through your work, and Seungmin knows that. But the message is right there…two of them.

민수: I hope you had a good time...I did! I’ll see you again soon

The second message is a ❤️. The same red heart you always send to him. Seungmin feels every drop of blood drain from him, and he feels like he’s falling, but he’s not. His feet are somehow still flat on the floor, and his hand trembles as he touches your screen—he wants to see it and read it one more time, just in case he read it wrong.

The shower stops, and in the time it takes you to get yourself dressed, Seungmin doesn’t move. He’s rooted to this spot, and he’s sure if he takes a single step, he’ll crumble, and he won’t be able to put himself back together again.

“Minnie?”

Your voice echoes in his head.

“Seungmin, baby, you’re home…what—“

He sees your eyes move and glance at your phone on the counter, and then they’re back on his.

“What’s wrong?”

Why can’t he speak? His mouth drops open and nothing comes out, but inside he’s screaming, picking something up and throwing it against the wall, jumping on you and shaking you until you tell him…

“Why?” Is all he manages.

“Why what? Is everything okay? Seungmin, you look so pale…”

His fist clenches behind his back. “I know I haven’t been around much lately…more than lately. But I’m trying. I try so hard to be with you…when I’m away. I thought I was…” he stops and takes a stuttering breath, and his nails dig so hard into his palm, it feels like he’s breaking skin, “…doing okay.”

“Seungmin, you do better than okay”

“Where have you been? You never answer my calls anymore. You hardly text back, and when you do…it’s hours later.”

“You’re right, I’ve been really bad at this for the last few weeks”

“Who is Minsoo?”

There's silence for far longer than either of you intend, but breaking it is impossible. Seungmin said it out loud, he had to, and now things will play out exactly as they should.

But the silence is as much of an answer as he needs. He turns to your phone and picks it up, looks at the messages again. The heart was sent an hour ago, right after you left wherever you were, got home, made coffee, got in the shower. Seungmin wonders what clothes are lying on the bathroom floor right now, and his eyes sting with tears at what his mind creates.

The metal frame of the phone gives a little under his grip, and it gives in completely when it meets the wall between you. The sound is intense—the crunch of glass, the crumble of drywall. Seungmin is strong when he’s not angry, and right now he’s more than that. He’s pissed, and he’s confused.

“Why?” His hand runs through his hair and stays there as he stares at the remnants of your phone; one half of the lifeline between you when he’s gone. “Answer me.”

You jump again, despite the eerie softness of his voice. You have no answer for him, and even if you did, it wouldn’t change a thing right now. “Minnie, I love you.”

“You love me?”

He takes a few steps toward you, and you move back just as many. Seungmin has never given you any reason to fear him, and he’s never argued or fought. You don’t know anyone nearly as level-headed and calm as him, but you’ve also never done anything this stupid before.

“I do, more than anything.”

This time you stay put when he closes the gap, because something has to happen, and there’s nowhere else to go. It’s you, it’s Seungmin, and it’s the wall behind you.

His hands come up, close around your cheeks, and his thumbs run over them so sweetly, “you love me…but, you fucked someone else?”

“I didn’t. Seungmin, I didn’t. Please.”

“You've been ignoring me for another man. Pouring yourself out to him? Telling him things, telling him how you feel being all alone in bed all the time because your boyfriend is never here for you.”

“No. No, Seungmin.”

His touch on you tightens, just for a moment, as he matches the intensity of your gaze. And then he relaxes and lets go. You stay quiet as he grabs his bag and disappears into the bedroom, and you brace yourself for a slam that doesn’t come. There may be no coming back after this, and you know that. It didn’t cross your mind what might happen if a night like this came, because you weren’t sure if what you were doing, at least initially, was that wrong. But things spiraled, and you spiraled with them, and you let your isolation get the better of you.

You should have stopped when the messages got more frequent; when you felt guilty texting Seungmin at the same time as him; ignoring a phone call when you were with him.

Seungmin flies by you and heads for the door.

“Please don’t leave, Minnie, I need you”

“You need me?” He pulls his shoes on and takes his time re-lacing them. “I needed you, too. Every time I text you goodnight, or facetime you, I do it for a reason.”

“I know. I fucked up.”

“Because it’s lonely being away, even when I’m surrounded by people. Did I ever tell you that?”

“No”

“That much is my fault then, but I didn’t think I had to tell you.” He picks up both of his bags and opens the door.

“Where are you going?”

“My dorm,” he looks back once more with his hand on the doorknob, but says nothing.

“I love you…I love you, Min”

“Goodnight”

[kkami-writes]

until the very end.

pairing. kim seungmin x gn!reader synopsis. At the end of the world, there’s truly no other group you’d rather be with than your friends. But as they drop dead, one by one, you can feel the threads of your sanity continue to snap and it’s only a matter of time before you actually go insane. Thankfully, Seungmin continues to be by your side until the very end of time. tags. zombie!au, apocalypse!au, ANGST, all hurt maybe a little bit of comfort

CW/TW. lots and LOTS of major character death, blood, gore, violence, guns, suicidal thoughts, suicide, vomit, murder, no explicit smut but implied/mentioned sex, dissociative moments, minsung + changlix if you squint, could be a "happy" ending, it really depends on how you see it tbh, kinda? graphic. please be warned ♡ word count. 8k A/N. please use your best judgement, if you do not think you can handle any of the warnings don't read! don't trigger yourself!! if you're that curious I'd be happy to give you the run down of the fic without the gory details. wanna support me? buy me a ko-fi!

It’s uncertain whether you’d consider yourself lucky that you had been tucked in bed, comfy and deep asleep, when shit had hit the fan. That was the last time you had the luxury to be asleep long enough to even have a dream. You don’t even remember what you had dreamed about as you dragged yourself out of bed, yawning and wiping away the drowsiness from your eyes.

In fact, you were certain you were still dreaming when you stumbled upon the gruesome sight in your kitchen. There was blood splattered against the once pristine white marble and your mother was hovering over what had once been your father, surrounded by a pool of what you assumed was his own blood. She was too busy devouring his guts to even notice you standing there, obscene slurping noises echoing in your ears.

The stench hits you like a truck and you’re suddenly losing whatever is even in your stomach after having just woken up, acid burning at your throat. The movement is enough to disturb your mother (can you really call her that anymore?) as she turns to you with a deep, inhuman growl, face covered in the blood of your father with bits of him still clinging to her mouth. You fall over backwards as she lunges at you, fight or flight instincts kicking in. You shove your foot against her chest as hard as you can, trying to push her away from you.

Frantically, you look around trying to find anything to use as a weapon, desperation starting to sink in. You grab onto the nearby lamp, holding onto it like a bat. It’s the only thing you had as you swing, smashing it into your mothers head and the crack that follows is sickening. The bulb shatters but you don’t stop, continuing to use the unconventional weapon until you’re certain the monster is dead. It’s like you black out for a few moments and by the time you’re back in your body, your mother is unmoving, head caved in. Your breath is heavy, panting and on the verge of hyperventilating. But you can’t focus on that right now.

You’re reminded by the zombie movies you used to watch with your friends as you force your body towards the kitchen to grab a knife. With a swing, you lodge it straight into it’s head. You won’t make the mistake of having it come back to life and catching you off guard.

A numbness takes over your body, brain going into autopilot as you finally notice the constant vibration of your phone in your pocket. The boys have been blowing up your notifications, hundreds of unread messages in your group chat, several individual messages and a couple of voice mails. You can only register that they were going to meet up at Bangchan’s house as he mentioned his father collected guns, a good place for them to start.

With your limbs feeling like lead, you begin packing a small backpack filled with essentials and a few pairs of clothes. Your body moves on its own as if trying to remind you that you have to keep going, that your friends are probably still alive and waiting for you. It’s the only semblance of hope you have and the only thing stopping you from just ending it right now.

You’re thankful Bangchan doesn’t live too far from your house, just a few blocks away. The neighborhood seems empty, a stark contrast to the usually lively streets. Silence rings in your ears, white noise filling the blank spaces in your mind. When you reach his house there are cars haphazardly parked in front.

You come through the door, feeling like a zombie yourself and honestly you might look like one too with the large splatter of your mothers blood splayed across the front of your white shirt. You might have forgotten to change in your haze of trying to get out of your house as fast as possible. This doesn’t stop Jeongin from throwing himself into your embrace once he finally sees you. He’s in tears, clutching onto you tightly, body trembling against you. Your own arms come to wrap around him, the emotional dam you had been holding onto finally breaks, the two of you falling to the ground sobbing. You’re surprised you had held on for as long as you did.

The other boys didn’t disturb you, letting the two of you to have a moment to bask in each other's presence, knowing the other was safe. Your relationship with Jeongin was strictly platonic. The boy meant the world to you, he was like your precious little brother and he had looked up to you as a bigger sibling. Now that the world had gone to all hell, you knew the two of you would end up being heavily reliant on each other.

You’re unsure how long the two of you just stayed in a heap on the floor but it’s Seungmin’s hand on your back that brings you back to the grim reality you were able to forget about for just a second. He’s looking down at you fondly but theres still a sense of sadness deep in his irises. “Come on you two, Bangchan is calling a group meeting,” He helps pull you up to your feet, giving you a quick squeeze in his arms. A silent message that he’s glad you’re safe.

Eight people gathered into the family room, half of them on the floor while the rest of them tried to squish in on the couch together. You take the seat next to Seungmin, letting your head rest on Jeongin’s shoulder.

When Bangchan walks into the room, he places a few guns and boxes of ammo onto the table. It makes a few of the boys turn pale just looking at the weapons.

“So. For now, I think it’s best if we stay here. There’s enough food to last us at least a couple of days and then you guys can move on. I’d suggest somewhere close to a convenient or grocery store. Best not to stay in one though in case other people show up,” He makes a lot of sense, being on the move was probably the best bet, but with your decently large group of friends it would be a disaster. It would be in your best interest if you guys stayed in one place until you ran out of resources. Only then should you move.

“Wait. You said ‘you guys can move’ and not ‘we’ can move. Was that on purpose?” Minho, the ever observant one had mentioned, giving Bangchan his usual blank stare. You had barely even noticed the slight change in wording.

“It was. I can’t go with you guys,”

“What? Why not??” At this all the guys were suddenly talking over each other, a frequent occurrence but one that was certainly not helpful at this moment. Bangchan, being the eldest, had always been someone everyone looked up to, someone they had gone to for guidance. He had been like a pseudo leader of the group, without him you’d worry everything would fall apart.

Bangchan lets out a sigh before rolling up the sleeves of his shirt to show off the clear bite mark in his forearm, complete with teeth indentations and blood still dripping from the wound. The veins surrounding the bite were starting to turn black, slowly inching up his arm.

A few of them gasp while the others are deadly silent, the implication of what should happen next is not lost to anyone.

“What…What do we do?” Jisung questions, his voice is shaky and you can tell he’s on the verge of a panic attack. Honestly, you’re not far behind.

“Like I said, stay here for a few days until the food runs out. Then you move,”

“What are we supposed to do without you?” Hyunjin stresses the last word. Bangchan just let’s out another sigh.

“You’ll be fine. Eventually you guys were gonna have to stop leaning on me. That time has just come up a lot sooner than we thought,”

Another silence overtakes the group, no one saying a word. A few of them were already crying, knowing the fate that awaits Bangchan.

“I want to ask for one last thing though. I….don’t think I can do it myself. Please, I need one of you to do it,” His strong voice breaks for the first time. It’s what clues you in that he’s scared, something he doesn’t want to show to the others. Especially now.

Jisung and Felix shake their heads vehemently. The others shout ‘No’ and ‘No way’. The noise all blends together in your ears, everyone saying they wouldn’t do it, that they couldn’t do it.

So it surprises you when you stand up. Jeongin tries to pull on your arm to get you to sit back down. You don’t budge.

“I’ll do it,”

Suddenly everyone’s eyes are on you, some of them blatantly gaping at your declaration. Even Bangchan seems surprised that you had volunteered but he knows that if no one else would do it, he could put his trust in you.

“Are you sure?” He still asks. He needs you to be absolutely sure that you know what you’re agreeing to. Bangchan searches your eyes for any hesitance but doesn’t find any.

“If no one else will, I'll do it,” You nod your head determinedly and Bangchan relents. It might be fucked up, but you figured if you could kill your own mother, maybe you could kill one of your closest friends.

Everyone takes a moment to say goodbye, there’s not a dry eye in the room except for you. You do your best to stay strong, especially for the others but you can feel yourself slipping, eyes burning with unshed tears. When Bangchan starts vomiting up something black, eyes bloodshot and his pupils starting to fog over, you know it’s time. The two of you move to the backyard, no one else following. Just hearing the gun shot from the house would be enough to haunt their dreams.

You pick up a gun before following him, checking to see if the safety was off. While you had never handled a gun before, you’re basing things off of movies and TV shows you had watched. You’d definitely have to learn how to use one fast.

As you face Bangchan in the backyard, that’s when you finally start to cry. Throwing yourself into the older’s embrace. He clings to you tightly and you realize that this was the last time he’d ever give you a hug. One of his warm comforting hugs that used to make you feel safe. This one however, does nothing to calm the tidal wave of nerves running through you. When you pull away he can see your hands trembling, the weight of what you were about to do weighs heavily against your chest. It feels hard to breathe.

Bangchan leans down, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “You guys will be fine. I know you will,”

He closes his eyes, looking rather peaceful as you bring the gun to his forehead. You hesitate for a second, suddenly having second thoughts but you push them down. Bangchan had trusted you to do this and if it was the last thing you could do for him, you would. You squeeze your eyes shut, gritting your teeth as you force yourself to pull the trigger. The gunshot echoes in your ears as you hear his body hit the ground with a thump. You quickly turn away, unable to see the dead body of your friend.

Seungmin is there when you come back into the house, his eyes are dry but the tear stains on his cheeks give him away. Neither of you have to say anything before he scoops you up in an embrace. You’re still shaking softly, barely keeping a grip on your slipping sanity. Right now, Seungmin is the only thing keeping you grounded.

That night you and Jeongin curl up tightly together in bed. He never lets go of the fist full of your shirt, even as he falls asleep, scared that you might disappear on him as well.

There’s something else you realize that night while you lie awake, the unspoken implications of you being the one to kill your friend. You had suddenly become the leader of your ragtag group in the absence of Bangchan

It’s the middle of the night, only a few days since you had laid Bangchan to rest in the backyard of his childhood home. Sleep had been eluding you of late, dark circles finding a permanent residence under your eyes. The cup of tea you had made remains untouched on the table, probably cold now as you stare into the black space of the kitchen. A figure slips into the chair next to you and you don’t have to look up to know that it’s Seungmin.

While maybe not as close as you were with Jeongin, you and Seungmin still had a rather special bond. The two of you were similar, bad with words and feelings. Because of that the two of you could practically communicate with each other without having to say anything. You would seek comfort in each other when it was hard to do with anyone else.

He slips his hand in yours, fingers intertwining before giving you a soft squeeze. A silent way to reassure you that he was there for you.

Seungmin’s hands are large against yours. He’s warm and he feels like coming home when it feels like you’ve all but lost your way. It’s moments like these when you’re reminded just why you had fallen for the boy in the first place. Reluctantly you get up to leave, needing to get any rest that you can.

You found that sleep came easier after these late night meetings with Seungmin.

A month passes by quick and slowly, things get better. Every day is a step in the right direction and everyone settles into a routine that works. Though nothing explicitly has been said since that fateful day, it was obvious that the boys now looked to you for any guidance. You try your best to be a good leader and surprisingly you fall into the role easily, but you couldn’t deny that it was incredibly stressful. You felt much more respect for the older for having to deal with everyone for years.

You guys had continued to move, following Bangchan’s last advice, only staying in one place until all the food and supplies in the local area had been exhausted. Currently, you were on a supply run with Felix and Changbin, the rest of the boys back at the house going over your inventory. The three of you had stocked up on food and medical supplies, mostly medications with everyone constantly feeling sick with the amount of stress they were constantly under.

Somehow in the thirty minutes you had spent collecting supplies a horde had managed to form outside the store. They moved slow, effectively blocking your way out. Changbin let out a groan to which Felix hit the older in order to shush him. The male still managed to be loud even in the most dire of situations, but he was the best for these runs. He could carry the most with his muscles and with him wielding a bat with nails, it wasn’t hard for him to cave a couple zombies brains in.

You try to form a plan to get out relatively unscathed. There were too many to take out and using a gun was out of the question. The only way out of the horde, was to walk through them.

“Sorry lix, I think we’re gonna have to do the thing,”

Felix makes a face but reluctantly agrees. You don’t know how long the horde is going to linger and it’s best if you’re home before night falls, lest any of the boys go stir crazy that you haven’t returned.

You drag one of the dead bodies over to the other two, using a pocket knife to slit the belly of the corpse. It’s guts spill out and pool onto the floor and Felix can’t help the gag deep in his throat, the poor boy had never quite gotten used to the putrid smell of the dead. You pull the freckled boy down, moving to cover his face with what you guys had started calling zombie goo. Not exactly the most creative name, but the only thing your combined one brain cell could think of.

The smell had kept the zombies away, registering you as one of them. It was your least favorite thing to do, but it worked and it was your best bet right now.

You turn to do the same thing to Changbin while Felix continues to rub the remnants of the zombie all over his shirt and jeans. Your clothes would be ruined but it was worth it if you could get through the horde unscathed. Felix does your face for you, his tiny fingers decorating your cheeks with an unidentified fluid that you were completely fine never knowing.

The three of you make your way slowly through the horde, deadly silent in fear that the dead amongst you will figure out you’re not one of them. It’s nerve wracking, to be so close to the things that can kill you in one bite, turning you into one of them. You’re reminded of your vivid nightmares, ones where you turn into a zombie and end up eating your friends. You’d wake up with the taste of blood on your tongue but it was your own, having bitten your lip too hard in your sleep.

Pushing away those horrid nightmares from your brain, you instead think about who you’re going home to. Jeongin and Seungmin, the rest of the boys who are waiting for you to return. It’s the only thing that keeps you going, so you push forward no matter how hard it feels.

A scream pulls you out of your thoughts completely and your whole body goes cold. It terrifies you to even look behind you because you know that scream. There’s pure terror in their deep voice. You turn to see that Felix has been tripped by a stray zombie on the ground, its bony fingers wrapped around his ankle as it pulls the boy down onto the concrete with a loud slam. Felix is pulling desperately in an attempt to yank his foot out of the zombie’s grip but it’s too late, teeth sinking into his leg. Felix lets out another deafening scream. This time the horde stops and turns towards the blonde, now making their way to where they can smell fresh blood.

“No! No!” Felix cries become more desperate, calling out to you and Changbin. “Help! Help! Oh god. . .Fuck! No! Please!” Changbin is frozen next to you and soon you can no longer even see Felix, the zombies crowding around their new victim. The squelch of blood and flesh being torn echoes in your ears. You know you’ll hear it in your nightmares.

Felix doesn’t stop screaming, even as you can hear him starting to struggle with his words, choking on his own blood. He all but begs and pleads for his life, desperate words that mean nothing to the zombies that eat away at his body. You have to look away or at least do something to help. But you can’t. You’re paralyzed in your spot watching in horror as you listen to your friend die. Felix. Yongbok. The sunshine boy, who with a smile on his face told everyone everyday without fail that they were all still alive. That we were surviving. That things will be okay as long as we’re together.

And now he was dead.

Changbin takes one step forward and you wrap your hand around his wrist, trying to pull him back.

“Bin…He’s dead,” The words feel hard to get out, they still don’t feel real. Changbin only shakes his head at you, trying to wiggle out of your grip. “Changbin! It’s too late!” You beg the boy, tears starting to run down your cheeks. He yanks his arm out of your grasp before pushing his backpack into your hands. “What are you doing?” You want to scream at him, yell at him but your voice only comes out broken and cracked.

“I can’t. I won’t…I’m sorry. I won’t let him die alone,” It’s Changbin’s last words to you as you watch him willingly get swallowed by the horde.

The only thing you can do is watch in disbelief. And you hate it. How many times were you going to have to just stand there and watch your friends die? Helpless to be able to do anything. It was Changbin’s choice but you had let him do it, you had let him basically kill himself.

It takes everything in you to finally turn around and begin the trek back to the safe house. Your feet feel heavy as you drag yourself away from your two friends.

Changbin pushes his way through the zombies as they try to grab at him but he doesn’t even care, he just knows he has to get to Felix. Before he’s gone. When he finally reaches Felix he has to fight the urge to look away. His pretty blonde hair is matted with blood and his legs are completely torn into.

Somehow Felix is still alive, but just barely, as if holding on so he could see Changbin just one last time. His skin is pale, eyes completely unfocused and turning white in the zombification process. Changbin barely recognizes that the zombies are tearing into his back. He doesn’t care, not even screaming at the searing pain as he reaches out for Felix’s hand, grasping onto it tight. Felix is ice cold, fingers twitching one last time before going completely limp in Changbin’s hand.

Changbin sobs, watching the light disappear from Felix’s eyes. “…I’m here, yongbokkie. I’m here,”

Seungmin is the one who greets you when you walk through the door. It reminds you of the first day of the apocalypse, when you had made it to Bangchan’s house feeling less alive than usual.

“Jeez, you stink. Did you have to do the thing?” He questions teasingly but subtly looks you over for any injuries. At your silence the boy looks up to see red rimmed eyes and tear stained cheeks. Seungmin calls out your name but you can barely hear him, Felix’s screams are still ringing in your ear. It isn’t until you feel his warm hands against your cheeks that you finally look at him, a concerned look swimming in his eyes.

“What happened?” That’s all it takes for you to break down, throwing yourself at the boy. Seungmin catches you and lowers you gently to the floor as you lean into his chest, sobbing. You shake your head vehemently, trying to deny the truth that you had seen with your eyes. Seungmin isn’t sure what to do, hands stroking softly at your back. Your loud cries alert everyone else and it doesn’t take long before they all come bounding into the entryway.

“…where’s Changbin and Felix?” The words are stuck in your throat, guilt weighing heavily against your chest, suffocating you.

It’s rather obvious of what has occurred. You coming home hysterical and without the other two, it’s not that hard to come to conclusions. Slowly the boys dissipate to grieve and process the news on their own but Seungmin doesn’t leave your side, even for a second. He lets you ruin the shirt he’s wearing with your wet tears and snot. Eventually Jeongin takes his spot and if possible you cling even harder to the younger boy.

You babble on about how it’s all your fault, how you should have at least tried to convince Changbin to not go. How maybe if you were in the back instead of the front, Felix would still be alive. Jeongin just holds you a little more tighter.

The rest of the night is a blur, vaguely remembering someone feeding you in order to get some semblance of food down your throat and the worlds hottest shower, all but burning your skin as some sort of punishment to yourself.

You’re tucked up in bed with Jeongin, a common occurrence as the two of you seek comfort in one another most nights. Usually it’s you who is doing the reassuring, petting Jeongin’s head and spewing empty promises that everything would be fine. Both of you knew it was lies but the words did their purpose.

Jeongin runs his fingers through your hair, helping to lull you to sleep. With heavy eyelids you give the boy one more glance before letting them fall shut. Exhaustion hits you all at once, both physically and mentally tired.

“Jeongin?” He hums. “You’ll never leave me right?” Your words are slightly slurred with sleep before you succumb to the temporary bliss of being unconscious. He glances over at you with sad eyes, running his thumb over your cheeks. They’re starting to sink in, the lack of a proper diet was starting to show - even on Jisung who has always had full cheeks.

A sigh falls from his lips before he leans in to presses a shaky kiss to your forehead. Jeongin doesn’t think he can keep this promise. No. He knows.

“I’m so sorry,”

You wake up to the sound of a gun shot.

It rattles you awake, heart threatening to rip right out of your chest. Your body moves on it’s own as you follow the noise down to the living room, pulse ringing in your ears and anxiety seeping into your veins. The loud sound of your footsteps against the stairs alert the boys who are already gathered around.

“Shit, get them away from here!” Hyunjin hisses and Minho is quick to try to push you back up the stairs. It only further annoys you, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Bro, what the fuck? What’s going on?” You growl, annoyed with the sudden secrecy from your friends. Sleep muddles your brain, swatting at Minho for him to get out of your way. You can see Seungmin on the couch, face buried in his hands. His shoulder shake and you can vaguely hear his quiet sobs. “Seriously, what is-“

Then you see the body and you’re pretty sure you can feel your heart physically breaking. Your knees buckle underneath you, sending you crashing to the ground.

Jeongin is laid across the ground, blood splattered across the carpet and a gun in his hand.

With shaky hands you reach out towards the boy, your fingers pressing to his pulse point. It’s useless, he’s dead but your brain refuses to believe it. Your hands move to cup his cheeks and the way his head lulls backwards in your hands makes you sick. Jeongin has already gone cold and all you wanna do is bundle him up in a blanket until he’s warm again. You pull his head to your chest. Blood continues to spill from the hole in his head but you don’t care, nor do you care that you’re getting his blood all over your clothes.

The boys are looking away from you, dealing with their own pain as you rock the lifeless body in your arms. Small broken whimpers fall from your lips and silent tears run down your cheeks. You want to all but scream, yell at the world for taking Jeongin away from you but your throat is too raw. It feels like you’ve sat here for hours just crying and clutching the boy to you, your eyes have long gone dry, completely bloodshot.

Something in you snaps, perhaps your sanity, as you drop Jeongin to the ground. The sound alerts the boys to your actions, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. When you make a lunge for the gun, various voices are screaming at you, all of them throwing themselves at you. Minho kicks the gun out of your hand as Hyunjin and Jisung push you to the ground. They don’t mean to be so rough with you but you’re clearly not in the right headspace, if they have to rough you up a little to get you to think straight, they’ll do it.

You fight against them, screaming and sobbing while trying to push Jisung off of you and grabbing at Hyunjin’s hair, the latter hissing at you. The three of you are all but wrestling on the floor, swearing at the two boys who are trying to subdue you. Your own voice rings in your ears, yet somehow you manage to hear Seungmin’s quiet call of your name.

His effect on you is immediate, stopping the attack against your friends before glancing up at the boy who has come closer to you. His voice is surprisingly even, nothing giving away to the turmoil in his heart. Jisung and Hyunjin pull away from you when they notice that you seem to have calmed down for now, watching the other boy intensely.

Seungmin replaces them as he comes to kneel in front of you, bringing his large hands to cup at your smaller face.

“Please…” Seungmin begs, his voice finally breaking “Don’t. You- You can’t leave me too, okay? I need you,” It’s the way he emphasizes the word need that has your attention.

The other three can see that the two of you need a moment, they move to lift Jeongin’s body and carries him out to the back to be properly buried. Minho doesn’t forget to take the gun with him, lest you decide to try again to follow your best friend.

You sniffle pathetically as you glance into Seungmin’s pretty eyes, which are practically baring his soul to you. You have to look away from his gaze, head shaking softly and hands coming to grab at his shirt.

“Why?” Your voice is croaks, hoarse from screaming. “Why? Why? Why?” You repeat over and over again, almost like a mantra. It’s the only thing in your head. Why would anyone ever need you? Especially someone like Seungmin.

“Because I love you,”

He says it so simply and your head snaps up so fast that Seungmin worries that you might have given yourself whiplash. Your eyes search his, trying to find any trace of a lie but you know that you won’t find one. Seungmin has never lied to you. He can see the small sparkle in your eyes, the sliver of hope you carry.

“You know that right? That I love you?” He murmurs as he comes impossibly closer, noses touching and you can feel his warm breath against your chapped lips.

You let out a shaky exhale. “You…You do?” Your voice is no higher than a whisper, as if you spoke it louder it wouldn’t be true. He lets out a soft huff of laughter. You had always adored his laugh, especially the evil laugh he would let out when he was being a menace. It was one of your favorite things about him. The other being his smile, even when he had braces. He had found them dorky and ugly, but you just thought he had looked just as handsome with the metal.

Seungmin tucks some hair behind your ears, looking down at you fondly. “I do. So much,” He leans in just an inch so he can finally press his lips to yours. It’s just a quick peck, both of your lips are far to dry to have an enjoyable kiss at the moment, but he couldn’t hold back anymore.

When he pulls back he notices that you’ve shed a few more tears and he can only hope that they’re happy ones, even with your current situation. He wipes them away with his thumb.

“Minnie,” He hums in response. “Promise me. Promise me right now that you will never leave my side,” Your tone has an edge of desperation to it. Even if it’s impossible you need to hear him say it. Even if he has to lie to you for the first time.

Seungmin leans in to press a kiss to your forehead before keeping them pressed together. “I promise. It’s you and me. Until the very end,”

After spending a few more moments together the two of you finally make your way towards the backyard. Jeongin looks peaceful inside the hole Minho had dug for him, hands held together with some flowers you assume Hyunjin had picked for him. It’s the only consolation you have - Jeongin is no longer in pain, he’s in a much better place now. He’s with his hyungs.

They would take care of him now.

You have to look away as they begin to fill the hole with dirt, burying your face into Seungmin’s chest. You can’t bear to watch, the finalization that your best friend is not coming back.

Jeongin is gone.

And he took half of your heart and the broken strings of your sanity with him.

When you walk into the kitchen the next morning, clad in only Seungmin’s shirt, both Jisung and Hyunjin give you identical smirks behind their cup of coffee. You roll your eyes at dumb and dumber, flipping them off as you grab your own serving of caffeine. Your reaction only spurs them on as they giggle manically.

“God you two are annoying,”

“Yeah and you’re loud,” Hyunjin snickers and Jisung has the audacity to laugh. Your cheeks turn red as you clear your throat, trying to look like their words had no effect on you.

“You’re one to talk Jisung, pretty sure you woke up everyone that one night,” You quip back and the boy practically chokes on his drink. Hyunjin wacks him on the back, now giggling at the expense of the other.

“The point is. We’re happy for you. It’s about damn time. Can’t believe it took the literal end of the world though,”

“Yeah, I thought I was gonna die with all this mutual pinning and constant heart eyes,”

You roll your eyes again at their antics but your smile gives away just how fond of them you are and even if they’re annoying you’re happy to know that they’re happy for you. Except for when Seungmin waddles into the kitchen half asleep and no shirt on, coming over to you to lean his whole body weight on you. Your cheeks flare up once again and it makes the two boys holler at your reaction. Both you and Seungmin flip them off.

“Ugh, actually I take it back. This is a bad idea, you two are basically the same,”

Seungmin lets out a soft laugh before pressing a kiss to your temple, finally moving off you to make a cup of coffee. You simply observe him, watching as he swipes at Jisung for probably saying something stupid and Hyunjin’s high pitched laugh echoes in the room. A smile graces your lips.

It’s for just a moment that you think that everything is going to be ok.

Of course, the world loves proving you wrong.

A week goes by without any bumps, things falling back into place slowly after Jeongin’s death. Seungmin can’t quite explain it but something still feels wrong, this nagging feeling in the back of his brain. On more than one occasion he’d find you in the bedroom you two shared now, sitting on the edge and just staring at the wall, eyes glassed over. It was like you were a million miles away. You couldn’t even hear him when he’d call out your name several times until he has to shake you back into your body.

Every single time you’d tell him you were ok, just tired but Seungmin didn’t believe you. If he’s honest, he’s scared. He can’t help but feel like he’s losing you even when you’re right in front of him. Something dark is trying to take you away from him, but he’ll be damned if he lets that happen.

Things get worse though.

Tensions have been running high. You easily snap at the smallest things, the slightest inconvenience sends you reeling. Seungmin is the only one who can calm you down, the boys practically avoiding you when you’re about to blow. On days like this he feels like his grip on you slips even more.

Not only that but Jisung and Hyunjin have been at each others throats nonstop. It reminds you of freshman year of high school, when the two boys could not get along, constantly bickering and fighting. It had nearly torn your friend group apart.

So you’re not surprised to come back home from a quick supply run with Seungmin to a yelling match between the two of them. Dumb insults are being thrown around and you are sure that there is an even dumber reason as to why they were fighting.

Minho is off to the side, fingers pinching at the bridge of his nose and his eyes squeezed shut. You can tell the older is so done with the two of them, having probably already tried to stop them but had all but given up.

The two are in each others faces, guns waving around in an unsafe manner as they practically spit in each others faces.

“What the fuck is going on,” You cut them off, your voice piercing. You want to make it clear that you are not in the mood to deal with this.

“Fuck you Han Jisung,” They ignore you, continuing their fight as if you had never even entered the room.

“You’d like to wouldn’t you? Is that why you’re always trying to pick a fight? This isn’t how you get someone in bed with you Hwang Hyunjin,”

Hyunjin’s nostrils flare as he pushes Jisung back harshly. You’re starting to get real annoyed at their childish fight. They were being so loud you wouldn’t be surprised if zombies started showing up at their ruckus. You’re about to tell them to cut it out before a gunshot rings out, startling everyone in the room. You flinch and instinctively duck at the sound. Seungmin quickly throws himself over to you, hugging your frame to his body in order to shield you.

But when you look up it’s not you who has been shot. Hyunjin is still standing somehow, a hand pressing to his neck but it does nothing to stop his blood from spurting from the wound. His eyes are blown wide in shock, staring at Jisung in disbelief. The latter has already dropped the gun, having gone white as a sheet, his hands trembling.

Hyunjin seems to be trying to say something but the only thing coming out is gurgles and broken words, but you’re pretty sure everyone can hear the strained ‘Jisung’ that slips from his blood stained lips. It doesn’t take long before his strength leaves his body, falling to the ground, dead.

The room is deadly silent in the aftermath. No one moves a single inch.

“I’m- oh my god. Fuck I. I thought the safety was on. I didn’t. I didn’t think. I- Oh my god,” Jisung beings to ramble, his voice wavering in disbelief at what has just happened. He’s on the verge of a panic attack or a mental break down. Minho attempts to reach out to him to try and comfort him but Jisung simply slaps his hand away, scared that he might kill the older on accident too.

You make your way over to Jisung, no emotion showing on your face, nothing to give away what exactly is going on in your mind. In fact, there’s only one thing on your mind when you pull the gun out from your holster, pushing it into Jisung’s temple.

His eyes go wide, shaking his head as he pleads for his life. “Wait. No. You can’t be s-serious! It was an accident! I didn’t. I did-“ You don’t have time to hear his excuses. Your friend is dead on the floor over some arbitrary argument. In your jumbled mind, this is the only thing that makes sense.

You pull the trigger.

Jisung flops dead next to Hyunjin and the next thing your brain registers is Minho slapping the gun out of your hand. It feels oddly like deja vu and you’re brought back to the vivid memories of Jeongin’s death. Minho’s fingers are curled into the collar of your shirt, rage overtaking his features.

“WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU,” He shakes you rather violently in his grasp. You still haven’t shown a single emotion on your face.

“Hm? What do you mean? Jisung killed Hyunjin, so therefore we should put Jisung down. Isn’t that only fair?”

“Fair? Do you fucking hear yourself? You just killed Jisung for no reason!”

“And didn’t Jisung just kill Hyunjin for no reason?”

“So what? We just go around killing friends if they make a mistake?”

“A mistake that cost another one of our friends lives,”

“So what you’re saying is that we should have put a bullet in your brain the moment you didn’t come back home with Felix and Changbin?” Your eyes narrow dangerously, snarling at the male in front of you.

“How was that my fucking fault? Felix was tripped by a zombie and Changbin went back after him. That was HIS choice. You can’t blame me for that” Minho looks like he’s seconds from strangling you. So you make it worse, something you were good at. “what are you so fucking mad for? Upset you can’t get your dick wet anymore?”

Minho slaps you straight across the face. You know you deserve it.

“Fuck you, you crazy fucking bitch,” Minho spits in your face before pushing you back, stomping away.

Even though he had hit you with as much strength as he could, you can barely feel where he had struck you. Your body is all too numb to register anything.

Seungmin has been eerily quiet this whole time, not saying anything until he comes over to you, wrapping his arms around your middle to pull you flush to his chest. Your head falls back onto his shoulder, staring at the white ceiling.

“Do you think I’m crazy Min?” Your voice is quiet, a distinct tiredness laced under your words.

“You did what you had to do love,” He mutters, pressing a kiss to your temple.

You both know he didn’t answer the question.

It doesn’t even surprise you when you find Minho gone the next day, half of your supplies missing. You can’t find it in you to even care, he could have taken everything if he really wanted to. You’re sat on the edge of the bed with Seungmin beside you, your eyes foggy as you stare at the white wall. He’s got your hand in his lap, thumb tracing over your knuckles.

Seungmin can no longer ignore the fact that the person he had fallen in love with was gone. Lost somewhere inside the recesses of your brain, tangled in the strings of your sanity. Still, Seungmin is so deeply and irrevocably in love with you. That would never change. No matter how far you fall, he’d be there to pick you up.

Besides, he knows it’s not your fault. You’ve been pushed too far, past the point of no return.

You know it too. How many times have you told Seungmin to just leave? That there was no way he could be in love with the person you had become. Seungmin would be better off by himself, far away from you. But he’d just hold you a little tighter, run a hand through your hair and whisper how much he loved you. The two of you would spend hours like this, wrapped up in each other, trying to pretend the world outside didn’t exist anymore.

In the end you didn’t really want him to leave. You were too selfish. You need Seungmin.

And he needs you just as much. Which is why he easily agrees to your little plan.

The two of you find yourselves on the roof of the nearest tallest building, standing mere inches away from the ledge. You watch as the sun sets, an orange red glowing in the sky. Had you not known the earth was all but doomed, you’d find it beautiful. Especially for your last moments.

You turn to face Seungmin, only to find he’s already looking at you, that adoring look in his eyes. It makes you wonder how he can still look at you like that, when you’re making him do something like this.

“Are you sure?” You ask, voice rough. Though if you were honest, everything about you was rough now. Tangled hair, sunken in cheekbones and permanent dark circles under your eyes. The clothes around your frame were baggy from how much weight you had lost since this all started. Seungmin still finds you beautiful.

He comes over to slide his palm against your jaw and you lean instinctively into his warm touch. It amazes you that his simple touch could bring you so much comfort.

“Of course,” And he says it with such conviction that you don’t argue. You’re far too tired to argue anyways. As selfish as it is, you don’t think you could do it without Seungmin anyway.

Seungmin’s watching you intently, stroking your cheeks. He knows how tired you are, how much pain you’re in, to the point where you just want everything to stop. You’ve suffered so much, the burden of being their leader was too heavy for you alone to carry. Despite the circumstances, Seungmin thinks you had been a good leader, you had done the best you could. You had sacrificed everything for them, including your sanity. Seungmin is proud of you. He always would be.

All Seungmin wants is for you to be happy. He’d give you the whole world if it hadn’t gone to utter shit.

So if this is what you need? If this is what it takes for you to finally be at peace? Then he’ll do it. He’d do anything for you.

Seungmin pulls your face forward, slotting his lips against yours. You wrap your arms around him, letting your head tilt to deepen the embrace, making sure he can feel all the love you have for him pouring into him. Until it seeps into his bones. Because you know. You both know that it’s your last.

Seungmin had made love to you earlier, after the two of you agreed on the plan. You both had needed it, wanted it. It was just another last thing you two would do together. The way he held you afterwards had made you cry, how he held you like you were the most precious thing to him in the world. It had made you feel guilty, that you just couldn’t bring yourself to continue going on. Seungmin knew, and he could never be so selfish to make you go on when you simply couldn’t.

Besides, he was selfish himself. Seungmin doesn’t think he can bear watching you further lose yourself to the darkness.

The two of you pull away and you slide your hand into his. He gives your conjoined hands a gentle squeeze. Even now he’s still reassuring you. The two of you step up on the edge, the sun having just fallen over the horizon.

Seungmin feels oddly at peace, standing here with you. At least he was putting his fate into his own hands and there was no one he’d rather be with then you in this moment.

Because at the end, it was Seungmin who had stayed with you. Who had promised you forever and Seungmin has never lied to you.

“Minnie?���

He hums in response.

“I love you,”

“I love you too. Until the very end,”

Both of you lean forward.

[sunshinebarbie]

reckless

pairing: Seungmin x reader warnings: language, arguing, angry Seungmin, angst, violent chopping of vegetables, mentions of a knife (nothing violent with it besides the vegetable chopping) words: 3,505

a/n: so i know i haven't updated my two long-awaited stories, but i wanted do something for now to keep you all entertained. hopefully it keeps you all occupied until i can get the next parts to my other stories updated. enjoy!

the clock on the bed stand hit another hour. you turned around already knowing that his side of the bed would be empty. you tugged the blanket up further burying yourself into a cocoon of warmth.  

your phone chimed illuminating the ceiling and the sound of the “ping” echoed in the darkness of the room. throwing the blanket off you reached for your phone hoping it was him. instead it was Jeongin. you frowned and opened the text, it took a second to load and you felt your stomach clench.  

“just thought i owed it to you.” his text followed. you scrolled up to the picture again and pressed to enlarge. yes, it was him. your boyfriend of three years Seungmin with his face nuzzled into the neck of his “friend”.  

“where are you!?” you quickly texted Jeongin. the message was delivered and read. after a long minute you texted again. “he said he was going to your place and you were both going to a friends’ is that the friend!?” the message was delivered and read again. still there was no reply.  

“Jeongin!” you texted after a long second, the message was undelivered. you felt your body go numb. the screen of your phone went black leaving you in complete darkness. You stared into the darkness at the ceiling, your thoughts racing. Reaching over to the lamp you clicked it on and swung your feet off the side of the bed.  

You walked over to the main switch and turned it on illuminating the whole room. you couldn’t possibly sleep now. slowly you paced the room, your thumbnail tucked between your teeth as you tried to figure out your next move. you walked over to your phone and pulled up Seungmin’s number. Your fingers hovered over the keyboard as you thought of a text to send.  

It could be full of venom, the scorned girlfriend with rants of “you cheater” or “it’s over”. or you could go the oblivious girlfriend who is still patiently waiting for her boyfriend to come home to her with texts of “when are you coming home?”. Instead you put your phone facedown on the bed and walked to the closet.  

Your first initial thought was “start packing, don’t give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry” slowly you began to pull items from the top shelves of closet. Empty boxes mostly, all in high places that only Seungmin could reach. you bit your lower lip and spotted the exact box you were looking for. it was a vintage Godiva chocolate tin. A gift from your grandmother that she filled with love letters and small tokens of love that were given to her by your grandpa or were collected over the many happy years they spent together.  

As you knocked it off the shelf you could hear the contents shuffle inside. You sat on the floor of the closet and lifted the lid. The letters and trinkets were now replaced with those of yours and Seungmin’s. Three years all placed delicately in the box that was once filled with fifty plus years of love. 

Your fingertips grazed the contents as you shifted the items finally spotting the one that felt like it was calling you. A simple lined paper that was ripped out of a notebook. Slowly you pulled apart the folds, the paper was thin from the many times you unfolded and refolded the paper over and over again, three years of unfolding and refolding.  

Your eyes skimmed the words, you could recite this entire letter word by word. It was the very first love letter Seungmin ever wrote to you. He was working hard on a new album with his group and had to stay at the dorms more than he would like. It was the beginning of your relationship, and he couldn’t leave you alone for a minute. His fear that you would grow tiresome of his job and move on had him writing to you every moment of free time he could spare. 

Your eyes skimmed until you found the sentence you were looking for… “I'm pretty sure I found my forever in you… I just confirmed it with I.N, you’re the only girl I want in my life. forever.” a salty tear drop fell on the paper soaking into the ink and distorting the word that hit you most “forever”. you sniffled and closed the paper you couldn’t stomach anymore.  

You quickly folded the paper back up and placed it back into the tin, as you reached for another one you could hear the key scrapping against the metal of the deadlock. Seungmin stumbled in and slurred something, he was drunk. You quickly tossed the boxes back up on the shelf along with the tin and hurried out of the closet. You could hear him stumbling in the kitchen looking for the fridge. You turned off the lights and hurried under the covers. 

As you steadied your breath Seungmin entered the room. He was cursing swears under his breath. He unzipped his pants and yanked them down to a pool around his ankles. He nearly tripped over the thick fabric pile as he stepped out. You could hear him fumble around fighting for freedom from his jeans until he was laying in the bed in nothing but his boxers, and hoodie.  

“babe?” Seungmin slurred a pet name for you which you never heard ever, since the three years you been together. You shift your shoulders giving the false appearance that he is disturbing your slumber. “I missed you so much” he sighed as he wrapped his arms around your body. You could feel his lips nuzzle into your neck. He pressed a sloppy kiss against the nape, giving the feeling of more of a snake bite than a loving kiss, because you knew his lips were on another’s neck merely an hour ago. You could smell the alcohol that radiated off his breath and skin as he snuggled closer to you. 

“babe, you should come with us next time” he yawned. “I missed you too much.” You shifted your shoulders again only for him to pull you closer to his chest. His cheek pressed softly against your ear. “I love you.” he slurred before falling into a deep alcohol induced slumber. 

The next morning you left some water and electrolyte water enhancer by his bedstand. You cooked him a simple breakfast of bacon, of course a lot of eggs, and some toast. You placed down some aspirin on the counter knowing he was going to need it after he ate his breakfast. Seungmin entered the kitchen, his lips wrapped around the rim of the glass of water you left for him. “what did you cook?” he asked almost coldly. “hangover special” you teased. Seungmin looked at the time and nearly choked on his water. “is that time right?!” he pointed to the clock on the stove. “yeah.” you replied. “you couldn’t wake me up earlier? I need to be at the JYPE building in five minutes! We’re supposed to go live to promote our comeback.” he hurried to the bedroom. 

You listened to him stumble around and cursing up a storm. He finally emerged from the room and slammed what was left of his water before grabbing the aspirin. “you aren’t going to eat?” you asked and pointed to his already made plate. “does it look like I have time to eat?” he snapped back and hurried out the door. 

You looked at the plate and felt a rage consume your insides. You grabbed the plate and tossed it into the trash can with enough force that it cracked the entire ceramic disk into three big chunks on impact. “I bet he doesn’t talk to his friend like this.” you scoffed as you started to clean up the kitchen before leaving to your part-time job. 

It was hard enough focusing on work, the picture I.N sent you was seared into your brain. Even when you closed your eyes to take deep breaths you could see it. You could only recall all the times he would hurry out of the apartment whenever his phone chimed, was he going to see her?. What about whenever you asked if you could tag along with him on his nights out and he would say you wouldn’t like it, was it because he wanted to be alone with her? Thinking about it too much made you nauseous, finally it was time to clock out.  

You arrived back at the apartment. Seungmin wasn’t back yet, you walked into the kitchen and began to pull items from the fridge and pantry to get dinner started. At least in the kitchen you could take out your aggression on the ingredients and not on Seungmin or his friend. You were chopping the veggies up when you heard Seungmin come back. He looked exhausted, and mostly in agony probably regretting having so much to drink last night.  

“hey, how was the live?” you asked as you checked the meat in the oven. “i missed it.” he sighed. “and I got my ass chewed out for that.” he added. “well, maybe dinner will make you feel better, I’m making your favorite.” you smiled. “i don’t like oven baked chicken.” he scrunched his nose before leaving to the room after seeing a message appear on his phone. You could feel that same rage boiling up again, but you ignored it, excusing his attitude since he was having a bad day. 

Seungmin returned to the kitchen moments later in a new outfit. He started to search the kitchen cabinets and slamming them, making you irritated by his carelessness. “did you pick up any banana kicks?” he frowned looking in the cabinet. “they didn’t have any at the store, but I did get some turtle chips.” you pointed to the bag. “yeah because those are the exact same thing.” he rolled his eyes before slamming the cabinet again. You bit your tongue, you wanted to blurt out “well I bet your friend has all your favorite snacks stocked up right?” but instead you continued to chop up the veggies for the salad.  

“as usual there is nothing here.” Seungmin gripped as he walked past you while typing on his phone. You put the knife down on the countertop and exhaled a deep breath. You went to the sink and started to rinse the stalk of broccoli. As you looked up at your reflection on the window you couldn’t help but transport back to when you and Seungmin first moved into the apartment. Well, you were living there a month before him but he insisted moving in with you because he couldn’t stand being away from you for too long. You remembered how he helped you cook your first ever meal in the house while living together. You could feel him standing behind you, his arms wrapped around your body as he pressed kisses on your exposed skin. You could almost hear the laughter that filled the atmosphere as he poured you both large glasses of wine to enjoy while you both waited for your masterpiece to finish cooking. 

“when’s dinner going to be ready?” Seungmin reentered the kitchen pulling you out of your memory. “in another 20 minutes or so.” you replied as you turned off the sink and went back to your place by the cutting board. “a pizza will be here in that same amount of time and it will be ready to eat.” he commented as he shoved his phone in his pocket. That was the final straw for you, the Seungmin in your memory, in the tin box upstairs was long gone, and the cause? Was likely he was out of love with you and in love with someone new.  

“hey, babe. Can you give me that bowl of broccoli in the sink, I was just washing them.” you looked up at Seungmin as you chopped into the veggies on the cutting board. “Babe?” Seungmin furrowed his eyebrows. “yeah, babe.” you forced and icy smile. “don’t you like that name?” you forced a chop making a loud tap against the wooden board. “no.” Seungmin replied coldly as he put the bowl of broccoli in front of you.  

The silence was as thick as the air in the kitchen as Seungmin found a place on the other side of the island parallel to you. He picked at the bowl of fruit trying to find one that he wanted to snack on while you cooked dinner. “babe.” you bit the tip of your tongue trying to stifle your chuckle. You grabbed one stalk of broccoli and chopped into the vegetable. “can I ask you a question.” you began to force your chops once again. “what?” Seungmin sighed dropping the fruit in his hand back into the bowl.  

“are you-” you gulped trying to find the courage you had a minute ago when you were calling him the nickname he clearly hated. Seungmin raised his eyebrows waiting for you to spit out your question. “are you fucking your friend?” you asked and looked up at him with a stone face.  

“what??” Seungmin’s face twisted with confusion. “are you deaf suddenly?” you stabbed the tip of the knife into the wooden board. Seungmin was speechless, or scared either way he knew he was caught. “are you fucking your friend?” you asked again this time asking more slowly. You pulled the knife from the board and set it down on the countertop. You could feel your anger boiling in your stomach, like a bottle of soda filled with mentos. You held it down best you could, because you wanted an explanation before blowing up.  

Seungmin was quiet, he approached the counter cautiously and leaned against the edge. Seungmin stared blankly at the marble countertop, his palms resting on the cool surface. “Well?” Your lower lip trembled. Seungmin sighed as he dropped his head, a hot breath exhaled from his closed lips as he cleared his throat to finally speak. “I fucking hate these countertops” he mumbled quietly.  

“That’s it!?” You finally felt the anger escape the bottle in your stomach. “The fucking counter tops!?” Seungmin watched the cutting board of chopped veggies fly across the counter until it hit the wall. You made your way around the island and stood on your toes in front of him.  

“Who cares about the fucking counter tops!” You shoved Seungmin with whatever strength you had, not even moving him an inch. “Are you or are you not sleeping with your friend!?” You pushed him again. Seungmin looked away avoiding eye contact with you. He shook his head back and forth before taking a deep breath. “I never slept with her, but I have thought about it” he replied honestly and that hurt more than him actually doing it. “But we made out a few times” he looked at you, his eyes empty and heartless.  

“Made out? What are you guys middle school kids!?” You felt the tears drizzling down your face and gathering in pools under your chin. Seungmin turned away, refusing to see your tears, knowing damn well that he couldn’t threaten whoever caused them because he was the reason. Seungmin retreated to your shared bedroom, but you followed closely.  

“don’t worry about her y/n” you exclaimed as you followed him. “you’re the only girl for me.” you continued until you were both in the room. “does that sound familiar?” your voice trembled. “just drop it okay?!” Seungmin snapped back. “i won’t see any of my friends anymore if that’s what you want!” “you would like that wouldn’t you? Just me and you no one else, just isolated but hey as long as you’re happy and not insecure right?!” Seungmin’s words dripped with venom.  

“you are an asshole Kim Seungmin.” you sniffled and wiped away the tears that were falling down your face. “and you and your friend can both go to hell.” you spat before turning away and heading straight to the share dresser. “ladies and gentlemen we have reached the climax, where y/n packs her stuff and leaves.” Seungmin shouted to an invisible audience. “you’re not going anywhere.” he challenged. “you’re right.” you replied as you continued to throw items on the floor. You turned to Seungmin and kicked the pile towards his feet. “you’re the one who is going.”  

Seungmin looked down at the pile of clothes and identified his shirts, sweats and hoodies. “like hell.” he replied. “i put the money down for this apartment, it’s in my name, and I was the one who picked those counter tops!” you argued back. “now get the fuck out.” you walked to the closet and started to toss out his shoes. “and where do you expect me to go?” he started to pick up his things from the floor. “the dorms? Your friend’s? A hotel? To Hell?!, I don’t care.” you replied coldly. As you pulled down his duffle bag from the top shelf of the closet you pulled down the boxes you shoved back up there last night. 

Everything collapsed down around your feet, you tossed the duffle bag out to him and noticed the lid to the tin popped open, spilling the contents under the empty shoe boxes and hangers from the stuff you ripped off the rod that belonged to Seungmin. You leaned down and picked up some of the paper items before leaving the closet. Seungmin was trying to pick up his items as quickly as you were tossing them out.  

“you’re acting crazy y/n” Seungmin grunted as he shoved everything in the duffle bag you threw out to him. “then go be with someone who is sane.” you walked out of the room and into the living room. Seungmin was behind you, the dufflebag spilled out his clothing and shoes he tried to stuff in, in a hurry. You opened the door and pointed outside, the cold air of the night sending a chill down your spine. “get out.” you instructed. “you’re only going to call me in an hour after you cool off.” he raised an eyebrow. “fat chance.” you argued back. “get out!” you shouted again this time earning a look from the neighbor who was barely coming home.  

Seungmin put his shoes on and walked out the door. “you’re making a mistake y/n” he turned to face you again. “i don’t think so.” you pulled the papers in your hand up so he can see them. You ripped them down the middle before shoving them against his chest and slamming the door shut. Seungmin looked at the papers you just shoved into him and watched them fall to his feet. 

He was about to turn away and just leave it for you to clean up. Until he saw the one that unfolded upon being shoved into him. “you’re Green Tea Bon Deliceaux everyday of the week, and I can’t get enough of you-” the partially ripped paper read. Seungmin dropped his duffle and started to pick up the pieces of paper, his fingers swiped through the pile before finding the other half. “-you’re my favorite person, the only girl for me and I know it’s early to say but I love you.”  

Seungmin felt the dry lump in his throat realizing that the papers that were ripped by his feet and tossed out like trash were some of the letters he wrote to you every night while he was away from you on tour, on mandatory dorm overnights, or while he was having long days at the company building and just missed you. Seungmin gathered the papers and shoved them into the duffle bag, he stepped forward, his fingers balled into a fist hovering over the door. He wanted to knock, he wanted to knock until you grew tired of his knocking and answered. When you answered he wanted to wrap you in his arms and hold you tight enough and plead and beg for your forgiveness, he wanted to recite every letter for you over and over because he could remember each one from heart.  

Instead he stood frozen, he slowly lowered his fist and wrapped his hand around the strap of his bag before turning away and leaving down the stairs. Little to his knowing you were leaning against the door, holding your breath counting in your head the seconds it would take him to knock the door. After hitting fifty, you slowly opened the door and looked outside, he was gone, leaving no trace of his presence. 

You closed the door and brought the back of your hand to your nose as you sniffled and choked out a sob. You could feel the tears watering down your face, he was right you felt like you made the biggest mistake, you couldn’t help but feel like you just hand delivered him gifted wrapped nicely to his friend.  Yet, it wasn't all your fault completely, he was the one being reckless.

[red-airhead]

𝓢𝓹𝓮𝓬𝓲𝓪𝓵 𝓡𝓮𝓺𝓾𝓮𝓼𝓽 | 𝓚𝓲𝓶 𝓢𝓮𝓾𝓷𝓰𝓶𝓲𝓷 |

word count - 5,282

genre - smut (MINORS DNI!!!)

warnings - feminine terms, you/your pronouns, bsf! seungmin, cam girl! reader, mutual pining(?), seungmin spoils reader, swearing, sex toys, mentions of jacking off, orgasm denial, hand kink(?), dom!seungmin, sub!reader, pet names (good girl, darling, baby), pussy slapping, slight pet play, fingering, squirting, overstimulation, making out, marking, grinding, oral (m rec), face/throat fucking, dirty talk, begging, forced orgasm, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), slight belly bulge, lmk if I missed anything

You weren’t entirely sure when you had told Seungmin about your job. 

But considering that you had kept it a secret for so long during your friendship, you couldn’t hold it back anymore when it was getting harder and harder to hide the lingerie from him, especially when he’d stay the night at your place.

You had a pretty tame set up, nothing too dramatic, however you had a completely different room for it, and Seungmin was starting to get suspicious when you’d cancel plans with him when a fan of yours wanted a private room with you. 

He sat you down, and made you talk.

-a few months ago-

“What’s going on? You keep canceling pre-made plans and make up some dramatic lie.” He watched your posture shift into a slouch as you sigh. You really couldn’t hide in anymore, could you? He had you cornered.

“Guess I really can’t hide it from you any longer, can I?” You huffed out, clearing your throat as you began to avoid eye contact, something you never really did with him.

“Well…?” He edged on, raising a brow at you.

“I’m a cam girl– more simply put I d–”

“I know what they are…” He almost immediately cut you off before you could start explaining. You watched him relax into the couch, looking at how nervous you seemed.

“Are you uncomfortable with that? At all? I mean you’re my best friend. I don't want you to think I’m like a slut or something..” You began to explain, and that made his brows furrow.

“Why would I think of you as a slut? It’s your life, Y/N. You get to choose what you do for a living, and if making money with your body is what you like doing, then so be it. I wouldn’t think of you any less.” He had such a sweet smile on his face, it made your heart melt from it.

-two weeks before-

Now he was buying you things. He bought your lingerie sets, sex toys you really wanted for some time now, and he’d even watch over and kick out any creeps that showed up, ones that were majorly disrespectful and didn’t respect your boundaries.

..But watching over your lives made him hornier than he thought he’d be. Instead of watching over the entire thing, he’d end up jacking off and trying to line up his release with yours as best as possible. 

Orgasm denial after orgasm denial is what he’d do with you all while kicking people. You would’ve never known though, seeing as he’d be doing this all at his own place. 

At one point he’d even made a second account just to send you money to send out a request. 

You’d follow those requests so well that sometimes he’d cum a little sooner than expected, and it made him cum hard.

He couldn’t take it anymore personally, but there wasn’t exactly anything he could do, after all he was just your best friend, there was no way in hell that you’d ever consider doing something with him on a live.

It was a personal struggle for him too, knowing that he wasn’t the one getting you off and instead it would be the toys he’d bought you a few days prior, he’d even resort to buying a fleshlight, imagining it was you on nights that you didn’t go live. 

At one point, he even started his own account, the main account he’d use to monitor your lives soon became what he would use to release his own stuff. He’d stay faceless for a while, doing audios, talking about wanting to do a collab with someone soon. He’d have plenty of views to be popular, and even told you right when he started.

At one point you even watched his lives and his videos, and it turned you on even more knowing that those moans he’d produce would be so delicious to hear in person.

You’d never ask him though, that made you feel embarrassed if he knew that you were watching his stuff. 

Some nights, you’d find yourself touching yourself to the sound of his voice, melting with every word he’d say.

-one week before-

You were doing a live show. Seungmin was monitoring on his second account, cock in hand as he watched you fuck yourself with a purple dildo, one that he had bought for you three weeks ago. 

It turned him on so much knowing that you were using toys that he had bought for you. He hand wrapped around his length as he pumped it in pace with your hip movements, and soon when his fist wouldn’t be enough, he’d break out the fleshlight, matching the pace. He watched as your hips grinded down on the dildo, a loud moan escaping when you’d reached your g-spot, and it made him groan and throw his head back, just before quickly snapping it back as he watched you make eye contact with the camera.

“I bet you’d love for this to be you, huh? Me riding your cock, makin’ you feel– hnghh– so good underneath me.. f-fuck..”

He couldn’t take it anymore, he needed you. He needed you so bad that he couldn’t help but finally make an undeniable request. He sent so much money you were sure that his second account was rich, considering you didn’t know it was him.

“Meongmeong00! Oh my god! Thank you so much for the 2,000 tokens! Oooo and it says right here you’ve made a request!” You didn’t get off the dildo, and instead you quickly opened the message, making sure you were still on screen the entire time.

You decided to not read the message out loud, not wanting to spoil it.

Meongmeong00: Your shows are always so good, but I’m looking for more. You should do a collab, have someone fuck you for a change. You should check out PuppyM, he’s a camboy but he only does audios.

“Mmmm I can’t promise you anything meongmeong, but I can most certainly try to get in contact.” While it was a bit worrying knowing that someone had suggested you do a collab with your best friend, you decided to ignore it and finish the live. 

You had some talking with Seungmin to do, and soon.

-the evening before-

“Min,, I have something to ask, and if you’re totally weirded out you can just say no.” You started off, the both of you sat on the couch, eating whatever snacks to your heart's content as you watched your show together.

Seungmin looked at you, raising an eyebrow as he hummed in response.

“So one of my biggest supporters, meongmeong00, made a request..”

He knew exactly where this was going, and on the inside he wanted to just admit his dirty tricks, but he didn’t want to spoil it, especially with the fact you looked so cute when you were nervous, “Go on..”

“They requested that PuppyM, or more so, you, should do a collab with me..” You pulled at the hem of your (his stolen) shirt, you getting all flushed from the idea of actually having sex with him.

“Did they? Wow.. who knew two worlds would collide.” He hummed out, his voice a bit raspy from being quiet almost the entire show. 

“Min I’m serious.” 

“Oh I know.”

“So what’s your answer..?”

“Sure why not. It’d rack in views for me and you, and I’d finally do a face reveal.”

You actually couldn’t believe your ears. He said yes?

“Really? Minnie you’re the best!” You squealed, hugging him, and in order to do that you had to straddle him. Within that action he grunted but hugged back nonetheless.

You hugged him for a while, thanking him over and over again. He’d only hum in response, head peeking from your shoulder as he watched the show behind you. He was thankful that you didn’t feel the semi he had.

-the day of-

You had planned everything, you had clarified boundaries, safeword, and even decided to use the light system. You just about agreed to anything that he suggested. 

Kissing, Marking, Overstimulation, Bondage, sensory play, praise, degrading, you name it. 

In true honesty you were more than excited. The entire time you had been out that day, you had a burning sensation in your abdomen. The desire was strong, and it made you so eager to go forward in time and make the clock strike 7 o’clock. 

You had gone all out for this. You had bought new lingerie, in his favorite color purple, just to tease him even more than you needed to. You did some light makeup, knowing it would just be ruined in the end anyway.

You made sure everything was perfect, that the camera was angled perfectly, and that the room was set to your liking. 

Seungmin went all out too, he decided to dress nice, which wasn’t exactly necessary but he still did it anyway. He wore a black button up, dress pants matching. The sleeves were rolled up to the elbows, his fingers were even decorated with a few rings. He knew that he’d end up taking pictures of you, so what better way to do that then use his hands and have rings make his hands look pretty. He had his hair pushed back as well, something you absolutely loved on him. 

Neither of you were thinking of roleplay, but the way he dressed up definitely made it seem like it. He even brought a collar and leash, something new you’d never used before. 

When he showed up, your breath had stopped seeing him all dressed up.

“Well look at you, all dressed up for me?” You teased, watching him kick his shoes off at the door before walking towards you.

“I could say the same for you,, what’s underneath that nightgown of yours?” He hummed out, a finger lifting the silk fabric of the nightgown, that same finger grazing your skin, causing shivers to run up your spine.

“Hm, you’ll see..” You hummed out, walking to the room he’d never been in before.

He wasn’t expecting it to be so nicely done. The best part was the amount of options you had for him. The ties, blindfold, the toys he bought for you, even two different types of whips and a paddle. You were decked out for him.

“You said you’d want options so I broke out every toy you’ve bought along with a couple of other things you might find interesting. Did you bring anything?” You asked, pointing towards his bag.

“Oh right.. I uhm, I’m not sure you’re into it but I was thinking maybe a bit of control?” He then pulled out a collar and leash, and you clenched around nothing.

“Yeah that’s fine, like breath play?”

“I was thinking–” He paused, setting down the collar and leash and walking towards you, leaning to your ear, “Maybe some pet play?” 

Oh fuck.

“Y-Yeah we can uhm.. We can do that.” You huffed out, swallowing thickly as you watched him move back, hum, and then get ready for you to start your live.

You were sitting on the bed, watching all of your viewers come in, some you didn’t recognize in which they all, no surprise, asked where PuppyM was.

“Welcome! I’m glad all of you could make it today!” You greeted, gently waving to the screen as you shifted so your legs were crossed. You watched donations slowly pour in, and you haven’t even done anything yet.

Seungmin watching this in real life made him nervous.

“As you remember, a few weeks ago, meongmeong00 made a request, and I didn’t tell you what they requested, but as you can tell from the title.. I’ve decided on a collab!” You hummed out, leaning forward just a bit, your cleavage making itself known in the process. You could hear Seungmin shift a bit, waiting for you to signal him to come in. He had grabbed the collar and leash beforehand too.

“So, without further ado, please welcome the one and only PuppyM!” You had let a hand reach out towards Seungmin, in which he came out from hiding, humming lightly as he stayed standing, watching you move your head upwards as he walked closer. The camera was angled perfectly to wear his head cut off, but that would be pointless very very soon. 

“Thank you for inviting me to your show tonight, Y/N.” He responded, in which you hummed in response as you felt him move your hair to put the collar on you. A smile was on your face as he looked down at you.

“Of course, the more the merrier am I right?” You added, to which he nodded before sitting down and looking at the camera.

“And now they get to see my face, too.” He watched the chat go crazy with the sudden face reveal, a smirk on his face.

“I think they seem to enjoy your face, Min.” You resorted to a simple nickname that would be easy to use.

“You think so? I agree.” He replied, watching you turn your head to him. How it was so tempting to just kiss you right now.

“Well, might as well put on a show..” You hummed out, standing up and teasingly lifting your nightgown off. Oh how his heart stopped.

Purple was such a beautiful color, especially with you wearing it. He could feel his mouth water as he sat and watched you drop your nightgown on the floor. 

“Wow.. Purples a pretty color on you, darling..” He hummed out, watching you walk to the side of the bed. He moved so he could meet you by the edge of the same side. 

Your hands rested on his thighs for a moment, leaning close to him, prepared to kiss him but he stopped you.

“Uh-uh.. Sit first.” He commanded, and you could feel your knees go weak at those words. 

You quickly straddled his lap, his hands going to your hips as you looked at him from above, “Good girl.” He hummed out, and you could feel yourself get wetter.

You went back to leaning in to kiss him, his eyes fluttering shut slowly but surely. Your lips soon connected with his, your hands reaching to tangle into his hair. It was just light foreplay and you already had a small wet patch on the lace panties.

The way his lips moved on yours, the heat from his body and yours connecting and creating a great sexual tension. You could hear his shaky breaths clear as day as you kissed, sucked, and nibbled on his bottom lip. 

One hand retreated from his hair, slowly guiding down to his pants where they were greeted with a bulge in his pants. Almost instinctively you started palming, but a single word prevented you from continuing.

“Stop. Did I give you permission?” He huffed out, pulling away from the kissing as he stared at you with dark eyes. You melted under his gaze almost immediately.

“Did I need permission?” You asked, a smirk on your face, and one soon grew on him.

“Snarky, aren’t we?” He muttered out, slapping your ass, and hard. You were sure there would be a mark left as you yelped and moaned, head thrown back.

“M-Min–” You whimpered, hand retreating from his bulge.

“Hm? What’s the matter? Can’t handle it?” He teased, gently rubbing the spot he hit on your ass.

“No– I can handle it–”

“Color?”

“Green.”

He carried on with his next action, one hand retreating from your hips to greet your aching clit. A finger rubbing in a circular motion almost immediately, causing you to gasp and let out a soft moan. You almost instinctively grinded down on his hand, but knowing that the result of moving your hand to his bulge, you stopped yourself.

“Such pretty moans.. Matches a pretty face doesn’t it? Don’t you guys agree? She has such pretty moans.” He teased, his eyes never leaving you. The chat was going wild with donations and comments. 

You kept moaning when he would change the pace of his finger before stopping, it would cause you to whine but when he picked up again it was cut off and you’d go back to moaning. 

This went on for a few minutes, the continuous torture of him teasing your clit and making you want more. 

By the time he stopped, your core was aching for everything and more.

“Please Min– I need it–”

“Why don’t we be patient, darling. You’ll get what you want soon, let me have some fun and prep you yeah? You need to be able to fit all of me in you if you want the night of your life..” He teased, both hands retreating as he unhooked your lace and very mesh bra. 

Being face to face with your tits was so much better than the screen, “So beautiful.. You’re perfect..” He muttered, a hand going to one of your tits, lightly squeezing it. 

You don’t know what turned you on, the praise of all of the touching he was doing. 

“Touch me more please..” You said loud enough for everyone watching to hear, but not loud enough for the neighbors to hear you.

“Where do you want me to touch you?” And before you could even respond, his lips wrapped around your nipple, causing you to gasp and let out a shuddered moan, hands going back to his hair. 

He’d continue to play with your nipples. Sucking, swirling, nibbling, and tugging on them. He was sure that they’d be swollen and with the way you were reacting, he could get off on just that. He turned to the other one, giving the same treatment. 

He knew you wanted more, but he loved the way you were reacting even from simple foreplay. 

“I haven’t even gotten to the good bit and you’re squirming and begging for more..” He hummed out, pulling away from your nipple before pressing a sweet kiss to your lips.

Soon enough though, your clothed pussy met his clothed cock, and you began grinding down on him. With that action, it caused a strained moan to release from his lips as he pulled away.

“Fuck..” He muttered out, head leaning back as he relished in the feeling.

“Feel good enough for you?” You teased, thumb tugging at his bottom lip. You knew he was enjoying just from the way his body would react. 

“Feels so good, darling.” He groaned out, looking back at you. Your cheeks were flushed, lips plump from all the kissing.

His head dipped into your neck, pressing kisses as he pushed your hips down harder on his, moans releasing from the both of you. If he could just hold out a little longer. 

He began to mark your clear skin, leaving plenty of love bites and hickeys on your collarbone and neck, “Mine, your mine.. No one else's jus’ mine.” He muttered against your skin, fingers digging into your hips and his grip was so tight you were sure there would be marks by tomorrow.

“ ‘M all yours Min– Just yours baby..” The both of you stopped because you knew it was time for a change and Seungmin was super needy at this point.

You quickly got off of his lap, hands going to his belt and taking it off for him, now getting on your knees, quickly unbuttoning and unzipping his pants. His hands quickly worked on his shirt, tossing it to the side once it was off, and you pulling his pants down. 

You swallowed at the hard on you could see much more clearer. Fuck he was big.. He was girthy and he was lengthy, “Holy shit Min..” You muttered, licking your lips. You knew that it would be bigger the moment it was out. 

You stood up to move the camera closer to the two of you, so the viewers could get a better sight of you, him, and his clothed cock.

“Do you guys see this? He’s huge!” You let out a scoff afterwards, a smug smirk on his face. 

“Why don’t you get a taste then?” Seungmin replied, hand going down to caress your cheek. You hummed as your fingers went underneath the waistband of his boxer briefs, now tugging them down and watching as his cock slapped against his abdomen. 

Your mouth watered, and you could feel some of it slipping from your lips.

“Careful, don’t drool all over me.” He joked, and you laughed as well, swallowing the spit and then letting some more form in your mouth. 

A long stripe is what you licked on the underside of his length, tongue flicking at his red tip. A sigh immersed from his lips as he watched you. He was more than certain you had practiced prior to this, and even looked at some tips because he definitely knew you never sucked off any of the dildos you had. 

He watched as you took him in your hands, getting him prepped to take him into your mouth. 

You wrapped your lips around his tip, swirling your tongue as you tasted the salty pre-cum on your tastebuds. You let spit trickle down from your mouth and down his length before you began to take him into your mouth, feeling him hit the back of your throat before you started forcing yourself down even more. 

He let out a broken moan feeling the warmth of your mouth. He could feel himself twitch as your moved your hand, jerking what you couldn’t reach as you lifted, eyes watering as a string of saliva connected your tongue with his dick. 

“Fuck this is a sight..” He muttered, hand going to your hair and you knew exactly what he was about to do.

“You can take more, right?” He hummed out, and you nodded in response.

“Color?”

“So fucking green Min.” You whined out, just before feeling him guide your head back to his length, making you take what you could at first, just before he began to buck his hips upwards, forcing you to take more. While it made you gag at first, you soon got used to the feeling of him entering and leaving your throat.

A hand went down to touch yourself, rubbing your clit in a circular motion as you let him fuck your throat.

Desperate moans and groans passed his lips, “Fuck– Baby your throat feels so good– jus a good girl for me– shit-” 

You hummed around him, causing a loud moan to escape from him. You knew that he wouldn’t last like this, and he knew too, but he kept going.

“Taking it like such a good girl, yeah? Taking me down your throat, I bet you enjoy it…” He certainly was a dirty talker.

He quickly pulled you off of his length after he felt himself get close. He looked at your fucked out face, the way mascara started streaming down your cheeks the moment he began to fuck into your throat, and the way that your face looked so red, all the saliva dripping from your chin and onto your soft and marked up tits. 

“Fuck you’re such a dream..” He muttered, reaching for his phone and taking a picture of you, which you allowed. It would just be more material for later.

“MIn please–” 

“I know. Color?”

“Fuck Min don’t ask anymore. It’s green, and it’ll stay green.” You huffed out, wiping your chin as you crawled onto the bed. 

He quickly grabbed the camera to angle it so they could see him getting ready to go down on you. 

“We won’t need those useless toys.” He hummed out, practically ripping off the panties. It didn’t matter anyway, they wouldn’t be needed after tonight.

He began kissing down your body, spreading your legs open as he stared at all of your glory.

Your glistening pussy and the way that it was just ready for him made him so excited. 

He covered his fingers in his spit, rubbing them between your folds as he watched you squirm and moan from the feeling, “Please Min, put them in me– Make me squirt for you.” You whined.

That was new. 

He then inserted his middle finger into your hole, feeling your walls clench around the singular digit as you moaned from the stretch. He was reaching deep and he could tell just from the way you reacted. 

He fucked it into you, knowing it wouldn’t be enough but he wanted you to beg. 

“Min–”

“Beg for it. I want you to beg for me.” He teased, and it caused you to whine.

“Fuck Min– Please– I need it so bad, I want you so bad–” 

“Not good enough..”

You huffed, grinding against his palm, “Fuck your fingers into me please– Please Min– Your finger feels so good but I want more- anghh– Can I have more please?” You locked eyes with him as you said those words, and that made him give in.

As his ring finger entered you, he hummed out a “good girl” as you moaned from the stretch. Your eyes rolled as he began to curl his fingers.

Your hands went to cover your face, moaning into them as he thrusted his fingers in and out, curling them on occasion as his other hand came over to torture your clit, matching the pace of his fingers.

You were so close you could feel it, and it was unbelievable how close you were. Your best friends fingers were magic, and the way he continuously thrusted and curled his fingers, you were sure to ask him to fuck you again in the future.

“M-Min! Fuck– uugh– ‘M close Min! Min please– AH!” And that was it, your orgasm had hit so hard that your legs started shaking, but he didn’t stop there.

You felt like you were seeing stars, moaning out his name desperately as your whole body trembled, gripping the sheets like tomorrow as your eyes rolled back. 

When you came back down, you immediately got shot back up when you realized he hadn’t stopped.

“MIN! Shit– S-Sto– MMM! Ohmygod–” His fingers had been removed but he was rubbing your clit like there was no tomorrow.

“C’mon, give it to me, you can give me another baby..” He hummed out, watching you squirm underneath him as you tried stopping him, but he refused.

“Color?”

“SO FUCKING GREEN– OHMYGODMIN!” Your back arches, eyes begin to water as your hips lifted off the bed, squirting all over your thighs and on his abdomen. He grunted from the sight, licking his lips as he watched your body convulse and tremble.

He slapped your pussy once and it caused you to jolt.

“Good girl..” He hummed out, letting you take a minute to come back down your high.

You could still feel it even after the heavy orgasm, clenching around nothing as you looked up at him.

“Think you’re ready?” He asked, pressing a kiss to your forehead as you nodded.

“Yeah, I’m ready.” 

That was the moment he lined himself up with you, his tip prodding at your entrance before he slowly began to push in, holding your hips. He was gentle with you during this time.

You whimpered, gripping onto his forearms. The stretch wasn’t unbearable but it was still a stretch. You clenched around him and it caused him to grunt. 

“Relax, you’re okay baby..” He muttered, pressing soft kisses to your lips.

Once he was all the way in, you could see the smallest bump in your abdomen, your hand going to it and pressing down, causing you to moan and retreat your hand, “Fuck..”

“Look at that.. I fit..” He joked, a small laugh emitting from him as he let you adjust. 

“So full.. You’re so big.. Fuck–” You squirmed, grinding your hips against him. That was his signal.

Seungmin began to thrust into you, watching the small bump disappear and then reappear with every thrust. 

You weren’t sure when you started feeling it heavily, but when you did, you couldn’t stop moaning. Every thrust released a moan from you and he found it the hottest thing imaginable. 

“F-Faster Min– FUCK– Fuck me faster please– hard–harder–” You moaned out, gripping his forearms tightly, nails digging crescent moons. 

He grunted in response, doing exactly as you said. He wasn’t sure what felt better, the way your velvet walls felt so good around him or the way you’d clench so hard that he would’ve sworn he would cum. 

“Such a good girl– my good girl– taking me so well,, so deep.” He moaned out, gripping your hips tighter as he slammed into you over and over again. 

You weren’t sure how long this would go on, but you knew it was racking in views and donations. 

You also weren’t sure if this would change anything between you and Seungmin.

That didn’t matter right now, all that mattered was the pleasure the two of you were feeling.

“Ohmygodmin– fuck I-I– ‘M SOCLOSE–” You struggled to make out words, practically babbling at this point as your trembled. 

He could feel you pushing him out, and he knew exactly what it was.

He pulled out and watched as you whined and squirted. Fuck it was so hot watching you.

He pushed right back in as soon as you finished, thrusting just as fast as before. 

Your whines and moans didn’t even stop, they just kept going as he fucked into you.

Your body convulsed again, walls clenching around him. Just a little longer,, just a little longer and you knew he would cum.

“Fu–Holy shit– Y/N–” He couldn’t even get words out at this point, it all felt too good for him. He knew how close he was, yet he kept pushing and pushing. He wanted you to squirt once more before he came.

That’s when his hand came to your clit and began rubbing just as he did before.

You cried out, tears welling in your eyes before spilling. You knew you could take it, but your words kept spilling.

“I can’t– FUCKING– ohmy– ohmygodmin– SHIT I’M–” ANd he felt you push, so he pulled out and watched you squirt once more. It didn’t take him long to push back in, his thrusts now sloppy and stuttered as he huffed and moaned heavily.

“Take it– Hold it in you– Fuck–” He said into your ear, and within one, two, three thrusts, his hips stilled and he painted your walls white.

Both of you were panting heavily, looking back at each other as he both relished in post-orgasm. 

“Fuck Min,, that was so good..” You muttered out, pressing a kiss to his lips. You looked at the camera, smiling at it gently as you felt him pull out.

“Glad you enjoyed it, Y/N.” He hummed out, laying next to you and looking at the camera.

“Thank you so much for the idea meongmeong00, I’ve definitely had the time of my life.. And thank you to all those who came to enjoy it! I hope that this was good enough for you and that you’d want something like this in the future, see you guys next week!” You said before turning off the camera, Seungmin going to end the live.

“Holy shit Min..” You laughed out, sitting up as you clenched around nothing, some of his cum dripping from your cunt.

“You have fun?”

“Hell yeah.. That’s the best fuck I’ve ever had in my life!” You stood up with shaky legs, going to him and pressing a kiss on his lips.

“Yeah? How about another round?”

“Abso-fucking-lutely.” 

[slytherinshua]

[ 11:27pm ]

“You missed our date. Again.” You muttered, placing your bag down and discarding your shoes. He didn’t respond for a couple seconds, only making it harder for you to not get mad at him. 

It wasn’t even his fault. He didn’t have much control over his schedule, so who were you to get mad that it got changed last minute? You should be mad at his manager if anyone. Still, if there was a little more communication, then maybe you wouldn’t feel as though you were being left in the dark so often.

“Sorry… I’m sure you’re disappointed.” He sighed, voice sounding a bit rough. You wondered if he had lost his voice again from straining it too much.

“It gets a little more than just disappointing after the 4th time.” He didn’t respond and you glanced at him only to see him typing some message.

“You might as well be dating your manager. You spend more time texting them than you do texting me.” You said icily, already foreseeing you saying some things which you would regret later. But your brain was too clouded to worry about that. All you could feel was the disappointment, betrayal, frustration, and sadness that you felt after waiting for hours for him to just show up— but apparently even that was too much to ask.

“I don’t do it on purpose.” Seungmin mumbled. He was tired, you could tell.

“Are you sure about that? Cause it seems like you do.” Your words were getting more heated by the second, and you only got more agitated from another text lighting up Seungmin’s phone.

“Go on. Answer the text. Prove my point.” You challenged, your eyes burning with anger and tears, waiting for what he would do.

“Not tonight, Y/n, please not tonight. This is important.” He said, reaching for his phone to answer the text as if those words were enough to shut you up. They probably should’ve been.

“It’s more important than your girlfriend who you haven’t seen all day?” You asked, a sarcastic laugh escaping your mouth. It at least made him pause, leaving the text unread for an extra five seconds. Record time.

“I hate fighting with you. You know I hate it.”

“Then why do you never show up!?”

He retracted his hand, slow and scared. Scared that he had messed up too badly this time.

“I’m always the one waiting! Waiting for your texts and calls. Waiting for you to show up. You’d think that after all this time I’d stop being so naive about it…” The first tear slipped past your waterline, making its slow descent down your cheek. Seungmin was staring at you, soft eyes still managing to show that he cared. Despite his tiredness, despite your anger, he still cared.

“I keep thinking this date is the one that’ll be successful. But it never is. I always manage to get hurt and disappointed. Every. Time.” Your shoulders shook and you looked down, anger subsiding and being replaced with sadness.

He stood up, hesitantly reaching out to touch your shoulder, making sure you didn’t shrink away from him. He wouldn’t blame you if you did. He pulled you to his chest, heart aching from seeing you cry, especially since he was the reason for it. He hated it the most in the world.

“I’ll show up. I promise I’ll show up…” He whispered as one of his hands gently rubbed circles on your back. 

He wasn’t going to break his promise this time.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ skz taglist: @kangtaehyunzzz,, @yeonjuns-bluehair,, @syrxiee2,, @ddeonudepressions,, @justhyunhoer

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ a/n: forgive me for this angst idek how this happened, it's 1 am 💀

[atinyniki]

Hihihi<3 I was thinking of Seungmin or Lee know (you can chose) with a idol!Gf that gets hurt during a award show.. maybe falling off a wobbly platform 8ft in the air? (We don’t brear our back). What would his reaction be? I know it’s kinda cruel but Its been on my mind for a week.. if it makes u uncomfy ignore this and forget u ever read it<3 Ty in advance<333

i'll take care of you.

group: stray kids !

pairing: idol!kim seungmin x idol f!reader

genre: hurt/comfort, angst, fluff

warnings + additional info: reader is referred to as y/n, crying, reader fractures her ankle, kissing, play fighting, seungmin wants to murder someone, reader falls from a platform, lots of petnames, just rlly cute and fluffy at the end, seungmin is really scared, injuries, established relationships, munhee is a member of y/ns gg.

authors note: ik this was supposed to be more angsty but im literally head over heels for softie seungmin so here you go :P thank you for the ask annonie !! this is also not proofread. english is not my first language, so please excuse any grammatical or spelling errors. happy reading :)

wc: 1344

“hey hey hey, don’t be nervous my love… you’ll do amazing, i know it.”

“i’ve never done this in front of such a crowd before… what if they don’t like me, min?”

“oh baby… they’ll love you, i promise. and if anything happens on stage, your members will be there to back you up, yeah?”

you give him a hug, he always knew how to calm you down in moments like these. you suppose it’s because of his own experiences, especially considering the amount of award shows he’s been at. 

“i love you, seungminnie…”

“i love you too, baby. now go! you don’t wanna miss your cue. i’ll be in the audience, i promise.”

you give him a quick kiss, shooting up from the seat to go meet your members. seungmin leaves too, sitting down at stray kids’ respective table.

“excited?”, jeongin asks from beside him.

“of course i am! i’m so proud of her…”

his eyes stay fixed on the stage, waiting for your performance to start. the lights dim, and he sits up straight. it’s time for your performance.

there’s no point in recording, he knows they’ll have a fancam. right now, he just wants to watch his baby shine. 

and you do. you look absolutely gorgeous on stage, the lights hitting you at the perfect angles. the track starts, and the crowd starts cheering.

so many people, just for five girls performing. the first song is a ballad, something slow to set the mood. it’s one of your favorite songs from the comeback.

though munhee wrote the song due to her own experiences, your voice carries the same amount of emotion hers does, and it makes the lyrics sound so much more authentic.

seungmin watches from the crowd, he truly thinks he might cry. the rest of the boys are in awe too, some members of gidle clasping their hands over their mouths in surprise.

everyone is used to you doing intricate dances with upbeat music, and they’ve truly never been able to appreciate your vocals.

then it hits the climax of the song, ending with a high note you must complete. as scared you are of heights, you know it’s inevitable. the platforms will go up, whether you like it or not.

its a small space that you have to maintain, but you try your best to focus on the song. and now, you have to sing.

you close your eyes, letting out your voice, and it sounds absolutely angelic. and then you open them again once you hear the low whirring of the platforms.

they all go up. 

except for yours.

nonetheless, you continue singing, determined to keep your professionalism throughout the entire bridge. and then the song ends. the platforms finally lower back down, and all of you wait for your cues to leave.

once you see it, you take a step.

you shouldn’t have.

all of a sudden, your platform shoots all the way up. eight feet in the air. before you have time to process, it wobbles side to side and you fall off.

thud.

seungmin stands up instantly, rushing to get backstage. he doesn’t care how many people hes pushed and shoved, but he needs to know that you’re okay.

and then a shrill scream fills the air, and his heart stops. it feels like your entire foot is about to fall off, the pressure from your fall crushing it under your weight.

he continues running as fast as he can, getting backstage before you can even blink. “baby? oh my god…”

you’re still crying from the pain, being set onto a stretcher for your leg. “it hurts…”

“i know baby… i know. you’ll be okay…”

they finally get you onto a comfortable bed, evaluating the damage to your ankle. luckily there’s no blood, the medics assume that it’s broken.

“seungmin… you’re on soon.”

“i’m not performing. jeongin’s filling in for me today.”

“what? but you practiced…”

“please… let me stay. i just want to help you feel better…”

you grab onto his hand, trying your best to reassure him that you’re okay. he doesn’t budge, so you just give up on it. 

“you did amazing, angel.”

“thank you…”

“no, really. i mean it. you kept it incredibly professional out there. plus the song was way outside your comfort zone, it was just amazing to hear you sing like that.”

“seungmin…”

“i’m going to kill whoever fucking did that to you. normally they’re more careful with these things… i should’ve had them double check or something. i’m sorry”

“hey, it’s not your fault. please don’t worry… it’s just my ankle. i’ll be fine, really.”

“but you’re hurt. if we had done a test before to check… maybe you wouldn’t have to be here…”

you smile, grabbing onto his hand and bringing it up to your lips to plant a small kiss over his wrist. “it was just a malfunction. it was out of our control, min.”

he clutches onto your hand tighter, his heart fluttering when he looks at you again. the black lightning-like streaks paint your face, eyes still slightly glossed over and nose red.

you’re so worn down, but you still look beautiful as ever. he prefers you like this, natural and authentic. you still look just as beautiful, but the black streaks have his heart clenching.

suddenly, he gets up, picking you up and moving you to the side a little. he’s extra careful not to apply any pressure to your ankle. he knows you’re in enough pain already.

he sits down in the empty space next to you, pulling your head to his chest. “you promise you’re okay? no discomfort?”

“it hurts of course, but other than that, no.”

“i’m so sorry…”

“baby, it’s really not your fault.”

he rubs up and down your arms, more so to soothe himself rather than you, and you smile up at him. you place a small kiss on the corner of his lips, as far as you can reach without moving your legs.

“i’m okay…”

“i love you, gorgeous.”

“i love you too, minnie.”

the medics finally come back, telling you that it’s only a fracture. you’re lucky you don’t need a cast, but you still need to heal for a little while.

“thank god you’re okay…”

“seungmin—“

“you’re not going anywhere without me for the next couple days, okay? i’ll take care of you, i promise…”

“seungmin, you really don’t have to—“

he cuts you off again.

“but i want to.”

you giggle again, you didn’t think he’d react this way. but of course he was going to be overprotective, what did you expect?

you lean over to plant one more kiss onto his jaw, and he pulls you onto his lap. “seungmin, i think you’re more upset about this than me…”

“of course i’m upset! they hurt my baby…”

“it doesn’t even hurt that bad anymore… im fine. you don’t have to worry about me.”

he pulls you flush against his chest, nuzzling his face into your neck. you giggle at him, a little confused as to why he’s licking you, but you stop once you realize that it’s not saliva.

they’re tears.

“it could have been so much worse…”

you wipe the tears from his face, smiling once you see him clearly again. “why are you crying?”

he sighs lightly, giggling when he realizes how he’s acting. “nothing, i’m just… glad you’re okay.”

you smile at him, holding his hand again and trying to sit up. it doesn’t work of course, seungmins arms are wrapped tightly around your waist.

“let me go!”

you thrash around in his arms, but he only holds onto you tighter, giggling as he watches. 

“seungmin!”, you whine.

“they said you needed rest!”

“that doesn’t mean you have to be completely attached to me!”

he rolls his eyes playfully, planting a kiss onto the top of your head. “actually, thats exactly what it means.”

“i hate you, kim seungmin.”, you grumble. you turn to look at him, scoffing once you see him wink.

“love you too, babe.”

<3

[yxngbxkkie]

anything for you (k.s)

helllo, my loves! i hope everyone is having a wonderful day/evening. are we ready for the next part of my skz street racer series?? i absolutely love this fic 🥹 it's so adorable, and seungmin is 😩 happy readings 💓

feedback is greatly appreciated 🥰

"You did it!" You squeal, running towards your boyfriend, Kim Seungmin.

Seungmin catches you after you jump into his open arms. He swings you around as your arms wrap around his neck. "Thank you for being here," he whispers into your ear, tightening his grip on you.

He sets you back on your feet before leaning down to kiss you. One of your hands rests on the back of his neck, your fingers playing with the small hairs.

"Of course I'd be here. It's your big race, baby," you chuckle, placing a few kisses on both of his cheeks. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."

Seungmin smiles fondly at you, bringing a hand to your cheek. He strokes it before he gently pinches it. "I love you so much, baby," he breathes out, capturing your lips in another kiss.

"I love you too, Seungmin. So fucking much," you grin, lacing his hands with yours.

You're snapped out of your thoughts when someone slaps their hand on the table. You jump in your seat, quickly glancing towards the culprit.

Suyeon smiles at you while sitting in the seat across from yours. "Finally, I got your damn attention," she laughs, shrugging her bag off of her shoulders. "What were you thinking about?"

"It's nothing," you brush off the topic, not wanting to open that can of worms. "Work's just been crazy."

Your friend flags a waiter over to your table before she meets your gaze. "Has it really? Or are you lying to me?" She asks, leaning her chin against the palm of her hand.

A light chuckle escapes your lips. "I can't get anything past you, can I?" You joke with her, dropping your gaze to the ice cold drink in front of you. "I was thinking about Seungmin."

"Again?" She asks with a sigh, her shoulders deflating.

You tilt your head up, stopping the tears from blurring your vision. "You say it like I have a problem," you mutter, pursing your lips. "I was practically in love with him, Suy."

She reaches across the table, grabbing a hold of your hand. "I know. I'm sorry. I just hate seeing you so upset over him," she mentions with a frown.

"Yeah," you laugh, wiping some of the tears away. "I hate it too."

Suyeon gently strokes the back of your hand with her thumb as the two of you sit in silence. The door to the café opens, and the sound of the bell echoes off the walls. You glance towards the group of people that just walked in, and your eyes widen, knowing exactly who they are.

"Dude, I'm so sick of this Seungmin guy," one of them rants to another, not bothering to keep his voice low.

You squeeze your best friend's hand, causing her to look in your direction. "What -" You cut her off by giving her a look, flicking your gaze towards the group standing in line.

"Are you sick of him because you suck?" The dude's buddy asks with a laugh, earning a slap to the back of the head. "Ouch, dude, the fuck?"

"I don't suck. I'm just as good as him. He's just a little fucking pest."

You release Suyeon's hand before grabbing your phone and texting her. "They're talking about Seungmin. I know who they are. They're not good people."

"Yo, are you serious?? How do you know them??"

"It's… a long story. Seungmin is a street racer. He's very good, and it seems like that guy isn't very fond of him winning all the time."

"Wait, wait, you dated A STREET RACER!? AND I JUST NOW KNOW ABOUT IT?!"

You roll your eyes at her message, giving the brunette a funny look. You look back down at your phone, texting her back.

"Well, I didn't know until about a year into our relationship. He didn't want me involved because they could get a bit dangerous. Which is what I'm currently thinking about these guys."

"What are you gonna do? Warn Seungmin?"

You let out a deep breath, leaning back into your chair. "I haven't talked to him in almost four months," you say out loud.

Suyeon glances towards the group of guys at the counter. "Yeah, but if they have intentions of hurting him. I'm sure he'd appreciate the heads up," she mentions, tapping her fingers against the top of her phone case.

"I know," you mutter.

After the group of guys grabbed their order, they started filing out the door one by one. "He's going to be at the race tonight," the same guy says to the other, placing a hand on his shoulder. "We'll run him off the road. Make a big accident."

"Good idea. Then you won't have competition anymore."

They exit the café and your gaze meets Suyeon's. "I have to call Seungmin," you tell her before standing up from your seat.

She nods her head in understanding before you run out the door. You scroll through your contacts, quickly finding Seungmin's name. You click on it and press the device against your ear, leaning your back against the brick building.

It rings for what feels like a while, praying that he answers the phone. "Come on, come on," you repeat to yourself, glancing around the semi-busy streets. Your call goes to voicemail, and you release a sigh. "I don't know why I expected him to answer."

You try to call him again, receiving the same result. You curse at yourself and tilt your head back. "Well," you push yourself off of the wall, "I guess I'm going to a street race tonight."

-

"Are you sure you should be going by yourself?" Suyeon asks you through your phone.

You shrug your shoulders as you walk closer to the street they usually start on. "Probably not but I didn't want to involve you," you mention, checking each direction before walking across the street. "If anything, I have pepper spray in my bag."

Your friend sighs. "Okay, but if it goes south, let me know," she mentions.

"I will, I promise," you tell her, noticing the line of sports cars up ahead. You see Seungmin's immediately, easily spotting his vehicle. "I see his yellow ass car. I gotta go."

"Stay safe. Love you."

You bid her goodbye and quicken your steps, wanting to reach him before the race starts. You look down at your watch, taking note that you've got about seven minutes to warn him.

A pit of nerves sets off in your stomach as you get closer and closer. He hasn't changed a bit. He still looks like the boy you fell in love with two years ago.

You weave around the vehicles, noticing one of his friends hanging out with him. "Seungmin," you call out to him, gaining his attention.

"Y/N?" He asks with a confused look. Seungmin says something to Changbin before making his way over to you. "What are you doing here?"

"That group of guys over there?" You stealthily point in the direction they're standing in, Seungmin's gaze following. "They're out for you."

He laughs at your accusation. "What? What do you mean they're out for me?" He asks you while crossing his arms over his chest. "I don't have time for this.

You start to panic again when he starts walking away from you. "Seungmin -" you start but he quickly cuts you off.

"No, Y/N. I have a race to focus on," he stops, turning to face you.

Tears pool in your eyes, thinking about what could happen if he participates in this race. "I- Listen to me please," you beg, moving forward before reaching a hand out to him. "I overheard them talking earlier today. They're jealous that you're so good at this, and they're planning to cause a major accident… with you in it."

His eyes soften as you explain the situation, noticing the tears in your eyes. "Okay, take a deep breath," Seungmin tells you softly, one of his hands grabbing yours. You do as he tells you, taking a deep breath in before letting it out. "There you go."

"I don't want you to get hurt," you whisper, leaning forward to rest your head on his shoulder. "I still care about you despite the fact that we're broken up."

Seungmin brings his free hand to your back, gently rubbing it. "I appreciate you telling me. I'm sorry I didn't believe you," he mumbles. "I can't back out of the race now, though. It's too late."

You pull away from him before wiping your face. "What if I join you? They wouldn't take out someone they don't know, right?" You ask him, squeezing his hand.

"And if they do? I don't want you getting hurt either," Seungmin sighs while stroking the back of your hand.

"Then we don't give them the chance," you suddenly say, lifting your head to look him in the eyes. "You're the best street racer I know. Make them eat dust."

Your ex-boyfriend laughs, and your heart races at the sight of his smile. "I will make them eat dust," he confirms with a nod. "But, you are staying here. I'm not risking you getting injured."

"Fine," you mutter, crossing your arms over your chest.

The two of you walk over to his vehicle together. Seungmin opens the driver's side door before getting into the driver's seat. Once he's settled, you shut the door for him and lean your elbows against the open window frame.

"Be careful, okay?" You whisper after hearing the announcer call all racers to the starting line.

"You know I will," he smiles at you before giving you a cheeky wink. "Wait for me. I'll bring you home after."

You nod your head, pulling back from the vehicle. Seungmin grabs a hold of your hand before you can get too far and brings it to his face, kissing the back of it.

You feel yourself getting shy, missing the way his lips felt against your skin. "I love you," you whisper to him, swallowing thickly.

His eyes widen at your words, his hand gently squeezing yours. "I love you too," Seungmin mutters, a smile coming to his lips. "I gotta go."

You nod your head, taking a step back from his vehicle. The two of you smile at one another before he starts it. You move across the street after he drives away. You weave through the group of people, trying to get towards the front.

You see Seungmin's yellow car towards the front of the line. You clasp your hands together as the flag woman walks in front of them. She raises the black and white flag, waving them around before suddenly dropping them.

The eight cars speed off, and you clench your fists as Seungmin quickly gets in first, watching each car disappear around the first corner.

"You got this, Seungmin," you whisper to yourself.

You stand on your toes, waiting for the racers to come back. One of the other driver's is live streaming their race, and you've caught small glimpses of it. A large smile comes to your lips when you notice Seungmin was still first.

"This Kim guy is crazy," one of the guys you're standing with says.

"He is," you agree.

The sound of their cars grow louder and louder, signaling that they're close to the finish line. You shove your hands in your pockets, keeping your eyes on the street behind you.

Seungmin drifts around the corner, causing you to release a sharp gasp. The smile on your lips widens as his vehicle speeds past you. You scream loudly as he crosses the finish line, jumping up and down excitingly.

"Yes, baby!" You clap your hands before sprinting down the street. He exits the vehicle after pulling off to the side, his smile making your heart flutter some more. "I'm so proud of you!"

You wrap your arms around his neck, feeling his arms snake around your waist. "I did it," he whispers into your ear, spinning you in circles. "I did it… for you."

A gasp escapes your lips, pulling back from him a bit. "For me?" You ask in a quiet voice, running your fingers through his hair.

"I love you so much. I'm so sorry for letting you go four months ago," he apologizes to you, his arms gently squeezing you.

You grin down at him, moving your hands to his face. You stroke his cheeks before smashing your lips against his. His fingers trail up your spine as he kisses you back, deepening it instantly.

"I love you, Kim Seungmin," you whisper after pulling away.

"I love you, Y/N L/N," he says before kissing you again. "Now, let me get you home."

~

tagging: @thewxntersoldier @reddesert-healourblues @spacegirlstuff @foxinnie8 @moon0fthenight @luckieleaf @stayconnecteed @tiaxa @yoonrimin @sunny-future @daysofskz-ateez @endzii23 @sweetbutpsychovalkyrie @bunnies-only

[myseungsunglove]

Do Something | Ksm

Pairing: Kim Seungmin x Reader 

Warnings: angst, but fluff to wrap it up

Word Count:  2.5k

𖠫Summary: The reader can’t keep her feelings to herself anymore when it comes to Kim Seungmin. After a particularly trying day busy with practices and an impending concert, she explodes on her best friend, spilling her feelings for him but doesn’t exactly go about expressing those feelings in the best way. 

✎A/N✎: I seriously meant for this to be a short drabble. This story has been in my head for weeks and I thought I could tell it quickly before laying down to sleep. Here I am 2.5k words later and this is anything but quick and short. I should have known. My biggest brain thoughts happen in the middle of the night. I’ve been reliving this story over and over on my own for weeks, now you guys can share in the drama with me. Sorry bout you. :p 

◠ ◡ ◠᭚ιαᵕ̈

「© September 10, 2023 by mysweethannie」

It had been a long day of rehearsal and prep for your upcoming performance at Lollapalooza with the boys. You had been on edge all day because it had really felt like you had been going non-stop for much too long. As a result, your nerves were fried and your patience was thin. 

Your best friend, Seungmin, was always in tune with your mood. As the nine of you walked to the cars waiting for you outside ready for Lee Know and Changbin to drive you to a mini retreat before your next busy schedule, Seungmin grabbed your hand as a comfort as he always did when you were exhausted or having a rough day. 

Today though, you had no patience for it. You had harbored feelings for your best friend for much too long and with your emotions on high alert after an exhausting day, the last thing you needed was comfort from your best friend who was never going to feel the same way about you that you did about him. 

As he grabbed your hand starting to interlace his fingers with yours as he was so accustomed to, you ripped your hand away. You could feel his eyes rise up to look at your face, and you just knew that stupid puppy look was plastered on his face. You refused to look at him because you knew if you did, your resolve would crumble and you would cave. So you ran ahead, leaving Seungmin to walk by himself and grabbed Chan’s arm, leaning up against him, resting your head on his shoulder as you walked. You were certain that Seungmin was very likely burning holes in the back of your head with his eyes as you walked. 

“Hey, Y/n-nah,” Chan smiled down at you, placing a comforting hand on top of yours. “You feeling any better than earlier?” 

“It’s been a busy few weeks, Chan,” you sighed. “My battery is more depleted than I thought. I’m sorry for taking it out on you.” 

“Hey! Don’t apologize. I think we’re all a little on edge. Maybe this tiny bit of time we are getting away will help?” he offered. 

“Yeah, maybe,” you mused, your head somewhere other than the conversation you were having with Chan. You reached the back of an SUV and Chan opened up the trunk. You took your backpack off your back, and set it into the vehicle. As soon as the bag was discarded into the car, there was a pair of long arms wrapping around your waist, the clean smell of soap filling your senses as Seungmin rested his chin against your neck. You could feel his warm breath against your skin and goosebumps prickled up in response. 

“I’m gonna pretend I didn’t just get absolutely rejected by my best friend and let you sit by me on the trip,” he teased, his words dancing across your skin. 

You visibly shook him off and turned quickly to face him. There was a look of utter confusion on his face as you spoke. 

“Seungmin, are you ever going to do something about this or are we going to be forever stuck in this cycle of will they won’t they?” you blurted out. He stared at you, opened mouthed, his hands now resting on your waist as you looked into his eyes, searching them for any hint or clue that he felt even the tiniest bit of something for you. All you saw was confusion. 

“Do something?” he questioned dumbly, his eyes darting back and forth between yours as if he were trying to read your mind, desperately seeking an answer to a question he wasn’t comprehending. 

You pushed away from him then, your impatience flaring into anger and you couldn’t stop the next words to come tumbling out of your mouth. 

“Yeah, fucking do something about this,” you gestured between the two of you as you took another step back. “This constant tension that is bubbling just below the surface between us every time we touch,” you rambled. “Which, by the way, is all the fucking time,” you add, gesturing wildly. “Or are you just not even remotely interested in doing anything with me and you just like that you can hold my hand and cuddle up to me without the obligation of anything more?” you accused. You felt bad the minute you said it, but there was no turning back now. 

“What are you…” Seungmin started but you cut him off.

“No, don’t. It’s obvious we are not on the same page. I can’t do this right now. Fuck. How could I have thought there could be… anything more,” you trailed off walking away. “Chan, I’m switching cars,” you told him as you walked by, making a beeline for Lee Knows car where Jisung and Felix had already climbed into the backseat, IN opening the front door to take his place. 

“Y/n, wait,” Seungmin pleaded desperately trying to follow after you. 

“Chan, do not let him follow me,” you growled as you walked around the back of the car and swung open the back door of the car where Felix was settling in. “I mean it,” you glared at Chan. 

He immediately put an arm up to Seungmin’s chest, stopping him from following you. The look on his face was nothing short of panic and confusion. You wanted so bad to make that go away, but you knew he had to get there on his own. Whatever that looked like. 

You looked down at Felix and tears started falling immediately. 

“Oh god, what’s going on?” he asked, his big, soft eyes staring up at you. 

“I just,” you started, but couldn’t continue as you dissolved into uncontrollable tears. 

Felix was immediately up and out of the car, his arms wrapping around your shoulders and pulling you tightly against his chest. You slumped in his hold and cried. You could feel him placing a hand on the back of your head, stroking it softly. You also felt the vibration of his deep, calming voice as he spoke, but you were so lost in the flurry of events that had just happened, you didn’t hear a word he said. He pulled you into the car with him, guiding you to sit in the middle seat and slid in behind you, pulling the door close. 

“We can’t all sit back here,” you mumbled, sniffling pathetically as you looked from Han to Felix. 

“Shut up, yes we can,” Han said, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into his hold. “What the hell happened?” he asked Felix as you cried in his arms. 

“I’ve got no clue,” he said as Lee Know climbed in the driver’s seat.  

“So you finally said something?” Lee Know asked as he put on his seatbelt and started the car. 

You nodded in response to Lee Know’s words, not brave enough to look up at him. 

“Hmmm,” he responded. “He’ll sort his shit out,” he added. 

“Oh shit,” In mumbled from the front seat. You had forgotten he was there. “Noona, what did he say?” 

“Nothing. Fucking nothing at all,” you said, wiping your tears away as you pulled away from Jisung and sat up in the seat. You ran your fingers through your hair, before you brought your head to rest against the palms of your hands while your elbows rested on your knees. “He looked at me like I had grown two heads,” you added. 

“You fucking idiot, Kim Seungmin,” Jisung mumbled from beside you, rumbing your back softly. 

You shook your head. 

“No, I’m the idiot.”

“Fat chance,” Felix interjected. “You finally tell him how you feel and he does nothing? You’re not the idiot here,” he reassures you. 

You looked up then, looking around the car. All eyes were trained on you. Even Lee Know was glancing back at you as he headed for the gas station to fill up before driving on to the condo you guys had reserved for the night. 

“I didn’t exactly tell him,” you said, shaking your head. “I more accused him of wanting to benefit from the physical intimacy of our relationship without having to invest emotionally in it.” 

“Whoa,” Jisung whispered beside you. 

“Ugh, I know,” you choked out. “God, why can’t I be normal for once in my fucking life?” 

“The day I speak perfect english,” Lee Know sassed as he got out to pump gas. It made the atmosphere shift a little in the car, everyone laughing. 

“Come on, let's run to the bathroom and grab you a drink,” Han said, opening the door and grabbing your hand, dragging you from the car. 

You walked past the other car where Seungmin was filling up the SUV. He looked up as you passed, his eyes somewhat red rimmed and a brooding look on his face. When your eyes met, his glance softened, and you could see words dancing across his lips that were dying to come out but he didn’t say a word. 

You quickly used the restroom. When you came out, Felix was shaking two waters at you and handed one to you, then grabbed your hand and walked back to the car with you. Han was quickly there too, an arm thrown over your shoulder as the three of you walked together. It was like they were your protectors. If only they could protect your heart from yourself, you thought as you climbed into the car. Seungmin had already returned to the back seat of Changbin’s car. 

The rest of the trip went on, the boys doing their best to distract you from everything that had happened before you left. This day was supposed to be about STAYs and here it had turned into a complete disaster. Lee Know drove through McDonald’s, ordering everyone food and IN played DJ in the front seat. As you cruised down the dark road, Han sleeping soundly beside you and Felix singing along with the song, you glanced down at your phone to see that you had a string of messages from Seungmin. You didn’t open them. You just shoved your phone back into your pocket, and tried to shove down your feelings as well. 

The other car beat you to your destination, but none of it’s occupants, save Kim fucking Seungmin were waiting for you. He stood in the parking lot with his hands shoved in his black pants, black framed glasses resting on his face, a blue plaid shirt clinging to his broad shoulders. His eyes watched as Lee Know parked the car. Immediately he made a beeline for the car. 

He pulled open Felix’s door just as harshly as you had back at the company. 

“Out,” he said, his voice low and gruff. “Now,” he added with a warning. 

“Down boy,” Lee Know said from the front seat, but got out all the same. “Let’s go, fellas,” he called after the rest of the car. 

Han squeezed your leg and pushed open his door. 

“Just tell him the truth,” he whispered against your temple before placing a quick kiss there and getting out of the car. 

Felix looked over at you, a look on his face that said he thought he would betray you by getting out of the car and leaving you alone with Seungmin. 

“It’s okay,” you assured him. 

He climbed out reluctantly, shoving past Seungmin a little more roughly than usual. 

You saw Seungmin’s jaw clench and his shoulders bristle, but he didn’t respond to Felix, he just climbed into the car and sat where Felix had. 

“Seungmin, I…” you started but you were abruptly cut off. 

You barely had time to register that the two of you were alone in the car before Seungmin’s hands were delicately cupping your cheeks, his lips crashing less delicately and more desperately against your own. At first you were shocked, your eyes wide, your body tense. The moment your brain caught up with what was happening, you reached out for Seungmin, your hands wrapping around his small waist and pulling him against you, the kiss becoming more intense as his tongue tangled with yours. 

After many breathless moments, how long you weren’t really sure, Seungmin pulled away from you, his lips swollen from their first encounter with yours. 

His forehead rested against yours and he sighed heavily. 

“Are we on the same page now?” he asked, his breath fanning across your face. “I did something about it,” he added, almost more to himself than to you. 

“You definitely did do something,” you agreed. You moved your hands from being wrapped around him and placed them on the sides of his face. “Seungmin, are you sure that was something you wanted?” you asked, almost afraid of the answer. 

“I love you,” he let out in a whisper. “I have for so long. I have no fucking clue you ever wanted anything more,” he admitted.

You couldn’t help but laugh a little. 

You pressed your lips against his again, this time it was soft and comforting a stark difference from the desperate first kiss from before. His lips moved against your like they were made to do so. 

“Most best friends don’t act like we do, Min,” you tell him. “We’re so close. How was I ever going to do anything other than fall in love with you, you idiot?” 

He smiled then, his eyes lighting up for the first time. 

“Really?” he asked. 

“Really,” you confirmed. “I’m so sorry for what I said back there. I’m exhausted and I lashed out and before I could stop it, I had made a big fucking mess with my stupid ass words and I didn’t know how to take it back.” Your hands fell from his face then, into your lap. 

He immediately grabbed both of your hands, holding them in his. 

“I’m used to your messes,” he said gently. “You usually tell me what you’re thinking,” he added. “Why didn’t you tell me this?” 

“The same reason I guess you didn’t tell me,” you shrugged. “I was afraid you didn’t feel the same.” 

“I’ve felt this way from the moment I first met you,” Seungmin admitted. “I’m gonna be here waiting even through the shitty times if you’ll have me.” 

You pulled him into a hug then, your face falling into his neck and breathing him in. Everything about him was comforting and you were wishing like hell you had just talked to him instead of blowing up at him, but you couldn’t change that now. 

“If you can put up with me, of course I’ll have you Kim Seungmin,” you say. “It always has been and always will be you.” 

[dazed--xx]

🦋Paper Hearts🦋

Summary: Pictures I'm living through for now, Trying to remember all the good times. Our life was cutting through so loud; Memories are playing in my dull mind. I hate this part, paper hearts And I'll hold a piece of yours; Don't think I would just forget about it……Hoping that you won't forget about it

Member: Seungmin x Reader

T/W: Break Ups, arguments crying, heartbreak, ANGST…, swearing, yelling, sad ending, slight shoving nothing too crazy, some emotional manipulation, problem avoidance, denial, (subtle mention to woojin via blacked out photo he existed people he was in the group once)

Word Count: 2.3K

Remember the way you made me feel, Such young love but Something in me knew that it was real; Frozen in my head….

You stared at the ground, the room felt smaller as Seungmin glared at you. “You think you're so perfect? You're overbearing. You nag me at all hours of the day and I can't stans it anymore” He growls harshly. You felt minuscule under his gaze. “All I was saying was you could prioritize our relationship a little bit more, Min…I can't wait around for you forever…” you state breathlessly. Tears threatened to fall as your eyes remained on your lap. “You're being selfish, Y/N if you can't handle that I'm busy then maybe this relationship is too much for you….” He threatens with a scowl. “You're right” you let out breathlessly as you nod in agreement, throwing him off guard. He hadn't expected you to agree, he stares at you in utter shock and disbelief. He struggles to find something to say, he watches in horror as you lift yourself from your spot on the couch and make your way to the door.

“W-Wait..” his call is cut off by the sound of the door closing behind you. He sighs breathlessly as everything replays in his mind. His heart cracks at the harsh words he had spit at you replaying in his mind. This can't be happening….He couldn't just let this happen.…he rushes out of the door after you. His legs move quickly as he sees the elevator door closing behind you, he slams his finger on the elevator button rapidly. His hand shakes at his side as tears build in his eyes. Once the second elevators door opens he's greeted with a bright eyed Felix and Jeongin with their manager stood behind them.

“Hey, sorry we have a schedule come up. You can't go anywhere…” Felix states patting his shoulder. Seungmins heart fell into his gut. “N-No, I-I'll be fast. I need to go…” He stammered trying to go around them to get on the elevator. Their manager stands in front of of him with his arms crossed “Unless it will be less than 5 minutes, I can't let you go. We have to leave for Japan in 45 minutes…so go pack.” He states firmly. Seungmin tries once again to get into the elevator but relents when he see that their manager will not budge. He stomps to his room and tries to call you. Dammit….he thinks to himself when the call goes unanswered. He texts you hoping you will reply and things would be okay.

As you walked home, you allowed the tears to stream down your cheeks. It's over….you think in disbelief. These past 5 years turned to nothing in a matter of minutes. You felt so stupid for caring. Seungmin had changed, he grew and realized who he truly was and you didn't fit in anymore. While you still saw each other every day, you rarely ever stopped fighting; Either due to your ‘nagging’ or his tirades. You remembered when things were different. When Seungmin seemed to love you unconditionally. You're pulled out of your thoughts by your phone's ringtone. Pulling the device out of your pocket, you're greeted with Seungmins contact with a sigh; you press the decking button.

You unlock your door and trudge your way through your apartment. The darkness oddly comforting as you make your way to your bedroom and lay on your bed. You sob as you release all your pent up anger and hurt. Your body trembles as you drift off to a restless slumber.

Pictures I'm living through for now, trying to remember all the good times…Our life was cutting through so loud; Memories are playing in my dull mind. I hate this part, paper hearts and I'll hold a piece of yours….Don't think I would just forget about it; Hoping that you won't forget about it….

You had realized your relationship with Seungmin had ended long before your argument with him the other day. It was when you both had first begun to hit a snag in your relationship. You both still loved each other but, it was clear you no longer could see eye to eye. Everything you did seemed to annoy Seungmin. And his lack of time and busy schedule began to affect you more and more as Stray Kids’ popularity grew. So, while Seungmin was in Japan; you decided to pack up the memories of your time with Seungmon and return them to his dorm. Trying to make this break up as clean as possible.

So here you sat, on the ground as you stared at the photos that mocked you. Your heart shattered on the floor as the memories sat in front of you, replayed in your mind. Picking one picture up, you give yourself a sad smile as a younger version of you and your ex smiled back at you. His members littering the frame The day you guys had made things official.

Stray kids had just debuted and had a small album release party. You sat sandwiched between the clubs couch cushion and Seungmin. A blush decorated your cheeks as Seungmin placed a soft kiss on your cheek. A shy smile forming on your lips as butterflies fluttered in your stomach. “Smile!” a staff member exclaimed excitedly as Jisung jumped on the back of the couch and Felix laid across you and Seungmin’s laps. Chan sat on the opposite side of Seungmin with his arms pinning Hyunjin to Minho in a big hug. Jeongin sat on the floor with a blacked out faced person beside him. As a flash blinded you for a moment.

You sighed wiping your tears as you place the picture in the box as you lift another one. Your fingers trace over the photo outlining your beaming boyfriend as he, Jeongin and you were celebrating their first win.

“I never thought a simple hunk of metal would cause so much chaos” Jeongin joked as he stared at the trophy. Seungmin sniffled as he snatches the trophy from the maknae. “We practically died for this…” Seungmin states with astonishment. You beamed at the pair proudly. “I can't believe I saw Minho-oppa cry.” you joke, Seungmin chuckles “he cried when Jyp kicked him out of the group.” you rolled your eyes with a giggle “If I recall correctly you broke down in tears and needed a moment when he was eliminated.” you counter “but that was on t.v for me this was in person!” you stare at the trophy. A large M on the small head of the little statue. “I mean you guys deserved this anyway, Miroh is a good song. And Stay have been fighting for this” You state matter of factly. The boys nod proudly. “Ugh I need a picture” Jeongin groans as he pulls his phone out. Seungmin holds the trophy up with a surprised look as you pose with a peace sign and a smile.

Your thoughts are cut off by an influx of calls and messages on your phone. You place the rest of the photos in the box as you go to check your notifications. You see the flurry of missed calls and texts from Seungmin. You wince as you delete them, still not being able to find it in yourself to block him. Though you would never admit it to anyone, you kept up with Seungmin’s activities. You have seen the photos and videos of him from Japan. As proud and happy as you were for Seungmin, it hurt. It hurt to see him completely fine despite your last conversation.

Though he constantly called and texted you, the last time you had checked them; you were utterly disappointed with the contents. They were overly nonchalant, never once addressing your argument nor the subsequent breakup. He acted like nothing ever happened, which infuriated you. He was completely unaffected, riding the wave of stardom. So, you stopped reading them, you refused to listen to his cheerful voicemails and completely went silent as he spent his time in Japan. Finishing packing his things you close the box and place it in your car. Once you reach the dorms you leave the box with one of the managers that stayed behind to keep an eye on the dorm. You felt a heavy sting in your heart as you drive home.

Everything is gray under these skies, wet mascara. Hiding every cloud under a smile; When there's cameras. and I just can't reach out to tell you. That I always wonder what you're up to….

Seungmin’s hands shake as he tries to call you again. These past few weeks have been agony. He was able to fake a smile when with the fans or on stage but, as he sat in his hotel room all he could do was break down in tears and sobs. You hadn't spoken to him in weeks….All he could look forward to was being able to finally see you again. He'd do anything to fix this, he'd never gone this long without one of your calls or texts while he was on a tour. It made him nauseous, he couldn't handle the memory of your last conversation so, he ignored it. He knows your relationship was stronger than being able to be destroyed by a few select words he didn't mean.

Even as time went on and his calls and texts remained unanswered, he felt in his heart that once he was able to see you everything would fall back into place. He just needed to get through this flight and he'd be with you again. He'd hear your beautiful voice and see your bright smile shining at him again and things would be perfect again.

Seungmin felt butterflies in his stomach as he made his way through Incheon International. He felt an excited buzz through his body as he sat in the van making his way to the dorm. Everyone stretches and drops their bags in their rooms as they all rush to get some much-needed rest. Seungmin halts as he notices an unfamiliar box seated on his bed. He stares at it with confusion as he pulls it open. His legs felt numb as he examined the contents. His heart cracking with every gifts and picture he had pulled out of the box, clothes you've accumulated of his over the past 5 years. No…This isn't happening…He thinks to himself as he shakes his head. He calls you in a panic. Your phone goes straight to voicemail, desperation fills him as he quickly rushes out of the dorm.

I live through pictures as if I was right there by your side. But you'll be good without me and if I could just give it some time…..I'll be alright

You were sitting on your couch watching the finale of ‘My Demon’ as you heard rapid knocks at your door. Pausing the show, you stare at your door confused making your way over. Staring through the peephole you see Seungmin standing there. Opening the door slightly with a heavy sight and roll of your eyes; you stare at him through the gap. “Can I help you, sir?” you question sarcastically. “Y/N…” Seungmin breathes out with relief as his eyes scan your face. He tries to shove the door open more, trying to get a better view of you. His heart cracking slightly when it doesn't budge. “Why are you here, Seungmin?” you question, your eyes focused on the ground. “I-I wanted to see you…” He trails “W-Why is there a box of my stuff in my room? Y/N, what's going on? Why won't you let me in?” he asks in denial. His eyebrows scrunched together in confusion as he tries to open the door again.

“Because…” you respond stoically “Seungmin, we aren't together anymore.” you fight back tears as you speak. Seungmin stares at you in disbelief. “N-No…come on. Let's just talk about this….” he pleads. You shake your head in response.

“Y/N, please….” his voice is small and pleading as he shoves on the door as hard as he can, forcing it open. His hands encase your face as he tries to get you to look at him. “Seungmin…” you sigh, your eyes focused on the ground. You hear a cry erupt from his throat, “No! Please…just—just look at me, please” he begs as he places his forehead on yours. “I love you. Please don't break up with me…I'm sorry…”

“Min, don't lie to yourself…”

He stares at you in horror as you continue to refuse to meet his eyes “I'm not…”

“You are…you don't love me. You're just used to me…but you're annoyed with my presence”

“Baby, no…” his voice is just above a whisper “I swear I love you. I love you more than anything. I don't want to lose you” He cries wrapping his arms around your waist as you continue to stare at the ground. “Look at me please!” he urges. Your eyes finally meet his and god, does Seungmin wish they hadn't. Your gaze is filled with heartbreak and disappointment. He took a step back for a moment letting his arms fall to his sides as you stared daggers at him. “Leave Seungmin….now,” you demand. He shakes his head taking hold of your hand. “Please don't make me…I'm sorry for what I said that day. Please, I didn't mean it…i can prioritize our relationship. I'll do whatever you want! Please stay with me…” He pleads with tear filled eyes. His nose a bright red.

You shake your head in response “I can't…”

“Please, I love you…you’re everything to me. D-Don’t do this…”

You close your eyes as you slowly shove Seungmin out of your apartment. Ignoring his pleas as he grips your hand tightly. “Please…baby please” He cries one more time as he's finally outside. You shake your head “I'm sorry, Min. I love you, I do but I need to love myself again…everything was too much and I just can't handle it. Please leave…I won't be changing my mind. It's over Seungmin…” you state sadly as you close the door.

Goodbye love, you flew right by love

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