cw: you birthed hajime’s daughter
hajime’s mornings are a little slower now that he’s a father.
he steps into your child’s room, one hand covering his yawn, the other scratching over the coarse hair of his happy trail. what he finds immediately brings a smile to his face.
it’s so common now to find his lips tight, spread in ardent affection. oikawa would often have a disgusted comment, something about it creeping him out. but what became habit with you sharing your life with his, has now become permanent now that you’ve birthed his little girl. soft affection, he’d never think to describe himself like so, yet here he is.
“good morning sleeping beauty,” hajime whispers to her. she’s awake. he knows he doesn’t need to be quiet, but if he were to hold his feelings anyway else other than gently, he fears he’d love her so hard she’d break. “you’re an early riser just like me, aren’t you?”
her legs kick out as she smiles at him, all rosebud and sunflower. hajime takes it as pride that she’s just like him.
he picks her up only to put her back down and immediately pop open the buttons on her jumper.
“bowel movements are healthy too,” hajime lines the tips of his fingers on her squishy stomach and tickles her twice. just enough to hear a bubble of laughter. “you really are just like me.”
he goes through the motions of parenthood, holds her two little legs in one hand to hold her lower half up and slide the clean diaper back in. he picks two options he thinks you’d find adorable and presents them for her to choose. there’s actually no reaction. too busy chewing on her foot which, he guesses is fine for a 5 month old.
he decides on a floral pattern and slowly dresses his daughter back up. he slides her pants up with a shimmy and when her little feet peak from the bottom, hajime can’t help but kiss the soles of them. perfect and tiny and his. on goes the shirt which she doesn’t like as much. she looks ready to cry but hajime holds her hands steady, lips flat against her palms.
the cry stops at her throat, only evident in the small gurgle when she breathes.
“you’re okay precious,” he tells her between small pecks to her fingers. by the time he gets to her other hand, she’s laughing again. “easy to please.”
and hajime’s always thought he’s held himself to high standards. sometimes he’s a perfectionist in his own right but currently, with a heart full just from a diaper change he thinks again.
just like me.
she’s in her arms one more time, cleaner now, and together, they begin their morning routine. he shakes up formula the same way he does his protein powder while multitasking to make you breakfast.
and when you wake up, you’ll spoil him too for his birthday in that special way you always do. whatever it is, he doesn’t care because with you and your daughter, he’s already been granted a gift that keeps on giving.
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Okay but Tommy drops out of high school — he told his father he was gay and he told him he could either be homeless or go to military school. He goes to military school and joins the army and he likes flying the helicopters because it means he doesn’t have to do any of the killing himself. And he makes some friends.
There's one guy who's like the squad leader who's a few years old and built like a Greek god and Tommy's young and a little bit in love. And they're friends maybe even family because this whole group of people spend every waking (and sleeping) moment together. And they all talk like a family and they all say they love each other and tease each other and it's nice. And one night it's just the two of them trading a flask of some sort of alcohol that Tommy doesn't know the name of and the man asks Tommy why he joined the army and where he wants to be in five years and Tommy trusts this man. He's half way in love with him so he doesn't even think twice before he tells the story about the time he came out to his family and his father nearly beat him to death before sending him here. And the conversation tapers off after that and he doesn’t register the change in the air but when he wakes up the next morning he’s being dishonourably discharged because he poses “unacceptable risk to the high standards of morale, good order and discipline, and unit cohesion that are the essence of military capability”. He knows what that means.
Tommy joins the fire department because he doesn’t know what else to do. He represses anything regarding his sexuality because he knows now that it’s wrong. He almost feels like he has a family again because his captain seems to like him and some of the guys are cool even if they say things he doesn’t agree with. And then he starts agreeing because maybe they’re right and he’s wrong and he’s just inherently wrong. So he follows their leads and is just straight racist because that’s how he can fit in.
And then a black lesbian woman joins and says she’s a black lesbian woman and Tommy doesn’t understand that either because you can’t be queer you just can’t be because it’s wrong.
But he nearly dies and and an Asian man saves his life and a black lesbian woman comes up with a better idea than any of them had and she tells them she’s no different and she is just as capable. So he improves himself he does and he tries to be better but he still can’t be who he is because the last 2 times he was honest about that he was betrayed.
Tommy leaves the 118 and “don’t ask, don’t tell” is lifted and he meets this guy he likes who likes him back and the 217 don’t seem to have a problem with the gender neutral pronouns and he slowly but surely lets himself open up again and be who he is and when the thing with that guy doesn’t work out because he’s moving to New York and Tommy’s not sure he’s ready to leave, it’s okay because his crew is there and they support him and he can still be himself.
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Forgive the rant, but it's been weighing heavy on my heart. So much of the speculation of the Lady Whistledown reveal is the nail biting of 'Oh, I hope it's not too bad for Pen!' or justifying how her actions as LW actually weren't that bad in hopes to minimize the fallout
But there seems to be so little care to the fact that Penelope hiding it from him is going to break Colin's heart.
He is so elated to be with Penelope because he feels like this is the one person he can truly unmask with, that he can reveal all his cards to, and be accepted, and he is going to realize that is a one sided feeling in his relationship. Not only did Penelope feel she couldn't unmask in the past, but she feels she cannot do so even after their engagement. Even after he has reassured her of how much he cares for her and how much he trusts her.
I know everyone wants to skip over the angst of it and get to the 'oh look, they're so happy in love!' but y'all
Penelope is going to hurt him. He put his heart in her hands and she's going to crush it. He's going to have to look in the eye the fact that she didn't trust him enough to inform him of this very large part of her life, and he's going to understand that she kept it from him purposefully. Yes, she has her reasons, but like. . .that's painful. It's a slap in the face. Is it fully understandable her not telling him right after he asks? Or before? Of course! A lot happened! She had the most intimate experience of her life in the back of that carriage, and she'd gone through a lot of ups and downs that night, but after that excitement simmered and she had a chance to breathe, she should have told him.
But she doesn't.
Worse, she decides he simply doesn't have to know.
The fact that Eloise has to put an ultimatum on it at all is proof of that. Colin is falling in love with half of Penelope, and she's making it so that he does so on purpose. She is actively hiding half of herself from his eyes, and regardless of reason, when one party of the relationship is open and vulnerable, and the other is secretive, the secretive party is doing their partner a disservice.
Right now the person who has poured the work into the relationship is Colin. He has confessed his feelings first, he made all the big moves, he openly declared his interest in her, he proposed, he proved to her that he finds her desirable, he has hit every single love language in the BOOK. He's said repeatedly how wonderful she is, he's given her an engagement ring, bought them a house, he's chased down her carriage, he asked for those lessons to spend more time with her, he's had physical touch aplenty.
But I feel like so much of us as an audience are riding on the fact that we know Penelope has pined for Colin for a long time, and not understanding that Colin does not know that. And even if he does, she has not shown him that she loves him.
And I need to see Penelope pour into him an equitable amount as he's poured into her. They're both two people who embody 'I want to be so full of love, I forget what it's like to be hungry', and we forget that both of them have been denied affection. This fandom sympathizes the most with Penelope to the point where we don't want to see that Colin has also been pushed to the wayside. This man is starving for love and romance. Not just to love, but also to be loved.
People forget that Colin has been denied affection from his family, from his sexual experiences, even from Penelope. She didn't write back to him the same way his siblings didn't. Colin has been disparaged in his household, too. He's been made to feel like a burden, like he has no right to family funds, hell, he was all but called a pathetic virgin in Season 1 by his own brother, the head of his household, and his mum and Daphne and Anthony all assumed that he needed his messes cleaned up for him and he says aloud no one takes him seriously.
I want to see Colin be loved. I need to see it.
It's not a scorecard, I get that, but if you look at it objectively, Colin has done so much in his relationship with Pen, and she's lying to him. She's keeping from him a secret that reinforces what others have said of him: that he's gullible, naive, too trusting, someone that needs his muck ups solved for him, just a foolish boy caught up in his fantasies. And when the truth of Penelope's deception comes out, and he's going to question if all those people were right all along, and questioning his trust in himself (because, mind, this is the second woman who has said she loves him and has been keeping a huge secret from him, if that happened to me, I'd be closing my heart off for a very long time), he's going to need her to mend the wound that she'll pry open.
Colin said a hurtful thing about Penelope in Season 2, and then spent Part 1 of Season 3 soothing the pain that caused her. Now, Penelope is doing a hurtful thing to Colin, and she will have to heal that hurt, too. He is a tender, soft-hearted person who trusts her completely, and is falling arse over elbow for her, only to then get tripped up on her own web of wires and do a barrel roll in the dirt. And I know they'll choose each other, I know.
But after she helps him up, I need to see Penelope romance Mr. Bridgerton, assuredly, fervently, loudly.
Because he deserves to be.
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