#kissing tyler was morbid curiosity if anything

[vicktoon]

wednesday is bi on the aroace spectrum meanwhile enid is a lesbian in THEE deepest trenches of comphet imaginable together they are an ATROCIOUSLY confused bundle of baby gay angst

[gorgeousdan]

notdanhowell

summary: Dan has a guilty pleasure: phan blogs. It’s a mixture of conceited arrogance and morbid curiosity, really. And really, it’s a mixture of these two things that lead to him catfishing members of his phandom and becoming a headcanon blog. After all, what harm can one headcanon do? word count: 2,134/20,000 warnings (this chapter): recreational drinking, kissing, light fantasy

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A couple of weeks pass where nothing noteworthy happens. Dan doesn’t have a big metal breakdown, comes to accept that his life now involves writing headcanons about himself and his best friend. They’re all platonic, domestic things, though, and nothing that their viewers couldn’t work out by watching enough of their videos. So it’s innocent.

Still, Dan tries his hardest to make sure Phil doesn’t find out.

So nothing really noteworthy happens for a couple of weeks. They’re at a YouTube party, and everyone has abandoned their cameras in favor of drinks from the bar. Dan lost Phil some time ago into the crowd. He’s drunk, he’s sure everyone is. He’s sitting at the bar with a drink that’s probably a bad idea in his hands when he spots Phil. He’s lost in the crowd, grinding to some kind of song with Tyler. Dan can tell his best friend’s having fun, but Tyler can get a little sexual while drunk so he figures it’s his best friend duty to save Phil.

Dan takes two drinks from the bar and makes his way through the bar. “Mind if I steal Phil from you?” he shouts to Tyler over the music.

Tyler smiles. “Go ahead!” he shouts back before disappearing into the crowd. Dan turns his attention back to Phil and holds up a drink. “Shot!” he yells over the music. Phil takes it and clinks his glass against Dan’s. The two of them tip the hard liquor down their throats. It stings, but it’s welcome.

“Are you having a nice time?” Phil shouts. He catches a hand around Dan’s waist so that they can bounce to the music together. It’s a little less than a thumping noise in their ears, but it’s good. The atmosphere is good, the party is good, Dan feels good.

Dan chuckles because he’s a little bit drunk. “Actually, yes,” he shouts back. “I’m not going antisocial, for once.”

Phil’s face is flushed red and Dan can tell that he’s more than a little drunk when he gives Dan a full smile back and yells, “actually, it’s asocial.” He pauses. “Because antisocial would be,” he hiccups. “Something different.”

“Mh,” Dan laughs. “Very smart of you, Phil Lester.”

The two of them don’t say anything for a while, just dance with each other until Louise puts a hand on Dan’s shoulder and yells to Phil, “Mind if I steal him?” Dan’s fairly certain Phil would agree to anything in this state so he just nods with a loopy smile.

Louise pulls Dan away, wraps an arm loosely over his shoulders. “So,” she says, and her smile is cocky but Dan’s a bit too drunk to figure out why yet. “Are you two dating yet?”

Dan throws her a lopsided grin. “Us two who?” he asks.

Louise tilts her head in Phil’s direction. Dan’s best friend is currently in the midst of a social circle that would give Dan anxiety but in which Phil prospers. “You and Phil,” Louise fills in.

Dan feels his heart get caught in his throat. “Me and Phil?” he stutters. Louise raises an eyebrow at him. “No, we’re just friends,” he’s quick to correct. He forces a laugh that sounds fake even to him. “God, you’re worse than even the shippers.”

Louise looks like she’s going to say something, but then there are fingers on his shoulders as Phil forces him back. “Payback!” he yells over the music as he tips a shot down Dan’s throat. Dan’s blood feels warmed as Phil mutters, “mwahahaha,” into his ear, but he’s not sure it’s the alcohol.

-

At three in the morning Dan finds himself going through notdanhowell’s ask box again. He can’t sleep, he’s too buzzed off of the alcohol, and though it’s mainly worn off by now, it’s still buzzing pleasantly through his veins. Phil had fallen asleep almost as soon as they’d gotten to their flat a little over two hours ago, so it’s just him.

His blog has a fair amount of headcanon requests. Usually, if he decides to write one, he goes right for the most platonic and domestic prompt he can find. However, he can’t help but let his eyes catch on one that stands out in his ask box.

justcallmegracie said:

Could I have a headcanon about how Dan and Phil kiss? I really like your writing! :)

The smiley face stares back at him as if it’s an enemy. Usually, he would scroll right past this prompt. Writing fanfiction about his best friend was one thing, but writing fanfiction about the two of them kissing was a line that he wasn’t sure he was willing to cross just yet. But he’s buzzed and his brain goes without his permission.

Phil has a bit of a chapstick addiction, Dan bets his lips would be so soft. He thinks Phil would probably kiss gently, probably do something sappy like grab Dan’s face or put his hands around his waist, pull him in gently. Dan thinks kissing Phil would be dizzying, probably addicting. And then he pauses because he’s considering kissing his best friend. He’s considering enjoying it.

Dan shuts his laptop so quickly that he’s almost afraid that the crash of his computer lid can be heard the next room over. His heart is pounding in his chest, he can feel his pulse in his throat. Did he actually just do that? He feels like he might pass out. What kind of person was he becoming?

One that considers kissing his best friend for Internet-based speculative fanfiction, apparently.

Dan very slowly reopens his laptop. The damned smile face is still smiling back at him, along with the stupid headcanon prompt.

He really shouldn’t.

notdanhowell said:

dan kisses hard and fast, like he’ll never get another chance to again. he pulls the other person in, wraps his arms around their neck, let their hands run down their chest and under their shirts. he’s a very sexual kisser, but like what would you expect from him, let’s be real.

phil, on the other hand, would be a very slow and soft kisser. he’s a nerd so he’d probably want to let it grow organically, want it to be romantic. when dan gets him going, though, he’s all whimpers and needy kissers and soft mutters of “more.” kissing phil is dizzying, intoxicating, it’s-

Something Dan wants to do at that moment. He gasps at the realization, quickly backspaces and then presses post. He worries his lip between his teeth and when he realizes he’s imagining it’s Phil he reckons he’s more than a little drunk.

He closes his laptop and when he lays down, he almost immediately falls asleep.

-

They’re kissing.

Dan’s not entirely sure how they got here, but Phil’s got Dan’s shirt balled up in his fist and he’s got his other around Dan’s neck. Dan’s got both hands on Phil’s hips, has pulled his flatmate in as close as they can get. It’s good and addictive and Dan doesn’t think he’s ever been more addicted to anything ever.

Dan pulls away from the kiss when he realizes he absolutely cannot breathe, and then Phil’s lips are attached to his neck. Dan feels dizzy. Everything feels so intense. He presses his fingers a little harder into Phil’s hips like he can’t possibly believe that he’s real, that he’s here.

And then Phil speaks. “Is that good, baby boy?” he says, and, god, the intonation of his voice and it’s so deep and it goes right to places that Dan needs to focus on grandma not to think about. “Wouldn’t it feel better if you were awake?”

Dan pauses. “Huh?” he asks, because that’s the most logical thing he can think of.

Phil gives him a dangerous smirk. “Wake up, Dan.”

“Dan!”

Dan jolts awake, sits up with a sharp gasp. Phil’s standing next to him, for some reason fully dressed and looking rather exasperated. “Oh my god, you are such a heavy sleeper.” He grabs Dan’s sheets from under him. “You slept through your alarm, we’re late for a meeting.”

“Shit!” Dan swears. And then, for good measure, “shit, shit shit.”

He doesn’t have time to dwell on his dream as he gets dressed more quickly than he’s sure is humanly possible. Dan’s ready to go within two minutes flat and they’re out of the door and into a taxi in five.

Once they’re in the taxi, Phil looks over at Dan. “Oh my god,” he says. “That was more stressful than trying to get you to the airport, bloody hell.”

Phil takes a deep breath and Dan’s fairly sure his best friend’s going to have an aneurysm. Dan scoffs. “Please, I knew what I was doing.” He grabs his phone from his back pocket and refreshes his Twitter notifications. He doesn’t see the name of the first person, but he can see they’ve linked him to a fanfiction they’ve written. The comment under, though, is what catches his eye.

Arijana @yellowtrash_

lmao don’t link dan to fanfics that’s highkey inappropriate

Dan snorts a laugh at that one. Jesus, if only Arijana knew what kind of hole he’s dug himself into. Phil gives him a weird look, but Dan thinks he’s still probably too stressed to ask Dan about it.

They get to their meeting and thankfully no one’s that pissed off at them. Phil’s brother gives them a kind of pissed off look and Dan’s pretty sure that they’ll be getting a firm talking to from Martyn about being timely for things, but he’s not all that serious, anyway. It’s one of the reason they had hired him in the first place.

Phil empties out his nerdy backpack and hands Dan a notepad and a pen. The meeting isn’t anything too important, just technical stuff. When they had first hired people to build their brand, they had made it very clear that they wanted to come to every meeting, even if they weren’t expressly needed. This is one of those times.

Dan starts doodling on his paper, half involved in talks about financial spending and audience interaction and the monetization of their videos. The other half of his brain trails off into thoughts, falls back into his dream.

That hadn’t been the first time he’d had a sex dream, of course, he too had once been a teenage boy. However, it was the first time he’d had any type of dream about Phil that was anything other than strictly platonic. And, he kind of hated himself for it, but it was kind of nice? He could imagine kissing Phil, actively wanted to feel his best friend’s lips on his own.

“Dan,” Phil says, breaks Dan out of his thoughts. Dan looks around the meeting and realizes that everyone’s staring at him and, oops, that’s vaguely embarrassing. “Marisa wanted to know how you felt about that?”

“Erm,” Dan glances between the people in the meeting, who look more perplexed than anything, and Phil, who looks a mixture of genuinely concerned and annoyed. “I think that’s good, yeah.”

Dan takes a sigh of relief as everyone goes back to discussing whatever they had been talking about previous. He manages a sneaky glance at Phil and the realization hits him like a ton of bricks.

He has a crush on his best friend.

-

They’re on the tube later when Phil looks over at Dan. “Right,” he says, and his voice is low enough that no one else can hear it, but loud enough to be audible over the sounds of the city. “What’s been up with you, lately?”

Dan knows exactly what he means, but somehow he feels like playing stupid will be beneficial so he asks, “what do you mean?”

“You know what I mean,” Phil replies. Damn their best friend psychic link. He sighs, and his voice drops as he leans in closer to Dan. “It’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it,” he starts, and then he glances around. Dan guesses he’s probably watching for fangirls that tend to get pictures when they stand too close together, “that’s fine. But you don’t have to get lost in your head. And-” he pauses, probably is looking for the right way to word this, “-and I don’t want you to do anything that will hurt yourself. You’re my best friend, Dan.”

Dan’s lips twitch in a soft smile and he nods. “I know,” he says. “It’s nothing bad, it’s,” and for a half-second, he considers telling Phil. He tells his best friend everything, after all. But then he doesn’t. “I’ll tell you one day, okay?”

Phil sighs. “Alright,” he says. He stands back up and digs in his pocket for his phone.

They don’t talk the rest of the way home.

AUTHOR’S NOTE:

sup mates.

i had the busiest week ever and fell super behind on my nano project but i’m back and it’s spring break and i intend to bang out a few thousand words to finally fucking catch up.

this chapter features @justcallmegracie and a twitter user called Arijana! thank you for your sacrifice for some dan angst.

if you’d like to be involved in notdanhowell, click here. PLS DO ESPECIALLY IF YOU WRITE SMUT AND WOULD BE WILLING TO HAVE ME QUOTE YOUR SMUT!

Reblog to spread the word about my blog, thank you!

-seb