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kittydragondraws · 10 months ago

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Murder Drones - Trauma and Healing

I was once of the opinion that Murder Drones never really had a theme or message. It was kind of just, watch the funny robots be funny.

But the more I've thought about it the more I've realized, Murder Drones does have a theme. And that theme?

Trauma, how it affects people, and how to heal from it.

In this essay I will go over five of the characters of the show, Uzi, N, V, Doll, and Tessa, and describe their traumas. How it affects their actions, and what they do to heal from them.

Uzi - Lonliness and Acceptance

Uzi grew up with no friends, classmates who either hated or ignored her, an emotionally negligent father, and a dead (*cough* in church *cough*) mother. Truth be told, she had no one. No one to talk to, no one who would listen to her, no one who cared about her.

She was alone and very vulnerable. However, she didn't like that. She didn't want people to see her as vulnerable, she didn't want people to see her as weak. So she developed her edgy, "not like other girls" persona to convince people that she wasn't dying inside. That she took all her pain in stride and was owning it.

However, her coping mechanism of creating her goth girl persona didn't help in the long term as it didn't combat her true problem. She was lonely, lonely and... just wanted someone who cared about her.

And one day, while going out to find the last piece of her railgun she needs to save the world and earn her dad's respect and stuff, she meets N. N, the bloodthirsty drone killer, who was willing to sit down and talk to her.

Sure he was blind and thought she was a fellow Murder Drone, but he didn't immediately push her away as emo. Sure he admittedly was used to much worse treatment from much worse people, and Uzi was probably a saint compared to them (which we'll touch on in his part).

But even afterwards, when he realized she was a Worker, and that he would get in massive trouble with J if he let her go, he willingly spared her life. Saw her father leave her to die, and took pity on her.

Where the two came to develop a connection and eventually, friendship.

Uzi had made her first friend.

N - Self Worth and Free Will

His whole life, N has been used and abused.

While we don't know much about his first life, his life before the Elliots, we can only assume he was still treated as a slave, as much as the rest of the Worker race is.

His life with Tessa and her family, while seemingly happy, he still lived with them as a servant. Tessa may have been a good owner, but she was still an owner. He, J, and V might have been good servants, but they were still servants.

His life as a Disassembly Drone was probably the worst. Not only did he have his entire body forcibly changed against his will, but he now was forced to take innocent lives as he relied on their bodies for sustenance. Not to mention he also had his brain swiss cheesed to hell and back, and didn't even know because well... can't remember things well when those memories are full of holes.

Not to mention, the people he was forced to serve under were awful to him. The most obvious one is J, who was him as a waste of materials and space. She literally wanted N dead, leaving a piece of paper that read "kill yourself" in a dog book that she knew N would read, as a Disassembly Drone telling N that if the company allowed it she would kill him herself, and literally stabbing him with a deadly virus after she saw he had dissented.

However the Solver, the Solver was worse. It killed him several times over, wiped his memories of his past deaths, turned him into a monster, and forced him to kill an unspeakable amount of humans and drones. It could clone him an infinite amount of times. If one clone learned too much or got too rebellious, there were always the next hundred. He was disposable, in episode 7, the solver literally said he had served his purpose. The worst part? There's no way of truly knowing what the Solver did to him or forced him to do. How many clones of N it tortured, killed, and replaced.

But what's even worse than this? He enjoyed it. Well, enjoyed is a strong word. But he saw it as okay. He believed that being treated like trash was normal. He literally thanked J for stepping on his neck. He thanked J for "looking out for him" after getting stabbed with the virus.

When Uzi questioned him about what the "company" would do to him after they were finished with their mission on Copper 9, he didn't know. He was blindly following orders, doing what he was told. With no thought to the consequences. He never considered that JcJenson would view them as a bunch of useless, worthless, disposable robots...

Then he meets Uzi. Sure she's a bit rough around the edges, but she doesn't hurt him or belittle him. She values his opinions and him as a person.

She doesn't see him as a means to an end. She sees him as N.

V - Protection and Attachment

V hid information from and hurt N, yet she did it to protect him. V remembered more than N from the manor. More of the killing, the bloodshed, the forced experimentation, more of the Solver.

She didn't want N to remember. To have the same painful memories she did. So she did her best to keep them hidden from him. Keep him in the dark about the Solver.

How did she do that? Avoid telling him anything she knew, anything that he could use to get closer to the truth. She wanted him to stay in blissful ignorance, something she would love to have.

However, her desire to keep N safe didn't just extend to keeping him safe from the Solver, but keeping him safe from her.

She was afraid of loosing N, and the pain that would bring. So if she developed a deep emotion attatchment to N, like say... reciprocating his crush... it would only hurt if she ever lost him again. And she wasn't ready to deal with that pain.

So she pushed him away. pretended to be mean, pretended to be crass, pretended to not notice, not care, literally pretended to forget his name. No attachment, no pain.

But then, Uzi comes along, and her eye starts glitching to show a Solver symbol. V remembers their orders, kill all the Solver infected drones on the planet. But N, N likes this little drone. he sees her as a friend. He won't let V kill her, becuase he doesn't know what she can do.

It would be so easy for V to go behind N's back and kill her, afterall, N's made friends with rocks before. He'd get over a pathetic Worker, right?

But as time goes on, V starts to understand more about Uzi, about why N likes her. She's smart she's kind, she gives a damn about his opinions. She tells him things... that's more than V ever could've done.

And when V realizes N doesn't need her protection anymore, she's willing to let him go.

Doll - Obsession and Isolation

Doll just wanted to be normal. She just wanted to be free from the Solver's influence and live a normal teenage robot life. But she also wanted revenge, revenge on the drone that took her parents from her, revenge on the drone that set her down this path on the first place, V.

After becoming an orphan, Doll became obsessed with getting her revenge on V, to the point she no longer cared about anyone else. Including who lived and who died. Of course, being Solver infected, she had to drink the oil of the Workers around her, so it's hard to fault her for that.

However, it's hard to tell how many drones she kills out of necessity, and how many she kills for other, less justifiable, reasons. The amount of oil she has in her house? You can't tell me she drinks all of it, at least, not before killing more Workers. The prom girls? That was to lure V into the bunker. Even at prom, She kills two (I think) other Worker Drones, for the crime of getting in her way. Why?

V, everything Doll does, is about V. All of the prom-related deaths she caused, were about V. Doll was obsessed with V, all she cared about was killing V to avenge her parents, not caring about who else she had to hurt to do so. All that mattered, was that V ended up dead.

But after Prom, when she had failed to kill V, and ended up getting killed herself. She learned that Uzi had the Solver as well, finally, someone who could understand her pain, someone she could help. But even after learning she and Uzi are in the same boat, she still chooses to go alone.

At every turn she either leaves Uzi to her own, which usually ends in Uzi getting hurt, or she actively antagonizes her, setting back her own progress in terms of investigating the Solver to further her own goals. Even going as far as to sentence Uzi to death by dinesaw after getting to the elevator.

However, in the end, her relcutance to accept help would be her downfall.

Both Uzi and Doll ended up getting confronted by Tessa, whose goal was to have both dead. However, what separated them in those moments was that they had backup. Or at the very least, one did.

When Tessa had been pinned down by Uzi and was about to be stabbed N was there, knife as hand, ready to do whatever it took to save Uzi. He had had enough of Tessa's shadyness, and now only cared about her.

However Doll, Doll was all alone. When she was attacked by Tessa, she had to try to protect herself. She didn't have anyone she could turn to or rely on for help in that moment. So she ended up getting killed by the very monster she was fighting against.

In her last moments, all she could do was find Uzi. And hope that she'd be able to fight back.

Tessa - Love and Compassion (And Getting Skinned Alive By God)

Tessa's parents hated her. Her mom, Louisa, seemed to view her as an embarrassment and while we don't know much about her relationship with her father, James, it can be assumed he was either generally apathetic to his daughter or found her creepy.

Either way, he didn't care much about her, as he was complicit in Lousia's abuse of her, which included chaining her up to her bedpost like she was a misbehaving dog.

Yet, despite her loveless upbringing, when she was given the opportunity to essentially be a mother to the Worker (Zombie) Drones she rescued from the dump, she chose to be the opposite of what her parents were.

While her parents were cruel and demanding, Tessa loved her drones, flaws and all. She was them almost like her children, little ones she had to protect, keep happy and safe. Heck, she probably cared for them more than she should've, considering that they were robots.

However, there was one drone she had found. One who was different than the others, in a way she could never guess. Cyn, little Cyn. She was different than the other Drones Tessa rescued, she was small, had an odd way of walking, and an odd way of talking. But that was okay to Tessa, she was a Worker Drone deserving of a home.

Tessa could've never guessed that by bringing that Worker into her home. She's not only cause the deaths of her parents and countless other fancy rich people, but also her own and lead to the destruction of the entire human race.

The worst part? She couldn't find peace even in death. With her skin being worn by Cyn and used to masquerade as her, tricking her once beloved drones into assisting the very entity they were trying to defeat.

In Tessa's heartfelt attempt to try and break the cycle of abuse, she ended up causing something worse than she could even imagine.

Trauma is a complicated thing to talk about, and an even more complicated thing to get right. However, I do applaud this show for not only tackling the subject but showing such a wide branch of ways the characters cope with it. From finding others to confide in, to harming others in the pursuit of their own interests. And it pains me the fandom can't recognize this.

So many times have I seen people in this fandom either use a character's trauma as an excuse to absolve them of all blame, or ignore it and try to spin them as the second coming of Satan. When these characters are much more complex and fascinating than people give them credit for.

Anyway, thank you for reading and I hope you have a good day.

#kitty's kooky insane ramblings #murder drones #murder drones analysis #essay writing #analysis #character analysis #media analysis #kitty's deep thoughts #<< tag for stuff like this #it's funny this post literally went to hell

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pearlymel · 8 months ago

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A dance— Capitano

Synopsis : your relationship with him grows, and he seems sweeter than ever.

Wc : 3.2k

Warnings : contains NSFW content, fem!reader, reader is mostly called 'wife', he's super sweet, soft sex, unprotected sex, breeding kink kinda, reader wears a dress and heels.

Notes : part 2 is heree! I highly recommend reading part 1 here. And part 3 is out here!

You've tried creating art, you've tried cooking (with the help of your personal maid, Marina), you've even tried planting.

Yeah, you're a plant mom now. Not only that, you're a cat mom too. Saving the poor kitty from the harsh rain one day, you couldn't leave the poor little one outside. It's mother seeming to abandon it.

All because you have become extremely bored on the days where Capitano wouldn't be here, and he forbade you to even clean your shared bedroom because he thinks it's useless when there are servants present to do the job. (He doesn't want to tire you out.)

Come to think of it, the last time you saw him, he kept avoiding you. Whenever you tried striking a conversation during dinner, he would only hum and nod. Or when you suggested to have another picnic, he flatly refused, and it felt like the hardest rejection to your face.

It's like he had his own mood swings that you had to deal with. One day he would indulge you in the activities you wanted to do, then the next he would refuse.

Like last week.

“I used to do this when i was young.” You tell him with the softest smile to yourself, your fingers working carefully with the flower petals and strings. You were determined to make this flower crown, and you were taking your sweet time just to have him by your side.

Capitano silently listened to your words, his gaze fixed on your gentle movements as you delicately fashioned a flower crown. The air between you was calm, "You have a talent for making flower crowns," he eventually responded, his deep voice breaking the tranquil silence.

"Did you learn it from someone?”

“No… just by myself.” He couldn't help but be impressed by your innate ability to create such an intricate accessory without any formal instruction. "Self-taught." He mused, "You have an unusual aptitude for discovering things on your own.”

You hum back while adding the finishing touches, and he watched your proud display of the finished flower crown.

“this is for kitty!” You smile at the thought of the little one purring with a pretty crown on it's head.

Kitty? Capitano is confused once you start talking about the cat, you seem even more excited when you described how you cuddled with it.

"You just happened to come across this crying feline in the rain, and you brought it home with you?”

“yes! Ah, well… i hope you don't mind.”

“i don't.”

And that was the last of your conversation, and it's been a week since you last saw him.

“my lady,” You recognise the voice of Marina as she knocks on the door, and you grant her the permission of her entry.

You set the sleeping kitten on the fluffed up pillow to reach for the letter she hands you.

An invitation to the grand ball… you read the contents of it, scanning every word as you pull the paper down.

“like a party?” you ask, glancing up at her, "Yes, that is correct. A grand ball is taking place tonight. It's a gathering of the higher-ranking Fatui members and a few... select guests.” she trails off, unsure of what else to add on.

“I can see that this invitation is for Capitano, not to me.”

“lord Capitano doesn't normally attend these grand balls. So my lady, you will have to go instead.” Marina explains this and you feel like you're going to have a headache.

All you wanted to do today was sleep in with the kitten. Not to trouble yourself in some party.

But… if it's for the sake of your husband's reputation, then you are willing to do it.

You hope you don't pass away too quick from your social anxiety.

“Marina, does this really suit me?” You stare at your reflection, and Marina looks at you approvingly, her eyes taking in your stunning appearance. "Sì, my lady, it suits you perfectly," she assures you, "The dress brings out your features beautifully and fits your figure perfectly.”

“and the colour?”

"Oh, yes, the color is exquisite. It complements your skin tone perfectly. You look like a princess attending a royal ball.” and you smile shyly as you take your seat, “You flatter me too much, you know?”

Marina chuckles softly, moving behind you to work on your hair with practiced ease. "It's not flattery if it's the truth. You look truly radiant today." She begins to style your hair, weaving intricate braids and pinning them in place with delicate silver pins.

Though you can't even lie to yourself, you looked absolutely gorgeous, even when you felt a little down since you would be going alone, and you barely knew anyone.

Marina pauses in her work for a moment, her expression becoming sympathetic as she sensed your nervousness. “It's natural to feel that way. But I believe you will be fine. You are strong and independent." She resumes styling your hair, her fingers moving nimbly to create elegant curls.

You smile at her, looking at her from the mirror, “thank you.”

"It is my honor to serve you.” As she finishes your hair, she steps back to admire her work, a satisfied expression on her face. "You are ready, my lady.”

You are ready.

You are not ready.

Because why was everyone's eyes piercing bullets through you as you entered the main hall?

The whispers and murmurs start almost immediately, the guests clearly intrigued by your presence. However, you manage to keep your composure, straightening your back and walking forward with confidence, just like how Marina taught you.

Stay calm they won't eat you, you tell yourself, trying to maintain your composure under the weight of their gazes.

You were here to make friends, hopefully.

You scan the room, hoping that someone would approach you to engage in conversation. Yet nobody, not a single soul, seems to have the courage to do so. The guests continue their conversations and dances, seemingly ignoring your presence.

And so, you find yourself standing alone, sipping on a glass of champagne, feeling lost and slightly out of place.

Well this is boring. You could've stayed in with Kitty and Marina, but at least you get free food. They always taste better, right?

Everyone went silent all of a sudden, but you ignored it at first and continue taking sips of your drink.

But the silence becomes uncomfortable, just what happened to the party?

You turn around, your eyes widening immediately in surprise as you see Capitano walking towards you. Your heart seems to skip a beat as you watch him approach, his presence commanding attention and authority in the room. Capitano stops in front of you, you can't make up what his face must be like right now, but you think he has a stoic expression on his face as he takes in your appearance. His eyes roaming up and down your figure, seemingly appreciating the elegance of your dress.

“husband?” You blurt out, setting your glass aside to greet him.

"Wife," he says simply, acknowledging the fact that you have finally addressed him by that term.

The tension breaks when soft, elegant music begins to play, signaling the start of partner dances in the middle of the ballroom.

Capitano seems to realize this as he glances around at the couples already making their way to the dance floor. He then turns back to you, his expression unreadable as he silently contemplates the situation.

He can see the slight tension in your shoulders, the way your hand clutched at your dress.

"I suppose we should dance, wife.”

“you want to dance?”

"Yes," he responds. "It appears it's customary for couples at these events to dance together." He extends his hand in your direction, gesturing for you to take it. You take his hand, wrapping it gently around his gloved one. His fingers close around your hand, his grip gentle yet firm as he leads you towards the dance floor.

You notice the whispers and murmurs among the guests growing louder. But you chose to ignore them.

Capitano guides you to the center of the dance floor and positions himself opposite you, his hand settling onto your waist, and your hands on his shoulders.

"Do you know how to dance?" You whisper to him, making sure no one listens, and your eyes are on him.

"I may not engage in these social events often, but even I understand the basics of dance." His hand on your waist pulls you closer to him, you follow his lead.

Interesting.

He leads the dance with of assurance and grace, his movements fluid and confident. As you follow his lead and swirl together across the dance floor, your eyes meet his, and you find yourself unable to look away. The closeness between you makes it feel as if the rest of the world has faded away, leaving only the two of you dancing together.

You notice how he seems to turn his head slightly to look at others, mimicking their movements swiftly, it makes you smile to yourself.

His hand on your waist feels warm, almost burning even through the fabric of your dress. It's a strange sensation you've never felt when touching him, despite having already kissed (once) before.

”my dress,” you whisper amidst the graceful dance, “what do you think of it?”

You figured you always needed to give him a little push when initiating things.

His attention drift down to take in the sight of your dress once again. His gaze roams over the fabric, lingering on the way it clings to your figure, and how the color contrasts against your skin.

"It's... " he pauses, you're just wearing a dres, but he finds it difficult to describe what he feels, "Very pleasing to the eye.” he manages to continue.

"You look rather well tonight, as well.”

“Thank you, wife.”

The music suddenly shifts to a slower tempo, and Capitano instinctively adjusts his hold on you, pulling you slightly closer as he continues to dance with you.

You totally ignore how your face is almost pressed up against his chest.

As interesting as the party was, the worst part of was walking back to the estate. Why? Because the carriage decided to break down, or maybe the horses were sleepy, you don't know.

You're glad your husband is with you, or else you might've been sacrificed to the dogs at night, now even ants will fear this big guy.

But what's worse? Your damn heels are killing you. The sides of your pinky toes are already aching that you are sure it will cause nasty blisters by tomorrow.

"Perhaps next time you should wear more comfortable shoes." He stated bluntly, his deep voice betraying no pity for your situation. “but they look pretty, plus i feel elegant in them.” you stop at your tracks, looking up at him with a defeated expression.

"I'm well aware." he says dryly, "But at what cost? You're practically torturing yourself with those heels.”

He's half right, your point still stands. Beauty is pain. And now you'll have to sacrifice your beauty.

Bye bye heels. You slide them off your feet, bow having your poor feet to walk on these rocky grounds. You do feel a little better after, though.

“stay still.” He utters, and you're confused, until he takes your heels in one hand before you feel a shift of your weight off your feet, finding yourself being carried into his arms.

you wrapped your arms around his neck silently, your eyes glancing up at him as he continues walking like he you weigh nothing.

The air around you is peaceful. You feel safe with him, he's not like the scary man you hear from the others. Maybe to others he was, but to you? He was soft for you.

Your head leans on his chest where his heart rested, the beats of his heart makes you sleepy, but you refuse to sleep just like this, you want to spend every single second savouring this feeling.

Capitano carried you all the way to the estate, and through the dark corridors, making his way to your shared chambers.

The soft moonlight filtering through the windows was the only source of illumination, the atmosphere around you quiet.

He gently deposited you back on your feet, you're back home safely.

“thank you.” You whisper, your hands reaching to take the pins out of your hair to let it breath from the scruffy yet beautiful hairstyle, and Capitano starts taking off the heavy layers off him as well, with the helmet out.

You don't notice how one of your dress straps seem to fall off your shoulders, but he notices, and oh did that make something in him stir.

His steps closer from behind you, his hand reaching to put the strap back in place, but instead, he glances at the other strap.

It looked rather lonely being on your shoulder, his fingers delicately sliding the strap down which makes you ultimately still in your place.

Your entire body trembled slightly as Capitano's hands caressed your skin, tracing gentle paths across your shoulders and back down to the zipper on your side. “May i.. help you out of your dress?” His low, gruff voice, asking for permission to help you out of your dress, made your heart beat faster.

You could only nod in response, your voice silenced by a mixture of anticipation and desire. Capitano's touch was meticulous, his thumb and index delicately moving down the zipper with deliberate slowness, prolonging the tension.

Capitano lets out another low hum as he watches the dress slide down to your ankles, now leaving you only in your undergarments. His hands traced the contour of your body, his touch delicate yet possessive. His own breathing became ragged, the sight of you partially undressed igniting a fire in his eyes.

“Will you allow me to touch you?”

The question makes you turn your head, of course he can.

When you don't stop him from wrapping his arms around you, his chest pressed against your back, he takes it as a green light to continue.

His hand first brushed your hair out of the way, to allow his lips to come in contact with the nape of your neck, “you're so beautiful..." he whispered, his hot breath sending jolts of electricity through your core.

“I don't…” he hesitates, wanting to move his hands away, “i don't want to do anything you don't like.”

And your expression softens at his concern, you turn around to take his face into your hands, your thumbs caressing the apples of his cheeks and he nuzzles into your touch, wrapping a hand around your wrist before pressing a kiss to your palm. You further reassure him by littering his face with your lips, giving every empty space of his skin with at least one kiss.

“Allow me to experience this with you, and i shall take care of you till i take my very last breath.” he hoists you up easily into his arms, rough hand under your thighs as you wrap your legs around his waist, he laid you down on the soft sheets, his body covering yours as he looked down at you.

“You occupy my every thought,” he starts, “that it feels sinful to even look at your way.” He leaned down, his lips capturing yours in a searing kiss as his hand continued its exploration, ripping your bra off to cup your breast, feeling your nipple harden under his touch. He rolled it between his fingers, pinching it gently as he deepened the kiss when you gasp, his tongue delving into your mouth, savouring your taste and angelic sounds.

He leaned down afterwards, his mouth latching onto your nipple, sucking it into his mouth and your hands find his ling strands instantly, tugging on them while being careful not to hurt him.

His fingers traced down to your hip, giving them a firm squeeze before ripping your panties off next, his thumb rubbing circles on your clit, feeling you writhe and tense up under him.

It felt like an unknown territory you've yet to explore.

Upon sensing your discomfort, he presses his lips to your eyelids, then to your neck, taking his time until you relaxed, until you started feeling good based off how you were bucking your hips now.

Oh how he wanted to take his time with you, but he was aching so bad that if he continues touching you he might just burst embarrassingly fast in his pants.

“Let me in, my wife.” He gently starts massaging your thighs as he parts them, making you feel more exposed than ever, but he distracts you by softly kissing you again and again while he's unbuckling his pants and pushing them down, revealing his throbbing thick, hard cock.

“Capitano—!” you try to squirm away when you feel his tip push into your tight hole, your lips parting from the way he stretched you open, but at the same time you felt relaxed with his soft whispers of ‘take your time’ and ‘you’re doing well, my wife.’

Your cunt soon takes in every inch, swallowing him whole until you were a panting mess, and you didn't even start.

Capitano then began to move, his thrusts slow and deep at first, letting you get used to his size, to how you feel, to how he feels as he makes love to you for the first time together.

You feel your heart up to your throat and ears, it felt incredible, something you've never felt before, your soft moans echoing in the air along with a few groans coming from him.

He shivered when he felt your fingertips trace the few scars littering his shoulders and back, his dick twitching almost instantly before his thrusts grew faster, more urgent.

His hand reached down, returning back to draw circles around the bundle of nerves, and he could feel your body tense, your walls clenching around his cock as he continued to rub your clit.

“come for your husband,” he breaths heavily next to your ear, and you come undone, your moans filling the room as he felt you milk his cock. He could feel his own release following after, his balls tightening before he slammed into you one last time, spilling thick ropes into your womb, until you were filled to the brim.

Your legs were shaking slightly around him, yet his warm embrace afterwards made you melt, eyelids heavy with him still being buried inside you.

—

You groggily woke up, still half in a dream-like state, the room bathed in shadows due to the closed curtains blocking out the morning sun.

As your senses slowly returned to reality, you heard a soft meow next to you, and sure enough, your little kitten had made itself comfortable in the middle of the bed. To your surprise, Capitano, who was still asleep beside you, didn't seem bothered in the slightest by the creature's presence.

“pst,” you whisper to your husband who only hummed in acknowledgment of your attention. “Can we go have a picnic this early morning? With our baby kitten of course.”

Tags: @sayastyx, @nastylilcvnt, @bigboygoose,

#Capitano #il capitano #genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact x you #il capitano x reader #capitano x reader #capitano x you #fatui harbingers #fatui #genshin harbingers #capitano smut #genshin smut #genshin impact smut #genshin impact capitano #il capitano smut

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