#kitty.doc

[meer-katnip]

Title: geoff. Summary: "Nic," says Geoff with utmost patience. "I'm pretty sure everyone is a skeleton. You know. Deep down."

Time for a fucking Undertale AU, kiddos

Read on AO3, or

The transition from warm, autumn-y hallways and dim lighting to blinding white snow and a rush of cold is almost enough to make Nic stagger back a few steps. He stands and shivers for a second as the door to the Ruins slams shut behind him with a complete and utter finality. This is it. There's no going back. And he's only just realized that the striped shirt he had borrowed from Amalia probably isn't enough to keep him from getting frostbite.

There's a long path stretching out in front of him, lined on both sides by tall pine trees that stretch up into the mist. He has to take a moment to remind himself that, yes, he's still somehow underground (although he can't for the life of him work out why or how there's actual snow down here), and then he forces himself to start walking even though every horror-film-taught inch of him is screaming at him that this is a bad idea. In a movie, this would be the point where he, the unnamed, oblivious bit character, would get mauled by the ten-story high monster made of shadows and poison. And Nic Silver may be many things, but he is not the victim of a plot device.

A few minutes of walking later, nothing has happened and he's almost begun to relax- and then a twig behind him snaps.

He pauses; glances quickly back, notes that there's nobody there.

"Great," he mutters, and starts walking faster, trying to reach the gate he can see in the distance.

Snap. Nic speeds up again, practically running. He reaches the gate and realised that it's locked, and is just about ready to bang his head against it in frustration when a tall shadow falls over him.

Nic stares at the wood of the gate, completely frozen in fear. Oh god. Oh god. Nothing friendly would ever lurk in the shadows of the forest and menacingly snap branches and cast ominous shadows over random strangers, it's going to eat him. What if it eats him? He's going to die. He's going to-

"Boo."

Nic screams at the top of his lungs, and spins around, flailing wildly.

"Whoa," says the guy standing in front of him, stepping back. "Are you-"

"Oh, thank god, I thought you were some kind of monster for a second," Nic babbles for a second "-wait, were you stalking me?"

"Dude." The guy's staring at him. "I am a monster. We all are, down here."

"We all-" Nic stops, trying to catch his breath, and remembers what Amalia had said just before he left the Ruins. Just because this guy doesn't look like he's about to immediately kill Nic on sight doesn't mean he can't be dangerous. And if he's a monster- then what sort of monster is he?  "Right. Of course. Sorry. Forgot for a moment."

"It's cool." The guy's still studying Nic. "You came from the Ruins?"

"I- yes."

A curious sort of half-smile curves over the guy's face, and Nic instantly feels guilty for lying to him. "Huh. Never met anyone from the Ruins before. You going anywhere?"

"Yes," Nic blurts, and a moment passes where the two of them just sort of stare at each other, both waiting for the other to speak.

"That's cool," the guys says slowly, with a quirked eyebrow. He doesn’t look like he’s about to kill Nic, but then again- appearances can be deceiving. "Want to tell me where?"

"Uh- yes. Tanis. I'm going to Tanis." Nic twists his fingers together, hoping he doesn't look too out of place. "You wouldn't know where it is? What direction, I mean."

"Yeah, I know Tanis. It's a while away," the guy says. "But I can show you the way to the nearest town. You'll probably be able to find some information there."

"Great!" Nic grins in relief, and sticks out his hand. "I'm Nic. Nic Silver."

The man shakes it- his grip is firm and strong. "Geoff Van Sant. Nice to meet ya. Come right on through the gate- I know it looks like it's locked, it's not."

"Oh," says Nic, and then proceeds to follow Geoff- his new friend? - through the gate and further down the path. He glances back and notices that their footprints in the snow have all but disappeared already despite there being a distinct lack of snowfall in the general area.

"You're going to have to be careful, if you're looking for Tanis," Geoff warns him after a couple of metres of walking.

"Careful?" Nic hurries to keep up with the taller man, sneakers crunching awkwardly through the frost. His feet are soaked and frozen, but he's warm inside with the thrill of a mystery to solve and the possibility that he might actually solve it.

"Yeah, some people are really… well, touchy, I guess is the word. You know. Conspiracy nuts." Geoff makes a gesture towards that Nic takes to mean you know the sort. "After Tanis was discovered, the incident with the fallen humans happened, and it was blocked off to the general public, a lot of people got very obsessed with it. Seemed to be convinced that there was something behind it all."

Nic wants to ask about the 'incident', but is afraid that showing his lack of knowledge might expose him. "Really? What sort of people?"

"You don't know?… oh," Geoff scratches his head. "Right, you're from the Ruins. Well, I don't really keep track. I think some sort of cult was formed in Waterfall, and the Royal Scientist hasn't been the same since… well, you know. And," here a scowl develops on his face, "well. There's my brother."

"Your-" Nic's innate curiosity is bubbling up inside of him, and he's about to ask the obvious question when he sees the look on Geoff's face. It's dark and cold and almost filled to the brim with sadness.

"...okay," he says instead, with a lack of anything else to mention. "That's very interesting, thank you."

"Is it?" The new look that Geoff shoots him is almost surprised. "That sort of thing's normal around here."

Nic feels a sudden surge of something he can't pin down, and suddenly can't contain himself any longer. "...normal? Geoff, this place is extraordinary. The people here are amazingly kind and the most unique of any that I've met, and this place!" He gestures around himself; at the snow and the roof that he knows is there but can't see. "It's… it's magical. Everything is so new and excellent and I don't know how I ever saw anything as wonderful before it! How can you say it's normal?"

Geoff has stopped in his tracks and is now staring at Nic, who is feeling increasingly uncomfortable and a little hot around the ears after that outburst.

"...compared to the Ruins, I mean," he says lamely, backtracking, and blinks in surprise as he sees Geoff- well, there's no real word for it but flicker, he kind of sort of… becomes transparent for a second? He isn't sure if he really saw it or if it was just a trick of the light, but it causes him to stop and stare back at Geoff, resulting in an awkward few seconds when they're both just standing there, looking into each other's eyes.

"You've only been out of the Ruins a few minutes, dude," laughs Geoff, breaking the silence and averting his eyes quickly. "Maybe save the dramatic speeches for after you've met somebody other than me?"

Nic laughs too, grateful that attention is now being drawn away from his slip-up. "Yeah. Maybe. Sorry."

"No prob. I always enjoy being told that I'm amazingly kind and unique." Geoff winks at him, actually properly winks, and starts off again, leaving Nic standing, startled in the snow for a few seconds before he catches hold of his senses long enough to scurry after him. "Not too far now 'till we get to my sentry post."

"Sentry post?" Nic's now scrambling for information. Information's good, and more importantly, distracting. "You're a sentry?"

"Sure am." Geoff sticks his hands in his pockets, looking casually proud of himself. "Semi-official basis. I'm supposed to be looking out for any humans that wander around here."

"Humans?" Nic manages to force out after a short moment of panic, hoping it doesn't show in his voice.

"Yep. Ridiculous, isn't it? Like any human would be stupid enough to wander right down the main path and get caught by me." He shrugs. "But then again, the King comes up with the craziest shit."

"Yeah. Sure is crazy. Hahaha." Nic hopes he sounds casual, but he never was much good at acting. He wants to ask about the King, but now would actually be a really awful time to do that.

"I don't think I'd recognize a human if it walked straight up to me and introduced itself." Geoff tips Nic another wink, and he's just standing there in shock because either he's much better at pretending to be a monster than he thought, or Geoff is just really, really oblivious.

(Or faking it. It wouldn't be the first time that somebody had messed with him and he hadn't got the hint.)

And then Geoff does the flickering thing again, and this time Nic's sure he didn't just imagine it because for a brief second, he could see the clear outline of a skeleton underneath Geoff's skin, like he had suddenly gone completely translucent all over. The effect fades quickly, leaving Geoff looking quite embarrassed and Nic just staring again.

"Sorry," he says. "That… doesn't usually happen around strangers.” He scratches the back of his neck, looking- incredibly- embarrassed. “Magic’s annoying sometimes, huh?"

Nic has more important things on his mind. "Holyshityou'reaskeleton."

"Nic," says Geoff with utmost patience. "I'm pretty sure everyone is a skeleton. You know. Deep down."

"But-" And oh great, his hands are doing the flappy thing that he thought he had grown out of in high school. "-skeleton?!"

"You're acting like you've never seen one before." It's Geoff's turn to stare now. Nic, under the layers of immense freak-out extraordinaire that he's currently feeling, takes the time to note that he's acting remarkably blasé about it before he realizes, oh yeah, he's probably been a skeleton monster his whole life. (Life? Death? )

"I haven't!" Nic says, and then commences upon doing the most unconvincing backtracking he's ever done in his life. "-there's no monsters like you in the Ruins, I mean! They're all, um, different sorts of monsters. No, uh... skeletons."

"Uh huh." Geoff's face is blank, so very blank. "So, uh, what sort of monster are you, then?"

"What?"

"Fire magic. Secretly seven hundred spiders in a stripy shirt. You know."

"Um, right." Mentally, Nic berates himself for not seeing this coming, and casts around quickly for a decent explanation. "I'm a, um… I'm a Dalek."

"A Dalek?"

"Yeah." Do they have Doctor Who down here? Is that a thing? "When I get mad, an eyestalk bursts out of my head and my voice starts to grate menacingly."

"Whoa." Geoff's eyebrows raise in surprise. "Does that happen a lot?"

"Not really." Okay, cool, he's buying it. "I'm pretty calm most of the time. But when I'm not, you should see me."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I'm all like, exterminate and you will be assimilated-" oh shit, wrong TV show. Maybe he's getting into this a bit too much. "-well, anyway. I look pretty normal otherwise. Like you."

"That's good." They're walking again now, side by side along a snowy path. Nic's eyes occasionally dart in the direction of the forest around them, where he swears he can see weird shadowy figures moving around in the darkness. He tries his hardest to ignore them, and focus on Geoff, who's just as- if not more- interesting.

"Good?" he wonders aloud. "Why?"

"Oh, it's nothing really," Geoff says, and shrugs slightly, the movement tired. "But until you told me about your species, I almost thought you might be a human."

Nic tries his best to laugh this off. "What, me?"

"Yeah, like I said, nothing. Doesn't matter now, right? But if you were a human, there might be trouble."

"Trouble?" Nic really doesn't like how ominous that sounds.

"Yep. My brother's around here. Probably up ahead at the station, waiting for me."

Nic tries to rewind and remember what Geoff had said about his brother before. He remembers the reference as being very vague, almost in passing. "Um…"

"My brother's a fanatic, " the monster informs him, slightly too cheerfully.

Nic pauses, trying to gauge Geoff properly. "...a human-hunting fanatic?" he offers after a second.

Geoff laughs sourly. "Nah, just a fanatic."

A few seconds pass as Nic attempts to configure a response to this, and then there's a bend in the path up ahead and they're standing in a clearing, and-

"Geoff!" yells a voice- loud, clearly used to yelling- from next to the sentry post that's been constructed at the edge of the entrance to the next part of the paths. Nic jumps on the spot, but Geoff only lets out a small, defeated sigh that serves only to make him seem much smaller than he actually is.

"Hi, bro," he says, tiredly.

A bundle of rage and anger in a red cape comes storming up to them both, and Nic takes a defensive, instinctive step back. "Don't hi, bro me! It's been at least five days, and you still haven't checked the recordings!"

"I didn't need to, Karl," Geoff says. "I've been here the whole time."

"That doesn't matter!"

The newcomer- who Nic assumes, based on the evidence, is Geoff's brother- is shorter than his sibling, with glaring, suspicious eyes and what seems to be a permanent twitch in his right hand. The family resemblance, however, is hard to ignore- especially the flickering. Karl Van Sant seems to switch between being humanoid and literally being a skeleton every five seconds, and appears to almost vibrate with anger at the same time. The effect, overall, is startling, especially when compared to Geoff- who seems much more sedate.

"If we don't check the recordings," Karl is continuing, seemingly ignoring Nic's presence completely, "we might miss something important! Do you know what's in the forest, Geoff? Do you?"

"Tanis?" offers Geoff, without enthusiasm, and Nic barely suppresses a slight twitch. So Geoff does know more than he's letting on.

"We won't know!" shrills Karl- and yes, that's the only word for it, he's practically screaming by now. "Not unless we look!"

"I've been watching the forest for days, bro. Not a twitch," Geoff says. "Just the Grackles. You know. Like usual."

"They're involved, I've told you before!" Karl snaps, clearly exasperated. Nic feels like he's intruding on some sort of private moment, but can't quite bring himself to tear himself away. "There's something going on, Geoff, you can't deny it!"

"I can't," Geoff admits, and adds so softly that Nic only barely hears it, "not to you."

Karl glares, and flickers to skeleton, and glares some more, this time with empty eyesockets where his eyes should be, and then swings around, finally noticing Nic. "What's that?"

"It could be a rock?" Geoff suggests, with such a lack of emotion in his voice that it takes Nic a second to realize it's a joke.

"That's not a rock!" Karl screams. "It's a human!"

"That's not a human, bro," Geoff says. "I'm pretty sure it's a rock."

Or maybe it's not.

Karl swings furiously between Nic and Geoff for a few moments, during which Nic tries to make himself look as unobtrusive and rock-like as possible.

Karl finally gives up. "You're right," he says, utter sincerity in his voice. "It's a rock!"

Geoff nods. He looks sad. "Yep."

"I'll be up ahead!" Karl says, swinging around. His red cape flutters. It looks torn and jagged, and like it hasn't been washed for months. Humanoid, then skeleton, and back again. "And check those recordings!"

"I will," Geoff says, and he and Nic watch as Karl storms and stumbles off and out of sight. They keep on watching until there's nothing left to see.

"Is he…" Nic starts, unsure.

"No," says Geoff, and he looks tired, really tired. "Not, he's not. I- I don't know what to-"

Flicker. Quickly skeletal, and then back again. His mood changes at the speed of light, or maybe he just buries his emotions beneath some finely-constructed layer of faux-cheerfulness. "I hope you don't mind. You look a lot like a human, and… well. I wouldn't want him to get the wrong idea."

Nic, for once in his life, senses that pushing this topic would be a bad idea, and instead just nods.

"Okay, so," says Geoff. "The town's about a kilometre from here."

"Town?"

"Yeah, I'm assuming you want to get to Snowdin?" When Nic makes a small noise of unsure assent, he nods. "There's an inn, and a bar, and a library up there, it's a bit warmer than out here in the snow. I can't freeze to death, but you sure look like you might."

"Yeah, that… does sound good," Nic admits. "Do I just follow the path?"

"Straight through the forest," Geoff confirms. "If you see the Grackles, jut ignore them."

Nic nods, not daring to ask what 'the Grackles' are, and he takes one step forward before pausing. "-you're staying here?"

"Well, yeah," says Geoff. "Sentry duty, you know." He grins, flickers into skeleton and back quicker than Nic can process. "But I'll definitely see you around."

"Yeah?"

"Hell yeah. We can meet in town- or I'll bump into you later."

"Yeah?" Nic repeats, now grinning. He likes Geoff. Geoff has that sort of irresistible personality that just draws in- he seems easygoing and just sort of- cool. Easy to be around.

"'Course."

Geoff waves him off with a slight flicker of his outline and when Nic glances back a few metres later, he's disappeared without any sign that he had ever left- no footprints in the snow leading away.

Nic finds himself looking forward to seeing Geoff later, and he grins to himself again, bundling his sweater tighter around himself.

He sets off into the forest, feet crunching in the freshly-fallen snow, and doesn't look back.

[meer-katnip]

tired, never gonna finish this, so have a fic thing. this is like 4k-ish words of infodumping about this au, i hate this. i hate that it’s a fucking Fairy Tail au wft this manga is really awful. i hate it. i hate it?? but i love it too because it’s my comfort thing and also mk is a lesbian with a sword and that’s wonderful

ignore me. i’m just really idealistic and i love the self-indulgent versions of everyone in pnws/pra that i’ve built in my head. also i hate myself.

i put so much thought into this slay me

"I'm Nic," says the man with the messy hair and bright green eyes, swivelling around to give Richard a genuine, beaming smile reminiscent of a golden retriever. "I, uh, sometimes partner up with Alex."

"But usually he teams up with us!" calls a man from across the room, who's cradling a beer in one hand and he claps the shoulder of a woman whose fingers are dancing across thin air- and blue light- in front of her. She pursues her lips, and shoves him away from her with a movement that's both playful and forceful at the same time.

"Move the hand if you don't want to lose it, Geoff," she says lightly, and quickly turns her attention back to whatever she's doing.

Richard nods at this, eyeing the two of them for a moment, and then looking back at Nic. "If you don't mind me asking… what sort of magic do you three have?"

Alex raises an eyebrow at this- and judging by her expression, asking about somebody's magic so suddenly is borderline taboo. It looks like he's made a mistake, and he doesn't feel much like apologizing.

Thankfully, Nic doesn't seem to mind. "I'm a Celestial Spirit Mage," he says, and reaches into a pouch at his belt, pulling out a ring of keys. "I'm- well, I'm pretty much useless in hand-to-hand combat, but-"

"Too damn right you are!" comes another yell from the man across the room.

Nic grimaces. "Okay, there's no need to rub it in."

"There's plenty of need to rub it in!" continues the man, who Richard has now surmised is 'Geoff'. He seems just on the sober side of drunk, but not in a disruptive sort of way. Just kind of. Loud. "Remember the cultists?"

Nic groans, drops his head to the table where it lands with a clunk. "Yes. Yes, Geoff, I remember the cultists."

"And the tea?" Geoff is now leaning accusingly across his table, folding his arms. "We can't forget about the tea."

"We don't talk about the tea incident," interjects the woman, who's doing a very good job of looking as if she's not paying any attention whilst simultaneously maintaining deep engagement in the conversation.

"If we don't talk about the tea incident, it's going to happen again!" argues Geoff loudly. "History repeats itself!"

Nic just groans and flaps a hand vaguely in their direction. "Oh my god, shut up, you guys." He turns back to Richard. "Celestial Spirits can be summoned to this dimension if I have a contract and the corresponding key." He flips up a key with an indent shaped a bit like a bird's foot on it. It's bright, shiny silver, like it's been polished many times. "This is Corvus!" He beams down at it for a second, and then frowns. "I can't summon them today- it's not on the contract. But when I do, they can come and help me with… things."

"Things," says Richard.

"Yeah, they're a flock of birds." Nic tilts his head slightly, and then shrugs. "Crows, or ravens, I guess. They can lift me up a fair way, scout out places from above. Sometimes they even fight, if they feel like it. It's hard to tell with birds, you know?"

Richard eyes the rest of the keys. There's five in total, with only one being a bright gold and the rest being silver, like the Corvus key. "And the rest?"

"Ah, well…" Nic reaches out a finger, and taps on each of them in turn. "Cetus, Pegasus, Ara, and this one," his smile turns fonder, "that's Pisces. They're my only Golden Gate key."

"A Zodiac constellation?" Richard asks, having noticed a pattern with the other keys. "Does that make it special?"

"I guess?" Nic shrugs again. "I mean, maybe it makes them a bit more powerful, but really- who knows?"

Richard nods, satisfied. "And I suppose you can gather more keys, through various means."

"I buy mine, mostly," Nic replies, "but Pisces was a gift. Um." He turns to Geoff, and flaps a hand vaguely in his direction. "Care to explain yours?"

"Sure," Geoff shrugs, and rises easily from his seat. He's a lot taller than he looks- easily tall enough to rival Richard himself in height. He blinks a couple times, and then inclines his head at Richard. "Okay, try to fight me."

Richard just blinks. "I'm sorry?"

Geoff's smile grows wider. "Fight me. Try to land a punch or something, I don't mind."

Alex's laughing softly in the background, not really making any sort of sound, but her body is shaking in mirth. "Go on, Dr Strand."

He glances between Alex and Geoff, who are both clearly finding something extremely funny, then over to Nic, who's folded his arms and laid his head on them with a smile that clearly says he knows something. His keys have been inexplicably packed away when Richard wasn't watching, but he dismisses that as unimportant for the moment. It's when he glances at the woman still working at her screen of magic on the table that's been abandoned by Geoff, and he notices that even she is smiling with barely-concealed mirth that he folds his arms across his chest and gives an answer.

"No," he says.

The side of Geoff's mouth twitches downwards. "Aw, really?"

"Evidently it's funny enough that you're challenging me to a fight." He gestures around himself. "There's got to be a reason why there's no way I can win. It's likely that the result, had I decided to fight you, would have been quite embarrassing or amusing."

"Spoilsport," Alex says teasingly. "Okay, Nic, show him."

Nic sighs, and gets up, facing Geoff. He sways back and forth for a second, before suddenly ploughing straight forwards and directly into Geoff, who stumbles back a step as the full weight of an awkwardly-proportioned Celestial Spirit Mage . Going off the look of surprise on both their faces as Nic sprawled to the ground in a tangle of legs and arms, Richard surmised, this was not the thing that was meant to happen.

"You gotta come at me with ill intent, dude," Geoff says with a frown as Nic gets up, brushing himself off.

Nic screws up his face. "Okay, okay, um… you're a jerk for calling me weak! Rrgh!" He makes feeble fists with his hands, and everyone in the vicinity promptly laughs at him. Even Richard cracks a smile.

"Pathetic," calls the woman across the room. "You need to do it like this." She snatches up an empty beer mug with one hand, weighing it, and turns around for the first time. She glances at Geoff over the top of her sunglasses, smiles sweetly, and pitches it, hard, in his direction.

About half a metre from Geoff's head, where it was aimed, the mug seems to bounce straight off an invisible forcefield. It changes directions rapidly, and collides with the ground at high velocity, shattering into millions of pieces.

There's scattered applause and a few groans, and somebody exclaims indignantly; "I've got to clean that up!" but Richard is impressed despite himself. "Some sort of shield?"

"Pretty much," agrees Geoff, sitting down again. "It's always active, even when I'm sleeping, and pretty much impenetrable if you're trying to hurt or kill me. I mean, there's some ways of getting around it, but-"

Nic slides up next to him easily, and grins evilly before going straight for his stomach with outstretched hands. Geoff's sentence is broken off as they both collapse into giggles.

"Not in front of the new guy!" Geoff protests, but Nic is relentless.

"Yeah," concludes Alex after it becomes apparent that they're not going to stop. "And then there's MK."

'MK' waves from her table. "Hello, yes. That's me. Who wants to know?"

"I've heard of Archive magic before," Richard says. "I don't need it explained to me."

MK presses her lips together again, like she's trying to stop herself from smirking widely. "Oh, is that so?"

Alex is grinning again, and she nudges Richard with the back of her wrist. "You might want to rethink that. MK is, not to put too fine a point on it, a genius."

"First off, I prefer the term 'Information Specialist. Second of all, well…" MK holds her hands up to the interface she's been working at, actually grasping it like it's a solid object, and flipping it around to face Richard and Alex. "Archive magic is all well and good, but I felt like it could be improved." She taps at the screen, and blue-green symbols go flying across it. "I've created my own O.S. to work from, and I've developed a couple of new apps that can improve its use."

"'Oh Es'?" Richard's brow furrows. "'Apps'?"

"Operating system,  applications," MK explains. "General terms used by those in the Archive community. Don't worry about it too much, you'll probably never hear those abbreviations again. But hey, want a demonstration?"

Richard glances dubiously over at the participants in the last magic 'demonstration', who are still tickling the hell out of each other. MK quirks an eyebrow, and pushes her sunglasses up her nose. "I don't bite, Strand. Here, catch."

He only has time to give her a quick nod of assent before a blue disc comes sailing in his direction, and only barely manages to catch it. He holds it up, and examines it. "What is it?"

"Portable manifestation of my magic." MK's holding up an identical disc, and she taps at it for a second. "Okay, we got a connection. Say hello to the other side of the room, Strand!"

He frowns in confusion, but looks down at the disc. He's surprised to see an exact projection of MK's sardonic features, displayed in minute detail.

"I call it 'Skype'," she says.

When she talks, he can simultaneously hear her voice coming from across the room, where she's present physically, and from the disc. There's only a very slight delay between them. The effect, overall, is astounding.

"It tends to work especially well when some moron in our teams says something like, 'hey, we should split up!'," she continues. "Keeps us in touch, you know?"

"That was literally once!" Nic complains.

"You could have died, Nic," Geoff shoots back.

MK looks at Richard through the interface, and gives him an unreadable look. "After the incident that Nic here probably doesn't want to talk about, I developed this. So now if one of us is going to die, the rest of us can now see the gory details in real-time, and they don't have to die alone."

Richard isn't quite sure if this is a joke or not, so he just nods. MK's sense of humor- if you can even call it that- is a bit hard for him to get a hold of. "If you don't mind me asking," he starts, and then trails off.

"Go on," Alex prompts.

"Well, you stated before that the three of you," he indicates MK, Geoff and Nic with a hand, "work together frequently. And judging by the sorts of things that this guild has a reputation for, I assume that 'working together' often involves fighting people and things."

"That's right," Alex says with a nod.

Richard frowns. "It seems to me that the three of you aren't quite… shall we say, compatible?"

Geoff stiffens, and maybe Alex does too, but it's hard to tell. Nic, however, sits up, and places his hands, outstretched on the table. "Okay, I'm trying my best not to be offended here, but- um, maybe explain?"

Richard sighs. "I meant  no insult, and I do apologize. I simply meant that your particular skillset is… well." He nods at Nic. "Although you do have some offensive capabilities, they seem to be constrained by your 'contracts', which limit you to certain days of the week, and in the short time I've known you, you and your friends have reiterated several times that you're not a fighter. Although, er, you," he nods at Geoff, "seem to have quite a powerful means of defence, you have no visible attack to speak of. And the interesting use of Archive magic is certainly useful, but I don't see how it would do much good in a combat situation."

The three of them exchange glances for a second.

"I mean, he does have a point," Geoff says after a moment. "He could have worded it better, but…"

"Oh good, the jerkass has a point," MK says, rolling her eyes. "Everything is all right now, obviously." She stands up, dispelling all of her screens with a casual flick of her wrists. "Listen up, Strand. Magic isn't the only way of winning a fight." She reaches underneath the table, and pulls out a thin leather sheath, throwing it roughly onto the table between her and Richard. It thumps as it hits "Know what this is?"

He eyes it. It looks like a sword. "It's a sword."

"Wrong," she snaps. "It's a modified Épée." She pulls it out of its sheath with a satisfying-sounding grind of metal, and holds it in one hand with the blade pointing to the ground. "Normal Épées bend easily, and mainly get used when rich fuckers want to show off. This," she holds it up, as if to prove a point, "has been strengthened, sharpened and could probably cut your head off in one slice. I carry this around because it's lighter than most other swords, and people tend to estimate a girl with a weapon that's usually used for mock duels."

"This is a backsword," Geoff adds, unsheathing his own from a large bag that must be bigger on the inside, if it's able to contain a sword that large. "I have no idea what people usually use it for, but it can do a lot of damage."

"And the entire guild has agreed that we shouldn't, under any circumstances trust Nic with any sort of short-range, non-magical weapon," MK concludes. "At least, not until he apologizes to Carly about nearly taking her head off."

"She's avoiding me," Nic complains.

"We can take care of ourselves," Geoff says, turning to Richard. "Other members of the guild sometimes join us if the job  looks difficult, but that doesn't happen often."

"Usually the sight of MK is enough to scare any attacker away," Nic says with a sudden grin.

MK doesn't even glance over at him as she almost casually holds a middle finger up in Nic's direction. "Fuck you, Silver. You'd be dead a million times over if I wasn't around to save your sorry ass."

Nic laughs, crossing his legs as he turns again. Sometime during the last couple of minutes, they've all arranged themselves so they're congregated around one small table. "You wouldn't have to save my 'sorry rear end' as much if you'd actually teach me how to fight."

A slow, terrifying smile curves across MK's face. "Are you asking me to fight you, Nic? Because I can and will fight you, given half the chance."

Nic suddenly looks intensely worried. "...please don't hurt me."

"Geoff," says MK. "Go find a job for us while Nic and I discuss just how much he'd have to pay me to not kick his ass."

Geoff snaps off a quick salute in her direction and makes a hasty retreat towards the request board. "Gotcha!"

Richard watches them for a second- bickering, laughing, happy, then turns back to Alex, who's doing the same. "Miss Reagan-"

"Alex," she says, "please."

"Alex," he says cautiously. "I'd like to apologize. That was... rude of me."

"It was," she agrees with a small laugh, "and you should honestly be apologizing to them. But yeah. I get what you mean. They don't look like they could take on anybody more powerful and survive, do they?"

Richard frowns, tilts his head. "But can they?"

"Who knows?" Alex shrugs, as Geoff returns to the table, a scrap of paper torn off the board in hand. He begins to speak to MK and Nic in a low voice, and they both lean in, visibly interested. Alex scratches her arm absently for a second, looking thoughtful. "Hey- want to see how the request process works?"

"I-" Richard begins. "-yes. That would be… good."

"Come on, then." Alex stands up, and they join MK, Nic, and Geoff at their table. Alex takes a seat, looking comfortable in their presence, but Richard hovers awkwardly a few feet away.

"What's up?" Nic asks with a small smile.

"Dr Strand was wondering how the request process works, and we were hoping you guys could walk him through it," Alex explains, with a small flap of her hand in Richard's direction. "Hey- come on over. They don't bite."

"Speak for yourself," MK says with a small snort, but lays the paper scrap on the table in front of Richard as he cautiously approaches. "Okay, so this is basically how it works. Anybody with a certain amount of money can pay to have a request put in the guild of their choice. Sort of like Craigslist."

"'Craigslist'?" Nic asks, looking confused.

"Archive magician thing, don't worry about it," MK sighs. "Anyone who's in the guild can take a request, but they have to consult with either the guild master or somebody acting in place of them first. You can't just go running off on a job with no warning. For example," she taps the request in front of her, "this."

"'Seeking Tanis, runner available'," Richard reads, peering over his glasses. "Two million jewels." He frowns. "That's very vague."

"Yup." Geoff pops the 'p', and grins. "Which is kinda unusual, usually they're a lot more detailed than that. But hey- two million jewels! Money is money!"

"So how do you know where to go?" Richard asks, eyeing the sparse sheet of paper. It doesn't look like it contains any further information.

"Well, we talk to one of the guild masters," Nic says, and gestures towards the bar counter, where a girl with glasses and her hair pulled into a high ponytail is reading a book, frowning slightly. "Or Carly, who's in place of them at the moment. She'll probably say yes, if she's not annoyed at whoever asks, and then she'll give us more details."

"I'll do it," Geoff volunteers. "She's not annoyed at me."

Nic sighs. "Look-"

"Yeah, yeah, dude, we know, you didn't mean to swing that sword at her head." Geoff crosses his arms. "However, the fact still stands that she'll probably smite you if you try to file that request."

MK rolls her eyes. "Just get on with it. And maybe don't try to flirt with her this time, or you'll be the one on the receiving end of that smiting."

Geoff leaves with a huffy sort of flounce that's entirely unsuited to somebody that's as physically imposing as he is. It looks like it'd be more suited to a teenage girl.

"Carly's girlfriend is missing," Alex says to Richard. "Geoff didn't know when he first met her, and Carly forgave him, but nobody will let it drop."

Richard frowns again. "I see."

She grins, and he sees that she realizes that he really doesn't. He thinks it's nice of her to explain everything to him, even while he's being his normal self- distant and almost cold.

"Guild masters?" he says instead of voicing this thought, putting emphasis on the plural. Alex nods, crossing her arms.

"There's two of them- Terry and Paul," she explains. "They share the responsibility, I guess? Except Paul is pretty much invisible all the time." She frowns. "And I mean that literally. I don't think I've actually seen him for about a month. Oh, and Terry does Transformation Magic," she adds. "Specifically, Nic."

This is a complete non-sequitur, and Richard is completely baffled. "Nic?"

"He can transform into literally anything," Alex says with a frown, "and I mean literally anything. He's insanely powerful. He could probably rule the country if he wanted to." She pauses and sighs. "But guess what he does instead? He turns himself into a mirror image of Nic Silver, and walks around the guild, messing with us. It's completely impossible to tell them apart, they even sound alike. And what's worse, I'm pretty sure Nic's in on it as well."

"I see," says Richard again. He doesn't, and Alex recognizes this once more, smiling at him.

"Yeah, we're a pretty eclectic guild."

Geoff returns, looking triumphant. Richard risks a glance back at Carly, and, true to form, she doesn't look like she wants to smite anybody in particular at the moment. "We got the job!" Geoff announces, exchanging a slightly awkward fistbump with Nic, who looks like he's not quite sure what he's meant to be doing.

"And now," MK says to Richard, looking utterly deadpan. "We go off on yet another suicide mission, with absolutely no regard for our personal health and safety. Hooray."

Geoff grins and claps MK on the back, opening his mouth, but before he even begins to speak, she grabs his wrist, and twists him easily into a headlock. He blinks from the hold, looking slightly bemused. "I was going to say; how about we meet at the train station at noon today? But if you want to kill me first, I'm fine with that too."

"Any reason for your collective morbid sense of humour?" Richard asks, echoing Geoff's bemused expression. MK laughs sourly.

"We're all depressed pieces of shit, and this is our coping mechanism," she says flatly, letting Geoff of her grip, and nods in his direction. "Midday sounds good. I'll go get packed." She stands, gathering her blue magic in front of her. "See you around, Strand. Alex looks like she likes you- maybe she can keep you."

He blinks, and she's gone, the hem of her loose shirt whipping around the doorframe.

"I guess I'll go pack, too," Geoff says, stretching. "Nice to meet you, Dr Strand."

Richard inclines his head, not sure how to respond, and watches as he leaves too, leaving just him, Nic and Alex behind.

Alex pats Nic's arm across the table, and meets his gaze in a oddly serious manner. "Be careful."

"I will be," he laughs, and pats her hand in return, standing up. "Don't worry about me. MK'll beat the shit of anyone who looks threatening."

"Cultists," she calls after his retreating figure. "Don't forget the cultists, Nicodemus!"

"I wish everyone would!" comes his returning cry, and then he's gone, and it's like the world is just Richard and Alex once more. Alex smiles at the doorway briefly, and then returns her attention back to Richard. 

"So," she says. "What do you think?"

Richard takes a moment to think about this, staring around at the guild, with all the people gathered into groups, and the bright atmosphere. He doesn't believe in auras, but if he did, he would think that the entire area glows with welcoming energy, and Alex Reagan most of all.

"I think," he says, "that this is the perfect guild to take a request from me."

"Oh?"  She looks confused, but mildly pleased as well.

"Miss Reagan," he says, and allows a genuine smile to crack across his face. "I would very much like it if you would help me track down somebody very close to me."

.

.

(thats it)

[meer-katnip]

Title: There Are Dangerous Friends Summary: Nic Silver- Canadian cinnamon roll journalist extraordinaire- falls down a hole and nearly gets himself killed. These two facts, oddly enough, are not as closely connected as you might think.

more of this ridiculous Undertale AU

Read on AO3, or:

In Nic's defence, he hadn't seen the hole coming. It just kind of- well, loomed out of nowhere. Okay, yeah, sure, it was a really large hole and therefore pretty easy to spot, but he had been preoccupied- mainly with talking into a microphone. The golden flowers growing around the mountainside in sprawling patterns are very interesting, and he's sure that the producers at Pacific North West Stories will be fascinated with the story behind them- whatever it is.

"The patterns around here are very weird," he notes, swivelling on his heel to examine the rest of the mountain. From here- at the top of Mt Ebott- he can see for miles into the Pacific North West. He's almost high enough to be able to touch the faint wisps of clouds, hanging lazily above him. "It's almost like some sort of magic." He takes a step back. "If you squint, you can almost see some sort of message hidden in the flowers." Another step. "-I'm probably just being fanciful."

Big hole in the middle of the ground, hapless reporter wandering around with his eyes focused on the device in his hands and the scenery around him.

You don't need to be Sherlock Holmes to deduce what comes next.

Nic teeters at the edge of the hole, hands pinwheeling wildly (but still managing to keep a death grip on his recorder). For a second, he almost steadies himself, but then his foot slips out from underneath him- a casualty of a loose slab of rock.

He falls.

Into black.

∵ 

Nic wakes slowly, consciousness ebbing at him like a particularly teasing tide. His head is surrounded by golden flowers, he notes- exactly like the ones on the cliffs of Mt Ebbot. They're bobbing in a breeze that he can't quite discern, but it's coming from somewhere next to him.

He looks up, and sees rocky cliffs- steep and sloping upwards towards a faint spot of light.

A faint spot of light that he probably fell from-

-oh shit.

Nic sits up abruptly, causing his pounding headache to worsen. He winces, and stares down at the flowers- soft and bouncy and they must have somehow broken his fall.

He's never appreciated nature more, honestly.

After checking in his pockets for his recorder- which is very empathetically Not There- he goes hunting around in between the flowers, and finds it smashed across the ground; fractured into tiny pieces.

"I paid thirty bucks for that," Nic whispers in horror, before realizing after a moment that his life is probably worth more than a recorder, no matter how much sentimental value it has to him. Besides, he can just buy another one as soon as he can get back up.

If he can get back up.

He gathers the pieces up, and shoves them into his pocket, hoping they won't weigh him down too much.

Then he goes looking for an exit.

He finds one almost immediately- a large archway, carved out of the dark, almost purple rock that's abundant down here. There's no source of light that way, but it looks like the only way out of the clearing, so he decides to take it.

The archway leads to a long corridor that definitely looks like it's been carved intentionally, rather than formed by some natural phenomena. Which definitely increases the chances of there being some sort of human population down here. That's promising.

The light gradually dwindles away into nothing as he continues, going from grey to darker grey to black, until he can't see anything at all, and the only sound he can hear are his own footsteps. He reaches out to feel at the walls, but somehow they've dropped away from him without him noticing.

He's blind and alone, and he doesn't know what to do.

"Hello," says a voice in the black.

Nic turns; does an entire three hundred sixty swivel, but can't make out the source of the voice, which is probably due to the overwhelming amount of darkness around him. His eyes are slowly adjusting to the lighting, but not fast enough.

"Hi?" he says cautiously, thinking, oh good, human being. "Is somebody there?"

"Hello," the voice repeats, and a girl steps out of the shadows.

Actually, no- on second thoughts, it's not a girl. Not entirely, anyway. Her arms have a faint tinge of green to them that he can barely make out, and her hair is bright yellow- not a natural color- and cascading over her shoulders in a messy wave. For some reason, she strikes Nic as almost flower-like. And- for some reason- Nic isn't immediately terrified of her presence. He's more curious about her, than anything.

She stares at him with bright, intelligent eyes. "You're new around here, aren't you?"

Nic freezes for a second, and then nods, slowly. "Yeah. I guess I am."

She studies him for a second, and then breaks out into a bright, beaming smile. "Awesome! I'm Tara. Tara Reynolds."

"I'm Nic," Nic says, and almost offers her a hand to shake before he realizes that he doesn't know what sort of customs strange green girls living under mountains have and this might all actually be just a hallucination caused by bumping his head on a rock on the way down.

"Hello, Nic," she says. "Did you know that this place is bigger on the inside?"

It's so strange, such a non-sequitur, that he almost laughs out loud. Sure. There's a crazy plant girl telling him the hole beneath the mountain is bigger on the inside- this day has been weird enough already, so why not?

"It is?" he asks non-committally. Tara edges out slowly into the dim light that's spilling in from the hole above them.

"Inside the cabin," she says abruptly.

"The cabin?" Nic suddenly wishes his recorder was working- as terrifying as this experience is, it sounds like exactly the sort of thing he'd want to catch on tape.

"Yes." She nods, although her eyes aren't exactly focusing on him- more like somewhere just a few inches above his head. "The air is… cool, and feels thicker or maybe just different, or maybe it’s just me, but there’s a slight metallic smell in the air." She starts suddenly, jumping like a skittish cat, and practically screams. "Sam! I think I can hear them outside, I’m gonna have to- oh!"

Nic steps forward cautiously. "Um- Tara? Are you-"

"I'm great!" she howls. "Amazing- wonderful- dangerous- magical-"

Holy shit, Nic thinks, but doesn't say it out loud because he feels like he's used up his swearing quota for the day.

Tara shoots forwards, and claw-like hands grab at Nic's shoulders, digging into his flesh. Her skin feels like dry leaves, and he could swear it's actually crunching against him.

"Nic," she whispers, face close to his so he can actually smell the sap on her breath- dear god is that disturbing- and feel the dry crackle of her hair as it shifts, "there are dangerous things."

He's frozen, staring at her. He notices that there's faint traces of dark stains above her lips and trailing down her arm, and he really doesn't want to think about what that could be.

"There are magical things," she continues. "There are dangerous things."

"I don't-"

"We get what we deserve," she says, and grins at him. Her teeth are stained red.

Nic struggles against her, attempting to twist out of her grip. It's completely ineffectual.

It figures, he reflects bitterly, that he'd be killed by a psychopathic flower girl only minutes after miraculously surviving a fifty-foot drop.

He's just about resigned himself to his fate when he hears footsteps.

∵  

"Out!" screams a heavily-accented voice from somewhere within the tunnel running alongside the cavern he and Tara are in, and suddenly there's another woman with long, tangly hair getting right into Tara's face- and holy shit, her hands are literally flaming with actual proper fire, is that magic? "Get out, you monstrous creature!"

Tara hisses- almost like a cat, really- and retreats into the shadows, and before Nic can even react or ask her wait, what did you mean, she's gone- literally melting into the walls until nothing's left.

Nic realizes, quite abruptly, that at some point during the proceedings, he had fallen onto his backside and was still lying there, stunned.

"Well," says the woman, and turns reagally to face him. She has copper eyes, narrow and striking, and- most shocking of all, he can't say why he hadn't noticed before- long, curling horns, spiralling up from the tangle of her hair. "What a terrible creature, tormenting such an innocent… human…"

There's something about the way she says 'human' that doesn't really settle right with Nic, but he chooses to ignore it. "Um, thank you, I think. But… she wasn't bothering me. Really."

The woman- monster?- shakes her head, and mutters, "that's what they all think," under her breath before extending a hand towards him, which he takes. She helps him to his feet. "My name is Amalia. I am the keeper of the Ruins."

It strikes him, quite suddenly ,that she has a rather strong Russian accent for somebody who literally lives underneath the ground. He wonders where she got it from "I'm Nic. Nicodemus," he says, almost automatically, and curses himself for revealing his dreaded full name to a complete stranger- one with demonic horns, for god's sake. It must have been something about her nature, he thinks, that reminds him partly of his mother and partly of that girlfriend he had for an entire week in college. Something disarming.

"You fell down here," says Amalia, and it's not a question. "How?"

Nic bites his lip. "I- er, tripped."

"Tripped." Amalia's copper stare is deadpan and entirely unbelieving.

"I was preoccupied," Nic defends himself. "The flowers-"

"Yes, they are rather fascinating, aren't they?" Amalia turns towards the tunnel she emerged from, and begins to walk- trusting, perhaps, that he'll follow her. "Come with me. You cannot stay out here all day, Nicodemus."

Nic hurries after her. "Uh, it's just Nic. Please. Call me Nic."

"Hm."

The 'hm' is not encouraging.

[meer-katnip]

for @hales-emissary, who prompted me to tell the tale of the 6-hour beer date.

or, read it under the cut!

-0.05

There's two men outside the bar, just kind of loitering on the street. They're kind of steadily avoiding eye contact, and maybe pretending that they're not waiting for each other.

This could take a while.

-0.02

The shorter one finally initiates contact. It's almost like watching a nature documentary. He goes up to the taller one, introduces himself as Nic, Nic Silver. The taller one eyes him for a moment and then says that he's late. Nic says what, as in the late Nic Silver? and laughs in the manner of somebody who's told that Douglas Adams joke many times even though it might be getting tiresome. The taller one looks a bit stunned for a moment- then laughs too, although it sounds a bit forced.

-0.01

The taller one introduces himself as Geoff, Geoff Van Sant, and corrects the spelling of his name at least three times before Nic finally gets it. I know who you are, says Nic, and oh god does that sound creepy that seems like it sounded a bit creepy, I didn't mean it like that, you called me remember?

Geoff laughs again. It's not as forced this time.

0.00

They enter the bar, and order two beers before sitting there in silence, eyeing each other up. Actually, Geoff's doing most of the eyeing. Nic appears to be completely oblivious to the fact that Geoff is attempting to figure out whether he's a threat or not. Geoff appears to be completely oblivious to the fact that Nic is completely oblivious.

0.01

Nic starts recording.

0.04

The beers have arrived. Geoff downs half of his in a second flat. Nic sips at his.

0.05

Nic explains about the message and Tanis in one minute or less. Geoff considers this.

0.06

There is a long, awkward silence.

0.07

The long, awkward silence prevails.

0.08

Nic stops recording.

0.09

Geoff is thinking about every way to kill a man using nothing but his bare hands. Nic is thinking about Tanis.

0.10

Geoff is thinking that Nic doesn't look that dangerous but also that's no indicator of actual danger. Nic is thinking about Tanis.

0.12

Geoff is thinking that Nic's actually pretty cute and it'd be really terrible if he turns out to be an assassin. Nic is thinking about Tanis.

0.15

Geoff is now considering his empty beer glass and wondering if it would be rude to go and order another one. Nic is still thinking about Tanis.

0.19

Geoff has returned from the bar with two extra beers. Nic decides to break the awkward silence, which has reached impressive levels. Do you have any family? he says. My brother died last month, Geoff says. Oh shit, Nic thinks.

0.20

The awkward silence returns with vigour.

0.22

Geoff is thinking about how politely he can make an excuse to leave and if it's actually worth being polite. Nic is thinking that Geoff's brother's death might actually be connected to Tanis and that it's probably a really bad idea to bring that up.

0.24

Nic brings it up.

0.26

Nic is now sitting alone at the table, with two unfinished beers and a fuckton of regrets. Geoff is outside, leaning against a wall and staring at nothing, and thinking about what a mistake this was.

0.27

Geoff considers going home.

0.29

Nic emerges with a beer in his hand, and offers it awkwardly to Geoff. He apologizes very quietly and for a second Geoff just stares at it.

0.32

Nic and Geoff have reclaimed their table, and are now settled once more, making surprisingly non-awkward small talk. Geoff is thinking that Nic's cute but almost dangerously awkward. Nic is wondering what Geoff knows about Tanis.

0.35

The non-awkward small talk becomes markedly more awkward when Nic asks about Geoff's romantic life. Geoff stutters for a second before making up an imaginary girlfriend on the spot. He thinks he might have imagined the disappointed expression that crosses Nic's face, but can't be sure.

0.45

Things are going swimmingly. Nic and Geoff have migrated to a table in the corner of the bar and have continued with their discussion of inconsequential things. Nic is telling Geoff about his work at Pacific North West Stories.

0.46

We're the premier radio station in the Pacific North West, Nic is saying. Geoff is frowning, and wants to say that he's never actually heard of them but this is nice and interrupting the conversation would be rude at this point.

0.52

Geoff has now dismissed the possibility that Nic is an assassin and now is beginning to wonder if he's attempting to kill him with ridiculous amount of nice. Nobody's talked to him like this for years, not even Karl.

0.53

Geoff goes silent for a while as he thinks about Karl.

0.54

Geoff orders another beer.

1.00

It is now the one hour mark, and neither Nic nor Geoff show any signs of moving. Geoff is wondering if this counts as a date, or if he's being too forward. Nic is wondering how he should introduce the topic of Tanis back into this conversation.

1.04

So I mentioned my podcast, Nic says- that's like radio for the internet, by the way, did I say that? Geoff nods, makes a go-on signal with his hands.

1.05

No, says Geoff, no no no, absolutely not.

1.07

The long, awkward silence makes its triumphant return.

1.09

Sorry, says Nic. Geoff is now wondering if that thing where he makes all apologies look so heartfelt and cute is a Canadian thing to  or just maybe a Nic thing. It's cool, says Geoff, want another beer?

1.16

Okay, says Geoff after another beer, maybe. You'll have to tell me more about it first though.

1.29

Nic and Geoff are now huddled in the corner together, conversing in low voices. The bartender has pulled out a notebook and is now making a shipping chart. She is debating if she should text her friend cute pictures or if that would be an invasion of privacy.

1.32

Probably not, she decides after a while, and then sends about twenty.

1.33

Nic and Geoff have no idea that they have very recently become a local OTP, and are still engrossed in conversation. Geoff is thinking that maybe he should tell Nic he's actually single, but is quickly realizing that might involve letting slip that he hasn't had any prolonged human contact for years. Nic is very excited that somebody who isn't Alex is interested in Tanis.

1.36

The conversation slips away from Nic's podcast and moves back to romantic entanglements. Geoff is shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

1.38

Nic is just buzzed enough to let slip the fact that his sort of kind of ex girlfriend might actually be possessed by a demon. Geoff nearly spits out his drink.

1.40

Nic is now telling Geoff about Dr Richard Strand. Apparently does marvellous impressions.

1.53

The bartender's hands leap to her heart when she hears Nic and Geoff giggling, and she immediately starts posting to her Twitter account. Unbeknownst to any of them, these images will be trending by early the next morning.

2.00

The two hour mark has been reached. This is only slightly less impressive than the fact that neither Geoff nor Nic have noticed that they've been here for that long.

2.02

Geoff orders pretzel sticks. Things seem to be going great.

2.05

Geoff is thinking that he might have finally figured out his sexuality. If anybody had been listening in, it would come as absolutely no surprise to them to find out that Nic is still thinking about Tanis.

2.07

Geoff decides that spending overhead of two hours drinking beer with a complete stranger elevates Nic's status to at least a level ten friend. He begins to recount his tragic backstory in hushed tones.

2.10

The bartender begins to text a friend who interns at the local radio station. Within minutes, the two of them are discussing whether their client and boss are fucking or not. This is simultaneously awkward and thrilling. Neither Geoff nor Nic will ever know.

2.19

Nic, too, decides that Geoff is, if not level ten, hovering somewhere around level eight (which is several levels higher than Meerkatnip is currently) and decides to share his somewhat less-than-tragic backstory, which involves weed brownies at college and a very nice girl called Patricia.

2.21

Geoff is wondering if there's any polite way to ask how straight Nic is. Nic is wondering if there's any polite way to let Geoff know that he thinks he's cute.

2.24

Nic excuses himself to the bathroom. Geoff spends  the entire time that he's gone fiddling with a pretzel stick and staring at the door that he left through.

2.28

Nic returns. Geoff's smile is bright enough to penetrate sunglasses.

2.31

Nic brings up Meerkatnip, and Geoff tries not to look disappointed.

2.32

Geoff finally plucks up the courage to ask if Nic and Meerkatnip are dating, and Nic's response is such a loud giggle that half of the people in the bar look up in surprise.

2.33

No, but she keeps telling me that I should drop hints that we're fucking on the podcast, Nic explains. Her words, not mine, he adds. Geoff laughs and says, you gonna do that? Nic shrugs; laughs again- maybe in season two.

2.34

So when do I meet her? Geoff asks after a moment. Nic stares deep into his mug for a moment. Moments before she's about to kick your ass, probably, he says.

2.45

They order more beers.

3.00

The three-hour mark has passed. They are now nearly drunk enough to attempt Charades.

3.14

They are now exactly drunk enough to attempt Charades.

3.16

The game ends abruptly when Geoff tries to act out Dr Strand, and ends up walking into a wall.

3.24

Geoff asks if Nic wants to go back to his place. He's now nursing a bruised face with an icepack pressed to it that the bartender kindly supplied. Nic thinks about it for a couple of minutes and then shrugs. He's fine here; maybe later.

3.30

Geoff is thinking about how he actually wouldn't mind if Nic turned out to be an assassin by this point, at least now he can die happy. Nic considers thinking about Tanis, but ultimately decides to think about Geoff instead.

4.00

Four hours in. Nic has no regrets. Geoff has many regrets, but none of them are related to this current situation.

4.05

Nic suggests a round of Mornington Crescent. Geoff googles this on his phone and then agrees.

4.06

The game of Mornington Crescent is indefinitely postponed when both of them realize that they're far too drunk to remember any sort of London street names, much less make up rules as they go.

4.10

Nic pulls out a notebook and colored markers and invites Geoff to help him rewrite the entirety of the US Constitution.

4.23

Nic and Geoff have now constructed a system of government that actually works far better than any actual government ever will. Neither of them will remember this tomorrow, and humanity will not discover this accidental work of art again for nearly three hundred years.

4.30

Nic falls asleep at the table. The bartender muffles a squeal, and posts a picture to her Twitter account. Her follower count is slowly increasing. Soon her account will have gathered enough fame to reach verification status.

4.43

Geoff inadvertently wakes Nic up by knocking an empty glass to the ground where it shatters, and apologies profusely. Nic says it's fine.

4.44

For the next fifteen minutes, Nic waxes poetic about his socks, mattresses, and some sort of postage service for no apparent reason. He sounds like he's advertising something. Geoff doesn't know what happening, but he thinks it's kind of cute.

5.00

Five hours have now passed since Nic and Geoff entered the bar. The bartender is cleaning the table next to theirs, pretending she can't hear a word of their highly personal conversation.

5.11

Geoff and Nic are no longer having  a highly personal conversation. They are, instead, throwing around various ideas for what Tanis might actually be. So far they've decided that it's probably not any of the Greek or Roman gods or Amalia Chenkova.

5.13

Nic suggests that Squarespace Dot Com is behind everything. This seems plausible enough, so they both order another drink.

5.15

Geoff puts the final touches on the Constitution Mark 2, and they both sign their names at the bottom.

5.17

It turns out that Nic is very cuddly when drunk. Geoff usually doesn't like hugs, but- okay, come on, it's Nic.

5.19

The bartender's Twitter account has gone viral.

5.30

Nic falls off his chair, and decides to spend the rest of the night lying on the ground. The bartender is wondering if posting videos of strangers on the internet is illegal, and if it is, how much she actually cares.

6.00

Nic and Geoff simultaneously realize that it's now midnight, and they're the only ones left in the bar except for the bartender, who's still sleepily liveblogging. They look at each other and silently decide never to mention this on the podcast.

6.02

Nic and Geoff exit the bar, and exchange numbers, before making arrangements to meet up tomorrow. This probably doesn't count as a second date, they both are thinking. Neither of them will ever know that this thought was shared.

6.03

Nic calls Alex to drive him home.

6.10

She isn't too pleased about being woken up at midnight, and spends the rest of the ride back mercilessly teasing him about his new lead, or possibly boyfriend. Nic shifts awkwardly in the back seat and wonders if he should tell her he thinks Geoff is cute.

[meer-katnip]

geoffic + the stars are beautiful tonight

i did two versions of this.

one version is here.

here’s the other sorry it’s short

“The stars are beautifultonight,” Nic says, and turns to grin at Geoff with a sun-bright intensitythat would make a golden retriever ashamed of itself. Geoff returns the grin-because they’re sitting on a picnic blanket on the hill behind the PNWS studioand oh my god this is practically a date even though Nic might as well haveno-homo’d him with the amount of oblivious he emanates.

“I would’ve thought you’d becompletely off stars,” Geoff notes, turning his gaze back to the sky, andtracing out constellations with his eyes. “You know, with the whole-thing…”

Nobody’s really talking too much aboutNic’s second suicidal jaunt into the woods, although Geoff suspects when Season3 of Tanis drops, the part of the internet that seems to be fascinated with Nicdoing grievous harm to his mind and body will explode.

“Shouldn’t you be terrified of thestars or something at this point?” Geoff as ks.

Nic shrugs, bumping shoulders with him.“Unless they start changing patterns without warning-”

Geoff laughs, and lies back, cushioning hishead with folded arms. “Yeah, at that point it’d probably be a good ideato go inside.”

“Or video it,” Nic says, almostoffhandedly. Geoff shoots him an incredulous look, and he just shrugs again andsmiles and they go back to watching the stars.

There’s a few moments of silence before Nicspeaks again.

“The stars are beautifultonight,” Nic says, and Geoff snorts.

“You said that already, dude,” hepoints out.

“I know, I know, but- do you knowwhat’s more beautiful?”

Geoff freezes, heart in his throat.“This- this sounds like the lead-up to a really awful joke, Nic.” Hepauses. “Um- what is?”

Nic lies down too, not exactly close toGeoff but also not very far away either. He smiles again. It’s an excellentsmile. Geoff wants to see it more.

“Me?” Geoff ventures.

Nic grins. “Yeah.”

[meer-katnip]

did anybody ever had a crush on MK (and if so did they survive) OR did MK ever have a crush on anyone? (or at least what she thought was a crush)

This went in a slightly different direction, hope you don’t mind

(I have no idea what squash is even about)

So there's this girl, right?

(Yeah, yeah, I know, hopeless lesbian andall that. I'm gonna get a date someday, I promise. But not every conversation Istart with that sentence is going to be about my new crush, god,Lorraine.)

I digress. You know how I do squash on theweekends? Well, nearly always, there's a girl there. She's got sort ofhalf-smile on her face that usually means you know something that everyone elsedoesn't, and huge sunglasses covering half of her face, like she wants to behidden from the world in general. It's usually when I get there early I seeher. She comes in with her bag slung over her shoulder, and nine times out often she's talking to somebody on her phone while she changes in the lockerroom- I can hear her voice, but not make out any of the words. If it's notthat, she's got something that looks like an iPad resting on her knees whileshe ties back her hair and she frowns at it while she brushes through pagesusing her elbow in lieu of her finger. Okay, yeah, a bit of a weirdo- I knewyou'd say that- but she's a mean squash player. Really mean. Ithink she might be doing it to get rid of pent-up aggression or something, but damncan she smack that ball.

So last week, we were all practicing, andthis girl seemed a whole lot tenser than usual. It was like her strings hadbeen tightened to the point where they were just about to snap, and she hadn'tsmiled even once. She kept glancing over at her gym bag every couple ofseconds, and when she missed the ball when I served it to her she stared at itfor a few seconds before swearing very loudly and creatively while shescrambled across to get it.

"Something wrong, MK?" one of theguys asked, and she actually growled and pitched the ball right at himwith a strength that was actually kind of impressive, even though I got theimpression that the guy in question had actually been concerned and hadn't beentrying to patronise her at all.

What? Oh yeah, everyone calls her MK. I'mnot sure what it's short for, probably something like Mary-Kate. I think it'skind of cool, though.

So we went on with this for about anotherhalf-hour, with nobody even daring to talk to MK because of how highly-strungshe was. It was disappointing, if I'm honest. I kind of- well. I may have beenplanning to ask her out on a date. I mean, I probably would have done it, but-she seemed so tense, and-

Ah, nevermind.

Picture the scene- fifteen minutes untilthe end of practice; we're pairing off for the final set of matches, and themysterious, alluring MK has been paired off with me. And she doesn't look happyabout it at all.

I tried not to take it personally- it waskind of obvious that she was having that sort of day- but seriously, I wasabout to ask her out. So we're about to start and I'm about to give herthat grin that you say makes me look fucking adorable, and then-

-well, then her phone goes off.

The song that played wasn't something Irecognized, but MK's face kind of simultaneously lit  up with excitement and complete, utter horrorat the same time, and she practically dived across the room so she couldget to her bag; scrabbling around desperately for the source of the noise.

"Yeah?" she said breathlesslyinto her phone. "-oh my god, Alex. Did- have you found him?"

There was a long moment of silencewhere  nothing and everything seemed tohappen at once, and MK's grip on her phone became white-knuckled to the pointwhere it might have been in danger of breaking.

"Good," she said, very quietly-so softly I nearly couldn't hear it. "That's- that's good. Is he-?"

Another long silence.

"Well, when he gets back into hisright mind, slap him for me so he knows just how much of a fucking idiot heis. Not that he had much of a right mind to begin with." A brief pause,and then she laughed- tense, but genuine. "Yeah, actually- I might just dothat. Is it alright if I-?"

For a second, she seemed to waver betweengrinning and frowning, and then she settled on a curious mixture of both."Okay. See you in a bit."

With that, she hung up, and after a quickset of excuses to the rest of the team, she was off, out of the doors likewherever she was going off to was the next level of existence, not meant formortals like us. Because MK really is something else. She's a goddess- one thatswears a lot and confuses me to no end, and possibly is the sort of genius thatmakes Einstein look like a drooling idiot, and it's confusing and wonderful.

I'm gonna ask her out next week.

Just watch me.

[meer-katnip]

Title: Criss-Cross Summary: Finally, the truth about what MK really did with Nic when she was staying at his house after 1x07.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle.”

[AO3 Link]

MK’s programming a search algorithm when she feels somebody’s fingers in her hair. Her first instinct, of course, is to flinch away and possibly break the arm of whoever’s doing it, but after a moment she sighs and relaxes, very slightly. 

“Nic,” she says without halting her typing. “What are you doing?”

“Braiding your hair,” he mutters, pausing. “Do you-?”

She considers telling him no, telling him to get the fuck away from her hair- but okay, this is Nic. What’s the worst he can do? 

“Knock yourself out,” she says with a sigh, and she can practically feel Nic’s beaming smile, even though she’s not looking at him.

It’s 11 o’clock at night and sleep is probably a really good idea, but here they are- MK sprawled across the carpet, catlike, behind the couch, and Nic leaning over the back of it, practically falling off so he can reach the long strands of her hair.

She straightens up, sighing. "Actually, no- let me get my bag. If we're going to do this, you might as well brush it out first."

He makes a noise of assent, and she places her laptop on the ground before crossing the room to dig through her overnight bag. After a second, she locates her hairbrush, and flips it through the air. Nic fumbles the catch, nearly dropping it, and she returns to her position on the ground, sweeping up the laptop with one hand.She sits up straighter to make it easier for him to reach, and they both work in silence for a few minutes. He starts at the bottom, working carefully from there to the roots. She can actually tell how careful he's being with her, since she knows her hair is a complete mess but it's not painful at all. It's a very Nic thing for him to do, she thinks.

It takes him a few minutes to work his way through the tangled mass of her hair, and then he pauses. "I'm gonna start braiding now. Is that okay?"

"Sure. Just don't fuck up my hair too badly."

He laughs, and starts braiding. "Don't worry. I'll be gentle."

His fingers are quick and skilled, separating her wavy, chaotic hair into strands and weaving them neatly together. He never tugs, and even when he comes on the verge of doing so, he mutters a hasty little apology even when she makes no move to tell him off for doing so.

"Where did you learn to do this?" she asks after a while. "I'm assuming they don't teach hair care at journalism school, and unless there was a secret ponytail back in university that I don't know about-"

He huffs out a slight laugh. "Only for about a week. Then Amalia made me cut it off."

She grins slightly. The mental image is too good to resist thinking about.

"It was Alex, actually," he says, pausing at another twist in her hair.

"Alex?" MK frowns. She's only met the other Canadian journalist a handful of times, but from what she can remember, her hair is cropped short, around her shoulders.

"Yeah, yeah, I know." She can feel his smile on the back of her neck again, and he continues braiding her hair. "The pixie cut's pretty recent. But when we were in Eleventh Grade, her hair was long. Like, Rapunzel long. I have some photos somewhere, I think."

"So, what?" She suppresses a yawn, but it's hard. "Cutesy best-friend sleepovers, complete with chick-flick-style makeovers?"

"Uh- yeah. Basically." She can hear the shrug, and then he adds, "kind of like we're doing now."

She laughs so hard she deletes ten lines of code by accident. "Wha- us, having a sleepover? Dream on, Nic."

"Well, we're friends," he points out, "and you're sleeping over. What do you want to call it?"

"Necessary?" she offers, undoing her mistake. "I mean, you were the one who basically got me forcibly evicted from my home-"

"Hold still," he says. "I'm nearly done."

She rolls her eyes, but does her best to hold her head straight. "So, the sleepovers-?"

"Mostly consisted of movies, junk food, and Alex practicing her makeup skills on me."

"And the hair braiding."

"And the hair braiding, yes."

"Makeup skills?" she asks, turning her head to raise an eyebrow at him.

He meets it with an unapologetic smirk and a shrug. "I'll have you know I look excellent in eyeliner and lipstick."

"You can't just state something like that with no evidence, Silver," she says, closing her laptop and crossing her legs. "Photos or it never happened."

With a deft flick of his hand, he ties the braid off with a hairband, and awkwardly does jazz hands. "All done."

"Got a mirror?" She can't fight the yawn this time, and she closes her eyes briefly.

"Uh- sure. Hang on a sec."

The floors of Nic's home are wooden, and MK can hear the thump-slip of his sock-covered feet as he crosses the room into the bathroom, followed by the sound of the cupboard opening and a few clatters.

He returns quickly. "Here," he says, dropping it into her hands.

She opens her eyes, regards her reflection.

"Passable," she says, and shuts them again.

Just like the grin, the pout of Nicodemus Silver is tangible enough to penetrate her closed eyelids. "Passable?"

She sighs, relents. "Nic, it's great. Thank you. My hair hasn't been this neat for decades, and you're surprisingly good at braiding hair."

"Ah," he says. "Oh- okay."

"What else do you want? A makeover?"

He laughs; collapses into the sofa like all his limbs have suddenly turned to rubber. "This is fine, actually."

"What- this?" She stand up and steadies herself against the back of the sofa. "It's, what , nearly midnight? I don't think I've got anything of use done all day."

"You saved me from walking into a trap," Nic points out. "Your hair's not a hazard to society anymore."

"Yeah," she says, and drops into the armchair across from him, which looks like it's been there for centuries. "Hey, you know what you should do?"

"What should I do?" His eyes are closed too; he looks like he's half-asleep already.

"When you talk about this on the podcast, heavily hint that we had wild, kinky sex all night."

His eyes shoot open, and he chokes and splutters. "I- what? MK!"

"Joking," she says, grinning. "Although, I mean, if you really did want to-"

He throws a cushion at her. "Go to sleep."

[meer-katnip]

Title: Into the Water Summary: The residents of the town abandoned their homes without prompting, leaving behind all of their belongings and possessions. Additionally, witnesses reported that the words 'don't go in the water' were scrawled repeatedly across walls and buildings in thick black mud. Alex and Dr Strand investigate.

my gift for @dressdowndyke for the PNWS Holiday Hellatus Exchange (run by @surely-you-jess)t!!  Hope you enjoy this weird little ramble and I hope you don't mind that I posted it a bit early, since I won’t be able to get online very much after this, and I wanted to make sure you got it. merry Christmas!!

Fic under the cut, alternate link on AO3

Extract from an unaired episode of The Black Tapes Podcast (cut from the show by editor and producing partner Nic Silver)

ALEX: This is the tape?

STRAND: Yes.

[Pause, click as the tape begins to play.]

ALEX: There's nothing on the screen.

STRAND: It's just dark. Give it a moment.

[Short silence as the tap continues to run.]

ALEX (V.O.): The tape was, as Dr Strand had said, mostly dark- but as I watched, I began to see the indistinct form of a dark, wet-looking town.

????: [unintelligible]

ALEX: Did you hear that?

STRAND: Yes. Keep watching.

????: [muffled] Don't go…

[A sound like fingernails being dragged slowly down a chalkboard, and raspy breathing.]

????: [clearer, but still faint] Don't go… into…

ALEX: -is that?

[A loud, deafening crash from the tape. Alex audibly gasps, and there's a noise like her jumping back a few paces in shock. The tape ends.]

ALEX: Holy- what  was that?

STRAND: I'm not sure. [dryly] That's why this is in the Black Tapes section, you see.

ALEX (V.O.): The last few frames of the tape depicted a shadowy figure lunging towards the camera, with black liquid dripping down their face. It was very disturbing to see at the time, as I'm sure you can imagine, as well as unexpected.

STRAND: What did you think?

ALEX: [recovering] That was… very…

STRAND: Horrifying?

ALEX: Yes.

STRAND: It also wouldn't be very hard to manufacture. This tape is only from a few years back. A few bored college students could have easily created it over a number of weekends.

ALEX: [dubious] ...okay, I suppose I can agree with that. But if it can be explained away that easily, why did you show it to me?

STRAND: Several reasons. Firstly, the town that this was reportedly filmed in was abandoned several weeks after I obtained this tape. It was because of flooding brought on by freak weather patterns, according to local authorities, but some might disagree with that.

ALEX: Dis agree?

[Strand sighs.]

STRAND: Allegedly- I'm only repeating this, mind you- the residents of the town abandoned their homes without prompting, leaving behind all of their belongings and possessions. Additionally, witnesses reported that the words 'don't go in the water' were scrawled repeatedly across walls and buildings in thick black mud.

[Brief pause.]

ALEX: ...wow.

STRAND: Indeed.

ALEX: You said there were several reasons.

STRAND: Yes. In fact, there's one other. If you'll pass me the remote-

ALEX: Ah- here-

[Brief scuffling, and then the clicking of the tape as it rewinds.]

STRAND: Here.

ALEX: But, wait- is that-?

STRAND: ...yes.

ALEX (V.O.): There, on the screen- in grainy detail, but still recognizable- was the figure of a woman. It was only a split second of footage, so you could be easily forgiven for missing her in everything else that was going on, but I recognized her nonetheless from the photos I had seen in Dr Strand's office and various newspaper articles, and Strand himself confirmed it. It was, most definitely, Coralee Strand.

[PNWS boom.]

"I don't like the look of this place," Alex says when Dr Strand stops the car.

They've been approaching this deep, unwelcoming marsh for hours, and it doesn't look any better now that they're right in the middle of it. The fog is too thick, and everything is almost too silent, even factoring in the closed windows. It's setting her on edge in a way that demons and deadly music would never be able to do.

It's overwhelmingly dark outside, but she could swear she sees… well, figures, moving around outside.

"It's just-" Strand starts- in the way she takes to mean that he's descending into condescending scientist mode again.

"-apophenia," she cuts him off hurriedly, "yes. I know. That doesn't make it any less terrifying, though."

"True," he says, ending the conversation a bit too quickly and cuts the engine. "Would you like to begin recording?"

"I- yes. That'd be great." Alex fumbles around in her messenger bag for her recorder before realizing that she had put it in her coat pocket last. She takes it out, and clicks it on. "Okay, we're recording. Dr Strand, if you wouldn't mind telling our listeners why we're here?"

Strand nods, staring out into the fog. "As you're probably aware by now, the last Black Tape showed an incident occurring in the town that we're currently in. The town has since been abandoned, but since Ms Reagan wished to look at it, we're here. To… investigate."

"I'm regretting it," Alex says, just soft enough to make sure the microphone doesn't fully pick it up. But Strand hears.

"We can leave, if you want," Strand says.

Alex glances out at the thick, impenetrable fog, and makes a snap decision. "No." She opens the car door on her side, and swings her legs out. "We're going to see this through. Apophenia, right?"

"Right," he agrees. She can hear the smile in his voice. "I'm glad to see that you're finally recognizing my point of view."

"Besides," she adds. "It's probably not as bad as I think it is."

It is as bad as she thinks it is.

Possibly worse.

She can't even see her nose in front of her, let alone the dim, tall figure of Strand, who can only be a few metres away. Wrapping her fingers tightly around her recorder, she grits her teeth and sets out into the fog. "Which way is the town?"

A beam of light cuts through the fog, and she blinks in it, surprised. Dr Strand is holding a flashlight, looking ever so slightly smug at his foresight. He approaches her. "West. Only a few hundred metres."

She nods. "All right. Lead the way."

He does, and she tries her best to follow him. His legs are much longer than hers, though, and for every one of his strides she has to run several steps to keep up, which isn't the easiest of tasks, especially in the thick mud that's coating the ground. Before long, she's panting and cursing, not for the first time, her diminutive height.

"Ms Reagan?" she hears Strand say before she completely loses him in the fog. She can't even see the light of his flashlight anymore.

"I'm back here!" she replies, raising her voice, and taking an anxious step forwards.

There's no response. She's completely sure that her voice couldn't have been lost in the surroundings-  there's absolutely no other sound anywhere. Despite the overwhelming fog, the night is eerily silent.

"Doctor Strand?" she calls into the mist, glancing back and forth nervously. "-Richard? I- I can't-"

There's a quick puff of breath on the back of her neck, and she whirls around to face the movement, seeing nothing in the fog before her.

It's probably just the wind, she tells herself, clutching her recorder tightly to the chest and attempting to ignore the frantic hammering of her heart and the fact that, despite all the fog, there's absolutely no wind tonight.

She hears a whisper to her left which is so faint that she can't make it out, and then she hears it again, and this time it's as clear as if the whisperer were only standing centimetres away from her.

"Don't go into the water."

She spins in the voice's direction, nearly overbalancing, and squints through the fog.

There's absolutely nothing there.

She stands there, completely frozen, for only a few seconds before sucking in a desperate breath of air and bolting as fast as she can in the direction of the car. Her feet are being dragged down by the mud and marsh and roots are twining around her ankles and up her legs.

She feels a hand on her shoulder, and screams- a proper, bloodcurdling scream straight out of a horror film that probably would have Nic laughing at her for days if he was here- and spins around.

There's no one there.

Alex is aware of how violently she's shaking now- this is awful, awful, all she wants to do is go home and to hell with investigation, she's terrified out of her mind- and then she notices the fog clearing in front of her. It's moving slowly, like it's being swept away by a fan.

Before her is the still, silent surface of a lake, the moonlight casting dappled reflections of light across it. The tranquil feeling is almost hypnotizing, and she spends several minutes staring at the quiet surface until ripples begin to spread across the water. 

Before her, a figure rises from the water- a woman with long, unkempt hair in knots. It's plastered to her face and skin, soaked through by the grimy water of the lake. Bits of seaweed and algae stick here and there to her pale skin, which is so white it's almost blue. Her eyes hold no light, or any sign of life, and are a solid white with sign of pupil or iris.

Apophenia, apophenia, Alex chants to herself, stumbling backwards, but she doesn’t seem to be moving anywhere- or maybe that's because the figure is gliding towards her like she's not even touching the ground. It draws closer and closer until they're almost close enough to touch, and by then Alex has given up all pretence that she can actually run away from this thing.

The woman's hand rises jerkily from her side, like she's trying to grab onto Alex, but the motion freezes about halfway- just stopping in midair.

Their eyes meet- frightened brown and white, blank orbs.

"Don't go into the water," the woman hisses, and then she's gone.

Alex is paralysed for a moment- can't breathe, can't move, can't think- before something breaks and she's sucking air frantically into her lungs while stumbling through the mud. The fog's crept in again around her, and she's practically blind, but she doesn't care.

The mud is thick around her and the darkness is a constant, oppressing attack, but all she can do is move.

She barely even realizes when she quite literally runs into Dr Strand- her weight not quite enough to knock him over, but just enough to make him stagger back a step. She reels backwards, not recognizing him, and fully prepared to run in the other direction like her life depends on it, but his hand grabs her arm and a light shines into her eyes, and she sees him fully for a second, and she just about sags in relief.

"Alex," he says, angling the flashlight just away from her face, enough so they can both see each other. He looks worried, tired, panicked. "Alex, I heard you yelling, are you-"

"Out," she practically sobs, "oh god, we need to get out of here, get me out-"

He tries to talk to her for a while, but then seems to realize that it isn’t working and the best thing to do would be listening to her. So he takes her gently by the arm and leads her to the car, helping her into the passenger seat. His hands hover over her for a second, like he doesn't know what to do, but then he shuts the door, hurries around the car, and gets in, starting the engine.

And then he starts driving.

They stop when they're several miles from the marsh, and Strand pulls into a roadhouse, parking close to the building, so the dim light from inside is spilling into their car.

"Alex," he says without preamble, turning towards her. "What-"

"The recording," she says breathlessly, shivering uncontrollably. Her hands have snaked up to wrap around her chest and she's got her eyes closed tightly. "I- I had the recorder on. The whole time. Check it. There was somebody- something- there. In the fog."

She keeps her eyes closed even as Dr Strand takes the device gently from her hands, which are still clenched tight, and turns it on.

There's a click as the recording begins to play, and she hears herself saying Okay, we're recording, before the high-pitched squeal of fast-forward takes over for a few seconds.

"Doctor Strand?" says her recorded voice. A pause."-Richard? I- I can't-"

All sound suddenly cuts off, like the background noise of muffled footsteps and shifting fabric has been completely wiped. Alex starts, and opens her eyes suddenly, surprised- but only a few beats of silence go by before the ambient noise comes back again.

The voice to speak isn't the voice that she had heard in the town, or even Alex's own.

"Richard Strand," says the woman on the recording, in barely a whisper. "Please stop looking for me."

It cuts off, and then back on again, and the next thing it plays is Alex's scream of terror and Dr Strand's worried voice, which he thankfully turns off.

Alex closes her eyes again, not wanting to see the expression on Dr Strand's face. "...that was Coralee," she mutters eventually.

"It might have been," Strand say noncommittally, but there's a shake in his voice that he can't quite hide. "I couldn't tell."

"There's no way anybody could have taken that recorder from me," she says. "There's no way. It- it's got to be…"

She trails off.

"It's got to be what?" he says.

"I don't know."

The roadhouse is mostly empty, apart from a woman wearing a yellow hat and t-shirt that both say Bay and Creek Shipping on them. Alex spends some time just staring at her, taking in her appearance (tired) and what she's eating (pancakes).

"Tell me it was my imagination," she says, now calm enough to notice the mud dripping down her legs and onto the car upholstery. "Tell me it was just- just apophenia."

Dr Strand takes in a deep breath; lets it out again. "Alex…"

"I'm not going to sleep tonight," she says, confiding in him- letting it out like a whispered secret. "I don't think I'm going to sleep ever again."

He doesn't say anything, even when she gets out of the car just long enough to move into the back seat. He pulls out of the parking lot and onto the highway, and begins the drive back to Vancouver without another word.

She knows he thinks she's fallen asleep in the back of the car after about an hour, because he doesn't turn on the radio- not even to his favorite classical music channel, but she doesn't feel like correcting him.

In the darkness of the back seat, Alex Reagan shivers.

[meer-katnip]

yooo check out my new fic

[meer-katnip]

fic prompt: 25, Nic, Geoff, pretty please :)

(cw for something that sort of resembles a panic attack.I’m not certain, but better safe than sorry.)

Nic wakes in a burst of blood and radiant light complete panic, thrashing and cursing and screaming and tearing at the sheets.He doesn’t know who he is or where he is and doesn’t know why there’s somebodyshouting at him in panic that almost rivals his own. He manages to crack openhis eyes amidst all of the- blurriness and confusion- and it’s atall blur of a man wearing the head of a bird staring at him withconcern that he knows he should recognize but he doesn’t. And it scares him,this constant lapse in his memory that he knows he’s been having lately that hedoesn’t know how to stop.

“Nic,” the tall blur man repeats, like he’sbeen saying it a million times in the last few seconds, and Nic gasps in abreath like he’s coming back to life again and shoots up off the bed tograb the Runner Geoff (ohgod that’s his name) into a desperate hug. Heknows it’s undignified and he knows that he’s breathing fast- maybe too fast-but he can’t bring himself to care.

“Nic, there are dangerous things what happened?”Geoff says, “you were screaming and-”

The Witness Nic isn’t sure what he’s saying, but it’spouring out of his mouth like red red blood and his ears are buzzing likethe Blur and Geoff’s face has gone pale and worried and she’s offeringhim a bite to eat, it’s her arm-

The next thing he remembers is hands on his shoulders, a lowvoice telling him to calm down and he’s listening to it and the voice isleading him to somewhere softer, somewhere safer

“Nightmare?” Geoff says, rather unnecessarily, when they’reboth wrapped in several layers of blankets and lying in a tangled mess on thesofa.

“Yeah,” Nic says softly, not wanting to let go, even thoughit’s four in the morning and he really does need sleep before going back towork tomorrow. It’s the patch of darkness that is darker than the darknesand it’s staring comfortable and Geoff’s right there next to him which iseven better. “I- don’t really want to talk about that, if that’s all right.”

“Sure,” Geoff says. “That’s fine.”

“It wasn’t like my normal nightmares, though,” Nic says,almost to himself. “It was different- I mean, there wasn’t-”

He stops; recollects his thoughts, tries to breathe.

“Yeah?” Geoff says.

“I think it was Tanis this time,” Nic says, as clearly as hecan manage, “because- my nightmares are usually about losing you.”

Geoff’s silent.

The room’s silent.

Whispers, thrumming, and shadows.

“Are you-” Nic begins, but Geoff shushes him and hugs himand they stay like that for a while, until the sun is peeking through thecurtains and Nic is almost half-asleep.

“Will you be all right, man, or do you want me to-” Geoffbegins, looking like he wants to stay but is worried what Nic will think.

“No,” says Nic. “Stay.”

“Alright,” he says, and Geoff stays.

[meer-katnip]

my fic has updated!

[meer-katnip]

yooo check out my new fic

this is gonna be a big one

[meer-katnip]

MeerkatNic 33 and 48

this one got out of control. whoops. and I did both of them in one story, so sorry if that wasn’t what you wanted? 

anyway!

–

“You know,” said Meerkatnip, folding her hands around hermorning cup of coffee. “There’s something about you…”

Nic, who had just sat down at the table in the small caféthat MK was currently lounging at, looked vaguely uncomfortable, and thenslightly panicked. “Um, MK…”

“Something about you…” she continued, glancing speculativelyinto the depths of the paper cup.

Nic’s expression crossed the thin, pedantic line from ‘I amdisturbed by this situation’ to ‘I want to leave this place, right now, at highvelocity’ at record speeds. “Please don’t let this conversation go whereI think it’s going.”

She completely ignored him. “At first, it was kind of hardto pin down, but I think I’ve finally got it.”

Nic made an awkward squeaking noise as she looked up tostare into his eyes. “This is completely out of character for you and I’m kindof scared.”

“Nic,” she said, holding his gaze.

“You’re being nice. You’re never nice.”

“Nic,” she repeated. “Nicodemus.”

“Ohgodhelp.”

“Something about you…” She trailed off, and pausedsignificantly.

Nic squirmed in his seat.

“Something about you makes me want to commit extremeviolence,” she concluded, her gaze hardening.

“Oh thank god,” said Nic, relieved, and then hisbrain caught up with what she said. “-now, just hold on a diddly darnminute-!”

MK nearly choked on her coffee. “Wait, what the fuck didyou just say?”

“I-” Nic buried his head in his hands. “I think I want todie. Shut up.”

She started to laugh. “I can’t believe you just used thephrase ‘diddly darn minute’ completely unironically. Oh my god. Oh my fuckinggod, this is beautiful. Were you recording this? Please tell me you wererecording this.”

“Shut up, shut up, shut up.”

“What brought this on? Are you suddenly Texan?”

“Please kill me,” he muttered into the table. “I embracedeath.”

“Not just yet you don’t. First of all, you need to answerthe question of why you,” she pulled out her laptop from her bag, andflipped it open, turning the screen towards him, “were going on the fanfictionarchive for your own podcast.”

His eyes widened as he scanned the page, and got continuallywider as he saw the full extent of what was on there. “Oh fuck.”

“I see your entire internet history, Nicky. There’s nohiding anything from me.” She leaned across the table towards him, neatlyavoiding the splotch of coffee that had been spilt during her coughing fit, andraised an eyebrow. “So. Why exactly were you looking at the sole piece ofMeerkatNic porn on Archive Of Our Own?”

“And now, I officially want to die,” Nic said,flushing a bright scarlet, and ducking down into the refuge of his arms. “-wait,how did you know it was the sole piece of porn?”

“Because I deleted all the others,” she said, like it wasobvious, swivelling the screen back towards her.

“-you what?”

“This was the only one that came anywhere close to beingin-character for me,” she said, and suddenly flashed him a bright, very scarysmile. “Besides, it was pretty good, wasn’t it?”

There was a moment of incomprehension, followed by-

“You read it too,” said Nic in horrified realization.

Her smile brightened, and at the same time became somehow evenmore horrifying. “‘Take me Nic, take me hard.’”

“I thought you were supposed to be doing actual work,” Nicsaid, inching back from the table. “Not- looking up porn of the two of usonline-”

“Oh, trust me,” she said, still beaming. “The fics involvingyou and Geoff are far more interesting. And you still haven’t told mewhat you were doing reading it.”

“I was curious?” he ventured, and winced at the witheringlook she gave him. “Oh, come on- it’s not every day you get stories writtenabout you.”

“Not just you,” she pointed out, and thought for a second. “Huh.Is this the sort of thing you fantasize about? Just you and me, and a bucketof-”

“No!” Nic practically screamed. “Oh god, no, I wouldn’t-I mean, not like- you’re attractive, but-”

“‘You’re attractive’,” MK said. “Huh. That’s… actually oddlysweet. Thanks a lot, Nic.”

“Kill me,” suggested Nic, trying to hide in his arms again.

“Not yet,” she said. “You still have a podcast to finish,remember?” She looked at him for a second, and sighed. “Okay. Fine. I’ll let itdrop. We’ll never talk about this ever again if you want.”

“Thank you,” said Nic, relieved.

“No problem.” She typed something into her computer, andnodded. “Anyway, I found a few more files on the Parzavala situation, and-”

“Wait a second.” Nic was sitting up again, lookinghorror-struck once more. “What did you mean- me and Geoff?”

(Send me fic prompts!)

[meer-katnip]

Send a pairing/prompt: 46 for Stragan please! Or Nic and Geoff, if you'd prefer. :D

“Shut up, I am a delight!”- Strand/Alex

--

Alex Reagan was having an excellent day. A perfect day. Agreat day. Everything was absolutely brilliant on the mountainside where shewas currently hanging out. The sun was shining brightly through the trees,creating a lovely dappled effect on the ground below, and some very prettybirds were flying by her, giving her curious looks as they did.

Everything was great, yes. But it probably would have beeneven better if she hadn’t been hanging upside-down from a deceptively strongknot made of rope hung from a deceptively sturdy oak tree.

“I admit,” she said to herself as she struggled to extracther phone from her pocket without accidentally dropping it to the ground andbreaking it, “this could have gone much better.”

She squinted at the screen, and awkwardly keyed in Dr Strand’snumber, pulling it up to her ear as it began to ring. “Yep- much, much bette-”

“Alex?”

He had picked up on the second ring. Nice. That probablymeant he had been waiting for her to call. “Yeah, it’s me.”

“Good. I found something that I think may be relevant toour investigation, and-”

“I’m kind of tied up at the moment,” she said sheepishly,swinging back and forth in the breeze. “Could you maybe… come and find me?”

There was a brief pause, and a slight sigh. “Where areyou?”

“Behind the monastery,” she said, trying to remember herposition. “I’m at the large oak tree? You should be able to see it when you getto-” She looked up. “-okay, I see you now.”

“Alex?” His voice was coming through the phone andalso from a couple of metres away, so she hung up, and resorted to waving at himinstead.

“Over here!” she shouted.

He stumbled over a log, bumped his head on a low-hangingbranch that actually wasn’t all that low, but managed to steady himself longenough to stop directly in front of where she was hanging, and give her the mostutterly deadpan expression she had ever seen on somebody else’s face.

“How,” he said flatly.

She gave an upside-down shrug and a hopeful grin.

“Don’t give me that. There’s no possible way that youcould have got yourself tied up in a tree in the five minutes that we were separated.”

She wilted. “Booby trap. I think. Somebody must have left itbehind in the evacuation, although I don’t have a clue why they’d do it.”

He grunted, and began digging in his pockets. “Only youcould manage to get caught in a booby trap that shouldn’t even exist.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she complained as heextracted a pocket knife and flipped it open, standing up on his toes to reachthe rope.

“You’re a trouble magnet,” he said, like it was completely obvious,and started sawing through the rope.

“I’m a what?”

It was slow work, but it was starting to give way, bit bybit. “A trouble magnet. Do I need to repeat it again?”

Alex pouted at him, although it was ruined slightly by thefact that she was upside-down. “Oh, shut up. I am a delight.”

“A delight you may be, but you have an unusual talent forgetting into the most bizarre situations quicker than anybody else I have evermet.”

“You’re a social recluse,” she pointed out. “You have afairly small circle of ‘people you have ever met’.”

“That’s unfair and entirely untrue,” he said, and wasprobably about to say more- but the rope gave way.

Alex went crashing, headfirst to the ground. She managed to saveherself from a head injury by throwing out her hands at the last second andgoing into an awkward roll that sent her tumbling to rest the feet of RichardStrand, who looked entirely unimpressed.

“I’m a delight,” she repeated, crossing her arms. “You haveno taste.”

To her surprise, he laughed, and helped her up. “I haveplenty of taste. Why do you think I spend so much time with you?”

“Flatterer,” she retorted, but she wasn’t sure if hersuddenly red cheeks were caused by her blushing or her prolonged amount of timehanging upside-down.

Probably the latter.

“Come on,” she said, tugging at his arm. “You said you foundsomething interesting, right?”

(Send me fic prompts!)