#knowledge should be for everyone and we must make sure it stays that way

[rak-radial]

The Internet Archive and Way Back Machine is a fundamental part of the Internet we once knew. It is hard to overstate how important it is to ensure both stay around, the acess to free information and conservation. Especially in this political atmophere.

I you have some time, take a look and see if you are interested in signing.

[melshifting]

⋆˚࿔ shifting pick a pile: your 'weaknesses' vs your strengths ―୨୧⋆ ˚

Disclaimer: Please remember that this is a collective reading, which means that not everything written here may resonate with you 100%; if it's not for you, let it go.

choose an image below!

.☘︎ ݁˖ For my pile 1...

Your weaknesses are as clear as water my friend lmao ― what did we say about obsessing over someone else's process? god, you are poisoning yourself with envy. This somehow drives you, but not with a good connotation; you think you should “hurry up” and shift so you don't feel jealousy anymore. Being this way makes you alert ― you're having your guard up as if you were taking it almost a little too personally.

Buttt, nevertheless, I must admit that you sure are persistent; once you find something you like, you really put your all into it for as long as it takes. That gives you the endurance to fight when something doesn't go right or you feel you are falling into destructive patterns. You have the willpower to break that bad habit, and you know it; maybe it's something unconscious, or you think it won't change your process, but oh boy, you're hurting yourself.

The advice for you is that you have to decide: either you stay suffering in silence, watching how apparently everyone enjoys shifting but you; or, you put on your big boy/girl pants and leave your envy aside.

.☘︎ ݁˖ For my pile 2...

You're in constant conflict with your own beliefs: you have the fixed idea that “you're not going to make it” or that “it's not for you” or any other silly excuse you can think of in an attempt to sabotage yourself. One side of you thinks that this is a temporary thing somehow, that it's too good to be real, and that, at some point in your life, your devotion to shifting will simply float away.

This other side of your conflicted mind is what keeps you going and what you have to keep on polishing, rather than the negative thoughts babe; your love for shifting gives you ambition ― this side resists the idea of looking at shifting from the logical side. While your ego tells you to stop this “bullshit”, your higher self knows that this is what you love and what you must continue to fight for with the strength you fought through other things.

The cards advise you not to be anxious if your ego rules your thoughts at times. Remind yourself that this is not you; you are not your negative thoughts ― The sun always comes out after the storm.

.☘︎ ݁˖ For my pile 3...

Dang, why do you feel like you are not moving forward in your process? You think that instead of moving forward, you are even going backward (and let me intrude and tell you that this is not true love). You are losing hope because of this, which sends you into a spiral of bringing that negativity into other aspects of your life as well ― it's like you truly believe there must be something wrong with you. And honestly, this becomes an endless cycle: you think you are slipping backwards ➝ you feel bad about it ➝ you unconsciously apply it to other things ➝ you lose hope ➝ repeat.

But not all is lost (it never was from the beginning anyway) ― you're full of knowledge and experience, and you are a wise person who knows what's best for yourself. If you need reinsurance, rely on past experiences: you have all the potential to work on this and get through it!! You've accomplished so much through hard work, why give up now?

And pleaseeee don't fight the change!! You know that one tiktok audio that goes: "you must break the pattern, or the loop will repeat itself tomorrow.." and so on? Well do it babe, because you know you have to get out of this. Don't be fooled by your ego, otherwise, you will continue to damage yourself for longer.

thanks a lot for reading! feedback and opinions are appreciated (as long as they are respectful)

happy shifting :3

[sillychatonnoir]

Mr. Bug and Cait Sith AU | Part V

N/A: very tiny spoilers from mlb season 6.

Cait Sith can't begin to describe how his brain feels now that his mentality is different. There's something dangerous in the way his brain is chanting as it asks for revenge. He walks to the closest mirror and appreciates his transformation, he doesn't look like himself, and even though he should appreciate that because of their secret identities, he can't help but think that it feels wrong.

Adrien transforms into Mr. Bug, his hands slide slowly over Cait Sith's waist and presses a little kiss on his cheek. He wanted to kiss his shoulder, but the sharp spikes of the jacket stopped him to do so.

"We need to meet the team, tell them that Ladybug..." Mr. Bug sighs. "This will be a headache to explain. Nobody was around or recording, but I don’t know how we will be able to keep Marinette's identity a secret when Ladybug disappeared and Marinette has no memories".

"They were never able to make that kind of connections before, so they won't make them now" Cait Sith keeps looking at himself in the mirror "Marinette is very unlucky, that poor civilian was hit by Chrysalis herself, wrong place, wrong time, and because there was no miraculous cure... she just forgot everything".

Mr. Bug does his best to not cry, maybe it would be less hard it Cait Sith was indifferent, bottling his emotions as Luka is so used to do, but he wasn't doing that, instead every word was coated in his rage and all the hate he felt towards the situation.

"Only Max knows the truth, and it must stay like that" Mr. Bug declares "If we get to restore Marinette's memories, she can be Ladybug again as long as her identity is not public knowledge".

"Are we entirely sure Chrysalis doesn't know?" Cait Sith didn't want to be a pessimist, however... "I think she might–"

"We will get to that if she ever tries something. This is a very delicate situation, so I will ask Bunnyx to keep an eye on Marinette when we're not there to protect her, I know she will as long as it doesn't interrupt the timeline, I hope it won't" Mr. Bug closes his eyes, trying to focus on staying in the present. Everything is so hard.

"What about the others?" The question is simple, no further context, but the scarlet bug knows who is he talking about.

"They will try to talk to me, a simple lie that I know they will follow won't be enough, they will want to know the truth"

"Don't worry, I'll be there" Cait Sith assures, turning to look at him in the eyes "It's you and me against the world, my lord".

You and me against the world, my lady!

Adrien has to do everything in his power to not break right there.

It's very late at night, the streets are as empty as they can in a city like Paris. At the very top of the Eiffel Tower, one by one, all the Miraculers, their superhero team, start to show up. They're all tense. Being summoned to an urgent meeting was never a good signal, and the fact that Mr. Bug was the one to call for it, let them know from the very beginning that something was really wrong. Everyone was there but Ladybug, Chat Noir and Viperion, even Argos showed up, he was a few steps behind and didn't talk to anyone but he was there, which meant it was more serious that they could think.

"Yeah, that's right... I'll text the others".

🐾

Mr. Bug arrives, serious as he never is. "Let's begin the meeting. There's something I need to tell you."

"But Viperion is not here yet" Pigella points out "And Ladybug..."

The blond hero sighs "I will explain, I promise" he makes a pause and looks at what seems to be the dark night "But first I need to introduce our new addition to the team".

All the team looks up, and in the middle of the darkness, a shadow emerges, his green eyes are hypnotizing, and with a jump, he joins the rest.

"He is Cait Sith," Mr. Bug continues, "He will be my new partner from now on since I won't be able to be the holder of destruction anymore."

"What?" Rooster Bold sounds alarmed. "What do you mean?"

"A new holder? Is it not too late for that? We're at war with Chrysalis! A new guy won't be able to pick up on what we have been doing for the last ten years, it's too dangerous" Caprikid, who even as an adult kept the name (Capriman didn't have the same ring to it), crosses his arms, not very pleased with the change.

"And we really need to know what happened to Ladybug." Miss Hound plays anxiously with her weapon, using it as a stress ball.

"Yeah, man, no offense but she is the leader, you can't just show up with no explanation and expect us to be super cool about it" King Monkey balances on the railing of the tower.

Mr. Bug is desperately trying to talk, feeling overwhelmed, doubting himself. Why did Ladybug trust the guardianship to him? He is nowhere close to ready for the responsibility. He didn't command enough authority. The miraculers spoke at the same time, confused, distressed, none of them willing to listen to whatever the new leader had to say. At least until the awful screeching of claws against metal hurt their ears. All of them turned to Cait Sith, who looked at them with an unreadable expression, squatting in a catlike manner, his claws still ripping the metal on the floor.

He stands up slowly, he is like a snake who's about to attack.

"Let the man speak." His deep voice sends a shiver through their spine.

"There's no enemy. How am I going to fix that?" Mr. Bug scolds the cat, who simply shrugs. "Good lord..."

There's silence, the blond finally is able to tell them about the situation.

"Ladybug got really hurt this time" a lie, Pegasus knows, but he also understands why he has to say it "We don't know when or if she is going to be able to take her role as the guardian and leader again, so she trusted me with it".

"What do you mean hurt?" Rena Rouge sounds specially worried, more than the rest, Adrien knows why, so he sighs.

"I'm sorry, it was a rough fight, Chrysalis... She was protecting a civilian, Marinette Dupain-Cheng. " Ryuko and Argos turn so fast that Mr. Bug would be afraid they would break their necks if it weren't for the miraculous protection, the rest is doing their best to pretend they don't know her personally and in consequence that doesn't make them worried sick "She saved her life, but Marinette still got hit, for some reason we can't explain she lost all her memories and it's currently in the hospital with her parents under Viperion's protection, he is already aware of the situation".

Understanding washes over Rena Rouge's face, and Mr. Bug knows exactly why. Back then, when Marinette finally revealed her identity, she also told him and Luka everything: who knew her secrets, the pressure she was under, the sacrifices she made. It was hard to process at the beginning, but it was necessary if they wanted to have a relationship that worked.

"That's terrible! What are we going to do?" Pigella sounds worried.

"I will try to get in touch with the guardians in the temple and find out what can we do to help mademoiselle Dupain-Cheng" He assures "In the meantime I just wanted to introduce you to Cait Sith, let you know where we are standing right now, I know the situation is rough, but we're a team, and we will do this together".

There's tension and uncertainty, but the rest of the Miraculers have no reason not to trust Chat Noir. Now, Mr. Bug, and what he thinks is best for the team. He was Ladybug's right-hand man. If she isn't available, there is no one better than him. He has a heart of gold, and he is their friend.

Mr. Bug dismisses the meeting, and most of the heroes leave, except for Rena Rouge, Ryuko, Argos, and Pegasus. The new leader sighs.

The night only gets longer and longer.

[whisperiin]

hello!! do you have any domestic gray ravens hcs with skk reader? ✨✨

oh this is soooo ... i love this so much this is so cute ... well i definitely do now!!!! i think i got a little carried away so it got super long i'm sorry ... but i hope you enjoy!!

domestic gray ravens

content warnings: none

➸ It's common knowledge how devoted LUCIA is to Gray Raven, and this is true even in relative moments of peace between missions, too. She's a little awkward with it, but she wears her heart on her sleeve — just like how she wears the different scarves she bought in each of your favourite colours. It's actually really easy for her thoughts to return to you. Maybe she passed by a garden and got reminded of the plants Liv keeps, or saw a little malfunctioning robot and thought that Lee would be able to fix it in ten seconds flat, or caught a whiff of that food you said was your favourite — should she maybe get some for you...?

➸ She loves just spending time with everyone. Team dinners are a must for her! But... just let Liv handle the cooking. Lucia also seems like the type to make sure that you, Liv, and Lee all get to go to bed safe and sound, even if you haven't been doing anything except slacking off in the lounge — she'll walk everyone back to their rooms, or at the very least, ask you to send her a little message as soon as you get back.

➸ LEE has similar habits too, but he's just a little more awkward in showing he cares — not that he would ever admit as such. Just like Lucia, he feels just a bit more secure seeing for himself that you got back to your room unscathed. He also prides himself on being perceptive, and he has a tendency to fix problems you or the others might have before you notice them. Have you had trouble waking up lately? No worries, the little robot he gave you now alarms twice as loud!

➸ Lee also made it a point to remember your routines. He has a habit of scolding you if you stay up later than usual, or sighing in that disappointed way he does if you forget to eat a meal. He'll usually go off on some tangent about how a Commandant should be more disciplined than that, but if he's being honest, he just wants to make sure you're healthy. Humans are fragile compared to constructs, he would often say to you, and to Liv and Lucia, We need to maintain our performance, don't we? But that doesn't explain how involved he gets even in little things like double checking everyone's weapons to make sure they're absolutely fine, or even just walking just a bit closer to you if he sees you're uncomfortable or uneasy in any way.

➸ Caring for everyone almost comes as second nature to LIV, even if you or the others would fuss over how she has to care for herself, too. Honestly, she just loves when she's able to help you all in some way — the smiles on your faces and your heartfelt thanks are enough to put a spring in her step for a good while. She also likes messaging everyone little good morning or good night greetings, just to say hello or wish you sweet dreams even if she's already done so in person. Aside from that, she's usually the first to notice when one of you is upset. Maybe your shoulders are a bit more tense than normal, or you're glaring unusually hard at a random spot on the floor. At times like these, she'll gently pluck whatever you might have in your hands away, or lightly put a hand on your shoulder, and insist you get some rest with a smile — she'll even get you something warm to drink to calm you down; how about that?

➸ Liv has memorised everyone's favourite things by now, like whether you prefer coffee or tea or neither, which table at the cafe you all tend to sit at, what kind of colours everyone liles to wear when theyre not in those stiff uniforms. She also has a habit of picking up a few extra things for everyone while she's out and about — Lucia, didn't you mention you were looking at this frog plushie in the mall? Lee, you needed an extra set of tools, right? They had your favourite in stock again, Commandant, you don't mind that I got you some, do you?

[tekkawolf]

Living In a Problematic Shadow

An essay by an anonymous member of the Vurrsys

-

I've been meaning to talk about this in some public-facing capacity for a while, but never knew how to do so in a way to protect the safety of our system.

I am a problematic factive.

It's ironic, in a way, that abuser introjects are the most commonly talked about introject in the psych field yet even fictional introjects of "problematic" characters are contested in the greater plural community. Factual introjects in general, too, are derided. I am a mixture of the most controversial parts of both these types of headmate, and it is not easy trying to exist.

I will not go into detail about who I am introjected from, but my source was called out for possible abuse and cut off from the greater internet. Despite having done nothing they did, I must live with the guilt of being a copy of an abuser and the knowledge that everyone hates my existence. I cannot be open about who I am, both because it is seen as parasocial and because it would put the system in danger—and this is extremely isolating. My name, appearance, even personality traits must stay hidden as to prevent the worst case from happening.

And it sucks, a lot.

There's a special kind of pain that comes from being unable to be yourself, which I'm sure many understand. Not even just other introjects: the society we live in makes it so that you have to hide key aspects of yourself from parents, co-workers, and the general population. Even in plural spaces, even in spaces where factives are allowed, I am unwelcome and treated as a threat for existing. Even among loved ones I am scared that they secretly see me as just as evil as my source, or that it reflects the system as a whole. We didn't choose to introject me, I didn't choose to front as frequently as I do.

There probably is no solution here. Even if everything about how problematic factives are seen was fixed, it would still be parasocial to use my source's face as my own. However, I want everyone reading this to remember that those who have done harm (in this world or otherwise) are still worthy of redemption, of making themselves better, of not letting their past dictate their future. Restorative justice is a powerful ideology that more should pick up, because it can better our compassion and teach us to forgive ourselves, too. Even those who still have thoughts similar to their source, or cruel thoughts in general, are not worthy of scorn: thoughts are not indicative of morality, they do not define a person's existence. It is the things we do and the ways we act that matter. Keep those accountable for things they've done in the material world, but remember above all else that change is possible and being bad once doesn't mean you'll be bad forever.

[okenvs3000w25]

Final Thoughts

To start off, I honestly can’t believe this is the last week of blog posts! It’s been so incredible to share my thoughts with everyone and read all of the different perspectives you guys have to offer. When I started this course, I thought being a nature interpreter was all about relaying facts, and I’m happy to say that this semester has completely changed my mind about what it means to interpret. I learned so many amazing ways to help people develop a meaningful connection with the environment, and I think a perfect finale for my blog would be to reflect a bit on my personal ethic and how I’d like to move forward with the knowledge I’ve gained these past few months.

For me, nature interpretation is all about passion and interest. When you’re interpreting something to an audience, you should make sure that you’re talking about something you genuinely care about so that way your audience can feel like they have a reason to care too. I personally wouldn’t learn about something I have no prior interest in if the person teaching it to me doesn’t seem like they care either. If you’ve been keeping up with my blog posts and reblogs this semester, it’s pretty obvious that my own personal interest lies in the animal kingdom. As a Zoology major I’ve always loved and been fascinated by animals, but we live in a world where hundreds of species are losing their habitat, losing resources to stay alive and going extinct under society’s watch. The natural world is under the greatest threat it’s ever faced and I want to make people care about the living things we share our planet with so they feel emboldened to take action to help protect them. As a nature interpreter, there are countless strategies I can employ to achieve this, but there are a few that I think most fit my beliefs, personalities and interests. 

Infographic on the decline of wildlife populations by Statista.

While nature interpretation is a lot more than just relaying facts, I firmly believe that the root of interpretation should be scientific evidence. When you’re in a science major and surrounded by people with similar backgrounds and interests, it’s easy to believe that certain facts, concepts and terminology are “common knowledge”, however there’s actually a significant difference between what your audience actually knows and what you as an interpreter think your audience knows.

As an interpreter it’s my responsibility to present scientific information accurately, and that means making sure my messages aren’t oversimplified but also aren’t overcomplicated. It’s easy to use complicated terminology and gloss over facts out of the belief that anyone must know what you intend to say, however being a nature interpreter means being able to take the extra effort to interpret information in a way that’s accessible to multiple different audiences. Interpretation isn’t just for those with scientific backgrounds and an interpreter should always keep in mind that not everyone comes from the same background as them.

For example, if I try to talk to people about invasive mussels in freshwater ecosystems, it may seem obvious to me why they would be an issue as I’ve learned about the specific impacts they can have. However, to someone without this background, they may be confused why something that can’t even move would be a threat and wouldn’t see any reason to think about it as a major problem especially in comparison to all of the other environmental issues they’ve heard about. Being a nature interpreter means using science to give your audience reasons as to why they should begin to care. 

However, my personal interests don’t start and stop with science. I’m also passionate about art and I believe that there’s a large amount of value in incorporating art into interpretation. When I was in elementary school, I was a huge fan of fictional book series that focused on animals and being able to read those stories only further developed my love for them. As I began practicing art, I found endless inspiration in the natural world and developed a connection to it that went beyond just being interested in the facts.

In my opinion, artistic expression is a powerful tool for an interpreter to use. Many people don’t think about the trees they pass outside or the birds they spot in their backyard, but seeing a landscape painting or reading a fun story can inspire them to begin to pay closer attention to the world outside. Nature interpretation doesn’t just have to take the form of a person lecturing in front of an audience. Even if I’m not directly teaching something, I can be a nature interpreter by writing and creating art to share with the people around me. Seeing the natural world in an artistic medium can make people feel a connection to it or recognize things about it they never did, and art can also open the door to sharing facts and information. If I make a painting of an animal someone has never seen before, they could get curious about the species and begin to wonder about it. As I touched on before, being an interpreter is all about giving people a reason to care, and art can be a wonderful way of accomplishing that.

Dozing Lynx – Acrylic on Masonite by Robert Bateman

Of course, as simple as it is to think up methods for interpretation, the real challenge lies in making these methods effective in our ever-changing world. When you look on social media or on the news, you see countless people who refuse to care about scientific evidence and facts no matter how they’re presented to them. Art has always been a way to portray ideas and feelings, but with generative AI on the rise there are countless people who see art as nothing more than a product and refuse to engage with it any deeper than the most basic appearance. As I go out into the world as a nature interpreter, will my approaches be effective or will I simply be shouting out to an audience that won’t hear me? 

It’s easy to become discouraged or pessimistic with thoughts like that, but ultimately in this course I’ve learned that nature interpretation doesn’t have to be about making huge societal changes. I won’t be able to reach every single audience, so my primary goal as a nature interpreter should be to consider how I can best impact the audience that I have in front of me, as small as they may be. I can change the way my family members and friends think about nature or I can help a group of children develop a love for the outdoors. I may not be able to change the world, but just getting a single person to look at the environment with wonder in their eyes is enough reason for me to work hard as a nature interpreter. 

With that, I end my final post! If there’s one message I would want someone to take away from my blog, it would be to always remain in love with nature. There’s so many interesting things to learn and see, and the first step to getting other people to appreciate the environment is to fully appreciate it yourself.

[fiyero3305]

The Source and Summit of our Faith (and my Shame)

Fandom: Big Time Rush (Showverse)

Characters: Logan Mitchell (Mentioned Kogan)

Rating: T

Warnings: Religious Themes/Trauma/Guilt

Word Count: 760

Notes: @bishounenbtr's post gave me thoughts so here we go

Logan’s heart is sick as he steps out of the pew behind his mom. All throughout mass he’s been dreading this moment, knowing that he should stay put. It’s not right, what he’s doing. He doesn’t deserve to partake in this holy sacrament with his family, with his church, not after everything he did last night with Kendall.

It was already bad enough the way they've been kissing, but that wasn’t technically a sin. He's well-versed in the Catechism and knows that ever since Vatican II the Church said being gay wasn’t a sin. Even some aspects of same-sex affection weren’t a sin! He could justify the kisses and caresses. Even their bed sharing had been chaste, because Logan is good. But crossing the line into anything sexual went firmly into the territory of Mortal Sin.

He steps silently into the communion line, hands folded and eyes on the tile floor of the aisle. Can everyone tell that his pulse is increasing? Is the guilt written as clearly on his face as he feels?

Okay, okay it’s not like they really did anything last night. Their clothes were on the whole time! Maybe things went a little further than usual but they were still just kissing.

A lot.

And embracing.

Hard.

And… pressing against each other. Oh God, there’s no denying what that was. Or what it made Logan feel when he wrapped his legs around Kendall tighter and tighter as Kendall pressed harder and harder against him on the basement floor.

He’s hyperventilating. His ears are burning. His heart is pounding. They have to know. The other parishioners must be able to sense his sin. Logan glances around. He can’t see anyone watching him but it doesn’t ease his mind as he marches ever closer to the altar.

Even if none of them know, God knows.

Looking ahead he sees that Father Kurt happens to have chosen Logan’s line today to administer the sacrament and Logan could just cry.

It would be one thing to receive from one of the lay Eucharistic ministers. Not that it would make his participation in the sacrament any less wrong in his current state, but at least it wouldn’t be from someone who knows him well and has actually invested in Logan’s religious development.

“It’s so good to see young people truly living their faith” He remembers Father Kurt telling him after a recent youth group social when Logan stayed after to help clean up the hall. “I know as long as there are people like you The Church will have a strong presence in future generations”

Why, why does such a great man have to believe so strongly in Logan? He can’t do anything but fail to live up to such expectations. He shouldn’t be doing this. He has no right to stand beside the rest of his congregation before this holiest of sacraments and receive it. He’s in a state of Mortal Sin. It’s disrespectful, blasphemous even, to take the Body of Christ into such a polluted body, stained by lust and selfishness, but he can’t bear the thought of staying put either.

Why didn’t you receive Communion today? What have you done? His parents would surely ask, and what could he say? Tell them their son is… no. He could never. The shame of singling himself out as too sinful to partake in the sacrament, even though it would be the right thing to do, is more than he can stand.

He’s too weak.

Too weak to resist temptation and too weak to face the consequences.

He’s nearly reached Father. He could still do the right thing. He could step out of line and return to his family’s pew. Or even go out the exit, maybe tell everyone he suddenly felt sick! It wouldn’t even really be a lie because he does feel more and more sick with every step. Sick with the knowledge that he won’t do the right thing.

His mother steps aside and he’s face to face with friendly Father Kurt who raises the Eucharist before Logan’s reverent and guilt-ridden eyes.

“The Body of Christ” he says.

“Amen” Logan responds weakly.

Father places the host in Logan’s hand. Nearly in tears, Logan sets it on his tongue and feels burning shame flood through him at the absolute gall he has to place his savior’s body inside such a filthy vessel. He steps aside and crosses himself before returning to his pew.

There, he kneels down and presses his forehead against his folded hands, praying furiously for forgiveness.

[five-rivers]

Ancestral Chapter 20

A shorter chapter today. Written for ectober 2023 day 26: cult.

“What–  How?  How could you possibly do that?” asked Danny.  “How could you even be sure it’d show up on a– In a ghost’s clothing?”

“What?” asked Matthew.  “The Key?”

“Yes, the Key,” said Danny.  “It’s supposed to do that?”

“Yes,” said Gwensyvyr.  “I helped create the enchantment myself.  It isn’t the only one on the key.”

“The compass part?” guessed Danny.  

Gwensyvyr nodded.  “There is already a construct of magic in it, and that makes it so that it stays with the one who carries it, if they should become a ghost, until it is touched by a syvyr of our line.”  She shrugged.  “I could show you the schematic, but I fear it would not mean much to you.”

“I mean…”  Danny trailed off.  “Probably not.  I guess.  But… why?  And is it a new key, or–?”

“Oh, we could have done that.  In some ways it would have been easier.  But, no.  This is the same key, brought from a distance.”

“But… why?”

“Because it is in the nature of those who fight to die, and sometimes far from home,” said Gwensyvyr.  It would be… ill advised to leave any Key in the hands of the enemy.”

“Danny,” said Jazz.  “What are they saying?”

“Oh,” said Danny.  “Oops.”  He quickly summarized the conversation from the point where he’d stopped acting as a go-between.  

“What did they mean by the ‘last Key?’” asked Jazz.  She seemed to be the only one put together enough to really ask questions.  “Vivian, do you know?”

Vivian shrugged and shook her head.  “That’s just what they said.”

“I don’t like that,” said Matthew.  “There are other Great Gate Keys, but they should be… they aren’t out and about where anyone could get them.”  He bit down on his lip then started typing on his phone.  

“So,” said Eugene.  “Who were they?  The people who…”

“I don’t know,” said Vivian.  “Evil bastards.”  She blinked tears from her eyes that vanished as they fell.  

“I have a thought of who they might be,” said Gwensyvyr.  “Or who they might originally have been.  It is suspicion, only, mind, and to understand you must learn a history that has been forgotten.”

Everyone leaned in again, as if that would make them hear better, faster.  Danny saw hands on knife hilts and fists bunched in clothing.  

“You remember, Dannyl, Yazmyn, what I have said before: all kinds of people leave ghosts.  The House of Dyrys has old enemies.  Enemies as old as I am.”

“The viking kings,” said Lewis.  “The ones who killed your husband.”

Gwensyvyr raised a finger.  “A little too fast, grandson, but, yes.”  She let her finger fall back to the surface of the table with a tap.  One that, by the flinches, everyone heard, not just Danny.  “It is difficult to speak of even now, and there are rites older even than myself which I have tried to follow, though the years flow like sand in a glass.  Needs must.

“You know some of my story.  I was born on Myz, near what is now Sy Roch.  Then I was called only Gwenn, for my hair was as white then as it is now.”  She touched one of her braids, pulling it back behind her ear.  “We were not one country, then.  Nor were we even nine countries.  There were few raiders in those days, and no one desired to be beholden to another.  Yet even so, there were things we had in common.  Language, names, rites, knowledge, and the knowledge that is beyond knowledge.  So when a priestess of the sacred pool came from Myrgyn to seek a successor for one who had passed, it was considered a blessing and an honor.

“There were nine of us.  Three for the pool itself.  Three for the spring that fed it.  Three for the apple tree that grew on its banks.  They were wondrous things.  Their magic was apparent by sight alone.  They glowed with it.  Some days, when the stars were right and the correct sacrifices were made, the surface of the pool would glow green, and become a door to the beyond.  A drop of the water of the spring in the mouth of the living might cause one to see spirits.  A drop in the mouth of a dead body might cause it to seem to live again for a time.  A drop in the mouth of a spirit - or mere proximity - might cause them to be seen and heard and other things besides.”

Definitely a portal, then.  

“The tree bore red apples and green, as you might see on any tree, but it also grew apples of gold and silver.  The silver apples could heal any ailment.  The gold granted power.”  

Gwensyvyr paused.  “It was a matter of great importance that the pool and its gifts be guarded.  Some few could be granted to any who asked.  But even something as small a bird or a fly that fell into the pool, or a worm that ate of an apple, could become a horror.  Evil, vile things would come from the pool as often as the good, or they traveled from elsewhere to seek it out for their own ends.”

“You were doing what I do in Amity,” said Danny, before he could stop himself.  “You were guarding a portal.”

“I’m not altogether sure what you are doing in Amity,” said Gwensyvyr, “but it would not surprise me if it were so.”  

Danny ducked his head, feeling eyes on the back of it.  Everyone was looking at him.  He knew it. He was going to have to explain that in more depth before too long.  

“But when I was not much older than you, the vikings came.  They came with great ships, with weapons, and with their own magic-weavers.  And, of course, we fought back.  We had our own weapons, we had our magic, and the sacred pool at our backs.  For some years, this was enough.  And yet even these things could not stall our enemy forever.  Not when he had been eying the riches of Myrgyn and the bounty of the sacred pool.  One by one, my sister-priestesses were killed, and I ran to the only escape I had available.”

“The portal,” said Danny, starting to see where this was going.  He swallowed back nausea.

“Yes.  The pool.  I was not fast enough.  With one foot in the pool and one on the shore, I was felled by an ax.  But I fell forward, and that was sacrifice enough.  The pool granted me its gifts, and by extension, life.  But I was so very weak, and when I crawled from the pool, the raiders were still there.

“They did not recognize me as one they had slain - who would?  They had not even truly seen my face.  Instead, they took me as a slave for themselves, and took me to the one who had led them.  The one who, in those days, thought to make himself a king.”

“He called himself Erik the Dark in those days, though I learned enough of him later to know that had not always been his name.  But Erik was a name for kings, and so he took it.  In this age, you might know him by another.

“Pariah Dark.”

[stargazerley]

SG-1 Rewatch "Live Blogging" pt 5

Continuing season 2. This is episodes 15-22. Remember these are going to be pretty long so continue at your own risk. :)

Anyway....time for Fifth Race. 

OH.....ok. so they do bring up the "meaning of life stuff" lol

Daniel so excited about the symbols found on this new planet and everyone else is just "and?" lol

When Daniel explains the alliance of the four on Earnest's planet Hammond goes "I read  the report." lol

Jack activates....something.

Teal'c looks...nothin. Jack looks....Face hugger. lol

Did Janet get a haircut?

Ok.....So Jack actually made the device appear....Must have missed that. lol.

"There's nothing cruvus with me" lol

The first of a few Yes/No exchanges between Daniel and Jack.

AH, boxing. Jack has head protection....Teal'c does not. The only reason Teal'c is wearing gloves is so he doesn't hurt Jack. lol

Bend your Cozars...knees? legs?

I've lost the Fallatus to speak properly."  I love the Lantean-lish.

"Noo ani anqueetas" Thank you subtitles. "Hic qua videeum" "Fron." I'm keeping track of the fun words. 

The myth of brain function being only 10%...

Jack is going McGyver. 

So I really like this part where Daniel says "it's vague. I think it means the place of our legacy. OR a piece of our leg." This is very realistic to translation where context often gives more information than the words with multiple meanings.

"I'm not Fargus" (fargus - done?)

Using the ancient knowledge Jack adds more locations.

I think Daniel is a bit envious of Jack getting ancient knowledge. Eetium- yes? understood?

Oh, now Jack can't speak English. "Noo ani anqueetus -we are the ancients"

Eego Indeeo Navo Lochus - I need a new location. ?

10 = 8.....base 8 math

Jack might die because his brain isn't able to process the ancient language.

Daniel wanting to stay simply because he wants to learn as much of the ancient language as possible but also because he's the only one who can even begin to understand Jack. 

Jack knows he needs to go somewhere but doesn't know where. Poor guy.

Oh no, Sam and Teal'c are in danger of extreme sun/ heat. 

Aw. Daniel doesn't want Jack to worry about Sam and Teal'c. That's adorable.

"Sounds like they have no idea." yup.

I do believe Jack just built a ZPM. lol

Daniel deciding that they need to see if Jack's ancient knowledge can help is sweet. He trusts Jack.

"Shut up and go away." Jack is still somewhat ok.

Daniel throws the "engineer's words back at them." Love it.

Teal'c feels guilty they couldn't help Jack. This is good team moments.

Uh-oh....Gate won't dial out.

Euge- good?

Was SG-11 being sent to a planet outside the milky way? OR is this just something Jack did when he was fussing with it?

Poor Siler....he's about to get electrocuted

The first time an 8 chevron address is dialed. 

I think the 6 points in space thing is getting stretched a bit thin.

"he's already gone." ok damn that's deep.

Daniel makes sure Jack is aware of the risk. Gods they have such a good friendship.

Uh-oh they lost Jack. lol. Time for Jack to meet the Asgards.

Egoo Deserde Asordo. comdo asordo.... I need help?

Ok. so context clues apparently give me the correct translation of that.

Ida is their galaxy.

"We didn't think you advanced that far" bit rude. But we have "great potential"

The Asgard confirm that the Ancients built the Gates. Daniel was right.:)

"you should understand . We're out there now." This is one of Jack's best moments.

The Asgard are so small. "you have taken steps to becoming the fifth race."

I bet Jack programmed the iris to stay open so he could get back. He stalled them.

"I think we're gonna be alright." I wish I could believe that Jack. Anyway next up.

Matter of Time

Oh Blackhole episode.

Jack and Sam talk about wormholes. lol

Sam's little smile after the conversation. 

OH....right Daniel was off world with 6. :/ Darn.

So....the big mistake is redialing the planet.

11 frames in the last 6 minutes.....Talk about lag.

Jack knows stuff about black holes. 

Sam's desire to learn more was going to cause problems but the writers decided she couldn't have that flaw and kept the gate open anyway. :/ (Granted she does accept Hammond's decision to close the gate but the idea to keep it open knowing they'd basically be watching SG10 die is strange)

"Is that proper terminology "funky"?"

That's fascinating....Because the gate is connected to a world where time is slow it won't automatically shut down. From the perspective of the other planet the time limit hasn't passed so the gate is going to stay open. At least to my understanding. and ooh no there goes Siler.....that man is as much a rag doll as Daniel and Jack. lol

Sam is not making good choices today. She sees the smoke going into the wormhole and decides to approach it. Girl you are lucky you didn't get sucked in.

Question: Daniel isn't military but does he have tags?

"Simple electrical burns" Teal'c that's not good.

"Things tend to get sucked in" Jack yes.

1330 to 1900 is about 6.5 hr difference.

"There and Back again." lol That's just funny.

Sam thinks that blowing up the mountain will leave the gate in tact....yeah probably.

Jack says Henry Boyd reminds him of Sam....

Sam took a donut and put it back.....ew

"they don't know what the hell is going on so they're just going to blow it up." Sam that is the most true thing ever.

So I didn't mention Cromwell because he's just there to be a thorn in Jack's side from the past and be relevant for like 2 things.

"At least Daniel will be ok." 

So now they are planning to use the bomb as a scalpel and not a chainsaw.

Cromwell left Jack back in Iraq and Jack ended up as a POW. Jack holds it against Cromwell and given the attitude of Cromwell I don't blame him.

Time dilation is honestly far more annoying than time travel.

Teal'c wonders why the bomb can't be remote activated (likely because the writers thought some smartass would bring it up) the answer is time dilation.

And there goes the iris.

Tea'lc pulling Jack "up" against the gravity of a black hole. lol

"Hey Jack did I miss anything?" Daniel you don't know the half of it. lol

We get the trinium strengthened Iris.  "Since you reported for duty yesterday, 2 wks have gone by." I missed you Daniel.

Holiday time

Ok. So knowing that Machello is played by Michael Shanks I can actually see that.

How old is Teal'c right now? (Since before I was born sir how old is Machello?)

Machello is 100% messing with them in order to trick one of them into switching with him> That and the Machello saying he's Daniel is both foreshadowing and an inside joke. lol

Oh no. Daniel got switched. 

His voice is distinctly different when he's Machello. Like Machello as Daniel sounds different than Daniel normally sounds.

The lilt, the light wonder is gone. Machello's voice is more subdued and his mannerisms are stiffer.

Machello's voice is an older Daniel voice but still Daniel. I never noticed the voice difference.

"I don't have a sister Jack. " Yes you do....sort of. Sam.

Even when he's not as stilted Machello as Daniel has a different voice. It's impressive really. Much like other actors who play two very different characters. (like Data and Lore for example).

The Tok'ra do this as well but the voice effect does most of the work. Here the voice change is all Micheal and it's well done.

OH....Sam found the life support stuff.

apparently the device works through gloves. Time to see Jack and Tea'lc switched and I love it.

I like when they let Christopher emote.

Wonder if this inspired that Futurama episode with the body swap where they created a math formula to solve the problem. lol. This is solved easily and the switch simply can't be just reversed they don't need an outside body but that's because only four switches happened.

As much a dick move it was for Machello to switch with Daniel at least he's not doing anything creepy. He made a friend and got ice cream and lunch and paid for food for everyone at the diner. I've seen this story go way worse and with Daniel's track record thus far of horrible shit happening to him without consent, I"m glad they didn't go that route. and Machello did something strange.....it's just flirting but still man I just said you weren't creepy.

Teal'c walking Jack through Kelno'reem is interesting. But onward to Daniel and Sam. I love this moment.

OH no, Daniel is getting frustrated and with Machello's heart that's not good. My poor boy.

For all his faults, and there are many, Machello did make one person's life a bit better.

Every now and then the lighting hits Daniel's eyes just right and they are a beautiful blue. Also Teal'c wanting to shave Jack's head for.....reasons.

The way Christopher emotes with his eyes in that scene. Lol

Sam pleading with Daniel to wake up. I love their relationship. "nice to know you don't just like me for my looks" lol. Daniel please.

"is this not worth the life of one archeologist?" Not that one. It's not worth that one. Sam wants Daniel and Machello to talk

So the "I earned it" pisses me off. He took the life of an innocent man who only wanted to learn. We do also learn that Machello and Daniel have something in common- loss of a wife and more. But here's were Daniel shows his strength, his compassion but also his ability to get people to understand. He tells Machello he is just like the Goa'uld in taking Daniel's body as a 'host". Daniel is also adamant about finding Sha're.

He did it, Daniel convinced Machello to give him his life back. That's why I love Daniel. His compassion and ability to connect with people is his strength. It's the reason he wasn't cut out to be an Ascended being, he can't just watch when people are hurt, he has to do something. He has to try to make it better.

Jack and Machello switching leaving Jack in Daniel and Machello in Teal'c. Then Teal'c and Daniel switch leaving Teal'c in Machello and Daniel in Jack. "Danny boy?" lol

So now they have pairs that are able to switch because they hadn't switched already. Which is likely why Futurama needed and equation. lol. Too many people used the device.

You know if Machello had just asked, the team might have found a way to help him. Instead he wasted time.

Body swap episodes have an inherent problem with consent and unfortunately SG-1 doesn't completely evade them. Machello is never able to do anything drastic as Daniel but he wants to. And Teal'c's attempt to shave Jack is played for laughs. (This won't be the last time something like that happens when I get to SGA I'll talk about that). This won't be the only time Machello screws over our dear archeologist, oh no.

Serpent's Song. I don't hate this episode but it's the second Apophis death fake out.

Oh this is the source for desert Daniel lounging on the steps of the gate. 

Oh just shoot him and be done with it. (Apophis I mean )

"Whoa" That's all you got Daniel?

"Apophis is more valuable alive" Sam....you will regret that decision.

"we've met" Hammond says....yup.

Cal Mah is sanctuary apparently.

"You aren't in the position to demand anything." Hammond says. True. Janet being literally the best doctor as she doesn't care who it is she's tending to wounded in front of her. "Do what you can to keep him alive."

Sam got a Jolinar memory that was one she was there for.

"He gambled we would show compassion to our worst enemy. He was right." -Daniel. Even though the guy took his wife Daniel still isn't the one demanding Apophis's death.

OH....Yeah. the Host is innocent. Good point Sam.

Why is he pinned like that? (The position I mean.)

"my heart bleeds for you" "you lie poorly" no dude he was being sarcastic.

"That's between you and your god. Oh wait you are your god." lol. Jack's sass

"A new host" hahaha NO.

"Go to Hell." Well about that, Jack. lol

Sokar lore. :/ I hate that guy.

Unas and human coexisting foreshadowing.

"yeah basically he was the original Satan." I adore Daniel. 

Oh boy. Daniel gets to talk to Poph.

Daniel is doing his best to remain calm. I respect that.

"I know where your child is." Oh Daniel savage. Again...respect.

So, I would have like to see if Daniel was willing to follow through with his threat on Apophis. They had Sam walk in so they didn't have to either have Daniel back off or do something possible out of character.

Lantash is a bit of an ass....

Oh. The Host.

I feel sorry for him. For thousands of years he's been locked inside himself, likely watching Apophis commit atrocities and unable to stop it.

Matter can't reintegrate but a hologram isn't matter...really. A signal can be sent through but Sokar decided to go the extra mile and use a particle accelerator. lol

Teal'c would kill Apophis if he could. There's no question in that but Daniel, I think he would for this he would do it just as he destroyed the larva.

Apophis can sense that Sam was once a host? Does that ever go anywhere? and why didn't the Tok'ra sense it when they met her?

Why is Daniel the one who came up with the dial out idea? Shame Sokar can dial faster.....the computer puts SGC at a disadvantage.

The compassion Daniel shows to the host is commendable. He offers to do last rites to put the host at ease. It's sad really. It's a shame Apophis comes back....actually does the host also revive and why does Apophis return instead of the host?

After everything Teal'c still had to actually see Apophis's body to believe he was dead.

Martouf it's not the torture that they have a problem with it's the reviving him that makes them uneasy. Also...The Tollan are friends to the Tok'ra but the Tauri are beneath them? For real? The Tok'ra are just as violent as the Tauri. WTF.

Oooh...One False Step. The plot remembers Daniel has allergies.

Deja vu....and Daniel sneezes.

"you think we call you alien because you are from Chulak." lol

I like these people they are fun.

This episode is just good light hearted fun...mostly.

So apparently it was ridiculously cold when they filmed this so the aliens were...exposed.

This is the first time they encountered a race they couldn't communicate with. Another sneeze and now Sam has a cut. oops.

Oh boy, Charades. I love it when Daniel has to learn how to communicate with people. Shame this doesn't involve the Daniel Jackson method of friendship...food.

It's really adorable that they "paint" Daniel....and now the charades complete with plane noises. What a dork.

"we don't want to jump to conclusions, remember the nox" yes Daniel. Thank you for not jumping to "less evolved"....though you do get there sort of but hey they actually did get the thing you asked for.....oh dear one of them dropped. :/

Knowing what I do. The singing was meant to actually heal as Daniel suggested sort of. More literally than the indigenous people.

Technically you guys did cause the problem...fix it. lol

Ah. Daniel want to comfort them. 

Honestly, Daniel falls under "Beware the nice ones." He's a kind and caring person but gods help you if you hurt someone he loves.

The alien does not like the ultrasound.

Alien heart is in the stomach....not the worst placement for a heart. lol

Daniel and the plant.....The plant.

Inappropriate sarcasm....Daniel have you met Jack that's like his favorite language. 

"Witness if you will. Squat" Ok even when Jack is being rude he's kind of funny. Just wish it was directed at Daniel.

Janet being surprised that the team hasn't made someone else sick....honestly, true. Sam wanting to help because they can't be reckless with their exploration.

Oh..... The Daniel filming the plant scene. I love this one. also, Jack condescendingly denies being condescending.

"See? See?" "I don't know!" 

Daniel and Jack have headaches....oof.

"I will keep both of my eyes on it." lol. Teal'c. 

and now they feel fine. But now they also feel bad for shouting at each other. Oh guys. You have issues with each other that boiled over when you got a headache. Headaches tend to make people irritable and so things they normally let slide are less tolerable. Jack's less patient and Daniel's filter is shut off.

People are getting sick and Teal'c sticks his fingers in random ooze....sir that's a bad idea.

"We can't expect things to go the way we want" and then Daniel goes on a tirade "we are killing a race of people how can we not care." Jack got dismissive and Daniel again is irritable, no filter. Things he normally doesn't just say out loud. He gets more emotional than Jack does.

I like how the show basically says some noise make people feel shitty after a long period of time....like say a person playing loud music across the street where you can hear or rather feel the bass in your house.

Daniel's more irritable response could be a sign of mysophobia, something that tends to impact autistic people. It's also Daniel who figures out that the plant's sound changed. Sure Sam figured out that a sound was the problem but Daniel connected it to the plant. Showing us once again that even when Daniel is acting "odd" he's usually right. 

And Sam also does figure out that there is a symbiotic relationship at play between Daniel and Sam great things can happen. I love it when they work together. 

I think I'm more surprised that Sam has plants than the fact that she talks to them.

Time for Show and Tell....

OH. This episode is the one to introduce the palm scanner for the iris....

Jack suggests Sam search the boy (Charlie) to determine if he's goa'uld. Valid. Does this get used often or only when the writers deem it relevant?

Oh yes Mother. the invisible creature that demands "Charlie" speak only to Jack. Apparently, Mother trusts Jack....I'm not sure how to feel about it. Mother was there during the incident with Tonane. I would prefer Daniel but since it's boy child relevant to plot not related to Daniel the guy must be Jack. :/

I think Jack is weirded out that Charlie took his son's name. The boy is likely about the same age as Jack's Charlie would be. Also the Reetu threat is just never mentioned after this episode and it's a missed opportunity. Also Also, the assumption that the boy has just not let his mom go is strange given all the shit they've dealt with.

Jack, Teal'c has saved your ass a few times. lol. Given how they just assume Mother isn't there Legacy isn't much of a surprise. It's annoying as hell and they should know better.

So the goa'uld can "sense" the Reetu? Also Charlie is dying. (side note spelling his name that way is really hard for me...lol)

Janet is skeptical of Psychics and yet they've seen stranger. They've swapped bodies for shit's sake. The Nox can revive the dead.

And it's Daniel who realizes that the Reetu might be invisible, unseen.

Hammond's vocal tic calling people Son. "I am not called Son anymore." And Hammond just goes with it. 

"Mother is growing impatient with your narrow-mindedness." So am I, Charlie.

Did she have to hit the computer though? lol

So, they decide to call the Tok'ra to help them find the Reetu but they didn't think to call when they discovered this poor kid was dying?

"oh for crying out loud" ok....kid's spent too much time with Jack.

"this will eliminate the reetu if it's there" uh...what? Guys the one in the room is the kids mom. The hell?

"How are they so advanced yet the boy so messed up" Because the kid wasn't important. He was a messenger that's it.

Introduction of the T.E.R.

Something tells me Daniel is recalling the last time SGC got intell on a "threat'. :/ Alternatively, I like that Jack tells Charlie it's ok to cry.

"I think I belong with you, Jack." oof.

I....do not think Jack can go through this again....losing a "son". 

"Here we go, kids."

GIven the base auto destruct....they only need a few invaders.....

"what happens if they come through the door behind us?" Jack whip around.....lol

Sam bouncing a grenade into the elevator to get the reetou out....nice shot.

"we go in on 3" "There are people in there" "I know"....lol. Uh oh...Mother is gone.

Daniel told the soldiers not to shoot mother but the reetou rebel got her. oof

Oh no, Charlie ain't doin so well.

"he'll grow up...." "two key words grow up." Shame we never see Charlie again.

Like they set up this connection and Charlie never shows up nor does the show carry through with the threat. missed opportunity.

1969

Daneil wasn't really paying attention to Sam's explanation on sciencey stuff. lol.

"How's the hand?....Take this note and don't worry about it until later." lol Hammond.

And they are....still at SGC sort of....Oop there goes the gate. 

"This looks suspiciously like the butt end of a Titan missile" Jack....

Teal'c just Zats the thing. Rather calmly. lol

"How did you know that would work?" "I did not."

Sam realizes that they are still in Cheyenne Mountain.

Oh look a young Gen. Hammond. 

Random note from his future self.

Daniel please don't talk about time travel and paradoxes. :/

Daniel wants to use time travel to learn shit and Teal'c goes "stop horrible shit"....which fair. Tempting.

Sam talking about the Grandfather Paradox and yet doesn't mention the boot strap paradox or closed time loops.

"(translated) Are you Soviet spies?" "Nyet"... Daniel dear did you just answer a Russian question in Russian. I love that he does it without thinking.

I also love the look on his face when he realizes what he did. It's a sort of not again.

Ah, yes a Star Trek reference.... "they're lying." lol

I love this. "OH well it's hard to say." "Just difficult to pronounce." lol

Now his name is Luke....Wait. Daneil uses Han later....does that Make Sam Leia or someone else? I would hope someone else but like... I think Jack and Daniel switched their Star Wars aliases. lol

Hammond in present day is just like, give them time. lol

"where there's a will there's an or."

So Teal'c mentions the larva will eventually take him if they stay in the past. Does that mean Jaffa could be hosts?

We are given an actual date. August 4, 1969. And we find out that Hammond watched the moon landing at his farther's side in the hospital. (sad)

The hippies. 

You know, the fact that this white guy offers Teal'c a seat in front with him is actually pretty nice to see.

"We have a problem with the Establishment" Jack you work for them.

"The war with Canada." lol

Honestly, most of my notes on this could just be a recap or quotes. lol. This is a good episode.

I like the use of the headband to disguise Teal'c. Daniel looks like a scholar/professor. Jack looks like....well himself honestly.

Ah, camping in the forest.....they should be used to that.

Sam figured out the solar flare was the reason they traveled.

You can't predict a solar flare but you do know when they happened in the past. Also, the idea that Hammond asked Sam to work on research for solar flares is plausible and likely.

"from a galaxy far far away," Daniel please.

The fact that they are telling the hippies that they are aliens is....ok sure. I guess. Why not.

"Remember to use the filter" "Or I'll burn my eyes out." Jack knows how to use a telescope....or rather safe use of one I guess. Nice callback to his hobby of stargazing. 

Time to meet Catherine....also Daniel's hair pulled back like that is adorable.

His accent is....well I'm no expert but uh rough.

We know have a location of the Gate. 

I wonder why Daniel went with German.

Time to go to DC for a flare.

"The two of you have been unbelievably-" "Groovy". Daniel.

Sam interjecting when Micheal and Jack are talking implies some importance with the couple but it only comes up like one time as a non canon joke. Hell Micheal and his wife are treated with some importance but nothing comes of it.

Oop they zatted a guy.

Gee I wonder what's in the tall squarish box....Why is it standing up like that?

So the side of the sun determines the direction in time. ....I guess. Sure.

They used a jeep to power the gate? Seems like that's not much energy. idk.

Welp, looks like they overshot their destination by.... a bit.

"I hardly recognized you with hair" Excuse me, Cassie did Daniel lose his hair in your time? Say it ain't so. (and Cassie is 13.)

Or maybe she meant he has long hair here instead of the short hair later? idk.

Hammond has been waiting for this day and almost didn't let them go. Jack owes Hammond $539.50.....which I don't know if that's actually the amount or if he inflated it after Jack smashed his car.

Onward to....Out of Mind....OH this story has Hathor. I hate Hathor. :/

Why are they...um...unclothed?

OH right this is a clip show storyline. I like the way the did it. (the year is now 2077.)

Well ok I know they aren't actually in the future but still.

But they do say Jack has been frozen for almost 79 years which coincides with the 1999 year given in 1969 where they went back 30 years.

Supposedly, there are 28 teams on Earth. While realistic that Earth began colonising offworld, Jack is unsettled by this. (Which might be a hint it's fake.)

Cassie's "with hair" comment could be considered foreshadowing as we see Daniel in this episode with short hair for the first time. RIP floppy hair.

The Tok'ra memory device is introduced here which is really one of the only reasons this episode is important.

No Jack don't tell them about the Nox. It's trap.

I've noticed the subs have a U in asgard as Asguard....for some reason.

Also because this is a clipshow ep I'm not likely going to have much to say.

But so far we have clips from The Nox and the Fifth Race. Idk If I'll remember all of them.

Torment of Tantalus clip....See "Daniel reading the UN of stars notes."

Ok...I love seeing Daniel Excited. I know I've said so before but yeah.

"Trofsky" is Tok'ra right? Cause I think she just made it so Jack stays awake. Next up, Daniel. Again RIP floppy hair. oh and Sam. They are purposely dosing her to keep her from sensing them.

No seriously, why are they naked? What purpose did that serve.

We see characters in stasis fully clothed....It's fanservice that I'm sure some people are all for. :/ (Also the team should know Apophis isn't really going to stay dead thanks to Sokar. )

Trofsky's trip up actually tells us Apophis isn't really dead. Either that or Hathor is severely out of the loop.

The Serpents....something bit where Jack just tosses the granades down the shaft. Lol.

Oh Daniel, that cut is not it. It's almost as bad as the Beiber style they gave Jonas in...Fallout?

Ew. Clips from Hathor. Gross.

OOF. "Hammond lived to 93." Unfortunately no he did not. Rip Hammond.

So Teal'c was the only one who made it back to the actual SGC. I think.

Teal'c really wants to search for his friends but he's also been out cold for 3wks. :/

Aw. Janet stayed by Teal'c's side.

Hammond not wanting to search for SG1 is strange. I know he's been looking for 3wks but still. And then not "letting" Teal'c leave. He quit....for now. But like having to hear Teal'c say he'd rather die than betray them shouldn't be necessary.

Oh....Jack's about to learn the truth. Fun.

Time to steal clothes in order to blend.

At some point I should to a ranking of the episodes...maybe a tier list or something.

You can tell Teal'c regrets his decision to leave but he knows he can't just stay and do nothing.

It's a pretty good fake SGC except the giant gold door in the elevator. There's no way the US would pay for that. lol

OH yeah, the memory things don't just project. They make you essentially relive shit, as we will see later on.

So they let Jack walk around and get clothes but Sam...just has that silly metal? blanket.

Sam "thought you were dead" and so Message in a Bottle. Daw.

"Try not to think too much?" Jack this is Sam that's not likely.

"This looks just like" "don't think about it" ....too late.

"I have more questions but that can wait" valid. Hey Daniel has normal-iish clothing.

Daniel like Teal'c mentions the odd alliance of Horus and Serpent guards.

Maybe it's the lack of glasses that makes his hair look silly.....and now this ....well I have unflattering words to say about Hathor.

The team is immune to Hathor's gross hypnotic charm.

"how to contact Asgard?" "Try Roswell."

Oh joy, forced implantation....And again the Tok'ra wonder why the Tauri, specifically SG1 is hesitant to be a host.

And thus ends season 2. As with the others season 3 won't be posted until I finish the season. I'll divvy up the season as needed. Thank you so much for sticking with my insanity. I really do love this show and I may have more detailed character arc posts after my rewatch. Hopefully I do Atlantis too. This might make it easier for me. :)

[ninadove]

Nina reads Dracula 🦇

May 7th

Good news, everyone! My good friend Jonathan has written once more! Not that I was worried about him or anything, haha.

I wonder how he’s getting on with his host, though…

"I have to be absent for a while. Do not wait for me.—D."

I set to and enjoyed a hearty meal.

WELL SPLENDIDLY IT SEEMS

When I had done, I looked for a bell, so that I might let the servants know I had finished; but I could not find one. There are certainly odd deficiencies in the house, considering the extraordinary evidences of wealth which are round me. The table service is of gold, and so beautifully wrought that it must be of immense value. The curtains and upholstery of the chairs and sofas and the hangings of my bed are of the costliest and most beautiful fabrics, and must have been of fabulous value when they were made, for they are centuries old, though in excellent order. I saw something like them in Hampton Court, but there they were worn and frayed and moth-eaten. But still in none of the rooms is there a mirror.

Bachelor life, Jonathan… do not judge your host’s interior design skills…

"But, Count," I said, "you know and speak English thoroughly!" He bowed gravely.

"I thank you, my friend, for your all too-flattering estimate, but yet I fear that I am but a little way on the road I would travel. True, I know the grammar and the words, but yet I know not how to speak them."

Aaaaw Count you’re too hard on yourself! Your letter and invitations were only slightly terrifying!!!

I have been so long master that I would be master still—or at least that none other should be master of me.

Totally normal topic of conversation, please carry on.

"You may go anywhere you wish in the castle, except where the doors are locked, where of course you will not wish to go. There is reason that all things are as they are, and did you see with my eyes and know with my knowledge, you would perhaps better understand."

… Ah.

The Count smiled, and as his lips ran back over his gums, the long, sharp, canine teeth showed out strangely;

Fellas is it gay to stare at your host’s lips and gums and long, sharp, canine teeth that show out strangely?

Well, but, my friend, is it not needful that I should? When I go there I shall be all alone, and my friend Harker Jonathan—nay, pardon me, I fall into my country's habit of putting your patronymic first—my friend Jonathan Harker will not be by my side to correct and aid me. He will be in Exeter, miles away, probably working at papers of the law with my other friend, Peter Hawkins. So!"

We love a self-reliant king with two (2) whole, alive friends!

"We Transylvanian nobles love not to think that our bones may lie amongst the common dead."

I wouldn’t worry too much about that…

"I love the shade and the shadow, and would be alone with my thoughts when I may."

I’M SURE YOU DO

The Count again excused himself, as he had dined out on his being away from home.

…

All at once we heard the crow of a cock coming up with preternatural shrillness through the clear morning air; Count Dracula, jumping to his feet, said:—

"Why, there is the morning again! How remiss I am to let you stay up so long. You must make your conversation regarding my dear new country of England less interesting, so that I may not forget how time flies by us," and, with a courtly bow, he quickly left me.

………

Surely this is fine… surely this means nothing… surely this estate in London is not going to be the vanguard to a complete invasion of England by the undead…

< Prev 🦇 Next >

[scribeforchrist-blog]

Nothing Is Going To Hold Me Back!

MEMORY VERSE OF THE WEEK

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+ Ephesians 5:8 For at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light

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VERSE OF THE DAY

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+ Galatians 5:7 You were running the race so well. Who has held you back from following the truth?

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** SAY THIS BEFORE YOU READ; HERE’S SOME CHRISTIAN TRUTHS **

I AM LETTING NOTHING HOLD ME BACK

I AM STRONG

I AM NOT COMPLAINING

I AM NOT AFRAID

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READ TIME: 9 Minutes & 55 Seconds

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THOUGHTS:

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   A lot of things can hold us back from achieving our goals , if were in school , our grade can , if we constantly making F's we will most likely not pass that grade,  even getting a house if our credit score isn't high enough it could us back from getting a car or a house , this is just to name a few things I am pretty sure it’s more to but those examples will do , a lot of us are allowing the schemes of the enemy to prevent us from growing , we are allowing his ways and tricks to stop us from progressing in the lord and when this happen we will always be held back .

The lord can’t elevate us if we are constantly getting fooled with the same  schemes , the enemy loves when he can hold us back he loves to distract us from connecting with God , and sometimes we do it by what we do during the day the moments we could be worshipping God we decide to go out and shop or we decide to binge watch Netflix , the moments we could be praying instead we are constantly picking up our phone to see who called . These things are what's holding us back from God.

  Galatians 3:1 Oh, foolish Galatians! Who has cast an evil spell on you? For the meaning of Jesus Christ's death was made as apparent to you as if you had seen a picture of his death on the cross.

  He asks them who has cast a spell on them; he even called them foolish because he wonders what was so great that it pulled their eyes off the truth. Often times , we can allow sin, people, and things to pull us away from the gospel of truth. Paul had told them this; that they knew of this, but why were they getting fooled? We allow ourselves to get fooled by the comfort of sins. It's people who know what they are doing is wrong and won't stop because they feel like it makes them feel good ;why should I stop? It makes me happy; Having this mindset will pull you away from God every time because happiness lasts for so long; curiosity only happens for so long; we must stop allowing the enemy to hold us back and start fighting back.

 2 Corinthians 10:5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalted itself against the knowledge of God and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.

  This is what we must do when the enemy strikes, and he will; we must cast down every imagination, every high thought that is against the knowledge of God; a lot of us cast it down, but we still let it stay; we still allow it to hold us back, and to cast anything down or to rebuke anything we must be ready to rebuke it and send it back, don't allow the thoughts the enemy try to place in our heads to stay, because as long as it stays, it will hold us back from our true goal which is worshiping God.

  True repentance comes when we truly consider what we did and ask God to forgive us; we learned this week that the city of Nineveh knew they were wrong after Jonah got through talking with them about the judgment of God, and they knew what they must do to achieve repentance.

  Jonah 3:7-8 Then the king and his nobles sent this decree throughout the city:

"No one, not even the animals from your herds and flocks, may eat or drink anything. 8 People and animals alike must wear mourning garments, and everyone must pray earnestly to God. They must turn from their evil ways and stop all their violence.

  Every person and every animal wore a garment and mourned; they prayed to God earnestly to forgive them of their ways; that's how you seek repentance so that it won't hold you back; a lot of us don't want to say we are sorry or to confess with our mouth about what we did because we are so fixated on other things. Paul is saying today, stop being foolish; you know the truth of God, you know what the truth is, and you know that listening to the things of this world is only going to push you back.

   Matthew 8:19-20 Then, one of the teachers of religious law said to him, "Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go."

20 But Jesus replied, "Foxes have dens to live in, and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place even to lay his head."

   We also learned this week that walking in Christ is hard because we must deny ourselves. That's it, point blank , and a lot of people don't want to deny themselves to follow Him; he says in his word to become a disciple, we must deny ourselves, we must pick up our cross DAILY and say Father, please help me

A lot of us don't want to do that we don't want to pick it up because we feel it’s too heavy and yes it will be heavy. We must deny what we desire to follow him, and a lot of people made excuses why they couldn't, and he gave them an excuse why they could; there is nothing in this life that should be stopping us from following Christ.

  1 Peter 3:12   The eyes of the Lord watch over those who do right, and his ears are open to their prayers. But the Lord turns his face against those who do evil.

  The Lord hears our cry, and he watches over those who do right and hear our prayers; a lot of time, we are curious: does he hear me, or did he love us? This verse tells us he watches over the ones that do right, loving your neighbors, praying, reading your read, keeping peace with all man, etc. When we do those things, do what is right, and do not seek vengeance on people, we live the way Christ wanted us to.

  Another topic we talked about is grumbling and complaining; it's hard not to complain about things we feel are wrong, but God wants us not to complain so much; he wants us to say what we have to say, and that's it, a lot of us grumble just like the Israelites we ask for one thing then we complain he gives us something else then we complain even more, see its no way of satisfying someone that is constantly not happy with what's going on.

Deuteronomy 1:34-36 When the Lord heard your complaining, he became very angry. So, he solemnly swore, 35 'Not one of you from this wicked generation will live to see the good land I swore to give your ancestors.

  With their complaining, the lord stopped them from coming into the land he swore they wouldn't and that none of them would get in but the ancestors; the lord will hold up our blessing because we are complaining, and the lord will stop our destiny from coming forth because of our grumbling we must learn to be content in everything, a lot of us don't have a lot because we aren't grateful of what we have.

 ***Today, the lord wants us to remember who we are, what he has given us, and what he has done for us; we can't complain every day about the things we are going through and the things that are in our lives because as long as we are complaining the lord will not move in our life, sometimes we must be content with everything and accept what the lord has done as a blessing. This is one of the many other things that can hold us back from the truth; we allow other things to cloud our mind, and we lose focus on who we are and what we are supposed to be doing, and that's being what God has called us to be in him.

  Romans 6:17 Thank God! Once, you were slaves of sin, but now you wholeheartedly obey this teaching we have given you.

  We were once a slave to our sins, but now we obey God, and we listen to his teaching; obedience is something we all must have when we are following Christ; it sounds easy to do what we want, it sounds easy to be led away by our selfish ways , but it's easy not to read our word it's easy to not to pray. Still, we can't do the easy thing, my friends; when we do the easy thing, we say, whatever the enemy throws at me, I will accept. We can't; we must be willing to hold on to God and wait on him.©Seer~ Prophetess Lee

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PRAYER

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Heavenly Father, we thank you for today. We ask you to help us to be more like you. Lord, help us take this week's devotions and apply them to our lives. We are so grateful for the things you give us. Lord, help us not to complain and grumble. Lord, help us to be more grateful for what we have; we love you. Thank you. Lord, remove anything that's in us out that's not of you. Lord, continue to change us each day so we may evolve into what you want of us; lord, we submit to you everything in Jesus' Name, amen

======================

REFERENCES

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 + Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,

+ Matthew 13:21 yet he has no root in himself, but endures for a while, and when tribulation or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately he falls away.

+ Romans 6:17 But thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed,

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FURTHER READINGS

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 Proverbs 19

Zechariah 11

Ephesians 1

Galatians 1

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[androgynousblackbox]

How To Lose a Lucifer In 10 Days. 32 [Appleradio, Radioapple]

In conclusion

Lucifer didn't know what was expecting from Alastor once they crossed the doors of the hotel, after saying goodbye to their other versions. The fact that the radio demon didn't turn to see him once as they made their way to the door could have probably been a clue, but when the demon dissolved into shadow to dissapear of his sight still took him by surprise.

The first one to see him was Angel at the bar. Then Husk. Then Vaggie, who ran off instantly into the hallway and dragged Charlie by the arm. Right after behind her, Lilith was coming too.

The hug of his daughter and her subsequent tears for a perfect moment was absolutely everything he could care in the world. Memories of her being a tiny kid grabbing to his pants to get his attention or looking at him for comfort filled his head as he hold her back, promising over and over that he was never going to leave her again. When he managed to speak through his own sobbing at least. After they both calmed down a little, without losing her hand on his, he explained on broad stokes how it was on Heaven and how they managed to come back.

Skipping the most gorey details and the fact he ate Sera. Back when he was sharing a body with the other Lucifer, that decision made all the sense of the world. Someone hurt your children, your spouse and yourself, you hurt them them back and make sure they are never able to ever again. He knew very well that all the same things could have happened to him or Charlie if Heaven wanted to, so it's not like he truly regreted anything of what they did. But he also really didn't feel like justifying himself in front of his daughter, so he just said that they made enough of a ruckus for them to get out and encourage Heaven to stay away from them in the future. Perhaps later he could tell Lilith. She would understand no problem.

"How did it feel to have another Lucifer there?" she asked, reclining over the table where the pizza Lucifer made appear for everyone. "All that power, it must have been overwhelming."

"Oh, yeah, totally" Lucifer sighed as he crossed his legs. This all felt so normal, so comfortable. He had his daughter at his side, Lilith had come back and she seemed she was to stay. This was everything he had known for so long. It would have been perfect if he could just actually relax and not keep an eye out at the hallways for any shadow or red glimpse getting close. There wasn't, of course. "The weirdest shit ever. It's like your head has a million tabs that are open all the time and it takes a hell a lot of will power to not look at all of them at once. If both of us didn't have such a clear objective already in mind that we had to follow, we could have been stuck there just knowing stuff and think what we could do with that stuff. Then we separated again and it's like… were you ever bashed so strong in the head that it makes you forget your entire life? That, but it was someone's else life and the all the knowledge of the universe at once, plus other universes. I still have that headache going on, but at least less than before" added, taking a sip of his soda.

"So you just forgot everything?" asked Charlie, entranced by the whole story.

Looking at her expression as she hanged from his every word, he had no problem understanding why the other Lucifer and his Alastor chose stories as their bonding experience with their daughter. It was nice to feel listened to.

"Well, not forgot-forgot. It's more like a dream that someone else told me about and they were very vivid with the descriptions" He didn't mention at all how that also included all the memories of the other Lucifer regarding his own Alastor, just like he hoped the guy wasn't just going to talk about his own memories with Lilith. They should have never known any of that, but it was inevitable when combining their minds together. "Now, most of it is still more or less clear, but I am sure that in a few days or so it will be just a memory of a memory and then not even that"

"No wonder Heaven was afraid of that power" Lilith smirked, serving another serving to Charlie. "I am glad you could give them a good lesson, dear. Hell truly didn't feel the same without you."

"We missed you both so much" Charlie sighed, hugging him by the neck. "I don't even care if you fight again, just don't go."

Lucifer snorted, patting her arm. He had no idea where he stood with the radio demon now, but he would be truly surprised if everything just went back to normal, as if nothing happened. For both of them, he wanted to believe that things could be different now.

"I am not going anywhere, apple pie" assured, kissing her head as he rose from his chair. "In fact, both of us did decide to make a little change for ourselves. Just a little extra in case Heaven or whoever the fuck ever tries to pull some shit like that again" He jumped over to the counter and made a little pose, opening wide his wings. All eight of them, reaching even to the ceiling and the walls at his side. "Boom, baby! A new set of wings! Which will give us a nice little boost if necessary!" Charlie gasped, going over to admire his lower wings. "I even have a new form! Do you all want to see it? It's… a little too big for this kitchen, though" commented, chuckling to himself because finally, finally he could actually be taller for once.

The curiosity from the residents and staff was enough to agree. He hide his wings again and jumped to the ground, going up to the back garden. He noticed that some patches of flowers were already planted and growing. The place looked more lively than before everything happened. He had a weird feeling in his chest at realizing that of course, the world was going to keep going even if he wasn't there. Charlie had done a great work. He should be proud of her. He was, for the most part. The rest felt a stab of guilt because he was, after all, partially responsible for missing it on the first place.

"Alright, this should be enough space" said after shaking his head, leaving those thoughts in another place to rot. He was back home and he wasn't going to go anywhere. He was going to be the father his baby girl needed and if for that he had to get along with an asshole, he would do it. No fight could ever be worth being away from her again. "And voila!"

As he yelled that, he jumped in the air and released his energy. Almost as tall as the hotel was now, he flexed a little bit wiggling his eyebrows over his new three red eyes. Besides the size and his horns now twisting over the ring of fire on top of his head, there wasn't a lot of difference now. But that wasn't going to stop him from showing it off.

"Cool, huh?" said, winking an eye to Charlie as his third eye caught Alastor's staring from a window on his tower.

His senses were a lot more refined now so he could feel the attention of everyone on him, including his. When his other two eyes looked over, though, the radio demon had closed his curtains and wasn't there anymore. He told himself he should probably give the man some space, to let him come to him when he was ready. All the while being very aware of how much that stinged. Alastor could at least come down for Charlie, to participate of the celebration.

That thought almost made him laugh in place. Now he was wishing that Alastor spend more time around his daughter. At least he knew for sure something that had changed.

"Who wants a ride on the capable hands of the king?" offered, taking request.

Of course the first one was Angel in one hand and then Charlie on the other, both traveling on both of his shoulders as he just took a few steps around the property. Angel tried to ask if everything was big on that form and if he would mind showing it, which Charlie had yelling the name of the pornstair across his neck. Just as Angel protested that it was natural to be curious about it, Lucifer couldn't help but to chuckle. If only Angel had caught him alone he wouldn't mind answering that yes, everything, and also yes, he did mind, especially in front of his daughter.

Then Vaggie came to join Charlie, elevating herself on her wings. Husk and Cherri were up next. While Husk seemed content with just enjoying the view, Cherri immediately hanged from his clothes and tried to see how much she could balance herself on every portion of fabric she could grab before he had to caught her. At last, Lilith asked for a ride as well and he had no reason to tell her no. As he elevated her on his hand, he did conjured some enchanted instruments to make some music as new tables with snacks appeared.

"So" wispered up high, knowing that Charlie wasn't going to be able to hear them now, "how were you doing?"

Lilith took a big breath and let it out, contemplating the hellish landscape from her position, sitting at his palm.

"Oh, dear, it was dreadful. But we managed the best we could. After Charlie came back from… I don't even know what to call it. Judgement? Announcement of condemnation? Whatever that joke of a meeting was, we tried so many times to set up a new one, but they kept telling us no. I kept wishing to be able to enter through the pearly gates myself, but I guess that was too much to ask from these little stones" She sighed deeply, looking at her hand. "You must think I am so stupid for even trying to reason with them at all in the first place."

"I never thought that" said Lucifer sincerely and moved a couple of steps, getting to stop his on the side of the roof. "Naive, maybe, but… you weren't there when they would laugh or reject my ideas. You only saw me at the garden and then at them when they casted us out. We are talking about maybe stopping the literal slaughtering of our people. At least you were trying to do something. I just… kept behind until our daughter was in danger. Not very kingly either" He sighed.

It felt good, for a change, to take that out of his chest instead of just letting it bounce around on his head where it could be multiplied and made so much worse. The anxious chattering and self loathing of the other Lucifer's thought was so fresh on his mind. He knew he could fall into those same patterns and that was one of the reasons why.

Lilith turned to look at him.

"I judged you so harshly and unfairly, dear. You were right all along and I should have heard you" said after a while, patting his hand. "Could you forgive me?"

Whatever trace of resentment he had cultivated on the last years seemed to evaporate instantly at those words. He never wanted to be mad at her in the first place. Not when she sincerely though she had a chance at fixing what he let be broken in the first place. It wouldn't be the woman he knew if she had just stayed arms crossed.

"Always" Lucifer brushed his thumb against her back. "That goes without saying."

Lilith smiled, a sincere, relieved smile that looked lovely on her face.

"So kind, my dear" said, brushing her hair back behind her ear as she turned to the again to watch over the city. "Now that we don't have any business with Heaven and they don't have any with us, we can finally be a proper family again."

Lucifer thought about letting her have this. This one single moment of peace and quiet where everything seemed to have fallen into place where it should and there was no surprises, no uncertainties, nothing to worry about. It would have been the easiest thing in the world, to just say nothing. He almost did.

"About that" said, gently putting Lilith on the roof. Once she was back on her feet, he came back to his default form and floated in the air to be close to her. He looked at the garden once and knew that Charlie had seen that, there was no way she didn't, but hopefully she would understand they also needed the privacy. But now that they were actually alone and he didn't had to whisper a thing, he wasn't entirely sure of what to say. How is anyone even supposed to approach this? "Lilith… do you actually want to stay married?" asked finally.

"You don't?" Lilith said, taken aback, and then she frowned slightly. "It's because of that red demon?"

"No" said Lucifer and as soon as he did, he knew that was true. It wasn't just Alastor. It was everything else. It was all the years before he even knew the radio demon existed. "Come on, you can't tell me you were the happiest with me?"

"Well, we had a few bumps and crashes" admited Lilith, looking away, "but overall, we managed to keep going. Isn't that what marriage is at the end of the day?"

Lucifer would have said yes any other day. They made a promise to stay with a person and take them as they are. So what if Lilith didn't glow at seeing him and he didn't at seeing her either? So what if their conversations were mere politeness even before she ever set a foot on Heaven? They could still make it work. As long there was a basic form of respect between them, and that was there no matter what, they always could.

But that day he still remembered another marriage like a dream someone had told him with more details he ever wanted. He saw something different for once. How the years for the other Lucifer haven't been a blur of inconsequential events without any particular order. How immortality wasn't a burden that just kept going without any stop, sometimes offering a small relief, if there was something else fulfilling those years. Something that made the days worth being present for them.

He thought for a long time that Charlie was enough of a reason for him. That he didn't need anything else. After going through the mind of his other version, though? It was still huge, but now there was a possibility of something else there, a door had been open, and there was no closing that again. They deserved to at least try it, both of them.

When he reached out to take her hand, Lilith gave it easily and he patted it.

"We could be happier" started, looking up. Her purple eyes looked sad and that was fair, because he was sad too. They had spend so long together than to not be it felt like rewriting the laws of the universe all over again. "I know we can" insisted, giving her hand a squeeze. "But not together. You thought the same thing too or you wouldn't have been gone for so long."

Lilith pulled out her hand, as if meaning to argue. For a moment her lips tensed up and she closed her fist, about to do it. Only to finally let her hand fall again.

"I deserved that" recognized, without meeting him directly. She sighed deeply, crossing her arms together. "You aren't wrong either. I feel awful for thinking it, but a part of me was… relieved."

"Okay, ouch" Lucifer tried to laugh it off, coming off instead a wheezing sound.

"Which is so unfair to you, dear" Lilith suddenly grabbed his face, lifting him up. The tear swelling up her eyes did not made look any less determined to get her words out. "In all the years I have known you, you have never been anything but the perfect gentleman. You always put me and our daughter above everything else. You did everything right, my dear, every single thing" The tears started to fall from her cheeks, tigthening her jaw. "Any woman. No, any being would be ever so lucky to be at your side. You are a treasure, Lucifer Morningstar. I never once doubted that."

"But you don't love me anymore" Lucifer sniffed despite himself.

He had known that for a while now, but it didn't made it any less painful. It was just the first time he say it out loud.

"I did once" said Lilith, cleaning up his cheek with her fingers. "I would never would have wanted to fall with anyone else."

"Y-yeah. Me too" Lucifer kissed her palm and hold both against against his lips. The years they had spend together would never leave his mind. "We had… we had a good time, didn't we?"

"Flawless" Lilith sighed, bending over to kiss his forehead. "The best I could ask for."

"Maybe that was the problem" Lucifer chuckled lightly. "Maybe we just ran out. The stars burn bright too, but even they die eventually."

"Oh, don't be morbid" Lilith sighed, brushing his hair back. "Nobody has died."

It felt like it at least. A funeral that was long time coming. The casket at the ready, the hole in the ground. The only thing to do was to say a few words and let the dead finally be put to rest.

"We agree then?" asked finally, elevating his head to find her gaze. "Try something else for a change? See where it takes us?"

Lilith seemed to need a long time until she straighten up again, nodding.

"Can we… talk more about it tomorrow?" asked, taking a step back as she hold her arms with her hands, as if cold. "Today there has been a lot of emotions already. Let's give Charlie a night of peace before we say anything to her."

"For sure" Lucifer cleaned up his face with his own sleeve. Not the most elegant gesture in all of history, but he was a newly divorced man saying goodbye to the only woman he ever loved. He had earned to be a little disgusting. "Oh, wow" said, laughing to himself after a while. "They just won't stop coming out now. Fuck me, right?"

"You started it" reminded him Lilith, looking away as her own tears fell out.

"I know. What an idiot" He chuckled until his voice broke. It only took a second for Lilith to come hug him tight against her chest.

"Don't say that. I never liked you talking that way about yourself" She sniffled too, holding him tight. "When all of this is over, promise me you will stop that bad habit. Even if that red demon is mean to you, don't ever believe a word like that. You are wonderful and I won't have you saying otherwise."

"Sorry" came out small, almost shy.

"No" Lilith sighed, rubbing his back. "I told you, you did nothing wrong. I am sorry if I ever made you feel like you did. That was my mistake, not yours."

Lucifer cling onto her back, knowing he was making a mess out of her dress, but if she didn't mind then he was going to mind just in his head. He had no idea how long they spend like that, but when they finally separated, he was just empty. No glad or sad, just pacified now.

"Look the mess you made" Lilith clicked her tongue softly, cleaning up his face and ignoring her own for now. Lucifer snapped his fingers to get both of them looking perfect. His own red eyes camouflaged. "Oh" Lilith blinked, as if she had forgotten that he could even do that. "Well, isn't that convenient."

"Eight wings, baby" Lucifer made some finger guns that did made her chuckle, and that alone was worth the slight embarassment.

"Good use of your new found powers, dear" Lilith caressed his cheek before moving back, putting some necessary distance between them. "This is not going to be one of those things you are going to regret on the morning, isn't it?"

Lucifer shook his head. His mind was made up already. They had postponed it long enough.

"How about you?" asked, suddenly concerned about it.

"I will be fine" Lilith did manage to smile, making a small shrug. She moved a strand of her out of her face, floating on the breeze. "We can see the details tomorrow, dear" She said, moving over to the edge of the roof. "For now, are you planning to take me down or do you want to see me try jump out? I certainly don't mind the little exercise."

He knew already that even if she did, Lilith could manage to land as gracefully as the queen she was, so he could only chuckle.

"Maybe later" Lucifer pulled out his wings to pick her up on his arms. Her arms instantly took hold of his neck. He had done this for her so many times, there was no trace of fear as he did jump the corner to take her down. Down to their daughter that instantly perked up at seeing them.

--

Lucifer knocked on the familiar red door. If he got no answer at all or just told to go away, he was going to do just that and let the sinner to have his own rest for the night. It was rather late now after all, with most of everyone already heading to their own bed. If he was there at that moment it was only because of his own impatience, but there was no real rush. They could talk tomorrow just as well as tonight.

"Come in" was the unexpected answer.

Lucifer brushed his hair back and fixed his suit quickly, taking any smaller imperfections that truly only he would care at all. When he realized that is what he was doing, he straighten up again. But as he was about to open the handle, the door opened up alone.

"Oh, the pretty scary boy!" Or by a very small ciclope smiling to him. Oh, right, he was wondering where she was. "Are you coming here to deliver some righteous anger in our poor souls?" she smiled, already giggling with delight. "Alastor told me you ate two big angels and let him keep their the feather of one. Were they bad boys?"

"Yes, actually" Lucifer thought he really shouldn't have been surprised that Alastor would talk about it. "Very bad" She cooed happily, rubbing her own face. "But Charlie doesn't know about it and I don't want to tell her, so if we can keep between us, that would be great" added in a louder voice, hoping that Alastor got the message as well. He couldn't see him from where he was.

"Don't worry, pretty scary boy, I won't tell a soul" Niffty barely opened up the door enough for her to pass through, happily skipping with her pointy legs. "Next time, bring a gift for me too!" asked, steeping into the elevator and waving the entire time until the doors closed.

Lucifer waved back before then. He wasn't planning to eat any more angels in any near future, but sure, if it happened she could take something. Seeing as the door was left ajar and Alastor was not closing it himself, Lucifer knocked on it again as he came inside.

"You okay, buddy?" asked, immediately finding Alastor on the corner of his bed. He was without his suit jacket and pressumably taking off his shoes. "Charlie missed you during the party" commented when the radio demon didn't answer.

He was still bended over, working on who knows what, speaking while giving him his back.

"Oh, I am sure that our dear princess would understand that I was just exhausted after coming back from our month long situation. I will talk with her and see everyone else tomorrow morning. If you came on to check on my health, your Majesty, I am perfectly fine. Truly, I believe one night of good rest is everything I need right now!"

"Oh, great" Lucifer stood there, watching the back of Alastor as he was taking out his bowtie and put it diligently on his night stand. He could check the glow now if he wanted to. Alastor wouldn't even know. Just a small little blink to know that Alastor haven't completely his mind by now and there was something there. But he end up sighning, looking up the ceiling. He didn't want to rely on that stuff. "I think I am getting a divorce tomorrow" let out finally, having no clue whatsoever how else to say it.

That finally made Alastor to turn his gaze to him.

"Oh" let out and tilted his head. "I don't know how to respond to that" admitted a moment later. "Congratulations just seems far too tacky."

"It's okay" Lucifer licked his lip, resisting the urge to come closer. "You don't really need to say anything. I was… letting you know."

Alastor looked over at him and then nodded.

"Consider me informed already. Was that all?" asked just as he stand up from the bed, walking over to his closet and rummiaging for his pajama.

Lucifer didn't know if the guy could change his clothing in a snap or not. Even if he could, there was still something about being able to change to your own clothes by your own hands before going to bed that couldn't be replicated. Or the guy was just finding excuses to not have to aknowledge him more than necessary.

"Actually" started, clearing up his throat, "I just… When that is done, do you maybe want to go out?" blurted out, incapable of containing the words any further.

Alastor calmly grabbed a red shirt and red pants matching, only for him to calmly make his way back to the bed. The radio demon left the two items on the bed and only then directed at him his red eyes.

"Why?" asked, leaning on his hands over his bed. "If it's a moment of leasure what your Majesty wants, the entirety of Hell would be glad to provide for you. A recently available one is bound to attracts many looks already."

"Okay?" Lucifer blinked, confused. "I don't care about that, though. I was asking you. Do you want to or not?"

Alastor looked to a side and Lucifer followed the direction of his focus. The new staff leaning against his nightstand.

"Oh" said, as if suddenly understanding where the mind of the sinner had gone. "Fuck that. No. No, I am not asking you as payment for that. Or any of the other things, for that matter. Did you really think I would do that?"

The ears of Alastor went flat against his head, so at least he looked a bit self aware of the implication there.

"Everything has a price" said Alastor slowly, straighten up to cross his arms over his chest. "Hell is no exception, your Majesty."

"You trusted that the other Lucifer would give you your wish no string attached. Why is this any different?"

Alastor seemed taken aback by that. His eyes squinted, less sure about himself.

"You do realize we both shared a mind for a while there, right? Everything he did with you I know about it now. I even saw all the times he defended you in front of his Alastor."

"I never asked for that" grunted Alastor, almost to himself.

"The fuck that has to do with anything?" Lucifer could not believe it. "He did it because he likes you, as a friend. I did it because I like you… in general! I though you did too! But if that is still the bullshit you think this is, then I don't fucking know anymore!"

Lucifer turned to the door to find the closest hole where he could bury himself in for the next two thousands years, when he felt a tug on his sleeve. Alastor had suddenly teleported to his side. As soon Lucifer looked at his hand, Alastor let it go and looked away.

"I am not… the other Alastor."

"Oh, shit, really? I was wondering where the baby bump went!"

Alastor snarled.

"You haven't answered why. If that is the demon you want, I won't be the same."

"Who said I want you to?" Lucifer let his hands fall, staring up. "I refuse to believe you don't understand the idea of someone just being attracted to you. You can't tell me that is news for you. I won't believe you."

Alastor grunted, brushing his hair back.

"No, it's not" admitted and when he looked at him, he almost looked pained for a second. "Coming from a king, though, that is news."

Lucifer groaned. And he thought that Michael had a hard head. Forget a hammer, he was going to need a fucking wrecking ball to get the idea through that deer.

"Fine" said finally. "You are hot, you are funny, you have a great singing voice and I bet your ears are the softest thing I will ever touch. You are the most annoying person I have ever met, and also the only one who made Heaven tolerable while we were there. I don't fucking know if we are a good match or not. Maybe we are going to be the exception among the other bunch of us that are married or fucking or dating right as we speak. But, fuck it, I want to at least try and see what happens because I think it would be fun. With you. Just you. And I would never, ever, try to force you into it so the fact that you even thought about it is the most disgusting…" Lucifer forgot entirely what he was going to say when Alastor grabbed his face and slammed him against his lips.

By all means, it was clumsy. The man was putting too much pressure to purse his lips to act as a cushion, his eyes were wide open as if to still keep record of his reaction and it was almost kinda creepy how he wasn't even blinking. But it was a kiss nonetheless. From Alastor. Given freely. Everything else could be taught, but that could never be surpassed. His nose was brushing against his face and in return Lucifer could smell a trace of his shampoo. As soon he dropped his shoulders on the spot, succesfully shut up, Alastor pulled back, his eyes jumping to every portion of his face as if looking for signs of danger.

"Was that the right response?" asked, with a slight frown, without moving his hand from where they were.

Lucifer blinked slowly, wishing that Alastor could see glow himself and wanting his was just as bright and strong as the beat on his chest was. But he didn't, so he still had to rely on words to make the sinner know what he had inside.

"Perfect. 20 out of 10. Would recommend" said finally with a energetic nod for emphasis.

Then Alastor smiled at that, a small but sincere smile that soften up his eyes just a smidge. Lucifer wanted to kiss him next, but then the radio demon pulled back to his hole height and why did he have to be such tall bean pole.

"So, an official divorce?" said Alastor, clearing his throat as he avoided his eyes.

"Yes" Lucifer let his answer out like a sight. Since when the radio demon he knew could be adorable? Something he never even thought possible and was happening, right now, in front of him. "Official. Very official. The most official you ever heard."

Lilith was probably going to be Queen still, that was never a question. She did fell with him and helped to make Hell into what it was now. Of course she would always be Charlie's mom and they were going to be part of each other's lives as long they lived. All of that was garantee to hit him in the face sooner or later, but right at that moment, in front of Alastor, he felt a weird sense of excitement for signing those papers. No, he wasn't going to do it just for him, but it was still a considerable bonus he wasn't going to dismiss.

"Very well" Alastor turned around, returning to surround his bed. "Then see that you have that sort out. After that, you may treat me to a dinner. I might be busy by then so no promises."

"Okay" Lucifer saw the figure of the whole demon. He had never felt more envious of the other Lucifer until then. If that man wanted to reach out and hug the Alastor he knew, kiss him until his knees gave up and hold him tight against himself as if nothing else existed in the universe, he could do that. All the times they both wanted to. Maybe someday they could reach there or all of this was just going to crash and born in his face before then. But at least they could try first. Nothing was ever written in stones, that is why prophecies sucked so bad. There was always free will, there was always a chance to make a difference choice. "Hey" let out before he had a clear idea of what he wanted to say.

Alastor turned to him when something started to vibrate on the pocket of his pants. As he pulled out the pocket mirror, frowning at what that was about, Lucifer hurried up on grabbing the door knob.

"Oh, well, look at the time! I can see that you are tired and me too, I should totally go to bed already! We will see each other tomorrow! Have a good night, sweet dreams, bye!" Lucifer barely got a breath out before he opened up the door and closed it again.

He should actually get away. Teleport to his own room and sleep was not a bad idea at all. But instead his feet were rooted in place and he turned the side of his face to the door, still able to hear the faint sound of Alastor's hooves over his wooden floor. After a few second, the creaking of his bed and a little oh from the radio host, no doubt seeing the little mirror expand in front of him until he was big enough to framme the face of an actual person. Then finally, an eternity later, a voice he knew already at the other side.

"Baby boy? Is that you?"

Lucifer didn't wait to hear the response. Satisfied with that alone, he opened up a portal behind himself to his tower. That was Alastor's moment now.

Lucifer didn't know how late it was when he heard the gentle snoring of Charlie nearby. Emily was on the side of Alastor, one arm holding to a pillow against her chest while her other hand clinged to the sleeve of Alastor's pajama. It seemed now a long time since they decided to bring all the mattresses to the lobby to have another improvised sleepover, even more so since they could finally explain to everyone what happened and they could get a sense back of how Hell was while they were gone.

Apparently, Charlie hated being the temporary Queen of Hell. Her head wasn't used to the weight of the crown and the connection with Hell was exhausting to say the least, constantly making her aware of the seven rings at all times. The worst part, of course, was the paperwork that servants had to bring in to the hotel for her to overlook and sign. Luckily, between Satan and Emily, they managed to get most of that sorted out and delay the rest as much as possible. The moment that Lucifer came inside their dimesion again, Charlie had released the biggest sigh of relief on her 26 years of life, even before realizing that is what had happened.

Then of course came all the questions for them. A new story that only they could tell. Once again ommiting the gorey parts and especially out of the question was to talk about what they did to the Seras. Oh, Lucifer did not regretted at all, he could never. But even after everything that had happened between them, Emily could have a different reaction. So they instead just talked about the meshing with other Lucifer, the fight with all of the other couples between himself and his father that he could find in the nearest dimension and knew would be more than glad to help. That wasn't even a third of all the couples like them there were out there, but if they decided to bring them all then all of Heaven would not be able to contain them in place.

It had been amazing. Every possible combination there could be of him and Alastor, spread across difererent universes with their own set of rules and conditions, but they all managing to keep that constant through out. After everything was said and done, Lucifer could not be asked to remember every details about their stories, but he retained some glimpses, brief moments of flirting or fighting or both at the same time that flashed behind his eyelashes like still pictures of a good movie. No doubt, with enough time, they were all going to dissapear of his memory and they would be impossible to grasp, but the core idea of their existence would still keep there. They would still serve as a reminder of how utterly lucky he was.

On some universes they were never a couple. Just enemies fighting each other to the death, unable or unwilling to understand why they needed each so badly, the thought of a kiss only delivered through the impact of a sword against someone's neck. On some Alastor had died and never gone to Heaven, just dissapeared after Adam. On others he had died and Alastor mourned him. In a few Charlie died and neither of them could handle the grief, so it broke them apart, blaming and lashing out at each other in their pain. They ignored those universes, even if the devil or radio demon on them would have been glad to unleash some Hell of their own. It was just too sad, all the problems and issues that kept them apart. There was a quick thought about fixing them somehow, help them out, but as soon they started with one they were going to keep going and it was never going to stop. They still had families to go back to, their own universeso to take care of. Alastors that were closer and needed them to take them out.

Their daughter were properly horrified at what they went through. Emily especially was indignant about it after going on a binge reading about everything she could find about pregnancies, magical and otherwise. The fact that they did all of that when her baby sibling was on the way had her eyes glowing and her horn piercing through her forehead. Charlie wasn't that far behind, but her anger was expressed instead on fretting all over Alastor and making sure he had everything he could want, constantly checking on him, hugging him and then being close to crying again to think everything that could have gone wrong. Little mattered that Alastor assured them both over and over that now he was perfectly okay, that there was no emergencies or issues during the time they were apart, and after a while he just gave up on trying to stop any of them. When he almost bite off the hand of Pentious when he asked to touch the bump and then threw Angel across a window when he asked details for how it happened, something seemed to relax on their daughters. Only then they seemed willing to believe Alastor was as good as he could be. Oh, Angel was fine too, lesson throughfully learned.

Lucifer found the concern endearing, but also wanted to believe that it was only temporary and it would pass. They already had one anxious neurotic disaster in the family and they didn't need any more.

He looked all around them, the sleeping forms of all the residents. Silently, Lucifer made a gesture to turn off the projector in which they were watching comedies selected by Charlie and return the phone of her daughter to her side. He turned to his husband, whose eyes he wasn't surprised to find wide open.

"Shower to take off the Heaven stench?" whispered, making circles on his chest.

He also just wanted to be alone with his husband for a moment. Their daughters were important, but they had also been separated for far too long and their encounter was changed from what he actually wanted because he just happened to be sharing body with someone else then.

Alastor sighed, looking over to Emily's hand.

"I think they would notice, dear."

Lucifer shook his head and took a hold of his other hand. He closed his eyes for a moment and then made the smallest snap of fingers he could manage, hoping the sound wouldn't wake up anyone. One red puff later, they were both standing beyond the mattreses joined together. On the same place where they were before, their same figures were still there, eyes closed and their chest rising on their sleep. The hand of Emily that lose her grasp for a second found him easily again.

"Clones of mine and a quick illusion" explained Lucifer, opening a portal behind him. "Never fails."

Alastor gave him a brief side eye, but he wasn't about to argue when they could finally get what they wanted. Coming back to their tower was it's own kind of relief. Lucifer had missed the subtle sounds of the bayou almost as much just seeing their shared space.

"It's good to be back" sighed loudly, taking out the top of his pajama and sending it flying to the bed.

He turned to Alastor and unbottoned the shirt the radio demon was working on already. Alastor tilted his head, not stopping him, but putting a hand on his waist to make known how silly he was being.

"I can undress myself, dear."

"With me around no, you can't" replied Lucifer, sending that piece of clothing to fly again and he rubbed his face on the fluffy chest.

His hand caressed the now pronnounced belly of his husband and the anger he thought he had left behind the moment Sera was dead flared up again, making him whish he could do it all over again. He should have been with Alastor to appreciate every little change, so Alastor never thought he had to do it alone. Spell or not, he couldn't still believe that he was ever actually capable of forgetting about any of them. Living just one day without them occupying his mind just made no sense to him, like forgetting how to breath or how to make blood circulate through his veins.

"No, I won't have you getting sad on me" said Alastor, bending over to kiss his cheek. "I won't allow it."

Lucifer let out a sigh, nuzzling back against him. He didn't know what to say to even commence to express the thoughts in his mind.

"I feel like… like I should have fight it more" started, but Alastor was already shaking his head. When he looked at him again, his husband's smile was soft. "I forgot our baby" insisted, his eyes watering at the thought. "How could I?" What kind of father could do that?

"You were brainwashed and manipulated, just like I was" pointed out Alastor, firmly, taking his chin to make him look up. "Lucifer, listen to me because I don't plan to repeat it. I never blamed you for whatever they made you think. Not for a single second. If I did, you would have a lot more reason to be angry at me. I forgot about both our daughters, not just you. Do you blame me for that?" Just as Lucifer shook his head, Alastor cupped his cheek. "Then you shouldn't either. As far I am concerned with, you already did far more than I ever dreamed of, love."

Lucifer sniffled, holding him tight. He knew there was true in what his husband said, that they had no choice, but still weighed on him all the days he could have, should have, spent with his family and didn't. All the days he spend without even knowing something so important for his life.

"Speaking of!" said Alastor perking up. "Let's see what you did with my one wish!" As he finalized his words, Alastor took out his own wings. Only that they weren't bird like anymore, but rather skeletical, pointy and stretched out like black bat wings. They were bigger than how most demon's wings would be, able to cover even more space. "Oh, now these are some wings I can get behind! Hah!" laughed at his own joke.

Lucifer couldn't but to chuckle. He whipped his eyes quickly and smiled, seeing the true satisfaction on Alastor's face.

"I thought you would like it. I was surprised you didn't want them off permanently."

"Oh, after a while having them out, I just got more used to them" Alastor flapped his wings in the air and them closed them before they retracted into his skin. "I still don't like flying, but I can see it's uses in some circumstances. In the end, it was the reminder of why I had them at all the thing that bothered me the most. But if it's more complimentary of my true nature, then they can be just another asset on my favor."

"They look good on you" Lucifer reached out to kiss his cheek and turned around to prepare the water. "I am glad you liked them, because I won't be getting that kind of power again. I think my brain would melt because of the overload, no thank you."

As he was checking that the water was sufficiently hot, Alastor looked at him and Lucifer pretended not to notice his husband's surprise.

"And what is that supposed to be?" Alastor walked forward and ran a claw softly over the new markings on his back. Lucifer barely could contain a shiver down his spine. Near his wings it was always a sensitive spot. "A little upgrade for you, love?"

"Yep" Lucifer smirked at him over his shoulder. "I could totally kick Michael's ass right now. If somehow Heaven didn't learn their lesson by now, I will be ready to show them what is what. I also have a new full demon form that is totally enormous and super cool, no big deal."

"Is that so?" The interest on Alastor's voice preceded the demon wrapping his arms around him, almost supporting his chin over Lucifer's shoulder. "Would you show me?"

"Oh?" pretended to be surprised Lucifer. "Did you happened to like to be the one carried out on my hand for a change, babe?"

Alastor kissed his neck.

"I can see its appeal" Of course, he wouldn't be the Alastor he knew if he didn't ruined it. "Managing to be taller for once I imagine was a new experience for you too, dear."

"Mmm, that wasn't the only thing that I gave to myself" Lucifer took the hand of Alastor and pulled him under the shower, enchanting his pants and underwear away, making him twirl. Before he finished the movement, he slammed his hands on the wall of the shower, at each side of Alastor, as he towerred over him. As Alastor looked up, Lucifer gave him a toothy smile. "New shape, baby" laughed, bending over him. On that new position, his back and shoulders were receiving the splattering of the water while guarding Alastor from them. "I can also disguise it however way I want, as always. How do you feel about having a new fiance to take around… my little doe?" finished, lowering his hand over the back of Alastor to bring him closer. Lucifer made circles around the wagging tail with his fingers as Alastor's ears went down against his head, pretending he didn't greatly enjoyed the bleat that came out of his husband. "No? You dislike it?" teased, chuckling when Alastor seemed to break his own trance with a long blink.

He had unintentionally gotten a little glimpse of Alastor's feelings while he was on that huge form with the other Lucifer. It was one of those pieces of information that just open up in his head and he had to know what it was before he could safely ignore it. Thoughts of amazement, of being vulnerable and even about how easy it would be for that bigger form to destroy him or hurt him like a fly trapped between the fingers of a bored child. Despite all of that, there wasn't a single trace of actual fear or worry for his safety. Rather, being protected and cared for was, if anything, more fuel to the overwhelming, almost painful feeling of content that filled his entire chest.

How could he ever pass the opportunity to do that again for him? To have Alastor proud and satisfied by being on a position he normally would never be in, to even find pleasure on it? Of course a part was his own wanting to be taller, after millenia seeing giants around him, but that peeking into his husband was the tipping point necessary so he would actually do it.

Alastor pushed him back with a hand over his chest, turning his head away.

"I don't care what form you take, I told you. As long it's you, I will find something to like anyway."

Lucifer took the hand on his to hold it against his lips. He left a kiss over the knuckles as he winked an eye down.

"Aww, so sweet, babe" commented with a chuckle. With an easy move, as it didn't cost him any effort at all, he lifted the radio demon on his arms as he hold his back against the wall. The hands of Alastor instinctively grabbed to his shoulders in his surprise and Lucifer chuckled, gripping him from the bottom. "But I bet this new form is not that hard to like either. I might have had a little idea of how much you liked it when I was carrying you around in Heaven. It's okay, baby, you can just say that it was hot."

He was going for a sexy mood, to encourage maybe the same thing that they did when Alastor's redemption was throughfully destroyed, but he was surprised when Alastor frowned at him lightly.

"Is that why this is?" asked, squinting his eyes. "Because of my reaction to that form?"

"Yes?" Lucifer smiled to a side, confused. Why did he had the feeling that he said something wrong?

Alastor sighed, holding his face as he did on his usual size, even though there wasn't any need to make him look at his face. Smiling still as always, Alastor seemed unusually serious.

"Darling, I wasn't enjoying that just because you were big. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't a deterent either. But I suddenly got back all my memories about you and who you were to me. That is all I needed to know that I didn't want to be anywhere else" Alastor reached out, nuzzling his cheeks against his and resting his arms near his neck as the claws gently brushed the wet hair of his nape. When he chuckled, Lucifer could feel the vibration against his chest. "I would even go as far to say that it wasn't that different that the first time you took me out of Heaven."

"Really?" Lucifer nuzzled the neck of his husband and breathed in, blushing again at the torrential of sensations he got from Alastor then.

Falling in love all over again didn't feel like a right description, it was far too modest and small. It was more like throwing oneself head first into it with the speed of a rocket under each hoof. Something devastating and immense that barely left space for air. It was like discovering that the hole he thought he knew was actually so much deeper and bigger than he imagined. The intensity of it all could have been scary, too much to handle, but Alastor carried it around like it was another part of his own skin.

"Hmmm" Alastor nodded softly and tighten up his arms. "Why do you think I want to marry you?" When Lucifer let out a sniffle, incapable of containing it any longer, he patted his head patiently. "There, there. How about you actually help me out to clean myself up, dear? You can keep this form if you like, I don't mind."

Lucifer rested his forehead on the shoulder of the demon, just breathing in as he regained his composure. Alastor didn't rush him, instead humming a little tune, not minding the water still falling on top of them. When he was sure he was in better control of himself, Lucifer left a kiss on the clavicle of Alastor.

"I love you" murmured against the short fur.

"I know" Alastor chuckled. Lucifer felt the sound through his lips on the neck of the demon. "Before we become prunes, dear."

He nodded softly and sighed deeply, getting Alastor back to the floor. All his plans to slam Alastor against the wall and get himself inside of him could wait. Now he actually wanted to pamper his husband exactly as he deserved. As he grabbed the soap on a side, Alastor got himself under the current of water, sighning with relief at the drops that could never be in Heaven because they were too scalding for most people's skin.

"There we go" Lucifer rubbed the soap over the back of Alastor, taking the chance to massage his shoulders exactly as he knew worked the best. As the radio demon relaxed, Lucifer went down his back until his hands rubbed the soap over the belly, making more soap that was instantly cleaned off. "They are growing so well" commented, letting his chin rest on top of Alastor's head, just like his husband had done with him countless of times. "Not a polka dot anymore. Now I can even heard the hearbeat."

"Can you?" Alastor put a hand over his. "The doctor they had me seeing barely told me anything beyond they are fine. I thought that it was good enough, but in fact had no idea what was happening to me."

Lucifer wasn't surprised to hear that. Heavenborn reproduction was rare as it was and when it happened, it was usually through eggs where the resulting creature was fully grown with all the basic ability of speech and movement already down. On the rare ocassions in which one was born younger than that, it only took a day or two until they catch up. Heaven did not like to waste time.

"How could you feed them while I was gone?" That was the part that confused him the most.

Alastor's ears flicked on top of his head.

"They gave me some type of medicine to rub over my stomach everyday. It definitely contained your magic on it, but the smell made me want to eat it all the time. I think now that it must have been made with your blood."

"Ah. So they took away my husband, my child and also my blood because might as well. Why I am not surprised" Lucifer grunted lightly. He wasn't truly angry about being bleed out at some point without knowing. He probably should have, but couldn't bring himself to it. After all, it did allow Alastor to keep their baby growing on the horrible circumstances they were in. Giving his own blood for the sake of communicatig with Heaven was humilliating, but if it was for the sake of helping their baby then he would gladly do it himself without a second thought. "Do you want to see how they are doing?"

It took a couple of seconds for Alastor to respond, so much that Lucifer was assuming that he would prefer to leave that for later. But then he gave the smallest of head shakes as an affirmative. Lucifer left a kiss on the top of his head and turned Alastor around as he kneeled on the floor of their shower. He cleaned up the traces of soap from the soft fur and kissed the distended skin.

"Hi, sweetie" whispered gently. "It's papa. Sorry I took some time to be here. Are you happy to be back home? I know your dad is. Don't worry, I will make sure you are both taken care of from now on. I love you so much" He kissed the belly and nuzzled against it, letting his face lean against the warm surface as he hold the thighs of Alastor in place. He could hear the hearbeat of Alastor, his breathing, along with a very small one if he concentrated enough on it. "Are you not going to tell me that they are too small to hear anything?"

Alastor's hand landed on his head, brushing his blonde hair back.

"It's fine, dear. I would never stop you from being a father."

Lucifer closed his eyes and nodded. He kissed the bump again and separated, just enough for him to be able to see properly. As he let his eyes change into red, he took the hand of Alastor so they both could share the same vision. On a first moment, there was a ball of energy the dize of a lime, something small that could be held in one hand. But as Lucifer reached further, looking inside that energy, he saw their shape. The big head connected to a curled up body, their tiny minuscule arms and legs. More than that, he saw something else.

"He is a boy" let out Lucifer and he leaned further, just to confirm it. There was no doubt for him. A joyious laugh started to come out. He would be happy no matter what they were, but knowing that other aspect about them made them more real than before. No longer just a point of light, but a tiny creature that had the capacity to exist, to grow, and be their own indepedent being among them. "And… a girl? Both?" added, with a second look.

"What?" Alastor sounded more taken aback than excited in a first moment. "Are we having twins?"

"No, no, it's still one, but I think they are a… fuck, what was the word. Interstate? No. Anyway, not a boy or a girl" Lucifer blinked again, letting his vision return to normal and looked up. "I don't know… It could be a shapeshifting thing too, I guess?"

"Is that possible when they are so young?" Alastor touched his belly, as if somehow that could give him the answer.

"I… I have no idea actually" Lucifer admitted. With Charlie they got to define that aspect of her from the get go and there was never any doubt about how she was going to turn out. This was away from both of their control. "We can go to Bel for a consultation if you want."

"But are they okay?"

"Yes" Lucifer swallowed up and kissed the bump again, sending a little bit of energy through his palm. Alastor's hand found his and stayed on top. "They are doing just fine."

Alastor sighed, relaxing once again.

"Then they can be whatever they want."

Lucifer smiled, going up to kiss his lips, moving his hand to the side of the belly but without taking it away. He never knew before how actually uncomfortable was to bend down for every kiss, but it was all worth it when Alastor had to wrap his arms around his neck to reach out. If that was what Alastor experienced everytime he did the same, then no wonder he never complained either. Alastor rubbed his cheek against his, keeping him close.

"Let's finish here and then go back to our daughters, dear. A good long nap sound about amazing right now."

Lucifer never heard a better plan. After they were both cleaned up properly, barely able to stop touching each other one way or another, Lucifer carried Alastor back to the room to get dried up and changed before going downstairs again.

It was during their breakfast, everyone still in pajama, that Charlie let it be known that, by the way, some powerful being had fallen to Hell yesterday before they appeared back on their dimension. She felt their entrance to Hell, like a drop landing on top of her head, but had no idea of how to go beyond that so that was all the information she could understand from her connection. Then they both came back and all of that had been pushed out of her mind until then.

"Zadkiel" was the first idea of Lucifer. "I did notice that he wasn't there when I and the other Lucifer came out."

Neither his or the Zadkiel of the other dimension, actually. Lucifer looked over at his husband, not knowing what kind of reaction he was going to have about that. He wanted to come find his sibling immediately, in one hand, but in the other Alastor would be well within his right to not want to have anything to do with that side of his family ever again, fallen or not. But he was surprised when the radio demon drawn a sharp wide smile on his face.

"Oh, well" said slowly, like the grumbling of a beast. "We better go give him a proper welcome to Hell."

There was no way that was meant to be a friendly encounter. In any case, Lucifer did want to know where his brother was, at the very least, and maybe keep an eye on him so he wouldn't try to do anything, so he didn't argued. It took him some time to pass through all the new damned souls that had come in the last 24 hours, but finally he found a new entity that was different from all of them. After they searched the area as much as they could, they resolved that Zadkiel had to be on the building of Carmine industries. It was the only building they haven't throughfully searched.

"Are you sure it's here, darling?" asked Alastor.

In the form of a white snake over his husband's shoulders, Lucifer nodded. Alastor himself looked like his usual self, the pregnancy hidden by the same spell.

"It has to be. I can feel a magic similar to Emily's here."

"Not similar to yours?"

Lucifer snorted, primming.

"I am the first fallen, babe. Never to be replicated again" said, puffing out his snake chest and completely ignoring the way Alastor rolled his eyes.

"Let's give it a try then" Alastor moved to the front door and pressed on the intercomunicator. "Carmilla, dear, the King Overlord needs to treat some issue with you. If you don't open these doors in the next five seconds, I will tear it down myself and kill any employee of yours I happen to see. You know I can do that and leave quite the show for you to clean up later" said cheerfully and then fixed his suit nonchalantly.

Two seconds later, the doors opened up.

"Thank you, so kind!" said to the intercommunicator, going inside. A trembling employee came out to receive him and take him to an elevator, assuring the miss Carmine was going to receive him shortly. As they were being elevated to the superior floor, Alastor looked over at Lucifer and raised an eyebrow in a silent question. Was he feeling it any closer now? But Lucifer shook his head slightly. At the end of a long hallways, Alastor smirked at seeing Carmilla behind her desk, no sign of her daughters anywhere. "Dear, what a pleasure to see you again!"

"Alastor, it has been a while" said Carmilla with a deep sigh, offering a chair in front of her. As Alastor took a seat, she tilted her head to a side. "New pet?" asked, pointing the snake.

"A present from one of my partners. For good luck, you see" Alastor casually scratched under the jaw of Lucifer. "I am sure you are a extremely busy woman, and I myself have plenty to do, so let me get straight to the point. I am just here because I have been informed that there has been another falling recently into Hell and you may be housing him here. If that is the case, I would like to exchange a few words with him if you don't mind."

"For what purpose?" asked Carmilla, neither denying or confirming that she had the fallen.

It was a perfectly reasonable question that he wasn't about to answer. Alastor smirked, holding the top of his cane.

"Kingly matters, my dear. You don't have to worry about any of that. Now, are you going to show where he is or I have to go out looking on my own? I can make quite the mess if that is the case."

Carmilla rolled her eyes, standing up.

"Follow me then" said, going up to her door. Everytime she walked, her legs made a metalic sound like scissor quickly cutting through the air. She waited until Alastor teleported through his shadow at her side and then started walking to another elevator. Once inside, she started talking again as she selected another superior floor. "For the record and so we are clear, I didn't found him or brought him here. Zestial happened to see his fall from his balcony late at night, gave him some first aid care for his wound and brought him to his chambers when he fell unconscious. I wasn't informed about any of this until only a few hours ago."

"I see" Alastor straight them up, a part of him remembering the pain left by his own falling. Lucifer no doubt also thinking about how he had no one to cure or alliviate his own, unlike Emily after they found her. "Has the fallen angel waken up by now? Do you know his name?"

"Zestial said his name is Zad, with a Z. Weird name if you ask me, but what do I know. For what he told me, he barely said that before crying his eyes out for hours. He doesn't know much else" She shrugged, not really interested on the reasoning of Heaven for names. As the door opened up, Carmilla walked forward to one of the doors in front of them and knocked on it. "Zestial, I am here with Alastor. He wants to see the angel. Can we come in?"

"Of course, my friend. You never have to ask" As she opened up the door and let Alastor pass, he wasn't surprised to see the place surrounded with old tomes and artifacts spread around. Something like that is what once he hoped to find in the office of Lucifer when they first met, but that was never the style of the his king. For such an old overlord, though, it fit perfectly. "We are at my office" came the voice of Zestial.

Alastor barely managed to turn his head to see a small spider dissapearing on a corner, no doubt to dissolve again after fulfilling its job to be an extension of its source.

"Here" indicated Carmilla, taking them through the living room to another door. As soon she opened up, the sound of some giggling made Alastor to perk up his ears. They found Zestial rising up from a chair, while a smaller figure stayed behind a curtain. They could see the profile of the face as he was looking around.

"Alastor, what a bizarre pleasure to receive a personal visit from you" greeted Zestial, bowing his head.

Alastor glared at the curtain before giving the overlord a wide smile.

"I am afraid that I am not here to see you specifically, old pal. I have business to discuss with that one over there" said, making a gesture to the curtains. Zadkiel must have heard his voice, had to recognize him, because his whole figure froze in place.

"He? But he barely reached Hell last night. What business could he have already with our dear King Overlord?" Zestial was understandably cofused, but that wasn't all. There was a trace of concern in his voice, like most people would be over a puppy that they had picked up from the streets and helped heal.

"My dear friend, this is none of your business anymore" said Alastor, stomping his cane on the ground. "Would you two be so kind to leave us alone, if you don't mind? I promise I don't plan to take long."

Zestial looked him up and down. He knew already about his power increased after his death. He should know by now that the only reason Alastor wasn't kicking him out already was out of pure respect. Even if Zestial was less powerful than him, he did managed to survive longer than many other demons and that wasn't easy to dismiss. In the end, concern or not, his survival instinct kicked in.

"Of course, my lord. I will be waiting for your call when you are done" Zestial threw a glance towards his curtains, but gave a slight bow of head anyway as he and Carmilla came out.

Alastor stomped his cane again, isolating the entire room from letting out any sound of what they discussed or talked about there. As soon his spells was in place, Lucifer jumped out of his neck to the floor on his humanoid form and moved over, pushing the curtains out of the way.

"What the hell do you think you are doing here?" The question of Lucifer intersected with Zadkiel throwing himself back, letting fall from his fingers a book he was holding. His light brow eyes were gone, replaced by pure black pupils over yellow. Two small horns were coming out of his forehead, although it was easy to miss with his light brown curls in dissaray. The dots on his cheeks were now a intense red, but there was no mistaking who he was.

The biggest difference, though, was the clothing. Instead of his light blue and white robes, now he was wearing a light grey one that still let them see the new hooves he was walking with. Bandages on his arms dissapearing under the sleeve was the final touch to his new fallen look.

"I-I don't know! I just fell and everything was red and then that spider man talked to me, but I think I pass out? But then he brought me here, and he said it was the place of a friend so we would be safe, and then he gave me something to eat and then you come in and I am sorry!" finalized, shrinking on himself, protecting himself with his arms.

"How did this happen?" asked Lucifer, pointing to, well, everything about him. "What did you do?"

"I, uhm…" Zadkiel threw a hesitant look over to Alastor, who haven't moved at all, and swallowed up. "I fought Gabriel. He came wanting to separate you and the other Lucifer apart because something was happening with the prophecy. I didn't managed to do much with him before I was send here but you are here so… I imagine everything turned out okay in the end?"

"You fought Gabriel?" Lucifer let his shoulders fall. "Is that why he was there?"

Alastor already imagined he wasn't going to comment that Gabriel was the first angel he ate as soon he was freed.

"Yeah, I… I was really tired of that whole thing. I couldn't stand it any longer. I am sorry I didn't do anything sooner. I really am" Zadkiel lowered his head, playing up with his fingers. "None of you deserved any of that. I don't know if anything you could have done could have deserved that. And even if you did something, it wasn't our job to punish you for it. I am sorry."

Lucifer looked over to Alastor. With a grunt, he steped forward and stood in front of Zadkiel. To give the new fallen some credit, he srunk, but didn't try to move away or beg for mercy.

"Let's get one thing clear" said Alastor, bending over. "You are going to the hotel of our daughter and you are going to stay there. Not as a family or a resident, but as an employee. Find something useful to do there and do it well or so help me, I will let you know Hell for the horror that it truly is, understand?"

Zadkiel frowned and lifted his gaze, his eyes sparkling with emotion.

"Are you… are you offering me share your home? After everything I did?"

Alastor snarled, showing his teeth. He knocked the chest of the ex-archangel with his mic.

"I am keeping your angelical presence where I can keep an eye close to it, so if you ever think about doing anything to me, my husband or anyone in my family, I will know it and eliminate you from the face of this realm before you can even blink. This is not a show of hospitality, it's a warning. Consider it house arrest even. The moment I get the slightest suspicion you are conspiring against us, you will wish I had killed you already."

Zadkiel covered up his mouth as a gasp escaped him.

"Can I… hug you?" said in a tiny, squeaky voice.

"Try it and I will cut both of your arms."

"Okay" Zadkiel lowered his eyes for a moment, a happy smile pulling his mouth, but then he threw a look over to the door where the overlords had gone to. "Can I… still come to visit? We were just talking about me maybe working here to repay that Zestial, the spider guy, took care me when he found me. I don't really want to just forget about that."

"He did?" asked Lucifer, arching an eyebrow and his voice acquiring a tone of worry. "Doing what?"

Zadkiel shrugged.

"I don't know. But something I have to do. He didn't have to help me, but he did. I can help on the hotel too, if that is okay" added, looking to Alastor, who thought about it for a moment. "I wouldn't take long."

"Not alone" determined at last. "I will have you being followed by one of my minions or someone else under my orders. As long you aren't doing anything stupid that could put us at risk, I don't care what you do."

Zadkiel smiled big and grabbed the mic of Alastor to shake it, as if it were his hand.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you! I promise I will do everything I can to help out! I never expected you to forgive, so I will do everything on my power so you won't regret it."

Alastor pulled his cane from the grasp of the ex-angel and growled.

"I am never forgiving anything" replied with a dangerous increase of static to puntuate his words. "Don't get it twisted. The only reason I am doing any of this is because you are supposed to keep your enemies closer than your friends. First rule of Hell for you to learn. As far I am concerned with, you are no different than any other pest for me to stomp on the moment you get in my way or threaten my family. Thread carefully and don't try me."

Zadkiel shook his head vigoriously, still smiling as if all the signs of danger went completely over his head.

"Can I still see the baby when they are out?" asked next.

A radio screech could be heard as Alastor grabbed the front of Zadkiel's clothing, elevating him to his height. The ex-angel flinched when the fabric moved against his wounds, but Alastor could not care less.

"You are never putting a single finger close to my child as far I have any say on it" declared, letting him on the ground again. Still not used to his new hooves, Zadkiel slipped and end up on the floor. "Know your place" warned, turning to Lucifer, his voice instantly softening up. "Anything you want to add, dear?"

"I think you were plenty clear already, babe" Lucifer sighed, coming over to offer his hand for his brother to stand up. Once Zadkiel was back straight, Lucifer patted his shoulder. "Just… keep some distance and it will be fine. Maybe. Alastor takes a while to warm up to people even in the best circumstances."

Alastor scoffed, glaring at him.

"It's okay" Zadkiel gave a nervous chuckle. "I was expecting worse than that anyway. I am… actually surprised you aren't more mad with me now" confessed, scratching his arm.

"Well, you are in Hell already. And you did have a part on us escaping there, so that is something" He sighed, crossing his arms. "I still think Alastor is right to be concerned, but other than that, you probably went through enough already" He sniffed something in the air. "You stitches opened up."

"Oh" Zadkiel looked over his back, but obviously he couldn't see much. "I was wondering why it hurt again."

After Lucifer finally closed the wounds of Zadkiel, which took less time than what Alastor expected, he returned to his snake form and Alastor came out to explain that he was taking the ex-archangel to his hotel. He was going to be able to visit from time to time, but that was going to be his residency from now on. Zestial seemed dissapointed, but didn't argue and left a pat on the head of Zadkiel as their goodbye for now.

Once they brought him to the hotel, Charlie dragged her "uncle" to give him the tour around the hotel. Emily was back on the library of Stolas, but Lucifer had already message her about the situation and she seemed excited to be the guide of someone else through Hell, as a more well adjusted fallen.

"Tell me the truth" said Lucifer, pocketing his phone as he let himself fall next to Alastor in the couch of the lobby. "Do I have something to worry about letting Zad go to Zestial? He is not like… going to be asking weird sexual favors or stuff like that, right?"

Alastor took a breath.

"Knowing Zestial and his reputation, I can only imagine two outcomes. Either he wants someone to hear his gossiping and rambles during tea time or he wants someone to torture beyond our wildest imagination until they are completely broken beyond recognition" He shrugged. Either way was fine with him, honestly. "For whatever is worth, I am inclined to think it's the first one. Only in the basis that I think Zestial sees him as a lost little pet."

"Well, fuck, I hope so" Lucifer sighed, leaning his head on the shoulder of his husband. "I am not angry at him, you know?"

"Oh, don't worry, darling, I can be angry for the both of us."

Lucifer sighed and reached out to kiss his cheek, as his hand gave a gentle pat to his belly.

"Fine. Just don't forget to relax too or it will upset the baby" recommended, nuzzling the long neck

Alastor hummed, turning his head to kiss his forehead. As they joined their hands together, Lucifer allowed himself to believe that they were going to be okay.

[weirdestbooks]

Love Letters Between Ancient Tahiti and France (Wattpad | Ao3)

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This collection of letters was compiled after the French Republic reached out to the Countryhumans Research Archival Project in order to set the record straight on her relationship with the Countryhuman of Ancient Tahiti. France and Ancient Tahiti were lovers and despite the evidence proving that, many historians choose to describe them as “very good friends” because they are both women. France, annoyed by this, has given us photocopies of many of the letters exchanged, as well as an interview discussing the course of their relationship, so we can, in her words, “make those homophobic historians see what really happened.”

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Recording of an Interview with France, 28 February 2022, Transcribed and Translated from French by Pierre Roux.

[Start recording]

Interviewer: Interview with the Countryhuman of France about her relationship with the Countryhuman of Ancient Tahiti. Good morning, France. I must thank you again for contacting us about wanting an interview.

France: Of course I did. If people are going to be idiots and assume that I am a straight woman who didn’t spend the first twenty years of my life in a relationship with a woman, and a woman of color at that, I’m going to make sure no one pretends to be confused about the nature of our relationship anymore.

Interviewer: People could always just not listen to the interview. While we aren’t as obscure as we used to be, people might not want to learn.

France: Ugh, of course, humans wouldn’t. It’s these kinds of circumstances that led to me castrating Napoleon back in…1812, I think it was?

Interviewer [shocked]: You did WHAT?

France [smugly]: They don’t teach you that in your history classes, do they? Now, back to my Tahiti. Oh, that was a time. I was a new nation and eager to prove my worth. It didn’t help that many people believed I should follow the example of the France before [Transcribers Note: Referring to the Kingdom of France] and be a country that stays at home and makes the government look all pretty. I would not do that. I was born of blood and struggle, and that is the life I wanted. After the War of the First Coalition, when I had proven myself as a republic and as a countryperson, my government wanted me to rapidly expand my knowledge of the world. The one before may have been a fool and a coward, but she had been more traveled and educated than me, and my government wanted to rectify that. Not to mention, they were getting a lot of hate for having a female nation on the front lines, and they wanted me out of the way. 

Interviewer: Did they choose to send you to Tahiti?

France: They wanted me in Egypt, but I had heard stories of the Oceania isles, and I was curious, so I decided we would go there, and I could Go back to my land once I was tired and done there.

Interview: And by Go, you mean—

France: The teleportation, yes. When I first arrived in Tahiti in 1798…well, I should start by saying I was born when the Catholic church was banned in my land. So, while many of my people were Catholics, my government supported that stupid religion that had been invented, and I, in the chaos of that, would not practice anything. I started practicing Catholicism after Napoleon came into power. So…1800, 1801, perhaps. That is why, when I first saw my Tahiti, I did not feel my crush, and my love for her was a sin. That silly idea had not been taught to me. 

Interviewer: So, you have always been comfortable with your queerness?

France [laughing]: Oh, Pierre, I have always been comfortable with myself. I know who I am, even if everyone else doesn’t. 

Interviewer: How did your relationship start?

France: Ah, poorly. I would love to paint myself as being suave and sexy in this, but I was a lovestruck fool, and I won’t distort history to save face. Besides, you’ll get my letters. I was…perhaps a little too desperate for her love. But my Tahiti had this grace about her, that confidence and power, and she was awe-inspiring. She was beautiful, too. Her people called her a goddess, and I believed it. She was more beautiful than Aphrodite, a goddess of beauty to make all others jealous. In my mind, then and now forever, she was the image of exquisite perfection. 

Interviewer: It sounds like you really loved her. But what was the start of your relationship?

France: Ah, right. Well, I was very confident at the time, perhaps overconfident, and I was convinced that Tahiti would be impressed by me. I wanted to impress her because I felt I could not live up to her centuries of life. Tahiti, I think she found me funny at first. She had an air of power like any empire, an air that drew you in and made you admire her power, and I watched her twist many people around her finger with just a few short words. She was so beautiful in those moments when her beauty became a deadly kind of power.

Interviewer [concerned]: That sounds like a red flag.

France: There are details about this relationship that would horrify humans and would be seen as abusive. But this was a country-country relationship. There are inherently going to be power dynamics put into place. Was it toxic being with her? Maybe. Was she perhaps manipulating me? Maybe. But she made me happy and made me feel loved and adored. It is the same love I feel with human partners. I will not call it toxic because we loved each other, and for a country relationship between a white country and a colored one, it was very, very good. Now, back on topic, Tahiti did not seem interested at first until we grew to know each other more, and she realized that my people would have me…what’s a good word…forced, I guess, forced me to give up my affection for women. I think…she hated that, and she was very eager to support my queerness. That grew into our love. Our collective hatred for people trying to control us.

Interviewer: You began to get along because you were powerful women with similar beliefs.

France: Yes, that is a good way of putting it. I think Tahiti and her people were also what gave me the god complex I had for so long. It was brought on by being around her and her people, being seen as a goddess. Then, I would go home and be told to be a woman, and I hated that. So I began to inflate my ego, which my Tahiti helped to do, as she told me I should be treated like a god. Combined with my religious confusion, I was… pushy, mean, demanding. Part of it was due to the fact that I was not being taken seriously as a woman due to the France from before me, but Tahiti pushed that mindset. World War Two brought me out of that, with…well, you know why. My point is, I think that was the only part I would see as toxic in any way.

Interviewer: Do you think your relationship would have continued if Ancient Tahiti had lived?

France: Yes, I do think so. It never weakened in her final years, and our love only grew stronger. I believe if we had more time it could have lasted many decades more. And even if our relationship had ended, I think we could have remained friends. I have thought much about those what-ifs over the years.

Interviewer: What was the reaction of people who you knew during that time period to your relationship?

France: Hatred, scorn, and…oh, what’s the word…hmm…people did not like it, that much was clear. It was used by my enemies in the Napoleonic Wars to attempt to destroy my standing as a country, and it was used by others to treat me as lesser. I was the godless nation, and many people believed that I was never going to be blessed by God. Some even believed that I was not a Holy Angel like the other countries but rather a demon sent by the Devil to plunge France into a godless age and make it the country of sinners and the Devil.

Interviewer: How did that make you feel?

France: I didn’t care. Sure, my dear Britain brought it up in almost every conversation, acting like he had some sort of high ground, like he wasn’t beating every colony that came under his control, and many of my politicians and leaders attempted to send me to a nunnery or some other religious place to save me from sin. It never worked because they could never keep me there. When I converted to Catholicism, I appeased some, as they believed they had “purified the demon” or some such nonsense, but I never stopped being open about the fact that I was queer. Eventually, the humans gave up. The countryhumans took longer, but they, too, just accepted that they could not change me from who I am and just resorted to using it for barbs and insults like it was insulting to be queer. 

Interviewer: Did you know anyone who admired you for being queer at that time?

France: I’ve had a few people tell me now that it was appreciated, but no one brought it up then; too hesitant to be seen as gay as well. Most preferred the closet then, as I’m sure you know. I think the closest and, mind you, that this was not admiration more of the closest queer experience I had with another properly-recognized nation was with Hawaii.

Interviewer: Don’t you two hate each other? I’ve seen your tweets.

France: I’d like to think we understand each other. But I first met her when she was…starting to be indoctrinated into internalized homophobia. I always tried to convince her to give that up because she had told me about a partner, a female partner, and I…I…I didn’t want her to hate herself. We are very close in age, and I felt I could find a…confidant in her, someone who understood. Of course, I was too late; Britain was already in her head. It was a shame, but I still tried.

Interviewer: Wasn’t Hawaiʻi related to Ancient Tahiti?

France: She is…the niece of my Tahiti. Hawaiʻi believed my Tahiti was her grandmother for a long time, however.

Interviewer: Oh, right, there was a significant age gap between you and Ancient Tahiti, right?

France: She was about 2300 years older than me.

Interviewer [shocked]: Holy…did the age gap ever bother you or anyone who knew?

France: The people who knew were more concerned by the fact I was sinning by fucking her. And no, it never bothered me. We countrypeople perceive age much differently than you. A country born yesterday is an adult, while a colony born three hundred years ago is a child. How we view age is based more on status than physical or chronological years. To me, my Tahiti and I were of equal status and, therefore, of similar age.

Interviewer: That’s strange.

France: What about us isn’t? Is there anything else related to my relationship with Tahiti that you would like to know about?

Interviewer: I know you have only given us a small sample of the surviving letters that you and Ancient Tahiti sent to each other. Is there anything about the letters or your correspondence that might not be covered in the letters provided?

France: Well, we had properly the world’s first long-distance relationship.

Interviewer: I don’t think that’s right.

France: Yes, it is now hush. Much of our relationship was done through letters. We did the letter version of sexting, and we grew as partners through our letters. I was the one to show Tahiti how to travel to that little world that countries only live in, and that allowed us to meet more often and be physically affectionate with one another. Many of the more private letters I will keep to myself, as those words are meant for myself and my Tahiti, but…the ones I gave, I think, will paint an accurate picture of how we grew as lovers.

Interviewer: Thank you for your time. I have no more questions, but is there anything else you’d like to say?

France: The next person who calls me and my Tahiti “very good friends,” I will be suing for defamation.

Interviewer: Agh, alright.

[recording ends]

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Letter from France to Ancient Tahiti, 12 June 1798. Translated from French by Pierre Roux. France says that this is the first letter she ever sent to Ancient Tahiti.

12 June 1798

Countryhuman of Tahiti

I hope you will excuse the lack of formalities in this letter. I have never been one for them, and you do not strike me as a woman who will mind if I am more open in this letter than another else would be. You are an intriguing woman, someone who has captured my thoughts and been the first countryhuman I have met that I would truly classify as holy and godlike. You are filled with a grace and beauty that the countries of Europe could never hope to replicate. I know that we have only known each other for a short time, but I wish that we could get to know each other more. You are more respectful to me than many of the other countryhumans I have met have been, and it is something I appreciate greatly. You recognize me as an equal, an equal in the unique power we share.

I came to your land in hopes of learning more about the world, in hopes of finding someone who appreciates me for who I am and, more importantly knows what I am. My people have not been the kindest nor the most understanding to me. They are unsure what to do with a new France that acts so differently from the old one. I’m sure you understand, after all, you have that countryhuman that so many of your people are determined to see as the new countryhuman for your land, and you must know the scorn that the supporters of that young one give you. However, our commonality is that we are both the true countryhuman in power over our land, but, unlike you, I am not respected for it. I am treated as if I am a mere human.

I don’t know exactly what I am writing this letter for. I want to start a correspondence, yes, but I really need not to bother you with my personal issues. There is just something about you that consumes my thoughts and makes me want to divulge my secrets and troubles to you. I am unsure if it is some power of our nature or simply a feeling that derives from your presence and power that you project, but you are the kind of woman that all women should strive to be. You are a being that could make Aphrodite herself jealous.

I wish you good health and good fortune for all the many hundreds of years to come.

Yours respectfully, 

The French Republic 

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Letter from Ancient Tahiti to France, approximately 1804. Translated from French by Pierre Roux. 

France,

I have heard that you have become involved in another war with the other nations of Europe. I wish you luck with that. While I am unsure of how war is conducted in your land, I know it is very different from mine, so I won’t try to offer any advice other than don’t be an idiot and use people’s perceptions of you as a weapon. Those have always served me well. However, I am confident that you will have victory. You may be young, but you are more competent than many other land spirits I’ve met.

I will admit I miss your company too. You are entertaining to talk to, and I enjoy getting to share stories and spend time together. It is a shame that our land has to be so far and that delivering letters takes so long. I wish to hear news faster and know what is happening in your land. I know you are having internal problems, and that, combined with the new war, makes me worry for you. Farāni, I do not want to lose you, not when I have just met you. We have barely begun to know each other in a way that surpasses who we are as goddesses, and I want to think that we could be friends for a long time.

You and I have much in common, and I wish to learn more about your styles of combat and your strange customs. You are fascinating and full of fury and courage that I have seen land spirits twice your age lack. When you return, I wish to learn from you and teach you. I am many hundreds of years old, and in all my years I have never met someone like you. You are strange and in many ways foreign, but that is what I like the most. I have grown somewhat bored and complacent in the repetitive day to day life I have lived here for the past thousand or more so odd years. You bring an excitement to my life that I have not felt in a long time. 

I thank you so much for that.

The last thing I wish to talk to you about concerns the captains from your nation, as well as other places in Europe, that visit. They do not speak positively of you, something that concerns me greatly. They do not understand that you are a goddess, that you are above them. They talk about you as if you were a common criminal. They speak as if your bold and fierce nature is a crime. They say they want to drain you of all that you are and turn you into something so terrible I cannot find the words for it.

They speak as if you, in all that you are, are wrong. It is most terrible. I would defend your honor on your behalf, but they respect me less than they respect you, and I know you would much rather fight your own battles. It disgusts me.

I hope you do well in your battles and show those other nations the Fārani that I know.

Tahiti

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Letter from Ancient Tahiti to France, approximately 1812. Translated from French by Pierre Roux. France informed us that her human name at the time was Catherine, and Ancient Tahiti often used the more Tahitian form of the name, Tatarina, in their letters.

Tatarina, 

I am so delighted to hear of what you did to Napoleon. I know you will regret it because he is your leader, and you are you, but you cannot argue that he did not deserve it. He has spent much of his reign trying to deny you your place and your purpose simply because you are a female in a relationship with me. It is against the very nature of the world for him to do that, and I am so happy that you showed him who you are and the consequences of going against the divine. Napoleon already disliked much about you, so it’s not like you are losing any sort of respect with the man.

Do not feel guilty about that. It is not your fault, and I find it very amusing. 

I have been practicing going to that strange world you showed me how to visit, and it has been very enlightening. I am glad that I now have the skill to be able to visit you more frequently, and be able to share my affection with you outside of just the words we write in these letters. It is far more fun and far better to see you in person. I still write to you, however, because I enjoy doing so, and the power of the written word will never stop being exciting to me. Your past letters also cheer me up, and I can read them when things involving that false god that calls itself a kingdom get rough.

Truth be told, my love, is that I am starting to believe that that kingdom will take my place, like how that Kingdom of Hawaiʻi took the place of my son. For the first time in my life, I am beginning to grow worried about the possibility of death. I have met many young countries recently, and it seems like the world is in the middle of a great change, where all the gods of old are being replaced by younger ones. Despite my worries, I ask you not to worry about me. I know you will because your heart is big and you care far too much about others (even if you don’t care about what they think of you) and know that even if I do die, it is far from your fault and that you made my last days some of the greatest and most exciting of my entire life.

I wish that there had not been this great change in the world, that so many people I knew and loved didn’t pass, for I wish I could have introduced you to my family the way I have with many of my other partners. I hope that you could have met my children and I yours. But between all those that have passed here and the endless wars you have been caught up in by Europe’s refusal to leave you in peace, I fear that that may not be possible for many more years.

I know those years will pass quickly for me, for I, as old as I am, see time so quickly pass. But with you being so young, I know those years will pass by slowly. As you have said many times in past letters, six months is too long for you. 

But if time truly does pass by slower for you, then perhaps, if I do only have a few short years left, those will feel like an eternity to you. 

With all the love I have to give, 

Tahiti

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Letter from Ancient Tahiti to France, approximately 1814. Translated from French by Pierre Roux. 

Tatarina, why is it that whenever I hear of you, you are at war? I know that you do not seem eager for it and that you blame the other nations of Europe, but why is it that they attack you and leave you unable to leave for a visit? Why do they keep you from me? I miss you, and visiting you in that world is not the same as when your mind is clouded by war and fear. 

I worry still that all this war will cause you to waste away into a shell of yourself. I have seen time change many, but I worry that if wars do not end for you, it will change you beyond repair. However, that depressing matter is not what I want to discuss today. I send you letters to bring you joy and hope in these hard times for you, not to bring you down with the ramblings of an old woman. However, my mind has been clouded recently, and I find it hard to keep myself thinking positively. I do not know if it is my fear for you, that you will eventually lose against superior numbers, or if it is the fact that meeting you made me begin to feel lonely when you aren’t around.

I am beginning to wish I had been more open to having human friends. I try now, but too many of them fear the goddess Tahiti, and the friendship I am trying to achieve feels more like worship. I know you have a human friend, and I want to know how you did that. How did you convince a human that although you may be a goddess, you can be just like them? How did you convince them you wanted to know them for friendship, not worship? I cannot figure it out, and you have a way with people. You have a way that I lack, and I think that is a flaw on my part. I did not understand how wonderful friendship really was until you.

It has been so many hundreds of years since I have had a true friend, and as much as I love you, you are far, far more than a friend to me. I hope that this request is not seen as silly by you. I can’t wait to see you again.

Much love, 

Tahiti

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Letter from Ancient Tahiti to France, approximately 1819. Translated from French by Pierre Roux. 

Tatarina,

My love, I write this with shaky hands, feeling weaker than ever. I write this with tears on my face and love in my heart, wishing that I was by your side so I could tell you this in person. I write this wishing I had the strength to travel to that in between so I could hold you one last time.

I write this, knowing I am about to die.

I have much to say, so I write this hastily. I do not know when death will come for me, and I do not want to pass before I can finish my last words to you.

First, you are not allowed to blame yourself for my death. The only person at fault is the kingdom and it’s foolish people, and those are the only people you are allowed to blame. Any guilt and anger you have should be placed on them, not on yourself. 

Second, you must get around to killing Britain at some point. He is annoying, and I know you dislike him greatly. I know for a fact that you are stronger and more capable than him, and I have faith that someday, you will be the victor in your rivalry. You can put an end to what your mother started with England all those years ago.

Third, I know you will lose your teacher of my language with me gone, but I implore you to seek out someone else who can teach you my language. You might not be the most fluent speaker, but the way you speak my language is beautiful, and I would hate for the world to lose that beauty just because I am gone.

Lastly, the time we had together, however short, was some of the best years of my life. I loved the time we spent together, and I love you so badly that the thought of leaving you behind hurts me more than any wound. I am not prepared to be the one to leave someone behind. Normally, I am left behind by others. I know that hurts like it is an old friend, and I know that my death will hurt you. But please, never be afraid to love again just because I am gone. The hurt of my death will fade in time, and any person you choose to be in a relationship with after I am gone will be a very lucky person indeed. I am fortunate to be your first love, and I am grateful that you were my last.

All my love, now and forever, 

Tahiti

[lacenvs3000w24]

ENVS*3000 season finale - the sunset post🌤

a sunset pic I took during some sacred cottage time on West Lake near Picton, ON

As the course and the semester come to a close, it feels entirely appropriate that we finish this journey off with some mildly existential thoughts about our ethics as interpreters. I think the fact that I’m also in the process of finishing up my degree has me squirreling out a bit as the cherry on top of this introspection.

While we’ve done a lot of soul-searching over this semester, I think one thing has remained, one thing is evergreen — when I think about nature, I think about serenity, peace, sanctuary. I believe that time in nature has the power and (as fantastical as it sounds) the energy to offer healing. It gives space for a quieter mind, a more peaceful soul. Even as I write these words, the stem student in me is cringing a bit - I have no concrete sources to back up these claims!!

But that points to something invaluable that this course has given me — the leeway to not focus solely on the data and the quantitative and the cold-hard-ness of science, and to instead lean into the interpretation, to focus on the feelings and think about what they mean.

I mean, yeah, I believe in science, I believe in its place, and I love what it’s given me: the knowledge and means with which to explore questions and attain answers. But in interpretation, science can’t stand alone.

I believe in art. Interpretation needs art the same way humans do. Not for some absolutely practical or functional purpose, but for an added layer, added interest, added connection to the natural wonders around us. I believe in the duality of nature and think that the point of interpretation should be to explore that push-and-pull relationship between science and art.

Now as for my responsibilities as an interpreter. I thought a lot about this question early in the course. In the beginning, I think I was intimidated by the idea that everyone must be pleased, must be included. And I know that dismissing the idea that “everyone should be included” can come across as harsh. But I think that I landed on the idea that it’s important to strike a balance between doing everything you can AND “staying in your lane”, as it were.

It’s hard to be everything all at once, and we can’t be. It’s valid to have the desire to accommodate every single person, but what is the cost there? What is the end product once you’ve spread yourself so thin? It doesn't mean giving up, in any sense, but instead highlighting your own abilities and lifting up others who fill in those gaps. It's about the net result, it's about interpretation as a community.

But to be an interpreter inherently puts you in a position of authority, of leadership - and that can be daunting.

So I approach this question a little differently now. Yes, I have the responsibility of providing valuable content to people in a way that respects their stories and their backpacks. I have the responsibility of putting out work that I am proud of, as to not take peoples' attention for granted. But up front, I have a responsibility that harkens back to acknowledging myself, my strengths and individuality as an interpreter.

This line of thought sparked questions not like

“how do I make my content valuable to every person?” or “how do I make sure everyone is happy and accommodated?”

but instead

“what can I realistically provide in a valuable way? which is the audience that will truly benefit from what I can offer, and how can I make sure that I am putting my focus there?”

The answers to these questions are still being sorted out, I think.

Still, I do know that I am more inclined to cater to the artistic- and abstract- inclined. I don’t necessarily see myself on the cold-hard-science side of academia. As a science student, I’ve pushed a passion for art aside in a lot of ways.

And it’s a tad cheesy, I’d admit, but this course has pushed me to think about why that is, and to imagine reintegrating art. Everything is still a little foggy, but there is a semblance of a clear path, or a few of them. Something in the realm of the visual arts, or even an increased focus on less technical writing feels like my fit.

silly little doodle i did

Thinking about how I could approach nature interpretation, I’m brought back to the ideas about learning styles that we touched on earlier in the course. I mulled it over and landed on the fact that I like working alone, and need it to some extent, and I’m coming to terms with the fact that that doesn’t have to be forever. This stage is about self-discovery, for the purposes that I’ve mentioned – offering true value to the audience that would benefit the most. It’s about exploring myself as an interpreter, the things I have to offer, and giving myself time and space to do so.

But I am passionate about the intimate link between people and nature, and I care about sharing this passion with other people. And again, I think that art is a perfect realm for this sort of work. Building community is part of the art world, but so is introspection and individuality. It offers both sides of the coin: time spent alone with the craft, the creation, and time spent sharing what you discovered and made in that time.

While I’d love to have shared some really confident and concrete answers to these questions, I think the best thing I can do right now is be honest about the uncertainty, about the possibilities, and the little bits of self-assuredness that I do hold with me right now, and carrying on this journey of discovery in spite of it.

If you’ve made it this far into this post (by choice or obligation), I really truly want to say THANK YOU. This was a pretty self-centered entry and sharing all these thoughts has been cathartic, to say the least.

[bootsykitty]

Repost from Substack

Also some topics I plan on covering at one point or another…

Discussion of Attribution Theory and its real world consequences.

How Capitalists are bad at doing capitalism and frequently shoot themselves in the face with regards to long term viability and profits.

Related, short term vs long term thinking. So much of our society is rushed and as a result much of our “solutions” come from reactive ways of thinking and viewing problems, rather than more long term thinking both in the past and into the future and addressing our issues in a proactive way.

Scarcity mindset driving “pick me” mentality among people suffering at the hands of capitalism in its myriad of forms. It as a form of assimilation or safeguarding oneself, often at the peril of the remainder of the community one belongs to.

A basic concept that has been discussed before, but the reality that everything is made up. We only stick with it because everyone else does and it’s easier to go along than risk being ostracized by groups who would find change uncomfortable to say the least.

Most of us don’t know how to think because we haven’t been taught robust ways to think. Instead we’ve been taught broken ways of thinking that will never let most of us get back to the core problems that we are suffering from.

Socialization is a tool of oppression. From marketing to the indoctrination many receive through religion, the very real risk of ostracization and the rewards and punishments that keep us in line. And that these can come from a myriad of sources; family, friends, marketing, and just broader society which we engage with every day.

Our way of being socialized to deify the rich and demonize the poor. And the myriad of psychological impacts that ensure this stays in place, from the notion that we may wish to escape our circumstances and see wealth as a path out, to the fear inherent in a society that might no longer care about and messaging that says those who suffer such a fate deserve it and the psychological break we must have in order to feel like that surely could never be us…that we aren’t bad so it can’t happen to us.

Community vs Isolation (Individualism). The notion of bootstraps pulling as the only way to survive capitalism. It’s a convenient way to separate us from each other and put an undue burden on ourselves…of surviving without community, despite that not being reflected in our evolutionary history. And because people can’t make this untenable solution work, they are left to conclude that the failure is their own. All of this is to stifle the ability to organize among workers, family, friends, as everyone has their issues no matter how much they may try to deny it, and everyone needs help from time to time, and acting otherwise is unnatural and self-defeating. It also has the effect of separating families before they should be. Driving generations apart and removing the learning aspect from elders at much too early of an age. Leaving young folks even more bereft of a healthy knowledge base that could make their lives easier. This further drives other paranoia like the concept of white erasure, where birth rates among white folks are lower. But it s capitalism that is removing familial support. Capitalism that is not paying enough to afford a family. Capitalism that is driving toxic masculinity among disaffected white boys, who then have an unhealthy outlook on what they should expect from a spouse and what is expected from them.

Next is the concept of desperation as a way of driving distraction and fear. Similar to individuality removing familial and community supports…people who are desperate don’t look for help until it’s too late if at all. And these same people, so put upon by their situations, often don’t look to a political system that disenfranchises them as a way to solve it. They don’t have community, and often suffer from loneliness, and often just want an escape. And they are provided such an escape through the myriad of shallow distractions to keep all of us bought into the system and away from critical analysis through shallow tv and movies that even if containing deeper analysis, are never explored as we are largely taught as a society… (cont)

[rightfulcounsel]

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