#ktf vikings

[kahliethefangirl]

Young God

Pairing: Ivar x OC (Modern AU) Rating: E Warnings: Contains sexual content, MCD, depression and anxiety, triggers. Note: I got the VIP seat on the angst train right now and I’m heading straight to that wall over there. I will regret this when waking up tomorrow. Got insipred af by Halsey’s Young God and my own depression. Guess it’s good for something. And the greatest hug I can muster to all you out there fighting with that same crippling depression as I. I love you all (yeah this is the worst way showing it but I suck) You are the strongest people I know of ,breathing every day. You are strong! __ He was the dark side of the moon. She was the brightest day of sun.

He was the crippled mess messing around even more to the point it pained him to the core.

She was the good girl always making her bed when she woke up each morning to give her mother the daily kiss on her rosy cheek.

He drank his coffee black with a cigarette from the corner of his mouth and she was the one drinking green tea and running an hour before bed.

He was dark, she was light. He was bad, she was good.

He was determined to ruin her completely and she kept telling her heart she didn't need it so badly.

"This is a bad idea." Line grunts when he grins over his broad shoulder; head covered by the grey hood of his shirt.

"My middle name, baby girl." He limps onward until they find themselves in the backyard of the old abandoned house; the empty pool full of debris and the blue paint chipped.

"Why here?" She looks around like someone would care and he purrs like a cat stretching in that specific spot of warm sun at her being so insecure.

"Why not?" He throw the crutches away after sitting down on the stair leading down to the bottom of the pool.

One step at the time he heaved himself and with arms crossed she is watching him with arms stretched over his head when finally at the bottom amongst the leaves, empty bottles and memories left for the wind.

She was always around him whenever he asked it of her and he always did. She needed his ruining touch as much as he needed her mending kindness.

There was this silent, constant little war of who would win. Would she help him out of his misery laced with the weed and the alcohol or would he drag her down with him to the bottom of that dry pool without water to drown her in his own thirst for redemption?

"Why can't we go see a movie like normal people or cook, or whatever?" She squirms on her spot looking down at him.

She never did however: not once did she ever look down on him.

Throughout his depressions deepest pits, when crawling over her lawn drunk as ever or when he could barely keep his hands off of her. Never did she ever blame him.

"Because we are not normal people." He grins and she loves it, how it makes her feel.

He's so sure of himself outwardly. He always tells her stories about how they will be the greatest and how one day people will no longer laugh at them.

He's been to heaven he says, the first time she allowed him to kiss her. She thinks it's cute but stupid. Her kiss is nothing like heaven although Ivar says so. Ivar talks a lot however.

"Come on pet, just a little wine and then we can watch the stars all night or whatever is your perfect picture of a date." He teases and she rolls her honey eyes at him before finally descending to his level; at least a bit.

"Don't be scared, the water is amazing!" He pretends to play around in the nonexistent water and draws laughter from her. A sound he is most fond of. It reminds him of being happy, not constantly feeling the need to suffocate his pain with stupid and reckless shit in all honesty just making it worse.

She loves his laugh because she knows he can feel a bit of it when he allows it. She desperately hopes he will find it one day. The light.

The cork of the wine jumps away and he puts the green bottle to his rich lips and she stares. Oh he knows how she stares at him when she thinks he can't see.

He stares too but he doesn't care if she sees it or not. Never have she allowed him to touch her underneath those proper clothes so he's in his full right staring.

"Now you." He offers her the bottle, the sweet scent of red wine reminding her of the first and only time he got her drunk. "I bought a good one this time, try." His lips indeed tastes of the wine and her heart rate is going of charts like it always does.

She secretly wishes for him to have her break so she can give herself fully to him.. but the silver ring on her finger reminds her of the promise she made; not to ever touch a man before married.

God or Ivar? It was a choice harder than he could wrap his head around.

He swore to her God that they would make him look small and pointless if she just let him show her the realm of young Gods. Or reckless youths as Line always called them.

When his lips leave hers she takes a swig of the wine but it would never taste as good as when from his own mouth.

Her entire being already wanted him to be as close to her as humanly possible and knowing the wine would make it harder to resist she simply decline having more.

With a grunt and a shrug he drinks by himself, not minding. That is what he does.

Ivar drinks, Ivar smokes, Ivar is hurting himself in any way possible in futile hope it would sooner or later release him from the real pain inside of him.

Line didn't know what depression and anxiety was like. She has been sad about small things in comparison and so angry at times she thought it impossible for it to be worse. Then she had met Ivar.

Three years and she had held him so many times whilst screaming and praying for death to come just so he wouldn't have to feel himself die anymore.

So many shirts had been smeared with snot, tears and saliva and sometimes even blood.

She knew there was scars on his prominent hipbones causing the tempting V of his abdomen to look even sharper.

She knew there were records in the hospital of numerous times they had to empty his stomach of pills.

She knew she wasn't one of those Gods he always talked of them being but still she was there, constantly trying to save him just one more day.

"You know-" he whispers when darkness slowly crawled up the sky; letting it slowly shift in different colors until they could finally spot the first stars as he had promised her.

"-sometimes I think you're the most pretty thing on earth." He muses, his face blank where they lay on their backs in the pool.

His one arm is under her neck and resting her head on his chest she tilts it up to look at him.

"Sometimes?" She giggles and she can see a shy smile tugging at his lips.

He should smile more, for so many reasons. He should smile more because he would feel better she'd think but mostly because there was nothing so astonishing as his blue eyes radiating nothing but light and joy when he did.

"Sure. Because sometimes you are the most pretty thing in the entire universe." He adds, as if she was stupid for not getting that from the start.

Her heart swells in that specific way only Ivar can cause it to swell and the heat inside her chest is so intense he must truly feel it.

He was good giving her compliments so covered in sugar even the smallest child would scream in horror of the exaggerated amount.

But it was his way; always too much or nothing at all. Black or white, good or bad.

"You haven't seen everyone in the universe, not even earth." She points out, painting lazy figures on his slowly heaving chest when he sighs.

"Why would I want to when you're right here?" She giggles and smiles in his absolute favorite way.

He rolls them over, his upper body held up by his one arm beside her head.

He never fully understood why she wanted him so bad. He could be exiting and fun for her sure, being so damned proper all the time.

But three years? Three years of knowing what he truly is?

"I will always be right here, Ivar." She whispers, running her fingers through his dark hair and she can feel the fine hairs on his neck rise in their wake.

"Don't promise things you can't keep." He frowns, his face pained and she attempts a comforting smile.

Outwardly Ivar is secure, sure of himself and the fucking king of the world; nothing could bring him down.. nothing but himself and now Line.

"I'll be the judge of that, not you with your crappy judgement. I wouldn't lend you my bike and feel safe." She teases and she earns a airy laugh before he leans down to kiss the tip of her nose; small freckles to be found when the sun had kissed her long enough.

"You don't have a bike." He whispers, planting soft and delicate open mouth kisses along her one cheekbone, down over her ear and back along her jaw.

"Because you broke it." She points out in a hushed moan; something that causes his entire body to stiffen.

His hands eager but skilled in holding himself at bay, roams her chest and the way he cups her small breasts through her shirt is making her heart pound its way out of her chest right into his. Where it truly belongs.

Once he'd told her his heart was broken and in a sheepish moment she told him he could have hers; because hers would break if his didn't heal.

He'd cried for two hours. He'd screamed and shouted in a fit of such pain it had scared the shit out of her.

Causing her pain was the only thing he feared more than his own.

"Ivar." She holds his hand back and the heavy sigh fanning her face cause her to roll her eyes; faking that she's so strong and can resist him without maximum effort.

"You and your stupid ring." He groans and she swats the back of his head playfully. "Do I really need to put another ring on that finger to touch you?" He looks puzzled as he always did when he actually stopped and thought about that she so strongly held onto her beliefs.

"I'm afraid so." If he only knew how close he was each time having her break that promise seemingly stupid even to her when his hands so curiously tried to discover her mysterious body.

"Fine then." His one hand disappears in the pocket of his jeans and brings back a circular bubblegum box of blue plastic. It looks old and the sticker on it is chipped and the colors faded.

"What is that?" Her brows knit together when she stares at the little box between his fingers and he shakes it; something creating a sound from inside.

"Apparently my ticket to touch you, silly girl." He smirks, nodding for her to take the box and hesitantly she does.

Inside there's a ring. Simple, probably too big for her fingers and covered in the sweet and sticky scent of bubblegum although the box is old.

"I will go back to work soon and then I'll buy you a nicer one." Now he looks worried when she lay on her back underneath him with the ring in front of her eyes. She studies it as if it was an alien item unknown to her.

"Are you serious?" Her hair is like a golden halo around her head and the dim lights still hanging on to the world drains it from light. She looks like the fallen angel she is to him.

"No I was only joking. I was thinking about giving it to the girl next door because you know, her boobs looks great and I'd bet she let me touch her-" he rants, taking the ring from between her fingers and attempts rolling off of her.

"No!" She laughs, catching his hand between hers and she pulls him back up. A soft kiss is placed on his knuckles and he knows what love is when she looks at him then.

"Yes, she does have nice boobs." He mocks and she rolls her eyes.

"If you're giving me a ring I don't like you to talk about other girls boobs." She pouts playfully and his smile is back.

"Well you haven't let me see yours properly so I can hardly talk about them." His whisper close to her ear sends a familiar shiver through her and it curls up like a hot little knot in her abdomen.

"Like you said, the ring changes that; doesn't it?" Her voice is almost useless when she can feel his hand move from her hip up her side, her shirt getting stuck on his wrist and follows his hand up.

His skin is warm on hers and when his thumb feathers over her nipple her back arches and she gasps.

"You have to tell your mother about the ring you know." He reminds her before taking her earlobe between his lips, sucking gently.

"I will have to tell a lot of people but I don't care." She turns her head, her lips finding his and they stop caring together for a second.

His hand moves down her thigh, squeezing it through her jeans before it dips down its inside and force it apart from the other.

"I know you deserve to be fucked properly." He groans to her neck when he palms her sex through her jeans; causing her to buck into his touch. "But I will do my best." He bites down her skin and she couldn't care less he would never be able to be inside of her.

She lift her hips when he unbutton her jeans and pull them down just enough for him to dip his fingers in under her panties.

She gasps hushed, holding onto him for dear life where his mouth feasts on her breasts and his one finger parts her folds to discover the secret wetness.

One finger didn't hurt because god knows she had done that herself thinking about him when she was alone. She had imagined his fingers curl inside and slowly pump her all the way to his stupid idea of heaven.

The second finger was pure bliss stretching her walls and when he moved his face to between her legs she was ready to explode of sensations right on his wicked tongue.

Her fingers tugged at his hair, sometimes pressing him even closer when his tongue dipped inside her warmth so that her eyes rolled back and she saw stars not of this world.

Her release was nothing like the one she had brought upon herself so many times, Ivar constantly in mind. The one he brought her she realizes she'd been waiting for, for three years.

She didn't care the entire neighborhood probably heard her scream his name and the vibration his moans sent though her sex was enough to have her blank for a second.

"I love you, do you remember that?" He mumbles almost asleep when her head is back on his chest and she's hiding inside his large hoodie. She can't stop thinking about that he must be cold in just his t-shirt but his skin so burning and soft against her through the fabric she can't find it in her to move.

"I do." She assures him, planting a tired kiss randomly on his chest. It's easy to say this would be her favorite memory of him but also the one that would cause her the most pain.

_____

The photo of him smiling so wide she could see his white teeth straight and glistening is her favorite.

He stands with his older brother and she had stolen it from his drawer the first year of dating.

She can't stop staring at it when sitting like a ball under the covers in her bed.

His mother had called her and the tears in her voice matched the ones running down her cheeks perfectly.

"He did it. Oh Line he did it my poor boy!" She had cried in the phone and after that she don't remember much more.

It had ended so quickly and she find herself thinking that she really thought she could've saved him.

Every smile, every time he called her just so he wouldn't have to be alone in his torment she thought he really wanted to make it.

But it had gotten too much, hadn't it? It must have because he's not here anymore.

The silent tears like soft rain makes her face red and puffy.

She hates him for leaving her and she hates him for giving up just like that, without a word.

He had told his mother about the ring and he promised her to hold her hand when she told her own. But they never got that far.. because he gave up.

It's hard for her to wrap her head around how he could do that to her. Give her that ring with his promise and then leave her.

Since the day they met he'd been so keen to have her around, to show her his world and she whines silently when she thinks of the way he promised her heaven like she never heard of it before. He'd promise her to be a god, to be loved and to be with him for the rest of her life.

But he went to be that young God without her. He's up there watching everyone he knew run around in sadness and grief.

He left her down here and not until know, when he's finally gone she starts to think that he actually succeeded bringing her down to his world. Becaus this pain, could one truly live with it?

[kahliethefangirl]

Hedda Pt. 3

Part 2. Part 3. Part 4.

Hedda Pt. 3 - How to be brave.

Pairing: Ivar x OFC Rating for chapter: T Warnings: Mention of violence, a touch of strong language. Note: Daily friendly reminder: My English could be so much better. Sorry. And I know there haven't been much Ivar yet and I'm sorry; but I need some things done for all this to work out as I have planned soo.. But he will be there, promise! And I realized just how complex I have made this and I start to confuse myself majorly. I know this part is rather jumpy and I'm sorry but I have been writing this over and over again without finding a way much better than this. I hope the next part will be better aha!

Winter had slowly passed to spring. Soon I would find the floor of the woods being covered in Hepatica, Wood Anemone and Cowslip. Already could I hear the singing of Wagtails and the Long-taled Tit; even through the lively atmosphere of the town. The sun was more generous with its presence and warmth and down at the docks the birds feeding of the water had started to gather around the fishing boats trying to steal some breakfast. Today the sun is modest and the colder and crisp winds whisper about the possibility of spring snow coming from the mountains. Yet the green grass had started to sneak out from under the now random spots of wet snow.

"We should find something for you to do." Aslaug says where we walk the muddy streets of Kattegat; the leather of our shoes splashing the mud onto our legs whenever a foot is put down in front of the other.

"Because you want me to contribute or because you fear I will be bored?" I smile faintly at an older woman greeting us and the calm weather spreads a form of ease within.

"You already contribute." Looking down towards the water I can see a sail falling from behind the rooftops and you could hear the people shouting in communication. Life was all around, yet something deep inside told me it is only a temporarily peace.

"With my dreams?" I look to her, taller and leaner than I; truly putting me in her shadow and I think that not only is she a queen by her acts but also by her looks.

"You are here for a reason Hedda. Spring is crawling at our doorstep and perhaps time for us to understand is soon here." She doesn't look troubled yet her smile is absent. I look down to the mud stuck to my dress and the light reflects in the watery puddles among the brown and wet soil. I have had the dream once more since the day Aslaug had enlighted me what I hadn't known myself but then just barely a moon back it had changed. The fox was constantly by my side, smirking with its white and red snout as I was in the bloody mud on the ground; the pleasure closer than ever. The flying swords was still there and so was the man turning into a wolf. But part from the fox now following me a raven had joined us; it's great black wings enveloping me and behind me in the darkness it throws over me I can feel the awareness of what I have to protect, what I have to sacrifice for and in front of me I feel the awareness of the threat. But I can't see, like the wings of the raven had blinded both my eyes. The queen had been more troubled by this than what she liked to let me know.

"You should go se the seer." She stops and I almost walk past her where I with a silent groan pleadingly look to her wise eyes.

"You know I don't wish for that." I complain like a child and Aslaug raise her chin in authority making me feel even smaller than before. Long had she asked me to go see the seer in hope for answers we could not find ourselves. The interest in finding out who I was had faltered amongst the people during the long months I'd been around but my dreams had only triggered the queens need to know. But I feared; I feared what he might know and therefor tell me. My insides was wrapped in such doubt and trembling terror during the nights I sometimes tried not to fall asleep. Aslaug knew this.

"Fearing is not what we do." She cups my cheek and her smooth thumb runs under my blind eye. Her words are a lullaby about trust and strength yet the already told unknown future in my dreams had me unable to truly enjoy it. "And this is your conribution. You are not given the gift of seeing for your own entertainment. We are not women to walk between towns; telling what we can see for a hot meal or for some coins in our hand." She starts walk again and reluctantly I follow; knowing her words to be true. I don't know how to put myself in that trance that would allow people like us to see and to be told what ordinary humans could not perceive. I only see what the dreams allow me to see. I had not come here to the fox's den for its wisdom for simple coin or prophecies of the weather or the falls harvest.

_____

With the soft cloak around me I sit outside one of the fishing shacks, the doors closed but the smell of fish strong around us. The wet ground had soaked the leather on my feet but the thought of being closed in by walls made me ignore it and instead lean against the chilly outside of the buildings structure. Ubbe had made me company a while ago where I like an animal curl inside my cloak, trying to enojoy the last light of day where he himself slowly run the grindstone along the sword over his lap. The sound is calming and regular; no surprises and I listen to it dreamily.

"Sometimes I wonder if I have seen something more bautiful than this." I mumble where the sun is setting behind the mountains. The sky is grey yet the shift of light is hypnotizing and the shadows crawling from the mountains, over the forests and down to the fjord in front of us is almost magic.

"Does it matter?" Ubbe asks, the sound of the grindstone against metal stopping and I look to him. The sword is resting across his lap and his arms over the sword and he stare to the scenery I was just commenting.

"Probably not." I sigh, a shiver running through me where a cold gust of wind sweeps past us and for a second the smell of fish falters just to return the same second the wind leaves us. "Yet I sometimes wonder what I may have seen before. What people did I surround myself with, what did I know?" I talk more to myself than Ubbe, yet he grunts before he puts the sword down beside him leaning it against the wooden bench we're situated on.

"My mother is right, you know. You could get some answers if you went see him." Now he looks to me and my face twists into disliking where I pull the cloak tighter around me as if it would protect me from what words is to come. "Perhaps it is important, what your dreams tells you and perhaps you understanding is even more important." He adds and his strong hand squeeze my shoulder. It's supposed to be supporting I know but I only feel annoyed.

"And what if I find out just to realize it is above my power, huh?" I turn my body so I can look at him properly. "What if what my dreams tells me is something I can't handle?" I sound pathetic, scared and desperate and it is all traits I wish to erase from my persona; however it is what I feel and I can't hide it from him. Ubbe have become a great friend, always supporting me and always listening. I don't know if I had any brothers and sisters before but I'm sure that if I had Ubbe is a perfect replacement.

"Do you think any of our God's would hand us more than we can handle? You are given the gift for a reason Hedda and not without knowing you can indeed cope with what is to come." The back of his fingers brush my cheek and for a short second I just wish to fall into his embrace and cry a tear or two; just to have some of my fear pour out of me.

"Then why am I scared? Aslaug told me fear is not what we do and she is right; yet I barely feel anything else." I huff, removing the hood of my cloak so the fresh breeze can cool down my face suddenly getting warm by the thoughts starting to swim in my head like watery porridge.

"You can't be brave without first knowing fear. To face what you do not fear is not to be brave." His hand pats my knee and I grunt; hating how his words make so much more sense than what I think and feel. "I will follow you, if you like. I know that you will find peace if you only look for it." He stands up, his hand extended towards me and I stare at it for a second; his skin slightly grey from the grindstone running over his blade.

______

I'm holding my breath when stepping in through the door to the Seer. Knowing Ubbe is behind me isn't much of a support where all I want to do is turn and throw me in his arms, escaping the fear of what I may know. But fear is not what we do, fear is not the solution to anything and I repeat in my head what Ubbe said about being brave. With the hand behind my back I close the door, fearing I will actually run if I looked back. Perhaps I don't need to fear. The Gods truly wouldn't put this on me if they didn't see me fit?

"You come with fear although it is not in your blood and you come with questions although the answers have already been given you." The raspy and old voice speaks even before I pass a wall to see him. The small house smells like dust, old age and dried blood. Everywhere are signs that the man sitting in front of me, hidden inside the black hood have been doing this for only Odin knows how long.

"I'm here because I don't understand them." I gulp, slowly finding a seat in front of the hunched figure and the smell of dusty and moth eaten clothes is all around him. So is the intense vibration of a presence I've only felt in my dreams.

"You come here because that fear is blinding you." He moves slowly as if he would break moving faster and when looking at me I see how the skin of his face is frail like old Birch bark and I start to believe that it could actually break if he wasn't careful. I grimace at his word, looking around. A pile of small bones, stones and antlers. Wood carvings, painted and carved runes. A shiver runs down my back like a cold finger following it from my neck to the low of my back.

"Why don't I remember anything?" I look at him from the corner of my eye, my hands clasped in my lap just as his. A small rumbling noice is heard from his chest where he tilts his head back as if watching the ceiling. But the scars where his eyes had been, can't see.

"You have forgotten-" He face me again and the stinging fear tickle my chest in a way that have me breath faster. "-so that you can focus on your task." The answer is not as bad as I thought, however it makes little sense and I frown.

"And what is my task? Why am I here?" The questions spill from my lips easily and amongst the fear a small curiosity is pecking my brain.

"The child. The child is your task; that is why you were set to this world." He hums for himself and new questions starts swirling inside my head. A child?

"What child?" I lean closer, my brows low over my eyes where I focus on his slow voice, trying to hear the meaning hidden behind every word.

"The child that will ride the waters and settle. The child who will allow the new beginning when the end is upon us." My heart skips a beat and I wince as if he'd struck me. I may not remember much and his words may be riddles but there's not one of my people that would miss the meaning of the last ones. A new fear settles inside and I clench my jaws.

"The child will allow the beginning after.." I swallow, the word so famous yet strange on my tongue. "After Ragnarök?" He hums, swaying a little in his seat before he face the ceiling again. My task is a child that will have it all start again? The realization strikes me that if a child of me would allow that then the end could not be far away. The thought is so staggering I open and close my mouth like a dead fish trying to find the right question. However I decide for a one that shocks even myself a bit.

"Who will give me this child?" My voice is a mere whisper. I know that what he knows is what is already decided yet a slight fear of whoever it may be, not wanting to give me a child is lurking inside my skull. Then; if this child is my purpose I would fail.

"He who sacrificed a part of himself for wisdom just like you did. He who is wise yet strikes fear in your heart and the world will father you this child." He shifts and if possible the thoughts have doubled and is now stinging my mind like a swarm of wasps. I search in my mind for the meaning, I search for a small memory that perhaps could induce a picture of someone like this I know.

"What have I sacrificed and for what wisdom? I am not wiser than the next." I mumble and the Seer sighs, or at least it sounds like it.

"Wisdom is not always knowledge. Wisdom can be the ability to handle and to do what has to be done. Wisdom is what makes a man, a man and a woman, a woman." I just stare at him in disbelief, knowing I will get nothing more out of him and as if confirming that thought he extends his hand, palm facing me and I put mine tendlery under it; his skin cold and dry. But as I am to open my mouth I stop myself, looking up to his face turned away like a King tired of helping the peasant.

"But why, why me?" I breath and for the first time it feels as if he can actually see me; the gone eyes seeing straight through me way past my soul.

"You are chosen by the Allfather, girl. Search within and you will find the spring from where your blood runs. A descendant from God and man shall birth the child that will be sowing the seed of the beginning at the end."

____

I stand outside the doors of the great hall, darkness soon eating away the last light lingering and tonight there's no stars or moon to be seen. Candles, a warm hearth and torches is the only source of light. As I suspected small and scattered snowflakes dances in the wind picking up in speed slowly. My mind is wandering like a man lost in the woods and my heart beats so slowly I would not be surprised if it decided to stop any second. All the words are running around inside my head, causing a light pain to spread behind my eyes and even though whatever fear I before held is gone; the emptiness of being so left out and drowning i ignorance is way more painful.

If I search within I find nothing but confusion and frustration and no matter how hard I try to remember anyone who even fit the description of the father of mentioned child ever so slightly, I fail. I remember no one. Perhaps I have not even met him yet. With a sigh I let my head fall back, the hood of my cloak falling off and the cold snow lands on my face, melting and rolls down my jaws and heats up under the collar of my dress. I have yet to tell Aslaug the details. The awaiting food caused us to have no time talking and in a way I was relieved. How will I explain what I don't understand myself? Ubbe had been asking how I was more than once during supper and I had repeatedly told him that I was fine. But I'm not fine.

"Why put this on me without letting me know what to do? How will I be able to serve when I don't know where to start?" I whisper to the sky and I do actually listen; just to recieve the sounds of the queen and her sons inside, Floki and Helga sharing our food as well. I can hear the people still outside and awake but I can't hear anyone coming with something I can use.

"Fool." I mutter to myself and when looking forward again I jump, a squeal spilling from my lips when something beside me catches my eye. On the bench beside me sits the young prince, staring at me as if I was the most strange woman he'd ever seen; the blue in his eyes curious and awake. I guess he could thank all the mead for that.

"What do you want? I don't have time for you mocking me so please drag yourself somewhere else if that's what you wish." I spit out and my aggitated hello have him blink, then feign shock and I roll my eyes.

"Here we dress and feed you, don't you think you owe me?" He snickers and I can feel the anger build inside. He's been at me, constantly trying to find my most sensitive spots and press it as hard as he can ever since he tried to strangle me during my first awake days. I learned pretty fast how to ignore him but it never calmed his fiery need to press at whatever spot he found, constantly looking for something new he could torment me with.

"I owe you nothing you little shit!" I snap, turning to him so when I lean forward my face is the same level as his. "I may owe your mother much but you-" I snarl, my teeth showing like I was a feral wolf and I realize that perhaps he indeed have succeeded pressing hard enough because it's way too tempting trying to strangle him. "-I owe you nothing but the back of my hand again." Perhaps I'm tired and confused but it dawns on me what I just said and Ivar don't look so amused anymore. His own teeth shows where he growls and the blue in his eyes grow dark and I can feel how he grabs my one wrist to yank me closer so that I can feel his cheek press to mine; his warm breath smelling of mead tickling my ear.

"Don't play with me One-eye. You are in no position using your mouth to disrespect me." He hiss and I swallow hard. I hate him, I hate him so much for being the little spoiled brat he is, never leaving me alone. Yet that strange pull is around me like an aura. It has been around since I first saw him; that strange sensation of that I should be right where I was; leaving his side being wrong and like walking towards the edge of a cliff and not back to saftey. But pull or no pull, I will not have him play around and mock me all day. I do my best avoiding him but he seems to be around whenever I want to be alone the most, no matter how hard I try.

"Oh and what am I supposed to do with it then, if not to treat you like you treat me, Boneless?" I smirk, not really knowing why. I pull back just enough so I can see his face; the grin on his lips surprising me and the way his tongue runs along the bottom row of his teeth, having his bottom lip pout; sends a strange warmth through my body.

"And how do I treat you, hm?" He tilts his head to the side, his eyes wandering over me with no shame and my face heats up, causing the cloak to feel too thick, too warm. I try to mentally put myself back into place, but the way his fingers snake around my small wrist and the way the blackness of his eyes glistens.. What is this?

"Like I was dirt." I try to sound strong, unaffected but I'm not entirely sure I succeeded. An airy laugh spills from his lips and I find myself staring at them. What is happening to me?

"And you say that is bad?" He cocks a brow and I frown, trying to yank my hand back but he just pulls me closer again; this time keeping his face in front of mine however. I gulp. "Have you not seen how I crawl around in it all day, woman?" My head spins at his whisper and whatever thought taking form inside my head I do my best suffocating it. I pull back and this time he lets me, looking mighty amused again and I press the hand he held, to my chest.

"I am nothing you can crawl over Ivar. I don't care how much you hate me but it will never matter to me." I hold my head high and for a second something vulnerable flashes past his eyes.

"Who said I hated you?" He calls after me where I walk past him, aiming for the doors. It is too much for just one day and I wish for nothing more than to hide away so I can ponder in peace.

"You did; when you started treating me like your beloved mud!" I call back but I stop dead in my tracks; a realization like a lightning cutting through my skull. My dream. The mud, full of blood and such strange pleasure I never wanted it to stop. My skin crawls when the idea is nesting and I hug myself tightly where I stare to the closed door of the great hall.

"He who sacrificed a part of himself for wisdom just like you did." The Seers words echoes inside. One-eye and Boneless.

"Have you not seen how I crawl around in it all day, woman?" Ivar's words comes back and my heart suddenly pick up the pace and the palms of my hands start to sweat no matter the cold.

No, that could not be. I've heard he can't even satisfy a woman; or at least that is what I've heard. And wisdom, Ivar is the last person I would call wise. Yet he does indeed strike fear in me; a form of fear I didn't know until he inflicted it upon me. No, that can not be.

[kahliethefangirl]

Hedda Pt. 2

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3.

Hedda Pt. 2 -The fox and the queen.

Pairing: Ivar x OFC Rating for chapter: T Warnings: Small amount of violence and strong language. Note: I have absolutely no life. Reminder of that my English could be a thousand times better so I’m sorry for simple language and mistakes. Wanna get a tag? Please tell. FYI I imagine this being like between Ragnar went off and coming back. I dunno I will probably make som shit up along the way but I guess I like the idea of many of them still being alive. *sob*

Chapter 2. - The fox and the Queen. Two days. Two days of waking up, washing off quickly before being sent off to be interrogated by the queen.

Then eat, hiding away from whoever visited the great hall and then endure supper with the queen's family just to hide in bed until next morning.

Two days isn't that much. Two days is absolutely nothing yet I can't help but to feel it's been more like two weeks.

I'm not told to hide away. Aslaug have tried finding out things I like to do and offered me to spend time with her. But I don't.

I chose to hide away from her prying eyes and questions the same each day.

I listen to the howling winds and the brave birds defying the cold when the sun had honored us with its  presence this morning.

"He is out the stables with the others." Aslaug said when I stood before her beside the hearth, asking about the horse who had carried me here.

"Can I see him?" I don't know the horse yet there's a little part in me that hopes the horse may know me. He must truly be faithful carrying me here through the storms.

Aslaug's golden eyebrows rise when she's utterly surprised I ask for something that is not to be left alone.

"I don't see why not, I guess he is still yours." She shrugs, nodding for Ida to come closer where she was stuffed away in a corner.

She hadn't been here yesterday so I was happy when it was her helping me get dressed this morning.

"Thank you." I try a smile, tasting the imply that the horse may not be mine. Who's horse would it be if not mine in this place?

"Show Hedda to the stables and her horse. Dress properly, we don't want our guest to get sick, now do we?" She smiles sly like the female fox she reminds me so much of.

I owe her yet I have the constant need looking over my shoulder whenever she isn't right in front of me.

"Oh and Hedda!" The queen calls when I follow Ida to get dressed for the deep snow outside. "There's a gathering tonight, it would be a pleasure to have you out here with us." She sips the mead filling the room with sweet honey and clenching my jaws I nod. It wasn't a question.

With the cloak and the furs tightly around me I follow Ida through the paths in the snow and I'm surprised to see so many people outside.

The sun is hurting my eyes when its light reflects in the snow and I hide inside the hood of the cloak as much as possible to escape it: that end possible curious eyes.

My breath turns to mist in front of me and I listen to the crunch of frosty snow, shouting people and the waves breaking in the distance; the fjord never asleep.

"He's in here. I will have to go back but you find your way now, yes?" Ida stops outside a low building; the rich and warm smell of horse so evident in the crisp air a smile plays over my lips.

"Yes, thank you." I let her pass me before entering the dark house; the smell of warm life stronger inside.

I stop inside the door to let my eyes adjust to the loss of daylight and then I start to scan the row of horses along one wall.

I remember him briefly but only through dreams of when I came here.

"Black like night." I mumble for myself when I walk past the slumbering horses; tired by standing inside all day and the sound of hay chewed slowly could probably put myself to sleep if I just let it.

Then I see him, lifting his massive head when hearing me approach and the black, wise eyes leaves no doubt that this is the animal that took me here.

"Hello." The pink and soft skin of his muzzle tickles the palm of my hand when offering it to him.

The large and heavy hooves stomps the floor when I run my hand along the muscular neck and I'm pleased to see he's groomed and fed.

"Do you remember me?" I coo, scratching his forehead softly and a low humming sound is heard. "I'm sorry I don't remember you." I tell him.

I lean my forehead against his neck where I keep up the scratching and softly he nudges my shoulder.

"Does he answer your questions?" The sudden addition of voice have me jump and the black horse whips with his head where I must've startled him.

Turning I can see Hvitserk, the queens son and as if touching something that wasn't mine I hide my hands under the fur covered cloak.

"No. No he doesn't." I gulp, looking to the animal tending to the hay when realizing there was nothing to be afraid of.

"A good horse. Must've belonged to someone important." Walking up to us he pats the broad back of the animal and I back away until I can feel the wall brushing the clothes on my body.

"Perhaps I was important." My words come out a bit harder than intended but I don't enjoy the fact that they take for granted I was no one.

"Perhaps." He smiles as if my remark was just a joke and I chew the inside of my cheek.

"He likes you. He's been cranky with most people I've heard." He pats the horse again and I stare to the animal not showing any tendency to be cranky at all. Then I grin.

"Perhaps they weren't important enough?" He laughs at that, nodding in approval.

"May be. It must be your horse. Black like a raven and don't liking people interfering too much." A knowing glance is offered me and I huff; feeling a little brave when I allow myself to shrug.

"Do you? Do you like people prying and interfering?" I ask in a soft bite and the young man sighs before attempting to leave.

"I'm not a stranger here who came under odd circumstances. I don't think anyone tries to bother you. But truly you must wonder yourself if you don't remember." He walks away before finishing talking and I stare after him where he grabs a rope and aims for the door.

He's right I guess. I do wonder and so must the people around me do as well. I can't blame them for being curious and even suspicious.

"But it would be nice not to be asked questions at any given chance." I whisper to the horse before giving him a firm pat on the neck.

"Arkan. That's what I will call you until I remember your name, if you were even mine to name." I leave with that, the horse offering me no memories.

_______

The flower grows so quickly, like time was running away from something and the snow around it pulls back as if it had been hot fire.

Swords flying upright, no hands around the leather of their handles switching places in the middle of the air.

I'm on my back in the mud, a strange sensation of intense pleasure running through me like a river but I'm aware of the spilled blood in the mud being swirled around by my fingers.

A man, hair white like snow and the furs around him turning him into a wolf with jaws snapping at me. The blood from his yellow teeth dripping down my pleasured body in the cold mix of mud and blood.

A fox running by in the forests, telling me all I need to know in a tongue I don't remember. A raven flying with the former color of my blind eye in his beak.

"Hedda, wake up!" A fierce shake and I sit straight up with sweat running from my hairline and it stings my eyes. "Please, are you alright?"

Ida's pale eyes scans me worriedly and with a heaving chest I can feel my mind slowly lower itself from the dream and land inside my body awake in the bed.

"I had a dream." I whisper, running a hand through my hair and when my lips try to find some moist to wet my throat with Ida hands me a cup of water. "Thank you."

"Ida, leave us." The sudden appearance of Aslaug in the doorway have us both jump in our seats and I groan where some of the water spills on my chest.

"Yes." Ida stands, bowing her head obediently before rushing through the door, passing the queen dressed in such an amazing dress I for a second forget how to do anything but staring.

"You've been dreaming again, child." She says calmly before walking over and she sits on the edge of the bed, taking the cup from my shaking hands and puts it aside.

I frown, causing a soft smile to play on her lips and the spirit of a caring mother surrounds me.

"I have been too." She adds, bending forward so she can look into my eyes, being tall and majestic before me.

Her hair glimmers in the soft light from the candles in the room and the scent from sweet oils is pouring out from her exquisite clothes.

"Don't we all dream?" I blurt out when looking down to my restless fingers on top of the blankets covering the lower part of my body and I try to get the feeling of missing something, away.

"Not like we do. That is something not everyone do." She explains as if I would understand and I tilt my head to the side, trying to find the hidden meaning in her words playfully beating around the bush.

"What do you mean?" I'm not sure I want the answer, my entire being vibrating with unease and suspicion.

"You have seen child. You have seen what is to come. I have too." Her smile vanishes and her eyes are filled with sympathy instead.

My brows lower themselves where I slowly shake my head, huffing in an attempt to get the sudden and unexplainable fear to leave me alone.

I am to tell her she have no idea of what I've been dreaming, but her words cuts me off like a hot blade.

"The pleasure, the raven with your past and the man a wolf. I have seen it and I have seen it before you came here. So have you." She stands up, her hands running along the soft material of her dress before she walks over to the chest before empty. Now something is neatly put on top of it.

"But how-" I stop myself. She's been dreaming the same dream? That is the only explanation I find for her to know about the raven and the man. "What does it mean then?"

She turns, the blue fabric on the chest now hanging over her arm as she walks back to me.

For a second she seem to think about it herself before with a sigh she extends her free hand for me to take.

"I truly don't know child. But we will understand more when spring comes and perhaps some if you remember." I take her hand, allowing her to help me out of the bed.

When spring comes. The flower, was that the spring?

I keep on thinking about her words when she helps me change to the blue and simple but to me much beautiful dress.

Sitting down I constantly prepare myself for asking her questions when she braids my hair but stopping myself every time I think I know how to ask; realizing I don't.

If she knew I dreamt like she did, perhaps that is why she has been so keen to keep me close and attend me so much herself. Perhaps she was waiting for me to tell her.

But I didn't knew I had these dreams and I'm not sure how she knows. But for some reason I simply trust her, knowing just a little deep back in my mind about these things.

______

There was indeed a gathering of both important people and them of lesser importance. However with the ale, mead and seasoned stag roasting over the fire everyone were equal when laughing and talking.

Sometimes there was shouts in the wake of a brawl but all were taken outside in the snow or stopped entirely.

I have had the fear of being center of attention but the great number of souls in the hall made me very uninteresting for them not close enough to see my eye or remembering the talked about presence of the mysterious girl I apparently was.

I look around the hall, sipping my ale and for the first time I actually feel a bit at ease and even though I don't remember anything a feeling of things being just the way they should, rolls inside of me like a soft wave on the lake.

Their faces had been red from the cold when coming and now they were red from vigorous drinking. I could even feel my own face pick up in temperature.

"Thank you." I smile to Margrethe filling my cup once more before she sways off to fill others. I notice Hvitserk's eyes upon her as she passes him and I've noticed the oldest of the four brothers doing the same. How is that working out for them?

"I'm pleased to see the dress matching your eyes." The queen suddenly speaks up above me and I look behind my shoulder to where she's situated in one of the great chairs dressed in soft furs.

Even though I felt enough invisible amongst the people I hade made sure to place myself near the queen. I hadn't moved around more than necessarily in fear of losing my spot.

For some reason our earlier talk pulled me closer to her. However she would always be remembered as the fox queen by me.

"It is a most generous gift." I smile, nodding grateful before someone pushes my legs to the side and when looking down to my feet I can see her youngest son crawl his way forward, lifting himself up beside me.

He sits down with a sigh before grinning; his blue eyes darting between me and his mother.

"Her eye mother, she only has color in one." He corrects her mercilessly and my jaws clench where I straighten up in my seat.

"Ivar, please." Aslaug rolls her eyes motherly but her voice laced with such soft love I doubt she even knew how hurtful he could be.

"At least it matches that one." I glare at him but he only laughs amused and I look away.

It had only taken me two days to realize just how obnoxious this one could be. Always coming with snide and mean remarks about everything and everyone whenever given the chance.

He was quick to tantrums and blooming anger that spread through the entire building like a wildfire whenever defied or spoken against.

Yet; there was this little sprout of belonging whenever he was close to me. Whenever he sat beside me making fun of me or not, it always felt as if this was the most natural place to be.

I try hardly to deny that sensation is never close whenever i sit beside his brothers or others.

"It is a shame there is so many not able to come because of the snow. We use to be many more than this, Hedda." Aslaug informs me as if to pull me from the annoyance I dwell in because of her son.

I smile towards her, avoiding the snarling grin of Ivar where he trace his lower lip with the tip of his tongue.

"Oh I am not so sure it is the snow, mother. Perhaps they are too afraid of one-eye here to come." He tilts his head to the side, smiling challengingly.

"What am I to fear?" I huff before answering his smile with an equal challenging one where I hide my face behind my cup.

"Or do you fear me, Ivar?" The ale makes me stupid I know but it felt good to punch him back with my words. However it just seem to fuel his fire so needy to pick a fight.

"They do not fear you and I am sure it is the snow keeping them at home." The queen is skillfully ignored by both me and Ivar where we stare each other down; but I am taken aback slightly where he leans closer so that his breath fans the side of my face. The blush I had before escalates to the point my hairline burns.

"Some say it is because your eye look like the seers. They say you know things that is not for a girl like you to know." He whispers just loud enough for me to hear over the loud people around us. I gulp at the naive theory of who and what I might be.

"If that is what my eye meant I most likely would know who I am, no?" I snort before drinking again; the ale doing nothing to cool me down.

I look back to the queen looking at us with a smile of knowledge, as if she knew something that was still hidden from me.

"But do you know what I think that ugly little eye of yours means, hm?" I can hear how he rolls his wicked tongue in his mouth and with a blank face I stare at him with a sigh.

"No Ivar but please do tell." I try to look as bored as possible. He snickers proudly as if I walked straight into a trap.

"I think you are simply running away from something you didn't want. Your eye has the color of a mans seed so perhaps you were just a simple little whore, taking too much of it until it filled that little head of yours." I can feel his one finger poking my head so hard it moves.

"But coming here won't change that. That is what I think. The only difference here would be the men you bed." His voice so condescending and mocking his words takes my breath away.

The sudden anger shooting through me tingles the tips of my fingers and with a snarl deep back in my throat I turn my upper body to face him at the same time as I send the back of my hand flying over his cheek.

With a smacking sound pain stings my skin and his head flies to the side. The entire hall slowly growing silent when word of it spread quickly like a squirrel.

I breath heavily where I stare to my hurting hand and then Ivar, sitting with a gaping mouth like a dead fish; only his chest heaving like mine.

What did I do? Hitting someone because of a stupid insult born out of what must be nothing but low self esteem is below my idea of myself. And hitting Ivar..

Then someone opened the doors to Hel and released all the said terrors.

He threw his body at me, knocking me off my seat so easily and my ale spills over us where my body crash to the floor, crushed by the weight of him following.

"Stop!" I wail, hitting and clawing at him for dear life. But it's just like trying to fight a unmovable mountain and I gag and fight for air when his one hand shape around my throat.

"Little vixen should know her place. You are nothing here!" He screams to my face, saliva staining my skin but all I can focus on is the booming pulse in my head where air is more and more needed.

"I-Ivar." I choke out his name but to no avail. My hands grabbing his shoulders desperately.

"You're a simple whore. Don't think you can come here acting like a princess." He snarls to my ear the second before his hand disappears and air pushes its way through my throat.

With a gasp I roll over, spitting and coughing when my lungs try to adjust once again.

People are holding Ivar who soon breaks free and crawls off and a pair of strong hands helps me sit up.

"Are you alright?" I recognize Sigurd's voice and all I can do is nod, ignoring the salty tears leaving my eyes.

I stare to where Ivar had gone but there's now just a wall of curious people.

I don't know what I had done to make him so eager to insult me to the point I lost my own temper. And I don't know why it hurt so much.

Looking up to Aslaug she just stares at me with a blank face; free from sympathy, anger and any other feeling I know about. Yet she is not surprised and before standing up she silently mouths "fox" for only my eye to see.