#kun agüero imagine

[didishawn]

hey, i love your writing!! if your recs aren’t open then ignore this sorry!! if they are, could u write pedri x reader x whoever u want, where it’s readers b day and pedri has noticed the little crush his gf has on whoever else u pick, so they have a threesome as a gift to her? i hope that makes sense xxx

Man City #1 Fan (Pedri x Reader x Kun Agüero) smut

Warnings: I must confess I took this as a opportunity to write about my long life crush, threesome, lots of Spanish, age gap in between the reader and Kun

Masterlist

Your fanaticism towards the English team is something your boyfriend has always known about, he has seen the pictures of your child self alongside your family wearing the team's shirts and going to matches.

Such love for a team, most of the time comes with crushes, in your case he knows it to be Sergio "el Kun" Agüero, you haven't ever admitted it yourself, but he has heard your friends teasing you about it, as well as seen that dreamy look on your eye whenever the man is nearby.

So, as your birthday stars getting closer, gears move in his brain as he makes up a plan for what he believes to be the perfect gift.

The night of your birthday, was spent with yours and his family alongside some of your closest friends, the party takes place the next day, and for someone who states to not enjoy going out that much, he makes a marvelous job.

He feels almost giddy when he sees you freeze at the entrance of the ex-City player, wide smile as he greets you, wishing a happy birthday and handing you some gift, smelling so good, he is awesome, winking at you both before going off to the rest.

He is already into the plan, and Pedri doesn't know what to think at how easy it was to get him into it.

You give him a confused look as the older man leaves, Pedri just shrugs his shoulders.

"Ya sabes como es, el Kun nunca desaprovecha una oportunidad para salir de fiesta" (you know how he is, el Kun never turns down a chance to party)

You seem distrusting, suspecting even, he curses you for being so observant, so smart.

Kun might me a great footballer, a good singer some might say, but he is not a good actor, at least not tonight.

Never before has he hung so closely to you, enjoying the red on your cheeks, it almost makes him feel guilty, checking out his younger teammate's girlfriend. But he must be honest, you are pretty cute, hot, it made him feel proud of himself when Pedri confronted him about your little crush on him.

The party starts dying out, you are surprised to see Kun stays back, once again giving a weird look to your boyfriend, he again shrugs his shoulders.

"Siempre hará lo mismo, supongo" (he always does this, I suppose)

You don't believe him, you know your boyfriend, he is hiding something, but at the time, you don't care enough to question him.

You do question when Kun joins you as you are dancing with your friends, he is close maybe too close, you turn to look at Pedri, he doesn't seem to care, maybe even enjoys it.

"¿Sabés que un pajarito me dijo que te parezco lindo?" Kun whispers into your ear, making you freeze. (you know some birdie told me you find me pretty?)

"Ni idea de que hablas" (I have no idea what you are talking about)

"Ajá, no te hagas la boluda" he grins, and you damm him and his perfect smile "Si te hace sentir mejor, yo a vos también te encuentro linda" (right, don't play dumb. If it makes you feel better, I too find you pretty)

"A Pedri no le gustará eso" (Pedri won't like that)

"¿Vos quien te pensás que me dijo?" (who do you think told me?)

Pedri feels like running away once he feels you glare at him. It will be all worth it, he thinks, once you are finally fucking your dumb crush alongside your boyfriend.

It's all worth it, really, the embarrassment of your crush knowing about your attraction towards him. You never really thought about fucking Kun, it's not that type of crush -Pedri satisfies you fine enough, but the Argentinian does fuck you good.

He is passionate all around, lips all over your body, enjoying how you squirm on his lap under the watchful gaze of your boyfriend, leaving you some space, but still his hands on your waist.

Kun is not that tall, but he is so fucking big all around -by the bulge poking at your entrance, you are sure that includes his cock.

"Está bien bonita tu novia, ¿eh Pedri?" (your girlfriend is really pretty, right Pedri?)

"Es hermosa" (she is beautiful)

"Y los sonidos que hace, bien picantes. ¿Gemira tan alto cuando me la esté cogiendo?" (and the sounds she makes, so hot. Will she moan so loudly when I fuck her?)

Pedri nods, but Kun is too busy buried in between your breasts to notice, his hands are on your lower back, playing with your panties, wanting to just rip them off. He looks at Pedri, signaling him to get off the way as he pushes you to your back.

"A ver, sácame la pija, quiero ver que bien entrenada te tiene el novio" (let's see, take my duck out, I want to see how well trained your boyfriend has you)

Your hands are on his trousers as soon as he says, lowly moaning when you feel one of his hands grasping your tits, Pedri's meanwhile teasing you over the wet clothing covering you.

You never thought you would get to see Sergio "el Kun" Agüero's cock, but there it is, standing tall in front of you, so thick, precum coming from it's tip, balls look so full, veins so delecious looking.

"Abrí la boca, boludita" (open your mouth, dummy)

You do as he says, sticking your tongue out for him, making him groan as Pedri's fingers get naughtier down there, teasing your clit, panties pushed aside, fingers poking your entrance.

Kun does two taps on your tongue with his cock, before signaling you to take him in deep. He feels in heaven really, your mouth so warm in between him, the vibration of your moans so good.

"Dios, que rico que lo hacés, la tenés bien entrenadita, Pedri" (god, you do it so good, have her well trained, Pedri)

A finger enters you, you whine out around him, squirm on the bed, wanting, needing more.

Kun gets more confident, starting to fuck your mouth, it feels better that he could have imagined, he controls the pace, makes sure everything is just as he likes it. He looks down, sees Pedri knuckles deep inside you.

"Pará, tarado, que la quiero tener corriendose en mi pija" (stop, idiot, I want to have her cumming on my cock)

You take him out your mouth, making him glare at you.

"Pues déjate de jueguitos y follame bien" (then stop your little games and fuck me good)

He drily laughs "Pendeja estúpida, te voy a garchar tan duro que ni de tu nombre te vas a acordar" (damm idiot, I will fuck you so hard you won't even, remember your name)

He takes you in his arms putting you in all fours.

"Chupale la pija a tu novio, que para eso si eres buena" (suck your boyfriend's dick, for that you are good)

His strong hands literally rip your panties to shreds, enjoying the sight of your wet pussy, passing a fingers through your folds, he loves your taste. Pedri's cock is taken out from his boxers, and you instantly start working him just how you know he likes it -kitten licks on his tip at first as your him up with your hand, the other down his balls.

You hear Kun pulling out a condom behind you as you expectantly wait to have him inside you. Luckily, he is as desperate as you are, hands on your waist as he fills you up in one thrust.

You moan out loudly into Pedri's dick, the vibrations have him in heaven as the Argentinian starts a fast and rough pace as soon as he realises how good you take him.

His pounding have you moving with him on, the bed creaking loudly underneath your bodies. You have never felt fuller -sorry, Pedri, the man is gigantic, reaching all the best spots inside you.

He leans down, his chest flush against your back, you can feel the clenching of his abs, can hear the sweet sound of his moans.

You have never felt better, you stop to wonder if you have really reached heaven -maybe you are dead, maybe asleep, because this truly feels too good to be true.

Both men take you so good, perfect experts to take you over the edge, Kun spewing out curses as you cum around him and he fills up the wrapper with his cum -he can't help but wish he could have painted your walls white.

You gratefully milk Pedri from all he is worth the taste of his cum so amazing to you as you make sure nothing leaves your mouth before collapsing into the bed.

The two men work so perfectly as they clean you out, making sure you come safely down from your high.

All there too tired to really do any talking as you all cuddle in the bed, Kuni’s arms so awesome around your waist, your boyfriend pestering your face with kisses.

You all fall sleep fairly quickly, whatever talking that must be done can wait.

You can't help but wonder, if Pedri will ever want to repeat the experience, because as it turns out, fucking your crush is much more amazing that you could have ever thought about.

[maganisousa]

Donde a Lionel le falta autocontrol a Segio le sobra paciencia

el más boludo de los dos

–Te quedaba re bien,boludo, no se para qué mierda lo tocaste. Sabes lo mucho que batallaste con el largo paraque vuelvas denuevo a lo mismo.

–Siempre tan amigable, diez—Claro que Lionel es su mejor amigo, uno de los pocos que perdura con los años,y aun estando tanto tiempo en compañia del otro siguen lidiando con las actitudes ajenas—. Imaginate que alguno te escuché, Se que no medis mucho tus palabras comingo, y muchas veces esta bien, pero tenes que regular un poco—Los limites no son costumbres para él, la sensación de pena y vergüenza lo enredaba cada que tenia que cortarsela a alguien—y mira que yo voz de la razón no soy.

–Dejate de joder que sos el primero en hacer cada cosa y sigo bancandote—Contraataca—.

-Ea—Agüero no se espero ese tipo de comentaril, Lionel no es así, o por lo menos no la mayoria del tiempo—, Relaja un toque, maestro; Se que no estas para que te rompan la bola pero entendeme, también estoy podrido de terminar así contigo cada que estamos seleccionados

–¿Asi como?, No tienen nada que ver, ya termino el mundial, no se si te acordas—La rabia marca las venas de su cuello al querer gritar sin alzar la voz, manteniendo sus ojos fijos en su compañero—.

–Acabo de ligar porque ¡me corte el pelo! Y te digo que bajemos te pones peor—y ahí Kun se dio cuenta; era el más lento de los dos y él lo sabía, pero al final (mas tarde que temprano) sabia que era lo que necesitaba su amigo.

Lionel es un mal perdedor, tan obstinado y cerrado en si mismo a sabiendas que explota por la minima cosa, y termina desquitandose con gente que no lo merece. Agüero es su mayor victima, comparten pieza por algo, sabe que puede confiar en él, que entiende la frustración y la rabia que lo mantiene con fiebricula por días.

–Estamos hechos mierda, acabamos de perder, esta tenia que ser nuestra, tenemos que seguir, todavia poder intentar, el que persevera alcanza—Tanta practica logro que mejorara a la hora de consolar y apoyar: ese era su rol, ser lo que se necesita de él.

Esas profunda mirada bajo a la guampa que tenia en sus manos, se sentia débil cada que lo compadecen. Estando sin fuerzas para intentar animar el ambiente y cansado de agradecer por la empatia recibida.

Perder eso que compartio con su amigo por tanto tiempo, después del mundial cada pérdida duele el doble.

—¿te parece una ducha fria y jugamos al fifa?,luego vemos cosas para bajonear y descansamos la cabeza.

–Si, me ducho primero, a ver si así dejo de ser un pelotudo—Es su despedida antes de encerrase en la ducha, dejando el mate frio porque nunca lo tomo y a un Agüero culpable por ser responsable de su huida—

Cuando el enojo se va la vergüenza toma su lugar, Miles de veces se encontraba apenado frente a Segio, Nunca logró dar en el por que; ¿Por qué su amigo siempre logra movilizarlo tanto? y con esa duda en mente se metio a la ducha del baño, queriendo más que nunca dejar de sentirse así.

Lionel piensa que es el más boludo de los dos: sin siquiera saber como lidiar consigo mismo, no le gusta pensar en si mismo más de lo necesario para su carrera. Siempre tan incómodo socialmente y más cuando se da cuenta que todo el mundo sabe más de el mismo de lo que le gustaría; Sergio Agüero, para Lionel, es la unica excepción a ese disgusto. Le gusta que sepa tantas cosa de el, que hable y que le haga cosas sin preguntarle porque sabe la respuesta.

Se siente tan transparente al estar con él, no busca esconder quien es porque sabe que al otro no lo puede sorprender.

A Sergio le gusta cuando se deja acompañar. A Agüero le gusta jugar juntos. Al Kun le gusta ser su única excepción.

A Messi le gusta que se puedan llamar cercanos y a Lionel le gusta Sergio Kun Agüero.

¿El agua esta caliente o su piel lo esta? no lo sabe porque ahora solo puede pensar en que le gusta su mejor amigo, y que recién se dio cuenta. Su piel rojiza podia culparsela a la temperatura del agua pero la boba sonrisa que tenia, mientras se enjuagaba el pelo, era la prueba suficiente de que no puede ocultar nada y menos cuando este el otro incluido.

[iwriteficsandtragedies]

Written In The Sand

Sergio Agüero got me all in my feels lately.

Warnings: mentions of sex

Are we just a backseat, tryna get it while we can?

Are we names in a tattoo, or just a number on a hand?

Are we last-call kissing, are we dancing in the kitchen, baby tell me what it is or what it isn't?

Are we written in the stars, baby, or are we written in the sand?

______________________________________________

He lay as still as he could, watching her back rise and fall with each breath. She always slept on her stomach. Sometimes she sprawled out, limbs askew and pushing him to the other side of the bed, with only their hands linked. Sometimes she curled her arms under her and slept close to him, face pressed against his skin, and he’d drape an arm around her through the night. But she was always on her stomach, and he was always on his side, reaching for her. 

They’d each agreed that neither were in a place to be in a committed relationship. But she was always there after every home match, ready to celebrate or comfort him. She always picked up his call when he was away. He was the one she turned to when she needed a safe place to vent, or arms to hold her while she cried. He was the one she texted in the middle of the day just to say hi and ask him how he day was going, and she was the one he looked for in the moments before kick-off.

She stirred, suddenly breathing deeply, and her hair fell across her face. His fingers itched to push it aside, but it would wake her and he would hate himself. She whimpered softly in her sleep, and he was taken back to the night before. “Sergio,” she’d gasped, right before her orgasm had left her a breathless mess beneath him. She only called him Sergio when he was inside her. The rest of the time he was Agüero, or Kun if she was feeling affectionate. He liked it, if he was being honest with himself.

If you were being honest with yourself you would tell her how much you miss her when you’re apart, he thought to himself. You’d tell her you want nothing more than to just call her your girlfriend. It’s just a word, he thought, what’s the big deal?

He reached out to move her hair away from her face, as delicately as he could. He let his fingers trace down her cheek, over her shoulder and down her back, and she shivered, her eyes fluttering open.

“Sorry,” he said quietly. “Couldn’t resist.”

She gave him a sleepy smile and closed her eyes again. “I need two more hours before we go again.”

He laughed. “I just needed to touch you.”

She opened one eye.

“What?” He kept his hand on her, her skin warm under his palm.

She said nothing, but rolled over onto her side to scoot across the bed and spoon into him. He felt his heart skip a beat and was momentarily unable to think.

“Put your arms around me, Agüero, it’s cold.”

He did as he was told, feeling her relax into his embrace. He tightened his arms around her and she hummed a little sigh. She’d never let him hold her like this, not in bed anyway. His chest swelled with an emotion he tried to swallow, but her fingers were lacing themselves into his and she was so soft and so close to him...

“I wish you were mine,” he whispered.

“I am yours, Kun. Go back to sleep.”

“I mean really mine. Officially mine. Be my girlfriend. Meet my friends, meet my.. my son. Let me show you off on my Instagram.” He laughed at himself, waiting for her to call him an idiot for wrecking a good thing.

She rolled over to face him, taking his face in her hands. “I will not, under any circumstances, be on your Instagram.” He laughed again, relief flooding through him. She pressed a tight kiss to his lips. “But yes, ok.”

“Just like that?” He was confused.

She rolled away from him again, pulling his arms around her. “Been waiting for you to ask.” She yawned. “Now let me sleep.”

He grazed a kiss over her shoulder, nuzzling into her neck, unable to rest but unwilling to move. She was his, fully his, and he was hers. 

[kunawero]

[kingsofargentina]

I had planned on making this before copa américa begun, but then life happened. Better late than never, tho, right? Let's call this a celebration of Argentina's win. :D

Kun Agüero and Leo Messi are the OTP of all OTPs for me, so here is a list of a few of my favorite kunessi fanfics that I've read over the years. This is not by any means a complete list since there are so many great fics (so hmu if you'd like more recs or are looking for something specific), and the fics are not in any particular order.

Multi-chapter/ novel length

Before the Third Star by rainedparade (162 096 words, rated E)

When it was the two of them, the pitch became their world and the ball, their very own sun.

A story about football, love, and life featuring Leo and Kun from 2005-2010. Takes place in an alternate reality with liberal use of the butterfly effect.

This feels like an account of what could have happened. Many scenes that draw on real events etc. A very beautiful story of boys who love football and each other.

A Messi Love by stillgold (69 188 words, rated E)

Kun knew he never should have had that last drink. Now he's gone and spilled his deep dark secret to Masche. And why is Kun's feelings for Leo the only secret Masche can't keep?

A good story with excellent smut.

two bodies pressed together by yvenger (jjjat3am) (6015 words, rated T)

"If I weren't a footballer, I would be a footballer's wife." - Kun Aguero

or

The one where Kun has to retire from football early and becomes Leo's househusband instead.

A little sad at the very beginning, but then very cute and domestic.

A Matter of Biology by MessiFangirl (hpdm4ever) (25 701 words, rated E)

Nicolás guides him down the hall, body still tight with tension. “You shouldn’t be alone,” his friend says, a hint of a growl in his voice. “Not anywhere until we’re back in England. We don’t really know if it’s true about how they do things here. The last thing we need is you mated to some neanderthal from Russia. It would probably be the end of your career.”

“They were being perfectly nice,” Kun says, frowning. Instead, he takes a deep breath as the familiar scents of his teammates wash over him, trying to raise his spirits again. It’s what gives him the strength to add, “I’m allowed to do things differently here. You’re the one who was being rude.”

The a/b/o fic I didn't expect to love as much as I did.

By the Rio de la Plata I sat down and wept by whimsicule (48 904 words, rated M)

Buenos Aires AU. Kun is part of the city's social elite, drifting without any sense of responsibility and purpose. A chance encounter with a childhood friend puts his life into perspective.

AU that has nothing to do with football. My favorite fic of all time; any genre, any fandom, any pairing. What an absolute masterpiece. It broke my heart, but in the most beautiful way. I cried, and then I cried some more. And then i reread it.

One shots

Prayers by ren_makoto (3418 words, rated E)

How do you worship a god? Kun Aguero shows his reverence to one D10S de Futbol. But gods can be spoiled, complicated creatures...

"He's seen fans almost kill themselves jumping down from the stands to hug Leo, kiss him, bow down at his feet. Nearly drowning themselves to swim to his yacht. He's seen fans cry in joy when Leo gives them his shirt or a hug. This is his equivalent, Kun imagines. This is as close as he comes to praying anymore."

Hot and a bit angsty. Actually really angsty if you think about it.

Tonight Is For You by MessiFangirl (hpdm4ever) (3199 words, rated T)

Nobody approaches him, perhaps aware that he's fighting to maintain his composure. The Icelandic players are respectful enough that they give him his space, while the Argentine players are wise enough to know that he needs it.

There's a light touch against his bare back then, right against his waistband, and Leo lowers his shirt to glare.

I just love it when Kun get's a little angry. I mean I also love it when he gives Leo anything he needs, but when he puts his foot down, it makes for very good plot. This fic has that.

Make it better by brightcrystal (4324 words, rated E)

After Argentina's semi-final defeat against Brazil in the Copa América 2019, Leo is devastated and Kun wants to help him feel better. Going down a familiar path is the easy choice, but is it the right one when the kisses are mixed with bitter tears of disappointment?

A bit of fluff, a bit of angst, and a bit of smut. Can't go wrong with that.

short beards are for fun by mm_nani (834 words, rated E)

leo has shaved his beard short and this is why

Hot and fun. Made me smile.

Todo Por Vos by stillgold (1286 words, rated G)

There’s nothing to say, but the words come unbidden. “Hoy por vos”, he whispers. Today for you. For you. He could have said todo por vos, all for you, and it would have been true.

Maybe Leo understands, or maybe Leo already knew—maybe Leo, with his dark eyes and his quiet mouth—maybe he can see better than others can. It seems like it on the pitch, but maybe that skill translates here too—maybe it sees Kun’s yearning, his hunger, his ache, his everything—all for Messi, todo por el.

I just reread this as I went to copy the link and GOD it's so... I can't even describe it! It's just.... The feelings, u kno???? No smut or nothing just... words and.... and FEELINGS!!!

sometimes your voice might just be enough by westhamutd (1773 words, rated M)

“hey kun. how are you doing?”

he hears kun yawn on the other end of the line and starts to laugh.

“oh you’re tired? it’s literally four in the morning here.”

--

things you said on the phone at 4am

This manages to be both cute and hot in less than 2000 words.

[kevin-the-bruyne]

My heart is really breaking for Kun.

You have to understand that Kun is a god at City. His first season there he got us our first Prem title - snatching the title from United - in an extra time goal like the whistle blew just as he scored...can you fucking imagine?

And City is just as important to him - he's been central to City's success and the apple of City's eyes for a decade. He didn't want to leave City and there is no way the club could have pushed him out without serious backlash from fans. Vincent Kompany who's as important (but certainly not more) played for City in much the same form as Kun - frequent injuries but excellent the few times he got to be on the pitch and then went back to his childhood club Anderlecht. And for all intents and purposes Kun was set to do the same with Independiente.

Kun has played in Messi's shadow in Albiceleste for all his life. A player of his calibre in most other national teams would absolutely have the number 10 jersey. But it's Messi - the greatest player of all time, his best friend (soulmate, love of his life etc).

And Kun has always taken care of him. Has always loved him. Since they were kids and strangers made to room together because they were both young and talented. So when the offer from Barcelona came and it was clear that he would not be starting often under City - Kun left with no fuss and a happy, glorious farewell.

By any professional standards this is a terrible move for him. He would almost never start, there's 60 other players that play his position, its an entirely new league, no fan loyalty, no history, literally no one but Messi is happy to see him there. Even an Aston Villa swap with Grealish would have made more sense. The only thing in Barcelona for Kun is Messi: His best friend (soulmate, love of his life, longest committed relationship etc).

So...what now?

When Messi cried, everyone - including Kun - cried with him. Much like all of Messi's life, this has been more than just about Kun; his childhood club; all his achievements; all his fans; his home. And its so easy to see, so easy to sympathize with

But Kun's entire life fell apart too.

Who's crying for Sergio Kun Agüero?

[grandmafc]

But imagine being kun agüero and going to Barcelona for Messi just for him to leave before the next season starts looool

BARCELONA HAVEN’T EVEN OFFICIALLY SIGNED HIM YET

THEIR BOOKS ARE SUCH A DUMPSTER FIRE THEY CANT ACTUALLY AFFORD HIM ON PAPER TIL THEY OFFLOAD MORE PLAYERS

I do feel bad for him though. Wouldn’t be mad if he had to go somewhere else though.

[addc10]

Imagine thinking Kun Agüero was ever a 0.

[heartbreakhabit]

imagine being sergio kun agüero and go to your insta dms and just text louis tomlinson

[fmlfpl]

Lineup Lamentations - GW27

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week!

Friday My Life also just went up for Patreon subs. Get in.

—

WALSH

TRANSFERS:

OUT: N/A

IN: N/A

Pretty easy save for me this week ahead of the blank.

Worried about all my City players starting and shit but I have an actual reasonable guy first on the bench so it feels fine. Will reassess with two frees ahead next gameweek and see what I want to do with my trio of city and Pointstram who is getting harder and harder to hide.

GK:

Schmeichel (MCI)

Schmike clean against two of my attackers was never in doubt....so what does it mean when he's up against three of my attackers?

Clean and peno save incoming...the only true outcome.

DEF:

Alexander-Arnold & Gomez (WHU)

Trent and Joemez the beacons of light in my FPL team most reliable best fucks ever. Will continue to ride them until there are compelling reasons to not do.

Williams (WAT)

Slotting in alongside is a very, very rare baby will start.

Ole persisting with the three at the back and bwill OOP in Europa was interesting...not sure if he'll keep that up or go back to flat back four but either way bwill I see as a shout to either start OOP, start at LB, or play zero minutes. Any of which I'm fine with.

Not in love with the clean shout but certainly like it more than Soton's chances and so here we go.

MID:

Mahrez & De Bruyne (lei)

Mahrez has just been a string of straight nothing since I brought him in which has felt bad since he's still looked really good.

Visiting his former playground after a full rest feels like the stars are aligning for a haul, though.

Kevin alongside needs no explanation. Only thing I've done somehow well all year is holding him since like GW2 or whatever. Pretty not normal for me but I'll take the little victories where I can find them.

Salah (WHU)

Mo remains, another pretty standard stalwart in pretty much everyone's team. Nothing really needed to discuss about him.

Traoré (NOR)

Rounding out midfield is Adama.

Pretty nervous about him starting this weekend after their Europa exploits but the fixture is pretty juicy so just running him out there. Still good underlying stats and shit so maybe he'll spike something.

Still feel pretty dirty owning him and I'm sure after another blank or two I'll be looking for any excuse to get rid.

FWD:

Agüero (lei)

Kun will he start or will he not start? Who is to say. Very unsure of whether I'll hold him through the blank but for now I'm just not going to bother to question what Pep will do and hold blindly.

Jiménez (NOR)

Jim blanked in his first game for me nothing new or surprising there. We hate each other and I'm sure he will find new ways to disappoint me. Good on paper fixture again and good run of fixtures so still feels like a "good" pick just need them points to follow.

Ings (AVL)

Dingyboy is a good boy came straight in with a bonk for me last game and long may it continue.

CAP:

Salah (WHU)

As shouted on pod, sticking with Mo against Wet Spam.

They are just too shit and Livp probably want to have fun and score some goals after being frustrated in Spain. Not feeling like it's a good opportunity to go differential cap as I truly feel that Mo is by far the best shout for the weekend so hopefully I get returns elsewhere and they pick me up. Could use a good GW this weekend.

—

ALON

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Son

IN: Martial

After Friday My Life and more agonizing off air I settled on Tony for my Son slot.

Saves me a nice hunk of cash and Tony is good and honestly not owning him all season yet is abnormal so it’s time for me to plug that hole.

Tony is good and sexy and is still playing #9 which ya love to see... Looked good on Europa League highlights...

I mean I don’t feel like I need to go on a rant in favor of Tone nor in opposition to the other guys people are bringing in this is just where I settled. It’s late and I am tired and emotionally drained. Tony it is. Get in.

GK:

Henderson (BHA)

Should be good. Would be funny if this is finally the week Neal gets his dong... And now that I’m typing this out I realize that Neal goal is fucking nailed on.

DEF:

Alexander-Arnold & Gomez (WHU)

Ya baby. Lezzz go.

Egan & Basham (BHA)

Triple Sheff U. gonna give me indigestion as usual. Here we fucking go come on you BLaDeZ.

MID:

Salah (WHU)

Duh.

De Bruyne (lei)

Duh.

Martial (WAT)

OHhhhhhhh hi Tony!!!

Feels like I’m picking him up in a run of form which is nice maybe he’s gonna go get me a brace or something as like a welcome home party. That’d be great.

Watford have cooled off considerably since their initial Pearson bounce so maybe United just fuck them up. I can see it.

FWD:

Aubameyang (EVE)

Likely the final match in my side before a Viking funeral the fuck off my team next GW so come on Aubz let’s go out with a bangggggg budddyyyyyyy.

Although to be honest I have no faith vs. this good Everton side. Seems like a 0-0 shout to me.

Jiménez (NOR)

I’m Bart Simpson on the blackboard: “BE PATIENT JIM WILL GET POINTS. BE PATIENT JIM WILL GET POINTS. BE PATIENT JIM WILL GET POINTS. BE PATIENT JIM WILL GET POINTS. BE PATIENT JIM WILL GET POINTS. BE PATIENT JIM WILL GET POINTS. BE PATIENT JIM WILL GET POINTS. “

Ugh

Ings (AVL)

If you want a differential captain Ingsy could be the one man. Brace vs. Villa? Very easy to imagine.

Great guy.

CAP:

Salah (WHU)

Also keeping it simple with King Mo home to the Hammers.

Last week I called Black when everyone else at the roulette called Red and I flew... This week there is one consensus best pick and I’m here for it. Not trying to outsmart myself.

Go on Mo.

[didishawn]

Masterlist 2

Masterlist 1

Kun Agüero

Man City #1 Fan + Pedri (+18)

Jude Bellingham

Love at First Massage

[tipsoctopus]

"What an idiot", "Not fit to lace Aguero's boots" - These Man City fans slam one man after jibe

Manchester City fans have taken to Twitter in livid fashion, after Mohamed Salah defended his recent goal drought by pointing to Sergio Aguero’s tally as a reference point.

The Egyptian international hasn’t found the back of the net in his last eight games across all competitions, but has still registered 17 Premier League goals for the season – just two behind leading scorer Aguero’s 19 strikes.

442oons have charted the entire career of Man City’s main man Sergio Aguero through song in the hilarious video below…

Salah is some way off his 32-goal haul from the previous campaign – a Premier League record – although it would be unfair to say that he is having a bad season, such was his freakish brilliance last term.

The 26-year-old’s comments after the dramatic 2-1 win over Tottenham somewhat suggest that the drought may be getting to him.

Defending his recent barren spell, Salah said: “There are three or four players that no one is talking about or just saying they are having a good season while I am the only one who is having a bad season.

“Aguero has two goals over me and they say it is one of the best seasons so far.”

It is hardly a swipe at the Argentine striker from Salah, but many City fans on Twitter still haven’t taken kindly to the former Basel forward’s comments on their prolific No.10…

🗣️ @LFC forward Mo Salah:

“There are some players who have the same amount of goals as me but they are saying they are having the best season of their lives. [Sergio] Aguero has two goals over me and they say it is one of his best seasons so far."

[@SkySportsPL] pic.twitter.com/DUl8dfDWVP

— City Xtra (@City_Xtra) March 31, 2019

Salah busy counting goals of other players. Agüero busy counting trophies. pic.twitter.com/5wPn8YFFFI

— Nav Sandhar (@sandhar_7) March 31, 2019

Oh look, the one season wonder has the audacity to name call one of the great Premier League strikers. Once you get some consistency over 2-3 seasons then you can come and lace the boots of Aguero you nutcase. Kun has been doing it for 6-7 years. What an idiot.

— Trilochan Pariyar (@Trilo_10) April 1, 2019

When you are fuming inside and yet try to look calm you talk out of senses. Sergio is premier league legend. You are just a kid.

— NITISH ??⚽? (@cityzen_nitish) April 1, 2019

Not even fit to mention his name!!

— Chris (@Bromster63) April 1, 2019

Why is he claiming to be some sort of great? Does my man even have any trophies to his name??

— Elijah (@ElijahLloydP) March 31, 2019

Aguero leveled shearers hattrick record went higher in the all time scoring list top scorer in the league won 1 cup scored back to back hat tricks against a top six and contributed more goals than any other play in prem this season and all you did this season was talk smh ??‍♂️

— Ryan Guerrier (@RStephaneG) April 1, 2019

He can’t even be compared with Aguero. Salah isn’t even a striker per se. It’s a bit weird isn’t it. I really couldn’t imagine Aguero coming out and having a go at another player’s record. And for the record, currently, Aguero has had FIVE better seasons. Idiot! #consistency

— SoccerPM (@SoccerPM) April 1, 2019

So even a discussion come back when you have the same number of trophys.Not fit to lace Agueros boots.Nobdy will ever come this close to winning the quadruple and City need to grit their teeth and overcome this divine intervention which is unprecidented.6 keepers left !

— Ian Ashworth (@iashy) April 1, 2019

from FootballFanCast.com https://ift.tt/2I4w43o via IFTTT from Blogger https://ift.tt/2Va4BkD via IFTTT

[mancitynoise]

Manchester City fans have taken to Twitter in livid fashion, after Mohamed Salah defended his recent goal drought by pointing to Sergio Aguero’s tally as a reference point.

The Egyptian international hasn’t found the back of the net in his last eight games across all competitions, but has still registered 17 Premier League goals for the season – just two behind leading scorer Aguero’s 19 strikes.

442oons have charted the entire career of Man City’s main man Sergio Aguero through song in the hilarious video below…

Salah is some way off his 32-goal haul from the previous campaign – a Premier League record – although it would be unfair to say that he is having a bad season, such was his freakish brilliance last term.

The 26-year-old’s comments after the dramatic 2-1 win over Tottenham somewhat suggest that the drought may be getting to him.

Defending his recent barren spell, Salah said: “There are three or four players that no one is talking about or just saying they are having a good season while I am the only one who is having a bad season.

“Aguero has two goals over me and they say it is one of the best seasons so far.”

It is hardly a swipe at the Argentine striker from Salah, but many City fans on Twitter still haven’t taken kindly to the former Basel forward’s comments on their prolific No.10…

🗣️ @LFC forward Mo Salah:

“There are some players who have the same amount of goals as me but they are saying they are having the best season of their lives. [Sergio] Aguero has two goals over me and they say it is one of his best seasons so far."

[@SkySportsPL] pic.twitter.com/DUl8dfDWVP

— City Xtra (@City_Xtra) March 31, 2019

Salah busy counting goals of other players. Agüero busy counting trophies. pic.twitter.com/5wPn8YFFFI

— Nav Sandhar (@sandhar_7) March 31, 2019

Oh look, the one season wonder has the audacity to name call one of the great Premier League strikers. Once you get some consistency over 2-3 seasons then you can come and lace the boots of Aguero you nutcase. Kun has been doing it for 6-7 years. What an idiot.

— Trilochan Pariyar (@Trilo_10) April 1, 2019

When you are fuming inside and yet try to look calm you talk out of senses. Sergio is premier league legend. You are just a kid.

— NITISH ??⚽? (@cityzen_nitish) April 1, 2019

Not even fit to mention his name!!

— Chris (@Bromster63) April 1, 2019

Why is he claiming to be some sort of great? Does my man even have any trophies to his name??

— Elijah (@ElijahLloydP) March 31, 2019

Aguero leveled shearers hattrick record went higher in the all time scoring list top scorer in the league won 1 cup scored back to back hat tricks against a top six and contributed more goals than any other play in prem this season and all you did this season was talk smh ??‍♂️

— Ryan Guerrier (@RStephaneG) April 1, 2019

He can’t even be compared with Aguero. Salah isn’t even a striker per se. It’s a bit weird isn’t it. I really couldn’t imagine Aguero coming out and having a go at another player’s record. And for the record, currently, Aguero has had FIVE better seasons. Idiot! #consistency

— SoccerPM (@SoccerPM) April 1, 2019

So even a discussion come back when you have the same number of trophys.Not fit to lace Agueros boots.Nobdy will ever come this close to winning the quadruple and City need to grit their teeth and overcome this divine intervention which is unprecidented.6 keepers left !

— Ian Ashworth (@iashy) April 1, 2019

[messiology]

when leo said that he’s had one of his two best asados at kun’s house made by kun himself —> panties off and ass all the way up for sergio agüero anytime now and forever

KAJNSDKJANKD imagine him.. bringing some mollejas with lemon.. bitch im W E T 

[didishawn]

Masterlist

Masterlist 2

Football players

Pedri

Open blinds

Silent (+18)

Little Messi

Sex therapy is what works the best + Ferran Torres (+18)

World Cup

Vogue

Free day + Ferran Torres

Stress Relief + Ferran Torres (+18)

Make sure he hears you are taken (+18)

Control over you (+18)

Post match + Ferran Torres (+18) / pt 2

Thoughts about the future (+18)

4-0 + Ferran Torres (+18)

El Clásico

Cuidado con el 7 (+18)

For future use (+18)

Finally after so long (+18)

Just best friends (+18)

Locker room schemingans + Gavi (+18)

Unlocked door (+18)

Teaching lesson + Ferran (+18)

You are perfect to me (+18)

Preparation (+18)

Set fire to the rain

Campeones de la Liga (+18 imagine)

Man City #1 Fan + Kun Agüero (+18)

Milk (+18)

Under the dining table + Gavi (+18)

Ferran Torres

Summertime Fun + Gavi + Ferran (+18)

NBA Brings You Closer to Your Friend's Gf + Eric (+18)

Sex therapy is what works the best + Pedri (+18)

Free day + Pedri

Stress Relief + Pedri (+18)

Off limits (+18)

Post match + Pedri (+18) / pt 2

4-0 + Pedri (+18)

Baby fever (+18)

Rough jealousy (+18)

Number 1 Fan (+18)

On the other side of the wall (+18)

Height difference (+18)

Teaching lesson + Pedri (+18)

His way to relieve stress

Broken souls

Campeones de la Liga (+18 imagines)

Summertime Fun + Pedri + Gavi (+18)

Gavi

Dumb boy

Begging for forgiveness (Bad ending to Dumb boy +Ansu) slight nsfw

Begging for forgiveness (Good ending)

Stress Relief: the Remix + Ansu (+18)

Green is a good color when it comes to fucking (+18)

Locker room schemingans + Pedri (+18)

Red bikini (+18)

Campeones de la Liga (+18 imagines)

Under the dining table + Pedri (+18)

Summertime Fun + Pedri + Ferran (+18)

Ansu Fati

Begging for forgiveness (Part 2 of Dumb boy + Gavi) slight nsfw

Stress Relief: the Remix + Gavi (+18)

Jules Koundé

No more Muchachos (+18)

Personal model (+ 18)

Airhead (+18)

Pretty little thing (+18)

Purity ring (+18)

Campeones de la Liga (+18 imagines)

Kylian Mbappe

Celebrity crush

pt 2 (+18)

pt 3 (+18)

pt 4

pt 5 (+18)

Times like this

Paulo Dybala

Mañanas así

Alejandro Balde

Technique for success (+18)

Tired but horny (+18)

Campeones de la Liga (+18 imagines)

Golden (+18)

Last Night on Earth (+18)

Eric Garcia

What Pedri doesn't know won't hurt him (+18)

Frenkie De Jong

Date nights (+18)

NBA Brings You Closer to Your Friend's Gf + Pedri (+18)

Paradise (+18)

House of the Dragon

Aemond Targaryen

Aemond Targaryen x Strong! reader

Stranger Things

Steve Harrington

Steve Harrington x Hopper! reader

[fmlfpl]

Lineup Lamentations - GW23

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week!

—

WALSH

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Diego Rico

IN: Jack Stephens

I feel naked and alone without my Spanish lover Rico in my team anymore but it simply had to be so. I'm floating a transfer again this week and just doing a move to give me another cheapo defender who I can rotate. As shouted on the pod at 4.3 Jack seems like a good piece to have at the back until WC with their fixtures and strong underlying defensive numbers. There were certainly other more flair moves I could do but with two Livp in I am valuing the flexibility afforded with two frees ahead of their double to make a final decision about who to get in as the third and who to remove as well.

GK:

Schmeichel (bur)

Woodman the eternal continues to never let me down the legend.

Schmike, on the other hand, suddenly finds himself positioned between a goal frame, a sieve, and the enemy. Still too early to tell if no Ndidi just means they are diabolical but Burnley have been among the worst attacks in the division recently and no Smashley kinda fucks up their balance a lot.

Could see them snap back into form and just dispatch these in an easy win to nil. Hoping for it, anyway.

DEF:

Pereira (bur)

Somehow I still have Periera. He's been by far by farrrrr my worst transfer of the season but I always seem to find a reason to hold on to him and start him. It seems extremely unlikely he is in past this weekend so maybe he'll give me a farewell gift.

Alexander-Arnold (MUN)

Trent goes again nothing to say about that. Only guy I've had since GW1...well other than Woodman of course that sweet boy.

Stephens (WOL)

Jack new friend is put straight into the fire with home Wolves. Not a good on paper fixture but I could kinda see a clean here? Maybe? Not an ideal start, but he's the best option I have and when weighing him up against the other 4.4 defenders and under it looked like his near term fixtures were the best in how he can rotate with what else I've got.

Lundstram (ars)

Lastly is Pointstram.

Another not too great feeling start but also not too bad without Aubz.

Hard to imagine where an Arsecast goal can come from other than a p3p3ga set piece banger or something like this. Don't really feel like Wilder will have any trouble marking Laca out of the game. Pointstram also eye test wise looked a lot more involved in their attack last game so maybe that is a sign of things to come.

MID:

Martial (liv)

Unfortunately I'm going to have to eat a Tony M start here at Anfield. Feels not good but I still like him as a medium term hold despite the mixed fixtures.

Still don't really have any confidence that I know what a "good" fixture is for United attack anyway so I'm just blindly following the mantra of he's playing OOP striker on a top six team so he's a hold.

De Bruyne (CRY)

Kevin up against my boys this weekend we'll see if he's at DM or not. Don't really care though, honestly.

Salah (MUN)

Third mid is Mo. Good lad.

FWD:

Maupay (AVL)

Is this the weekend of Neal? Please Neal be a good Neal one time my son.

Scenic fixture...time to capitalize...or take 1 shot and blank again as per.

I want Neal to give me a sign of life so badly because I would really still like to hold him for the near term through these fixtures. Big game for him and I'll be watching him closely.

Vardy (bur)

Vardz still in there. Whatever.

Agüero (CRY)

Kun off his monster haul good job by Kun love Kun so much.

CAP:

Vardy (bur)

Sticking with Vardz as shouted on the pod.

I've really not gone to the Vardy cap well too often this season but he just seems like a very strong option against a really bad team with two really bad CBs and a really bad GK. I'd honestly be surprised if he doesn't double return.

—

ALON

TRANSFERS:

OUT: N/A

IN: N/A

When in doubt float your fuckin’ transfer...

I had a really brutal week and especially today, Friday, long and tough day.

No idea what I want to do but having two frees and a boatload of cash for next week seems really fun / good.

I’ll probably get rocked in the Cup this week by fuckin Wiscker by just rolling the same crew out again after last week’s bloodbath but maybe with my two frees and a pocket full of change I can roar back in the final two group matches and go through... It works out in my head at least...

GK:

Ryan (AVL)

Great fixture and a great fixture run so come on Mat gimme some points.

DEF:

van Dijk (MUN)

Everything says that this should be an easy Liverpool win and an easy Liverpool clean but who knows it’s still a derby...

United are absolutely terrible on set plays they have conceded the third most in the league and Liverpool have scored the tied for second most int he league so make of that what you will... VVDue? VVDong?

Söyüncü (bur)

Hoping for a Soy redemption song this week after that very sloppy mess of a match lass week... Burnley are very much there for the taking so go on SoyBoy.

Lundstram (ars)

I sleeper think that this is a great fixture... ok maybe great is an exaggeration because it’s not a ~banker~ but with how Arsenal’s been playing lately - very few shots and not much xG or sustained attack - plus no Aubz it just seems very cleanable and winnable for Sheff U from where I’m sitting. 

MID:

Salah (MUN)

Funny cheeky little interview he gave. Mo’s a good guy.

De Bruyne (CRY)

Easy keep.

Maddison (bur)

Time for a bounce-back from Leicester no fucking around. Maddo was such a steady tick merchant for me back in the good ole days I just want to taste that success again.

Sarr (tot)

Not a good fixture but definitely not a bad one either.

Sarr and Watty have been looking fabulous and will cause Spurs tons of problems for me.

Cantwell (BOU)

Lastly going for Big Todd Energy over Jiménez this week (feel free to thank me Jim owners) becaaaauuuuuseeeee just I don’t know gut feeling and shit.

Jim has been an extremely upsetting transfer in for me and I shouted Wolves being tired and bad and then they go out and lose to Man. Utd. in the cup with Jim playing the full 90′.

Also Jim has away Southampton which is now a really rough fixture so whatever I’m going for it here... Todd should fuck Eddie’s Bourney.

FWD:

Only the two FWDs for me this week since I’m benching Jimboy.

Vardy (bur)

Another in my triple leicester to bounce back -- what a chance for it !

Calvert-Lewin (whu)

I still believe in DCL and I had to defend the pick a little bit here and there this week and honestly it just made me feel better about it. And the fixture is fantastic. DCL gonna bang.

CAP:

Vardy (bur)

Just don’t really have another option who I think is nearly as good a cap. pick as Vardz is this week and it’s as simple as that...

If it’s close then maybe you go differential cap but if it’s not close I think you just cap the guy who everyone else is capping. Here we are.

Soz for a not exciting Lambs from me this week lol.

—

RANDOM SLACKER OF THE WEEK: dave (group 19)

The words of Random Slacker are not officially endorsed by this website nor any employees of FML FPL LLC.

TRANSFERS:

DISCLAIMER: I AM VERY BAD AT FPL AND YOU SHOULD NOT LISTEN TO ANYTHING I SAY!

Fun fact: I was the person who suggested random slacker lambs earlier in the season to the pod bois. That was a time when my team was ticking along and I was optimistic about rising up the ranks over the course of the season.

Now I am in the depths of darkness and have zero expectations for my team other than red arrows and I am bad and shit at FPL and you shouldn’t even bother reading this because I’m shit. Unless you want to feel better about yourself, that is (I’m 1.5m so if you’re lower than that then I’m truly sorry – you’ll probably overtake me soon).

At least I have the FML FPL Cup to focus all my energy on. Speaking of which...

To my opponent this week, Rob, and the rest of Group 19, Jon and Max: Fuck you. I’m going to destroy you. I don’t care about my OR anymore. This is all that matters to me. (Jk prob will get 0 points and crash out in the group stage – good luck lads).

OUT: Serge Aurier

IN: Lewis Dunk

I have 2FTs but I’m just going for a fairly passive and hopefully more sensible move. When Mou became Spuds’ manager I had hopes that the defence would significantly improve (I even doubled up on their defence – oops), but alas they are still shipping goals for fun and now the child Tanganga is in the mix potentially threatening Aurier’s minutes after a decent right back performance mid-week. So just fucking him off to a similarly priced guy with good fixtures for the foreseeable future, on a team that actually appears to be capable of keeping the occasional clean sheet.

Going to roll the other FT to give me a little more flexibility next GW to increase my share of Liverpool players to at least 2. Probably will take a hit to get up to 3.

GK:

Guaita (mci)

Probably the worst fixture of the season for a defender or GK; City have several potent, in-form attacking options and could easily put up 4 or 5 (albeit Palace have been fairly solid for large portions of the season).

Just hoping Victor Vincente can pick up some some save points, a Kun pen save or two would be very welcome as a non-owner…

DEF:

Dunk (AVL)

Brighton looking very good this season generally under Graham Potter and cleaning the odd game here and there. Decent chance for one against an out of sorts Villa. Go on new friend Lewis.

Söyüncü (bur)

Soyboy has been a staple of my team for quite some time. Leicester always a shout for a clean. However, Burnley are one of those teams where I can never predict how they’re going to perform week to week, so I’m not banking on a clean by any means.

Sidibe (whu)

Difficult to predict how this one will go as West Ham are still a bit of an unknown quantity to me under new / old manager Moyseh.

Sidibe is the guy I’ll likely transition into a Liverpool defender next week but maybe he gets another go at RW this week with Richarlison confirmed out. Would be nice to get some OOP attacking farewell returns from him.

MID:

De Bruyne and Sterling (CRY)

Should just be a fuckfest for City (soz Walsh). Raz getting fairly frustrating to own but I’m keeping the faith for now.

Mané (MUN)

Another one of those games that you never know what to expect. Even while United were the dominant English team and Liverpool were complete piss, they always seemed to be able to show up for this match and up results. Could the shoe be on the other foot now? After all Utd are the only team Liverpool haven’t beaten so far this season in the PL. But I digress. Mane is obviously an auto-start in any fixture and Liverpool are the clear favourites in this one for good reason.

Maddison (bur)

He’s an absolute cunt imo. Very punchable face too. But he has undoubtedly been a very good FPL pick this season thus far. So go on James.

FWD:

Calvert-Lewin (whu)

2 blanks on the trot but I’m not too worried. Still think he’s great, Carlo loves him and the price is right.

Abraham (new)

Tammy back in the points lately so feels fine to hold for now. Fixtures turning to shit imminently so possibly one to monitor and maybe move on soon.

Vardy (bur)

Earlier in the season I was looking at Vardy’s stats vs. goals/assists output; I convinced myself it was unsustainable and that he would “revert to the mean” (that’s something us wankers who have no fucking clue about how underlying stats translate into FPL points say to kid ourselves that we know what we’re talking about).

It’s now clear that he is just a guy who you hold indefinitely because his points continue to roll in week after week after week.

CAP:

Sterling (CRY)

Call me an idiot.

Call me a glutton for punishment.

I capped Raz last week thinking he might just be a stroke of genius differential pick. Needless to say, that went poorly (0 mins with DCL VC, RIP). But fuck it. He goes again. I love Raz. Raz is great. He’s due – isn’t he?

Ultimately I’m just a guy who wants to get some fucking points on the board. Wish me luck.