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violetrainbow412-blog · 1 year

Text

Touching [K. B.]

Kaz Brekker x fem!reader

word count: 4k

summary: you and Kaz share physical contact for the first time

warnings: established relationship, trauma, PTSD, spoilers for S&B season 2, here Kaz has no romantic feelings for Inej, and I don't even know where the hell this is located in canon (just imagine that the problem at the end of the series never happened) oh and Imogen's name appears in books according to google

taglist: @rustyyyyspoonz @be-lla-vie @milkshake0 @ladespedidas

Kaz Brekker could swear that he would faint at any moment as he climbed the stairs to his room, the cane in his left hand being the only impediment for this to happen. That day he had to leave the Slat to attend to some business that was complicated by the march and resulted in a physical altercation. Fortunately he hadn't been hurt, but he couldn't say the same for the other men.

Before opening the door, he let out a tired sigh and closed his eyes for a moment, mentally reviewing the pending documents that he would surely have to review the next day, but when he entered the room, his entire train of thoughts was overwhelmed by a presence in the place.

It was you, who was sitting in his desk chair with a book in your hands, from which you looked up when you heard that he had entered. You were already wearing a faded nightgown to sleep in and your features showed tiredness, but also calm.

"Hi," you said straightening up. Kaz felt your mere presence light up the entire room and his shoulders relaxed as you spoke.

"Hello" he replied with a hint of a smile. Without saying anything he went ahead until he reached the bed and you followed him with your eyes, turning in the chair to face him.

“Is it okay if I stay here? I'm sorry I didn't ask you before”

"It’s okay" he replied quietly.

It had been a couple of months since you and Kaz had decided… how shall I put it? Try to have a relationship. You had always been firm in the idea of conquering Kaz Brekker, even with his bad reputation and his difficult nature, since you joined the crows, a few years ago. He never understood why you did it, even feeling suffocated by your attentions, but over time (and after a lot of effort) he began to feel affection for you and eventually he came as close as he could feel to love. He began to care for you, to enjoy your company, and to feel nervous whenever he looked at you, which Nina helped him interpret as a crush.

You trusted that, despite his short temper, Kaz had a good heart and he had shown that more than once. You had never received mistreatment from him (beyond his typical responses towards others), he defended all the members of your group tooth and nail and he was firm in his ideals. Yes, of course he was a criminal, a gambler, and sometimes a murderer, but you knew that he was neither the only nor the worst in The Barrel. Besides, his motives were valid… most of the time.

So it was that a few months ago, during a drunken night, you two confessed your feelings. You were too cheerful to think about what you were saying and it was inevitable that the words slipped out of your mouth like water from a river. Kaz wasn't drunk enough to stop understanding what you were saying and you have a vague recollection that he just put you to sleep and didn't say anything. But hours later, when Jesper had personally taken it upon himself to push the black-haired man to his drinking limits, he burst into your room and only told you that he liked you too. Of course, in the morning the hangover was accompanied by guilt and when you sought him out to apologize, you were surprised that he hadn't felt offended and hadn't taken back his words either. You concluded that maybe the alcohol had given both of you the courage you needed and that was okay.

For a few days the matter remained like this, but then Kaz made an appointment with you in his office and steeling himself with courage, he told you about his interest in having something with you, but warning you that, considering all his characteristics, he was possibly not the best option and what should you look for someone better if you wanted it that way. But you wanted to try things and even more so if he had been the one who proposed it.

You were patient the whole time and gave Kaz the space he needed. Sometimes you just spent time in his office, in silence, and watching him work was satisfying enough. Little by little he allowed you to enter more spaces of his daily life and although you had kept the relationship private, suspicions arose one morning when you left his room and Nina, probably the gossipiest of your friends, saw you.

A couple of times you had held his hand over his gloves and once you had kissed his cheek, only because he was too asleep to notice. It was slow progress, but you could live with it.

Now you were trying to sleep together. You'd obviously replaced Kaz’s thin mattress with a larger one and figured out a way to make it work; between him and you, you placed a line of pillows so that you avoided physical contact. Simple but effective.

"How was it?"

“It could have been better”

"You should rest" you suggested, analyzing how bad he had been after the fight that he surely had. There were no visible bumps or scratches, thankfully.

"Yeah, I will" he replied very vaguely. You saw him look up a little at you and you wondered what he was looking for "What were you reading?"

“Huh, a book that Jesper won in a bet. It is the story of a warrior princess who has to defend her kingdom”

"Sounds nice" he exclaimed. There was the beginning of a smile gracing his face and you didn't think he was aware of it, but he'd been doing it for the past couple of weeks every time you talked to him about something. Every time you spoke, simply.

"It is," you said happily. Kaz had already made a mental note about your fascination with literature, and at the next heist he planned to keep a couple of books for you, if the opportunity arose.

You wanted to continue talking to him, but the truth was that you were only waiting for him to arrive to sleep and you were sure that, although he wouldn’t admit it, Kaz needed rest as much as you did. That's why you got up from the chair and before he said anything else you sat on the bed, next to him.

"I'm tired" you murmured, making a tiny pout and watching him with tender eyes. He was very handsome, you thought of that whenever you saw him.

"Lie back, while I organize some things"

"Come on, Kaz" you complained, b because you knew these activities could last hours and he deprived himself of sleep to finish them "Tomorrow you can do it, sleep with me" you insisted, stretching out your hand until you reached his. He was wearing the gloves and your fingers slipped under his, only taking the tips around your hand.

Both of your gazes landed there, you wondering what it would feel like to hold Kaz’s hand without the leather in between and him admiring the difference in size between your hands and his. You had them damaged around the nails and the skin marked with a few moles, but for him they were perfect. When you started to move your thumb from side to side he looked up, noticing that his eyelids were already weighing you down, and he sighed. For some time now he hasn't been able to say no to anything you ask of him, much less when you look so delicate and hold his hand.

"Okay, go to sleep then"

You suppressed a smile, without much success, and watched him remove several layers of clothing to only be left with his shirt and pants. You had never seen him naked, and you doubted very much that you would soon, but you liked the lightness that appeared in him when he was left with few clothes. As if by taking them off he was also abandoning all the problems that he accumulated during the day.

You carefully slid to your side of the bed, against the wall, and made sure the pillow divider was in place. He kept you company moments after turning off the lamp.

"Good night," you said kindly. Whenever you stayed there you wanted to tell him that you loved him before going to bed, but the intention never materialized. The first few times Kaz was very tense and hardly slept, although by this point he had gotten used to it and he was handling it well; even he would say that he rested more knowing that you kept him company.

"Sweet dreams," he said, with a gentle tone that took you by surprise. You were internally grateful that the room was dark or he would have seen your flushed face.

It didn't take long for you to give up, but Kaz, no matter how hard he tried, couldn't fall asleep. Although having you by his side had relaxed him a lot, for a couple of days there was a matter interrupting his thoughts and it was related to the dreams that had come to replace his habitual nightmares.

In all of them you were the protagonist and he... touched you. In every possible way and every sense of the word, as if it were something natural that didn’t take any effort. At first he was terrified of how real the dreams felt, almost swearing that the night before he had passionately kissed you only to realize that you were still on the other side of that fence of pillows you had placed for his comfort. Kaz had wanted to ignore all of this, but each time these thoughts became more frequent and stronger: What would it feel like to hug you? And accommodate your hair? Would he be able to caress you as he knew you wanted and deserved?

The black-haired man could be evil at times and he seemed unaffected by anything, but the insecurities and fears inside him were bigger than anyone could imagine. Even the day you confessed to him that you liked him, he feared that you were lying or that it was just drunken incoherence.

So now that a few months had passed he felt he had to offer you at least some physical contact or else you'd end up getting bored of him like Imogen once had. But that was another story.

Kaz was startled when he heard you complain and looked silently in your direction, but it turned out that you weren't awake, you had only changed position. From that angle he could see the whole silhouette of your body and part of your face, even more peaceful when you were asleep, everything so beautiful that he wondered how you could be real and especially because you were sharing a room with a person like him.

His hands didn't have gloves on and even though they had been at his sides the whole time, he felt the urge to move them away. He wondered what it would feel like to touch your skin or if he would actually be able to do it without panicking and as the desire was greater than the fear, without giving it much thought he reached out his arm towards you, preparing to touch your bare forearm. He breathed once, then twice, and finally, he did.

He had to remind himself that your skin wasn’t that of some wet corpse and for this he concentrated on how it really felt; it was warm and soft. His hand trembled on your body and he feared to wake you, but even with this he didn't move away. He didn't know how long it was before he was able to breathe normally, but once he did he waved his hand a couple of times and if you had been awake you would have been amazed at the gentleness with which he did it.

Kaz pulled away a few seconds later, seized with the sudden strange feeling that he couldn't leave him so easily, and with an angry huff he jumped up to wash his hands. He wanted to change and improve for you, but it was complicated and it frustrated him.

Either way, he was thankful that you hadn't seen his experiment and concluded that it was better, so he could move at his own pace. When he lay down again he kept looking at you, taking the opportunity to reflect on the matter, until his body couldn't take it anymore and the unconsciousness of the dream ended up consuming him completely.

And of course, he dreamed of you again.

The days passed as normal and life at The Barrel continued as usual. The crow club was in full swing after the renovations Kaz had done, almost a year ago now, and there was more work than ever. Jesper and Wylan always went everywhere together and the girls at The Menagerie were great with attention, but it still seemed like it was never enough. Nina and Matthias weren't very active members and Inej's visits weren't as frequent now that she led a life at sea. You were in charge of supervising several of the things, on behalf of your boyfriend, and sometimes you also served drinks. The club had gone from being the favorite place for seedy drunkards to a refined place where more and more people came to gamble and have fun. Of course more visits meant more money and you knew that made the owner happy, but it also loaded him with work.

"Knock, knock," you said happily, as you peeked out of his office door, tray in hand. Kaz raised his head from the papers with the accounts he was reviewing and met you "I brought you dinner"

"Dinner?"

“Yes, it is one of the three meals of the day. It's important and you always forget about it" you explained, placing a plate in front of him that contained some cookies, and bread and leaving a cup of coffee without sugar next to it "I didn't know what you might be craving, so I brought something light"

“Thank you,” he said as he watched you drop into an adjoining chair, your own mug of hot chocolate in hand.

"How is everything going?"

"Okay, I'm still missing a couple of things"

"Do you want me to go?"

"No" he replied. How could you think of that? Of course he wanted you there.

During these weeks you had noticed Kaz a little strange, as if he was suddenly more condescending or permissive with you, but you enjoyed these changes. You couldn't know it, but he had been running little experiments like the one he did when you were sleeping. When you were interrupting the path he needed to travel, he would move you to the side at the waist, when you sat next to each other at crow meetings, he would link his knee to yours, and you caught him picking some rubbish out of your hair more than once. So you, too, had begun looking for more intimate ways to engage with him, like taking him out to dinner after a tiring day, curious as to how far he would let you go.

You made small talk about trivial matters and took the opportunity to make sure he consumed some of what you brought him, which he did with pleasure.

When you finished Kaz went back to his work and you decided that it was better to occupy yourself with something else, preferably quietly so as not to interrupt him. Your visits to his study were almost always like this, so you already had some things for your entertainment in a drawer. You pulled out a puzzle that you and Inej used to put together all the time and spread it out on the floor, sitting in a lotus position in front of it, willing to be at it for a while.

But on that particular day he couldn't focus on anything but you. Out of the corner of his eye, he would catch a glimpse of your attentive frown and your hands tapping the floor impatiently for not finding the right pieces, finding both quite adorable.

All day he had been seriously thinking about making a risky move and now that the opportunity presented itself he felt more nervous than he had imagined, so he kept silent for a long time where you didn't even notice the crisis internal he was having.

"Kiss me"

The words were spoken so quietly and hastily that you feared you had hallucinated them and your neck might have snapped from the quickness with which you looked up at him.

"Did you say something?"

"Kiss me" he repeated, loud and clear so that this time there would be no doubt of what he was saying. You felt that your heart was going to jump out of your chest due to the astonishment that such a sudden request produced in you. Kaz was asking you for a kiss? Impossible.

You were stunned for a few seconds, looking directly into those sky-colored eyes that were waiting for an answer. What kind of kiss was he asking you? It was like a kiss on his cheek or… on his lips perhaps? Why was he asking you that in the first place? And why had he thrown it at you just like that?

"If you don't want to, that's fine," he added, with a disappointed tone, and you jumped to your feet as soon as you heard that.

"No, no. I was just... surprised, that's all" you explained, completely nervous, because you didn't want him to regret it.

You walked up to face him and the height difference forced Kaz to look down at you with doe eyes you never imagined he could have and didn't even know he was aware of. He felt slightly intimidated, more by the situation itself than by you, and one of his hands went directly to hold the wood of the chair to try to calm down.

You took a deep breath and looked closely at the black-haired man's face, thinking about which part of his face would be more suitable for kissing; the skin on his cheeks? His forehead? Or go once and for all for those thin pink lips?

When you crouched down he held his breath and you saw him tense when you got closer to his face, but you still continued because you knew he would mark the limit, if there was one. You closed your eyes and finally closed the distance, pressing your lips against his for just a second. Your stomach turned and when you straightened up your cheeks were flushed crimson, but it worried you that Kaz hadn't flinched. You would even say that he seemed to be angry.

"Give me a proper kiss"

You felt your legs shake and you thought you were going to faint right there after hearing him. He wasn't even asking, he was demanding it. Kaz was practically yelling at you that he was going to settle for the simple lip brush you just gave him, he wanted more.

You were a mess at the thought of him wanting to take such a big step, but you tried your best to hold it back and nodded softly at him. A proper kiss would require more than just you standing in front of him, so you sat on Kaz’s lap, who nearly squealed in surprise.

"If you want to stop, just say so" you warned him. But you had already gone too far, he didn't want to stop and of course you didn't either.

Your feet dangled over the side of the chair and you made yourself more comfortable resting your hands on his clothed shoulders, hoping that with that separation of cloth Kaz would feel less uncomfortable, until your face was right in front of his.

There was so much fear in his eyes that you wanted to walk away, but you knew that with that you would spoil all the effort he was making and you feared that he would be offended to the point of not wanting to kiss you anymore.

You would be lying when you said that you didn’t want it, that you didn’t long for to finally be able to know what his kisses would taste like and thus be able to alleviate the knot in your stomach that you had since that party night when you confessed your love, so without more or less you leaned a little and then you kissed him.

At first it was a mere assumption, but when you felt how tense he was you knew that he had never kissed anyone in his life. You could feel his panic through the trembling sighs that escaped him, but you didn't give up for a second from your task.

"Relax your lips" you said, separating yourself enough centimeters to be able to articulate the words "And the shoulders too" you continued, stroking that section with both hands to help it a little "Just focus on how it feels"

Your whispers sounded like spells to him as if they were instructions to follow to achieve the happiness he so wanted and didn't know how to obtain.

You tried again and since he followed your advice the contact was more fluid. Suddenly all negative feelings were replaced by the pleasure of savoring your lips, still with the flavor of the impregnated chocolate, and of feeling your warm body so close to his. There were no traumatic memories because he had never kissed anyone before Jordie’s death, nor since. It was something new, different, and it was also unique because it was you who was there.

He began to pay more attention to details and enjoyed the way your lips caught one of his, so subtly that he could barely identify it, or how your hands had already gone up to his neck to hold it. Kaz’s gloved hands moved almost by themselves to your waist and it was your turn to hold your breath, probably under the impression that he had done something like that.

You cut off the kiss, but then another followed, and when that one ended another came. Suddenly everyone was down to you and Kaz having a little make-out session in his office, a moment he never wanted to end. Maybe it was the sensation of trying something forbidden, but you felt that the man's kisses had the most intoxicating flavor on the entire planet, as if everything you had ever enjoyed was nothing compared to that. And he couldn't do anything more than practically melt under your caresses and let you do whatever you wanted with him.

For some reason Kaz was finally overwhelmed by the contact, but instead of throwing you out of there he pulled you away with his grip on your waist, calm and gentle.

"It’s enough" he whispered. It wasn't because he wasn't enjoying it, but because he knew better than anyone that you couldn't give yourself completely to life’s pleasures or they would end up consuming you from the roots.

He didn't want to open his eyes for fear that it was all another one of those dreams and also to somehow extend the sensation as much as possible, but you didn't want to do anything but look at him. He was breathing heavily and the usual paleness of his skin had been replaced by a vermilion hue and to your surprise his hands hadn't left the position they were in, which you took as a sign that he still wanted you sitting on his legs.

“Are… are you okay?” you asked cautiously, knowing that closed eyes and heavy breathing were also symptoms of a panic attack that you definitely didn't want to happen.

"No” you barely had time to worry and think about what you could do before you heard a soft laugh. Kaz Brekker was laughing “Oh my gosh of course I'm not okay. You're driving me completely crazy” he responded and managed to make the phrase sound like a claim and a compliment at the same time.

"Was it that bad?"

"It was perfect. You are” he confessed and you exhaled a nervous laugh, feeling as foolish as a girl in love. Both of your hands were planted on his chest, so you started to play with a button on his shirt to try to calm your emotions.

“I'm glad you… huh, that we could share this. I really wanted to kiss you” you dared to tell him.

Although he was apparently calm, the truth was that he was having a hard time not separating from you, but the only reason he hadn't was because of the loving and happy expression that was on your face, which probably, to a lesser extent, he also had.

"Me too" he assured you, with that little smile you had already begun to love.

And that kiss represented the beginning of a path that Kaz was willing to walk, as difficult as it was, only for the promise that at the end of the day it would all be worth it if you were the one waiting for him.

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #the crows #six of crows #jesper fahey #inej gafha #wylan van eck #nina zenik #mathias helvar #shadow and bone #shadow and bone netflix #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker fanfic #kaz brekker imagine

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violetrainbow412-blog · 1 month

Text

Portrait [K. B.]

Kaz Brekker x fem!reader

word count: 7.7k

masterlist

summary: «when you photograph a person in color, you photograph their clothes, when you photograph a person in black and white, you photograph their soul»

taglist: @rustyyyyspoonz @be-lla-vie @milkshake0 @ladespedidas

Anyone who knew Kaz Brekker well enough could say that he slept with one eye open, metaphorically speaking, so it was no surprise when he was able to notice the extra presence in the room even when he was supposed to have sunk into unconsciousness.

His body still hurt as a result of the altercation he had suffered with an aggressive drunk who was at the Crow Club the night before, but it didn't stop him from sitting up suddenly in search of the knife he kept in the nightstand drawer.

"Calm down," said the stranger's voice, at the same time that the light of a lamp illuminated the panorama. "It's just me."

"What are you doing here?" he was quick to say, looking at you in disbelief.

You didn't have to be in Kerch, but in Ravka, and much less did you have any reason to be in his room.

He noticed that you were wearing one of those second army keftas in scarlet, the one corresponding to your order, and you were looking at him calmly from the other side of the room.

There was a kind smile on your features as you approached him and sat next to him on the mattress, as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

“Saints, what did you do to yourself?” one of your hands reached up to try to touch his face, where it was hurt, and he immediately moved away.

"What are you doing here?"

“Poor thing, does it hurt?” you continued, ignoring his questions.

Kaz wasn't quick enough to escape from your other hand, reaching out to grab his cheek so you could better examine the wounds he had. He felt his breath hitch in his throat as you scooted a little further in his direction, well outside the safe limits for him to be the one you were talking to.

He didn't know what scared him more, the fact that you were touching him or the fact that he didn't dislike it at all.

You said something he didn't understand and then, with your free hand, you began to clean the bruises he felt on his face. It was difficult to describe what he felt every time you used small science to fix him, but it was something similar to feeling a tingling advance through every vein under his skin.

Your movements were attentive and loving, as if you were used to doing them all the time. And you were used to it, but not to doing it with him.

"Why are you here?" he repeated, for the third time.

He could feel your breath close to his face and the hand that was on his cheek had a soft warmth. When you looked at him, he saw that your eyes reflected the dancing flame in the lamp and he asked himself why he had never paid enough attention to them, who at that moment were admiring him tenderly.

“Are you hurt anywhere else?”

Under other circumstances Kaz had already become exasperated by your refusal to respond and would have pushed you away from him in the first place. But he seemed out of himself, as if he weren’t the one acting and much less able to carry out a coherent action.

"On the side. But it's nothing"

"Foolishness. Let me help you"

The black-haired man felt hypnotized, to the point where he didn't even resist when one of your hands slipped under his black silk shirt. He shifted slightly at the calculated movements your fingers made, feeling his skin until you found the point of attention and attended to it. Little by little he felt the burning decrease and he let himself be carried away by the pleasant chill that he experienced every time you cured one of his ailments. He closed his eyes for a moment to surrender to the sensation and suddenly that was replaced by a tide that began to suffocate him.

He was drowning again, among rotting corpses and slimy skins.

"Enough…"

“Shh…” you said at the same time, unwilling to let go and planting your palm firmly “It's okay, Kaz. Everything's fine"

"Let me go"

“No, no, darling. Everything is fine, it's me who touches you…” he could have sworn that your voice was a spell, because he felt incapable of disobeying “Just open your eyes and look at me.”

You were too close to him when he opened his eyes and sure enough, all traces of anxiety disappeared. Your hand traced the same path to the outside of his shirt and then kindly placed itself on his pajama pants. It was a gentle touch.

"What are you doing here?" he insisted. He knew he needed the answer to that question to become aware of something that everything around him was screaming at him, but he still didn't know what it was.

“I came back to take care of you, of course. And because I have missed you so much” you explained simply, using that voice that was making him dizzy.

"But you…"

“I think you should lie down now,” you interrupted him. Kaz was racking his brain for what was wrong with the situation, although he found it difficult to concentrate on anything because of your hand caressing his leg.

"Wait"

“I was wrong to sneak in here so late at night, but I needed to know you were okay,” you continued. “That drunk gave you a lot of trouble, didn't he?”

Something clicked on him. You had not been present at the time, so you couldn't know about the altercation.

“Are you real?” he finally asked.

That was the right question. He shouldn't have been wondering what you were doing like that, but rather whether you were really there.

There was no response, as had already happened, and you just smiled kindly at him.

“I'll help you; I know sometimes you can't sleep.”

Kaz was going to ask something else, but suddenly your hand was placed on his chest and he began to feel his entire body relax. His pace slowed, his eyelids began to feel heavy, and any attempt at logical thought was lost in the void. It was just you, dressed in scarlet and looking at him sweetly from your position on the bed.

“Y/N…”

"Relax, I have deprived you of enough rest" you exclaimed. He couldn't complain because you were taking care of knocking him out to the point where his body was already lying down and you were just a blur. “We'll talk tomorrow, okay?”

He was struggling to stay conscious, to try to understand why he wasn't in a crisis because of how you were touching him, and to understand how you had gotten from Ravka to this point, but your Grisha powers were getting in the way.

Just like that, he was still awake enough when you leaned closer in his direction and, against all odds, brought your face close enough to cover him with a kiss on the lips. Everything in him stirred at the tender and deep touch that you were offering him, with his body unable to resist not only your intervention but also the feeling of peace and security that was overwhelming him.

You continued kissing him for so long that he began to gasp for air and when he wanted to break away to breathe, you continued. And you continued, and continued, until the pleasant warmth that was in him turned into a bonfire that began to burn his lungs.

A bonfire, then water... water that was suddenly drowning him.

A second later Brekker stood up suddenly, again, in a cold sweat and breathing heavily. All the panic exploded at that moment and then he realized what he hadn’t been able to decipher in your presence: it had all been a dream.

He confirmed his theory by getting up from the mattress, his bad leg throbbing with pain, and looked at himself in the smudged mirror he had somewhere. His face still had the same bruises that you had apparently taken care of healing.

He looked in all directions looking for a trace of you, but found nothing. There weren’t even signs that the lamp had been lit. He had been hallucinating everything, there were no further explanations.

“Kaz?” Someone called him and the fear that it was you paralyzed him. “Boss? I'm Jesper. A shipment arrived…”

“I'll be right over,” he half shouted, his voice raspier than normal. The day had barely started and he was already in a bad mood.

Jesper didn't say anything, but the man heard his footsteps receding down the hallway and then he walked to the tub and the water with which he washed himself every day. When he had nightmares, washing his hands was useful to cleanse himself of the guilt that overwhelmed him, but now... his hands would definitely not be enough. It would have been necessary to cleanse his entire mind to the core to get rid of the images.

Why had he dreamed of you? He hadn't heard from you in months. After the group had helped destroy the shadow, King Nikolai and those close to him suggested that, if you wanted it, you would have a place in the eccentric group of Grisha who would help rebuild the second army. Kaz was present when they made you the offer and although you responded that you needed time to think about it, the expressions on your face revealed to him the position you were leaning towards.

He didn't blame you for the decision you made, but he didn't express pleasure either. He knew perfectly well your life story and how, after the death of your entire squad on a spy mission, you had ended up in Kerch. No one from Ravka bothered to look for you and you never bothered to return, since you had discovered that the person who sold the secrets of your entrustment to the Fjerdans had been one of your own Grisha companions. If you couldn't trust them, then who? Furthermore, General Kirigan had made sure to earn your contempt after the inappropriate behavior he had begun to engage in towards you. The fear that something would happen to you under his command was greater than the thought of what would happen if they accused you of being a deserter. In Ketterdam no one knew you, so you could start from scratch as someone different.

Kaz had taken you under his wing after by chance you had been in the same place as them when a fight between gangs had developed and in which Inej (a new arrival to the Dregs) had been mortally wounded; you had helped her when you saw her bleeding in an alley and both she and her two other friends were totally grateful. The rest was history.

Having dreamed of you didn’t represent a problem for him, after all it would only be his subconscious reminding him of your existence, however, what was a problem had been the development of it. Kaz was surprised to think that it had been his own mind that had caused him to construct a fantasy in which you behaved so gently and affectionately, to the point of kissing him on the lips. It hadn't been you, of course, but... him? As the boy washed his hands, seeking some comfort, he wondered if he subconsciously wanted you to do something like that. It couldn't be possible.

You had to admit that he cared about you, like the rest of your friends, although he had never thought of you in any way beyond that of a work colleague. You were a valuable member of the team, he wouldn't have to be imagining that you were sneaking in to look for him in the middle of the night to shower him with attention and kisses. It was just ridiculous.

Still somewhat confused, he tried to push all those thoughts out of his mind and then changed out of his pajamas to go to wherever the shipment that Jesper had mentioned was. He thought that the day's activities would probably help him get rid of that strange bittersweet feeling that your fictitious visit had left him.

“Hey, Kaz, have you heard from Y/N?”

The question Jesper asked while he was signing the receipt for several cases of whiskey threw him off and he swore his friend was asking just to spite him. But he couldn't know about the shameful dream, of course. Neither he nor anyone.

"Nothing. The last letter was sent a week after we returned and since then there has been nothing”

“Oh,” he sighed. He seemed almost disappointed. “What about Inej?”

“I learned that their ship was heading to the Wandering Isle and that thanks to her suggestions the crew is freeing slaves.”

“I miss both,” the boy murmured, quite thoughtful.

Kaz looked at him with that usual annoyed expression and Jesper took it as a scolding for how cheesy he was being. However, Kaz actually felt upset because his friend was reminding him that he was in the same situation.

I've missed you so much, you said in your dream. He began to reflect on whether it had been an internal desire to hear those words that reflected the fact that he was the one who missed you.

“Take those boxes inside and put them in place. If I notice that even one bottle is missing, there will be problems,” he warned him. Normally it wasn't Jesper who was in charge of those tasks, but at that moment what the boss wanted was to get rid of him and his inappropriate comments.

“Where are you going?”

“To some matters” was all the response he offered, before limping off in another direction.

It wasn't entirely true that he would be busy during the day, but he decided it would be better to get away from there to clear his thoughts. Without Inej in the city it was more difficult to obtain any secrets and now the collection of information depended on the girls who had left the menagerie to go work with him, so it didn't hurt to walk around the Barrel from time to time to see what I could find out.

The walk served to keep him busy and sufficiently distracted, at least until midday, when he returned to the Slat to eat something. There he received the news that someone was selling a property near the now renovated Crow Club and then he spent part of the afternoon analyzing how convenient it would be to acquire the property to expand his business.

Every night he liked to go to the club to check that everything was going well and solve any situation that required his attention, like the aggressive drunk had been the night before. Furthermore, he had to make sure that none of his crows got into trouble and above all that Jesper didn't lose more money than he could in gambling. Although of course, he already had Wylan to keep an eye on him.

He regularly spent the entire day in his office, working on other things, and only went out to the games area and the bar if necessary. But something that night, that strange feeling he had since he woke up, made him leave the room where he worked. He began to walk around the bar, from where he could see all the people enjoying the bets and drinks, while he looked for his friends. Normally Nina stayed at the Slat, but Jesper and Wylan manned the door or the bar. That night it was the zemeni's turn to watch and Kaz rolled his eyes when he noticed that he was talking animatedly to a girl, or who he assumed was one; Jesper's body covered the person and he could only see a piece of a scarlet dress.

“Shall I get you something, boss?” the bartender asked the black-haired man, who turned his head to deny.

When Kaz returned his face to the front he felt like he was choking on his own saliva at the pair of people walking happily in his direction.

“Kaz! Look who came to visit us!”

Jesper held your hand and was impatiently pulling you through the sea of people, wanting you to meet your friend as soon as possible. But, contrary to the happiness that could be expected with a reunion, Kaz was pale and looked completely worried.

“Y/N?” he murmured, fearing that you were once again just a figment of his imagination.

“Just this morning I was talking about how much I missed you, wasn't that right, Kaz?” laughed Jesper “And now you’re here!”

"Hello"

"What are you doing here?"

Although he tried not to sound hostile, he didn't quite succeed.

“Saints, what did you do to yourself?” you laughed, taking a moment to look at the aforementioned's wounds. Noticing the parallel with his dream, he felt dizzy and before he could get closer, he had already walked away. “Kaz?”

"It's no big deal. It was just a fight”

“I hope not with him”

“If it had been with me, his face probably wouldn't look like that and my face wouldn't look like that” Jesper pointed out and you laughed, because it was true.

“Do you want me to take care of it?” you suggested kindly. It wasn't a bother at all, nor would it be the first time.

“At another time. We don't want you to draw attention to yourself” the boy took a pointed look around the room in search of strange eyes that were peering into your conversation, but he found nothing. Everyone was minding their own business. “Enough with those clothes.”

"You don’t like?"

“It's not that I don't like it,” he clarified. “It's just that it's hard to take my eyes off you.”

Kaz didn't flirt, but if he did, that phrase would have been the closest thing to trying. He meant that wearing those clothes you looked so pretty that the idea of the men in the club seeing you made him sick, much less did he need them to know that you were a grisha because they would seek to take advantage of you. But saying it out loud would have been inappropriate, so he kept it to himself.

“It's too red, right?” you laughed, without any clue of the intention behind the phrase “A gift from Her Majesty the Queen, by the way. She put one of her tailors at my disposal.”

“Oh là là, girl. Are you sure you want to see us now that you only rub shoulders with fine people?”

“Of course I want to see you, fool. You are like family”

Brekker watched in silence as you leaned your entire body against Jesper, letting him put his arm around you to close the distance to nothing. The dress you wore had a high collar and buttons along the chest, along with sleeves three-quarters of the way up your arms. He immediately thought of the uniforms of the second army (the old ones, since Alina had eliminated the colors that divided Grisha's orders) and again he felt a tingling down his spine when he remembered his dream.

We'll talk tomorrow, okay? you had said. Was that dream a premonition? Or could it be that you had really visited him in the middle of the darkness?

"When you came?"

"Newly. I rented a carriage because Anika told me you were here, when I stopped by the Slat to leave my things.”

“Do you intend to stay?”

"A couple of days. I know I didn’t even ask if I could stay with you, but I figured… well, I can stay, right?”

“Of course you can,” the gunman interrupted, sounding excited.

Kaz continued with a serious expression.

“As long as there are rooms available,” he simply said.

There were and he knew it, so you responded, smiling widely in gratitude. Before either of them could say anything else, Jesper stepped forward:

“Let's go so you can say hello to Wylan, he's taking care of some tables over there.”

With a movement the boy took your hand and turned you towards his direction, away from the black-haired man. Despite the direction you followed with your body, your eyes searched Kaz's gaze in the hope of finding something more than what he had said verbally, although you didn't find it. Your free hand reached out to temporarily wave goodbye to the young man, to which he only responded by bowing his head slightly.

Kaz caught a glimpse of the entire exchange; Wylan threw himself into your arms as soon as he saw you and you welcomed him with joy, even planting a kiss on his cheek that made him laugh. Suddenly, as he watched, he found himself feeling jealous of his friends.

He wasn't like Jesper who could take you by the hand everywhere, nor like Wylan who seemed to love being in your arms. And he knew that Nina, as soon as she knew you were back, wouldn't hesitate to express her affection in the same way. For a second, he reflected that the touch of your skin was a longing that he kept in his heart, well hidden behind all that tide of despair and disgust at human contact.

He also wondered if he wasn't dreaming again, afraid that your return was just another twisted fantasy his mind had fabricated. But it wasn't like that, he could feel everything around him and the smells of the place invaded his nostrils; even his leg burned slightly as a permanent reminder that he was alive.

Kaz took one last glance in your direction, still hypnotized by the bloody tone on your clothes, and considered that it would be best to return to his office to continue with the pending work. A few minutes later you went back to look for him to try to drink something but, unfortunately, you realized that he was no longer there.

Thanks to Jesper and his insistence that you drink everything new in the repertoire of the renewed Crow Club, you arrived much later than expected at the Slat. The Dregs never seemed to sleep, and you knew it was probably because Kaz wanted a twenty-four-hour guard, so when you staggered in one of the new guys greeted you curtly and let you pass.

You and Anika had always gotten along well, so when you arrived hours ago she had placed you in the largest room the place had, next to where Inej had once been and down the hall from Kaz's office and bedroom.

You had to admit that your friend's reaction to your arrival had left you somewhat worried, because although it was to be expected that the black-haired man wouldn’t show great joy, you felt that something about your visit had made him uncomfortable. You had probably taken too many liberties in assuming, without consulting him, that you were still welcomed and thought you had to talk to him about it.

When you went to your room you noticed that his light was still on and since the alcohol didn't let you think too well, you convinced yourself that it would be a good idea to visit him despite the schedule. Before going to your task you made sure to search through your suitcase for a couple of things that you had brought from Ravka especially for Kaz and while you did so you tried to shake off the guilt that invaded you when you saw that almost all of your belongings were back in Ketterdam. You hoped that by talking to him he would be able to understand, otherwise you didn't know what you would do from now on.

You snuck down the hallway with bare feet and one of your hands busy, until you arrived in front of the half-open door.

"Busy?" you asked, peering around the frame as you tapped the moth-eaten wood a couple of times.

Kaz was sitting at his desk and only raised his head from the papers scattered across it because he recognized your voice as the one calling him. He seemed exhausted, as if thinking was consuming his entire life.

“A bit. Did you just arrive?”

“Yes,” you laughed, cringing with some shame. Kaz looked you up and down and noticed that your dress, previously so neat and pretty, looked slightly disheveled, although it didn't lose its beauty. Your hair was also less combed than at the beginning “Can I come in?”

The man responded by nodding his head and followed your steps in silence, until you dropped into the chair in front of his desk; he noticed that you were carrying a prominent package in your hands. Your gaze held his for a few seconds, reminding him that you were one of the few people who weren’t afraid to face his discerning eyes and he observed the shine in your orbs accompanied by your blushing cheeks, clear evidence of your drunkenness.

"What do you need?"

“I wanted to know how you are,” you murmured sincerely “In case you wanted me to help with... you know”

It was clear that you were referring to the state of his face. As a healer, part of your job was to detect people's ailments, and boy did Kaz have several. Only what was visible revealed that he had probably been unable to sleep for days, let alone eat. His mental state had never been the most appropriate, but in that space your gift, nor your help, had no place.

“You worry too much sometimes.”

"It looks bad. And it probably hurts.” You slurred a couple of words, but it was still understandable enough. “Let me help you.”

Kaz visibly tensed at your choice of words, immediately remembering the woman from his dreams who had said the same thing, and wishing he could erase those memories. He didn't even realize he hadn't responded until you caught his attention.

"Alright"

With some extra effort to not trip over your own feet, you moved to the other side of the table and squatted down from a safe distance; then, in that position and without touching him directly, you began the appropriate hand movements for healing. The fear of invasion of his personal space immediately dissipated and, just like in his dream, he felt better as he experienced that familiar tingling in his body when you tended to his wounds.

Once you finished, you remained calm for a moment and he felt nervous at the emotions that he couldn't decipher in your eyes. The intoxication visibly relaxed your features so that all the time you were smiling sweetly at him.

"Better?"

“Mhm,” he responded with a hum, fearing that if he opened his mouth his secrets would begin to spill out.

Of course he felt better, as always when you used your skills on him, not only physically but also mentally. It had been so long since he had seen you in his office that he thought he would eventually forget about the feeling, so having you back there felt strangely reassuring.

“I have something I want to show you.”

Wanting not to make your friend uncomfortable, you stood up from your seat, holding on to the desk to avoid falling, and willing to stay as long as Kaz could stand, you returned to your place in front of the desk. Once you took back the package that you had left on the chair, you began to unwrap it to take out one of the objects it contained. He carefully observed the maneuver, realizing that it was a black cardboard box with silver details and even a small bow on the edge, which you left right in front of him.

"What is this?"

"A gift. I brought it from Ravka.”

Kaz's look expressed some confusion at the unexpected gift and he took special care as he opened the box with one of his gloved hands, like someone who fears finding misfortune inside.

“Chocolates?”

“I know you like them,” you replied, shrugging your shoulders “You know, something sweet to counteract the bitterness you have in your character.”

“Looks like visiting your hometown made you funnier, huh?”

“Try one” you suggested excitedly and even though he wanted to do it, the boy didn't have the heart to refuse.

He chose a piece of dark chocolate and when he put it in his mouth, he took the time to savor the treat. Although he wasn’t nostalgic, he was overcome by the distant memory of the hot chocolate that Jordie had once bought him. He hadn't tried that flavor in a long time, and the slight expressions of satisfaction on his face revealed that you had chosen a good gift. He would make sure not to abuse it, but it would be difficult now that he had remembered the delight it represented.

"And? How does it taste?”

“Delicious” he concluded. Sounded sincere and that made you smile.

The night had already embraced Ketterdam and you could see some stars through Kaz's open window, through which a gentle wind blew through the curtains. The landscapes of Ravka had conquered you the moment you set foot there, but you had to admit that you had greatly missed the salty, dirty air of the island that welcomed you when all seemed lost. Even the Slat looked better, although that was perhaps due to the excellent income that the new and renovated Crow Club had.

But more than a physical space, the affection you felt for the place was due to the people who lived there. When you arrived, it was painful not to find comfort in the arms of your friend Inej and you wondered if any of your friends had missed your presence in that way; the effusive hugs combined with the clear joy of the group let you know that this was the case. Kaz was the only one who remained reluctant to any intense display of feelings, although not for the reasons you thought.

"What were you doing?"

“Some accounts,” he sighed bitterly. “This week wasn't the best.”

Anything related to money, for better or worse, was an easy topic of conversation for the black-haired man. He liked to talk about profits, the best bets, investments for the future, and possible traps to gain an advantage. So, knowing that it was a subject he liked, you let him talk.

Through this he gave in and became more and more talkative to answer the questions you asked him, no longer only related to the Crow club. You were able to tell him about the little palace, about the coronation that had taken place a few months ago, about your support for the reconstitution of the Grisha units and about all the policies that the king and queen consort intended to apply.

Kaz listened with surprising attention and when you least expected it, the two of you were already chatting as if the time you were apart had never existed. You liked seeing him this relaxed, it was something that often happened when you guys got together for drinks. You suspected that while you were stuffing alcohol down your throat in public, he had been doing it in private.

“And are you happy there?” he asked suddenly “In Ravka”

You weren’t expecting a question of that type and deep in the lines you wanted to think that you had heard some suspicion in his voice about the possible answer.

"I think so"

“More than here?” he insisted. It was a difficult question, so you took a moment to think about it.

“I think not happier, but… I live better. There are no robberies, no fights between gangs, I have three meals a day every day” you began, smiling slightly at him “But deep down I don't feel happier. I feel like it's all very right, very... fake might be the word? As if a mistake were fatal around so many apparently good people. And it will sound silly, but I think I miss the bad life of the Barrel a little”

“You miss the danger”

“Oh no, we have that in Ravka too. But it doesn't give me the same adrenaline. You know, running away in fear because Jesper had done something stupid, Inej bringing bad news, you resorting to plan Z after the other 25 failed… Do you think I'm crazy?”

“Not at all,” he murmured. “It makes sense that without us your life would be boring.”

A skeptical expression settled on your face.

“Did you just joke or did I hear wrong? Did my absence make you funnier?”

“I've always been funny. And it wasn't a joke, it's a fact."

And with that, your laughter appeared, because it was much easier to make people laugh when you were drunk. The sound filled Kaz's chest with a warmth worthy of shame, especially for him, and tried to ignore the rushes of his heart, hoping you would do the same. You had long ago claimed that you never listened to his heartbeat unless it was necessary, although right now he didn't know if that promise still stood.

He even feared that somehow after your visit to the palace you had obtained powers beyond his understanding and were able to read in his thoughts those dreams he had had before your arrival. The rational part of him knew it was impossible, but the mere idea embarrassed him.

"I guess you're right. “Life becomes monotonous when you no longer have the presence of your manic boss.”

Those words would have earned at least a warning punch from his new cane. But he could forgive your insolence if it meant keeping you in a good mood and, above all, keeping him company.

The movement of your body when you laughed made you aware that you still had an object resting on your legs, which had taken a backseat to the fluidity of the talk. Kaz saw your expression light up when you remembered that you had that mysterious package and then you placed it on the table, carefully unfolding the white piece of cloth that wrapped it.

"What is that?"

“The most wonderful thing you will ever see” Kaz knew about your tendency to exaggerate things, so he tried not to expect too much. “It's the prototype of some Fabrikators in the little palace, it was used on the coronation day. I took it borrowed"

“You stole it”

“I took it borrowed” you repeated seriously, although from your friend's amused face you knew that he didn't believe you “Because I wanted you to see it”

It looked like a strange device, with a lens similar to that of a telescope, but placed in the center of a rectangle and below it a long, linear opening. At the top there was some kind of button. Everything was in black and looked like nothing the boy had ever seen.

“And what is it supposed to do?” He asked, scanning it with his eyes for any clue.

“I could explain it to you, but I'm going to show you. Okay, I take this like this” you began to explain, putting the artifact between you and Kaz. The lens was pointed in his direction “And it's going to sound strange, but I need you to smile.”

“I'm not going to smile”

“It is strictly necessary! Otherwise it won't work."

You were a terrible liar, Kaz had always been aware of that, so he just watched you seriously from his chair.

“Can you at least remove that expression?” you insisted, smiling at your friend in hopes that there was some mimicry on his part. “Please?”

“If you're going to show me, just do it”

“Sweet, always so sweet” you complained out loud and resigned to the fact that that grimace was the only one he would show you, you pointed in his direction to press the button.

A flash of light coming from who knows where threw Kaz off and a few seconds later he watched half a square of paper emerge from the opening in the device. You still had an excited smile on your face as you grabbed the edge of the product with your fingertips.

The boy was too proud to admit that he was curious when you gently shook the sheet, so he just kept watching your movements from his spot for a few minutes. He wasn't prepared for you to drag the chair you were sitting in to the other side of the desk, leaving you a short distance away from him.

"Ready? Ta-dah!”

You happily extended the paper to him and saw his expression of genuine amazement when he could see himself on it. It wasn't even like a drawing, but rather an exceptionally detailed portrait in black and white. Seeing his astonishment you continued:

“Imagine how this would work if you focused it on criminal activities. Heists, if you want to spy on someone, to keep a graphic record of the people who are after your head, whatever you want!” you started, excited “Do you see how much detail it can capture in a second? It can even be used to spy from afar and once you get back here count how many people were talking, who they were, if you want proof of someone making deals…”

Your words were interrupted by an unexpected sound. You highly doubted that you had ever heard Kaz laugh, beyond those ironic sighs he was used to, which is why the laughter froze you completely. You only needed to turn to look at him to reveal your expression; a combination of amazement and fear.

“You will always be a crow, won't you?”

You, too, could detect a mix of emotions in his words, from clear amusement to pride in knowing he was right. It was a forceful declaration: that no matter how many palaces you toured, no matter how many alliances you made, no matter how patriotic those Ravkans wanted to become, you would always belong to the life of the Barrel and, therefore, to the peculiar family that lived in the Slat.

“Please never laugh in my presence again. It's the scariest thing I've ever heard in my life."

The second sigh of amusement was less enthusiastic but more enjoyable for you, even if it was a brief sound that you would try to preserve in your memories. If it wasn’t common to hear him laugh, it was much less common to be the cause of it.

“I must admit that I am quite impressed. You are right to think that it would be very useful for illicit activities.”

“Keep it”

“Didn't you say you borrowed it?”

“You know I was lying”

“And what will your Grisha friends think of this?”

“They'll manage just fine, don't worry. We will put it to better use”

With that, the two of you exchanged a small, but meaningful, knowing look. Kaz still had his portrait in his hands and you replaced it with the device, taking care not to invade too much of his personal space as you knew he hated so much.

“But I will keep this.”

"And what exactly do you want it for?"

“This way I can take you with me wherever I go” your words were sincere and behind them, a clear affection “I like it, you even look… not angry”

“The light disconcerted me”

“I still don’t understand how that works, but we can ask Jesper to fix it,” you suggested gently, trying to make him feel less embarrassed. The truth was that he looked very handsome and his eyes shone the color of the ocean. A beautiful ocean, far from Kerch “Do you want one?”

"One what?"

"A picture. One of mine, of course. That way we would be even”

“I'm not the sentimental type.”

“I know,” you sighed with resignation, “But I am. That's why I'll keep you here."

Kaz watched you put the paper in the pocket inside your coat, on the side of your heart, and he didn't think of anything prudent to respond to that. You would have heard the erratic beating of his heart if you had not been so busy with the rumble of yours.

"I…"

“Kaz also came because I want to talk about something important,” you interrupted him, because you probably wouldn’t have the courage to do it later “Can I?” you asked and he nodded.

Being so close, the smell of liquor that you emanated and that which he emanated combined slightly, during a few torturous seconds of silence. Suddenly the cheerful atmosphere had died down and although Kaz was not an impatient person, the alcohol had slightly clouded his senses.

"What is it?"

“My time here… is not intended to be just a visit”

Were you going to leave him? Was it a farewell then? Maybe that was why you had insisted on taking a portrait of him, one that you would look at from time to time and it would become a distorted blur of a distant time. A ghost.

“And what else would it be?”

There was silence for a moment.

“A permanent stay. If there is still room for me”

During the previous months he had convinced himself to accept that two of his best friends had left to pursue the idea of a better life, away from the hustle and bustle of the barrel, and to some extent he had come to digest the fact. But now the possibility of having you back with him was there and honestly, the most selfish part of him was happy that the little palace hadn't been enough for you.

“Is this a free choice or is there some particular reason that forces you to return here? It's not that it bothers me, but I just… I have to be aware to take my precautions”

“I come clean and of my own free will,” you said, raising both hands. “The King and the queen didn’t take it in the best way, but they did not refuse either.”

“And what is the reason for this sudden change of mind?”

“It wasn't sudden, months passed”

“But you were very convinced that you wanted to stay there.”

Kaz's principles and character made it impossible for him to admit that he had been hurt by your decision to remain in Ravka, but he was, and the subtle venom in the phrase made you aware of this.

“I liked the idea of becoming someone useful. All that fantasy of improving the country, a decent life for the Grisha, fulfilling a purpose, and blah, blah, blah. I think I got a little carried away by the fact that there was a living Saint in the palace and thought... that things would be different. A part of me wanted to feel that this was my place in the world because all my life I dreamed of training hard and reaching the second army, wearing those colored keftas, serving the nation” your voice became sarcastic and you put some quotes in the air “It was most disappointing to feel so out of place being there”

“And you want to go back to street fighting then?”

"Oh no. Now that you are the owner of practically half a Barrel, I highly doubt that anyone will want to mess with me. And the whiskey you serve at the club is a delight worth staying for” again you observed the closest thing to amusement in his features and that made you smile “So what do you say? Do you think the services of a healer are still useful to you?”

“As you just illustrated, fights are less common now. But I'll find something to keep you busy."

“Let's face it, I just healed you. Fights will probably be less common for me, but not for you” you laughed “And at some point you will be grateful for having me here”

Kaz would appreciate having you with him even if you were just hanging out at the Slat or the club. Your absence had only managed to show him how much he could miss you.

“I have to maintain my reputation”

“Yes, but it would be a shame if a bad blow ruined that pretty face”

The boy was aware that his face was already full of scars, spots, and wrinkles from frowning so much, that's why his expression hardened upon hearing your words. He didn't hate your compliments, but it wasn't like he believed them either.

"Go away. You're drunk and I need to work."

Despite the tone of voice, there was a certain affection hidden in those words and you decided to focus on that. You stood up to put the chair back in place and an urge to hug Kaz came over you. However, you knew you had to refrain if you didn't want to end up thrown to the other side of the room.

“Thank you for letting me stay. I'll try not to make too much of a fuss”

That was also a lie, he knew perfectly well the chaos you caused in the company of Jesper and that it would only be a matter of time before it appeared. Still, he nodded to indicate that he was giving you a vote of confidence. You headed towards the door.

“I'm glad you're back,” he said, as you were about to leave. You were afraid you were imagining it, so you turned to look at him.

Both of you wanted to say that you had missed each other, but the intention was lost in the volatility of the air around you.

“Rest, Kaz. If you need anything, look for me, okay?”

The fact that you were now in the same building, a few rooms away, provided the boy with indescribable tranquility.

And when he saw you leave he kept thinking that maybe one day, with enough effort, that strange dream he had could become a reality. For now, it only remained to say that knowing that your return home had been to stay, made his heart feel full again.

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