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andhereisthetea · 8 months

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FACING FEARS - A She-Ra fanfic by LadyKadilion

Fandoms: She-Ra, Princess of Power (1985), He-Man and the Masters of the Universe (1985), She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018).

Rating: Mature (+18)

Relationship: Entrapta/Hordak (Slow Burn), Adora & Entrapta.

Summary: Adora is expected to leave her childhood life behind to become Force Captain; A rite of passage when raised in the Etherian Horde, and she wants to become the best at the eyes of her everyone around her, specially her father. But a mysterious figure will plague both dreams and real life alike, making her question the life she has been raised into, and with it, bringing the chaos and fears of an uncertain future. Adora's path is just starting, but for Princess Entrapta, life has been ruthless enough.

[You can read this fic in AO3]

Chapter 1 - Fears as Dark as Night

She should have known that night, instead of forgetting for all those months. Adora questions herself even to this day why she just forgot, brushing the vision aside as a simple nightmare product of countless days of frustration and stress. She recalls the fear when waking up startled and disoriented, only darkness around her, and the silence only broken by the subtle snoores of her peers. Her clothes sticking to her skin due to the cold sweat, and her hands shaking under the covers.

It had been just a dream, a nightmare.

She should have known better.

Adora reviewed her notes from the day before, her datapad the only source of light in the large room that was the cadets' barracks.

Despite the fact that her eyelids felt heavy already at that time of night, and large dark marks were beginning to appear under her eyes, the teenager’s expression remained resilient before the onslaught of exhaustion. She had not only gone through every physical test in the last few months, to which her muscles still ache from exertion, she had also remained undefeated in the tests of logic and knowledge.

However, a doubt had seized her mind, and in the last days after the end of her training, it had grown into a burden whiting her brain that she had to resolve.

Princesses don't kill people-

This has to be a joke, right? Of course they do, everyone in the Horde knew that, but the girl hesitated.

Adora has taken a book from the library some weeks ago; an old book she knew to keep well hidden from Shadow Weaver and her father alike. Between the old yellow pages and signs of use by many unknown hands, with small and tight handwriting, this phrase was found.

She caressed it for a second, and now in the confines of her bed, Adora looked at it again, and the scratched words besides the unfinished sentences, as if someone had tried to erase half of it.

It was… true, in a sense. The princesses from the Council of Kings had never hurt anyone by their own hands. Adora herself had never faced any princess in her life, still, it couldn’t be said the same for others within the Horde.

Adora lit up the page a bit more, using her datapad.

Princesses of Etheria have a reputation of being sorceresses who secluded themselves within their four walls and castles of great majesty, leaving their servants and the people who serve them to their fate. Executions weren’t uncommon in the days before the Rebellion started. They are in possession of large armies and soldiers, mostly of them untrained citizens, that under their hands could act against what is rightful.

Note: Citizens and soldiers, in a desperate situation, commit desperate acts, such as slaughter, kidnapping, murder…

Bright Moon is the largest Kingdom in the continent, Bordering two more Kingdoms; Salineas and Mystacor. The last one is the source of religious ideology that every princess follows, based on dark sorcery and dogmatic magic, allowing them to control the population.

There was a tremor inside her chest, something was not right. The information was oversimplified? It's too easy of an answer…

“Can you turn off that thing? I need to sleep” A movement broke her concentration and the shadow of someone's head appeared between the sheets of the bed beside hers. Glowing eyes were the only thing that revealed their identity to her. “Really Adora, still? You know that you will pass as always.”

“Shut up, Catra”

Mystacor is one of the biggest centers of blasphemous ideologies in Etheria, their cult has several followers all over the planet…

“Honestly your father should have put you in the position of Force Captain from the beginning, it wouldn’t have made any difference.”

Finally she deigned to look up from the datapad, throwing a furious look at the girl who was still covered by her bed sheets.

“You know that isn’t true, I have the same chances of passing or failing as everyone else.” She continued reading when the girl didn’t answer back, then passed through more pages until the Geographical section came into view.

She yawned, she hated geography.

The Whispering woods are an inhospitable region even for the vast majority of the kingdoms, it is theorized that the princesses and sorcerers of Mystacor put curses and black magic in the surroundings…

“Well at least he will be there for it.” Catra turned her back to her, spiteful.

She swallowed, there was a lump left in her chest. Adora usually didn’t care about what her peers said, especially about the reason behind her success, she could pride herself on being able to pass on her own merits. It didn't matter where she came from, it was true.

“He will not be.” her voice was a mere whisper, knowing her friend wouldn’t listen.

In recent years, there have been concerns regarding sections of the mountains; it separates the Horde Empire from most Kingdoms to the east of the continent. It serves the Horde as a source of mining, but there are regions of too difficult access even for the Horde’s vehicles and smallest transport. Atmospheric conditions have also hindered exploration and reconnaissance campaigns inside the mountain range, attempts on foot have been carried out, without results. *see footnotes.

Adora frowned. As any cadet raised within the Horde, one of the greatest aspects of each training was the resilience and efficiency behind each operation. So how does this happen to one of the most powerful forces on Etheria?

Several sections of the mountain range, especially of highest altitude, have been abandoned by the Kingdoms due to lack in resources and geographical obstacles, together with apparent hostilities .

“Hmmm”

Adora rubbed her eyes. tired as she was, she knew she couldn't keep up with her learning. Around her, a dozen of her teammates slept peacefully, not even noticing the young insomniac, even with her datapad on her lap, the blue light illuminated her face in a ghostly way.

She couldn’t sleep.

Not this time.

She didn’t want to sleep again and see what she saw before, every night, for nearly a week.

She remembered the conversation she had had earlier that day, in the Horde infirmary.

“Do you need anything, cadet?”

“I can’t sleep, I have nightmares.” Adora said dryly. She averted her eyes from the nurse, embarrassed, but this one did not seem to be offended by the girl's show of weakness.

"Take these" The nurse handed her a bottle of sleeping pills "They relax the muscles too".

Adora wanted to protest immediately, but the Nurse was adamant.

“I am not going to give you anything else, I know you all are in times of testing and heavy training, nightmares are normal. Soldiers must face their fears, you are young, you will know.”

“Can this stay between us, right?” Could she have had the authority to ask for something like that? Adora thought to herself, now replaying what had happened during the day, and her father's frustration… could the nurse have mentioned something to him? maybe that had been the reason why he hadn't wanted to take her with him.

She rubbed her face one more time, that was bullshit. Her brain is talking nonsense to her.

Adora was still too young to go into the field, even into a combat zone, and she resented it, but could do nothing against that fact. She must pass her training and tests first to yearn to be in a higher rank.

And Force Captain was, in fact, the highest rank she could yearn for.

But everything comes with a sacrifice, she remembers. Shadow Weaver’s cold words washing over her, the same way they did years prior when she got her first period cycle and she sat her and told her coldly that she was about to become a woman now, and should stop being a child; she needed to welcome pain in her life as if it was her nature.

Shakra… she misses Shakra.

The old woman had been kind and sweet with her, it had hugged her goodbye when she packed her things from her old bedroom in Doom Tower, the place that has been her home for thirteen years of her life, and was escorted to the building for the recruits and young cadets starting the final stages of their training. She was expected to stay there for the duration of her training until adulthood now.

She couldn't come back.

Adora laid back, leaving her datapad aside, feeling exhaustion crawling through her body, and she knew there was nothing she could do against it. Looking at the bottle of sleeping pills, she opened it, accepting her fate.

She wasn't truly worried about the outcoming day. Any type of physical test that has been thrown over her shoulders, she has achieved it, not without difficulties and frustrations, but still passed them nonetheless. She was proud of her achievements, having a perfect score, so why was her heart so heavy? Why does her thoughts linger over and over again to her own failures and also disappointments?

An incident of the previous months jumped to her mind while the girl tried to close her eyes. Frustrated, she turned her back to the wall, looking at the darkness of the room. She felt unsafe, uncertain, while disappointment and even sadness plagued her.

She swallowed while her mind kept pushing her back to that frustrating day.

She remembered waiting in the main gates, while the mist gave way to shapeless figures, shadows in the morning gloom, hunched over in an attempt to keep out the cold and rain. Groups of individuals slowly seem to take shape in the gorge, walking wearily towards the main entrance.

The rain had turned to a downpour, and the soldiers rushed into the main building, but there was a silence between them, a horrible sense of unease and loss. From among the shadows and the mist, faces pale from exhaustion look without seeing the metallic structure that they call home; dazed eyes, wielding well-used weapons, and armors dirty and still with traces of defeat.

Suddenly, a commotion is heard from among them, and the mass of soldiers composed their stoic formation, despite the pain and weariness lingering in their beaten bodies.

A taller, burlier figure is pushing through them, and the soldiers seem to hesitate for a few seconds, unsure and intimidated, finally bowing rightfully to the new individual. But the man does not pay attention to them at all, he is focused on the giant monolith that rises in front of him, while the storm hits him with greater force than before.

But his shoulders are tense, and his pupilless eyes glow blood red under a permanent frown, cutting through the darkness of the place, contrasting with his ash-white face and almost bestial features, like no other creature on those lands.

He is Lord and Master, and his soldiers know it, getting out of his way in his presence. The rain and the cold doesn’t affect him, the storm is nothing compared to his own sense of utter failure.

But like the monolith in front of him, with walls of hard basalt rock mixed with metal and steel, just like himself, he does not bow before the relentless onslaught of the wind or the biting cold of the rain. Even if his battered body suffered in pain, he has to keep going.

He has to move on.

The monolith’s doors opened and the soldiers rushed in, Hordak snarling at the stupid display of weakness, but he let them be nonetheless. The Etherians were made up of extremely fragile creatures and even a being like him, raised within a regime that would kill any other, knows that they must not be pushed beyond their limits. Every soldier must eat and rest.

Ahead of him, he heard a commotion.

He growled, knowing what was coming as he saw the group of soldiers closest to the gate part abruptly, to let a figure much shorter than them pass through. A cadet, belonging to the recruit section already in training according to what he saw on her uniform, still too young to be among the soldiers returning from battle.

Under the distant roar of lurking thunder, the rain intensified its onslaught, and the Lord of the Horde quickened his pace, while the soldiers hurried out of his way, mute and fearful, and just as he expected, the walking firm and determined of the girl imitated his own.

Soldiers, Hordak thought, were nothing more than order-following creatures, he thought as he watched them recoil from the girl. But he knew that this fear was not for the girl but for himself, something that Adora had to recognize and cultivate on her own.

"You're back!" He arched a nonexistent brow at the frustration in the girl's voice. "Why didn't you say that you would go to Salineas!"

"Soldier" The girl's height was ridiculous compared to his, her head reaching the breastplate of his armor. "What is the meaning of this?"

“We lost, cadet” A deep voice from her right broke her focus on the tall man towering over her with furious crimson eyes. It came out of a huge humanoid creature, his height surpassing Hordak's. He was covered in thick brownish hair, and his face and eyes reminded the girl of a mix of a wolf and a lion. But contrary to his bestial appearance, he looked at her with a stoic expression, intelligent eyes looking her up and down.

“Force Captain Grizzlor, accompany Adora to my Sanctum immediately, I will go in a moment” Hordak nearly growled as the storm increased its slaughter, and she blinked for a moment, seeming to realize where she was, her hair and clothes were soaked. She wanted to protest against him, but Hordak passed her and went directly to the giant gates. She followed closely, while Grizzlor stalked behind her.

“You told me that Salineas was going to be my first battleground experience, you have been telling me this since one year ago!”

She was relentless, frustrated to no end. Hordak knew this, still had to maintain the appearance of a good ruthless leader, even to his own child.

“SILENCE!”

The soldiers around them that stupidly had stopped to see the scene regretted it immediately at the sound of Hordak’s voice, a thunder over the relentless storm.

Adora stopped to recoil at his furious tone, and he regretted it immediately. But stronger was his anger at her defiance, a characteristic of hers which has been growing with the years, now present every second he saw the blue eyes of the girl; a constant reminder to his fragile command every time she was involved.

“Don’t forget your place, soldier.”

Adora saw his furious eyes and she felt a rush of sadness and defeat washing over her body, suddenly the coldness of the wind and rain pierced her uniform and a shiver ran through her spine. She was not stupid, she knew when she had overstepped a boundary, specially when seeing the face of her father grimacing with anger.

Adora didn’t want to admit she was intimidated and afraid, but it hurt her now, and will hurt her the days to come, how Hordak, her father, has reacted to her questioning and subsequent disappointment at his broken promises.

“I want no protest from you about this anymore. Is that clear, soldier?”

Soldier, of course. Of course he would just turn his back to her as a daughter, of course he would just see her as a soldier, a mere young cadet.

Of course.

Adora wanted to cry. Maybe she would have, if she hadn't been as strong as she was, just like he expected her to be.

A moment of hesitation followed. Grizzlor watched the scene unfold, seeing both child and Lord stare at each other. For one part he understood his Master, there has to be a clear line between father and child in an army, especially if the child was still learning the differences between family and military status. He has seen the girl, and he knew she was ready for everything but this.

The storm seemed to evolve both figures in a crude embrace, but Grizzlor knew better; a drift was forming slowly between both.

“Yes, Lord Hordak”

Adora’s face was a clear mix of emotions, but she did well keeping it under check, meanwhile Lord Hordak just turned back at the gates, finally not able to look in the eyes of the girl any longer, slowly but steadily started walking past the Horde Soldiers.

“Force Captain Grizzlor, there is no need to bring Cadet Adora to my Sanctum any longer, accompany her to the Cadets barracks, I expect for her to stay there for the rest of the day.”

“Yes, my Lord”

Adora followed his movements shortly, walking past everyone without even looking back at Grizzlor, who walked behind her, she just stared at the ground, defeated. But Grizzlor kept looking back at his Master, his shoulders shivering, his posture as defeated as the teenager behind him, way more exhausted than he had seen him at the end of the battle, it was clear the mere discussion had taken away any type of strength he had left.

Meanwhile Adora keeps going, not listening to Grizzlor instruction, no listening to any type of reprimand from Shadow Weaver. She took her soaked clothes off her body, changed to her resting uniform, and tried to process everything, all of it, fell freely down her cheeks.

Now present Adora cleaned her face once again, sniffing with sudden anger.

It has been weeks since then, and no words from her father… Lord Hordak, has reached her ears. She knows the change was going to be impactful for her, she has been told this by every Force Captain, and the answer has been the same:

Is a rite of passage, to get away from every type of comfort and security from her childhood, her room, her toys, the security of Shakra’s embrace and care, even the familiar kindness from the ones she saw as her protectors, guardians, parents… all replaced with the hardness of training and cold water of the barracks communal showers, while getting used to new formalities and titles. And this also included the treatment by the man who she always has seen as her father, now her commander, Lord, and Master.

Has she also changed to his eyes?

Was she still his daughter? or just a mere soldier destined for battle, to disappear, and even to die?

Would he cry her death, as she cries right now the slow torturous death of the life she was leaving behind?

So Adora wondered, at her last minute of awakening, what could have been the feelings of those soldiers, disappearing or being killed by mountain beasts. Could their bodies be still there, in the highest of mountains? or scavengers spreaded it through the rocks and snow, and now their skeletons lay frozen in time, their Horde helmets the last remains of their existence on that unforgiving place?

Or worse, could have been taken captives by some Princess or Mystacor Sorcerer, as slaves of their regime and oppression.

But Princesses don't kill people.

She knew only the knowledge that was handed to her, and the mantra every soldier in the Horde crawled to, which she also remembered when feeling her consciousness slip from her.

A good soldier goes forward without fear, fear paralyzes the mind and body, it is the real enemy on the battlefield.

But this soldier, this soldier was afraid.

And she could sense it.

He could feel the ground under his feet as he ran down the slope, but his vision was limited to only one meter in front of him, the fog was dense and disoriented his senses, but he knew his companions were following him close. Blood pounded in his ears as he tried to turn on communications, to no avail.

"Battalion Two, I repeat, do you copy me!?"

Static could only be heard, while the soldiers regrouped with great difficulty, taking shelter on the slope of the mountain, which acted as a natural shield against the blows of the wind that rose, and the coursing snow that had no mercy on their bodies.

"I call all units, retreat, I repeat, retreat!" he could hear his own voice shake, not just from the cold. His body was beginning to feel numb with panic, counting down the minutes as the static cut off and voices could be heard on the comlink.

"We have been ambushed!"

And then nothing, nothing at all. The comlink has been cut.

Fear is the enemy that shall be purged in times of despair.

After all, Princesses are just muppets of a higher rank, they don’t go into battle, they control their own citizens, and their own population into fighting and killing for themselves.

"We need to go back" But with that fog they couldn't go back, right? They kept close as they ventured down a ravine between the rocks, which cut the wind and allowed a better view, as they entered a dry riverbed, the rocky walls towering above their heads.

"It's 18 miles downhill" Said a feminine voice behind him, the soldier was shaking just like himself, but the firmness with which she held her weapon revealed her resilience and fierceness, like every soldier. “If the rebellion planned an ambush, our forces have already been partially decimated, we have to find a way to get down from here.”

It seemed like good enough advice, but there was no sign of princesses or wizards, no sign of black magic or warning.

The task had been simple from the beginning, to conduct a reconnaissance mission in the northwestern part of the mountain range, looking for a path for the Horde and obtain access roads for mining and extractivism, however, all had been in vain. The soldier, commander of two squads, a dozen of men and women, was now weighing his options. they could not leave the ravine without being at risk from the elements, and to stay there was to die of exposure.

But how many had died already? and by what or who?

They crave adulation and luxury,

Desperation and anxiety began to sink into his stomach. The horrible feeling of being watched caressed his neck.

Suddenly, what caressed his nape seemed more real and material than what he had imagined.

Before the scream of one of his companions had been registered by his brain, he had already aimed upwards, shooting without thinking. The scream was cut short, and out of the corner of his eye he saw how the inert body fell to the ground, lifeless.

The helmet rolled, until it hit the stone wall.

“It's on us!! SHOOT!”

Like a predatory beast, a stealthy but brutal shadow fell upon them. The man only managed to throw himself to the ground, doing a somersault on his shoulder, feeling how something sharp grazed his cheek, his helmet being partially cut by a deadly edge.

Less was the luck of one of his companions, who the shadow seemed to eat, a guttural sound resounded between the two rocky walls, and the body of the soldier brutally hit the wall, moved by the ricochet, when a gunshot cut through the air.

The shadowy figure backed away as it was shot, and immediately he and his men reached forward. Obeyed only by his instincts, he went for its legs, from his position on the ground, meanwhile his female teammate shouted fiercely, throwing herself forward, with her electric baton drawn due to the lack of ammunition in her own gun.

The commander felt the sharp blow of a steel-toed boot against what was left of his helmet, breaking his nose and making his eyes weep.

But from his position, he still could see the moment when the figure feinted, avoiding his teammate's attack, turning with the momentum of its body, and grabbed the woman's arm, who stumbled forward.

And then, what looked like a tentacle reached out from within the figure's robes, and with a whipping motion that sliced through the air within the ravine, decapitated her.

Princesses don't kill people.

Adora stepped back, she could barely feel her bare feets against the cold rocks of the ravine, her whole body shaking with deep fear. The head of the now dead woman rolled through the ground to mere meters from her position, and Adora swallowed hard against the crude impulse to vomit, the eyes of the woman staring blankly at her. The shadowy figure still not noticing her presence.

The man, now alone, tried to escape while blood poured from his nose and mouth, leaving a trail there where he crawled on the ground.

Maybe it was an optical illusion, but the silhouette merged for a moment with the shadows that formed whiting the ravine, where the lights couldn’t reach, as if the tall person was a mere game of lights and shadows, an optical illusion playing with her mind.

Adora tried to hide herself against the hard rocks, covering her mouth with her trembling hand, while witnessing what came next.

More tentacles came out of the large clothes, like the roots of a very old tree, vines wrapping around everything it encountered, including the neck of a very unfortunate soldier, trying to escape his fate. Still trying to resist and fight.

“Don’t move”

The girl was taken aback by the voice that came from the hooded figure; deep but feminine in nature.

“No no no…”

“QUIET!”

The girl cringed when seeing the vine-like tentacle crawl to the man’s throat and this one choked in a state of pure shock and fear, his eyes panicking while staring at a face the girl couldn’t see.

“You have trespassed and attacked a local settlement, someone like you, commander, should know more than anyone what happens with those who partake in such heinous activities.”

The feminine voice seems almost monotonous, as if this was simple business for her instead of savage bloodlust.

“How dare you…”

It was a mere whisper, and this time, the hooded woman used her own hands rather than whatever the hell that was under that hood, grabbing the trembling man like he weighed nothing and tossed him against the rock wall.

Adora gulped, the hooded woman was strong.

“I don’t care about whatever orders or ruler who had given them to you, whoever sent you to this place knew what they were doing to you and your people.”

They knew?

Adora wondered why she was so afraid, wasn’t all this a dream? but the cold and the snow was very much real, piercing her thin sleeping clothes and her skin. Her body moved without her noticing, a curiosity creeping from whiting. Suddenly, the man stared at the woman in front of him, and with a last resource of strength, spit what blood he had on his mouth with vehement defiance.

“The Horde doesn’t obey your kind…”

Suddenly a fast movement made Adora jump in her place and a strong scream cut the words out of the man’s mouth, his face contouring on a horrible painful expression, while his breath seemed to catch as if he was drowning, and the girl felt her heart stop, knowing what had just happened.

And then Adora saw what had just punched the unfortunate man’s stomach; the sun bathed the polished surface of what seemed to be a metallic hand, and the blade that had pierced its way inside both armor and flesh with ease.

“You are no one to decide. The moment you set foot here, your life belonged to me.”

The man’s eyes stared at the ones of the woman in a desperate attempt to remain firm whiting his fear and panic of what had just occurred, and for a moment Adora thought that whatever the man was seeing has to be truly terrible, for she couldn’t see the woman’s face from her position, but she could see the man’s face, and then the white replaced the brown, and a last whimper left him when the blade withdrew from his body.

The body was limb whiting seconds, and fell to the ground lifeless when the woman took away her hold of it.

The wind had found its way through the ravine, and now Adora trembled uncontrollably due to both cold and fear. Fear for what she has just witnessed, and what could happen next. Should she run away? But why would she? Wasn’t this all just a dream after all?

The click of metal took her thoughts away, and then the shadowy figure moved, her weapon concealed again with help of her hood and mantle. From her position some meters away, Adora could see the woman taking a fast look at all the bodies around her, then just kneeling to check the commander’s weapons and armor.

“Are you one of them?”

What.

When the girl didn’t answer, the hooded woman turned to her with a fluid movement, her cloak following the movement of her body. Adora was frozen in place, still trying to process the question, was it to her? they were the only ones alive whiting the ravine at the moment.

She didn’t have time to answer, when the towering figure was just an arm length to her, Adora tried to escape but then an armored arm was fast enough to grab her own in an iron grip.

She wasn’t dreaming anymore, and the realization filled her with visceral fear, so she tried to escape by withdrawing herself, but the grip was firmer and the woman just stood there, looking up and down at the teenager in front of her, especially her very wet clothes and bare feet.

“Don’t be afraid” Her fight response should have kicked in, she was a trained soldier, but what she has just witnessed was still fresh in her mind, that woman has killed three Horde soldiers with such ease, fighting would be useless for a cadet like her.

“Fascinating.”

She could see the woman’s face now, partially, under the hood and also a thick purple scarf; a pair of eyes observing her every move, questioning the girl. But Adora also noticed a curiosity in them, a sharp mentality that seemed to meditate on what to do next.

“Please just…” Adora wasn’t an arrogant person, she knew when she was not in a position to fight or to argue against what was obviously a powerful opponent, and for someone like her, who has never been on the battlefield, it was crucial to understand her place. “I was dreaming… but this, this isn't a dream anymore right?”

“No” Snow has started to fall and the girl was feeling numb due to the freezing temperatures, her whole body shaking both with fear and cold. She took a glimpse of the hand grabbing her arm, seeing the same bright armor that had taken the man’s life out of him some minutes ago.

“But don’t worry about it” Adora raised her head and met eyes with the woman, this time her eyes were more bright, more human. Then a lightweight sensation took hold of her mind, and the cold and freezing wind became more wereable… “Go back to sleep”

And then Adora fell backward, her world turning around her, and the face of the woman distorting, while her mind was engulfed by the abyss.

7 notes · View notes

iamyourscarletvision · 6 years

Text

White

Author: Iamyourscarletvision (LadyKadilion on Ao3)

N/A: Infinity War Spoilers, based on the events after the movie.

Warning: No fix-it (I am sorry), Angst, Instrospection.

Characters: Vision.

White.

Darkness enveloped him... a silent blanket of shadows where nothing existed but his nascent being, no sense of touch or even perception of movements around him. He was alone in a world of darkness and his consciousness took shape slowly but steadily.

And then the light was made.

Cold.

Bright.

White.

And then there was fear. A voice, calling from the outside of that darkness, but he feared, perhaps for the first time (first time?), what existed beyond his consciousness. A foreboding flooded his whole being, while he was forced to return to reality.

"Is he waking up?"

He did not make any movement, he just tried to concentrate his new senses to his surroundings. He expected something (someone?), a signal, a feeling that welcomed him pleasantly to this world of matter, so different from the one that had sheltered him.

There was noise around him, the sound of footsteps moving ... the whisper of someone, people talking. The distant sound... stronger, were those birds? That was not what he was looking for, what his mind, his conscience, was trying to scan in that new world.

There was something lost.

Something was missing.

He opened his eyes.

The white light dazzled his synthetic corneas momentarily, and the first glimpse of pain penetrated his nervous system, causing him to contract the muscles of his face and utter the first exclamation at the shock of sensations. Everything seemed to gather weight around him, pushing the darkness away from his mind, everything was too real and so ... so overwhelming.

"He's awake, guys, Steve!"

The voice was familiar ... in the midst of his daze he searched the database (database... had he ever expressed himself that way?) of his lethargic consciousness... Tony? No ... Bruce? yes. Bruce.

"Doctor Banner?" He forced the words out of his mouth... as memories flooded him, and more information seemed to attack his senses. The smell of vegetation was intense, also the sound of birds contrasted with that of technological implements. Where was he? What had happened?

He tried to remember in the midst of his desperation, while his consciousness kept expanding, searching... looking for what?

What he was looking for?

"Look at his brain waves, Doctor Banner."

"He is distressed"

"Vision ... vision is us, it's okay, you're back."

For some reason, he did not want to be back...

Why did not he want to be back?

Something... something was lost.

He opened his eyes once more, and in front of him a figure seemed to take shape slowly, blurred by the intense light of the room. A young woman with dark complexion and elaborate hairstyle. His mind found the necessary information, working as a group of gears deactivated for eons of time.

Miss Shuri. She was smiling, dressed in a lab coat, a youthful joy invaded her features, and something bothered him greatly. The face of the scientist showed the same kind of joy, but there was still a bias of concern in his eyes, a nervousness.

Did not they understand that I wanted to continue sleeping?

Were they perhaps indifferent to his pain?

Pain?

Why did reality hurt suddenly? Why was the awakening so difficult?

And that persistent sense of loss...

"Vision, man, we thought you lost, tell me ... are you okay?"

General Rhodes.

"Vision, it's good to have you back"

Agent Romanoff.

As more people gathered around him, he had more trouble controlling the anguish within his being. Was he failing? What was that feeling of discomfort inside his thoracic box? He scanned their faces as he sat on the metal table where his body had been deposited, holding on with the help of Doctor Banner, who had kept a prudent silence, while everyone seemed to rise up before the miracle in front of them, waiting for a reaction that the newly revived synthetic man seemed not to want to show.

"The synapse seems to work perfectly, the readings do not show any failure so far, the recovery of your senses and your brain information may take a few minutes, but you will be perfect, even so we will continue to monitor you..."

The young woman spoke to him cheerfully, observing the holographic device in front of her, but he had stopped listening to her when his eyes fell on the only figure that had not approached him, which was leaning against the wall, watching him, with a neutral expression, exhausted.

Captain Rogers.

He looked at him, his posture was that of a man who had aged ten years in a couple of days, there were wrinkles on his forehead and circles under his tired eyes. It was the image of a defeated man, and his gaze seemed to penetrate his senses. Vision was certain that his appearance, however new, expressed the same, but still did not know why, and for some reason his conscience shouted st him, begged, so he would not make an attempt to find out...

But he could not help it.

There was something lost.

Something was missing.

"Vision?"

Banner was the first to show concern about his condition, but Vision kept looking at Captain Rogers, while a feeling of fear began to flood every fiber of his being.

But the fear was irrational, isn’t it?

He had been revived, something that, according to the expression of his companions, nobody had expected, it was a miracle.

He scanned the faces of the people around him once more, and noticed for the first time the tiredness that covered their features. Each of them, watching him trying to show a positivism they did not feel, camouflaging a sense of defeat that Steve did not seem to want to hide.

His aching eyes scanned the perimeter, looking for the source of his anguish, and his consciousness spread against a wall of... nothing, which competed with the emptiness inside his chest, flooding his senses until it became almost unbearable.

Shuri walked around the table and concentrated on one of the monitors behind Doctor Banner, who kept a hand on his shoulder. But there were no sign of King T'challa with them.

He did not want to be there.

Natasha approached Steve, who had uncrossed his arms, and was walking directly towards him. But Bucky was not there.

There was something wrong.

Rhodes stood at his side, and the expression on his face had lost all hint of joy, only a serene sadness remained. He saw the room again, but Sam Wilson was nowhere to be seen.

"Bruce, please give us a moment"

He looked at the room one more time.

For something.

For someone.

"Vision"

No.

Captain Rogers' hand settled delicately on his shoulder, bringing him out of his recent discovery. But he did not have the courage to look him in the eye, to look up and see the defeated look again.

"Vision, I need to know if you're okay, we're going to tell you everything that happened, I promise, but right now I need you to tell us how you feel."

He looked up and found himself face to face with Captain Rogers, Steve, the leader, the soldier, his friend, and what he saw was genuine concern, but also sadness, pain, loss.

Loss.

No, oh god.

"Where is everybody?"

An arrow of pain pierced the Capitan's blue eyes, but his face remained impassive, even so, he was quick to read the reaction of his other companions, their inalations, their crestfallen looks, their lost expressions.

"We're going to talk about it in a moment"

"Steve, tell him" Natasha.

No, please no.

The silence was as painful as the anguish that grew in his chest, and despite feeling unable to utter his next words, his eyes never left his friend's face as he did so.

"Where is Wanda?"

Silence.

Steve closed his eyes, and Vision felt Doctor Banner's hand on his right shoulder.

Nobody said anything, everyone avoided looking at him.

"Steve"

Had he ever felt such despair? but his mind now shouted for answers, while a painful feeling ate him alive, while looking at the fractured expression of the Captain.

"Where is Wanda?"

Their defeated eyes met once more, and Vision was surprised to see the moisture rise in them, and his hardened face crumble, as did the expression of each of his companions, his friends.

"Thanos"

Thor's voice was calm, but hit him roughly, and his eyes moved to the warrior who had been silent, watching the scene from the corner of the room.

Wanda.

"I'm sorry, Vision." Captain Rogers' voice sounded distant, overshadowed by a buzz coming from his chest, and his eyes found the Asgardian warrior's, while the whiteness of the void growing on his chest closed his peripheral vision.

It has been Wanda

"How"

Wanda was missing.

The whiteness seemed to flood everything, while his friends began to talk around him, but their voices did not reach him... while his mind went through his final hours, and the image of that young woman observing him with joy, while he asked her to stay.

And she stayed.

"Vision, vision ... are you fine? talk to us"

"Give it a minute, Steve, hold him"

"Vision, man, answer us, tell us something, whatever"

It was his fault.

"Why?" His voice was calm, but the tears rolled down his cheeks, while the whiteness flooded him, and the emptiness took over his being. There was nothing, there was nothing left.

“Why did not you let me die?”

There was nothing but indifference. Towards his companions, towards his friends, towards his own existence.

The light had never been synonymous of welcome, no... now he saw it. The color white is neutrality, because reality is painful, and the whiteness was there to shield him from it.

He thought as they held him and collapsed, while his tears fell tirelessly down his cheeks, and he could not do anything but exist. It is not like this? How could they have brought him to life, knowing that he would have to live with the painful weight of loss?

He hated them, he hated the humans who had wasted their time bringing him to a reality lacking in her touch.

He hated their vain attempts to calm him, to confort him.

He hated that being that had taken away everything he had ever loved, he hated him with an intense and unbridled rage.

And while the images of her ran through his mind, his pain increased, and paralyzed him to the point of not feeling anything, not wanting anyone else, not wanting anything else.

Neutrality, purgatory.

It was his fault, after all.

His egoism destroyed the only thing in that world that was worth protecting. There was no more of this world than what he could want.

"Why did not you let me die?"

She was dead... and he was so tired of surviving.

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