#lee haechan x y/n

[endthedream]

a sweet melody

pairing: siren!haechan x human!reader (she/her)

summary: Insanity isn’t what she expected to receive when she joined her father and his crew on an expedition, full of men who think she isn’t capable of anything. But it’s all that she got after seeing nothing but endless water every single day. Maybe that’s why her mind started imagining a strange boy who finally shows her the appreciation she deserves. Maybe that’s why she ignores the way she can’t escape the trance he puts her in whenever he sings a melody for her. Or maybe everything is real, and the boy isn’t who he pretending to be.

words: 12.5k

story colour: green

some warnings:

it’s angst, the word “killing” gets mentioned a few times but nothing happens, heavy manipulation

masterlist of ‘nct dream as super natural creatures’

August 2nd, 1878

Day 25 on sea

I don’t remember the feeling of solid ground under my feet. Grass under my toes, touching stone walls or sleeping in a soft bed that isn’t rocking from the waves crashing against the ship.

I don’t remember the taste of air that isn’t filled with salt. The taste of anything other than fish.

I don’t remember not being nauseous every day, not fighting against boredom, not having to talk to myself in order to stay sane. Having to remind myself that I am me and this expedition isn’t pointless and could possibly make us rich until the day we die.

Father told me to write down my thoughts, he senses that I’m slowly losing my mind. But how can’t I? All I see, day and night, are endless expanses of water. No land in sight. We are miles and miles away from civilization. Alone with the sea and what lays beneath it. That thought can be frightening sometimes.

My brother called me a wimp, told me I should have just stayed at home and let the men handle it. I think he is the one who is a wimp. He’s scared of the power women can hold in a world that is overpowered by men. He doesn’t want me here, thinks I belong only at home like the other women in our city. But I don’t believe that even for one second. I have so much more potential than cooking and taking care of children. I’m an explorer, an adventurer, a researcher. I belong exactly here with my brother, my father and his crew.

I am so much more than all of them point me out to be and I know I can prove exactly that to them. I can prove that women can do all things men have been doing for years, maybe even better. I will prove it, even if it makes me go insane.

August 7th, 1878

Day 30 on sea

I miss my mother. I miss her comforting words, her warm arms and the smell of her perfume. Father misses her too. We talked last night while watching the waves under the moonlit sky. He told me he thinks she is watching over us, protecting us from unknown dangers. He told me that he thinks she is proud of us, especially me, for having the courage to explore the sea. I think he is right. Mother would have loved for us to do the things she always dreamt of doing. Exploring. She always wanted to know what lays beyond the sea, know the secrets behind it and write it all down.

Mother was the creative one in our family. She wrote poems, drew beautiful paintings and crafted useful things out of our waste. There was nothing she couldn’t do, no challenge she couldn’t face. I admired her for that, looked up to her and wanted to be like her. Father says that sometimes he sees a bit of her in me, a bit of her creativity leaking out of my aura, but most of the time I am like him. A big pighead who is way too nosy for their own good. But he also said that this trait will help me on our journey.

“We need people like you.”, he spoke as he looked into the sparkling reflection of the stars on the water. “People who are brave and people who are inquisitive. People who don’t stop when it gets too much and get driven by the passion of wanting to know what lays beneath the unknown. That’s why I want you here.”

“But why did you bring my brother as well? He is nothing like that.” My comment made him let out a quiet laugh, a sound I haven’t heard from him in a while.

“Because he can fight. We need people like that as well.”

Our talk was over after that. He went to sleep, and I stayed up, watching the stars in the dark night sky and thinking about his words. Does he really want me here or is he just being nice to me because I’m his daughter? The others on the ship are not shy to express their dislike for me. I’m not taking it to heart since they care more about my gender than my capabilities. But I care about my father’s opinion. I care what he thinks about me being on this ship with him and if he thinks that I should have stayed at home like everyone else is telling me.

I hope he didn’t lie to me. I hope that his words were sincere, and he actually wants me to be here. Because I think it would shatter me if he didn’t.

I figured I should talk more about my current mental state. Every day I try not to show how much it affects me that even though there are so many people on this ship, I’m still alone. No one wants to talk to me, no one cares about my opinion, and no one wants me here. I spend most of the day watching the ocean, listening to the waves and the birds stopping by. When I see something, an animal or even just seaweed, I write it down and draw a picture of it. It helps me a bit, I think, but I’m not quite sure.

Yesterday a boy, his name is Jisung, let me help him prepare a fish. It was the first time someone had spoken to me without throwing an insult at my head. I haven’t seen him much around the ship since he spends most of the time in the kitchen with his father. But he seemed nice enough, even though as soon as another crew member approached us, Jisung ran away from me, not wanting to be seen with the “intruder”. I wasn’t offended by it, at least I got to eat a nice fish for dinner.

But I’m wandering again. My mental state. I do think I’m getting a bit… well, crazy. But who isn’t? Everyone on this ship is going through the withdrawal of feeling solid ground under their toes and seeing anything other than salt water every single day.

I think we all are slowly losing it.

August 15th, 1878

Day 38 on sea

The air was nice today. It smelled fresher than before, kind of like we entered a new world overnight.

It just felt so clean.

Maybe that’s exactly what I needed, some fresh and clear air, something that removed the mess inside of me as well. Father said that fresh air always helps with an occupied mind. I guess his thesis has been proven right.

I should listen to him more.

He is old and keeps to himself most of the time, but when he actually does talk, it has an impact. Just yesterday two of the men on the boat accidently- in a drunken manor- knocked over two wooden boxes full of fish we haunted, leaving us with not much left. Father was furious, I could tell by the look on his face, but he kept his calm image. He went up to the two men and instead of screaming, he just stared at them for a few minutes. I think his eyes were what intimated them the most.

“You realize what you just did?”, he asked them, and I never heard his voice being so cold. They just nodded their heads, eyes widened like they were deer’s getting hunted by a wolf. “You realize what that means for the two of you?” Hesitation lingered in their demeanor. Clearly, they didn’t know what consequences followed their stupid mistake.

“Since you prevented us from having a week stock of fish, I’m going to do the same to you. That means limited access to food, no alcohol anymore and you are going to clean the boat from front to back. I want to see it spotless. Are we clear?” Again, their heads nodded faster than the wind blowing my hair away. They hurried off after being dismissed, leaving me standing there as father let out a long sigh.

It must be hard, having to be in charge of a bunch of grown men who act like children. And it must be hard seeing your own children having to face some of their own hardships as well. I’m not saying my brother is having a hard time on this ship, I’m saying in general. Someone filled with that much piled up anger, like my brother, must have some troubles they can’t communicate themselves.

It’s not like I have never tried. Talking to him, I mean. I did, plenty of times. But he never listens. And he never talks. I think it is the masculinity they force upon boys these days. It starts in school when they are just little fellows and continues all the way into adult hood. It teaches them not to cry, to hide their emotions and be strong.

I think that is stupid. I think that as human beings we were created to show our emotions. It’s our darn right to let ourselves feel everything freely without having to hide it.

But my brother is taking it seriously, says that the people in school would make fun of him if he’s showing weakness. Weakness. That is stupid. I think that hiding your emotions and building up this wrong image in which you hide behind a made-up strength, is what makes you weak.

I told him that and he just said: “And that’s why you’re a woman. You wouldn’t survive a minute being a man.”

And you wouldn’t survive a minute being a woman either. But I didn’t say that. I didn’t want to make him more upset, and I especially didn’t want to start a discussion about men and women with him. It is pointless, because no matter what I say, he will never see us as equals.

I wish I were closer to my brother. I wish he wouldn’t have to think about all this stupid stuff. And I wish I could live in a world where I could freely express myself without having to justify my every move.

I wish, I wish, I wish.

August 19th, 1878

Day 42 on sea

We saw dolphins today. They were swimming right beside our ship, jumping high up into the air and whistling at us. It was a magical moment, watching them happily swim, eager to interact with us. I even got to draw a picture of them. And for a moment I forgot that my mind is constantly spinning in a spiral. I just sat there, enjoying the short moment of peace, before it got destroyed.

Some of the men on the ship, clearly drunk, threw bottles at the dolphins, slurring insulting words at them. The dolphins swam away shortly after, but the bottles stayed where they threw them, in the ocean. I was so mad that I went up to one of the men, yelling some pretty mean words as well.

“Are you out of your mind, you drunk filthy piece of shit? Not only did you hurt poor helpless animals that were clearly eager to interact with us, but you also polluted the ocean with your stupid bottles of alcohol. Are you really that messed up in your head to think this was a good idea? I don’t even get why you are on this god forsaken ship. You are clearly not good for anything other than drinking your days away and only caring about yourselves. And you call yourself a man. You are nothing but a pathetic little boy, wanting everyone’s attention. You disgust me, you pig.”

I can’t remember much afterwards, only the stinging feeling against my cheek, a foot against my rip cage and someone yelling to stop. I woke up not long ago. The ship is quiet, so I assume it’s already in the middle of the night and everyone is sleeping, but I’m too scared to look. My body hurts, every time I move only a slight bit, a crushing pain curses through my bones.

When I close my eyes, everything is spinning, so I don’t close my eyes anymore.

I don’t regret what I said to that man. I don’t regret standing up to myself. I had to endure a worse treatment for a longer time and could handle it. It is not my fault that he couldn’t handle a bit of critique. All I hope is that this pain will go away soon. The pain inside and outside.

I’ve been thinking, maybe a bit too much. What if I change my way of thinking? What if instead of letting the ocean hurt me, I will let it heal me? What if instead of letting the loneliness consume me, I will let it lead me? Maybe all I have to do to get better is to change the way I approach this expedition.

And now that I have written it down, I will have to do it. My mother always said words only count when you write them on a piece of paper. In that way it is like a contract, unbreakable. It is like an oath you swear only to yourself, and those should be the most precious ones. She said you should always keep the promises you give to yourself, because after all, at the very end you will always have yourself to count on. Mother was a wise lady. A wise and confident woman, that I always looked up to. She was never afraid to speak her mind and stand up for her beliefs, I admired that side of her so much. And I know my dad also admired that.

Sometimes I forget that he lost his wife, I forget that he is still grieving. Because it looks so easy for him. It doesn’t look like he is compulsively taken of on a ship to “explore the unknown” just to get away from home and the recuring memories of the woman he loved so dearly. It looks like he created a team of the best- that’s arguable- men out there and took of to explore. He looks like a hero, not a broken man.

He hides everything so well. I wish he would have taught me how to do that.

August 20th, 1878

Day 43 on sea

Dad told me not to move too much. He thinks my rips are badly bruised and I need a few days, maybe even a few weeks to heal. We don’t have a qualified doctor on this ship, so I am just putting ice on my ribs and hope they will magically heal.

My brother even came to my room to ask me about my well-being. That was the last thing I expected to be quite honest with you. My brother and I have never had the best relationship. He was never a reliable soul, always easily influenced by others. He is a follower not a leader and that shows in the way he behaves towards others, especially towards me.

“Are you fine?”, he asked me, voice unusually soft. I could see it in his eyes, the pity that lies in them. It looked like he actually cares.

“Forgetting the circumstances, yes, I am fine.” He let out a long and deep breath, a hand stroking back a piece of hair that fell into his eyes. I should have asked him if I should cut his hair for him.

“Okay.”, he just answered, nodding his head before standing up again. “If you need anything, just call for me.” Without looking at me again, he left the room. All I could do after that was smile. It was the first encounter since we were kids that didn’t end up with me wishing I would never have to talk to him again. He may not know how to express what he is really feeling and is scared of voicing his own thoughts, but this small conversation showed me that he may not be all too bad.

August 25th, 1878

Day 48 on sea

I am going crazy. I sit on my bed every single day. I draw, I write, and I stare at the wall.

I can feel my thoughts circle around my brain, nothing makes sense. No one visited me in the past two days, and it makes the urge to get up even worse. I didn’t really have someone to talk to from the beginning, but at least I got to be around some living beings. I didn’t have to bear my own thoughts for such a long time. Now I’m not only alone, but I’m also lonely as well.

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamt about the ship sinking. It was absurd because the men drunk too much and their bellies got so bloated, it made the ship sink. But that wasn’t the frightening part. As I tried to swim for safety, my arms already hurting, I started hearing voices. Not just two, must have been a hundred of them. All of them whispering to me, but I couldn’t understand what they were trying to tell me. I kept swimming and swimming, far behind I saw hills. The voices didn’t stop. It felt like they were entering me, taking over every part of my body. My head felt like it was about to explode into a million pieces. They got louder and louder until I couldn’t take it anymore. I stopped swimming, letting myself sink. The water engulfed my whole body, entering my mouth and filling my lungs. The voices got quieter and quieter until there was only one left, loud and clear, telling me to “wake up”.

That’s when I opened my eyes, sweat dripping from my forehead and my breath uncontrollably fast. I never had a dream like that. I never woke up so disorientated. I wanted to tell someone about this dream, have someone explain to me what the meaning behind it is. I wanted to know if I’m really losing my mind.

August 27th, 1878

Day 50 on sea

I am losing my mind.

This can’t be real. I am writing this down to make sure I am wide awake and not dreaming.

I woke up from a noise. At first, I thought I was imagining it, because lately I’ve been imagining a lot of things. I wanted to go back to sleep, being exhausted from, well, doing absolutely nothing all day long, but then I heard it again.

It wasn’t just a noise. It was a melody, a very beautiful one. It sounded like the gateway to heaven, like it was sung by angels. And it made me feel drowsy.

I knew I needed to rest more, but something about this melody pulled me in. It made me forget the throbbing pain in my body and the events that happened days before. All it made me want to do was reach it, engrave it into my skin. It made me want to never hear anything else.

I was in a trance, no thoughts inside my head anymore.

So, I got up, walked out onto the deck of the ship to find out where this melody comes from. But when I reached the deck, I didn’t expect to see a boy sitting on the railing.

But it wasn’t an ordinary boy. Oh, no. Not like the ones I’ve seen in my town growing up. I can’t describe him in any other way than captivating. His jet-black hair softly swayed in the night wind, covering his eyes every few seconds. His cheeks adopted a soft rosy color from the coldness, contrasting the tan of his skin. And his eyes were almost as dark as the night sky.

I don’t know why I stared at him for such a long time, and I don’t know why he let me.

“You’re here.” Those were his first words. The first time I heard his voice. A voice that made time stop for a moment. I couldn’t hear the waves crashing against each other anymore, or the cracking of the old wood the ship was built with. I couldn’t even hear my heartbeat pumping against my chest. All I could hear was him. “I was waiting for you.”

“Who are you?” That was not what I wanted to ask him at that moment, but the sane part of my brain must have sensed that something wasn’t right. Something about the way my body reacted to this strange man was dubious.

“Haechan.”, he spoke with a soft voice, turning his body so that he fully faced me. A smirk was placed on his lips, only intensifying his tantalizing physique. “And you are?”

“Y/n.” My name came out in a mere whisper, fearing that my voice might have broken if I spoke any louder. I couldn’t stop staring at him, still having been sure that my mind was playing a trick on me or, well, still is.

For days no one has checked in on me, no one has talked to me more than five words. I’ve been on this ship for way too long seeing nothing but the endless nothingness of the sea. My mind has been plagued with recuring thoughts, never once having a quiet moment. Maybe this is the final sign. Maybe this is it. I am insane. So insane that I’m imagining a boy sitting on the rail of the ship just so that I have someone to talk to.

“A beautiful name for a beautiful girl.” Reaching one hand out, the boy signaled me to come closer to him. Every part of my body longed to take his hand and sit on the rail with him, but doubts started floating my brain.

“What are you doing here? How did you get on this ship?” Haechan, as I learned his name, just chuckled, a low sound that was so different from his honey voice. He looked amused at my asking, almost like he was making fun of me.

“Why did you come out here, Y/n?” I remember frowning at him, clearly feeling upset that he chose to ignore my question and ask one of his own. I felt upset that this boy, which I probably made up in my mind, didn’t show any respect for me at all. He, just like the others, ignores what I have to say, and I didn’t want to get treated that way, not after what happened last time.

So, instead of answering him, I turned around, heading back to my bed. But before I could even take a step, the melody I heard earlier started again. All the thoughts that I had in my mind at that moment flew away and I was, yet again, caught in a trance. It was like I couldn’t escape, even if I wanted to.

“It’s you.”, I whispered, but he still heard me. I knew that because the melody got louder, clearer. I closed my eyes, letting his voice enter every part of my body. I let it fill me up and shut me down at the same time. I let it rearrange my mind and mend my wounds, but I also let it cut me open and bleed me dry. I gave myself into the sweet penetration of his honey laced voice and wanted nothing more than to make all his wishes and desires come true. I would have given him the world if it was possible. My whole body felt like it was floating on top of a cloud, high up in the sky and there was no way of ever coming down again. I was trapped.

“Come closer.”, he murmured, voice deeper and almost impending.

“No.”, I quivered, suddenly scared of ever opening my eyes again.

“Please, Y/n.”, he pleaded, and I could nearly hear the desperation in his voice. “Just please look at me.” And so, I did. He was not sitting on the rail anymore, he was standing right in front of me. A small smile on his lips and one hand stretched out to me. “Come closer please. I don’t want anything else from you.”

And as I was about to take the step towards him, give in to his demand and the growing need inside of me to grant all his wishes, I heard a voice behind me, calling out my name and breaking the trance I was in.

“Y/n?”

Turning around, I saw my brother standing further away from me, dressed in his nightly gown. “What are you doing out of your bed? You should rest, your body isn’t fully healed yet.”

“I was just talking to…” But when I looked for Haechan again, no one was standing there anymore. It was like I was alone all along. “I don’t know what I was doing.”

Suddenly I felt all the pain rush back into my body, my bones burning with fire, and I let out a loud groan as I fell to my knees.

“Y/n.” My brother rushed towards me, helping me up with his arms around me. “For someone who always seems so smart, you really aren’t the brightest.” I couldn’t even laugh at his words, my mind was too focused on the pain all over my body.

“You must have been sleep walking if you can’t remember what you were doing up there.” My brother said as he laid me back down into my bed and reached into a bucket of water to put a wet rag on my forehead. “Sleep now, okay? I will stop by in the morning again and check on you.” All I could do was nod my head at him, exhaustion consuming my body. He looked at me one last time before he left my room again.

And now I’m sitting here, writing in my foolish dairy and reminiscing about the strange boy I met. I must have imagined him. How could anyone come up onto the ship? I didn’t see another boat, nor did any other member of the crew. And the possibility of someone appearing out of the blue is also not likely.

The only possibility that is left is that I am losing my mind. That I imagined all of it out of pure loneliness and frustration. This expedition should have been educational for me. It should have proven to all the men that I, as a woman, can do what they can do. That I can be an explorer, a brave one even, and that I have the ability to find something new. That is why we started this journey, because we wanted to discover unknown things.

But all I am doing now is proving everyone exactly what they think of me, that I am small and weak. That I am not an explorer and that I should have just stayed at home. That I am not brave and definitely not smart. I proved to them that I am fragile and well, mental.

But no one has to know about it. No one has to know what happens in my head or the things I imagine. No one has to know I am practically insane and desperate. I could just simply fake it. Isn’t that what everyone does? Faking confidence.

Maybe if I fake it long enough and convince everyone that what they are saying and thinking about me is wrong, I might convince myself as well. Maybe I can convince my brain I’m fine while pretending to be.

So, from now on, everything’s okay. I am not insane, and I certainly am not imagining weird things.

I am okay.

Everything is okay.

August 29th, 1987

Day 52 on sea

Everything is not okay.

Yesterday the boy didn’t show up again. I wasn’t exactly looking for him, since my father spent most of the night in my room making sure I wouldn’t ‘sleep-walk’ again, but I can’t lie and say I wasn’t disappointed not to hear his beautiful melody again.

I asked my dad if there is a word for the feeling of craving for someone, for feeling like the person took a part of you with them when they left and you long to be reunited with them. When all your thoughts are consumed with them, and your body is itching to be in the mere presence of that person. But also fearing the actual return of that person and the power they hold over you and your emotions. He told me it is called “withdrawal”.

“It is mostly referred to drugs such as alcohol.”, he explained to me as he tried to brush out the knots in my hair. “But I think it can be applied to humans as well. You know, sometimes we long for people we can’t have or people that aren’t good for us. We see the signs, but we ignore them. We give in to the sweet yearning and get hurt in the process. But if we don’t give in and the yearning grows stronger, we crave it even more. We think about the person every day, imagine their scent, their eyes, their voice. We imagine them being in a room with us, talking and laughing with us. We do the things that are most painful to us just to have what we long for, even if we know it’s not good for us. And it hurts, physically and emotionally.”

I turned around to look at him, inspect his face and read what he was feeling when he said those things. “It sounds like you have experience with that feeling.” My father just shrugged and at that moment he looked older. He looked like an old man who has been through too much in his life. A man who deserves a break.

“I’ve been around much longer than you, dear. There were mistakes made and hearts torn, but it all worked out at the end.”

“How?”, I ask, curious as to how such a sad feeling still turned into something good.

“Because I got you, and your brother. That’s my happy ending.” I wanted to cry. I wanted to storm into his arms and never let him go. But I didn’t do any of those things. I just smiled at him, nodded my head and hoped that was enough for him. Because while his words filled my heart to the brim with love, my body still ached, not from the pain but for the boy I only met once in my life.

That’s why I tried to ignore the melody a few hours ago when it started again. Father went back to his bed a few minutes before, wanting to get some well-deserved sleep, leaving me alone in my room. I, as well, wanted to get some rest, but then I heard it. It was loud and clear, and more beautiful than I had remembered it to be. Almost immediately I felt my whole mind switch, forgetting the conversation I had had with my father. All that was in my head was him, Haechan.

I wanted to see him, no, I needed to see him. I felt lost without him, so empty and incomplete. I felt like my world wasn’t spinning correctly, time was going backwards, and the stars were falling out of the sky. Nothing felt right anymore. Not until I was with him.

I reached my door, but before I could open it something woke me up. Not from a dream, but from a trance. A smell, a very familiar one. It took up all my senses and brought me back to reality.

I realized what I was about to do and quickly sat back down on my bed, not daring to even set a foot on the floor anymore. It was frightening, what I felt just then. The longing I felt, just from one simple melody. I don’t know this boy, why would I feel so strongly about him? Why does he have so much power over my emotions?

His melody got louder. For a moment my head felt like it was exploding. He sounded sad, sorrowful. It broke my heart into pieces hearing him so vulnerable, longing for me the same way I was longing for him. But I didn’t give in. A part of me, I don’t know which one, knew it was wrong to see him again. So, I stayed on my bed, legs tightly pressed against my chest and my hands on my ears, trying to cover his despairing voice.

10 minutes ago, it stopped. It just went away, like it was never there in the first place. Curiosity almost got the best of me and wanted to check if he really left, but I was too scared, I still am.

I don’t know what he is doing to be, why he is here and why he is targeting me. But I know that whatever he is doing, it can’t be with good intentions. A person that makes another person feel such outrageous things, can’t be here for anything good.

Maybe it shouldn’t matter so much. Because, after all, I made him up. He isn’t real so whatever he is doing isn’t going to hurt me. I think my mind is reflecting this pain on me to make sense of why it’s slowly decapitating. It’s trying to distract me from the actual damage in my brain.

At least that is the only logical answer to all of this. Because anything other would be, well, crazy and I’m not crazy. I might lose my mind, but I am not crazy.

August 30th, 1878

Day 53 on sea

Maybe I am a bit crazy, and reckless, and irresponsible and plain stupid.

“You left me standing here for a long time yesterday. I missed you, darling.” But I couldn’t help myself but visibly relaxing as I heard his voice again.

It was all I could think about all day long. Him and his melody. I wanted to feel it again. Feel it in my veins, feel it shutting out all the thoughts in my head. I just wanted this bothering craving to go away. I think it got so bad that even Jisung, someone who barely talks to me, noticed it.

“Are you okay? Don’t you like the food?”, he asked as he watched me stare at the food in front of me.

“Oh, sorry. It’s not the food, don’t worry. I just didn’t get much sleep last night.” I gave him a little smile, grabbing a fork and shoving some food in my mouth.

“Is there a reason behind it? I hope it wasn’t me.” Jisung looked a bit guilty as he rubbed the back of his neck. “I spent the whole night cooking because I also couldn’t sleep. I hope I wasn’t too loud and kept you awake.”

“Oh, so that was what I smelled yesterday.” Internally, I couldn’t help but to be grateful for the boy sitting in front of me. After all, was he the reason why I didn’t give in to see Haechan. But I couldn’t tell him that. I was already glad someone decided to speak to me, I didn’t want to ruin it by my insanity. “But no, that was not what kept me up. I mean I smelled it, but I just had too much going on inside my mind to rest.”

The boy just nodded his head, shoving a fork full of food in his mouth. “Care to share some of your thoughts?”, he says with his mouth still full of food. He looked like a child in that moment, with his eyes wide and his mouth dirty with crumps.

“Just thinking a lot more about my mother lately.”, I told him, only half lying. Mother has been on my mind a lot lately, but that obviously wasn’t the reason why I couldn’t sleep. “I miss her. I mean I always miss her, but being so far away from home just makes me miss her more. You know, I see her everywhere. In the books I read, the words I write. I see her in the ocean, feel her in the air and smell her in every scent. It’s bizarre.”

“No, it’s not.”, Jisung disagreed, putting his fork down and propping his elbow up on the table to lean his face on his hand. “I miss my mother too. I mean, she isn’t dead, but her and my father are no longer together. She left with my sister, my father kept me, and I haven’t seen her in three years. I miss her too sometimes. But I think I miss the things she did for me more than I miss her. When I was a child, I always had trouble falling asleep so she would always tell me a bedtime story. I think that is why some nights I can’t seem to fall asleep.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that, Jisung. Next time you have trouble sleeping just get me. I can also tell you bedtime stories.”

He nodded yet again, showing me another one of his smiles. “Thank you, Y/n. And you know what? I think you are really brave. I wanted to say that to you earlier, but I never had the guts to actually do. I think that we can all be grateful that someone like you joined this expedition. We really need more smart crewmates on this ship.”

But I don’t think I am that smart anymore. I don’t think I even deserve to be called smart anymore. Because every single thing about the decisions I make is anything other than smart. And as I looked into the deep brown eyes of the boy in front of me, that only got confirmed.

“No answer? No ‘I missed you too’?” His voice had an alluring tone, soothing all the wounds inside me and doing things to my body I am too embarrassed to admit. “What a shame, sweet girl. I was pretty sure I could sense your longing for me yesterday. Maybe I was wrong.”

I didn’t know what to answer. And I honestly am glad I didn’t, positive that my voice would have come out in nothing but a pathetic whisper. Haechan was walking closer to me again, reaching his hand out again to hover over the skin of my arm but never touching me.

“Can you feel that?”, he whispers, eyes never leaving mine. “Can you feel the goosebumps slowly forming on your skin, the shiver down your spin?” He waited for me to answer him, but all I could do was nod. “Words, sweetheart.”

“Yes.” I answered him, voice cracking with that one simple word. “Yes, I can feel that.”

“Good. That is exactly what I want you to feel.” He took a few steps back again, so he was leaning against the railing. “Why did you decide to come here tonight? Couldn’t get enough of me?”

I just shrugged my shoulders, not really knowing myself what the actual reason behind me coming to see him again was. “Why do you keep calling for me?”

“Calling for you? How exactly am I calling for you?” Cocking his head to the side, still wearing a smirk on his lips. But I don’t want to get too detailed about his face, still feeling a bit embarrassed of the things I felt in that moment.

“The melody your singing, it’s for me. You are calling me with your melody.” A chuckle left his lips, melodic like his voice.

“How can you be so sure of that? What if I just like to sing pretty melodies?” His question sounded so innocent and for a moment I was uncertain about my statement, fearing I might have misinterpreted everything. But I knew what I was feeling. I knew that his melody was meant to be for me and no one else. I know it might sound crazy, but the thought of him singing this melody, my melody, for someone else felt unsettling.

“Because if you sung it for someone else, they would stand here instead of me. No one else is responding to your melody, only me, so it must be for me.” For a few seconds there was nothing but silence around us. Haechan wasn’t saying a thing, seeming like he was thinking about his next words. And I didn’t say anything, fearing that if I might, he would disappear again.

“You’re right.”, he finally spoke up. “It is for you.”

“But why? Why do you sing this melody for me?”

“Because I wanted to meet you, Y/n. From the moment I first saw you, I knew I got to have you. I got to be with you. I craved nothing more than to talk to you, to simply be blessed to be in the mere presence of you. I am longing for you, the same way you are longing for me, my love.” I couldn’t believe what he was saying to me. His words filled up my heart, and I started feeling lightheaded.

He was craving for me. He wanted to meet me. Everything that I am feeling towards him, as strange as those emotions are, he is feeling for me as well. His words were the most beautiful, heart wrenching thing I have ever heard in my inter life. I felt lucky to be seen this way, to be wanted this way, never actually having had someone tell me that before.

He really went all this way, just to meet me. Singing this melody, coming up this ship. But isn’t it a bit strange as well? I remembered not seeing another ship anywhere nearby. Where did he come from? How did he see me? Questions started filling my mind again, shaking me awake.

“What did you mean when you said you wanted to meet me from the first time you saw me? When did you see me?” I could see his body tensing up. Maybe he wasn’t expecting such a question.

“I can answer your question, but first you have to come with me. Please, Y/n. I will tell you everything, just please come with me. I don’t want to be apart from you anymore.”

“Haechan.” I looked at his hand, which was reaching for me again, motioning me to take it in mind. “Where do you want to take me? I mean there is no other ship anywhere near.”

“Y/n, just trust me, okay? Come with me and I will make the thoughts in your head disappear. I will make everything heal for you.” His hands hovered over my arms again, almost as if he couldn’t touch me. I wanted him to. I wanted him to touch me so badly. But I could see that something in his eyes had changed. They were darker, more desperate and demanding, and I knew it was my time to leave.

“I can’t.”, I told him, taking a few steps back. “I have to get up early tomorrow.” And with that I left, not once looking back as I walked back into my room.

I don’t know if what I did was right, or if I upset him with my behavior.

All I hope for is that he isn’t mad at me and will forgive me when he comes back. If he comes back.

August 31st, 1878

Day 54 on sea

He did in fact come back.

“Missed me?” There was something more gentle in the way he was talking to me today. Something more reserved.

“What if I did?” That made him smile, not smirk like he normally does. Haechan showed me a bright honest smile. And all I could think about was that he never looked more ethereal than in that moment.

“Then I will be highly pleased, my love. You know why?” I shook my head as a no, waiting for him to continue his sentence. “Because I missed you too?”

“You did?”

“Of course, I did. You were all I could think about all day long, pretty girl.” He stayed a bit further away from me too today and I wondered why. I asked myself if he didn’t want to be close to me again or if he felt rejected after what happened yesterday. “I couldn’t stop thinking about your sweet smile, your beautiful eyes and your lovely voice. I couldn’t wait to see you again.”

“Why don’t you touch me?”, I said out of the blue, catching not only myself, but him off guard as well. “You never touch me. You only hover your hands above my skin. Why?”

He smiled again, sweet and kind. “Because if I touch you once, I will never be able to stop again.”

“What if I don’t want you to stop?” He only shook his head, turning around to face the stars instead of me. But I didn’t want him to look away, I wanted him to look at me, because when he does look at me, I can feel again.

“I am sorry about yesterday, you know? I am sorry I was too intrusive, I let myself get caught up in my emotions.” I had to process his words, that being the last thing I thought would come out of his mouth. Never once had a men apologized to me for anything. I am so used to getting treated like nothing and it being normal in a society like the one I grew up with. Never once has anyone cared so much about me to consider my emotions and apologize for a mistake.

“Thank you.”, I just whispered, trying to swallow the tears. “That means a lot to me.” I decided to join him at the rail, watch the stars with him for a little while.

“Do you know that I think you are not real? I think I am imagining you, because for the past weeks I have been slowly losing my mind. Seeing the same things every day, not talking to anyone and having to deal with all those thoughts in my head. I think I started imagining you so I could just stop time for a while.”

“But I am real.”, he said, looking deep into my eyes. “I am real. You are not insane, and you are definitely not imagining me. I can prove that to you. Just take my hand and you will see.”

“Why does that feel like a trap?”, I asked him, watching his face, trying to read his emotions. But it stayed the same. His smile didn’t butch for a second and his eyes still held the same gentleness.

“I don’t know what you are talking about, Y/n. There is no trap. I am just offering you evidence to your lingering questions about your own sanity. I am just trying to be nice to you, but if you don’t appreciate that.”

“No, no I do. I am grateful for your kindness. You just sounded so demanding, and it made me doubtful.”

“I am so sorry, my sweet girl. It was never my intention to make you doubt me. That will never happen again, okay? All I want is the best for you. Nothing more.” I just nodded, eyes facing the wooden floor of the ship. “I am going to tell you the story of why I so desperately wanted to talk to you, since I didn’t yesterday. Maybe that will cheer you up a bit again.”

“I wanted to talk to you because I was mesmerized by you. Because there are not a lot of people out there like you. People so willing to learn and to explore. I never met a woman like you, someone so strong minded and independent. I loved how you never let anyone talk bad to you and I love how despite the negative things the men on this ship say about you, you still stay here. You prove to them every day that you are capable of being on such an expedition and that you are more qualified than they could ever be. And I just knew I had to talk to you, I had to have you in my life.”

And it was like he knew what I needed to hear. Like he knew my deepest darkest thoughts and all the things I was craving to ever be told by someone. It was like he spoke right into my soul and built up this newfound strength. I felt empowered, I felt loved. But yet again, I was also wondering how he could know all those things about me.

“Why do you know all that, Haechan?”

“I told you already, Y/n. I was longing for you.” It didn’t make sense. His answer didn’t make any sense. Was he avoiding my question? Or maybe he understood the question wrong, thinking this was an answer that would satisfy me. But it didn’t.

“That doesn’t answer my question. How can you possibly know about all those? We just met.”

I could hear a sigh leaving his lips, the long and frustrated kind. I am familiar with those, having heard them a thousand times from my father and brother. And I asked myself if I, yet again, upset him with my question. If I should have just kept quiet and appreciated his kind words and moved on from the topic.

“And yet again you don’t appreciate my kindness. All I do is be nice to you, proving to you that I am real and trustworthy, and you still doubt me. Don’t you know how much that hurts me? Do you?” His voice rose visibly, nostrils flaring and eyes growing wider. Haechan wasn’t looking like himself at that moment. He almost looked inhumane.

“I am sorry, Haechan. Please don’t say that. I do trust you. Please, I’m sorry.”, I started begging him, reaching for his hand, which he pulled away. “Please.” Tears filled my eyes and my whole body started hurting again, like it was slowly breaking apart from the inside out.

“You hurt me, Y/n. I don’t think your apology can fix this.”

And this time it was him walking away, disappearing into the darkness, and leaving me standing at the same spot, mourning for him like I had just lost a person to death.

September 1st, 1878

Day 55 on sea

I could see the surprise on his face when he saw me standing there, waiting for him this time, not needing his melody to be called. But the look of surprise quickly faded away and a smirk replaced it instead.

“I see you don’t even need my melody anymore.” It almost sounded cocky the way he said it.

“I wanted to be here first so I could apologize to you.”, I spoke the words with so much sincerity, wanting him to believe me and see that I genuinely mean the apology. “I am really sorry for hurting your feelings yesterday. It was never my intention. All I want to do is make you happy, Haechan, and I am so sorry that I failed to do so.”

He looked at me for a few seconds, brows raised, before he shrugged his shoulders. “What will you do if I don’t accept your apology?”

I didn’t hesitate when I spoke my next words. “I will beg for your forgiveness. I will beg until you accept my apology. I will do anything you want me to.”

“Anything I want you to?”, he asked, and I just nodded my head at him, desperation fulling my actions and probably written all over my face. “I will hold onto that one.”

“Does that mean you forgive me?” Haechan shrugged again, taking a few steps forward into my direction. Looking at him in that moment, I didn’t think he looked hurt. Normally people have this look on their face when their feelings got hurt, quivering lips, wide and sad eyes, body folding in on itself. But Haechans eyes were almost narrowed, and he was towering over me, almost like he was looking down at me. My father once told me people do that to prove their dominance over the other person, but I don’t think that was what Haechan wanted to do in that moment. Or was it?

Maybe Haechan is just like my brother, a person who has to hide their true feelings behind a stone-cold face to demonstrate strength. Or maybe he just didn’t want me to see him hurt by me to make me feel less guilty. Because I was and still am feeling bad for making him feel that way yesterday. I still regret my words and wish I would have just shut my mouth. I should do that more often, shutting my mouth in some situations. It would have saved me from a lot of things.

“I’m still thinking about it. Maybe I will tell you my answer at the end of the night.” That gave me some hope. Even though he didn’t yet accept my apology, he still wanted to spend time with me and that was more than enough for me.

“I saw you talking to that Jisung guy again today.” Haechan was still towering over me, hands in the pockets of his pants and eyes narrowing in on my face. “What is so intriguing about him that you talk so much to him?”

“Did you watch me?”, I asked him, shock lacing my voice. Jisung and I only talked in the kitchen today. I was hungry since I overslept in the morning and didn’t have breakfast. When I walked into the kitchen to grab myself something, Jisung was standing there, preparing the fish for dinner. We spent some time together, me eating my food and him cooking more. There wasn’t a lot of conversation, we just basked in the presence of each other.

“I asked you a question first.”, Haechan voice got lower again. I could only describe it as sinister. There was an undertone in that one small sentence, something that told me I should not say the wrong thing. So, I took a moment to gather my thoughts, fight through the mess in my head and find an answer that will satisfy him.

“He isn’t interesting to me.”, I tell him, keeping my voice clear and loud. “He is just the only person that talks to me when you aren’t here. There is nothing more to it.”

“It didn’t look like that earlier, sweetheart. I thought the two of you looked very cozy in that kitchen, sneaking glances at each other.” He let out a sound similar to a ‘tsk’ and shook his head in a mocking manner. “Am I not enough for you anymore? Do you go around and search for other men when I’m not around? Are you so desperate and needy for attention?”

“No.”, I whispered, feeling even the small last bit of confidence leaving my body. Haechan has a way of making me feel weaker and weaker, draining every last thought out of my head and making my body his. “No, Haechan.”

I felt my legs give him, sinking to my knees. My body felt so heavy but at the same time so light. Haechan kneeled down in front of me, lowering his head so he was looking right into my eyes. “You can’t talk to other men, Y/n. You are mine only, do you understand?” All I could do was nod my head at him, but that didn’t satisfy him. “You belong to me, right, my sweet girl? I need you to say it.”

“I belong to you.”, I mumbled, not having the strength to fully open my mouth.

“That is right. You belong to me, your body belongs to me and even your mind belongs to me. You are all mine, pretty princess.” He took up all my senses. I could only see him, smell him, hear him, feel him everywhere. Like only he excited in this world and no one else.

Haechan leaned forward, his lips brushing the skin of my ear. I could feel his warm breath on my skin, and it sent shivers down my back. “Now come with me, darling. Take my hand and come with me. I will make sure you remember me forever.”

I reached for his hand, fingers brushing against each other, but before I could close them around his, a bright light shined a bit further away from us. Everything happened so fast after that. I heard footsteps, a voice and suddenly I felt empty. Haechan was no longer kneeling in front of me and right as I wanted to look for him, my body gave in, and I fainted onto the cold wooden floor.

I don’t know how I got into my bed, and I don’t know who brought me into my bed. All I know is that the moment I woke up again I craved Haechan even more than I did before and I know that the next time he asks me to come with him, I will do so, without any hesitation.

September 2nd, 1878

Day 56 on sea

Everything changed today. Everything I thought I knew, everything I thought I felt. A lie.

I can’t stop crying. My tears are flowing like an endless waterfall. I’m a mess, a disaster. How could I let this all happen? I thought I was smarter than this. I thought I was stronger than this. But I was blinded. I was corrupted, manipulated, used.

I feel dirty, like I haven’t washed in weeks. But I just did. I spent a long time trying to scrub away the dirt I felt, trying to scrub away the shame I felt. I put everyone, especially me, in danger with my reckless behavior, with my blindness, with my incompetence. I am a failure.

I spent the whole day ignoring everyone around me, not even looking at anyone that passed me by. I wanted to desperately prove to Haechan that I only want him and no one else, that everyone on this ship doesn’t matter to me. All that matters is him. I was hoping he was watching me again, being proud of me.

But unfortunately, there was one person I couldn’t avoid even if I tried to.

“You wanted to speak to me, father.”, I said as I entered my father’s office room. I have never been in that room, not once over all these weeks. The room was scattered in books, empty bottles and maps of the sea. I always imagined the room to be neater, at least that was what my father always seemed to be. But my mother told me once that your room reflects the mental state you were in. Maybe my father was also struggling with his sanity.

“Yes.”, he answered me, looking up from his book. “I wanted to see how you are feeling, after your little incident yesterday.”

“I’m feeling fine, father. Must have been me sleep walking again. There is nothing to worry about.”

He just hummed, his face showing the uncertainty he felt because of my words. My father mustered me for a few seconds, waiting for even a little muscle to twitch in my face to show him if I was lying. But I kept a straight face, looking him right into the eyes. “I am thrilled to hear that. And we will find a way to fix your nightly problem.”

Father went back to reading in his book, and even though I knew I shouldn’t, the curious part of me wondered what he was so engrossed in. I always loved the books my father reads, knowing that they are filled with new knowledge. “What are you reading?”

He held up the book, showing me the cover. “Knowledge about the mysteries of the ocean.”, I read out loud, furrowing my eyebrows at the title. What an odd book, I have never heard about that. “What mysteries are listed in the book?”

“Oh, just some fisher men tales. Mermaids, kraken, leviathan, sirens. All those tales which warn everyone on ships about the dangers of the sea.”

“Sirens? I have never heard of them. What are they?” My father turned his book around, showing me the page, he was just reading. On it was a drawn picture of what looked to be a half bird, half fish creature. My stomach started to turn, the longer I looked at it, frightened by its appearance.

“This book says that sirens are mythical creatures, half bird, half fish. Through their angelic singing they lure in fishermen to kill them. It is said that their voice lures them in, but their face is what makes the fishermen stay.”

“Their face?”, I asked, not believing that for a second.

“They put you in a trance with their voice and make you see whoever you most desire. They are insidious, malicious creatures, feared by everyone who ever entered the ocean. They are dangerous, Y/n.” He looked me in the eyes, as if he knew something I didn’t. As if he wanted to tell me more with the last sentence.

“Do you really believe they exist? To me that just sounds like fishermen making up excuses as to why they didn’t bring any fish home.”

My father let out a long sigh, head shaking. He turned the book back to him and stared at the picture for a few more seconds, before closing the book again. “You could be right, Y/n. I mean you have always been the realistic one in this family. But as long as there is no proof that they don’t exist, I will have to believe those tales. It’s better to believe and find out they don’t exist, than to not believe and find out they do exist.”

I couldn’t stop thinking about his words after I left his office. They kept spinning around my head, swirling and clashing against other thoughts. And they were connecting. My thoughts were connecting together, and suddenly there was only one thought left. One person in my mind, and not for the reasons he had been in my mind for the past few days.

But I didn’t want to admit that. Not even to myself. It couldn’t be. It wasn’t true. Those useless tales were nothing but fiction, made up stories to save the fishermen from embarrassment and disappointment. Nothing more and nothing less.

Because I knew Haechan. I knew he wasn’t capable of something like that. He wasn’t a creature designed to prey on innocent people. Or was he?

I couldn’t help but smile as I heard the familiar melody, as I felt it sink deep under my skin and erase everything inside of me. I loved the pain it inflicted on my heart, the way the melody ripped me apart into a million pieces. I loved how for the first few seconds everything stopped being important to me. Breathing, feeling, living. Nothing felt important for a few seconds. Nothing but him.

Haechan leant against the rail of the ship, hands in his trousers and a smirk on his lips. It almost felt like a déjà-vu. I remembered how I felt when I first saw him. Feelings that were once so innocent and unfamiliar are now unconditional and fierce. “My pretty girl.”, he whispered, and I felt the weight on my shoulders lift. “Are you ready?”

“Ready for what?”, I asked, taking a few steps closer to him. I was craving his closeness, his touch. I needed him to touch me, anywhere. I didn’t mind where.

“Ready to come with me.” My head was clouded, brainwashed by his beautiful voice. But wasn’t that exactly what my father told me, what he warned me about. “I can see your doubt in me, sweetheart. What is it that is plaguing your beautiful mind?”

“Do you plan on killing me?” I don’t know why I asked him that question. I don’t know how I got the strength to break out of the haze, even just a little bit.

“Killing you? Why would I kill you?” His eyes darkened and I could see his body language changing. I could see all of him changing. Haechan let out a chuckle before walking into my direction, stopping when he was right behind me. Brushing my hair back, never once touching me, as he leant down to whisper into my ear.

“I really wanted to kill you at first, my sweet girl. I wanted nothing else but to rip you apart.” My body shut down, letting me fall weakly to my knees just like the day before. I couldn’t keep my eyes open for more than five seconds. Haechan kneeled down in front of me, yet again and placed his hand on my cheek. Finally, I could feel him. I could feel the one thing I craved most, his touch. But it didn’t feel how I imagined it to. Instead of lifting me up and making me basked in comfort, it made me flinch. His touch made me want to never see the light of day ever again. “But how could I kill such a beautiful thing? You are my precious girl, aren’t you? So sweet and special.”

I wanted to run, get away from him. I wanted to do anything but to stay with him, but my body didn’t let me. My body stayed down on the ground, heavy and useless. “Does it hurt, love? Does my touch and my words hurt you?” He didn’t need an answer because he knew. He knew how every bone in my body felt like it was on fire as soon as he muttered those words. He knew all I wanted was to make this growing pain stop. “Just come with me. I will make the pain stop.”

When I looked up at him, I saw only a glimpse of him. His skin was pale blue, scales all over it, and his teeth were sharp and long. This wasn’t the boy I met a few nights ago, the boy who made me feel like I was floating on the clouds and the boy who gave me a reason to live. This was a creature, a monster. A siren.

“Go away.”, I croaked out with the last strength I had left in my body.

“Oh no, you poor thing. Don’t be like that.” Not even his voice sounded like the sweet melody I once heard. It didn’t give me sweet pleasure anymore, it only gave me pain. “You love me, or have you forgotten? Have you forgotten all the feelings I inflicted on you? Have you forgotten how good you felt when you were with me? I can make that come back. You just have to come with me.”

“Go to hell.” I didn’t know that this simple sentence could mean the end of my life because the next thing I felt was a sharpness going through my body. And I knew this would be it. This would be the last few seconds before I was gone.

“Y/n!”, I heard someone shout, loud and piercing. I opened my eyes, only to have my vision be blurry. I tried to move, look who that voice belonged to and if I was imagining it again. “Go away and never come back, or I will have you killed and each and everyone of you creatures on this planet.”

I took a hurtful breath and it felt as if my lungs were filled with broken pieces of glass. My eyes tried to stay open, but I didn’t have the strength. “No, Y/n. Stay awake. Please don’t leave me.”

Whiteness surrounded me, filling me up and taking me in. Silence. I heard nothing more than silence. I tried looking around, kicking and fighting as I was trapped in nothing but endless vastness. Far away from me I could see something, or someone waiting for me. I tried to walk towards it, reaching my arms out to grab it, but I never came close.

“It’s not your time yet, Y/n.” And before I could question those words, my eyes opened.

It took me a few seconds to regain my vision, seeing the familiar walls of my room. As I remembered just what had happened, I felt panic filling my body, my breaths coming out faster than normal and my mind spiraling in wild circles.

“It’s okay, Y/n.”, I heard the voice of my father first before I felt his arms around my body, pulling me tightly into him. “Your safe. Nothing can hurt you anymore.”

I looked up at him with wide eyes and my mouth agape. I felt like a little kid again, crying in the arms of my father after having a bad dream. Just that this wasn’t a dream. This is reality.  

“It’s okay. We are on our way back home. That creature will never find you again, we made sure of that, okay?” My father held me with so much delicacy, fearing he might break me. “You’re safe. I won’t let anyone, or anything hurt you again.”

And I believed him. There in the arms of my father I believed his words. So, I closed my eyes, let the sleep consume me and hoped that this promise would be one he could keep.

September 10th, 1878

Day 64 on sea

I let the salt air take away all the scars of the past weeks as I watched the soft waves flow under the setting sun. This was the first time in eight days that I had the courage to leave my room. I couldn’t face the place where everything happened. The place where I almost lost myself.

I closed my eyes and imagined the soft grass under my toes, the chirping birds in my ear and the blinding sunlight in my eyes. I imagined biting into a sweet apple, feeling the fresh morning air on my skin and smiling at the veracity of the moment.

“Daydreaming again?”, I heard a voice in front of me, making an actual smile appear on my lips. A smile I haven’t let myself show in a long time.

“What brings you out here? Shouldn’t you be in your bed, sleeping like everyone else is?” Jisung just shrugged his shoulders, his hair softly swaying in the wind.

He showed me a sweet smile, sitting down beside me and taking one of my hands in his. “I am not going to ask you how are doing, since everyone else does that every day.” I nodded at him, grateful for not hearing the repeating question out of his mouth as well. “But I am going to ask you if you still feel the withdrawal, you told me about.”

My eyes filled with tears again and I tried my best to swallow them down. “Yes.”, I mumbled, looking down, too ashamed to let him see me this way. To let him see me so weak and pathetic. “Yes, I still feel it, every day. I long for him, and I know it isn’t right. He isn’t who he showed me to be. I know I was blinded by a trance. I was blinded by need. I know what I am feeling isn’t right and that he wasn’t right. But for a few seconds, for a few seconds every day, it felt real. For a few seconds every day I could just be. I could be me. I could forget the pain and my thoughts, and I could breathe.”

Jisung just nodded his head, not letting go of my hand, but he didn’t say a word. I appreciated that. I appreciated the quietness of him. Because as opposed to the others, he didn’t lecture me on my feelings. He didn’t tell me how it is wrong to feel the way I do and how I should have seen all this coming. He didn’t try to tell me how to move past this, or how to continue living my life. Jisung just stayed silent.

“Why are you awake?”, I asked him after a few moments, breaking the silence he gifted me.

“I couldn’t sleep. And the last time I told you about my sleeping problems, you told me you could tell me a story, like my mother did. A bedtime story to make me fall asleep.” I let the tears that still lingered in my eyes roll down my cold cheeks, as I nodded my head. “Will you tell me one?”

“Yes. Yes, of course. I will tell you any story you want.”

And so, I did.

I told everyone my story.

Bonus

“What took you so long?”

Haechan swam into the cave, brushing past everyone that was looking at him with expecting eyes. He ignored them all and just kept swimming.

“Answer my question.”, Jeno spoke louder this time, but Haechan just kept swimming. He didn’t care that everyone was waiting for him, waiting for him to fulfill his promise, to fulfill all the promises he had made for the past weeks.

“We had a fight.”, he told Jeno with a shrug of his shoulders, nonchalant about the other one’s questions. Haechan could see the disappointment and anger in the faces of everyone in the cave, and he couldn’t care less. He knew what he was doing was right. He knew it was necessary to go through all these lengths to get what he wanted, what everyone wanted.

“A fight?”, his friend repeated, skeptic lingering in his voice. “This isn’t a game, Haechan. We put our trust and time in your hands. How long until this plan of yours backfires? How long until they notice that their ship hasn’t been moving in days? How long until they discover us and put an end us?”

“Jeno.”, Haechan’s eyes piercing into the older boy, voice clearly stating a warning. “Have you lost all your trust in me? I know what I am doing.”

“Are you?” Everyone was looking at the two, anticipating the outcome of this long-awaited conversation. “You were the one promising us you were going to get us this girl. You were the one convincing us how much you were craving her and how much we should as well. And we have given you time, but all you do is play around. This isn’t a game, Haechan. This will determine our lives. Without her, we will not survive, and you are very well aware of that.”

“This is where you are wrong, my dear friend.” Haechan turned his body, facing all the sirens watching him. “This is a game, and I am the leader of it. This girl we are talking about is different from everyone we have ever had. This one is special. She isn’t easily fooled by my tricks, by my voice. She has a smart mind, that one.” A wide grin appeared on the siren’s lips, making him almost look crazy, and his eyes narrowed on his friend yet again. “This one will bring us everything we have ever dreamt of. And it will work. The game I am playing, the fight we were having today, it will all work in the end.”

“How can you be so sure of that?” The question lingered in the quiet of the cave, the eyes of everyone looking at Haechan, faith and trust all in his hands.

“Because it is all going according to plan.”, he announced, voice thick with pride and confidence. “It is all going according to my plan.”

[ethereal-engene]

promise you | donghyuck

pairing: bf!haechan x fem!reader

genre: angst, fluff, and comfort  // warnings: mentions of death threats & cuss words

summary: The first and last time your boyfriend answers a call from a sasaeng who keeps calling your phone. // word count: 1695

note: I am in my delulu era per usual and apparently he said this once and ... this is my take on it "Ah, you really don't know when you should be scared. I'm going to sue you. I'm going to hang up."

Honestly there are a few things that one can expect when they’re dating a k-pop idol. However, nothing could have ever prepared you for dealing with your boyfriend sasaengs.

It was a big deal too because he didn’t want you getting hurt because of them since he knew he had many of them. It’s too bad that he couldn’t control them but he tried his best to keep them from you. Nonetheless, the extent to which some sasaengs were willing to go were farther than his power and influence could reach.

This just so happened to be another incident where he wasn’t able to protect you from it. A couple weeks ago, you kept on getting text messages from an unknown number. As one would do in this situation, you blocked them but of course they would just have another number to text you with.

These messages at first didn’t seem like much until they escalated with messages of threatening to kill you and to stay away from Hyuck. You still ignored a good chunk of them even if they did make your heart rate go crazy. To be fair, if they were serious about this, they would have already done it.

You would have brought it up to your boyfriend but you slightly felt bad to have tell him about it since you knew he would feel bad about you being hurt. When in reality, he shouldn’t be sorry and if they were his true fans then they would be happy for him. It’s just the unfortunate nature and conditions that come with dating an idol. Plus, the bare minimum here would also be fans respecting their idol’s privacy.

Even though you had not brought this up to your boyfriend, he definitely picked up on how your phone notifications would go off more than usual these past few weeks. You brush it off as it’s just your friend texting you about the drama happening at work.

But we both know that’s a lie and haechan knows one when he hears one. Especially when you sometimes pick up your phone and a small wince or sigh leaves your mouth as you read what’s on the screen. He decides to leave it alone for now because he believes that you will eventually tell him.

One night when you’re staying over with him at the dorms, you’re chilling on his bed as he plays. Your phone starts to ring and you forgot to take a look at the contact number before picking it up.

“Hello?” You ask. Haechan hears you on the phone so he tries to make less noise, but he also quiets down to hear who might be calling you this late into the night.

“Bitch, if you don’t leave Haechan tonight, I will literally kill you tomorrow so you will never see him again. I’ve told you multiple times to leave him but you still haven’t. This isn’t a threat, it’s a promise. Now take your things and go. And as always. Do. Not. Tell. Him.” The voice responds and you end the phone call. You quickly block this number and try to make your heart stop racing so fast.

Placing your hand over your heart and attempting to pace your breathing. Haechan can hear your slightly heavy breathing. His eyes leave the screen to look at you. You are clearly not in the best condition as you were a few moments ago.

“Jeno-ya, I’ll be gone for a few minutes. Make sure I don’t get killed this round, I’ve gotta go check on my girl.” As soon as he says that, he rushes to the bed where you are.

“Hey baby? I’m right here and if you don’t mind me asking, who called you earlier?” Haechan’s hands search for yours and when he feels them, he squeezes them to let you know he’s there.

Shaking your head left and right to let him know it was no one, he frees up one hand to tilt your head so you’re only looking at him. When he does it, he sees that your pupils are dilated. His immediate reaction is to figure out what the hell happened and how to comfort you.

No one in the world should ever make you feel this way. Haechan brings your figure closer to his. Wrapping you up in his arms and giving you small kisses. “Baby, I’ve got you. I am begging you to tell me who called you and what did they say? And don’t try to lie. You’re a really bad liar ya know?”

You’re too scared to tell him now because of how he’ll react. Scared to hear him tell you about how you’re supposed to go and tell him about these things because you’re in danger. Scared to hear him tell you that you shouldn’t have kept this a secret for so long. Scared to hear him tell you that this is all of his fault and that he doesn’t deserve you.

Silence fills the air. It starts to feel so stuffy and you want to escape it so badly. But he won’t let you go until you tell him. Right before, he’s about to say something else; the phone rings again. You’re quick to end the call before he gets a chance to see it.

But the phone just keeps on ringing and ringing after you click the decline button. With the way you react to decline the call quickly and your phone lights up with more messages. Haechan’s eyes skim over them and he pieces together what’s been going on.

You might have a death grip on your phone but you forget that Hyuck’s strength heightens when he’s frustrated like right now. The next time, they call. He snatches it before you can even try to grab it back.

“Oh, so glad you learned your lesson and picked up the phone again you bitch. Now as I said, if you don’t leave Haechan tonight. I will kill you. If you think I’m kidding, I’m really not. I have everything ready for you. Your choice.”

Haechan removes you from him in the best way he can without hurting you. Along with holding you back as you continue to try to get the phone back, even though you know you can’t win. All he sees is red but he composes himself to answer back.

“I’m not sure who you’re calling bitch unless you’re talking about yourself. If you know what’s good for you. You should stop contacting this number.” A laugh is heard in the background of the call on the other side.

“Oh my god Haechan!! I didn’t know that you were going to pick up. I’m so sorry but your girlfriend deserves to die because she’s not good enough for you.”

A ‘tsk’ leaves his mouth and continues with "Ah, you really don't know when you should be scared. I'm going to sue you. I'm going to hang up." And with that, he ends the call.

A long huff and puff is heard from him. He’s going through so many emotions right now. You look at him in the eyes and wonder what he’s thinking about saying next.

“I’m sorry, hyuck. I’m sorry for not telling you about this earlier. I don’t want you to blame yourself for this and please don’t hate me or yourself because of this.” You can’t help but start to let it all out. It would be a big lie to say that all of this wasn’t scary to deal with and it wasn’t painful.

Some of their comments were as if your insecurities started to come to life and taunting you about not being good enough or worse. You tilt your head down to look at the floor because you’re too embarrassed to look at him right now. Your eyes are all puffy and your nose is starting to leak.

After a few minutes of rubbing your eyes dry on your shirt and snot with a tissue away, he finally says something. At first, it’s not you. It's to Jeno telling him that something happened and he’s done for tonight.

Then he walks over to you and cups your face with his hands. Wiping away the falling and dried tears from your eyes. They’re bloodshot red and his heart hurts all over again.

He just keeps eye contact with you with his hands cupping your face. Haechan can’t help but laugh a little at your face when it’s all squished like this. “Y/n-ie. You are the love of my life. Without a doubt, you are one of the many people in my life that I love so much and couldn’t live life without”, Planting a forehead kiss and making sure that you’re still looking at him.

“I am not going to lie and say that you I’m not a tad bit angry or upset that you didn’t tell me about this. Because frankly, I am because it involves your safety and wellbeing.” You nod in agreement.

”You are right about me somewhat blaming myself for this. You are not responsible for my feelings and neither am I responsible for yours. From the bottom of my heart, I am truly sorry you had to go through this alone but I promise you that I’ll always be there. God forbid this ever happen again but if it does. Please tell me so I can do my best to make you feel safe and loved again. I promise.” Haechan finally un-cups your face to hold you in his arms. You whisper another apology and I love you too as you take in his warmth & comfort.

“It’s okay, baby. You’re one strong woman and I couldn’t be happier to call you mine. Just remember that you don’t have to be strong all of the time.”

You two fall asleep afterwards and the next day involves him getting you a new phone number along with the paperwork required to file a lawsuit. When all that is said and done, this phone call remains the first and last time he ever picks up a call from a sasaeng on your phone.

... another fic I’ll probably re-visit b/c this could be longer but for now, enjoy this! man, the # of sasaengs he has is 😔 

as always please do give me feedback by reblogging this with your thoughts in the tag or leaving a note or even dming/sending an ask. it’s all that I ask for. please take care until next time

signing off

- ash 

[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

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[writtenbymkl]

BDE (big dumbass energy): “has anyone ever told you you’ve got bde?”

genre: comedy (praying) , idol! haechan

featuring: haechan x reader

a/n: sorry if i’m spamming but these ideas just keep flowing and i’m so bored i have nothing else to do … i mean i’m building a lego set rn but after i’ll have nothing to do :3

[jaeminri]

21:22 ✿ lee haechan ⁝ 0.6k words

with the way donghyuck is staring at you, mark thinks he might be boring holes into the side of your head, or more specifically, lee jeno's head.

“dude, you stare any harder and your eyes are going to pop out.” mark comments, leaning forward to rest his arms on the lunch table. donghyuck doesn't even respond, only glaring at the sight of you and jeno.

“why not just ask her out already?”

the sentence catches his attention immediately, as he snaps his head so quick, the canadian boy thinks he might break his neck.

“ask her out? why would i do that? she's annoying.” donghyuck huffs, looking at mark then back at you ever so often. at that moment, your laughter rings from your table as you tilt your head back and hit on jeno's shoulder lightly. what did he even say that was so funny? isn't jeno like the most unfunny person ever?

“please, you've been glaring at them since the moment they walked in the cafeteria.” mark snickers. as if offended, donghyuck says, “i'm just worried for him. what if,” he leans toward the older boy — who in turn leans forward — and whispers dramatically, “what if he gets her stupidity? it's contagious, you know?” mark actually wants to shoot himself in the head right now. how could some one as intelligent and sharp as donghyuck (he can't believe he's saying that), be so fucking oblivious and dumb?

groaning in annoyance, mark smacks the back of donghyuck's head. “i don't know why i even try.” he comments.

“i need to get to class. you can have fun doing whatever your dumbass is doing.” then before he can even reply, mark is already up and out of the cafeteria, leaving donghyuck alone at the table.

with no hesitation, the latter's eyes immediately snap toward you and again, you're giggling your butt off with jeno. there was no way he was that funny, honestly speaking.

donghyuck just stares and stares and stares. he contemplates going up to you and just pull you out of jeno's presence, but he just...can't. what right did he have? and why would he do that anyway? it's not like he liked you or whatever of that sort.

you cannot help the laughter that bubbles out of your throat as jeno tells the story of how his cat actually took a shit on his homework. it's so stupid yet somehow the tears of laughter won't stop falling.

“why are you laughing? it's not funny! mr. kim won't stop nagging me to print my own copy!” he whines, resting his against his palm with his elbow on the table. you wipe at your eyes, “sorry, it's just hilarious because such a thing actually happened.”

“yeah! and i already feel miserable enough and you're here laughing!”

“okay, okay i'll stop.”

there is a moment of silence between the both of you for awhile, until jeno suddenly speaks up again.

“hey, do you know that dude over there?” when you look at him, he's eyeing someone behind you and pointing with his chin. you follow his gaze and immediately, your eyes meet lee donghyuck.

“oh,” you frown, “you mean donghyuck?”

“you know him?”

the thought of said male makes you annoyed, as you nod sourly, “yeah, i guess...”

“you guess?” you suppose you did know him but in the most hateful way ever. you nod, as jeno hums, scratching his chin. “i think he likes you. he's been glaring at me since i've started talking to you.” his words make you snort and knock his forehead, “don't make me laugh. he hates me so much, he'd rather fail his final exam than work on a project with me.” you gaze back at donghyuck who still glares at you.

yeah, definitely hates me.

“just ignore him, jen. probably thinking of ways to murder me or something.”

oh, only if you knew.

© JAEMINRI, 2023

[heartbrkr]

roommate pros and cons

SUMMARY The trials and tribulations Haechan goes through just to get a very tired you to bed.

PAIRING roommate!lee haechan x gender neutral!reader

GENRE roommates!au, idiots in love, mutual pining, fluff, comfort

WORD COUNT 695

WARNINGS none but a single swear word

AUTHOR’S NOTE wow first proper drabble. with a lot of alliterations because they're fun. i really loved writing this <3

MASTERLIST | REQUESTS: OPEN!

You don’t care if he’ll mock you and pull on that stupid smug smile he usually does when you initiate affection first, it doesn’t matter right now. All you longed for was his warmth, the one that radiates through your body the moment you attach yourself to him. 

Haechan’s mean, yet meaningless quips about your clinginess fall on deaf ears because all you can hear is the pace of his heartbeat with your head leveled to his chest, knees trying their hardest to maintain their form to stabilize your position. You hear his pulse quicken and the right side of your mouth quirks upward the slightest, but you’d rather not bring it up now; you don’t want to risk him pushing you away as petty punishment. That isn’t something you need right now.

Concern comes creeping up on him due to the lack of any type of response, so he pulls you up and engulfs you into his arms properly. Naturally, like a moth to a flame, your face pieces itself into the slope of his neck and shoulder. Jasmine, wood, and the slightest linger of sweat.

“Hey.” He properly acknowledges you, no bullshit lines embellishing his words for the first time tonight. Though, one single word was spoken, you could hear the worry in his voice. Your continuous steady breathing tells him no information aside from the fact that you’re probably not ignoring him, just resting. He can tell you’re not asleep by the twitch of your hands and the way you shift your body here and there, but he thinks you wouldn’t want to keep standing.

Though you aren’t sleeping, you don’t notice Haechan has moved— your almost limp body still in his hold— by your doorway. 

He puts his hands on your shoulders with the right amount of weight to turn you around to face the inside of your room. You whine in protest, but he manages to keep you facing forward. “I’ll assume standing up while you’re about to fall asleep isn’t comfortable.” 

You don’t know how (you don’t have any energy to), but the moment his grasp loosens the slightest, somehow your head is back on his shoulder, much to his dismay. Well, not quite. In fact, he enjoys it; Haechan so madly adores you the same as you do, but neither know. He enjoys it to the point that he starts to feel as if it’s wrong, that you aren’t in your right mind for him to feel like this.

And his intuition is right, you aren’t in your right mind, that’s exactly why you keep sticking yourself to him. “No matter how comfortable, my bed isn’t as warm as you.”

From his neck up, Haechan starts to feel a rush of blood. He wants to turn his head to the side out of rare embarrassment, but you’re still there. It’s a good reminder for him that all of this is happening, it’s strangely real. “But this,” he gestures to the both of you to the best of his abilities, “is not comfortable.” 

You don’t notice he reiterated what he had previously told you, but with your response, it seems like you did. He hasn’t regarded it either, he’s really focused on you getting your deserved eyeshut. He’ll ask you about your day tomorrow. 

“Just tell me you want to get rid of me.” You say lightheartedly; he doesn’t take it that way.

“That’s not my intention. You need to sleep properly.”

“I will if you’re beside me.” An invitation. Not a direct one, but still an invitation.

He reroutes the both of you to the restroom, switching the light on before attempting to let you stand on your own and face the tiled walls and shower curtain. An indirect acceptance. “Let’s get you ready for bed first, okay?”

Again, you turn around and try to protest, but he lightly scolds you to use that remaining energy to freshen up instead. He’s back in your room, gathering all the things he needs to do your night routine. A smile progressively graces his face the moment he hears the water run.

Your roommate is a promise of a sunny morning.

[slytherinbangchan]

Inked Dreams (NCT Dream Tattoo Artist!Au) (M)

Chap 9 out of 10 -> First arc: Haechan&Chenle x female reader

>>Chap 1 here

Summary: A NCT Dream Tattooist!Au where the Dreamies are college's heartthrobs and most likely will steal your heart whenever you less expect it.

W: Smut, explicit

Inked Dreams Masterlist~

[My First and Last: Chap 9🐻]

“Fuck..” You moan as you arch your back, reaching your high as Hyuck keeps thrusting into you, cumming just some seconds later. He grasps on the bed sheets and buries his head on the crook of your neck as he groans. You left your bed like two hours ago just to take a shower and rush to his apartment to be by his side, and here you are now, three orgasms later.

He lies next to you, trying to catch his breath. His hair sticking to his forehead cause of the sweat. You smile and comb it back with your fingers and he looks at you. He's normally so cute but right now he looks simply hot.

Ah... You know he needs to breath just as much as you do right now, but you just want to kiss him, nibble on him, maybe even fuck him a fourth time. No matter how tired you both are cause of the lack of sleep and all that.

You sit astride him as he keeps lying down and lean over to kiss him. His hands on your butt as you do so, squeezing hard. You whine against his lips and Renjun hits the wall from the other side. “Omg, stop already, I'm trying to focus here!” He complains, startling you both, then you chuckle. “Shower?” Hyuck asks and you nod.

Whatever, guess you should put on some clothes anyway before the rest of the guys arrive.

You follow him to the shower, squealing as he sprinkles you with cold water. He smirks as he looks down to your boobs and you blush, hiding your nipples with one of your arms. “Omg, what are you, twelve?” You ask and he chuckles. “I couldn't help it.” He says as he leans over for a kiss. You roll your eyes at him but meet his lips anyway.

The hot water now falls over you two as you make out. One of his hands slowly climbs up to play with your tits and the other one brings you closer to him by your waist. You hug him, then your hands slip down to his butt, pulling him closer to your body too. He smiles on the kiss and guides one of your hands to his hard cock, hissing as soon as you start to pump him. You peck his lips then leave a trail of kisses down to his neck, leaving a love bite on his shoulder. You're not even sure if you'll be able to tell the hickey apart from his neck tattoos later, but you want to mark him anyway.

Suddenly you feel the warmth of his hand over yours and your heart skips a beat.

Damn. You were so focused on marking him that you were barely moving. He's guiding your hand now as he meets your lips again, and for some reason you find his movements so fucking hot. Probably cause it feels like he's done that a million times before and more. He knows how he likes to be touched and he's teaching you how to do so.

He leaves your hand alone again soon enough. His eyes closed as he's about to cum. He pulls you closer once again, feeling your wet body against his. He kisses you but can't help throwing his head back as he finally releases with a soft moan.

“Cute.” You chuckle softly and he purses his lips a bit shy about it. But that only makes you want to call him more cute stuff.

His hand is running down to your heat now, but he's still blushing. He swirls his fingers playing softly with your clit, then he leaves a trail of kisses from your lips down to your neck and tits. He keeps going down, kneeling in front of you. Then he looks up to smile at you, making the butterflies in your stomach alive. He grasps on your thighs as soon as he starts eating you out and you tug on his hair as he does so.

Someone knocks on the bathroom's door urgently, startling you both. “Ya... Hyung... It's Jisung... I-I really have to use the bathroom...” He says and Hyuck sighs then stands up. “Guess the guys are here.” Hyuckie says. Ah, he looks hot too when he's annoyed. “It's okay, we'll finish this later.” You tell him, cupping his face and he sighs and meets your lips. “Okay... Let's wash up quickly then so that idiot doesn't have an accident.” He sighs again, making you chuckle.

“Here.” Hyuckie says, rolling you up in a towel. When you open the door Jisung is just there, waiting. His eyes meet yours immediately and he blushes in a very obvious way as he realizes you were there too, and now you are in front of him in just a towel. “Oh my goddd.” He says as he walks past you and Hyuck, shielding his eyes with his hands and closing the door behind him. Hyuckie chuckles as he shakes his head.

You both put on some clothes and go to the living room since the guys are waiting there to play some games. “Ahh, finally these two leave the bedroom.” Renjun says. “Y/n, look me in the eye and tell me you were not fucking Haechan for hours.” He continues as you hug him hello. “I... Can't do that.” You admit and they all chuckle. “Oh, good. We are finally over the denial phase. What time did you get here anyway? I didn't even see you.” He asks as you keep hugging the guys, making you blush lightly. It's so obvious now that you were missing Haechan so much you came here as soon as you woke up. “Please, stop asking me questions.” You say as you chuckle and he chuckles too. “Yeah, understood.”

“Hey.” Chenle softly says as you hug him. Damn, he looks good today. “Can I talk to you in private?” He asks and your heart skips a beat. What does he want to talk about? Does it have to do with why he was being kinda weird last night? Oh, no. Hyuckie got rid of the condom last night, right? He didn't leave it in Chenle's closet, RIGHT? No, chill. It can't be that. Why would he want to talk only to you about that? It makes no sense. He would have mentioned it already in front of everyone probably as a revenge for using his innocent closet for that kind of stuff.

You follow him to Renjun's room and you can't help to scan it. It's so nice in there. Some of his old tattoo designs are hanging up a corkboard on the wall. You recognize some of them right away cause they're Haechan's. The ones on one side of his neck and another one on his forearm. “Y/n.” Chenle calls you and you come back to Earth. “Sorry!” You apologize, but your eyes drift to his neck and arms too. “Ah... I knew I had seen that one too before.” You say, pointing at the corkboard and then his neck. He chuckles softly and nods. “Yeah, Renjun is really good with neck tattoos.” He says and you agree. “Can I see it? I feel like we've never been this close before with lights on.” You ask as you chuckle and he nods. “Sure.” He says and you come closer and pull from his shirt a bit so you can see the tattoo better.

His eyes on you now as you're still close. He's probably just looking at you looking at his tattoo but... It still makes your heart fluttler thinking of looking up and meeting his eyes. Woah, can't believe how detailed his tattoo is though. Renjun really is a genius. You can't stop yourself from outlining the tattoo as you look at it.

Oh god... Chenle's gone completely silent now. Guess you were too into your favorite tattooist's job to notice how close your bodies are right now. You're probably blushing. Is he still looking at you? Maybe he's not... Maybe...

You look up slowly, meeting his eyes right away. He was looking at your lips but he looked up as soon as he noticed you looked up too. What is this tension?? Your heart skips a beat as his eyes move back to your lips before he leans over, kissing you. You follow the kiss but pull away after a moment. “Wait... Chenle... We are not at a party.” You say, cupping his face with your hand and caressing his cheek with your thumb, and he's already hating how you're not even smiling as you tell him so. "And... I don't think we should keep doing this anyway.” You tell him. He looks kinda bummed. “I should have told you last night. I'm sorry, but I'm... just too deep into Haechan to keep doing this like it was nothing.” You continue and he sighs. “Y/n, I like you. Like, actually like you.” He confesses, making you blush. “Wha- Since when?” You ask, still shy about it and he scoffs. “Well, I don't know exactly but... I guess that after I noticed you got jealous that day at campus I started thinking a bit about how it would be if we actually dated...” He explains and your heart hurts but you don't know what to say. He sighs again. “I thought you may like me too so I had to try but... Just forget about it. Let's go back.” He says, then tries to leave the room but you stop him. “Wait... I'm sorry. You are right... I do like you and it's true that I was jealous but...” You stop. It hurts more than you thought it would to say the rest of it out loud. “You like Haechan more.” He finishes your sentence. It's not exactly what you were going to say, but guess it works... “I'm sorry.” You apologize again, trying to hold back some tears and he sighs before pulling you into a hug. Damn, why a hug? Now you really want to cry.

He pecks the top of your head and wipes a tear on your cheek that managed to scape, then he chuckles at your pouty face before hugging you again. What can you say that could make him feel better? You don't even know how to soothe your own heart.

To be completely honest, Chenle has ended up becoming way more dear to you than you could have ever imagined that night at that party when you first met.

But Haechan... He makes you feel like no one else ever did before.

You pull away from the hug still pouting and he smiles softly. “What? It's okay, dummy. We'll always have that night, right?” He says before pecking your cheek. “Now, let's go back before Haechan starts whining.” He chuckles softly and you hug him one last time before following him out. You really feel bad for just leaving this conversation like that, but you can't come up with anything right now to make things better anyway and he probably knows that.

The guys are already playing by the time you go back to the living room. Hyuckie is rolled up in a blanket but he invites you in as soon as he sees you, so you sit on his lap and Chenle sits next to Mark. It's been a while since last time you were with all the guys without your roomie being there too. But she texted you to say she wasn't ready yet to see Mark. She didn't want to give you any details though, at least not on the phone.

Hyuckie nibbles on your neck as he backhugs you and your eyes drift to Chenle without you even thinking of it. He's looking to the floor, lost in thoughts it seems. “Chenle-yah.” Renjun calls him and looks at you for a second, then he looks at Chenle again and asks him something in Chinese. You don't know what they're saying but Chenle sounds like someone who's telling another person that they don't want to talk about something. Renjun insist though and Chenle clicks his tongue and ends up telling him something but you have no idea what it is. They haven't mentioned your name, that you've noticed, but Renjun steals a glance at you every now and then. You can tell he's surprised about what he's hearing but he's keeping it low-key so the others don't notice.

Ah, how are you supposed to feel? You heart still hurts but what can that pain do against the army of butterflies that start fluttering in your stomach every time Hyuckie touches you? Or talks to you, or to anyone to be honest. Just hearing his voice in general is enough. This guy really managed to steal your heart somehow.

You let out a heartfelt sigh as you think about it and Hyuckie squeezes you softly in his arms, making your heart swoon. “What was that about?” He asks in a soft tone before pecking your cheek and you turn around to meet his lips. “I'll tell you later.” You say as you fix his hair a little. “Promise?” He asks and you nod, pulling a smile from him before he kisses you again.

“Haechan-ah, it's your turn, c'mon.” Mark calls him, handling the controller and you slip down his lap so it's more comfy for him to play. He whines, pouting at you, and you chuckle. “What? You won't be able to play properly if I'm there.” You explain and he clicks his tongue before taking your hand and placing it on his nape so you pet him. You bite your lower lip not to smile at his clinginess and start stroking his hair. “Cutie.” You tell him and he smiles without taking his eyes off the screen.

“Aww, I died.” Hyuck says after a minute, dropping the controller on the sofa before tackling you down to kiss you. You laugh but meet his lips as he pins you down. His grip on your wrists is making you kinda horny. But it's not the time or place for that now. “Okay, who's next?” Renjun asks, pulling you away from those thoughts and you sit up. “Me~.” You say, taking the controller and making Hyuck pout cause of it. “I'll play too.” Chenle says, joining you and the others. It's a bit awkward between you two for like a minute but soon enough you're laughing and bickering over the game.

Hyuck tags along for the next game, giving up on getting your undivided attention for now and wanting to join the fun. But he ends up fixating on defeating Chenle all the time for some reason and ignoring you and Renjun, so you both end up pretty bored. “Okaay...” Renjun says, looking at you and you both drop the controllers. “Should we get some lunch?” He asks Jaemin. “Mhm. What do you want?” He asks, stroking Junnie's hair. “Hmm, jjajangmyeon?” Renjun answers, then looks at you and the others. “You guys wanna order?” Renjun asks, then Chenle laughs. “Ah, you lost.” He tells Hyuck and he clicks his tongue. “What the-? You cheated. Let's go again.” He says but Chenle scoffs. “I didn't, you're the one who always cheats when we play.” He says and Jaemin clicks his tongue. “Kids, stop fighting~” He says, just to be ignored. “C'mon, let's play one more time.” Hyuck insists, handing Chenle back the controller, but he puts it away. “Dude, I've won like three times already, I'm not playing again.” He chuckles and Hyuck clicks his tongue. “Right... Okay, I won four times so I guess I still win.” He says and Chenle laughs. “I really don't think we played that many times, but okay.” By this point you and the others are texting eachother about what to order for lunch. “Y/n.” Hyuck calls you and you leave your phone for a second to listen to him. “I won the second game, didn't I?” He asks and you think about it for a moment. “Well...” You say and Chenle chuckles, making Hyuckie's blood boil. “See?” Lele says and Renjun frustratedly sighs. “Who caares??” Junnie asks, tired of this silly fight, and Mark chuckles. “Right, Donghyuck-ah, you're normally very competitive but not that much of a sore loser. What's going on? You really seem to have it in for Chenle today.” He asks and your heart skips a beat as your eyes meet Chenle's, cause, for a second, he looks just as worried as you feel and normally he's way more chill about this kind of awkward moments. He quickly smiles though and proceeds to tease Hyuck about the whole thing as if nothing happened and Hyuck seems to just go with it.

“Hyuckie, come here.” You tug from his shirt and he stops bickering to turn around a bit and look at you. “Come heere~” You whine, pulling from his shirt, then chuckle at him simply allowing you to make him lie back on the sofa. “What?” He asks. He's still a bit sulky from losing so you peck his cheek before resting your head on his shoulder. “What do you want for lunch?” You ask, handing him your phone so he takes a look while you hug him. Burying your face on the crook of his neck. “I don't know, whatever you want is fine, baby.” He says and your heart flutters a bit at the pet name. You're blushing so you keep your face hidden on his neck. “Hm, you want kimchi jjigae, don't you?” You ask and he chuckles softly. “Nah, whatever you want is okay.” He says and you finally look at him. “Really?” You ask and he nods as he sweetely looks at you. “Then, let's get kimchi jjigae.” You say and he chuckles softly. “Alright.” He agrees before kissing you. “I also want giant cookies.” You add and he nods before kissing you again. “Let's go get the cookies while they bring our food then~”

The cookie place is only five minutes away from the guys's apartment and the restaurant said it'd take 40-45 minutes for the food to arrive since it's some kind of holiday today. So you go get your cookies in the meantime. “Ugh, there's a lot of people inside.” You say, pointing at the shop and Hyuck chuckles. “Yeah, that place is too tiny and today there's tons of people everywhere.” He says and you sigh. “I'll go get them, you can wait here if you want.” He offers and you look at him with heart eyes. “Really?” You ask and he nods. “Mhm~” He says before you make him lean over to kiss him. “Mint choco, right?” He asks and you nod. “And the pink ones~” You say and peck his lips, then watch him walk away as your heart beats for him.

You're just looking around when you casually spot one of the girls from the other day, the rude one that wanted you to introduce her to the guys. You look away immediately but it's too late. She's seen you, and now she's decisively walking towards you.

“Y/n?? Remember me?” She asks and you force a smile. “Suure, from the arcade, right?” You say and she puts on a fake smile. “Yeah. I've heard you and Haechan have been spending quite a lot of time together.” She says. “You know, you could have said that you liked him that day.” She continues, looking you up and down and you scoff. “Why would I talk about my feelings to a stranger?” You ask and she smiles again. “So you do like him, right?” She insist and you tilt your head. “What do you want?” You ask and she sighs. “Well, he blocked me and my friend without a reason so I guess I'm pissed.” She explains and you sigh. “So? What does that have to do with me?” You ask and she takes out her phone. “Easy. I don't want him to be happy.” She says. “You pushed a girl at the last party, remember?” She asks and you feel like your heart simply stops, thinking of all the ways this can go. “You did, right? You don't have to tell me, I know. She's my friend.” She keeps talking. “She told me that you kissed Haechan in front of everyone by the end of the party but that you were also making out next to the pool after the games.” Oh, so they could see you after all, they just decided to ignore it. “Okay?” You say and she smiles again, this time in an ominous way. “We came to the conclusion that he clearly cares about you.” She says and you sigh. “Is this going somewhere? What do you want??” You ask and she sighs too. “So impatient.” She says as she scroll down on her phone. “You know what else my friend told me?” She wants you to answer but you just wait in silence cause you're trying really hard not to punch her right now. “Ugh, you're so boring. Alright, I'll just tell you.” She says, and you roll your eyes. “She told me that at some point people saw you and Haechan head up upstairs, and that Zhong Chenle was looking pretty bummed about it.” She says and you feel anxiety slowly creeping on you as she keeps talking. “She also said that he was super into that kiss you both shared while playing the shots game and... The best part?” She says, showing her phone's screen at you. “She took a video of your goodbye hug.” She says as she pouts. “Aw, you two look so cute.” She says and you swallow some saliva as you look at the video. “So? We're friends. I hugged the other guys too.” You say and she scoffs then laughs. “C'mon, you can say just by looking at this video that you're not just friends. He's looking at you as if you were his whole world.” She chuckles, managing to finally get to you for a moment. Not because you're scared of what she might be planning to do with that video, but because it reminds you of how bad it hurts to hurt Chenle. “I'm kinda sorry for you since my only goal is to hurt Haechan but, in order to do that, I have to use you.” She says. “I mean, I kinda admire you too. Like, damn, you got to steal Lee Donghyuck and Zhong Chenle's hearts?” She laughs. “Were you playing with them? I really can't wait to see Donghyuck's face when he hears about it.” She says, finally ending her little monologue and you take a deep breath as you think about this whole conversation. Also about how you think Donghyuck would actually react to that video. Then you can't help but chuckle. You are not even sure why you are laughing but there must be something you find pretty funny. Probably you just feel pity for her right now. And that makes everything she said not scary at all.

Yeah, okay. This wasn't the first scenario in your head when you told Hyuckie earlier today that you'd tell him about why you were feeling down after talking to Chenle, but you're not going to panic about it either. Mean girls never stood a chance against you, and this one is no different.

“Okay.” You tell her and she tilts her head, confused. “You want to tell Donghyuck about Chenle? Then tell him.” You smile at her. “In fact, I'm waiting for him right now, so... Why don't you just tell him when he's back?” You say and she scoffs. “I will.” She says and you laugh. “Do it.” You say as Hyuck finally appears. “Hey, I got the cookies, let's go.” He tells you and you hold his wrist and bring him forward. “Wait a minute Hyuckie. This girl wants to show you something.” You say, looking at her in the eye and she looks at Hyuck nervously but plays the video again to show it to him. “What?” He asks and she looks at the video and then at him. “She? And Chenle??” She says, making you chuckle. Sounds like she doesn't know how to form sentences anymore. “What's going on?” He asks you and you shrug. “You idiot, don't you see? Chenle clearly loves her?” She says, zooming in the video and he looks at it. “I know.” He says and your heart skips a beat but you keep a straight face. “What?” She asks. “Is that all that you want to tell me? Cause it's none of your business.” He says and she doesn't know what to say anymore. “Was me blocking you too subtle? I don't want to hear anything from you or anyone close to you. Please, stay away from me and my friends.” He sighs and holds your hand. “Let's go home.” He says, and you walk away with him, leaving that girl there.

“Hyuckie...” You call him. “Mhm?” He answers and you sigh. “You really knew about Chenle?” You ask and he nods. “Mhm.” He says and you stay in silence for a bit. “Can we talk about it?” You ask him. Looking for his eyes as you walk, making him smile. “Sure.”

You sit on a bench. You can feel your heart beating faster as you think about how to start the conversation but in the end, instead of start explaining everything, you decide to ask first. “What did you mean exactly when you said that you know about him?” You ask and he tilts his head and asks for your hand to hold while talking, so you give it to him. “Well, I actually wasn't sure and hadn't thought about it until earlier today but... Chenle asked you to talk alone out of nowhere when you barely talk to eachother normally, so that was weird.” He chuckles and you giggle too. “Also, when he kissed you last night and all those things he told you while we were doing the shots game came to mind after I saw you two playing.” He explains. “I didn't notice at first, but as you kept playing I saw him looking at you as he did last night, and I started to feel really jealous.” He says as he scratches the back of his neck with his free hand. “When that girl showed me the video and said what she said, I wasn't surprised.” He says, playing with your fingers, then he looks at your eyes. “I lied to her though. I didn't know for a fact, but I wanted to talk to you about it. No one else, so I wanted her gone. That's why I said what I said.” He finishes explaining and you sigh. “Thank you.” You say, then you take a minute to think about what you want to say next. “I'm sorry that someone else got involved and... I really want to talk to you about it too.”

You stare at eachother for a moment, not knowing what to say or better said, where to begin. “So... Uhm...” You start saying and Haechan chuckles and squeezes your hand softly. “It's okay y/n, just start from the beginning. You obviously knew Chenle likes you, so I assume you two have at least talked about it.” He says and you nod as you blush lightly. It's funny how he has this image of someone who is always playing around and everyone in campus just thinks he's so immature cause of it. But he's actually really insightful and level-headed.

“So, remember the night we met?” You ask and he nods. “I was making out with Chenle just a few minutes earlier. Right before I went outside and saw you playing with Daegal.” You say and he scoffs as he smiles. "Damn." He says, chuckling, then motions you to keep going. “It didn't really mean anything to us in that moment and also pretty much I crushed on you the minute we started talking.” You say and he scoffs again, kinda smirking. “I made out with Chenle again that night though, when you all went away.” You tell him and he nods, a bit more serious now, but still kinda smiley. “I told Chenle that I was crushing on you and he told me he didn't like anyone in particular so, we said that maybe we could keep making out from time to time if we met in other parties, just for fun and only as long as we weren't officialy dating anyone.” You keep explaining and his expression changes again to a more serious one. “Wait... Have you made out with him after that?” He asks and you sigh. “We didn't kiss again until last night's party actually.” You say. “But... I would be lying if I said we hadn't flirted at all since the night we made out, and also... Earlier today... He kissed me and then confessed.” You say and you can see that he's not happy about it, but he's not mad. “Do you like him?” He asks and your heart hurts thinking of the answer. “Honestly, I do...” You admit. “But I ended it cause I don't like him like this, not like I like you.” You pout, feeling sad that you may have hurt him just now, and he looks down to your hands, caressing them with his thumbs. “And how do you like me?” He simply asks as he blushes lightly. Making your heart skip a beat. “Well...” You start saying but then stop and look away. Firstly cause you barely know how to put it down into words and secondly, cause you're kinda afraid of the outcome.

He squeezes your hands softly in a reassuring way and you look at him again. “I... The thing is... That even though I've dated more than once, I had never fallen for anyone in my life, so I didn't know how that felt, at all... But after meeting you, I started feeling stuff that I had never felt before, and to be honest it was a bit scary.” You sigh. “But you... Made me feel safe in such a lovely way that it was impossible for me to be afraid anymore.” You blush at how cheesy you're being right now and he chuckles softly at how cute your rosy cheeks look, caressing your hands. Then he nods so you'd keep talking and you nod too. “Ah... So, what I mean is, and probably this sounds like a lot right now, but... At this point I... have no doubt in my mind that I've fallen for you, Donghyuck.” You confess, blushing even more as your heart goes on a race, and he bites his lower lip trying to hold in a smile.

He ruffles his hair as he blushes lightly, meeting your eyes. “So you are done with Chenle for sure...” He says after a moment and you nod. “Cause you love me.” He continues as he laces his fingers with yours, and you nod again as you blush even more. “And you've never loved anyone else before. Ever.” He keeps saying and you feel like your heart is going to scape from your chest any time now and you're going to die from blushing. “Yes.” You tell him, flustered, and he can't help a smile as he plays with your fingers. “Well...” He distractedly says before looking up at your eyes again. “I feel the same way.” His eyes fixed on yours now, sending a wave of emotions all over your chest. “I've dated before, of course, but... I'm sure too that you're my actual first love, y/n...” He says, tilting his head as he smiles. “And, just so you know, I'm not planning on letting you go. I'll make this last until the end.” He confesses, looking at you with adoring eyes and sweetely caressing your cheek, making your heart flutter. “Really? Will you keep me by your side forever?” You ask, pouting at him and he nods as he chuckles softly. “Mhm~ of course. There won't be another you, I know.” He pecks your lips happily. “You're my last, y/n.” He says and you sweetely comb his hair down with your fingers. You can't help but to stare at him lovingly. “Your first and last love, then?” You chuckle, leaning over him to kiss and he nods as he smiles before meeting your lips. “My First and Last.”

Chap8....Next chap

[yunoclips]

interruptions

Nerd!Haechan x reader

happy new year ;)

nsfw included

He remembers the first time he saw you. The sun was shining way too brightly and the heat was sweltering. It was a normal day on campus for Haechan. Following his normal routine of eating , studying and then getting to class. Leaving his dorm as quietly as possible trying his best to leave his roommate, Jaehyun undisturbed. Jaehyun was someone that valued his hours of “beauty sleep”. 

He remembers the last time he accidentally disrupted Jaehyun’s sleep. It wasn’t a pleasant experience. But none the less he manages to exit successfully. Everything goes as planned. He gets to class without any interruptions. Interruptions are actually something that he rarely ever encounters considering he doesn’t have the most active social life. 

Haechan has no friends—Not counting the ones he has online waiting for him in his overwatch server. 

But he has no actual friends. The ones that you can go out with. The ones that let you crash at their place just because. The ones that keep you company when you’re lonely.

And while that might sound sad to any other person , it actually doesn’t effect him. Well at least that’s what he believes. He has good grades , a decent place to stay , food filling his belly and a computer than can handle everything else. Who needs friends when you already have the essentials. 

Besides friends can drag you down. If he had friends he wouldn’t be able to get to class on time and sit in his favorite spot like he’s doing now. 

Some people would consider him a Nerd, and he doesn’t blame them. He gets to class on time every day , always participates , never hands in an assignment late , gets perfect scores and to top it all of he wears these thick rimmed black glasses. Being called a Nerd is expected and he doesn’t mind it at all. 

As usual class goes by quickly, with no interruptions of course. Haechan steps out into the sweltering heat once again. Using his hand to shield the sun that blinds his eyes , he starts walking to his next class. Everything goes smoothly with no interruptions. Until he feels something fall out of his back pocket. He turns around quickly and bends down to grab it but when he looks up he stares at the first interruption he’s had in a while.

There you were standing in the middle of the campus looking absolutely dumb founded. The light of the sun reflecting off of your skin perfectly. Your hair was beautiful , bringing out all the profound features of your face. Your body was mesmerizing. He knows he shouldn’t be looking at you like this but he can’t help it when he finds himself staring at your tits. Eyes wandering to your thighs. Every thought that he shouldn’t be having suddenly bombards his mind. 

He tries his hardest to look away but something about you is so captivating. Maybe it’s the way you looked so confused. Holding the campus directory out , switching between looking down at it and then looking up to try and pin point your location. If he was a normal person he would’ve walked up to you and offered help. But he isn’t normal. 

So he turns around and walks to class quicker than he normally would. That day he was 10 minutes early to class. 

The next week was full of interruptions. If it wasn’t bad enough that he couldn’t get the image of you out of his mind. You just so happened to be in the same statistics class as him. 

“Great”

Even more distractions for him. Today was the day he finally decided to stop allowing you to cloud his mind. He was just gonna keep his head down and do his work like always. You didn’t even know he existed. How could he be so obsessed with someone that doesn’t even know he exists. 

His plans were actually starting to work. He managed to actually get some useful notes down on his paper without pausing mid sentence to daydream about how you would look ontop of him. But as the saying goes — all good things must come to an end. His bubble is popped instantly the moment you walk up to him. 

“Hi, my name is y/n” You had this disgustingly bright smile on your face. It wasn’t disgusting because it was a bad smile , it was disgusting because it was so precious that it should be locked away in a safe and hidden from the world. Not just exposed like this in front of so many filthy people. 

“ I know this is probably a rude way of introducing myself. But I’m actually quite new to campus.”

How pathetic he must look right now, he thinks to himself. His mouth is hung open and his eyes are drilling holes into yours. Instead of responding he just stares. Not thinking much of it , you continue 

“Your name is Haechan right? It’s nice to meet you !”  

Taking his limp hand off the desk you intertwine it with yours and shake it before softly placing it back down. 

When you touch him he feels something inside of him jump. He doesn’t know if was his heart or his cock. Or both. 

Still not receiving any response other than a mindless stare, you keep going. 

“I actually came to you for a reason.”

There it goes. What a fool he would be to think you would actually come up to him just because you wanted to be friends. Of course you needed something. 

“I was talking to our professor just a minutes ago. I had to explain to him that I was considering dropping this course. Math isn’t one of my strengths and I just can’t deal with the added stress right now. He interrupted me though and told me that there was actually someone in this class that could help me out a bit. Nd now here I am.” 

You pause taking a moment to try and read his face. Trying to pick out any kind of reaction but you weren’t receiving any. 

“You know , it’s totally fine if you say no. I know this is again , kind of rude and abrupt. If you can’t help I won’t be mad or anythi-“

“No!” He says a little too loud. So loud that a few of the students that were close to him turned their heads quickly just to check if something was wrong. 

“Shit, this is why you don’t have any friends. What kind of response was that?” Internally scolding himself. 

“I-i mean no, it’s totally fine. I would be honored to help you. I-i mean not honored but glad. Honored sounds kind of creepy. A-am I making this weird , fuck you probably think I’m crazy. I promise I’m not it’s jus-“

Cutting him off , you put your hand on his shoulder and give him a comforting look. 

“It’s okay. It’s actually kinda cute.” 

Cute. You just called him cute. Something inside of him jumped again , this time it was definitely his cock. 

“So how about this Saturday at 1 ? We can meet in the park a few blocks down. It’s supposed to be really nice out. I can bring snacks and a blanket. It’s the least I can do considering you’ll be helping me out with something so short notice.” You finish with a smile painted across your face. 

All he can do is nod. Still stuck in a trance , he forces his self to answer. “Y-yea , Saturday is good. I can do Saturday” 

“Great ! See you Saturday Haechan”  

And just like that you disappear. The rest of Haechan’s day was absolutely unproductive. 

When he got home that night, he sprawled across his bed staring at the ceiling in darkness. That same night he jerked himself off with the hand you shook.

Removing his trousers with haste. The little glob of spit wasn’t enough to prevent friction. His hand was moving fast, faster than any other time. He was working so hard that his arm caught a cramp. 

His stomach was burning , knots of pure pleasure —and humiliation— forming. Coaxing himself through orgasm after orgasm. His head started to fog , he could hear his own heartbeat ripping through his ears. Mouth hung open in a silent scream. Thighs twitching , toes curled.

Only when his cock started to burn from the friction, did he finally stop. He fell asleep with his cock still in his hand. The only thing he could see in his dreams was you.  

The rest of the days leading up to Saturday went by like a blur. When the day finally came Haechan found himself sinking in desperation. For some reason the time leading up to your 1’o clock meet up was incredibly slow. He had made sure to take a nice shower with his good body wash that he spent way too much money on. He did his skin care routine , making sure to add an extra step. He even ironed his clothes , something he never does.  

He got to the park 10 minutes early. Although he’s always an early person for no real reason , this time he needed those 10 minutes to prepare himself.

How was he gonna greet you? Was he gonna stumble over his words like an idiot or speak in confidence? How did he look , was his shirt crisp enough? Did he smell fine? 

Just as he started to question himself more you walked towards him. That beautiful smile planted on your face , carrying a few bags and blankets. He was in a trance , and just like that everything he spent 10 minutes thinking about instantly disappeared from his mind. 

You finally reached him and plopped everything down. Leaning in to give him a hug you noticed how stiff he got. Maybe you should’ve asked first , you say to yourself. But little did you know , that small gesture alone sent blood rushing straight to his cock. 

“Fucking hell, get it together.” He says to himself. 

“Hi! I’m sorry for having you wait like this. The bus was taking longer than usual” genuine sorriness lacing your voice. 

“N-no , it’s fine. I wasn’t here that long”. And just like that a loud wave of silence washes over. He’s just staring at you like you have a spider on your forehead.

“Maybe the hug was actually way to much…” You say to yourself. 

“Well… How about we take a seat. I’ll open the blanket.” Breaking the silence. You bend down to start setting up. Shortly after you start, you see the other side of the blanket being spread open. Looking up , you see Haechan bent down to help you. How nice. 

The rest of the studying session goes smoothly. You come to learn that Haechan was indeed , very smart.  You understood everything he was saying , with the exception of some hardcore things. But you weren’t worried , there was always room for another session with him. 

After two long hours goes by , you sit up and pop a few grapes in your mouth. He seems to get the message and turns on his back, leaving the textbook forgotten. 

“Let’s take a break.” You propose. 

“Okay” Lifting himself up to face you , he continues. “I like breaks , breaks are cool.” 

He was so cute , you chuckle silently to yourself. 

“How about we tell each other one thing about ourselves. It can be anything.” 

“O-okay” hesitance evident in his voice. 

“I’ll start… I have this obsession with Kiwis. I know you’re probably thinking that I’m being over dramatic but no. I genuinely cannot go a single day without having one. It could be the middle of the night and I would literally wake myself up just to grab a kiwi , then go back to bed. It’s really weird I know… Actually you’re the first person that I’ve told. I guess today is your lucky day” Finishing off with a giggle. 

He feels like a pervert when the sound of your giggling goes through his ears and runs straight down to his cock. 

Clearing his throat , trying to calm himself down. He starts to speak. 

“My name isn’t Haechan. I mean it is Haechan but my actual name isn’t. It’s Donghyuck , but only my mom calls me that.” 

Donghyuck. What a nice name. It rings in your ears like the sound of wind chimes. 

“Donghyuck.. I like it , I like it a lot actually. Would it be fine if I called you that ?” 

At that moment he became even more obsessed with you than before. If that was even possible.

“Yea. I’d like that actually.” For the first time in a while , his heart is filled with warmth. 

“Well...Donghyuck. This was really nice. I should get going though , it’s getting dark out here and I don’t wanna get caught at the bus stop. How bout we do this again next week? Same place, same time ?” 

“Yes.” Answering almost too quickly. 

“I mean , yes that’s fine with me. Same place, same time.” 

Giving him a nod with a smile accompanying it , you get up. He follows after you, helping you pack up the snacks and the blanket. After you finish you give him one final hug. Leaning up to whisper in his ear. “Thank you again , Donghyuck.” 

And before he gets the chance to react you walk off. Leaving him there in shock with a painfully erect cock in his pants. It takes him 2 minutes to finally move and pick up his backpack from the floor. When he starts walking he almost trips over something. He looks down and it was your perfume. The same perfume that you use in class everyday. The perfume that smells like flower petals with hints of sweet fruit and a pinch of spice. The same perfume that he smelt when you whispered in his ear.

He leans down to pick it up. Staring at it for a few seconds he decides to just put it in his bag. Any normal person would’ve just quickly given it to you considering the bus stop was literally down the street. But Donghyuck is not a normal person. 

That night when he gets home , he does something so perverted. Something he’d never tell a soul about. He pulls out your perfume and sprays it all over his stuffed bear that he won at a raffle. Not even taking the time to get naked , he humps the toy with sloppy, inexperienced thrusts. His glasses fog up from the warmth of the room. His face is sweaty and sticky. He had drool seeping out the corners of his mouth. Mind gone completely blank. 

He came so hard, that he blacked out. 

When he regained consciousness two things were coursing through his mind. One of those things was him praying that his roommate didn’t hear him fucking himself silly. The other thing being that he was in trouble and it was all your fault. 

For the next couple of weeks , the two of you had these study sessions. They had went well and you were actually starting to understand the class. You and Donghyuck got closer too.

Ending every session with a fun fact about yourselves turned into full conversations about anything that crossed your mind. You would talk and he would listen. Thoughts of Donghyuck started clouding your head , even when you two weren’t together. 

Maybe it was because he never judged you for any weird thing you’ve said. Or maybe it was because he would let you talk your heart out — something nobody has ever done , and he would just listen happily. It could’ve also been the way he looks completely heart broken every time you leave him , like he’s worried you will never comeback.

 He’s also pretty attractive as well, soft black hair, beautiful skin, beauty moles that were spread so perfectly across his face and those thick rimmed black glasses. 

When you walked up to his seat in class that day , he assumed that it would just be for another study session. 

“Hi , we’re still on for saturda-“ 

“Do you wanna go out with me?” Cutting him off quickly.

“Like on a date.” You continue. You wait for a response but it takes a while. Maybe he didn’t understand you ?

But Donghyuck definitely understood. He understood so well that he thinks he’s dreaming actually. When the words “go out with me” flowed out of your mouth , his ears started ringing. He forgot how to breathe for a quick second. And for some odd reason he feels tears well up in his eyes. But before you think he’s trying to deny you , he forces himself to respond. 

“Are you asking me out ?”

“Yea I am actually” 

This can’t be right. The girl of his dreams asking him out , this has to be some sick joke. 

“Are you sure you weren’t talking to the person behind me , cause that would make sen-“

“No. I’m asking you, Donghyuck Lee, out on a date with me.” 

The tears were starting to fall now. Not of sadness but instead of Joy and utter happiness.

“Y-yea. I would be honored to go out with you, Like on a date of course.” Bringing his hand up to quickly wipe his cheek before you notice how pathetic he is. 

“Great ! I was thinking Friday , 5’ o clock ? There’s this really good looking burger joint around here.” There goes that beautiful smile again , so bright and big.

“Friday sounds good. I like Friday's …” 

“Good,” Pausing to take a good look at his face, you noticed his eyes were a bit watery. How cute.  “I’ll see you friday then , Donghyuck.” And just like that you disappear once again. 

When Donghyuck gets home that night , he cries in his pillow. He cries because he finally understands what it feels like to not be lonely— something that he’s been for so long. He cries and then humps his stuffed toy once again , until the only thought running through his mind is you. 

Friday came quickly. You two had met up a small little diner in the corner of town as promised. Everything was going perfect. The evening filled with jokes and you laughing at Donghyuck as he was having a mini panic attack after spilling ketchup all over his shirt.

The conversations were flowing so smoothly , it was like you two had known each other your entire lives. 

And yet again as the saying goes, all good things must come to an end. 

It was time to head back home but instead of taking the bus like you usually would you and Donghyuck decided to just walk.The entire walk was filled with you two telling each other things that nobody else knew. You felt this weird sense of comfort when you spoke to him. Almost like he was the only person who understood who you really were.

When you approached the front of your building you felt a wave of sadness wash over you. This was truly an amazing night.

“I usually don’t do this after the first date but… there’s just something about you Donghyuck.” For the first time since you met him , you felt nervous.

You were staring at the ground beneath you. You took a few seconds to recollect yourself. What was the worse that could happen? This is Donghyuck. Your sweet , understanding , shy , silly Donghyuck. 

“Donghyuck.. do you maybe wanna go out with me? As like… my boyfriend?” 

Boyfriend. The word boyfriend rang in Donghyuck’s ears. His breathing started getting shallow and his knees buckled a bit. A rush of euphoria washed over him , his mind was racing and his heart was beating out of his chest. The tears welled up in his eyes and started to roll down his pretty face like a waterfall. 

“Y-yea , I’d love that actually” Pausing to sniffle and wipe his face with the sleeve of his shirt. 

“I’d love to be your boyfriend.” 

“Are you okay hyuck ? You’re crying…” There was genuine concern in your voice. 

“N-no I’m fine. Just really really happy.”

What a dork. He was so infatuated with you that he started to cry when you asked him out. You found it endearing that he enjoyed you so much. A smile painted your face. There was an intense silence that enveloped the two of you in a box. It was as if you and Donghyuck were the only people on earth. Basking in each others glory. 

Staring into his captivating eyes you start to inch in closer to his face. Finally planting a soft kiss on his lips. He had completely stopped breathing. When you pulled away he looked absolutely stunned. Cute.

You give him a final look before turning away , walking to the entrance of your building. His eyes following you in silence.

Before you opened the door you turned around to say one last thing. 

“Goodnight , Donghyuck.” And just like that, you disappear. 

After you left him , he stood still in front of your building for 10 minutes. The world was revolving but Donghyuck was absolutely stuck. He needed time to comprehend what just happened , he had to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. 

That night when Donghyuck got home , he cried for a bit. Then he got on Overwatch to tell his buddies that he’d be gone for a while. Finally he sprawled himself out on his bed and stared at the ceiling. Occasionally bringing his hand up to rub over his lips, as if rubbing them would take him back to the moment you placed your soft lips on his. As the night got darker , his eyes got heavy. When he finally fell asleep he had a smile on his face and dreamed of you. 

Everything was perfect. 

[kjdkive]

girl ! dad haechan? pretty pls!! Also maybe with an ig post like the jaehyun one cause im a little delusional and silly

girl dad! haechan

warnings: k word jokes the usual

a's/n: requests always open! excuse the songs on top of my phone :( it was a bts listening party and also the second pic on the insta post it's making me crazy cause like if haechan actually posted a pic like that w his girl i'd do violent stuff

[rockstarhaechan]

lee haechan boyfriend texts part 2

pairing: bf!haechan x fem!reader

warnings: kinda smutty (minors dni), mention of eating out, cum eating, haechan calling reader mama

note: haechan bf texts will always be my fav thing to do, he a whole damn meal :3

[i4oba]

nct dream as… / times of a day 𓈒✳︎🚃

[— might be a little suggestive here and there!]

✰ 6:45 am .. jaemin

helios, through the half lidded eyes of yours was there to greet both of you at the same time—you could feel its hands coming near your bare body, the rays of the sun hugging your shape perfectly, casting such beautiful silhouettes behind, you and jaemin blending all together in your hazy state. you could feel the weight of his arms on your waist, hugging you so tight, sweet nothings leaving his lips, barely above a breath, hoarse voice laced with sleep. his scent, the sweet fragrance is dizzying, the warmth of him engulfing you just as much as helios’ breath of the morning; the sky is rosy, as if it was blushing while taking its time to fully wake up, faint shades of orange and yellow dancing through it endlessly. it’s such a beautiful way to start a day, with your lover all over you, deeply ingrained in your existence.

✰ 1:20 pm .. chenle

with the fierce determination of hermes, an arm slung around your waist; you were there—sun burning the uncovered skin of your shoulders, sweat making its way down on your temples as you took a look at the beautiful postcard in your hands, quickly snatched from a souvenir shop you passed barely twenty minutes ago. with such beautiful words and phrases, cursive letters and the scent of blooming flowers, you handed it over to your lover, hands aching to intertwine. he takes it, honest smile on his face, mumbling something along the line of “i’m the luckiest guy around”, wanting nothing but strolling around the foreign city for the rest of the day, stopping just for a minute in front of a pastry shop. there are freshly baked croissants!

✰ 3:25 pm .. jisung

was it all just a coincidence or did he know about all of it, you cannot be quite sure of but you, in fact enjoyed the way he pulled you straight into the sudden dancing flashmob. the sun was shining, birds singing endlessly along with the folk music played by a kind-looking band of teenagers, flute and harp harmonising together with the occasional sound of the guitar; you did not know how to dance or what kind of dance you should think of, but your lover pulled you closer to himself and took the lead, precise moves following one another as you felt yourself become a gracious nymph all of a sudden, trapped in a human’s fragile body. “honey, you’re doing so great,” jisung beamed happily, hands travelling lower on your skin, smile so wide and heartwarming. “i love you, so much,” he mumbled into your ears, voice losing the battle against the beautiful music.

✰ 7:05 pm .. jeno

with dionysus musing in your ears, you take a sip of the rich, sweet red wine your lover poured a few seconds before. the important event you two should have gone to long forgotten, with absolutely lust filled intentions you touch jeno’s rosy lips, tugging at his messily made tie, thighs rubbing against each other as you pulled him closer to yourself. the voice of dionysus slowly fading, you could feel the inviting hands of eros, guiding every movement of yours with extra care, fully planned with a hint of sinful acts. you sighs against your boyfriend’s mouth, not caring about consequences, reputation nor anything else, as you put his hands on either side of your hips. you wanted him—you needed him at that exact moment, the taste of his lips intoxicating, almost too permanent.

✰ 8:50 pm .. renjun

with lips slightly parted, tongue darting out to wet them quickly, renjun focused on the way your bare body looked behind the canvas. he couldn’t keep his eyes off of your curves, the way your hands did such a bad job at hiding yourself, timid reflection making it all too complicated to even think about anything but you. he felt drunk, as he watched your neck, the beautiful thighs of yours, wanting nothing more than to look deeply into your eyes and touch you, touch you everywhere he can and everywhere you’d let him to do so; you were everything and even more, compared to helen of troy, magical and enchanting, alluring. “can you please finish that painting, my junnie…” you mumbled quietly, shaking your head slightly. “i need you.”

✰ 10:45 pm .. haechan

“you should never come back to this studio, man, taeyong will kick your ass,” you laughed so hard, tears were about to fall out of your eyes, replaying the freshly made song of your boyfriend. he was a self proclaimed master producer but the thing is—it was rather funny than good. of course you appreciated his effort in making a lovesong for you, to confess for the hundreth time and once more. you were his muse supposedly and even if it was unlistenable, you loved it. at least more than taeyong, who would be furious if he knew you two were there, late into the night, making out on the couch of his studio until your lips were swollen, out of breath and with only one thing in your mind: love, love and love. you would never do anything else, even if it meant taking the risk of battling twelve times like heracles.

✰ 11:35 pm .. mark

being faced with the rolling credits after god know’s how many movies being watched, you slowly rested your head on mark’s shoulder. you reached out for his hand so you could take it in yours, not caring about silly actors’ and actresses’ love affairs or the world ending in front of you. all that mattered was the two of you, the adoration you felt for him, how he needed to have you close to him. his hair falling into his eyes, you tried to brush it away from there cautiously, caressing his cheek ever so lightly. you’ve never wanted to kiss him more than you did at that moment, every rational thought vanishing from your brain at the beautiful sight of him, as if he was the long lost son of the oh so wonderful aphrodite. “do it, love. kiss me and i’m yours,” was all he said quietly.

[23lvrs]

nct dream nsfw twt links

dream x reader 18+

mark sees you as his little puppy because you always listen to what he tells you to do so when he told you to take everything off and go on his lap you obviously obeyed

renjun and you were pretty close so you guys always made jokes with each other but one day you told him he was small and he could think of one way to prove you wrong and shut you up

jeno is known as one of the best tutors in your area so when you asked him to help you with anatomy you didn’t know he would be so detailed

haechan knows how obsessed you are with his fingers especially when they’re in you so when you’re having a pretty difficult day he knows how to cheer up his baby

jaemin is known by everyone for being a silly but super sweet person but when he’s in bed he’s completely different and you love it

chenle was trying so hard to focus on his studies but you made it so difficult walking around the house looking like that he had to give you what you wanted so you could stop

jisung and you have been fwb for 2 years he’s honestly the best guy you’ve slept with so you’re constantly going to him although he wishes you guys could become more than just fwb he still satisfies you

a/n: first post after months i missed you guys😭 happy new year everyone!!

masterlist for more of my work twitter for extra & early content

likes, cmts & shares appreciated :)

venmo me here or cash app me here if you’d like to support me or my work

[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

[ethereal-engene]

falling in love with the sun | haechan

pairing: bf!haechan x gn!reader

genre: fluff and slice-of-life  // warnings: brief mentions of food 

summary: Here’s the story of how you celebrate his birthday with him this year. // word count: 1182

note: happy birthday uri haechannie <3 I hope he had a great day and a day filled with so much love and happiness.

Today is Haechan day!! Instead of a grand gesture or big celebration, you decided to surprise him with a letter & smaller things. Unfortunately, you and him still both had work to do. However you still planned some small things for him throughout the day until you could be together.

Some of those things included sending him & the other members coffee, a cake to share, and a small bouquet with a note of wishing him happy birthday! He was practically counting down the hours until you were off of work and couldn’t wait to spend the rest of his day with you. 

In fact, he kept sending you selcas and pictures of the members with the things you sent for him with the note of d-n (number of hours until you were done). Every once in a while, you’d chuckle quietly at your phone and try not to make it obvious you were on your phone.

Eventually your work day comes to a close and if you would have it, you see Haechan holding the bouquet with his healing smile waiting for you. “Haechan, you’re going to make people think it’s my special day instead of yours. Anyways come on, let’s go home so we can finally celebrate your birthday together!”. You grab his hand and start heading to your car.

“But babeeeee, it is kind of your special day too because you’re with me.” Turning your head so quickly to be met with a small smirk on his face. You roll your eyes and smack his chest.

“You think you’re so funny. Let me set the record straight. You’re the special one for being with me and not the other way around. Anyways, shut up and kiss me.” Grabbing his shirt collar to bring him closer, he whispers “Your wish is my command.”

A small makeout session takes place and y’all finally leave to go home. When you two are in the apartment and are done changing into your pjs, he takes the chance to thank you for the gifts that you sent to him today. You wave it off and tell him it’s the least you could for him & the members. Grabbing the letter and holding it in your hands as you sit him down to talk. Of course, he ends up wrapping his arms around you.

“Listen hyuck, I love you and I hope you had a day filled with lots of love and happiness. Me giving you these things is a small way to show you how I feel when I’m with you. Actually no amount of money and things could reciprocate and fully capture the love I have for you but perhaps this letter can.”

Handing him the letter that you spent too much more than you’d like to admit writing, you try to squirm out of his grasp. If anything, it makes him hold you tighter and appreciate what’s in front of him. “Oh baby, you’re going to make me cry. Before I read this, I love you too. So so much, you don’t even know. Thank you for loving me and being with me. Your presence in my life is something I wish to never let go of. Every day I hope you’re happy because of me.”

Your eyes get a little teary hearing his sweet words. They without fail always leave you wondering how in the world someone could be this caring and loving, especially with the hardships that they have gone through. The price to be kind costs nothing but it pays a lot to those who are behind the action. You respond with a kiss to his forehead and watch as he unfolds the piece of paper to read your letter.

To Haechan who shines every single day, but on his birthday he shines even brighter

Dear my shining sun,

If I could describe being in love with the one and only Lee Donghyuck, it would be being hugged by the sun. Of course not a literal sun but someone who always shines bright, always there, helps people grow into their best selves, and gives warmth on the cold days. This is such a silly fact but did you know? The sun is always there, even when it rains or is covered by the clouds.

Just like the sun, you’re always there for me, your friends, and family. Even when you’re tired from work, you always call me to see if I got home okay and have already eaten. I’m sure there were many times where you wanted to give up or were too tired to even move but you continue to show me that you care.

You also give off a lot of warm and positive energy to those around you. You who lives up to their stage name so much that I forget that your real name is Donghyuck. I just hope you also know that it’s okay to get strength from others as well. Just like you’re my #1 supporter and supporter for your friends and fans, we’ll always be your supporters too. It’s okay to hide behind the clouds for a while until you’re back. I’ll do my best to shield you during those days to make sure you don’t get rained on too much.

Thank you for always giving those around you so much love and happiness. I truly believe one day, your efforts will continue to manifest into bigger things that you didn’t even know you could reach. You have already come so far and I can’t wait to see how much farther you and all of NCT will go. May more people fall in love with your amazing vocals, visuals, and being an ace but never more than me. 

Hyuck, you make falling in love with (you feel like) the sun. Maybe that’s why you’re sunkissed. Please don’t ever let the mean words get to you. Your love and presence is warm, comforting, fun, and overall beautiful. It’s one of a kind as well. No one could take that away from you and if someone or people do, I’ll fight them. What your fans are to you is what you are to me. 

You’ll continue to inspire people around you no matter if it be big or small. I hope for many things but one of the biggest things I hope for is that you remain a constant & a shining star in my life. I hope this letter is able to remind you that I’m always here for you and I love you. Along with making you feel the magnitude of my love for you. As the infamous song goes:

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine You make me happy when skies are gray You'll never know dear, how much I love you Please don't take my sunshine away

Please don’t change unless it’s for the better. Happy birthday Hyuck. 난 네가 건강하게 지내고 네가 바라는 것 모두 이뤘으면 좋겠어 그리고 화이팅!! 진심으로 당신을 사랑합니다. (I hope you stay healthy and achieve everything you want and fighting!! I love you with all my heart.)

Love,

y/nnie 

... not me being delulu again and writing a little letter to hyuck. oh hyuck the things you make me do. I WANTED THIS TO BE LONGER BUT MY MIND BLANKED 😭

ANYWAYS HAPPY HAPPY HAECHAN DAY! God I love him so much and really I do hope he had a great day filled with love and good food. I also hope everyone rests well before promos start again and that they go smoothly. 

As always if you liked this, please do reblog it with your thoughts in the tag or you can send me an ask/dm me or even leave a note. They mean a lot & keep me from leaving this hellsite 😃 

signing off with love

- ash

[writtenbymkl]

[13:14 pm]

word count: 1,085

a/n: i came up with a new word, haechanitis, and i think i have it. i’m severely into this dude… like i know mark is my man but haechan … it was the concert that did it for me, if you guys had seen the pictures i got and the amount of times he looked at my camera, you would understand me （◞‸◟） not proofread btw !

̍̊·̊‧̥°̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥‧̥·̊‧̍̊ ♡ °̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥ ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ °̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥ ♡ ‧̍̊·̊‧̥°̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥‧̥·̊‧̍̊ ‧̍̊·̊‧̥°̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥‧̥·̊‧̍̊ ♡ °̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥ ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ °̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥ ♡ ‧̍̊·̊‧̥°̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥‧̥·̊

“so, how’s it going with your little crush on haechan?” your friend asks as she scrolls through her phone.

“dude, it’s not a crush,” you say as you push her shoulder. “i don’t even talk to him.”

you’ve learned a lot from observing him, not to be creepy but every time your head turned to look at him, he was always doing something new. like when his friend jaemin is feeding him, he shakes his head when he opens his mouth. or when his other friend renjun, shoves him away whenever he gets too close to him.

you could honestly go on about haechan but you prefer to keep it to yourself. he’s way too out of your league and you’re too introverted to ever find the confidence in going up to him. unlike him who seems to strike up a conversation with whoever he comes across.

your friend notices that you’re lost in thoughts when she asks, “should i invite him over? i mean, he is my partner for this project we’re working on.” your eyes widen and you feel panic strike as your heart rate goes up.

“no! i will kill you and then myself,” you threaten while holding both her hands down, which in fact were about to wave him over. unfortunately for you, she still has her mouth.

“hey haechan!” you shut your eyes so hard and you feel your heart about to explode because you know he’s gonna walk over any second. he can’t resist talking to anyone who calls his name, that’s how he is.

“i’m leaving,” you state as you let go of her hands and rapidly grab your stuff, shoving just about anything into your backpack. you need to leave before he steps foot in your space.

“y/n, you cannot be serious…” she trails off as she watches you put your backpack on. all you can do is huff in frustration.

“i’m 100% serious. you know i can’t be in the same vicinity as haech-“ you’re cut off by the legend himself.

“woah, what did i do?” haechan questions with his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. you look at your friend and all she can do is offer you a sorry smile. you’re gonna do what you do best, which is to disappear any time something embarrassing happens because right now, you want the ground to swallow you whole.

“i gotta go, i’ll see you some other time, bye!” you exclaim to your friend as you speed walk out of the scene. you don’t turn your back once to see their reactions, all you know is that you have to get out there before you have to see haechan’s face up close for longer than five seconds.

“fuck, that was close,” you whisper to yourself as you lean against the wall outside. you had finally calmed down a bit since you were nowhere near him.

“what was close?” you let out a loud yelp as you turn around to see haechan standing behind you. well now you were definitely fucked. you must’ve killed a god in your past life because why was this happening to you?

“jesus, you scared me! what’s wrong with you?!” you exclaimed as you held a hand to your chest. you probably look like that spongebob meme right now. haechan just stares at you in amusement while crossing his arms.

“what’s wrong with me? what’s wrong with you?” he asks while nodding his head in your direction.

“i don’t know why you followed me, but i’m leaving. bye.” you say as you turn your back to him. you don’t mean to be an asshole but since you’ve never spoken a word to him, this is all that can come out.

his hand grabs ahold of your wrist before you can even walk two steps. “tch,” he tuts. “where do you think you’re going, y/n?” your eyes widen because how does he know your name. but then you relax as you realize your friend probably told him after you ran off.

“i’m going to study, now if you could let go of my wrist, that would be amazing,” you smile at him and watch as he lets go of your wrist before letting out a small ‘sorry’.

“i just wanted to know,” he starts while holding a finger under his chin showing his thinking face. “why you can’t be in the same vicinity as me, as you said.” he finishes while looking at you. you can’t look him in the eyes because if you do, you’ll confess right then and there. but then again, you’ve always been blunt since your middle school days.

“because i like you,” you state bluntly. haechan looks taken aback not expecting a straight and honest answer from you considering you were running away a few minutes ago. “now can i go? you don’t really know me so it doesn’t matter.”

“w-well-“ he stutters, still in shock from your confession. who would’ve thought you’d be the one to gag him. you sigh and stare at the ground bored. it’s not like you’re not used to rejection, you’re just tired of them wasting your time doing it.

“i’m gonna go now…” you trail off, taking steps backwards and pointing behind you. haechan, still in a slightly frozen state, nods but quickly shakes off the dazed state.

“wait, can i get your number?” he asks while quickly pulling out his phone, hands slightly shaking. you must be hallucinating at this point because there was no way lee haechan was asking for your number.

“mine? why?” you quickly ask. he shoves his phone in your hands and smiles encouraging you to type your information in.

“so we can get to know each other, duh,” he says while playfully rolling his eyes. now you’re the one in shock, he just pulled an uno reverse on you. you type in your contact name and phone number knowing there’s no way to get out of this.

“i might not know you at all or like you, but i’m sure i won’t have a hard time falling for you.” he says while giving a loving smile.

̍̊·̊‧̥°̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥‧̥·̊‧̍̊ ♡ °̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥ ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ °̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥ ♡ ‧̍̊·̊‧̥°̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥‧̥·̊‧̍̊ ‧̍̊·̊‧̥°̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥‧̥·̊‧̍̊ ♡ °̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥ ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ °̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥ ♡ ‧̍̊·̊‧̥°̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥‧̥·̊

[jaeminri]

15:08 ✿ lee haechan ⁝ 0.3k

gone.

that's what jaemin had said. he said that you were gone from your room. all your clothes were gone, all your books were gone, all your make up and perfume were gone — everything that was yours was gone. nothing about you could be found and donghyuck hated it. it was like, you were never there, like you never existed.

but you did exist. you do exist.

or perhaps, it was all donghyuck's delusion?

but he's sure it wasn't. because you were just here last night — you were in his arms, laughing about some silly video you saw online, and he could feel his heart hammering against your back as he watched you laugh. at that moment, he was wondering if you could feel it too, and if you'd find out that he was in love with you.

he supposes you didn't find out. or maybe you did. either way, you still left.

donghyuck thinks it's for the better. i mean seriously, he's an idol! he can't be having romantic relationships with his packed schedule! and what would his fans think? they'd go crazy! plus, you were bound to leave anyway. you were only staying with them for a short period of time because you were jaemin's sister, and you needed a place to stay because your landlord had ran away with your deposit.

with a smile, donghyuck nods reassuringly at the members who send him a pitiful look. “i see... well, that's great, huh? no one will yet at us for walking around half-naked now.” he laughs, and it's so fake and everyone can tell, but they laugh along anyway.

“well, i'm uh, gonna get something to drink. need that energy to practise for tour,” he says, and the members nod, telling him to go ahead.

he goes to the vending machine 5 minutes away from their practice room, drops the coin in it and chooses pocari. he sips it and winces. it tastes so bad, he'll never understand why you ever drink this.

donghyuck downs it anyway.

he takes a sit on the bench beside the vending machine, the empty can of pocari in his hand. he crushes it, and he cries.

© JAEMINRI, 2023

[f9smaragdine]

Sir, I'm on my knees rn!!

This genre of Haechan is on another level...

Is there soEjuuu in air????

[fullsunised]

𝙎𝙏𝙍𝘼𝙒𝘽𝙀𝙍𝙍𝙔 𝙎𝙐𝙉𝘿𝘼𝙔

❝ 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗲𝗻𝗱, 𝗶'𝗺 𝗱𝗲𝗲𝗽𝗹𝘆 𝗰𝗿𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂 ❞

𝗡𝗖𝗧 𝗗𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗠⁹ 𝗧𝗘𝗫𝗧 𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗖𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡: 𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗟𝗘𝗔𝗩𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗛𝗜𝗖𝗞𝗘𝗬𝗦 𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗬𝗪𝗛𝗘𝗥𝗘

trigger warnings: suggestive, mentions of dick, moaning

a/n: bro ignore the spelling if hickeys in mark's and hyuck's one 😭 finally putting out something and um....everything else will follow

┊ ➶ ｡˚ ° ✧. ┊  ❝ 𝗠𝗔𝗥𝗞 𝗟𝗘𝗘 ❞

┊ ➶ ｡˚ ° ✧. ┊  ❝ 𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡 𝗛𝗨𝗔𝗡𝗚 ❞

┊ ➶ ｡˚ ° ✧. ┊  ❝ 𝗝𝗘𝗡𝗢 𝗟𝗘𝗘 ❞

┊ ➶ ｡˚ ° ✧. ┊  ❝ 𝗛𝗔𝗘𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗡 𝗟𝗘𝗘 ❞

┊ ➶ ｡˚ ° ✧. ┊  ❝ 𝗝𝗔𝗘𝗠𝗜𝗡 𝗡𝗔 ❞

┊ ➶ ｡˚ ° ✧. ┊  ❝ 𝗖𝗛𝗘𝗡𝗟𝗘 𝗭𝗛𝗢𝗡𝗚 ❞

┊ ➶ ｡˚ ° ✧. ┊  ❝ 𝗝𝗜𝗦𝗨𝗡𝗚 𝗣𝗔𝗥𝗞 ❞

©️FULLSUNISED.