#lemme know if I should type a transcript

[matchstique]

May I please request Baron Draxum and Splinter fighting over getting the best gift for Future Casey Jones?

This ask has been in my inbox for so long I am so sorry.

[davidchiemcore]

transcript for DRDT Prologue Episode Four - sorry for the long wait! got some motivation to work on some other projects, but im back on it now

Xander: Hello.

Whit: Sup.

Teruko: My name’s Teruko Tawaki, and I–

Whit: Aw, you guys look soooo cute together~! Are you two a couple?

Xander: ???

Teruko: Huh–? No, definitely not!

Whit: Do you wanna be~? I can help you with that, if that’s the case.

Teruko: Can we just introduce ourselves to each other?

Whit: Hehe, I’m just joking around with ya!

Whit: Name’s Whit Young; I’m the Ultimate Matchmaker. I hope we can become gooood friends, if ya know what I mean~

Ultimate Matchmaker - Whit Young

Teruko: Ultimate Matchmaker?

Whit: Yup, that’s my talent! Lemme hit ya with my sales pitch!

Whit: Well, you might assume that matchmaking is all about making matches and setting fires, but trust me, the only fires I set are the fires of romance between two willing lovebirds.

Teruko: …Ok……

Teruko: And this is what you believe constitutes a “sales pitch”?

Whit: Oh cut me some slack, talent scout agency. My talent’s not in marketing.

Teruko: Anyway, my name is Teruko Tawaki. I’m the Ultimate Lucky Student.

Xander: Oh, right. I’m Xander Matthews, the Ultimate Rebel.

Whit: Hmm…

Xander: Why are you looking at me like that?

Whit: Hey hey, Redhair, long time no see!

Xander: Huh? I don’t believe we’ve met before. Have we?

Whit: Well, more like long time half see!

Xander: Okay, are you just making a joke about my eye?

Whit: Wow, bad reception, huh? I guess we just don’t see eye to eye.

Xander: Argh, cut that out! We aren't here to make jokes!

Whit: Hm, must’ve missed that memo in the Academy’s invitational letter.

Teruko: Alright, listen. We just want to make introductions–

Whit: Did that!

Teruko: –And to try and gather any new information about our current situation.

Xander: That’s right. Is there anything you know that might be of importance to us?

Whit: Sure do!

Whit: Did you know that your arms are supposed to go *into* the sleeves of your jacket?

Xander: I meant, relevant to now, damnit!

Whit: It is relevant to now! Am I the only person here to tell you that you’re wearing your blazer incorrectly?

Teruko: Ok buddy we’re going to end this conversation right now before you get in another fight.

Whit: A’ight, see ya! Great talking to you guys!

Xander: NO IT WASN’T

Xander: Argh! Guys like that who don’t take anything seriously piss me off! Doesn’t he understand the situation we’re in?

Xander: He’s really pushing my patience, too.

Teruko: Without a doubt, he’s the overly frivolous type of person. He tries too hard to be funny, too.

Teruko: Well, we did the introduction, so I think we should move on.

Xander: Hopefully the next person shall be more pleasant to talk to.

Charles: …

Xander: Hello! I’m Xander Matthews, the Ultimate Rebel.

Teruko: And I’m Teruko Tawaki, the Ultimate Lucky Student. It’s nice to meet you.

Charles: …So essentially, neither of you possess actual talents.

Xander: Excuse you?

Charles: One of you got accepted into Hope’s Peak Academy simply through a lottery draw that requires no skill.

Charles: The other one apparently is just some sort of delinquent that the Academy must have accepted out of pity.

Charles: I was informed that Hope’s Peak Academy was allegedly a prestigious place filled with talented people, but I see now that I may have been better off going to an elementary school with a bunch of children.

Charles: At least children have potential.

Xander: Are you trying to pick a fight?

Teruko: Oh, not this again.

Teruko: Xander, calm down. You, uh, whoever you are, why are you being so rude? You haven’t even introduced yourself.

Charles: Why should I bother introducing myself to you? I doubt you even have enough matter in that head of yours to process my name.

Xander: You–!

Charles: Charles Cuevas. Ultimate Chemist. This conversation is over.

Ultimate Chemist - Charles Cuevas

Xander: You son of a bitch, apologize for being a cunt!

Charles: Or what, you’ll punch me? Just a suggestion, but have you ever tried using your brain instead of your fists?

Teruko: Both of you…

Whit: Aww, is Mister Chemist being rude again?

Charles: You again? I thought I told you to stop bothering me.

Whit: Hey, I told you I’ll let you be *periodically.* Get it? Like the periodic table?

Charles: I said to leave me alone.

Whit: Why though? We’ve got great *chemistry* together!

Charles: Tch–How can one person be so idiotic and annoying at the same time?

Teruko: Is this what they call karma? Pfft–this back-and-forth is kind of funny to watch, I won’t lie.

Charles: Don’t mock me!

Charles: I have absolutely nothing to do with this imbecile over here, but he insists on bothering me.

Whit: Whoa, didya hear that, Cap’n Matthews? He just called you an imbecile!

Xander: …Captain Matthews? Er, and, I’m pretty sure that was directed at you.

Whit: Anyway, if you’ve got nothing to do, Cha–Cha, why don’t you hang out with me?

Charles: You know very well that’s not what I meant, so stop messing with me.

Whit: Charles Cuevas, pronounced dead at 3. Cause of death: fatally unfunny.

Charles: …

Xander: Man, Mr. Charles is… a total jerk!

Xander: I hate people who look down on others!

Teruko: Strangely enough, he doesn’t seem to be that difficult to deal with. He gets flustered easily.

Xander: Well, of course you would think that. Nothing bothers you.

Teruko: Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

Xander: Uh–

Xander: Let’s go talk to the next person!!

Teruko: …You’re avoiding the question.

Arei: Ah! Helloo~! I was wondering when you guys would come talk to me! 

Xander: Hello there! My name is–

Arei: Alexander Matthews, and you’re Teruko Tawaki, right? I was listening in on your earlier conversations.

Teruko: Listening in? Would eavesdropping be a more accurate term?

Arei: Ehehe, I wouldn’t call it that! It’s only eavesdropping if you have something to hide.

Teruko: Not really.

Arei: Anyway, my name is Arei Nageishi! I’m the Ultimate Bowler~ I’m so glad to finally meet you!

Ultimate Bowler - Arei Nageishi

Xander: Ah, a bowler? I used to play a round every now and then when I was younger. It’s a nice sport!

Arei: Well, you’re not the Ultimate Bowler, and you’re definitely not as good as me! I won the national championships when I was just 12, you know!

Teruko: Bowler… bowler… hmm…

Teruko: That’s the sport where you roll a ball into some pins, right? Sorry, my knowledge is a bit foggy on the topic of sports.

Arei: Geeeeez, Teruko, if you’re this ignorant, you probably don’t know much of anything, huh? Or are you just trying to act stupid?

Teruko: Are you… insulting me?

Arei: Ehhh? No way! I could never insult a cute girl like you!

Arei: Juuust kidding, you aren’t cute at all. You’re more of a dumpster diving, eats out of the trash kind of girl.

Xander: Hey, don’t be rude to my friend like that!

Teruko: Xander, you don’t need to defend me–

Arei: Well, Teruko isn’t all that bad. At least she can keep her mouth shut, unlike Xander.

Xander: …

Xander: Arghh, why the hell is everyone here so rude to us right off the bat? J, Charles, Ace, Arturo, and now you!

Teruko: Xander, calm down–

Arei: Uuuu… UWAHHHH!!

Arei: Waaahhh! I’m sorry! I’m sorry, so please don’t get mad at me!

Xander: Oh, shit, wait, I made her cry! Wait, what do I do?

Teruko: Why are you looking at me? You got yourself into this mess.

Arei: *sniff* I, I just wanted to talk to you guys… Why are you b-beign so mean? *sniff*

Xander: Crap! Uh, I’m sorry, Ms. Arei! I apologize for shouting at you, and I won’t do it again!

Xander: So please, calm yourself!

Arei: *sniff* Y-you promise? You’ll be nice to me?

Xander: Yes, I promise!

Arei: Ok! I’m all good now!

Xander: Wha–Huh?! Weren’t you just crying?

Teruko: Most likely she was just faking it. You fell for such obviously crocodile tears because you’re so hot-blooded all the time.

Xander: Are you just messing with me now, Ms. Arei? How dare you! I had thought you were actually upset!

Arei: Hey! You just promised that you wouldn’t be mean to me, didn’t you?

Arei: If you break your promises, you’re the worst kind of person, and I’ll never forgive you! Never ever! I swear I’ll ruin your life! I’ll make you eat dirt!

Arei: So be nice to me~

Arei: Ah, this conversation was so fun~ I really loved talking with you guys! Bye bye!

Xander: Urgh–! She’s so rude and disrespectful!

Teruko: Hm, I wonder…

Xander: Huh? Teruko: Out of all the people we’ve talked to so far, just how many have you gotten into a fight with?

Xander: Hey! That’s hardly relevant, I don’t think!

Teruko: Honestly, you get worked up so easily. Even with people who are total strangers, you still can’t help but get excited.

Xander: Come on, I can’t help it…

Teruko: Take some deep breaths, Xander. Let’s try and stay out of trouble.

Xander: Hello!

Nico: …

Xander: I’m Xander Matthews, the Ultimate Rebel! It’s nice to meet you!

Teruko: And I’m Teruko Tawaki. Ultimate Lucky Student.

Nico: …

Teruko: … And… you are…?

Nico: …Ni..co…

Xander: Speak up, I can’t hear you!

Nico: …

Teruko: Xander, I think your shouting is making him nervous.

Xander: Crap! My bad, sorry! Shit, I mean–

Xander: Sorry for shouting. We just want to know your name and talent.

Xander: Take your time, alright?

Nico: A-ahm… ok…

Nico: I, um, N-Nico… Nico Hakobyan…… I’m a pet therapist.

Ultimate Pet Therapist - Nico Kasabian

Xander: It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Nico!

Nico: …

Teruko: He’s really shy, by the looks of it. I think we should leave him be.

Nico: Um…

Nico: W, wait, don’t leave!

Nico: Y-you guys… wanted to talk, right? I can, I can do that…

Teruko: Uh, not if you don’t want to.

Nico: N-No, I have to! Because, because… Because you were talking w-with everyone else, right? So if I d-don’t do it too that makes me weird, right??

Teruko: Well, it’s too late to worry about being weird.

Xander: Teruko! That was rude!

Teruko: I-I mean, we’re all Ultimates. Isn’t it natural that none of us are “normal?”

Teruko: Xander, you’ve *talked* to these people. Be honest. Everyone here is just… so weird.

Nico: In that case–! I’m! I, I also…

Nico: …I don’t want to talk to you.

Xander: Wait, what?! Didn’t you ask us to continue this conversation?

Nico: I… I’m sorry… but you said “be honest”...

Xander: First of all, that was obviously directed at me, and–

Xander: Ack, nevermind. I don’t want to force you to have a conversation you don’t want to have, so I’ll leave you be.

Nico: …

Nico: Nnnn, there’s just too many people…

Teruko: Too many people?

Nico: T-T-Too many people that I have to introduce myself to! I don’t want to talk to people! I just want to be alone with my cats… cats are much better than people, anyway…

Nico: I’m sorry, Teru. I just, I just don’t do too well in n-new situations or when talking to new people…

Teruko: Teru?

Nico: Is, is it ok that I call you …Teru? If you don’t like it, I can just, call you Teruko…

Teruko: No, it’s fine. Anyway, I’m sorry to hear that. I hope that you’ll feel better about talking to us once you’ve acclimated to this situation.

Nico: Thank… you…

Xander: Poor guy, he seems completely out of his element. I think he’s the kind of person who prefers to be left alone.

Teruko; I think once he gets used to everyone here, he’ll be fine.

Teruko: Ah, we’re almost finished with these introductions. Just one more person left.

Teruko: Hello there.

Rose: …Hello.

Xander: Hey, I’m Xander Matthews, and I’m the Ultimate Rebel.

Teruko: I’m Teruko Tawaki; I’m the Ultimate Lucky Student. And you are?

Rose: ……….

Teruko: …

Rose: ………………

Rose: …Who are you?

Xander: Er, haven’t you been paying attention? We’ve just introduced ourselves.

Rose: Sorry… I was too busy… thinking……

Teruko: Thinking of what, exactly?

Rose: Thinking… of…………………

Rose: ……………………….

Xander: Hey! Stop zoning out again!

Rose: Ah. Sorry.

Rose: What are we talking about?

Xander: This conversation is just going in circles…

Xander: Can you just state your name and talent?

Rose: Yes, of course… Rose Lacroix, Ultimate Art Forger…

Ultimate Art Forger - Rose Lacroix

Teruko: Art forger? So you copy other people’s works and pass them off as real? Isn’t that illegal?

Rose: It is illegal, yes.

Teruko: …So your Ultimate Talent is illegal?

Rose: …Yeah.

Teruko: ……. “Yeah”?

Rose: …Well, I don’t do that anymore. These days I just sell my paintings as ‘copies.’

Xander: So people buy them as replicas of other works of arts? That makes more sense.

Xander: Hey, don’t fall asleep while we’re talking!

Rose: Zzz… ah?

Teruko: Rose, we’ll just ask you a few questions, and then we’ll leave you alone, ok? But we do need you to pay attention.

Teruko: And to stay awake.

Teruko: Do you know anything about the situation we’re in?

Rose: Ah, well… We all woke up in a strange place… It’s pretty odd.

Xander: Look, I don’t know if she can tell us anything useful–

Rose: But I think that a lot of time has passed between when I was going to Hope’s Peak Academy and right now.

Xander: …Hm?

Teruko: I won’t deny that possibility seems likely, after all we must have been transported from the Academy to here.

Teruko: I know that it’s difficult to acknowledge, but…

Teruko: It’s pretty unlikely that today is the same day as Hope’s Peak Academy’s entrance ceremony, unfortunately. In fact, we may have missed it.

Xander: Right… Tch.

Xander: To be honest, I was thinking something similar, but I didn’t want to believe something as drastic as that happened.

Xander: An entire class missing the entrance ceremony? Just what is going on here? Who brought us all here, and why?

Xander: Say, Ms. Rose, how long of a time gap do you think there is between today and the entrance ceremony?

Rose: Mmm… I can’t be too sure.

Rose: Maybe… A year? A few years?

Xander: Wh– Wait, what?!

Xander: There’s no possible way we could have been gone for more than a year, right? That can’t be right!!

Teruko: That’s… Rose, why do you think it was a year?

Rose: Well, for one, my clothing is slightly different. There’s more paint stains on me than I remember. Y hair is a little shorter too, which means that I must have gotten a haircut at some point.

Xander: Still, that doesn’t mean a year passed–

Rose: Also, I think I’m 1/16th of an inch taller than before. Because I don’t grow a lot, it just have been a really long time.

Xander: Uh, how can you possibly tell that?

Rose: I have a photographic memory, so of course I remember… perfectly….. zzzz………

Xander: Ms. Rose? Hello?! Hey, wake up! You can’t fall asleep after you tell us something important like that!

Teruko: Well, if she has a photographic memory, that would explain why she would be so good at art forgery.

Xander: That’s definitely not what’s important right now! Ms. Rose said we’ve been missing from society for years, aren’t you worried? That’s definitely cause for alarm!

Teruko: Right. Sorry. I am, but…

Teruko: Do you… really believe her?

Xander: What do you mean?

Xander: I mean, we’ve only known Rose for a few minutes. And we don’t know if she’s reliable or trustworthy. In fact, we don’t even know if anyone else here can be trusted.

Teruko: Isn’t this whole situation sort of suspicious? If we’ve truly been kidnapped, then why should we trust any of our peers? What if someone else here is responsible for our circumstances?

Teruko What reason do we have to trust one another?

Xander: …

Teruko: Ah– sorry! I, I don’t know where that came from–

Xander: You’re right.

Xander: To be honest, that possibility has been in the back of my mind this whole time.

Xander: I’m suspicious of everyone too. But that doesn’t mean I’m not keeping an open mind.

Xander: Sure, maybe everyone else here is untrustworthy. Or they might also be worth depending on. You’ll never know if you close yourself off from others.

Xander; So I’ll decide to trust everyone here. Even you, Teruko.

Teruko: Even me?

Xander: Well, you did knock me unconscious within seconds of meeting you.

Teruko: Oh, right… ah, ahaha…

Teruko: …Thank you, Xander. You’re very kind.

[thessalian]

Thess vs The Blessing/Suck Balance

The first thing I will say is that yes, I am well aware that I post a lot about American politics, even though I don't live there. I am going to continue doing so, for a lot of reasons. Like ... most of my nearest and dearest live there, and most of them are in really horrible positions if Trump gets back in. Like ... even if I didn't know anyone in the fucking country, I have this little thing called empathy, and I don't want anyone to suffer what Trump would be willing to do to the US. Like ... also the passingly curious fact that politics does not exist in a vacuum and Trump getting into the White House the first time was already seen as proof that some really horrific shit is not only acceptable but desirable, and this country is bad enough as it is without more of that populist bigoted bullshit. Seriously, having been through the whole "elect a populist leader" bullshit back in 2019 ... vote for Biden. Hell, if the Democrats have to scrap Biden and put a head of lettuce as the Democratic candidate, vote for the fucking lettuce. It would have done a better job than Liz Truss, and will certainly do a better job than Trump.

Anyway.

My migraine is still torturing me. This isn't helped by rising temperatures. It's supposed to get up to 32C tomorrow (nearly 90F, by the way), and ... yeah, a) I'm more sensitive to heat than I used to be because fibro, and b) the meds I'm on are apparently less effective in the heat. Because my life is just fun that way.

However, there was some good about today, and oddly enough, it came out of my stupid Zoom staff meeting. I mean, most of it wasn't great. The bad news was:

They hired New Girl as a permanent member of staff, same as Temp (who I will continue to call temp because that's how we know her now). So I guess that explains why she persistently takes only all the smaller, shorter bits of typing - why should she try harder when she was made permanent on minimal effort? Ugh.

The devs who gave us our frankly janky electronic records system are currently trying to code transcription software into said janky electronic records system. The jackasses do things according to what they find useful and user-friendly, and kind of ignore what functionality the rest of us need to consider it user-friendly, so I'm not looking forward to this. But it's IT, so it'll take half-past forever, so I won't worry about it yet.

They want to add more non-typing work to our collective plates. Scruffman was like, "Look, lemme show you how to do this thing but we won't be starting to ask you to do it, like, tomorrow or anything", as apparently it'll only come to us when we're understaffed and/or he's away. And seemed a little taken aback when I asked him to actually write down the procedure so that we could have it to refer to when we were asked to do the thing, because he won't be there to ask for guidance.

Scruffman does not have an inside voice and having him literally in my ear via earbuds was not a fun experience, given migraine.

However, all that badness aside, here's the good news:

The other issue I flagged up when we were asked to start helping with that particular non-typing work was how hard it was going to be on a small laptop screen. Also flagging up how I requested a proper monitor and a USB hub to plug it into back in fucking January and that apparently stalled right the hell out. So Scruffman's going to try to expedite that, at least. Also Goblin's a little happy with me because me bringing that up flagged up to her that she'd do better with a proper monitor too.

When we got to Any Other Business? I was migrainous and a little fed up in general, so I brought up a few of The Annoyances - specifically the two who refuse to actually dictate a block key and the one who doesn't pause recording while taking measurements and thus makes us listen to an awful lot of silence over the dictation. Apparently, those three had been driving Goblin up the wall too. Now, Scruffman seemed to want us to take that to the guy in charge of the dictating doctors ourselves, but I flagged up that it's actually way more professional to have it coming from the secretary's line manager, since just one of us flagging up the issue could be ignored as just one of us with a problem, and all of us flagging up the issue in separate emails would just be petty. So Scruffman accepted that and hopefully this will make a few of The Annoyances less annoying. (Though nothing will make one of those particular three Annoyances less annoying because ... well, accent. Word salad. It's a thing.)

So I'm trying to focus on the silver lining here. Shame it's kind of balanced by suck in terms of my professional life.

I don't want to cook dinner. I want a curry. Eh well.

[shamebats]

When I decided to listen to a podcast episode on bullshit jobs today, I had my expectations, but what I certainly wasn't expecting was a comedy skit turning into a wholesome gay leftist love story about two male corporate negotiators who fall in love while negotiating a contract, but I'm certainly not complaining!

Transcript below:

SRSLY WRONG Episode 153

Bullshit Jobs (w/ David Graeber)

Shawn

Goon jobs are the types of jobs where an employer needs to hire them because other companies have them, like: corporate lawyers; public relations; people who collect donations on the street, interrupting you walking and it's, like, a good cause and you'll feel guilty– that's this field. Goons. Here, I'll just put on my Goon Sketch Hat.

Aaron

I'll put on my CEO Hat, and...–

CEO

I need you to go in there and I need you to negotiate and get this contract signed. Fate of the company rests in your hands.

CEO

You know, my meteoric rise to the CEO of this company...

Goon 1

Mm-hmm?

CEO

...Would never have been possible without you. Y'know?

Goon 1

Well, thank you, sir.

CEO

Early on when we had that patent conflict?

Goon 1

Yep.

CEO

You went in there, you took care of it.

Goon 1

I negotiated, sir.

CEO

Then when we had that class action lawsuit you found the right lawyers, you put pressure on the right places...

Goon 1

We showed them our point of view. And then we were able to come to a mutual agreement.

Goon 1

I'll go to the negotiating chamber. I will get the results.

(Door slams)

Goon 2

Hi. You ready to, uh, redraw this contract in a new way? Because the way it is right now, not gonna work for us.

Goon 1

I've got my copy here. I think we should we go with my. Mine's already signed–

Goon 2

Lemme take a look at this.

Goon 1

Yeah. Please take a look.

Goon 2

Mm– y– no. (Chuckles) Let's just cross that out. (Scratch)

Goon 1

I'm just gonna take a look at yours. Oh, that won't do.

Goon 2

I'll just cross that out.

Goon 1

Do you think you're gonna get that? That's cute.

Goon 2

Oh, let's cross that out...

Goon 1

This has got to go!

Goon 2

No, that's non-negotiable.

Goon 1

Oh, that's non-negotiable?

Goon 2

That's non-negotiable.

Goon 1

Then what are we doing in the Negotiation Room?

Goon 2

Negotiating you to that position.

Goon 1

Sorry, do you mind me asking how much they pay at that firm?

Goon 2

Oh, sure, yeah. Sharing wages is a great way for everyone to stay informed. 200K. Just got a new raise–

Goon 1

200K?

Goon 2

Yeah.

Goon 1

And they put you in charge of negotiations?

Goon 2

Uh, yeah. Why, how much are you making?

Goon 1

I'm embarrassed to say now that you've said yours.

Goon 2

Come on.

Goon 1

250K.

Goon 2

Oh, jeez, what the fuck.

Goon 1

Yeah.

Goon 2

Well, at least– like, you're probably feeling really fulfilled, at that pay level? (Goon 1 laughs) I imagine I'll - I'll feel fulfilled once I get there.

Goon 1

The emptiness grows deeper every day. But anyways, this has got to go. Just– I'm gonna rip this page out. (Tearing)

Goon 2

Well, that's very theatrical of you, but I do happen to have another copy right here.

Goon 1

This is the one we're signing today.

Goon 2

That's funny. That's funny.

Goon 1

Well, you're funny.

Goon 2

Oh, you think so? Really–

Goon 1

Yeah. I mean, well, it's– I'm almost cracking up.

Goon 2

Do you want to go– with me– to a concert this weekend?

Narrator

Fourteen months later.

🎵 Organ playing Mendelssohn's "Wedding March"

(Crowd cheers)

Goon 2

Oh, look, the birds are eating the rice. I hear it expands in their stomach and then they die. That's hilarious–

Goon 1

That's hilarious. Oh my god.

Goon 2

(Laughs) Thanks everyone.

Goon 1

Thank you–

Goon 2

We love you–

Goon 1

Thanks for– (Blows kisses)

Goon 2

Throw more rice! (Blows kisses) I'll just get in the car, "Just Married," with the cans on the back. (Car door)

Goon 1

Oh, it's gonna be hear interesting to hear those cans. It's an ambient sound. (The car and cans provide ambience)

Goon 2

Phew. It's been a whirlwind 14 months since we first went to that concert.

Goon 1

Oh, yeah. I always forget that's how we met: competing negotiators on the big file. Oh, it's so different than our lives now. (They laugh)

Goon 2

Life is so much better now, now that you're a teacher, I'm a nurse. We're both doing something of value to the community. And yeah, we get paid less–

Goon 1

Yeah.

Goon 2

–and yeah, that's messed up.

Goon 1

We get paid like shit, frankly. (They laugh)

Goon 2

Yeah, it's really bad–

Goon 1

And we've got to split expenses, and...

Goon 2

But, I mean, like, I would give up 200K a year for you. I would give up 800K a year for you. I'd give up two million a year for you.

Goon 1

(Laughs) Oh my god. Remember the first time we met, and I said you're so funny?

Goon 2

Yeah?

Goon 1

That's what I was talking about.

Goon 2

Aw, really?

Goon 1

That was so–

Goon 2

You think so?

Goon 1

–funny. Yes.

Goon 2

(Laughs) I'm serious, though. I would. I would give up two million a year for you. You're worth it.

Goon 1

Oh, that's funny. That's funny. I didn't marry you for your looks. (They laugh) Just kidding.

Goon 2

Now you're being funny. Or–

Goon 1

Yeah, well, I figure maybe I'll try that on that we're one thing instead of two separate people. Married life! #MarriedLife. Now come over here and kiss me–

Goon 2

#OneThing– oh! (Kissing)

🎵 Music swells and shifts

[madtype]

Cabaret Club Czar Training - YUKI (Part 2)

continuing her training, yuki and majima talk about dating, dreams, and princes!

highlights: - yuki being concerned that majima’s unwell because he was nice to her - majima’s accidental double entendres featuring chafing and crotches - yuki, on the potential of feeling some attraction to majima: “oh... i don’t know how i could ever forgive myself...”

full transcript under the cut!

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MAJIMA: Alright, let's do some more training.

YUKI: Y-Yes, thank you for taking the time!

M: What's up, Yuki-chan? You nervous again?

Y: N-Not at all! It's battle butterflies again!

Y: Okay! Let's get started! I want to get better at talking to my customers!

M: That's the spirit, Yuki-chan! Alright, I'm gonna be your customer, and we're just gonna talk. Are ya ready?

Y: Y-Yes!

Y: Hello! I-I'm Yuki! Thank you please for coming in toda-- tonight, um, have a good...

M: ......

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M: Alright, let's get to know each other a little better, Yuki. Not that I care, but why don't ya tell me about what kinda guy you like?

Y: Wh-Why do you have to put it like that!? When you say it that way, it really doesn't inspire the most creative of answers, Majima-san...

M: Yeah, yeah, my bad. So tell me about your type already.

Y: Let me think... I... I like a guy who can be my prince!

M: Uh. A prince?

Y: He should be kind, tall and handsome, with flowing hair! He'd really respect me, and he would look good riding a white horse, y'know!?

> Sounds just like me.

M: You talkin' about me, Yuki-chan?

Y: Huh? What do you mean? Majima-san, are you saying you're a prince!?

M: Sorry, Yuki-chan. I may be your ideal man, but I can't be your prince.

Y: Ahaha! Majima-san, you say the funniest things!

Y: Majima-san, you're not exactly a prince... Oh, I know, you'd be the evil chancellor who betrays the kingdom!

M: An evil chancellor!? It's the eyepatch, isn't it!?

> I think I get you.

M: I can see that. If I were lookin' for a lady, I'd want a princess, too.

Y: Huh? Wow Majima-san, you actually see eye to eye with me on something? No way!

M: Hey, if you're gonna hold onto dreams or ideals, ya better swing for the fences.

Y: Exactly. I'd prefer to chase the ideal of my perfect man. But, he might not actually exist... Maybe my standards are too high.

M: Lemme ask you, Yuki. How old are you anyway?

Y: I'm 23.

M: Hmmm... I see, I see...

Y: Uhhh, what's with the sudden pause?

> That doesn't exist!

M: A guy like that doesn't exist! That's on the same crypto level as a tsuchinoko, a unicorn, and a yeti!

Y: H-How do you know that for sure? The tsuchinoko could be out there...

M: Look, there ain't no such thing as a tsuchinoko. Someone probably just looked at a fat snake the wrong way.

Y: Awww, Majima-san, you're just a sad man who's lost all his imagination and dreams!

M: Yeah, and you're an adult now yourself, so maybe it's time you grew up a little... What were we talking about again?

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M: ...Anyway, I'm surprised you're such a dreamer, Yuki-chan.

Y: I'm allowed to dream, aren't I? I went to an all-girls middle school, high school, and university, so I've been dreaming about my prince charming for a long time now.

M: Ah, so you grew up surrounded by girls at your schools. I'm startin' to see why it's tough bein' around men.

Y: Oh, I... I'm sorry.

Y: So, I guess what you're saying is... my customer service skills are lacking because of that... right?

M: What's all this then?

Y: Well, since it came up, I've been wondering if my issues talking to customers might be holding everyone else back, and I wouldn't want that...

> A club needs variety.

M: A good club needs a wide variety of girls, actually.

Y: Huh?

M: I mean, sure, it'd be nice to have someone who could actually talk to the customers...

M: But some guys prefer girls who come off like they don't buy into the whole “nightlife” business.

Y: Hm, I wonder...

M: See, a girl like you adds appeal to the club as a whole, Yuki-chan. We can cater to all walks of life that way.

Y: Wh-Why are you so nice all of a sudden? Majima-san, do you have a fever or something?

M: What? What're you talking about?

Y: No, I just thought you were going to give me a hard time like you always do... I was just a little shocked, is all. So thank you.

M: Hmmmm, what kinda guy do you take me for?

> Don't worry about it.

M: Don't even sweat it. With me at the helm, a problem here and there ain't nothin' I can't deal with.

Y: I knew it. I am causing problems. I'm really sorry...

M: Ah, no, no. That's not what I meant. I was only tryin' to cheer you up, Yuki-chan.

Y: *sigh*

M: (Wow, she's really down in the dumps, now.)

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M: Hey, I know it's probably a ways off, but I wonder what you'll be like when ya do get yourself a boyfriend, Yuki-chan.

Y: Y-You never know! My prince might ride in on his white horse and sweep me off my feet tomorrow!

M: Riiiiight. Cape, sword, and the whole nine yards.

Y: That didn't sound sincere at all!

Y: But, a boyfriend... When I think about dating, all I can think about is how much of a hassle it is.

M: A hassle? Even if it was your equestrian princeling?

Y: If my boyfriend really were a prince on a white horse, it'd probably be even more of a hassle than dating a normal guy!

Y: Every date would be a struggle for the right clothes and make-up, and even then, I can't begin to imagine what I'd be able to talk about with him.

> You'd figure it out.

M: If you liked him, you'd make the effort, though.

Y: Really? Majima-san, you're the last person I expected to hear that from.

M: Really? What's up with that?

Y: Oh, it's just that you suddenly sounded so encouraging and supportive, and it took me by surprise. Are you sure you're feeling okay?

M: Of course I'm okay! I do say positive things every now and then, y'know.

Y: My heart skipped a beat there... Oh, I don't know how I could ever forgive myself...

M: Say what?

> That's this job though...

M: You donkey! You gotta do all that at work here every day. Gettin' dolled up and talkin' to guys is your job, remember?

Y: Ohhh. That's true... If I have trouble with that on the job, I'd probably be bad at it in my private time too...

M: Hey, none of that, now. If ya got time to feel sorry for yourself, you should channel that into uppin' your game.

Y: Upping my game... Yes, you're right. I can't always be a burden to this club. I'm... I feel more motivated now!

Y: Majima-san, can you tell me the number one thing that I've been missing? I really want to know!

M: Uh, lemme think about that one. Hmmm.

M: Thinking big picture... I'd say you're missing everything.

Y: *sigh*

M: Oh! No no, I take it back! Nevermind, Yuki-chan!

> Do a horseback date.

M: Well if he picks you up on a horse, I say ride with it.

Y: Ah, that would be great. So romantic!

Y: We'd ride together on his white horse, into the wind... I would grasp him tightly behind his back, our thoughts as one without exchanging words...

M: Don't get too ahead of yourself, Yuki-chan. Remember, riding a horse'll chafe your thighs.

Y: Ch-Chafed thighs? What!?

M: Yeah, ridin' a horse is a real pain in the crotch till ya get used to it. Ya don't wanna be a whimperin' mess in front of your prince, eh?

Y: Hey, Majima-san! Can you please not bring up crotches and chafing when I'm trying to talk about romantic things? Try to be delicate for once!

Y: But... Now that I think about it, I should learn to ride a horse. Wonder where I could practice...

M: Hmmm. Beats me.

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M: You know, you're an odd girl, Yuki-chan.

Y: Odd? What's weird about me?

M: Well, in one breath you're sayin' you'd wanna date a prince, and in the next, you're sayin' it'd be a hassle.

M: You're like a grumpy old man in the body of a romantic young lady.

Y: What do you mean!? A grumpy old man? At least make it a grumpy, middle-aged woman!

M: So grumpy and middle-aged is fine, long as you're a woman?

Y: I'm just not starved for love. There are more important things in life than romance!

M: Well, maybe this is a bad time to bring it up, but have you ever actually gone out with someone, Yuki-chan? I get the feeling you've never dated...

Y: I-I-I've gone out with plenty of guys! Of course! Th-There's Sato-kun, Suzuki-kun, and... Tanaka-kun!

> Those are last names...

M: Ya know, if you're gonna lie about ex-boyfriends, you should probably use their first names, Yuki-chan.

Y: Oh!

Y: That's true! If you're dating someone, you'd call them by their first name, wouldn't you? I've learned something today. Majima-san, you're great!

M: That's all it takes to impress ya? Whatever. Anywho, lots of club-goers like an inexperienced girl like that, so it ain't exactly a bad thing.

Y: Uhh... You're right, I guess. I'll keep doing my best.

> I yield!

M: Ah, well you sure proved me wrong. You've got quite a bit of dating experience, Yuki-chan.

Y: Y-Yes, that's right. Haha... Ha... Oh...

M: What's the matter?

Y: I got so tangled up in my own lie, it made me kinda sad.

M: I kinda figured. But y'know, it ain't all bad. Some of our guests actually like inexperienced girls better. Cheer up.

Y: Right... I'll keep it positive and do my best.

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M: Okay, I think that'll do it.

Y: Th-Thank you for the lesson.

M: Sure thing. Good job.

[sophiexteresa]

Thomas Sanders Instagram Q&A Transcript

From @thatsthat24’s Instagram story, 25/8/2020. Questions in bold. Text added to the story in (parenthesis/brackets), and descriptive info in *italics*. I tried uploading the video(s) too, but Tumblr is having issues, so here’s the transcript only! 

Thomas: I had some time this evening so I figured, hey, why not? Another lil’ Q an’ A, so if you want to ask a question *posh French voice* be my guest!

When approximately will the next sanders sides be out? Very good question! Uh, we are aiming this for a late September release, that’s what we’re all working towards.

Favourite musical you have been in or just favourite musical in general? This is really tough, I can’t decide. I’m between Rent where I was in the ensemble, Peter Pan where I played Slightly Soiled, which was just one of the lost boyos — boyos? Boys — and, uh, Into The Woods where I played Cinderella’s prince and that’s where Roman’s first costume came from.

Are you ever gonna due your hair purple again? I loved it! Yes! I miss the purple hair too.

Do you love me? *laughing* Yes of course! I do love me.

What would each of the sides’ reaction be to seeing the Grand Canyon? *speaking very quickly* Roman would be revelling that we made the journey, Patton would be marvelling at the memories being made, Logan would be telling you to look at these fascinating signs for important information, Virgil would be telling you to ‘get back from those cliffs!’, Janus would be telling you to take pictures to make it look like you’re next to the cliff, ‘for clout’, and Remus would be like *Remus voice* ‘you could push somebody and get away with it’.

Also when will we get more Picani, I miss him? You and me both, Bri, and honestly with the amount of amazing cartoons that have come out recently *sighs while smiling* yeah, I am a-hankering (?) to get back to Emile!

How have you been doing, like really? Mental health is important as you teach us: I feel like everybody’s kinda struggling with mental health right now, especially people in the USA with COVID. Uhm *clears throat* for me I continuously struggle with the balance between work and leisure time, um, social media makes that difficult, blurs the lines, and I’m working on it.

Do you have any tattoos? Umm, I don’t, uh, I struggle with the permanence of tattoos. And like do I, can I, make a decision that I like? But! There are tattoos that I might like. Where I’d put them, I have no idea, umm, but I think like, maybe like, little stars!

What rank of “Gay” are you? Big gay? What rank? *speechless pause* uh... General. You know? I wanna do my duty. Come back a hero. An all-American Queero *gets an idea* *roughly quoting Hamilton* Queer comes the General!

Can you please make Logan day something Patton would say? *Logan’s voice* Something Patton would say? Umm... please, I request more baked goods from the kitchen so that I can fill Thomas’s body with more trans-fats at 3 am. I don’t know, I don’t like this game.

Have you ever dated a girl? *awkward silence* I have. It was pretty uneventful.

Do you miss your friends? *laughs* Oh... *face crumples as if he’s about to cry*

What are you voice acting in or are you now allowed to say? Not until tomorrow.

When did you know you were gay? I think I answered this one on the last Q&A, but it was early. I was like, 9 or 10 at least.

When will we see Gavin? Gavin has started school! He’s back in his hometown, so I don’t know when I’m gonna see him. He’s still getting taller — I can actually include a picture of him that his mom sent me after he got a new little hairdo *insert photo of an awesome Gavin here*

Do you miss vine? For like, sentimental reasons, yes. Uh, I mean, technically it had its issues and I don’t miss being restricted to 6 seconds anymore *laughs*

What has been your favourite part of the day? My favourite part of today was actually... I came up with this last minute short video, and I got it done and I sent it to some friends and they really liked it. I have to save it until Thursday thought, but it’s just nice to come up with stuff that makes your friends laugh.

Janus acting like Remus? *Remus’ voice* Remus here! Looks like the Dukey just dropped in! *Remus’ laugh* *Takes a breath and snaps into Janus’ character* I spend a lot of time with him so I’ve had a lot of practise.

Why do I feel like we’re gonna have another angsty Virgil moment? When is Virgil not being angsty...?

Please can you say trans rights? Uh, heck yah trans rights! I, uh, this one was very simple but I wanted to say it!

Do you think Virgil would be into anime? Actually, if you remember from, uh, Accepting Anxiety, uh, part 2, there’s actually a Death Note poster in his room, so he definitely likes some anime.

Hi! Can you say hola to the Hispanic fanders in el vecindario fander? Please? We love you! Oh my gosh, *a very naturally american pronunciation* hola! that’s very kind of you guys. I appreciate all of the support you guys give, and I love all of you guys. 

STORYTIME! I love you: *upbeat voice* Storytime! I love you back.

How gay are you? Like, 15 gay! I rank General! 

How did you end up meeting and babysitting Gavin? Gavin is actually Leo’s nephew, so he would come up here, uh, during the holidays or during the summer, and alternate being baby-sat between me and Leo’s mom - his grandma.

What was the inspo for Janus’ outfit? Ooh, that’s a really good question, uh... Joan had a vision in their mind for almost kind of like this early 20th century or late 19th century kinda Jack the Ripper vibe.

Any advice for gaybies to fit in with society? Don’t apologise for being yourself. If people have an issue, that’s their issue that they have to work through. Do not apologise for being yourself. 

What type of gay are you? (Math gay, plant gay, caffine gay, etc): Wait, there’s such thing as a math gay? I am absolutely that, and I feel like I’m just gonna be naming traits about myself but I’m a trivia gay, a driving gay, apparently a math gay, a Disney gay *laughs* and a theatre gay.

Not a question but I’m glad to be alive at the same time as someone as great as you: Dude, this stuff is really sweet. *laughs* That’s really sweet, umm, trust me, I feel the same way about all of you. Honestly.

Why don’t you own a doggo yet? I... went to Petsmart today - I didn’t get an animal, but like... I’m thinking about it and this question is like... hmmm...

I’ve run out of cartoons to watch, any recommendations? Owl house! Owl house, owl house. I just tried it, and I immediately got hooked. Infinity train’s also a really good one, duck tales is amazing, and I’m getting ready to start Tangled: the animated series, so *shrugs*.

What is Patton’s opinion on rats? *adorable Patton voice, slowly zooming in on his face* They are tiny little squishy precious babies!!!

How do I ask people for their pronouns? I don’t know, I mean, I don’t think it’s like a big deal? I hope we could get to the point where we could just be like ‘what are your pronouns?’ and then they would tell you, and then you’d just, you know, carry on the rest of your conversation. 

A circle has no bounds and it’s the same with your beauty: This is really precious, and it of course came from Nash (?) who is a poet, he published a lot of wonderful, wonderful poems on twitter, they are are amazing, and you are once again far too sweet, Nash. 

Dream role? This is a pretty broad question, so maybe dream theatrical role would be Sweeny Todd, dream movie role would be anything in the marvel universe, uh, really just give me anything in any voice acting role, *smiling mischievously* egg rolls are also really good.

Can Remus please say ‘I am the sand guardian, guardian of the sand’? *Remus voice* I am the sand guardian, guardian of the sand! (love that vine)

Are there still plans for the Roman series? *nods* Oh, yeah, yeah, it was definitely hindered by COVID, uh, as was this Sanders Asides episode that’s coming up, which is why it’s taking longer in the editing stage, it is our, uh... strategy, for circumventing the obstacle, and we hope you like it.

Are we still getting an August playlist? Uh, heck yah you are! But honestly, actually, if you guys have any suggestions I should include in the playlist, lemme know! I’d be happy to get some suggestions - but yes. You will be definitely getting one.

May I please see your feet? *confused, slightly disgusted expression* *begins to move the camera away from his face* *holds up a tape measure, extended to 1 foot long* *grins*

Any shows on Netflix to recommend? Umbrella Academy is really good, Dragon Prince, uh, She-Ra, of course, umm The Hollow (?) is really cool, there’s a documentary about video games called High Score, that was really fun.

Roman, who would you say the gayest side is? *Roman’s voice* Oh, we’re all equally gay, okay? *chuckles* it’s a sexuality, not a personality trait. *takes a breath and speaks quickly* I’m just kidding it’s *sings* meeeeee!

If you were not a YouTuber, what would you see yourself doing and why? Uh, maybe putting my chemical engineering degree to some use. *laughs awkwardly* Uh, I went to school for 5 years for that one.

Like you literally make me so flipping happy: I’m glad! I don’t know what I’m doing to do that, but the feeling is absolutely mutual. 

Can we have Virgil saying “Falsehood”? *hair already over one eye, in Virgil’s voice* Uh, c’mon, okay, sure. *very quietly and unenthusiastically* falsehood. Is that good? Is that? I don’t know, I don’t wanna steal his bit.

Which Sanders Side do you feel you embody most? Ah, I would probably say it’s either Patton or Roman because Patton can be definitely me, all the time, just really enthusiastic about things and finding things cute, but Roman... Roman’s sensitivity, oh. That’s me. 

What was the first job you had? I actually worked as a page in a library! A- pages basically just kinda like, shelve books, check books out; it’s one of the chillest jobs I’ve ever had, one of my favourites, and my dad always had a lovely dad joke for it: ‘you’re working as a page, when do you get promoted to a book?’

How tall are you? I usually say 5ft 10, but I think I’m trying to be a little more realistic with myself. And I’m probably 5ft 9 and a half. *zooms in on his face, staring into the camera* I’m holding onto that half a foot for all dear life. 

DROP THE SKIN ROUTINE PLEASE! This is very sweet, uh, I, *laughs nervously*, uh, I use Curology? They’re very nice. Umm, just... different kinds of lotion, I guess. (I suppose I should write down what I do lol)

Can we get a FALSEHOOD? *is standing* *clears throat* *points upwards from his eyeline* FALSEHOOD! 

Do you have a boyfriend if not are you planning on dating soon? I do not, uh, dating is kinda difficult right now midst COVID, you know, kinda tough... love... in the time of Corona... umm, but, you know, option’s open.

When was your first kiss? I’m sure I’ve answered this somewhere, it was in high school, I might have been 15 or 16. It was with a girl. *Shakes head* And all I can remember is hitting teeth. A lot.

Can we get a super super vague hint about the new Asides episode?  Alright, I’m getting ready to end the Q&A, so this, you know, if you’ve made it so far you deserve this super vague answer, umm... it includes a side that was not in the last episode. (This isn’t much, I apologise lol)

Thomas: And that is it for this evening! Thank you so much, you guys, for watching. I know some of you are still over in Europe watching and it’s like 4 in the morning, and I need to go to bed so thank you all so much for your questions - I gotta do this more often ‘cause I really enjoy it. Love you guys, gals, and non-binary pals. Peace out!

[party-gilmore]

Please enjoy this transcript of my live blogging one of the wildest most entertaining damn western parodies I didnt know existed until tonight (up until the last twenty minutes, to avoid spoiling the conclusion)

Rustler's Rhapsody

They basically took the flashy, virtuous lead out of a 1940's Western and stuck him in a rough, dirty (meaning, actual dirt) 1970's Western.

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[Lead Cowboy walks into the saloon]

"I'll have a warm milk please."

"..."

"...make it uh... Sarsparilla?"

"..."

"...[sigh] is this one of those... really... tough bars?"

"...[slowly, silently nods]..."

"...ah. Lemme have a large glass of warm gin served with human hair in it."

"Comin right up."

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[Lead Cowboy does the stand-off with the bad guys in the saloon on his first day in town thing and does fancy gun stuff, then walks out dramatically.]

[Prostitute Lady sidles up to the Male Sidekick type character, fanning herself as they both stare after him.]

PL: (breathy) ...was that as good for you as it was for me?

MS: (equally breathy) ...yeah.

I'm fuckin dyin

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Narrator: "For some reason the bad guy was always a corrupt old Colonel who had a pretty a daughter and about a thousand head of cattle that you'd always hear, but never see."

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WHAT THE FUCK THIS MOVIE JUST GETS WILDER AND WILDER WITH EACH SCENE

ITS LIKE THEY DROPPED A NEUTRAL GOOD LVL 20 RANGER/PALADIN IN THE MIDDLE OF A SHITTY TOWN FULL OF ASSHOLE CR 1/4 NPCS

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THE TWO DIFFERENT GROUPS OF BAD GUYS ARE FROM TWO DIFFERENT GENRES OF WESTERN

THE NARRATOR STRAIGHT UP SAYS SO

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HES FUCKING SHOW TROTTING/DRESSAGING THE HORSE PAST THE BAD GUYS WHOSE SHOOTING HANDS HE JUST SHOT FROM 100 YARDS AWAY

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THE DOCTOR THINKS ALL THESE RECENT HAND INJURIES (Rex wont shoot to kill, he only shoots hands) IN THE SAME SHAPE AND SAME SPOT ARE SOME KIND OF NEVER BEFORE SEEN FLESH EATING BACTERIA?!?!?!

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[Sidekick is arguing that Rex should take him on as a Sidekick]

Rex: look, I... I ride alone, that's my thing, even my theme song says so, you know 'yodel-ay-ee, yodel-ay-ee, I ride alone,' you kn-

SK: so change it.

Rex: ch-... change it? It took me four years to get that right!

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I genuinely cant tell if they meant for this movie to be as gay as it is

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Okay no they have to know

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...okay this stupid fucking movie has delivered one if the most insanely meta, psychological conundrums of the ethics and mental torture of a life trapped living the same trope over and over and over again to the point where they feel like they know the future and the concept of the pattern being disrupted puts them so on edge they dont know what to do with themselves...

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the bad guys knew they couldnt win because they were The Bad Guys (tm) so they hired a Good Guy (tm) !??!?! To shoot the other Good Guy (tm) ????!?! So now it's some big quantum physics dilemma on what who wins when a Good Guy (tm) faces against another Good Guy (tm)?!?!?!?

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THEYRE DEBATING WHO IS THE Most Good (tm) TO DETERMINE WHO WILL LIKELY WIN THE FIGHT AND POSER!GOOD GUY IS ALL

"...what's more I hear you're in your early thirties, single, and dont even date."

"What are you getting at."

"C'mon, we both know that to be The Good Guy (tm) you have to be a Confident Heterosexual (tm)."

"I am!"

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[Cut to - three minutes later, they're about to Draw]

"W-w-wait, you said it was... Confident Heterosexual?"

"Yeah."

"I thought it was just Heterosexual?"

"No no, Confident Heterosexual."

"...you're sure?"

"I'm sure."

"...I didnt know that."

[ohnoyoonoh]

PREVIEW of PHILIA & EROS

author -; @ohnoyoonoh​

genre. au -; highschool au, based on/inspired by the movie. the half of it. coming of age.

pairing -; lee jeno x oc, huang renjun x oc, jeno x oc x renjun, renjun x jeno (ish)

synopsis -; a story of where someone asks a writer to write them a love letter for the girl they like except the writer likes this girl, too. it's an adventure of lessons in friendship and first love with renjun, jeno, and hwayoung in the town of dalgleish, oregon.

author’s note -; sneak peek into my upcoming story with jeno and renjun. i was actually very passionate in this story. this is the first story in a while that will be tagged with networks, yayyy lol lmk if you wanna be part of the taglist

warnings -; love triangle, strong language, minor bullying, whole story includes touches on sexuality, touches on sex but not committed, underage drinking and drug use, mention of minor character death (renjun’s mom), kissing, long ass story lemme tell you that

word count -; (preview) 4.8k and it’s only the beginning

Love. Love certainly comes in different forms. According to C.S. Lewis, there are four types that people focus on: Storge, Philia, Eros, and Agape. Omitting agape as many do not believe in the Christian faith, the other three simply play a role in everyone’s upbringing whether they notice the existence of these loves in their life or not. Following the words of Lewis, we would be obliged to love every single day without a choice whether it’s to us or seeing it with others. We see love wherever we go. But in this society, do we really know what love is? Love is not as straightforward as we thought it would be unlike adding and subtracting in math. Love is strange but whatever the perspective by the person, it could also be the most beautiful thing in the world.

And that is not how you write a world-class essay to make you pass an honors class.

Huang Renjun began to press the backspace of the conclusion to the last essay he needed to write for the English class. It wasn’t his essay that he was writing but one that was in his queue of his homework services. The list was stacked with requests of the take on C.S. Lewis’s Four Loves for Mrs. Lee’s Junior English Honors class, but the teacher could care less that the students cheated in the class in the peewee town of Dalgleish in the state of Oregon.

Dalgleish didn’t have much except for the Pretty Douglas Fir trees decorated around the boundaries of the town. It was fitting as the Dalgleish basically meant green field. There weren’t many open fields but looking at the town from above, the amount of trees make it look like a green space. That was one of the things that Renjun enjoyed seeing, the nature that the town offered. It was calming, least to say. Losing himself into the natura was a good getaway from the extensive labor he needed to do to support him and his family. His family consisted of his father and younger sister, Mei. His mother passed away due to breast cancer when Renjun was thirteen and Mei was ten.

That was the reason why he started his business of the homework services, but it also extended into adding more part time jobs to continue a decent salary for a high school student. His father never asked him to do any of these jobs because he never wanted to overwork Rejnun and his sister during high school. He wanted to make sure that they could focus primarily on their school work and occasional side jobs to include in their résumés and transcripts. Though due to the passing of his wife, he wasn’t able to commit to his computer science career and waived off the successful path to enter a minimum wage job.

Renjun understood the reason for his father’s lack of working, which is why he stepped up a little more than a teenager should carry on their shoulders. He loved his family too much to not do so. Which is why, he was checking off the list of names on his queue for the homework that needed to be handed that day.

Zhong Chenle

Eleanor Lee

Amie Quill

Wong Yukhei

Eugene Mills and the list going on.

He calculated the amount that was due and the total, making sure that no one paid him less. He didn’t mind if someone paid more, as it would be beneficial to any extra expenses that needed to be paid off. “$20 per essay, mm.. $200. That should be enough to cover the water bill and the groceries.”

Mei nodded, writing the total on the sticky notes that littered all over the mirrored wall. The wall full of sticky notes for the week logging any needed tasks to be finished. Wherever there weren’t any sticky notes were old pictures of the family and memories in their upbringing or new polaroid pictures of Renjun and Mei. It was a nice reminder of the moments that were captured in the midst of the hard every days.

“Hey, uh, Renjun, I was wondering if I could go to homecoming?” Mei questioned, breaking the silence as Renjun revised the to-do lists while editing his own essay. He forgot to do so since the amount of requests to do their homework was unbelievable. The only downside of the homework service was that everyone requests last minute. “Renjun.”

“Sorry, I forgot to do my homework,” he snapped his head up, letting his sister know that she had his undivided attention. Mostly. “Uh, what did you ask?”

“I was just asking if I could go to homecoming, I’ll even work extra hours to pay for my dress. I’ll even pick up some of the homework in your requests,” Mei pleaded, not verbally but through her eyes. Renjun stared at her, wondering if she was serious. It wasn’t uncommon for freshmen to attend high school events, especially someone like his sister. Mei was and still is the type of person to enjoy the events that school offers. It was the perfect opportunity to spend time with her friends and escape the hours of working. That was what Renjun recalled during their late night talks as they pleated the dumplings for their lunches for the rest of the week.

“Renjun, stop spacing out,” Mei shook his shoulder, seeing if it would wake him up out of his trance.

“Uh, yeah yeah. You can help me with some of the homework and take over my shift for the next two days at the library, is that okay?” Renjun offered. He knew he would have felt bad if he said no. Knowing his sister, she would either give up on working and not get a new dress, or give up working and not going to homecoming all together.

Mei agreed, nodding her head profusely and quickly embracing her brother. Renjun stood there, reluctantly wrapping his arms around her. Mei rarely showed affection to him which is why he seemed so surprised at the actions. Nonetheless, he appreciated the love. God. Love. Love. Love. His essay. His eyes widened, releasing from the grasp of his sister, “Crap, I need to finish the last paragraph of my essay.”

The sound of the alarm ringing through the kitchen, notifying the Huang siblings that it was time for them to head to school. Renjun groaned, wanting to bang his head against the wall. He shoved the folder with the homeworks that he finished inside of his backpack while tossing Mei her lunch. He grabbed the pen that hung off of the wall, checking off the sticky note that was made a week before to remind him of the work to do. Renjun rechecked everything once more to be certain that he hadn’t skipped over anything. Assuring himself that he didn’t miss anything, he grabbed the keys of his dad’s car and made his way out the door. Before exiting the house, his dad seemed to be missing from his usual spot on the couch but knew he was home due to his shoes still at the door.

“Mei, is dad still home?” Renjun questioned as he sat on the floor to put his shoes on. Mei turned around to face her brother and nodded, “He’s taking a shower and already made his food.”

Renjun nodded, slinging his backpack over his shoulders to adjust the straps as he wore it, “Are you ready to go?”

“I’ve been ready, I don’t know about you,” Mei sarcastically retorted. Renjun scoffed, standing up and opening the door to allow his sister to go out first. As they walked outside to get to the car, Renjun playfully kicked her leg causing her to quickly turn around to punch him. He quickly ran to the car to escape her wrath.

“Alright, I’ll see you later. Don’t forget your shift at the library,” the male informed his sister as they both entered the school. Mei groaned but nodded, saying goodbye to her brother as she parted ways to join her friends. Now, Renjun was stuck to being a high class loner for the rest of the day. He never made any friends, well ones that didn’t last long. Though he was content with that. It was better than having ones that would backstab you or talk behind your back. For being a small town, Dalgleish didn’t have much to offer with people. So, people created their own drama. Luckily in all of the Huang siblings’ time in Dalgleish, they never had any mentions of being in drama. They only were the butt of the joke of their low-class dad, but Mei and Renjun never paid attention, so the joke died before it was even alive. That belonged to the top of the hierarchy in their school. But, Renjun could care less about them and rather focused on his studies and jobs.

“Here is yours and Chenle’s homework,” Renjun flipped through the countless essays in the folder, handing Lucas the needed homework.

“Ahh, thanks, let me send you the money now. I’m also paying for Chenle’s, just in case you wonder why there’s extra,” Lucas pulled his phone out to send the money through the Venmo app.

Feeling his phone buzz, Renjun took his phone out to check that the amount was correct. Confirming that it was right, well it was actually over. Chenle and Lucas were always kind enough to pay extra. They always said it was just for the hard work that he gives since they were his first customers and the growth of the services. “Thanks, Lucas.”

Lucas smiled before heading his way for his class. After he left, Renjun continued to make his way to all of the students that needed their work for the day. He scheduled different locations and times around the school to make sure that his contraband work wasn’t known to the faculty of the school. The only one who knew was their English and Physics teachers. Mrs. Lee and Dr. Jean.

Mrs. Lee immediately knew that the essays by the students in her class weren’t written that perfectly. The growth from one essay to another seemed to be developed overnight. Not trying to question her students, they were bright but most that had the perfect scored work weren’t the brightest. Knowing this, Mrs. Lee found out after give and take, she realized that the work was by Renjun. To let him know that she knew, she asked to conference with him after class. The only thing that Renjun grasped from the conversation is that she blatantly called her students stupid when it came to essays. Renjun agreed but defended them that they were smart in other areas and needed to strengthen their levels in the writing department.

And for Dr. Jean, he just didn’t care.

“So, who’d you write for this time? I just don’t wanna read the essays to waste my time to give them A’s,” Mrs. Lee sat in her chair, sipping on her cup of coffee as she watched Renjun pack his stuff up so he could attend his next class.

He dismissed his teacher’s comment, placing his essay on her desk, “I’ll give you a list later. Oh, I also need a recommendation from my favorite teacher.” He smiled, setting a blank recommendation letter for the college he’s applying to on her desk.

He watched her scan over the document, only for her face to scrunch up in disgust. He reflected her expression with his own face, confused as to why she looked repulsed, “What is it now?”

“I don’t know, you could have chosen a better school with your grades and get in,” she tossed the paper into her neat stack before grabbing the essays and shelving it.

Renjun shrugged, knowing that the reason is that he was afraid to leave his sister and dad. More so, his sister. He didn’t want to leave all of the responsibilities to his sister. To delve even farther, the responsibility of taking care of their father. He wasn’t sure if Mei was ready to do it. A lot of people may wonder why he even thinks of his father, but his dad was still family. Their dad may not be in the best state and not pulling his weight as the head of the family, but he still worked every so often. Their dad was lucky enough to be friends with the owner of his job, and the owner understood the hardships that he was going through. The consequence of his lack in effort fell on his children.

“I just think it would be better if you attend some other college, maybe, I don’t know,” Mrs. Lee retrieved another document on a clipboard, handing it to him.

He grabbed the clipboard, wondering what it was. An application to University of Oregon. He laughed, tearing his eyes away from it to look out the window. She’s still trying to do this. He gave the clipboard back, “I can’t go to this university. It’s not even that good.”

“It was good to me,” Mrs. Lee gave him a hall pass on a sticky note before waving him off to allow him to get to his next class.

“Well, I’m passing and staying in the best town in the world,” he waved as he walked out of the class.

Renjun pondered on the idea of leaving Dalgleish, but would it be the right decision. Everything he needed was right here. There could be a great job opportunity when he graduates from the community college. Well somewhere and that somewhere is not in Dalgleish. He was going to have to move out of the town one way or another if he wanted to pursue his dream of becoming a computer scientist. Maybe, he could find a way to come back to Dalgleish, opening a company would be beneficial. That was settled on a maybe. For now, all he needed to do was pass junior year and move onto senior year.

Making his way inside of the physics classroom, he showed the pass to Dr. Jean, only for it to be dismissed. He took his seat next to the window in the back. With the lack of care that his teacher had in the class, Renjun worked on the next requests of his services.

“Renjun, you’re working with Isabelle,” his teacher declared. Renjun picked up his head so fast, wondering as to why there’s suddenly a project. He was always informed beforehand in the beginning of the semester of what’s to come, but he came to realize Dr. Jean was the best teacher at coming up with random projects. Renjun just nodded, clearing his backpack from the chair next to him allowing Isabelle to sit it in.

Isabelle gave him a head bow, greeting him, “Hi. I’m Isabelle but you could just call me Hwayoung. You probably already knew that. I can’t believe Dr. Jean still calls me Isabelle, probably because he can’t pronounce half of our names.”

Renjun chuckled, shutting his computer off to place back in his backpack. He picked two of the copies of the paper before tossing the extra copies inside of the extra copy bucket that was behind him. He handed the paper to Hwayoung before reading the document. Seeing it was the project, his mouth contorted to a form of disappointment in finding the surprise assignment. The project didn’t even have anything to do with physics but basically getting to know your partner and put it in a PowerPoint. He didn’t know if he wanted to cry or laugh. He glanced in Hwayoung’s direction: Pretty. Pretty. Popular.

Choi Hwayoung. The ideal girl that anyone could ask for. She was nice and smart. She was one of the pretty girls of the school, and everyone knew that. Renjun liked her when he joined the Model UN team, and she was also on it. He thought that she was also smart when she stood her ground during the time of Model UN. He wished he could have stayed longer as he enjoyed it, but his sister wasn’t all that capable when he had to leave for a competition once. Despite thinking the basic reasons for him liking her, he liked how she smiled and her dimples just protruded. Her eyes were full of life when debating. How she spun her pen between her fingers when she was in focus. Renjun, tone your feelings down.

Now, he wasn’t sure if he still liked her due to the lack of attention he gave his own feelings.

“Oh right, my name is Renjun,” he whispered as Dr. Jean ranted on another go of the conspiracy theories of the Illuminati and Beyoncé . His teacher always made the time in class go by faster or slower depending on how dedicated he is to the conspiracy topic. Some were more interesting than others. He looked over to her writing, “I think you knew that already.”

“Yeah, I did. You were on the Model UN team but left, you were really good at what you did,” Hwayoung complimented him. He smiled, nodding as his way of accepting the praise.

The small talk ceased as the bell rang for dismissal, he collected his items and shoved them into his backpack. He slung his backpack over his shoulder, “I’ll do the project and turn it in when it’s finished.”

“But this is a two person project. I am not asking for your homework service to come in play here,” Hwayoung turned to look at him. “Maybe, we could just actually do it together. Unless you don’t want to because you’re uncomfortable to do that which then do the project by yourself, just text me if you need anything.”

With that, she smiled and left. Renjun watched her leave the classroom. That was a first. Typically any project with partners left Renjun to do the work all by himself, which he didn’t mind. Most complain that they had to do it by themselves, but he enjoyed the easy A without the others messing it up.

The final school bell rang, but Renjun was already in the car, waiting for his sister. He hummed to the music, tapping to the tunes of Ariana Grande’s Dangerous Woman album. His head turned to the door opening, and his sister joined him in the car already singing the song. Renjun turned down the volume, “Ready?”

She nodded while buckling up her seatbelt. Renjun placed the car in reverse, only for a student to be waving a paper trying to get his attention. He wasn’t paying attention, trying to get Mei to work on time was his priority.

As he continued to reverse the car, he still hadn’t noticed the student until Mei tugged on his jacket. He slammed on the breaks, finally seeing the student waving the paper around in the rear-view mirror. He almost ran over him. He inhaled and exhaled deeply, trying to come to a compromise in his head that he almost committed homicide by accident, “What the hell?”

The male student walked around from the rear of the car before going around to the driver’s side. He knocked on Renjun’s window before Renjun rolled the window, “Why were you in my way?”

“You almost killed me. Shouldn’t you feel a little empathetic?” The student smiled with a teasing tone in his voice.

“If you have nothing important, I will be going now,” Renjun put the car in drive, starting to press on the acceleration pedal. He still wanted to know what the student wanted, but it was probably just another order for homework help. “If you want me to do your homework, find my number and text me.”

“I want you to help me write a love letter. I read your essay for Lucas, and it was really good,” the student requested, holding the note out. Renjun slammed on the brakes once again, but this time, Mei slapped her brother in the shoulder for the discomfort of their backs hitting the seats so harshly. He looked at her with an apologetic expression before his gaze turned back to the student.

The student held the note at the window, which Renjun started to read.

Dear Choi Hwayoung.

The first three words were enough for Renjun to decide if he was going to help this fool or not. He shoved the letter back into the hands of the requester, “Nope, I’m not writing a love letter to Hwayo- to her.”

“Oh, to who?” Mei pitched in. Love always made people curious, well more nosy. Then, the ideas of who ends up with who just turned into a big mess. Renjun certainly didn’t want to help someone out that wanted to create a love letter. Plus if he was the recipient of a love letter, he hoped it wasn’t made by someone that didn’t have feelings for the person. Or in Renjun’s case, written by the person’s personal feelings. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be genuine. Artificial. Unauthentic. Fake. Love isn’t supposed to be any of those things if a person wants to make it work.

“No one, Mei.” Renjun answered before he turned back to the student, “Have a good day.” He rolled the windows back up and continued to drive away to his priority. He looked in the mirror once more to find the student sulking with his head down. He chuckled. That’s so pathetic.

“Hey, you could have totally picked that request up. That was Lee Jeno,” Mei tapped away on her phone as she informed him of who the student was. Renjun scoffed, but he also was unsure why the name of the student is relevant. Customers are customers. There’s no needed relationship as it’s based on monetary and satisfaction of getting work done. Mei looked at her brother who stayed silent, and she was sure that he had no clue who Jeno was. She raised her eyebrow, “Do you not know who Lee Jeno is?”

“Do I care? Mm.. Not really,” he didn’t really care about who Jeno was. He rarely cared about any of the people in the school, as they weren’t his business. He wanted to stay out of anyone’s mouths as much as possible. Renjun thought of who Jeno was because he did sound familiar. They lived in a small town, so everyone knew most of each other. Dalgleish compromised mostly of East Asians, but nonetheless it still had a good variety of other ethnicities. It shouldn’t be hard to think of who Jeno was. Ah, he’s the boy who used to live four houses down when they were younger before the downfall of the Huangs came about. Jeno would try to invite them to play often with the other kids in the neighborhood, but Renjun was shy at the time, and Mei wasn’t the one who enjoyed company. Though that did start to change as they grew older. Renjun wasn’t shy, just liked to keep to himself to stay out of trouble, and Mei enjoys the energy with people.

“Jeno is the star student of the school, more like the perfect Asian kid. He plays the violin, ping-pong captain, forward for soccer, and is part of A Honor Roll,” Mei listed all of the things that Jeno specialized in. Renjun listened but wasn’t in awe of the achievements that Jeno had. Most of the kids in the school participated in those activities, differing in sports and academics. Everyone had their own skill set to show off, which made Jeno not any different from the student body.

“Okay, what does that have to do with me?” Renjun questioned, stopping at the red light. He wasn’t sure what his sister was making in her brain. She was most likely going to lose track of where she was heading to prove a point.

“Plus, he banks and his parents have this IT company in California. So if you help him, he could probably get you to return in favor by getting you an internship,” Mei added onto her tracks. She sure did make a point. That was a first. Renjun surely could land a job if he gets an internship, but he didn’t want to use someone like that. He wanted to do it on his own.

“Yeah, no. I refuse to do that,” Renjun pressed his foot down on the gas pedal, accelerating the car as the light switched to green.

“How come? It’s a good opportunity, I’m just saying,” Mei said as she shuffled around in her seat, adjusting her jacket.

“Well, I don’t want to use someone like that. I want to get there on my own, no matter how hard it is. I have a plan to get there,” Renjun answered. He arranged his future’s timeline, coming up with the desired plan. He thought of Plan B, just in case the first one didn’t work. Then, he had his safety plans just in case nothing of his wants couldn’t come to reality.

Mei answered with a hum. Renjun was glad that she didn’t continue the conversation. He parked next to the curb in front of the library and turned off the engine. He decided to study at the library. He didn’t have much to do today other than making dinner and finishing the rest of the requests that he didn’t assign to his sister. Plus, the library offered free food and beverages to their workers. And, who doesn’t like free food?

“Your shift ends at 7, which is perfect. I’ll be in my usual section, working and studying if you need anything,” Renjun said as he left his sister as they entered the downtown library. He walked towards the Japanese literature section, quietly greeting some of the regular goers that he recognized. Living in Dalgleish, he picked up quite a few languages. He was surrounded by multiple ethnicities who differed in languages and to benefit the elderly who weren’t comfortable using English, he thought it would be nice to learn their native language. Plus, there were foreigners who came frequently to visit the town. It was like a tourist attraction, sometimes. Even if there wasn’t anything to see in the town.

Renjun was only fluent in Mandarin Chinese and Korean, but he was conversational in other languages like Cantonese and Japanese. He tried to make the effort, plus his world geography class had an extra credit opportunity to explore languages. Despite not seeming to be a people person at school, Renjun was able to converse easily with others when he was out and about. He often got teased by his sister for it because he always said he was not a people person.

He placed his belongings on the ground, unpacking his laptop, and plugging the charger in the outlet to refuel the laptop’s battery. Putting his earphones in to enjoy his music, he bopped his head a little to the beats. Renjun checked his list if he had any new requests. He wanted to know if Jeno asked for one with his love letter. That’s so stupid. Love letters are supposed to be personal. He’s such a dumbass.

“Hey.” came out of nowhere. Renjun jerked in his chair a little, even if he had earphones, he didn’t blast it just in case someone asked him about anything in the library. He still was a worker there, even if he wasn’t working. He thrived off of a busy schedule. He didn’t thrive off on being startled.

He whipped his head to the person who peeked over his shoulder, almost throwing his hands around if it wasn’t in a public place or at least a library. He saw the same boy from earlier, only this time in neater clothes. Jeno was wearing his athletic warm-ups when he was at the school. Renjun just blinked his eyes before shaking his head and getting back to his laptop, “You’re in a library, look through some books for inspiration for your love letter. Good luck to you and bye.”

“Oh come on, I’m not the best at words and expressing my feelings. Can you just at least read it and revise?” Jeno asked, moving a chair from another table to sit with Renjun. The ping-pong star received hushes from those around him, causing both Renjun and Jeno to have apologetic looks to them.

Renjun shook his head, “No. No way.”

“I’ll pay you extra from what your highest price is. I’ll pay you even more for authenticity,” Jeno pulled his phone out. Renjun peeked over at Jeno’s screen to see his website page with the costs of the homework papers. He thought about the extra costs. He possibly could buy his sister’s dress for homecoming, so she could keep her money from work and spend it on makeup and other necessities to get ready for school events. It was a good idea, but Renjun wasn’t the best at even expressing feelings and whatnot.

“I’ll give you $100 for this one letter,” Jeno offered.

“Alright, sold.”

[alpacinothirst]

Time Traveler Imagine Prt 2

1973

It had been two weeks since I had traveled to 1973. In those two weeks, I had interviewed at least fifty people. Almost all of them were government related. I had asked them all their thoughts on President Richard Nixon. Most of the public figures all spoke poorly of him. I knew that this mission was going to be a bust if there wasn’t anyone willing to back Nixon up. 

I decided to speak with Agent Moretti, seeing if he could point me into the direction I needed. “Who should I talk to? No one wants anything to do with him this late in the game,” I sighed into the phone. 

“I was just thinking about that... Maybe we could get some celebrities to talk on TV. That’s why we need you in Hollywood,” Moretti replied in a matter of fact tone. 

“Like who? Who am I going to get in with? No one wants to speak to Kelly Davis.” 

“We’ve got just the person...” He fell silent. 

“Who?” I asked impatiently. 

“Women of the 21st century really don’t know what courtesy is, huh?” Moretti sneered into the phone. “Al Pacino, biggest guy in Hollywood next to his costar... What’s his name? The guy who plays the Godfather... Well whatever,” Moretti dismissed the topic. “Pacino hasn’t spoken on politics. Maybe you could get him to say something good about Nixon.” 

“So how’re you going to set up a meeting with a high class, movie star?” 

“You don’t think the FBI didn’t rub elbows with Hollywood?” Moretti laughed. 

“I just didn’t think we could ask for an interview like this.” 

“You’ll see what kinda strings we can pull. Especially with communication to your time. The guys there have so many ideas. It’s uncanny. But lemme call you back in like an hour and a half. I gotta set up this meeting.” He hung up and I hung the phone the receiver. I felt disheartened still. 

I decided to go through the responses from my interviews. Moretti had asked someone to type out the transcripts per my request. It helped having the words in front of me, it made it easier to make sense of everything. 

As I skimmed through the pages, I noticed a trend in the responses. Every official had said the same thing about the break in: Nixon’s aides had the burglars’ names in their phone books. I knew that this was just propaganda written in by the media during this time period. 

I sighed, throwing the papers down. I was feeling hopeless and my mind was spiraling. 

I was sent on this mission to keep Richard Nixon in office and to be re-elected. That was my job. My head director had told me that it would change the media, that it would reshape how it reacted to political rhetoric and stop the disgusting mudslinging going on. This was supposed to help the ever growing rift in our nation. 

Before coming here, I had done my research on Watergate and the government in the 1970′s. Everyone was trying to get over Vietnam. Women’s rights were being questioned. If you could name one of the most controversial points in history for the American government and women, this would be it. The trust in the government was basically ruined with this scandal added to the mess of politics already. It devastated how people saw their country. 

I knew that was what I was here to fix. But with all of that bouncing around in my head, I couldn’t remember why I thought this was a good idea. All of these people were doing their jobs, putting into practice checks and balances. 

The phone rang, interrupting my thoughts. I was getting a headache from all of this nonsense. “Hey, Jacklyn, this is Jane. I phoned to tell you that you’ll be meeting with Al Pacino Thursday at 10:30 am sharp. Do you have pen and paper for the address?” She asked. 

“Yeah, I’m ready for it,” I said, copying down the address. It was a small hotel on the East side of LA. 

“Please be careful when interviewing him. Lots of people are going to see this interview. And the entire FBI is going to be watching. From your time and mine.” 

“Thanks, Jane,” I said, hanging up the phone. 

~

On Thursday morning, I woke up and put on a pair of red slacks and a white button up. By 10 am I was out the door and on the bus. The bus dropped me off two blocks from the hotel.  

Once in the hotel, I walked up to the secretary, holding my press badge in my hand. “Conference room is third door on your left,” she pointed down a blue carpeted hall. 

In the conference room I was met with the camera crew and Jane. “Hey Kelly,” she smiled at me. “Here are your questions,” Jane handed me a stack of note cards. Flipping through them I noticed the phrasing was off. 

“This one just says “Is President Nixon a good president?” What is that? He’s not going to answer that,” I scowled at the cards. 

“If you don’t ask those questions, I think Moretti will throw a fit.” 

“I already wrote my own.” I showed her my small stack of notes. “It’s going to ease him into the subject.” Jane shook her head, insisting I use the cards. I sighed, finally just taking the cards. She took that as an agreement to use the cards because she thanked me afterwards. “What happens if I don’t use them?” 

“Moretti just told me to make you use them.” I sighed, sitting in my seat. It was 10:35 am. Al Pacino was still nowhere to be seen.

“Where is he?” I asked impatiently as the clock hit 10:50. And as if it was his cue, the door opened and revealed the man of the hour. “Hi there, Mr. Pacino.” 

“Hi. You’re Miss Davis, correct?” He asked, shaking my hand. 

“Yes! Have a seat.” Al Pacino sat cross legged from me, a coffee in his hand. He had a blue sweater on, it almost engulfing his entire torso. 

“Sorry I’m so late, got a late start this morning,” Al smiled at me. 

“You’re fine! How’re you doing this morning?” 

“Doing alright. And how about yourself?” 

“Fine,” I smiled at him, pulling my questions out. I saw Jane eye me, but I ignored her. She was not going to make a huge scene in front of these people. 

“So are we ready?” I asked the camera man. He gave me a thumbs up and pressed a few buttons. “Are you ready?” I asked. Al gave me a small smile again, nodding. I introduced him to the camera and spoke about his work. “So you’ve gained quite a lot of fame over the past year... How has fame changed your life?” 

Al sighed heavily before speaking,”I think the only thing it’s changed is my wallet and how many people know my name... But even with that, I am not sure too many people know who I am.” 

I nodded. “Have you ever been recognized in public before?” 

“Once when I was out for coffee by myself. The only other times I am really noticed is when I’m with my old costars.” I asked him more questions about his career, trying to make a smooth transition into politics. 

I was planning on transitioning into politics after my ‘what do you in your free time question’, but he didn’t answer my question. He asked me,”What do you do in your free time, Miss Davis?” 

“Oh well, it’s not that interesting,” I blushed. 

“Everyone does something.” 

“I like to read horror novels...” I said half halfheartedly. He nodded, resting his face in his hand, staring at me.

“For some reason, I don’t believe you,” he smiled, tilting his head. I felt my face grow red again. “And I think you’re giving yourself away,” Al laughed lightly. “Tell me what you do in your free time?” He wouldn’t know about half the things I liked to do. Everything I loved and knew was in the 21st Century. 

“Well, Mr. Pacino... I was hoping we could get back on track with the interview, if you don’t mind...” I tried to be polite. Al was holding back a smile as he nodded at me, asking for the next question. “I was going to ask you to comment on America’s current political scandal.” 

“You want my opinion about Nixon, huh?” He eyed me, shaking his head slightly. 

“If you wouldn’t mind...” 

“I think he’s an idiot for all the break in garbage.” I sighed, knowing that this was not going to go over well with Moretti.  “He tried to extort American money for himself.” 

“I think most people can agree on that,” I said, trying to seem neutral. 

“What do you think about the president?” He asked. 

“Uh... I don’t really get into politics much.” 

“My agent never told me where this interview was going to be published... Is it the anti-Nixon campaign? You can stick my face on that.” I laughed lightly, earning another smile from Al. 

After a few more questions, Jane slipped me a note. It told me to end the interview and so I did. I thanked Al for his time and shook his hand. Once the cameras were off, Jane stomped out of the room. She slammed the door on her way out. 

“Did she get offended by my Nixon spew?” Al asked, standing up and stretching. 

“I don’t think so. I think she’s mad because I didn’t use the questions she gave me.” 

“Well, I like it when the questions are original anyway...” He handed me my purse. “I was thinking... Maybe we could grab a cup of coffee... If you’re not busy?” He asked. 

“I mean sure... As long as we don’t get mobbed by your crazy fans...” I joked. He laughed in return, opening the door for me on the way out. We walked past Jane. “Hey I’m grabbing some coffee. Do you want anything?” I asked. 

“No. You need to be back here in 15 minutes so Moretti can speak to you,” Jane answered harshly, walking away from us. 

“She’s a real treat, huh,” Al said. “Who is she anyway? Your boss?” 

“Basically, yeah. She just gets mad when things don’t go her way.” 

“I couldn’t work with someone like that,” he replied. 

“You’ve never worked with anyone who was stubborn?” 

“Well, I have. A director or two... But most of the time, they just let me go ahead. Maybe I’m the stubborn one no one can work with,” Al laughed, making me giggle. “So what’s your name?” 

“Kelly, Kelly Davis.” 

“You’re in the media biz... How’s that?” 

“Well, it’s a little weird. Some days I have so much to do that I could pull my hair out and other days, no one will answer my calls.” 

“Hmm... Well, I could fix that... Wanna interview Diane Keaton?” He asked. I laughed at him, not realizing he was serious. “Come on, don’t laugh. I can get you an interview with Diane tomorrow night probably.” 

“Oh Al, it’s alright. I think I’m not going to be interviewing anybody for a long time. Especially after this...” 

“Your boss didn’t like your questions that much, huh... Is there anything I can do to help?” Al asked, stopping in front of a small coffee shop. 

“I don’t think so... But thank you,” I smiled at him. Al opened the door for me again and walked us up to the register. 

“What do you want? Drinks on me.” 

“Oh no... It’s alright. I can get my own-” 

“I insist... I’ll take an espresso and whatever she’s having,” Al said to the cashier. 

“I’ll take one, too,” I said. “Al, you really don’t have to.” 

“Please... Let me pay for one drink. You can pay for the next,” he winked at me. Al paid, leading me to a booth by the window afterwards. “So tell me about yourself? Where are you from?” 

“I’m from Nevada...” 

“Ah... You don’t strike me as a Nevada person.” 

“What kind of person do I seem to be?” I asked, playing with the napkin dispenser. 

“Someone who’s reserved... But a very strong silent type.” Al smirked at me. Our drinks came, stopping the conversation. “Did I get it right?” 

“Would a reserved person tell you if you got it right or wrong?” I chided. 

“You’re good...” He laughed, sipping his coffee. I asked him where he was from. “Good old New York City... Every been there?” 

“Once when I was younger. I went there for a school trip.” 

“Well, I call that place home usually.” 

“That’s nice... Do you live in LA part time?” I asked. 

“Only when I’m working in New York and vice versa the other way around.” The conversation died a bit. But I tried to fill it with questions about his movies. “I’m actually working on a movie coming out in December... It’s called Serpico.” 

“Tell me all about it!” 

“It’s about a cop trying to uncover all the other dirty cops... Based on a true story, ya know?” 

“Like Dog Day Afternoon?” 

“What is that?” Al asked, taking another drink. I sighed, mentally face palming. That movie wasn’t going to come out for another few years. 

“Sorry, it’s a small picture about a bank robbery in the 30′s. It’s not too big.” Al nodded, seeming to buy my story. I had almost freaked out. Slip ups like that were what got people thrown in mental asylums in these times. There were plenty of horror stories about people being thrown away in the loony bin because they slipped up about events or things during a mission. 

[neshabeingchildish]

10. Swellview Stats

So, I decided to do a little more Charlotte’s inner thoughts in this chapter. I know I did a touch here and there last chapter, but more in this one. It’s in Italics. Edit: You may have missed Ch. 9, because its an audio post instead of a text post. So, you’ll have to read that one before this one. It don’t look like the other ones.

Swellview Stats

Swellview might as well be a Utopia for simple minded individuals and intellects who gave up being competitive in the wide world. We have some of the safest neighborhoods, because of a couple of reasons. One of them is the Man Team. The other is the fact that our villains are stupid. Honestly, our townsfolk are stupid, too. There's probably a handful of brain cells in Swellview that get lent around for convenience, and a select few absolute geniuses who just got stuck here because they were born here and staying was too easy. I can't be one of those geniuses. The last time there was a murder in Swellview was like 35 years ago and it was accidental. There are often injuries as a result of chaotic driving or Captain Man goofing up a rescue, but statically, Swellview is a safe and comfortable place. Do I love safety? Yes. Do I love comfort? More than anyone I know! Can I settle for being the best in my field when my counterparts would never even rank in the country? Why would I? 

I'm Charlotte Page. I aspire to be Dr. Charlotte Page, a Renaissance woman who specializes in every letter of STEAM, focusing on biomedical engineering… she looked at her boyfriend, shoving oversized eggs into his mouth while the rest of the guys counted, "8,9.." she got up, shaking her head and left the table.

She already had a dozen acceptance letters for colleges, was already taking some courses and had finished a couple of programs via Swellview University while she was in school. She had all of her graduation credits last year. She was going to graduate early, but decided to just get additional high school transcripts dings, and start college low-key, to transition a little better afterwards. 

Besides, her work in the Man Cave was excellent practice for the work that she would be doing in her near future. She was thinking by 21, she'd have her first degree and probably be able to design electrical circuits, software to run medical equipment, or computer simulations to test new drug therapies. She'd want to try out a tech position at a renowned lab, but might have to settle for something more subtle because she'd still be working on her education, too.

By 23, she should be able to finally make a move towards the lab of her choice with the previous lab work experience and her highest degree completed."Hey, Charlotte! Jasper just stuffed 12 eggs into his mouth!" Henry bragged and stuck his tongue out laughing. "Then he swallowed them whole!"

"What?" She asked turning to the table again.

"Just gulped 'em down his gullet!" Ray cheered.

"Jasper?" Charlotte fussed. "You KNOW that eating that many boiled eggs will give you painful gas!"

Jasper said to the guys at the table, "Hey. How many farts you guys think I'll make when these eggs give me gas?" They started giving out numbers.

Charlotte folded her arms and glared at him, shaking her head. Henry was grateful HE wasn't the one getting the look this time. In fact, those looks seemed to be reserved for her boyfriend these past few weeks. She definitely loved him. Henry knew she did, because why else on Earth would that match even take place. But, he also realized that she had buttons. Buttons that Jasper pushed with childlike wonder, with enthusiasm that seemed to ask, "What does this one do?" Henry offered some intervention in saying, "Charlotte, you are dating a legend. A Man Cave legend. Nobody makes stats like Jasp does in this place."

"And what are these stats good for?" She asked Henry.

Ray intercepted, "Allow me." He grabbed a remote control and pressed a button, which revealed a chart of really stupid things (like how many punches in the belly you can take), and a points system. Jasper was in the lead. She was in last place..  in a contest that she didn't even know could happen, with points mainly for dodging certain death during Ray's irresponsible tantrums or something. "Yes, stare in awe," Ray told her.

"Awe is definitely a word," she said. She sighed, shook her head and said, "I'm going up into the store, before the gas and fart counting begins…" She heard a loud noise and saw Henry's distorted face.

Ray cheered, "Too late." And she was gone. Up the tube gone. She wasn't even gonna stay at work if this is what they were doing with their time. 

Jasper was really sweet. Whenever it was the two of them, she was the only person in the world. Whenever they were with their friends, he was still sweet, but… they brought out the oaf in him. Now… as a friend of all of these people, she couldn't be too judgy. And nobody MADE her say yes to Jasper. She just wished that his best round of friends weren't.. this.

She was thinking about the upcoming college years and he was literally making a game out of his flatulence. The most frustrating thing about that was that Jasper isn't even a fart humor type person! He finds that gross and childish!! But, whenever it's the guys, he's onboard for childish shenanigans. Unless he's pretending to be more mature when he's with her. Then, that's false advertising, and she'd feel bamboozled. BUT then, if THAT was the case..  she would have to admit to being outsmarted by JASPER! Charlotte let out an aggravated squeal and frightened a lady and her dog walking by. They went to the other side of the street and she kept going, feeling awkward. 

Piper was home, so she stopped by. "Hey… I wanted to vent to someone about Jasper…"

Piper raised her palm and said, "Let me give you a little disclaimer. Whatever it is that you have to say, my perpetual thought will be, "What did you expect when you started going out with Jasper?"

"Fair enough. Can I begin?" Piper sat down and Charlotte joined her on the couch. "So.. I know that Jasper's a little bit offbeat."

"What an understatement."

"He's honestly not as stupid as people think. He's very good at listening. He is insightful when it comes to interpersonal relationships. He gives excellent pep talks and sometimes pretty good advice, if he understands all of the details. He's an honest, loyal, and caring friend and has been a very thoughtful boyfriend."

"So, this is gushing and not venting? Balls." Piper flopped back, prepared to listen to Jasper praise that she didn't ask for.

"No. That was the good stuff that I have to get out of the way before I complain to him about what I can't stand, unless I want to see him cry!"

"You.. say all of that before you get to your point? And he listens?"

"Jasper feeds off of compliments. They open him up fully and then you can slide in the complaints. Only thing is that I knew he was the guy that he is and it's not fair to expect him to change, but.. Shouldn't he want to? Wouldn't you rather do anything else in the world than count farts with your friends, when you have an awesome girlfriend who's also around?"

"I would rather do anything else if I was as lonely as an old lady in a house thought to be haunted. But, I'm not Jasper. And like you said, you knew he was an idiot from the moment he first opened his mouth. We all did. I knew he was an idiot from the moment my memory formed as a toddler and he was at our house in all his stupid glory."

"But he's not stupid! That's the problem. He's ignorant about a lot. He's naive. He doesn't always think things through. But… have you ever seen him plan something out for a date? Or heard him talk to a little kid? Jasper is definitely unique, but I think he could do anything he puts his mind to. I just wish he'd put his mind to things that matter."

"Do you ever suggest these things?"

"Yeah, but I can't control him!"

Piper laughed, "Oh, Charlotte. I keep forgetting that this is your first boyfriend. Of course you can control him. Jasper is… what's a word that you won't refute?... Impressionable. Make better impressions. Lemme see your phone."

Charlotte reluctantly handed it over and Piper read out loud as she typed, "Shame that you didn't want to hang with me today. Gonna have to pick out new undies by myself. Sad face emoji."

"What?"

"Send."

"WHAT?"

Piper held a hand up to her, then pointed to the phone to show her Jasper was typing. "I would chop off the entire bottom half of my body to be included in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Too late. But, hope that the fart counting went well. Maybe, if you're more considerate later, I'll text you pix of my choices."

"Don't send that!"

"Send."

Charlotte snatched her phone from Piper, but Piper bent over her to see Jasper's next response, "Okay… I didn't mean to be inconsiderate? Next time, I'll check to see if you need anything from me before being stupid with the guys all day." Charlotte shook her head and said, "That's unfair to play him like that."

"Are you mad at me, Babe?" Jasper wondered.

Charlotte: No. That was Piper. I let her see my phone.

Jasper: Ok… but… did you tell her that stuff about me?

Charlotte: I said some things, but…He called. She groaned and answered, "Hey. Sorry about that…"

"Hey… if I'm doing something wrong, you can just tell me. You don't have to go to Piper."

"I came here just to vent."

"About me?"

"A little."

"Vent to me. Tell me what's wrong." She began to give out her list of compliments, but he cut her off, "Charlotte. I said tell me what's wrong. I know that you like and respect me. There's no other reason that you'd date me. What's your beef, though? What did you have to vent about?"

She sighed and laid on the couch as she talked. Piper hung around, listening to the end of the chat as she used her own cell phone. "I just feel like you would rather be doing senseless things with the guys at work than anything with me."

"I feel like I do a lot with you and that I've hardly hung out with them in the past few weeks, but I'll try to be more mindful about things. I don't want you having to vent about me."

"I… shouldn't have said anything."

"How else could I know? I'm not intuitive." She frowned. "Hey, pretty girl. Smile. Don't stress about it. You didn't say yes to a caveman. I just like to relax with my bros sometimes and that can't change. You smiling?"

"Yeah," she lied.

"No you're not. That's not your smiling voice."

Now, she was smiling, "Thought you said you weren't intuitive."

"There it is!" He cheered. "I'm not intuitive. I just really know you. Not enough to read your mind, but enough to hear that smile."

She smiled even wider and said, "You irritate me."

"Maybe. But not right now. Otherwise, you wouldn't be smiling so much." They both held the phone a while and Jasper asked in a low, soft voice, "You love me, right?"

"I've never said that," she said.

"That wasn't a no!" He said and she could swear… she could swear that she could hear him smiling. "I love you too." He hung up the phone and she nudged Piper with her foot.

"You're welcome," Piper said.

.

Swellview is not so much "Home Sweet Home" as it is, a safe place with sweet people that you could get used to. Crime rates are fairly high, but the crimes are pretty safe. The news is hilarious. You can just walk right into a friend's home and their door is probably open, and their family probably treats you like you're a part of theirs. It's a good place to meet the love of your life, even. Maybe not so much to stay there with them, though. I don't know how to ask Jasper what's going to happen when we graduate. I don't know how to even suggest that he come with me. I have no idea if he'll even want something more than Swellview. I have no idea if he thinks that I'm something more than Swellview.

[theliberaltony]

via Politics – FiveThirtyEight

Welcome to FiveThirtyEight’s weekly politics chat. The transcript below has been lightly edited.

micah (Micah Cohen, politics editor): Greetings, friends. It’s a snow-day politics chat! This week, we’re pilfering a great idea from RealClearPolitics elections analyst Sean Trende (dear readers, if you don’t read Trende, you should).

Imagine you're placing a large bet on the outcome of the House, but you can know who will win any one House race beforehand (but not the margin). Which do you pick?I might say TX-32. @Redistrict @nathanlgonzales @NateSilver538 @Nate_Cohn @geoffreyvs @kkondik @databyler @DavidNir

— Sean T at RCP (@SeanTrende) February 28, 2018

So that’s the basic idea. We’ll each offer a district one by one and then discuss why we think it’s likely to capture the national mood in 2018.

I drew names out of a hat. Clare, you’re first.

clare.malone (Clare Malone, senior political writer): I choose California’s 45th Congressional District.

It’s held by Republican Mimi Walters, but Hillary Clinton won it by 5 percentage points in 2016. It’s in the general Los Angeles area, and it has the suburban voter types who I think are the sort that we’ve seen be more persuadable to the Democratic side in the special elections we’ve had since President Trump’s election. I’m interested in that particular group of voters this year and think the California 45th would give me a decent handle on them if it were the only race I were allowed to know the result of.

The midterms could be a fascinating time to see if it’s a trend — college-educated voters moving more to the left on the political spectrum and finding a more permanent home with Democrats, especially after a tumultuous couple years of President Trump.

micah: To be clear, these suburban voters moved toward Democrats in 2016, and seem to have stayed there in the special elections, but haven’t moved more toward Democrats since 2016.

I think?

nrakich (Nathaniel Rakich, FiveThirtyEight contributor): Well, in Pennsylvania 18, Conor Lamb outperformed Clinton in suburban Allegheny County — the most suburban part of that district — by 19 points. Of course, he outperformed Clinton everywhere, but it shows that Democrats can do better among suburban voters than Clinton did.

micah: And yeah, college-educated voters could be pivotal in 2018 …

nrakich: Yeah, they are going to turn out.

I agree with Clare that California 45 is an ideal test case for them.

perry (Perry Bacon Jr., senior writer): So Walters won by 17 percentage points in 2016, though. It would take a big swing for Democrats to win it.

clare.malone: The Democratic candidates who are opposing Walters, or running in the primary, will get a fair amount of attention. You’ve got Elizabeth Warren and Kamala Harris endorsing Katie Porter. I think especially because it’s in California, a Democratic stronghold, you’re going to see a big turnout effort and a lot of organizing as the year goes on. (The primary hasn’t happened yet, by the by, and there are other candidates.)

I think that gap will narrow, Perry, is my general point.

nrakich: And Republicans are in danger of getting shut out of the general election in both the gubernatorial and Senate races in California, thanks to the top-two primary system. California could have two Democrats facing off in the general election in statewide races.

Without a Republican at the top of the ticket to drive GOP turnout, House Republicans like Walters could be in real trouble.

micah: Yeah, the GOP seems to have overperformed there in 2016? California 45 has a FiveThirtyEight partisan lean of just 1 or 2 percentage points in the GOP’s favor. (I’ll add a chart showing where California 45 and every other district sits according to our partisan lean metric once everyone unveils their pick.)

clare.malone: I guess this is also a good time to point out a piece from our dearly departed Harry. He wrote about how Democrats focusing on Republican-held seats in a few very blue states could swing the House for them. It’s another reason I’m more confident about this being a close one.

nrakich: Well, Walters seems like a strong incumbent. But I think it’s also going to be valuable to know how strong incumbents do in 2018. Will they get swept away in a broadly anti-Republican wave, or will voters still consider the merits of individual candidates?

That’s why I think California 45 is a better pick than California 49, for instance.

perry: Where Darrell Issa is retiring.

clare.malone: Yeah. I skipped a lot of races in the toss-up categories in Cook Political Report’s ratings because I thought the incumbents were too well-known. I kinda want an under-the-radar candidate to tell me something.

Not like, Dave Brat or Karen Handel.

micah: OK … Nathaniel, you go next.

So far, Clare is winning!

nrakich: In the proud FiveThirtyEight Slack chat tradition, I am going to cheat and pick two districts!

micah: You see what kind of example you set, Clare and Perry?

clare.malone: Micah, I am a consummate rule follower.

micah:

nrakich: Partly because I don’t want to repeat the points that Clare and Perry have/will make, but also partly because I am interested in this question of whether 2012 or 2016 is the correct baseline for the nation’s default political makeup/geography going forward.

The two districts are the 2nd in Maine, home of Republican Bruce Poliquin, and the Illinois 6th, home of Republican Peter Roskam.

Maine’s 2nd District is the epitome of a white, working-class district that shifted from then-President Barack Obama (who won it by 9 points in 2012) to Trump (who won it by 10 points).

According to census figures, it’s less well-off and has lower levels of education than the nation overall, with a median household income of $46,638 and only 23 percent of residents with bachelor’s degrees.

Going by election results from 2012, when Democrats did not quite as terribly with voters with less education, this should be an easy Democratic pickup. Going by results from 2016, when Democrats did much worse among voters with less education, it’s a reach.

So knowing who wins it in 2018 would tell us pretty clearly whether Democrats can compete in white, working-class areas again.

Illinois 6 (northwest of Chicago) is sort of the opposite principle: It is very well educated (52 percent bachelor’s degrees) and wealthy ($97,387) and went from supporting Mitt Romney (+8) to Clinton (+7).

If we know Democrats are winning there, maybe the suburbs are the true path forward for them.

micah: Are we getting competitive races in both, you think?

nrakich: Well, that’s the question!

Right now, yes, both are rated as competitive by outlets like Inside Elections/Cook Political Report.

micah: Lemme rephrase: Are we getting contested races in both?

nrakich: Yes. In Illinois 6, scientist Sean Casten will be the Democratic nominee. And in Maine 2, Democrats have two interesting candidates in conservationist Lucas St. Clair and former Susan Collins staffer Jared Golden.

clare.malone: By the way, Nathaniel, you’re not the only one who thinks Maine 2 is interesting! I went up there in September 2016 and did a story about its shift.

nrakich: I loved that story, Clare! Maine 2 is beautiful and interesting, and I love visiting there whenever I can.

clare.malone: And you’re right: The Obama-Trump voter is the big question mark, not just for the midterms, but also for two years from now for any Democratic candidate.

nrakich: One more thought: If Democrats win BOTH of my races, then “whoa, Nelly.” Wave time.

And if Republicans win both, it’s clearly been a disappointing night for Democrats.

micah: So I guess because Trump is so unpopular, I would sorta expect the GOP’s gains among white, working-class voters to revert to the mean a bit in 2018 and for Democrats to still overperform among college-educated suburban types.

nrakich: I agree that it will be a mix of both.

micah: That might not get Democrats both districts, but it’s not like they have to pick one or the other.

nrakich: No, of course not. But I purposefully chose districts that were roughly equally Obamay-Trumpy and Romneyey-Clintony.

micah: Yeah.

nrakich: Whereas a district like the 32nd in Texas (Pete Sessions’s district, which Romney won by 16 but Clinton won by 2) might flip only if 2016 results are MUCH more predictive than 2012 results, only a slight bias toward one of those years would probably be enough to lift either Maine 2 or Illinois 6 closer to the top of Democrats’ target lists.

clare.malone: This whole question of flipping voters in Maine 2 back toward Democrats … it’s basically what Joe Biden’s potential candidacy will be based on. Not to turn this too much toward 2020, but it’s why you saw him stumping hard for someone like Conor Lamb in the Pittsburgh area with a lot of white, culturally conservative voters that Maine 2 has a lot of (big Second Amendment place). Anyhoo!

micah: From Politico’s Playbook on Wednesday:

JOE BIDEN is scheduled to meet with the Blue Collar Caucus, a group of House Democrats led by Reps. Brendan Boyle of Pennsylvania and Marc Veasey of Texas. This is subject to delay, if the Capitol is closed today.

clare.malone: Very 2006 Howard Dean Dems!

micah: I didn’t know there was a Blue Collar Caucus!

perry: I didn’t either.

clare.malone: I mean, it just sounds like a rebranding of the Blue Dogs.

micah: They should rename it the “Blue Dog Collar Caucus”

ZING!

I’ll be here all week.

nrakich: Hm, I would be careful conflating Blue Dog and Blue Collar. Bernie Sanders appealed to a lot of blue-collar folks, for instance.

But I generally agree with Clare re: Biden.

clare.malone: What’s your differentiation?

micah: Blue Dog is more moderate.

Bernie is a socialist. (jk

)

nrakich: Right. Blue-collar can refer to hard-core workers’ rights voters, for instance.

Less the Second Amendment voters.

clare.malone: That’s the basic gist — a lot of union politics of years gone by could be called “socialist” in today’s politics. I think they’re both groups that are moving to appeal on economic issues

micah: Yeah, that’s fair — maybe similar demographics but Blue Dogs are more conservative on social issues while Bernie-types just de-emphasize them.

nrakich: Right.

But blue-collar can refer to both.

clare.malone: 2018, baby!

micah: lol

clare.malone: Same Coca-Cola, just a new bottle.

micah: ok, Perry, you’re up!

perry: I chose Virginia’s 10th Congressional District, currently held by Republican Barbara Comstock.

This is somewhat similar to Mimi Walters and to the broader theme that Republicans might have trouble in districts near big cities (Comstock represents a suburban area near Washington, D.C., that is full of federal workers.) She won by 6 percentage points in 2016, but Trump lost there by 10.

I picked this one because this is the way Republicans hold the House I think …

Strong incumbents like Comstock survive by saying that they are not part of the broader party (she voted against Obamacare repeal, for example).

Incumbents hold onto some districts that are drawn favorably toward Republicans.

This won’t necessarily happen in Virginia 10, but maybe Democratic primary voters in several districts pick candidates that are too far left to win in the general election.

clare.malone: I like that you’ve picked this since it’s an anti-Democratic wave angle, and it deals with the problems of “progressive Dems vs. establishment Dems” that could harm them in a move from the primary to the general.

nrakich: Who do you think their best candidate is?

perry: State Sen. Jennifer Wexton, from Loudoun County, seems like a most ideal candidate for the general election. Gov. Ralph Northam endorsed her, I assume in part because some of the other Democrats in that race are raising a lot of money.

nrakich: FWIW, the Wexton campaign just released a poll giving her a 26-point lead in the Democratic primary.

perry: Interesting. I had not seen this poll.

micah: Well, it’s from the Wexton campaign, though.

nrakich: I mean, it’s a campaign internal, so take it with a grain of salt.

clare.malone: jinx

nrakich: Although that’s a big lead.

Nate (Silver) found several years ago that internal campaign polls overstate a candidate’s position by about 6 points.

micah: This is interesting. Democrats chose the ideologically “safer” bet in the Illinois 3rd primary on Tuesday. So maybe they’ll limit self-destructive impulses.

perry: I’m not totally convinced that voters in a general election care about or can tell who is a moderate versus a liberal Democrat (or a moderate versus conservative Republican), but I tend to think that people who have run before are better candidates generally, like a state senator has done some of the basics of campaigning and has won a general election before.

micah: Totally.

perry: Broadly, I think if a Comstock-type candidate can survive, that tells me that maybe a few other smart GOP incumbents will and that maybe Democrats will fall four to five seats short of winning control of the House.

nrakich: I agree that knowing that Comstock will win would be valuable information today. But if the info we gain is that the Democrat beats her, I’m not sure how much it tells us about whether Democrats are going to flip the House.

Going by FiveThirtyEight partisan lean, Virginia 10 is the 179th-bluest seat in the country. So Democrats could win it and still fall short in other areas.

micah: Well, but maybe Comstock winning is one of the few routes the GOP has to keeping the majority. So it’s sorta like — incumbents overperform or bust.

nrakich: I think her winning would be a very good sign for them. But I think there are lots of ways that Republicans could keep the majority even while losing Comstock’s seat.

micah: OK, to wrap up, here’s everyone’s chosen district by partisan lean:

And let me throw some reader suggestions at you all and tell me if any stand out.

IA1, ME2, NY19 or MI8

— Seth D. Michaels

(@sethdmichaels) March 21, 2018

MN-08, PA-01, FL-26, NV-03.

— Arjun Jaikumar (@ArjunJaikumar) March 21, 2018

TX-7 as long as Lizzie Pannill Fletcher wins the runoff

— Joel Gluskin (@jagluski) March 21, 2018

I would pick my district, CA-25. It’s been Republican for many years, but went for Clinton in 2016. The district is shifting from white/rural to suburban with more diversity.

— Lindsey Giersch (@Geek_MomLG) March 21, 2018

Mentioned in the other thread, but I’m currently most interested in NY-19.

— } (@dtmasterson) March 21, 2018

OH 12 weighted R but retirement means may open but only to true wave.

— Chris Tremains (@ctremains) March 21, 2018

nrakich: The Ohio 12th! Bold.

What about your pick, Micah??

micah: I’m not picking!

clare.malone: Texas 7 is interesting. Trump lost by small margin, suburbs. It’s kinda the same thing as my California 45 pick. Will educated conservatives swing?

perry: So some suburbs (the Florida one is Miami area, for example) but some interesting ones. I don’t know districts by number, Minnesota 8 is not a suburban one really and is very white.

clare.malone: I think they just picked Ohio 12 because it’s open? That one will probably go Republican.

nrakich: Open seats aren’t useful info to know, though. The vast majority of seats up in 2018 will have incumbents.

Democrats will have to beat Republican incumbents to win the House. We already know they do well in open seats thanks to special elections.

micah: Perry, I can’t believe you don’t have all the districts memorized.

perry: People do!

Don’t you, Nathaniel?

nrakich: Haha, I wish.

Only the important ones.

I couldn’t tell you who reps New York’s 5th.

micah: It’s Gregory Meeks. (And no, readers, I didn’t add this while editing the chat.)

OK, final thoughts?

perry: Kentucky 6 was one of my wild cards. Lexington area.

nrakich: If we could know the margin of the seat we picked, we would know a lot more … obviously.

[x4f0wrcg-blog]

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