#lesbians don’t like dick and will never even look at one willingly

[lavenderfeminist]

hiiiii pls don’t block me this is a genuine question that no one has truly helped on yet and i have posted on several forums, am i lesbian if i find men cute atleast in their faces but am repulsed by the p•nis? i saw you saying that you don’t feel much repulsion toward them unless it’s focused on their p*nis and i feel similar. i had sex with one dude and i felt really nothing and seeing his member really grossed me out. i think men can be attractive and i don’t want to puke in their presence or anything and some i even see have really handsome faces but i don’t really have interest in having sex with them i mean unless they were just giving me head or something. however my sex drive for women is pretty high and i love women lots tbh. is this of lesbian experience? sorry if this is offensive or makes you upset. i love your tumblr and i thought you would give me a kind and truthful answer so i wanted to ask. xx

Look, I'm glad you're confident I'll give you an honest answer, but reading this was absolutely bewildering to me. I'm going to be as nice as possible but I'm probably going to say something you don't like.

"Am i lesbian if i find men cute atleast in their faces but am repulsed by the p•nis?" Depends on what you mean by "cute". I can tell you my best friend is handsome but that doesn't make me feel any special kind of way about him. Whether you can tell someone's conventionally attractive or not doesn't say whether you actually find them attractive. I'm not attracted to plenty of conventionally attractive women, and attracted to plenty who aren't considered conventionally attractive.

"i saw you saying that you don’t feel much repulsion toward them unless it’s focused on their p*nis and i feel similar" With absolute certainty I know I have never said this, because it would be a lie and I have no incentive to lie about the way I feel towards men's bodies. Me saying I don't want to picture having sex with a man because it's distressing to me ≠ I'm only grossed out by dick. I cannot stand the thought of a man putting his hands on my skin, or having to touch him back. I don't need my thoughts to proceed to what you're supposed to do with a dick to know I could never willingly get to that point with any man. Doing so would require actively fighting against my own nature. I don't know how to explain it better than that. I cannot imagine proceeding through the circumstances necessary to sleep with a man without knowing I would be hurting myself the entire time, and my heart is absolutely broken for lesbians who feel, for safety reasons or because of self hatred, that that is something they must do.

"i had sex with one dude and i felt really nothing and seeing his member really grossed me out." As sad as this is, it is not a lesbian-specific experience to not enjoy sex with men and to feel nothing. From what I can tell, the majority of straight and bisexual women do not get the pleasure they should from having sex with men. A lot of women don't find penises particularly attractive either; they like the rest of the man and that makes up for it. Sexuality isn't defined by the quality of the sex you have, it's defined by the desire to have sex with a specific sex of people, or both sexes. I can tell you having sex with a man wouldn't make me feel nothing; it would make me feel like I was being assaulted.

"i think men can be attractive and i don’t want to puke in their presence or anything and some i even see have really handsome faces but i don’t really have interest in having sex with them i mean unless they were just giving me head or something." I don't really need to break this down except to say the thought of a man putting his mouth on me makes me want to vomit.

"is this of lesbian experience?" Sleeping with a man and not enjoying it is unfortunately a profoundly osa woman-experience. It's strange to me to dismiss the material circumstances necessary to have sex with someone. A lot of women are victims of coercion and I am not dismissing that; being coerced does not lead to consensual sex. But if the sex you had with him was consensual and you willingly went through with it and realized after it wasn’t great, which seems to have been the case, no, this is not a lesbian experience at all. I'm sorry if this makes somebody angry but I'm judging this in relation to my own feelings and experiences and that's all I can do.

You are not obligated to be with or sleep with anyone you don’t want to. If you choose to only be with women for the rest of your life, I am absolutely in support of you doing what will make you healthiest and happiest. But I do think it would be a choice for you in a way it is not for me.

[kuromichad]

different subject that’s heavy on my mind rn but since i’m already being harsh let’s get into it. i wish it wasn’t automatically presumed to be some kind of truscum attitude when someone tries to express that different parts of The Trans Community have like, different needs and different risk levels and different experiences and that we have the ability to talk over each other, harm each other, etc... like when i put it that way people generally are like ‘of course that’s true!’ but is it ever really understood in practice? a number of people (not a large enough number, but still) are able to loosely understand ‘you can be trans and transphobic’ when it’s applied to the matter of transmisogyny but when a trans person tries to express distrust of or frustration with afab nb people due to how common it is that that category of person will, despite being trans/nb, espouse bioessentialist, anti-medical-transition, radfem-adjacent if not outright cryptoterf rhetoric, suddenly ‘trans people can be transphobic’ gets applied to... the person with a complaint about transphobia. 

because he’s clearly an evil truscum man! regardless of if the person making the complaint is a trans man or trans woman, oops, lol. he’s a bad person who is attacking and invalidating and totally hatecriming the heckin’ valid, equally at-risk transgender identity of “an afab woman who isn’t a woman except when she pointedly categorizes themself as a woman because being afab makes them a woman who is ‘politically aligned’ with women but she’s not an icky unwoke cis woman because they don’t like being forced into womanhood although Really When You Think About It 🤔 all women are dysphoric because obviously the pathologized medical diagnosis of gender dysphoria in transgender people is something that equally applies to cis women just default existing under patriarchy 🤔, and no, equating these things totally does not imply anything reductive about or add a bizarre moral dimension to the idea of being transgender, whaaaaat, this woman who isn’t a woman doesn’t think there’s anything immoral or cowardly or misogynist or delusional about being transgender, they would never say that because THEY’RE transgender, except when she feels it’s important (constantly) to make clear that she’s Still A Woman Deep Down Inherently Despite Not Identifying As One, and none of this ever has any effect on how they treat the concept, socially and politically, of people who actually wholly identify with (and possibly medically transition to) a gender different from the one they were assigned at birth, be it ‘the opposite gender’ or abstaining from binary gender altogether or ‘politically aligning’ with the ‘opposite’ gender from their asab. never ever!”

and like maybe that sounds like a completely absurd and hateful strawman to you! but in that case you’re either like, lucky, or optimistic, or ignorant. i’m literally not looking at random nb people and declaring that in My Truscum Opinion they’re ‘really a woman’ just because they’re not medically transitioning or meeting some arbitrary standard of mine. i am looking at self-identified afab nb people, who most often use she/they because, y’know, words mean things, especially pronouns, so people who are willingly ‘aligned with womanhood’ typically intentionally use she/her (sorry that i guess that’s another truscum take now!!! that pronouns mean things!!! the bigender transmasc who deliberately uses exclusively he/him wants it to invoke a perception he’s comfortable with!), who actively say the things listed above (in a non-sarcastic manner). 

like, the line between a person who says “i don’t claim to really not be my asab because i know no one would ever perceive me as anything else” because theyve internalized a defeatist attitude due to societal transphobia, and a person who says that because they... genuinely believe it’s impossible/ridiculous/an imposition to truly be transgender (in the traditional trans sense, beyond a vague nb disidentification with gender) and are actively contributing to the former person’s self loathing... is hard to define from a distance! i think plenty of people who are, in a sense, ‘tentative’ or like ‘playing close to home’ so to speak in their identity are ‘genuinely trans’ (whatever that may mean) and just going through a process. they might arrive at a different identity or might just eventually stop saying/believing defeatist stuff, who knows. but there are enough people saying it for the latter reason, or at least not caring if they sound that way, that it’s like, dangerous. it is actively incredibly harmful to other trans people. and it’s fucking ridiculous that it’s so difficult to criticize because you’ll always get the defense of “umm but i’m literally trans” and/or “well i’m just talking about ME, this doesn’t apply to other trans people” when it’s an attitude that very clearly seeps into their politics and the way they discuss gender.

because it’s just incredibly common for afab nb people (most typically those that go by she/they! since i’m aware that uh, i am also afab nb, but we clearly are extremely different, so that’s the best categorization i’ve got) to discuss gender in moralized terms, with the excuse of patriarchy/misogyny existing, which of course adds another difficult dimension to trying to criticize this because it gets the response of “don’t act like misandry is real” (it’s not, but being a dick still is) and “boohoo, let women complain about their oppressors” (this goes beyond ‘complaining’). a deliberate revocation of empathy/sympathy/compassion from men and projection of inherently malicious/brutish/cruel intent onto men (not solely in the justified generalizations ‘men suck/are dangerous’, but in specific interactions too) underpin a whole fucking lot of popular posts/discussions online, whether they’re political or casual/social, and it absolutely influences how people conceptualize and feel about transness. 

because ‘maleness is evil’ is still shitty politics even when you’ve slightly reframed it from the terf ‘trans women are evil because they’re Really Men and can never escape being horrific soulless brutes just as women can never escape being fragile morally superior flowers’ to the tumblr shethey “trans women who are out to me/unclockable are tolerable i guess because they’re women and women are good; anyone i personally presume to be a cis man, though, is still automatically evil, and saying trans men are Just As Bad is progressive of me, and it’s totally unrelated and apolitical that i think we should expand the concept of afab lesbianism so broadly that you can now be basically indistinguishable from trans men on literally every single level except for a declaration of ‘but i would never claim to be a man because i’m secure in the Innate Womanhood of the body i was born into, even as i medically alter that body because it causes me great gendered discomfort.’ none of this at all indicates that i feel there’s an immense moral/political gap between being an afab nb lesbian vs a straight trans man! it says nothing at all about my concept of ‘maleness’ and there’s no way this rhetoric bleeds into my perception of trans women and no way loudly talking about all this could keep trans people around me self-loathing and closeted, because i’m Literally Trans and Not A Terf!”

again, if that sounds like a hateful strawman, sorry but it’s not. i guess i’m supposed to be like ‘all of the many people ive seen saying these shitty things is an evil outlier who Doesn’t Count, and it’s not fair to the broad identity of afab shethey to not believe that every person who doesn’t outright say terfy enough things is a perfectly earnest valid accepting trans person who’s beyond criticism’ but like. this cannot be about broad validation. this can’t be about discarding all the bad apples as not really part of the group. we can’t be walking on eggshells to coddle what are essentially, in the end, Cis Feelings, because in the best cases this kind of rhetoric comes from naive people who are early and uncertain in their gender journey or whatever and are in the process of unraveling internalized transphobia, and in the easily observable worst cases these people are very literally redefining shit so that ‘actually all afab women are trans, spiritually, all afabs have dysphoria, we are all Equally oppressed by Males uh i mean cis men <3’ because, let’s be honest, they know that the moment they call themselves trans they get to say whatever they want about gender no matter how harmful it is to the rest of us. and those ideas spread like wildfire through the afab shethey “woman that’s not a woman” community that frankly greatly outnumbers other types of trans people online, because many of those people just do not have the experiences that lead you to really understand this shit and have to push back against concepts of gender that actively harm you as a trans person.

like that’s all i want to be able to say, is Things Are Different For Different Groups. and a willful ignorance of these differences leads to bad rhetoric controlling the overall discourse which gets people hurt. and even when concepts arise from it that seem positive and helpful and inclusive, in practice or in origin those ideas can still be upholding shit that gets other people hurt. like, i don’t doubt that many people are very straightforwardly happy and comfortable with an identity like ‘afab nb lesbian on testosterone’ and it would be ridiculous and hypocritical for me, ‘afab nb who wants to pass as a guy so he can comfortably wear skirts again,’ to act like that’s something that can’t or shouldn’t exist. it’s not about the identity itself, it’s about the politics that are popular within its community, and how the use of identities as moral labels with like, fucking pokemon type interactions for oppression effectiveness which directly informs the moral correctness of your every opinion and your very existence, is a shitty practice that gets people hurt and leads us to revoke empathy from each other.

like. sorry this is all over the place and long and probably still sounds evil because i haven’t thought through and disclaimered every single statement. but i’m like exhausted from living with this self-conscious guilt that maybe i’ve turned into a horrible evil truscum misogynist etc etc due to feeling upset by this seemingly inescapable approach to gender in lgbt/online circles that like, actively harms me, because when i vent with my friends all the stuff i’ve tried to explain here gets condensed down to referencing ‘she/theys’ as a category and that feels mean and generalizing and i genuinely dislike generalizations but the dread i feel about that category gets proven right way too often. it’s just like. this is not truscum this is not misgendering this is not misogyny. this is not about me decreeing that all transmascs have to be manly enough or dysphoric enough and all nbs have to be neatly agender and androgynous or something, i’m especially not saying that nb gender isn’t real lmao or even that it’s automatically wrong to partially identify with your asab; this is not me saying you can only medically transition for specific traditional reasons or that you don’t get a say on anything if you aren’t medically transitioning for whatever reason, now or ever. i just. want to be allowed to be frank about how... when there’s different experiences in a community we should like. acknowledge those differences and be willing to say that sometimes people don’t know what they’re talking about or that what they’re saying is harmful. without the primary concern being whether people will feel invalidated by being told so. because these are like, real issues, that are more important than politely including everyone, because that method is just getting vulnerable people drowned out constantly.

[ashenhawkfeathers]

my elaborate plot so I can have both HawkAsh & Mothpool

this is unedited and all over the place and IDK if i’ll ever do anything with it but whatever gonna post it,,, og canon is stupid have this instead Anyways here is my main canon changes for Ashfur & Hawkfrost ((i’ll add more cats later)) Ashpaw grew up being friends with Bramblepaw so when Brambleclaw tried to reunite with his half brother Hawkfrost, Ashfur ended up tagging a lot a lot and the two got lots of feelings for each other but didn’t do anything about it UNTIL Brambleclaw left on the big journey and then Ashfur and Hawkfrost originally hung out bc “oh we miss bramble” but they got really gay instead Meanwhile on the journey Bramble’s compulsive heterosexuality and wanting Firestar’s approval convinced himself that he “in love” with Squirrelpaw and Squirrelpaw’s own denial and guilt of her own sexuality just went along with it ((she totally had a thing for Feathertail))Anyways blah blah journey stuff - main replacement is Leafpool fell in love with Mothwing instead of Crow and Moth was trans so she’s the eventually other parent of the trio Tigerclaw continues to train the brothers in the dark forest but this time Hawkfrost doesn’t eat up his manipulation because he develops love for Ashfur and holds bitterness @ his father for murdering Ashfur’s mother and all the angry feelings of his father never being around for him and blaming Tadpool’s death on the absence of his father etc etc Hawkfrost DOES still want him and Bramble to become like a Thunderclan and Riveclan leadership duo like he’s still ambitious and bulheaded at times - just not bloodthirsty like Tigerclaw wants them to beSquirrel flight is offended by bramble’s friendship with Hawkfrost and they have their big fight and hangs out with other ppl, Ashfur 100% sees her a niece in this canon and is just protective over her like he is with his sister Leafpool and Mothwing do the run away thing - Hawkfrost distraught that his sister is gone goes to Thunderclan to get Bramble to help, Squirrelflight lashes out on them, but Firestar intervenes wanting the safety of his daughter and says he’ll let Bramble go look for Hawkfrost, Squirrel protests a little but calms down when Ashfur offers to go with them as well ((no one knows of Hawk and Ashfur’s relationship))Leafpool gets the dreams of Thunderclan being under attack and Spottedleaf persuades her to go back Mothwing is sad about it but says they’ll always have excuses to see each other being medicine cats On their way back they’re meet with Hawk, Ash, and Bramble who are relived to see that they are safe and sound However they don’t dawdle as Leafpool gets a strong vision of Thunderclan under attack and they run to their aid Hawkfrost at first tries to argue with his sister to leave the Thunderclan cats on their own but refuses to go without helping and he relents because he wants to protect Ashfurblahblah tragedy Cinderpelt dies (cries) which seals Leafpool’s fate as being the medicine cat of Thunderclan Hawkfrost and Mothwing return home IDK prob some very Gay shit happens between Hawk and Ash during the battle idk who will see but it happens Over at Thunderclan, Firestar accepts Greystripe’s “death” and makes Bramble deputy Hawkfrost seeing his brother be named deputy and still being prideful brat wanting to be leader and adored by the clan still encourages Mothwing to make a fake sign about Stormfur and Brook but big reason for this is Hawkfrost blames Stormfur for Feathertail’s death and Feathertail was one of the few cats who was always friendly to Hawkfrost and Mothwing etc etc Tigerclaw tries to encourage his sons to be bloodthirsty and take the leaderships themselves, alone he belittles and shuns Hawkfrost into doing what he wants Hawkfrost sets up the trap for Firestar but tells Ashfur what’s going on out of guilt and asks if he will save Firestar before it’s too lateAshfur rush with Firestar’s daughters to save them but Brambleclaw and Ashfur are still fighting because they’re both conflicted on their own loyalites Ashfur pushes Brambleclaw out of the way to save Hawkfrost and gets an injury in the process with makes Hawkfrost panic as he never saw Ashfur bleed so much beforeHe willingly goes with as a poisoner because he’s afraid Ashfur to die without him and Firestar observing this eventually has a discussion with Hawkfrost when Ashfur is deemed safe Hawkfrost in emotional exhaustion and protectiveness of his mate admits to Tigerclaw training he and his brotherFirestar says he can leave and he won’t tell Riverclan of his attempt to kill him if he breaks ties with Tigerclaw Hawkfrost is conflicted but talking with Ashfur when he first awakes he reluctantly agrees to Firestar’s terms Leafpool discovers she is pregnant with Mothwing’s kits and panics telling her sister that she needs to pretend she is having Brambleclaw’s kits - Squirrelflight who was on the path to accepting she was a lesbian and not attracted to Brambleclaw finds herself back to square one and fake her own happiness with him for her sister’s safety Mothwing is aware of Leafpool’s pregnancy and is angry with the concept of clans and only wants to be with her mate, one day she vents to Hawkfrost about all of this, Mistyfoot over hears Mothwing’s (nonexistant) beliefs about starclan and tries to get Leopardstar to throw out Hawkfrost and Mothwing for “scheming” against their clan as Hawkfrost escalates with argument way too fast and Mistfoot acts like a dick bc of her anger with Hawkfrost mostly Hawkfrost and Mistyfoot have a physical fight to where Mothwing defends her brother before Mistyfoot gives him a fatal injury Feeling betrayed by Riverclan Hawkfrost no longer longs to be leader of a group of “cowards and traitors” This leads him to tell his sister that they should just go to Thunderclan and be with their mates Stormfur tries to argue that Hawkfrost is just like Tigerclaw but Firestar welcomes the siblings Hawkfrost not wanting to be around Stormfur hints that he should return to Riverclan which the two consider this or returning to the tribe Hawkfrost is very melancholy and negative, only cheered up by the presence of Ashfur, and cold toward other Thunderclan cats Mothwing eagerly tries to convince Leafpool to be truthful about their kits and it causes a lot of stress and arguments between the two- Squirrelflight over hears one of this and begs her sister to go with the truth as she doesn’t love Brambleclaw and knows Thunderclan will come to accept Leafpool Leafool eventually agrees and a lot of cats are disappointed or unhappy with her but Firestar silences their disapproval and accepts his daughter and her mate Mothwing publicly being the parent of Leafpool’s kits is what seals the deal for Hawkfrost and Mothwing staying in Thunderclan During the next big meeting Leopardstar, conflicted, tries to convince Hawkfrost and Mothwing that they belong in Riverclan and that Mistyfoot was too harsh on them But Hawkfrost very aggressively denies this suggestion, he is extremely bitter against Riverclan which gives Mothwing the courage to say no as well even though Leopardstar pleads they dont have a proper medicine cat The gathering gets very heated but Brook offers to medicine cat if Riverclan were to welcome them back and Leopardstar and Mistyfoot agree Leafpool eventually gives birth to the Trio, taking place in the nursery as Mothwing takes over being official medicine in the meantime and the clan upset that Jaykit is born blind but his mothers love him regardless Hawkfrost actually becomes a very stubborn defend of Jaykit’s potetional as a warrior Hollykit being super close to her mother’s and thus becoming very engrossed in medicine still becomes medicine cat appretience Lionpaw still gets Ashfur as a mentor but Ashfur is less of an OOC asshole Brightheart works hard with Jaypaw to use his blindness to his advantage and Hawkfrost becomes a second pseudo mentor as the clan still feels too weary about Hawkfrost to give him an appetence but it’s his sister kit and ppl believing Jaypaw cannot become a warrior bc of the blindness pisses Hawkfrost off Hawkfrost is the first to learn of Jaypaw being able to walk amongst other cats dreams but encourages him to keep him to himself as the clan would use “any excuse” to have him not be a warrior

[miracul0us-multishipper]

Little Marillion Overview

Cause several people asked me where I’m going with this. Basically, everybody loves Marinette/Marillion in this one, since it’s what she deserves.

Here’s what I plan for the characters:

Romantic Feelings towards Marillion

Alya/Ladybird:

Doesn’t admit her feelings. She’s not crushing on her nemesis. No. Never. So what if she’s cute? Doesn’t mean a thing! And if she snaps at Chat for flirting with Marillion, it’s because she wants him to be focused. Not ‘cause she’s jealous.

She messes up sometimes because she’s so keen on proving (herself) that she’s not into Marillion, that she loses sight of her plan or surroundings. Mostly manages to do her job, though.

Adrien/Chat Noir

Hopelessly in love with Marillion. Tries to convince Ladybird that (his) love can save and redeem anyone, even their nemesis. Tries to Flirt The Evil Out of Marillion. Definitely watched too many animes, but will deny so. Unless Marillion would ask him to watch one with her. Haha, just kidding. Unless...?

He messes up sometimes because he drops everything to try and declare his love, turn Marillion from her path, or just to admire her with a raptured sigh.

Chloé/(Queen Bee?)

Disaster Lesbian. Will tell everyone how Marillion is the true hero, whether they want to hear it or not. Has a chart of pro-Marillion arguments on her phone. Starts discourse on the Internet, and anxiously awaits the next akuma so she can drape herself all over it to talk to her love. Willingly tries to make people upset enough to catch Marillions attention and care, until Marillion gives her a stern talk. Which just confirms to Chloé Marillion is the best.

Her dad is on the verge of a breakdown because his daughters unashamed idolization of Paris’ most Problematique Person, and how it reflects on his political career. But, true to the spirit of the show, none of the two suffers any real consequences.

Lila (maybe?)

I’d go with a tamer version of her, if I even include her at all. She’d likely see Marillion as useful, because she hates Ladybird and all, but have a crush on Marinette.

Or maybe it would be Marillion that ruins her date and so she’d hate her instead of Ladybird. Would still have a crush on Marinette though, because MARINETTE IS LOVELY, AND LOVABLE, AND LOVING, AND DERSEVES ALL THE LOVE.

I love her too, in case I didn’t make that clear enough.

Marinette’s/Marillion’s feelings

She’s CONFUSED! She loves SO MUCH! How is she supposed to CHOOSE?! Alya is her hero, her best friend, her first crush! She loves her so much, but every time she tries to bring up the topic of love, Alya gets all defensive and pouty.

And Adrien! Her sweet sunshine boy, her polite, caring idol. He’s her pretty prince of obliviousness, and it doesn’t help he’s apparently crushing on a mysterious girl he never names.

Chloé? Pah, she doesn’t like Chloé! Bratty, selfish, mean Chloé. Annoying, overeager, reckless Chloé. Understanding, sorry and... endearing Chloé? Awkward, funny, giving-her-best Chloé! Oh shit, she’s cute!

Lila is appealing because she seems to be the only one who dislikes Ladybird as well. Or alternatively: Marillion feels bad about her outbreak and befriends her as Marinette, only to find her absolutely fascinating. Lila is charismatic, and sweet, and clever. And also loves her new best friend to bits.

Next point:

What is the overall lesson they need to learn?

Alya/Ladybird:

She needs to learn to cut back on her ego. As both personas she tends to assume she knows what’s best, often not even considering any other point of view. She creates theories and then moves heaven and earth to find evidence to support it, instead of first looking at evidence and then drawing conclusions. She has a clear cut opinion on good and evil, and refuses to see Marillion as anything else than the absolute worst.

But her stubbornness is not limited to her enemies. She often brushes Chat Noir off, thinking he’s the sidekick and she’s the hero, so of course her word is final. Not that she doesn’t genuinely cares for him! She loves her goofy little nerd, and wants to protect him. But she has to consider his wishes and thoughts as well, and not just make decisions for him.

Adrien/Chat Noir:

He needs to learn to put down his Rose-colored glasses. Sometimes you gotta put your feelings aside and think rationally, without complaining and a sense of duty in his chest. Also, he needs to get better at standing up for himself.

Since this Ladybird is a lot less tactical than Ladybug would have been, he’s forced to take a leading role right from the start. He can’t afford to sacrifice himself all the time, lest his hotheaded partner gets herself captured. So, he needs to take this seriously, not as a fun getaway from his dad. Speaking of which: as Chat learns to have talks with Ladybird about his own wishes, and the positive feedback he gets from her, he starts speaking up to his father as well. If Ladybird, who loves him dearly, can accept his boundaries and thoughts, then his dad should as well, right? If he doesn’t, Adrien can’t excuse it with love anymore.

Chloé:

Well. It’s obvious, isn’t it? She needs to stop being a bully.

But also, she has to start questioning herself. Is Marillion really good, or am I just excusing her because I like her? She still thinks Marillion is the real hero, but she stops idolizing her and also has some respect for Ladybird. And stops pestering her for Akuma’s. Mostly, at least.

Marinette:

She is absolutely sure she’s the one in the right. Her motives are nothing but selfless, and she really just wants to help everybody. She’s succeeding, for the most part, too!

But she has some unhealthy traits she needs to overcome. She’s still hella insecure, because she doesn’t have Tikki to help her with that. Nooroo thinks she’s the greatest, but he’s also an anxious overthinker. The reason her insecurities don’t show so much is a little toxic:

She hyperfixates too much on people, in this case, Nooroo. She wants to save him so bad she doesn’t allow her doubts to stop her, even if she should sometimes. Nooroo thinks his miraculous is inherently evil, so she has to prove him the opposite. If she gave up being Marillion, or admitted that Ladybird has a point, it would feel as if she were giving Nooroo up. And she’s not about to do that!

Another thing she needs to overcome is her dislike of the heroes. She keeps quite the petty grudge against them, and Nooroo doesn’t do much to challenge her on that either. Which brings us to

Nooroo

I love him, Mari loves him, everybody loves him. Except for his past holders, every one of them was a dick. And it shows: Nooroo is a mess. He’s insecure, anxious, hyper-sensitive, overpleasing, and very, very shy. Marinette is the first to be nice to him in over two thousand years, and he loves her for it. Which also means, he does not like to speak up against her. Even if he thinks the heroes are good people, or that Marinette is too fixated on being Marillion, he will not say so. Part out of habit, part because he fears Marinette might start to be mean to him if he’s not constantly on her side. She’d never do that of course - not consciously, at least - But he’s still scared. He doesn’t want their relationship to suffer, and she’s doing this for him, after all! The least he can do is support her.

Both of them need to work on this issue.

Wow, this post got longer than I expected! Feel free to add your own ideas and opinions, this AU is open for everyone to add on to.

[corpse-sex]

Do ALL 92 NSFW asks 🔥🔥

Oof! Okay 😅

1. When did you lose your virginity?

When I was 18

2. Rough sex or soft sex?

Definitely rough sex 💁🏻‍♀️

3. Do you have any unusual kinks/fetishes?

I don’t actually think I do tbh

4. Weirdest place you’ve had sex?

Probably up a mountain road in the car, it was super foggy and creepy

5. Favourite sex position?

Probably doggy or cowgirl 🤠

6. Do you like to be dominant or submissive?

90% of the time submissive but I don’t mind trying to switch it up sometimes

7. Have you ever had any one night stands?

Can’t say that I have nope

8. Sex on the bed, couch or the floor?

Bed for sure, like I don’t mind spontaneous places sometimes but ya gal likes to be comfortable!

9. Have you ever had sex in a public place?

Yaaasssss 😈

10. Have you ever been caught masturbating?

Nope

11. What does your favourite sexy underwear look like?

Black, lace, mostly see through, quite plain tbh but still looks nice

12. How often do you have sex?

Usually most days/nights but when I’m on night shift, not so much cause all I do is sleep 😂

13. Is there anybody right now you’d like to have sex with?

Always wanna have sex with my fiancé 😏

14. Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex?

I’m a people pleaser so I love giving oral sex but honestly my man is that good it’s a tough decision 🤤

15. Most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during sex?

Not sure anything overly embarrassing has happened -during- sex but I have had someone else’s parents walk in right after while we were still naked

16. A song you’d listen to during hard/rough/kinky sex?

Putting it out there that I’ve never actually had music on when I’ve had sex like what are people’s thoughts on that? I feel like I’d be too focused on the song and just start singing along 😂

17. A song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex?

^^^

18. Are you into dressing up for sex?

For sure!

19. Would you prefer sex in the bath or in the shower?

Definitely the shower, my other half is 6ft 3 so the bath really would not work for us 😅

20. If you could have sex with anyone right now who would it be?

Well I’m rewatching Supernatural for the millionth time so I’ll say Jensen Ackles 😂

21. Have you ever had a threesome? If not, would you?

I never have and I don’t think I’d be into it tbh I’m waaay to jealous and would not like to share

22. Do you/would you use sex toys?

I actually haven’t, I know people who have and they seem to love them so I don’t know if I’m missing out?

23. Have you ever sent someone a dirty text/picture?

Definitely! For the first year or so of my relationship we lived in different countries so it was kind of necessary

24. Would you have sex with your best friend?

I love my best friend and they’re hella attractive but I would never want to ruin it and lose them for any reason so probs not ❤️

25. Is there anything you do after sex? (For example, smoke, eat, drink?)

Uaully get a drink, sometimes it can be a couple of hours 😂

26. Something that will never fail to get you horny?

Back massages! My partner straddles my bum and he always gets horny and then I do too

27. Early morning sex or late night sex?

Any time of day sex!!!

28. Favourite body part on the opposite sex?

That cute lil butt!

29. Favourite part on the same sex?

Also butt!!!!

30. Something that you’ve hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find?

I’ve hidden weed and edibles in my room cause although my fiancé is cool with me smoking etc he just doesn’t want it in our house (it’s not legal where we live)

31. Weirdest sexual act someone has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you?

I can’t think of anything I’ve found really weird or like out of the blue tbh

32. Have you ever tasted yourself? [if no would you?] [if yes, what did you think]

I have off my partners fingers, can’t say I’d order it at a restaurant like...don’t really know an appropriate response 😂

33. Is it ever okay to not use a condom?

I mean if you’re both tested and know you’re safe then I suppose but if you’re with someone new then I think it’s definitely safest to use condoms. We don’t, we’ve been together for 4 years and I take the pill but each to their own I suppose 💁🏻‍♀️

34. A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience?

Have used whipped cream before but it just ended in a sticky horrible mess so I’m not a big fan tbh

35. Worst possible time to get horny?

At a family gathering

36. Do you like it when your sexual partner moans?

Definitely! 🤤

37. How much fapping is too much fapping?

You can never have too much fapping 😂

38. Best sexual compliment you ever got?

My partner compliments me so much during sex so I don’t really know what to pick

39. Favourite foreplay activities?

Back massages, making out, neck kisses

40. What do you wear to bed?

Most of the time just a big tshirt but sometimes nothing

41. When was the first time you masturbated

I’m not really sure, I’ll say maybe when I was 15?

42. Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/videos of yourself?

Yup

43. Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside?

Yeah maybe like a year ago?

44. Have/would you ever have sex in public?

Yaaaaas

45. Have/would you ever have a threesome?

Same question as Q21 ^

46. What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?

Hmm maybe just a bunched up blanket? Can’t really think of anything else

47. Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? Why/why not?

I don’t really watch a lot of porn but I have watched both gay and lesbian, I find males, females, trans and non binary people attractive so why not?

48. Do you like oral sex?

Love it!

49. How do you feel about tattoos on someone you’re insterested in?

Love tattoos!

50. How would you feel about taking someone’s virginity?

Totally fine I suppose 💁🏻‍♀️

51. Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter?

Whipped cream ^^^

52. Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?

I think probably a prostitute

53. Do you watch porn?

Not that often

54. Have you ever been called a freak? Why?

I mean probably at some point in my life, I’m into weird movies and tv shows and my personality is a bit wacky. But not sexually

55. Do you feel comfortable going “commando”?

Definitely, I do most days juts lounging around the house 😂

56. Would you have a problem going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair?

Not at all, if they want to be au naturel that’s their choice and I have no problem with it

57. If you could give yourself head, would you?

Sounds like too much work to me, would rather just lie back and enjoy it being done by someone else

58. Booty or boobs?

Booty for sure!

59. Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?)

I have not

60. If you were the other sex for a day, what are five things you would do?

Fuck someone, walk around outside with my shirt off, fuck someone, helicopter dick and fuck someone 😂

61. Have you ever watched someone masturbate

Yup

62. Has anyone ever watched you masturbate

Yup

63. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed?

I have a vagina so nope

64. What is your method of masturbation? (ie toys, clitoral, prostate?)

Mostly clitoral with some penatrative thrown in

65. What is your bra/penis size?

36G (•Y•)

66. What is the strangest thing you’ve ever put up your vagina/anus

Nothing strange or exciting, just dick

67. When was the last time you masturbated?

A few days ago

68. When was the last time you had sex?

Earlier today

69. When was the last time you watched porn?

A few weeks ago maybe?

70. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do?

I don’t have any and have never used any but I suppose if I ever did I’d start with a clit vibrator

71. Guys: circumcised?

Not sure if this question is asking is my penis circumcised or if I prefer a guy to be circumcised? I don’t have a penis but I’ve been with both and definitely would say I prefer circumcised. Think I got lucky with my fiancé cause I don’t think it’s that common where we live

72. Which non-genital part of your body do you like being touched?

Back

73. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched?

I mean, like all of them? 😂💁🏻‍♀️

74. Girls: are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation?

Definitely 😅😩🤤

75. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr?

I haven’t, up until like two weeks ago I didn’t even know how to ask anonymously on here, my bestie had to explain it to me even tho I’ve had this account for years 😂

76. When was the last time you had a wet dream?

Honestly not even sure if I’ve had one!

77. Which wet dream was your favourite?

^^^

78. Is there a friend you would willing have sex with?

I have like 2 friends total 😂 but like I said before, although they are attractive and I love them probably not because I wouldn’t want to ruin things plus I’m happy with my fiancé

79. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with?

I know it’s hella weird but I’ve always had a thing for Jack Nicholson 😂 I would just to say I had

80. Favourite sexual position?

Same as a previous question ^^^

81. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed?

Definitely, especially while he’s choking me

82. Are you into any BDSM

Probably only light BDSM but I’d try most things once

83. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldn’t for any reason? Why?

I don’t think so

84. So you like dirty talk

Feel like it’s a must 💁🏻‍♀️😈

85. Are you loud/quiet during sex? Masturbation?

I’d say quite loud yeah 😅

86. Have you ever been interrupted during sex/masturbation? Who/what?

Yeah, my other half came to visit me at uni and my house mate was banging on the door asking me to come help her take her high heels off cause she was drunk and couldn’t work the straps 🙄

87. What kind of porn do you like to watch?

Don’t watch a lot but I don’t really have anything I watch most, just normal stuff I suppose?

88. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them?

Probably just my fiancé

89. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn’t there when you needed them?

Definitely, lived in different countries for a year, what else was I supposed to do? 😂

90. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them?

Same as a previous question ^^^

91. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? Are they still beneficial?

Not sure they were even beneficial to begin wit tbh 🙄

Thanks so much for the ask, nobody ever sends asks so I suppose doing them all isn’t a bad thing 😂

[richies-sloppy-bitch]

Currently Untitled Fix-It Fic, Part 1 (Once I have a title I will change it)

Pairings: In this part: The start of Richie x Lucy Flannery (my OC, but feel free to use this as a reader self insert!) and Stan x Lucy

Warnings: Homophobic slur, swearing, talk of missing/dead children

Words: 1567

Summary: Lucy is just trying to enjoy her last day of school, but ends up stumbling upon Richie, Stan, Eddie, and Bill while they’re down at the Barrens, teaching them that there’s more to her than the rumors at school say about her.

I hope you enjoy, I have a post about my OC here: https://richies-sloppy-bitch.tumblr.com/post/189220214136/it-oc-character-info

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

     Finally, Lucy thought as she headed down to the Barrens with a backpack as weightless as her shoulders in that moment. Freedom. Less bullshit, no homework, and most importantly, less Henry fucking Bowers. She often came to the Barrens to have a quiet smoke, or to have a quick beer that she'd stolen from the fridge at home. She liked that spot because it was quiet and nobody ever came down there. Until today.

     She lit her cigarette and took a long drag, peacefully enjoying the quiet until she heard some splashing and voices. Voices of boys, it sounded like. Who the fuck would come down here to play in the damn water? The sewer is over there…  She was just going to let whoever it was do their thing, but yet, she was curious as to who would have the intent to play down there. She picked up her skateboard and slowly approached the voices. She could hear them a lot clearer. Two boys in polo shirts and shorts standing outside the sewer tunnel and two boys actually STANDING in it, one replying with stuttered words and the other in a loud Hawaiian shirt and glasses responding in bad attempts at impressions.

    "That's poison ivy… And that's poison ivy" the taller of the polo wearing boys was saying with a slight worry to his voice. 

    "Stanley,  not every fucking plant is poison ivy!" Retorted the boy in the glasses. 

    "Actually…" Lucy hopped over the rocks that dotted across the river to the tunnel, "none of these are poison ivy. But you see that bush about 15 feet that way?" She gestured, cigarette in hand, to a bush that looked different than the ones by the boys. They all turned their heads to look. "THAT fucker is poison ivy. I know from experience." She shuddered and took another drag. The boys just stared at her, silent in surprise. She had seen these kids at school before but didn't even know their names. They, however,  definitely knew who Lucy Flannery was. The girl who picked fights, who even fought boys at school. The girl who, it was rumored, also liked girls. The student consensus was that she was scary, and especially for boys who went by the term "losers", to be avoided.

     "H...Hi… Lu..lucy." the stuttering boy bravely spoke to her, his stutter even worse than what she'd overheard. "Wuh...wha..what are you do..doing here?" He sounded both curious and defensive, as if he were trying to protect himself and his friends from the mean, scary girl. She was only scary by reputation, not her appearance.  Her appearance was what drove the bigoted masses of Derry to assume she was a lesbian. Rail thin, dressed in a pair of denim shorts and a faded Ramones t-shirt, dirty black Converse high tops, not a speck of makeup on her face. Bruises adorned her bare legs, reminders of skateboarding trips turned awry and fights she had gotten into, but out of self defense, not schoolyard terrorism as everyone assumed. Wild wavy chocolate locks that came to just below her chin and seemed to grow every which way also adding to her boyish look, making her slightly resemble Ellen Ripley from the Alien movies the boys had seen.

     "I was going to ask you the same thing." She replied and took a step forward,  causing all four boys to seem to slightly cower. "Hey… I'm not here to fuck with you. I swear. I don't even know who you guys are. I mean, I've seen you at school and all but I was just curious why the fuck anyone would willingly come down to the sewers to hang out?" Her voice was actually somewhat soft, soothing. She sounded like the nicest person in that moment. 

     "We're luh… looking for something." The stammering boy replied, cut off by the one in the glasses. "We're looking for his dead- I mean, MISSING brother, Miss Noseypants."

    It hit her, at least who the boy with the stutter was. "Wait… You're that kid whose little brother went missing! What was his name, George I think?" She asked.

     "Ge...Georgie." the boy replied. Then she remembered, at least his name.

     "Bill Denbrough, right? I guess you already know who I am." 

     "Ye...yeah. And that's Stanley, Eddie, and this..th...this is Richie." He gestured at the boys respectively.

    "Well your brother is just missing, they never found him. You think he might be in here?" She asked Bill.

     "I h..hope so." 

     "Well… Do you want me to help look? I have nowhere to be." She smiled kindly, dropping the cigarette butt onto the ground and stomping it out. 

     "Re..really? You'd do that?" Bill was surprised, and the looks of amazement on the other boys' faces reflected the same. They were suddenly a lot less tense in their body language.

     "If it helps bring a kid home then fuck yeah!" She untied her shoes, stuffed her socks in them and began to head in, stepping into the fetid water next to Richie.

     "That's greywater, I'm not fucking going in there!" chirped Eddie as she made her way in.

     "What the hell's greywater?" Richie replied with a roll of his eyes.

     "It's literal piss and shit, just telling you! You're all walking around in millions of gallons of Derry pee!" 

     Grinning, Richie picked up a stick and scooped up what looked like a shred of fabric, pretended to sniff it and in a failed attempt at a Mexican accent, said "IT DOESN'T SMELL LIKE CACA TO ME SEÑOR!" Lucy couldn't help but giggle, this kid was hilarious already and she'd only known him for five minutes. Stanley rolled his eyes and Bill just looked at Richie sternly, who noticed the girl standing there was laughing. "At least someone has good taste in entertainment, huh, toots?" He winked.

     She felt a rush of warmth to her cheeks and she fell silent.

    "What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?" Richie asked.

    "No… I'm just… Not used to boys calling me cute things like 'toots'. They mostly just call me a dyke." She said softly, her big brown eyes looking down for a moment. "I'm NOT one, just so you know." She glanced at each of the boys as she said that, trying to get her point across. 

    Richie grinned. She thought it was cute? Well she better, because honestly SHE'S cute. Especially when she's all flustered. He thought, before continuing. "Well I can call you all kinds of cute shit, like sweetcheeks,  sugartits-" he was cut off by Stan, who clearly looked annoyed.

     "Beep beep, Richie. You're making her uncomfortable." He scolded. Unbeknownst to her and Richie, Stan also thought Lucy was actually quite striking, and his interruption was jealousy disguised as his usual irritation with Richie's antics.

     "Yeah, and can you stop dicking around? I can smell that from here." Eddie added, which began a back and forth banter with Richie that had Lucy fighting for her life to hold back laughter, ultimately failing.

    "Are you sure it's not just your breath wafting back into your face?"

    "Listen, have you ever heard of a STAPH INFECTION?!"

    "OH, I'LL SHOW YOU A STAFF INFECTION" the argument was cut off by Bill, who had found something. "G..Guys…" he pointed at what looked like a white shoe, picking it out of the water.

     "Is it.. " Stan asked, nervously.

     "Georgie wore...ga..galoshes." Bill replied.

     "Then whose is it?" Eddie asked.  Richie looked at the inside of the white canvas sneaker that read "B. RIPSOM". 

     "It's Betty Ripsom's." He said with an unusual softness. Betty was another girl who, like Georgie, had gone missing and was never found.

      "I don't like this!" Eddie said anxiously.

      "How do you think Betty feels? Running around these tunnels with only one frickin' shoe?" Richie lifted his foot out of the water with a smile. Even Lucy didn't laugh, this was creeping all of them out.

     "What if she's still down here?" Stan asked. Bill and Richie began to venture further in, with Lucy following.

     "Aren't you guys coming?" Richie asked.

     "If my mom found out we were playing down here, she'd have an ANEURYSM okay-" Eddie began, cut off by Bill, who somberly spoke.

     "If I was Betty Ripsom… I'd want us to find her. Ge..Georgie too."

     "Well what if I don't WANT to find her? No offense, but I don't want to end up like Ge… I mean… I don't want to go missing either." Eddie replied. 

     "He's got a point." Stan noted.

     "Y..you too?" Bill looked at his friend.

     "It's SUMMER! We're supposed to be having fun! This isn't fun! This is scary and disgusting!" Stan shouted. Lucy couldn't disagree, she did get the creeps from being in there, but was holding her composure. 

     Before anyone could reply, a loud splash came from behind Eddie and Stanley. An overweight boy with dirty blonde hair stumbled in the water behind them, blood on the lower front of his shirt. The group all rushed out to see.

     "Holy shit! What the fuck happened to YOU?!" Richie exclaimed. The boy clearly needed medical attention of some kind, the bleeding was pretty bad.

     Lucy had a feeling this summer was going to be different. What SORT of different, good or bad, remained to be seen.  

 **To be continued.**

[lightlorn]

Ship bias for your KH Muses! :D

i am a flawed human being. ll accepting.

Aqua:

Terraqua. This ship is part of the reason I kept crying so hard in KH3, now catch me admitting that on the internet. I love the way they are there for each other in spite of their stark differences, and that they have a lot of unexplored, threadable area in both their coming of age and post-KH3 timelines. Plus any ship I can draw a parallel between my fandom otp and another ship is a good ship.

Xemqua. Nomura was setting something up here and he dropped the ball and I will not take that lying down. You’re telling me they don’t even so much as look at each other during the DLC? Dishonorable, Nomura, truly despicable. There’s so much to work with there, what with the armor and the way you can read a lot of Xemnas’ closest allies in the Org being answers to Terra’s inner circle. If Nomura won’t give me their story, then I’ll write it with a partner.

Aqua/Larxene. There’s basically no other adult women in this series and I am a simple dyke seeking the wlw. I think it would make a fantastic opposites attract cliche with the added bonus of someone that won’t take Larxene’s attitude lying down while simultaneously being able to match her step for step. The Taming of the Nymph, coming soon to an AU near you.

Eraqus:

Xehaqus. This is my end all, be all OTP for the fandom. I have spent almost 100 dollars overall at cons commissioning art of these idiots. They are my phone background and lockscreen. I have an entire fic in my head of their apprentice days and frankly if Dark Road does not live up to the relationship development I have hyped up in my head I will go canon divergent. These fuckers are beautiful and heartbreaking and awful and wonderful and I love them. Bring me all the Xehaqus.

That’s it. I’m so disappointing. I have like one or two OC for him ships and I mean whatever happens in RP happens if relationships develop but oh my God. Xehaqus consumes me.

Invi:

Real talk my Invi is a lesbian and my take on the Foretellers is that she sees them all as her siblings underneath all of her posturing that it’s nothing personal, so I don’t even know what the fandom ships for her are. I’m not even sure who is available to ship with her. Throw whatever of age lady muses you have at her, mutuals, and let’s see where this goes.

Isa:

Isalea. Akusai is also good, but there’s something about their life together after the war ends when they are trying to rebuild and find everything they lost that speaks to my soul. I would never say that if I see an Axel/Lea it’s ‘on sight’ shipping because that’s shitty, but I will say I am that Saix/Isa that is always down to discuss your take on their dynamic and see what we can cobble together.

Xemsai. This will never be a healthy ship, I think, based on the fact my Saix is as likely to use his alleged loyalty and affection to try and get some form of control over his Superior, but there’s a lot that could be fleshed out here. Whatever heart he grows will always belong to his oldest friend, but he will do whatever it takes to see his ambitions fulfilled. He’s trying to use the creature that has used him for over a decade. God. The potential.

Xigsai. By the same card as above, I think if Saix clued into Xigbar being more than simply a bombastic menace, he could try and pull the same using sex and false loyalty to obfuscate his true means on Xigbar. The difference being that Xigbar is, at heart, far more deadly and aware than Xemnas is when it comes to the bigger picture. It’d be Saix putting himself in the mouth of the beast willingly, and not expecting how deeply those teeth can cut when they snap shut on him.

Roxas:

Full disclaimer: I am 25 years old and fleshing out the romantic drama of a teenage boy is not something that super interests me. That said, I do like the concept of Roxas and his brand new heart forming all kinds of bonds, and him eventually starting to register feelings beyond the platonic for certain people. So as far as character development goes, i can see him taking interest in the following:

Hayner. There’s something so coming of age adolescent aggression as a front for latent or closeted affection about them in the simulation, and in the real world they have endless potential. I think Roxas could definitely feel safe enough around Hayner to have something more develop feelings wise. Also Hayner has muscles and that makes Roxas 404 error sometimes regardless of shipping, just as a general Roxas thing.

Xion. It’s a cliche, to be sure, but depending on the Xion and their development, I can see Roxas starting to feel more at home in her presence after they’ve had time to heal and become their own people. This isn’t an on sight shipping thing, and in fact I am super selective about this even while shipping it, but there’s groundwork for a good dynamic and a sort of reunion between them as whole people who come to appreciate each other as more than their initial, shallow idea of friends.

Namine. Was not super hip on this as a kid, especially when I was less discriminating in my Xion tastes, but as an adult I can appreciate their bond. They have a lot of the same trauma in terms of being dehumanized and used by two separate factions in setting, and the two take a lot of risks for one another within the data Twilight Town. I think there’s something to be said for them both to have irrevocable individuality and come together and develop as more than friends over the years.

Riku. Is it trashy? Yes. Is Roxas still tied to Sora somehow? Yes. Would it be hilarious to see Roxas turn a would-be rivalry into accidental flirtation because he’s confused about his feelings? Yes. Riku just standing there suffering while Roxas demands they engage in a passionate battle of lips -- WITS. I don’t even know how serious I am in shipping this, but Riku being Roxas’ emotional training wheels amuses me.

Aaaaand you can’t really have biases for an OC because at that point anything with plot potential, chemistry, and aligning sexualities goes so instead I am just going to shout out Kokoro’s established ships + the muns for being so good to my little mary sue.

Xemkoro/Foxhole. I don’t know how me dipping my toe in the water of shipping with Lucky by saying ‘hey my OC and your Xem could have a cool dynamic’ became like... my entire shipping brand, but here we are. Their entire dynamic breaks me, the way Xemnas is clinging to a past that he wants so badly to have been a part of while Kokoro can’t afford to look back anymore, working too hard to meet future goals is... Everything. Especially in the fact she regards him as a person without hesitation or knowing how much that will come to mean to him. There’s so many layers to them, and they truly work to earn their happy ending, and that is everything to me. Here’s to successful risks and their payoff.

Aquoro.  Everything my gay little heart ever wanted: the dichotomy of childhood romantic friendship giving way to adolescent rivalry and a shell of what your relationship used to be that appears so often between girls. That they also represent the Responsible Daughter and Rebel Daughter in Kokoro’s secondary verse, furthering the gulf between them as Aqua continues to follow the Master’s teachings where Kokoro embraces her own ideas about what Eraqus preached is... Chef’s Kiss... And through it all, it’s still Aqua that Kokoro wants to find the most, the one for whom her heart breaks the hardest when she sees what became of her. I owe Lucky my life for giving me this phenomenal wlw content.

Koterra. Kleffy does spoil me. The difference between what Terra dreamed of as a boy and what their reality became, where she is instead his knight and protector while he calls the shots as part of reclaiming his identity is perfect. The way they grow from teenage misunderstandings and dick moves into adults that have a touch more kindness for one another is also good, because it’s all about the character development. Their bond is strong and their support for one another immeasurable. I am heterosexual for one (1) ship. All because Kleffy came up with it on the spot and then put in the effort to make it work, God bless em.

[i-swear-that-i-will-never-leave]

1-93, if your partner wanted to, would explore and try every kink or most? What would you say no too?

1:When did you lose your virginity? 15
2: Rough sex or soft sex? depends on who it is nd my mood
3: Do you have any unusual kinks/fetishes? not that i kno of 
4: Weirdest place you’ve had sex? my mates driveway
5: Favourite sex position? my legs on guys shoulders
6: Do you like to be dominant or submissive? submissive
7: Have you ever had any one night stands? yeah
8: Sex on the bed, couch or the floor? probs couch
9: Have you ever had sex in a public place? yes
10: Have you ever been caught masturbating? yes
11: What does your favourite sexy underwear look like? burdgundy bralette and thong p sure i have a photo of me in it on here 
12: How often do you have sex? im in w someone usually everyday nd if im sleepin around like once a week or twice a week
13: Is there anybody right now you’d like to have sex with? jack
14: Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex? receiving
15: Most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during sex? a guy started cryin 
16: A song you’d listen to during hard/rough/kinky sex? honestly couldnt tell u
17: A song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex? idk 
18: Are you into dressing up for sex? havent tried it but would
19: Would you prefer sex in the bath or sex in the shower? shower
20: If you could have sex with anyone right now, who would it be? jack
21: Have you ever had a threesome? If not, would you? nah way too insecure for tht 
22: Do you/would you use sex toys? yes 
23: Have you ever sent someone a dirty text/picture? yes
24: Would you have sex with your best friend? probably 
25: Is there anything you do after sex? (for example, smoke, eat, drink) sleep lol 
26: Something that will never fail to get you horny? kissin my ear or whispering in my ear 
27: Early morning sex or late night sex? late night 
28: Favourite body part on the opposite sex? arms
29: Favourite body part on the same sex? boobs 
30: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find? not in my room but i have all my nudes saved on my phone nd if my family found them i would die 
31: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you: someone tried to put their foot in me once 
32: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?] yes nd i taste great 
33: Is it ever okay to not use a condom: i never do so yeah 
34: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience: dnt do food in bed 
35: Worst possible time to get horny: at work 
36: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans? i love it 
37: How much fapping is too much fapping: u can never have too much fapping
38: Best sexual complement you ever got: im gd at head nd once this guy kept telling me how great my body is like every 3 seconds n it was the best 
39: Favorite foreplay activities: head head head 
40: What do you wear to bed? a thong 
41: When was the first time you masturbated: at like 7 or 8 
42: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself? yes 
43: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside? yes, like a month ago 
44: Have/would you ever have sex in public? yes 
45: Have/would you ever had a threesome? nope 
46: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate? ive used a lot im ngl to u
47: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not? yes sex is sex 
48: Do you like oral sex? (why/why not) love it, its the best
49: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in? hot as hell 
50: How would you feel about taking someones virginity? doesnt bother me, virginities r so hyped up and theyre literally nothing 
51: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter? any food ew 
52: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute? either one would make me happy 
53: Do you watch porn? yes 
54: Have you ever been called a freak? Why? yes p sure some guy was into it 
55: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”? i havent since i was like 6 
56: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair? yes hair is v itchy 
57: If you could give yourself head, would you? ofc i would
58: Booty or Boobs? boobs 
59: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?) yes my ex made me feel v unloved n i tried to prove i was loveable, i dnt recommend 
60: If you were the other sex for a day, what are five things you would do? have sex, try n suck my dick, have anal nd get head i cant think of another 1
61: have you ever watched someone masturbate? yes 
62: has anyone ever watched you masturbate? yes
63. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed? would require a dick 
64. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate) hands n clitorial 
65. What is your bra/penis size? 34F
66. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus? foundation bottle probs 
67. When was the last time you masturbated? last night 
68. When was the last time you had sex? a month ago 
69. When was the last time you watched porn? like 2 days ago 
70. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? nah :(( First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do? i wanna get a bullet vibrator so if anyone wnts to send me one hmu xx
71. Guys:Circumsized? i dnt rly care dick is dick
72. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched? tiddies 
73. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched? i mean i only have a pussy so u kinda only get to touch that ?? 
74. Girls:Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation? nah
75. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr? nah 
76. When was the last time you have had a wet dream? like 2 nights ago 
77. Which wet dream was your favorite? i dont even remember my wet dreams i jus wake up wet nd im like shit i need to touch myself 
78. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with? yes 
79. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with? yes 
80. Favorite sexual position? p sure i have answered this 
81. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed? yes 
82. Are you into any BDSM? yes 
83. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why? bcos they were in a relationship w my friend
84. Do you like dirty talk? yes 
85. Are you loud or quiet during sex? yes Masturbation? yes but not as loud as sex
86. Have you ever been inturrepted during sex or masturbation? Who/what? yes lol my dog all the time or family comin in 
87. What kind of porn do you like to watch? any, porn is porn 
88. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them? yes all the time 
89. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn’t there when you needed them? yes 
90. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them? yes nd yes 
91. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial? yes nd nah bcos boyfriend 
92. i would honestly try anythin, dont kno if u like it unless u try u kno

[loversoftheisland]

2, 11, 25, 37, 41, 56, 63, 70, 89, 97, 100 (:

(With the number of questions, no gifs for this one xD):

2. Does anyone besides you know your bra/penis size?

Aleki: Of course, I’m sure a lot of people on this island know my dick.Alexander: NO! Why would someone know that?

11. If you had to chose one, would you have outdoor sex or car sex?

Aleki: Outdoor, 100% It’s just…amazing.Alexander: …I guess outdoor? I’m not really sure.

25. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do?

Aleki: For sure! The last on I bought was a fleshlight and the first was the first dildo I could afford.Alexander: No? I don’t really know what I would get? Or if I would like something like that.

37. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with?

Aleki: Despite the amount of threesome we had, Wayne and I have never had sex, so him.Alexander: I don’t really have any friends on the island yet, so I’m not sure.

41. Favorite sexual position? If you are a virgin, which position interests you?

Aleki: Them on the bed, me standing, I think they call that a table for two?Alexander: Do they have names? I guess the one where we’re facing each other?

56. First type of porn you have ever watched? (ie. lesbian, hentai, threesome)

Aleki: Shit, I’ve seen a bit..I think just plain vanilla sex to be honest.Alexander: I’ve only saw…and used one video..it was of this two guys and a woman and they were all…really attracted to each other.

63. If someone you knew asked for a nude image, would you do it?

Aleki: Only on Snapchat…I honestly don’t care who sees me naked, it’s just some piece of mind, you know?Alexander: No! I never even thought of sending one, on top of that I’m a prince, my parents would kill me if that got leaked.

70. Favorite type of oral?

Aleki: I mean all combos are amazing…but there’s some just right about eating a woman out.Alexander: Oral Speeches? I Dreamed a Dream was amazing.

89. Have you ever had sex during “7 minutes in heaven”?

Aleki: Of course, I mean, I lasted longer than the seven minutes, but we had to wrap it up.Alexander: What’s 7 minutes in heaven?

97. Does your lover know if you have masturbated?

Aleki: I recover easily, so I haven’t really been caught yet.Alexander: I don’t really…nor have I had a lover..so.

100. (Asker’s ask) If i were to ask you if we could have sex, would you say yes?

Aleki: Bro…I mean, you’re a good looking dude and all that and I mean…but aren’t you like…the straightest bloke out here?Alexander: I don’t even know you?

[cyberdaisy23]

No one sends me anything, so.....

NSFW ASKS.

1:When did you lose your virginity? At about 14 2: Rough sex or soft sex? Soft at first, and gradually getting more rough  3: Do you have any unusual kinks/fetishes? Not sure if knifeplay is “unusual” considering the lifestyle I’m in. 4: Weirdest place you’ve had sex? Daddy’s truck. 5: Favourite sex position? Doggy style c: 6: Do you like to be dominant or submissive? Submissive all the way. 7: Have you ever had any one night stands? Noooo 8: Sex on the bed, couch or the floor? Don’t matter to me. 9: Have you ever had sex in a public place? Define “public”... lmao 10: Have you ever been caught masturbating? Nope. 11: What does your favourite sexy underwear look like? Just a black lace thong.  12: How often do you have sex? Not as often as I’d like to. Damn pregnancy. 13: Is there anybody right now you’d like to have sex with? Yes. always. 14: Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex? Giving. 15: Most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during sex? Pretty sure my mother has heard us many times. 16: A song you’d listen to during hard/rough/kinky sex? haha probably something by Excision. That’d be intense. 17: A song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex? Anything by Journey. 18: Are you into dressing up for sex? Ye c: 19: Would you prefer sex in the bath or sex in the shower? Bath. Standing in the shower is dangerous. 20: If you could have sex with anyone right now, who would it be? Daddy!!!!! c: 21: Have you ever had a threesome? If not, would you? Kinda? It’s not our thing.

22: Do you/would you use sex toys? Yes.

23: Have you ever sent someone a dirty text/picture? Yep. 24: Would you have sex with your best friend? No 25: Is there anything you do after sex? (for example, smoke, eat, drink) Vape. Maybe eat a piece of pie. 26: Something that will never fail to get you horny? Neck kisses, nibbles, and choking... oh lawd. 27: Early morning sex or late night sex? Before I got pregnant? Late night sex. Now? Crack of fucking dawn XD 28: Favourite body part on the opposite sex? DICK 29: Favourite body part on the same sex? tiddy 30: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find: nothing actually o.o 31: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you: butt stuff :I 32: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?] ehhh  33: Is it ever okay to not use a condom: unless it’s consensual by both parties, always use a condom. 34: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience: salsa con queso... XD 35: Worst possible time to get horny: Just... at all during this pregnancy. XD 36: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans? Yes! Holy fuck. 37: How much fapping is too much fapping: when your dick falls off. Or you ignore your partner for your hand. 38: Best sexual complement you ever got: “You’re so wet but so tight. Jesus.” XD 39: Favorite foreplay activities:  suckin’ dick 40: What do you wear to bed? a tshirt, and undies c: 41: When was the first time you masturbated: When I was like...13? 42: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself? ....>.> not no mo 43: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside? In daddy’s truck XD Like.... earlier this year 44: Have/would you ever have sex in public? Yea...I would. 45: Have/would you ever had a threesome? Nope. not again. 46: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate? A razor handle....xD 47: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not? Meh porn isn’t my thing  48: Do you like oral sex? (why/why not) Nah I mean I like it, I just prefer to see him enjoy himself c: 49: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in? daddy has a few and I love them. 50: How would you feel about taking someones virginity? Nu .3. 51: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter? HOT SAUCE.  52: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute? I’m daddy’s little pornstar c: 53: Do you watch porn? ....occasionally here on tumblr, ye 54: Have you ever been called a freak? Why? “Dirty little kitten” counts right? and because I’m into some things, man. 55: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”? No. I don’t like fabric against my princess parts unless it’s undies ;3; 56: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair? As long as they shower idgaf 57: If you could give yourself head, would you? no. 58: Booty or Boobs? Boobies c:  59: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?) Absolutely not! fuck outta here. 60: If you were the other sex for a day, what are five things you would do? I’d probably jack off all day xD that’s about it XD 61: have you ever watched someone masturbate? mmhm c: 62: has anyone ever watched you masturbate? Mmmmhm... XD 63. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed? I’m a girl, so no. I have not had an erection. 64. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate) Clitoral.  65. What is your bra/penis size? A cup bra xD 66. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus? A makeup brush... XD 67. When was the last time you masturbated? I dunno o.o 68. When was the last time you had sex? Last week XD I’m all about oral rn. 69. When was the last time you watched porn?  12am this morning, scrolling tumblr XD 70. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do?  I wanna buy a clitoral vibrator  of some sort. If anyone has any recommendations that are cheap and have multiple speeds, hmu XD  71. Guys:Circumsized? Haven’t been with one that isn’t .3. Never tried it. 72. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched? My neck. 73. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched? My vagina XD 74. Girls:Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation? I wish -_- 75. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr? No 76. When was the last time you have had a wet dream? last night... which is probably why I tried gettin’ it in this morning but daddy was sleeping on his tummy and he was up all night so, I’ma wait till later XD 77. Which wet dream was your favorite? Just, any dream with him in it, really. Not even sexual. if he’s there, my body is ready. Fuck me up. 78. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with? Nah 79. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with? No. 80. Favorite sexual position?  doggy style. Didn’t I already answer this? XD 81. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed? No .3.  82. Are you into any BDSM? Yes. *3* 83. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why? Yes... When me and Daddy first met, he was with someone... I couldn’t do anything ;3; 84. Do you like dirty talk? Kinda. I’m gettin’ there.  85. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation? Loud during sex, quiet when masturbating. Clearly you can tell which I like better XD 86. Have you ever been inturrepted during sex or masturbation? Who/what? Yes! My fucking mother. 87. What kind of porn do you like to watch? If it looks good, watch it XD 88. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them? No, actually o.o 89. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn’t there when you needed them? Yea... 90. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them? No. And no. 91. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial? Nope. 92. Ask whatever you want - SINCE NO ONE DID THIS ONE IS USELESS.

[bxmbidoll]

1-91

NSFW Asks

1:When did you lose your virginity? I was 18.

2: Rough sex or soft sex? Depends on my mood but normally rough

3: Do you have any unusual kinks/fetishes? Not really. I like pain. I have a daddy kink

4: Weirdest place you’ve had sex? Hmmm I had sex on a boulder before

5: Favourite sex position? Cowgirl

6: Do you like to be dominant or submissive? Submissive for sure

7: Have you ever had any one night stands? Yes a lot

8: Sex on the bed, couch or the floor? Bed, but anywhere is fun

9: Have you ever had sex in a public place? Yes

10: Have you ever been caught masturbating? No

11: What does your favourite sexy underwear look like? Black and lacy, barely covering anything

12: How often do you have sex? A few times a week. May5-6 times?

13: Is there anybody right now you’d like to have sex with? Sehun

14: Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex? Both

15: Most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during sex? I got a leg cramp

16: A song you’d listen to during hard/rough/kinky sex? Die For You by The Weeknd

17: A song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex? Get You by Daniel Caesar

18: Are you into dressing up for sex? Hell yeah

19: Would you prefer sex in the bath or sex in the shower? hmmm both

20: If you could have sex with anyone right now, who would it  be? Sehun

21: Have you ever had a threesome? If not, would you? Yes

22: Do you/would you use sex toys? Yes

23: Have you ever sent someone a dirty text/picture? Yes

24: Would you have sex with your best friend? Yes, I do all the time.

25: Is there anything you do after sex? (for example, smoke, eat, drink) Cuddle, go eat

26: Something that will never fail to get you horny? Sehun

27: Early morning sex or late night sex? All the time sex

28: Favourite body part on the opposite sex? Shoulders/back/arms

29: Favourite body part on the same sex? Hips and legs

30: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find: Nothing honestly

31: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you: Well.. I had sex with a werewolf.. i dont know if that counts..

32: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?] Yes, tasted okay to be honest

33: Is it ever okay to not use a condom: Yes B)

34: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience: Chocolate

35: Worst possible time to get horny: At work ahahah

36: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans? Oh yes its like music

37: How much fapping is too much fapping: Like.. everyday

38: Best sexual complement you ever got: That I was the best they have ever had

39: Favorite foreplay activities: Eating out/fingering

40: What do you wear to bed? Sehun’s shirts

41: When was the first time you masturbated: Maybe.. 14/15?

42: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself? No

43: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside? Hmmm cant remember.. maybe two months ago

44: Have/would you ever have sex in public? Yes

45: Have/would you ever had a threesome? Had one, wouldnt now.

46: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate? Hairbrush

47: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not? Yes, lesbian porn turns me on

48: Do you like oral sex? (why/why not) Yes, because its good lol

49: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in? I LOVE TATTOOS

50: How would you feel about taking someones virginity? I dont mind

51: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter? Hmm maybe fondue?

52: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute? Pornstar

53: Do you watch porn? Rarely

54: Have you ever been called a freak? Why? Yes. Daddy. Kink.

55: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”? Yes

56: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair? not really no

57: If you could give yourself head, would you? No

58: Booty or Boobs? Boobs

59: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?) Dont wanna talk about it.

60: If you were the other sex for a day, what are five things you would do? Measure my dick, jack off, hit on girls, have sex with a girl, walk around shirtless

61: have you ever watched someone masturbate? Yes

62: has anyone ever watched you masturbate? No

63. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed? No

64. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate) Clit

65. What is your bra/penis size? 34B

66. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus? Hmm nothing strange..  penis is kinda strange

67. When was the last time you masturbated? I dont even know

68. When was the last time you had sex? Last night

69. When was the last time you watched porn? Months ago..

70. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do? I small little vibrator its so cute

71. Guys:Circumsized? n/a

72. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched? Boobs

73. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched? I love when he just.. cups all of my pussy. 

74. Girls:Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation? yes

75. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr? Yes

76. When was the last time you have had a wet dream? A few nights back

77. Which wet dream was your favorite? The one where Sehun was eating me out so good it was like he was biting into a juicy mango and fuck.. my juices were running down his lips and chin--

78. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with? Oh Sehun

79. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with? Jay Park aksdhaksh

80. Favorite sexual position? ...Cowgirl lol

81. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed? Yes sometimes

82. Are you into any BDSM? Yes

83. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why? Not really 

84. Do you like dirty talk? Yes but im shy

85. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation? Loud in bed, quiet in masturbation

86. Have you ever been inturrepted during sex or masturbation? Who/what? Not yer

87. What kind of porn do you like to watch? Lesbian porn lol

88. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them? Nah

89. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn’t there when you needed them? NAH he is always around and I love it

90. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them? Yes, and sometimes its infrequent

91. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial? Yes, and not really no

[jodiwalker]

A Bachelorette Recap: Rachel Is the Queen and We Are the Sorry People

"Let me tell you something. I'm not here to be played. I'm not here to be made a joke of … So I'm really going to need you to get the fuck out." – Rachel Lindsay of the House Bachelorette, First of Her Name, the Un-to-be-trifled-with, Queen of the Fuckbois, Ruler of the Mansion that Venereal Diseases Built, Breaker of Bullshit, and Mother of Reads

Can you all hear Rachel's perfect Texas drawl in your head as keenly as I can while reading the quote of the century? Has any Bachelorette ever held. that. shit. down. as deftly as this one? No. Because this isn't any Bachelorette. This is the Rachelorette 2K17 and if you are not a man who is ready to hold it down just as tight…than she is going to need you to get the fuck out.

I did not expect myself to be very interested in this DeMario storyline. I liked DeMario and his hollering out of wedding plus-ones in the premiere; so I wasn't rooting for him to be the creep [ed. note: hey, stay tuned on that creep front, 'cuz it's a big ol' YIKES] with a girlfriend. Plus, his girlfriend seemed a little too eager to be delivering her gotcha-moment on national television, and a little too unabashed about wearing a stone-cold waffle-weave scrunchie on her wrist while doing it...

But who cares about DeMario and how many man-rompers he left over at Lexi's house — this storyline is all about Rachel and how she managed to take the drama-covered receipts from Lexi, the slimy "new phone, who dis" excuses from DeMario, run them through her logic-o-meter (a brain, as it's called outside of this franchise), and calmly inform these people that she has 25 boyfriends, a dog who can currently only use three of his legs for unknown reasons, and a rented house in what appears to be an upper middle class retirement community to take care of...so she doesn't really have time to be running on some bullshit. 

As Rachel has stated multiple times throughout her three-episode tenure, she keeps it 100. And if any of these knuckleheads keeps it any less than 100, then they better have a background in computer sciences to make their own sub-100 emoji, and some fresh New Balances to — let’s haveRachel reiterate this one last time — GTFO of here.

Never could I have imagined what it would be like to have a Bachelorette so fully in command of her own experience. Rachel doesn’t accept excuses from anyone, including herself. She seems completely aware of the Hellmouth she has willingly entered herself into, and the only way to make that Hellmouth work for her is to take it seriously and flush out one of these vampires to marry. [Ed. note: Is this metaphor falling apart? Who's Angel? Who's Spike?! Obviously Dean is Willow and, yes, he will develop a complex and moving witchcraft/lesbian storyline in season 4.] And speaking of the dumb-dumbs Rachel is dating, I want to take it all the way back to the premiere for a minute when there were 30 contesticles still hoping to woo Rachel. 

It seemed like all anyone could say about Rachel—and the character that the editors seemed to be carving out for her—was that she was so beautiful and smart. Indeed, they had never a woman like her. I quickly ran through a list of all of the women that I know well and couldn't think of a single one who I would not describe as smart and beautiful. Which is fantastic for me and concerning for these donuts. 

So, I'd now like to turn it over to my girl Hailee Steinfeld — who is quietly an Academy Award nominee, a budding pop princes, and definitive queen of the teenage eyebrow Hunger Games — and her song of the summer:

Yes, Princess Hailee. Most girls are smart and strong and beautiful. If these dudes don't know any other women that they deem to be both smart and beautiful, then they are not good enough for Rachel. Also, heads up — these dudes aren't good enough for Rachel! 

Rachel's only flaw seems to be that she’s not aware when a dude isn’t good enough for her. Rachel can be as smart and funny, and hand as many asses to as many duplicitous dummies as many times as she wants to, but the fact of the matter is, we have this wonderful Bachelorette…because she once truly wanted to be engaged to Nick Viall.

And that is as good of a reality check as any to remind us that this is still the Bachelorette, and two bros will still play a game of homoerotic "I'm not touching you" in the driveway when they get kicked out. Because a peacock cannot change its feathers (which would be a much better reference if this came on NBC!). Yes, of course, I wish that Rachel, Queen of the Fuckbois, Ruler of STD Mansion, Breaker of Bullshit, and Mother of Reads could be a little more like Hailee Steinfeld's breakout song of summer 2015, “Love Myself.” That’s right, the one where she boldly declares that she maybe, definitely screams her own name while she masturbates. I'm not talking about that declaration, though; I’m talking about the other, less intriguing, but altogether more important: Gonna love myself, no I don’t need anybody else (Hey!).

Alas, us women of a certain age weren't raised with the raging independence of the SnapChat generation. We must marry, and we must do it quickly — before our wombs rot and there are no Tickle Monsters or sociopathic amateur drummers left for us. We can scream our own name during orgasm, sure. But society and ABC contracts dictate that it would be much better if there were a Peter or Kenny beside us while we do it. Let’s get to know them, shall we...

DeMario's Return

Y'all. After being told to "get the fuck out," this dude thinks it's a good idea to Uber back over to the mansion for a little more screen time. But all it really does is give Rachel another chance to show off her PhD in rhetoric. I mean—the woman can talk, and I think anyone who watched Farmer Chris or Des with Bangs' season could reiterate the importance of that one simple skill to you.

However, there's nothing simple about the way Rachel pummels what's left of DeMario into the ground. DeMario tries to tell Rachel that Lexi assassinated his character and he was just caught off guard. Rachel kindly responds that all that can be true (in a tone that says it's very much not true), "But I need a man, that when confronted with a difficult situation, does not lie about it." Similarly, I need a Rachel that will speak for me every time I'm confronted with a difficult man. DeMario says that he had a little chat with his Uber driver on the way over, and that Uber driver — who was, without a doubt, a male— encouraged him to not take no for an answer. Bad advice, brother! Always, always, ALWAYS take no for an answer.

Once DeMario starts spouting "in order to experience joy, you need pain" quotes to Rachel (who literally has 20 other guys waiting inside for her, 18 of them hotter than DeMario) she's had it. "I'm glad you realized that you need to move forward," says Rachel, gearing up for something good. "But what I need you to understand is that forward isn't that way toward the mansion. Forward is outside of it." Do you understand that, DeMario? Do you smell what the Rachel is cooking? The other bros shuffle their feet behind her hoping they can somehow spin her hate of another man into a love for them. They ask if DeMario is coming back. "Fuck no," says Rachel. 

The Frontrunners

Going back a few episodes, it must be noted that a few frontrunners have already emerged. And they are tall, strapping, brunette white men, because Rachel has a type.  

Bryan is a 37-year-old chiropractor who doesn’t look like his name is really Bryan, like he's really a chiropractor, or like he's really 37-years-old. All of that is a compliment. 

I really liked Bryan because Bryan is hot and speaks Spanish; I could even get past his Dementor-like kissing style…right up until some of the fellas went on a group date to Ellen and it was revealed during a game of Never Have I Ever—always a cool thing to play with eight guys, one gal, and a live studio audience—that half of the guys on the group date had already kissed Rachel. To the half that had not kissed her, this comes as a surprise. Because, I guess, they've never met a human woman and cannot imagine how Rachel might meet 30 dudes, which probably adds up to, like, 150 different abdominal muscles, and want to kiss some of them. To Bryan, this serves as an opportunity for him to showcase that he was the first guy to kiss her, which he unfortunately does by saying to another fella, "You got my sloppy seconds." It is proof that Rachel likes Bryan that she did not whip off her lace-front and cut him with words right there.

The other guy that had already gotten his kiss? Peter, who got the first one-on-one: a romantic day with Copper the Dog. I don’t care if Peter is boring. I would climb that man like a tree—and I would ask him to keep all of his fashionable suits on while I did it.

Of note: Anthony, who Rachel goes on a one-on-one with, riding horses down Rodeo Drive (not a thing, girl, no matter how many times you say it's a thing), might actually be good enough for Rachel…but he seems far too mentally and emotionally intelligent to be long for this world.

Do We Have To?

Honestly, if it weren't for the one incredible conversation regarding a banana during the saga of Lukas and Blake, I wouldn't even get into this because these two are The Worst. Lukas is the guy who nearly gives himself an aneurysm every 10 minutes trying to be funny. His idea of humor is just to scream a word: Whaboom. My idea of humor is listening to all of the other men genuinely not be able to remember what the stupid word he keeps saying is: Whabam? Kabloom? Ska-douche? Who cares!

Blake is the guy who talked about his dick for a full five minutes in his intro package, but thinks Lukas is in this for the wrong reasons. These two somehow know each other from the outside world, because Lukas used to date Blake's roommate, who Blake says is now being evicted from his apartment for calling him a maniac…ladies, try to keep your panties on, okay?

This all comes to a boil when Rachel tells Lukas that Blake has been questioning his reasons for being on the show, and Lukas responds calmly and not at all like a drunken, unhinged person, saying that he recently caught Blake standing over his bed eating a banana while he was sleeping. Blake's response to the claim of a moron: "Heh, impossible. I don't even eat carbs." Blake, you fucking tool.

Let's Detox with a Little…

The Pretty Boy Pitbull, Kenny King. If you had told me my favorite man in this group would be a pro-wrestler who goes by the name of the Pretty Boy Pitbull Kenny King, I would have said…Yeah, Jodi, that sounds exactly like you—nothing has ever sounded more like you. 

But still, I did not expect Kenny, the pro-wrestler with a 10-year-old daughter to be quite so cuddly. He has endeared himself to me if for this quote alone: "Being a wrestler, I know all about white dudes acting crazy. And these white dudes are buggin'." These white dudes are buggin', Kenny, and you are not. Please stay this pure, and continue not to bug. Also, at some point you have to stop leading every conversation with your adorable love for your daughter. Because I don't know if Rachel is ready to be the step-mother to a teen. Mentioning that you used to be a Chippendales dancer, however, is a good start.

Lee Is a Sociopath Who Must Be Stopped and Since I Just Saw Wonder Woman, I Wouldn't Mind If Rachel Donned Leather Armor and Lasso-of-Truth'd His Ass

Ugh, another annoying storyline, but a complex one, at least. Actually…it's not that complex. 

Eric is a young man with Steve Buscemi eyes who has clearly never seen this show, otherwise he would know that if you speak a word about the Bachelor(ette) that sounds like anything less than the complimentary rantings of a stalker, you will be taken to task by some dude named Iggy. See, Eric really likes Rachel, and he's getting frustrated that he can't tell if Rachel likes him back. He wonders aloud to a few friends if Rachel might be keeping her emotions in check since she's dating so many men at once.

And men quite literally come out of the woodwork to tell Eric that he is the devil and he'll never know love.

Listen, I don't really even like Eric that much. He doesn’t seem particularly interesting, and definitely isn't mature enough for Rachel, who could legitimately be the President of the United States right now. But there is no doubt that Lee's sociopathic behavior toward him is fueled by the fact that he thinks Eric is inferior to him. This is obvious because since this season has aired, sleuths have uncovered many a racist tweet from Lee, but also because Lee is a walking microagression with cold, dead shark eyes.

 After Eric naively tries to float the idea that Rachel might be playing this gameshow like a game, some dude named Iggy that you don't need to retain to memory comes out of nowhere to confront him about it. Eric raises his voice because Iggy was out of line, and because sometimes people raise their voices when they're upset and consisting on a diet of protein powder and Belvita breakfast bars.

Lee latches onto the fact that he heard Eric yelling and will not let it go. He tells Rachel that Eric’s aggression made him “uncomfortable” (you code, bro?) and he does’t think Eric is right for her. Rachel asks Eric about it and Eric explains that he just wants some validation; Rachel validates him with the group date rose; Lee demeans and condescends to Eric by repeatedly saying creepy shit like he thinks he's "an amazing person" and he “loves him to death,” but he heard him get "aggressive," and that scared him. Then to the cameras: "I don't care if Eric disrespects me, okay? He means nothing … this is one kid with a bad issue."

Hey Lee, real quick: Fuck. You. You are transparent, and you are dangerous, and this season pretty much rides or dies on how soon Rachel gets rid of you. No pressure, Rach. 

Just kidding, there is a ton of pressure on Rachel for this season to work out okay, and it's very unfair to her. Happy reality TV, everyone! See you back here, hopefully sooner rather than later. My only thoughts on Bachelor in Paradise for now: Sad, sad, sad. Bad, bad, bad.

[katiecat446]

All the nsfw questions even though some are doubles ;)

1:When did you lose your virginity?

Kind of a hard question to answer. I’m gonna go with 16 bc that’s the first time I had sex that was safe sane and consensual and I really don’t want to count what happened before that.

2: Rough sex or soft sex?

Depends on my mood, but I usually enjoy rough sex a bit more.

3: Do you have any unusual kinks/fetishes?

I don’t know of any that would be considered unusual, but then again I don’t think that most kinks are unusual.

4: Weirdest place you’ve had sex?

My in-law’s driveway, my community college’s theatre, multiple parking lots

5: Favourite sex position?

Doggy style for sure

6: Do you like to be dominant or submissive?

Submissive as fuck 

7: Have you ever had any one night stands?

Sorta I guess

8: Sex on the bed, couch or the floor?

Bed wtf

9: Have you ever had sex in a public place?

Many 

10: Have you ever been caught masturbating?

I don’t think so, no

11: What does your favourite sexy underwear look like?

Boyshort style with ice cream cones on them 

12: How often do you have sex?

When I’m at home with my fiance, 1-3 times a day. When I’m up at school, rarely until he comes to visit me for a bit

13: Is there anybody right now you’d like to have sex with?

My fiance. Obi-Wan Kenobi. Trent Reznor

14: Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex?

Both tbh

15: Most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during sex?

Deepthroated so far I threw up

16: A song you’d listen to during hard/rough/kinky sex?

Anything by Nine Inch Nails tbh

17: A song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex?

I honestly do not know.  I don’t usually put music on.

18: Are you into dressing up for sex?

Like in lingerie? No

19: Would you prefer sex in the bath or sex in the shower?

Shower. How the fuck do you have sex in the bathtub

20: If you could have sex with anyone right now, who would it be?

Repeat question

21: Have you ever had a threesome? If not, would you?

I have, yes.

22: Do you/would you use sex toys?

I do 

23: Have you ever sent someone a dirty text/picture?

Of course

24: Would you have sex with your best friend?My fiance is my best friend so... yeah lmao

25: Is there anything you do after sex? (for example, smoke, eat, drink)Drink lots of water, cuddle.

26: Something that will never fail to get you horny?Dominant behavior from my fiance.

27: Early morning sex or late night sex?Both

28: Favourite body part on the opposite sex?Legs for some reason

29: Favourite body part on the same sex?All of them lmao

30: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want 

anyone to find:Nothing, really.

31: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you:

I honest to god do not know

32: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?]

I have. Earthy? is the word I would use?

33: Is it ever okay to not use a condom:

I haven’t used a condom (other than with a two-night stand) in over two years

34: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience:

None. Food shouldn’t be involved in sex.  It causes stickiness at best and yeast infections at worst

35: Worst possible time to get horny:

At work, I would think

36: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans?Yes of course

37: How much fapping is too much fapping:

plz don’t call it fapping

38: Best sexual complement you ever got?

I’ve been told by every penis-having partner I’ve had that I am exceptional at giving head

39: Favorite foreplay activities:

Butt grabbing and having my hair played with

40: What do you wear to bed?

Usually nothing or just a big tshirt

41: When was the first time you masturbated:

That’s kind of a sketchy question bc obviously most people masturbate when they’re going through puberty, which is age 9-14 and that’s underage my guys!

42: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself?

lol yeah a ton

43: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside?

Quite a while ago

44: Have/would you ever have sex in public?

I have

45: Have/would you ever had a threesome?

Repeat question

46: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?

Nothing, really.

47: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not?

No, its usually super inaccurate and fetishizing. Also I don’t really watch porn bc I’m too poor to spend on something like that and I’m against watching stolen content on free tubesites instead of paying like people should.

48: Do you like oral sex? (why/why not)

hell fuckin yeah

49: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?

I like them if they are done well

50: How would you feel about taking someones virginity?

tbh I’m really into that concept

51: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter?

anything with sugar! That’s how yeast infections happen!

52: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?

Lmao the word pr*stitute is a slur, the proper term is a Full-Service Sex Worker (FSSW) or an escort.  Knowing people in both industries, I would probably go for a porn actress.

53: Do you watch porn?

See answer a bit further back

54: Have you ever been called a freak? Why?

Not specifically, no?

55: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”?

no

56: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair?

I don’t mind pubic hair as long as its clean and hopefully a bit maintained

57: If you could give yourself head, would you?

I honestly don’t know lmao

58: Booty or Boobs?

both

59: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?)

Nope!

60: If you were the other sex for a day, what are five things you would do?

-Jack off

-Swing my dick around like a helicopter

-Walk around at night without fear of being assaulted

-Talk in an academic setting and find out what its like to not be talked over

-Enjoy the feeling of a body without boob-caused back problems

61: have you ever watched someone masturbate?

Yup

62: has anyone ever watched you masturbate?

Yup

63. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed?

N/A

64. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate)

I don’t really masturbate

65. What is your bra/penis size?

38 DDD

66. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus?

nothing strange??

67. When was the last time you masturbated?

Maybe like... a month ago or longer than that lmao

68. When was the last time you had sex?

This morning

69. When was the last time you watched porn?

Maybe a month or two ago

70. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do?

First sex toy I bought myself was a hard silicone dildo, last toy I bought was a flexible synthskin on with a strap-on harness

71. Guys Penises: Circumsized?

Not a huge preference, but sex is easier with someone uncircumsized

72. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched?

All of it? lmao I have touch starvation issues

73. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched?

The...genital...part???

74. Girls:Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation?

lmao no

75. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr?

nada

76. When was the last time you have had a wet dream?

I have no idea

77. Which wet dream was your favorite?

Don’t really remember any

78. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with?

Almost all of my friends tbh

79. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with?TRENT REZNOR

80. Favorite sexual position? 

Repeat question

81. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed?

No, and also wh*re is a slur don’t fucking use it :)

82. Are you into any BDSM?

Yup!

83. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldn't for any reason? Why?

This is worded really creepily...

84. Do you like dirty talk?

Hearing it, yes

85. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation?

I’m in the middle I think

86. Have you ever been interrupted during sex or masturbation? Who/what?

lmao yeah I don’t have my own place so I get interrupted a lot

87. What kind of porn do you like to watch?

Again, don’t really watch

88. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them?

My partners, yeah

89. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn’t there when you needed them?

Yeah

90. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them?

Repeat question

91. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial?

My one-night stands were FWB situations. Not still beneficial at the moment, but the offer is always open 

[spiderkittay]

1-92 😚

1:When did you lose your virginity?- liiike 6 months ago2: Rough sex or soft sex?- honestly depends (rough sex thooo)3: Do you have any unusual kinks/fetishes?- not unusual4: Weirdest place you’ve had sex?- my living room couch5: Favourite sex position?- ¯\_(ツ)_/¯6: Do you like to be dominant or submissive?- submissive7: Have you ever had any one night stands?- nah8: Sex on the bed, couch or the floor?- beds are the easiest, but couch is more fun ?? so idk9: Have you ever had sex in a public place?- nope10: Have you ever been caught masturbating?- THATS LIKE MY BIGGEST FEAR BUT IT HAS NOT HAPPENED11: What does your favourite sexy underwear look like?- I have so many idek. Blue and lacey probably12: How often do you have sex?- live NEVER anymore bc my girlfriend is so far away13: Is there anybody right now you’d like to have sex with?- is this even a question14: Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex?- ive never giver bc I'm a pillow princess 15: Most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during sex?- I basically broke my girlfriends vagina bc I didn't cut my nails16: A song you’d listen to during hard/rough/kinky sex?- this takes a lot of thought17: A song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex?- wtf idk18: Are you into dressing up for sex?- honestly, its all coming off anyways so why bother19: Would you prefer sex in the bath or sex in the shower?- BATH BUT SOMEONE20: If you could have sex with anyone right now, who would it be?- this is the same question21: Have you ever had a threesome? If not, would you?- hell nah22: Do you/would you use sex toys?- Y E S23: Have you ever sent someone a dirty text/picture?- like daily24: Would you have sex with your best friend?-if I like ABSOLUTLY had to25: Is there anything you do after sex? (for example, smoke, eat, drink)- water, LOTS of water. and sleep26: Something that will never fail to get you horny?- being teased oh my ggod27: Early morning sex or late night sex?- sex is sex my dude. late night tho bc morning breath28: Favourite body part on the opposite sex?- absolutely nothing29: Favourite body part on the same sex?- does hair count30: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find: weed and vibrators31: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you: my gf tried to tie me up w little success bc we didn't really have the right materials 32: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?]- 7/1033: Is it ever okay to not use a condom: you want a baby ?34: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience: ice. if ice counts as a food35: Worst possible time to get horny: at a friends house omg36: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans?- is THIS even a question37: How much fapping is too much fapping: that word reminds me of middle school pls stop38: Best sexual complement you ever got: I GOT TOLD I TASTE GOOD SO39: Favorite foreplay activities: just tease me to death thx40: What do you wear to bed?- like normally ??41: When was the first time you masturbated: 6th grade42: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself?- I don't, but I know someone that does43: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside?- nope44: Have/would you ever have sex in public?- depends45: Have/would you ever had a threesome?- already answered46: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?- hairbrush47: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not?- yes. I'm gay48: Do you like oral sex? (why/why not)- YES49: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?- who cares tbh50: How would you feel about taking someones virginity?- ;))))))51: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter?- anything sticky sounds like a nightmare52: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?- pornstar. its already in my future53: Do you watch porn?- yuh54: Have you ever been called a freak? Why?- no 55: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”?- ew56: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair?- fuuck no57: If you could give yourself head, would you?- yes omg58: Booty or Boobs?- butt59: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?)- yeah, bc they cheated on me60: If you were the other sex for a day, what are five things you would do?- masturbate, get a bj, helicopter that shit, walk around shirtless, ???61: have you ever watched someone masturbate?- ;)))62: has anyone ever watched you masturbate?- ;))))63. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed?- I don't have the correct equipment for that to happen64. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate)- stimulation 65. What is your bra/penis size?- 32DD, but don't be fooled. I have the chest of a 12 year old boy66. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus?- ???67. When was the last time you masturbated?- like 2 days ago68. When was the last time you had sex?- January 1st69. When was the last time you watched porn?- 2 days ago70. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do?- yeah, a lil vibrator71. Guys:Circumsized?- ;))))72. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched?- thighs73. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched?- ;)))))74. Girls:Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation?- no. I have the least sensitive chest on the planet75. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr?- nah76. When was the last time you have had a wet dream?- TOO LONG77. Which wet dream was your favorite?- I honestly don't remember any of them78. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with?- if I HAD to79. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with?- no80. Favorite sexual position?- wasn't this already asked81. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed?- no 82. Are you into any BDSM?- maybe like really LIGHT BDSM83. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why?- theyre 3,000 miles away84. Do you like dirty talk?- YES85. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation?- it depends86. Have you ever been inturrepted during sex or masturbation? Who/what?- YES MY FUKN SISTER87. What kind of porn do you like to watch?- lesbian or like anything not involving a guy getting his dick sucked88. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them?- no89. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn’t there when you needed them?- that's like my life90. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them?- no91. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial?- no92. Ask whatever you want: can we have sex after our date 😘- Ive already answered this babe pls

[jealously-is-a-curse]

1-91 we must know them all cutie 😘

1:When did you lose your virginity? 17 yrs old, so 4 yrs ago

2: Rough sex or soft sex? honestly depends on my mood and the chemistry with the guy

3: Do you have any unusual kinks/fetishes? No not really4: Weirdest place you’ve had sex? weird for me it is some guys kitchen table lol5: Favourite sex position? defts reverse cow girl 6: Do you like to be dominant or submissive? sub, but like to choke guys alot7: Have you ever had any one night stands? one time8: Sex on the bed, couch or the floor? bed9: Have you ever had sex in a public place? one time at the park 10: Have you ever been caught masturbating? no thank the lord11: What does your favourite sexy underwear look like? red with black lace12: How often do you have sex? not often13: Is there anybody right now you’d like to have sex with? yes 14: Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex? receiving 15: Most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during sex? a guy was eating me out and he got a blood nose lol

16: A song you’d listen to during hard/rough/kinky sex? music by the weeknd 17: A song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex? same as Q1718: Are you into dressing up for sex? yes19: Would you prefer sex in the bath or sex in the shower? bath20: If you could have sex with anyone right now, who would it be? guy I had great sex with last month.. but he hasn't hit me up so there goes that one.21: Have you ever had a threesome? If not, would you? N I haven't but would love too.22: Do you/would you use sex toys? yes I use sex toys23: Have you ever sent someone a dirty text/picture? yes24: Would you have sex with your best friend? ew no thanks 25: Is there anything you do after sex? (for example, smoke, eat, drink) PEE! always need to pee.26: Something that will never fail to get you horny? tumblr porn LOL27: Early morning sex or late night sex? late night 28: Favourite body part on the opposite sex? I don't have a fave part LOL29: Favourite body part on the same sex? booty30: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find: my sex toys lol31: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you: haven't come across a weird mf yet fml32: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?] yes I have and I thought it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be33: Is it ever okay to not use a condom: no. but if it happens without using one it happens. but defos get checked after it.34: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience: peanut butter35: Worst possible time to get horny: when my mum is awake lol cant use my toys36: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans? yass, I think it hot af when a guy moans 37: How much fapping is too much fapping: idk everyone's different 38: Best sexual complement you ever got: I stress about my head game and one time a guy said it was realy good. so I was over the moon LOL39: Favorite foreplay activities: spanking 40: What do you wear to bed? tee shirt and undies 41: When was the first time you masturbated: I'm gonna say 3 yrs ago42: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself? nope43: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside? years ago44: Have/would you ever have sex in public? is car sex public? if so yeah. but id like to go more public public would be hot af45: Have/would you ever had a threesome? no but yes46: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate? nothing really47: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not? yeah gay porn is hot to me!48: Do you like oral sex? (why/why not) I dont like it but I dont hate giving oral sex but I love receiving it 49: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in? yes a strong yes50: How would you feel about taking someones virginity? amazing51: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter? nope52: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute? porn star53: Do you watch porn? yes 54: Have you ever been called a freak? Why? yeah by my guy mates LOL they just think I am one 55: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”? haha yes56: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair? not rly but I dont find it to be attractive but I dont tell that person57: If you could give yourself head, would you? ahahha nah fam58: Booty or Boobs? booty59: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?) no! I couldn't do such a thing60: If you were the other sex for a day, what are five things you would do? play with my dick,get my dick sucked, whip my dick out, send a dick pic and defos role play as “daddy” during sex LOL61: have you ever watched someone masturbate? no62: has anyone ever watched you masturbate? yes63. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed? uh, no haha64. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate) clitoral 65. What is your bra/penis size? I have no boobs haven't worn a bra in yrs so cant give u my size LOL66. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus? nothing67. When was the last time you masturbated? last week68. When was the last time you had sex? 3 weeks ago69. When was the last time you watched porn? probs last week70. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do?first sex toy vibrator second mini bullet 71. Guys:Circumsized? yeah I like circumcised guys but I like uncircumsized when giving a hand job72. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched? my butthole73. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched? obvi my pussy74. Girls:Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation? no75. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr? no76. When was the last time you have had a wet dream? probs like last week 77. Which wet dream was your favorite? sex ones with guys I froff78. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with? no79. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with? yes theres too many80. Favorite sexual position? already answered 81. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed? no82. Are you into any BDSM?yeah minimal, never rly had a guy who is fully into it 83. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why? yeah probably just cant remember atm84. Do you like dirty talk? no85. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation? quite86. Have you ever been inturrepted during sex or masturbation? Who/what? no87. What kind of porn do you like to watch? idk whatever really88. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them? no89. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn’t there when you needed them? yes90. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them? yes and I dont even remember his name so no91. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial? ive had many friends with benefits. and no lmao.

[asteriskphases]

Fucking Fuckbois: A Conversation Fuckboi asks “U fine?” “Yeah, I’m fine,” I say, “At least, I will be once you’re off my mind.” Fuckboi asks “How you been?” “Good, pretty good, then again Maybe not, either way it’s a win-win amirite?” Fuckboi replies, “You free tonight?” And I want to be forthright… But instead, I gush about fake plans, So I can stay away from his clammy hands. Fuckboi asks, “You deepthroat?” And I make a note To say “Never on my own accord, Really, just with feeding tubes in the psych ward.” Fuckboi asks, “How tight are you? What size bra are you?” And I say, “Fuck you” Fuckboi doesn’t skip a beat- “Haha, then what? ;)” “I’m not a cheat-” I say, claiming blank friend is actually lesbian lover- Fuckboi says, “You realize you wouldn’t be queer if you tried my cock, right?” I reply “I fuckin’ might.” I scream “As if you could be so lucky” Fuckboi says, “Well it doesn’t have to be willingly…” And I smile wickedly, Mentally listing all those relatives That constantly remind me they don’t mind going back to prison… Fuckboi follows with, “So, are you a virgin?” Fuckboi asks for nudes. Fuckboi says he’s “in the mood” And I think ‘hell, I am too-’ But it flies over fuckbois head that though he’s ‘in the mood’ for boobs, I’m ‘in the mood’ to cut his dick off with a rusty spoon. . “Why do you have a cane?” Fuckboi demands. “I have a chronic condition,” I start with shaking hands, “I’ve always been sick” I try to explain, but he’s so damn dense (Walking is pretty tricky, in my defense.) Fuckboi says that I don’t look sick. I say, “That’s not a complement, you ignorant prick.” Fuckboi says it only counts if it’s cancer, Fuckboi asks what I’ve got. “Porphyria,” I say, “it’s really rare.” Fuckboi doesn’t care. Fuckboi asks, “isn’t that one of those made-up diseases, Like ADHD or PTS-whatever?” No. Just….no. Fuckboi asks when I’ll get better. “Never,” I say, “I’ll have this forever.” Fuckboi asks what the worst part is. I say “It’s being acutely aware that you are Prometheus.” Fuckboi did not take AP English. Fuckboi does not understand. “It’s the neverending pain,” I say, “Being tortured alive until you’re convinced you’ve died,” I say, “Every day of your life.” I say, “Knowing that every thought could be your last.” I say “Being dead wasn’t as bad as this.” I say. Fuckboi asks if I’ve died before, And my answer seems to shake him to the core. Fuckboi asks, “For real?” For real. Fuckboi asks “What’s it like to die?” I say, “I can’t tell you that.” “Why?” “Well, it’s different each time. It kinda depends what’s on your mind, Besides, once you really know, It gets pretty hard to stay alive.” Fuckboi asks, “U fine?” “Yeah, I’m fine” I say, “At least, I will be once you’re off my mind.”

Fucking Fuckbois: A Conversation. Leo 3/22/17

Note that though fuckbois have said all of these things to me, it was not it one conversation (or even just one Fuckboi). I typically block them before we can have this long of a conversation, anyways. So here is a relatively silly poem that I angrily wrote today after some walnut started asking offensive questions.