#let's get weird ladz

[nythtak]

The worst day of Oliver's life is turned on its head when his mum tries to eat his best mate.

Turns out? Oliver had an extra layer of reasoning for lying about his family.

-

Felix is absolutely positive about…three things. Yeah, let’s go with three. Good solid number, and he's always liked triangles best.

First, Oliver is a man-eating, variably shark-toothed ghoul. Second, there’s a part of him - and who fucking knows how potent that part might be on any given day - that wants to tear Felix to pieces and gobble up every last scrap (dick very much included). And third-

Felix is kinda into that.

[leiflitter]

hey i need ur felix and oliver and cattonquick headcanon s RIGHT NOW… ❤️

Well uh uh uh there's 200k+ words on ao3 which contains some of this but... under the cut because it's vaguely nsfw in places, keeping this as like... Oxford Ladz.

Felix is shit in bed unless you turn it into a challenge/game, and even then he's lazy as fuck so good luck. Most girls don't care because shagging Felix is like being chosen by a god. His routine is: snog for a bit, maybe shove his hand down your knickers, then it's the Catton Jackhammer asap until he rolls off you and falls asleep.

Going out with Felix is generally shit. He shags you maybe 4 times, then ghosts you and you find out he's moved on by seeing him fingering another girl outside of a club at 2am. He might buy you something, but the most expensive gift he'll get you is most likely some shots or a 3am kebab.

Oliver? Good in bed because he is An Observer and will see what works then Do That Until You Die. However, he only really sleeps with girls to help Felix out (he gets the friend, Felix gets the hot girl). He mostly thinks of Felix when he does this, but tells himself it's in a lie back and think of england way. He also tends to stick to hands/mouth stuff, because otherwise it's "why aren't you hard" and he panics.

Oliver is perpetually single, despite Felix's best efforts. Felix does not understand why girls have such bad taste. He insists Ollie is an absolute legend and anyone would be lucky to have him. He also gets oddly grumpy if any girls DO organically hit on Ollie, though.

Felix's short-lived "girlfriends" all think it's a little weird that Felix touches Oliver more than he touches them. Like he won't hold hands in public, but he's got his arm around Oliver all the time? Weird. If you're dancing with Felix and go to get a drink, most of the time he'll be dancing with Oliver once you're back and it is hard to get his attention back.

Felix gives me vague adhd vibes, maybe dyslexia, but he was born in the 80s and he's rich af, so it's never really mattered because he never has to try.

Big Oliver Autism vibes, the man is MASKING but again... circumstances mean he's just brute forcing things.

Felix has been made to play Team Sports but doesn't like them unless it's for silly reasons.

Oliver likes exercising, but mostly goes to the gym to be in a weird little physical activity enduced void.

Felix has honestly been bi as fuck forever, but never really considered why he was down to let lads in his dorm snog him back in boarding school because it was just kinda the done thing. Haha, just hormones, amiright?

Both of them feel vaguely destined to become their fathers and do not want to do that.

Felix had very weird feelings for Damon Albarn as a teen but again. Never thought about it too hard, he's just a pretty man, bloody hormones again!

Oliver cannot drive. He refuses to drive. He has his provisional licence for ID and that's IT.

Felix is often trying to annoy Oliver because any attention is good attention. Oliver just wants to revise, Felix, please stop drawing dicks on his notebook.

Felix absolutely is going full hair-twirly, eyelid-fluttery, dreamboy bimbo at Oliver constantly. Oliver does not pick up on this, but Farleigh does and is honestly a little disgusted.

Speaking of- Farleigh is primarily concerned that he pegged Oliver for an absolute capital-L Loser on day ONE and now his stupid cousin is basically throwing himself at Oliver. Farleigh has theories, including maybe hypnosis or Felix having some sort of brain injury from Team Sports.

Oliver was absolutely bullied in school, but not extremely, because he learned to make himself invisible. Head down, keep going, don't react.

Oliver didn't really GET music until Felix showed him stuff that wasn't just radio pop music. Unfortunately, this was after Oliver spent way too long trying to understand why Steps were so popular.

Oliver's initial haircut is based off of Zac Efron's in High School Musical. He has never seen HSM, but something about Zac Efron made him feel weird, and it just sort of... happened. He has a type, and it's Jawline and Eyebrows.

Felix's first thought upon getting close enough for Oliver to do the Big Blue Eyes Look Up At Him was "oh no," followed by just question marks and bike panic. And also, bi panic.

Farleigh complained to Felix a lot about Oliver but never used his name. It was just "the fucking nerd in my tutorial group".

Oliver honestly didn't connect Farleigh and Felix as cousins, because he was mostly too busy trying not to be painfully in love with Felix to join the dots from a throwaway comment in his first tutorial.

The money in Oliver's wallet at the pub was meant to last for the next two weeks. Boy gotta get lunch and buy bodywash and stuff, not shots for rich kids.

Felix immediately begins relying on Oliver to know his schedule. Oliver just accepts this and sends Felix reminder texts for his tutorials.

Felix keeps leaving hoodies in Oliver's dorm room. This is weird because they are rarely in there for longer than a minute or two. Oliver wears these hoodies because Felix keeps insisting that they'd suit him. Farleigh, yes, sees this and is fucking CONCERNED.

Felix assumes he'll have to get married and have kids as it is his duty to continue the Catton Line. He keeps making weird jokes about his and Oliver's kids getting married.

Oliver says he fancies Kiera Knightley. This is incorrect. Kiera Knightley is just the closest woman he could find to Felix.

Oliver lies to his parents mostly to avoid any visits or needing to go home because going back there is awful and stifling and guilt-inducing.

A few people in their group refer to Oliver as Felix's Pet, but only when neither of them are there. Farleigh started it.

Felix's initial emotional reaction to Ollie's Field Reveal was immense pride and the urge to punch Farleigh in the arm very hard if he didn't stop staring, the pervert. Felix was not staring, he was merely pointing his eyes in that direction, thanks.

Felix always has something in his mouth and it makes Oliver want to die. Most of Oliver's pens and pencils have Felix toothmarks on.

Felix does not understand how much things cost. Oliver does. Oliver wishes Felix would stop picking things up that "made me think of you, Ollie!" Because. Felix. That t-shirt was £50. What is WRONG WITH YOU.

Felix has occasionally considered seeing if Ollie'd be up for a devil's threeway if he found someone willing. He isn't brave enough to ask, because he knows Oliver would say no, but he thinks about the idea a lot. You know. Just a regular wild Uni party thing, right?

If Oliver hadn't gone to Felix, Felix would have turned up sloppy, SLOPPY drunk outside of Oliver's room one night and had a big baby tantrum and probably shoved his tongue down Oliver's throat. It would be the worst handjob of Oliver's life, but also the best.

[prawns-are-cannibals]

Taskmaster series 16

Honestly, I really enjoyed this series. I feel like it was back to the normality of the show I loved after not overly enjoying S15.

I'm so glad that they managed to get Julian and Sue on this show, they were such a delight to watch, I love both of their energys so much. Julian was such a vibe, he cared so little about the whole thing and always going for Alex. I did always think that Lucy put on a bit of a 'ditzy' act, but nope, she is actually like that, and it made her such a joyous contestant. Sam and Susan were completely new to me, and they were such a nice surprised. They were both chaos for different reasons. I think if they were all spread out over different series, they would all be the stand out fan favourites. And can we appreciate Sam wearing grey all series, then dressing like that in the final!

Top 3 tasks

Do the most surprising family friendly thing with this donut

Lucy dicustingly chomping on the donut with just har mouth, and regurgitating it and feeding it to Alex was pretty grim. It's probably not the grossest thing he's eaten either. Sue's pathetic attempts at firing the donut at Alex from the 'donut of doom' bin gave me flashbacks to Nish and him trying to kick a ball into a hoop. But she was so happy when it finally hit him. Susan putting all of that in her mouth was so gross. How she managed to do it, I have no idea, but at least she made it out of the room before (probably) expelling it all out and more. It was so in character of Julian to spit it in Alexs face. "good luck to you and your family"

Make the most cool and scary gang with the googly eyes

How Lucky though that a gang ment one person with a skatwboard and a saxophone, I have no idea, but it was one hell of a surprise. Julian was mildly adorable, in a half-hearted attempt of a way, with his 'tea-pot ladz'. Sam's was a fine piece of film, how he comes up with his ideas I have no idea. I always love it when Alex has to act in some form during the tasks, it's so awkward. And let's not forget Satan the gnome, Allison the mop, Helmet, one-eyed Tim, and Ian the leafblower. Susan showing again how weird and creative her mind is

Do whatever you like with these switches for five minutes. You will then do a task in the lab for five minutes.

I thought this task was the right amount of evil that caused the contestants to overthink things. It would psych anyone out, sat in front of buttons/switches with no idea what they do and how they'll affect you. And it also gave us a brilliant quote from Lucy - "I don't like uv light. My mum thinks it's because I was in an incubator". And the revelation that she doesn't like leaves, hotdogs, or folk music. I'm in agreement with Sue, I would also get really freaked out if a creepy voice repeated my name (with less farting though). Of course Sam was the one who gave himself time to muck about, it was so in character. Julian campness really came out (even more) with his "oh I say" when he started vibrating.

Contestants

Julian

Lucy

Sue

Susan

Sam

(This series was so hard to rank, other than 1st and 5th)

Series 15

[paniwarhamauser]

I just realized I never finished posting Grot crusade write-ups here! Last was week 3! And that Crusade has ended back in May, and new one starts in a month😅

Guess I'll just dump weeks 4-10 here all at once.

And also end-of-crusade art for my guy 😁

Week 4

Me and ladz 'ere rollin' around lookin' for da good scrap. And dere it was. Da shiny fishboy Devilfish, dem curves glistenin' in da sun!

Nachurally we WAAAAGH'd!

Fishboyz are ded shooty, but you know wot? Stompa is ded STOMPY! 

Afta Bigtoof turned deir kommander into da kanned fishpaste dey 'ere done for!

Only one fishboy on da floaty fingie flew off. Looked so smug too. As if 'e was not running away, but akchually won. Weird...

Speakin' of winnin'. Zippy better deliver on 'is promise to build anuvva Gargant!

Da ladz collected enuff scrap today ta finish da job!

WIN FOR DA GROT WAAAAAGH!

Week 5

Gorksome is da beatiful little Gargant.

Zippy did da mighty gud job. Not dat I'd ever tell it to 'is face. Not givin 'im any ideas of bein betta at sum fings den da greatest Grotboss in 'istory!

And Gork was pleased by it too. We did not even had to look for da fight dis time! Bugboyz came to us!

Dis was a glorius day! Fighting everywhere! Gorksome got to shoot its first targetz! Even Zippy remembered 'e can fight too!

Too bad bugboyz 'ave nuffin' ta scrap. No matter, dey go SQUISH funny! Ladz larfed deir rumps off! And 'e got bugboyz snaks for dayz too!

WIN FOR DA GROT WAAAAGH!

Week 6

'E made it, ladz! Da 'umie Empra's shiny boyz (mega nobz beakies or whateva dese Kustardes are?) came ta fight us! And everywun knows dey fight only da most dangeros foez!

Of course I ALWAYZ knew I am da most dangeros! But 'tis nice ta be aknowleged.

And da best fing? Da stompa went BOOM. Dis was glorius! I almost kried of joy - ta witness da wrath of Gork and Mork wiff me own eyez!

'E even got enuff of goldy scrap ta fix stompa right up.

WIN FOR DA GROT WAAAAAGH!

Week 7

Da fightin' is da most fun, but 'e gotta make anuvva Gargant. And dis means 'e need more scrap.

Mork smiled upon us today. 'E 'eard 'BLOOD FOR DA BLOOD GOD' warcry, and I knew my ladz 'ere sent anuvva gud fight! 

Red and spikey beakies are ded fighty. And dey charge like da best of orkz too. Gotta respect dat! Also dey brought tanks! Wich mean dere was plenty of spikey scrap to collect afta da battle.

Da ladz even charged da spiky rhino and stole deir icon! Scrap and trophiez, da best life all around!

WIN FOR DA GROT WAAAGH!

Week 8

Would you look at dat! Stuntiez again! And dey have a new trukk too! Time to scrap it! WAAAAGH!

'Tis was fun! DAKKA-DAKKA-DAKKA! Dead stuntiez everywhere! 

And den weirdgurl and hammergurl 'ere at it again. Is Gork'n'Mork trying to tell me somefing by sendin' dem at me again? That I should I get a weirdboy and a hammer too? Interestin'...

Either way, a message from Gork and Mork is always a WIN FOR DA GROT WAAAGH!

Week 9

I was an idiot! Surprised at me sayin' dat? Da greatest grotboss is not afraid to admit mistakes!

I thought Devilfish were shiny! But Empra's goldie boyz showed me how wrong I was! Deir gravy-tank is proppa shiny! I 'ave never seen such a beauty in me life before!

Nachurally I called WAAAGH and sent ladz ta get me dat gravy-tank at all costs!

'Tis was a good fight. We krumped deir boss and deir nob too! Gargants are da best! Not as best as me, but close! Though I only cared for gravy-tank, if I'm honest. Nuffin else mattered.

Always keep da eyez on da prize, as dey say!

And wot a prize it is! Now I has da Goldy Throne of me own!

WIN FOR DA GROT WAAAGH!

Week 10

I was sittin' on Da Goldy Throne, surrounded by me trophies, pettin' me squig and thinkin' of changin' me title from Grot Boss to Grot Empra. No uvver boss has Da Goldy Throne, after all!

Me thinkin' was interrupted by watchlad screaming 'SCRAWNIES ON DA HORIZON'

Scrawnies are sure need to be krumped. Let me finish my shroom brew and den we WAAAGH!

W-wot is happenin'? Why I can no move? Wot is dis green glow? Did Gork and Mork came to see me and name me deir new profeet? Now dat's a REAL WIN FOR DA GROT WAAAAGH!

***

Trazyn closed the tessaract and chuckled to himself, - 'Don't you just love when a specimen arranges itself into a nice display, saving me the trouble!'

[harryseyebrows]

Harry nursing or being nursed

the former. lets not get TOO weird tonight ladz