#life has been incredibly busy for me
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NEWS: A new set of Paldea Pokemon plushes has been revealed, all of which are Pokemon that have never gotten official plushes before. This set will be available in Japan on May 18th.
#Sorry I haven't been keeping up with all of the new sets#life has been incredibly busy for me#Pokemon#Pokémon#Gen 8#Generation 8#Paldea#Scream tail#Flutter mane#Slither Wing#Chien Pao#Paradox Pokemon#Plush#Mod's post
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oops! all wips
#dndads#1st img is morgan . tried to solidify the type of person that would marry glenn & jodie and its like#manic pixie dream girl meets wife under bedsheets. fun loving carefree extremely irresponsible i imagine shes as much a bad mom as glenn is#a bad dad#close family dinner for each day of the week#i imagine its very depressing cool for kids sad for adult/college life meals#i had like a pmv/animatic of tmbg erase to nicks everything but ill never finish it sadge!#comic in the middle i was gonna do like a immediately after the final where willys defeated and schools out for summer norm and scary run#into eachother while theyre walking home#and scary would ask whats wrong and normal would be like#well knowing that the entire world ended because of me has been sort of weighing#on me yeah“ and then scary would go ”normal...do you wish that *was* the reason?“ which would lead normal getting dumbstuck cuz she hits#the nail on the hammer. and then hes incredibly defensive and hes like uh b buh NO !!! MAYBE !!! and scary would share her experience#but itd make normal more resentful cuz hed be like well it all worked out for you in the end with you and your dad and you mom who all love#you. and then scary would get irked and start to call him out but then now that the bottles been uncorked his resentment would start#spilling out.#“you burned my house down! i thought it was *my* family that had the connection with the doodler ! but why- when- ”#and normal would be so frustrated and he couldnt get his words out and hed refuse to look at scary while she looks at him w/ the hardest#look of conflicted sympathy and pain#and all she could say would be stop comparing yourself to me and shed mean that in the most compassionate way possible and norm would just#be like i know#and then the bus would come and scary would have to go but shed look back and then be like “am i still coming over saturday to play#and him busy crying would just give a thumbs up#god now that i write this out maybe i will draw it i have a little bit of time left why not#to me i think scarys someone normal would have the easiest time being mean to#one because of his latent misogyny and this like unconscious superciliousness he holds towards her yet shes the one receiving the#validation he sorely craves and knowing if theres anyone he could talk to and whos understand what hes going through its her so though he#isnt able to be emotionally vulnerable or engage in a deeper level but he does feel comfortable enough to lash out at her#last pic is if nick woke up post doodlerized and found himself on cassandras couch (where the teens placed him) and shes there to greet him
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in a hilarious turn of events my flatmate didn't even know I use any pronouns....
#i thought when she was talking abt how her parents thought i was gonna come out as trans and kept checking my name/pronouns-#that the joke was that im ALREADY trans but in ways they dont know abt.... but nope she genuinely didnt know 🤭#to be fair. i dont rly let anyone in on my gender business unless we're close enough to be dating or its an anonymous online space#like im legally cis and thats fine. idc abt ppl using my name + she/her bc thats not my gender identity its just AN identity that i use-#to navigate the world without ppl being fucking nosy bc i pass as + am sociopolitically treated as a woman (if butch lol)#to ppl who are friends ill joke that my gender is dyke (true) and to friends whose gender falls on a similar spectrum-#or who are transmasc ill talk a little more honestly abt it bc theyre usually able to understand better than anyone else#other butch dykes w a weird gender going on are the only motherfuckers who actually Get It but theyre hard to come by tbh#to be frank i dont fucking know whats going on w my gender. and i dont rly care enough to do the introspection to figure it out rn#i have so many other problems in my life and im lucky that most of my beef w gender can be solved by presenting butch + binding#and using any pronouns around other queer ppl. its actually incredibly funny to me when ppl she/her me bc its like tch. this chump hasnt#unlocked my level of gender yet. pronouns and names in general are so far disconnected from the way i exist in the world...#its just smth thats fun for me to play around with + makes me feel weird sometimes but in ways i havent distilled yet yknow#and this has been my approach to gender for like?? 4-5 years now??? and likely will continue to be for a long while..#anyway. its not actually that surprising my flatmate doesnt know bc shes cis so ive never felt compelled to have a deeper conversation#abt gender with her. but also i could sweeaaar its been mentioned bc almost all our other friends are trans lol#and also ive been introducing myself at queer sports socials w any pronouns and i swear i talked abt that w her..... whatever#and my pronouns are on discord and shes def seen my tumblr before but maybe i didnt have them in my bio at the time... i digress#i kind of prefer cis ppl she/hering me tbh. theyre not able to they them or he him or whatever else me in a way that matters.....#altho i do find it fascinating when she or other ppl elect to use neutral or masculine terms for me. raising an eyebrow and taking notes#like when she got a job and joked abt me being her househusband.. pulling up the fem/masc tally chart and chalking a line up#a la nona the ninth.... ive been trying to figure out whos inhabiting this body my entire fucking life with no luck girl#ANYWAY just smth to think abt. im so tired i think my brain is gonna start seeping out my eyeballs#im gonna watch some more pluto and read and then -> 🛌#another 6:30 start tomorrow woohoo#.diaries#zzzzz
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Gurlies, I just tried to fly to New Jersey, but the TSA wouldn't let me because the metal detectors kept firing off 😭💔
#it's not MY fault I like to have my cameras and burner phones and microphones and tracking device#i like having them on me and secure 😔😔😔#slay hall#gay hall#ooc: haven't used this acc in a while oops 😅#ooc: life has been incredibly busy
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when will genshin give us any sort of information on the underground intelligence network? we don't even have a name for it... GIVE US A CRUMB. A SINGLE ONE, I BEG.
#like. okay they just dropped that an underground mysterious group was watching diluc go rampant around teyvat against the fatui and were#like omg slayyy and he got into the organisation and reached the upper ranks and then they dipped#who are these people?? what's their goal?? how come there's members willing to sacrifice their identity and previous lives to be a part#of it?? i am on my knees begging for something more about them 😩#if we don't find out who the msyerious man that saved diluc and introduced him to the organisation is what even is the point#seriously though how come this organisation is so vast and up to all the nation's business but so far we have NOTHING on it besides what#we know from diluc's lore??#it's kind of bonkers if you think about it actually#being anti-fatui and being so incredibly resourceful and seemingly powerful since they saved diluc's life and diluc himself is quite the#unusual person strength wise#obviously we don't know what happened but it's just so intriguing#i wonder if other characters could work for the organisation too?!#i want to know how this organisation was formed so bad#i think the motive for their existence intrigues me so much because i'm so sure the fatui and the tsaritsa aren't the bad guys#obviously they do a lot of questionable things and it's fair that people like diluc and others that have been hurt by them want to#bring justice into the world but i doubt the tsaritsa has bad intentions#i think that's also why i like the theory of crepus being the missing harbinger só much#i would pay so much for diluc to have a realisation moment in regards to his father and the fatui#i just think that sort of character exploration would be so much fun#but regardless of that i am gnawing at hoyoverse front door pleading for more on the underground organisation#truly one of the things i'm most curious about in genshin
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Putting my journal down realizing maybe I shouldn't make a written plan to socialize more efficiently
#.txt#Is efficiently the right word. Diary entry incoming.#Going back and forth in recent days with feeling okay with one sided social stimulation and that's just kind of how my brain works#And recognizing I will not look like a well rounded person because I'm not able to maintain other people's interest in an acquaintanceship#It is likely. At least some part due to like labor isolation and all I do is work I do not have life events to interest people#All I can talk about is video games but incredibly limits the social pool because I like bad games.#And also to some degree distrust and the assumption my presence is unwanted. Which I've been working on a lot!#Today in particular is probably just a bad day.#And I have been very focused on life plans for the past week or so which has become very daunting#Planning on starting a business this year. Which is probably why I'm stressing about being able to reach people.#As it will become financially relevant and not just a personal failing I have accepted.#Reasonably it is probably a therapy thing to address being so afraid of other people. But I do not want to go to therapyyyy I'll do it.#Myself.#Normally.#Not dipping into woe is me I have no one territory at least as bad as I did when I was younger. Recognizing a pattern that I am enacting.#My responsibility to improve. Yada yada. I just wish it was a bit easier to feel my like. Presence.#And the constant improvement mindset straying into never good enough is very difficult to avoid.#And it's not a matter of being a good enough person to have close relationships. But I think its easiest to ascribe personal failure#When you are unable to do something. Well the most likely culprit is probably never leaving the house and being undiagnosed.#Which I can arguably do things about.#Also I'm tired. But I'm going to work on my resume tonight anyway and hope tummy pain passes and maybe talking to people will be easier#Another day.
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#i know no one wants to hear this but i need to put it somewhere#i'd like to say that i love taylor#love her so much#she has been such an intrinsic part of my life and my coming of age#and her music got me through and continues to get me through all my highs and lows#i believe that she is a good person and that she has good intentions#even now#i want to believe that so badly#but i am having a hard time!!!#like she seems.... proud of the fact that she is a billionaire#and like yes we joke about her being a capitalist#and of course i know she is also running a business#but it just feels incredibly out of touch the way she spoke about her money#and i know the argument would be well you just hate women being successful#and actually no thats not it at all and i wont be elaborating!#and the silence on palestine is literally SOOO loud#genocide is not political#i dont know i dont know i dont know#ive never struggled like this with her#its really been leaving a bad taste in my mouth the last few weeks though#i want nothing more than to celebrate the time piece because i truly am so proud of her#but everything feels kinda wrong rn
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One thing that infuriates me about modern life is, for how terminally online everyone is, people are terrible at answering messages. I communicate primarily through texts, show love through ‘thinking of you’ messages, ask important time sensitive questions over the phone. I don’t need answers back right away but when days past without response it passes rude into disheartening. Nothing infuriates me more than following up in person on a text I sent a week before and getting ‘oh lol sorry forgot’
#this is exclusively irl stuff#I know online friendships are weird with different time zones and in and out of fandoms#but people are Constantly on their phones#if I message you about an important work question I expect an answer within a day#if you're busy that second a quick 'talk later' will suffice#just being flat out ignored its mad and hurtful#still lowkey upset that I messaged a friend when I was Really bad with covid asking her advice#and she never responded back#like to me that is very tellin#my attempts to keep in contact with people I dont see every day with lil Thinking of You messages#also get ignored and then when I do see them its 'omg hi why don't we keep in contact more'#well I'M TRYING I guess it really is lip service#idk this has been an issue my whole life#I consider punctuality and consideration to be incredibly important#I dont care if it takes you hours or even a day or 2 to get back to me#but to repeatedly always be ghosted sometimes just exhausts me#like Im throwing my love into the air and watching it evaporate into nothing
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Most of the time I think life is so so good and then I have one minuscule moment of pain again and it’s like nvm I need to die
#you ever have a good pain week and then you can feel your body getting tense again even when you’re trying to be proactive and it doesn’t#help anymore and you feel like a child again I feel like when I first started hurting when I first realized this was forever I feel like#when I would spend nights crying and thinking about how this was my body and this was my life and how it’ll be like this forever#I almost hate feeling good bc I forget how shitty it is when I hurt#like I truly forget that pain is forever when I have a good couple days and then it always comes back and even when it’s not brutal#immediately I know it will get there again.#I’m pmsing and I’m nervous bc I am stressed and I’ll be starting a new job next week and my shoulders are set more forward then they normal#are and ik it’s from driving and stress and sleeping in so many different places but like god how do I stop being afraid of my body#falling apart while im still using it.#I’m preparing myself for the inevitable endo flare. if it isn’t this month it’ll be some other month. how do I explain to a new boss that I#might have to call out a couple days in a row every month bc I’ll be busy curled up in a ball crying or sleeping for two days#how do I explain that I have to lie about how much I can carry and how long I can stay on my feet because if I didn’t I wouldn’t be able to#get a job anywhere#ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh I feel incredibly young and small and my life is short and just beginning and it feels like it’s racing me to the end#I will hurt in some capacity forever. I just have to deal with that. between emotional and physical pain I am hurting constantly but this#last week has been so fucking good and I have to go back to my regular life tomorrow and try to be good and fix myself and still remember to#stretch even when I’m not driving ten hours and it’s just so hard#I hope I take care of myself. I hope I stop hurting I hope I can be happy soon
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ok so i was obsessed with tokyo mew mew in 8th grade. OBSESSED with it. that was my #1 interest for like the whole year.
at 12 years old i was in love love Love with Kisshu. very genuinely i loved him to bits. and i H A T E D aoyama bc of it. bc Competition or w/e but also i just thought he was super fucking boring lmao
& now at nearly 26 im just like. yea he's a lil boring but him & ichigo are genuinely pretty cute. that middle school crushes stage. it's rly sweet !!!
and then kisshu shows up lol. i still very much appreciate him as a character.
#speculation nation#reading trigun has got me in the mood for old anime/manga things#now u may ask 'but fanny dont you have yet to watch trigun 98?'#and YEA ok yes i do. but listen i promised my friend id watch it with them#and then life was huge chaos and im gonna be busy next week so it's not a good time to start it#but im gonna. try to watch it with them. after next week.#this is the friend i first watched tristamp with. and i may be a pathetic bitch but i Keep My Promises#i just went and read all of trimax in the meantime and sdkljfsldkfj yeah.#sometime. Soon. i will watch 98.#for now im rewatching tokyo mew mew. just bc i wanna revisit an old love#honestly it's incredibly uh. well. i can tell why i liked it so much#(says the person who was Convinced they were a cat born as a human back in middle school b4 this all)#(no i hadnt heard of otherkin that was basically nonexistent back then. but the shoe sure does fit doesnt it)#also. face in my hands anytime i remember how this anime had me wearing a bell on a ribbon to school. a number of times. On My Neck.#i may have been cringe but I Was Free
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its easy to blame mental problems on yourself but the good thing is! it only takes one sentence for my mom to blow up and show me where i got it all =w=b
#its awesome that were all so closely connected by our anger issues <33#obvs not saying its her fault at all. very much not!!!!#but it does always. remind me.#i have a good home life. were all fine. and being a mum must be EXHAUSTING and something that i will never understand.#but its.#i dont know.#sillyposting#its difficult.#i was trying to explain why her saying “ohh did you eat a lot today” to my brother might sound accusatory and bothering. (in more context)#but its IMMEDIATELY taken as my trying to be nosy and butting in. not even one sentence i get to explain.#which. fair. it shouldnt be my business. but were having dinner. were all here. my brother is UPSET aswell (same anger issues <33) so.#i try to calm us all down. but ofcourse its not taken like that.#she always takes it like were all against her.#and to some extend thats right.#me and my brother and my dad often talk over dinner about tech stuff because we all like it.#and often in the middle of it she butts in with “okay enough debate.” while we are. just talking.#albeit indeed passionately.... it still is just a conversation over dinner.#there is my youngest brother but he is very much walking the same path as my other brother and i.#and it must be incredibly isolating to be alone in your own home. to feel so left out.#i do feel bad. it is not her fault. but again.... it explains a lot.#i do wonder how much little me has been affected by it. could things have been different??#i dont want to admit that her worst fear is true but.#i shouldnt say. its not nice.#i wont.#my mom is good. she tries really hard. it very much could have been worse.
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ignore this post i’m just whining again
#i HATE being new with a passion like it is one of the most uncomfortable situations for me to be in#i had extreme social anxiety as a kid (still do i’ve just learned how to manage it better) that had a huge impact on me in school#i switched schools 3 times between the ages of 5 and 10 and tbh i made friends pretty quickly every time#but i was still so indescribably anxious every time bc i just hated being the new kid so much#and i thought that was all behind me bc at the time it was bc i didn’t know anyone and everyone else already had friends#but as i’ve gotten older that same feeling has come back and this time it’s when i’m starting at a new job instead of a new school#i started working when i was 16 and for the first month or two i was so stressed and uncomfortable all the time#and i thought it was normal bc it was my first job ever#which was reinforced when i was 19 and got another job and the adjustment period was a million times better#but i started working there 2 weeks after the business opened so literally everyone was new not just me#and now i’m realizing that was probably the only reason i settled in so easily#bc now i’ve started another job and i’m right back to feeling incredibly anxious whenever i’m there and it’s driving me crazy#like everything’s been super easy so far and it’s the exact same type of work i was doing before so i already know what i’m doing#and everyone i’ve met has been nice and chill but i’m still so uncomfortable#like every time i talk to my coworkers i’m just thinking ‘oh my god this is so awkward’ the whole time and i can’t stop#and i just feel so out of place and it sucks bc i was so excited about this job and rn i just feel so anxious every time i go to work#and the worst part is i felt the same way when i was new at my first job and (to a lesser extent) my second job#so logically i know it’s just bc it’s my first week and it takes time to adjust and it’ll be fine eventually#but knowing that doesn’t make the feeling go away or help me deal with it#like what can i do besides just accepting that work is going to suck for the next month??#the whole thing is just kind of making me spiral bc i desperately needed a new job and this is literally the only one i wanted#but at the same time i’m still so upset about getting laid off from my last job even though it’s been 3 months#and the more anxious i feel at this new job the more i miss my old job#and i cannot allow myself to fall back into the headspace i was in for all of march after losing that job#maybe this is irrational bc it was just a job but the layoff genuinely sent me into one of the worst depressive episodes of my life#so idk i guess i was just really hoping i would love this job right away so i could finally see a bright side to getting laid off#and i mean i don’t have any complaints about the job so far but my anxiety is just making me so unhappy anyway#and i just miss my old job so much and i think about it nonstop and i really fucking hate being new and idk what else to say or do#vent#lj.txt
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feeling so sad, i miss jonghyun
#i dread this time of the year so much#i have been very inactive because of various reasons and factors#and i am afraid i am bottling up my grief again#i thought i had gotten a bit more vocal and better at handling it but i am back at square one#i feel incredibly sad#i wish i could see him again#life has been all over the place i would give anything to be able to hear his voice and see his face again#everything hurts#i think it doesn't help that i have been so busy that i barely get time to unwind and do things for him#struggling to fit time to sub content and all that#i manage to do very little every week#it's so frustrating it's all irritating me these days
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you know when you’re at that point when can’t stand someone that every little thing they do is so so annoying... that’s how i feel with my grandma right now
#sometime i feel like i am a horrible granddaughter (and i know im not the best one either#i dont even try sometimes bc i dont have a relationship with her growing up bc we moved when i was 4 i dont remember much of my childhood#i have very few memories of her and most of them are about her scolding someone)#also the image i have of her is what my mom had told me about how she was growing up. she wasnt a nurturing mother#i dont think the hit her kids but she wasnt warm and caring#i also know that she (my grandma) had a very hard childhood and overall life#so when i think about that i feel 100 times worse bc i know its not her fault that she's like this#but also when she's here my mom gets very very stresses bc their relationship is horrible#but she cant go bc she has doctor appointments and procedures that have to me done here#so im getting really annoyed by everything she does#she watches tv at full volume. she chews loudly and talks with her mouth full. she speaks really really loud#and its worse when shes speaking on the phone#she is incredibly stubborn and dismisses my mom constantly#she leaves cups with scraps on the kitchen counter and doesnt let anyone touch it bc she will drink them later (some have been there for a w#week before my mom throws them out)#also since shes been here we havent had the chance to go away for a weekend or to eat outside bc she doesnt like to leave the house#and when she wants to leave the house its when my mom is super busy (and i dont have my driver's license and tbh i wouldnt+#+want to go out with her either) so my mom ends up being the bad guy#shes been here for 5 months and shes not leaving anytime soon but i want her to leave#ok venting helped#mariana.txt
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I survived a week in The South at the cost of I Cannot Stop Repeating The Phrase “Simply Southern” In A Leslie Jordan Voice
#crunchy new Englanders have life is good merch#and Christian southerners seem to have simply southern merch#yes I bought two long sleeves and a drink koozy#but seriously though this week has been incredible#and I actually got a business card from the interpreter at the millinery in colonial Williamsburg so I will be emailing her as soon#I’m already figuring out a way to get the museum to pay for me to return to Virginia next year#colonial Williamsburg is a dream of a place for me#I gathered some ideas for how I can run my living history program better#just so humbled by the immensity and detail of it all#travel tag#museum musings
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From Chuck Tingle, author of the USA Today bestselling Camp Damascus, comes a new heart-pounding story about what it takes to succeed in a world that wants you dead.
Misha is a jaded scriptwriter who has been working in Hollywood for years, and has just been nominated for his first Oscar. But when he's pressured by his producers to kill off a gay character in the upcoming season finale―"for the algorithm"―Misha discovers that it's not that simple.
As he is haunted by his past, and past mistakes, Misha must risk everything to find a way to do what's right―before it's too late.
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BURY YOUR GAYS cover has been released today and theres something TRULY INCREDIBLE about it, something that bends timelines and melts away the edges of the void and brings tears to my eyes. can you see it? let me explain in a thread as you PREORDER NOW...
for nearly ten years i have been publishing my stories despite pushback that they are too odd. us buckaroos are the outsiders, but this community has kicked open the door for art that is sincere and strange and beautifully unique. that is my trot and that is OUR trot as buds
we came out of nowhere and made CAMP DAMASCUS a usa today bestseller. every step of the way that book overperformed. buds were CONFUSED that a book from ‘silly meme erotica author’ could take flight. but us buckaroos knew it was inevitable because we know the power of love
i still recall the question ‘are you SURE you do not want a new horror pen name?’ HECK NO i am proud of the tingleverse. i am not ashamed of these queer erotic stories i drag up from bottom of my heart and spill with raw sincerity across irony poisoned timelines
i have been mocked my whole life as author that is ‘ridiculous no-content meme’ by those who have never read it. that my work is ‘not real’. i have been mocked for my autism and queerness and told THIS WOULD NEVER WORK. which brings me back to cover of my new book BURY YOUR GAYS
looks like the name chuck tingle is NOT a liability for the mainstream. all devils who doubted can gaze upon this cover and see bold CHUCK TINGLE staring back at them PROUDLY from the shelf in all its queer autistic glory... HOVERING ABOVE THE TITLE AND JUST AS BIG AND PROUD
thank you nightfire and chucks manager and chucks agent for believing in me. these buds have always had my back. thanks to BUCKAROO COMMUNITY who have always supported my way, this next step in our trot is not just about me IT IS ABOUT US. we kick open these doors together
so heres to making this world a little more unique and strange for those of us who are, ourselves, unique and strange. heres to bending timelines to us, instead of us bending to them. heres to name CHUCK TINGLE big and bold ABOVE the title on a big five traditional published book
and remember the best way to support an author, especially someone on outside pushing their way in, is to PREORDER THEIR BOOK. because of publishing business model it is SO IMPORTANT so if you would like to support chuck then PREORDER BURY YOUR GAYS NOW
#bury your gays#tingleverse#chuck tingle#love is real#queer#horror#lgbtqia#actually autistic#misha#buckaroo lifestyle#lets trot#queer horror
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