#like James Somerton's ideas of gay stories being lesser if they don't include sex. or representation/shipping

[web-novel-polls]

I know it's been, like, over half a year, and I probably shouldn't be concerned with it anymore, but I think what bugs me so badly about people being so self-righteous about Jiang Cheng "being homophobic" in the Aroace Spec Character Tournament is that directly correlates to actual experiences and interactions I see within the LGBTQIA+ community. It's so close to the fear and shame that leads to the question of, "how much of comfortability and well-being do I have to give up to live within an amatonormative world? At what point do I speak up about my own repulsion? Do I ever?Why am I the always the one who has to change?"

I can't help but come back to that AITA about an aro and/or ace GSA member who was shamed and called homophobic by what should be their own community for the simple crime of looking away from PDA. Their club advisor who acted like they were the problem because it's "supposed to be a safe space for the other kids" but not really answering whether it's also supposed to be a safe space for the submitter. How aroace people are "included" until they're uncomfortable or don't want to talk about sex or romance. How sex and romance repulsed aroaces are never allowed to show repulsion, or they're prudes, homophobic, ruining the fun. Why is someone being uneasy something THEY have to apologize for? Why is it an attack, if not to protect the amatonormative idea that anyone who is personally unsatisfied, uncomfortable, rejecting of love and sex is somehow lesser or hostile to love and sex itself? How aroace are we allowed to be before we become "problematic"?

[I'm aware this is an emotional reaction for this specific instance. Don't be weird. Don't be a dick. Don't be aroace-phobic. Do be gay and aro and ace and trans and-]