#like damn I was coming down with the Eldest Daughter and Gifted Kid syndromes even then

[chaoswithcausation]

girl help my childhood hyperfixation has returned tenfold

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

good morning mac ghostiezone catkiss i am here to take u up on ur dare. give me ur thoughts on c!wilbur Yes All Of Them. I Would Like To See. 👀👀👀 ^_^

ROSWELL I CANNOT POSSIBLY GIVE YOU ALL OF THEM AT ONCE this post will be like 84 years long. he is all I think abt I think about him SO much u don't understand. But I will give u the Essentials (the essentials are probably just Mental Health Issues but hey that's the kinda morning we're having so I apologize in advance) EDIT BEFORE I POST this got so fuckign long and this isn't even. half of it. I am so sorry

ok so first off. mans is an ACTOR. he has eldest daughter syndrome (gender neutral) AND gifted kid syndrome because. while phil used to bundle him in his wings and walk him through breathing right and calming down when he'd have panic attacks as a kid, at some point he got too observant for his own good and stopped asking for help. Logically he knows phil would have no problem with helping him, but he's already dealing with so much with Tommy and techno, why add onto his stress? So he spent all his time becoming the perfect son that nobody would ever have to worry about. He taught himself how to come down from a panic attack, how to hide the fact that he was crying until he could escape to his bedroom or a bathroom, kept up with perfect school work despite the toll it was taking on him solely so that he wouldn't be a burden. All his self destruction was hidden behind closed doors and long sleeves. And then he moved out, and things got worse before they got better, but they did get better for a long time! And then he gets a letter from Tommy, asking him to come join he and Tubbo in a new server. and lmanburg happens. Wilbur takes up the role of general and president really easily (he used to love history, he's read enough books about it so the script came easy to him).

The war left its fair share of scars though. Wilbur entirely blames himself for everything that went wrong (he was supposed to be better than that, damn it). He is INCREDIBLY guilty especially about Tommy's arrow duel with Dream, because tommy even asked him about it and he didn't do enough to stop him. He's still an actor, though, and the instinct to hide his suffering is still so deeply ingrained into him, so he keeps up appearances and stays strong for everyone else's sake. Shaky hands can be passed off as an old war injury (side note that is one of my biggest and most consistent hcs. wilbur has shaky hands baybee)

Pogtopia fucking ruins him. He was already holding on by a thread after the war but his and Tommy's banishment was a huge fucking pair of scissors and made everything come crashing down. He was totally numb for the first week they were in the ravine, focusing on building stairways and carving out rooms 24/7 so he wouldn't have to think about anything else. He had quit the sh habit after he moved out of Phil's house, but pogtopia broke him and it came back full force, worse than it used to be. Full scale addiction levels. He hid it from Tommy and Techno for as long as he could, but Techno caught him one night and he had to spill the beans (he still doesnt know tommy accidentally eavesdropped on that conversation). One time techno tried to hide everything sharp he could find and Wilbur got withdrawal symptoms so bad he passed out during a panic attack and almost broke his neck falling down the stairs. It was messy and terrible and unhealthy as fuck, and it's no surprise that he had the breakdown he did because he never got any help. He had a new script as the villain and he was clinging onto it like a lifeline (ironic, because he hoped it'd lead to his death-) It's not that techno and tommy didn't care, it's just. techno didn't think it was as serious as it actually was (not his fault, Wilbur was still hiding a lot of his symptoms), and tommy spent so much energy trying to make sure Wilbur took care of himself. He was only a kid, though, and it shouldn't have fallen all onto him. He loved his brother so much and couldn't stand seeing him fall so far from grace.

(Wilbur loved him too, more than anything, but convinced himself it would be easier to push everyone away. Make them hate him so his death would be cathartic for them instead of tragic.)

We will not talk abt the button room I basically wrote an entire fic abt how I feel about the button room so that's an entire other conversation. (Here's a song to make up for it though :) )

Same with limbo tbh. I have Too Many Thoughts Head Full.

After his revival, Literally Every little thing is overstimulating. we got to see it with Tommy even, after he was brought back after such a short time he was scared of any sort of damage and said everything was "so real" so like. Imagine that but multiplied by 13 years. Everything Is So Much. He's lost his script again, it burned up with his old body, so he feels a little lost. All he wants is just. Someone to care about him. And he knows he basi ruined that for himself, and a big part of his brain tells him that he doesn't deserve that love from anyone, because he's the one that killed it for himself in the first place. He can't help craving it though.

Im kind of running out of steam now for general hc writing but if u have anymore specific questions or anything I will gladly ramble abt him more just. man. c!wilbur.