#like haven't proof read

[chericherilvr]

summary: Soobin's love language is physical touch, and you just have to deal with it—at all cost. w/c: 526 warnings: cursing? clingy Soobin, just pure fluff author's note: I have to go rnrn, but I am so making the rest of the boy's love language. This comeback... this comeback killed me... I love summer songs...

Sometimes, people are destined to surprise us. You could know everything about someone, yet one day it all changes.

You still remember the times in which Soobin was shy. The soft glances after looking away. The small smiles, eyes following your every move, after you entered a room. That time a bet made you get ever so close to him with a teasing "do I make you nervous?" with him immediately breaking into a blushing mess—the guys still tease him about it to this day.

How could someone so confident on stage, be so shy outside of it.

And how could that same person now, months later, be the most shameless person you knew.

"Binnie, I can barely breathe"

Yet Soobin doesn't reply. Currently with your body under his, what was supposed to be a cute movie-cuddling date, turned into a call for help. It's summer for fuck's sake. And no amount of love could make you feel any less hot.

All day he had been following you around: The hand-holding while cooking—barely got to not burn something. The constant side hugs, back hugs, picking you up and spinning whenever he felt like it. He always had to have something touching you, knowing you were there.

"Soobin."

"I don't care." He mumbles from the crook of your neck—which his face is buried in. It tickles.

"Hope you like cuddling with a corpse if I can't soon get some water to hydrate" I say, although I allow my hand to go play with his hair.

"You'd be the cutest corpse"

"Not the compliment you think it is"

He whines and hugs you closer, tighter. Without a warning, he sits back up, pulling you up with him to stand. A gasp passes your lips, eyes widened before you realize he moved to hug you from behind.

"Go hydrate or whatever you humans do"

You shake your head slowly, and only take the first steps towards the kitchen after seconds of processing what was happening.

"Newsflash, you're human too, you need to hydrate or whatever"

"I am not," his whisper carasses your ears, "matter of a fact, all I need to be alive is this!" he pats the side of your hips.

The cups left on the kitchen counter are cold at touch, especially after filling them up with water. Gently, you tap on the hand wrapped around you, and try to pull it. He shakes his head.

"Water Soobin, drink water."

Sometimes, people are meant to surprise us. That way it keeps things interesting. Some people change out of their own will; for others a simple "Drink or no more cuddles" gets them out of your back for a couple seconds. The sight of Soobin is truly still adorable, even when he rushes to drink as if death was hovering above if he didn't.

You could always expect and await for someone to change, yet you know the people closest to you.

Just like how Soobin clung back to your after hydration. Just how you will always allow him to—no matter if you can't breathe. No matter if he stays there forever.

[sincerelybubbles]

"spence?"

"hm?"

"when did you get home?"

a more awake you would be squealing, thoroughly excited he came home early from his trip, but the early hours have hardly begun to bring light and you're struggling to even open your eyes to look at him. your cheeks still widen into a pleased smile though, turning into his warmth and humming, confused, when your hands find the rough fabric of his coat.

"a few hours ago," he says, voice rough, eyes still shut. one arm across his eyes, blocking the minuscule light, the other a vice around your waist. his voice is slow, deep in his chest, caught on the sleep he obviously wishes to keep. but he still turns his face toward the sound of your voice, smile creeping up at the corners of his lips, willing to entertain you despite his fatigue.

"are you still wearing your shoes?" you ask, voice teasing, scooting up in his arm to nudge your nose against the curve of his jaw. you press a kiss there, the point where his bone hits a right angle, lips tingling from the stubble you find.

"no," he says, voice honest, "i know better than that."

"no shoes, but your belt is still on?" you tease, fingers dragging across the leather. you don't care, not beyond a genuine concern for his comfort, but you enjoy teasing him in this way, skimming your lips across the rough skin of his chin in not-quite kisses.

"i took my gun off," he complains in a half-hearted groan, lifting his arm to peek at you out of the corner of one eye. "hi," he says, voice still soft, somehow deeper with affection, dimples the star of the show on his cheeks.

"hi," you say, tilting your head back and lifting your arm to cart your fingers through his mess of hair. "welcome home."

he smiles, reaching around with his other arm to gather you up and drag you across his chest in a bear hug, chuckling at the squeal you let out, sighing against your hair. he presses a firm kiss there, right above your ear.

"we will have to wash the sheets, though. it was really gross for me to not change, i was just exhausted, sorry."

[evercelle]

2024 art summary! it sure has been a year

[skrunksthatwunk]

EXTREMELY REAL MOMENT FROM HIRANO HERE

[snkyou]

Drabble Prompt: Post-canon Levi, struggling with chronic pain and mourning his dead loved ones, being visited by his still alive loved ones

Anon, you knew how to talk pretty to me <3

hihi requests are still open btw

I feel like I gotta put a disclaimer or something lmao. So, the length of my drabble requests is usually something between 100-400 words. This request is just an incredibly unexpected exception. it just happened to fit into this idea I already had been thinking of, which was how the remaining 104th would ask Levi to be part of important events in their lives because well, they like the dude lmao, so expect that sort of one-shot soon. Additionally, since I kept reminding myself that this was supposed to be a drabble, I might have glossed over the chronic pain and mourning bits so I'm sorry about that ;;

that being said, 2.4k words of Levi and Gabi be upon ye <3

Now on Ao3!

The angry hissing of the kettle makes him flinch. It brings a loud ringing to his right ear. Instinctively, he places his right hand over it, and gives his ear a couple of gentle taps; it's more of a grounding gesture, a distraction from the buzzing. He usually keeps watch over the kettle, so that he can lower the heat just right before it gets a chance to scream at him. 

He realises then that he must have spaced out while waiting. It’s alright, he thinks. It’s been like that a lot, recently. He’s been like that. Lost in thought-- lost in time, if he allowed himself to be precise. The last days, weeks even, as the temperatures started to drop, blended into each other. There’s a little calendar on his bedside table, it had been a birthday gift from Armin – or had that been Mikasa’s? He isn’t sure, he had received an absurd number of presents from the kids last year, it had been hard to keep track of who gave him what and now the fact escaped him. Turning the pages of the little calendar, with its delicate botanical illustrations on each day, quickly became part of his morning routine, and so he was sure that time was passing at all. The stillness of the routine, he guesses, made him like this.

His vision blurs momentarily while he scoops the tea leaves into the teapot. He squints, trying to will his good eye to focus, but all he gets in return is a throb in his right eye. After putting the tea canister away, he presses the inner sides of his wrists to both eyes, placing just enough pressure to relieve the discomfort. When he opens his eyes again, he is pleased to find he can read the small print on the canister an arm’s length away. 

There’s a loud slam coming from the front of the house, followed by footsteps coming further into the house.

He quickly recognizes the heavy stomping as Gabi’s gait. She’s always been so loud.

Gabi crosses the arch into the small kitchen and dining area. 

“Don’t slam my doors,” he says as a greeting, slowly turning his head to his left side, trying to catch a glimpse of her in his periphery.

“Aye, aye,” the kid waves her hand, shoots him a teasing grin, “someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.”

Levi hums in response but doesn’t say anything else. He busies himself with placing everything they need for their morning tea and coffee on a metal tray on the counter, which Gabi takes from him as soon as it’s ready and sets it on the table.

He grabs his cane from where he had hooked it on one of the kitchen drawers. He has been leaning against the counter, his right leg supporting most of his weight all this time. He braces himself for the sharp pain that will surely surge from his bad knee, through his left hip and up his spine. Cold mornings like this one and being still in one place for long will do that to him. It’s not so bad. It could be worse.

It takes 4 steps to get from the stove to his chair, which Gabi has already pulled out for him. It sits at an angle that allows him to easily slide down on it and rest his right elbow on top of the table, leaning back and against his good side.

“I have something that will cheer you up,” she holds a couple of envelopes in her hand and waves them at him, “You’ve got mail!”

He nods at her in acknowledgement but does not take his attention away from preparing his first batch of tea of the day. There’s a ritual to it, it almost feels like, and he doesn’t want to mess it up. Not when the ringing in his ear is still there, the building pressure in the upper back part of his eyeballs, and the cold air seeping into his bones through his thick jumper. Oh, how he needs a good cup of tea right now.

While Levi waits for it to steep, he grabs the papers that she had shoved in his face, squints his eyes at the first envelope and finds that he is unable to make out much of the handwriting. He brings it closer to his face, squints harder, steals a quick glance across the table and hopes Gabi isn’t paying him any mind, too preoccupied with choosing from the bag of pastries she brought with her. It is with an impassive expression that he hands the stack of envelopes back. 

“Read it for me.” A beat and then he adds, a little reluctant: “Please.”

He knows Gabi prefers coffee in the mornings, and black tea in the evenings, so he makes sure to have a fresh brew of the former whenever he knows she’s coming over; so, with shaky hands, Levi gets to prepare her cup of coffee. While he enjoys the aroma of it, he remains faithful to tea; at first, he thought he didn’t like it because he had butchered his first attempts at brewing it. But even after Onyankopon had taught him how to do it properly and he had enjoyed his cup, it didn’t bring the same comfort as tea. It just never hit the spot.

She shoots him a mischievous grin, “Oh, you sure? What if I read something personal, hm?” 

Levi just shakes his head, scoffing at the idea of Gabi finding his junk mail fascinating.

“Is this how I find out you have a secret lover you’re exchanging raunchy love letters with?” Gabi teases, wiggling her eyebrows at him.

He lets out a tired sigh and rolls his eyes, “just wanna be done with it, ” he stirs the milk into Gabi’s coffee, which now has turned into a cup of milk with coffee. “We have a lot to prepare for tonight.”

She clicks her tongue at him, but still rips the first envelope open, “Mr. Levi, your reading won’t improve if you keep doing that,” she jokingly scolds him.

Although Levi mentally recognises handing her and Falco stuff he couldn’t be bothered reading before, that’s not the case this time. He’ll let her think that for now, though, because he doesn’t want to mention the pressure building in the back of his bad eye, it’s not important and she, a kid, doesn’t need to know his newly found ailment of the week. He can see just fine around him right now. He can see Gabi’s big eyes and playful smile at the other side of the table, and that’s good enough; smaller details, he doesn’t feel he can do them, not without making himself go dizzy with a migraine.

Levi slides the cup of coffee to her and is pleased with himself when she approves of the colour of her drink.

“It’s from Armin,” she announces as she scans the letter. 

From this angle, the soft morning light illuminating her face and thanks to his faulty vision, Gabi’s image stirs his memory. His heart faintly constricts as he is reminded of the many times Hange read their research reports to him during breakfast in the mess hall before presenting them to Erwin. Levi always wondered how they could read so fast, sometimes he even doubted they were actually reading at all, their words barely being able to catch up with her eyes; he never asked about it, maybe reading came easy to them as numbers did to him.

A high-pitched squeal from Gabi startles him, bringing him back to the here and now.

“Oh… ohh, Mr. Levi,” she starts, her smile widening by the second “This is good news!”

Gabi makes a show of clearing her throat and then starts reading “Dear Captain, I hope this letter finds you well and in good health.” 

Levi can’t help but let a sardonic huff at the irony of the greetings but doesn’t let himself be bothered by it. He has written only a handful of personal letters throughout his life, and by now he knows it’s just something you’re supposed to say because jumping straight to the point isn’t acceptable, or so that’s what he had been told. 

Gabi continues reading Armin’s words to him. For the most part, it’s a standard letter coming from him: he asks Levi how he’s dealing with the changing of the seasons, how Gabi and Falco are faring, if business at the tea shop has been good, if there’s anything Levi needs that he can’t get in town so that Armin or the others can get it for him. He tells him a little about the country he’s writing from, he even includes a photograph. Then, after the expected pleasantries, Gabi can barely hold her excitement and starts reading faster, trying so hard not to trip over her words.

“If I’m being sincere, we would prefer to ask you in person,” Gabi stops for a second to look up at him from the paper, gauging for a reaction and finding nothing, she continues. 

Armin apologises for not being able to visit him before the holidays, Annie included, and so it is implied that he won’t be attending tonight’s reunion. 

Sometime during the last five years, the Alliance brats had decided to make showing up at Levi’s doorstep together once a year a sort of custom; the first time it happened was during an early winter, a blizzard had stopped them from leaving Levi’s until the next morning. It had been a really nice evening despite the awful weather, Levi remembers, after everyone pitched in one way or another, they all shared a simple but hearty meal together. It was Connie who jokingly said they should do it every year. The following year, Onyankopon, Gabi and Falco joined them. 

This year would be their fourth, and the first someone wouldn’t make it. That fact sits heavily in Levi’s chest, stealing the spotlight from his throbbing eye.

“...Annie and I have decided to get married. The both of us would like you to officiate our ceremony!” unable to contain her excitement, she tears her eyes away from the paper and looks at Levi. “Huh?! This is good news! What’s with the constipated face?!”

That doesn’t sound right. It figures that Annie and Armin would be the first to marry; in a way, he is happy for them, they clearly care for each other. No, that part is easy to understand. Their union is logical to anyone who knows the couple. What Levi can’t figure out is why they are asking him such a thing.

He clears his throat, assumes it’s been 3 minutes and his tea is ready to be poured and so he distracts himself with that.

When he doesn’t answer Gabi, she picks up where she left off. 

He isn’t… well, he isn’t that close to either of them. He’s sure Annie must have other relatives that could step in his stead. Maybe a brother, a cousin. Even Jean or Reiner would be better options than Levi. He isn’t good with words or people like they are, he couldn’t possibly give them a speech about something foreign to him as it is that kind of love, that’s what people expect, right? His title of Captain is obsolete in this new world, so it can’t be that either. Hell, he has never been to a fucking wedding. 

Just… why him?

As expected, Armin doesn’t really go into the details of their choice but does let Levi know they do not expect a fast answer and that they do not want him to feel pressured to accept it, despite how much it would mean to them if he did. Armin asks if there’s anything in particular that he would like for his birthday, as it is a month away, and closes the letter by saying he looks forward to seeing him and everyone then.

When the letter is closed and put back into its envelope, silence falls around them. For a moment the only sound that can be heard is the clinking of tableware as Levi places the teacup back on its saucer.

It bothers him, that he knows he will be letting Armin down by refusing something that any other well-adapted person would consider an honour. But the thought of embarrassing him and himself, because he gave an awkward, most likely insensitive, speech, mortifies him. No, he can’t put them and their guests through that. He will find a way to make it up to the couple, maybe he can… he doesn’t know yet, but he will come up with something.

As he finishes his first cup, Levi realises that at some point while he was lost in thought, the ringing in his ear has subsided and now it’s back to that muffled, cotton-in-ear sensation he’s used to and he doesn’t feel his eyeball pulsating anymore. Glancing at Gabi, he notices she is trying really hard not to say something, her brow furrowed as she takes a sip of her own drink, followed by a big bite of her pastry. Flakes stick to the corner of her mouth and for once it doesn’t disgust him. Instead, it makes his lips twitch as if going into a smile.

“I can help you... if you want,” she says eventually, sounding uncharacteristically careful and small of her.

Levi quirks an eyebrow “Help? with what?” 

She shrugs, “How to… tell them you don’t want to,” she avoids looking at him for the first time, finding the flakes on her plate more interesting. She shrugs again and tilts her head to the side, a thin line of a smile appearing on her face. “...or prepare for the ceremony.”

Not unlike many times before, Gabi’s words render him speechless, if only for a moment. He spares his tea a glance and he thinks: it’s bold of her to be so upfront about offering her help to him, and had it been any other morning, one where he couldn’t think past the constant ache in his body, he would’ve chewed her head off for simply trying to help him because he himself doesn’t know how to accept that kindness.

This kid is trying her best and he can’t help but feel somewhat proud of that.

“You have shit on your face. Here,” he points to where the flakes would sit on his own face and picks his refilled teacup back up.

Gabi quickly wipes her mouth with the back of her hand, getting most of the flakes off. Levi gives her a thumbs-up with his free hand.

“I’ll think about it,” he finally concedes and tries to ignore the little happy dance she does in her seat.

This time, when the amber liquid touches his lips, it’s remarkably sweeter than before.

[teruwasright]

I find it a little amusing when people yell at me saying I'm "closed minded" and "wrong" for how I view tbhk as a story and the supernatural cast and agreeing with Teru but genuinely if I'm "closed minded" for agreeing with Teru then what does that make you?.

You sided with the most nieve characters when it comes to the supernatural world without so much as a second thought since the beginning and shun any idea that it could be wrong without ever hearing anyone out?

That sounds just as closed minded as you keep saying I am.

God forbid someone question what they're being told and not blindly believing whatever they're told and look into it themselves and the conclusion is something YOU don't like.

[anthropwashere]

A downside to my Miss Havisham era: I have to acknowledge that the weird maybe-metallic bang heard without the house 1-3 times almost daily isn't the roommates bumping about, the cats getting up to trouble, the dishwasher/washing/drying machines, or even the radiators or A/C.

1-3 times a day something in this huge old dilapidated house decides to go CLANK, and I have no idea what it is

[tanith-rhea]

Carnations

It was beautiful, in a morbid way, that this would be the way you'd go. A botany teacher whose lungs were filled with flowers.

Author's note: absolute angst on this one, I won't promise tears cause different people sail different ships, but I can say that there is no happy ending, a good old character death which I suspect is over-described, and the illusory or not certainty of unrequited love.

You may do with this information whatever you please 💛

You'd always had a fascination when it came to flower diseases. Hanakanjō always seemed to you like the worst thing that could happen to a person, flowers sprouting from one's skin and betraying their emotions to others around them. In the end, you wish you could trade it for yours, it would be mortifying to burst into pink carnations every time Larissa walked past you, but at least you wouldn't have yellow ones choking you up at night when you replayed her words repeatedly in your head.

"I could never fall in love with an employee," she'd said, nursing what little wine was left in her glass.

"Do you think you could control it?" the question had nothing to do with your fondness for the principal, it spoke of how much of a romantic you were, actually, how tragic it would be if it happened.

She seemed to consider it for a while, before settling for "I'm fairly certain. I have no interest in falling in love and even if I had I would make sure to not harbour any feelings for someone I could not pursue. I wouldn't be so careless as to set myself up for heartbreak," her voice sounded sure and final. She finished her drink and inhaled carefully before eyeing your glass and seeing you'd also finished yours.

"I'm afraid it's rather late," she continued softly, "This was supposed to be a work meeting and I kept you for far too long," she paused, and you felt something tighten in your chest as you realized the conversation (and your lovely evening) was over. "Thank you for indulging me, though."

Larissa would never fall in love with a teacher. And you, pretty much a teacher and "one of the few she considered a friend", would never have your feelings reciprocated.

It was rather lovely, to be in love, and you discovered you didn't mind to love alone that evening when you left her office. It was really such a shame that your lungs begged to disagree.

The first time you coughed you were in class. You were about to explain to a second-year student how a certain plant could be made into poison and medicine depending on the situation or its handling when you broke into a fit. You hadn't caught a cold and no flowers were blooming quite yet, so when you couldn't stop for a whole thirty seconds you thought it rather odd.

The blood in your elbow pit once you finally stopped was also curious, but you carried on until all classes were finished.

Later that same day, you were at the quad waiting for a student who had asked you to take a look at his potted plant which he said didn't look so good. He had left class just a few minutes before and passed through the quad to tell you he would go to his dorm take the plant and come back in two beats but he was taking his time, apparently.

Distracted, you didn't notice someone approaching the table you were sitting at and squeaked like a scared squirrel once Larissa's hand laid on your shoulder.

"My, my, I did think you were a bit lost but it seems you were in fact stupefied," she sounded amused. Your face was catching fire.

"You absolute menace, why did you sneak up on me like that? Do you want to kill me?" your voice was still squeaky; like you'd inhaled helium.

Larissa laughed, full of mirth and fondness, and you couldn't pretend to be displeased with her when your lips were insisting on twitching up. You were probably making a funny face while fighting back your smile because she only continued on, if softer, as you shook your head and looked away.

"I'm sorry to have startled you, I was only passing and wanted to know what you were up to." Her hand was still resting on your shoulder and her thumb was now soothingly stroking small circles on the hollow of your clavicle.

She smiled affectionately at you while you composed yourself enough to answer. You had close to no dignity left but you would fight to recuperate it.

You cleared your suddenly tight throat, "I'm just waiting on Ajax for plant advice. He's babysitting a Dahlia for a friend of his and is worried it might be dying."

"A dahlia?" Larissa arched an eyebrow.

"Yes... why?" what was so curious about a boy caring for a flower to her?

She shrugged, "Nothing, just-" she paused, her fingertips pressing a bit as if gripping you lightly for a second, "their meaning, I imagine, but boys his age probably don't know these things anymore," she smiled dismissively.

She squeezed your shoulder softly again, eyes glinting a bit before saying, "Well, it's always lovely to run into you, dear," and leaned down to kiss your cheek, hand sliding from your shoulder to your chin as she held your face gently and pressed her lips right under your cheekbone.

She eyed the spot where her lips had been, probably because they left a mark redder than your blush, before smiling once again and leaving. Once she was out of view, you brought shaky fingertips to your warm face and suddenly you were doubling over with coughs; unstopping, burning things scorching your throat as blood springled your trousers and then, like it was just another product any coughing fit could conjure, there were two yellow petals, tinged half red in blood, laid on your lap.

"Professor...?" Ajax's voice caught your attention, and frankly people had to stop surprising you like this. You looked up to see terrified eyes staring at the stains on your lap. "Is everything alright?"

You definitely didn't feel alright. "Yes, it's just an inflammation or something," you pretended to dismiss it and he didn't seem too convinced, "Is this the child?" you pointed at a perfectly healthy dahlia.

"Yeah... I left it on the window this morning and it seems a lot better now." He shifted from foot to foot, "I brought her here just to confirm she's alright," he completed.

"She?" you couldn't help a smile. It was a joke when you said the child.

His face reddened a bit and it was amusing but mostly adorable how uncomfortable he suddenly seemed.

"Xavior and I have this thing that we talk about her like she is a person," he appeared to be immensely interested in her since he couldn't take his eyes off the plant to look at you while explaining, "We read on a website that plants can communicate with others and respond well to being praised and stuff so it because sort of a thing and-"

His words were coming more and more like undistinguished mumbles so you took pity on him and interrupted, saying "She's alright, Ajax. A healthy little girl as far as I can see, don't worry."

He visibly relaxed, deflating like a cloak of lead was sliding off his shoulders. He finally looked you in the face, still unsure and stealing glances at your lap.

"Thank you, prof." He nodded forcefully and marched quickly back inside.

The tricky thing was that you loved life, but you also loved Larissa, and you didn't want to stop doing either of those, even if they might terminate each other and you in the process.

Love is such a beautiful sentiment and dying from it was just your luck. If you could choose, in all honesty, you might have chosen to die exactly like this.

That didn't mean you were eager to do so. And that was why you decided to distance yourself from Larissa. You loved her, and you knew your love would only grow stronger and having her around did not help to keep you from diving deeper into the magnificent, all-encompassing feeling of completion that filled your heart and soul so absolutely it spilt.

In the first few weeks, she didn't seem to notice, but after your third refusal of a shared glass of red at her office she appeared at your door, concern written between her brows.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, dear, but I have the feeling I don't see you as much as I'd like this past few days and was wondering if something happened."

She had no business looking so caring and... worried, fretful.

You were still standing at the doorsill, feeling thin roots curl and clench inside your chest like anarchist veins looking for tissue to spread themselves onto when the thought occurred to you for the first time. Why can't she love me back?

It was nonsense. You knew her, you knew why, and of course your life was on the line and it mattered more than school rules or power dynamics but she was not looking for love. She made it clear not once, but several times when she'd repeat incessantly every time someone brought up the fact that she was single.

"I don't see why I need someone, Tish," or "I don't mind being alone, Vlad," and "No, dear, I don't feel incomplete, I have everything I ever wished for".

You hadn't had a problem with it before, but now, seeing her standing there, gloved hands clasped together in front of her elegantly but not fooling you at all. The air was charged, she was waiting for something; an invitation to enter, an explanation, reassurance. Her hands in front of her were not a sign of grace but an attempt at not fidgeting. She never fidgeted, you suspected she practised so much that now every time she felt uncomfortable she'd instinctively adopt certain poses that evoked control.

"Finals are coming soon," you said with no thought at all, and her brows furrowed deeper, "I mean... Preparation for finals," you tried to salvage, "I like to do a pre-review with smaller classes."

She clearly did not buy it but also didn't question you. Instead, her posture impossibly improved as she cleared her throat quietly, "Well, I'll leave you to your evening plans then," and she motioned to leave.

"Which-" you said quickly before she could go, she stood attentively, "I don't have," you said, voice breaking at the end as you felt petals clog up your windpipe.

Larissa smiled, surprised and clearly pleased, and you stepped out of the way so she could enter.

"Give me a moment," you whispered with what you hoped was an easy smile as you excused yourself to the bathroom.

As soon as you closed the door you tried your best to vomit, expel? Get rid of the petals slowly rising with as little sound as possible. If you coughed there was a chance Larissa would hear and ask questions. You weren't sure you could lie to her if she asked why you were coughing petals like you're the embodiment of spring. Even if she'd know the reason, you couldn't trust yourself not to tell it was because of her.

But you can't vomit something coming from your lungs, and there is no such thing as "gracefully letting a foreign solid thing leave travel through your respiratory system". You just grabbed a towel from the cabinet and muffled the screeches and choking and sobs on it.

After an unknown amount of time, a knock took you out of your breathing exercise to regain control.

"Is everything ok in there?" you weren't coughing anymore, but her small voice made you want to cry. Your face was still flushed from all the exertion and the tears brought by pain were still drying on your cheeks.

Your breathing quickened as dread and heartbreak occupied the emptiness left by bloody petals. You screamed without a sound, air leaving your throat, face twisted from grief. You'd die from loving her and you knew you would do so soon.

Larissa didn't wait for an answer much longer, and as she opened the door you curled into yourself, hiding the petals between your legs and chest, burying your face on your knees so she wouldn't see how ugly you looked when falling apart.

"Love, what happened?" she breathed, kneeling beside you without another word and taking you into her arms.

Why was she calling you love? Why did she have to do that? You were her friend, dear and darling and sometimes sweet. You weren't her love, you would never be and that was going to kill you. Why did she have to be affectionate when it cut you deeper than any cruelty ever could?

You couldn't make a sound, your throat could barely manage between you not breathing from all the muted crying and you scrambling for air when you realized more petals were coming as Larissa's smell filled the air, easily overpowering the flowers' while she hugged your body with one arm and kept the other around your shoulders, fingertips massaging your scalp under the crown of your head where she kept her face pressed.

This was so close to love. Why was it so hard to take that final step? You shared evenings together like a years-old couple, talked easily as if you'd spent a life together and not two years of acquaintanceship, you thought of her every second of every day, nurturing her in your heart and her rejection in your lungs.

You wished you could make her fall for you. You didn't mind before, and it wasn't the prospect of death that made you yearn for it so much now. You realized you were sick because it was too much. You had too much love inside of you and if she didn't want it there was nowhere it could go, no one to belong to, so it had to cease to exist, one way or another.

As your tight muscles started to tire and your body to fail, Larissa helped you to your bed. You were less than a person, more like the hollow ruins of a once beautiful castle that was now being conquered by nature, retaken, reclaimed.

When you stood and full flowers fell from your hiding place to the floor, you heard Larissa's surprised intake of breath. A few uncertain second passed as you looked down to the beautiful blooms you couldn't help but longingly admire, wishing them to finish you before Larissa continued to care for you like it wasn't just make it worse.

You were so drained she practically carried you across the room, laid you down on the bed and looked for the Nth time uncertain. After a few seconds she seemed to reach a conclusion and slid under the covers beside you, pulling you half conscious to her chest.

Before you completely blacked out, you heard her whisper, "I wish it was me."

The next day she wasn't there. When you woke up with very few memories of the night before, you had the sense that something was missing and as snippets of images and vague recollections started to pile up into a sequence of tortuously sweet moments, you had your worse fit of coughs that date.

That was it. You were done for. Larissa cared enough to wish to die in your place but not in the way that could save you.

You'd do anything for her but she simply couldn't do the one thing you needed from her. And it wasn't her fault, you knew she could try, hell she did try the night before for all you knew but it just was not possible. No one could force people into love and you wanted nothing of the sort. Even if you hungered for Larissa like a person starving to death you were happier knowing she would have a good life, everything she ever wished for, as she said, than being forever bound to you when she didn't want it.

You knew you didn't have long now, you weren't really coughing as flowers with the semblance of thin stems were lodged in your throat, so you fumbled desperately for something to write on while you still could.

When Larissa found you, she didn't see the paper, the tray with tea she'd gone prepare to wake you up with fell with no sound she could hear, the shattered porcelain not registering underneath the deafening white noise. She lifted your body from the floor beside the bed where you'd slipped off only to scream and let you fall onto the mattress as she saw glassed-over eyes.

She screamed and wailed and didn't notice the countless people rapidly entering and immediately leaving the room to look for help. The love of her life lay on a bed of flowers, yellow and red while their skin was almost translucent. Choked on the stems of what could be a small bouquet, blood slowly pooling beside their mouth.

"Dear Larissa, I hope you forgive the state I'm bound to be found, and that whoever has the misfortune of finding me has it in themselves to remind this scene as a terrible but miraculous love letter.

I loved you so much that it killed me.

Doesn't that sound nice? Maybe not nice, I'm dying so I don't have time to weight my words too carefully.

I'm writing this to thank you. Thank you for every time you smiled at me, talked to me, touched the back of my hand while handing me wine or made me nothing at all other than company.

Life was harder but infinitely sweeter while I was fortunate to love you. I am in love with you, and I hope after I'm dead I'll be able to still be. I know you'd be kind to the point of letting me haunt you, but I love you more than I can put into words and want you to forget this ever happened and be happy.

It's ok that you don't love me back, it's ok that I'm dead now, I died loving you and there is no other way I'd rather have died. If the price for feeling this deeply is death then you could say I chose to pay, even though I didn't. I know you wished it were you, but I was happy to pay.

If I coul"

Part of the unfinished sentence was covered by a dark stain, the rest was simply not written.

Larissa sobbed brokenly reading "I know you wished it were you," over and over, what she'd meant the night before was "I wish I was the one you love."

I listened to this while I wrote if you'd like to listen to some soft, nice music. As always, @alder-saan I hope you like it. Unless you don't want to read sad stuff which I completely understand

[flatstarcarcosa]

hm.

[feuqueerfire]

The Categories of Final Hallucinations

I noticed 2 types of visions that the characters had in the last episode, specifically in regards to Non

Non was front and center and the visions are about him

Phee: He kept continually seeing Non die in different ways, including some which were new and unseen ways. He's grieving Non's death and also feels guilty for what he's said (the "Get lost and die"). Phee was also the only person who understood that these were visions and Non wasn't real. Even in the 2 years later part (which may or may not be real - tbh I'm thinking of it as a continuation of the hallucinations in the courtyard), Phee sees Non walking into the water.

Tee: Non asks Tee to kill him with a knife on the rooftop because he’s so trapped while working for Tee’s uncle. Tee has been feeling guilty about his actions bringing Non into this world and ultimately being unable to get him out of the mess, so this manifests as a horrific way to help Non, though of course he ends up stabbing White in reality :’(

Tan: Non thanks him, then hangs himself, then thanks him again. Tan just wanted to be a good brother and in these hallucinations, after he has avenged Non, he finally is. His last vision is Non thanking him and walking into the light.

Non may or may not be there but it's mostly about their own situations/consequences/fears rather than Non

Fluke: Non is hardly there except at the end, Fluke's mostly being chased by a cop because he's deathly afraid of ruining his reputation and not getting to become a doctor. Aside: I loved that Fluke gouged his own eyes out, the eyes with which he was constantly witnessing the misbehavior against Non (Top breaking the camera, Jin taking the video) but keeping silent about

Top: He was just being chased by Non through the woods, very little depth because we hardly knew anything about him

White: he never knew Non and so his visions are about his relationship with Tee instead

Jin: I don't think Non even appeared in this but I'd have to double check. It was mostly about what if what Jin did to Non happened to Jin himself with him seeing people taking videos of him in compromising situations, including with Keng

For me, Tee's was the most shocking and horrifying because I was expecting death for Tee (especially after episode 11) but there was the vibe that maybe White is the final girl who will survive. Instead, my mouth fell open as soon as I realized what they were hinting at and I lost my mind as the sequence went on. One of the most unpredictable aspects of this whole show for me and it really is tearing me up, esp after ep 11.

Tan's and Phee's are the most tragic. I didn't cry at all during this show but for a second there, during Tan's visions, I became misty-eyed. (also I've been typing Tan as Non and having to correct... I think NewTan would like that tbh)

I think Jin's was the most disappointing to me because although he knows his actions to release that video were wrong and likely feels guilty, I was hoping Non would at least make an appearance? When Jin apologized to Non the day Non disappeared, Non didn't know what he was apologizing for and said Jin didn't have to apologize. I wanted Jin to apologize to Non while admitting to his wrongdoings, even if it's in hallucinations. Instead, it's Jin being paranoid about what he did to Non being done to him.

[Edited because the Tee/White scene did a whole number on me so I got a bit confused about their visions when I first posted this right after watching the ep]

[bogkeep]

i did my best this weekend, but my thesis is still not done... i had such a productive day yesterday, i was on top, i was focused, i met my goal... but today my brain was mush and i flopped around like a fish on land....... squeezed out two paltry paragraphs about sun dials and water clocks........ unfortunately my source for this particular section is a very long and dense text, and i have to sort of. extract the Essence. i need to dig up three paragraphs that explain the Things like an artefact from a burial site. can i do it? i must do it. i will do it

[binch-i-might-be]

I went insane lowkey (went off the rails and wrote a whole aot fic)

[shockingshinx12-shinx]

In the authors notes for your fic "a dog's breakfast" you mentioned that you have a lot of opinions about Clockwork's involvement in TUE. I am curious what your opinions are, cause I've got some of my own, and I wonder how much they align.

I spent several hours typing up a response to this earlier and I hit something and tumblr DELETED IT WHILE I WAS MID-WAY THROUGH!!!!! SO I HAD TO RESTART AGAIN JHGDFGHGDF sorry for the delay o7

BUT BOY HOWDY DO IT, A LOT IN FACT!! I already dragged 2 of my friends to watch the ep. so I could give them the full rundown of what I'm talking about, so thank you for enabling me cause I love talking about this! Buckle in cause I have ADHD and tend to word vomit, so I hope this all makes sense

I'm sure you've seen a million bajillion people say this already (plus your own thoughts, opinions, and observations) so this may all be stuff you know, but the OG ep is filled with several time paradoxes that make absolutely no sense, which can probably be attributed to the writers not really caring about the logistics of a kids show time-travel ep. But if you wanna look at it from an in-universe standpoint,Clockwork is directly responsible for the events of TUE in both Dan and Danny’s timeline

Let’s start with what we know: (Also, sorry for the crunchy screenshots, I work with what I got)

CW sends Box-Lunch back in time to fight Danny, which causes the Nasty burger to be condemned/abandoned for several days

CW sends Skulk-Tech back in time, which causes the heating element to start heating up the vats of Nasty sauce

Danny and Co. beat Skulk-Tech which transports them to CW’s lair and forces them to flee to the future to escape his “wrath”, which then gives Dan a chance to escape to the past to recreate the NB explosion and ensure his continued existence

OK SO! These are the key points!

Dan Mentions during one of his Spiels to Danny that his loved ones died in an explosion at the Nasty burger, which is reinforced by Vlad when Danny goes to him for help. Similar enough events to what we see in the episode.

The Nasty Burger explosion wouldn’t have happened if Clockwork hadn’t sent Box-Lunch and Skulk-tech to the past. Their direct influence on the present-timeline is what set up those dominoes. This means that CW interfered and fucked Dan over intentionally in his timeline and didn’t do anything to change, or fix what he caused.

The heating element wouldn’t have been left on and unattended if Danny didn’t have to fight Box-Lunch, and the sauce wouldn’t have exploded if Skulk-Tech hadn’t crashed and pushed the element towards the vats.

There’s something to be said about leaving dangerous equipment unattended, so even if Skulk-Tech hadn’t crashed into the kitchen, there’s a chance something else in there could’ve caught fire and triggered an explosion, but it would’ve been at a completely different time, and could’ve potentially been caught and stopped by repair crews (potentially). Skulk-Tech’s involvement ensured the explosion happened sooner. You could also argue that Danny’s fights take him all over the city, and you’d be correct. There’s a possibility that, if Box-Lunch hadn’t been sent back and Danny was fighting one of his other present-day rogue’s, they could’ve accidentally gone crashing through the NB as well; but it’s not guaranteed to have the same result as the Box-Lunch fight. All his Rogue’s are vastly different, with different strengths, weaknesses, fighting styles, and reactions. For example, there’s no guarantee that if Johnny 13 and Shadow went flying through the NB, they’d stay long enough for Danny to think of using the sauce as a weapon against them. Not only that, but it's not guaranteed he'd fight more than one ghost that day. From what we see, none of his usual rogue's bug him during that specific day, so there's a chance he doesn't even fight anyone at all.

If it could be done by anyone else, CW wouldn't have gone through the trouble of pulling ghosts from the future. We also know Dan has met CW before and knows what he does, very specifically stating “Clockwork! Meddling again". So clearly he knows what Clockwork's done, at least to some degree.

Not to mention, Clockwork seems like a chaotic neutral character at BEST. Why would he see fit to completely ruin Danny’s life in the first place? Him going out of his way to do such a thing just doesn’t make sense to me, I can’t see him doing that on purpose, but the events ONLY happen due to his interference. Clockwork is initially shown as only intervening and sending Box-Lunch back because the Observant's ask him to, but if that’s the case, what caused the Nasty burger explosion in Dan’s timeline? Sure, Clockwork is mischievous like anyone else, we see it in the way he slams Danny repeatedly into a bell, but he’s not outright malevolent.

Also quick side-note, Valerie outright blames Phantom for causing the explosion but we know for a fact that Danny didn’t want that to happen, he was literally heartbroken. This could be interpreted a couple different ways I suppose; -One being: that Danny was flying around as Phantom post-explosion while trying to find his family in the rubble and the public wrongfully blamed him again. But that can’t be possible because Danny Fenton WAS found at the scene of the explosion. The paper outright says he was the lone survivor, so if Phantom was flying around, no one would've been able to find "Fenton" at the scene. -Or two being: a different future evil version of Phantom caused the explosion in Dan’s timeline just like Dan did in Danny’s timeline, which is just as impossible as the first option, but more in line with the canon we're given. If he did, Dan would’ve known he was going to lose and would've done things differently, accounted for his previous versions mistakes, not to mention he says Danny shouldn’t get the ghostly wail for 10 more years, plus his surprise that Jazz knew about his secret. If Dan really did have to face a jerky version of himself in his timeline before the explosion, he would’ve acquired the wail long ago and seen Jazz's note. Not to mention present-timeline Danny is grossed out by the idea of having his humanity ripped out. I’d apply that same “grossed-out” feeling to Dan, even if he is mega-depressed after moving to Vlad’s. But also, Dan is only created due to Skulk-Tech and Box-Lunches intervention in the past, who only come into creation due to Dan's rampages in the future. This option would also mean there’s an infinite amount of Phantom’s being displaced in time, constantly, but Clockwork only has the one thermos.

That also brings up another issue.

The Observants make it seem like this is a “first”, but  if the explosion only happens cause of Clockwork’s interference with ST and BL in the past, which causes Dan’s creation, then in some timeline before Dan’s- Danny had to become evil to enable the right conditions for each of those “new” ghosts to exist. This means Dan was doomed from the start, the cards were stacked against him, and this loop has been going on for an indeterminate/indefinite amount of time. (Idk if that makes sense, I’m really bad at explaining my thoughts in ways people understand so I made a diagram. Hope this makes the point I’m trying to make clear?)

Ok with the ghosts out of the way, what about the answer booklet? Danny wouldn’t have obtained the answers to the CAT if he hadn’t gone flying through Mr. Lancer’s briefcase at the NB.

This next part contradicts my statement that Dan’s timeline is partially a circle that feeds itself, but bear with me. I attack this from different angles (cause technically both these angles may or may not co-exist at the same time cause this whole ep. Is a mess and we already have an incursion that conflicts with other stated facts of canon JHGDHGJFGHFD this also treads a little more into headcanon area, so I guess take it with a grain of salt if you feel I'm reaching)

Danny seemed genuinely surprised the booklet was there, and his eyes went wide at the prospect that he even could study the answers, like it hadn’t even crossed his mind before that moment. I’d like to think that he wouldn’t have even thought about that being an option till after the test, in a comedic “Man, I’m surprised you didn’t just steal the answers” comment from Tucker which would have caused Danny to facepalm so hard.

 We’re never actually given the reason why in Dan’s timeline, he and his loved ones were at the Nasty Burger. Clockwork just says “He turns evil? ‘Cause he’s under pressure from some ‘test’?” which isn’t really a confirmation of anything other than he’s “stressed”, and Sam and Tucker just assume that Danny cheating is the cause with no further evidence than that. Sure, Dan cheats to lure everyone to the Nasty Burger, but that’s because he knows it’ll work. I have reason to believe that in his OG timeline, that’s not exactly how events went down, that he was framed.

This little assumption of mine is based on a few context clues we’re given: First; Danny seems genuinely concerned about doing a good job on this test. He’s actually trying to study for it, he’s putting in the effort, even if he says he quits just before Box-Lunch's assault.

Second; Why were Tucker and Sam at a parent teacher conference that was meant to be between the Fenton’s and Mr. Lancer?

Third; We have the line Lancer says to Jazz when she mentions he has no proof Danny stole the cheat sheet, “Fair enough. He has up until the test to return the answers. BUT! If he cheats, I won’t just fail him, I’ll DESTROY his future!” This shows Lancer has already cemented in his mind that Danny has stolen them, and nothing can convince him otherwise. Cause Jazz is right, Lancer has no proof Danny stole the answers. Sure, he overheard Tucker say something to Danny about not cheating, and when he looked in his case they were gone, but that’s not really grounds for anything. The operative word in Tucker’s statement was “thinking”, which should've cued anyone who was eavesdropping in that Danny hadn’t done anything yet. (IK he has the answers at this time in the ep, but that’s besides the point I’m making here) (Also, the specific quote Tucker says that Lancer overhears is: “Yeahh, you’re right. You’re not thinking of cheating on a test that you’re convinced will determine your future.”) Anyway, despite not having proper proof, he’s already hellbent on ruining Danny’s life no matter what the truth might be.

Fourth; No one gives us specific details about what happened in Dan’s timeline, they’re all based on vague details, assumptions, and jumped conclusion. 

I wanna say in Dan’s OG timeline he never actually steals the answers. Lancer was literally walking around everywhere with that briefcase, It’s got a giant target painted on it due to him hand-cuffing it to his wrist. Now I’m not gonna say I know the logistics of stealing shit, but from what I’ve seen of irl lockpicking videos, and the fact that while the briefcase has 2 locks, Lancer only needed to use his key to unlock 1 side, it would be stupidly easy to open his briefcase, anyone could’ve done it. It’s just a matter of distracting him long enough to get it open.

If someone else stole the answers Dan probably would’ve still been Lancer’s main suspect, due to his grades, attendance, running out mid-lesson, and all that other jazz (pun intended), as well as the fact that we already know Lancer shows favoritism towards some students, so he wouldn’t suspect them right away, if at all. It makes Dan the perfect scapegoat in that situation, a bad student, woefully unprepared for the exam of a lifetime, trying to ensure he doesn’t fail, that gets into mischief all the time. 

It’d explain why he and his family were called to the Nasty Burger, as well as why Sam and Tucker might be there. They could’ve been trying to defend him from the accusations, trying to build Danny’s case, and demand or plead that Lancer not do anything rash. 

The explosion still would’ve had to be caused by CW’s intervention of sending ghosts from the future, which I know doesn’t make sense with how Danny gets the CAT answers, but this idea that Dan’s innocent plays with the fact that no one makes it seem like Danny actually cheated in Dan’s OG timeline. This headcanon makes no sense and I’m well aware of that, but for all intents and purposes, I never saw Dan as being guilty of cheating, it's all flimsy here-say. Not to mention him losing all his friends and family for such a thing is an unjustly cruel punishment for everyone involved, and is extremely stupid. (That being said, I'm not saying Danny ISN'T capable of cheating, I'm just stating he wouldn't cheat here specifically)

He was just painted in a bad light, wrongfully blamed for something he didn’t do, and he’s just a kid who went through something awful. Everyone has it out for him in this scenario, and everyone keeps telling him he’s a monster. Valerie spends 10 years of their future supposedly blaming Phantom for the death of his own friends and family, so if that’s all he’s ever told, of course he sees that as being the only way. (Now I'm not saying Dan's innocent of murder and shit, just that he didn't do what was accused of him before and immediately after the NB explosion)

Anyway, my conclusion to the above is a restatement from earlier, and the TLDR is; none of it makes any goddamn sense, and none of it should’ve happened. Clockwork doesn’t seem like an outwardly malignant ghost, so him going and messing with Danny doesn’t make sense, but TUE only occurs because he crafted that series of events. Also the fact that Danny turned into Dan in a countless number of repeating realities/timelines before Clockwork was forced to stop it by the observants. (And also my headcanon I guess that he didn’t ACTUALLY cheat). 

I got a bunch more opinions on other stuff tho. Like about the Nasty burger, the logistics of Dan going to the past the way he did, Danny’s ghost half being ripped from his human half and why phantom did what he did afterwards HJGFDGFGD but this post’s already kinda long so I’ll leave it for another day if you wanna hear about it!! I love talking about this sorta thing so feel free to ask away

Hope you enjoyed my little rant!! And I desperately hope it makes sense HGDFGFJHD

WAIT EDIT: ALSO ALSO, IK everyone loves to depict CW as a mentor figure to Danny whose caring, but that is not the vibe I get from him at ALL. As I said, I think he's a chaotic neutral character at best

[hasarjunadoneanythingwrong]

this is a random question, but does the “best girl” meme set off red flags for you? it bugs me for some reason :/ i couldn’t find anyone else talking about it, so i was wondering if you have any thoughts on it

I assume you're referring to when people refer to a character as 'best girl'?

I personally haven't seen any discussion on if it's a problem, and I think at its core it isn't inherently an issue. I think the problem becomes more when people arguing for their fav to be 'best girl' get misogynistic about other female characters, especially if it's something where multiple girls are romantic interests (think the kind of thing an alleged 'rin' fan might say about Sakura to make their fav seem better). That's something that's tied more into misogyny in anime discussion circles/fandom though, as it's tied into the objectification of women that often happens there.

Tbh, i think the term 'waifu' that shows up in these same discussions tends to be more potentially iffy bc it's essentially typing out wife with Japanese pronunciation, with the caveat that the term waifu is much more uncommon in Japanese fandom so it often becomes a bunch of westerners saying something in a 'Japanese' manner. It has the potential to get a bit racist (as does husbando) as well as misogynistic.

That being said, these things vary and you're allowed to be uncomfortable with discussions like that, especially if it becomes nasty. A lot of this boils down to 'do they see female characters as people' and depending on that answer it usually flavors the rest of the conversation.

[two-person-job]

heyheyhey. do you guys wanna know a secret :}

[apocalypticdemon]

finally did my goddamn dishes. and that wasn't all i managed to do today. fuck yeah.

had a meeting for thesis prep. bmv trip. rough plan for friday's discussion lecture. cooked dinner for the first time in like 3 weeks. read ~50 pages of academic text for 2 classes and a paper revision.

feels like i didn't do enough but. considering that yesterday i managed... going to classes and nothing else! and monday i was only capable of doing the required meetings i had, this is a pretty good day!