#like how tf am i supposed to NOT spend every single wish on that?? i already know im going to | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

frecklystars · 8 days

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i still feel absolutely fucking nothing for my f/os and im so depressed and i wanna die and my birthday is friday and i hate my birthday and i just. rahh. i wanna self ship again. thats it!! i just wanna self ship again thats literally all i want to do!! but instead ive been in and out of the hospital every couple of weeks bc i'm having so many panic attacks that make me feel like im going to die

i am so fucked up from all the bullshit i was put through these last 2 years that i cannot fucking function, i am so paranoid all the time that anyone who interacts with me is out to get me because they [redacted reasons i cannot publicly state]. it doesnt matter if ive known someone for 1 day or 10 years, i dont trust anyone online anymore. i dont trust anyone who's nice to me because so many times it was people with malicious intentions. i dont fucking trust any TF blogs, ive been blocking any TF blog who interacts with me On Sight from all the shit that ppl from that fandom put me through.

there's 600 new inbox messages now and i havent opened any of them. people are sending me dms every single day and i havent opened any of them. i hate that my distrust towards irl people has bled into self shipping and now i am just Too Depressed to self ship. it is my anniversary w/ a character who's supposed to be such a comfort to me today and i feel Nothing. driver used to be Everything to me. driver used to make me feel so comfortable and safe. i feel so numb when i look at my f/os, there is just nothing there. it is my birthday soon and i should be so proud of myself for fighting through all the bullshit my abuser has thrown at me but i feel Nothing. self shipping used to help me at least cope with the depression. i just want to have my comfort characters again. thats it. i wouldnt care how many people are trying to kill me or stalk me or attack me if i just had my f/os to help me cope thru all of it

i genuinely think i'd feel better if i tried to be online and make edits and draw more and interact with the sweet people in my inbox. i used to feel so so so much better when people would send me nice asks, F/O reassurance, fics, fanart, etc etc but at the same time i will see a nice ask and immediately believe "oh. this is a trap. this person is going to pretend to be nice to me, try to get closer, but it's a trap" based off of MULTIPLE traumatic events my abuser put me through the last 2 years. this is such an unhealthy mindset to have, to not trust anyone kind to me, and i wish i knew how to turn it off. ive never been paranoid like this, ever, until a series of events happened this entire last 2 years and i just. i cannot fucking trust anyone on this stupid website, my god, someone sends me "hi keri! how is your day?" and my brain is like "oh hey look out, that person is pretending to be nice to you but they're actually trying to harm you!!" i will look at a group of online friends i've had for OVER a DECADE and that paranoid voice in the back of my head who worries from experience "oh cool this person is after me now. this person is out to betray me. this person wants to hurt me. it doesnt matter if we've been best friends since childhood, this person absolutely is out to get me now"

i hate everything i was put through these last 2 years and especially these last few months, one day im gonna spill my guts and tell everyone what has been happening to me bc its so goddamn unfair what ive been put through day after day, and i am sick of letting all of it fester in me without being able to tell anyone whats going on. i dont even know if its still ongoing rn bc every time i think "oh, maybe it's over" it just fires back up again. the stalking, the harassing, dude dont even get me started on the fucking stalking, do you know how fucking Not Normal these people are who have been trying to physically harm me irl and online? do you know how fucking psychotic someone has to be to spend YEARS of their life trying to make me miserable when i dont even know these ppl, im just fucking sitting here? the stupidest goddamn shit possible. i have never met these ppl in my life but they're following the orders of someone else and just. being fucking insane. if you knew what someone was putting me through, what a large group of toxic disgusting people have been putting me through these last 2 years, you wouldn't even fathom how dangerous it's been and how shitty it's been. ive had to call the police on a few of these people. you have no fucking clue what i've been going through and how exhausting it is to feel so unsafe every single second that you're alive. this shit eats at me constantly. i don't get any peace of mind. i think one day this really will kill me but at least i won't have to deal with it anymore if i'm dead. and!! i hate that i have that mindset! i hate that every time i drive to work, i hope beyond hope that a car is going to obliterate me. that isnt normal!! i should not be hoping to die!! but genuinely i dont think im ever going to be safe ever again and im so tired of dealing with this fear every single second every single day for years. years!!!! every second!!! every single second im awake i am fucking stressed out of my goddamn mind!!!!

months ago, i queued so much driver stuff for today, and i almost want to delete all of it bc its so. useless. dude i feel Nothing for my f/os. i feel unsafe with my f/os because i feel so unsafe with 99% of the people i interact with online because of all the horrible things ive been put through all this time. it's all pointless. i dont know if im ever really going to come back to blogging regularly. i just wake up, i go to work, i have panic attacks and i throw up, and then i go to sleep. sometimes i come here to vent and then refill my queue, but what is the point of refilling my queue anymore tbh. i keep trying to go through the motions to see if i can reclaim self shipping one day and then i can just bounce back, but god its been several months and ijust cant do it. i cant wait for this to kill me, ic ant wait for this to finally make me snap bc im so so sick of going through this every day. im tired

whatever ill delete this later and it wont even matter lol what else is new. keri makes another vent post about feeling depressed and unsafe. fork found in kitchen or whatever

#delete later

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stylo-xx · 7 years

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Eyes Closed (M)

G-Dragon: Angst/Small amount of fluff/Eventual smut

PART 2-A: The One About The Night Before

A/N: Crap sorry it’s so late you guys, I was trying to edit as fast as I could I swear! But if there are typos my bad lmao Anyway I feel like this one is a bit short but I hope you enjoy nonetheless!

P.S. Part 2-B should be out some time tomorrow.

(Part One)||(Part Two-B)

I woke up with a jolt and a cold sweat, feeling like the entire room was still spinning; physically feeling like I got hit by an eighteen wheeler. I brushed some of the mess of hair from my face and through half lidded eyes I tried to look around the room to make sure I didn't end up in some stranger’s place; thankfully for my dignity I wasn’t but unfortunately for my ego, I wasn’t.

“Ugh what time is it?” I groaned reaching for my phone on the nightstand. Fumbling around the nightstand the only thing my hand was met with was the touch activated lamp that blinded me with a bombardment of light. “Argh no!” I threw my arm across my face. I frantically hurried to shut off the lamp that felt like it was emitting the rays from the sun. Only managing to open one eye I looked around for my phone and discovered it was strewn on the floor with a mess of clothes and shoes. I groaned again not wanting to leave the comfort of the bed, I outstretched my hand nearly falling off the bed and quickly nabbed my phone and hauling myself back into my previous position under the covers. Pressing the home button to my phone I again was greeted with a flash bomb of light and covered my face with my hand; slapping myself in the process. Still adjusting to the light I peeked through my fingers desperately looking to find the time. ‘2:00 p.m. fuck’ With my phone unlocked I went wide eyed, ‘Shit, shit, shiiiit’ I thought; I had 17 missed calls and 10 voicemails from Saige. Looking for some kind of answer I scrolled through her text messages that only seemed to get more and more aggressive the further I scrolled along.

‘Alex where the hell did you go?’ <received 1:44 am>

‘Itsf o k im with djsaho’ <sent 1:52 am>

‘Ok bitch you are waaaaaaay too fucked up, where are you?’ <received 1:52 am>

‘Urd th e bitc yo bcht’ <sent 1:55 am>

‘I’m being serious Alex, if the paparazzi or some douche bag from the internet get a picture of you like this we are royally screwed’ <received 1:55 am>

‘Dnt wrry Gbe okie’ <sent 1:56 am>

‘Dont do this to me McMahon, WHERE ARE YOU????’ <received 1:56 am>

‘Byiii cee yu ntx wek’ <sent 1:57 am>

‘Wtf do you mean see you next week???’ <received 1:57 am>

‘Alex?’ <received 1:59 am>

‘HELLO?!’ <received 2:01 am>

‘ANSWER YOUR PHONE I KNOW YOU KEEP DECLINING THE CALL’ <received 2:05 am>

‘I swear to God when I see you I am going to kick your ass’ <received 2:06 am>

‘AND WHO TF IS DJ SAHO?! YOU SAID YOU WERE DONE WITH DATING DJS’ <received 2:06 am>

‘Oh my God Alexandra PLEASE JUST ANSWER YOUR PHONE IF YOU DON'T WANT TO TELL ME WHERE YOU ARE’ <received 2:10 am>

‘Ok somebody told me you went home with someone, for your sake I hope it was Jesus and not that DJ Saho or whatever’ <received 2:15 am>

‘Open the door! You know I can hear you and DJ what's his face laughing!’ <received 2:30 am>

‘I don't care that we are staying at the Palace Hotel Alexandra. I WILL break down this door if you don’t open up!’ <received 2:32 am>

‘OPEN THE DOOR’ <received 2:33 am>

‘No oo itd coolr ift yo u berki t don’ <sent 2:33 am>

‘I SWEAR TO GOD’ <received 2:34 am>

‘Fine see if I care when you end up on the cover of some Korean tabloid and Ji-Yong finds out you're here’ <received 2:36>

‘wh att’ <sent 2:36>

‘Good night Alex :)))’ <received 2:37>

Re-reading the last exchanges between us my heart felt like it started beating so fast that it was bound to burst right out of my chest any second. ‘Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuuuuuuuuuuck. How could I have been so stupid?!’ I thought to myself. Normally I’d say I don't care but that is far from where I am mentally. Suddenly I was brought out of my thoughts by a loud knocking on my door. Still paranoid with the thought of J-him seeing me I climbed out of bed and approached the door carefully. The closer I got to the door the more anxious I became; that mixed with the killer hangover that hit me like a ton of bricks was quite possibly the worst combination of things that could happen at a time like this. The knocking started to feel like the noise was pounding against my skull, wanting to rid myself of this monstrous beating on my brain I opened the door without hesitation. Only to be met with the last person I would ever think would show up at my door.

“Alex?” he raised an eyebrow.

“Tim?” I reciprocated.

“Jesus H--no offence but Saige wasn’t kidding when she said you might look like you crawled out of Hell this morning”

I clenched my jaw “Just come in before anyone else has to endure my ugly” I slammed the door shut behind him causing myself to wince at what sounded like an explosion went off in my brain.

Trailing behind him I watched him maneuver his way over the mess that was all over the floor; just clothes and shoes in different piles scattered in every square inch of the room.

“Jeez, you didn’t want to clean up first?” he said finally making it to the bed.

Too exhausted to argue I rolled my eyes and plopped back on the bed beside him.

“Man, guess you had a good night last night?” he smiled leaning back on his elbows.

“Ugh, if this is what this hangover from Hell is indicating...I wish I hadn’t” I covered my eyes with my arm “When did you get in by the way? I thought you were going to be in Japan until tomorrow? And not that I don’t love you but why are you here in the first place?”

He chuckled “To answer your questions: I got in about three hours ago, I had a change of plans aaand Saige sent me on a recon mission”

“Why?”

“She said and I quote ‘Dear God Tim would deal with her because I can’t take her after last night’ end quote” He chuckled again “Also seeing as two of my best friends just got here the night before and one of them was already causing trouble I decided that spending time with that girl in Japan was not really worth it…”

I uncovered my eyes with a gasp “Oh my God, you are such a jerk--”

“Relax” he put up his hand “whatever we had between us wasn’t really going anywhere anyway. I think she really just wanted to be with me so she could say she was with me. Seeing as who I hang out with nowadays, it's getting harder and harder to figure out who wants to hang out with me for me and not for ‘Tim Drake, the DJ who so happens to be signed to Seungri’s music label so that must mean he is friends with BigBang’. I mean they’re not wrong, I am friends with them but still it the principle of the thing” he rolled his eyes.

Merely looking at his face I could tell he was genuinely hurt, he was one of the nicest and most sincere people I have ever met and just knowing that my selfish wish somewhat came true made my heart hurt.

“I mean I guess that’s what you get for being such a hot shot DJ with an attractive everything to match” I said trying to make light of the situation.

“Shut up” he laughed “By the way, are you just gonna chill in your underwear the entire time or are you gonna put on a robe?”

I looked down at my bra “Tim it’s not like it's the first time you've seen me in my underwear. I think we are past that point in our friendship”

“I mean I don’t have a problem, I just don’t want you to think I’m being a perv” he said sincerely.

“I would never” I jokingly gasped and placed a hand on his shoulder “Anyway, tell me about your new life here: How do you like it? How’s it been? Besides that girl, how is your love life here? You know all that good stuff” I rolled over on my side to face him.

“Its been..good?”

“That doesn’t sound too convincing Timmoth” I squinted my eyes at him.

He let out a small laugh “No I’m serious! Everything's been great so far, minus the whole ‘love life’ thing” he air quoted.

“So does that mean you and Chaerin still haven’t talked?” I rested my head on my arm.

“Yes, that means I still haven’t talked to Chaerin. Honestly I don’t think that’ll ever happen. I mean I invited her to my party so the only thing I can do now is wait and see if she decides to show up. But I’m not going to be completely heartbroken if she doesn't, at this point I’m used to getting the short end of the stick with her” he sighed.

“She’ll show I’m sure of it, if there is one thing that sticks with you after breaking up with your boyfriend no matter how long ago it was you always remember those tiny details about them. She, I’m sure, is no different”

“Don’t even get my hopes up” he playfully pushed my shoulder “Alright enough about my lackluster love life, what about you huh? I’ve only heard about your rendezvous through what people tag me in on twitter”

I rolled on to my back again staring up at the ceiling “Ugh. I’ll just say it’s slim pickins in LA. I seriously feel like I’ve about dated everyone in Hollywood at this point. I’m just so bored with everyone there, Saige suggested we move to Manhattan for a while to get a change of scenery and...men”

He let out another small laugh “Orrr”

“Or what?” I turned my head to face him.

“Or you could come move here and not only would have a complete change of scenery but you’d get to be with me and also an entire new buffet of men to choose from” he wiggled his eyebrows “Ya know” he cleared his throat “I happen to know one or two, single, billionaire musical geniuses that--”

“Ha-ha very funny” I interjected “don’t even go there Tim”

“Oh come on Alex!” he put a hand on my shoulder “You’re gonna see him this weekend anyway, why prolong the inevitable?!”

I brushed his hand off my shoulder.

“Okay, okay I take it you’re still mad at me about me not telling you that he was coming until you were on your flight over here, but what was I supposed to do? If i had told you earlier you would have either A) not come at all or B) run out of the airport and go AWOL again!” he scrunched up his eyebrows.

I took and deep breath and looked away from him.

“And I couldn’t just not invite him when all of the other guys were going to be there, that would have looked super shady on my part. Besides I know you two have your issues, that you still refuse to tell anyone why you guys broke up about in the first place, but he’s also a homie”

I turned back to glare at him “Okay well then why don’t you marry him then if he such a good homie?”

“Very mature” he stuck out his tongue “look you and I both know I love you more than anyone in the entire universe, but you also gotta understand he and I are still cool. He’s also one of the biggest musical influences here and I’d really rather not get on his shit list”

“Are you just doing this because you want me to talk to him?” I raised an eyebrow “What about girl code? If I hate someone you hate them right back, you don’t just hang out with them like it’s nothing and twiddle your thumbs up each other's asses!”

“First off, ouch how dare you say I broke girl code ” he pretended to act hurt “And secondly, I didn’t just do this because I wanted you two to talk...well actually that’s partially it...but that’s not the point! What matters is that we all enjoy ourselves this weekend and celebrate not only my day of birth but also my first album finally dropping; all while making sure it is completely drama free for everyone involved” he smiled.

I crossed my arms and let out a big sigh.

“Besides, I think after last night you don’t need anymore drama to be broadcasted out for the world to see”

I sat up quickly “W-what do you mean?”

“Oh, you haven’t seen?” he sat up with a concerned look on his face “Well ummm...here let me show you”

‘Oh God, Saige was right why didn’t my drunk ass just listen to her?!’ I thought to myself. ‘Oh man she really is gonna kick my ass when she sees me…’

Tim, taking out his phone pulled up some news article that held embarrassing pictures of my drunk self with some guy. Thankfully most all of them were grainy and the pictures were kind of dark, all except for one.

“What.the.f--” I let out a blood curdling scream.

“Hyung, don’t get me wrong I just don’t think this is a good idea” Seungri tried for the thousandth time to pull Young-Bae back by his arm. “I already told you, we at least have to make sure he’s alive” Young-Bae said undeterred by the maknae’s actions “What are you so afraid of?” “And I already told you, if Ji-Yong Hyung is even possible of being conscious he is going to be pissed that we woke him up just to see if he’s still living and have us maimed!” the younger man pulled on his Hyung’s shoulder.

The older man simply smiled “Not me”

“Oh must be nice being the golden star best friend! In case you haven’t noticed, Ji-Yong Hyung loves to show me gestures of his affection by inflicting nothing but pain on me and therefore gaining some kind of sick pleasure from hurting me!”

The older man stopped in his tracks causing the maknae to slightly bump into him “Seungri we’ve all been friends for longer than ten years, don’t you think if he actually wanted you dead he would have done it by now?” he smiled and continued walking.

Seungri stuck in the spot that he stood thought before he spoke “You know that’s not actually very reassuring!” he called after his Hyung.

Young-Bae now at the end of the hallway shot Seungri another smile but this one evoking an eye smile along with it. The maknae picked up his pace and swifty jogged to the older man’s position. Both now staring down the door to Ji-Yong’s condo they both were thinking about the repercussions of actually waking the dragon. Young-Bae not wanting to take the first blow pushed the younger man in front of him.

“Well go ahead, knock on the door” he gestured with his hand.

Seungri dramatically pointed to himself “Me? You want me to knock on the door?”

The older man nodded.

“Hyung were you not listening to anything I was saying back there?” he stared at Young-bae incredulously “Wow. you all must really want me out of BigBang, well it was nice knowing you”

“Yah” the older man smacked him behind the head “Don’t be so melodramatic and knock on the door would you? And besides we can't afford to lose you. You're too important”

The younger man rubbed the back of his head “Wah. do you mean that Hyung?”

“Yea if we lose you then who else are we going to pick on? Dae-Sung? Not on your life” he said with a smug smile on his face.

The maknae looked to the heavens and closed his eyes, cursing at his Hyungs in his head; the only place he was safe to do so.

“Yah!” another smack to the back of the head “Quit being a dick in your thoughts and knock on the damn door!”

Seungri went wide eyed; guess he wasn’t so safe in his own mind after all. He shakily raised his fist in the air toward the ever menacing black door. What laid beyond that threshold could either be a nice Ji-Yong welcoming them into his home or the actual Ji-Yong who was going to rip Seungri a new one for waking him. The maknae took a deep breath before he gave three small knocks.

“Hyung?” he whispered.

Young-Bae side eyed him “What human being in your right mind is going to be able to hear that?” The older man grabbed a hold of the maknae’s fist and raised it to pound on the door.

“No, Hyung wait!”

With not even a full knock, the door swung wide open. As if it were some cartoon, the two stuck both their heads over the threshold and looked inside.

“Hello?” they said in unison.

The two stood up straight and began to walk over the threshold at the same time only to get halted by squashing into each other. The older man glared at the maknae and shoved his shoulder to get by. Seungri merely rubbed his shoulder and closed the door behind him. Looking around the living room gave no impression of anyone actually living there, everything was perfectly in its place making it look like it was some kind of eerie museum. “Ji-Yong-ah?” Young-Bae called out peeking into every doorway. Seungri having already accepted his fate decided to go rifle around his Hyung’s things in his living room; picking up a sculpture here, touching a nicknack there, leaving fingerprints on his vinyl records...whoops, breaking off a piece of said sculpture. “Yah” Young-Bae called out to him. The maknae quickly put down the abstract sculpture and shoved the broken piece behind some books on the bookshelf. He looked to his Hyung who was whispering ‘he’s in there’ and pointing to the door that was left ajar. Again as if the two were in some Scooby-Doo cartoon, they carefully tiptoed into the sleeping man’s room. There sprawled out all over the bed, with half of the sheets and comforter dangling off the bed, was the sleeping form of their best friend. With his mouth parted and a slight trail of drool coming out of his mouth Ji-Yong let out a loud snore that startled the maknae causing him to step back onto a squeaky cat toy; Young-Bae slapped him on his shoulder. “Yah! Are you trying to to get us killed?!” he whispered loudly. “I thought you said you had nothing to worry about!” Seungri loudly whispered back. “I don’t! I’m just worried about you” the two of them continued their whisper argument only to be startled again. “Yah! If you two are done pretending like I can’t hear you, you can both kindly get the fuck out” Ji-Yong lifted his head up sleepily. “Sorry” the other two said in unison. “What do you even want at this hour?” he said plopping his head back into his sea of pillows and tangled bed sheets. “It’s three in the afternoon” they said again in unison. Ji-Yong dazedly lifted his head again looking toward his window “No it's not there’s no sun” Walking to the window Young-Bae pulled the curtains back “that's because you live like a vampire and have black out curtains “ “Yah!” Ji-Yong struggled to bury himself under his sheets “What are you trying to kill me?!” “Ok enough” the dreaded man walked to his bedside “we dealt with your drunk ass last night, it's all been fun and games but now it’s time to wake the fuck up” he pulled him by the only foot that was sticking out of the covers. Ji-Yong clawing at his bed like a cat protested. “Come on man just get up!” “Do we have a photoshoot?” he asked in a muffled voice with his face firmly planted onto the mattress. “No?” “Music video shoot?” “No?” “An interview?”

“No?”

“A record to write?”

“No, Ji-Yong why--” “Then I have no good reason be even be conscious” he said taking his foot back “ “Seriously man come on, Seungri and I--” “Seungri?” Ji-Yong quickly lifted his head and snapped it in in their direction. “Yea Seungri, who the hell else did you think I was arguing with?” “I don’t know Young-Bae, I’ve stopped questioning the voices” The other two glanced at each other raising an eyebrow. The dazed man rubbed his face with his hand “Ok I’ll bite, why the fuck are you here?” “Because you can’t keep living like this! I hardly get to see you when we’re not on tour or doing some kind of press junket or variety show, even then we pretend like everything is all ok when it’s not. All you do is drink yourself stupid, complain while you're drunk, smoke so much that I swear one of these days you’re going to need an iron lung support or something! It’s like the Kwon Ji-Yong I grew up with doesn’t even exist anymore!” Ji-Yong pursed his lips “Tsk. What are you my girlfriend all of a sudden? Get in line you're not the only one who noticed. Any other complaints or can I just go back to sleep?” The dreaded man let out a heavy sigh “Pfft. yea right we’d all know where that would go real fast…” he said under his breath. “What was that?” he threw off the covers hopping off the bed and walking to square up to his best friend. Seungri, having been silent the entire time, noticed this was going to take a turn for the worse and intervened before any fists went flying. “Ji-Yong Hyung” He turned to glare at him. “Young-bae Hyung” he held up his hands between the two “Why don’t we just go to the kitchen and get some food and some coffee in you guys huh? We can eat a little, talk a little...not using harsh words...and just get rid of the bad energy from last night” The two older men glanced at each other “fine..” they said in unison and headed out toward the kitchen. “Hey Hyung” the maknae trailing behind the two spoke up again “Don’t you wanna maybe change out of your clothes from last night?” Ji-Yong stopped in his tracks to glare at him. “N-nevermind…” Along the way Ji-Yong stopped to boot up his laptop that was sitting on the kitchen island then made a b-line for the coffee maker and his pack of cigarettes. Young-Bae simply leaned against the furthest wall and looked down at his feet, still fuming about his little spat with his best friend. Seungri, even in everyday situations, made his way into the kitchen last. He caught a glimpse of his Hyung’s laptop screen and immediately stopped mid-step. Ji-Yong raised an eyebrow “what did some porn pop up or something?” he asked lighting his cigarette “N-no. just a picture of” he cleared his throat “Kim Tae-Hee popped up” he gave a weak smile.

The older man gave him a questioning look “Ahh ok?” and turned to ash his cigarette in the ashtray before him. His fingers slightly trembling from the actions of the previous night caused him to accidentally drop his cigarette into the sink. “Aish!” he hollered as he threw his now soggy cigarette into the bin and turned away from the other two to light another one. The maknae, wide eyed, looked to his other Hyung as a plea for help. Trying to subtly beg the dreaded man with his eyes that he needed him to distract Ji-Yong while he closes out of the webpage on the laptop’s screen; needless to say his actions were lost in translation. Young-Bae not understanding what the younger man was trying to tell him raised an eyebrow and mouthed ‘what?’, Seungri balled his fists in silent frustration and turned the screen toward his oblivious Hyung and emphatically pointed to the news article that blatantly held pictures of ‘DO NOT CALL HER’ in the arms of a man that wasn’t Ji-Yong and at the same exact club they were at the night before no less! Young-Bae went wide eyed and quickly dashed in the direction of the unsuspecting man before he could turn back around; he put his arm around his shoulder. Ji-Yong feeling suspicious about his two friend’s actions wasn't sure what to think; truthfully he didn’t want to think at all he’d much rather be back in bed ignoring everyone. The maknae glanced as his two Hyungs talked it out and as Young-Bae took it upon himself to have a death grip on Ji-Yong’s shoulder forcing him to look out the window as he poetically described the meaning of their friendship to him. Seungri acting quickly turned the laptop back toward him and carefully closed the article but not before looking at all the pictures and reading the headline. ‘Alexandra McMahon Out Partying in Seoul With Mystery Man: Keep reading for pictures below’. Oh shit he was really going to be in trouble now.

#bigbang scenarios #bigbang fanfiction #bigbang imagines #bigbang angst #gdragon scenarios #gdragon imagines #gdragon angst #gdragon smut #gdragon fanfiction #g dragon imagines #g dragon scenarios #g dragon angst #g dragon smut #g dragon fluff #jiyong scenarios #jiyong smut #jiyong angst #jiyong fluff

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kekepuaa · 8 years

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Ladyblogging, part two

Summary: in which marinette realizes that the internet is a lot smarter than she thought and that the only way to protect her identity is to join the ranks. identity reveal. adrienette.

Notes: High-key bowled over by the positive responses I’ve received :’) Thank you for all the love!

part two: soundtrack snobs [Previous][AO3]

Ladybug Unknown, Paris, France.

Join date: 2016-04-16

Ladybug’s Official Blog.

F.A.Q.

1.) Is this really Ladybug? It says official for a reason.

2.) Does Chat Noir have a blog? Probably.

3.) Who are you? I am Ladybug.

4.) Can I send you LadyNoir fanart/fics? While I appreciate the support, I’d rather not see it.

5.) Are you single? Probably.

6.) Are you ever going to tell us your secret identity? They’re called secret identities for a reason c:

7.) Do you have a Twitter/IG/FB? Ladybug does not, no.

Marinette DC @littlestutterbug 645 Followers//210 Following

Marinette DC @littlestutterbug [IMAGE] I haven’t slept in three days but tHIS DESIGN NEEDED TO BE DONE HAHAHAHA #fashiondesign

Alya C. and 42 others liked your Tweet WALK WALK FASHION BABY and 14 others Retweeted your Tweet

Adrien Agreste in reply to Marinette DC @littlestutterbug wow marinette! that looks fantastic! :-)

Marinette DC in reply to Adrien Agreste @adrienagreste Thanks, Adrien :D

It wasn’t the first time Adrien had tweeted to Marinette, but God, every time he did, the girl felt like she was walking on clouds. It was like clockwork: one sleepy Marinette posts a barely-finished design idea, people like it, Adrien tweets her, and Marinette inevitably spends the next twenty minutes waltzing around her room and sending incoherent texts to Alya.

“He said it looks fantastic, Tikki!” Marinette cried, side-stepping a small pile of fabric scraps, “Adrien said my drawing looks fantastic.”

“Yes, Marinette. I was there, remember?”

“But Tikki! This is Adrien!” Tikki could hardly keep her amused snorts down, eyeing her starry-eyed charge as she continued to dance in her room. The last time something like this had happened, Tikki was napping and was rudely awoken by Marinette’s shrieks of unbridled joy.

Sometimes, it was hard for the kwami to make the distinction between her lovable (but still flighty and just a little Adrien-crazed) Marinette and her lovable, brave, and still flighty and just a little Adrien-crazed Ladybug. The girl wasn’t particularly talented at keeping her feelings for the boy at bay when she was on the job, luckily, she hardly ever sees him in the midst of an akuma attack.

And speaking of keeping her feelings for Adrien under wraps while still transformed.

“Marinette, are you sure this whole blogging business is a good idea?” Tikki hadn’t been able to voice her concerns before, as she was sucked up into the earrings before she could even make sense of what Marinette was doing.

All Tikki knew was that Ladybug had an Official Blog that was run by Ladybug herself.

Tikki wasn’t too sure if this was a good idea.

“It’ll be fine, Tikki!” Marinette reassured, lazily waving her hand at her kwami, “It’s not like I’ll be posting selfies regularly.”

“Last night, you transformed for the sole purpose of taking a selfie,” Tikki deadpanned.

“Details!” Marinette said, “It was for proof that this blog belongs to Ladybug. I won’t make a habit out of it, I promise.”

Tikki knew Marinette, and while she did trust her to protect Paris on the regular from the one particular jewelry-obsessed villain, she wasn’t sure that Marinette would be able to run and blog and not give out too much information. But if Marinette said that it’d be okay, then she really had no other option but to have faith in her charge.

After all, what’s the worse thing that could possibly happen?

Ladybug Posted: 2016-04-22

Subject: Blogging for Dummies

Hello, all. Lovely day we’re having, no? Well at least, it’s nice where I live. If you live somewhere where the sun isn’t shining or its gloomy/snowing/raining, then I’m sending some positive vibes your way.

It’s been a few days since I’ve joined this blogging platform thing and I find myself at a disadvantage: what could a superhero possibly blog about without giving out too much information about herself. I’m sure Chat Noir is dying to fuss at me for creating this blog, but I’ll take care of that when the time comes LOL.

Provided that someone gets akumatized and I am forced to take a break from my totally normal life as a Parisian adolescent (you already knew that) and resume my role as Ladybug.

I’m just ranting at this point, honestly.

I just wanted to give an update, say hey, and ask what am I supposed to be talking about on a blog that isn’t too revealing :’)

-LB

Comments:

Response to Blogging for Dummies Posted: 2016-04-22 Subject: WELCOME TO THE THUNDERDOME

bugab00: HI LADYBUG! I LOVE YOU! Maybe you should blog about things you like? I’m sure there are plenty of people who have the same hobbies as you.

Response to Blogging for Dummies Posted: 2016-04-22 Subject: SCHEMING.

yoyomaster12: Did the Ladyblog put you up to this???? Or IS this the Ladyblog??

Response to SCHEMING. Posted: 2016-04-22 Subject: Ain’t nobody got time for that

The Ladyblog: LMAO. Yeah, no. Also, LB: blog about whatever you want. That’s the beauty of it. People talk about their interests; topics that they could talk about for days.

Response to Blogging for Dummies Posted: 2016-04-22 Subject: (no subject)

chatblanc: You could talk about what you and Chat do while you’re doing your patrols or your akuma battles...that way, you won’t put yourself in any compromising position...or you could give little snippets about your day to day life?

Response to (no subject) Posted: 2016-04-22 Subject: POR QUE NO LOS DOS?

The Ladyblog: I second what chatblanc is saying here!

Response to (no subject) Posted: 2016-04-22 Subject: If I had a hat, I’d tip it to that. Stay tuned! Ladybug: :-)

Alya C. @theladyblogger #LADYBUG HAS A BLOG!!! AND I ACTUALLY TALKED TO HER ON IT!!!! [LINK]

LADYBUGGING TF OUT and 32 others liked your Tweet ChatNoirLuver12 and 4 others Retweeted your Tweet

Adrien Agreste in reply to Alya C. @theladyblogger Do you really think it’s her?

Alya C. in reply to Adrien Agreste @adrienagreste I’m p sure its her. Though, we can never be 100% positive. Maybe she’ll blog about patrolling.

Chloe Bourgeois in reply to Alya C. @theladyblogger @adrienagreste LOL she’s probably a fake trying to get everyone’s attention (1/2)

Chloe Bourgeois in reply to Alya C. @theladyblogger @adrienagreste in that way, her blog kinda reminds me of yours, alya (2/2)

Alya C. in reply to Chloe Bourgeois @queenbee @adrienagreste LMAO DID WE ASK U?

Ladybug Posted: 2016-04-23

Subject: Quasimodo deserved better

[Photo]

Isn’t the Seine gorgeous at this time of the day? I don’t get to come here often with my schedule, but when I do...it’s probably my favorite place to think by myself.

Oh! Greetings from Notre-Dame!

Fun fact: The Hunchback of Notre Dame is one of my favorite Disney movies (though if we’re being real here, the actual book is downright depressing.) Anyway, I spent the afternoon binging Disney movies and took a break after the Hunchback of Notre Dame to get some air.

It got me thinking: Do you ever think about the semi-adult themes that older Disney films used to have?

You’re not going to see some creepy old man exploiting his power to force himself on a woman in a Disney movie these days. Not that I’m asking for it, I’m just saying that it’s crazy how much Disney films have changed. Ahh, I wish I could listen to the Hunchback of Notre Dame soundtrack right now, but y’know...

...it’s probably not safe to swing around Paris on a yoyo, especially from this height.

I should probably go back to do some homework (the perks of still being in school...I’m being sarcastic), but this spectacular view beckons me :’)

As a side note/closing: What’s your favorite Disney movie? Because I’m genuinely curious and I feel like the Hunchback of Notre Dame is slept on and it’s an injustice.

-LB

Comments:

Response to Quasimodo deserved better Posted: 2016-04-23 Subject: Have you watched the sequel? Ugh. Garbage.

ladynoirTRASH: Would I be a biased Parisian if I said that I loved Beauty and the Beast?

Response to Have you watched the sequel? Ugh. Garbage. Posted: 2016-04-23 Subject: YEAH THE SEQUEL DOESN’T EXIST

Ladyboogieoogieoogie: Gaston is literally the only reason why I love that movie. He’s so ridiculous lol. Are you gonna watch the live action?

Response to YEAH THE SEQUEL DOESN’T EXIST Posted: 2016-04-23 Subject: why are sequels even a thing lmfao

ladynoirTRASH: SKLDFAJASLKDFJJSA DUUUDEEEE. so hypeeeeddddd for the liveaction!!!!!!

Response to Quasimodo deserved better Posted: 2016-04-23 Subject: ANYONE CAN COOK

rainbowquartz: ......i’m a parisian...whose favorite disney movie.....is...ratatouille....ehehehe.........

Response to Quasimodo deserved better Posted: 2016-04-23 Subject: TOPSY TURVY IS THE BEST SONG ON THE SOUNDTRACK

chatblanc: The Aristocats is hands down the best Disney movie ever. I’ll fight you on this, Ladybug.

Response to TOPSY TURVY IS THE BEST SONG ON THE SOUNDTRACK Posted: 2016-04-23 Subject: are we not gonna talk about god help the outcasts? because...

Ladybug: Judging by your username, I’m not surprised.

Response to are we not gonna talk about god help the outcasts? because... Posted: 2016-04-23 Subject: Nah. Topsy Turvy tops. chatblanc: everybody wants to be a cat~~~

Response to Nah. Topsy Turvy tops. Posted: 2016-04-23 Subject: BLOCKT Ladybug: Ugh have you been talking to Chat Noir?

Response to BLOCKT Posted: 2016-04-23 Subject: The truth will set you free chatblanc: Wouldn’t you like to know, LB? ;)

“Marinette, apparently Ladybug has the same favorite Disney movie as you!” Alya said the next afternoon. The best friends had taken their usual seats in their classroom, waiting for the teacher to arrive.

“O-Oh?” Marinette said, mentally slapping herself for stuttering. She made an attempt at appearing indifferent, taking her time to big through her bag for her books, “She likes Mulan?”

(To be fair, Mulan was tied for first place with the Hunchback of Notre Dame, but Marinette didn’t need to elaborate on that.)

Alya cast her best friend a strange glance, “No, she likes the Hunchback of Notre Dame! That’s your favorite Disney movie...”

Ever the bad improviser, Marinette unconvincingly shrugged and dropped her things on her desk, “That’s cool, I guess.”

So convincing, Marinette she scolded herself. Marinette felt that should have seen this coming. Every little detail she’d release on her blog, she’d be forced to listen to everyone gush about it until the end of eternity. And, worst of all, if she wasn’t careful, people would start tallying up the similarities between her and Ladybug.

Movies were one thing--what if she let it slip that she was really a student whose name totally wasn’t Marinette Dupain-Cheng? The logical part of her brain that had yet to short circuit denied the possibilities of this happening, but that still didn’t stop Marinette from scolding herself.

She let out a frustrated huff and dropped her elbows on her desk, rattling the surface and sending one of her pencils over the edge, hitting the floor with a loud clatter.

The noise seemed to attract the attention of Adrien, who at this point, she hadn’t noticed was in the classroom since she was preoccupied with her own internal monologue. She flushed bright pink as Adrien bent down, collected her pencil, and returned it to her desk with a bright smile.

“Ah, thank you very much!” she squeaked.

“It’s no problem, Marinette,” Adrien replied. Instead of turning back to the front, Adrien alarmed her by leaning forward, momentarily catching her off guard with the green of his eyes. He tilted his head and continued to beam at her, “So, did I hear that right? Your favorite movie’s the Hunchback of Notre Dame?”

“Yeah, mmhmm, I sure do love the Hunchback of Notre Dame! It’s great, like you!” she shook her head, “I-I mean, it’s great! It’s a good movie. Yeah!”

“I agree!” Adrien said, “What’s your favorite song from the soundtrack? I’m quite partial to Topsy Turvy.”

Alya scoffed, “Oh, do not get Marinette started on that. She’ll literally fight anyone who says anything other than God Help the Outcasts.”

“Is that true, Marinette?” Adrien asked, suddenly amused.

Marinette’s throat felt dry. She didn’t trust herself to speak, as the last part of her brain had just about short circuited from receiving so much attention from Adrien. She quietly nodded.

Chuckling, Adrien turned back around towards the front, just as the teacher walked in, leaving Marinette to her own thoughts. Ignoring Alya’s smug look, Marinette cracked open a textbook and buried her face in it, where she remained the entire lesson.

Ladybug Posted: 2016-04-25

Subject: First of all, how dare you?

You know those people who can probably make whole civilizations crumble under the weight of their stare while remaining completely oblivious to their True Power?

Yeah. The absolute W O R S T.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m just gonna go crawl under a rock and die.

-Resident Human Disaster LB

Comments:

Response to First of all, how dare you? Posted: 2016-04-25 Subject: Y’KNOW IF I DIDN’T KNOW ANY BETTER, I’D SAY YOU WERE IN LOVE

chatblanc: I’m 99.9% sure you have the same effect on people.

Response to Y’KNOW IF I DIDN’T KNOW ANY BETTER, I’D SAY YOU WERE IN LOVE Posted: 2016-04-25 Subject: Bite your tongue, stranger internet cat

Ladybug: I’m 99.9% sure that YOU’RE A LIAR

Response to Bite your tongue, stranger internet cat Posted: 2016-04-25 Subject: Denial isn’t cute, LB

chatblanc: you really think someone would do that, just go on the internet and tell lies?

Response to Denial isn’t cute, LB Posted: 2016-04-25 Subject: YEAH, WELL NEITHER ARE LIARS

Ladybug: GET YOUR GARBAGE MEMES OFF MY BLOG OMG

#my fic #ml fic #miraculous ladybug #adrienette #ladynoir #marinette dupain-cheng #adrien agreste #ladybug #chat noir

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