#like it reads like it was written by someone who hated show Peacemaker and wants to make fun of him

[robocops-a-christ-allegory]

Im more angry about the “Making changes to a comic book character in a adaptation is normal and people angry about it just dont get it!” page in the Peacemaker miniseries because

1. You cannot convince me there were enough people genuinely mad about the changes made for this page to read as anything but making up a guy to be mad at

2. The changes made to Peacemaker for the show were mostly things like updating his backstory so it would make sense in 2022 and other inconsequential stuff. I dont want those changes forever in the comics just because I think his comics specific lore would be interesting to explore, but he’s still the same character and them being a thing in a Show is fine

3. Peacemaker is one of those characters who gets a soft reboot everytime he shows up in something. Its literally happening right now even though hes appearing in alot of stuff: hes different in doom patrol then how he was in suicide squad and Im sure hes about to be different in the green arrow miniseries too. He was different in blue beetle and even his stuff written all by the same writer kept having changes thrown in in between appearances, not to mention the version of Peacemaker everyone writes and knows of now is literally a reboot thats a parody of the way he used to be. Like whats the point.

[hamliet]

Lost and Found: the Rats and the Hansa

So in the last meta I wrote I touched on the idea of empathy and relationships in The Witcher. I want to take a little more about that; specifically, I want to discuss it in light of the two found families that blossom in Baptism of Fire: the Rats and the hansa. The former is essentially a painfully dysfunctional found family; the latter is a healing found family. 

Both groups are formed out of traumatized people seeking some kind of life for themselves. The point of this comparison, though, is not Rats=bad and hansa=good, but rather to highlight the tragedy of the Rats. Parentage and lost children are very common motifs and themes within The Witcher, and so if anything, I’d say the Rats end tragically because of a world that hurts children as soldiers, prostitutes, and nuisances, rather than treasuring them.

The “Rats” name is pretty telling--rats, after all, are animals that (fairly frequently) eat each other. Similarly, the Rats are all traumatized children who form what they want--a family--yet inflict their traumas on one another and on the outside world, ultimately leaving them all more wounded for it. 

I can’t deny that I liked Ciri going full Dark Side despite the pain, but that’s for another meta. I’ll just say that finally, finally I got to read about a heroic girl who is also bitter and angry, and allowed to be that way. Ciri goes full Dark Side after she ends up alone following Thanedd’s battle. Believing Yennefer and Geralt are dead, almost losing her unicorn guide, getting kidnapped by bounty hunters: it’s more than enough to psychologically injure a fifteen-year-old just beginning to mature. 

Mistle, of course, is the most prominent example of a character who is on one hand sympathetic, and on the other hand definitely reenacting her trauma. I know Mistle and Ciri’s sex scene was supposedly not written with this intention, but I think the text leaves little room for debate that what Mistle did to Ciri was rape. Even if Ciri then willingly engaged in a relationship with her, which she did, it was still rape. Mistle is a traumatized kid herself, and in particular, her trauma stems from sexual abuse, and so she inflicts that on Ciri and then proceeds to “heal” that trauma by loving and protecting Ciri, which no abuser ever did for Mistle. (That’s, unfortunately, not psychologically unrealistic either.)

Other characters in the Rats also reflect this: Kayleigh is just like Ciri, having lost his adopted parents in a Nilfgaardian attack. He found Reef, a Nilfgaardian soldier who had been abandoned for being wounded, and helped him physically heal. In an attempt to mentally heal, they stick together, forming the family and friends they had left, but they also hurt each other. Asse lost his family to soldiers and now he kills and takes family members from others. Giselhar flees from military service and is attacked by elves, only to team up with Spark, who was banished by her fellow elves. Giselhar acts like the military that conscripted him, leading the Rats. Spark loathes Ciri for her initial reluctance to kill, treating her coldly in a reflection of her own banishment from her people.

Ciri, too, gets to inflict her trauma on people, albeit not the Rats so much. As Falka, she threatens a baroness, which will later come back to haunt her. But Ciri’s frustration is more than just random callousness: she’s angry at what she sees as a representation of the life she would have had had Cintra not fallen and/or had Thanedd not happened. A girl beloved by her father (whom she believes is dead and feels abandoned by in Geralt), wealthy, without the need to worry about how she survives.

Ciri did not take her eyes off the coat of arms on the door of the carriage, a silver unicorn on a black background. A unicorn, she thought. I once saw such a unicorn... When? In another life? Or maybe it was just a dream?

‘Falka! What’s wrong with you?’ I am Falka. But I was not always. Not always. ... She put her foot on the ladder of the carriage, looking at the gem on the dress of the pale girl. ‘Give it.’ She said dryly. ‘How dare you?’ choked the matron. ‘Do you know who you are talking to? She is the noble-born Baroness of Casadei!’ Ciri looked around and made sure no one could hear. ‘Baroness?’ she hissed. ‘A low title. And even if this baby was a countess she would have to bend down to me so far that her ass would be on the ground and her head lower. Give me the brooch! What are you waiting for? Do I have to tear it from you, along with the corset?’

When the Rats are murdered by Bonhart, the townspeople do not bother to help. While the Rats were known for terrorizing people and Bonhart was pretty unbeatable, it’s still tragic, because the Rats were all children who were abandoned, abused, used, and thrown away. It was the only way they knew how to relate to each other without anyone there to guide them or offer them another, healthier way of processing their trauma. It’s an utter tragedy. 

The hansa could have ended up much the same, but it doesn’t--likely because most of them are adults with the distinct goal of rescuing a lost child (Ciri) rather than the Rats, who were scrabbling for a place in the world and found their only place was in inflicting or receiving pain. How many of the characters come to join the hansa symbolizes their entire arc and what they bring to the group, and it’s these ingredients they all bring that help each other heal. 

Cahir brings freedom and redemption to the group. He joins after he’s freed from a coffin by Jaskier, Milva, and Geralt. Obviously being sprung from a coffin is symbolic of death, but also calls to mind Cahir’s imprisonment for over a year in Blood of Elves, an imprisonment he never expected to be free of save for leaving for the gallows. The mistake Emhyr made was in telling Cahir that succeeding in capturing Ciri was Cahir’s last chance, which isn’t exactly true: Ciri is Cahir’s last chance. He’s freed and finds himself in the company of those trying to redeem themselves and run from their pasts, which forces Cahir to face the ugliness of what he did during the Fall of Cintra and the battle at Thanedd, and free himself from the constrains of hate (but more detail on Cahir’s arc in another meta).

Milva joins the hansa and articulates that she “does not know why,” which illustrates her flaw of deflecting and running. Milva was never safe, always was used by others. Her stepfather tried to assault her, so she killed him (accidentally) and ran. She was then used by dryads to manipulate people into heading into the woods to be killed (but the people wanted to kill dryads). She’s only ever been a tool, and yet the dryads won’t accept her as one of them, nor will people, not anymore. She runs to avoid facing people she’s hurt, and she runs to prevent herself from being hurt.

Geralt says that Milva is trying to save Ciri because she feels she can’t save her child:

‘I want you to find Ciri, witcher. With my help you can find and recover her.’ ... ‘That’s why you came with me... You wanted to help save someone else’s child. You wanted to pay. To pay off a debt and you were determined to do it at the time, when we left… Someone else’s child for your own.'

But it’s through the relationships Milva forms with the hansa, who all support her whatever her decision, that Milva learns to face what she’s been running from. She decides to keep the child, and even though she does miscarry, she is able to mourn. When Milva runs with Geralt and the hansa, she’s paradoxically not running. She’s found. She’s found herself and belonging in a group looking for a lost girl: Ciri, a symbol of her innocent younger self. 

Milva’s relationship with Cahir is also important: if Ciri represents an innocent younger self, then Cahir is a symbol of the violence and regret in her past. It’s telling that Cahir is the one who saves Milva when Geralt is gone, and she’s the one who plays a peacemaking role between Cahir and Geralt straight through Tower of Swallows. Geralt, too, struggles with violence and evil, and Milva is the one who forces Geralt to stop running from this. She whips Geralt and Cahir when they get into a fistfight, pointing out that they’re both wrong, forcing them to do what they helped her do: face themselves instead of running. Milva brings acceptance and determination to the group.

Similarly to Milva, Regis finds acceptance and belonging, as a monster and yet not a monster, among Geralt’s hansa. Meaningfully, Regis is very literally a healer, and brings healing to them. His act of healing Jaskier from his wounds is not just the moment Regis joins the hansa, but the moment the hansa first comes together as Regis, Jaskier, Geralt, Milva, and Cahir. Regis is allowed to be who he is (a vampire) and a healer. He admits to all of his flaws, forming an empathetic pathway for Milva, Geralt, and Cahir to walk along road to redemption. Like them, he’s a murderer, but he’s taken the very qualities he used to harm and now uses them to heal. 

Angoulême joins the hansa in the next book. Angoulême is a foil to Ciri (she’s noted to have a striking physical resemblance to her) and is significantly introduced pages after the Rats have been murdered. Having been a member of a similar group of street kids known as the Nightengales, Angoulême can be seen not just as a stand-in for Ciri, but as a representative of all the lost children. The hansa taking her in and allowing her to reform herself shows the reader what could have been with the Rats. 

Like the Rats, she acts as if others don’t matter because society tells her that she doesn’t matter: first as a bastard, then as a Cintran refugee, then as a forced prostitute and street kid. But with Geralt’s company, she’s able to save lives and matter. Angoulême shows the group that what they’re doing--searching for Ciri--is not futile, because they gave a lost girl a home and the family she’d never had. 

Jaskier, who is less traumatized than the others, is no less important, because Jaskier represents the best of life in many ways. He represents joy and hope, as well as the legacy they will all leave because he’s literally transforming their stories into songs as they travel. While they travel, they can’t forget to live. The journey matters, too, and so he brings life and, significantly, is the only one to live on in that world at the end. 

Geralt is reflected in all of these characters. Jaskier is just as loyal to Geralt as Geralt is to those he loves, and through parenting Cahir and Angoulême, Geralt starts to learn how to be the best dad he can be to Ciri (especially given Ciri’s own dark turn). Through supporting Milva and Geralt’s grief helping her make the decision to keep her child, he comes to terms with parts of his humanity (emotions) that he’s been avoiding. 

Through helping lost people come together, Geralt finds himself. Through everyone working together to save Ciri, a lost child who was capable of rescuing herself but not without others too, hope lives on. The lost children matter as children and also as broken adults, and it’s never too late to reach out and help heal someone else, which might just heal you as well. 

[halorocks1214]

the law of action

AO3 Link

Word Count: 10100

Summary: The Law of Action must be applied in order for us to manifest things on earth. Therefore, we must engage in actions that support our thoughts, dreams, emotions, and words

Previous Parts (in order): Alan | You are here! | Virgil | Scott | Gordon

these just keep getting longer fellas i dont understand how thats possible but it is. ALSO: REMEMBER IN ATTRACTION WHEN I MENTIONED THAT THESE WERE BEING WRITTEN OUT OF ORDER. HA, UH, KIND OF AN UNDERSTATEMENT I GUESS. but its here! johns pov chapter! im pretty satisfied with it, albeit a few kinks i wasnt really able to work out, so i hope you enjoy it too!

thanks again to @gumnut-logic for the prompts! "Where?" and lightning were this fic's choices. sad to see the last ones go away, but this was still a blast so thank you once more! also, just because the prompts are gone doesnt mean this series will be too ;3

Anger was a rare emotion for John Tracy.

It had to be. When dealing with the cold hard truth of data telling them something wasn't possible or dealing with annoying people who thought they knew better than him or dealing with people panicking in his ear because nobody expected the aftershock of an earthquake to be that bad, he didn’t have a choice. There were a lot of deals in life that had to be made and someone needed to play peacemaker, even if it wasn’t deserved.

It was true that he got the least angry out of his siblings, even compared to Virgil. Virgil might not get necessarily violent like Scott did, or threw caution to the wind like Gordon, or, hell, pulled off whatever John does when someone somehow manages puts him in a bad mood, but Virgil did get angry quite a lot. He just didn’t have as many blatant ways of showing it. John, on the other hand, didn’t have a lot of ticks. Pet peeves, definitely, John was no stranger to annoyance (especially with siblings like his), but not outright anger.

That didn’t mean he never got angry. He was Tracy born and bred, so that meant one the few ticks he did have surrounded the topic of family.

Specifically, his family being threatened.

John wished he was the youngest sometimes. That meant he could say things like let Scott punch the idiot already, he’d be doing the world a favor, and not get lambasted for the immature response. It also meant he could throw tantrums to hell and back and not feel like a total loser.

Like right now for example.

“EOS, I swear, if you don’t open the elevator door for me--”

“No, I won’t.”

Unbelievable.

Groaning and rubbing his face, his hands found their way up to his forehead and through his hair, holding his bangs out of his eyes for a moment. His eyes had many emotions in them, the most blatant being this shit cannot be happening right now, “EOS, do you know you’re amazing? I don’t think I’ve said that enough.”

EOS whirled for a moment, “John, I’ve seen that grin on Gordon. I cannot believe you would stoop that low.”

The grin she pointed out fell flat off his face, “Yeah, okay, you’re right about that--”

“Like I always am.”

“--So thank you,” John was going to strangle whoever defined sass so thoroughly in the dictionary. It left a bad example, “For the reminder, but seriously, I need to get up to ‘Five. It’s… important.”

It’s been a week since Alan was taken.

They’ve exhausted all options.

The only thing that could possibly get him back to them had to be International Rescue’s resources.

But EOS over here wasn’t getting the memo. Her words had that hint of childish innocence behind it. In that way that said there was no innocence whatsoever and she knew exactly what she was doing, the little shit, “John, do you really need to, or do you want to?”

There’s the inflection that John taught her. An inhale through the nose and… Uuuugghh, “EOS, I know the difference between needs and wants, this is definitely a need.”

Another lens blink, another moment of disbelief, “It seems like you have a lot of needs, John Tracy.”

John grimaced and ground his jaw together, mumbling his grievances with the current situation, “Yeah, well, if there’s any trait I truly share with my siblings, it’s that we’re all high maintenance.” His next words were more clear and designed to get the point across, “EOS, I’m not kidding, unlock the door.”

EOS stood her ground, “John, you going up there is one of the most detrimental things to you’re health at the current moment. I won’t let you.”

John threw his hands into the air, “EOS, there’s are whole lotta things that are currently detrimental to my health currently happening, one more thing won’t hurt.”

EOS lens shuttered again and John felt like it was nails on a chalkboard, “You have a point, but I’ve seen you with Scott when he’s in a similar mood. Don’t you tell him he needs to take a moment and think when he gets like this?”

John groaned as quietly as possible. Not too loud, but loud enough that EOS hopefully got the point, “Yes, I do, but I’m not Scott. We are two very different people, you have pointed this out numerous times. We have different ways of handling things, this, and ‘Five is exactly how I can fix this problem.”

That was not how he should’ve worded that. Her lights flickered in sympathy, sympathy, and he knew she finally figured out what John was trying to get at, “John, there may still be a lot I have to learn, but at least I understand--”

“No, EOS!” John snapped before he could help himself. Before she could finish explaining her point of view that was most likely right, but his desperate brain didn’t want to hear it. His brain that was running on zero energy telling him this was taking too long, fix that, “You can’t understand!”

Just like that, John was reminded of why he hated getting angry.

As soon as the words left his mouth, so did the air in his lungs. Through sheer will and determination, the only thing that didn’t leave his body was the little amounts of food he ate over the past seven days, though it really wanted to. He became very pale, and EOS could detect the not-so-trace amounts of fear that fell over his eyes.

Dammit, you idiot. Months upon that past year of work were now going to go down the drain because you blew your lid just this once! First, the call with Alan, now telling the one thing that could kill you in your sleep she’ll never essentially be good enough was--

“I know, John.”

His food came back with a vengeance, but he was bullheaded as hell, and he already caused enough damage. The last thing anyone needed was to clean up vomit. It would’ve been nicer if she got angry at him. He could handle being thrown out into space. He couldn’t handle EOS admitting he was right, least of all over blatantly cruel words.

He channeled the energy his stomach wanted to use into weak words, “E-EOS, I…” What the hell was he supposed to say? Sorry surely wasn’t going to fucking cut it.

Well, whatever he wanted to cut didn’t come up, as EOS continued as if John wasn’t the worst thing on the planet, “I’ve been doing some reading. I understand that I’ll never really understand certain human-based things like you do. You, humans, have gotten close, me being one of the better examples, as long as that’s not considered bragging, but even I’m not at that level yet. But I do at least know you and your habits. I put up with them on a daily basis.”

Because if there’s anything else John needed to fail this week, it was the one promise he made to her. His promise to keep her safe, to make sure she wasn’t treated like a mindless robot by some crazy scientists ready and willing to cut her circuitry wide open like a middle-school science project. While he would never even get close to being a quote-on-quote crazy scientist, never in a million light-years, he surely didn’t follow that middle part of his promise, “EOS, listen, I--”

“Please, John,” and now she was pleading, thinking he was going to ask to use the elevator again. Thinking he wasn’t going to give up, even after all of that. John might’ve laughed if it wasn’t his fucking fault, “I’ll help look for more options if it means you’ll stay here for a little while longer. You should stay with your family. I know how they affect you in those positive ways that you currently need.”

John was abruptly aware of his heavy, almost wheeze-like breathing. If he wasn’t careful, it could delve into one whopper panic attack, which would be so great right now, “Y-Yeah, okay. They probably won’t understand the effects of gravity over an elongated period of time like I do, so I can stay and help with that, at least. Thank you.”

As John turned around, he heard EOS whisper to herself. He could blearily tell it was actually fondness that filled her vocal waves for once, but it still stung regardless, “Idiot.”

Yeah, he really was, wasn’t he.

As he helped look over his Dad’s med-scan with Virgil, when Virgil went looking for something on the other side of the room, his father whispered, “I know this is a bad question right about now, but, is there anything we can do for you? Maybe even I? You look dead on your feet.”

John could only reply to the first half of his father’s statement with a meek, “I don’t know anymore.”

---

16-year-old John Tracy was seated atop his roof, making sure he got the perfect view of the Big-Dipper.

He was hoping to spot a more exciting constellation when he first used his new telescope, but dangit! He was just so excited to get cracking right away! He just got back from his birthday party, Alan and Gordon snoozing in their rooms while Scott and Virgil secretly finished off the cake. That was okay. John was too busy focusing on his new expensive toy to worry about having any more sweets.

His dad could pull some strings when it counted.

Newest model. The only other people who have this baby are scientists at NASA. Happy birthday, John. Sorry I didn’t get you a car like Scott.

Fuck cool cars. John would be on cloud 9 for days with this thing. Scott would call him a nerd for it. Jokes on Scott, he couldn’t zoom about 10 thousand miles into space now, could he?

Right as he nailed it, the world shook. Large arms snaked around his waist and he involuntarily found himself giggling at the contact. As soon as those limbs let go, he blushed at his reaction and cleared his throat. Suddenly, the arms were an entire body sitting down right next to him, speaking with their ever-comforting burly voice, “Hiya, son, I see you just couldn’t wait, huh?”

Rolling his eyes, John turned back into his serious, analytical self once more, “Yup, this thing’s crazy. I’m glad I got out here as quickly as I did.”

Jeff simply grinned. John was always reserved, but Jeff was a good translator for all of his sons, and he could tell that John meant this is one of the best things in my life holy crap, “That’s great to hear. The look on your face when I brought this out of the closet was certainly good enough to last me a few lifetimes.”

John snorted, “I bet it was. I heard Gordon joking about it with Alan. I don’t think I need to see any pictures anymore. I have a pretty good mental image of what I looked like.”

Jeff smiled and sighed, “No kidding. “Like a goldfish with a broken jaw.” Not the most eloquent, that Gordon is.”

Laughter rang out throughout the roof, followed by a few moments of silence. Not awkward, but not really welcomed on John’s part either, “Do you…” Stop it, John, you’re asking for too much, “Nevermind, it’s dumb.”

Jeff tilted an eyebrow, “Oh, is it? I guess you would know if something were smart or dumb, so I trust your judgment.”

Dangit, Dad, why are you so manipulative, and why are you so good at it, “I don’t know. I’ve established I wanted to be an astronaut, right?”

Jeff nodded, “Mmhmm.”

John, for some reason, felt like he needed to tread carefully, “You are also an astronaut. If there was any way for you to be able to… could you… could you come up with me the first time?”

Jeff blinked in shock, and before his son could register that as disapproval, “Huh, well, that’s certainly wasn’t what I was expecting. Sure, I don’t see why not.”

Now it was John’s turn to blink, his mouth gaped, “Wait, what? Are you serious? Aren’t there rules for this kind of stuff?”

Jeff shrugged, his shoulders clearly saying rules shmules, “I’m also one of the biggest entrepreneurs on the planet itself, and one of the most renowned ex-astronauts there are. You would not believe the lengths people are willing to go to kiss my ass. Would you feel better if I pinky promised?”

John’s nose scrunched, “You can never truly promise anything, you know.”

His father chuckled, used to his son’s antics. John was reserved, remember, “Well, you boys always credited me with doing the impossible.”

John continued challenging him, “When we were all less than 10, yeah, sure. I think Alan still thinks you can breathe in space. You. Specifically. No one else. I think he said you only wore the helmet to “protect your secret so the evil movie scientists don’t take you away.””

Chuckles turned into laughter and a clap on John’s shoulder, “Well, glad to see I still got the magic touch at least.” That same arm that playfully smacked him was now wrapped around his shoulders, “Just you wait, Johnny boy, if I can’t get on that ship with you, then you bet your ass I’ll at least be the loudest one cheering in the crowd.”

Then, suddenly, John was right, like he always was.

A promise that never should have been made: broken. A wish never fulfilled.

Dad was swallowed up by the very thing John loved.

No more space stories, no more fun moon facts, there was a void in John’s life as big as the galaxy itself, and he wasn’t sure how to walk around it, or God forbid even into it.

He tried to be the healthy sibling about it. He tried so hard. Getting through high school quicker than most so he could just worry about his family. Scott and Grandma were doing their best, and in so many ways, it was enough, but even they couldn’t bear all of the stress themselves.

But then his high school graduation came and Grandma gave him one of the biggest hugs of his and her life and he realized that he would never get one from his father again. His mom leaving this world was already bad enough, but at least his dad was there and knew how to fill in the gap after years and years of his marriage with her. You didn’t marry a woman like Lucille Tracy and not fundamentally understand how the gears in her brain turned lest you were truly insane. Maybe Dad was. Certainly would explain a lot of things from John’s perspective. Certainly would explain why she married him in the first place. Crazy attracts crazy.

Regardless, the one thing closest to his mom’s warmth and care was gone, and if he spent the night of his graduation party quietly sobbing his eyes out while the others slept, well, then he was glad they kept snoring.

Try as he might, he became just as unhealthy and unbalanced as the rest of his family, but he was more subtle about it. His self-destructive ways weren’t bad if other people had them, but when it came to him, oh, he knew it was the worst thing he could do in terms of recovery. That’s probably why the rest of the family didn’t notice (Good). John was smart, he would know better. Yes, he did, which is exactly why he dived headfirst right into it all.

Focusing on college, getting up into the star-filled void closer to his dead relatives as quickly as possible, focusing on the here-and-now to make sure this shit didn’t happen again. Making sure no family went through what theirs did.

And maybe that’s why, why he couldn’t handle the touch of others wanting to comfort him. Because it reminded him too much of what they used to have, of what they used to be. Too many hugs and kisses from others might wash away what his mom’s and dad’s felt like, and out of all the things they could potentially lose from this, those were the worst possible ones.

John was a Tracy, which meant he was stubborn.

He wasn’t going to lose the last few things he remembered about his parents if he could help it.

---

It had been just under a month, and John finally got what he wanted.

And it wasn’t working like he thought it would, if at all.

He’s been on ‘Five for three days, and for just a fleeting moment, it washed away any uncertainty. He felt back in control, if only minorly, and he held the world at his fingertips once more. Too bad the world he wanted to fix was so far away it felt like it was on the other side of the frickin solar system itself.

He promised his family four days at most. Please, just one chance. We won’t know unless we try. He wasn’t sure what cracked them first, them coming upon dead end after dead end, them finally seeing reason behind John’s argument, or if they just got annoyed with the space monitor after endless nagging and relented like tired parents.

The tiny part of John’s mind that still allowed him to joke kinda hoped it was the third option. “Easy child”, pfft. John’ll show them.

Right, right, a clear head, the most focused of IR, he can’t get unfocused or go too far off track. He’s saved many lives throughout his life, all of them thanks to his level head, but right now, he was arguably saving the most important life of all, so that meant he had even more incentive to stay focused.

In fact, he was so focused, he jumped at the sudden, feminine voice filling the room, “John, I found another article I think you would like to see about most common places criminals… John?”

Crap, he was halfway into the fetal position. Slowly uncurling, John nodded, “Oh, thank you, EOS. I’ll start reading it shortly.”

The noise of her lens adjusting sounded throughout ‘Five again, “Of course. Let me know if you would like me to start searching for a different topic, though. There has to be a limit to how many “You wouldn’t believe this” articles one can take, and I think I’m finding it really quickly.”

For the next few seconds, John was suddenly filled with a rush of determination he had been trying to get after their little confrontation in front of a locked elevator door to ‘Five.

She had been helping him out so much the past couple of weeks. Running unnecessary tests for him, searching parts of the web only she could search without getting tracked by some secret mafia, letting him know it was okay if he couldn’t get everything right the first time when two months ago she snapped at him for getting a simple algebra equation wrong due to lack of sleep. She had been especially patient with him recently, even after their little spat in the hangar, and John wasn’t sure how to process it. A tiny part wanted to resort to anger again because he clearly didn’t deserve her, but the more prevalent parts preferred something like depression or even apathy.

She had been making sure his world didn’t spin off its axis, and John couldn’t even tell her sorry until now.

“EOS, I’m sorry.”

She stopped moving, turned around and let her lights blink yellow for only a moment, “For what, John?”

The man in question waved his hands around in front of his face, lost, confusing her more. With a sigh, he explained, “For a lot of things, but mainly from a few weeks back when we had that argument. I said something that wasn’t okay, and I didn’t have the balls to own up to it until now. So, I’m sorry. I crossed a line I shouldn’t have even been near.”

For a little bit, it was quiet. John waited as the A.I. contemplated his words. Then, she spoke her judgment, “Well, I know you are. You haven’t exactly been working off your butt over nothing, right? Plus, reliable sources say one of the ways guilt manifests is anger. I’ve seen that with the rest of your family. It would make sense yours would too.”

John blinked. Part of him was expecting her to not fully understand why he was apologizing, but the other wanted her to just so he could get over this, just so he could let go of even just the teeniest amount of guilt he had, “EOS, anger isn’t a valid excuse. What I said was wrong. I don’t believe those words and you shouldn’t either. The whole point of this partnership is to show you that there’s more to life than just calculations and probabilities. It’s kind of hard to see that when the one person who promised to be different went and screwed it up anyway.”

John hoped EOS was at least questioning things now instead of letting his words go in one ear and out the other. Her next words said she was doing exactly the latter, “Okay. I don’t disagree with you, John, but I don’t know why you’re so hooked on this. I understand. We don’t have to worry about this unnecessarily anymore.”

Yes, you do understand. That’s the fucking point.

They weren’t getting anywhere, yet John didn’t even have the energy to groan in annoyance. He could even get his eyebrow to twitch.

All he could do was simply lean his head back against the wall and let his hair stick up against it like static electricity was flowing through it. The real reason it was sticking up was probably due to a mixture of Zero-Gs and grease from all of the showering he hasn’t been doing, however. His eyes had deep rings around them, and for a second, EOS thought about how relative age could be as a number while John softly spoke, “The Hood was an angry man, too, you know. He felt slighted by our family and wanted us to feel the same. It still doesn’t make what he did right.”

EOS thought about his words before coming to a logical conclusion, “Well, that’s certainly a leap in logic. There’s a big gap between simply yelling because you’re annoyed and literal kidnapping. One gives people a sour mood, the other gives them a significant amount of jail--”

“Yes, EOS, I’m aware of that,” John brought his hand to his face, but underneath it was a grin, telling the world that he was feeling fond exasperation more than anything. EOS was more obtuse than him sometimes. It was one of the few things of himself he wished she didn’t copy so easily. He sighed and brought his hand back down, “I’m just... putting things into perspective. I want you to see why my words were wrong. It would make me feel better if you did.”

EOS hung still, letting John’s admission roll over her wiring like a wave of electricity, “You have a lot of needs and wants. What takes precedent?”

More inflection. This time, John welcomed it. It gave him something to stand on. John wanted a lot of things. Alan to be home safe and sound, Dad to have not disappeared for nearly a decade, for his brothers to stop slowly killing themselves, for himself to stop, but the needs of the many, even the needs of one, outweigh the wants of a singular man like him, but, “Well, needs obviously, they’re necessary, however… it’s okay to be selfish every once in a blue moon. It doesn’t make you inherently bad.”

It was advice he parroted many-a-times to his family, some of them more often than others, seldom to himself if at all.

Scott, it’s okay if you have to tell them you can’t make this business conference.

Virgil, you can count inventory in the morning. You didn’t get any sleep last night either.

Gordon, if you can’t smile for a day or two, that doesn’t make you a bad person.

Kayo, you don’t have to patrol every night. We have security cams for a reason.

Alan, I know we tease you, but you missing a chore or two isn’t the end of the world.

Grandma, you already do enough for us, you barely cooking for us is the least of our worries.

That last one might be more for the rest of his family than not, but hey, two birds and one stone. Keeping his back against the wall, John stood up straighter against it, face suddenly serious, “In fact, wanting to be selfish is one of the best ways to tell that you’re human. You can’t escape it. It only becomes bad when you end up only being that.”

EOS sat in silence, her lens flickering in that way it always does when she was signifying she was about to pass judgment like a Goddess, which she seemed to be doing a lot more recently, “Well then… If I’m allowed one moment of self-reprieve, I suppose I should say that those words did… hurt.”

John grimaced despite very much understanding that he deserved it. The return of the inflection didn’t exactly help. Pushing himself away from the wall, he felt the metaphorical weight fall off his shoulders, “Yes, they did, and while they weren’t okay, it is okay to say that they weren’t. I still am very sorry.”

EOS adjusted her camera, probably to stall for time, “I know you are, John. I still forgive you, but am I correct in assuming I’m allowed some time to… recover isn’t the word I’m looking for, but--”

“Yes, EOS,” John helped her explain her own point, “Recover is a good word. You’re allowed that if you want it.”

John wasn’t sure how, but it seemed like EOS visibly relaxed, “Thank you, then, for letting me do that. This.”

For some reason, John did too, “Of course.”

It was a soft kind of awkward silence, where both parties had something on their mind but they weren’t entirely sure if they wanted to say it out loud. This is why EOS appreciated John more than the others, he simply let silence be silence. It allowed her time to think, unlike how Scott and Virgil kept asking questions, or how that awful duo made noises and messes only to have a chance at making people laugh. As if that was the most important thing they needed to do.

The nights the youngest called John were endless with his constant babbling that tended to grate her circuit boards. The only reason she let it happen was that John seemed to loosen up at the interaction. He became less weary, less worried-filled. He seemed to greatly enjoy the audial presence of Alan Tracy, let alone the way he lit up when the youngest actually showed up in person. It was just unfortunate that it seemed like the kid could never keep his mouth shut.

Then again… from what John said, the whole reason there wasn’t any more Alan was because he did keep it shut. At the worst moment possible. Now there wouldn’t be any more babbling period. Alan was gone, and the whole family was suffering from the new silence. EOS reasoned it was from the general idea of forced silence instead of just freely being able to leave the room or being able to tell him to quiet down, but maybe it was more than that. She could make another list of options to consider.

Plus, it was weird to think about a future where all of those video game walkthroughs she was forced to save would never be used again. John insisted that they weren’t just wastes of megabytes, so...

Hmm.

“Could you…” EOS trailed off, and before John could comprehend the unusual behavior of the A.I., she started speaking again, “Could you tell me more about Alan? I’m starting to think I judged him rather harshly.”

John took a moment to register her words and promptly snorted, “Well, most of your assumptions about him aren’t entirely unfounded, but that’s one of the joys of being an older sibling, I guess. Surprises around every corner,” there was regret in her voice and John knew he had to treat this as gently as he would a newborn child otherwise he would never hear it again.

EOS flickered, “I thought you didn’t like surprises.”

Uh, “Well, not usually, but there are a few from time to time that I could look back on and call them… quaint, in a sense.” Suddenly, a memory resurfaced, and John found himself grinning like he was doped up on nitrous oxide, “Yeah, they can have good surprises occasionally…”

It was a week before his next rotation. Scott would be back home in about three days, which allowed the second born to actually have a few moments with his only older brother. He was looking forward to it just as much as Scott was. Right now, though, he had to make sure he got the right angle.

Right as he did, he heard the soft pitter-patter of footsteps come up the ladder, and when he turned around, he was met with a bundle of freckles, “Oh, hey Alan.”

Hi, Johnny, the kid squirmed out, Is it okay if I sit next to you?

At first, a list of things wanted to fill John’s head. You look dead on your feet, you should be asleep, you have a lot going on this week so why are you wasting sleep? but instead of any of those filling the void that was his brain, John simply nodded, “Yeah, sure, come pop a squat, Sprout.”

John looked away right before he could watch Alan’s nose wrinkle in displeasure. Despite the usage of the nickname (that Alan secretly liked, don’t think you could pull that wool over our eyes, little bro), the kid still toddled over and flopped himself down right next to his older brother. Sighing, the kid leaned his head on John’s arm and absentmindedly stared out into space, both figuratively and literally. Satisfied his brother was comfy, John went back to his current objective.

As John examined the night sky, he also carefully looked over Alan out of the corner of his eye. Every bruise that John could see was finally dulling out into that familiar greyish-yellow as bruises do, and the sight was enough to calm any negative emotion being created from the reminder. John refocused on his telescope to help as well.

The kid had been through one hell of a week, bullies being their typical selves. Every Tracy outside of Scott and Gordon had their fair share of their own experiences with nasty people, and it wasn’t even the first time they’ve left their special kind of blue-and-black marks, but seeing it on Alan was… worse, somehow. Virgil had unsavory anonymous notes at ‘best’, and John knew first hand that their hits bruised more than just physical skin. So to see Alan get the same treatment and not say anything...

John was starting to understand why his older brother greyed so easily.

Speaking of which, Scott was pretty peeved at the idea of not being there for Alan. Because of this, John made sure to be the sole one to call him and inform him of the awful news while the older brother was out at his designated Air Force base. John wanted to see with his own two eyes that Scott wouldn’t do anything rash and made himself liable to be put on some kind of list.

You would think he wouldn’t be that stupid, but the Tracys are known for breaking expectations over their sweet, sweet kneecaps.

(“Scott, you’re not going to steal an Air Force jet just to come and beat up some dumb kids.”

“Watch me.”

“They’re only a year older than Alan.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

John pinched the bridge of his nose, “Listen, we already scarred them enough as it is, let alone their expulsions. Grandma’s threats to the adults were liable for a government-mandated therapist, Virgil just being there had them running for the hills, the computer I was sporting sent chills down their spines and throughout the hallways, and that’s not even to mention Gordon’s threats to the kids themselves. Seriously, where would a 15-year-old even get the tools to do that?”

Scott visibly relaxed at John’s point, but he still sat a little taut, not fully accepting the idea of people being cruel enough to hurt a literal ray of sunshine, “Fine, fine, I still want to talk to the kid over a call at some point. He was the one who dealt with those idiots.”

John’s shoulders deflated, “Yeah, you got me there. He’ll be back with Virgil and Gordon soon enough, you can see him then.”

Scott smiled in a way that washed away the greys in his hair, if only for a moment, “Awesome, I--”

John wasn’t completely done, “But I’m going to be with Alan while you talk to him. I don’t trust you to not be in search-and-destroy mode, and the last thing Alan needs is an angry you with no buffer. Besides, I’m pretty sure we have the same questions. I can play the angsty-Scott translator tonight. Usual fee, 10 bucks each word.”

The groan that managed to fill the whole house despite the tiny speakers was one John would never forget.)

Too lost in thought, John didn’t catch Alan’s movements at first. Leaning away from his telescope, John focused on Alan, “Sorry, Allie, did you say something?”

The child simply shrugged and smushed his chubby cheeks against John’s side, shaking his head, followed by his hands, I just wanted to see what you were doing.

Ah, that made sense. Alan had been continuously signing for the past year because of the obvious, so John rolled with the punches. It was always funny when they talked about these years in the future. Alan talked, Alan said, Alan brought up: it was always metaphorical, and nobody could believe them when they said Alan was fluent in ASL, let alone because he could actually go half a day without talking.

It was ironic because even with no words, Alan still managed to be the loudest thing on the planet. His hands always screamed with excitement whenever he felt like ‘talking’, and no brother ever felt like shutting him up. Especially when it was so easy for Alan to simply not shake his hands to hide the fact that he was in trouble--

Right, don’t go there. John shook his head to bring himself out of his thoughts and replied to the non-verbal admission, “Just looking at the stars. Recording their coordinates and whatnot.”

A small gasp had John jerking immediately away from his scope to see Alan suddenly very worried, maybe even fearful, But won’t you lose your eyes?!

Aha, what? “Allie, you’re going to have to give me more than that.”

John almost didn’t catch what Alan was trying to explain with the way he frantically shook his hands even faster than before, Mrs. Gatsen explained to us that the sun was a star too, but we’re not allowed to look at it for too long because it’ll steal our eyes! I don’t want you to lose your eyes, Johnny!

Ohoho, the part of John’s brain that was all about the smartsy stuff was gearing up to have a full-blown seminar of sorts, but the way the kid seemed so sincere in his worry, in his fear, John felt partially bad for giggling instead, “Oh, Allie, no. Here,” John was activating his inner Virgil and Scott with the way he grabbed the youngster and placed him in his lap, “Yes, the sun is a star, but there are many kinds of stars. Most of which don’t hurt your eyes. Take a look.”

Alan gave one last sentimental look at John, who nodded again just to reassure the blonde before the boy gulped and put his eye against the tool like Johnny did. This time, the gasp that came from him was more magical, more child-like, as it always should be. John watched on as the kid became stuck to his telescope like glue.

Suddenly, Alan leaned back into John, somewhat knocking the wind out of him. Honestly, now that he was thinking about it, John realized he was pushing it by letting Alan sit next to him in terms of his personal comfort zone. He loved Allie just as much as the rest of the family, but letting them in, letting them get close, was veering dangerously close to that specific ‘hug’ territory like he and his parents had.

Before John could explain that in a child-friendly way, and hopefully in a way where the too-smart-for-his-own-good kid couldn’t pick up on the hidden message, Alan looked him directly in the eyes and confidently signed his wants, Can we do this more often? Can we?

Just like that, John’s mind blanked. Alan wanted to do something with him. Not swim with Gordon, not music with Virgil, not do, well, anything with Scott, Allie found something that he would like to do with John.

Huh, interesting, “Yeah, sure. If we can’t do it in the next week, then the first thing we’ll do when I come down is stargaze, because that’s what it’s called: stargazing.”

Alan started gripping his arm tighter and leaned more into his chest, nodding vigorously at the news and looking back to the sky with newfound wonder. Letting Alan be, abruptly forgetting his grievances with things like touch, John went back to his telescope. After another minute or so, John reached a point where he needed both sides of his body, except it looked like one of them was going to be kept immobile unless the spaceman said something to Alan.

John tried doing just that, just without looking away from his device, “Hey, Allie, I don’t mind the sitting-in-my-lap and stuff, but I do need my arm back to--”

Snoring.

Oh.

Jerking his head to physically look at his sibling, John found Alan passed out and squeezing his arm like a freckled koala bear. The ginger flinched a little bit at the drool dripping onto his sleeve, but the way Allie melted into him made him-- actually, he was very suddenly aware that this whole night he hadn’t really been thinking at all, and that thought made him continue to stare mindlessly at the dozing brother.

He always thought about, well, everything. What he was going to say, what he planned to do tomorrow, about what the future held now that they were down their second and last parent. If he didn’t think about it beforehand, he rarely did it. He had to make sure he went through all of his options before haphazardly jumping into the pits of hell.

Yet the way his younger brother looked at him like he was the world himself tonight made John throw all of his training to be as cautious as possible out the window in a need to comfort and care for the small thing in front of him.

It was shocking to his mind, yet he didn’t resent just being able to do without worrying too much. Was this how smother complexes started? Did he ever drool on Scott’s arm? Still staring at Alan, John’s mind continued to be robotic as he simply let his younger brother be and went back to his telescope. Alan had been needing to get a little more sleep lately anyway.

Yeah, it was fine. He could figure out how to follow up on his words later. It wouldn’t be that hard to figure out a way to squeeze Alan into some of his already-planned stargazing nights while making sure the kid still got sleep. Also, John’s used telescopes wearing a cast and sling before, he might prefer two arms, but he has been okay with only one.

If Grandma yelled at John for spending too much time on the roof again, well, she would have to get over it. Alan got an extra hour of sleep and that was all that mattered.

EOS watched as John finished the story. Once he was done, he continued to be quiet while grinning at nothing. All he was doing was simply staring at the floor… It was slightly creepy, and EOS cleared her nonexistent throat, “Huh, I didn’t realize he got a lot of his interests from you. Maybe… maybe you could show me why he did. He can too. More perspectives always get more data.”

John blinked and was immediately taken out of his trance. He brought his hand to his mouth and cleared his throat, “Yeah, he-- wait, what?”

EOS sighed. This is another reason why she snapped him out of it; his inability to listen to someone right in front of him. She simplified her words, “If Alan comes back, can you two take me stargazing? I don’t think I’ve ever seen what the stars look like down there, or, at least, I never looked at them long enough to understand what you all find to be so fascinating about them.”

John blinked a few more times with his mouth slightly gaped. He looked around nervously before bringing his turquoise eyes to look EOS directly in the middle of her camera, “Yeah, sure, EOS. When Alan gets back, that’s the first thing we’ll do.”

EOS didn’t mention anything about the correction of if to when, “Thank you, John, I would like that very much.”

John nodded and floated back to his tech, “Of course. Now then, we’ve got work to do. I’ve been meaning to stargaze recently anyway.”

He still had one more day up here.

And a baby brother who needed saving.

How hard could it be?

---

Very.

Growling in frustration, he thumped his fist against the wall next to him rather harshly.

Not enough to leave any kind of mark or dent, but enough for him to focus on the tiny amount of pain it gave him. He vaguely heard EOS’s lens flare at the sudden noise, but he was a little too focused on why he felt the need to hit his girl.

It was the end of the last day, and he didn’t make it any further like he thought he would.

Some bleak part of his mind was hoped, prayed that his girl would have the tools to find their baby brother. He was willing to bend her entire satellite to be able to reach the far ends of the galaxy if he had to, but even he had to concede that she wasn’t enough. The Hood wasn’t dumb, unfortunately, and he wasn’t going to go easy on them. That is if he was even going “to go” on them to start with.

While it wasn’t the first time he failed spectacularly, this failure certainly hurt the worst.

Half of him wanted to curl up into a ball and forget everything for a moment (or maybe forever), but the other half won out in terms of what his body contorted into. Instead of curling up like a prickly hedgehog, he leaned backward to be floating with his back to the ground and his face to the ceiling with his face in his hands. Meanwhile, EOS silently gazed from her camera in the corner. Watching John struggle this way was… new, and it twisted her wires in a way she wasn’t sure she could describe.

EOS watched him mumble something. Huh, peculiar as ever. Adjusting her camera, she tried small talk, “What was that, John?”

Still mumbles, but more intelligible, “... I need to drop the ‘s’.”

A flicker of yellow, nothing but pure confusion for once in her robotic life, “The ‘s’ of what?”

Suddenly, the astronaut was standing (well, floating) upright with a look of disdain, but EOS could see that it wasn’t meant for her, “Of ‘she’. It’s not ‘Five’s fault, God, it never is, but maybe… maybe it’s mine.”

All of her programs should allow her to say something. Anything, sugarcoated or not, would be beneficial to this seemingly one-sided conversation, but this was the moment she learned that humans could be faster than computers since John steamrolled right to the point without hesitation, “He wasn’t good enough sounds better. Nothing I’m doing is getting any results. I gave my family false hope that I would find something and now I have to go to them and essentially break them. They were already barely holding it together as it was, but when the “smart one” in their family says there’s nothing he can do…”

She found herself going against the logical part of her program-- because despite the idiot John Tracy could be, when he made an argument that had any kind of evidence you never could go against it-- the first time in, well, ever, in an attempt to comfort her partner, “John… I think you’re grasping at straws here.”

He looked up from the floor, and EOS had to shrink her lens at the sight of unshed tears in his eyes, “Who was the one that called him?! Me! He was standing there only a few rooms over, probably terrified out of his mind, and I didn’t know. I let him slip between our fingers because I was so caught up in the moment and I hate myself for it.”

EOS found herself speechless for once, and the few droplets of tears that floated in front of John’s face didn’t help. She had been trying her best recently, especially recently, to understand the fluctuations of human emotion, and she was pretty sure she had decent tabs on at least John nowadays, but this was something unexpected, a thing her programming never really liked to deal with. It involved lots of new calculations and new sims, why, it made things seconds longer when they didn’t have the time to deal with it!

Her electronic voice box made a noise with the intent to say something, as she thought she finally had the time to deal with it, but just her luck, more unexpected things made her reapproach the issue at hand, “John, look out! The Chaos Crew!”

Blinking out of his self-deprecation train, John was uncharacteristically panicking, “What, where?” After doing a full 180, John eventually saw one of his comm radios with the familiar pink symbol floating above it.

John’s pupils shrunk and his eyebrows tilted downward in that unfamiliar emotion: anger.

Fuck this.

The mood change was as fast as the speed of lightning. John practically flung himself to the communication device on something akin to a warpath. No longer regretful or depressed, John was filled to the brim with fury at the sight of one of the men that was a constant thorn in the Tracy family’s side, “What the hell are you doing here? How the hell did you--”

“Wait wait wait!” Fuse pleaded, making John momentarily pause enough to listen, “I’m not good at this like my sister is, so this connection is going to drop soon. I need you to reopen the line yourself so I can explain what I’m here for! Trust me, I swear I’m not--”

Zip.

Blinking at the lack of noise, John slowly turned his head to look at his A.I. to get her opinion on the matter. It wasn’t a positive one, that’s for sure. Her dots were bright red, and for the first time in a while, he found himself flinching at the sight and sound of her, “It wouldn’t take much of me to get rid of the nuisance, you know.”

Taking a few deep breaths, John shook his head, “No, EOS, give me a sec. Don’t send him careening into space.”

Yet.

With shaky hands, John did as Fuse begged and found the comm line the guy haphazardly threw together. Right as Fuse jumped at the sight of one of the Tracys actually hearing him out, John’s voice spoke coldly, “You have five minutes. Go.”

Fuse gulped, “W-Well, I suppose the first thing to do would be to apologize. I’ve caused a lot of messes for you and your family-- heh, ‘messes’ probably doesn’t even come close to explaining what I did-- and I realize that now, so I want to--”

Ah, that tactic. The one where they try so desperately to seem like they were repentant. John wasn’t familiar with it, but Scott sure was. Shady business owners trying to shy away from their consequences made the eldest very aware of how slimy those in power could be. Scott complained about it a lot, so John made sure to always remember it just in case he ever ran into it himself.

Preplanning wins again in the Tracy household. You should listen to John’s advice more, Gordon, “Yeah, tell me something I don’t know.” John muttered mostly to himself and moved in a way that signified something was going to happen.

Fuse sputtered and stopped immediately. Crap, he was going about this wrong. These were all things he was suddenly genuine about, he really was, but the Tracys didn’t want useless apologies at the moment, and he understood that. Hopefully, he didn’t understand it too late. Right before John could do anything to him or give any kind of command to his satellite, Fuse blurted the information he should’ve said the first place, “I know where he is!”

John felt like the Earth flew right off its axis.

Everything froze, including EOS. His hand was out in front of him for some reason, probably subconsciously reaching for some kind of button, as he absentmindedly listened to the whirl of ‘Five and his brain fully processed what Fuse was promising, “... What?”

John was keenly aware that sounding so weak, so hopeful, was something that Fuse could spinelessly abuse if the man wanted to, but John had a good lie detector. The words that fumbled out of half The Chaos Crew’s mouth were sounding good, great, and John could tell that he wasn’t bullshitting anything, “I know where he’s keeping your bro. I mean… shit, what The Hood did wasn’t right, maybe it never was, but I know this specifically is--” a break in his speech in an attempt to words things better. Fuse failed, “Bad. I just…”

John’s head involuntarily tilted at the way Fuse trailed off. For once in his life, John was at a loss. This was highly uncharacteristic from what John had seen of The Chaos Crew, and the astronaut was so flabbergasted he couldn’t even begin to come up with any possible ulterior motive behind Fuse’s actions at the moment.

Suddenly, Fuse looked back up with big eyes, almost reminding John of Alan a little bit. Not in the obvious ways, because Fuse was on the verge of seven feet tall and built like a truck whereas Alan was the teeniest thing on the planet, but… John could see similar traits of innocence in them. The eyes of someone desperately clinging onto the last few shreds of hope they had, but still ready to do what's right because of it. Because even if the light at the end of the tunnel was small it was still worth fighting for.

Fuse, seeing that John wasn’t going to say anything, bit the bullet, “I don’t know, call it selfish, call it smart, but if The Hood is willing to do something like this to someone so young, I… I don’t want to be apart of it. I can’t give any information about my sister, I’m no snitch, but I want out, even if it means spending the rest of my days in a GDF cell.”

John was suddenly aware of a burning question, “Wait, how old are you, Fuse?”

A tired sigh, aging Fuse to something that was probably three times what he was going to say, “I turn 20 in two weeks.”

John sharply inhaled, “Jesus, I… I didn’t realize you were that young.”

A lot of things made sense quickly and abruptly like they always do for the ginger.

If The Hood was willing to do this to someone so young, that didn’t stop him from doing this to someone like Fuse. The logical conclusion the now ‘ex-villain’ made probably danced the wildest jig in his head, and before anyone could clap their hands, he got as far away as possible. John wouldn’t be surprised if The Hood made idle threats for not following orders or for “being stupid”, so Fuse had every right to feel threatened.

Jeez, he was probably terrified at the implication. A dark, buried part of John selfishly thought good, it sucks you had to learn the hard way, but now you see why we all hate him, but the first thing that came to his mind was something unexpected yet expected all the same.

John was reminded of Alan again.

Except Alan had four older brothers to run to when the monsters got too big or too frightening.

…

Scott was going to kill him, “Park her over on the left and come in. We’ve got a lot to talk about. Bring inside whatever you think will help.”

EOS’s shrill John! ringed throughout the room, yet it was overruled swiftly. Fuse’s mouth was wide open, “For real?”

John couldn’t tell if he was losing the knots in his stomach or forming completely new ones, “Yes. Don’t do anything funny, though. I have eyes everywhere.”

Fuse gulped again, yet he was very business-like with his next words, “Of course.”

The line cut a millisecond before John wanted it to. John knew exactly why, “Listen, EOS--”

EOS was suddenly in his face, and it spoke miles at how far she’s come that she wasn’t blaring any alarms in anger, “No, you listen, John Tracy. I cannot believe the level of ignorance you are displaying!”

Gordon always joked about her being his daughter, but right now, John’s eyebrow twitched in annoyance at the feeling of being scolded by an overbearing mother, “I get this may seem like I’ve lost it--” jokes on EOS, who says he hasn’t at this point? “Listen, there’s nothing else left to go off of, and I know this makes me look like a crazy man desperate for information that might not even be there, but--”

“No buts!” EOS shrieked, “You told me that if you followed a sentence with a “but” that what you were about to say shouldn’t even be considered an option! What is making you throw all of my training out the window?!”

John’s mouth became very dry. This conversation was taking a very different turn, “Wait, EOS, why is this all about you suddenly--”

John was starting to regret giving her more mobility at the sight of her jamming her camera directly in his face even more, “It’s not just about me! This affects you too! You said you always based your decisions on the here-and-now, so I should too, so why am I the only one doing so?! You’ve seen what he’s capable of!”

John’s mind tended to be made of gears, and all of them began spinning at the same time. Dammit, he didn’t pick up on this because he didn’t even consider it a factor: EOS being scared. Hell, it wasn't even considered because the last time he remembered her being this scared was when she thought he was a threat during the first time they met (was it really that long ago?). She was scared that Fuse was going to hurt John like he hurt the rest of the astronaut’s family. Like he hurt Gordon.

The only difference is that nobody could get to John like they did Gordon, so that left the ginger at an impasse if the small chance that Fuse was here to hurt him came true.

John found it very hard to breathe all of a sudden. Closing his eyes and struggling to get enough air in, he realized a fundamental problem. EOS was based on data and things that have been recorded, and so far, the only things recorded about Fuse was that he was hellbent on hurting the Tracy family, a family that John was apart of.

She didn’t know any other way to feel about the guy, she didn’t have any other example.

John would love to be that way too, honestly, to just focus on the data. Numbers never tended to be wrong, and the idea of being a simple number-crunching bot would make life a shit-ton easier, but he can’t. He’s human. One that’s very much willing to go against the numbers and probabilities if it meant helping his family.

A rarity for John, to follow his gut and nothing else, but at the end of the day, he was a Tracy, and following his gut was as familiar to him as it was to name all of the immediate constellations in the summer’s nighttime sky, “EOS, I know it’ll be hard to believe me, hell, I’m having trouble believing myself, but Fuse isn’t here to hurt me. The here-and-now is different for reasons I don’t have enough time to properly explain, okay? If there’s anything to believe, believe in the trust you have in me to make the right decision like I always do.”

EOS made no noise, not even a flicker of her lens. He expected her usual sass, something along the lines of, Who says I trust you, moron? but what he got punched away what little air he managed to collect, “... Do you promise?”

That was the million-dollar question. Of course, he couldn’t. He didn’t like making promises after the age of 12. Too many probabilities, too many what-ifs, made promises somewhat of a theoretical impossibility. But just like that night on the roof with Alan, John was able to not think, “I promise, EOS. You wanted to go stargazing with me and Alan, right? Fuse might be able to let us do that again.”

‘Family’ was a Wild Card. Nothing was possible, yet everything was at the same time when it came down to it. ‘Family’ was what made Scott go from day to day without keeling over. ‘Family’ was what got Virgil to sleep at night when he just couldn’t by himself. ‘Family’ was how Gordon managed to keep smiling and joking despite everything in the world trying to make him stop. Hell, ‘Family’ was how their father kicked the word impossible right in the groin and live.

‘Family’ might have been why Alan was stuck in such a shitty situation, but it was also the reason the kid was willing and able to go that far in the first place. He learned that selflessness from his ‘Family’, after all.

John was intent to use that fact to the fullest.

EOS’s lights blinked in contemplation before she quietly spoke once more, “Do I have permission to shock him if he makes even the slightest suspicious movement?”

John rolled his eyes yet grinned all the same, “Sure, only just a little voltage, though. Right in the ass. Would be a nice pick-me-up after all of this.”

Well, despite the year they’ve had, John wasn’t aware EOS could snort. Another sign things might be going right for once.

The door swwwshed open and Fuse floated into where the two hyper-intelligent beings were hanging about and got straight to the point, “Thank you. I hope… I hope I don’t let you down.”

John found himself light as air, and it wasn’t just the zero-gravity this time, “Sounds good. Let’s get cracking.”

While the first thing he did back on Earth was scare his father and his immediate younger brother shitless, the way they and the rest of the family lit up at the plan he and Fuse came up with (after making sure nobody killed the dude, which was surprisingly more difficult than expected, and boy was it expected) made it all worth it.

Well, maybe the sight of Fuse occasionally jumping and yelping at a strange pinch in his bottom with no known cause was worth it too. John wouldn’t tell his brothers that, though, he was the responsible one, remember?

You always made me look at things differently, EOS. Thank you.

[mtvswatches]

Wynonna Earp 3x04 No Cure For Crazy

Click here for previous recaps!

Stray thoughts

1) Did that… did that tree just fucking walk?

Is the tree possessed by Dolls or something? Why is a tree helping Wynonna and Doc?

And why is Peacemaker not working?

2)

3) Okay, the trees are fucking bleeding and this dude just called it “a murder tree” and what the actual fuck!

4) So… the “fire” never really happened, it was just a Black Badge cover-up for the massacre. I really want to see where they go with this whole backstory they’ve given Nicole because so far? Not into it.

Nicole does make a good point of asking Waverly why she hasn’t talked to her mom yet to figure out who her parents are. She seemed quite intent on figuring it out last season, and here she has the perfect opportunity to have every answer she’s looking for, and she’s not taking it? Waverly is anything but a chicken, so I’d figured she would confront her mother head on but I guess she’s been conveniently written OOC so that the writers can keep this mystery going for a while. I hope they don’t stretch this for too long, though.

5) Why did Nicole randomly and carelessly throw the ring in the middle of the forest? Huh? That’s also kind of OOC? Wasn’t she talking about disposing of it carefully two minutes ago?

6) MORE OF THIS, PLEASE.

7) And more of this.

8) Okay, so Waverly IS going to see her mother, she just didn’t disclose that bit of information to Nicole, why? She just made this big speech about not keeping secrets from each other… or is it that she wasn’t planning on seeing her mom until Wynonna brought it up and basically set it all up for her?

And suuuure, Mama is doin’ just fine!

9) So, Wynonna couldn’t shoot Peacemaker because she ran out of bullets, which is a more logical explanation than what I was expecting. I don’t know why but I just assumed Peacemaker had magical ammo and it didn’t require reloading? Anywho, look at these two idiots flirting with each other and basically dry-humping…

10) SHIT. That was a low blow.

But how fucking adorable is it that he’d taken the time to buy - or build! - baby Alice a crib? My heart!

11) Why was their mother so intent on Waverly never finding out where she was or seeing her? And what’s going to happen when Waverly does…? There must be a reason. It seems she was trying to protect them.

12) Why are they giving me so much Doc/Wynonna in this episode? What’s going to happen? (Listen, I’ve grown up watching Joss Whedon shows, I’m conditioned to believe that happiness is followed by utter and complete destruction and mysery!)

13)

NICOLE: Can we talk? It’s about Nedley.

WYNONNA: Not again. How many more plungers do we need?

 14) Wait, did I forget that Jeremy was gay or they haven’t mentioned it before? Because I’m all for it, and especially about the way it was casually brought up in conversation because it’s not Jeremy’s single defining characteristic. 

15) I guess the mother-daughter reunion is happening sooner than expected, since Waverly was contacted as her last known emergency contact.

16) Jeremy is totally vibing with this Robin dude who found the murder tree and they’re making silly tree puns and it’s gay heaven, I love it.

17) Well, that couldn’t have gone any worse…

And yet, I can’t help but feel she means something else? I still feel she’s trying to protect Waverly.

Something happened when Waverly touched her, too, and then she kept saying “she’s unbound, she’s loose, kill the demon.” Waverly of course assumes her mom is referring to her as “the demon”, but I have a feeling she’s talking about an actual demon.

18) I really felt for Nedley when he admitted he’s tired of covering the supernatural shit up. Man, I hated him on the first episode of the show and now I’ve really grown to like him? And Wynonna suggested he should step aside and let Nicole take charge, and he’s actually considering it, and I’m here for Sheriff Haught.

19) Listen, I’m not usually into Gay, meet Gay, now get together because you’re the only two Gays so therefore you must be attracted to each other and date, but… I’m really liking the Jeremy/Robin interactions so far? They’re really cute!

20) And now they’re two gays who have zero idea about the woods lost in the forest and they found the stairway to heaven…

21) Mama Gibson is not messing around.

22) Ah, great, the idiots who let a dangerous convict escape have now locked Wynonna up. Marvelous.

23) Damn, Waverly keeps thinking her mother wants to kill her and that she called her a demon, but I just fucking know she’s talking about a literal demon that’s probably threatening Waverly’s life, that’s why she’s kept away from her.

24) Wait, what?

NEDLEY: Michelle didn’t go to prison because she burned down the barn. She went because her youngest daughter was in it.

Her youngest is Waverly? So did she try to set Waverly on fire? I have a hunch she’s possessed.

25) Oh, dang, Doc is hearing a baby’s cry in the woods. Of course, this is a trigger for him, he’s thinking of Alice, and he’s being lured into the woods.

26) Major Spike vibes in this scene…

27) Hm. Bulshar just tried to strike up a deal with Doc – he’ll give Doc reprieve from the knowledge of his miserable destiny if Doc does his bidding. And Doc was really contemplating accepting. Don’t be weak, Doc. Come on. There has to be a way.

28) So, this fucking corrupt guard suggests they should just off Wynonna and write it off as if Michelle murdered her own daughter when she was trying to escape. And of course, he’s a fucking revenant. It’s definitely going to be interesting to see how Wynonna gets out of this one while handcuffed and without Peacemaker…

I mean, she was fucking tasered and yet…

QUEEN.

29) Nedley, my heart. He’s so heartbroken over this.

NEDLEY: Well, I got a call to a situation at the Earp farm. By the time I got there, the barn was lit up like a torch. You... somehow you escaped. I mean, you were covered with soot, you were crying, but you were unharmed. WAVERLY: And my mother? NEDLEY: She was... locked in your daddy's patrol car. She set the fire. But she was no murderous sociopath. She was Michelle Gibson. Rodeo spitfire. The wild heart and loyal soul of Purgatory. Even the thugs and the dimwits drank to her. With her. They loved her. Look, she wasn't herself that night. She kept... she kept insisting that... that she was trying to vanquish a demon. WAVERLY: A demon she thought was... me. NEDLEY: Well, that would explain The occult nonsense that Ward saw plastered all over the barn before she lit the match. Did you believe it? That was Ward's interpretation. Look, your pop was my boss, so... And I know... I know I should've been braver. I should've defended her. But... I booked Michelle like I was told to. God, this just keeps getting worse. I've been trying to make up for it ever since. I kept watch over you. I tried to set Wynonna on the straight and narrow. That didn't work out. And when I became Sheriff, I pulled the report. I didn't want anyone seeing it.

30) Why would Wynonna let the revenant in on the fact that she got a kid? I mean, wasn’t the whole point of sending Alice away to protect her from the likes of him? I get that she used that bit of information to distract him, and yeah, she did this later…

…but maybe don’t go talking about your child out loud around the enemies?

31) Why is he coughing dirt? Is he going to get gay-buried before he can be allowed to actually gay?

32) Now Waverly is listening to her mom’s tapes with a psychiatrist or therapist or something, and yep, I’m still convinced she was possessed or something and the reason she was trying to stay away from Waverly is because she wanted to protect her. As she was talking to the therapist, she said “Shut up!” or something like that and she was clearly talking to someone else who was not there, like someone who might be in her own head or that only she can see. Someone or something that might be using her to kill her own daughter. The question is, who and why? Is it Bulshar manipulating her the same way he tried to manipulate Doc? Or is it something else altogether? And why is this something or someone so intent on killing Waves? What is she? What kind of role is she supposed to play in the grand scheme of things for this evil entity to want her dead so badly?

33) Okay, theory confirmed, Doc just heard a third, infernal voice on the tape.

34) Oh shit, is history going to repeat itself?!

Yep, there was an actual demon in serious need of a facial and makeover.

35) Bye bye Robin, I guess?

36) Who the fuck is Jolene and why is everyone acting like Stepford Wives? Is this some sort of Ted/Dawn scenario?! And why is it that, in a supernatural show, this is by far the creepiest thing I’ve seen?! 

37) So, I’ve got a lot of questions. First of all, I want to know more about the murder trees. How do they come to be? Are they inhabited by serial killers? We saw the face in one of them, and they can actually walk and move around, but why do they bleed? Is it like their victim’s blood? Also, who the fuck is Jolene? I mean, I know she’s probably the demon that showed up in the barn, but what’s her deal? What does she want? I mean, she didn’t kill Waverly, and instead she’s feeding and glamouring the whole group… to do what? Where was Robin taken? Can we please not do the whole bury-your-gays trope? I expect better of this show. Will Doc accept Bulshar’s deal? Please don’t, Doc. And what is Waverly?! That’s the biggest question of all, so I’m guessing the answer will be delayed till the season finale.

That was yet another fun, exciting Wynonna Earp episode, setting up a lot of stuff for the season, I guess. And I want answers!

38) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi. Thanks!

[angelofthequeers]

Ladybug and Reine Nuit: Chapter 12

Rogercop & Vanisher

Disclaimer: I don’t own ML.

Although the Sabrina arc is something I came up with, I was at a loss as to how to finish it until I read this post about a potential Sabrina arc. So, I have to credit @miraculouscontent for how Sabrina’s ‘independence arc’ finishes!

(Seriously, check out everything written by MC. They’re amazing)

@miraculousl4dybug @livinthebilife tagged as requested :)

Part 11 | Part 13

The relationship between Chloé and Sabrina is rather strained after Chloé’s stint as Antibug. Although Chloé doesn’t actually remember what she’d done, Sabrina’s clearly been left with vivid memories of being dangled off the top of the Eiffel Tower by her best friend, judging by how she needs a whole week to come back to school and still can’t look Chloé in the eye. It doesn’t help that Chloé has been snappish and short with her ever since that incident.

Things finally reach breaking point between them during Parents’ Career Day. After Marinette trips over the contents of Chloé’s bag and Chloé’s brand-new bracelet goes missing, Chloé immediately accuses Marinette of thieving it while pretending to trip.

“We don’t accuse without proof, Miss Bourgeois!” Officer Roger says when Chloé demands Marinette’s arrest. “Now, everyone, please calm down. Maybe you simply misplaced your bracelet.”

Chloé gives a loud, fake gasp. “You’re calling me a liar? Daddy! Do something!”

“Roger, I demand you search this girl!” André Bourgeois orders. Chloé smirks.

“Please, everybody!” Miss Bustier attempts to play peacemaker but to no avail.

“Need I remind you that as mayor of this city, I am your superior!” André says.

“But sir, it's against the law!” Roger protests. “I can't just go –”

“Alright. Then you're no longer a police officer!”

Roger’s eyes widen. “Mayor, you can't be serious! Over a missing bracelet?”

“This is my daughter's bracelet we're talking about! You're incompetent and you're fired! Get out!”

“Good!” Chloé says as Roger trudges out with his shoulders slumped.

“But – Chloé – you don’t care that my dad just got fired?” Sabrina gasps. Chloé sniffs.

“Why should I? He clearly sucked at his job.”

Sabrina clenches her fists, but Chloé doesn’t notice.

“You should be thanking me, really. Maybe he’ll find a job he can actually do –”

“Shut up!” Sabrina shrieks. Marinette’s stomach jolts at the sight of tears streaming down Sabrina’s cheeks. “Shut up! You – you don’t even care, do you? Do you even care about me?”

“Of course I do,” Chloé says. “You do my homework, you do other things for me…”

“That’s not caring about her,” Marinette says with her hands on her hips. “That’s using her, Chloé.”

“Caring, using, same difference. Without me, she’d have no one! She’d be no one!”

“That’s not true!” Marinette says. But before she can try and defend Sabrina, the other girl runs out of the room, so Marinette settles for shooting a venomous glare at Chloé before sprinting after Sabrina. “Hey! Sabrina! Wait up!”

She finally catches up to Sabrina in the girls’ bathroom, but Sabrina looks anything but happy to see her.

“What?” Sabrina snaps. “I know you hate Chloé. Did you come to take it out on me?”

“Huh? Of course not!” Marinette holds her hands up. “I came to see if I could help make you feel better, Sabrina. What Chloé said was disgusting.”

Sabrina just snorts.

“And what she said wasn’t true,” Marinette says. “You do have other people. You are someone without Chloé.”

“Am I?” Sabrina crosses her arms. “Am I really? My favourite colour is Chloé’s. My favourite food is Chloé’s. My favourite music is Chloé’s. My clothes were picked out by Chloé. Everything I am is Chloé! I don’t even know who I am!”

Marinette doesn’t know what to say to that and it shows; Sabrina gives a cruel little smile and turns away.

“Just leave me alone,” Sabrina says. “Please.”

“Okay,” Marinette says. She pauses in the doorway and turns back. “But you’re not alone, Sabrina. I know you’re not Chloé. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be here right now. If you need someone to talk to…”

Sabrina says nothing. Marinette sighs and leaves the bathroom, only to duck back inside at the sight of a massive blue robot man stomping down the hall towards their classroom.

“Didn’t I tell you to leave me alone?” Sabrina says. Marinette shushes her.

“Akuma!” Marinette hisses. Sabrina’s eyes widen, and she scrambles over to the door to peer out. She gets a glimpse of the akuma’s face just before he passes the bathroom.

“Dad!” she gasps.

“That’s your dad?” Marinette says. Sabrina nods and backs away from the door. “You should stay here until Ladybug and Reine Nuit take care of him.”

“Wait, where are you going?” Sabrina says when Marinette starts crawling out of the bathroom. “You’re just going to leave me here alone when there’s an akuma?”

Marinette’s about to point out that Sabrina had just told her to get out before she notices the way Sabrina’s face has paled to the colour of chalk and how her breathing has grown shallow. “Is it…you know…the whole thing from…”

Sabrina just nods, her bottom lip wobbling. With a sigh, Marinette pushes the bathroom door shut and crawls over to sit next to Sabrina. What good is it being Ladybug if she leaves people who need her help as Marinette?

“Have you talked to Chloé about it?” Marinette says. “I know she doesn’t remember what she did, but…”

Sabrina shakes her head. “I can’t. I know it wasn’t her, but I – I – I just freeze. All I can see is…Antibug and how much she h-hates me…and I remember the Tower…”

Marinette hesitates, then slides an arm around Sabrina. This seems to be the right thing to do, because Sabrina sniffles and sags against her, head bowed. With all the akumas Marinette has faced, she’s never once stopped to wonder about the aftermath. Why should she have? None of the akumas ever remember what they’ve done. But that doesn’t erase the memories of their victims.

“Why does Chloé hate me?” Sabrina whispers. “I’ve done everything for her. I’ve tried my hardest to be her BFF. She doesn’t even care that she got my dad fired! Now he’s an akuma!”

“Look, I don’t want you to think I’m badmouthing Chloé because I don’t like her,” Marinette says, “but she’s really a nasty brat. She’s made you do all her dirty work. Remember my diary? And the way she talks to you makes me so angry.”

“But she does care!” Sabrina reasons. “She has to! She gives me gifts! She does my hair and nails for me! We…um…we play Ladybug and Reine Nuit together, and she always lets me be Reine Nuit! Mostly because she always wants to be Ladybug, but she could have made me the villain!”

Marinette blinks. Chloé…cosplays Ladybug? Wait, no, this isn’t the time to focus on that. “You can care about someone and still be awful to them,” she says. “Just because Chloé cares about you doesn’t erase the ways she’s been a total cow to you. If she didn’t care deep down then you wouldn’t have stuck around, right?”

Sabrina slowly shakes her head.

“But just because she cares doesn’t mean that you have to put up with it,” Marinette says. “Why are you so determined to defend her?”

“Because…” Sabrina takes a deep, shuddering breath. “I was wrong. I’ve been wrong for years. I’ve always thought that Chloé’s just had a hard life and everyone’s unfairly hard on her, but…what if that’s not true? That means that – that everything I’ve done for her – everyone I’ve taken down for her…it was all a lie!”

Marinette’s brow furrows in sympathy as Sabrina tries to come to grips with her crisis. “You know…Chloé was wrong when she said you’d have no one without her.”

“How?” Sabrina says with a bitter laugh. “She was right. Everyone will just see me as Chloé’s friend. Chloé’s all I’ve had since we were children.” She climbs to her feet shakily and says, “Thanks for trying to cheer me up, Marinette. You’re not as bad as Chloé says you are.”

“Sabrina, wait –”

But Sabrina’s gone. Marinette sighs and opens her purse to let Tikki out.

“That was very good of you to try and comfort her, Marinette,” the kwami says. “I know it can’t have been easy when she’s been Chloé’s best friend all this time.”

“I think that’s changing, though,” Marinette says. “I think she’s finally starting to see that the way Chloé treats her isn’t cool.” She shakes her head. “Right. Akuma! Tikki, spots on!”

.

“You think Sabrina’s finally done with Chloé?” Alya whispers to Marinette the next day in class, after the whole Rogercop debacle. Although Chloé and Sabrina are still sitting together at the front of the class, it’s clear as day that they’re not actually talking to each other; or rather, that Chloé’s not talking to Sabrina, despite Sabrina’s meek attempts to talk to her and at least make peace between them, even if they’re no longer friends. After all, the only reason Roger had gotten his job back was because Ladybug had found the missing bracelet in the mayor’s office and slipped it into Chloé’s bag, otherwise she has no doubt that Roger would still very much be an ex-cop.

“I forgive you for being mean to me after Antiquator and after I was akumatised,” Chloé said loudly, slinging an arm around Ladybug’s shoulders. Well, yippee. At least Ladybug’s earned back her number one fan for “coming to help find her bracelet”.

“Alright, class!” Ms Bustier says. “Into pairs for this task, please! Nathaniel, you can move next to Ivan.”

As Ms Bustier writes their instructions on the board, Marinette ends up zoning out, watching Chloé and Sabrina out of the corner of her eye. Sabrina whispers something to Chloé, who doesn’t so much ignore her as act like there’s not even anyone next to her. Marinette’s fists clench in sympathy for Sabrina. How can Chloé be so – so – awful? Wait. Trick question. She’s Chloé.

“Ms Bustier, I don’t have a partner,” Chloé says loudly. “Can I, like, join another pair?”

“Chloé, that’s not nice to Sabrina,” Ms Bustier chides.

“Who?” Chloé says. “Never heard of anyone by that name.”

“Ms Bustier, I want another partner!” Sabrina says. “Chloé won’t even acknowledge my existence, and I refuse to do all the work by myself!”

“Oh.” Ms Bustier looks very much out of her depth. “Um…if another pair would be happy to trade partners with you two?” She looks around at the class pleadingly. “Anyone?”

Sabrina turns to look at her classmates. But she’s been Chloé’s friend for far too long and so her reputation precedes her; no one speaks up to agree to be her partner. In fact, several people even give her looks that are not outright hostile but very much unwelcoming.

“I – I’m not feeling too well!” Sabrina rushes out of the classroom.

“I’ll go after her, Ms Bustier,” Marinette says, already out of her seat.

“Uh – thank you, Marinette.” Ms Bustier shakes her head at Chloé. “Chloé, that was very nasty of you.”

Marinette misses Chloé’s reply as she shuts the classroom door behind her. Where could Sabrina have gone? The bathroom, maybe? That’s where she’d been when her father had been akumatised. When Marinette gets to the bathroom, though, Sabrina’s not inside. Could she have gone to the nurse’s office?

“Wah!” Marinette tumbles to the floor when something slams into her. Her head whips around, searching for the source, but there’s no one there. Maybe she just imagined it? That theory lasts for the few seconds it takes for the bathroom door to open and close…all by itself. Eyes widening, Marinette darts into a stall and locks it behind her. “Did you see that, Tikki?”

“I did!” Tikki pops out of Marinette’s purse. “Do you think that was Sabrina?”

“It would make sense, wouldn’t it?” Marinette says. “Chloé was treating her like she was invisible –”

“– so now she is!” Tikki finishes. “We have to help her!”

“Right you are.” Marinette sighs. “I should have offered to be her partner in class. Or I should’ve asked Alya to do it, even though I’d be stuck with Chloé.”

“It’s not your fault, Marinette,” Tikki says firmly, kissing Marinette on the forehead. “You’re not a bad person because you were a little selfish one time. Being too selfless can be just as harmful as being too selfish.”

“I guess…” Marinette shakes her head. “I can complain later. Tikki, spots on!”

.

The first indication Alya gets that anything is wrong is when Nino curses.

“Nino, we don’t use that kind of language in this class,” Ms Bustier scolds.

“Sorry, Ms B,” Nino says. “But my tablet moved by itself!”

Alya’s instantly alert. Nino could have just nudged it without realising, but it’s always better to be safe than sorry. And since she’s been stuck working with Chloé because of Marinette and Sabrina’s absence, she can’t see Nino around the Chloé.

“Ouch!” Chloé shrieks, whipping around while rubbing her head. Alya stiffens, watching out of the corner of her eye.

“What’s wrong, Chloé?” Ms Bustier says.

“Someone pulled my hair!”

“I didn’t do it,” Mylène says immediately from behind Chloé.

“It wasn’t her!” Chloé snaps. “It – it was some mystical invisible being. Like a leprechaun. Or a unicorn without the horn.”

The class starts laughing at her, but they settle down under Ms Bustier’s gaze. Chloé screeches and falls out of her seat as her purse starts attacking her seemingly out of nowhere, but Alya can’t stick around and enjoy the view.

“Gotta go to the bathroom!” she blurts out, leaping out of her seat and jumping around Chloé. Before she can leave, however, the door bursts open and a familiar yo-yo whips past Alya and grabs Chloé around the waist, yanking her away from the invisible presence.

“Sorry, Ms, but Chloé’s going to have to make up the work,” Ladybug says once she’s got Chloé secure. She turns and bolts down the hallway, and the invisible presence follows, judging by how Adrien’s bag gets knocked over and Alya gets pushed out of the way.

“I really have to go,” Alya says into the tense silence in the classroom. “Um…I’ll keep an eye out for Marinette and Sabrina!” She sprints out of the room before Ms Bustier can tell her to come back, then ducks into the girls’ bathroom.

“I woulda thought you’d love to watch Chloé get beat on,” Plagg says like the little shit he is.

“Trust me, it’s a dream come true,” Alya says. “But I’ve got a moral duty or whatever the comics call it. I’ll just have to laugh on the inside. Plagg, claws out!”

Once she’s Reine Nuit, she heads out to search for Ladybug and Chloé. The akuma must be keeping a low profile, judging by the shock of the students as they see her passing their classrooms.

“Reine Nuit!” calls a voice. A short boy bounces in the doorway of his classroom, eyes shining. “You’re here! Is there an akuma?” Behind him, his classmates try their best to look like they’re focused on their work, but it’s painfully obvious even to the teacher that they’re getting nothing done.

“Uh, yeah,” Reine Nuit says. “An invisible one, by the looks of it.” She snickers at her unintentional joke.

“Cool!” the boy cries. “You’ll protect us, won’t you, Reine Nuit?”

“Sit down, Daniel, and stop making your crush embarrassingly obvious,” calls a girl from inside the room. Daniel’s cheeks flush.

“Don’t worry, Daniel,” Reine Nuit winks. “I’ll keep you safe.” Then she runs off down the hall, preening about how damn cool and slick and superhero-like she just was. “Damn, I was born to do this.”

She finds Ladybug and Chloé in the library, but it looks like the akuma has found them first. Or rather, it doesn’t look like it, since they can’t be seen. What can be seen, however, is all the books that are flying at Ladybug and Chloé from the akuma; and since they’re invisible, it’s impossible to predict where the next attack will come from.

“Ugh, finally!” Chloé complains loudly when she catches sight of Reine Nuit. Naturally, this also alerts the akuma to Reine Nuit’s arrival, and what the cat hero wouldn’t give to be able to slap Chloé without repercussions.

“The akuma is Sabrina!” Ladybug calls, ducking under a table to avoid an entire shelf of books falling on her. Chloé shrieks when an invisible force picks her up, but when Reine Nuit dives towards Chloé, she falls straight through thin air and flat on her face.

“What the heck?” Reine Nuit says. “She’s holding Chloé! I shoulda grabbed her!”

Girlish giggling fills the air. “Vanisher is everywhere,” says a childish voice. “And Vanisher is nowhere. Vanisher is no one.”

“Good job, Chloé,” Reine Nuit snaps, clambering to her feet.

“What did I do?” Chloé says.

“What didn’t you do?”

“Guys!” Ladybug snaps. “We can argue after we take down Vanisher!”

“You can’t touch me,” sings Vanisher. The voice comes from near a bookshelf, but a table metres away goes hurtling at Ladybug.

“That doesn’t make any sense!” Ladybug says.

“Unless…she’s got telekinetic powers?” Reine Nuit says. “I mean, it’d explain why we can’t pin her down.”

“Of course!” Ladybug says. “Good thinking, kitty! But how are we supposed to find the akuma if we can’t even see her?”

“Boo!” Vanisher shrieks into Chloé’s ear. Chloé screams and runs, only to trip over a book that appears underfoot out of nowhere. “How does it feel to be the one hurt for once, Chloé Bourgeois?”

“Ladybug, help!” Chloé wails. She’s picked up by Vanisher’s invisible force and slammed back into the ground, then pinned by an overturned table. As much as Reine Nuit loathes Chloé, the other girl’s piercing screams of pain make her stomach churn because no one deserves to have their belly crushed by a large solid object.

“I get that you’re hurting, Vanisher,” Ladybug says. “But this isn’t the answer! Hurting Chloé back makes you just as bad as her!”

Vanisher just giggles. Reine Nuit yelps and throws herself to the ground when a single shelf row tears itself out of the whole bookshelf and comes hurtling at her, ready to decapitate her, but Vanisher then drops the bookshelf itself on her legs. Reine Nuit cries out when her left leg erupts in blinding white-hot pain, and she has to thump her head on the carpet and bite her lip so hard that she draws blood so that she can avoid zoning out from the pain.

“Lucky Charm!” Ladybug says. From where she’s prone on the floor, Reine Nuit can’t see what Ladybug summons. But when Ladybug says, “Cataclysm the floor when I say so!” Reine Nuit nods and pushes her top half off the ground enough to see the action.

“C-Cataclysm!” she says thickly, keeping her hand off the ground so that she doesn’t ruin it before Ladybug gives her the go-ahead. There’s an explosion of white dust nearby, which reveals the floury outline of Sabrina, and Reine Nuit slams her hand down on the floor in front of her when Ladybug points. Ladybug tosses her yo-yo to create a net over the hole, then sends Vanisher tumbling onto the makeshift net with a hard kick. While Vanisher struggles, Ladybug snatches her glasses and snaps them in half, releasing the akuma and then purifying it.

“Miraculous Ladybug!”

Reine Nuit groans in sweet relief when the ladybugs heal her leg and remove the bookshelf from on top of her. She jumps to her feet, marvelling at how there’s not a single hint of pain.

“Pound it!” she grins with Ladybug while Vanisher melts back into Sabrina.

“I – what – how did I end up here?” Sabrina gasps, looking around wildly. Her eyes widen when she catches sight of Chloé, and she sniffles and looks away.

“You’re okay now, Sabrina,” Ladybug says, kneeling to rest a comforting hand on Sabrina’s shoulder.

“No, I’m not!” Sabrina shakes her head. “I – Ladybug, I don’t know who I am. No one likes me, and I don’t blame them. Who am I without Chloé?”

“No one, that’s who,” Chloé drawls. Ladybug stiffens.

“Reine Nuit, can you please escort Chloé back to class?” she says tightly. Rolling her eyes, Reine Nuit grabs Chloé by the arm and hauls her out of the library.

“Hey! Ow! Watch my jacket!” Chloé complains as Reine Nuit drags her back to Ms Bustier’s classroom.

“You’re not in any position to make demands, prissy princess,” Reine Nuit growls. She slams the classroom door open and shoves Chloé inside, while their classmates and Ms Bustier stare in shock. “One Chloé Bourgeois, safe and sound.” Unfortunately. “And if any of you judge Sabrina in relation to Chloé after I just got my damn leg nearly broken because Sabrina was that upset, I’m gonna come back and haunt you all.”

She takes off running down the hall back to the girl’s bathroom, nearly crashing into Sabrina on the way.

“Sorry!” Sabrina says when Reine Nuit grabs her to steady her. “I’m sorry!” For some reason, Reine Nuit doubts that she’s apologising for the collision.

“Listen,” Reine Nuit says hurriedly as her ring beeps. “It’s gonna take you some time to figure out who you are without Chloé. But I can tell you that you’re not Chloé and you never have been.”

Sabrina gives her a soft smile. Behind her, Marinette comes skidding into view, panting.

“Sabrina! You’re okay!” Marinette wheezes. “I’m sorry I didn’t get there before you got akumatised!”

“Well, can you can do me a favour and take her back to class?” Reine Nuit says. “I gotta go!”

Once she’s turned back into Alya in the bathroom, she makes her way back to class, where Sabrina is standing next to her old seat and working the point of her shoe into the floor while looking down. Before Alya can say anything, Marinette is by Sabrina’s side and pulling her away from Chloé.

“You don’t have to sit next to Chloé,” Marinette says firmly. She stops next to Nathaniel’s desk. “Nathaniel, can Sabrina sit with you from now on?”

“Um…” Nathaniel stares at Sabrina, who pinkens and looks down again. “I don’t know…”

“Please?” Marinette says. “Just give her a chance? She’s not Chloé’s friend anymore. She’s not Chloé.”

“Hmph!” Chloé huffs. Alya ducks her head to hide her smirk when Nathaniel’s face flushes scarlet at Marinette’s plea.

“I suppose…” he says. Marinette beams and nudges Sabrina.

“See?” she says. Sabrina gives her a quick, hesitant smile and sits down next to Nathaniel, though she’s balanced on the edge of her seat as though ready to spring up at the slightest stimulus.

“Okay…well, now that Sabrina is back, I suppose we can continue the lesson,” Ms Bustier says awkwardly. The chirp in her voice fools no one. “Forget about the pairs. Just…do the work individually.”

“Can we work in pairs if we want to?” Rose says from the back of the class.

“Sure…” Ms Bustier still looks a little dazed. Marinette and Alya immediately gravitate towards each other and push their tablets together.

“Alright,” Alya says. “So, I’m thinking for this one…”

[thesffcorner]

Running with Lions

Running with Lions is a YA contemporary written by Julian Winters. It follows Sebastian, a senior in high school, and the Bloomington High School Star Goalie, during his last summer at camp. Sebastian is determined to make this his best year, before the team drifts apart to college and an uncertain future, but when his estranged childhood friend Emir Shah shows up to camp, things get complicated. Two things before we start. Nb. 1: I love football. It’s my favorite sport, You Will Never Walk Alone. Nb. 2: It’s football, not soccer. If you disagree... I don't think we can be friends. I picked this book up, completely at random; I saw that it’s queer, and revolves around football, and after Real’s disaster game last night (wow this review is either going to be immediately dated, or hilariously relevant) I needed something fun to pick me up. And boy, this book delivered. It’s exactly what you think it will be; a fun, summer romance between two boys at football camp, with all the corniness and cheese that come from these books. For the most part, I think this book was executed well; there were some flaws, and I think we should start with those, because I want to recommend it, so let me get the negative out of the way first. This is Winters’ debut novel, and it definitely reads like one. The biggest problem is the writing; the first two chapters especially, were a pretty bad start. It’s never good when a book opens with a mother fussing about her child who’s off to something, whether it be college or camp; the opening here reminded me of the opening of Afterby Anna Todd, and that’s never a good start. To make matters worse, the book is written in present tense: Sebastian grins at his mom from the bottom step, so it makes all the flaws in the writing that much more apparent, like they way the characters talk (”Are you certain you packed everything?”) or the way things are described (Sebastian rolls his pale brown eyes; Sebastian groans, unable to hide how mortified he is). I’m confident with time, Winters’ writing will improve dramatically; it even does so by the very end of the book. The sentences become a lot less clunky, and it seems to more time he spent with his characters, the better his grip on the way they speak got, so I had no problem distinguishing their personalities through the dialogue alone, by the end. I know the start of the novel is a bit clunky, but I found it worth to push through to get to the story which was very good. To start off with, I enjoyed all the practice related nonsense. It’s clear to me that the author either played football or did his research, because the way practice was conducted and described, felt pretty genuine to me. There’s not too much about the team actually practicing strategies, and the bulk of the novel takes place off the pitch, but it was still fun to read about practice, and watch Sebastian teach Emir how to dribble, how to pass, how to block, etc. I liked a lot of the arguments about what players are better, what teams are better, the discussion about the different positions on the team, and my absolute favorite activity: making fun of the strikers. It’s ok, their egos deserve it. The other thing I really liked about this book were the discussions of queerness, masculinity and body image. Our lead, Sebastian was fat when he was a child, but lost a lot of weight due to puberty and starting to play football. He still carries a lot of the shame and insecurities for his body however, which is normal, but rarely presented in media, especially media that centers men. I know boys struggle with body image too, and it was really nice to see a main character who went through a drastic body change and still feels insecure. One of my favorite scenes was the scene where Emir catches Sebastian looking at himself in the mirror and they have a really positive discussion (well it’s mostly Emir talking at Sebastian) about bodies, and men being beautiful. That line men can be beautiful, girls can be handsome is echoed throughout the book; it’s a look at being a teenage boy, and some of the pressures teenage boys deal with. The book discusses who you want to be, who your role models are, what are acceptable and healthy ways to express emotions, all the things that broadly fall under toxic masculinity. It’s a very positive message, and I really appreciated that it was delivered like this, where I can plausibly see teenage boys reading it and feeling not like someone is preaching, but rather talking to them about these things. Queerness is a big part of the book too; characters identify as anything from questioning, to bi to gay, and the environment of the camp is very accepting. There’s talk about acceptance in the industry, in other schools, and even between teammates. As Sebastian is bi, he struggles a lot with feeling accepted and comfortable sharing his love life with his friends, even though he’s already out. I related a lot to that; being out isn’t always the same as being visible, and as I feel a lot of bi people will agree, pursuing a relationship with someone of the same gender can feel a lot like coming out a second time. As for the romance itself, I found it at times frustrating at times sickeningly cute. It’s messy and complicated, as romance tends to be between confused, horny teenagers, and as such there were a lot of scenes, especially at the start of the book where I wanted to jump out of my skin due to secondhand embarrassment. It doesn’t help that at the start, Sebastian and Emir are in really bad relations with each other, as Emir is even needlessly hostile and defensive around everyone, but especially Sebastian. The explanations why are all very understandable, but I liked too that Sebastian at several point in the book points out that sometimes you have to give people a chance to show you they can be better. It’s a tough line to walk; as Emir is English, brown and Muslim, there’s a lot of really horrific bullying involved, especially concerning his religion and skin color, and I’m always weary of messages that aim to tell marginalized folks to give people a chance, if those same people were involved in or perpetuated the bullying. But I think the book did a great job of showing that most of the boys are not against Emir because of any racial or religious issues, and that a lot of their prejudice comes from ignorance, rather than malice. Let’s quickly go over some of the characters. Grey is the one girl in the group, the coach’s step-daughter. She’s a great player herself, but for reasons that are never explained in the book, she doesn’t want to play on the girl’s team. I liked her a lot, and I found her presence refreshing in the sea of testosterone, though I must say she doesn’t really escape the “not like other girls trope” which kind of irked me, especially because her presence isn’t too relevant for the plot. Hunter is one of the other players, who I liked but I found a bit bland. He gets a good scene with Sebastian towards the end of the book, but for the most part he didn’t stand out much, other than being nice. Mason is the striker on the team, and I liked him and hated him in equal measure. He can be a real asshole, and I liked that the book didn’t shy away from showing that to the readers. His subplot about being more or less bullied into liking Grey was funny, but mostly it’s there for one scene where he realizes what his behavior could lead into. Will is Sebastian’s other friend, and I actually wish he was in the book more. He’s the friendly guy, the one who’s on good terms with everyone, and everyone likes. There’s some unrequited feelings with him, but what I found most interesting was that, in spite of being a great defensive player that could go pro, because of a knee injury his dreams are essentially shot. On the one hand I liked that he took this rather well, but on the other I wish we had gotten more time to really explore what something like that would do to him as person. Emir was an interesting and complex love interest. I ended up relating to him a lot more than I did Sebastian, mostly because I tend to gravitate more towards characters that mask their shyness and anxiety with anger, like he does. I liked that he was a Muslim character who is openly gay, while also still practicing his religion. The one thing that bothered me about him, was more a product of the writing; I found it hard to believe that he and Sebastian being inseparable for years would require him to explain basic things like what prayer mats are, what Abbu or Inshallah mean. Sebastian as a lead was again, sometimes infuriating, sometimes endearing. He is a ball of anxieties, insecurities and hormones. He has this really annoying tendency to think about sex and Emir’s body in really inopportune moments, which is annoying in female led YA, and is annoying here. He’s also a bit of the stereotypical good guy, who is always breaking up fights, playing peacemaker and everyone’s dad. I liked that he got to relax and do some selfish things, and his confession at the end bordered on the ridiculously implausible, but for the most part, he was a good lead. Also, who doesn’t like a goalie (Well me, with Neuer, but that’s a story for another day). If you are looking for a cute queer romance, and football, then this is the book for you. It’s short, it’s sweet and it packs a surprising punch; I highly recommend.

goodreads

[foggyvoidyouth-blog]

How to Fight Back God’s Way

“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Luke 6:27-30 Hold up your hand if you meticulously follow Jesus’ commands in Luke 6? No. I didn’t raise my hand either. However, this is what Jesus expects and we have a responsibility to obey.

As one who has spoken to many audiences over the years, I can’t help but laugh at his introductory words to these commands. “But to you who are listening…” Just like today, his followers had selective hearing. “I’ll tune back in when He goes back to performing miracles.” Or “I’m only here because my wife made me come.” Or “I wonder what the special is today at the Pita Palace.” Let’s make a commitment to listen to what He has to say. (1) Love your enemies. (2) Do good to those who hate you. (3) Bless those who curse you. (4) Pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. (5) Give to everyone who asks you. (6) If anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. I’ve been involved in Bible Study groups and one on one conversations in which this passage was discussed. Inevitably, someone asks, “But what about…?” Jesus didn’t leave His commands open for review by committee. To use a popular expression, “It is what it is.” If we are going to coexist with people like us and those not like us, Jesus wants us to be the peacemakers. I’ve heard preachers address the command to turn the other cheek. After that, they say, “Let ‘em have it!” Jesus meant what He said. How can we know that? Because that’s the way He lived while on this earth. Then we should never fight. No. That’s not what I mean at all. Jesus is referring to our daily, person to person relationships which will benefit from this loving behavior. This is the way a believer should behave and when you do, you are being true to your Christian self. When you treat non-believers with this very different response from the worldly norm, they are befuddled. There’s a passage of scripture that goes along with this theme that explains why Jesus’ way is better than the normal retaliatory human response. Please take your time and read Romans 12:17-21 carefully. 17 Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. 18 If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. 19 Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. 20 Therefore “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; If he is thirsty, give him a drink; For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Three things I want you to see in this passage that shows the benefit of following Christ’s instruction. (1) In verse 18, we are told, “If it is possible, as much as depends on you…” Some people you encounter will resist any and all attempts at peace. Extenuating circumstances may make it impossible for you to make a difference. So — WHENEVER POSSIBLE and AS MUCH AS DEPENDS ON YOU be the peacemaker, even if it means swallowing your pride. (2) This works. Don’t miss it. “For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.” What does that mean? It means they will be devastated by your loving acts of unexpected kindness. Bullies know how to fight. They know how to retaliate. They can outsmart, out-cuss, and manipulate your words and actions to make you look like the bad guy. Hit them with what they don’t understand. I’ve seen it work time after time. Loving acts of kindness are like a foreign language they don’t understand. (3) Verse 21 sums it all up. “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”  When we Christians fight back as the world fights, we lose. But when we do it Jesus’ way we win. One final thought on the matter. You never lose when you obey Jesus’ commands. Even if your Christian behavior doesn’t produce the desired result, you have remained faithful to the Master. As for the other person, the one who has wronged you, that’s between them and God, which is a very serious matter as we see in verse 19. “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. For more on this topic, check out this article: God Plays Favorites with His Children Reprinted from The Forever Notebook, Book 2 (April - June) Get your copy here: Paperback and eBook/Kindle formats.

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[sharionpage]

Distilling the essence of the Sermon on the Mount: An Invitation from Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Image credit: Sermon on the Mount by Cosimo Rosselli (1439-1507)

This year I have been reading an edited volume of Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s written works. Bonhoeffer was a German pastor who joined the resistance against the Nazi regime during World War II and was eventually captured and executed for treason. Among other things, he wrote of his disapproval of the German Lutheran church for their support of the Nazis and his belief that the wider Christian church would need to be reformed to remain relevant in our postmodern age.

Throughout his writings, I have frequently been struck by Bonhoeffer’s comments on the Sermon on the Mount. To him, there was no higher encapsulation of Christian theology and ideals in all the Bible, nor a higher priority for Christian obedience.

Although I’ve of course read the Sermon many times before, I thought I’d go back and try to give it a “fresh look” in light of Bonhoeffer’s writing and perspectives. While there are many, many ways to study and interpret scripture, I opted to go for a broad view this time. Instead of digging deep into every word and phrase, I tried to discern “meta-themes” and broad generalizations from this collection of the sayings of Jesus. Of course, others more able than I have studied the Sermon on the Mount for centuries. I merely offer my own inadequate and amateur thoughts here.

This is what I came up with:

Matthew 5-7, NRSV:

[Matthew 5] The Sermon on the Mount; the Beatitudes

1 When Jesus saw the crowds, he went up the mountain; and after he sat down, his disciples came to him. 2 Then he began to speak, and taught them, saying:

3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

4 “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

5 “Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.

6 “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.

7 “Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy.

8 “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

9 “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

10 “Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

11 “Blessed are you when people revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. 12 Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Above all, begin from a place of love and try to let that love guide your actions, values, and priorities as much as possible.

The disciple in the world

13 “You are the salt of the earth; but if salt has lost its taste, how can its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything, but is thrown out and trampled under foot.

14 “You are the light of the world. A city built on a hill cannot be hid. 15 No one after lighting a lamp puts it under the bushel basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven.

Try to be a force for goodness and light in the world.

Jesus and the law

17 “Do not think that I have come to abolish the law or the prophets; I have come not to abolish but to fulfill. 18 For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth pass away, not one letter, not one stroke of a letter, will pass from the law until all is accomplished. 19 Therefore, whoever breaks one of the least of these commandments, and teaches others to do the same, will be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but whoever does them and teaches them will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. 20 For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

Jesus did not come to contradict the commandments, and yet he frequently disregarded prevailing authoritative/institutional interpretations of commandments, religious practices, and religious values. The motive of love described here, then, doesn’t contradict commandments, yet working from a place of love might put someone in conflict with prevailing authoritative interpretations of commandments. When this happens, the “higher law” is love and should be prioritized.

21 “You have heard that it was said to those of ancient times, ‘You shall not murder’; and ‘whoever murders shall be liable to judgment.’ 22 But I say to you that if you are angry with a brother or sister, you will be liable to judgment; and if you insult a brother or sister, you will be liable to the council; and if you say, ‘You fool,’ you will be liable to the hell of fire. 23 So when you are offering your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift. 25 Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are on the way to court with him, or your accuser may hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you will be thrown into prison. 26 Truly I tell you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny.

Try to be calm and do not react out of anger; act only after you’re calm, especially in interpersonal relationships.

27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away; it is better for you to lose one of your members than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away; it is better for you to lose one of your members than for your whole body to go into hell.

31 “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I say to you that anyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of unchastity, causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

In questions of ethics and morality, the motives behind actions weigh as much as (if not more than) the consequences.

33 “Again, you have heard that it was said to those of ancient times, ‘You shall not swear falsely, but carry out the vows you have made to the Lord.’ 34 But I say to you, Do not swear at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, 35 or by the earth, for it is his footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. 36 And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. 37 Let your word be ‘Yes, Yes’ or ‘No, No’; anything more than this comes from the evil one.

Be pure and genuine in your interpersonal interactions.

38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ 39 But I say to you, Do not resist an evildoer. But if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also; 40 and if anyone wants to sue you and take your coat, give your cloak as well; 41 and if anyone forces you to go one mile, go also the second mile. 42 Give to everyone who begs from you, and do not refuse anyone who wants to borrow from you.

Love and wholeness

43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 so that you may be children of your Father in heaven; for he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the righteous and on the unrighteous. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47 And if you greet only your brothers and sisters, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Reciprocity is a less-mature ethical framework. Instead, try to let your actions exhibit love toward all, regardless of their actions toward you. 

[Matthew 6] On justice and prayer

1 “Beware of practicing your piety before others in order to be seen by them; for then you have no reward from your Father in heaven.

2 “So whenever you give alms, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, so that they may be praised by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward. 3 But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4 so that your alms may be done in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you.

5 “And whenever you pray, do not be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, so that they may be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward. 6 But whenever you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you.

7 “When you are praying, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do; for they think that they will be heard because of their many words. 8 Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

The LORD’s Prayer

9 “Pray then in this way: Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. 10 Your kingdom come. Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. 11 Give us this day our daily bread. 12 And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. 13 And do not bring us to the time of trial, but rescue us from the evil one. 14 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; 15 but if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Fasting

16 “And whenever you fast, do not look dismal, like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces so as to show others that they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward. 17 But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, 18 so that your fasting may be seen not by others but by your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you.

When determining the morality or ethics of an action, try to avoid as much as possible the motive of external approval (what other’s think of you). Rather, focus as much as possible on internal ethical imperatives and personal integrity.

Religion and possessions

19 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal; 20 but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

22 “The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light; 23 but if your eye is unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!

24 “No one can serve two masters; for a slave will either hate the one and love the other, or be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth.

What you love and desire drives your choices and actions. Where is your love? What actions will flow from the object of that love?

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? 28 And why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you — you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ 32 For it is the Gentiles who strive for all these things; and indeed your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

34 “So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

Try to be mindfully present as much as possible in all that you do.

[Matthew 7] Making judgments within the community

1 “Do not judge, so that you may not be judged. 2 For with the judgment you make you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get. 3 Why do you see the speck in your neighbor’s eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your neighbor, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ while the log is in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor’s eye.

Again, try to let love be the primary motive of your actions and give others the benefit of the doubt as much as possible. 

6 “Do not give what is holy to dogs; and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under foot and turn and maul you.

You are not obligated to explain yourself to others when they don’t understand you, and you can’t control what they think about you.

Concluding the Sermon on the Mount

7 “Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you. 8 For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened. 9 Is there anyone among you who, if your child asks for bread, will give a stone? 10 Or if the child asks for a fish, will give a snake? 11 If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask him!

God desperately wants to be close to you. Don’t turn away God’s love for fear of unworthiness, insecurity, or self-doubt. God loves you infinitely: accept it, believe it, and embrace it.

12 “In everything do to others as you would have them do to you; for this is the law and the prophets.

13 “Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the road is easy that leads to destruction, and there are many who take it. 14 For the gate is narrow and the road is hard that leads to life, and there are few who find it.

15 “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. 16 You will know them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thorns, or figs from thistles? 17 In the same way, every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Thus you will know them by their fruits.

21 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven. 22 On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many deeds of power in your name?’ 23 Then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; go away from me, you evildoers.’

24 “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and acts on them will be like a wise man who built his house on rock. 25 The rain fell, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on rock. 26 And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not act on them will be like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27 The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell — and great was its fall!”

In discerning what is good and what is from God, focus on its fruits. Does it bear good fruit (in particular: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control)? If so, you know it’s good and from God, whether or not it conforms to prevailing orthodoxies or authoritative paradigms.

28 Now when Jesus had finished saying these things, the crowds were astounded at his teaching, 29 for he taught them as one having authority, and not as their scribes.

God often works outside what are perceived to be the institutional power structures of authority.

…

From there, I collected these various meta-themes and tried to discern common patterns, threads, or themes among them. This is what I came up with to represent the essence of the Sermon on the Mount:

One’s internal motive and frame of mind are the foundations of ethical action, which can be enhanced by calmness and mindful presence.

The rightness/goodness/morality of actions/ideas is directly and positively correlated to the amount of pure love that is manifest in them. Pure love is the highest morality as it is the purest distillation of the essence of God.

Motivations of external approval, reciprocity, and conformity to institutional/authoritative orthodoxy, while appropriate in some (perhaps many) circumstances, are less mature/praiseworthy motivations for ethical action than that of pure love.

…

Profound questions:

Is this a reasonable distillation of the essence of Jesus’s teachings in the Sermon on the Mount? Why or why not?

Is this a reasonable distillation of the essence of Christianity as a moral/ethical framework? Why or why not?

As discussed at the beginning of the post, Bonhoeffer believed the Sermon on the Mount to be the purest expression of Christian ideals and the highest guiding authority for Christian obedience. If one were to adopt the three points listed above as an ethical framework, would it be enough to qualify as “Christian”? Why or why not?

Is the “meta-theme” approach a useful way to interpret scripture? Why or why not? What are its strengths and weaknesses?

What insights can a Mormon interpretive framework add to the effort to distill the essence of the Sermon on the Mount?

Many have observed core similarities between the essence of Christianity and the essence of Buddhism as moral and ethical philosophies (see here and here, e.g.). At its core, are Buddhism and the Sermon on the Mount teaching the same fundamental principles? Why or why not?

Regardless of whether or not you agree with my interpretation, do you agree with Bonhoeffer that the Sermon on the Mount is the highest expression of Christian ideals and morality? Why or why not?

Discuss.

    Distilling the essence of the Sermon on the Mount: An Invitation from Dietrich Bonhoeffer published first on https://bitspiritspace.tumblr.com/