#like its way easier to run a team with a shit ton of reactions and colors then to run a geo team

[cometrose]

they haven't released a new geo character since 2.3 i'm crying rex lapis really did quit and took the visions with him

[hwallout]

our little secret (i) - csy

summary: as a CEO of one of the country’s most powerful companies, you had your secrets to success. no one ever gained power without ruthless, filthy and unfair play, it’s all okay if no one knows right? well, what happens when your little secrets fall into the hands of someone you can’t get rid of that easily?

words: 2,7k

genre: angst, drama, future smut

warnings: language and implied (just implied) death

early an: i need feedback with this one because i’m unsure if i should continue

[part two]

[part three]

[part four]

“Miss” A rather panicked female quickly entered the office. You couldn’t quite put a name on the woman walking in, but the familiar pair of thick glasses and a skirt that’s tad bit too short, made you remember seeing her around.

“Miss, we have a relatively huge problem,” She continued, closing the leather doors carefully and running towards the desk, before which she lifted her glasses to fit neatly on the bridge of her nose. “This isn’t code red, oh no, this is code God help us what are we going to do”.

You suddenly remembered the name of the person ahead of her. It was Hayoon. The loud, social butterfly that rambles way too much. You weren't sure why the female was in the management team, even less why she was hired in the first place. The only reason why Hayoon was still working was that she knew way too much about the company and would be too big of a hassle to get rid of. Mentally preparing yourself for whatever news, you looked up and lifted an eyebrow as a sign for the other to continue.

“Can I take a seat, please?” Hayoon asked and after a quick and strict nod of her boss, she took purchase on the soft leather seat in front of the desk.  “Our information is in the hands of someone who shouldn’t have them, again”.

Laughing was your only reaction to that. It only meant you’ll have to threaten and strengthen the security department for the third time this year. Fortunately, the information never made it past the person who “got a hold of it”.  

“So do what we did in the past, problem sorted out. You can leave now” You were about to dismiss the smaller and turn back to the computer screen, when Hayoon spoke up again. Sighing out loud and rolling your eyes to another dimension, you impatiently continued listening.

“We can’t send hitmen after them this time, Miss”

“Gosh, stop beating around the bush, will you? There’s not a single person our hitmen can’t take out” The precious time Hayoon was currently wasting will come back and bite you in the ass. You were trying to somehow arrange a meeting with the representatives from a rival company and every second was crucial. Every single word and step had to be planned out perfectly, therefore a lack of time would mean the end.

“It’s Cho Seungyoun, Miss, he entered the database” the younger gulped and looked down at her hands, suddenly processing the situation she was in and mentally preparing for what’s to come.

Immediately, all color drained from your face, only a quick moment of not feeling anything before dreadful rage enveloped your whole body. Suddenly standing up from the comfortable seat and slamming a firm fist on the mahogany table, you tried taking a deep breath to calm the storm. Taking all of your anger off the leash won’t help the situation, be cautious.  

But holy shit, it was Seungyoun. The only son of Mr. Cho, the CEO of your rival company. Shit really couldn’t have hit a bigger fan.

“Are you...sure? Have you double-checked?” For the first time, your voice was fragile and quiet, lungs suddenly needing more air than usual. Even through a thick pair of glasses, Hayoon began doubting her vision, not believing the unusual sight before her. The formidable and fearless boss now resembled a frightened kitten, hands beginning to shake and breathing becoming irregular.

The female took a second to regain her thoughts. Then, with a deep sigh and averted gaze, she spoke up.

“Yes, boss. We’ve checked a couple of times from numerous devices. The location has been set at the residency of Mr. Cho and I doubt anyone would dare hack and fake the location. At least not there” Hayoon stated, crossing her long legs and straightening the slightly hunched posture.

Much unlike a few minutes ago, the female spoke with a precise and calm voice. You appreciated her jumping straight to the point this time.

“When did this happen?” You whispered, eyes still wide open and observing every move of the other, much like a predator would stare down its prey. Hayoon took out her expensive, foldable phone and tapped something on the screen, a bright white display reflecting off her glasses. She didn’t need to scroll down, for it was the first folder that she tapped before turning the screen to you.  

“It happened twenty minutes before I walked in here. This is the warning email we’ve received at 9:20. These are the contents of the warning email, containing the given location, and these are all the location checks we’ve done” While speaking, the female pointed at all the files, noticing your unusual frown.

Then, as if planned, the computer on the desk made a dinging sound, snapping you out of your daze. Leaning back and looking in the direction of the bigger screen. You inspected the popup of a new mail for a short second before it disappeared and left you anxiously staring at the unfinished reply intended for Mr. Cho.

Except it seemed that you didn’t have to finish it anymore, for the man happened to email you before you did.  

“What is it, boss?” Hayoon spoke, retrieving her extended hand and sitting back into the leather chair. Without answering, you leaned forward, immediately checking what the other had to say before deciding what to do. For the first time, anxiety was eating you alive, the confidence and composure were long gone as you hurriedly navigated through the inbox.

After thorough consideration and discussion with our HQ, we’ve decided that we’d like to schedule a meeting to further discuss our cooperation plans. Please reply with the suitable time for the meeting so the procedure can continue as planned

It was as if a ton has been raised off your chest, the air suddenly becoming clearer and easier to breathe. Unfortunately, the feeling didn’t last long. It allowed you just enough time to call your assistant and clear out any schedules for tomorrow, before another popup of a new mail appeared.

Sighing out in frustration at the unknown email, you opened it, already ready to report it for spam, when-

Make it worth our while and don’t try any of your stupid marketing games. Know what is at stake and what could go wrong. This is a friendly reminder.

There were no clear leads on who could’ve sent that, but you knew. It was horrendously obvious and suddenly a strong shiver ran down your spine. Looking up from the screen, you met eyes with a worried Hayoon that still sat calmly at the seat in front. Leaning your forehead into the palm of the left hand, you sighed out loud.

“We’re fucked”

The meeting was scheduled pretty late, at 4pm. It didn’t help your apprehension that you’ve barely had any sleep last night. Whenever the eyelids shut, a familiar figure would appear in the dark, wickedly laughing at the troubled female. Cho Seungyoun.

You’ve only ever seen the young man in the news or heard about him from fellow associates. Descriptions were numerous, ranging from him being daddy’s spoilt little boy to a trustworthy and strong heir to the position. Although the media was easy to judge and exaggerate every little mistake of Seungyoun’s, one thing they’ve managed to portray correctly and faithfully was his beauty.

The man was breathtaking so to say. The general public often said his mother was the one who passed the genes, considering that she used to be Miss Korea back in the good old days.

Still, although you’ve seen his pictures, that preparation could never be enough for the God that currently stood on the other side of the table. Seungyoun’s built was admirable; broad shoulders, strong arms, and a small waist that the jacket of his suit emphasized perfectly. His parted to the side, black hair fell beautifully in waves over his forehead, almost hiding the black irises that never once left your form. Seungyoun locked you down, much like prey.

He observed every move, listened to each word you replied to his father with and studied the papers you sent around the table. Seungyoun didn’t speak and you hated to admit it, but his presence was intimidating. Not even the way Mr. Cho spoke or behaved, with precise, calculated movements and words, came close to Seungyoun’s silence. Yet, you had to act it out.

“Before we officially seal the deal, is there something else you’d like to discuss, Miss?” Mr. Cho asked, palms pressed together and placed on the marble table. You thought about it, quickly ran through the whole hour and a half long meeting, trying to remember if any important points were missed out on. Your gaze once again fell on Seungyoun, and that’s when it occurred-

“Right-”  

“May I ask a question, father?” The young man interrupted, speaking for the first time during the meeting (if we exclude the formal introductions). Upon hearing the calm but stern tone, you unconsciously straightened up your back, feeling a slight shiver running down its expanse. After his father gave him the ‘go on’, you motioned for the other to continue. It wasn't clear as to why Seungyoun was searching for the elder’s permission when he was interrupting you.

“Do meetings and deals with Your respective company always go this easy?” Seungyoun questioned, sending you a curious look that was immediately deemed fake. It was obvious through the sudden glint in his pupils, as the man rose his chin up slightly, showing a distinguishable amount of confidence. He tried to moderately insult you. Everyone knew it isn’t good to always be signing deals immediately, it’s usually considered a misplay – but you just couldn’t miss out on this opportunity.  

Although you didn’t want to, you laughed at his question. With head bowing down to regain the previously composed façade, you almost missed the surprised and unpleasant look Mr. Cho sent in the direction of his son. One chance and he almost screwed it up. The man knew such questions were unprofessional and unprofessionalism only led to failure in industries such as these.  

Seungyoun probably thought you were scared, or more so walking on thin ice, carefully choosing what words to speak with and which gestures to make. While all of that was partially correct, you still caught on to the exchange of looks between the two. That was your chance to grasp at least the smallest bits of control again.

“I’m sorry for his thoughtless interruption” Mr. Cho turned forwards again, bowing his head. Despite the words being apologetic, his voice didn’t waver, didn’t show any kind of emotion. Yet, his eyes seemed to soften.

“It’s okay. I didn’t expect much, anyway. The heir is still learning” Ouch. You most probably shouldn’t have stepped on the wound, for Seungyoun’s eyes opened wide and an audible gulp was heard throughout the room. That emotion stayed for only a moment on the younger’s face, before a smirk appeared on his beautiful lips. Why?

The words were sent as a direct insult to his son, but the CEO didn’t seem to mind. The other even nodded along and shrugged after you finished talking, as if to say ‘I know’.

“To answer the question, no. We have different partners throughout the year, so does everyone. As you should know by now, all of them demand different things and set their own goals. The way a discussion or a meeting goes doesn’t depend on my own company only, it’s a group effort. Some plans go smoothly, some... not as much. Your company just seems very promising and reliable from the beginning”  

You sent a fake smile in the direction of the smirking male, before turning to look at his father. The said man nodded along, then gestured towards you while looking at his son.

“See son, this extremely young but aspiring woman leads one of the country's most powerful companies. You have a lot to learn from her dear Seungyoun”

At the words, your chest swelled with indescribable pride. It was a reminder of the times your parents used to boast you on, calling you ambitious and smart while talking to others, describing how far you’ll get in life. Oh, how delightful they’d feel if they were to see their little darling right now.

The CEO seemed to have asked a question, for he was looking at you with a rather expectant expression. Unfortunately, due to the little diverting of thought, you didn’t quite manage to catch what his question was.

“Excuse me?”

“You were about to say something before my son interrupted You, Miss. Would You still like to talk about it?” The other asked, straightening his posture and fixing his somewhat loosened tie.  

“No, it’s nothing important. We may sign the contract right now if You’re okay with it, Mr. Cho” You answered with a polite tone and another one of those top-notch fake smiles. Fixing a stray piece of hair behind your ear, you stood up and approached the middle of the table where the contracts were stacked. The male did the same, bending down to sign the papers at the same time.  

Once the contracts were done and over with, the CEO extended one of his hands for a handshake and placed the other on your shoulder.  

“Thank You. We’re looking forward to only the best results, Miss”

“Same here, Mr.Cho, thank You too”

There was almost no conversation as everyone in the room picked their own stuff up. The atmosphere was still formal, but not quite so tense. Your assistant Eunha read tomorrow’s schedule off her huge tablet, all while informing you that the drive back to your residence was already outside the Cho enterprise. Thank god, for there was no more work today, just this one hour and a half meeting were enough to beat a man dead tired.

Feet hurting from the uncomfortable heels, tight dress beginning to squeeze way too hard, you just couldn’t wait to go back to the comfort of your own home. Hurrying after Eunha, Mr. Cho and his bodyguards, you were about to walk through the open glass door when an unknown force yanked you back.

Without any time to properly process the situation, you were pushed against a wall, Seungyoun’s face just mere inches away from yours. The male’s breath was calm, while his eyes appeared darker than usual. One of his hands was positioned next to your head, fingers splayed wide. Although the male was doing this to intimidate, somehow you didn’t feel scared at all.

“Listen, just because I’m still only an heir and my parents are still alive, doesn’t mean you can try me like that. I know quite a lot, so do not play with me in such ways, baby” Seungyoun had the audacity to smirk, but instead of making your heart skip a beat like most females, you felt sick and agitated.

“Don’t fucking mention my parents if you have nothing nice to say” The reply was all but a growl at the other, and with a straightened posture, you looked him straight into the eyes. Seungyoun was quite taken aback, not really expecting the aggression you showcased.

“Shouldn't a girl like you be more polite? Do keep that in mind the next time we see each other, darling” Seungyoun spoke, his tone empty, not showcasing any kind of emotion. If anything, the other was trying to push your disturbance further. And gosh, those darned pet names.

It seemed as if the other had nothing left to say, for he took a step back and delicately fixed his loosened tie. Just as he was about to turn around and arrogantly walk away, you spoke up.

“Be happy that there won’t be a next time”

At that, the male turned around and looked at you for the last time with the most wicked of grins. The tone he used next was completely different than before, for it seemed to express mockery.  

“Oh? Believe me, we’re just getting started”

[raquellmurillo]

After the heist I want Raquel to pack her bag and get some money as Lisbon and leave Sergio ...She should stay with her family in some paradise.Monica will also join her ... They both should focus on raising their children and casual dating with guys..And sometimes Rio , Helsinki uncle will visit them .

That’s actually such a cool idea! I love Sergio and Raquel, don’t get me wrong, but above all, I love consistency lol 

Why not? What if Raquel tells him that after her talk with Alicia, she has realised that because of her love for him, she has neglected her daughter and ruined her future. Because lets face it, if Raquel is on the run, her daughter is too. 

And, I know the show never really mentions this... but Sergio is like... a criminal. I know he’s meant to be the ‘good guy’ and all, but he also goes around hiring, what, the Serbian mafia? (Who are those people???) Has a lot of money, buys a shit ton of stuff on the dark web... If the police can’t track him, the mafia’s running that shit-show can. His wealth isn’t built on an empire of people to protect him.... what is one kid with a billions of euros with no protection, living as an outcast to a criminal organisation looking for easy money? Doesn’t that just sound like a target??? It’s easier to take one person down, than a well built up ‘empire’ of people lmao - okay, if he hid away etc. but not go around making purchases like them army trucks... because as soon as he starts his heist, the people who he purchases those things from are gonna tie the two ends together... If Alicia can track him, what is finding him to an organisation with more hackers than he has??? 

Back to the point, Raquel isn’t the ‘weakest link’, both her and her daughter are ‘weak points’. If Sergio ever pisses off any of the probs very dangerous people he is working with... the main targets are gonna be the people closest to him. Back in the day when he was a petty and poor criminal, well, didn’t really matter. Now, however, things have changed.

Raquel has given her life up to be on the run not only from the police, but like, a large proportion of the criminal world. She is never going to be safe, nor is her daughter. By association she has condemned her family to, well, to some probably not fun situations in the future.

But like.... ignoring all of that.

I totally get you; love is love, I do ship them, but who said their love story had to be conventional; say she came to visit him at the end of s2, told him that she would meet up with him here and there, she would come to live with him, but in 10 years time or so, when her daughter is grown up enough to take care of herself and her decisions won’t impact her. That money might’ve bought Sergio freedom, but the moment Raquel leaves her life for it, its gonna cause her problems, ones which money won’t be able to fix. She’ll never be able to let her daughter go to school without fearing that she might say something, be recognised. She’ll never be able to have the freedom Raquel had when she was young. Her childhood might be carefree playing on the beach, but purely through association she’ll always be on the run from the police, interpol, the other criminals out there who feel like getting a few billions for, basically free, having to take down a person, not an empire. I get financial security, like totally. But its not exactly too great if the price you’re paying for it is your personal security.

And look how much more fun s3&4 would’ve been if Raquel was still part of the police... darn that would’ve been so amazing her in terms of character development, as she’d really have to decide whose side she was on. (obvs with a different plot) - acting as a double agent type thing, to alongside Sergio, make sure no one was hurt etc. 

... she is safer not being with Sergio. If Sergio truly loved her, he wouldn’t be with her. I know, I know, that’s so controversial of me to say, but I’ve seen it been done in masterpiece style on screen. I had never seen a better ship been written even though I didn’t get a single kiss! Both of the characters acknowledged they loved each other but were in an environment in which them being together would end in defo at least one of their deaths. Their love for each other was greater than any sort of sexual desire; keeping one another safe was a priority, even if it required sacrificing (very unfortunately for the audience) the desire part. It can be done. 

Love can be either selfish or selfless; I think, from the way things have been written, Sergio is more Andres’ brother than one could’ve imagined. He loves her, but not enough to resist his temptation, to ruin her, destroy her life, risk her life and her families. It sounds hella dark, but when you think about it, it sorta is. Because it is wrapped up neatly and nicely and Sergio is all cute... because she loves him and goes after him, blindly. Because however much Alicia’s dialogue about Raquel’s taste of men was written to obvs make the audience disagree with her about Sergio’s case..... darn nobody is perfect, but come on. Denver lost his father in the last heist, Sergio’s brother was shot (ik he was dying, doesn’t that make it worse for Sergio tho? The last months with his brother in paradise, lost?) but there’s one hella completely different reaction. And then we have the scene in which Raquel tells him he is just trying to avenge Berlin; does vengeance have a higher value than love? Is the whole Berlin thing not enough for him to be like, “actually, putting people that I love at life threatening risk, really isn’t a great idea”...??? Rio will eventually be arrested, and tough luck, ya know. Why put the rest of his team’s life at risk? idkkkkk His true love for Raquel will be shown in lcdp7 when he plans a heist to avenge her? WHy for the love of god is she in the bank? 

Damn right, Raquel should pack her bags up and finally find a man who is not so willing to harm her. No one said love or the character had to be perfect; I’m a true believer that love requires sacrifices, and Raquel has sacrificed a lot for him... you’d think he’d have the decency to at least not go ahead with the heist ya know. Sergio might be a bit socially awkward, but he’s not fucking dumb. I hate how people seem to think that because he hasn’t had much experience in relationships, he won’t know what he is doing... firstly, when does anyone have any sort of idea of what they’re doing in a new relationship with a new person? It’s all new, and it’s always a learning process ya know. Secondly, Sergio has enough brain cells to lecture Andres about getting married to someone knowing he has very little time... he knows enough to acknowledge that what his brother is doing, isn’t exactly too fair on his wife - which is fair enough; ya know, ‘best three years of her life’ and then she drinks herself to death from the heartache in the year following that? Very hard situation, tbh. Andres is being fucking selfish, but darn, turns out there is something in these genetics...

disclaimer: I still love Serquel, but damn I love my analysis, (I am being very picky today lmao) and if they keep this writing up, they’re gonna keep pushing me to make such unconventional findings. Never before today did I think I’d come to a conclusion that Andres and Sergio are similar in terms of ‘love’... but darn, under the cute dialogues and all the rather radical decisions of the screenwriters point towards very dark threads. 

Saying that, if you’re gonna write something like that, have the balls to actually explore it. Don’t make Raquel the ‘love interest’; consequently follow the choices through and make Sergio the nut job who put her back into the bank. Maybe even write it as him idealising the idea of his love for her... maybe the trap in their relationship is as Alicia said, Raquel idealising these guys, but Sergio also idealising her. 

[savemefromanepicoftimewasted]

Nightmare

Captain America!Bucky Barnes  Winter Soldier!Steve Rogers

He tossed and turned for most of the night, too afraid to truly fall back into a deep slumber, lest he succumb to the nightmares once more.  They plagued his mind more often than not, running rampant while he struggled to get the sleep he desperately needed.

a/n:pics are not mine!(if anyone knows who edited the Bucky pic tag them so i can!) warnings:violence, gore, brainwashed Steve Rogers, death

If you’d asked Bucky what his least favorite memory was, it would be the day he gained the super soldier serum.  Now that wasn’t to say he was ungrateful because of it, it just made things more difficult than they needed to be.  From being stronger than any man or woman that roamed the streets, to people recognizing him almost instantly.  It was the unwanted attention he mostly hated, seeing how often people seeing him for his body, rather than the person inside.

The only reason he’d even joined the army was because of his best friend, Steve Rogers.  He’d gotten drafted only six months after the war had begun, barely twenty-one years old.  He was tall, standing at nearly six foot, lean muscles that he’d gained from working at the docks after his mother passed away.  Bucky had been envious of him, he was slightly shorter, standing at just under 5’9”.  It wasn’t until after he’d gotten the serum that everything seemed to shift, he was taller, significantly, and much broader and wider.

Steve had barely been able to recognize him, his entire platoon had been captured, held in cages like animals.  Things began to shift suddenly, Bucky had noticed subtle differences in his friends' eyes when they would talk, the way they seemed so dull now.  He’d barely even glanced at Agent Carter when she came to talk to Bucky, nodding slowly as she gave the details of a recon mission.

The day Bucky would lose Steve forever.

He’d reached for him, fingers grazing along the metal pole as he struggled to catch his best friend from falling down into the ravine below.  His screams echoing as he watched his life flash before his eyes.  Bucky no longer cared who was in his way anymore, taking down anyone that stood in his path of rage.

Nothing would ever be the same, Bucky wouldn’t get to live his life with his best friend by his side.  Everything felt wrong now.

~~~~ 2013 Bucky watched as everyone in the room began to argue, from Tony, to Fury who looked annoyed with everyone’s shit.  All he wanted to do was go back to his apartment and relax, catch up on the last near seventy years worth of life he’d missed out on.  He wanted Steve here more than anything.

The fight was intense, nearly killing everyone before it was finally over, a calm settling over them as they watched the skies clear.  A weight had lifted off his chest, almost as if he could breathe easier for a little while.  Until the rest of the team left him behind to go be together, gathering around a table that could barely fit them all.  Bucky had known when he wasn’t wanted, had known his entire life.  But to witness it so blatantly, it hurt just that much more.

So he did what he felt best, hid himself away from the rest of the world, only coming out to go on missions whenever Fury asked.  No one else accompanied him, except for the Shield agents that were assigned to the mission as well.  They didn’t make conversation with him, keeping a distance that felt safe.  Bucky preferred it, if anyone were to ask he’d rather no one ever spoke to him again.  Loneliness was better than the pity stares he got from the rest of the team.

2019

And then he met Sam Wilson, the man who turned the world on its head when he had nowhere else to go.  He made Bucky feel safe, a warmth blooming in his chest he hadn’t felt for over seventy years.

“How’s life been treating you since you came back?” Sam was sitting across from him after a meeting at the VA.

“The same as before, I’m still their puppet, only coming out to do their bidding when it needs to be done.” Bucky was ready to hang up the shield, make a life for himself that he wasn’t allowed to have.

Sam wasn’t blind to how Bucky felt, how horrifically he’d been treated after coming out of the ice.  From the ‘adoring’ fans, to the hate he’d received from anyone who thought he didn’t deserve to hold his title.  The very man who’d helped take down an entire army by himself, didn’t deserve to be labeled Captain America.

“You ever think about retiring?” Sam had asked that question more times than Bucky could count, it never changed his answer.

“The world would fall to shit without me now, how many wars were there after I went into the ice?” Bucky snorted, rolling his eyes.

They’d fought two wars, and only won one of them.  There was no way he could sit back while innocent people lost their lives for a ridiculous cause.  Sam had fought in the war they’d been fighting for years, longer than anyone before.  He’d lost someone close to him, and Bucky refused to let anyone else lose someone they needed.

“They’re wrong about you, you know.” Sam leaned forward, resting his forearms against the large oak desk.

“It doesn’t matter what they think of me Sam, I put on the suit and do what needs to be done.” Even if it meant sacrificing his own happiness.

Sam didn’t say anything for a few moments, letting his words sink into the air that surrounded them.  He wanted to tell Bucky he was wrong, that there were people who cared about him, but this was a man who’d made up his mind a while ago.  He wasn’t Bucky Barnes anymore, no, once he’d gotten the serum he’d become Captain America.

“Did you ever have someone?  Back before you crashed the plane?” That was a question he hadn’t gotten before, he’d always claimed he was alone for most of his life.

Which was true, except for one person who had caught his eye when he was too young to even know what love was.  His mother had seen it before even he had, the horror that crossed her features when she realized whom her son was in love with.

“Yeah, but I wasn’t able to tell them before it was too late.  It doesn’t matter anyhow.” The pain pulled at Bucky’s heart, reminding him of how alone he truly was.

“They got a name?” Sam knew not to push, Bucky had a lot of secrets, and this was one of his biggest.

“Steve.” Bucky had come to terms with the truth, knowing that the one person he’d fallen in love with, had died in front of his eyes.

It was a recurring nightmare he had almost daily, watching Steve die, or being the one to fall from the train while Steve screamed his name.  Something that would haunt him for the rest of his days, as limited as they could be.

“Rogers, they wrote about him in the history books, alongside you of course.” That was one of the first things Bucky had done after he’d woken up.

They weren’t kind to him in the textbooks, tarnishing his name as if he were a criminal rather than a war hero.

“I didn’t want to be Captain America, not after I saw how it affected everyone around me.  I was ready to give up the suit before I even knew how to handle it.” His family were gone, nothing but memories he’d hold onto forever.

“They needed you, you saved more lives than anyone in history by crashing that plane.  What about the other Avengers?” Bucky grimaced at the mere mention of them, arms crossed over his chest.

“They look at me the same way everyone else does, as if I’m some kind of freak.” 

Bucky had kept the arm hidden from everyone for a while.  It’d happened during a freak accident, they were unable to repair his arm, leading to the one that had been made for him.  It was too heavy, pulling against the skin of his shoulder every moment he was awake.  Howard had made it for him, alongside the shield he had in his apartment.

“It’s a prosthetic, tons of people have them now, why is yours any different?” Sam, always the wise guy.

“Mine was made back when Nazis were still around, I’m one of the strongest people in the world with this alone.” Sam seemed to take that into consideration, as if what he was saying was new.

“That’s just ridiculous, they got exactly what they wanted, and now they’re upset because you’re not a puppet anymore.” Bucky raised a brow at the other man, it hit too close to home.

Sam was right though, the day Bucky stopped playing by everyone else’s rules, it seemed almost glaringly obvious that he wasn’t treated the same anymore.

He left the meeting feeling slightly better, the weight of the word still resting against his shoulders as he stepped into his apartment.  His cat, Alpine, had made himself comfortable on the recliner nearby the window.  He’d make it up to him next time he ran to the store, get him the wet food he really liked.

The light was filtering in from the windows, giving the room a somber glow as he took in the various articles he’d framed.  From back when he’d first gotten the shield, to the most recent one where he’d accompanied Tony to a gala, god that was a nightmare.  The snotty guests that turned their noses up at him, acting as if he was a waiter instead of a guest.

“Steve, it’s too much of a risk, I can’t do that to you.” Bucky stared at the blonde, gauging his reaction.

“I’m not gonna let you go alone Buck, you’re my best friend.” Steve slapped a hand against Bucky’s shoulder, igniting a fiery pain across his back.

They’d only just put the arm on, throwing him into physical therapy before he could even stand up properly on his own.  He needed to keep Steve safe, no matter how much it took of him, even if it meant he’d get discharged from the army.

The lights around him dimmed, a sharp gust of wind whipping harshly against his face, it felt as if knives were cutting into his skin.

“Why’d you let me fall Buck?  All you had to do was hold on, you let me die.” Steve’s body was littered with cuts, blood staining the dark green uniform.

“I didn’t let you fall, I swear!” Bucky reached towards him, hands falling just short of where he stood.

“It’s all your fault, you let me die in that ravine.” Blood began to pour down his arms and legs, staining the ground in crimson.

“No!” Bucky lunged forward in the bed, sweat dripping down his chest as he struggled to take in his surroundings.

The clock on his bedside table, one of Alpine’s beds on the floor, a pair of boots near the door, a masked man standing in the doorway.

Sighing softly, Bucky laid back against the bed, the fear suddenly locking him in place as he glanced back towards the empty doorway.

“It was just a nightmare, nothing more.” Though his heart rate refused to slow down, beating erratically as he slowly took in the items surrounding him.

He tossed and turned for most of the night, too afraid to truly fall back into a deep slumber, lest he succumb to the nightmares once more.  They plagued his mind more often than not, running rampant while he struggled to get the sleep he desperately needed.

“What’s another hour lost?  Not like I’ll be able to get it back anyway.” Bucky roughly pushed the plush comforter off his body, throwing his legs off the side of the bed.

He’d been losing sleep for the last few months, unsure of what was causing him to have such vivid nightmares.  It felt as if he was back there, on the train with his best friend, the man he was in love with.  Steve was none the wiser though, looking around for a woman to warm his bed almost every night.  Where was Bucky in all this?  Pushed aside like some piece of trash as if he meant nothing?  

The only time he ever truly mattered was back after he’d gotten the serum, taking down enemy soldiers with a simple flick of the wrist, it was all too easy.  There were so many good people by his side, and now they were all gone, lived lives of their own.  If only Bucky hadn’t been selfish, had made Steve return home so he could also live a happy life.

Shield had issued him a therapist after he’d come out of the ice, though, Bucky refused to ever speak to anyone.  They wouldn’t be able to understand what he’d lost, how he’d been ripped out of his own time, and forced to become a soldier once more.  It was why he was thankful for Sam, he helped tame the demons that Bucky kept hidden.

“I’ve been having dreams about Steve again, they all end the same though.” Bucky wrung his hands together, metal and flesh alike.

“Blaming you for him falling off the train that day?” Bucky could only nod, Sam hummed softly, writing down the notes quickly.

Bucky hadn’t been able to stop himself the first time he told Sam about the nightmares, how they were tearing him apart.  He just wanted to relax for one night, to be free of all his worries.

Which is how he found himself staring down a man he never thought he’d ever expect to see again.  He didn’t look like himself though, from the beard that covered his face, to how dark his hair looked.  There was no doubt though, the man staring back at Bucky was none other than Steve Rogers.

“Steve?” Bucky’s whisper sounded broken, tears sliding down his cheeks as he stumbled towards the brunette.  

When had he lost the blonde?  And how the hell was he even alive!?  Bucky watched him fall to his death!

“They warned me about you, said you’d try and use your tactics against me.” Steve’s shoulders were stiff, stance strong as he stared down the other man.

“Steve, you’re my best friend.” Bucky kept his grip tight on the shield, eyes never leaving the other man. “I won’t fall for your tricks, Captain.” Steve’s voice was like ice, cutting into Bucky’s skin.

They stalked one another, as if the other was prey.  Bucky wasn’t sure what to anticipate with this new version of Steve, someone he didn’t recognize at all.  This wasn’t the man he’d fallen in love with back in the 40’s, the person he’d called his best friend.

“You’re my mission.” Steve lunged towards the other man, landing a rough hit to the shield Bucky held up to cover his body.

“Your name, is Steven Grant Rogers!” Bucky pushed back with the shield, teeth grinding together.

He was going to get himself killed, Steve was a lot stronger than he last remembered, and right now was proving just that.

They were equally matched, neither able to land a solid hit without the other blocking each kick, or punch.  Until Steve managed to wrench the shield from Bucky’s hands, throwing it too far for him to be able to reach.  Realization washed over Bucky suddenly, unless he was able to get the shield back, Steve would be able to do more damage.

His horror became a reality, as Steve drove a knife deep into his stomach, driving it in until the handle was pressed flush to his ribs.  He grabbed onto Steve’s arm, blood coating his tongue as he struggled to catch his breath.

“Bucky!” Sam’s voice echoed through the comm as he flew down, landing barely ten feet away before sprinting over to Bucky.

Steve pulled the blade out, letting Bucky drop to the ground, blood soaking his uniform.  This was how his life was going to end, taken by the very person he’d called a friend so long ago.

“Buck, I need you to try and stay awake for me.” Sam dropped down beside him, pressing down against the wound that hadn’t stopped bleeding.

Why hadn’t his body tried to heal itself?  Was it finally giving up?  Unable to heal from the damage he’d put it through one last time.

“Ste..he’s...Sam he’s,” Bucky struggled to take any air into his lungs, wheezing as he clutched the ground.  “He’s here, Sam.” He glanced over Sam’s shoulder, at the man who still held the blade loosely in his gloved fingers.

Time seemed to still as Bucky’s vision began to grow fuzzy, swimming as his head laid down against the ground.  Blood coated his lips, trailing down into the stubble he’d carelessly ignored to shave.  Sam tore open the front of his suit, noticing how much larger the wound was.  Why hadn’t he worn the steal suit?  What made him choose the suit from back when he walked with the Howling Commandos?

“Bucky, I need you to try and relax, please.” Sam ignored the tears in his eyes, grabbing a new set of gauze to stop the bleeding.

Bucky let out a loud sob from the pain, hands clenched into fists as he struggled to keep a grasp on reality.  If he could keep his eyes on Sam, he’d be able to stay alive long enough for the serum to heal the wounds.

The light seemed almost brighter, as if he was reaching something he was so desperate to finally grasp onto.  Everything would fall into place, granting Bucky the one wish he’d had for so long.

The air seemed to still as he pressed harder, noticing the lack of movement from Bucky’s chest, how his hands had become limp his sides, eyes that held no life.

“Bucky!  C’mon man, you gotta keep breathing for me.” Tears dripped from Sam’s cheek down onto Bucky’s chest, his sobs echoing through the air as he crumbled.

“Please, don’t do this to us.” Sam gripped onto the torn pieces of his suit, uncaring of how the blood seemed to soak into his own skin.

Steve hadn’t moved from his spot, watching as Sam cried over a man he’d once known, someone he’d fought alongside for so long.

“Oh my god.” Steve dropped the knife, knees slamming into the ground as his hands began to shake uncontrollably at his sides.

Sam wanted to attack him, to drive the same knife into his throat that had taken away Bucky’s life.  He couldn’t find the energy to move, to do anything other than sob for the man he’d just lost.

The only sound in the field, was that of the two men that cried, even the wind was silent.

2 Months Later They laid Bucky Barnes to rest, surrounded by friends that could consider themselves family.  Soldiers said a silent prayer for the man who helped shape a generation, fighting off the protesters who claimed Bucky deserved what had happened.  Thankfully, the group was small enough to be arrested on sight.

“I can’t begin to ever apologize, what I did was beyond forgiveness.” Steve ran his hands through his hair, a sigh slipping through his lips.

“There’s nothing we can do to change the past, he at least tried.” Natasha had been wary of Steve the moment the psychiatrists deemed him sane enough.

There was something about Steve that threw her off, something he refused to share to anyone that could keep a secret.  She’d seen the file, that Hydra had captured him back in ‘43, was it because Bucky blamed himself for Steve being captured?  He’d cried in her lap so many nights, saying that if he’d been faster he’d of saved his best friend.

“He was so scared to be a hero, said that it wasn’t what he’d signed up for.  He did it to keep his family safe, three sisters, and his parents.” Steve reached for the glass of water he’d poured when they first arrived back at the compound.

Natasha eyed him carefully, fingertips gliding over the knife she’d slid into the garter on her thigh.  Was it normal for someone to bring a knife to a funeral?  No.  Natasha wasn’t stupid though, she knew better than to trust Steve.

“There was, umm, something he told me back before we went on the mission to find Zola.  Said he couldn’t keep it hidden anymore.” Steve chuckled softly, it sounded weak even to his own ears.

Sam glanced over at him, hands wrung together painfully as he used his strength not to attack him, again. “Told me he was in love with me, that he couldn’t remember a time that he wasn’t.  And what did I do?  I fucking told him it was wrong, that I didn’t feel the same for him, that he didn’t understand his feelings, as if I knew any better.” The glass in Steve’s hand shattered, shards slicing through the skin easily.

No one moved from their seats, all watching as Steve started to realize what he was saying to everyone.  Bucky had bared his heart and soul to the man, and in return he stomped on it as if it were the end of a cigarette, leaving behind nothing but ash.

“It’s all my fault.” Steve couldn’t breathe suddenly, eyes going glassy as he stared down at his still bleeding hand.

When had his hands begun to shake?  And why was his vision suddenly so swimmy?  He was just talking about Bucky, the one that he’d known back before the war.

“Steve?” Sam’s voice sounded far away, as if he was talking through a tunnel.

Steve lifted his head, sweat beading around his temples as he pushed himself off the couch, blood smearing across the otherwise pristine couch.  Glass slipped farther into the open skin, slicing open his fingers further.  The noise was too loud, far too loud for where he was at the moment.

“I’m gonna need you to sit down, you’re gonna hurt yourself.” Sam reached over, nervous as to what Steve had planned to do.

“Steven, what do you think you’re doing?” The doctor glared angrily at him, clutching a syringe in his right hand, knuckles gone white from the tightness of his grip. “I don’t belong here!” Steve stepped away from the doctor and guards that surrounded him, fear overtaking all of his emotions.

There was nowhere for him to run, men strong enough to overpower him standing on all sides.  Fear was running through his veins, if he could escape then he could get back to safety, find Bucky and get away from this madness.  

“You haven’t the slightest idea, do you?” The doctors lips upturned into a sickening smirk, enough to nearly cause Steve sick.

“Your dear little friend is dead, lost in the arctic.” He gestured to one of the guards, who stepped back to receive what looked like a paper.

There, in bold letters across the front page stared back at him. Captain America Has Died Steve couldn’t control the bile that rose up in his throat, the acid spilling onto the floor as tears ran down his cheeks.  Everyone he had known was gone.  He was truly alone in this world. ~~~ Sam, and Nat watched nervously as Steve shook against the side of the bed, arms wrapped harshly around his legs, pulled flush to his chest.

“What’re we going to do?” Natasha was angry with the man that she’d watched for the last few days, angry at what he’d done.

Most of all, she was angry with herself.  If she’d only given Bucky the trust he deserved, he wouldn’t of been rotting in a coffin.  

“Tony said they’re going to execute him, that he’s too unstable.” Sam frowned, watching the brunette with a close intensity.

“Maybe they should.” Natasha’s eyes narrowed for a second, too quick for Sam to gauge a proper reaction from her.

Sparing one last glance at the man they knew as Steve, Natasha, and Sam stepped away.  This wasn’t their fight, it was already lost.

[c-j-writes]

Fictober 2019

Prompt #2 “Follow me, I know the area.” 

[Untitled Gay Mess]

Rating: T

Warnings/Tags: Will involve drug abuse in later chapters

Chapter Two

The huge modern style house loomed in front of me. It never failed to remind me of some castle. All the houses around this town seemed to resemble some kind of elaborate statement of wealth. Teenagers seeped out of every open space of this one. They sat on the porch, leaned out of windows and scattered themselves around the front lawn. And that’s just the view walking up. 

Once I passed the threshold, a wave of Axe scented testosterone hit me. The strong scent almost choked me, making my eyes water the smallest bit. I hoped with every part of me that college guys next year would have the mental capacity to better judge how much of that shit they actually need to spray. 

A few guys from the baseball team waved to me and nodded. I greeted them back and scanned the entryway for any sign of Sophie. Knowing her, she’d probably be near the booze, so I pushed my way through the crowded house in the direction of the kitchen. A scrawny kid from the JV soccer team stepped right in front of me on my way. He stood there and smiled as if we were friends. 

“Hey, Andy, how’s it going?” His eyebrows did this thing where they lifted after every word he said. It was weird and kind of creepy if I’m being honest. 

“Out of my way, Kid,” I reply, pushing him gently enough to move him without causing a scene. Behind me, I heard a roar of laughter kick up, but I kept moving toward the kitchen. More people greeted me and I split my reactions between nodding back and simply ignoring them. 

When I finally made it to the kitchen, there was some kind of drinking game going on. Two football players were standing across the center island from each other and downing shots. Neither looked in great shape, but they were both powering through. The entertainment caught my attention for a few minutes until one of them took off running for the nearest toilet to hurl in and I remembered that I was supposed to be finding someone. 

“Hey, yo, Andy!” I turned around at my name, finding one of my newer teammates, Tanya, struggling to make her way through the crowd towards me. The kitchen was slowly dissipating after the enticing game ended and everyone refilled whatever they’d been drinking, so by the time Tanya reached me it was fairly empty and quieter than the surrounding rooms.

“Hey, T, what’s up?” I smiled, reaching my hand towards her to slap palms. 

“This place is crazy, I thought it would be a little more chilled out since the school year just started, but it’s intense.” The redhead glanced out of the entryway to the living room that was connected and her eyes widened in exasperation. I followed her gaze and took in the number of teenagers around me. 

“Eh,” I commented, shrugging my shoulders, “I’ve seen worse crowds to be honest.” Though it has been a while since I’d been to a party this big, the last one was probably at the end of last school year. Thinking back, I’m surprised that I can’t remember Tanya being there. She’d joined the team halfway through last season coming from another school, but she got on quickly with the whole team. There was no reason she wouldn’t have been invited. Especially given that it was basically a goodbye party for all of the seniors leaving for colleges. “Weren’t you at the grad party that Matt threw last year?” 

“Who?” she asked. 

“Matt, from the guy’s team? He threw a grad party for the seniors last year.” She looked around the ceiling as if the answer she was looking for was up there somewhere. I turned towards the counter that held all the alcohol while she thought about it, pouring myself a healthy mix of vodka and Coke. 

“Yeah, no, I didn’t go to any parties last year.” My eyes probably bulged out a bit at that.

“What? None? I would’ve definitely invited you if I’d known that, damn, I’m sorry.” I didn’t know why no one would’ve invited her, she never had any issues with anyone and she was one of the best players on our team. I took a sip of my concoction, feeling it burn its way down my throat.

“I got invites, I just never went. Parties aren’t really my thing.” She lifted herself up onto the kitchen island. I stared at her for a bit too long, trying to figure out how she could fit so well with the team and have parties not be her thing. It was like a tradition for our team to party together, we even rotated whose house we went to after every game. 

“But we threw tons of parties during the season, you didn’t go to any of them?” I knew T was fairly quiet, more so than the rest of the team, but I would’ve noticed if someone was consistently absent like that.

“Those get-togethers after games? Yeah, I went to those, but I never went to the ones with more people than just the team.” She lifted her knees up so she could rest her chin on them. I never noticed how shy she was, she was always so bubbly at practice. I brushed a few flyaways out of my face just as someone slapped me on the back.

Kyle, the guy whose house we’re in, comes up beside me with a grin and dilated pupils. “Dude, Andy, what’s up? I haven’t seen you like all summer,” I said, trying to smack my palm but missing my hand entirely. Leave it to Kyle to get plastered at his own party. 

“Yeah, I was busy, what’s new,” I replied, leaning my back against the island next to T and taking another sip of my drink. 

“Hey, your friend upstairs was looking for you, by the way.” He could’ve meant anyone, but the statement did spur me into remembering that I was supposed to be finding Sophie, not chatting with Tanya. 

“Shit, right, Soph,” I muttered. “I’ll see you later, T.” I swept out of the room, trying not to slosh my drink too much as I bounded up the stairwell. Kyle didn’t mention where upstairs she’d be, but I could safely assume it was probably the upstairs lounge. I’d been to enough of his parties to know my way around. 

There were fewer people upstairs, so making my way down the hall was a lot easier than getting around downstairs had been. The lounge materialized beside me and I glanced in, searching the room for the blonde head I'd been looking for. Before I found her, half the room burst into happy squeals.

"Andy!" I barely had time to register my teammates' faces before three of them had crushed me in a hug. "Where have you been?" Laughter bubbled out of me as I nearly lost my footing. 

"Calm down, I was just downstairs," I replied. The girls slowly let go of me, all talking animatedly about some drinking games they were winning. "Hey, have you seen Soph?" I cut them off. Brittany, the tallest of the three, pointed to the far corner of the room. I glanced over and found my blonde sitting on a couch with some other figure I didn't recognize. There were too many bodies in between us to see a clear face.  "Thanks." Absently, I pushed through the group, who simply started chatting with each other. 

There were more people in this one room than I'd found in the entire upstairs area so far, so stumbling through them was a chore. Especially with some of my teammates stopping to greet me every few seconds. I lost part of my drink to some guy's shirt, but he didn't even glance back at the incident. Finally, I reached the corner that Soph was residing in and grinned as she leaped up at me. 

"Ands, what took you so long!" Soph cried, basically hanging off of me. My hands found her shoulders and pushed her up to face me. Her eyes were bloodshot like she'd been crying, but her smile was as bright as ever. 

"Hey, are you okay?" I asked, trying to move my head to continue facing hers as she looked around the room. She was way past drunk. "Soph, how much have you had to drink?"

"I haven't had that much!" She stepped backward and fell back down onto the couch. I rolled my eyes, I didn't sign up to drag her ass home from the first party of the year. She started laughing to herself and the person beside her rested a hand on her shoulder. That's when I took the time to notice who it was that was sitting there. 

"You have got to be kidding me," I muttered. Mack looked up at me, her eyes burned into me like they always do.

"Hey, Andrea," she replied, slightly less cheerful than she usually is. 

"Andy," I grumbled. She glanced down toward Soph before looking back at me.

"I found her up here playing some stupid game, she kept tripping, I didn't want her to hurt herself, so I sat her down." I scoffed. 

"What are you even doing here? Who would invite you to a party?" As far as I knew, she didn't know anyone in the school, much less the crowd that she knows I'm a part of. 

"I came with a friend, but I kind of lost track of her when I bumped into this one." Sophie rolled her eyes and looked at me, or somewhere near my left shoulder, but I assumed she was trying to look at me. 

"Come on, I'm fine," she interjected. She tried to reach out and pat me on the leg in reassurance, nearly toppling over in the process. Mackenzie put a hand on her shoulder to steady her and glanced back up at me. 

"Andrea, she's acting like she's on something." My gaze turned to Mackenzie then. 

"She wouldn't do that," I snapped. As concerned as I was for Soph, I knew her better than Mackenzie. Hell, I didn't even know Mackenzie was aware of her existence. I knew my friend and I knew she wouldn't be stupid enough to get caught up in that kind of shit. She has college to think about, the same as me. At my tone, Mackenzie seemed to back down a bit, looking at her feet before continuing. 

"Andrea, I'm just trying to help." She glanced back up, her amber eyes conveying more emotion than I had in me. I sighed. It felt like a small failure to give in, but I couldn't deny that she was right. What mattered right now was Sophie, not me and my issues. 

"Fine, thanks." I kneeled in front of the blonde, taking her hands in mine to get her attention. "Hey, Soph, I'm going to get you home, alright?" She groaned her argument, but I started pulling her out of the seat anyway. 

 "Here let me help you." Mackenzie scooped up Sophie into her arms effortlessly.

“I don’t need your help,” I tried to argue. But, as always, Mackenzie didn’t take no for an answer.

“I wasn’t really asking.” Sophie giggled at her response. 

“Yeah, well, neither was I.” Mackenzie stopped on her way to the door after my words sunk in. She turned to look at me and leaned forward.

“Look, I don’t want to fight with you,” she whispered, trying not to let Sophie hear her. “Can we just focus on getting your friend out of here right now?" With a quick glare, I nodded. "Okay, now where am I going? This house is like a maze."

"Just follow me, I know the area," I commented, leading Mack toward the stairs. When I reached the last step, I felt a hand on my shoulder. Upon further investigation, the appendage belonged to Trenton, some friend of Derrick’s that Sophie had wanted to set me up with. He looked rather concerned when he saw Sophie in Mackenzie’s arms.

“Hey, Andy, what happened to her?” He asked. His hands fidgeted as if he wanted to help but didn’t know exactly how.

I didn’t know how to respond. Sophie wouldn’t want me to tell everyone that she got completely wasted, she’d want to be able to preserve her pride as much as possible. But when Derrick walked up beside Trenton, I flipped shit. “And where the hell have you been? You’re supposed to look after her when you take her to these parties!” The tall blond looked dumbfounded. I shouldn’t have expected anything else, he’s an idiot. Sophie could never see through the mask of popularity, but I could. 

“She tells me all the time not to,” he replied, trying to laugh it off. “You know, she thinks she’s a big girl, can handle herself.” I wanted nothing more than to deck the asshole right there, but before I could, someone beat me to it. Mackenzie. Her fist plowed into his cheek like a bullet. 

I looked behind me to find Sophie having been laid down on a couch nearby. Mackenzie walked back to her after punching Derrick in the jaw. She picked her up and continued out of the house as if nothing had happened. The entire room was silent, Derrick was nursing his jaw, too drunk to really react, and Trenton was just quietly watching to see what I was going to do. I tried to stutter out an explanation, but couldn’t get anything out. When my words failed me, I decided on simply following Mackenzie. 

I had to jog through the house to catch up to her. “What was that?” I asked when she was right in front of me again. She gave me a fleeting look over her shoulder, still making her way through the crowd of people in the living room.

“He deserved it,” she replied. We reached the front door and she moved to the side for me to open it. I wanted to ask her more questions, but it was late and Sophie was what mattered right now. So, I opened the door. Mackenzie walked out and quickly scanned the cars in the yard before turning to me. “Please tell me you’ve gotten your license by now.” 

My stomach dropped as I realized what she meant. I had to take Soph home and I, being an idiot, rode my skateboard over here. I looked over at the porch to our left, noticing my skateboard resting against the side of the house. Mackenzie sighed.

“Okay, you’re not going to like this proposition, but I drove my friend here,” she said, looking me straight in the eyes like she always did, making me feel like she saw right through me. “My Subaru is over there.” She gestured with her head to the driveway, where I noticed her bright blue car. “I can drive the two of you home if you need.” 

My mouth twisted around itself while my mind spun around everything I wanted to say. I wanted to say that I didn’t need her help, that I didn’t need her, that she could go fuck herself. But none of that was true. And none of it would help Sophie. “Fine,” I replied. It was quiet, barely audible. But Mackenzie heard it and nodded. She carried Soph over to the vehicle and set her into the backseat. I picked up my skateboard, feeling the dread setting into my stomach. 

“Where am I going?” Mackenzie asked once I stepped down into the car. I looked back at Soph, she was nearly unconscious. My father would have a fit if he saw her like this, it was better to just sneak her back into her own home.

“Denham Street, last house on the left before it turns into Richmond.” Mackenzie nodded as she turned the car on, revving the engine louder than was probably necessary. She barely checked her mirrors before she was backed out and taking off from the lit up house.

The car hummed quietly as Mackenzie drove down the road, towards the main street. Glancing behind me, I found that Sophie was fast asleep. Snoring lightly into the seat cushion underneath her head. That left Mackenzie and I. Silently driving through town. 

I tried to keep my attention on the road or my phone or the hem of my shirt. Anything to keep us from having to talk. And then—

"So, how have you been?" 

If only it were possible to just pretend I hadn't heard her. But it was too silent otherwise for that. "I'm fine," I replied, keeping my eyes forward. Not letting myself look at her. Why did she have to sound so fucking genuine? God, she was making me wish she'd just put on her stupid shit-eating grin and crack a joke. 

"I think that's the least aggressive thing you've said to me all day." She chuckled as she said that. That stupid chuckle that takes up half her face. I didn't even have to look at her to know that.

"Don't get used to it." Another chuckle. Why was she so amused at my bad attitude? 

"Of course not, I know better." I almost said, 'do you', but I figured that would just engage her more. She was getting more and more infuriating, so any reaction would just build my own frustration either way. She had been right at the house, I didn't want to pick a fight. Not tonight. Not in this situation. 

Instead, I stared out the window. Focusing on the blurred trees and houses that we passed, not on the brunette beside me. God, the drive to Sophie's house had never seemed longer. Closing my eyes, I tried to lean my head against the window and pretend I was anywhere else. I breathed in through my nose, calming my mind from wherever it was trying to run off to. As if the universe didn't care how much I wanted to ignore the situation, my lungs filled with the smell of cedarwood and pine needles. She could get an air freshener that’s not as strong or something, so it wouldn't invade my senses. But the smell immediately brought my mind crashing down to last summer. To the countless hours that I spent sitting here while she drove us wherever we were going at the time. 

We worked together. She had just moved to town and was the new face that stuck in my head for the few hours that I didn’t spend with her at work or on the beach or in this damn car. She didn’t know anyone else in town and I just wanted a summer where I didn’t have to be the person everyone knew. It worked out perfectly. Until I realized she’d be going to the same school as me in the fall. And it suddenly got harder to keep my old life from messing up the one I created on the side. 

We turned onto Sophie’s street and before I could think better of it, I glanced over at Mack. Her hair was messy but pulled back into a short ponytail. I hadn’t noticed the eye makeup she was wearing until just then. It was weird, seeing her with makeup but even more weird that I didn’t even notice. Of course, I try not to look at her face all that much. My eyes dipped farther down and I watched her lips mouth the words to the song that played softly in the speakers. My face heated up when she tilted her head and caught me staring. My head snapped to face in front of me and suddenly I needed to get out of that car. 

Thankfully, she just pulled up to Soph’s house. I slammed the car door open and nearly fell out of it, catching the door handle before I made a complete fool of myself. The fresh air hit my face and I breathed in the safe, non-scented aroma of freshly cut lawns. While I was calming myself, Mack had already gotten Sophie out of the car and lead her up the driveway a bit. 

“Here, I’ll take her,” I whispered, jogging to catch up to the two. I grabbed ahold of Soph’s free arm and turned towards the side of the house. We’d have to sneak in through her window. The blonde slumped on top of me, giggling slightly but fairly close to being dead weight.

“Want me to wait for you? I can give you a ride home?” Mack tilted her head, smiling just enough to make my gut feel like lead. Being in that car was already enough to make me think of things I was really trying to push out of my mind. But getting a ride home would be too much. That would be too similar to the nights she drove me home from work. I couldn’t deal with that. 

“No,” I said a bit too fast. I cleared my throat and looked at the house instead of her annoying face. “No, I’ll just stay here.” I don’t know if she nodded or just turned around, but I heard her shoes tap against the ground as she left. I couldn’t make myself move until her car started again and I heard the engine fade into the distance. With a deep breath, I pulled Sophie, who had basically fallen asleep on my shoulder, towards her window.

[breaking-up-with-cockles]

Tinhatting Cockles like a Boss - like a G0$$ B0$$

So Misha did a livestream for his death2normalcy Valentine’s Day sale yesterday, and as a cockles tinhat, I think I would be remiss if I did not consider that Jensen is somehow involved. I will even go one step further and postulate that Misha was lying when he said the screaming came from one of the grandmothers. 

Ok so first of all I think that this D2N Valentine’s Day sale is about Jensen because yeah I’ma crazy tinhat but it’s freaking Valentines. But also because I think Misha and Jensen disagree when it comes to keeping their relationship secret. This might seem random but bear with me. At SPNHON (when they were broken up blah blah blah), the last question of the cockles panel was about gishwhes and after Misha tells the story about Jensen finding his skittles portrait, he pivots to another skittles portrait story that I don’t think Misha has ever told before:

So that year, this friend of mine actually was on a gishwhes team and he made a Jensen - he never watched supernatural he had no idea - but he made a Jensen Ackles’ mosaic portrait in Skittles and he was like “I’m certainly not gonna hang this up in my place so I thought you should have it” and I was like “oh thanks” and I stuck it in the closet. And then Vicki was like -a few months later she was like , “We have to get rid of that Jensen Skittle thing because rats are eating the candies off of it and it’s attracting rats.”

Ok I think I need to post a video because imo it looks like the story was fabricated by Misha in an effort to hurt Jensen while making a point and that’s important. When you’re angry and in a high emotional state, you are gonna say shit that’s true and shit that hurts. And yeah I know most cockles shippers think this was a great panel, but nah. Misha’s story starts at 34:16. If you watch before or after this part when the band comes on stage, you can see how teary eyed both Misha and Jensen are. Especially Misha doing everything he could to keep the emotion from escalating. Honestly, I don’t see how people can see this panel and think that they were in a good place. It’s painful.

Anyways, so this is all about The Closet™. Yep, that closet. Because Jensen wants their relationship to stay secret and while in the closet, they can’t openly be as affectionate as they would probably like, which means that it’s easier for people to think Misha is available which gives him more opportunity to stray since not everyone is aware of their relationship. I’m not blaming Jensen or giving Misha an excuse, I’m just reasoning that the more temptation there is, the harder it is to resist. So I think one thing that maybe Misha is saying, is that because Jensen is in the closet, he is gonna attract cheating rats like Misha. He could also be saying that because Jensen wants to stay closeted, Misha (and Vicki?) think they should toss Jensen and break up because they only get the little bits of Jensen anyways rather than the whole guy. So maybe this was like a retaliatory breakup for Misha, if true. One of those “you can’t break up with me! I’m breaking up with you!”. So I think this closet conversation is possibly a point of contention for them. This closet thing from SPNHON came back to me because of the D2N email they sent out a week ago.

The closet in Hawaii had some serious negative connotation, but the way that Misha is using it here, is diametrically different. Here with D2N, the closet is associated with 7 minutes, which was probably intended to remind us of that teenage party game where two people make-out in a closet for 7 minutes. The game is called 7 Minutes in Heaven. Cute and relevant. And since this is set to go down on Valentine’s day, then almost certainly Misha wanted us to think of sexy closet time.  But with Valentine’s I also think of cupids, which reminds me of angels, which reminds me of heaven. Cool. 7 Minutes of Heaven. Just kidding, I thought cupi-Cas, which reminds me of Cas’s original personal heaven from season 9, a room full of pics of naked Deans. Maybe this is Misha’s personal heaven too. Being a in a closet with naked Dean/Jensen. 

But then Misha throws me when he keeps reiterating in the D2N video and on twitter that “loving someone means letting go” and “when you love something, set it free”. Oh god is this another cockles breakup.Of course my negative filter, thinks he’s talking about letting Jensen go but would he do that on Valentine’s Day? Maybe. Misha is pretty twisted but I don’t think he is cruel. Plus, I have seen what broken-hearted Jensen and Misha look like and how they behave, particularly when their relationship has blown up, and I just don’t see the Misha from his D2N video as the lovelorn one from late last year. But I could be wrong.

However, even though my default is to go negative, I am actually more hopeful. The dreamer in me is hoping that this whole D2N thing was making way for Jensen and Misha to say goodbye to the closet and for them to finally be open with their love. Death to the closet. Death to normalcy. Hello motto. Hello to polyamory. That would be freaking amazing but yeah that’s definitely not gonna happen (yet). And I don’t really need or care if they’re public with their relationship, but I don’t want my babies fighting. I actually wonder if maybe that’s where gishwhes was gonna go this year till Misha blew it. Like it was gonna be some elaborate coming out celebration/scavenger hunt, but since they broke up, they had to call off that plan and Misha decided to go ahead and stick with the same tried and true gishwhes formula. Oh man, I wish. But the truth is, I don’t think Jensen and Misha are gonna come out on Valentines Day but I will be more shocked if this D2N thing is about a breakup rather than if its some next level flirting on Misha’s part. I mean c’mon! He is selling a mixtape. 

So that was crazy the first. Crazy the second is that I’m not actually convinced that it was a grandmother at Misha’s door. I have no real proof for this (as if I ever do) except that when Danneel posted ❤🌏🌚🌏 in response to one of Misha’s instagrams on saturday the 10th, my eighth thought was that she meant “see you in two days”. The little moon guy signifies night and the rotation of the earth. So when Misha had visitors at his house that he was desperately hiding from us, in my crazy tinhat head, it was the Ackles family and everything was all coming together. Here is Misha’s D2N video.

Here is my stellar logic though. Yes, it could have been a grandmother but he has already introduced us to both of them. We met Vicki’s mom in Hawaii and Misha has never been too shy with showing off his parents. I think he had a a gishwhes meet-up in Bellingham for his mother’s bday in 2016 where tons of fans socialized with her. It just doesn’t make sense to me that he would suddenly want to exclude them (unless they asked for that which is a possibility) when he films pretty much anyone that is there. But this is flawed because i have no idea if he asks permission from the people and the parents of everyone he films beforehand. But no doubt, both Misha’s and Vicki’s respective mothers know Misha well enough to know he’s quirky and he records a lot of videos. Ok I admit this is a weak argument. But what about Misha’s reaction when his wind-chime/doorbell rang, before the screaming even began? Why would he frantically run upstairs away from his mom or MIL? I mean, Misha booked it, two steps at a time. 

And then there was that weird thing he said after he ran upstairs and closed the door.  He said:

What else do I need to tell you. I mean that may be it. It’s valentines day. They say -  I mean really that’s the problem with live video. Someone walks through the front door and starts screaming and it’s all - it’s captured for everyone to see. Something terrible is gonna happen eventually.

But how is having one of the mothers/grandmother’s accidentally walk in on a live video terrible? How many times have we seen glimpses or flashes of people that we have known and not known in his videos? Would he define those as something terrible? Considering he hasn’t, probably not. However, even though I have begged and prayed for a revealing accidental cockles moment in one of Misha’s videos, as amazing and life-saving as that would be for me and for the world, I can see how that could be “something terrible” for Misha and Jensen and maybe even their families. But imo family time with a shrieking grandmother does not compare to "something terrible”. It is actually a rather odd, harmless time for Misha to suddenly realize the risks of livestreaming. He has streamed dozens of live videos of his family, one where someone even farted. These are not uncommon occurrences for him yet we are supposed to believe that this ordinary standard loud family gathering with grandma is the eye-opening incident that shines a light on the hazards of livestreaming that he never considered before. Sure, Jan. The incongruity or just plain absurdity of his grandmothers visit warranting a “something terrible” is so weird and it makes it suspicious for some kind of deception. 

Plus Misha was way too urgent and nervous when he ran upstairs. He definitely did not want us to see who his visitors were. He was also talking and stomping on the stairs while his visitors were loudly greeting each other in the background. He definitely did not want us to hear who his visitors were. Now this is my favorite part. Even though he was hiding us or his visitors, he was having a good time doing it but I don't think he wanted us to know that. He was trying not to smile. He was suppressing smiles when he was running up the stairs and for a lot of the second half of the video but especially when discussing the dangers of live streaming. The suppressed smile on the stairs actually makes sense because it could have been because he was probably happy and excited about seeing his visitors and/or finding humor in the whole ridiculous situation. It could be for other various reasons, including the one I am about to talk about, but you can’t be sure because the loud women were legitimately funny, thus smiling is an appropriate display. But the smile that he tried to suppress that slipped out in his “something terrible” speech was a different kind of suppressed smile. I believe he was displaying something known in the nonverbal world as duping delight.

Duping delight is when a smile leaks out when we fool or dupe someone with a lie, partial truth or when we are withholding information, like a secret. Some people subconsciously or semi-consciously occasionally take delight in such a ruse and obviously a suppressed smile is indicative of that pleasure and thrill they experience in tricking others or in doing some other act of deception. But this smile has to be out of place and inappropriate and since there was nothing else going on that would normally produce a smile (like the loud ladies), and because he did display a cluster of other deceptive body signals along with his duping delight, I really do think he was delighting in his clever deceptions. But was he all that successful? Because as hard as Misha tried not to show his joy in deceiving us, he just couldn’t completely shut it down. But that’s understandable if it were actually “something terrible” as Jensen and his brood that he was trying to keep secret. I would be delighting so fucking much in that dupe, too, if I were that lucky. 

[junker-town]

The mind behind ‘Other Birds as the Orioles Logo’ talks the account’s inspiration and his least favorite bird

This account will be your new favorite follow.

The Baltimore Orioles logo is a relatively simple design. It’s a two-toned oriole, accented with white touches, smiling and wearing an Orioles hat. “I enjoy baseball!” it says, while not seeming too weirdly excited about it. It’s just a logo that has stemmed from the same relative idea for decades now, even as it undergoes the usual permutations that every logo must suffer season after season.

So it doesn’t make a ton of sense why the ‘Other Birds as the Orioles Logo’ Twitter account is such a satisfying thing. The account, run by WTA designer Michael Taylor, exists to do exactly what it sounds like: to alter the design of the existing logo so it looks like other types of birds. Yet it’s kind of mesmerizing, the perfect balance between creative and familiar, and one of my new favorite things on the escalating demonic cesspool that is Twitter.

Taylor tweeted out the idea as a joke a few days ago and now it exists, because sometimes the internet can still be good. Each various design isn’t a complete overhaul of the logo. A few color changes here, some different feathers there, and a beak change to polish things off if necessary. It’s a whole lot of fun, and if you’re a scientist (or just at heart) you’ll also appreciate his use of the correct ornithological names alongside the common name for each bird.

I talked to him about how this idea came to him, how long he plans on doing it, and what other logos he thinks have similar potential.

How did the idea come about?

I really can’t place my finger on the exact spark. For some reason last week I remembered, and tweeted out a quick concept I did waiting for a flight of the Blue Jays and Cardinals logo in that style. Then I guess I was thinking about it, and tweeted this that was 100 percent just a joke and I had no intention to actually do it.

I was driving home from Tennessee and got thinking about playing the Out of the Park baseball game when I got back to Florida, and as a graphic designer, I can make any team look like how I want. I thought of doing a weird bird logo as a quick one off team, and it spiraled to a point texting a friend saying how funny certain birds would look in that smug looking Oriole bird style.

About how long does it take for you to do each different bird?

Only about 15 minutes, there’s only a few moving parts to each one. The more beaks I make the easier it’ll be to change as they go. As it’s blown up I get comments along the lines of “its amazing what people spend their time doing” but I’ve done way more work for things that don’t get any sort of reaction on Twitter so I can spare 15 minutes and a laugh.

Were you a bird lover before this, or did the idea lead you to do bird research for each design?

I’ve never been a bird person before this, I had a bird feeder once and that’s about the extent of birdwatching or anything! I think i’ve learned more about birds in the last three days than I ever have before. People keep suggesting birds and I’ll look it up since the name looks like gibberish and it’s a bird I’ve seen a hundred times. The Sand Plover comes to mind as one I had no idea the actual name of, but they’re all over beaches here.

Do you have a least favorite bird?

The ones that shit on my car.

How many templates are you working off of for the various designs? A lot of them seem close with just a few tweaks (which is time saving, I would assume).

I think I’m at about 10 templates now, and each bird is a little different but I’ll generalize if there isn’t much of a difference. Then the one-off ones like the pelican probably won’t get used again unless I do a different pelican.

How long do you plan on continuing? There are a lot of birds.

There are SO many birds! The tweet I referenced making earlier makes it seem like i have aspirations to do every bird ever. A quick google shows an oddly specific amount of 10,000 species of birds.

I’ll hit the major well known birds that I think will get a lot of retweets. I doubt people will care if I don’t do 20 canaries with minor changes to each, you know? I see everyone’s suggestions and it’ll keep me entertained to know there’s a niche market for this type of thing, I guess!

What’s your favorite so far?

My favorite is without a doubt the Kingfisher (ed. note: mine too!). It’s such a pretty bird and I did that one solely because of the color, and it’s at the fourth most retweets as of right now.

If the Orioles were to adopt one of them which one would you choose?

The Orioles have two minor league teams — the Delmarva Shorebirds and Aberdeen Ironbirds — with bird mascots so I’m starting to wonder why they haven’t made a logo to put on merch.

Are there any other team logos (any sport) that you think it would be fun to do this with?

The Padres’ Swinging Friar logo as different occupations would be great if I wasn’t so bad at human logos. Imagine a Swinging Teacher, or Starbucks Barista. Now that would be some major time wasting.