#like literally something you cannot comprehend unless you worked in the field or did it yourself

[nerditudes]

SO HELP ME IF LILO ISN'T A GODDAMN MENACE IN THE LIVE ACTION REMAKE.

Least we forget Lilo is a problem child [ie: an autistic kid not being given the proper means of expressing themselves, or given any leeway for their behavior]. She NAILS A GODDAMN DOOR SHUT to keep her sister out of the house. MIND YOU-- CPS DOESN'T JUST SHOW UP FOR NO REASON.

Lilo had to have had a history of problem behavior outside [justifiably] kicking Mertle's ass. [Though her mom's absolutely a Karen and would call CPS on that incident.] Especially since Lilo bit her.

She feeds Pudge every day-- because her parents died in a rainstorm and she's afraid she'll lose Nani too, unless she feeds the fish that [in her eyes] controls the weather. It's all very reasonable logic for a six year old to have.

Lilo's acting out is also in response to losing her parents-- an extremely traumatic thing. Children aren't built to process that kind of trauma without therapy-- so her bouts of anger are her brain attempting to manage it. She emotionally disregulates all over the damn place in the original film.

No one understands her-- not even her sister. Leaving Lilo feeling isolated and alone. She cannot express herself properly, and she gets bullied by her peers-- furthering this feeling of being too weird to have a normal life. A common experience for neurodivergent kids. It's not as though Nani can afford to send her to therapy or get her evaluated, either. She's working full time and doing her best but she's not ready to be a mother. She's still a kid, herself.

SO IF THIS KID ISN'T A GODDAMN MENACE, THEN IT'S NOT LILO AND STITCH. IT'S JUST SOME RANDOM KID AND STITCH. The entire point of the film is that Stitch helps Lilo the same way an ESA would. He calms her down, helps her learn how to redirect destructive behavior [some of which she herself has exhibited in the past] and he helps her cope with everything she deals with.

Lilo would have been taken by CPS and separated from the only family she had left if that little alien goblin hadn't crash landed on her island.

[epicstuckyficrecs]

In 1947, Master Sergeant James B. Barnes's surviving field journals were posthumously published as the classic war memoir The Night War. Now a high school history classroom mainstay and required reading at West Point, this highly anticipated 60th Anniversary Edition presents the original, unedited text alongside detailed historical notes that provide important context to the extraordinary wartime heroics of Captain America and the Howling Commandos.

Barnes, James B. The Night War: The Wartime Memoirs of a Howling Commando. Ed. Harold Miller. 60th Anniversary ed. New York: HarperCollins, 2005. Print.

Guys. Girls. Non-binary friends. PEOPLE. LISTEN UP!!!!

I am here to right a terrible wrong because it is CRIMINAL how little attention this fic is getting on AO3. CRIMINAL I SAY.

Here’s a sample of the comments I left on this fic:

“ok like 99% of the time with this fic I'm scratching my head and thinking "did this actually happen or did she exercice some author freedom?" and that's just a testament of how well this is written that you could truly believe that 100% of what is written is actual factual historical TRUTH.”

“omfg you're amazing. I don't know HOW in the hell you managed to create this story/diary in a way that I fucking ask myself what's real and what's not because you make it seems as if Bucky and Cap and the Howling Commandoes WERE ACTUALLY FIGHTING WW2.”

“So many people have said it before me, and way more eloquently, but god. This fic is amazing in every single way. The format, the plot, the characterization, everything is on point. Everything is an incredible proof of your skill as a writer.”

“To me, this fic is pretty much up there with the NEC series in regards to the best fics in this fandom, (...) This deserves to be a fandom classic. I will rec this until my dying breath. I would print this and put it on my bookshelf. It's a masterpiece.”

“unless you have a phd in ww2, I don't think anyone could read this and feel like it wasn't 200% accurate“

I’m not kidding guys. This is probably my FAVORITE FIC OF THE YEAR! Like I said above, this is one of the very few fics that I would totally print because I wanna hold it in my hands, cradle it like a baby, and cherish it for the rest of eternity. The other fic I feel like that about, off the top of my head? NEC!!!!!!!! So you see how highly I think of this fic, this story, this work of art, this masterpiece.

This fic reads EXACTLY as if you would���ve gone to your local library, picked up a WW2 memoir/diary from a survivor, and read it. As I’ve said above, this is so realistic that you find yourself wondering “did that fight actually happen? Are those OCs or actual people? Did the Allies ever do that thing?” ALL THE TIME. That’s it. The format, the frickin’ footnotes, the manips!!! Everything is 110% ON POINT. The amount of work and research that must’ve gone into this story, I can’t even comprehend it.

And then the fact that it’s Bucky’s diary. Just. Hits you IN THE FEELS. ALL TH TIME.

Just spend two seconds reading the comments. I’ve never wanted to sit down and read the comments that people leave on a fic but I WOULD DO IT FOR THIS FIC because everyone’s comments are so interesting!!! They make me see stuff I hadn’t noticed while reading! I don’t think I’ve ever seen a fic where SO MANY PEOPLE leave long, interesting, analytic, rambly comments, and where the author responds with amazing comments of her own. @praximeter​ is a gift. Shit guys, am I gonna have to sample other people’s comments because they’re way more eloquent than my own? I’ll put them under a read more because this is getting out of hand.

Wanna know the best part? THERE’S A SEQUEL COMING UP :DDDDDD

I absolutely love the authentic feels of this, Bucky's diary. I did not read All Quiet on the Western Front, as another commenter did, but have recently (after having seen Wonder Woman, actually) watched the 1930s movie, and are hitting the tone and content perfectly. I kept this story on my to-read list because I wanted time to savour it. I simply adore fanfic that is set and elaborates on the historical settings of the movies, and can only thank you for putting so much work and knowledge into this. -Vaysh

whoa. this is everything i ever wanted??? bucky is perfectly characterized and the language. the LANGUAGE. it's so true to the time period, and it just works so well, and the historical accuracy is top. notch. how much research you put into this is beyond me. this is definitely going to be my new obsession for a long time. expect comments on the rest of your chapters, i literally cannot express how good this is. -small_queen

This is one of the best Bucky POV stories I've ever read, and definitely the best Captain America story set in the war. I really appreciate your attention to historical detail, and I'm really looking forward to future chapters. -norwich36

I am honestly enthralled with this story. It's a goddamn work of art even(...)  I /highly/ encourage the author to work on getting this published. One of the best historical style fictions I've read, who gives a damn that it's fan fiction. It's amazing and so well written with character and emotion in every damn word. I don't have words to do this piece of literature justice. -candlesneedflame

I love the voice you've written for Bucky in this. I've been devouring this over the past few days, but this particular chapter was so good I just had to comment. The confusion, the fear, the uncertainty, the devotion and faith in his brothers in arms, this reads so realistically. I can easily believe this as an in universe classic. All of the extra details - the stories of what happened to everyone after the war, the footnotes tying their exploits in with the greater war, it all helps to flesh this out. -Shazrolane

The more I read your story the more I am blown away by the 'fake' accuracy of the military story side of it. Your story of Bucky is amazing but the historian in me is riveted by your summaries at the end of each chapter. They read like a historical report. I focused on WWII and Germany in my history major over 25 years ago and this takes me back to my research days. I can only assume you've spent some serious time researching the era as this has an amazing amount of detail. It seems real. I know you are basing it off of fact but I could believe this actually happened. -Fraulein

I used to live on Carlisle, Pa, where the Army Heritage Center is. My dad and I used to go to read the handwritten accounts of soldiers who fought in WWII, Kore, and Vietnam. I have read Lt Goranson's personal account of DDay (the person Tom Hank's character in Saving Private Ryan was based on). This story reads like one of those. It is incredibly realistic and engaging. I was so caught up in it i ended up reading it at 3 am in my car because i couldnt put it down. In fact I am still in my car writing this review. I dont understand how this has so few comments. -smac89

Holy wow. Just downloaded your whole fic to read on a road trip and wow, so so glad I did. I'm obsessed with the way you write - it's so true to how I imagine a soldier would write, so matter of fact and difficult to parse how he's truly feeling yet at the same time, so young and boyish and charming. I really have over the last few hours grown to love your Bucky not just because he's Bucky Barnes but because of how you write him, that perfect balance of tortured self awareness of his role in the war with the happy-go-lucky person he must have been pre-war. What can I say, I have lots of feelings about James Buchanan Barnes... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ The other thing I adore is how much detail you've put into this - the historical notes are so fun to read, the care and love with which you craft each encounter and scene and its history and importance. You've really created something so beautiful and incredible here. So many kudos and I'm so excited to continue reading it! -jexlane

AND THAT’S ONLY A SAMPLE OF A FEW PAGES OF COMMENTS!!!

[bubbledropsvt]

Who Killed Jihoon?

A Long Analysis No One Asked For

So! This murder mystery case has been making waves on twitter. With whatever medical knowledge I have, let me share to you my 50 cents take on this case (and I am taking this as seriously as I can; I used up 3 pages of my think book, 4 pages of MS Word, and 4 hours of my time for this asdfghjkl):

What do we know?

Lee Jihoon died via hydrogen cyanide poisoning, with his estimated time of death between 2-2:30. There was noted blood on the piano stool and the glass door, with leftover spaghetti by the piano. There were noted bruises on his right hip caused by a supposed fall. Blood found on the scene was Jihoon’s which looked like vomitus as it was mixed with bile. Last known food intake were tteokbeokki, spaghetti, and rice crackers. There were episodes of stomach cramps prior to death. No puncture wounds on body. Coroner reported that the killer must have some knowledge on the poison used because of the intricate amount needed, the route of delivery of the poison, and the means by which he got it. The poison takes effect in 3-4 hours, so the time of ingestion should’ve been around 10:30-11:30.

 All murders answer to the 6 questions: WHAT, WHERE, WHEN, WHO, WHY, and HOW. But before I give you a rundown of my take on this, let me first give you a very basic background on hydrogen cyanide.

 Hydrogen cyanide is a colorless, poisonous liquid usually used in mining. It is extremely poisonous as even a small amount of it is enough to kill a person. How does it do it? It stops cellular activity by stopping the production of energy needed by the body, in a simplified sense. The lethal dose of it is around 50 mg (Medscape), which is approximately about as much as big as a 50-centavo coin if you spread it out (you can think of various 50 mg medicine tablets too). At this amount, it can work in less than a minute. Even when ingested, it is easily picked up the body and travels quickly through the blood vessels to take effect. When this happens, it becomes nearly impossible to reverse it. Unless you’re able to take the patient in less than 5 minutes to the hospital, it is close to impossible to reverse the effects. This is the reason why it is a very popular means of elimination: not only is a small amount needed for it to be effective, but also the fact that it is nearly impossible to detect in the body given the small amount that can be used to kill a person. One of the few ways of detecting hydrogen cyanide poisoning if there is any exposure to it (mining work, prolonged exposure to car exhaust, eating lots of fruit seeds, prolonged pesticide exposure) or if there is the distinct almond smell.

While it is possible for hydrogen cyanide poisoning to take effects hours after it has been ingested if there has been a small amount, it would mean that the ingested amount would’ve been smaller than 50 mg, so imagine it having to take effect 3-4 hours after ingestion: it would probably mean maybe even a dot of it had to be ingested for it to take effect, and by then the body would’ve eliminated it from the body or by then it would’ve been impossible for it be detected via autopsy. We may also look at this from the point of view of the poison being put inside an extended-release capsule where the film would’ve only started melting approximately 12 hours after it had been ingested, but that wouldn’t fall in the timeline given. Also, with the way hydrogen cyanide works, I don’t think the victim should’ve been able to cough up blood like that. At most, he would’ve literally dropped dead because of how quick it works.

So what am I saying? It means a lot, since the murder weapon and how Jihoon was murdered plays a vital role in answering our case. If it has been really hydrogen cyanide, then the time of ingestion becomes different: it would’ve been a few minutes prior to death, which would make Wonwoo a very likely suspect as he was the one who gave Jihoon the rice crackers, which were the last thing he ate. However, if we need to go by the number of hours it should take for the poison to have an effect, then our time line would be different.

I will be thinking in terms of the timeline, so from here on out, I will be using the term ‘poison’ as I believe hydrogen cyanide wasn’t used.

Another note, it is important to note the bruising! I’m glad someone asked about the bruising because bruising appears differently pre- and post-mortem. If it is pre-mortem, a fall would be a likely explanation, but it would not rule out a possible fight (unless you take into consideration the surrounding: were there signs of struggle?). Post-mortem bruising would mean the killer would’ve been at the scene to move the body to a certain extent that would’ve gotten him that bruise, which would mean that someone had come in during or after his death (aka someone who had been to the Music Room from 1-3 PM!!). Compare this with someone who didn’t even have to be in the vicinity at all when he died once the poison had taken effect.

Let’s get down to the nitty gritty!

This is everyone’s collated timeline of events. The ones in grey have already been eliminated from the suspect list.

LET’S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS!!

WHAT? Lee Jihoon is dead! Foul play is suspected and we have 12 suspects (now narrowed down to 8).

WHERE? No whereabouts/timeline is available for Jihoon but it’s a piece of evidence! SO! I! WANT! IT! j/k lol @thicckwan made a really good timeline for Jihoon! But it’s still a mystery where he was from 10-11:30, the supposed time of poisoning. Is it safe to assume that he was in the Music Room? I think not. For everyone who had Music Theory, they only had it once a day. If Jihoon was at the Music Room that time it is probably safe to assume his Music Theory is at 8:30. Which means he could be having Core Class or Dance Practice at the Studio. However, by elimination, he was not at the Studio (S. Coups, The8 did not mention him at the studio). That leaves us with either him being the Practice Room with Wonwoo or in Core Class.

And this is where we’ll need that map! (pls release the evidence please :’( ) The map is important because it’ll show us where everyone was. Was it really possible to see someone from the bathroom if they were walking down the hallway? If so, how well could they see him? Where were the classes held? Is it possible to go past the Music Room at one point to get to the Studio or Practice Room? HELP ME I’M DYING THIS IS THE ONE BIG THING MY BRAIN CANNOT COMPREHEND???

WHEN? In the field of forensics, the only thing you can trust is evidence. If the coroner says that the poison needed 3-4 hours before it could take full effect, we can trust that. That is why I will work on the assumption that the murderer had given him the poisoned food at around 10:30-11:30.

HOW? It was poison that had to take effect in 3-4 hours. Probably something odorless, colorless, or tasteless. Something that, even when mixed with food, wouldn’t make a victim suspect. Something that would give the killer an alibi for the time of death. If we are to go by murder-mystery anime logic, Wonwoo is someone we can eliminate. He gave him rice crackers at around 1:30 PM, and by then the poison was already ingested. So it is safe to assume that it had to be someone he was with somewhere between 10-11:30.

WHY? Motive, motive, motive. No murder occurs without one, even if they were unplanned. Let’s list down all the possible suspects and their motives!

Josh – he was close to Hoshi and knew Jihoon and him were secretly dating. Take note that if the poisoning did happen before 12 nn, the ‘fight’ hadn’t happened yet, so him poisoning Jihoon for the fight is out of the question. But! That doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have a motive. He could be out to plot revenge for (MAYBE!!) being closer to Hoshi than he was.

The8 – Good friends with Jun! We don’t exactly know what his relationship with Hoshi is, but he wasn’t that close with Jihoon, but it is safe to assume he respects him enough to ask him how he should interpret the song into a dance. Do we have a motive? If it is the general motive of Jihoon pissing everyone off at some point, then yes.

DK – close with Jihoon. Maybe probably jealousy for his talent? (BUT THIS BOY IS SO PURE HUHU)

Mingyu – Acquaintances with Jihoon, but goes tohim for help when writing rap lyrics, so it is safe to assume that he respects him. Again with The8’s, we will probably have a motive if Jihoon getting mad at everyone counts.

Wonwoo – Close with Jun! (WHAT IS UP WITH EVERYONE BEING CLOSE WITH JUN *eye wiggles*) He considered Jihoon and Hoshi as his friends, bu we have no idea how close. In Wonwoo’s interview, he refused to elaborate on how close he was with Jihoon by using a tactic well known to suspects: reversing the question (*MORE EYE WIGGLES*). Same with The8’s and Mingyu’s, we will probably have a motive if Jihoon getting mad at everyone counts.

Jun – AVOIDS THE QUESTION SO SMOOTHLY when asked of his relationship with Jihoon. Suspicious? Honestly him arriving at 10 AM with a car is really questionable for me. So what if your car had stalled? Normal students would’ve tried to commute. Or is he one of the rich kids who can’t and won’t commute? HMMMMMM well—close friends with Wonwoo and The8! Him getting to late to school gives him sooo muuuuch tiiiime to acquire the poison (and honestly, you’re in high school why do you have a car how old are you and how rich are you you’re probably from a family of dealers???). Did Jihoon catch him red-handed and now he’s out for revenge?

Hansol – Jihoon’s classmate who didn’t know him well! Tries so hard to be defensive when asked about his opinion of him. Also uses the excuse of ‘not being there at the time of death’ to escape suspicion and create an alibi (which, btw, is not airtight. I mean, no witnesses? Very suspicious.) Did he have a motive? Probably the same as The8’s, Mingyu’s and Wonwoo’s if ever.

S. Coups – Jihoon’s best friend! Denies having any other feelings for him other than being best friends. Knows of his relationship with Hoshi. GAVE SOMETHING TO JIHOON AT 9:30 AM??? What is this I am very curious???

I think that’s pretty much what I’ve summed up so far for motives.

AND NOW THE BIG QUESTION: WHO?!

I’ll be honest here ok I am no expert when it comes to things like these (I’ve been to 3 escape rooms, haven’t solved any of them //GROSS SOBBING) so this is just my honest opinion!

I’m cutting down my suspect list to people who are in the probably vicinity of when the poisoning took place: either the Core Classes or the Practice Room. Those in the Core Classes were S. Coups, Jun, and Josh. The only one in the Practice Room was Wonwoo.

But! More mysteries remain yet to be solved: Where was Joshua? Why couldn’t he remember anything from 1:15-3 PM? Was Vernon really in the vicinity when Jihoon died? If so, why?

Jeonghan has been announced innocent, so it is safe to assume his testimony is true. He had skipped class that day with DK and S. Coups, but now the question is: did they go out of school grounds? If they did, then S. Coups and Hansol’s testimonies confirm each other, and confirms that Hansol was in fact at home and not in school as what Jun claims.

Jun’s testimony reeks of holes because no one can confirm his alibi prior to 10 AM, and he had shown weird behavior by staying behind after school to practice while everyone else went home (and again, this is where the map comes in: where was studio placed anyway for it to be in a place where he can’t see students filing out?). He could’ve been lying about spotting Hansol to divert suspicion away from him, or he could assume that it was Hansol he saw (when in fact in was Joshua?!) during the 2:10 time OR EVEN NOT HAVE SEEN ANYONE AT ALL BUT HE NEEDED TO PUSH THE BLAME ON SOMEONE BECAUSE SUPRISINGLY THE TIME HE SAID HE WENT TO THE BATHROOM FALLS DURING JIHOON’S TIME OF DEATH?? What if he had not gone to the bathroom but in fact had checked in to make sure Jihoon was dead and erase all possible evidence leading back to him?

Joshua. This poor boy. What happened, really? He had left the library at 1:15 PM, arguably with his backpack (as evidenced by Chan’s testimony). He clearly insisted he was wearing a button down shirt but Wonwoo insisted he was only in a t-shirt. What if Wonwoo just had bad eyesight (this is a running joke ok)?

 In conclusion! I still have no conclusion y’all I’m just leading you on a wild goose chase lol

But as of this moment, without any new evidence I need, Jun is my number one suspect.

I’ll probably update this post once new questions have been answered and once we get our new evidence!!

[poop4u]

New Job, Who Dis?

#Poop4U

Some of you may remember this merry rag tag gang of misfits and the insane woman who runs herself ragged trying to keep up with them.

If you remember us, you probably wonder where the heck we’ve been, and why the radio silence in Blog Land. Well The Food Lady has been real busy, inventing The Hover Dog(tm).

Har har har.

I wish that’s what I was doing. I got a new “actual” job a couple months ago, because as much as I love photography, it does not bring home the bacon for me. Which makes me sad, because I like it a lot. And my new job leaves basically zero time to do it. At all. The hours are disgustingly terrible, the commute is brutal and the job itself hovers (har har har) somewhere between mindnumbingly boring and horrifically horrible with respect to how it’s managed (I mean above me, as I’m the manager). It pokes little holes in the fabric of my animal-welfare-background heart every day. But I have many things to feed, so I drag myself out of bed (sometimes at 3:45AM, sometimes at 6AM, depending which shift I’m on) and go, and I HATE IT WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING.

And speaking of Things, I managed to find a home for this one last week.

Never been so happy to see the backend of a red dog in my life. That puppy plum wore me out with her constant nonsense. She craned her evil giraffe neck over a babygate while I was in the shower and pulled down my favourite Bench jacket and chewed up the zipper, on both sides. It wasn’t even a dog coat, it didn’t even have tasty cookie smells in the pockets. She pissed on my dogs beds and I had to buy all new ones. There is not a blanket in the house without several holes in it. That dog is at LEAST a two person job, so I went to visit her potential home and hopped into my van and drove away while they were (foolishly) oohing and ahhing over her adorableness. SUCKERS!!!

Even my dogs breathed a collective sigh of relief when they realized she wasn’t coming back home with us. The Thing made Maisie look laid back!

Maisie, who will play fetch with literally anything.

Whenever I think of the people who passed on this smart girlie, I hug her just a little more tightly (which she objects to, LOUDLY, because it’s not playing fetch). I am so lucky to have her, she is just oodles of fun, and such a good girl. The other day we were playing ball in the off leash area and her ball (like her Best Dog Ever predecessor Tweed, she has A Ball that she will play with, and if it goes missing, she will not play with another ball without some serious pre-game pouting.)(It’s not the same as playing fetch with Literally Anything, these are two different games) bounced over the fence into a hard-to-reach place.

The off leash area is entirely fenced. The ball bounced over the fence as far away from the gate as possible. She knows she is not allowed to go out the *property* gate on the road (plus it was closed anyway), so damned if my smart girl didn’t go out the gates, run all the way along the outside of the off leash area in the parking lot, bushwhack through the blackberries and then run through the neighbour’s field and find her ball.

Then, like the shining star that she is, she retraced her steps and came back the same way she went and resumed our game of fetch. How brilliant is she? When she was about 7 months old I offered her to Canines for Conservation because she will do anything to find and retrieve her ball and has a work ethic that just won’t quit, but they felt she was too young (they like them 10 months and up). I am so glad they refused her, because my life would be a lot less shiny without her in it. Aside from her ear piercing bark (and her literal ear piercing of Dexter when she chases him down), she is just awesome. I love her so.

She can even get Winter to play with her, and Winter is far too weird and full of social anxiety to play with anyone other than his sister (or maybe she’s not his sister; doG knows the Woo “not-related-even-a-tiny-bit” TWoo fooled us all for years!).

And speaking of the Dastardly Duo…they’re both doing great, given they are old as dirt and I have effectively abandoned them for 11 hours a day in their old age. I bring Dexter and the two Littles to work, the rest of the dogs stay home. We try to play some fetch either before work or after I get home, depending on the shift, but the WooTWoo don’t play fetch, so they find life rather boring these days. So yesterday, my day off, Auntie Michelle and I piled them all in my van and took them to our old stomping grounds where I used to walk dogs, and we spent two hours decompressing in the cranberry fields. This is where Wootie’s resurrected Flamboyance(tm) chose to shine.

Look at that thing! It has fully recovered from its brush with shaving over a year ago thanks to that nasty infection he got. I am so glad to see it again. I am, however, not allowed to touch it still. Woo had gotten cantankerous in his old age and gets all snarly when I try to brush him (which is ironic, because without brushing, he is ALSO all snarly).

TWooie was having a good time too (lots of gross dead things to roll in, apparently) until he snagged and tore his front dew claw (AGAIN. Dog has the most feeble dewies in the world) and had to be carried out to solid ground because the cranberry plants kept snagging on the mangled claw. He was sad. I was also sad, because he’s heavy and super awkward to carry.

But we all needed the exercise and the time out in nature. It was so nice to see my crew running around being deliriously happy. It almost makes me regret giving up the dog walking gig, even though I was dead broke all the time.

This is a photo of Peetie. She’s still dumb as a sack of hammers. However, she was a godsend when we had The Thing…she entertained her for hours at a time, taught her to play tug with toys and wrestled patiently with her when the other dogs were all hiding from the Thing Tornado, even when The Thing got snappy and overstimulated…Peetie is truly awesome with annoying foster puppies.

Dexter is awesome at work … he stays behind a gate on the stairs behind my desk and he lures all of our clients over to pet him through the gate and tell him how handsome he is. He of course cannot hear them, but he knows what they’re saying. He knows how handsome he is.

He has a lump in his back along his spine so we went to visit Dr. Erica to have it checked out as it has recently gotten bigger. She examined it and said “It looks like a cyst. Ooooh, I want to squeeze it so bad!” What is it with you vet/tech types and your all encompassing urge to squeeze fluids out of dog lumps? The techs at the shelter LIVED for that shit too. You’re all disgusting!

Anyway, she did a needle thingie and cytology and it was indeed full of cyst material, but not the gooey kind, so she recommended we leave it alone until he’s under for something else … “like when you get his teeth cleaned!” she said, as she flipped up his lip to look at his teeth. “….or not,” she then said, because his teeth are fantastic (*chuffed*). So lumpy will remain lumpy unless the cyst gets too big to be ignored.

This is also the only photo of Spring you will see in this post, as she was too busy hunting all the imaginary critters out there. She ran so much that she slept all afternoon and evening.

No photos of Fae either, because she was too itty bitty to be seen in the cranberry fields … she was just some hair and floppy ears bouncing in and out of focus.

How come whenever I take a group photo, everyone looks very serious except for Dexter? How come he only has two facial expressions?? (this one and Mad Teeth(tm))

Anyway, it’s my last day off and I have 400 million things to do before work tomorrow, because I have no time to do anything on the days I am working. Maisie says we better get some ball time in before that happens (or any time, ever, why am I not a millionaire so I can spend all my time playing with her etc.)

Tell me what you think I should do for an actual living, because I can’t seem to come up with anything I want to do, and doG knows I don’t want to do what I am doing right now. You are smart peoples, help a sad, grouchy, tired sistah out.

ETA – oh I forgot, I was supposed to add this!

When I had the WooTWoo DNA tested, and learned they weren’t even a teensy bit the same breed(s) make up, they ran a “relatedness” test on them to see if maybe they had, like, same mom but different dad. Turns out they did not. It’s more sciencey than my pithy little grey matter can comprehend, but some of you s-m-r-t people might be interested to learn more about it on their blog post here.

Poop4U Blog via www.Poop4U.com The Food Lady, Khareem Sudlow

[z4g4c-blog]

3/18/2019

Part of the thing that is making leaving the country very easy for me is that I do not have anyone in my life that I care about or want to continue seeing. The only people I know that I consider friends I am perfectly content with occasionally chatting with using social media. These friends are too busy to actually be a real friend anyway. I have no interest in communicating with any of my family members. It doesn’t bring me anything positive or useful. They are not helpful for any kind of advice or support for anything of any kind. They are completely useless to talk to for guidance in any field. Almost all of my friends are immature losers that bring me down with them and provide me no perceivable benefit at all. They just piss me off. There’s nothing valuable I can gain from any of them. The only person I want to talk to wants nothing to do with me so now I have no one. If I am home and think I feel lonely there is literally no person I can message or call that will pick up or have anything to say. I have no clue how to meet people or make friends when you have graduated from school. There is no situation where you are around people sitting in a space other than in random public places or the subway. You can’t just walk up to someone and start talking to them or you will seem insane. I hate when people talk to me on the subway. If someone normal did it would probably be tolerable, but it’s always some piss stained fucking guy that I can’t even understand even though they technically are speaking English. It is amazing how many people in the city who were raised with English as their only language are completely incomprehensible. I’m not talking only about black people. Every race is represented in this group. I have so many conversations with people where I can’t even respond because there is no linguistic content to be analyzed that can form a complete thought for me to process. I don’t get this. My ex girlfriend used to say that you can just walk up to anyone and start talking to them anywhere and it isn’t weird. Obviously this is true if you are female and attractive, there is no existing set of social standards for that demographic. Attractive women can live their entire adult lives acting like children if they want to and it goes under the radar. If an adult man comes up to you in public basically anywhere your first thought is defense or how you are going to escape the scenario. Nobody wants to talk to some random guy in public. There are a lot of people I met at school that I like but none that I would consider actual friends. More of acquaintances or even just people in my network. The only ones I would hang out with never have time. The rest of them I don’t share enough in common to enjoy spending extended time around. The thing that I always feel is that If I am in a place where everyone around me likes me a lot more than I like them and all listen to what I have to say, then I’m in the wrong place and I have nothing to gain by being there. If I am able to feel like a leader then what am I going to gain by being there? Nothing. I find it very difficult to be friends with women. I have tried to and if I am attracted to them then it ends up leading to sex, but then they want it to be a relationship which I do not want. Then with girls that I am not attracted to, I start to realize that they are getting the wrong idea entirely and I can no longer be friends with them or have anything to do with them. Knowing that someone is interested in me disgusts me. I hate being around women that are attracted to me. I hate feeling wanted. Especially in my relationships. The feeling of knowing that they desire me makes me completely uninterested and makes me feel almost no attraction to them at all. I’m only attracted to things that I can have. If it turns out I can have it, then it loses all appeal instantly. I have talked to a few girls recently and chatted with them a bit online and for some reason I ask some of them if they want to go do anything and as soon as they say they do and are interested I immediately realize what the fuck am I doing? This isn’t worth my time this is completely pointless. Why the fuck am I going to go spend an entire day off work with this girl when I could be on the computer or playing a game or just sitting in a chair staring at the wall. Instantly because the possibility of going and actually doing something is on the table I realize that I never wanted to do anything in the first place even though I originally started talking to people because I felt like I had nothing to do and was lonely. I don’t actually want to interact with people and I don’t even have the energy or motivation to have sex. I just want the possibility to be available so I remember that I could be doing something even though I don’t want to. Same goes for making plans with anyone or with anything ahead of time. If I do something completely sporadically then there isn’t a chance of realizing it’s pointless and then I just go do the thing. If I plan it in advance, the day rolls around then I don’t want to go and if i push myself to just do it, I go and have a bad time. Especially now that my commute is like two hours. Virtually nothing is worth doing if I have to load the event for 2 hours to get there and 2 hours to get home. Fuck that. It’s a loading screen on life. It’s like having to reinstall windows every time I want to play counter strike for 30 minutes. Not that I would play counter strike. Once I get to Japan I will continue to be completely alone because the only people that want to talk to foreigners are probably idiots. The only people that I will be able to communicate with in english will still have a wall between us in understanding. I have met many Japanese people that have very good English, but only good in the sense of how far they have come since it is so hard to learn for Japanese people. It will be the same for me once I am proficient in Japanese, I will not be able to convey what I am actually thinking with enough finesse to display my actual personality. I will only be able to communicate like a robot. That is how japanese people are in english. It isn’t possible to have meaningful relationships with people who are not natively fluent in the same language as you unless they are actually able to become fluent to a high degree which no one in japan is for english. Same as anyone in the west learning japanese. It’s not even pessimism. It is actually impossible for someone to self teach themselves to be fluent. You can understand and speak, but you will not learn to think in Japanese. Without long exposure you will not speak the way people actually do, because people do not speak correctly. They use slang and incorrect grammar and colloquial things that are too esoteric for any textbook. I know for a fact that even the highest trained english speaker in japan that has not lived in america for at least a decade, I would be able to speak in ways that they cannot comprehend or translate. I do not actually believe that I will make no friends in Japan. I know that I will make friends there, but I am skeptical of how meaningful any relationship I will have with any japanese people. Especially in terms of a romantic relationship. I do not have a racial preference in terms of attraction. I have spurts of flavor of the month fixations for short amounts of time, but overall I am attracted to all kinds of people pretty much equally because it is a completely individual thing. That being said, I do not want to be a white guy with an asian wife or girlfriend. It’s not a good look. I don’t have anything against it, but it’s the most shamed and sterotyped possible partner for a white man to have. It seems like there is a joke to be made or some stereotype to be said about any mixed race couple, but it feels like this is the worst one. It feels like any relationship with an asian person makes westerners assume it is just because they are asian. Which for some people it probably is because there is something called racial familiarity. This is something most americans do not have. This is part of the phenomenon of people being unable to differentiate between people from other racial groups. People say all asian people or all black people look the same because they have seen so few of them in their life that the only feature their brain is able to process is the fact that they are black or asian. This isn’t even something you can blame people for. People can’t develop racial familiarity if they live in a homogenous area. Expecting people in rural china to think of you other than just a white or black person is absurd. If you live in the city in america you develop a much higher level of racial familiarity, but most people do not live in the city. Part of the thing with racial familiarity is the phenomenon of men going to other countries and dating very ugly women. This is a common thing in asia. Men with low racial familiarity to asian people do not see individual people, they just see the fact that they are asian and are attracted to that aspect alone. This is kindof what I am getting at. I do not want to be seen this way. I believe that I have a somewhat advanced level of racial familiarity especially with asian people because I have been around them my entire life. I do not have an asian fetish and am not at all obsessed with asia which is the whole problem of the perception of people that go to asian countries that I want to avoid. There are a number of very specific things that appeal to me in Japan specifically. I would never in a million years want to live in china or any SEA cess pool. Fuck korea too. I am going there with purpose not because I love anime and video games. This is going off the rails in terms of focus a bit, but I guess my point is that I feel a bit self conscious about interracial dating to an extent. I do not feel in any way actually embarrassed or ashamed or that it is any less of a relationship, but I have heard so many things said that are hard to get out of my head that will make me thing people are saying or thinking about me. My ex girlfriend was mixed and I never felt anything weird about that at all. in fact I never actually thought about it at all. But it did attract unwanted attention from black people. What amazes me about the disrespect from black people in public is that i thought it was bad when white people don’t like black people now suddenly if someone clearly does like a black person then it’s still bad. Which one is it black people? make up your mind. I do feel disgusted by most american white girls though. If anything I feel like that’s almost the only demographic I actually don’t feel interested in to any extent. If their parents were from a different country then that’s a bit different, but actual americans are just fucked. I’ve lost my train of thought here so that’s it for now.