#like my body picks between eating or sleeping or washing PER DAY and we manage one task and clock out again

[hella1975]

I weep for your sleep schedule

ive given up at this point

[heyiwrotesomethings]

The Perfect Pet

Shinobu Kochou x They/Them Reader AU

A/N: This could be considered a part two to You Cat to be Kitten Me, but you could totally read this without having read the other. I’ll just link the other fic in case you’re interested (LINK). Hope you enjoy! Word Count: 3,454

Shinobu knew when she had let herself be dragged to the animal shelter by (Y/n) that it wasn’t going to be a simple visit. ‘Just to look,’ they had promised, but now, here Shinobu was watching (Y/n) stare up at her from their crouched position on the floor as they rubbed the puppy’s belly with hopeful eyes.

“No.” Shinobu said, not unkindly.

“I didn’t even say anything yet.” (Y/n) pouted in return, scratching the soft puppy’s furry neck.

“It’s written all over your face. We are not getting a dog, (Y/n).” Shinobu hated to tell them no, but she really couldn’t stand such furry animals.

“How about a cat?” (Y/n) asked, looking just as hopeful.

“No.”

“A bunny.”

“No.”

“A ferret.”

“No.”

“A—“

“(Y/n), we’ve talked about this. I’m not living under the same roof as some slobbery, wiggly, furry beast. If you want to play with an animal so badly, you can always visit Mitsuri’s cat, or her new rabbit too for that matter. Is that what brought this on?”

“A little,” (Y/n) stood up, forgoing eye contact with Shinobu to scan the rows of animals.

“A little, hm?” Shinobu crossed her arms, “and whatever else could possibly be at play?”

“It’s nothing,” (Y/n) shook their head, “want to grab lunch now?”

Shinobu tilted her head and gave (Y/n) a questioning look. Whatever it was, it certainly wasn’t nothing. Still, she wanted nothing more than to get the hell out of this stuffy room and wash her hands. She could question them about it later.

“Lunch sounds wonderful.” She smiled, looping (Y/n)’s arm with her own.

They waved at the volunteers and thanked them before heading out of the shelter and back to their car. They drove to one of their favorite spots with outdoor seating that overlooked the river, talking casually and laughing together while they waited for their food to arrive.

“You remember I have been invited to be a guest speaker at Kyoto University next week, right?” Shinobu had asked between bites.

“Yeah, why? Is something wrong?”

“Oh no, nothing is wrong per se, I was also asked just recently if I could stay a few days more to oversee a new experiment. You don’t mind do you?”

“Of course I don’t mind, dear. I love how passionate you get about new projects. I hope you have fun.” (Y/n) smiled, though something seemed a bit forced about it from Shinobu’s perspective.

“Are you sure? I haven’t committed to it yet.” Shinobu tested.

“I’m sure, really. Why are you giving me that look?”

“What look?”

“The worried, suspicious kind of look.”

“It’s just that you have seemed kind of out of it since we left the animal shelter. You said it was nothing, but I’m not quite sure that’s true.”

“Shinobu, it’s fine, really,” (Y/n) assured as they paid for the meal, “do you want to go on the river walk trail before we head home or...?”

“What I’d really like to do is find out what’s bothering you.” Shinobu grumbled. Nevertheless, she took (Y/n) by the hand and led them down the path.

Plenty of people were out, enjoying the warmth the sun had to offer. Of course that meant a lot of people were out with their dogs as well. Shinobu took to using (Y/n) as a barrier whenever a dog veered too close to her, sniffing them with wagging tails. (Y/n) was all too happy to intercept the furry canines that they came across.

“This path should really be wider...” Shinobu would mumble, tugging (Y/n) along so they wouldn’t dwell for long.

“We’re almost back to the car. You’ll be okay, I’ll protect you.” (Y/n) teased, staring at Shinobu adoringly. Their hand was squeezed tightly while someone with a big St Bernard passed them by, its tail brushed against Shinobu’s thigh, making her shudder.

Shinobu heaved a huge sigh of relief when they got back into the car. As (Y/n) drove, Shinobu rolled down the window to send any little hair she found on her pants flying out on the wind.

“So, today was fun, right?” (Y/n) asked tentatively while taking the last turn to their house.

“Today was, something.” Shinobu shrugged. Yet she smiled sweetly and patted (Y/n)’s leg. “But any day I get to spend with you is a good day.”

“Aww, I love you.”

“I love you too.”

The couple made the safe return to their house and lazed about for the rest of the day. When dinner came around they cooked together, spinning, teasing and brimming with cheer all the while. It was after they had gotten ready for bed and (Y/n) flopped into the covers beside Shinobu that the doctor decided to try her luck again.

“So what was on your mind today?” Shinobu asked while she turned on her side to observe her partner.

“You’re still on that?” (Y/n) poked Shinobu in the ribs, “let it go.”

“No, I want to know what’s wrong. I’m leaving for Kyoto soon and I want to get this all sorted out so it doesn’t fester while we’re apart. No matter how small a matter you think it is, anything that concerns you matters to me.” Shinobu spoke seriously.

(Y/n) was ready to deny Shinobu again up until she loomed above them on the bed with such stern eyes.

“I just miss you, you know. I guess I get kind of lonely when you’re away.” (Y/n) admitted.

“I miss you too. We always find time to text and facetime, that helps doesn’t it?”

“Yes, it does. The house though, it just feels empty without you. Of course I’ve got work to do too, but when I’m done and you’re not around, I just feel kind of sad.”

“You could always invite my sisters over, you all get along so well and Mitsuri and Iguro or any of our other friends and family.” Shinobu suggested, mildly upset with herself for not noticing sooner.

“I have before, but I can’t commandeer everyone’s plans every time you’re gone for an extended period of time. You don’t have to worry though, I find ways to keep myself busy.” (Y/n) said, snuggling deeper into the covers.

“I won’t stay the extra days, I’ll email the professors right now.” Shinobu moved to get out of bed but (Y/n) pushed her back down and held her in place.

“No need for that. I don’t want you to skip out on opportunities to grow your research for me. See, this is why I didn’t want to talk about it.”

“This is why you took me to the animal shelter, isn’t it? So you had something to keep you company whenever I’m away.” Shinobu asked despite already knowing the answer.

“I’ll admit that was kind of the idea. I just wanted to see if anything would catch your eye, but I didn’t keep any unrealistic expectations. I knew you wouldn’t like anything furry. I was kind of hoping to find a hairless cat or something.”

“(Y/n), you should have told me. I would have—“

“You would have settled on something just to make me happy. I wanted to find something we’d both like.” (Y/n) rested their head on the pillow just above Shinobu’s shoulder and nuzzled it with their nose, looping an arm over Shinobu they sighed pleasantly, “It’s really okay. I’d let you know if I thought otherwise. Good night, love you.”

“Love you.” Shinobu smiled, resting her head atop (Y/n)’s.

While (Y/n)’s breathing slowed and they drifted off into unconsciousness, Shinobu was wide awake. She gently drummed her fingers over (Y/n)’s side while she searched her mind for a solution that would leave them both satisfied. Shinobu had raised fish for a time, but you couldn’t really pick them up or interact with them like one would a more traditional pet.

Shinobu slowly scooted to lay upright against the headboard and took her phone off the charger, turning down the brightness a bit when the harsh light hit her eyes. She typed the shelter into her search bar and navigated through the site, trying to imagine herself getting along with any of the animals and failing miserably.

She was about to give up and go to sleep when curiosity got the best of her and she clicked the tag marked ‘miscellaneous’. She hadn’t realized the shelter cared for such unusual animals. Shinobu smiled down at her partner sleeping in oblivious bliss. Maybe this could work out after all.

The next morning, (Y/n) woke up to the smell of breakfast and lazily swiped their arm over the bed, searching in vain for the warmth of a body they knew couldn’t be there. With a tired whine, they resigned themself to getting up and stumbled into the kitchen.

“You’re up early.” (Y/n) yawned before giving Shinobu a quick peck on the cheek. “Something wrong at the pharmacy? The clinic? Leaving for Kyoto early?”

“Must there be something wrong in order for me to get up early?” Shinobu asked. To tell the truth, she hadn’t slept much at all; she was too busy researching to do so.

“No, it’s just that you prefer to sleep in when you don’t have plans.” (Y/n) said, moving to sit on top of the kitchen island.

“Oh, but I do have plans.” Shinobu cryptically corrected, standing between (Y/n)’s legs.

“You do, do you?” (Y/n) smiled, “do these plans involve me at all by chance?”

“In fact, they do.” Shinobu kissed (Y/n) before stepping back a bit to look them in the eyes. “So eat your breakfast and get dressed so we can head out.”

“Head out? Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.”

(Y/n) and Shinobu finished their breakfast, showered and got dressed. Shinobu started up the car and they went off on their way. (Y/n) asked her a few more times for even just a hint but Shinobu simply smirked, holding a finger to her sealed lips.

She couldn’t keep the secret forever however, especially not after (Y/n) realized what road they just turned on.

“Shinobu, what are you doing?”

“Just trust me.”

“I trust you, but what are we doing back at the shelter?”

“Come with me and you’ll see.” Shinobu said, already getting out of the car.

(Y/n) unbuckled their seatbelt and quickly followed behind their partner, wondering just what idea could have gotten into Shinobu’s head. They managed to catch up to her just as she greeted the volunteer working the front desk.

“Good morning, we’re here to see Puppy.”

(Y/n) gave Shinobu a weird look, but the doctor didn’t pay them much mind as the volunteer answered after a moment of confusion flashed in his eyes as well.

“Really? That’s wonderful! Come follow me to the back.” The young man said.

While the couple followed the volunteer to the back of the shelter, (Y/n) tried to figure out how they were going to dissuade Shinobu from picking out a dog just to please them. Shinobu couldn’t even remember to speak properly when thinking about it. I mean, ‘we’re here to see puppy’? Really? Not a puppy or the puppies just, puppy. She was really just going through the motions, wasn’t she?

“She’s right in there. She has her own little set up and everything. Poor thing was surrendered to us after her owner died of old age, but she seems to be adjusting well. Serve her up a nice big platter of salad and she’ll never forget it.” The jolly volunteer disclosed.

The previous owner died, had they? That was so sad. (Y/n) frowned at the thought. The salad comment got to them however. What kind of dog would want a salad of all things?

“May we go in?” Shinobu asked.

“Sure. Let me know if you’ve got any questions. I’ll be back at the desk if you need me.” The helpful man said before making his way back down the hall.

Shinobu wasted no time in gently pulling the door open and taking a step inside, much to (Y/n)’s surprise. Shinobu ducked her head back out and motioned (Y/n) forward with a curl of her finger. (Y/n) was so confused. Shinobu looked genuinely excited to show her this particular puppy. With a slight delay, (Y/n) followed her in and looked for the dog that had somehow managed to win over their Shinobu’s heart. Their eyes roamed around the room for a moment, they blinked, and nearly broke their neck with the force they used to turn their head back to the shape that had caught their eye.

“No way.” They breathed out.

“What do you think?” Shinobu asked, moving to crouch beside the large tortoise.

“That, that’s not a puppy.” (Y/n) stated dumbly, too shocked to say much else.

“Her name is Puppy. She’s a Sulcata, or an African Spurred Tortoise. Cute, isn’t she?” Shinobu softly stroke the tortoise’s head with her finger.

“She’s massive.” (Y/n) blinked. Perhaps they were still sleeping and this was all just a dream.

“Yes, the biography they had on the website said she’s a little over one-hundred-twenty pounds. She shouldn’t grow much more if at all though, she’s well over eighty years old. Your previous caretaker took really good care of you, huh?” Shinobu said, patting Puppy’s carapace as the giant reptile slowly scooted away.

“Eighty years... Shinobu, are you suggesting we adopt this grandma of a turtle?” (Y/n) watched attentively as Puppy scooted across the floor.

“Tortoise, (Y/n). And yes, I am. She may have more years than the two of us combined, but she could very easily live another sixty years with the proper care and attention.”

“Are we even equipped to give her that? I don’t think we could even pick her up? Like, how would we even get her home and where would we put her?”

“If we decide to adopt her, there plenty of ways to safely transport her. We can set up an enclosure in the back yard and let her roam around the house. We’ll have to keep an eye on her of course, but I’ve heard she’s quite well behaved.”

(Y/n) stared at Shinobu with awe. Never would they have thought Shinobu would speak so passionately about such an unusual animal unless it cultivated its own poison or was some kind of insect. They shook their head and smiled.

“You know,” they said, crouching down to stroke Puppy’s scaly leg, “an actual dog would be easier to take care of, relatively speaking.”

“Do you not like the idea?” Shinobu asked.

“Oh no, I was just wondering if we get divorced when we’re like, eighty, who gets Puppy?” (Y/n) laughed and rubbed their arm, Shinobu had punched it a little harder than she had meant to.

They took some time to get to know Puppy, feeding her some leafy greens from her veggie platter and petting her carapace. It didn’t take long for them to become completely enamored with the old gal.

They met up with the man at the front desk again and filled out an adoption form. It would take a couple days to be processed but Puppy was as good as theirs. They quickly made their way back home to continue their research and completed all the preparations to make the house and yard tortoise friendly.

A couple days later, and the adoption went through. The couple was elated and rushed to pick up the new addition of their family and bring her home. It was a bit tricky, but they made it without any complications.

They let Puppy settle in and explore the yard enclosure first before slowly guiding her to the house with collard greens and cabbage. As they sat in the middle of their living room with the foot and a half long tortoise, Shinobu found herself wishing she could just cancel her Kyoto trip altogether.

“This was a terrible idea. Now I never want to leave the house.” She sighed.

“Aww, it’s like Puppy is your baby. Your very old baby.” (Y/n) said, feeding Puppy another leaf.

“We never did discuss if we were going to give her a new name.” Shinobu thought suddenly. “Any thoughts?”

“Nah, I like Puppy. It’s cute. Besides, she’s had that name for almost a century, it doesn’t seem right to change it now.”

“Yeah, I can agree with that sentiment.” Shinobu nodded.

“You just want to tell Kanae we got a puppy and watch her face change as she realizes the truth, don’t you?”

“Perhaps.” Shinobu smiled mischievously.

***

When it came time for Shinobu to leave for Kyoto, she hugged (Y/n) close and kissed them sweetly.

“I’ll miss you.” She softly proclaimed.

“I’ll miss you too. I think Puppy will too.” (Y/n) said, looking down to watch Puppy step up to Shinobu’s foot. Most likely she was looking for a snack.

“I’ll miss you too, sweet girl!” Shinobu hummed, couching down to give Puppy a quick rubdown. “You and (Y/n) take good care of each other while I’m gone, okay?”

Puppy closed her eyes, enjoying the attention Shinobu gave. Shinobu returned to her full height and gave (Y/n) another kiss before grabbing her travel bag and heading for the front door. Before she was fully out of the house, she turned back and smiled at (Y/n).

“I almost forgot to tell you. I texted Kanae about Puppy. Expect her sometime today, she can’t wait to meet her,” Shinobu waved her phone at (Y/n), “try to catch her reaction and send it to me. I really wish I held off on telling her until after I got back.”

“Alright, I’ll see what I can do. Be safe.” (Y/n) waved in return, already well aware of what Shinobu had in mind for her unsuspecting sister.

“I will. I’ll call you tonight. Love you.”

“Love you,” (Y/n) watched Shinobu leave before looking back down at Puppy. “Come on, Puppy. Let’s go outside.”

They led Puppy to the backyard with some cabbage and set her up with some hay and other enrichment materials. It was maybe an hour later when (Y/n) heard movement from inside the house. Instead of panicking, they remembered what Shinobu had said and got their phone ready. Just as they hit record, Kanae slid the back door open and jogged over to (Y/n) with Kanao calmly closing the door behind her. Apparently Kanae had convinced her to tag along.

“I can’t believe you actually convinced her to get a puppy! How did you do it?” Kanae started in on (Y/n) immediately. “Where is the puppy? Shinobu wouldn’t send me any pictures.”

“Well...”

“...That’s not a puppy.”

(Y/n) and Kanae turned to Kanao who was staring down at Puppy as she snapped at some hay. (Y/n) turned their phone back just in time to catch Kanae’s double take and the journey of her expression from disbelief to acceptance.

“I should have known it wasn’t that simple!” She groaned, “(Y/n), what did you two do?”

“We got a sulcata tortoise from the animal shelter. Her name is Puppy,” (Y/n) noticed how mesmerized Kanao was by the reptile and grinned, “she’s really gentle, you can feed her some greens from that bucket if you’d like, Kanao.”

Kanao nodded, taking a big, leafy bok choy and offering it to the tortoise with bright, attentive eyes. The youngest sister did not seem the least bit disappointed by Shinobu’s farce.

“I can’t believe her! I should have seen this coming, Shinobu has detested furry things all her life, but this is like a literal dinosaur!” Kanae sighed and shook her head, “She really got me good.”

A moment later, and the eldest Kochou sibling realized (Y/n) had recorded the whole encounter.

“(Y/n), don’t send that! Don’t give her the satisfaction!” Kanae pouted, reaching for the phone.

“I’m sorry! She asked me to before she left.”

“You don’t need to do all of your partner’s dirty work. Come on, please?”

“Already sent.” (Y/n) said, a sympathetic smile tugged at their lips.

Kanae frowned and narrowed her eyes, reminding (Y/n) heavily of Shinobu. It was a look (Y/n) seldom saw on the usually cheery woman.

“Fine then. I’m going to pet that tortoise now, hopefully she’s more well mannered than her caretakers.” Kanae turned her nose up on (Y/n) and joined Kanao in gently patting Puppy.

(Y/n)’s phone buzzed and they looked down, Shinobu had answered quickly it seemed. A simple, ‘yes!’ with a couple variants of laughing emojis. But another message soon followed reading, ‘When I come back, we’re getting Mitsuri next.’

(Y/n) exhaled an amused sound and prepared themself for Shinobu to come back from her trip. They knew that once she returned, Shinobu would continue to pull the same joke about Puppy to all their friends and family until no one remained unaware.

[beautyiswithinchaos]

Home

*** disclaimer: all new work is here @chaos-is-beautifvl ***

a/n: having a sad day so i decided to write something angsty but sweet to make myself feel better

this is with sojourn!michael because why not? anyway, enjoy my loves!

summary: broken souls can be mended when you find something like home (weird summary, but you get the gist ... well i hope you do)

word count: approx. 1.4K (she’s full of angst but w/ a happy ending)

---

“Y/N! Get over here!”

You let out a sigh, tossing down the dough you had been kneading. You made your way to the front of the restaurant to see your boss standing with the work schedule in his hands.

“Yes, sir?”

“I need you to work the night shift.”

You stared at him blankly. “What do you mean?” You had been the only employee pulling the weight lately, coming in earlier and staying later than usual.

“Angela has to leave early today.” He said, typing something on his computer. “And Bryan is sick.”

“No offense, sir, but I was supposed to be leaving early today since I’ve been staying so late.”

He turned to you, raising an eyebrow, “I thought you were an employee-“

“I am, but-“

He was quick to cut you off, “No buts. As an employee, whenever there’s an issue, you pick up the slack. Now, is there a problem?”

You opened your mouth before closing it in defeat. There was no reason to argue. “No, sir. No problems at all.”

I’m going to quit one of these days, you thought as you headed back to the kitchen.

---

It was near closing time, well, for you, that is. Everyone had left, and you were picking up the slack per usual. You might as well be promoted to manager with how you had been doing.

You were cleaning off the counter when the bell above the door rang. You sighed for the hundredth time that day as you went to pick up your notepad.

You stepped up to their table, pencil in hand, ready to take their order. “What can I get you?”

When the person didn’t answer, you lifted your head and had to hold in your shocked gasp. The man sitting in the booth was beautiful, to say the least. The thing that stood out to you, however, were the prominent purplish eyebags and cuts he sported on his face. His ocean blue eyes were bloodshot eyes and it looked like he had been crying for hours on end. His blonde hair was matted as if it hadn’t been washed in days, if not weeks.

You shook your head, silently berating yourself for staring, “Sir?”

He, too, seemed shaken from his reverie, turning to you with a sullen look. “Anything is fine.”

You nodded before turning on your heel and walking behind the counter. You wanted to ask if he was okay, but you didn’t want to intrude on his personal life.

You fixed him up a burger and fries along with a cup of water. The old woman, who took reservation at the counter, flashed you a smile when you came to pick up her empty plates before handing you a $10 tip for keeping the doors open so late.

Well, at least something good came out of today.

You made your way over to the man and set the food and drink down. Looking around, you took note of the fact you and him were the only people in the diner and sat down across from him.

“Hi.” Your voice was soft as you didn’t want to scare him. He didn’t say anything, eyes still downcast to the glossy tiles on the table.

“Do you want me to leave you alo-?” Before you could finish your question, he spoke.

“No.” His voice was raspy, probably from disuse. You nodded, settling back down in the booth.

“You should eat your food.” You said gently, pushing the plate over to him some.

“I don’t deserve to eat.”

“What do you mean?” You were confused. What happened to make him feel that way?

“My mother hates me, my grandmother killed herself because of me, the only person who cared about me was killed, and my father left me.”

You stared at him in shock. He had said it so… bluntly. You cleared your throat before speaking, “Wow... I’m sorry. I’m sorry that happened to you, but that doesn’t mean you don’t matter or that you should take care of yourself.”

He shrugged measly, body slumped in what looked like complete defeat. He looked so tired, so ready to give up on everything.

You bit your lip, contemplating what you were about to say. When you came to a conclusion, you looked over to him, “Why don’t you finish your food and maybe… only if you want to.” He raised his head, the light gone from his eyes.

“You could come home with me? I can let you take a warm shower. Maybe some comfy clothes? And a bed?”

He didn’t respond, only eyeing the glass of water in front of him. You looked down, shaking your head, “I’m sorry. That was inappropriate. I’ll- uh I’ll leave you alone now.”

“You can stay.”

And after that he didn’t say anything, only slowly eating his food and taking small sips of the water with trembling hands in between.

Once he was finished, you took the plate and cup into the kitchen before walking back out and shutting off the lights.

You came back over with the keys in hand. “Hey, you ready to go?” He nodded, standing up slowly, and that’s when you noticed the torn shirt on his body and the crooked, dirty tie on his neck. You walked him outside, turning to lock up.

On the drive to your apartment, he didn’t say anything, looking out the window with a distant look on his face. He looked so broken, and all you wanted to do was help him.

You dropped your keys for the third time, and a curse left your mouth. Hearing a huff of breath, you looked up to see a very tiny smile on his face.

Once you made it inside, you directed him to the bathroom, telling him that you’d find some spare clothes for him. You had never been happier to have a plethora of oversized shirts and baggy sweats.

The shower had stopped running a while ago, but he had never come out, so you knocked on the door softly. “Is everything okay?”

There was a muffled sound coming from inside. You placed your ear to the door and could hear quiet sniffling. “I’m going to come in, okay?”

Cracking open the door, you took in the sight of him hunched over, sitting on the floor, only wrapped in a towel. His shoulders shook as tears silently rolled down his face. You got on the floor beside him, wrapped your arms around his body, shushing him.

A few minutes had passed, and he had stopped crying. He looked over to you, eyes bloodshot, “Why am I not good enough?”

“You are good enough.” He shook his head, “No. No, I’m not. If I was, no one would leave time and time again.”

There was so much hurt in his voice. You grabbed his hand. “I’m sorry. I truly am. But you are good enough. And I know we just met a couple of hours ago, and I don’t even know your name, but I want to help you, help you not feel so… broken.”

There was silence for a bit before you gave him privacy to change. He came to your room, standing in the doorway. You smiled at him, patting your bed.

“You can sleep here. I’ll be on the couch if you need anything.” When you turned to leave, a hand shot out and grabbed yours. “Don’t leave. I don’t…” He looked down at the floor, “I don’t want to be alone.”

You climbed into bed with him, making sure to leave a good distance in case he didn’t like contact. The sound of the clock on the wall filled the room along with the sounds of a car passing by now and then.

“Michael.”

You turned on your side, facing him, his tired, blue eyes meeting yours. “What?”

“Michael,” he repeated. “That’s my name.”

“Hi, Michael. I’m Y/N.” He cracked a very tiny smile at your introduction. “Thank you.”

“No need to thank me. I just want to make you feel better.”

“I think I’m too broken for that,” he chuckled dryly. His face dropped as he averted his gaze, overcome with sadness.

“Being broken only means you’re not complete yet. All you have to do is find the right pieces.” You placed your hand on top of his under the blanket, “Just because you’re lost doesn’t mean you can’t find your way home.”

Just before he closed his eyes, he muttered under his breath:

“You’re starting to feel like home.”

—

a/n: all done! i just want to give him a hug and tell him everything will be alright 🥺

[insomniac-dot-ink]

Garden Walk

Genre: supernatural horror

Words: 3.7k

Summary: a young woman sees a figure strolling the gardens making an odd sound.

Ko-Fi ⭐Patreon ⭐ WordPress⭐Twitter

Content warning: slight blood and injury

-------------------------

There’s something eating the bees.

You read about the bees disappearing all the time in the papers and on the news every few years in big investigative reports. Usually, it’s all the same alarm and studies about colony collapse and human pesticides and disease spreading rapidly through hives. I know all that and I’m sure it’s real and dangerous and one of the many ways we’re hurting the planet.

But this is different. I know it is, I feel it in my gut and under my skin and throughout my nerves with this itchy burn.

I like to go to the library on my days off. I work in a Bath and Body works shop so my hours are pretty random and my days off vary from week to week.

Still, I usually managed to make time once a week to hop downtown and go to the Fairfield Public library. I either walked when it was nice out or took the bus or Georgia used to drive me when we were together.

I went a lot more often that spring. I was in the process of getting over a nasty breakup and it was hard to be alone in my apartment. After you live with someone for so many years being alone in your own home can feel almost… like a punishment. You have to kill your own spiders in the corner and unclog your own drains and feed yourself old Mac and Cheese with no one to really care.

It was a difficult breakup to say the least and left this ache in my chest that I couldn’t get rid of, but managed to ignore most days. Distractions helped, so I went to the library.

Fairfield Public Library is this massive place that they renovated a couple years ago with new wings and a fresh paint job and better air conditioning. The bathrooms still had weak hand dryers and there was never enough chairs, but they did install some gorgeous immense windows in the central seating area. They’re ceiling-to-floor panels that let in gallons of sunshine that soak the floor and give the whole plan an almost enchanted feel. Some days I would just go in and walk beside them for long minutes with my hand trailing in the light.

The windows weren’t my favorite part of the library though. The inside still smelled a little dry and musty and they kept the temperature too cold for my liking. My favorite part of the library were the gardens outside.

There was a river that ran behind the library and a good acre of land spanning from the back of the building up to the edge of the water. In between the two was a complex public garden. Macy Dickson was one of the librarians and she would talk my ear off about how they used native Iowa plants and local plant fertilizer and set-up hummingbird feeders and plants that ladybugs liked.

I nodded along, but I wasn’t exactly an outdoors kind of person in the way Georgia had been. Most plants looked the same to me, and I was prone to stepping in poison ivy and itching for weeks and accidentally pissing off local Canadian geese and being chased.

These gardens were friendly though, easy. The bushes were low to the ground and the plots held sturdy herbs and a few flowers popping up depending on the time of year. A path wound in and out of red oak trees and honeysuckles and bird feeders until it made its way to a rock garden with stone benches facing it. I would take a deep breathe there, sit, and attempt to feel whatever it is you’re supposed to feel when you’re outside surrounded by tweeting birds and wildlife sounds. I was never very good at being calmed by ocean noises or wind in the trees or anything like that, but to be fair I was never really calmed by anything. I had nervous habits like washing my hands too much and picking at my skin and applying hand sanitizer every few hours like clockwork. 

Maybe those were all the things Georgia couldn’t stand. I didn’t know.

Either way, sometimes that long walk out by the red trees and shrubbery did me good.

It was on a Wednesday in the middle of the week and the dreary weather had broken out into warm air and thin blue skies, I finally got to wear my strappy sandals again and walked all the way to the library. I was going through a reading period that my therapist might classify as “regression.”

One day I had been crying in the nonfiction aisle next to a true crime series and the next moment I found myself inching to the kids section. I crept into the bright wing as if in a sleep-walk and looked over the colorful covers of dragons and a boy and his dog and kids running from spooky shadows and little witches and I picked up a handful of kids chapter books.

I started reading all the books of my youth: Anne of Green Gables, Little House on the Prairie, Nancy Drew, and Hardy Boys.

I read through them like you shake an old friend’s hand and there was something comforting about the non-threatening stories and consuming words of my youth. Of course, being a grown woman who was almost thirty reading children’s books… didn’t make me feel great.

I dashed into the kids section of the library that Wednesday and picked out two stories: Ella Enchanted and the Princess Academy. There was something so sweet and feminine about the titles that had me swiping them up and carrying them off like a burglar in the night.

I visited the nonfiction section next and picked out a book called “The Knife Man” about historical surgeries and went on my way. I had been padding my check-outs with serious books so the librarians wouldn’t give me funny looks.

In all honesty, the librarians and patrons and everyone I passed probably didn’t care in the least. But I was a nervous person. And sometimes my brain played tricks on me and told me that everyone was staring or thinking thoughts about me and noticing everything I did.

I didn’t make eye contact with librarian as she checked-out my “princess” texts and I slipped outside to the gardens to read in private. I may not have found solace in nature per say, but I did find solace in being alone there. I wondered up the white gravel path past the daffodils and beds of sage.

I sighed into the sweet air and turned to go to my favorite bench with a chunk missing from one of the arms. And then I froze. There were three teens loitering at my bench and they were all on their phones and sometimes glancing up at me.

I clutched my books a little tighter and, as if attached to a string, turned fluidly away from my usual bench and walked up toward the river. I didn’t know where I was going, but I just didn’t want to seem like I was lost or put-off by the teens.

Teens were the worst. They always looked like they knew things and were always exchanging whispers and furtive glances- none of which helped my state of mind. I did feel silly, being scared away like that, but the river was full and glittering and it almost felt worth it.

It took me a second but I found a large stone to sit on and got out of one of my books. I told myself this was better and it was good to switch things up. The afternoon passed in slow honeyed hours as I ate up one book after the next in a way that finally let my nerves rest. I could get lost there, forever, in those other worlds.

I only stopped when I noticed that the sun had gotten low on the horizon and the shadows were winding and long, and I realized I was very hungry.

I dusted myself off, stretched my stiff legs and arms, and turned back toward the library and the gardens. That’s when I saw him.

“Him” is the wrong word, but so is every other word for it. 

He stood on the path several feet away with the sun at his back. The path runs right beside the river and the area is usually empty since it’s at the very back of the garden and tends to accumulate trash like empty soda cans, lost plastic bags, and coffee cups and is not as pretty.

It was just me and the tall figure.

He was skinny, and gaunt and I squinted at him for a moment because he seemed even taller than my father who was 6’4. The figure wore a long jacket despite the nice weather and had a wide-brimmed hat that made his face disappear entirely. It was the type of hat you might see on farmers or adventures, beige and stiff and there was a loose string hanging beneath the chin. He had long, tangled brown hair that fell past his shoulders and hung lankly by his face in greasy clumps.

The fellow was slowly ambling forward, taking loud thunking steps down the path with these hulking dirty boots that were even larger than the rest of him. Something about him unnerved me deeply. He was too tall and he moved too slowly, too clunkily, as if he was gradually moving some great weight. I would even say he was limping, but there were no visible signs he was actually staggering or missing a beat. It was just off.

He wore gloves and I couldn’t see an inch of his skin.

My shoulders rose like the haunches of a cat as I realized he was moving closer and I quickly turned to leave. I heard it as I was striding back toward the building: whistling.

A noisy and bombastic whistling that drilled through me into my core and left a smear there. It was an un-melodic messy tune I couldn’t place. I picked up speed and nearly fell all the way back to the nearest parking lot and other people.

At the time I didn’t know why I thought “other people,” because the man was obviously just someone out on a stroll. But I thought it all the same.

-----------------

I was able to put the man out of my head for a good while. Our stores general manager position opened up and I was up for consideration, though I’m not sure I really wanted it. I was busy taking on extra hours and making sure my cashiers and floors people actually showed up for their shifts and lady’s in floral dresses didn’t make my workers regret showing up.

That sort of thing.

It must have been a month into proper spring when I finally returned. I got a day to myself and my apartment still didn’t feel welcoming or soft. It was always missing something and the ache was just as hungry as before.

I thought about her often. I wondered if Georgia was still making her famous quiche and bragging about her latest road trip she had planned but would probably never take and coloring her toenails a brilliant red color. I had hated the chemical smell of that nail polish during her weekly retouch, but now I missed it in a way you miss snowstorms in the lean months of summer. The hole in my chest gnawed at me and I entered the library and collected three titles: The Girl Who Swallowed the Moon, Julie of the Wolves, and a medical text detailing the history of malaria.

My eyes darted around to check that no one thought this was weird and then I slipped outside so I could breathe properly. I found my usual bench unoccupied and took a seat.

I ate the books up like a hot meal at your family’s house and was even smiling into the glaring sunlight when a whistling came. It was noisy and tuneless and entered my head space like a sharp thorn.

I jerked my head up and looked left and right to find a tall man with a long jacket and dirty lank brown hair standing in the gardens. 

My mouth became very dry and the light was slanting in just the right way so that I could see his face this time. He was wearing these thick, black sunglasses and had a haggered look and very stiff expression.

The worst part about him beside the hellish whistling though was the faint color of his skin. I had seen it in medical texts. Ever since I was a little girl I had a fascination with illness and germs: I hated them, reviled them, detested stink and mess and the idea of tiny creatures that could wiggle inside me unnoticed and change my body in ways I couldn’t control.

But something drew me to stare at pictures of illness over and over again as if maybe looking alone could protect me. That if I read enough about smallpox and studied enough pictures of dengue fever that I could break their power over me.

I’m not sure if it ever worked, but I had one thought as I stared at the man and his yellowing frayed complexion: jaundice. It was the exact same off-yellow complexion that no healthy human being sports. 

I scooted to the edge of my bench in order to get up and quickly hurry along, but the figure stopped in place. He was still out of reach and I had time to leave, but somehow I couldn’t tear my eyes away, in the same way I couldn’t look away from bubonic plague depictions.

He was standing by this wooden lattice work that held vines working their way toward the sun. He was humming his same terrible song and looking down.

I didn’t notice the bee until he put his hand out and the fat yellow creature was scooped into his palm. I didn’t usually notice the bees flying around with their complex paths and busy work that filled them with this determination to be on their way. I liked bees in that way, not just in the “helps the planet” way but how they always looked like they were on a mission.

Me and the man stood there and stared at the fuzzy yellow creature for what must have been a whole minute.

And then the man’s jaw dropped open and he crushed the tiny bee into his mouth and swallowed. I say “dropped” because his jaw shouldn’t have opened like that and it shouldn’t have closed like that either.

It was far too wide, his cheeks too concave, the skin too thin, and there was something crooked about the angle- as if the jaw wasn’t connected in a solid way. He had just gaped open his mouth into a black hole and ate the bee.

My heart squeezed painfully in my chest and eyes went huge. His head slowly tilted up as if to look at me and I didn’t stick around for him to really stare. I turned and fled down the path and as far away as I could possibly get.

I tried reporting it to library security and told the guard some man was eating things he shouldn’t outside, but the statements were dismissed and I could tell were not going to be followed up on it. I went home with that same eerie droning whistle playing in my head.

I had seen something eating the bees.

----------------

I tried to be rational.

It took several days, but I eventually smoothed out the jitters and settled into a type of shame-faced guilt. I wished I could have talked the events through with Georgia, but we had agreed on a “no communication” policy for the first few months. 

I decided it was just another case of my nervousness and over imagination messing things up. The man at the library was obviously a very sick person who needed help. He was eating bees from a garden after all and his skin was an unnatural yellow. I kept replaying in my head how a “proper” adult would have handled the situation: how I should have went over to gently talk to him or called some sort of hospital.

I gave myself a good talking-to and two weeks later I resolved to visit the library again. It was one of my favorite places and I figured if I saw him again I would try to reach out or get one of the staff to intervene.

It was a proper weekend for once and after I got my three books I went outside and my normal bench was taken by a family. I edged away, shuffling past the wild ginger and squirrels high in a tree and the disturbed rock garden and up the hill to the river.

The path by the river was empty and sunny until I reached the water itself. The figure was there. He was turned away, low to the ground, and facing the plants.

I gulped with great effort and any thought of trying to do the “right” thing went out of my head as I heard the horrible whistling tune once more. He was kneeling next to a Goatsbeard bush, Goatsbeard is a wide thick plant that holds several long white plumes of tiny flower heads.

His gloved hand was hovering over a resting bee on one of the white flowers.

It struck me at that instant that I knew what was about to happen and I really really didn’t want it to. The thought of his thing opening it’s gaping mouth and swallowing that bee was too much for me and prospect of watching it happen again was even worse.

I didn’t think. I just acted.

“Sir!” I used my voice even though it sounded too loud and too forceful in the still air and the quiet whistling still shivered through my spine. “You don’t have to do that. Sir!”

He ignored me and brought his face closer to the insect. My books dropped from my hands to the path. I was running, my hand out and heart pounding as he had scooped up the bee and I couldn’t stand it. It’s bright yellow body was stark against his brown glove and he held it in place as his lips started to part.

“Stop.” I must have stumbled because I lurched forward and fell toward him. I caught myself with the toe of my shoe, but my fingers brushed against his cheek. I’ll never forget the way his skin felt.

My fingers just barely touched the flesh. It was hard though, like cement or marble, there was no give and was cool to the touch. Most of all it was bumpy, bump after bump of puckered skin like running your hand over a warped building wall or a terrible pustule-ridden rash.

The sensation of the bumpy skin was just for moment before one of his enormous hands darted up with quick efficiency and took my wrist in a hard grip. I gasped and he stood up to his full impressive height and grinned.

It wasn’t a grin with his teeth and I still couldn’t see his eyes behind his dark black glasses, but that smile was all I needed to confirm the worst. “Mmph!” I yelped, but not very loudly. I was never very good at yelling, even when I was a child and found a dead raccoon in the backyard or needed to shout at my dad when to turn on the road.

It just yelped once and then stared in rapt terror as my stomach dropped and whole world compounded into that second.

My hand looked tiny in his and the whistling hadn’t stopped. I was close enough at that point that I belatedly realized there was no way he could have been using his mouth to make that noise.

His mouth opened ever so slightly and the sound erupted from inside him and it wasn’t whistling. His thin yellow lips peeled back to reveal rows of sharp teeth, but not blunt teeth or canines or incisors. They were all sharp white shards- like that of broken glass or pieces of bleached wood chips.

They were all slightly different sizes, thin and long and coming into narrow points that hurt just to look at. As he opened his jaw in that unhinged crooked way I heard the sound clearly: a buzzing coming from within him. An unmistakable, low buzz that you hear from TV static. And bees.

It seemed to surge from somewhere deep inside him like a nest of tangled angry sound flooding from his core. It had a frantic quality. Like it was trying to escape.

The waves of humming grew louder and louder as his mouth expanded and I barely registered as he brought my hand up. I broke out of my stupor at the sight of his needle teeth leering toward my skin and tried to pull back with all of my force. I furiously kicked him in the shin, but he didn’t so much as flinch and my toe stung from contact with that same unyielding hard flesh.

He held my wrist firm and his face drew closer and closer with those those same slow deliberate movements. The points of his teeth delicately dug into my fingertips, the ones that had touched him, and a bright spike of pain crashed over me. I think I finally managed to scream.

It was a sticky blur as I lost those fingertips. I do remember the blood running down his yellow chin and spilling down his neck in a steady trickle.

I fell to the ground in shock and my next memories were waking up in a hospital with bandages over the middle and pointer fingers of my right hand. The pad of each was gone.

I shook violently and called Georgia without hesitation. She came right away and drove me home in silence, not forcing me to talk or bring up the future police reports and descriptions I might have to give. We might even be friends again after that first week, I’m not sure.

The police investigated but found no man with that description by the library. The only evidence I had was that the librarians had records of less and less bees visiting their gardens recently.

But nothing more.

I think I’m moving out of Fairfield soon. I think I’ll move somewhere with less gardens and more cement and people everywhere and get a roommate and big dog and start renting my books from online.

There is something eating the bees.

--------------

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[divagonzo]

Quarantine (Romione, One-shot)

Ao3 // FF.net (will post them there tomorrow but Tumblr gets the first crack tonight)

A/N: I’d intended to have this posted last week but RL got in the way and so much fell onto my plate as “back-up daughter” to friends who are out of state for their elderly parents. What little time I had was claimed by so many other things too. I know there is a Princess somewhere mad that RL interfered in my life once again. One of these years my life will be only dramatic in the stories I write. Alas.

Rated M (so much smutty goodness in this one!) for Lemons, Limes, Citrus galore. Not Ace Safe in the least (This means you @headcanonsandmore​)

TW: Mentions of current British events involving a towheaded cockwomble and his deputy. Tagging @hillnerd​ and @abradystrix​ just ‘cause.

Give me my demarcation line darn it!

“I swear to Merlin that I am going to strangle that sod,” Hermione growled before putting the two-way mirror down in her office. “That cockwomble!”

“Love?” Ron poked his head in, wondering what got Hermione into a bit of lather this morning from her noon call with the Muggle PM.

Hermione took off her reading glasses and rubbed the heels of her hands into her eyes, wondering how much more cocked up the world was going to be in the interim.

“What’s happened, dear?” Ron stood at the doorway, wondering too what was going on. “I heard you cursing. Did you speak with that tosser of a PM?”

“I did,” She hissed. “Do you remember that boring ministry dinner we attended last weekend? The one where I was seated across from the PM and his partner, talking boring politics while you tried to keep from complaining about the rubbish chicken they served for the main course?”

“Of course. Who could forget that Merlin awful chicken that even you could cook a better one than what was presented to us? Who did they get to cater it, Malfoy?”

“You’d think, right? Anyway, it seems the PM has gone and contracted some virus, one that appears to be worse than the flu for some people. Unfortunately, now, since we were within close contact with the bastard,” 

“Please don’t tell me.”

“We’re quarantined for a fortnight because that sod insisted on shaking everyone’s hand when they arrived, including yours.”

“Shite.”

“Yeah. That’s what I thought too. At least the kids were off at school.”

“That – “ Hermione tuned out for Ron’s caustic rant about the current PM who seemed to have less brains than Flint seems to possess. “I can’t believe he did that.”

“So we have to be home, inside, for 2 weeks. We can’t even go out shopping for groceries, you to work, anything.”

“That’s fucked up.”

“I know. Fortunately, we’ve not been to see your parents since we met with the PM.”

“And your parents?”

“I’ve only talked with them on the phone. I’ve not been by there in 2 weeks.”

“Harry & Ginny. I mean she is at home with a toddler and Harry’s been working on a case for weeks now with his group. I had a meeting with him last week to discuss training for the new class coming in.”

“Then we need to tell him and others and let them decide.”

“Bugger. How bad is this virus?”

“From what he said, most people get a little sick but it’s not a big deal. The problem is that for one in five, it’s serious enough for a visit to the A&E. From what he said also, there’s about 1 in 20 that need critical care.” Hermione sat back in her leather office chair, sighing. “I need to contact St. Mungo’s and let them know to prepare for this. I think I also need to share this with the Wizarding population, too, so they can take care of themselves too.”

“That bad?”

“You know how I talk about history entirely too much?”

Ron grinned, thinking about how often Hermione would pick up a tome for a bit of light reading. “Of course I do. Last year you were reading something on the Dark Ages. Seemed quite bad.”

“Oh, it was. It was how a plague back in the 14th century and how it decimated the European population.”

“Sounds grim.”

“It was. There are articles by historians that the plague killed between 25 and 50 per cent of the population of Europe. Only a few places were reasonably immune to it.”

Ron frowned. “Please tell me it won’t be that bad for us.”

“It won’t. We have better medicines and potions to take now unlike back then. We have a level of hygiene now that makes the transmission less likely.”

Ron said, “You mean how we take a bath or a shower daily?”

“That and always washing hands when coming out of the loo.”

“Who wouldn’t? That’s gross.”

Hermione grimaced. “You know there are plenty of men who don’t wash their hands.”

“True and they’re disgusting.”

“Anyway, we’re going to be home awhile.”

“We’ll need some groceries to tide us over.”

“I’ll firecall Neville and let him know to keep the kids at Hogwarts until this passes for us.”

“Good idea. Looks like we’re going to break out that industrial-sized Mirror you got for me when I was laid up on bed rest with the kids.”

“I’ll go get it and put it up in here for you.” Ron stopped. “So if you’re infected, then I am too, right?”

Hermione smiled, thinking of a delightful Sunday lie-in they had last weekend. “Yes, you would be.”

“Well since I’m on the same broom you are, it’s not like you have to sleep on the couch or anything.”

“No, neither of us has to sleep on the couch.” Hermione stood up from her leather office chair and went to the doorway, pushing her husband gently into the doorframe. With a glance, she ran her fingers through the fringe and his hair, appreciating the softness of the hair on his head. “And no illness will keep me from doing this,” She stood on her tiptoes to gently kiss him. 

Ron reached for her hips and pulled her body flush to his own. “Keep that up and we won’t get any work done this afternoon.” 

Hermione kissed him on the nose before pulling his head forward, resting her forehead on his. “And once again, you’re right. I did say I needed to do a couple of things before this evening.” She sighed. “But I would enjoy dessert tonight.” Her smile turned wicked. “I think we would both appreciate some quality stress relief.”

Ron pulled her close again, snogging her breathless. “I’ll hold you to it.” He hugged her tight, pressing his nose into her hair. “I’ll go get the mirror out of storage and set it up. Then I’ll firecall everyone to warn them off, including Harry and Ginny.”

“I admit this is going to be, well, interesting.”

Ron erupted in a cheeky grin. “Remember the last time we had a fortnight to ourselves?”

“You mean that little cottage in the French Alps at Mont Fort? That was quite nice of Fleur’s parents to rent it out for us for that holiday.” Hermione smiled thinking of that particular Holiday. “The Muggles only saw one hut out there in the middle of nowhere but didn’t see the Wizarding village down the side of the mountain. I don’t know of any Holiday we’ve ever taken that was better than the one there.”

“You certainly weren’t complaining that we were snowed in that week and slept in front of the fireplace every night to stay warm.” Ron ran his hands along her face. “And to think, nine months later Rose came along.”

Hermione snuggled into his chest. “So you’re hoping for that again, aren’t you?”

“That’s up to you, love. While I would never turn down another child, it’s not my decision, is it?”

“Maybe I wouldn’t be on bed rest for months if I was again?”

“You weren’t with Hugo.”

“We’ll see what happens,” Hermione stood on her toes and kissed Ron again. “But first, we have to take care of the business stuff.”

Ron kissed Hermione on the nose. “I’ll get your mirror up in a moment, right after I talk with Mum and Dad.”

Ron left Hermione in her office while she considered how she was going to do her job to her standards while stuck at home for a fortnight.

Demarcation line for the win!

Ron finished with the last dish in the sink after their dinner of cottage pie and salad. The grocery budget shrunk back down to a reasonable amount once the kids went back to Hogwarts after Winter Hols. He didn’t mind since the kids had everything he lacked growing up, with enough food to feed a small army every meal for them and provided them treats from time to time as well. But the household budget would strain slightly with two teenagers eating their weight daily. How his parents managed all the kids on his Dad’s meagre salary he’d never understand except to respect his Mum and her skills.

Two small yet strong arms wrapped around his midsection, hugging her front to his back. “I’m so glad you’re home with me. I’d go completely mental if I had to spend two weeks away from you during this barmy time.”

Ron pulled Hermione to him, lifting her onto the ledge of the counter. The kids never noticed that the counters were the perfect height for him and a little tall for Hermione. She didn’t mind, not when they were still young and working too hard and grabbed a shag whenever they could manage it those early days of owning their cottage. Tonight, though, they had plenty of time on their hands. His hands went to her thighs, rubbing his calloused hands up and down her smooth skin. “I’d have walked into our quarantine to keep you company during this time. Might I remind you that our vows said In Sickness and in Health? I think this qualifies as in sickness.”

“It’s not like I even feel off. Maybe it’s that cockwomble of a PM who is an idiot.”

Ron opened her pyjama top, exposing her chest to him. It was almost 25 years after the fact and even with all of the changes to her body from having kids, the curse scar along with the gold galleon burns along her chest never faded. They’d healed up well enough but those early days, when he was still learning every square inch of her body, he’d kiss each scar, each burn spot, each memento of a moment when her bravery cost something, some bit of pain in their lives. “Fucking gorgeous,” he growled. “Damn gorgeous.”

“You’re barking,” she smiled as she worked at lifting the tee shirt up his torso, leaving small kisses on various freckles on his body. He finished the job, tossing the shirt behind him so she could appreciate his body. While he wasn’t out running with the kids daily now since his ankle ached a bit from time to time, he wasn’t a gangly teenager like he was at 14. He’d filled out some and put on some muscle on his shoulders and back which Hermione never failed to appreciate. “Deep in thought?” she asked.

Ron looked back at his wife and saw her smirk. “Yeah, just wish I’d been able to tell 14-year-old me to quit being such a tosser and that he’d eventually get the girl of his dreams.”

“You’d already had me but I had to learn to appreciate you,” She worked her hands down his lean torso, settling them on the tops of his hips. “How could I have been so stupid to not realize that you express love to people by giving your time and affection in doing things for people. Once I figured you out, I realized you’d been telling me for years how much you loved me. Once I realized that I was being selfish in thinking you had to express affection the way that I understood you so much more.” She pulled his hips close, feeling his sleep trousers straining the front. “I’m glad I pulled my thumb out.” She grinned at him before shrugging out of her top, leaving her in her skin. “And I’m glad that you put something special in.”

Ron laughed but dropped his sleep trousers, leaving him in his skin. “You mean like you want right now?” he stepped between her knee and then pulled her hips forward to the edge of the countertop.  

She pulled on the back of his head down for a tempestuous kiss, feeling his excitement poking her thighs. Releasing his lips for a moment, she breathed, “here or somewhere else?”

Ron lifted his hands from the sides of her hips to her breasts, feeling the tips harden under his fingertips. “Oh we’re staying here,” He cheeked before kneeling before her. “I want dessert first.”

Hermione leaned back on the counter, holding onto the edge while Ron feasted on her tender flesh, giving her so much pleasure and joy that if she could cry, she would. Instead, she let go, embracing the vulnerability she could express with her husband. Ron was the only one on the planet who could quiet the racing raging thoughts in her head, slow down the near-constant anxiety that she had to always be the best at everything, and temper her sharp edges that so many others presumed about her.

A shudder rippled through her body followed by the frisson that she gladly welcomed, all given freely by her wonderful husband. She reached out and found the soft ginger hairs on his head and ran her fingers through them, appreciating the solid feeling under her fingertips while he used his to make her groan in ecstasy. 

Another rush of pleasure coursed through each nerve in her body, leaving her quivering in the abundance of sensory overload. She would never tell anyone besides Ron but what he did for her before they had sex was her favourite part. Everything he brought to their intimate moments only magnified how much she adored him.

Two hands reached up her body to tease her breasts, pinching the tips under his well-practised fingers. 

“Oh God,” She moaned and felt the jolt of pleasure erupt from her core, spreading out to her fingertips and toes. 

When she could open her eyes, Ron was standing in front of her, patiently waiting for her approval. She nodded once, having lost the capability to speak anything coherent some time ago, and felt the pleasure of having his cock inside her.

“Shit, this is fucking amazing,” he kept still for a moment to make sure she was ready. Twenty plus years of making love to this wonderful man – and the shagging and, as crudely as it was factual, the fucking – she never grew tired of it. Like the loaves of bread he made for Sunday lunch for the family, he never let it grow stale or trite.

Hermione reached up to hold onto his shoulders, to have any kind of leverage while he continued to make love to her. While he might have popped off in a minute when they were much, much younger, he had stamina now to last long enough to make her satiated. Who knew that she could feel that much from a shared intimacy with this amazing man she called her husband?

“Yes, right there, feels amazing,” she praised him for every second she could articulate. Her husband thrived on being praised and told how well he was treating her. It took too many rows after they finally pulled their collective thumbs out - and some tears on her part - to realize what he needed to flourish. 

“Gonna fuck you hard, Hermione, going to make you walk like a bloody bowtruckle for a week when I’m done with you,” he’d cheek back.

“Yes, please do, yes” each moment he spent driving her spare, with his hands, his manhood, his mouth, anything he could use to afford her pleasure and joy. “It’s not like anyone is going to notice us, right?”

“No one’s going to interrupt. I’ve locked the door, the Floo, and put us under a Fidelius Charm. 

Ron kept going, eventually pulling her hips forward and resting her legs on her chest and her feet on his shoulders. Hermione pressed her heels into his collarbone, changing the angle he fucked her. “Yes, right there, keep going,” her praise for him only grew more incoherent, more broken as he nattered on, offering filthy comments in response to her. He understood her best of all. He was the only one who got to see her vulnerable, this candid for him. 

A sheen of sweat covered both of them, rattling the cabinets and drawers underneath them. Noises echoed in the kitchen into the parlour along with the occasional groan of wood underneath Hermione’s arse. The slap of wet skin against wet skin echoed along with the growing cacophony into the cottage.

“Hermione,” Ron’s voice rumbled.

“Whenever you are,” she replied. 

Ron continued for another dozen strokes, fighting like mad to hold on. He looked down at his wife and saw her tits jiggling on her breasts while one hand had slid down her slick body to where they were joined, pressing her fingertips into the crevice where her bundle of nerves was, rubbing in tight little circles.

“Oh fuck,” he growled before exploding. He pulled her hips flush to his, feeling her clenching around his length. 

She groaned like the long-departed ghoul in his childhood attic, imitating a banshee with a bad cold. She shivered, not stopping even after he’d quit thrusting into her welcoming body. He pulled back, gasping for breath and stretching his back. She continued to quiver from all of the sensory overload while he hid the smug grin on his face from making her behave in such a wanton fashion. 

Seconds which felt like minutes later, Ron pulled Hermione from the edge of the countertop, lifting her onto his shoulders and carried her to their couch. She scrambled off with him plopping down first followed by her cuddling into his side. She scratched the soft ginger hairs on his chest while he caught his breath.

“We get two weeks like this,” said to the top of his wife’s head. “I never expected to have daily shags ever again, not after that first summer.”

Hermione looked up and smiled before resting her head back on his chest and crossing her knee over his thighs. “I guess we should take advantage of it before everything goes pear-shaped again.”

“Would you say it’s fortunate that we got this earlier than later than everyone else?”

“Honestly? I’d rather get it and get it over with and get back to work helping the rest of our country survive this disaster.”

“Disaster?” Ron rubbed her back, feeling the hairs standing up under his fingertips. “You mean that walking fuckstrumpet of a Prime Minister for the Muggles?”

“If I thought that the populace was manipulated into voting for that sod, I’d open an inquiry. But I don’t trust the Muggles and their discernment of the propaganda that passes for the media now.”

“You’ve never trusted the media, Hermione, not after that bint Skeeter defamed you repeatedly when we were younger.”

“I recall you being shirty too after she went after our kids that one time at the Quidditch World Cup back in 2014. Good thing Ginny gave her what for on Harry’s behalf.”

Ron wrapped his arms around Hermione’s shoulders, pulling her more onto his still heaving chest. 

A soft continuous thumping on the window made them turn their heads. Sure enough, it was raining but also an oversized Barn Owl was on the railing, tapping with his beak in the utter darkness.

“Merlin, can’t even enjoy the moment,” Hermione growled before getting up from Ron’s comforting embrace to stroll to the window and open it, bringing in the very wet owl inside. “I must answer this immediately, isn’t it?” she asked the owl who hooted softly. “Bugger, OK. There are rashers on the countertop for you. I’ll send this back straightaway.”

Hermione saw the MoM seal on the outside of the parchment and cracked it with a fingernail, watching the three feet unroll. She scanned the document before her eyes grew as large as tea saucers then read it again.

Ron sat up on the couch, watching his wife standing only in her skin by the window, the fireplace behind her lush arse highlighting it and silently making him drool, yet she had not a care in the world who might see her form, already engrossed in what had been sent to her.  “That bad, love?”

Hermione turned her face back to Ron and saw the thunderheads rolling across her face. “That bloody PM didn’t bother to listen to the Muggle doctors and is being admitted to the hospital tonight. The sod has left that other tosser - “

“He’s the bloke that looks like he was used for quaffle target practice, right?”

“That’s the one.” She took a deep breath. “That means I’m now the Shadow Minister, temporarily. The real Shadow Minister is also under quarantine.”

“But so are we, right?”

Hermione’s smile erupted. “Nothing like a bubblehead charm to go into work, which I, unfortunately, must do for an hour early tomorrow morning. That Ruddy idiot wants to talk about the state of the Ministry before going forward at 7 am.”

Ron stood up from the couch, looking fanciable and fit in his skin. Four strides and he was next to her, swallowing her up in an enormous hug. “I guess that means we need to get to bed so you can sleep, right?”

Hermione looked up at Ron, his beard shining like gold in the amber lights of the fire in the locked fireplace. “Eventually, love. I would prefer round two.”

Ron turned, pulling her with him as he walked back to their bedroom. “Round two, huh?”

“I need to work this stress off and you’re the medicine I need tonight.”

[lacrossecouponing-blog]

Giving Back to the Community – A Couponers Super Power

So far, this blog has discussed the basics of couponing, rewards and rebates and organizing your stockpile. This week, I am going to discuss the most important part about being a couponer: giving back. As a couponer, you will inevitably obtain excess items that you don’t actually need! The best way to maintain a manageable stockpile is to give away excess items to those in need! In this weeks blog, I will talk about my recommendations for who to donate your items to, and the top 5 reasons why you should give back.

Everybody has their reasons for couponing. Some people, like me, coupon as a hobby. Of course, it helps when you’re on a college student’s budget, but for me, it continues to be for fun. Whatever your reason for wanting to save money, it’s always important to give back when and where you can. That said, I hold no judgement towards anybody who can’t give back. 

Over the past few months, I’ve donated countless bottles of shampoo, conditioner, body wash, laundry detergent, feminine products, deodorant, toothpaste, toothbrushes and more. This wouldn’t have been possible without couponing. As a college student, I’m on an extremely strict budget. However, through couponing, I am able to give back! Now I’m not saying this because I’m trying to brag or tell you that I’m an awesome person. That’s not the point. The point is that I want you all the take inspiration and understand that couponing can make a real change. And better yet, anybody can do it!

One more thing. If you aren’t able to donate money or items, you can always donate your time. Time is one of our most valuable resources. To some, donating time is far more valuable than donating money. You can always make more money, but you can’t make more time. 

Let’s talk about some very deserving causes in the La Crosse area that you should consider donating your time or items to!

1. Coulee Region Humane Society

I’ve volunteered at the Coulee Region Humane Society since I was in high school. Founded in 1971, the Coulee Region Humane society will “accept all animals from young to old, healthy to sick, friendly to aggressive, small to large, etc., allowing every animal a safe refuge regardless of its circumstance.” It’s an awesome organization that takes care of homeless dogs, cats, birds, Guinea pigs, and everything in between! Fun fact, one time the CRHS had a mini pot-bellied pig up for adoption! They’re always looking for volunteers who love animals! It’s a very relaxed environment with flexible scheduling. Typically, I volunteer once per week for two hours. 

My responsibilities consist of playing with animals, tidying up their cages and doing laundry. Although playing with animals sounds like such an easy task, it’s so incredibly important. Many animals who come to the CRHS are scared and/or under-socialized. This makes them far less attractive to adopters than those who are confident and playful. Over time, with enough patience and awesome volunteers, the animals regain their confidence and get adopted in no time!

I also hold a soft spot for the CRHS because it’s where I adopted my two cats, Neenah and Norah. 

Norah ^

Neenah ^

I love to give the CRHS items from couponing, particularly, laundry detergent. We can always find great deals on laundry detergent, so donate away! The Coulee Region Humane Society does an average of 40 loads of laundry per day! That’s because they have to wash heavy blankets, dog pads, wash cloths, hand towels and bath towels! It’s important for each animal to have fresh laundry so they stay healthy! 

Click here for the Coulee Region Humane Society’s wish list. 

Donations can be dropped off at 911 Critter Court, Onalaska WI. While you’re there, don’t be afraid to go look at the animals up for adoption! 

Side note - be sure to like my Instagram post that’s going up on Wednesday, June 13th! For every like I receive I will be donating a bottle of laundry detergent to the Coulee Region Humane Society. 

2. New Horizons

New Horizons is a women’s shelter and resource center for those who have suffered from abuse. Many women must escape dangerous situations at a moment’s notice, and some have children and pets to take care of too. That said, many must completely start over without any clothes or cleaning supplies or food. That’s why it’s so important for New Horions to always be stocked with plenty of essentials. 

Even if a Domestic Abuse Survivor isn’t a resident at New Horizons, they are still welcome to visit the Boutique and Food Room to pick up necessary items free of charge. Giving back to New Horizons directly impacts the members of our community!

Here’s a few photos of recent donations I’ve given to New Horizons!

Click here for New Horizon’s wish list. 

Donations can be dropped off at 1223 Main St, La Crosse WI. Note that this is their outreach center and no residents live at this location. There is a doorbell at the front that you can ring and somebody will help you out. 

3. Hunger Task Force

Since 1996, The Hunger Task Force’s mission has been “to eliminate hunger by harvesting community resources and being the voice of the hungry.” They also established and maintain the Kane Street Community Garden. Although the Hunger Task Force is known for helping those who need food, they also accept household items, such as laundry detergent and body wash. I confirmed with them on Facebook just to be sure. Many people already donate food items, so it’ll be extra helpful if you’re able to donate those common couponing items! 

Click here for Hunger Task Force’s wish list. 

Donations can be dropped off at 1240 Clinton St, La Crosse WI. If a company has a large donation, they can arrange to have somebody pick it up. 

Now that we’ve talked about where you should donate, here are the top 5 reasons why you should donate! 

1.  Health Benefits

Volunteering has been proven to reduce stress, make you feel physically healthier and manage chronic health conditions. Not to mention, it just makes you feel great inside! I have never walked away from volunteering or donating with a negative feeling. I don’t expect that I ever will. 

2. Learning Lesson

Donating to those in need is a great way to teach your children about the importance of giving back. Meanwhile, they will learn how to empathize with others and will grow up to understand other’s hardships. Check out this video by SavvyCouponShopper where she takes her kids with her to drop off donations.

3. Find New Opportunities 

When you’re out in the community, talking to people and learning more about organizations, you can find new opportunities you didn’t know about! For example, I learned that New Horizons has volunteer and internship programs. While volunteering at the Coulee Region Humane Society, I spoke with my Volunteer Coordinator about helping their Social Media staff member. As a student, it’s very important for me to always be looking for ways to boost my skills and resume, and getting involved in the community has opened my eyes to new opportunities! Even if you don’t take advantage of them right away, it’s a great way to get your foot in the door or meet a new reference. 

4. Save Resources

Many non-profit organizations take cash donations and use that money to pay for important things, such as staff members, the energy bill or buying extra items that they’re low on. That said, donating your extra items from couponing is a great way to preserve that organization’s cash so they can use it on other things! For example, take the Coulee Region Humane Society. They’re not going to let their animals sleep on dirty blankets or eat out of nasty bowls. So, they make sure they always have plenty of laundry detergent and dish soap on hand. If they run out, they will buy more. However, if you drop off 10 bottles of laundry detergent, that frees up resources for them to put elsewhere. 

5. Meet New People 

I can’t imagine a better place to find new friends then through volunteering or donating to the community. It’s easy to talk to somebody who shares a common interest in helping others. Trust me, I understand how hard it can be to go out of your comfort zone and talk to new people. But volunteering and giving back has introduced me to awesome new people who I have an easy time getting to know! 

As always, thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog. I hope you enjoyed this week’s topic! If you have any additional recommendations for places in the La Crosse area that need household items, leave it in a comment! I will look them up and be sure to drop off a donation soon. 

[technicallymilkshakes]

The Choices We Make (Part 2)

Member: Park Chanyeol Word Count: 1842

Part 1 || Part 2

Up to you.

 Yes, perhaps it was up to you, but only in the way the sky or the stars were. A celestial net flung over your head to trap you into reaching for something untouchable. The only way to get beyond it was to keep your head down.

 You looked down at the phone cradled in your lap.

 [3:50 AM] Understood.

 How annoying. It took just one word to succumb to Park Chanyeol.

  You stared up into the shiftless dark, then rolled over and closed your eyes. There wasn’t much of a difference aside from the random sparks of color that you could see more vividly like this. Or maybe you just imagined them to be more vivid. Yes, you were certain that was it. Now that you were concentrating, everything just looked black. But then a smidgeon of something flickered at the edge of your closed-eye eyesight until the spots burst back in fireworks of color.

 Even after opening your eyes to escape the haunt of your imagination, color continued to capture your gaze. The digital green of the microwave clock loomed luridly in the distance as the minutes rearranged themselves from 5:51 into 5:52.  

 Although you could still feel exhaustion thrumming through your body like a minor chord, you swung your legs up and over the side of the bed. There would be no rest now. You had planned an efficient two-hour nap, but listless thoughts had squirreled it away into hidey spots that you would never be able to find again.

 You stared mournfully at the alarm on your phone for 6 AM and disabled it. Moping about it now would be an exercise in futility. You set your phone down, scooted onto the floor, and got out your laptop and USB stick.

 Over the course of your career, you had learned to distinguish between what academia recommended for you in your profession and what actually worked for you. You liked to hold onto articles until the very end, by which point you were so sick of working on them that your deadline came nearly as a relief. But as your word processor finished loading and your document appeared, you had to resist the urge to close your laptop right then and there and miss your deadline for the first time in your life.

 Thank goodness you were a professional.

 Jaw clenched, you purposefully scrolled past the screenshot of a bedraggled, broken-heart-sweater wearing hooligan who had so suddenly made your life more difficult than it needed to be at 6 in the morning.  

 With an editor’s unforgiving eye, you went through your article and cut with surgical precision any mention of quick-to-conclusion idols. The gaps that resulted you carefully stitched together, only a thin scar remaining visible to those who knew how to read between the lines.

 To complete the rest of the review, you pulled up your notes and retrieved a couple episodes of the drama from your USB, flicking to hastily written times you had jotted down alongside brief memory joggers. From this, you constructed your closing argument, methodically crossing off each bullet point from your notes as you went.

 Now you fell into what you referred to as “polishing” the article. Fingers lifting off the keyboard, you read for content and double-checked your numbers. Satisfied everything checked out, you moved onto formatting, a mindless run of attaching links and organizing fonts that was quickly over. From there, you went back and read the entire thing aloud to yourself thrice, assuring that the last two read-throughs were typo free.

 Leaning back, your eyes flicked to the clock on the computer’s toolbar and expelled a breath. 7:22. Not bad. Now for the last thing.  

 You scrolled back up. Back up to that brown haired, pensive face that you were too accustomed to seeing with a smile. You scowled back at it. Because you were faced with a dilemma. Multiple ones, really, but the less you could think about, the better. Would this image violate the terms that Chanyeol had set for you? At this point, the image only served as clickbait. You acknowledged this along with the cold, slimy shudder that crawled its way vertebra by vertebra down your spine and hoped you’d never have to acknowledge such a thing again. You could change the image, restore the rose-tinted view of yourself that would last you until your next deadline. Or you could keep this one and maybe eek a little more traffic out of it.

 You stared blankly at your screen without resolution until you snapped to and looked at the clock. 7:41. Your heart stopped its wild freefall. You were sure that you fell asleep for a moment there. Thank goodness you woke up in time.

 And that ultimately decided you. You sent the article off to your editor before you 1) questioned yourself any further or 2) fell asleep again. Besides, this wasn’t breaking any rules. He said you had to notify him if it was about him. And it wasn’t. You had meticulously gone through the article to make sure it wasn’t. It was just a review about a drama in which Park Chanyeol happened to appear for a few episodes. No need to justify it to yourself.

 You heaved a relieved sigh and slumped sideways onto the ground. It was dusty. You hadn’t cleaned your flat in a few weeks. You should probably do that. Make your space livable again. Do some laundry, clean some dishes. Maybe go grocery shopping. Like a normal person. Or an adult. Two very different things, you thought to yourself and snorted. But the floor was surprisingly comfortable. You stretched, laying a hand on the bare skin of your stomach, and determined to do it all later.

  Later, as it turned out, happened to be after lunch. You could only force your body to nap for a few hours before a stiff lower back woke you up. You hobbled together some lunch, a meager little affair of rice and Spam, and then cleaned out your refrigerator. There wasn’t much that needed cleaning. A few vegetables far past their prime. The questionable contents of a couple of containers. You scrubbed down the shelves and it looked practically good as new.

 You eyed the dishes in the sink with a little more trepidation. You took it as a personal challenge to use the least amount of cutlery and plates possible per meal, so what awaited you in the sink was the culmination of at least a month’s work. In a bid to appeal to both procrastination and laziness, you decided to leave the plates to soak and come back to it later.

 In the meanwhile, you cleaned the countertops, sorted your trash and recycling, picked up your clothes, and swept and mopped. Luckily, only so much space existed in your small studio apartment and you finished while the sun was still high. A pile of clean clothes still lay on your bed, while your dirty ones waited on top of your washing machine. Your laptop and its chaotic company of work stuff lay spread out same as always on the small floor table that doubled as a dining surface. Although maybe not organized, your apartment was at least passably clean.  

 After a quick shower, you slipped into some jeans and a comfortable sweater, then jogged out to the grocery store, disposing of your trash along the way. You had decided to forego the car today. The sight of it would make you too upset.

 The grocery store could be easily overwhelming for you with its press of bodies and colors and delicious things to eat. Tackling it with a list made it more bearable. Ingredients for a simple meal. Maybe doenjang-jjigae. Some ramen. As you pulled items into the cart, you deleted the corresponding line from your phone. A notification appeared on your phone just as you were scrolling to see if you had written down shampoo and conditioner or just shampoo and the message opened before you could register what it was or who sent it.

 [3:15 PM] [Drama Review] Missing…  [3:15 PM] cute [3:16 PM] I especially liked the part where u talked about me w/o mentioning my name [3:16 PM] could’ve used a better pic tho :/ [3:17 PM] overall I’d give it a 6/10

 You halted in the middle of the aisle but couldn’t stop yourself from watching the second dawning of your demise.

 [3:19 PM] btw I got an estimate today [3:21 PM] fyi the headlight assembly alone costs about 1mil won [3:22 PM] not sure tho [3:22 PM] I might want an upgrade~

 Your fingers tightened around your phone and you had to resist the irrational urge to throw it down. It would just be another thing you couldn’t afford right now.

 Managing a deep, calming breath, you slid your phone into your pocket. You would just be playing into his hands if you responded right now. You grabbed a bottle of shampoo and made your way around an elderly couple, who were passively griping about how they needed something but you were in their way, to return a few items back to the shelves.

  You regretted not bringing your car. Although you bought less than you had intended to, it was no walk in the park hauling multiple bags of groceries up to your flat.

 By 4, you were back at your apartment, putting away your groceries. Then you rolled up your sleeves for Round 2. You wanted to be so tired by the end of this that the most rise Chanyeol might get out of you was a sigh. So you did a load of laundry, tackled the dishes in the sink, cleaned the bathroom, put away your clean clothes, and finally, made your bed.

 It couldn’t be put off any longer, however. You opened your messages and stared at them for another dismal moment, and then composed your response.

 [6:38 PM] How do you expect me to pay for upgrades when I can barely afford the base price?

 His text came two minutes later. He must be glued to his phone, you thought derisively.

 [6:40 PM] should’ve thought of that before u went crazy sasaeng mode and crashed into my car [6:41 PM] but [6:44 PM] if youre good

 You waited for the next message. Your phone dimmed and then went black from inactivity. An odd jitteriness overcame you and you had to roll onto your mattress and press your face into your pillow to drown it out. It wasn’t until you were on the cusp of a day dream luring you into a sleeping one that the slight vibration of a message came. Groggy fingers fumbled for the device and brought it up to eye level. Eyes darted over the words, eyebrows furrowing. You set your phone back down and then turned your back on it, a thin sigh escaping you as you closed your eyes.

 [7:01 PM] then maybe we can work something out

A/N: I live! This story lives! Praise be to the Dimpled One!! This was a trial and a half to write. Many apologies.  A/N 2: Re-uploaded, but it still appears as if this fic isn’t showing in tags.

[placesthatchangedpeople]

Peninsula Village testimony

After the first time I attempted suicide, in 1998, I ended up in a long-term “treatment” facility called Peninsula Village, which is located outside of Knoxville, Tennessee. Yes, I was a troubled teenager -- like most, I suppose -- but the only difference between some others and me was that I had untreated depression and anxiety disorders. These factors made it very hard for my family to deal with me at times, and my parents eventually fell under the spell of Peninsula Village’s staff and their lies. However, my parents did not inform me about the extent to which I would be staying at the Village -- at least 11 months until I turned 18 and could sign myself out. My parents also did not inform me about the extent to which the staff will go in order to “discipline” the children, but in fairness, the Village staff lied to my parents and omitted key facts. The issues this caused me during my stay eventually led to my escape -- the second, fully successful one in 13 years at the time -- but the memories of that place haunt me to this day.

The staff at Peninsula Village view discipline as treatment, but not “time-out” discipline, I’m talking about “slamming.” Slamming is a word we used to describe what was done to us (the children) if we “acted-up.” It involved the staff pressing a siren button that hung around their necks. Then, at least 6 burly staff members would come flying into the room through every entrance, and basically, they would tackle the child, slam his (I only witnessed the males) face into the ground, and dig their elbows and knees into his back and limbs, making it hard for him to breathe. This would last a relatively long time, and would always lead to the removal of the child’s clothing in exchange for bloodstained hospital gowns. The child would also get a one-way ticket to the “quiet room” -- a slightly padded, tiny, cold room with a cement floor covered by linoleum -- for an indefinite amount of time. On occasion, the child would also receive a hefty IM (intra-muscular) dose of a sedative, like Thorazine, that would leave him drooling for hours. Even more disturbing, there were many occurrences of bloodshed during these slammings. The emotional and physical pain I heard in the cries, screams, groans, and sobs during the slammings, coupled with the sight of blood pooling around a child’s head, and 8 adults kneeling on him, is truly haunting. Most of the slammings occur in the STU (Special Treatment Unit), but the staff will not hesitate to slam someone outside in the gravel, mud, manure, or whatever else one might be standing in.

STU is where they put all the new admits, and a stay there can last anywhere from 2 months to more than a year. While in STU, the staff forced me to strip naked, bend over and expose my anus, and expose and lift my scrotum. They also put me on an anti-depressant medication called Paxil, but immediately at a very high dose that left me buzzing and tingling. I had them decrease the dose soon after. In addition, they forced me to sit, Indian-style, on a small, cubicle-like bed all day under fluorescent lights -- lights that they never fully turned off. One day, a staff member caught me slouching very slightly, and made me stand and watch the clock for ten minutes, then forced me to sit back down on the hard, wooden bed box, but without the mattress for the remainder of the day. That’s not the half of it because the entire time one is in STU, one has to remain silent and non-communicative with other peers; however, the staff will sit and chat all night long while we try to sleep under the dimmed lights, then, they wake us up at 6 A.M. by yelling, and slapping the cubicle tops. I didn’t dare speak though, aside from the occasional group “therapy” session where the staff tells everyone how much he sucks, and that he’s a worthless piece of crap. The Village’s lead psych. doctor was very good at this. They also force everyone to “admit” he has a drug and alcohol problem, join AA/NA, and become spiritual, even if he doesn’t have a problem or have spiritual beliefs. Aside from groups, bathroom breaks were the only other time we could get up from our beds. We only got 3 minutes to defecate, 1 minute to urinate, and 4 minutes to shower. If we went over our allotted time by even 1 second, we would loose minutes from our next shower time. I never lost shower time, but I frequently had to let soap dry in my hair or on my body, and it would sometimes become itchy. The other bad thing about STU was we were allowed no time with our parents, on the phone or in person. I spent 2 ½ months in STU, living as a monk, and the only communication I had with my parents was my outgoing letters that were read, and censored, by staff. I could not write anything slanderous about the goings-on there, or my letter would not be mailed. The staff does not show STU to parents on their tour of the facilities because I doubt any parent would allow their child to stay at the Village if they witnessed what went on in there.

All of the slammings I witnessed were during my stay in STU. The first time I developed a fear of the alarm buttons was after I saw one guy’s scabbed face early in my stay. The entire right side of his face was covered in scabs, and he was wearing the hospital gowns. I managed to ask him about it before the start of a group session one day, and he said it was from the staff slamming him, and then dragging his face across the carpet. The next time I saw a slamming, the boy ended up getting a large dose of Thorazine in the butt because, if I remember correctly, he was in the quiet room afterward, and couldn’t stop sobbing. I remember during his slamming he was in a lot of distress from all the force being applied to his small body. He was having difficulty breathing, and he was in a lot of pain, and he was voicing these complaints to the best of his ability, but the staff wouldn’t let up. I think they enjoy restraining children just to feel powerful or something. They could have easily restrained him with half as many staff members, and quickly put him in the quiet room, but no, they decided to prolong the enjoyment. Eventually, once he was good and high, they let him come out to join us in group therapy. I don’t see any reason, other than to scare the rest of us, for them letting him join us because he was droopy-faced and drooling on himself. Another slamming I witnessed was even worse. The boy was smaller, and the slamming was more forceful, so much in fact, that he might have had his nose broken. All he did to be slammed was shrug his shoulder when a staff member grabbed his arm to lead him back to his bed box after he wouldn’t go by command. I saw him lying in a large pool of his own blood, where they held his face for quite some time, and then they swapped his clothes for the gowns, and stuck him in the quiet room as well. I heard a number of other slammings happen on the other boys’ side of STU, although I didn’t witness them. I did see the aftermath of at least one of those though. One boy was crying, and sitting in a padded room with a straight jacket on. This boy couldn’t have been older than 12 or 13.

Once I “graduated” to the outdoor cabin program, I was able to speak again, but there were a completely new set of rules, and I was forced to do even worse things. I was also constantly condescended, laughed at by staff, and made to feel stupid and worthless. The staff all acted as if they were gods or something. As far as strange rules go, one was that I was never allowed to look at another female. One guy in my group did, and we were forced, as a group, to do a “pyramid 15.” That’s where we had to do 15 pushups, 14 pushups, 13 pushups, etc. After that same guy was caught looking at girls three times, our group had to eat our meals in our cabin for a week. That meant hiking a half-mile to pick up the food, hiking a half-mile back to eat it on a wooden cabin floor, hiking a half-mile to bring the food tub back, and then hiking a half-mile back to our side of the grounds to continue with our daily activities. Two miles of hiking for each meal, and every meal ended up being cold for a week. Then, one time, a staff member (notice I don’t call them counselors -- I don’t think they were qualified) forced us to clear a path that was overgrown with poison ivy, but he forced us to do it with our bare hands! We complained, but he said not to be babies and that if we washed our hands, we’d be fine. It took us over an hour to clear the path, and we all ended up with poison ivy. That wasn’t even the worse day I can remember though. I think the worse day I had, physically, was on a day the temperature reached the upper 90’s, and the humidity was probably in the same range. We were working in the garden, breaking up dirt clumps, and had very little water available to us, relative to the conditions. There were at least eight of us, only 5 gallons of water on site, and we were working there all day. I got so hot and red, and had so much sweat dripping from my face, that I started to have blurred vision and lose my balance. I was very near heat stroke. We worked in that garden 3 or 4 times per week during the summer. If we weren’t working in the garden, we were building a brick barbeque pit -- hardly things that were conducive to the therapy for which we were there. We only had school two days per week, and even that was a half-ass, teach-yourself kind of thing. After working, we would run around the cabin trails. They would force us to train for occasional 5k races. This training was mandatory. After working outside most of the day, I had to run in the Tennessee heat and humidity for over an hour, 3 times per week. In the beginning, it was too much for me, and I was so tired that I wouldn’t swallow to conserve energy. I was barely jogging to avoid being reprimanded, I was dizzy and had blurred sight, and I was drooling, but I could not stop. We were reprimanded for any number of things, even leaving hairs in the shower. For every hair left in the showers, we would have to do a pyramid 15 as a group. We usually had to do pushups after shower time, so I’d get clean, do some pushups, and then go to bed sweaty. We never cleaned our sleeping bags either. Once per month we would find a spot of sun peaking through the trees in the woods, and try to drape the bags over foliage to catch the sun in an attempt to “sterilize” the bags. Sometimes kids would wet their beds -- probably due to stress -- but they didn’t dare say anything to staff for fear of the consequences. They would just sleep in it. This is how much psychological stress and fear the staff impose on the children during their stay. The worst consequence I ever had while at the Village was when I had to carry a 40lb. Limestone rock in a milk crate, wherever we went as a group, for a week, while still carrying all of my other responsibilities (water gott, backpack, notebook, etc…it changed daily). During that same week, on July 4, 1998, I had to do 2,600 pushups, and 12 one-minute-leg-lifts. This punishment was a plea bargain I made, for the original punishment would have required 3 months of the rock and crate, and about 15,000 pushups. How ridiculous is that? It makes no sense. The staff also has no sense of safety, for one time we were made to dig out a large stump with shovels and an axe. The stump could easily have weighed as much as a small car, it was just as big, and we were forced to climb around it in a 4-foot deep trench to cut at the roots. If the stump had shifted on anyone, he would have been crushed to death. Not only do they have no sense of safety, they have no sense, period. They forced all of us to attend outside AA/NA meetings, and they tried hard to make us spiritual. I never believed I had a problem with drugs or alcohol, but they said I did. I have also never been spiritual, but they forced some Indian Spiritual Wheel belief system upon all of us. That was the whole basis of our level system. Just for the record, I still have no problem with drugs or alcohol 10 years later, and I stopped going to AA/NA after I left the Village.

It would have been nice to voice all my concerns to my parents, but the staff “preps” all the parents by warning them that their children are excellent manipulators, and that they will say anything to leave the Village. During therapy sessions with my parents, the therapist would try to avoid letting me say anything about the Village. If I was able to say something about the conditions, she would quickly respond by making it seem like I was just a whiner and manipulator, and that that is part of my problem, and she would change the subject. Then, for the next week, during group sessions at the cabin, I’d have to talk about how much of a whiner I am. It’s like they brainwash everyone. They brainwash the children into thinking they have issues they do not really have, they brainwash themselves into thinking they are real therapists, and they brainwash the parents into thinking they are doing the right thing by sending their child there. I think this allows them to keep kids there indefinitely in order to gain more and more money. At $500 or more per night, I think they are motivated.

I played their spiritual-level-system game for about 5 months in the outdoor program until I eventually had my high level stripped from me due to someone else’s mistake. Our group was put on shut down, which is essentially the same as STU life, complete with silence, but in a non-air-conditioned cabin, and we cannot sit on our beds, so we sit back-to-back on the hardwood floor all day. We also have to do the two miles of hiking for every meal while holding onto a small length of rope, and trying not to trip over each other’s feet. A shut down can last for months, and I had already worked so hard to gain my privileges. I was not going to be able to sit on a hardwood floor in silence for another 4 months until I turned 18. This event woke me up, and broke me of my brainwashing. I decided to escape the hell of Peninsula Village.

I decided to make my break for it during morning twilight, right after the group used the tubes (PVC tubes buried in the ground near the cabin that are used as urinals). I let my group get ahead of me a few paces, then I ran into the woods behind me, and never looked back. I had to run through the girl’s side of camp, so I was cautious, and fearful that a female staff member would come outside looking for me any moment. Eventually, I made it to the edge of the property, and with the sound of SUV’s roaring in the background, I jumped across the property line, and into more brush, just as a vehicle went by. The staff didn’t see me, but I lost my glasses in the brush, and I couldn’t find them after a few minutes of searching. Therefore, I continued my hike with limited sight, and tried to keep the only road into the peninsula within view as I kept myself hidden in the woods. I followed the winding road for hours, became dehydrated from the exertion, and soaking wet from the morning dew. Eventually, I found a shed near a house where I was able to hide, re-hydrated from a nearby spigot, rest, and change my clothes. Another few hours later, I made it to the end of the road just as one of the nurses drove by, but a couple minutes after that, someone stopped to pick me up since I had my thumb up. The staff missed me by minutes. I hitched many rides over the next 3 days to get to a friend’s house a few states away. One man gave me $20 for food, and drove me 20 miles out of his way. Another man tried to get a room with me so I could take a bubble bath, drink a beer, have a warm bed to sleep in, and sit back so he could “play with it a while.” Needless to say, I stayed in the woods on the side of an off ramp that night. I barely got any sleep, and I nearly got hypothermia, but it was better than the alternative. Remember, during this entire trip, I’m hiking and hitching without my glasses, so it was very hard to tell if a cop was coming down the road or not -- I just had to chance it. The morning after my cold night, I managed to “thumb” a Virginia State Trooper as he drove by, but he never came back, and I got a ride with an eighteen-wheeler about ten minutes later. I spent about 66 hours on the road to get away from Peninsula Village. Once I got to my friend’s house I managed to get a job in food service, but soon quit in order to move out of state again to live with a different friend -- away from bad influences -- and finish high school.

Even though I attained a relatively high-level while at the Village, I don’t think I actually achieved any kind of gains in my emotional recovery, nor was I put on the right medication or dosage. My parents were conned into spending the $50,000 college trust fund, set up by my grandfather, to have me verbally abused, indirectly physically abused, brainwashed, emotionally tortured, and to have me witness, beyond reasonable cause, the direct physical abuse of other children. In the end, my “treatment” was all a farce. I was stripped of all my privileges for something I had no control over and no part in, and I was able to put everything I “learned” behind me and see the truth. I think the events surrounding my escape prove that I was merely brainwashed the entire time, and once I was shocked awake, nothing, or very little, had changed in me. To this day, I am haunted by my memories of the sights and sounds in the STU, and I remain forever begrudged by the tasks, rules, and punishments for which I was forced to comply. I even find myself quickly looking at the ground when my eyes meet a female’s from time to time, because of how taboo the Village made it. Just to affirm how much Peninsula Village affected me, it took me 10 years before I so much as googled it, and once I did, I found numerous “survivor” stories that truly struck a nerve in me, and I began to sob. The stories of others took me right back to the time I was in the Village, and I realized it wasn’t just a dream I had -- it all really happened, it’s happened to others, and it’s happening to others right now. I hope someone else can identify with my story as well, and know that they are not alone in this sort of thing. I am amazed that these “treatment” places exist, and that people allow them to continue to exist for so long without consequence. I hope, through the shared stories of other survivors, and the diligence and courage of advocates like Ms. Stattel, that places like Peninsula Village will soon face their due consequences.

[clarencebfaber]

The Best Probiotic to Buy: 8 Essentials

Are you having problems picking the best probiotic for you? Here’s the complete guide to get it right!

You’ve probably heard that “probiotics are good for you.” After all, it seems like everyone, from Dr. Axe and Dr. Oz, to yogurt commercials, Cosmo magazine and even your primary care doc is talking about them.

In fact, over the past 10 years alone, the probiotic trend has witnessed over a 300% growth in sales, and kombucha bottles that one were hidden alongside sweet tea and sparkling water, now take up entire drink case walls at Whole Foods Market.

But, pop question: What exactly are probiotics?

Answer: essential healthy strains of gut bacteria that mimic the healthy gut bacteria that should be in your gut…but often are not.

Why Your Gut is Important

A healthy gut equals a healthier you. And healthier gut bugs (bacteria)—and lots of different types of them—equal a healthier gut.

Think of your digestive tract as the foundation of a house, and your gut bacteria as nails, sturdy wood, windows, doors and everything else that makes your house livable, or “healthy.” Your digestive tract is responsible for absorbing EVERY single nutrient you eat, as well as filtering out every single toxin you come in contact with, throughout your life. 

Your gut determines whether or not your body’s cells and organs get fed and nourished to function, as well as keeps all body processes working in tip top shape. Your gut bacteria as what drive your body’s digestive system, helping it do its job—stay free from infection, and digest and absorb your nutrients properly. 

Probiotics 101

Probiotics are healthy gut bacteria, found in supplements and fermented foods that can be taken or eaten to give your gut and body an extra oomph of “gut love” support.

Although the word “bacteria” may sound like a bad or icky thing, gut bacteria are an essential component to all human life and health. 

Every human body is comprised of more than 100 trillion gut bacteria—10 times the amount of cells in your body. These gut bacteria influence the health of every body system and function.

In an ideal (healthy) world, most of your gut bacteria are healthy, vibrant and strong. However, if you experience health imbalances, theres a good chance some of this gut bacteria is unhealthy, infected, decreased or overgrown.

Gut Bacteria’s Role in Weight Gain, Acne, Allergies & More

Countless research shows that unhealthy or imbalanced gut bacteria is directly linked to a variety of health conditions (1), including:

Diabetes

Anxiety

Allergies

Autoimmune Disease

Thyroid Disorders

Headaches

ADHD

Heart Disease

Unwanted Weight Gain

Hormone Imbalances (PMS, infertility, PCOS)

Osteoporosis

Depression

Anxiety

Diarrhea

Constipation

Leaky gut syndrome

Irritable bowel syndrome

Fatigue

Autism

Parkinson’s Disease

Cancer

Rheumatoid Arthritis

Mood Swings

Brain Fog

 —And just about every other chronic condition or disease you can think of!

How Your Gut Bacteria Gets Unhealthy

A variety of stressors wreak havoc on the balance (yin-yang) of your gut health. Like a wasp nest, if your body undergoes too much stress to handle at once, or stressors linger over time (like eating processed foods for years), then that wasp nest gets unhappy—and the gut bacteria become imbalanced or unhealthy. 

Common triggers that stir your gut’s “wasp nest” include:

Low veggie intake

Nutrient deficiencies (low protein, low carb and/or low fat diet)

Inflammatory foods (grains, nuts, dairy, sugar, sweeteners, processed foods)

Eating lots of bars, shakes and packaged foods

Lack of sleep

Not chewing your food well and eating in a hurry/on the go

Eating out ALOT (industrial seed oils)

Poor food hygiene (not washing your food or hands before meal prep, eating old food)

Sedentary lifestyles OR overtraining

Circadian rhythm dysfunction

Tap water

Toxin-laden skin care, beauty, hygiene and cleaning products

Plastics & BPA ingestion

Heavy metals exposure (in fish, teeth fillings, metal retainers/braces, etc.). 

 What to Do About It: 5 Daily Gut Habits

Love your gut by establishing a healthy gut routine for baseline gut maintenance…. the best probiotics included. 

Just like you brush your teeth every day to maintain healthy teeth and shower most days to maintain a clean body, daily gut-health habits are essential for maintaining a healthy gut. 

My top 5 Daily Gut Habits include:

Water. Drink half your bodyweight in ounces of water

Apple Cider Vinegar. Add 1 tbsp apple cider vinegar to 2-4 oz. of water with meals

Probiotic & Prebiotic. Take a daily soil-based probiotic and prebiotic fiber, along with eating fermented foods and prebiotic foods. 

Variety. Eat variety and lots of color (even on a limited diet, don’t eat the same things every day)

Soothe. Sip a daily cup of herbal tea and/or bone broth. Bonus: Add in a gut-lining and repair support, such as L-Glutamine, colostrum or collagen.

Bonus: 

In addition, beyond just managing daily gut health, it is highly beneficial to also complete some basic gut testing to address any other underlying gut issues that won’t just go away with probiotics alone (things like SIBO, IBS, leaky gut, etc.).

Like a regular health check up at your doctor’s office for your vital signs and bloodwork, comprehensive gut health testing can give you a clear picture into what is going on “under the hood” and the health of your gut bacteria in general. 

How to Buy the Best Probiotic

Now that you know why probiotics are GOOD for you, which probiotic should you choose?!

Here are 6 essentials you should know to buy the best probiotic for you…

Buy the Best Probiotic for You: 6 Essentials to Know

#1: Buyer Beware: 95% of Probiotic Supplements Don’t Contain the Probiotics They Claim 

It’s been speculated, that upwards of 95% of probiotics sold on shelves do NOT contain the probiotics they claim. 

Why? Temperature plays a role in the stability of probiotics. Poor processing and manufacturing practices, hot shipping conditions on 18-wheelers and improper storage of probiotics in supplement form can wreak havoc on the cultures inside the capsules. 

This is especially true for lactobacillus and bifidobacteria probiotic strains, that are particularly sensitive to heat, processing and even digestion. For instance, an investigative review of probiotics in mainstream yogurts (claiming to be “good sources of probiotics”) found that none of the yogurts actually contained probiotics at all (2)—due to the manufacturing process, followed by cooling process. And even if probiotics are found in the supplement or foods, many probiotic supplements do not survive the heat and acids produced during digestion (especially in the absence of prebiotic fiber—essential fiber to help probiotics “stick” in your gut and make it to your large intestine, where the majority of gut bacteria reside).

For MOST supplements (particularly lactobacilli and bifidobacteria), high heat can degrade the liveliness of these organisms. Even under ideal storage conditions, the number of probiotics will slowly decline as months go on. For example, a typical number is a drop of 5% per month when stored in a refrigerator after opening. The exception? Soil based organisms—shelf stable supplements containing bacteria that mimic the same bacteria found in nutrient-rich soil and foods that humans consumed and thrived upon for years (before the Agricultural and Industrial Revolutions of food processing). 

The Bottom Line: Although a probiotic label may claim that there are certain amounts or types of bacteria in the supplement, many probiotics are rarely if ever tested after production by manufacturers—meaning what started out as 100 billion strains of lactobacillus bacteria, may only end up as 5 billion strains by the time it hits shelves—and many do not survive high heat. 

Q. So Which Probiotic Supplements are Quality?!

 To benefit from the best probiotics and promote longevity of your probiotics opt for supplements containing:

Soil-Based Organisms with strains within the 6-10 billion range (as most of these are well-tolerated by most people). Look for names and strains such as:  Bacillus clausi Bacillus subtilis Bacillus coagulans Baciullus Bifidus Bacillus IndicusBacillus licheniformis Saccharomyces boulardii E. coli Nissle 1917

Quality refrigerated lactobacilli and Bifidobacterium strains of probiotics (see list below) 

#2. You Get What You Pay For

Are probiotics a waste of money?! Nope. But, as mentioned in point #1, investing in quality probiotics is essential.  No, you don’t have to pay $100 for “quality,” but in today’s market good probiotic will typically run anywhere between $30-$80. Chances are that $10 generic probiotic from Whole Foods, or fat free yogurt labeled “good source of probiotics” is basically all hype. 

See the rest of this article to shop smart for your probiotics, but a good general rule of thumb to:

Spend the majority of your probiotic supplement money on Soil Based Organisms in supplement form (the most stable probiotics on shelves)

Purchase select amounts of lactobacilli and bifidobacteria from reputable manufactures with high-quality standards (see list below)

Incorporate real food probiotics and prebiotics in the form of fermented foods (sauerkraut, pickled veggies, full fat grass fed yogurt and kefir, limited low-sugar kombucha, and prebiotic fibers) into your daily diet

#3. There are 4 Main Types of Probiotic Bacteria & You Need Them All

Just like there are different types of phones you can buy different types of makeup you can buy (blush, powder, eyeshadow), there are different types of probiotic bacteria that all operate as gut bacteria (just like makeup helps makeup your face), but these bacteria have some distinct characteristics, purposes and differences. The 4 main types of probiotics include:

Soil Based Organisms

Lactobacilli (Lactobacillus acidophilus and Lactobacillus GG) 

Bifidobacteria

Some healthy yeasts (like Saccharomyces boulardii)

Each type serves a unique purpose and we need a mix of all of them for a healthy gut microbiome—both in foods and supplements.

#4. Mix it Up: Not All Probiotic Strains Are Equal

Within the 4 main classes of probiotics (lactobacilli, bifidobacteria, soil-based organisms and yeasts), there are also hundreds of different strains of probiotics (just like there are hundreds of different brands of makeup—Clinique blush, MAC blush, Bobbi Brown blush, etc.). In fact, the human body contains 500 different strains of probiotic bacteria (such as Lactobacillus acidophilus, Lactobacillus Rhamnosus, Lactobacillus Plantarum, Bifidobacterium Infantis, Bifidobacterium Bidifum, etc.).  

Each type of probiotic strain has particular effectiveness and potency, especially depending on your personal gut profile overall.

For example, a specific kind of Lactobacillus, like Lactobacillus acidophilus, may help  you prevent an illness, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that another kind of Lactobacillus, like Lactobacillus plantarum, would have the same effect, or that any of the Bifidobacterium probiotics would do the same thing. Another person may have an overgrowth of Lactobacillus acidophilus, and experiencing symptoms of SIBO (bloating, gas, constipation), whereas another person may have no Lactobacillus acidophilus at all, and suffering from autoimmunity and fatigue. 

In short: not all probiotics are created equal and incorporating a variety of types AND strains of probiotics is essential.

#5. You Need Pre-biotics & Postbiotics to Make Your Probiotics Stick

Common Myth: For a long time, we’ve thought that taking probiotics is like putting gas into your car tank—you fill it up and there’s more gas. But it doesn’t work that way.  Instead, probiotics only serve as “maintainers” or gatekeepers of the “good” gut bacteria that you have ALREADY in your body—but they don’t produce more. And once you take them, they can be GONE in a matter of hours, UNLESS your have pre-biotics and post-biotics support!

Pre-biotics are starches and fibers (found in supplements and some foods like green-tipped bananas, plantains, cooked and cooled sweet potatoes and squashes, onions, and leeks)—that serve as food for your probiotics. In fact, pre-biotics are arguably MORE important and necessary than probiotics because they HELP your probiotics STICK AROUND and increase probiotic counts in your gut. (i.e. Pre-biotics feed your probiotics).

In addition, post-biotics (also known as “short chain fatty acids”) are the extra 1-2 punch to help you get the biggest bang for your probiotic buck! Short chain fatty acids, like butyrate, are the “gifts that keep on giving” to your gut, long after your probiotic and prebiotic foods and supplements have been digested. Healthy gut bacteria produce “short chain fatty acids” that help maintain overall gut balance in your gut as a whole (not too many of any one strain of bacteria). Unfortunately, since many folks have unhealthy or imbalanced gut bacteria to begin with (approximately 3 in 4 people have “gut issues”), short chain fatty acids also are reduced. The result? Without short-chain fatty acids, you may continue to experience imbalances in your gut bacteria. 

The Bottom Line: Pre-biotics and post-biotics (short-chain fatty acids) help multiply your probiotics so you CAN increase YOU beneficial bacteria over time. (See recommendations below).

#6. If You Feel Sick, You May Have Other Gut Problems…

Probiotics make you break out or feel nauseas? If these symptoms continue longer than 7-14 days after starting a new probiotic, it may indicate you have other gut issues going on (such as bacterial overgrowth, parasites, leaky gut, etc.), OR you ALREADY have enough of the strains of probiotics you are taking.

“Healing reactions” are normal for many folks when first starting a probiotic (such as skin breakouts, loose stools, rashes, etc.) and can be a sign that your gut bacteria are getting “stirred up” (especially if you’ve had imbalances for some time). 

However, if these reactions linger longer than a week or two, it’s vital to consider what else is going on under the hood. 

The Bottom Line: If your probiotics are making you sick, consider getting a gut test completed or working with a practitioner to help you problem solve root issues going on. 

Best Probiotic Recommendations

1. Soil Based Organisms 

Megaspore Probiotic  

Seed Daily Synbiotic  

Primal Probiotic

Garden of Life Primal Defense Ultra (not good for SIBO or bloating)  

2. Lactic Acid Bacteria 

Klaire Labs Therabiotic (best general overall probiotic)  

Ideal Bowel Support (best for constipation)  

VSL #3 (best for loose stools)  

Elixa Probiotic

3. Prebiotics

Glucomannan

Partially Hydrolyzed Guar Gum  

4. Short Chain Fatty Acids

Enterovite by Apex Energetics**

Sodium-Potassium Butyrate by Body Bio

5. Fermented Foods

Fermented Veggies (carrots, beets, cucumber relish, dill pickles, etc.)

Pickled Veggies (no added sugar or additives)

Fermented Salsa

Fermented Horseradish

Goat’s Milk Yogurt & Kefir

Coconut Kefir

Water Kefir

Coconut Yogurt (no additives)

Low-Sugar Kombucha (5-6 grams per serving)

Beet Kvass

Kimchi

 6. Prebiotic Foods

Asparagus (al-dente)

Coconut Flour

Cooked & cooled potatoes/sweet potatoes and squashes

Cooked and cooled Jasmine white rice & lentils

Garlic

Green tipped plantains/bananas

Jerusalem Artichoke

Onions

Mushrooms (reishi, shiitake and maitake)

Nutritional Yeast

Potato Starch or Plantain Starch

Seaweed/Algae (Beta-glucan, or ?-glucan—a soluble fiber)

 **Contact us to place an order for practitioner grade supplements, not found on the web. 

Probiotic Protocol

For basic daily gut maintenance, a healthy daily protocol includes:

Pre-breakfast:

1 Soil Based Organism Probiotic

Breakfast

Short Chain Fatty Acids

Lunch

Short Chain Fatty Acids 

Dinner

Prebiotic Supplement

Post-Dinner

1 Soil Based Organism Probiotic

Bonus: Eat 1-2 fermented foods and 1-2 prebiotic foods daily

*Health Disclaimer: By reading and/or using this information you acknowledge you are responsible for your own health and decisions. Consult your healthcare practitioner for your specific health needs. 

Resources:

Markowiak, Paulina; Śliżewska, Katarzyna.(2017). Effects of Probiotics, Prebiotics, and Synbiotics on Human Health. Nutrients, 9(9), 1021. doi:10.3390/nu9091021;  

Scourboutakos, M., Franco-Arellano, B., Murphy, S., Norsen, S., Comelli, E., & L’Abbé, M. (2017). Mismatch between Probiotic Benefits in Trials versus Food Products. Nutrients, 9(4), 400. MDPI AG. Retrieved from

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[brian-cdates]

The Best Probiotic to Buy: 8 Essentials

Are you having problems picking the best probiotic for you? Here’s the complete guide to get it right!

You’ve probably heard that “probiotics are good for you.” After all, it seems like everyone, from Dr. Axe and Dr. Oz, to yogurt commercials, Cosmo magazine and even your primary care doc is talking about them.

In fact, over the past 10 years alone, the probiotic trend has witnessed over a 300% growth in sales, and kombucha bottles that one were hidden alongside sweet tea and sparkling water, now take up entire drink case walls at Whole Foods Market.

But, pop question: What exactly are probiotics?

Answer: essential healthy strains of gut bacteria that mimic the healthy gut bacteria that should be in your gut…but often are not.

Why Your Gut is Important

A healthy gut equals a healthier you. And healthier gut bugs (bacteria)—and lots of different types of them—equal a healthier gut.

Think of your digestive tract as the foundation of a house, and your gut bacteria as nails, sturdy wood, windows, doors and everything else that makes your house livable, or “healthy.” Your digestive tract is responsible for absorbing EVERY single nutrient you eat, as well as filtering out every single toxin you come in contact with, throughout your life. 

Your gut determines whether or not your body’s cells and organs get fed and nourished to function, as well as keeps all body processes working in tip top shape. Your gut bacteria as what drive your body’s digestive system, helping it do its job—stay free from infection, and digest and absorb your nutrients properly. 

Probiotics 101

Probiotics are healthy gut bacteria, found in supplements and fermented foods that can be taken or eaten to give your gut and body an extra oomph of “gut love” support.

Although the word “bacteria” may sound like a bad or icky thing, gut bacteria are an essential component to all human life and health. 

Every human body is comprised of more than 100 trillion gut bacteria—10 times the amount of cells in your body. These gut bacteria influence the health of every body system and function.

In an ideal (healthy) world, most of your gut bacteria are healthy, vibrant and strong. However, if you experience health imbalances, theres a good chance some of this gut bacteria is unhealthy, infected, decreased or overgrown.

Gut Bacteria’s Role in Weight Gain, Acne, Allergies & More

Countless research shows that unhealthy or imbalanced gut bacteria is directly linked to a variety of health conditions (1), including:

Diabetes

Anxiety

Allergies

Autoimmune Disease

Thyroid Disorders

Headaches

ADHD

Heart Disease

Unwanted Weight Gain

Hormone Imbalances (PMS, infertility, PCOS)

Osteoporosis

Depression

Anxiety

Diarrhea

Constipation

Leaky gut syndrome

Irritable bowel syndrome

Fatigue

Autism

Parkinson’s Disease

Cancer

Rheumatoid Arthritis

Mood Swings

Brain Fog

  —And just about every other chronic condition or disease you can think of!

How Your Gut Bacteria Gets Unhealthy

A variety of stressors wreak havoc on the balance (yin-yang) of your gut health. Like a wasp nest, if your body undergoes too much stress to handle at once, or stressors linger over time (like eating processed foods for years), then that wasp nest gets unhappy—and the gut bacteria become imbalanced or unhealthy. 

Common triggers that stir your gut’s “wasp nest” include:

Low veggie intake

Nutrient deficiencies (low protein, low carb and/or low fat diet)

Inflammatory foods (grains, nuts, dairy, sugar, sweeteners, processed foods)

Eating lots of bars, shakes and packaged foods

Lack of sleep

Not chewing your food well and eating in a hurry/on the go

Eating out ALOT (industrial seed oils)

Poor food hygiene (not washing your food or hands before meal prep, eating old food)

Sedentary lifestyles OR overtraining

Circadian rhythm dysfunction

Tap water

Toxin-laden skin care, beauty, hygiene and cleaning products

Plastics & BPA ingestion

Heavy metals exposure (in fish, teeth fillings, metal retainers/braces, etc.). 

  What to Do About It: 5 Daily Gut Habits

Love your gut by establishing a healthy gut routine for baseline gut maintenance…. the best probiotics included. 

Just like you brush your teeth every day to maintain healthy teeth and shower most days to maintain a clean body, daily gut-health habits are essential for maintaining a healthy gut. 

My top 5 Daily Gut Habits include:

Water. Drink half your bodyweight in ounces of water

Apple Cider Vinegar. Add 1 tbsp apple cider vinegar to 2-4 oz. of water with meals

Probiotic & Prebiotic. Take a daily soil-based probiotic and prebiotic fiber, along with eating fermented foods and prebiotic foods. 

Variety. Eat variety and lots of color (even on a limited diet, don’t eat the same things every day)

Soothe. Sip a daily cup of herbal tea and/or bone broth. Bonus: Add in a gut-lining and repair support, such as L-Glutamine, colostrum or collagen.

Bonus: 

In addition, beyond just managing daily gut health, it is highly beneficial to also complete some basic gut testing to address any other underlying gut issues that won’t just go away with probiotics alone (things like SIBO, IBS, leaky gut, etc.).

Like a regular health check up at your doctor’s office for your vital signs and bloodwork, comprehensive gut health testing can give you a clear picture into what is going on “under the hood” and the health of your gut bacteria in general. 

How to Buy the Best Probiotic

Now that you know why probiotics are GOOD for you, which probiotic should you choose?!

Here are 6 essentials you should know to buy the best probiotic for you…

Buy the Best Probiotic for You: 6 Essentials to Know

#1: Buyer Beware: 95% of Probiotic Supplements Don’t Contain the Probiotics They Claim 

It’s been speculated, that upwards of 95% of probiotics sold on shelves do NOT contain the probiotics they claim. 

Why? Temperature plays a role in the stability of probiotics. Poor processing and manufacturing practices, hot shipping conditions on 18-wheelers and improper storage of probiotics in supplement form can wreak havoc on the cultures inside the capsules. 

This is especially true for lactobacillus and bifidobacteria probiotic strains, that are particularly sensitive to heat, processing and even digestion. For instance, an investigative review of probiotics in mainstream yogurts (claiming to be “good sources of probiotics”) found that none of the yogurts actually contained probiotics at all (2)—due to the manufacturing process, followed by cooling process. And even if probiotics are found in the supplement or foods, many probiotic supplements do not survive the heat and acids produced during digestion (especially in the absence of prebiotic fiber—essential fiber to help probiotics “stick” in your gut and make it to your large intestine, where the majority of gut bacteria reside).

For MOST supplements (particularly lactobacilli and bifidobacteria), high heat can degrade the liveliness of these organisms. Even under ideal storage conditions, the number of probiotics will slowly decline as months go on. For example, a typical number is a drop of 5% per month when stored in a refrigerator after opening. The exception? Soil based organisms—shelf stable supplements containing bacteria that mimic the same bacteria found in nutrient-rich soil and foods that humans consumed and thrived upon for years (before the Agricultural and Industrial Revolutions of food processing). 

The Bottom Line: Although a probiotic label may claim that there are certain amounts or types of bacteria in the supplement, many probiotics are rarely if ever tested after production by manufacturers—meaning what started out as 100 billion strains of lactobacillus bacteria, may only end up as 5 billion strains by the time it hits shelves—and many do not survive high heat. 

Q. So Which Probiotic Supplements are Quality?!

 To benefit from the best probiotics and promote longevity of your probiotics opt for supplements containing:

Soil-Based Organisms with strains within the 6-10 billion range (as most of these are well-tolerated by most people). Look for names and strains such as:  Bacillus clausi Bacillus subtilis Bacillus coagulans Baciullus Bifidus Bacillus IndicusBacillus licheniformis Saccharomyces boulardii E. coli Nissle 1917

Quality refrigerated lactobacilli and Bifidobacterium strains of probiotics (see list below) 

#2. You Get What You Pay For

Are probiotics a waste of money?! Nope. But, as mentioned in point #1, investing in quality probiotics is essential.  No, you don’t have to pay $100 for “quality,” but in today’s market good probiotic will typically run anywhere between $30-$80. Chances are that $10 generic probiotic from Whole Foods, or fat free yogurt labeled “good source of probiotics” is basically all hype. 

See the rest of this article to shop smart for your probiotics, but a good general rule of thumb to:

Spend the majority of your probiotic supplement money on Soil Based Organisms in supplement form (the most stable probiotics on shelves)

Purchase select amounts of lactobacilli and bifidobacteria from reputable manufactures with high-quality standards (see list below)

Incorporate real food probiotics and prebiotics in the form of fermented foods (sauerkraut, pickled veggies, full fat grass fed yogurt and kefir, limited low-sugar kombucha, and prebiotic fibers) into your daily diet

#3. There are 4 Main Types of Probiotic Bacteria & You Need Them All

Just like there are different types of phones you can buy different types of makeup you can buy (blush, powder, eyeshadow), there are different types of probiotic bacteria that all operate as gut bacteria (just like makeup helps makeup your face), but these bacteria have some distinct characteristics, purposes and differences. The 4 main types of probiotics include:

Soil Based Organisms

Lactobacilli (Lactobacillus acidophilus and Lactobacillus GG) 

Bifidobacteria

Some healthy yeasts (like Saccharomyces boulardii)

Each type serves a unique purpose and we need a mix of all of them for a healthy gut microbiome—both in foods and supplements.

#4. Mix it Up: Not All Probiotic Strains Are Equal

Within the 4 main classes of probiotics (lactobacilli, bifidobacteria, soil-based organisms and yeasts), there are also hundreds of different strains of probiotics (just like there are hundreds of different brands of makeup—Clinique blush, MAC blush, Bobbi Brown blush, etc.). In fact, the human body contains 500 different strains of probiotic bacteria (such as Lactobacillus acidophilus, Lactobacillus Rhamnosus, Lactobacillus Plantarum, Bifidobacterium Infantis, Bifidobacterium Bidifum, etc.).  

Each type of probiotic strain has particular effectiveness and potency, especially depending on your personal gut profile overall.

For example, a specific kind of Lactobacillus, like Lactobacillus acidophilus, may help  you prevent an illness, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that another kind of Lactobacillus, like Lactobacillus plantarum, would have the same effect, or that any of the Bifidobacterium probiotics would do the same thing. Another person may have an overgrowth of Lactobacillus acidophilus, and experiencing symptoms of SIBO (bloating, gas, constipation), whereas another person may have no Lactobacillus acidophilus at all, and suffering from autoimmunity and fatigue. 

In short: not all probiotics are created equal and incorporating a variety of types AND strains of probiotics is essential.

#5. You Need Pre-biotics & Postbiotics to Make Your Probiotics Stick

Common Myth: For a long time, we’ve thought that taking probiotics is like putting gas into your car tank—you fill it up and there’s more gas. But it doesn’t work that way.  Instead, probiotics only serve as “maintainers” or gatekeepers of the “good” gut bacteria that you have ALREADY in your body—but they don’t produce more. And once you take them, they can be GONE in a matter of hours, UNLESS your have pre-biotics and post-biotics support!

Pre-biotics are starches and fibers (found in supplements and some foods like green-tipped bananas, plantains, cooked and cooled sweet potatoes and squashes, onions, and leeks)—that serve as food for your probiotics. In fact, pre-biotics are arguably MORE important and necessary than probiotics because they HELP your probiotics STICK AROUND and increase probiotic counts in your gut. (i.e. Pre-biotics feed your probiotics).

In addition, post-biotics (also known as “short chain fatty acids”) are the extra 1-2 punch to help you get the biggest bang for your probiotic buck! Short chain fatty acids, like butyrate, are the “gifts that keep on giving” to your gut, long after your probiotic and prebiotic foods and supplements have been digested. Healthy gut bacteria produce “short chain fatty acids” that help maintain overall gut balance in your gut as a whole (not too many of any one strain of bacteria). Unfortunately, since many folks have unhealthy or imbalanced gut bacteria to begin with (approximately 3 in 4 people have “gut issues”), short chain fatty acids also are reduced. The result? Without short-chain fatty acids, you may continue to experience imbalances in your gut bacteria. 

The Bottom Line: Pre-biotics and post-biotics (short-chain fatty acids) help multiply your probiotics so you CAN increase YOU beneficial bacteria over time. (See recommendations below).

#6. If You Feel Sick, You May Have Other Gut Problems…

Probiotics make you break out or feel nauseas? If these symptoms continue longer than 7-14 days after starting a new probiotic, it may indicate you have other gut issues going on (such as bacterial overgrowth, parasites, leaky gut, etc.), OR you ALREADY have enough of the strains of probiotics you are taking.

“Healing reactions” are normal for many folks when first starting a probiotic (such as skin breakouts, loose stools, rashes, etc.) and can be a sign that your gut bacteria are getting “stirred up” (especially if you’ve had imbalances for some time). 

However, if these reactions linger longer than a week or two, it’s vital to consider what else is going on under the hood. 

The Bottom Line: If your probiotics are making you sick, consider getting a gut test completed or working with a practitioner to help you problem solve root issues going on. 

Best Probiotic Recommendations

1. Soil Based Organisms 

Megaspore Probiotic  

Seed Daily Synbiotic  

Primal Probiotic

Garden of Life Primal Defense Ultra (not good for SIBO or bloating)  

2. Lactic Acid Bacteria 

Klaire Labs Therabiotic (best general overall probiotic)  

Ideal Bowel Support (best for constipation)  

VSL #3 (best for loose stools)  

Elixa Probiotic

3. Prebiotics

Glucomannan

Partially Hydrolyzed Guar Gum  

4. Short Chain Fatty Acids

Enterovite by Apex Energetics**

Sodium-Potassium Butyrate by Body Bio

5. Fermented Foods

Fermented Veggies (carrots, beets, cucumber relish, dill pickles, etc.)

Pickled Veggies (no added sugar or additives)

Fermented Salsa

Fermented Horseradish

Goat’s Milk Yogurt & Kefir

Coconut Kefir

Water Kefir

Coconut Yogurt (no additives)

Low-Sugar Kombucha (5-6 grams per serving)

Beet Kvass

Kimchi

  6. Prebiotic Foods

Asparagus (al-dente)

Coconut Flour

Cooked & cooled potatoes/sweet potatoes and squashes

Cooked and cooled Jasmine white rice & lentils

Garlic

Green tipped plantains/bananas

Jerusalem Artichoke

Onions

Mushrooms (reishi, shiitake and maitake)

Nutritional Yeast

Potato Starch or Plantain Starch

Seaweed/Algae (Beta-glucan, or 𝛽-glucan—a soluble fiber)

  **Contact us to place an order for practitioner grade supplements, not found on the web. 

Probiotic Protocol

For basic daily gut maintenance, a healthy daily protocol includes:

Pre-breakfast:

1 Soil Based Organism Probiotic

Breakfast

Short Chain Fatty Acids

Lunch

Short Chain Fatty Acids 

Dinner

Prebiotic Supplement

Post-Dinner

1 Soil Based Organism Probiotic

Bonus: Eat 1-2 fermented foods and 1-2 prebiotic foods daily

*Health Disclaimer: By reading and/or using this information you acknowledge you are responsible for your own health and decisions. Consult your healthcare practitioner for your specific health needs. 

Resources:

Markowiak, Paulina; Śliżewska, Katarzyna.(2017). Effects of Probiotics, Prebiotics, and Synbiotics on Human Health. Nutrients, 9(9), 1021. doi:10.3390/nu9091021;  

Scourboutakos, M., Franco-Arellano, B., Murphy, S., Norsen, S., Comelli, E., & L’Abbé, M. (2017). Mismatch between Probiotic Benefits in Trials versus Food Products. Nutrients, 9(4), 400. MDPI AG. Retrieved from

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Source/Repost=> https://drlauryn.com/gut-health/best-probiotic-to-buy-8-essentials/ ** Dr. Lauryn Lax __Nutrition. Therapy. Functional Medicine ** https://drlauryn.com/ The Best Probiotic to Buy: 8 Essentials via http://drlaurynlax.tumblr.com/

[itsworn]

Take 5 with SEMA Chairman and Coker President Wade Kawasaki

Wade Kawasaki is a busy man, so nailing him down for a five-minute interview was a little tougher than we originally thought; he is constantly on the go, between his position as president and chief operating officer at Coker Group (parent company of Coker Tire) and his position as the SEMA chairman of the board. Technology allows him to keep up with the daily grind at his main office in Chattanooga, Tennessee, and we run into him on occasion at the SEMA Show, the MPMC Media Trade Conference, and other events all over the world. We wanted to catch up with him, because as far as we’re concerned, he eats, sleeps, and breathes the hot rod lifestyle. On second thought, we’re not convinced he actually sleeps.

Wade has made his mark in the automotive industry by constantly raising the bar at each company he’s been involved with, ranging from his long-term involvement with SEMA to the founding of his own company, and now his crucial role at the Coker Group. Although most of his time is taken up with work, he still gets to enjoy his personal hot rods in those precious spare moments. Let’s jump right in and see what makes this car guy and industry icon tick.

HRM] What got you started in the automotive industry?

WK] As far back as I can remember, I’ve always had a love for cars, especially fast cars. But what really kicked off my passion for the automotive world was working at my father’s filling station. He had a Shell station at the corner of Venice and Vermont in Los Angeles, and the cars that pulled in for service were the stuff of car-guy dreams. I was a 10-year-old kid, out there filling up muscle cars with gas, checking the oil, and washing windows. That experience taught me a lot and even at that early age, I knew I wanted a career that involved cars.

HRM] Tell us about your first car.

WK] My first car was a 1964 Chevy El Camino. It was just your basic work truck when I got it, but I always had big plans for it. In fact, I still have it. For some reason, other projects have always jumped in front of the El Camino, but I’m glad I still have it as a “one of these days” projects.

HRM] We’ve been seeing your GTO Judge all over the place. What’s the story with that car?

WK] It’s a Cardinal Red 1970 GTO Judge that I bought with intentions of it being a driver-quality project to work on with my son, Timothy. After we started researching part numbers and date codes, we realized that this car had matching numbers, down to the carburetor. We quickly realized that the car deserved a better restoration than what we originally planned, so I sent the car off to Bodie Stroud Industries for a complete build. The car was in such good shape that we were able to reuse the original interior. It’s a really nice piece, and it’s been featured on the cover of a couple magazines, used in our SEMA Show booth, and even appeared in an article in the Wall Street Journal. It has been one of my favorite projects.

HRM] What else is in your garage?

WK] I’ll start with the most usable car, a 1932 Ford roadster. This was actually the 2004 Street Rodder Road Tour car, so that means it was road-tested when I got my hands on it. The car has a Brookville steel body and a 427ci LS engine. I made a few changes to the car, and it’s a blast to drive. Another fun one is my 1961 Chevy Impala. It was a TV project car that we got during the finishing stages. It has a Lamar Walden W-motor in it, with dual FiTech EFI units, backed by a six-speed. Other vehicles include a 1968 Mercedes 250SL, a 1973 Mercedes 450SL, a 1978 Datsun 280Z, a 1971 Honda CB750K1 motorcycle, and a custom Harley built by 40Cal Customs.

HRM] What was your first big opportunity in the automotive industry?

WK] As a teenager, I was drag racing regularly at OCIR [Orange County International Raceway], and I was a regular customer at Service Center, which was the go-to speed shop at the time. I was in there so often that it was a natural progression for me to move to the other side of the counter as a parts salesman. This job connected me with car guys in the area, and it also opened an opportunity to talk with the parts suppliers. I eventually worked my way up to store manager. Those were some great years, and I soaked up every ounce of knowledge I could get and made the most of every industry contact.

HRM] How did you get involved with SEMA?

WK] In 1987, I started my own company, Exports International, with my wife, Rose. We were starting from the bottom, but I had lots of great connections from my previous job. In order to reach more customers, and get some advice on operating my business, I joined SEMA. I took advantage of every member benefit available, and I attended as many functions as possible to network with other business owners in the industry. It was SEMA Vice President Don Turney who encouraged me to become more active with the organization, which led to volunteering for several positions through the years and founding YEN [Young Executives Network], which is still going strong today.

HRM] Is it safe to say getting involved in SEMA helped your career?

WK] Absolutely. It played a huge role in the success of Exports International, and it led me to many valuable relationships within the industry as we founded and acquired manufacturing companies. The more active I became, the more I got out of it, both on a business and a social level. I encourage anyone in the industry to join SEMA and get involved.

HRM] Explain your current position with SEMA.

WK] I am currently serving as the SEMA chairman of the board. This is an elected position with a two-year term, and it gives me the opportunity to meet with our board of directors on a regular basis to discuss the state of our industry and develop new ideas to take our industry even further. It’s my chance to give back to the organization that has done so much for my career. It’s a true honor to have been elected to this position, even with the added travel and work hours required to make the most of it.

HRM] The SEMA Show is a big part of the SEMA organization, but give us some behind-the-scenes details of the organization.

WK] The SEMA Show is still one of our most valuable assets. It attracts buyers, manufacturers, and dealers of automotive parts from all over the world to Las Vegas every fall as one of the largest trade shows in the world. But the organization is more than just a trade show. We are a team of industry members who help each other succeed. One of our major agendas right now is keeping the EPA from impacting our hobby. SEMA has worked tirelessly to combat unnecessary regulations, which would prevent individuals from modifying the emissions system of a motor vehicle that is converted for racing use only. As a result, the Recognizing the Protection of Motorsports Act, RPM Act for short, was developed to protect Americans’ right to modify street vehicles into race cars. The RPM Act also protects the industry’s right to sell parts that enable racers to compete. It’s a battle that I’m personally passionate about, and I take every opportunity to shed light on the situation and garner support from individuals and elected officials.

HRM] It sounds like you have quite the task with your SEMA position, but that’s not even your main job, right?

WK] That’s right. The SEMA chairman of the board position is a priority to me, but it’s not my “day job,” per se. My position at Coker Group is the president and chief operating officer. When Corky Coker decided to retire in 2014, he entrusted me to step in and handle the operations of the six companies and 12 brands under the Coker Group umbrella. That consists of Coker Tire Company, Wheel Vintiques, Honest Charley Speed Shop, and more—it’s a lot to keep up with, that’s for sure. I have a great team of folks in the Chattanooga office, as well as our West Coast facility, to keep all of the companies running smoothly.

HRM] What is the key focus at Coker Group?

WK] Our biggest product line is wide whitewall tires. It’s really what our company is known for, but it’s been a goal of mine to spread awareness of all the other cool stuff that Coker produces. The tire company alone has thousands of products, ranging from early 1900s horseless carriages to the latest and greatest drag cars. The whitewalls will continue to be a big target for us, but our muscle-car tire offerings are growing steadily. We recently became the exclusive tire and wheel sponsor of Mecum Auctions in an effort to reach more muscle-car enthusiasts.

HRM] What’s the craziest thing that Coker produces?

WK] In the tire line, there are lots of weird products. Some of which, we might only manufacture and sell a few per year. I guess if I had to pick one weird product, it would be the Snow Bird Paddle Tire for the Ford Model A. The paddle tread is made to lock into a track system, which was manufactured by a conversion company in the 1930s. The niche products don’t make us a lot of money, but we are able to fill voids in the market, and that helps our company as a whole.

HRM] What’s new at Coker?

WK] Our latest product currently in production is the Firestone Wide Oval Radial, a tire with the timeless Wide Oval look, combined with modern radial construction. We built this product line using brand-new segmented molds and modern materials, and we did it all right here in the USA. This has been a hot seller, and we plan to make more of these tires that cross the boundaries between authentic bias-ply tires and modern radials. Next on our product list is a modern radial tire for the Ford Model A. Our newest wheel is the OE six-lug wheel, which will be huge for the classic-truck market.

HRM] Do you play a role in what new products make it to market?

WK] I do, and it’s one of my favorite parts of the job. We want car enthusiasts to continue enjoying their vehicles, so creating new products is the only way to fill some of those gaps in the market. The development process gives me a chance to get back into the gearhead mindset and think like a car guy instead of a businessman. Everyone at Coker Group has a passion for this industry and our customers, so being able to develop new and exciting products brings a smile to all of our faces.

HRM] How do you balance all your workflow, travel, and personal life on a daily basis?

WK] Let’s just say that I’m thankful for technology. My calendar is full of reminders, and I always have my phone, iPad, and laptop with me to stay up to speed, even if I’m out of the country on business. I’m also very fortunate to have an understanding wife and family. Rose has been my number-one supporter for all these years, and we’ve always included our two children, Timothy and Alyssa, in everything we do. The kids were there to see the growth of Exports International, and I feel like seeing their parents strive to succeed helped form their work ethic. I get a firsthand view of it daily, as Timothy has really stepped up to the plate as the national sales and marketing manager at Wheel Vintiques.

HRM] Where do you expect to see the industry in 10 years?

WK] That’s a tough one, because we know that in 10 years, most of the original “class” of hot rodders will no longer be our key demographic. That applies not only to the Coker Group but to the automotive aftermarket, in general. It’s up to us to encourage youth to get involved in the hobby and to make it more inviting. Whether that means making the hobby more affordable or just increasing the user experience at events, we have to recruit young guys and girls to be a part of the hobby. In the next 10 years, I would say that classic trucks will continue to be popular, and we’ll see a rise in 1980s cars, due to the affordability and the nostalgia factor.

The post Take 5 with SEMA Chairman and Coker President Wade Kawasaki appeared first on Hot Rod Network.

from Hot Rod Network https://www.hotrod.com/articles/take-5-sema-chairman-coker-president-wade-kawasaki/ via IFTTT

[healthandfitnessrecipes-blog]

6 More Tips to Help You Put a Stop to Binge Eating - Girls Gone Strong

https://healthandfitnessrecipes.com/?p=4076

Note from GGS: The line between disordered eating behaviors and eating disorders can be a tenuous one, and disordered eating is the greatest predictor of developing an eating disorder, such as (but not limited to) Binge Eating Disorder. If you suffer or suspect you may suffer from Binge Eating Disorder, we encourage you to seek professional help through the resources shared at the end of this article.

In the previous article of this series, I went through six essential tips to help you stop binge eating behaviors. Today, I’m sharing six more tips to help you deal with difficult emotions, feel back in control, and stop letting food rule your life.

Plan for Pleasure

If, at the end of a meal, all you’re planning on doing is the washing up, then you’re not really going to want to stop eating. Eating is pleasurable — washing up isn’t.

So once you finish a meal, it’s a great idea to put any leftovers out of sight, then move straight into a fun activity. What are a list of (low energy) activities that you enjoy and can do right after eating? Here are some examples:

Look at images of cool stuff on the internet.

Watch your favorite comedy show.

Go for a walk, feeling your feet on the ground, and the wind flowing through your hands. Really take in and notice the surroundings.

Listen to funny, interesting podcasts.

Play an instrument (your own voice is an instrument, I promise you).

Write, doodle or draw.

Spend time with someone you love.

Listen to some seriously epic music while breathing deeply.

Take a shower or a bath.

Read a book. (I recommend something truly healing and inspiring.)

Listen to the sounds of breathing, gentle rain or heartbeats.

If you’re anything like me, then you may struggle with resting and giving yourself downtime, but it’s super important that you do.

For instance, I like drawing, so I used to start drawing after dinner. But then, of course, I put all this pressure on myself to actually achieve something each evening, or to improve my technique. Before I knew it, I was back in the kitchen eating, trying to deal with the difficult emotions of procrastination, fear of failure, never amounting to anything, and… yeah, you get the idea.

Give yourself permission to chill.

It might be useful to write out a plan or checklist for the evening. For example:

Straight after dinner, I will _____________ (e.g., listen to loud music and breathe deeply. This will get you out of the inertia of wanting to keep eating.)

Then, I will ______________ (e.g., draw, putting no pressure on myself.)

When I feel the urge to binge, I will ________________ (e.g., hold my breath for 10 seconds and remind myself that I am safe and I will never have to restrict.)

Don’t expect the urge to binge not to arise. Come up with a plan so you can deal with it in the most effective way possible, and actually write it down. Don’t just think it. Ink it.

Step Off the Bathroom Scale

Every week, I’d almost cover my eyes, terrified of what the number was going to say. Whether it was “good” or “bad,” it would affect my entire day. And in response to whatever the scale said? That’s right: I’d eat.

The scale is full of emotion for so many people. Maybe it’s time to stop creating a time of day where you brutally judge yourself. Maybe it’s time to stop putting your self-worth into a number. Maybe it’s time to stop using an external measurement to gauge “how you’re doing.”

Stepping off the scale means you can focus on what actually matters: how you feel.

It means that, instead of using an external number, you can adopt a well-being mindset:

“I eat in the way I want to take care of this body. I’m sleeping better. I’m seeing my energy and strength go up. I feel happier, and more at ease in myself.”

Personally, I set up a Google form with a series of questions, and emailed it to myself each week. The questions were:

How light and energetic have I been feeling?

Have I been eating lots of colorful vegetables?

How is my overall happiness?

How is my peace around food?

How frequently do I feel joy in my life?

What is the quality of my self-talk?

This way, I could focus on important things while tracking my progress without any of the emotions that are tied into weighing myself. After all, how you’re feeling is what really matters. The number on the scale is meaningless.

Make Sure You’re Eating Enough

“Woah, woah, Maria, you’re crazy! I’m definitely eating enough… have you seen the amount of food I binge on?”

I hear you, but if you aren’t eating adequately in between those binges, then your body will continue to want to binge. Is it possible to get three decent meals in per day? Try not to overthink it, just try to get a good mix of protein, carbs, fats, and veggies. Use a 1 to 5 hunger scale to guide you, where 1 represents feeling very hungry and 5 represents feeling stuffed.

Restricting after a binge only perpetuates the cycle. Try to be kind to yourself, no matter what has happened.

Pop Open the Hood

Eating when you’re not truly hungry means you’re eating because you’re trying to manage some kind of emotion. Boredom, procrastination, happiness, anger, disgust, tiredness, sadness, these are all reasons people eat.

If you’re finding it difficult to just “will yourself away” from food, then be prepared to do some internal work.

Emotions are completely human and natural, and they need to be felt to run their course. I know: you want to be happy all the time, but that’s just not how life works.

By acknowledging how you’re feeling, and by communicating it in a healthy way, you can reduce the intensity of difficult emotions, and the desire to eat in response to those emotions.

Have you ever walked into a dark room, and you thought you could see a shape in the darkness… you thought it was a person, that there was someone in there with you? Then, you switched the light on, and you realized it was just a coat, or some other, harmless object?

When you can’t see your emotions clearly, they become this scary shape in the darkness. But when you turn on the light, you actually realize that they aren’t as scary as they seemed. You realize you’re stronger than you thought, and you can manage whatever is happening. It might not be pleasant to sit with sadness, and pain, but it is manageable.

So take a long, deep breath. In through the nose. Out through the mouth. Then ask yourself:

What emotions are present right now?

What sensations are here in my body?

You might begin to notice that your emotions aren’t permanent. They come and go. And the more you can pay attention to them, the less scary they are.

Another way of becoming aware of what’s going on for you is to take a piece of paper and write down anything and everything that comes to mind. Don’t judge it, just get it down on paper.

I often find out that if I write down all my thoughts and worries in the moment, they don’t seem as scary on paper as they did unsaid and unheard in my mind.

Reaching out and talking to others is also a great way to let your emotions be heard.

Stop Dieting

There’s a ton of studies showing that dieting is highly correlated to binge eating. This quick overview of one of those studies was eye-opening for me.

During the Minnesota Semi-Starvation Experiment [1], the top 36 mentally and physically fit males were hand-picked from 400 Civilian Public Service members (the CPS was an alternative to military service in the U.S. during WWII). These guys were followed for three months before the experiment started to make sure they fit the criteria. Each man was then put on a strict, 1,540 kcal diet for 24 weeks.

Here’s what was reported:

Physical Complaints

At first, the men noticed some physical changes, before constantly complaining that they felt cold, tired, and hungry. They began to have trouble concentrating. They felt dizzy. They had headaches.

Food Was Always On Their Mind

The men became obsessed with food. They talked about it, daydreamed about it. They spent a ton of time planning what they would eat and how they would distribute their calories throughout the day. Food became the most important thing in their lives. They started collecting cookbooks, hoarding, sneaking food, and bringing it to their beds at night.

Emotional Disaster

As the study continued, these guys didn’t just become tired and irritable (which all of us have experienced when we’re slightly hungry). They completely lost their sense of humour, their ambition, as well as their interest in their work and their friends.

They became anxious and apathetic, and started to experience depression, hypochondria, as well as a decreased sex drive. They felt inadequate, and they couldn’t seem to concentrate on anything but food.

Two of the men had to spend time in a psychiatric hospital, and one began to physically harm himself. Each one of them grew self-critical, and began to experience distorted body images. These deprived, starving men actually reported feeling overweight.

Binging and Blaming

Several participants binged on food, and then immediately blamed themselves. One man ate multiple ice cream sundaes and chocolate malts, then stole some candy. He finished off the binging episode by eating several raw swedes (the root vegetable, not the people from Sweden… though it’s fairly grim either way!). When he confessed to the experimenters that he’d broken the rules, he began to verbally demonize himself in front of them.

While others stole food from the trash, some of the men had to quit the study because their binging became so frequent they simply couldn’t stick to the diet.

When the experiment ended 24 weeks later, the men were allowed to go back to eating normally. Except, most of them couldn’t. Many of them had lost total control of their hunger signals, and “ate more or less continuously.”

One reported eating massive five- or six-thousand calorie meals, and then snacking only an hour later. Another man ate so much the first day after the study, he had to be taken to hospital to get his stomach pumped. They reported not being able to satisfy their psychological hunger, no matter how much they ate.

One went on a year-long binge, putting on substantial weight. Just months earlier, this man had a healthy relationship with food. He was hand-chosen for being exemplary, and yet in 24 weeks, he had been completely changed.

This kind of study would not be allowed to take place today, for the “unethical, inhumane treatment of subjects” and yet many of us do this to ourselves, year after year.

I hope this study highlights to you that diets don’t work because they:

Intensify cravings

Make you preoccupied with food

Disconnect you with your natural hunger cues (making you eat when you’re not hungry, and eat more than you need)

Increase emotional, physical, and psychological distress, and the likelihood that you’ll eat in response to that stress.

It’s time to stop restricting. Give yourself permission to eat any food you want. Give yourself permission to eat any time you want. Instead of counting calories, start using the hunger scale as a guide to start listening to your body again.

I know this sounds like a scary step, but it is the best, and fastest, way to end binge eating. Since you have permission to eat anything, any time you want, the cravings for your kryptonite foods will decrease to a manageable level.

Forgive Yourself

No matter what happens, you must forgive yourself, over and over again. What would you say to a friend who was going through the same thing? There’s no way you’d call them the names you’ve been calling yourself.

You’re learning, and you’re trying to change behaviors. Change is hard. You will fall down, but the sooner you can get back up again, the quicker you’ll be able to move forward. Instead of beating yourself up about failure, could you use it as a learning experience?

So when you’re lying in bed, stuffed to the stomach, cursing yourself for “blowing it yet again,” is it possible to soften? Can you say:

“Actually, this is a great reminder that I don’t want to be doing this anymore. In the moments leading up to this, I didn’t use the skills I’m learning, but it’s OK. My body will forgive me, and I’ll be hungry again at some point. And when I am, it’s another opportunity to listen to that hunger, and to nourish myself and fuel my body in the way that I choose.”

That’s the brilliant thing about the human body: you’re going to get hungry every day, so you get the opportunity to practice these skills every day! And, like anything, if you practice enough, it will eventually become second nature. You’ll be able to eat intuitively, listen to what your body needs, and start living your life again.

To Sum It Up

You’re always in control of your actions, even if it doesn’t feel like it. By stopping any food restriction, you can accelerate this feeling of control.

Be prepared to do some internal work on your emotions: acknowledge how you’re feeling by observing your thoughts (and how they feel in your body), writing them down, or talking to someone.

And remember: progress isn’t linear. You’re practicing something new, and trying to change a behavior. Change is hard, so forgive yourself, no matter what.

Resources

Binge Eating Disorder is a clinically diagnosed eating disorder, and warrants professional help. If you find yourself unsure about your own behaviors and would like to learn more or find help, please consult the resources below:

National Centre for Eating Disorders (United Kingdom)

National Eating Disorder Information Center (Canada)

National Eating Disorders Association (United States)

National Eating Disorders Collaboration (Australia)

Reference

Keys, A., Brožek, J., Henschel, A., Mickelsen, O., & Taylor, H. L., The Biology of Human Starvation (2 volumes), University of Minnesota Press, 1950.

  The post 6 More Tips to Help You Put a Stop to Binge Eating appeared first on Girls Gone Strong.

Credits: Original Content Source

[fantasysuiteleague]

Week 3 Recap: A Lot of Bouncing

This week’s Beard Hunk doesn’t quite leave us where we left off last week.  If you recall, Nick had just sent Liz packing, and, tail between his legs, walked back to tell the remainder of women on the group date that he and Liz had terrible sex 9 months ago and he failed to tell anyone when she “appeared” on the show. But this week picks up the following day and we only see a montage of girls obsessing over Nick’s actions before it’s time for the cocktail party to start. But before we can get started with the night’s round of speed dating, Nick gets a chance to tell his side of the Liz story, glossing over the awkward sex and the fact that she flat out said “I don’t want your number.” It’s all pretty rehearsed and insincere, which is on brand. Admittedly, I was paying more attention to his floral print tie than his words.

After Nick invites the girls to participate in a Reddit AMA about him and Liz, he spends the rest of the night reassuring the women that he does, in fact, have a dick and Liz is clearly a TV fame whore. At no point in the night do we see Nick actually apologize for his dishonesty. The closest we get to remorse is Nick telling Danielle L. that he was particularly worried about how she felt, because she’s super hot and out of his league. After a few dull conversations, the Corinne Show starts back up again. Because she “knows how to turn on the sex charm,” Corinne corners Nick outside, wielding whipped cream and wearing nothing but a trench coat. Corinne’s launches into an “I really like you” speech only to be interrupted by Nick asking if she’s in a dress or a coat. As if Nick can’t see the tell tale signs of a Varsity Blues reenactment. After making him actually eat a mouth full of whipped cream, Corinne pulls out her left boob, covers it in whipped cream, and demands he lick it off.

AND HE DOES!!! I’m not sure why this surprised me SO much, but like, COME ON. He eventually starts to get nervous as his eyes dart off camera to a producer, clearly worried that someone is going to see them and wanting to know if the coast is clear. It was, for the time being, so Corinne goes ahead and flashes Nick AGAIN. At this point, Nick starts explaining in a voice over that he’s “really juggling trying to appreciate Corinne while also being respectful of the women in the house.”

Pretty impressive juggling, Nick.  Eventually Jasmine walks by, pretending to have no idea what’s going on and saves Nick from more fake juggling. In a puzzling turn of events, Corinne becomes self-aware for just a moment, worrying that she went too far and made things awkward. She’s clearly just wasted at this point, and since she’s used to getting about 16 hours of sleep per day it’s time for a nap. But it’s also time for the rose ceremony. Obviously no one bothered to wake her up because she’s a terrible disaster, but this is also another example of how these girls keep giving Nick the benefit of the doubt when he does. not. deserve. it. They thought he would get mad and punish her. Maybe take away her rose and make her participate in the ceremony. But he does none of this. Instead, he gives us yet another circus metaphor, telling us that it’s a difficult balancing act between validating Corinne’s behavior and keeping the other women from thinking he’s validating her behavior. And then. sure enough, he validates her behavior by doing and saying ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. 

Awesome balancing act, Nick. 

Rock Your Body, Right?

Okay so I would definitely freak out for 2 minutes if BSB showed up in my living room, but then I would be like, “wait, do you really have NOTHING better to do?” Well, no. Not really. So the first group of girls and Nick head off to some LA studio where the Backstreet Boys teach them choreography (aka “planned dancing”) so they can all perform *live* on stage later that night. Corinne struggles through this group date because she’s not a good planned dancer and because Nick can’t take his eyes off Danielle L. She claims she’s “not a cry baby” and doesn’t throw a fit when the attention isn’t on her ... but then cries and runs away because the attention isn’t on her. Her “meltdown,” as well as the remainder of the date is pretty underwhelming. Even though Jasmine is an actual professional dancer, Danielle L. is the main focus. Neither Nick, the cameraman or the 5th Backstreet Boy no one ever remembers can keep their eyes off Danielle L. So she *wins* this portion of the date and as punishment a reward, she gets to slow dance with Nick on stage to an acapella rendition of “I Want It That Way.”

Later that night, we see Nick and Danielle L. getting some quality alone time, but it all feels pretty fake. Not just because she’s an actress and would never give him the time of day in real life, but because she’s an actress and would never give him the time of day in real life. Back at the camp fire, Corinne has just woken from a quick cat nap and joins a comically stereotypical conversation about boob jobs and kids which quickly turns into a Raquel reveal. The women are floored to hear that Corinne has a “nanny” that makes her bed, slices her vegetables and makes her cheese pasta (more commonly known as mac and cheese). Jasmine’s reaction is everyone’s reaction:

Yes, she DID just say nanny. Yes, she IS a 24-year-old. Yes, she IS the worst person you have ever met in your life. Jasmine is so drunk shocked by the news that she ends up wiping out on her way back from the bathroom. 

No Gravity. Lots of Tears.

The Zero-Gravity plane is definitely cooler than the Backstreet Boys, but less cool than, say, dating a guy who doesn’t lick whipped cream of a 24 year old’s chest before and after making out with your roommates. As I imagine most dates with Nick go, everything is going *swell* until Vanessa starts throwing up. She is able to look fairly poised as she barfs, even though Nick is all over her like a needy little rodent, rubbing her feet and up her pant legs as she yacks into a barf bag. Later that night, Vanessa tells a moving story about the day she buried her grandfather (conveniently right before she came here) and how someone gave her a rose so this is all *fate* (or something like that). After this moving story, she asks some hard hitting questions like why he’s doing this for a 4th time after getting shit on so many times. Nick explains that its hard to pay bills and your rent when you aren’t employed or making appearances, and you can’t do that if you’re just a two time loser with no compelling love story. The openness and honesty of this conversation moves Nick, and me, to tears.

Track, Field, and Bouncing

The second date is considerably less exciting than dancing behind the Backstreet Boys. Of course Olympians should get us more excited, but ABC is going to be hard pressed to find a Bachelor fan who gives a shit about the first US woman to win gold in the shot put. Luckily, Astrid decided to make the date more interesting for everyone by not wearing a real sports bra despite rocking double Ds. Astrid, honey, no man--especially this one--is worth running around in an unsupportive sports bra for. After a serious of actual track and field events, Rachel, Alexis and Astrid—due in part because of her javelin throw and larger part by dem titties—are selected to race each other to grab a fake engagement ring. Despite coming in 3rd place, Astrid manages to grab the ring, or what’s left of it, off the ground and wins the prize of a make out session with Nick in a hot tub. Later that night, Dominique continues to spiral about Nick not paying attention to her, so Rachel takes her into the bathroom and gives her a very reasonable pep talk. Notably, even though Dominique ends up getting sent home before the end of the date, this whole part of the episode was very boring. It’s not a coincidence, of course, seeing as most of the younger girls were either left at the house or on the first date. But this reflects the Catch 22 that is the Bachelor. You want to see drama and girls say dumb shit, but you also want to see people find *genuine love*. It’s hard to find *genuine love* when you cast a bunch of 24 year olds to date a 36 year old, but it’s also hard to keep people interested if you don’t have a Corinne flashing her nip every other scene. This is, of course, one of the countless reasons why these pairings almost never work out in real life, further emphasizing the conclusion that this show is ultimately about 15 minutes of fame and finding new people to push Fit Tea on Instagram, not about finding love.

Straddling Someone In a Bouncy Castle. No.

I’m a big fan of pool parties replacing the cocktail parties because people end up getting wasted after drinking in the sun all day. It also provides time for stunts like Corinne’s bouncy castle. To no one’s surprise, Corinne does not join the pool party but instead, lures Nick out to the driveway where the producers Raquel have inflated a bouncy castle for Nick and Corinne to dry-hump in. As if this wasn’t enough and “Very unfair!,” Corinne squeals loudly with excitement so the girls sitting just 10 feet away can hear her. Almost as if it was staged (lol), the girls peek their heads out into the driveway to see Corinne bouncing on top of Nick.

Most of them get fed up watching Corinne and Nick dry-hump and head back to the pool to plot their “I’m disappointed in you” talk with Nick.  Sure enough, Raven kicks things off by saying that on behalf of all the small business owners on this show, he is making a huge mistake with Corinne. Nick seems to have missed the whole nanny memo, but he isn’t as disgusted / appalled / turned off as a 36 year old would imagine. That may be because he’s connected the dots that she’s loaded. Or he doesn’t care because he thinks with a dick and this is all just another step to landing himself in the reality tv hall of fame. Or, he just doesn’t respect these women. Assuming it’s #3, because it is, he lets the criticism wash over him like a sheepish alter boy, avoiding eye contact with all the drunk girls lecturing him. That is, until Vanessa pulls him aside and dresses him down. Nick, being the piece of shit that he is, tries to tell Vanessa he “doesn’t know what she saw” --- but Vanessa claps back that “it was enough for her to walk away after 2 seconds.” 

Hell yeah it was, because that was shameless and gross and pretty god damn offensive. Especially after he just said he didn’t want people thinking he wasn’t here for the #rightreasons and CRIED in her arms the night before. So, Vanessa asks, why the fuck would you hump a 24-year-old with a nanny in front of everyone and on TV? And before you can answer, just know that Vanessa isn’t judging Corinne, she’s judging Nick’s actions.  Well that’s very admirable, Vanessa. But we’re also judging Corinne....

Did you notice . . .

Elizabeth (we’re always like “who the hell is that) says that she might not be able to stay if Nick fucks anyone before the Fantasy Suite. But, after the Fantasy Suite is okay?

Corinne’s intonation when she complains about watching Danielle L. and Nick make out in front of her faaaaace.

Alexis says “move bitches” when she steps down to get her rose. Love her.

Corinne saying she was asleep with her nips exposed on the group date. Like what is with this girl and her nipples. We get it! You have nipples!

I’d bet you $100 Ivanka Trump also calls mac and cheese “cheese pasta.”

“I could be one of the last ones standing.” - Rachel. It’s funny how she doesn’t say “I could be engaged.” Almost like she knows there’s 0% chance Nick would actually get fake-engaged to...

Josephine’s audition for America’s Got Talent during the credits. Yikes.

Minority Report: Jasmine just barely got the final rose this last ceremony, but we lost Dominique in an unceremonious dismissal fitting her time, or lack thereof, on the show. At least Rachel got the group date rose, so it kind of all evened out?

[healthandfitnessrecipes-blog]

6 More Tips to Help You Put a Stop to Binge Eating - Girls Gone Strong

https://healthandfitnessrecipes.com/?p=4076

Note from GGS: The line between disordered eating behaviors and eating disorders can be a tenuous one, and disordered eating is the greatest predictor of developing an eating disorder, such as (but not limited to) Binge Eating Disorder. If you suffer or suspect you may suffer from Binge Eating Disorder, we encourage you to seek professional help through the resources shared at the end of this article.

In the previous article of this series, I went through six essential tips to help you stop binge eating behaviors. Today, I’m sharing six more tips to help you deal with difficult emotions, feel back in control, and stop letting food rule your life.

Plan for Pleasure

If, at the end of a meal, all you’re planning on doing is the washing up, then you’re not really going to want to stop eating. Eating is pleasurable — washing up isn’t.

So once you finish a meal, it’s a great idea to put any leftovers out of sight, then move straight into a fun activity. What are a list of (low energy) activities that you enjoy and can do right after eating? Here are some examples:

Look at images of cool stuff on the internet.

Watch your favorite comedy show.

Go for a walk, feeling your feet on the ground, and the wind flowing through your hands. Really take in and notice the surroundings.

Listen to funny, interesting podcasts.

Play an instrument (your own voice is an instrument, I promise you).

Write, doodle or draw.

Spend time with someone you love.

Listen to some seriously epic music while breathing deeply.

Take a shower or a bath.

Read a book. (I recommend something truly healing and inspiring.)

Listen to the sounds of breathing, gentle rain or heartbeats.

If you’re anything like me, then you may struggle with resting and giving yourself downtime, but it’s super important that you do.

For instance, I like drawing, so I used to start drawing after dinner. But then, of course, I put all this pressure on myself to actually achieve something each evening, or to improve my technique. Before I knew it, I was back in the kitchen eating, trying to deal with the difficult emotions of procrastination, fear of failure, never amounting to anything, and… yeah, you get the idea.

Give yourself permission to chill.

It might be useful to write out a plan or checklist for the evening. For example:

Straight after dinner, I will _____________ (e.g., listen to loud music and breathe deeply. This will get you out of the inertia of wanting to keep eating.)

Then, I will ______________ (e.g., draw, putting no pressure on myself.)

When I feel the urge to binge, I will ________________ (e.g., hold my breath for 10 seconds and remind myself that I am safe and I will never have to restrict.)

Don’t expect the urge to binge not to arise. Come up with a plan so you can deal with it in the most effective way possible, and actually write it down. Don’t just think it. Ink it.

Step Off the Bathroom Scale

Every week, I’d almost cover my eyes, terrified of what the number was going to say. Whether it was “good” or “bad,” it would affect my entire day. And in response to whatever the scale said? That’s right: I’d eat.

The scale is full of emotion for so many people. Maybe it’s time to stop creating a time of day where you brutally judge yourself. Maybe it’s time to stop putting your self-worth into a number. Maybe it’s time to stop using an external measurement to gauge “how you’re doing.”

Stepping off the scale means you can focus on what actually matters: how you feel.

It means that, instead of using an external number, you can adopt a well-being mindset:

“I eat in the way I want to take care of this body. I’m sleeping better. I’m seeing my energy and strength go up. I feel happier, and more at ease in myself.”

Personally, I set up a Google form with a series of questions, and emailed it to myself each week. The questions were:

How light and energetic have I been feeling?

Have I been eating lots of colorful vegetables?

How is my overall happiness?

How is my peace around food?

How frequently do I feel joy in my life?

What is the quality of my self-talk?

This way, I could focus on important things while tracking my progress without any of the emotions that are tied into weighing myself. After all, how you’re feeling is what really matters. The number on the scale is meaningless.

Make Sure You’re Eating Enough

“Woah, woah, Maria, you’re crazy! I’m definitely eating enough… have you seen the amount of food I binge on?”

I hear you, but if you aren’t eating adequately in between those binges, then your body will continue to want to binge. Is it possible to get three decent meals in per day? Try not to overthink it, just try to get a good mix of protein, carbs, fats, and veggies. Use a 1 to 5 hunger scale to guide you, where 1 represents feeling very hungry and 5 represents feeling stuffed.

Restricting after a binge only perpetuates the cycle. Try to be kind to yourself, no matter what has happened.

Pop Open the Hood

Eating when you’re not truly hungry means you’re eating because you’re trying to manage some kind of emotion. Boredom, procrastination, happiness, anger, disgust, tiredness, sadness, these are all reasons people eat.

If you’re finding it difficult to just “will yourself away” from food, then be prepared to do some internal work.

Emotions are completely human and natural, and they need to be felt to run their course. I know: you want to be happy all the time, but that’s just not how life works.

By acknowledging how you’re feeling, and by communicating it in a healthy way, you can reduce the intensity of difficult emotions, and the desire to eat in response to those emotions.

Have you ever walked into a dark room, and you thought you could see a shape in the darkness… you thought it was a person, that there was someone in there with you? Then, you switched the light on, and you realized it was just a coat, or some other, harmless object?

When you can’t see your emotions clearly, they become this scary shape in the darkness. But when you turn on the light, you actually realize that they aren’t as scary as they seemed. You realize you’re stronger than you thought, and you can manage whatever is happening. It might not be pleasant to sit with sadness, and pain, but it is manageable.

So take a long, deep breath. In through the nose. Out through the mouth. Then ask yourself:

What emotions are present right now?

What sensations are here in my body?

You might begin to notice that your emotions aren’t permanent. They come and go. And the more you can pay attention to them, the less scary they are.

Another way of becoming aware of what’s going on for you is to take a piece of paper and write down anything and everything that comes to mind. Don’t judge it, just get it down on paper.

I often find out that if I write down all my thoughts and worries in the moment, they don’t seem as scary on paper as they did unsaid and unheard in my mind.

Reaching out and talking to others is also a great way to let your emotions be heard.

Stop Dieting

There’s a ton of studies showing that dieting is highly correlated to binge eating. This quick overview of one of those studies was eye-opening for me.

During the Minnesota Semi-Starvation Experiment [1], the top 36 mentally and physically fit males were hand-picked from 400 Civilian Public Service members (the CPS was an alternative to military service in the U.S. during WWII). These guys were followed for three months before the experiment started to make sure they fit the criteria. Each man was then put on a strict, 1,540 kcal diet for 24 weeks.

Here’s what was reported:

Physical Complaints

At first, the men noticed some physical changes, before constantly complaining that they felt cold, tired, and hungry. They began to have trouble concentrating. They felt dizzy. They had headaches.

Food Was Always On Their Mind

The men became obsessed with food. They talked about it, daydreamed about it. They spent a ton of time planning what they would eat and how they would distribute their calories throughout the day. Food became the most important thing in their lives. They started collecting cookbooks, hoarding, sneaking food, and bringing it to their beds at night.

Emotional Disaster

As the study continued, these guys didn’t just become tired and irritable (which all of us have experienced when we’re slightly hungry). They completely lost their sense of humour, their ambition, as well as their interest in their work and their friends.

They became anxious and apathetic, and started to experience depression, hypochondria, as well as a decreased sex drive. They felt inadequate, and they couldn’t seem to concentrate on anything but food.

Two of the men had to spend time in a psychiatric hospital, and one began to physically harm himself. Each one of them grew self-critical, and began to experience distorted body images. These deprived, starving men actually reported feeling overweight.

Binging and Blaming

Several participants binged on food, and then immediately blamed themselves. One man ate multiple ice cream sundaes and chocolate malts, then stole some candy. He finished off the binging episode by eating several raw swedes (the root vegetable, not the people from Sweden… though it’s fairly grim either way!). When he confessed to the experimenters that he’d broken the rules, he began to verbally demonize himself in front of them.

While others stole food from the trash, some of the men had to quit the study because their binging became so frequent they simply couldn’t stick to the diet.

When the experiment ended 24 weeks later, the men were allowed to go back to eating normally. Except, most of them couldn’t. Many of them had lost total control of their hunger signals, and “ate more or less continuously.”

One reported eating massive five- or six-thousand calorie meals, and then snacking only an hour later. Another man ate so much the first day after the study, he had to be taken to hospital to get his stomach pumped. They reported not being able to satisfy their psychological hunger, no matter how much they ate.

One went on a year-long binge, putting on substantial weight. Just months earlier, this man had a healthy relationship with food. He was hand-chosen for being exemplary, and yet in 24 weeks, he had been completely changed.

This kind of study would not be allowed to take place today, for the “unethical, inhumane treatment of subjects” and yet many of us do this to ourselves, year after year.

I hope this study highlights to you that diets don’t work because they:

Intensify cravings

Make you preoccupied with food

Disconnect you with your natural hunger cues (making you eat when you’re not hungry, and eat more than you need)

Increase emotional, physical, and psychological distress, and the likelihood that you’ll eat in response to that stress.

It’s time to stop restricting. Give yourself permission to eat any food you want. Give yourself permission to eat any time you want. Instead of counting calories, start using the hunger scale as a guide to start listening to your body again.

I know this sounds like a scary step, but it is the best, and fastest, way to end binge eating. Since you have permission to eat anything, any time you want, the cravings for your kryptonite foods will decrease to a manageable level.

Forgive Yourself

No matter what happens, you must forgive yourself, over and over again. What would you say to a friend who was going through the same thing? There’s no way you’d call them the names you’ve been calling yourself.

You’re learning, and you’re trying to change behaviors. Change is hard. You will fall down, but the sooner you can get back up again, the quicker you’ll be able to move forward. Instead of beating yourself up about failure, could you use it as a learning experience?

So when you’re lying in bed, stuffed to the stomach, cursing yourself for “blowing it yet again,” is it possible to soften? Can you say:

“Actually, this is a great reminder that I don’t want to be doing this anymore. In the moments leading up to this, I didn’t use the skills I’m learning, but it’s OK. My body will forgive me, and I’ll be hungry again at some point. And when I am, it’s another opportunity to listen to that hunger, and to nourish myself and fuel my body in the way that I choose.”

That’s the brilliant thing about the human body: you’re going to get hungry every day, so you get the opportunity to practice these skills every day! And, like anything, if you practice enough, it will eventually become second nature. You’ll be able to eat intuitively, listen to what your body needs, and start living your life again.

To Sum It Up

You’re always in control of your actions, even if it doesn’t feel like it. By stopping any food restriction, you can accelerate this feeling of control.

Be prepared to do some internal work on your emotions: acknowledge how you’re feeling by observing your thoughts (and how they feel in your body), writing them down, or talking to someone.

And remember: progress isn’t linear. You’re practicing something new, and trying to change a behavior. Change is hard, so forgive yourself, no matter what.

Resources

Binge Eating Disorder is a clinically diagnosed eating disorder, and warrants professional help. If you find yourself unsure about your own behaviors and would like to learn more or find help, please consult the resources below:

National Centre for Eating Disorders (United Kingdom)

National Eating Disorder Information Center (Canada)

National Eating Disorders Association (United States)

National Eating Disorders Collaboration (Australia)

Reference

Keys, A., Brožek, J., Henschel, A., Mickelsen, O., & Taylor, H. L., The Biology of Human Starvation (2 volumes), University of Minnesota Press, 1950.

  The post 6 More Tips to Help You Put a Stop to Binge Eating appeared first on Girls Gone Strong.

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