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peeterparkr · 3 years

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memories & misconceptions|tom holland

prologue: the summer flashback

song: enough for you-olivia rodrigo

↳ read Kat’s version here and Tom’s conversation with Kat. (Harry fic)

So, it’s here. Finally. I’m beyond excited for this. We’ve been working on this for so ong but we are super excited to shared this with you! This is a 2 fics in one, meaning I’ll write Tom’s fic and @erodasghosts will write a Harry Styles fic. It’s a choose your y/n, let’s say. The y/n for Tom will be named Thea on Harry’s fic, and Harry’s y/n is named Kat in this one. The stories are connected, it’s a group of friends living in an old town. This is all a flashback.

Feedback and reblogs are very appreciated.

STORY SUMMARY: Not every relationship can last forever, but what decides when it ends? Is it the memories of when things were, or is it the misconceptions of the present. What is stronger in matters of the heart when love and friendship becomes a choice? Does pride dim our devotion enough for it to be forsaken? And is obstinacy strong enough to erase the memory of a hopeful summer night? When a group of friends are reunited after years of unspoken truths and turbulent grudges, old arguments and fights might ricochet, and though their history might be dense enough to drown them, it might be the one thing to keep them afloat.

chapter summary: The heartbreak of a teenage unrequited lover or when one summer confession led to a disaster. pairing: band member! tom holland x y/n friends to enemies to strangers to lovers idiots to lovers

warnings: mentions of cigarettes, angsty, ish. word count: 9.3k

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Summer is known for romances, romances that spark and shoot like stars, romances that might start on an uneventful afternoon and end with the morning, giving you a night of memories, with innocent evenings full of wonder and hope. Secrets are hidden, songs are written but they say summer romances end for a reason or other. It’s no wonder, summer comes and goes, and the starry nights just flash upon your eyes. It is rare for a summer romance to ever achieve more than spilled bottles of wine or scattered empty packs of cigarettes. Summer romances are but for one’s memory.

Summer romances don’t last.

Summer romances are known to end in the blink of an eye as the sun fades. Or as the last star leaves in the morning. They go so easily.

Luckily, this isn’t a summer romance story. Though, we might want to agree, that there was one particular summer that could've been one.

Summer was usually the best time to open your heart. And you had tried to open it. And to your eyes, it could’ve been something more. Yet. Maybe the heartbreak was necessary, and you would know years later that it was all worth it. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves.

You usually loved summers, it was the perfect time to spend time with your friends, Kat, Harry, Andrew… and Tom.

Friends who will remain friends for more than a summer, who have been friends for even more.

This is the story of memories that were built in misconceptions, of a friend group that fell apart when they needed each other the most. Of a friend group that spoke too much or didn’t speak at all.

One could argue it all started in one particular summer, only with one conversation that led to the chaos that happened years later.

Yet, that summer felt special. The one that had built the most memories that would be ingrained in your heart.

It’s fair to point out now, a summer fling might be easily perceived as a romance. The misconception of the concept often comes as a mistake. You, fair to point out as well, were a victim of misconceptions.

Yet, maybe you had been inspired by your own very friends. Seeing them falling in love with each other had been an inspiration. Harry and Kat. A summer romance that could be presumed to be something else. Something for a lifetime, perchance.

Maybe the secret for a summer romance to last is not to have the romance in summer, but the buildup. What Harry and Kat were doing.

Your own faulty thinking had led you to believe you could experience a summer romance like theirs. It wasn’t even a summer fling.

Yet, it was summer, and nothing more.

Good, however, because summer romances end with it. It wasn’t even a summer romance, yet Tom had ended it with one single sentence.

Harry and Kat were upstairs, in Harry’s room, Tom and you had decided to stay downstairs, while you finished your own cup of tea.

You hadn’t given an answer to the statement that had just shattered your heart minutes ago. You had thanked yourself for not being holding the teacup, for you might have dropped it. But you had dropped his hand, hand you were playing with just as he stated the ending to your fantasy. You felt like you’d never been more at loss to try and make your feelings be what they were not. Though, you were not sure why your heart had shattered. You were meant to smile, even if you were about to cry.

He was your friend. First and foremost. That’s what you were meant to do, support him.

You gripped your teacup as you only waited for an explanation. Not from him, but from your own heart. Why was it aching?

Why was Tom’s statement bothering you? And why had you remained quiet?

It was no secret that his smile caused yours, or that his laughter easily merged with yours. Maybe hearing the sentence he had just said had proven to you how wrong you were, perchance it was only one sided. But Tom was a friend, he’d been your friend for a long, long, long time now.

He only watched you. Expecting you to say anything, anything.

Not every day you hear… a friend saying he has feelings for your best friend. Tom had feelings for Kat. That had come as a big surprise for you, given the summer you had had with him.

“I have feelings for Kat,” he had said. He had dared to say.

Not every day, you hear the person you’d been willing to give up all your dreams for say he is interested on your own best friend. Not after the summer you had had.

Not that it was… interesting enough. Apparently.

How had the conversation led there? Only a few minutes before you had been begging him to play Dreams by The Cranberries that night at Grandma’s, and he had said he would only if you sang it, the song that had defined that summer for you both.

Yet he had stopped your fantasy.

They had been hanging out together, for sure, Kat and Tom. But so had you and Harry. And you and Andrew.

But you and Tom. Maybe you had been foolish for thinking about it.

You were friends, but—

“Oh?” you had finally said, you only took a sip from your tea. You offered him a warm smile trying to erase whatever expression you had before. “Really? You… You… You have feelings for Kat? That’s… new.”

He had feelings for your best friend when you’d been making a fool of yourself for him. This had been your fault. And you weren’t even sure why it was your fault. Why were you feeling this way?

Tom seemed to be confused with your reaction. “Yeah… I… I think we’re really alike.”

You tried not to actually feed on your real emotions. “Right.” You gave him another smile.

He eyed down the teacup. “You always leave lipstick stains everywhere,” he pointed out as your lips were pressed against the cup. “Red here—Red there.“

You bit your lip, and glanced at the teacup. “Yeah,” you were trying not to be hurt about this all. “So,” you kept watching him, more curiously now. “Kat? Hm, makes sense. You’ve been spending a lot of time with her.”

Tom glued his eyes back to yours, “yeah, okay,” he scratched his head. “Yeah, she—she understands me. And I don’t have to—“

“But what about Harry?” You whispered then. Knowing his very best friend would be upstairs with Kat. Being cute or whatever they did when they were alone.

Tom coughed, “Yeah, that’s the issue. But…” Tom raised his own empty cup, letting it hang from his finger. “Do you… I mean, think about it, they are so different, eh?”

“Yeah, well different is good,” you said. “I mean, we are so different, and we get along just fine. We are ...very good friends.” Though there was a hidden meaning behind that sentence.

Tom took a deep breath, avoiding your glance. “But, look, I have... You and Harry, you guys get along well, because you both are so alike, alright?”

“Ew, no, are you suggesting—“

“No, I… I know you and Harry are just friends… and Kat might…” Tom was nervous. “But, in the long run,” he took a deep breath. “I mean—Look, we get along fine but—Those two—“

“Harry’s your best friend,” you stated before he could continue. “Tom—Thomas you know how Harry feels about Kat. And I’m sure Kat… feels the same.”

Harry and Tom were just like you and Kat. Best friends. So it came as a surprise Tom was saying this, letting past the summer you had had with him, with you both smoking from the same cigarette, your head on his shoulder every time you needed to rest it, your lips leaving red marks in his own cups, or sometimes on his cheek. Driving with windows down to talk about anything and nothing. Watching movies to memorize the lines, and memorizing the melody of his smile. Blushing every time he looked into your eyes or brushing your hand against his any time you could.

Watching Kat and Harry fall in love, slowly as they kept sneaking around, clearly trying to make the friendship try and become something else. With Harry stating the obvious and Kat growing past the need of hiding her own sentiments.

Why was Tom standing there saying he liked Kat? When his own very best friend had opened his heart so abruptly to her. Did he dismiss it? Was he so selfish?

And did this summer when you both planned your dreams meant absolutely nothing?

And his best friend. His very best friend was in love with Kat.

Tom sighed. “But what if… I just…” He rubbed his temple. “I dunno.”

You waited for him to keep talking. You needed him to walk you through this. Had he not played songs to you all summer? Or held you tight when the five friends watched a horror movie? Had you not lied to your dad to sneak out at nights with him? Had you not laughed until you ran out of breath? Had you not written so many songs for and about him? Or talked with him about everything and nothing having those talks that seem to go forever?

Did he not know your deepest fears now? And what for?

Had that not… been enough? How blinded had you been for this?

And why did that even matter? You couldn’t care less about him. Or… rather, you only cared for him as a friend. So it made no sense why you were so heartbroken. Why was your chest crushing your heart?

You decided to speak again, “Harry’s asking her out today, Thomas.”

Because although Harry didn’t hide his feelings he had finally earned the courage to try and make it official. Or rather… he finally thought Kat was ready.

“Is that all you’re saying?” He questioned.

Tom and Kat were very similar, they were quiet and reserved. Scared of showing any emotion. Tom loved living in his own world where remorse and melancholy were the only two acceptable emotions. It was hard for him to show anything, and you had accepted that, knowing that he was such a mysterious person. It was fun trying to discover him, as if you were unlocking layers.

With Kat, you had been used to it, already. Your best friend loved pushing her feelings aside. So of course, you had learned not to make them push it.

Perhaps that had led you not to push Tom, knowing he’d—be bothered. And now this was another confirmation as to why, for the first time, you would push your feelings aside.

Harry and you, on the other hand, were loud and sharing. For both of you, life was pink and everything had to be a show. Everything. You both believed in feelings being showcased. Harry and you both often fought for the spotlight.

It was funny, how mirroring Harry and Tom were to you and Kat. And how ironic it was Harry fell for the female version of his best friend.

And how you… would deny everything for the first time.

You shrugged, “what else would I, Thomas? Are you a complete moron? That’s your best friend upstairs and my best friend!”

“Which is why—don’t you think—Kat would be happier with someone like me?” Tom questioned.

You waited for him to elaborate, eyes glued on him.

He cleared his throat. “I—someone who won’t push her to—show her feelings, someone who understands that—Someone who isn’t too much.”

Too much. You swallowed those words. Too much. Tom often said you and Harry were so, so similar. He acknowledged it, too. His best friend and you probably were, that’s why you and Harry got perfectly fine. But too much? What was that supposed to mean? You were too much? Was he trying to say that?

“Aren’t you best friends with Harry? Am I not best friends with Kat?” You pushed. “Kat brings the best in me, and Harry brings the best in you.”

“But it’s a friendship,” Tom said. “What if—Kat gets overwhelmed with Harry? Or what if Harry gets bored of Kat? How bad of a heartbreak would that be for her?”

You only stared at him, once again. Fidgeting with your cup.

“You don’t support this,” Tom said.

“Yeah, um.. you can like whoever you want, there’s nothing wrong in liking someone, I actually encourage you to have some feelings,” you said, with venom. “And I understand why you like Kat, she is very beautiful, she’s got a great personality and you are both very similar. Too similar.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Tom said, looking away. Did he feel guilty? “But also,” he continued. “I—Well.”

“You’re a moron, he is your best friend, besides this summer-” you cut off the sentence and shook your head. “Why are you telling me this?” You asked.

Tom Pressed his lips, and took a deep breath. “Because—“Tom shrugged. “I dunno, I trust you, you’re my friend, you—we have gotten closer right? I mean we’ve—I— and you—Maybe you can help me out with Kat.”

You wanted to scream. “Help you out with my best friend who I know who she has feelings for? When that guy happens to be your very best friend? When that guy happens to be upstairs? When that guy happens to be my friend, too? And he likes her back? You’d have to be a proper idiot.”

“I— really like Kat, and Harry, I know him, he probably will do something big, you know? Just to ask her out, and—He makes a big deal of everything-”

“Because he is in love with her!” You stated. “He wants the best for her, and you should know that. Your love language might be non-existent, but Harry’s is…showing affection in big romantic gestures, and that’s the thing, y’know? Yes, he goes big but because he thinks that’s what Kat deserves, and she does!”

“I know she does but—He hasn’t taken the time to know her, and I have—Look, it’s complicated.”

You had crossed your arms upstairs. “Your best friend—“

“I know,” he answered. “But—I—look, this summer—“

“This summer?”

You heard a car honk outside. Andrew, the fifth member to the friend group, often a savior to this kind of situation, was here already. You did not want to speak to Tom right now, he was being selfish and an idiot. Did he not notice how heartbroken you were?

And you didn’t even care about your own heart, if he didn’t… No, if the summer that you had spent meant nothing to him, then there was nothing you could do. Maybe in another life, or in another time, something would’ve gone differently.

Maybe it had never been meant to be at all, and you had built in an idea from an illusion and it was easier to live in your own fantasy.

You avoided him, and went to the door, with your whole body shrinking, your head spinning. How was he so selfish? His own best friend loved Kat. How dare he?

You needed to avoid your own heavy heart hanging from your chest, so broken.

“Y/N,” Tom tried following after you.

You had seen Andrew slam the door after getting out of his step brother’s car, Nicholas. Someone who you didn’t care about at all. But—right now you needed an escape and there was Nicholas, in that old car he drove.

Andrew seemed pissed yet you still decided to approach Nick. Knowing damn well it would piss off Tom.

Andrew gave you a funny look. You decided to kiss Andrew’s cheek before turning to his step brother's car. Wondering if Tom was watching you.

Seemed that your sole goal was to enrage him.

“Hey, thanks for dropping Andrew,” you said as you leaned over to the window.

Nick chuckled. “I was forced to.”,

“I know,” you gave him an apologetic smile. “but still thanks.”

Nicholas had always been of mostly everyone’s interest. Typical blue eyed brown haired boy with pretty features. He was… popular, which meant he was only bothered by his brother and his lack of popularity. Or different popularity he was offered.

Your friend group had never been of interest to become popular, you rather enjoyed being left alone to your own shenanigans. You had more fun than them, that is. You knew, however, that there was some sort of popularity involved in your group, probably because of Harry.

Nicholas watched you, unaware of what exactly were your intentions on approaching him. “Nice to see you—y/n.”

“yeah,” you said carelessly. “You too, Nicholas.”

“You’re the only decent one in his group of friends, huh?” He dedicated a smile to you.

“Y/N,” you heard Tom call.

You ignored him and a very weird thought came to your mind, as you were leaning on the window, maybe you could hop in and escape from Tom, ask Nick to drive you away from the heartache. How dramatic would it be to escape from your heartbreak on a car. “Well, we are not that bad,” you said. “and—Well, the reason why I’m approaching you…” you reminded yourself again. “I don’t know if Andrew told you, my friends—Harry and Tom, they’re playing tonight at my grandma's cafe, they’ve got a band.”

Nick seemed confused about your statement. “ah, and you want me there?”

You smiled warmly. “Yeah, would be cool if you came, I’m inviting everyone, the more the merrier, you can bring your friends… I just want everyone to see them they’re really good.”

“Are they?” Nick rolled his eyes.

You beamed nodding, “Yeah, Tom’s great with the guitar, and Harry’s a really good singer, plus they’re singing a few songs I wrote,” you explained, kindly even if the guy was probably dying to mock you.

“Are you seriously inviting me?” Nick asked. “Don’t you hate me?”

“Yeah, I am inviting you,” you insisted with a smile. “And I don’t hate anybody.”

Maybe Tom. Momentarily.

His sight changed, and his smirk turned into a genuine smile followed by an eye roll. “I—might drop by with some friends then. But, since you invited me, I might need to spend some time with you there.”

“We’ll see, see you.”

You turned on your feet. Tom was staring at you, incredulous. Just as Andrew, who was confused by the matters of it. You ignored them both and walked back into the house.

“Y/N,” Tom called.

“Andrew, darling, would you mind helping me clean up?” You called.

Tom walked to you. “You didn’t seriously just invite Dickolas?” Tom questioned you.

You didn’t bother looking at him. “Yeah, why not?

Andrew scoffed, “You’re really asking?” Andrew hissed.

“Because he’s a dickhead,” Tom snapped.

Tom was probably the one to hate Nick the most, probably because he saw Andrew as his own brother.

“I’m sure he will behave,” you said. “Besides, your band, Thomas, needs to have a younger audience, not a bunch of old farts and your families.” You then remembered your friend. “Does it bother you, Andrew?” You asked.

“Yes,” Tom answered.

“Andrew?” you emphasized.

Andrew took a deep breath. “No, I guess, you’re right.”

Tom watched you. “Whatever. I don’t think he’s coming anyway.”

Andrew stared at Tom. “Please, y/n invited him, of course he’s coming,” he said, annoyed.

“What is that supposed to mean?” You asked.

Andrew smirked and then glanced at Tom. “It means hurry the fuck up,” he warned him.

Tom flipped Andrew off.

“Where’s Kat and Harry?” Andrew asked.

“Upstairs, being adorable and such,” you said as you took the teacups to the sink.

Tom was still watching you. “You are literally betraying Andrew by inviting Dickolas, that’s being a shitty friend.”

You spun on your feet and made your way to him. “Oh,” you poked him repeatedly, accusingly. “so you do understand the concept of friendship.”

Tom avoided your gaze, “Y/N. That is different.”

“You’re right, your betrayal is worse!” But you were not sure who he was a traitor to.

Andrew frowned. “What betrayal?”

“She’s being overdramatic,” Tom snapped.

You could not believe him. “Am I?” You crossed your arms, but then pushed him away as he was trying to grab your arms to calm down. “You’ve got to be pissing me—You realize you’re being completely stupid—“

“Tom’s always stupid,” Andrew commented.

Maybe you were overreacting. “After all this summer, after—“But then again you had a reason. “You are literally betraying your very best friend—“

Tom grabbed your hand and pulled you close to him as he shushed you, “Hey, sh, sh, please!”

You only glared at him, snatching your hand from him. Did he— really not see all of this?

Andrew stared between you both, confused. “Yeah, I’m not gonna go through this whole mommy and daddy are fighting, I’m gonna go upstairs and interrupt the other two, hope they’re not making out.” He stated before leaving.

Tom frowned and turned to you the second Andrew had left, “so you were willing to spill my secret—“

“Andrew’s your friend.”

“I don’t want him to know,” Tom snapped. He had never snapped at you.

“Why? Because you know he will call you out for being a dick?” And you had never snapped back, and you had never called him that.

Tom was as surprised as you were. “did you—just call me a dick?”

“Yes.” But you would stand by it.

He was puzzled. Probably was confused as to how you’d gone from giggling and blushing while making the tea to—this. “why? You never—“

“because you are one!” You stated. Did he understand what you were feeling? And did he not understand how big of a jerk and a prick he was for dismissing his best friend?

“Yes, well you’re being a bigger dick for inviting Dickolas,” he hissed. “you literally know he has been such an asshole to Andrew lately.”

You avoided his glance. He had never spoken to you that way. “They’ve been getting better.”

They hadn’t .

“They haven’t and you know that,” Tom snarked.

You didn’t answer. Yes, it was wrong. But if you were honest. You already believed Nick was… misunderstood and often pushed around by his mother. Andrew had always agreed with you that his mother was the true enemy. Andrew’s father and Nicholas mother had decided to marry, only a few months back so Andrew was adjusting to the new life with his step brother. That wasn’t going well.

“You shouldn’t have invited him,” Tom pushed.

“But he’s popular,” you said.

“So are you and Harry! And I—I don’t really need anyone else there,” Tom said.

Nana, your grandmother, had given them the chance to play at her café. Probably your second favorite place to hang out after the treehouse.

“You do! Besides, I… This isn’t for you, okay?” You said.

He blinked. “What?”

“I need… My dad told me nobody cared so by inviting more people I am showing him I can-” You sighed.

Tom closed his eyes, “Is this what that’s about? Y/N--You can’t keep”

“My dad thinks Nick is a good person,” you sighed. “He has been working this summer with him and-”

“That's got to be bullshit. He thinks Dickolas is a good person and yet he--doesn’t believe I’m a good influence” Tom questioned.

Well, to be fair, your dad believed Tom to be a bad boy. He wasn’t. He tried to seem like one, with his leather jackets and cigarettes and his band and everything… edgy. Yet, Tom was sweet, or at least he was sweet to you. Your dad believed the guy to only be playing with your heart, which was ironic now, since… Well. He had spent a whole summer with you and ended up liking someone else. Your dad wasn’t fond of him. And you weren’t either, in this particular moment.

You’d grown up with this life ahead of you, this picture perfect future you wanted. A happy family, not like the one you had. You wanted to have what you didn’t, so your dad believed that Tom was ruining that dream for you.

“You’re ruining his perfect daughter,” you rolled your eyes. “You smoke.”

Tom rolled his eyes, “so do you!” He scrunched his nose and rolled his eyes. “And you’re changing the subject. I know you didn’t invite Nick for that.”

Tom probably knew you were doing to piss him off. “You need more people, Tom!”

“Well not Nick!” Tom snapped, again.

“Why not?” You questioned.

“Because it’s Dickolas, y/n, he… he is a dick,” Tom explained.

You looked up with poison, “and you aren’t?” You snapped.

“I mean, they both are,” a third voice came to the room. Kat. “Why would we want to put up with two dicks?”

Your heart stopped as you turned to see your best friend coming into the room. You looked between her and Tom with fear. Tom had gone stiff, too. He swallowed hard, and you were glaring at him. But you needed to go past your own emotions. Kat perfectly knew how to read you and you didn’t want her reading you right now. You needed to hide your heartbreak and anger.

You cleared your throat in an attempt to shift your posture. “Oh, haven’t thought about that, then Tom doesn’t have to come,” you snaked.

Tom scrunched his nose. “it’s literally my band?”

Kat walked over to you, “Maybe so but y/n makes a point, seems like an even trade with them,” she grinned at you.

You smirked, thankful your best friend had taken your side without even thinking about it. “See?” You crossed your arms. “Besides, I really do think that more people seeing you guys would be better, I don’t think a bunch of old farts is a great audience for your wanna be farty band.” You were really just throwing shots at Tom right now, knowing it would hurt him. He did look somehow hurt at you. You avoided his gaze. “Anyway, I need to… go talk to Harry.”

You started to walk away

Tom feared. “about what, exactly?” He clenched his jaw.

You raised your brows, and shrugged before poisoning, looking over your shoulder. “The power of friendship.”

Tom glared.

You yanked.

“Are you two… okay?” Asked Kat, watching between the both of you. Probably sensing the tension.

“No,” you sincered but then dedicated her a smile. “Thanks for asking, see you there my great friend and…” you eyed Tom up and down. “Tom.”

You left but heard Kat ask him. “What the fuck did you say to her?”

You were determined to run upstairs but Kat followed after, so you had to keep on with the facade.

“Wait, Thea, what’s going on?” Kat asked, because you knew no matter how much you tried to hide it from her, Kat would know.

“What? Nothing, he's just being an idiot…” You said, still trying to hide it. “Wait what’s…” You also could read your friend’s expression. Her flushed cheeks, her eyes shining. She probably had the best of news. Had Harry finally told her how he felt? “What happened with Harry? Why are you blushing?” You gushed. “Did you kiss?” you grinned, and for a moment your heartbreak was fone.

“Wait, what? I’m… “ She cleared her throat, and tried to hide the big smile. “No, we didn’t kiss, but…”

You smirked. “But?”

She rolled her eyes, still trying to mask her excitement. “You’re just avoiding whatever happened with Tom.”

You were. “Nothing happened.” Untrue. “But you’re the one avoiding whatever happened with Harry, please!” You pushed her jokingly. “You guys were there for about…an eternity, what happened? You’re smiling like an idiot!” You teased your friend.

“I am not avoiding it, I’m actually happy to share but I’m just concerned for you…”She watched you. “Was I really blushing, though?”

You gave her a cheeky grin. “Well, what happened?”

“I’m expecting to hear about Tom later, but… “ She couldn’t stop smiling. “Harry wrote this new song, and he was playing it for me… he seemed pretty nervous to share, and I guess it… I mean, it seemed to… be about me?”

You screamed, because what else is there to do when your friend tells her her crush wrote a song about her?

A song which you knew the existence of already, might be good to point out now. Harry had told you everything he had planned for Kat, and it was absolutely romantic. After the summer they had had, it was bound to come. Harry was completely mesmerized with her, and you knew Kat had feelings for him too.

Maybe you’d grown too deep into their reality that you confused it with your fantasy with Tom, which apparently was merely that. Your own stupid imagination. But you’d deal with the heartbreak later.

“And? What did you do?” You smiled at her.

“I… I mean, we were close to kissing before Andrew had interrupted…”She dropped the news like it was nothing. “And then on my way out I gave him my lipstick, like he had mentioned in the song.”

You chirped, and tried to hide your giggles. At least she was getting somewhere with this stupid summer. “Shut up, you should’ve bloody kissed him in the moment you twit!” You pushed her jokingly.

Kat’s eyes shined with hope. “I know, and we had been so close!

There was some sort of jealousy growing inside you. Not that you blamed Kat, or Harry. You blamed Tom for making you so foolishly believe anything. But that didn’t matter. Your friend was getting somewhere. And you were so happy for her. You wouldn’t dare to bring down her excitement. “And how do you feel about this? Are you finally admitting it? That you fancy his stupid ass?” You teased her, wiggling your eyebrows at her.

She clenched her jaw with a hidden smirk. “Well I never said that, did I? And I could’ve chosen much worse, like Tom or something.”

Kat didn’t know. There was no possible way for her to know what was going on. But she probably was trying to dig up whatever happened with him. Kat often didn’t have to ask what you felt and she knew. Just one look. This was her way to crack you.

And she did. “Fuck him,” you stated, proudly.

Kat widened her eyes with surprise, but nodded in acceptance. “So you’re cussing now, what happened?”

You cussed only when it was needed. “What happened is that you almost kissed Harry and you’re being stupid and avoiding it. So, what’s up with that?” You were the one avoiding your situation.

But what would you even say? To admit anything would mean finally saying out how how you...felt for Tom, and that would make it real, and then what else? That he liked her? And what would that mean to you? Were you being selfish.

Kat didn’t buy it. “Hmm, sure, that’s all,” she watched skeptically. “But I don’t mean to avoid it, for once, it’s just that Andrew came in. After the show, though, maybe I can get my lipstick back from him, you know?”

You licked your lips. “I’m pretty sure he wanted the lipstick, so then, how about when he gives it back, you use it so he can actually taste it,” you puckered your lips to make fun of her, then proceeded to make annoying kissing noises.

Kat tried to ignore them, rolling her eyes, but you could see she was trying to hold a laugh. “Anyway, I’ll tell you how that goes!” She looked away. “You’re sure you don’t want to ride with Tom and I?”

“I’d rather jump off a cliff,” you stated quickly, without even thinking about it. “No… I’m joking, I… I just need to talk to Harry about one of the songs… But I’ll see you guys there.” You didn’t mean to shut her off but you really didn’t feel okay.

She seemed slightly hurt. “Uhm, yeah, alright.”

“Yeah, and if you get the chance, please break his neck,” you smiled.

She looked you in the eyes, she was worried. How broke did you actually look. But she gave in, “I’d take any excuse to do that, but I do expect an explanation once I’ve done it.”

“It’s nothing, Katherine,” yet it came off slightly rude. You were hurting. “See you in a bit.”

You turned around, more determined. You knew Kat was probably upset. But you kept walking.

You had to stop right outside Harry’s closed door. You took a deep breath as soon as you knew nobody could see you.

To deal with the heartbreak you were denying to have was not simple. To fall in love with someone you’re so different from might be one of the foolish ways to ruin your own heart. It is jumping into the abyss without a parachute just for a view that’ll only last for a few seconds. It’s crossing the street with your eyes closed. Walking into the woods knowing you are going to get lost, never knowing if you’ll ever make it to the clear. It’s ruining yourself a million times. Yet it’s worth it, for some time at least.

But to fall in love with someone who will never love you back. It’s simply stupid.

You swallowed your words, your pride and your hurt. You knew you’d probably end up crying later that night. Hoping it would rain so your tears rhymed to the storm. Your chest hurt, as you tried to breathe in, leaning against the door to gain back your balance. With a hand to your heart, and the other one covering your mouth. You tried not to let it hurt but it simply did.

You’d keep it for yourself and you would never admit it out loud, that you had dared to open your heart just slightly. Why would you ever admit to anyone that you were ruined by him?

You’d get over it, eventually. You’d be happy. Just not today, and that was okay. And you wished he was happy, too. That wasn’t true. You didn’t wish that for him.

You’d resist the temptation to ever cease the wonder if you’d done something wrong, or maybe you just hadn’t been enough even when you’d tried to be the one perfect for him. Vain it had been all your stupid attempts to listen to the music he did, or coming up with little lies to your dad, or hiding that sparkle in your eyes when he walked into the room. Too stupid to think you deserved his love. Too stupid to try and prove you were worthy of his love. He was fire, and skies and wind and that you could be too, if he wanted you to be.

But it didn’t matter now, he liked Kat. Tom avoided showing any feelings, so for him to be stating he liked Kat, it was a big step. You were proud, you guessed. He finally gave in to feelings.

So you had to save your broken heart and put it in a drawer and smile. You cleaned up the single tear that had gone down your cheek and then pinched your cheeks just slightly to get that usual blush on your face. You decided not to knock on the door and simply walk in, as if you hadn’t just been on the verge of tears before.

But he wore jeans and t-shirts, so you’d get over his stupid ass and his stupid guitar. Even if that meant breaking his guitar, you know, for fun… But as an accident. No. You wouldn’t. But it would be fun. To break it like he broke your heart.

“Hey, losers,” you said, seeing as Harry stopped pacing around his room to stare at you. His eyes had a spark, he was blushing.

Fuck, was everyone in love and loved? Well, at least not Tom. He’d be broken hearted because Kat had brain cells and loved Harry.

“What are you doing here?” He questioned. Though he was confused, you noticed it, the bright eyes, the blushed cheeks.

“I’ll ride with you.”

Harry took a deep breath, but then chuckled. “Why did you suddenly decide to stay, princess?” Harry frowned.

“I’d rather drive with you, Tom always plays weird music, and I hate him,” you answered Harry.

Harry watched you, “That makes… two of us but, princess, there’s no need to hate, we all shall love, because love? Is a very splendid thing y/n, why do you think there are so many love songs? Love is like flying, and like-”

“Love sucks,” you snapped, plopping on Harry’s bed beside Andrew. Andrew watched you. “And love songs suck more. Everything is stupid. I hate you all,” you said and then picked up Harry’s pillow to hide your face under it. “No, I mean,” you shook your head, muffled. “Sorry, I’m tired, I… talked to Kat and she seemed to… Love the song.”

Harry giggled. Giggled? Seriously. “Of course she did, everything was going… perfect but then Andrew decided to ruin it. But it’s still perfect, because everything is butterflies and it feels like a summer breeze but princess, you’re ruining it, too! Y/N! You were supposed to distract Kat!”

You were. Harry had asked his best friend and you to keep Kat busy so she wouldn’t suspect whatever he was planning.

But you clearly didn’t want to be with Tom. His presence would wound your own heart and your heart was very delicate. “Yes, uh, Tom will… Tom will take care of that,” you sassed. “Oh yes he will,” you hissed.

Was it wrong? Maybe you should’ve gone. Tom was stupid enough to try something with Kat. But Kat wasn’t stupid. She’d probably throw him off a cliff and you’d be perfectly fine with that. You could push him yourself. Were there any cliffs around?

Harry seemed nervous and he never usually was. “Are-are-you sure? I don’t want Kat suspecting—“

“Suspect? The song gave it away, idiot, you should’ve asked already! Besides, if I spend two minutes more with him I’m going to scream..”

Andrew cleared his throat. “See? Told you.”

You eyed Andrew before hitting him with the pillow, you stood and decided to sit in front of Harry’s keyboard. Writing a song about a heartbreak was the best option, but this wasn’t the time so you just tickled some notes. “But I’m here to help Harry get ready.”

“So you’re staying to help Harry out with his outfit? Is that why you’re staying?” Andrew asked.

“I need to scream, and yell at someone and Harry was my choice,” you admitted to Andrew.

“Fair enough, I think that’s proper, yelling at Harry,” Andrew commented.

“I’m kind of trying to get ready,” Harry stated. “Mind leaving the yelling for another time?”

You stared at the keyboard, knowing damn well that music might be the one savior you needed to get through it, but the lack of courage you were facing right now was only intriguing. You were hurting.

“So, she liked the song.” You grinned instead. Even if you already knew what had happened.

Harry grinned, “Well, of course she did, it was… Fuck, everything is going perfect right now, it’s just all coming together, I’ve got to admit I was kind of... Nervous. But,” Harry smirked, pulling a lipstick from his pocket. “I now have this, and luckily I’ll get to know how it tastes tonight.”

Of course Harry would come up with the same stupid joke as you.

Andrew blinked, confused. “Are you going to put it on?”

“He means he wants to kiss her, idiot,” You cleared out to your friend, and turned to Harry. “So, she seemed to like this straightforward thing.”

Harry smirked, “I was surprised by that, but guess someone in the relationship had to step in. I thought she didn’t… know.”

“I reckon she knows it’s about her,” you admitted.

“I made it pretty obvious, and then she gave me her lipstick and I…we almost kissed.” Harry was swooning.

“Oh, so that’s why she was blushing,” you chuckled. Hearing the whole thing again just made you feel even more lonely. “Splendid, I’m so happy for you both!”

Even when you were against love and romance at the moment, that didn’t mean you weren’t happy for your best friend. And for Harry. Because they made sense. The fact that Tom had completely erased the fact that Harry and Kat were perfect angered you more than the fact he had completely dismissed your own attempts to… get somewhere with him.

How casually cruel, though, you’d been very obvious with your sentiments, and to have Tom walk all over your heart. He was so incredibly selfish.

Harry was all over the moon, you could tell, the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled. The subtle pink on his cheeks. You didn’t blame him. Kat was spectacular. Very main character vibes. The kind of girl that was not… typical. Kat was caring, and kind. And Kat was probably too curious to learn about Harry, which probably was Harry’s favorite subject to talk about.

Kat was the kind of girl people often took a second glance at, too intriguing. Too mysterious. With a smile that was hard to get but brightened the whole room when it came around. Smart, funny. She was… the whole deal.

Of course Harry was in love with her, and of course Tom would be driven to her, as well. The girl deserved any kind of attention directed her way. You guessed you should’ve seen it coming.

But that didn’t mean Tom wasn’t an idiot and that you’d be completely unreasonable. You had to be. You were broken hearted. He had given you a summer full of illusion just to break it right now. He deserved to be pushed off a cliff.

Harry beamed, as his eyes brightened even more. “I just want to kiss her already,” he commented as he walked to his bathroom, singing loudly to himself.

Andrew approached you, “So, what happened with Tom?”

Another one asking. You were so at a loss at trying to seem alright. “Nothing,” you snapped.

“Y/N, yesterday you were being adorable and shit, you guys were fucking clearly flirting, trying to kiss his bloody cheek just to be petty about his comment on leaving red lips everywhere, and today I come here and you are glaring and yelling? Something had to bloody happen!” Andrew pointed out. “So don’t try to fuckin’ trick me.”

That was the thing. Yesterday you could’ve sworn you were—getting to be friendlier. Maybe something even more, yet today he dropped the stupid bomb.

“Well.” You couldn’t phrase it. “I was not flirting.”

Andrew scoffed.

“He is my friend. We are only friends. And that’s all we'll ever be,” you continued.

Andrew raised his brows. “Oh sure, as friends as Harry and Kat are, Y/N you guys are also—“

“You seem to confuse whatever is going on with Kat and Harry with Tom and I. Harry and Kat—they are, of course, getting somewhere, because they are clearly more than friends,” your tone was cold and serious. “And I’m very happy for them, and I’m sure—It’s something that could last forever, they are clearly meant to be, so I’m happy,” because you were, but your heart still ached. “But that’s them. Tom and I are friends, and only that.” Seemed that the statement was not… necessary, but you needed to hear it yourself. “Though it might have seemed as—“you cleared your throat, because there was nothing else. “As it could be the perfect set up, two pairs of best friends dating two other best friends—it is nothing like that. Someone like Tom and I are meant to be only friends, and at times it seems like even our friendship is—forced. I don’t like Tom as anything else, and Tom doesn’t like me as anything more.”

Andrew seemed skeptical. He kept watching you. Maybe he didn’t sense that you were in fact, not saying it to him, but stating it for yourself, trying to convince yourself of it.

“Don’t push it, don’t try pursuing a fantasy that will never be, and it’s better to get it over now, just so we are clear. Besides, things are not what they seem and whatever happened with him I clearly don’t want to talk about it, alright?” It came out with more poison than planned.

Andrew squinted his eyes. “Well, I hope you talk about it with Kat later because it clearly is bothering you.”

“It is not.”

Andrew only offered you a hug, which you kindly accepted. “And Nick?” Andrew questioned. “Why did you invite Nick?”

“Yeah, why Dickolas?” Harry had walked back into the room, spraying cologne on him.

You shrugged, “He will bring friends. Thought you’d be more excited about having a bigger audience. And,” you waved your hand in front of your face. “Isn’t that too much cologne? You’re supposed to smell good, not kill the audience.”

Harry shrugged, “I’m good with Kat only watching, don’t need a large audience” Harry grinned.

“Ew, romance,” Andrew said and you both mimicked throwing up noises to which Harry ignored.

“And, I need to smell good, princess, I’ll be standing next to fetid Thomas, I shall remind you,” Harry said and wiggled his eyebrow.

You got stiff at his remark, sudden change of subject. “Yeah, right. Especially now that Dickolas is also coming, the place will be infested.”

“Yeah, but not even Dickolas will ruin my night,” Harry stated, still his gaze going everywhere. “I-” He grinned.

“Just an advice,” you said suddenly, remembering how Harry was. “I know you’re going straightforward or whatever,” you nodded. “But, maybe don’t ask Kat out in front of everyone.”

Harry clapped his hands. “No,” he said sheepishly. “I know, I know, I know, I’ve--” He chuckled “I would’ve already sang in front of the whole school, y’know? All rom com-”

“No,” Andrew stepped in. “Or maybe do, so we can see her killing you.”

You laughed at the input. “No, we don’t want that, but really,” you smirked. “I am serious-I know her-”

“Yes, y/n, princess, I know you know Kat, but I’ve also got to learn a lot about her this summer,” Harry rushed in. “And she… She really,” Harry could barely speak, as his smile was impeding him to, as if instead he wanted to only laugh out of embarrassment, the wide grin. The unique and singular joy you feel when you’re in love and loved. “Look, I won’t fuck it up, alright?”

You knew he wouldn’t. Harry and Kat had been flowing nicely, oh so nicely. Though you knew you could be secretly thanked for that, Harry often came for advice, but genuinely, you knew that Harry didn’t need much help, often he only needed reassurance, because Kat could… easily shut off her feelings and you’d need to remind Harry to keep on track.

“I know,” you rolled your eyes. “Now, let’s go, we might be late.”

Harry still had to change his outfit about 4 more times, having also Andrew and you yell at him each time he did. Andrew tried asking about Tom just once more. But you ignored him.

Although now you had decided you’d live vicariously through Harry and Kat’s romance. You had seen him playing with the lipstick she’d given him. You remembered when he initially told you he liked her, although there was no need for it. Harry had been obvious enough about his feelings for her. He would often talk about her as if she was like a spring melody, or as if she was like a nice summer morning, with the sun creeping out just gently to warm him, with the birds chirping in the background.

The way Harry talked about Kat or the way he stared at her would inspire anyone to be in love. It came as a blessing and as a curse. Maybe you had forced yourself into thinking you could have something like that. Love blinds. Especially when you think you are in love, but aren’t.

You had to ignore the heartbreak because it was irrational to have one. Though, Andrew was right, it was bothering you. But nobody had to know about this. Not even Kat, she was being happy with her progress with Harry. You would not impede her happiness.

So you’d have to do what Tom had taught you to, shut down every emotion you had. Push away any possible feeling. And pretend like nothing had happened, forget this whole summer. And never bring it up again, because it would be selfish. So you’d focus on Harry and Kat.

Harry had kept on rambling over the song, and how it had gone. How magical it had been and how he was filled with hope. How a summer romance had been like a sweet melody. From days into nights, the sun cascading every time he was with her. Butterflies, butterflies, butterflies.

When you arrived at the cafe, you had initially ignored Tom, for your own sake. Although you had wanted to speak to him, you couldn’t bring yourself to it. But for everyone else, you were still happy. No one could see the pain you were going through. No one had to know.

Seemed like Kat was busy enough, though. The moment she saw Harry, everything turned into pink butterflies, apparently. As if the sun had suddenly come out after a storm. They way their smiles synchronized warmed your own heart. Even made you smile. Harry and Kat’s hearts were glowing.

You talked to your grandmother, she did notice even though you had tried hiding it.

You were applying lipstick as Tom approached you. You decided to ignore him as you were setting tables, getting the place ready for their… show, if you could call it like that. Tom looked… hurt. Or… just shut down. The exact opposite of Harry. It felt so cold when he approached you.

It made you think of Andrew’s remark. How only the day before maybe you had been flirting. Now you didn’t even want to look him in the eye, to protect yourself.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?” You didn’t even look up. “Have you finished setting up the guitar?”

“Yeah… yeah,” Tom gulped down his pride and spoke up, “Hey, eh-”

“I hope you didn’t do anything stupid,” you glared at him before he could say anything else. He was taken aback.

“Like what?”

“I dunno, telling her,” you were serious. “She really likes Harry and she just had a great moment with him. They’re both happy Tom and I don’t want you messing up with her happiness. Don’t ruin this for them.”

Tom avoided your glare, he seemed very conflicted. “Yeah, I…” He licked his lips. “I have a talent for messing up.”

You felt guilty, though. You knew you were being selfish. So you swallowed your pride and turned to him. “You can have feelings, they’re valid,” you stated, because even when this was the worst to ever happen to you, you knew Tom. And after all, he was a friend. And accepting he had feelings was probably a huge step. “But sometimes you just have to accept that it can’t be and that some feelings you’ve got to keep it to yourself, love someone from a distance and eventually get over it because you know they won’t be happy with you. Or that it’s not possible to be reciprocated.”

Tom fiddled with a napkin, quietly.

“It sucks,” you shrugged. “Unrequited love is possibly the slowest way to die,” you said to him, he was trying to avoid your glance, and then it was the most Tom he had ever been in a while, hiding whatever he was thinking. “Especially when it involves your best friend's happiness,” you stated.

He only looked up then clenched his jaw, “You’re still angry at me?”

You shrugged. “'I'm not sure if I want to be friends with someone who can easily betray his best friend,” you said with poison.

Tom rolled his eyes. “You’re being-”

“Overdramatic? Maybe,” you said. “But… We will talk about it later, alright? And I really…” You shook your head. “We might as well… Pretend we are okay, alright?”

Tom just stared into your eyes. “Pretend—”

“I don’t want them thinking we had a fight, or anything so I’ll go back to acting like I usually do, alright?”

Tom seemed confused by your statement. “But-”

“So let’s just pretend we are still friends and—” You couldn’t even begin to understand what you were telling him.

“But we are?” Tom frowned.

“Yeah, no I mean… I just don’t want them to...think we had a fight so I’ll start acting normal, okay?” You turned to him with a smile, the fakest smile you could pull. “So, go on stage and good luck, alright?” You pinched his cheek, jokingly.

Tom didn’t move. He frowned. “So you can easily just bullshit this all through?”

“Yeah,” you nodded. “We can’t let them know we are not-”

“Well why-”

“Just pretend, Thomas, it’s not that difficult, besides, you said it, we are friends, aren’t we?” You didn’t mean to be rude but it seemed that today it was the only thing you could be.

Tom sighed.

“But I mean it, good luck, you’re gonna kill them,” you placed a hand on his shoulder.

Tom didn’t give you any reaction.

“Come on, now, chop chop!” You clapped your hands. “Go on stage! It’s time,” you grinned, you took his hand and dragged him to the small stage your nana, Andrew, Kat and you had set up for them. Harry and Kat were staring into each other’s eyes or whatever adorable shit they always came up with. Tom gave them a second glance. You saw it. He was hurt.

What the hell were you supposed to do? Support him in his stupid heartbreak when his feelings were so stupidly and arrogantly selfish? Support him when you were broken-hearted yourself?

You had to, because…He was a friend. First and foremost. “No, no, now smile,” you made him look at you. “Go on, good luck, break a leg,” you said before kissing his cheek, leaving your lips tattooed on bright red. Tom was confused by the matters of it but before he could question you, you pushed him up the stage and went to take your seat with Andrew.

Kat joined you shortly after. You only smiled at her. Hoping both Andrew and Kat would buy the con you’d try to pull. To pretend you’re friends with Tom as if he hadn’t broken your heart merely moments ago.

And before you knew it, they had started playing. This had probably not been how you had expected summer to end, not with an ache growing in your chest and your eyes fighting not to cry. But Pandora’s Sign was officially playing for people. Actual people, and that was good enough to forget your heartbreak. For a bit, at least. Tom and Harry had a band that people who weren’t Kat Andrew or you were listening to and it held a promise that would be fulfilled.

Nick had come, he’d brought in some friends as he said he would. He had smiled at you, with a smile that also seemed to hold a promise, but you ignored it.

At least their music had managed to bring the happiness back to the friend group, a happiness that you were sure nothing would be able to break. Even when the music ended, it seemed that the applause had been just eager enough. You even went past the need of ignoring Tom, and for a moment you didn’t pretend and ran to hug him.

Everything was going perfect. Besides, Kat had made the band t-shirts with the logo she’d designed. Pandora holding a hawkshead flower. So delicately designed for them. It was perfect. Picture perfect. And so a picture was taken, to capture the happiness that the five of you never wanted to let go off.

And your heartbreak had been pushed aside, and you’d hugged Andrew, and Tom and Harry and Kat. Knowing that the happiness would preserve. Because you knew that although the summer wasn’t made for romance, maybe it had been for a friendship. And, although the summer was ending, your story was barely beginning.

↳ read Kat’s version here and Tom’s conversation with Kat. (Harry fic)

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lygerastia · 5 years

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Young Gods Too Cool for Summer (Keith)

Summary: Fics inspired by the songs:

Halsey - Young God starring Keith. Demi Lovato - Cool for the Summer featuring Lance.

+Bonus: HWTR to You Wearing Their Clothes because I don't know where to add it.

Warnings: smut.

Chapters: 3 [completed]

Words: 13,660

READ THE WHOLE STORY ON AO3.

Everyone was cheering her on—but for her, it was all dull noise. Could she really do it? Jump into the pool from this height?

“You don’t have to do this, [name],” Keith’s voice kept replaying in her head even if she kept pushing it away from her thoughts. Her mind couldn’t focus at all; too many beers, egged on by the entourage she decided to surround herself with. It was a bad idea, the raven-haired boy didn’t need to tell her. But she was here, everyone had their eyes on her figure—and she couldn’t back down.

Was Keith looking at her right now? She could picture him with his sulky pout, arms crossed over his chest and shaking his head at the girl’s antics. It put a small smile on her face as she takes a deep breath to steady her nerves.

It was now or never; her crowd couldn’t wait any longer. It was a bet she couldn’t afford to lose. Otherwise, her secret crush would be released to the world—and that would be a disaster. She’d lose the only friendship she really cared about. And the thought of rejection pained her. Besides, it was her own fault she failed to mention…

No, not mention—lied through her teeth—about what truly scares her. Alcohol can make you say stupid stuff sometimes, especially around teenagers that wanted to taste life while they were young.

Afraid of heights? Why don’t you jump from my trampoline? You gotta face your fear, man!

She accepted, yet she lied. Now, she’d only lose face. Except that height didn’t pose a problem.

“Do it, [name],” she encouraged herself, looking up at the sky for a few seconds. Starry: it was a very romantic sky and her heart throbbed. How she wished she’d spent her time doing something else, holding hands, enjoying romance the way she should be. Underneath this canopy of darkness, in secret—heated kisses, curious touches, the pleasure of one another. She shudders; ridiculous. Her youth was devoid of romance, it only consisted of doing dangerous stunts just so she could feel important and popular like she mattered to someone. A wrong choice, because she knew she had a person like that, looking at her from the crowd with worry—maybe she’ll hate her after all this. How many times has she put him through this? How far is she willing to go before she’ll acknowledge the truth?

"Don’t do it…”

“Forgive me, Keith.”

It was now or never, do or die. There was no shame left in her feelings, just a sense of nostalgia. Will this be the last time? She hoped so—there was no energy left in her. This could really be the end.

End of her adventures. End of hope. She steps to the edge of the platform, toes curling to support herself. She stares down and it feels like she’d be jumping into the pit of hell like she’ll spin in the air forever before she reaches the cold surface of the pool. Only dark and murky water awaits at the bottom, ready to drown her.

She swallows—was it too late to back down? She trembles, feeling a chill. Her bathing suit can’t protect her from the slight chill wind, despite it being a summer day. She has to jump or get down and face the shame.

At least it will make Keith happy…

But Keith once told her:

"You know the two of us are just young gods.” She’d only chuckled at his rather philosophical mood. But it quickly sizzled away when you saw him so dreamy and…melancholy.

“ But do you feel like a young god?” she asks, concentrated.

He looks at her with that handsome face of his—the one that makes her heart skip a beat—purple eyes you could drown into. And she’ll do it gladly.

“ No, you’re the young god. But either way,” he turns his gaze back at the clouds, “ we’re gonna be legends.”

The unspoken words were left on the tip of his tongue “I’m a king and you’re a queen and we will stumble through heaven.”

Their love could only be described as shy.

“JUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMP!!” an intoxicated Lance yells at the top of his lung and well, what else was she going to do? The world was spinning around in her head. She spreads her arms to the side like wings and says a quick prayer. The pool was deep enough—the only problem was resurfacing.

YOLO, as the kids say. She leaps from up high—and Keith’s heart seizes in his throat. He wants to shout your name, but it’s too late anyway to actually stop her. His eyes can only follow her trail, her gracious figure as it flies in the air, painting a perfect picture on the starry canvas. She looks at peace; and a part of him can only admire her courage like he always did. But this moment of peace quickly dissipates as she plunges down, into the inevitable.

The air felt so chill, she thinks. Keeping her eyes closes, she doesn’t care about the cheers: she only thinks about Keith. The force of the water hits her face full-front, choking her. Panic flutters in her heart and she feebly attempts to battle the waters—but she’s afraid and she can’t do anything about it. She opens her eyes, a big mistake. Nothing she could see could give her hope right now. The surface of the water seemed so far away, the light above mocking her. Bubbles…

‘At least these are pretty…’

Yet in these moments, she could only think of her beloved dark-haired boy. Like it was mentioned earlier, their love was shy.

Everyone could obviously see it but them. The undeniable attraction was there, in their eyes, in the way they cutely sneak glances when the other one was not looking. In how they awkwardly gave each other pats on the back, how they were craving for each tiny excuse to touch one another. They were friends. She knew she liked him. He knew he liked her.

So what was stopping them?

Under the water, she just wished she told him how she felt. Touch him one last time before she succumbs to the pressure. Hug him, see those pretty fucking eyes of his.

Damn. The landscape was getting rather blurry as her mind blacked out. And I’ve been sitting at the bottom of a swimming pool…

Keith has to save me.

One last time, she pries her eyes open—and meets a wave of purple, laced with worry and determination. Her knight in shining armor really came! Dark locks flew around his head like a halo—there was no way she couldn’t recognize Keith Kogane. One strong arm wraps around her waist and she feebly clings to his shirt for support. The boy manages to swim upwards, to salvation and the girl takes a big gulp of air when she’s finally free from the confines of the water. With renewed energy, she fights to reach the edge—and she’s very glad when her fingers scrap the marble surface surrounding the pool.

“Up you go,” a strained voice whispers as she feels herself being hoisted out. She scrambles and collapses on her back, panting. A laugh bubbles in her throat, half-afraid, half-adrenaline. The cheers and howls of encouragement from all the teenagers present didn’t help her calm down—she did it. She really just fucking did it.

“That was...” she breathes out hard, “intense.”

“THAT was NOT Ok!” Keith, always worrying. He appears in her line of vision and she can’t help but smile fondly at him.

“You worry too much...” she’s calmed down a little bit and now she’s shivering. Keith doesn’t fail to notice.

“I don’t,” the boy grumbles cutely, grabbing her arm and making her stand on wobbly feet.

“Woah, the world’s not spinning anymore!” she giggles. “My hangover’s gone, Keith! That means I can drink—”

“No, no more drinking for you,” Keith takes off his red and black jacket and wraps it around her shoulders. The girl feels a sudden flush of embarrassment at the contact; a gesture so gentle and protective it melted her heart. She hides her blushing cheeks away from him and stands there awkwardly, pulling the jacket closer to her cold frame.

“Th-Tha—” she doesn’t get to finish her sentence because a loud and worried voice snatches her attention.

“[name]! Are you ok?” Pidge, her friend, tiny as ever, stops in front of her, completely ignoring Keith. The boy can only cross his arms over his chest and look to the side, upset he got interrupted. It was the perfect opportunity to...

“Yeah, yeah, I’m cool! Keith saved me!”

Pidge wasn’t convinced. “But you didn’t tell me you couldn’t swim, [name]!” Pidge’s voice raises an octave in distress, clearly worried to death.

[name] shrugs, smiling.

“Ok, enough excitement for you,” Keith brutally interrupts, taking [name] by the shoulders. This conversation was going nowhere and frankly, he hated seeing her shiver. “Let’s get you inside.”

“I can take care of her, Keith,” Pidge wants to butt in but Keith almost looks like an overprotective wolf. “Al-Alright there, tiger.”

“You guys did enough.” He stirred her away from the crowd, smelling blood and beef.

“We didn’t know! I’m sorry!” Pidge shouted after the two of them, and [name] turned around to wave at her reassuringly. I did it for the secret.

The pair entered the house, a few people giving them curious glances. Keith seriously asked her where her clothes were and she just shrugs: she doesn’t remember. Keith huffs in annoyance—ah, he seemed really upset. That made her inexplicably sad as she followed him up the stairs towards the bathroom. He threw one of the towels there to her, instructing her to dry and then exited, closing door loudly.

“...I fucked up...”

She lets fat tears loose, miserable. That’s what you get.

“Thank you for taking care of me, Keith,” she says minutes later—an eternity for the boy—joining him on the back terrace of the villa. She sat down, daring to go closer to his warm body for once, shoulders touching. He quickly glances at you then huff and continues to sulk. “Aww, please don’t be mad, Keithy. You said I could become a legend and that’s what I did!”

“Not like this, you idiot!” he snaps, back to his old self. “You could’ve hurt yourself. What if I wasn’t there to save your ass?”

She feels like joking to ease the butterflies in her stomach “Didn’t know you cared that much, mullet.”

“Of course I fucking care!” he yells, then composes himself, running a hand through his disheveled jet black hair. She looks down at her toes, wiggling them a bit to distract herself. Why did she felt so heartbroken? Of course he fucking cares. “And stop calling me that!” the dark-haired boy playfully pushes her away to save face from his outburst, a ghost of a smile in the corner of his mouth.

“I know you like it,” she can’t help herself from bouncing back. She wanted to make him laugh so she could stop feeling guilty. And what was Keith’s only weakness? Tickle fights. She quickly jabbed her fingers in his ribs and he is quick to react—but not too quick to avoid the onslaught.

“Ahaha—Stop—[name], please, you know I can’t—hahaha, I can’t take it!” his laughter was hysterical and it made her chuckle with pleasure. She couldn’t stop, not now. Forgive me, Keith. Please. I am sorry. I didn’t mean to make you worry. I am just your stupid friend —

“STOP!” And she does, hearing the pleading tone of his voice. Keith captures her wrists and holds her arms above her head, making sure she won’t retaliate. Her whole body sags, defeated: what was the use in fighting? Keith will still be mad and their friendship will never be more than what it already was.

Stop crying, she instructed herself. In vain.

“Forgive me,” a whisper on parched lips, barely audible.

“Silly...”

He kisses her like she’s his lifeline and not vice-versa.

It surprises them both, but it quickly vanishes away under the taste of their lips mashed together. Taste so sweet and innocent, how they shyly searched for one another in that kiss until they remain breathless. They part, her eyes closed, wanting more and more and more of him. Instead, he is searching her face for a sign of refusal, but if her parted lips are an invitation, he’s going to take the chance.

“Stupid…”

He kisses her again, slower, gentler, putting all the passion he was capable of behind it. The unrequited feelings, the many thoughts, the sleepless nights, the tears, the dreams—and she kisses back with the same fervor. This is what she wanted and she’s not going to let him slip through her fingers. They kiss and kiss and kiss, lips mashing together, teeth knocking together, laughter erupting at their clumsiness—but they went on.

“You are so…” Kisses, kisses, kisses.

“Silly.”

She kisses him like he’s all she has left in the world.

In the end, they stop for air, both breathing hard, hazy eyes searching each other’s faces. If there’s a light at the end, it’s just the sun in your eyes.

“What was that, Kogane?” she asks lowly, afraid that if she’ll raise her tone the spell will disappear. At this point, she didn’t want to scare him.

Keith, still maintaining eye contact, slowly removes his hand from your wrists and she obediently rests them in her lap. One calloused palm carefully (she didn’t fail to notice the tremble in his hand) touches her cheek, the thumb rubbing her skin. Her cheeks inevitably redden, but this time she doesn’t try to hide it. All of their unspoken feelings have been shared and there was no denying anymore: they liked each other. It was mutual.

Keith’s face splits into a cocky grin, tilting his head cutely to the side, “I know you wanna go to heaven, but you’re human tonight.”

Her eyes widen in shock, unable to respond. What was that supposed to mean? Her lower lip trembles, itching to kiss him again. “K-Keith...?”

What now?

And they’re running, running, running. Hand in hand, god knows where, up the stairs, inside a bedroom. What they were about to do necessitated intimacy—and at this venue, they could find no better place. Thank God they could close the door with a key; no one could disturb them now. They tumble on the bouncy bed, limbs entangled, jacket discarded. He ends up on top, pinning her arms above her head. He stops, admiring her figure.

The room was dark, a few rays from the moonlight sneaking in, stripes painting their bodies. She looked beautiful, those sparkly [e/c] eyes, flushed cheeks, swollen lips inviting him for more kisses. How long he waited for this. At first, he didn’t even think he’d ever have a crush on someone. Keith was oblivious to other people flirting with him. He was a lone wolf, didn’t want anyone to once again enter his heart and leave unannounced. He hates that, he doesn’t want that anymore.

[name] was the only one who stayed. She fought for his approval, annoying him and before he knew it, she was a part of his routine. In her absence, he realized that he couldn’t stay away from her. At one point, his heart started speeding up at the mention of her name. Why was he feeling like this, he had no idea. But he liked her—a lot. Craved to hold her hand, to be the only one she kissed, maybe even let her be his first. He realized something was wrong when he started getting insanely jealous whenever the girl hung around boys. He felt like rescuing her from her ‘assailants’ and keep her away, shielded from intruding eyes. She was for himself only.

But those were toxic thoughts he pushed away. She belonged to no one. If she ever chose him, it was on her own volition. No turning back now, though. He achieved what he wanted: he managed to gather enough courage to kiss her.

It all happened gradually. The more time he spent with her, the more his feelings intensified—until they burst. Until he realized that this was not normal, that he was actively looking for her presence everywhere. Chatting with her until late, calling her in the dead of night, speaking of nonsense. And she listened.

Who even remembers when he noticed he has fallen for her? Maybe when she came crying in her arms, heartbroken over some nasty words some unimportant people told her. Keith knew she was wonderful, why did she listen to gossip? But she came into his arms, hugged him tight and her warmth enveloped him—it made him feel like home. With a thunderous heartbeat, he knew.

Keith Kogane loved her.

Now, with that same thunderous heartbeat, he stared at her. He wanted her in ways he didn’t believe was possible or was capable of. He craved to touch her, oh so delicately, as if she was a piece of fragile glass. Yet he didn’t know where to start. This wasn’t a thing Keith Kogane did on a daily basis—he’s ashamed to admit it was the first time. Sure, he kissed other people before, as a joke, because they forced upon himself, but this time, with her, it was genuine. And he had no idea what to do, where to go, if she even wanted him the same way he did. He just stared, a low blush slowly creeping on his cheeks as the adrenaline from before vanishes. He acted on impulse; Keith has been afraid for her safety, seeing her struggling in the water. It took him a while to steady his nerves and he was still not completely sure he was calm.

She was safe. She had to be.

That satisfied smile told him that. “Aren’t you going to go on?” she breathes out, eager. There’s a light in the crack that’s separating her thighs, and he’s tempted.

“Well, um, y-yeah…” despite that, he stood still. Quiznak, she was so beautiful, he was breathless. Where—oh—where? “Uhh—”

“If it helps you, I’m nervous too.” She laughs dryly, her brows turned in worry. Is Keith having second thoughts? Maybe he didn’t like her the way she did. That kiss was just a joke that went too far. Did Pidge put him up to it? She wouldn’t be surprised, but it still hurt.

Then it hit her. “Perhaps this is your first time?” she grins widely, relaxing a little bit.

“Wha—" his voice raises an octave as he splutters. The dark blush of his looked extremely cute in the moonlight, his eyes twinkling with shame and want. “Well…” he looked to the side in an adorable manner. He simply nods as a response.

“Ha ha!”

“Hey! Don’t laugh, I’m serious!” He pouts and straddles your hips. He’s tempted to do his signature move: crossing his arms over his chest. “So what?”

“Keith,” she smiles a smile too bright for him. She rests on one elbow, the other one reaching out to him. Her hand gently rests on his left cheek, caressing his scar marring his handsome face. Well, it doesn’t ruin anything about his aesthetic—you think he’s even better with it. His heart thaws, threatening to burst out of his chest with cuteness aggression. An in-love smile spreads onto his face, leaning into the touch.

Gosh, he just wants to have her. So badly.

“It’s perfectly normal. I would’ve been surprised, really. But at least this makes it special, huh?” she betrays nothing of her nervousness. “For both you and me.”

His eyes widen and she just laughs as a response. They were both in the same boat.

“To be honest, I didn’t think my night would end up with you…” shyly, she stares out the window. How romantic. “But I’m glad.”

Her words have the desired effect. He relaxes visibly, his body sighing with relief. “O-Oh…Ok, then…”

“Sooo…now that we got that over with…” she runs a hand through his fluffy hair, tentatively. “Can we go on? I think we had a good chemistry going and well…I wouldn’t mind losing my virginity with you, on the first day, might I add.” She chuckles and he follows. “I feel like I’ve known you for a lifetime—” Red thread of fate. Following them through time. “—so I don’t mind at all. We’re young. What did you say? Legends and young gods—”

“Legends and young gods—"

“So in synch.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” he hovers above you, dangerously close to your lips. Your breath mingled together as you leaned back into the pillows. Why did this felt so hot? “And I’m doing this because I…” So fucking close. “I…”

He can’t say it. He doesn’t need to. She bridges the gap between them, shushing up with her lips.

The game was on.

Lips smacking hotly, pants and moans as their only desire was to explore each other’s bodies. No more inhibitions now. The bets were placed and there was just one possible outcome: they’ll both lose to fate. She bites his lip, nibbling, as her hand roams into his hair. Tugging, testing to see if he liked that move or not. He growls, lost in lust. Keith might be new at this, but he sure as hell was a natural.

However, he doesn’t have time for French kissing. That was a territory he doesn’t want to dabble in just yet.

“Damn, you’re just so pretty,” he grumbles, giving her one quick glance before he begins his assault on her neck. His lips nibble and she likes the shivers it gives her. Craning her neck, he takes that as an invitation to bite.

“Ah!” she exclaims, then giggles, amused. “You’re such an animal, Kitty!”

“Hmph,” is his only response before resuming his ministrations. He kisses up her neck, then down her shoulder, only to end on her clavicle. He attempts to give you a hickey, to the best of his abilities—but, somehow, he only ends up slobbering all over you.

“Ha ha, Keith, it tickles.”

“Should-Should I stop?” he takes a look at your neck and bemused expression and immediately feels embarrassed. “I am not that good at that, huh?”

She laces her arms around his neck, pulling him back down. “We’ll work on it.” Before he can comment and pout, you kiss him again. He immediately molds into the pattern, resuming the making-out.

“Touch me,” she says between kisses, urging him to speed up. She couldn’t wait any longer. He’s hesitant at first, not sure how to focus on both kiss and touching. The [h/c]-haired girl refrains for laughing, afraid to hurt his feelings. “Touch me,” she repeats.

And this time he listens. Trembling fingers touch her arms, gliding upwards to her shoulder. He gulps, beet-red and afraid of touching her breasts. The triangles of her swimsuit barely covered her chest—it was the first time he’d noticed it. He had plenty of time to admire her last summer when they went to the beach. Besides, she had more qualities and personality than body—for him, that was what mattered.

“Do it,” her breath is like the whisper of a devil. Pure temptation. He can’t refuse. He grabs them and experimentally fondles them. She’d laughed if she weren’t so tingly between her legs. “Take—Take it off…?”

She doesn’t have to tell him twice, eager to see more. He pulled it up her head with his thumbs with her wanted help.

“Wo-Woah…” he can’t help but let out what was going on in his mind at the sight. They looked so perfect and round and squishy. And the nipples—perky and sweet. His face was a red mess but still, after encouraging himself, he pinched them.

“Oh!” she squeaked.

And that was all Keith needed. He kisses her again while fondling her assets, tracing her curves and the line of her body until his fingers reached the line of her bikini. He doesn’t comment on her wetness, shyly rubbing between her folds through the fabric. She can only follow his movements with embarrassment: sex was definitely more shameful than at first glance. But at least Keith felt equally embarrassed so that made her feel better.

They were like two kids exploring each other. And that was fine.

She whimpered, spreading her legs beneath him to give him more access. He gulped, gathering the courage to remove her panties. He was already raring to go, feeling the tightness in his pants. He wanted more of her, more, more, more...

“I’ll...I’ll take them off...” she whimpers, using her hands to shimmy them off her legs. They quickly disappear somewhere around the room. Her hands involuntarily go to cover herself as best as she could. Now was not the time for shame.

“Wh-What?” Keith stutters, a bit confused despite the eyes clouded with lust. He wanted to take her all in.

“It’s...It’s not fair...” she mutters, fidgeting. “Strip.” I want to see more of you.

He blushes. “Ye-Yeah..” Keith understands. He takes a few moments to take off his shirt, giving her a full view of her of his chest. Not surprisingly, he had some muscles—all that training paid off in the end. She bites her lower lip in admiration and lets out a whistle. She liked what she saw.

“Now your pants,” she purrs. Keith awkwardly fumbles with the buttons of his jeans, taking him a while before he could manage to push them off. He struggles a little bit to take them off completely, and it takes her entire will not to laugh before Keith finally manages to throw them along with the panties—lost. His boxers couldn’t contain his excitement and she avoided it with her gaze as if her life depended on it. She was not ready for little Keith...

“Pleasedontlaugh,” he says in a quick breath and, in one swift motion, he takes them off. Eyes closed tight, he doesn’t notice her brief reaction of amazement. But she had to admit that it was…better than she expected. She wiggles her eyebrow to distract him with humor and he just pouts, then chuckles.

“I guess it’s kinda funny,” he says between chucks, softening a little bit, both physically and mentally.

“Shall we go on, then?” She pulls him back into the right mood by kissing him. No turning back, no, no. They kiss again, passionately, their skin touching. One of his hand goes down, between her legs, rubbing. She curls and presses herself closer to him, not wanting this to end. She whimpers and tosses around, loving the way it felt so foreign and great at the same time. He quickly picks on what she likes, where she moans the most and what makes her squeal: the neck kisses were a bonus. With a shivering hand, she grabs onto his member, slowly teasing him. He hisses at her cold touch, but he gets used to it, letting pleasure slip into his kisses and whispers. His instincts awaken, making him rough as he scrapes his teeth across her skin and injects her with ecstasy.

He’s ready—and so is she. A panting and wet mess—two erratic heartbeats that want to join each other. He stops and looks at her, asking for confirmation. She nods, sweat running down her hot face.

Keith smiles—then it quickly disappears when he realizes the condom was in the pocket of his jeans. “Oh, shit, wait a moment!” he jumps off the bed with cat-like agility and stumbles through the dark in search of his pants. [name] watches him and tries to help him out; but it takes a few minutes before he finally finds them. He rummages through the pockets and returns victoriously as if he just won a battle.

She snorts, “Someone came prepared.” He halts in his steps, ashamed. Ok, he got caught red-handed but it wasn’t his fault. Hormones can make anyone act crazy and it wasn’t far-fetched to assume that they both wanted this. That sex had to be the outcome of this party if all went well. He pepped himself before this party, knowing that this was the last time he could confess to her. Or else he wouldn’t have the courage to do it again.

Adrenaline helped—and now he was here. It was worth all the effort.

“Well, I—I’m sorry if you think that I’m just using you for…That’s really not the case! I like—” Say it, Keith, say it. She was sitting at the edge of her seat, awaiting his answer. “I like you, you know that?”

She grins widely, “Of course. I never would’ve thought otherwise. So…” The girl beckons him over and simply kisses him. He kisses her back—and eventually, they come to the point where they were. The boy confidently puts his condom on and positions himself.

‘You sure?’ his eyes suggested.

‘I am,” she responded back.

He’s in and she gasps. She heard stories about it being painful, but not like this. She grits her teeth, only worrying Keith—but she reassures him quickly that she was ok. Just needs a bit of time to get used to it all. So many sensations pass through her body, the same thing happening to him. She clings onto his shoulder, inhaling and exhaling to calm her heartbeats. Meanwhile, Keith does his best to keep his composure, kissing her brows, her forehead, her eyelashes, cheeks, lips, nose.

When she opens her eyes, she was ready. Holding her tight, he starts moving, slowly as to not hurt her. She winces a bit at first, but with time, it got all better due to the lubrication. And, after a few more thrusts, she starts feeling pleasure.

Boy, she didn’t expect it to be this good. “Oh, my!”

“What, what is it? Am I doing something wrong?” Keith panics, stopping.

“Everything is fine,” she says, breathless and dizzy. “Go on..” Her whiny voice sounds erotic and it gives him the spunk to go on. He speeds up, confident in her word that she was fine. The pleasure of their intertwined bodies is intense, so it doesn’t take him long to feel at the end. He’s exhausted and sweating and he’s hot and bothered—while she doesn’t know where to cling herself to for support. Her legs were trembling from the force of holding them up around his torso—she felt like she had enough.

“Keith…” she moans weakly; it wasn’t as if she wasn’t enjoying this. She liked it. The passion could be felt and pleasure was throbbing between her legs each time Keith thrusts.

“I’m…I’m gonna..” and at least she could bask into his husky and sexy voice, low and choked with pleasure. She knew what he meant and encouraged him with sweet nothings. His pants start to get uneven and high-pitched moaning that put a flame in her core. She urged him to pound her faster and he obliged, pulling out of her just in time with his climax.

“Ah—[name], hngh…” he bites his lip to contain his loud moan, tossing his head backward. Loving the way he’s so vulnerable from doing this with her, she touches herself for a few seconds before she comes down from her own high with an equally muffled scream of his name.

Tired, she falls onto her back, limbs spread out like a starfish. Her eyes follow Keith, awaiting a disappointed reaction: but none comes. Feeling ashamed all of a sudden, he avoids her gaze, dark red on his painted cheeks.

“Keith?” she tries, fear creeping into her heart. Is he going to leave her?

“So-Sorry—” he sniffs, shuddering. “It got cold all of a sudden.” He starts checking the room for his clothes, as well as bringing her own swimsuit. Shamefully, they started dressing themselves up in awkward silence. When they were done, they stand on the edge of the bed, not knowing what to say to each other. She fiddles with her finger, the adrenaline from before running out. Now it all feels empty and cold.

“I think I’m going to go find my clothes,” she says, standing up. She wants to run—this has been the mistake. Why did she believe that Keith liked her and different from other boys?

“Wait!” he grabs her wrist, holding her in place. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

“I understand. This meant nothing to you.” Her voice is low and hurt, “It meant everything to me.”

“For me too, don’t get me wrong!” he yells, desperate. “I really do like you.” She turns to face him—and he’s wearing a desolate expression. “I just don’t know how to act…”

A small smile comes up to her face, “Ok, me either.” The two of them interlace hands, staring into each other’s eyes. [e/c] and purple. Shy smiles. “I like you too, Keith.”

The smile on his face can’t be described: it was so pure and in-love. It was amazing. This is a new beginning—and they’re going to do it together.

Shy love; but they’ve taken their first steps.

–

[masterlist]

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