#like the dopamine levels it gives me are second only to the chain and miles from nowhere

[zstraps]

okay i wanna know. what is your number one season-2-soundtrack-wishlist song? like, the one that is basically already part of the soundtrack to you, the one that you can picture exactly what scene it would play over, the one that you just KNOW would fit the show perfectly. reblog and put in the tags (pls i wanna peek inside everyone’s brain via song lyrics)

[writertypepeople]

In addition to the great “getting rid of white supremacists ups your Honor stat” bit I found in #RedDeadRedemption2, I want to tell you a story. The events are real. Settle in, it’s a STORY THREAD. In the game you play an outlaw, but I am the most noble and kind outlaw I can be. I was short on cash to upgrade my camp, where people were going hungry. So I decide to hit up a sheriff station and grab a bounty. $100! A big one. Unfortunately I could not hunt said bounty because I had a $15 bounty on my own head (it was all a simple misunderstanding, I assure you). So I ride to the telegraph station and pay off my bounty. Eh, cuts into my take of the $100, but not a big deal. Riding out to the last known location of said bounty, a JACKASS rides right into me. Both of us and our horses take a mudbath. After much cursing I get up, my horse gets up... and the guy shoots me! (told you he was a jackass) Motherfucker YOU ran into ME! I’m not gonna kill him, but i’m not opposed to beating his face. So I hit him a few times, all the while he’s still SHOOTING at me. A witness runs to the cops... who charge ME with assault. So now I’m on the run with, you guesssed it, another $15 bounty on my head. I beat feet out of town, then sneak back in unseen and pay the new second bounty. FINALLY I can ride out to catch this guy and get the bounty on him and still net $70. I leave the telegraph office and immediately get on the wrong horse. I GOT RIGHT BACK OFF. You have to understand. It looked just like mine. I GOT RIGHT BACK OFF. A witness reported me for horse theft. BOUNTY OF $30 ON MY HEAD. After nearly dying multiple times as the cops shot me to pieces for deigning to sit on the wrong horse for three seconds, sneaking back through alleyways in the dark of night, I make it back to the telegraph office AGAIN and pay off my bounty. Catching this other dude is now going to net me only $40. Whatever, now I’m pissed, this fucker is going down. He’s holed up in an old fort with a fucking CHAIN GUN but I persevere and take him and his entire gang down. I load him up on my horse, head back into town, excited to finally get my reward... so much so I forget how to slow my horse and crash through a crowd of people outside the sheriff station. I get off my horse, worried, but all seems okay. Hm. I drop off my albatross and collect my $100 (net $40). Phew. The second I do the FUCKING COPS START SHOOTING AT ME. A witness from my collision with the crowd just reported me for DISTURBING THE PEACE. Fuck this noise. I bolt out of the station, hop on my horse, speed on out of town. In the course of this I may or may not have had physical altercations with the constabulary, so the bounty on my head is now $50 (net... -$10). A brief aside on my horse. She was the first thing I bought, she was magnificent and red, and I had her mane braided and she had a long swishy tail and her name was Churro. We had reached maximum bonding level and no finer steed had a cowfolk ever seen. So Churro and I are heading to a new county, going to put all that nonsense behind us. I spy an altercation to the side of the trail, looks like two folks with a wagon are being robbed by bandits. Uh uh. Not on my watch. I ride in, dismount, bring my trusty repeater to bear. In trying to defend themselves from the bandits, ONE OF THE VICTIMS FUCKING KILLED CHURRO. I took out the bandits, but not before they took out both victims. Now I’m stranded in a county with four dead bodies, a dead horse, and a $50 bounty on my head. Well fuck. Might as well see what’s in the wagon, nobody’s gonna miss it now. Oh, canned fruit. Super. I remove my saddle from Churro (listen, I loved her, but I paid good money for that saddle and I’m not leaving it behind and going even FURTHER in the hole on this ordeal). No sooner do I get it removed than two passerby ride up. Hello, gents. Uh, no, this isn’t what it looks like. These bodies were... dead. When I found them. No no this is MY saddle, I’m not stealing- where are you going? WHY ARE YOU CALLING FOR THE POLICE?? I drop the saddle and lasso a guy, hogtie him so he can’t report me. I’m not gonna hurt him, you know, but geez. While I’m lassoing and hogtieing the second guy, the first gets free. While I go after him, the second gets free, gets to his horse and rides off. Fuck. The bounty on my head now climbs to around $100 for MURDER (I didn’t fucking murder anyone!) and I’m alone in a forest at night carrying a motherfucking heavy saddle for miles and miles and miles, no horses or towns in sight. Sticking to the trees I avoid the cops and bounty hunters, make it to a stable. They have ONE horse for sale and it’s fucking $115! So I go out back to their pasture, try to make friends with the horses there. I get kicked in the head two or three times, but one smallish one doesn’t reject me. We make friends. I feed him, brush him, give him sugar cubes and carrots and oat cakes (I fucken treated Churro right) and I get the dopamine hit of the little plus sign by the horse. He’s taking to me. Lets me saddle him. And so I steal him and we fuck right off out of Lemoyne county, fucking good riddance. And that’s the story of how Churro II (see photo) saved me and became my new best friend. And all it cost me was $110 and a dead horse. Et fin.

[huntertales]

Part Four: One Who Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. (Sam, Interrupted S05E11)

Useful Links: Last Part | All Episodes Word Count: 3,575. A/N: Last part! I hope you guys have liked this episode. If you’ve got any suggestions for “Swamp Meat” that you want to send my way, make sure you do that! And if not, enjoy!

Your name: submit What is this? // <![CDATA[ function replaceAll(find, replace, str) { return str.replace(new RegExp(find, 'g'), replace); } function myHandler() { var input = document.getElementById("inputTxt").value; document.body.innerHTML = replaceAll('Y/N', document.getElementById("inputTxt").value, document.body.innerHTML); } // ]]>

This was for your own good, they told you. It was so you wouldn't hurt yourself or the others around you. Some time in solitary confinement, surrounded by four padded walls as they chained you down by your hands and feet to a bed, they thought it was going to keep you down. Yeah, right. You tried your hardest to fight the leather straps that were padded to keep from getting marks on your body. But the way you were struggling and wriggling around in bed, there was going to be redness. Yet it wouldn’t be anything compared to what you were going to do to the hospital staff when you got your hands on them. But much as you fought the straps, they wouldn’t budge, making you grow even more angrier. You let out a frustrated noise that sounded like a sigh between clenched teeth as your hands rested against each side of your head. You felt like a caged animal, just dying to get out of here and rip someone’s throat out for what they did to you.

Part of you figured out that you could just lay here for however long they wanted like a good girl and let them believe your outburst were over. And when they least expected it you could figure out what the hell was going on here. You lifted your head up slightly when you heard the door open after someone twist the lock, deciding to pay you a visit. "Hey!" You shouted at the nurse who had checked you in here, and the one who had caught you and the boys in the morgue just the previous night. She was all too happy for your liking as she stepped inside solitary confinement with a smile and shut the door behind her. "Let me go!"

“No can do.” Nurse Happy said. She slipped the keys into her pocket and examined her palm for a moment, a smile spreading across her lips at how her wound was healing up nicely after Martin slashed her with the envelope opener. But she was safe now as she began walking forward to you, the Winchesters were nothing more than a babbling idiots who would become afraid of their own shadow. She would feast on them later. For now, she had a snack waiting for her. "You are far too angry to be out there in the real world.”

You gave you a dirty look at her remark as she stood over you with her hands on her hips. You slowly looked over at the security mirror that was off in the corner of the room. Narrowing your eyes slightly, you noticed that Nurse Happy wasn’t here to check your vitals. You looked back at her to see the hideous face in the reflection was nothing compared to what you saw with the naked eye. “You.” You hissed at the nurse.

“Of course it’s me.” She said with a smile you wanted to punch right off her face. Nurse Happy began to take slow steps around the bed, circling you like her trapped prey she enjoyed seeing squirm. She liked it better when you continued on letting that anger boil, it would only make your brains taste even sweeter for her. “I got to say, you hunters don’t exactly live up to your rep. I mean, Martin’s a wreck. He’s harmless. And you and your friends come in here, talking tough about killing monsters? Kind of made you easy to spot. Then all it took was a touch...and you were mine.”

You thought back to the examination she had given you before you had gotten in here, she the subtle touches of the arm when she took your blood pressure, her remark about how high it was. She marked you without you realizing it. She made you see all those things.

“Oh, I love it in here. This place is my own personal five-star restaurant.” Nurse Happy said. She circled around your bed until she stopped at the head of it. Crouching down to her level, she lightly traced a finger across your forehead, gathering a bit of sweat that had been perspiring to do the work you were putting yourself through to get out of here. She licked her finger and gave herself a bit of a taste to what you were going to be. From the noises she was making, the nurse wasn’t going to be disappointed. “Mmm. Crazy brains—they get soaked in dopamine and adrenaline and just all sorts of hormones and chemicals that make them delicious. And the crazier they are, the better they taste. I think you're gonna be the best one I've ever had, sugar."

"You bitch." You hissed at her. Everything that you've been seeing, how you were acting, it wasn't because of what happened with Lucifer. Not just yet, at least. She was turning you into a monster, and making you see things that made you feel like you were going crazy. You struggled to get out of the binds, but the effort was useless. "You did this to me!"

“Well...I helped. But that rage? No, no, no, no. That’s all you.” Nurse Happy said as she put her hands up into a defensive position from the accusation. She pushed herself up to her feet, making you awkwardly crank your neck at a certain way to look at her. She circled around your bed once more until she decided to get cozy, taking a seat right next to you. “I don't make crazy. I just crank up what’s already there. You build your own hell. But I give you the legos. And when you’re ripe…” She reached out and hovered her hand in the air, to reveal her weapon of choice, which also explained how Ted got the marks on his neck. Your eyes widened slightly at the sight of what looked to be some kind of sharp skewer she must have used to get the liquid from the brain. You didn’t have much of a fighting chance when she easily turned your head so your neck was for the taking. “I make all of your problems disappear.”

You could feel your hands clench into tight fists, waiting for the enduring pain of what she was going to do to you, but before either one of you could get to the grand finale, you had a couple of visitors. The nurse looked over her shoulder as you glanced up to see it was the brothers coming for your rescue. But seeing them didn't give you a lot of hope. Sam was leaning himself against the door, trying his hardest to keep his vision focused, as Dean looked like he had just ran a few miles. He was covered in sweat as he couldn't keep himself much in a standing position without wobbling. But they had enough sanity left to save the day.

“You get away from her!” Dean yelled at the wraith.

Nurse Happy wasn’t too scared at a couple of hunters that barely could keep themselves on their feet. She let out a sigh and pushed herself to her feet again. “Do you really think this is gonna end well for you, boys?”

“No.” Dean admitted. He reached a hand into his pocket to pull out the knife that he still had, Sam wasn’t too far as he gathered whatever strength he had left to show the wraith they weren’t going to go down without a fight. “But I’m crazy, so what the hell.”

Nurse Happy decided that it wouldn’t be a fair fight if she brought her own weapons to a knight fight, so she put them away for now, deciding she would use them later. Her lips stretched into a smirk as she looked over at the boys, thinking to herself of how big of a feast she was going to have. Dean gave her a deathly glare before he charged at her, trying his attempt at stabbing her with the knife that he had. But the nurse used his weakened state against him. She threw a punch and knocked the knife out of his grip, making it drop to the ground. As she tossed Dean to the wall, Sam tried his chance at taking her down. Yet he was getting progressively worse than Dean was.  He fought for a chance at stabbing her with the knife that he had, but the nurse flicked him off like a piece of lint on her clothes.

Sam was a lot like you, he had his inner demons that made him a prime target for the wraith. He was far too gone as he tried to get himself up from the floor. Nurse Happy wasn’t too scared as she focused her attention on Dean, who was attempting to get himself to focus again as he shook off the punches he had previously gotten to beat him down. The wraith easily took down the man when he attempted at harming her with the knife. She grabbed him by the throat and threw him against the wall, deciding that he would be the first to go, and you would watch this unfold. With a tight grip on his neck, she lifted up her hand, revealing her dangerous looking blade of her own.

She didn't break a sweat when she started to slowly drag the pointer to Dean's forehead. The man struggled as he managed to grab her by the wrist, but she fought back by making the skewer even longer, giving just a few inches of wiggle room. Dean grunted in frustration as he tried working through everything that was happening all at once. He felt the sharp pointer press against his skin, making him realize that he had little time to figure out how to get out of his own, and, like an idiot, he realized that his other hand was free. Dean didn't take a second to think about it when he took his free hand to grab ahold of the skewer. He tried to push her away, only he accidentally snapped off the weapon, sending a stream of blood to come from her wound as the wraith screamed on the top of her lungs at what he did. Dean glanced down to see that he was holding a piece of what he was presuming her bone as she tried tending to the bleeding wound that was gushing out blood. Sam looked over at his brother to see what he'd done. Both of them shared a look of discomfort at what happened as Dean slightly started to gag slightly.

"Damnit, you guys!" You yelled at them, trying your hardest to get yourself free. But you were stuck here, leaving your life to somehow be saved by Beavis and Butthead, as usual. You were just hoping they were getting themselves back to their normal mindstate after the wraith didn't have her magic wand anymore to control. "Focus!"

It seemed your warning was enough for the boys to get themselves to figure out what the hell was going on. Sam snapped out of it first, he reached for the knife that was close to his side as Dean dropped whatever he was holding and bent down to snatch it up from the ground. You watched as the both of them worked together as a team. Dean used the wraith's moment of weakness against her when he raced to attack her, while she used her aggression to try and kill him, Sam wasn't going to let that happen. Sam swung up his arm as his brother followed in his actions. Dean stabbed the nurse directly into her chest, as Sam shoved his knife into her back, giving little thought that she was dead. The wraith let out her dying breath as her wounds started to exhale puffs of smoke. She wobbled around on her feet until she fell to the wall, and slowly, descended to the floor. You stared at her, taking notice of how she just looked into the void, the blank look in her eye was enough to know that she was dead.

“You guys still crazy?” You asked a moment of silence, letting the boys come back to reality.

"Not anymore than usual." Dean said, giving you reassure that him and his brother were back to their normal selves. You let out a sigh of relief and rested your head against the pillow, happy to see they were slowly descending back down to earth. Sam headed over to the bed as Dean began working on the straps to your hands. Both of them worked quickly as they could to get you free, knowing you had very little time until the staff was going to realize there was a dead body. And Wendy, the woman they thought was the real culprit, was wounded, only the doctors thought it was the boys and Martin. "We got to get out of here."

"Yeah." You agreed with him. You sat up in bed when your hands were free and rubbed your wrists, taking a moment to tend to the aching muscles. Sam worked on the last restraint on your ankle, but before he could loosen the leather, all of you became frozen in your position at the alarm that suddenly started blaring through the hospital. "Well, that ain't good."

+ + +

You and the boys managed to find your freedom. You raced through the halls fast as you could, dodging any sort of setback that might give your chance at making an escape any harder. Dean found a back door entrance that lead you to the outside parking lot, all of you were in the clear with just a little bit more of a run to go. You heard the door slam shut behind you as you followed behind the brothers, Dean taking the lead as all of you ran out of the hospital fast as you could. It was sort of freeing to be running from the joint, like you were breaking out of prison. As you started to slowly drop your pace to a slight jog, you noticed the Impala came into view. Where it had been staying over the past few days.

“Well, looks like Tom Cruise was right. Shrinks suck.” Dean said as he started heading to his baby that he was happy to see after the past two days of this stressful hunt. He snatched the keys from his robe pocket and headed for the driver’s side as Sam followed behind to his normal spot in the Impala. As Dean looked over his shoulder, he stopped for a moment when he noticed you were just standing there, not giving a chance to bust from your spot. “What are you doing?”

“Y/N,” Sam looked at you with a concerned expression, “You okay?”

"No." You could have lied straight through your teeth, like you normally did, but everything that you've witnessed...what you've felt over the past few days, had started creeping back into your mind. You stood there with a guilty look on your face as you shook your head slowly. "No, the wraith—"

“What about her, Y/N?” Dean asked you.

"She was right." You mumbled with a quiet tone.

“No, she wasn’t. She’s dead, okay?” Dean told you with a serious tone. He wasn’t exactly in the mood to see you starting to feel guilty at what you’ve done. You didn’t care about his impatience that he had towards you right now. “Let’s hit the road. I need a drink. Or twelve.”

"Most of the time I can hide it, I've been doing it since I was sixteen. I mean, nobody really wants to hear about your problems. If you're sad or if you're upset. You just put on a smile and pretend everything's okay. But...guys, I'm not. I'm not happy. And I'm not scared. I'm just—I'm angry." You told the brothers how you truly felt, partly knowing you had admitted a few things to them while you were under the influence of the mood stabilizers. You were sick and tired of keeping secrets from them. It wasn't going to help. "I'm mad at everything. I mean, it's normal to get upset at the smallest things. I used to be at my mom for what she did to me. I used to be mad at John because of what he did to you guys. And then it was you and Sam...but then it was Lilith. Now it's Lucifer. A-And I lie to you guys all the time. I'm not okay. There's something in me and it's changing me. And it scares me to death. What if I’m not strong enough to stop myself from becoming into a demon?”

"Okay, stop." Dean spoke up after a moment of silence, trying to soak up what you were saying to him. You rolled your eyes when he took a few steps forward to you, trying to dismiss this conversation, trying his hardest to keep the problems that he was facing from getting larger. "Y/N, just—"

"Stop trying to dismiss the problem, Dean. It's there. And this isn't going away." You cut him off before he could try and avoid this conversation. You looked at him dead in the eye and shook your head slightly, he watched as your eyes glazed over, not from the sadness, but from pure frustration of constantly trying to be something that you weren't anymore. "You boys have done a lot of screwed up things. Torturing souls, being addicted to demon blood. We all have our vices. But nothing's compared to what I have resting on my shoulders. The things that I've done...it scares me of violent I can be without an ounce of remorse. This can't be cured by locking me up or saving people's lives. You can't change who I am. I'm the reason why Lucifer's free, why this apocalypse is even happening. And you know how it makes me feel? Angry. And I can't stop it."

“So what if you are a little pissed off? What are you gonna do, take a leave of absence?” Dean asked you. You furrowed your brow from his questions. He wasn’t comforting you with a gentle touch. The man was being blunt. He was telling you to pick yourself up by the strap of your boot heels and suck it up. “You gonna go waltzing off and let Lucifer finish the job? What?”

“No, of course not.” You said with a bit of surprise. “I—”

"Exactly." Dean told you. "And that's exactly what you're gonna do. You're gonna take all that crap, and you're gonna bury it. You're gonna forget about it...because that's how we keep going. That's how we don't end up like Martin!"

"That's exactly how you end up like Martin!" You snapped at him, not liking how he was treating you. How you viewed of dealing with a problem was far very different to how you thought it should be handled. "This is serious, Dean. This isn't about a hunt gone wrong or some stupid crap we get sad about. You let it bury up after so long, it's gonna get worse and worse.”

"You've survived this far without snapping or turning into one of those sons of bitches. You've survived Ella's death, Hell, death, the demon blood. You're still standing here, sweetheart. Who's to say you can't handle this for a little while longer?" Dean asked you. You looked over at him, finding that his tone had softened a bit, and he was staring at you with more of a compassionate stare. You let out a sigh, partly knowing he was right. “We can deal with this. But you need to be with me and Sam one hundred percent of the way. Y/N, are you with us?”

You looked at the two men in front of you for a few seconds. Maybe Dean was right about dealing with this. All of you have been through a lot of things. And it wasn't like you would feel like this all the time. Feelings were temporary. You were going to have good days, and you were going to have bad ones. You just needed to surround yourself with people that would be there to catch you. Inhaling a deep breath, you slowly nodded your head, trying your hardest to pretend that you were okay. That you were willing to hold on for a little bit longer until you could discuss this a little bit better. Besides, right now wasn't the best time.

“I’m with you.” You whispered to them.

"Good." Dean responded, nodding his head. "Let's get the hell out of here."

You and the boys headed for the Impala without any other words being spoken. Slipping yourself into the backseat, you sank into the leather seats and heard the familiar roar of the Impala's engine. All three of you drove off into the night, leaving the hospital as nothing more as a small spot in the rear view mirror. Like most of your problems, you and the boys handled it by pretending like it wasn't there, distracting yourself with things like hunting and drinking. You leaned backwards and let out a quiet sigh, shutting your eyes, you had a feeling this little problem wasn't going to be as easy to run from. But you’d be damned if you weren’t going to try.