#like this time of the semester is usually when i start flagging so its unfortunate that it happens when all my professors decide to dump pro

[jackrrabbit]

communal property [pt. 1] /// Ushijima x f!Reader x Tendou (18+)

Summary: Tendou shares everything with Ushijima—his food, his dorm room, even the AVs he likes. Why not his girlfriend, too? [Part 2]

A/N: The ‘you deserve two boyfriends’ meme but make it college AU. Y'all don’t even know how excited I got about this…it’s embarrassing…but ngl this is the good kush 😌

Tags/warnings: college AU, baby’s first poly relationship, soft??, exhibitionism, Tendou is a tiny bit shady with that sharing is caring mentality

They really do share everything, so you guess it makes sense that they end up sharing you.

At first—meaning, when you first start dating Tendou and Ushijima is just his intimidatingly hot roommate who seems like he’s constantly glaring at everyone—you think it’s weird. They have the same major and every semester when they enroll, Tendou plans their schedules so they can take at least half of their classes together. He texts Ushijima to set up times for lunch and dinner so they can eat in the cafeteria together, they meet up to walk to volleyball practice together, and (even before Tendou brings up the poly thing) Ushijima’s usually around when you’re with him.

They share stuff, too, not just their schedules. Their dorm suite (which is about 10 times nicer than the regular rooms on the same floor—it’s student athlete privilege, and yes, you’re bitter about it) is littered with items that always seem to fall under collective ownership. Boxes of energy bars and whey protein powder lining up the walls in neat stacks; medals and trophies and flags from high school volleyball; the singular bottle of body wash and the accompanying 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner they keep in their bathroom—all of it belongs to both of them. You ask Ushijima once if there’s anything he wouldn’t share with Tendou, and he has to think for a while before answering.

“My toothbrush,” he says seriously. “But if he asked, I would let him use it.”

They’re close enough to the same size that they can share clothes sometimes, and since they have a single closet with no system of organization, it’s really hard to tell whose is whose. This gets you in trouble when you start dating Tendou—if you think about it, it might be the reason the three of you ended up together in the first place.

The jersey incident, as you refer to it in your mind later on, occurs a few weeks into your relationship, when Tendou’s at an away game for the weekend and he leaves you a voicemail telling you he misses you. Everything’s new and shiny and you like hearing that he hates having to be away from you, so you dig his old high school jersey out of the back of his closet for the sole purpose of taking a racy pic to send to him. It’s gigantic on you—figures, since Tendou is stupid tall for some reason—but you tie up the hem under your tits and let it slip off of your bare shoulders and the effect is pretty cute.

And hey, you figure you may as well go all the way and dress up to cheer your boyfriend on, so you beg your roommate to let you borrow the ‘slutty cheerleader’ costume she wore on Halloween: itty bitty pleated white skirt, thigh high socks, hair tied up in pigtails and sparkly white pom-poms to complete the look. You put your camera on auto-timer and take way too many pictures, and when you’re decently satisfied with the results, you send them to Tendou along with your usual good luck, I’m cheering for you! text before the game.

It takes him about one minute to respond.

> holy fuck (y/n)

> jesus

> r u trying to make me cum in my fucking pants

> Attachment: 1 image

It’s a blurry selfie of him in his team uniform, substantial dick print clearly visible through the shorts. You flush, grin, and preen at your ability to give your boyfriend a hard-on from hundreds of miles away without even showing that much.

Unfortunately, that’s not all.

> where did u even get that shirt? u know its wakatoshis not mine right lol

< Wait, are you joking? you ask back, horror dawning on you as you twist around in front of a mirror to check the number on the back. Did you actually just send your boyfriend a sexy picture wearing his roommate’s shirt? You don’t want to believe it, but sure enough the back of the jersey reads SHIRATORIZAWA 1. You may be clueless when it comes to volleyball, but you’re pretty certain that 1 is the captain’s number, and Tendou was not the captain of his high school team. Shit!

> ya lmao mines at home, thats definitely wakatoshis

< OMG no!!! please don’t tell him 😰 You immediately pull the jersey off and bury your face in your pillow as your roommate looks on curiously. Knowing Tendou, you’re never going to live this down.

> dw abt it

> he thinks its hot lol

You can actually feel the blood draining out of your face. < WHAT!! You showed it to him???

> hes sitting right next to me😂😂 dont be mad please baby

< I hate you so much Tendou I’m seriously going to kill you

> wakatoshi looks all flustered, wanna see?

< No I hate you

Tendou sends the picture anyway. Ushijima does not look flustered in the least. He looks as serious and vaguely annoyed as he does every time you see him, and all you can think about is the fact that your boyfriend’s best friend saw you wearing that stupid cheerleading outfit and his old jersey and he probably thinks you’re a moron.

You refuse to answer any of Tendou’s texts until he comes back and apologizes sincerely. You can’t look Ushijima in the eye for way too long. And despite many requests, you absolutely do not let Tendou fuck you in the cheerleader costume.

Weeks later—ages—you’re sitting one of the dryers in the laundry room quizzing Ushijima on terms for your upcoming biochem test while he folds his clothes, and you lose your train of thought when you see the accursed Shiratorizawa jersey in his hands. You’ve always felt awkward over that stupid photo, but you decide now is as good a time as any to get it out in the open and lighten the mood.

“Hey, do you remember that time I thought that was Tendou’s? You know, when I…sent him that picture… He said you might’ve seen it by accident.” Your voice trails off, but you’re impressed at how well you’re faking nonchalance.

The dryer churns under your thighs and somewhere behind you there’s another student humming Kendrick while they fold their clothes. You keep your gaze firmly glued to the flashcards you’re going through so you don’t have to make eye contact, but out of the corner of your eye you can see Ushijima stop folding the jersey and look up at you. “Ah… Tendou showed it to me.”

That little shit. “Yeah, sorry about that. I was kinda hoping you’d forgotten by now.”

“I didn’t.”

His voice is closer than you thought and you look up reflexively. Ushijima is standing in front of you. He’s so big, you think despite the fact that this is not exactly a revelation (honestly, you think it every time you see him). His face looks the same as usual, but there’s a charge in the air. Some kind of tension, the kind you’re used to in different contexts but you barely recognize here because Ushijima is your boyfriend’s roommate.

You know you look like a mess (it’s midterm season and you’re too busy to do your own laundry) and the only reason you’re even here is that you and Ushijima are in the same biochem section and he is 100% definitely going to fail without your help, but somehow all of that falls away and you don’t feel like you’re sitting in the basement laundry room with ugly fluorescent lights flickering above you and half a dozen other students milling around. The way Ushijima is looking at you isn’t the way a guy looks at ‘some girl who’s dating his friend’ or whatever.

“I’m not going to forget,” he continues.

He’s watching you like instead of sitting on a dryer in sweats and a dingy old camp t-shirt, you’re wearing the same slutty cheerleader costume from the photo: made up like a beauty queen, pom-poms in hand, tits pushed up against the loose fabric of the jersey you’re wearing that’s about half a second away from falling off entirely. His jersey. Ushijima’s eyes move over you and you have to fold your legs and for some reason the thought crosses your mind that he’s about to kiss you, and no, of course that doesn’t make sense, but as soon as you think it you can’t stop thinking about it.

He’s going to kiss you. He’s going to kiss you. Ushijima’s going to kiss you.

He reaches forward and you shy away at the last second—only to feel like an world-class idiot once again when his hand closes around the stack of index cards at your side. “Heterotroph hypothesis,” he says flatly.

You breathe out a quick sigh, trying to feel relieved and not the tiniest bit let down. “Uhh…early life forms—something about the first life form, right? They couldn’t produce their own food, so they were heterotrophs…”

Ushijima flips the card around to read the back. “Correct.” And that’s that.

///

You didn’t start going out with Tendou thinking that you’d end up in a throuple with the two stars of your college’s volleyball team, but honestly, it’s not like there aren’t signs.

The jersey incident is the first, unless you count the fact that most of the stuff Tendou invites you to do is stuff he’s already doing with Ushijima. Late night study date at the library? You show up and Tendou’s there with Ushijima already, the two of them claiming an entire 6-person table with their papers strewn out everywhere, disagreeing about the meaning of one of the practice exam answers (they’re usually both wrong). Coffee date before class? Tendou’s late, but it’s cool because you can tell he literally sprinted to meet you at your favorite bench on campus, bringing with him you the iced coffee you asked for along with his ever-present roommate. It takes some getting used to, but you like Ushijima so you don’t mind.

Sometimes you think it’s weird that they’re friends. Other than being tall and playing volleyball, they really don’t have much in common. Ushijima has to be the polar opposite of your goofy, cheerful boyfriend, who can’t keep his mouth shut to save his life…then again, maybe that’s why they’re so close? You know through Tendou that there are a lot of people on the team who respect Ushijima, but it seems like it’d be hard to develop an actual friendship with the guy. Figures that Tendou—who doesn’t give up when he’s interested in someone, as you can attest to firsthand—would be Ushijima’s closest and oldest friend.

They’re not all different, though. You discover a third similarity between the two of them when you go to their first home game and see them really play for the first time: talent. It’s crazy—you’ve never been into sports, but you don’t need to be to see how good they are at what they do. The ball moves so fast you barely understand what’s going on, but there’s no mistaking how often the announcer says each of their names as they score point after point after point.

You learn a lot of things at that match: what a ‘guess blocker’ is, what Tendou’s face looks like when he scores (it’s pretty similar to his sex face—is that weird or cute??), and that Ushijima is one of the best spikers in Japan. The way he slams the ball down into the opposing team’s court doesn’t even look real sometimes. You keep wondering if the volleyball is going to pop like a balloon under the force of his hand.

After the match, your voice is hoarse from screaming but you still manage to yell congratulations for your boyfriend when you meet him and Ushijima leaving the locker room in the stadium. You’re still pumped on the adrenaline of the game, so you don’t even protest like you usually would when Tendou picks you up in the middle of your hug and lifts you off the ground effortlessly. “How was I? Awesome, right? I told you we would beat them!”

“You did, you so did—“ Even though your throat hurts, you can’t help gushing about every rally, every soul-crushing block, every impossible spike. “—and then the guy on the left thought he was clear to shoot it but you just—“ You throw your arms in the air and mime hitting the ball down like a blocker. “Wha-bam!—and the look on his face, I thought he was going to punch you!”

Tendou laughs and lays a sloppy kiss on your cheek, just as thrilled as you are by the win. “You really liked it that much? I thought you weren’t into sports.”

“I loved it! You were so cool! I can’t believe I’m dating someone so cool!” You wrap your legs around his back and hug his face close to yours, reveling in the fact that this weirdo belongs to you wholly and entirely, that you get to have him to yourself (well, other than his roommate). “And I’m not into sports, I’m into you.”

Tendou smiles in a way that makes the sides of his eyes crinkle up and little red patches bloom over his cheeks, a look that says, I like you so much (Y/N), I like you I like you I like you, except he’s probably trying not to be mushy like that since Ushijima is standing off to the side.

You feel a little bad for ignoring him (no one likes being the third wheel, even if he never seems to care) so when Tendou sets you down you turn to Ushijima. “And you! Holy shit, Tendou said you were good, but I didn’t know you were that good. It was super loud when you hit the ball—wait, are your hands okay? If I hit something that hard I’d probably break a finger.”

“My hands are fine…this is normal for me.”

But just because you’ve got them here in front of you and you’re still pumped from the exhilaration of the win, you can’t help grabbing Ushijima’s hand and flipping it palm-up to inspect. True to his word, there’s no redness, just the calluses he’s built up on his long fingers. “Wow.”

“You don’t need to worry about Wakatoshi,” Tendou tells you, grinning and then making a face. “He’s a monster, he can handle it.”

“No kidding. You’re both monsters.” You put the base of your palm up against Ushijima’s to gauge the size of his hand against yours, and without prompting Tendou grabs your other hand to press against his own. Tendou’s fingers are a bit longer, but Ushijima’s are…thicker, more solid. Your hands look like a little kid’s in comparison. “Can I be honest? Half the time I was thinking I actually feel bad for the other team. If I had to take on both of you at the same time, I’d probably cry.”

You’re (mostly) joking, but it’s still a complete shock when you see the side of Ushijima’s mouth curl up a tiny bit. You’ve known each other for months at this point, but you’ve never seen him smile until now. Half of you is wondering if this is some kind of optical illusion caused by the atmosphere and the dim light of the stadium cutting through the evening, but the other half of you enjoys it. You made him smile!

“Don’t sell yourself short, (Y/N).” Ushijima says, tipping his head to the side.

“Yeah…” Tendou chimes in, resting his chin on top of your head and folding his arms around your neck from his place behind you. “I’m sure you could take both of us. Right, Wakatoshi?”

So that’s probably a sign.

It’s not the first. And it’s definitely not the last. Tendou drops plenty of hints that the two of you should actually be the three of you; you just don’t get it. You don’t even get it when he forgets to lock the dorm room door a few times while the two of you fuck in between classes—he’s got you sitting on his face, whining, whimpering, panting his name while he slithers his long tongue over your clit, and Ushijima just…opens the door and walks in.

You tense up, and not just because Ushijima is witnessing what you look like naked and getting ate out like your pussy is a five course meal with extra dessert—you tense up because you’re about to cum, the kind of climax where you couldn’t stop it if you tried. And you try, you try to hold back, you try to lift your soaking wet cunt off of Tendou’s mouth, but your thighs are too weak and anyway he’s holding you down right in place to tongue-fuck you into literal oblivion—

—so you can’t help it, okay? You can’t help locking eyes with Ushijima, who looks completely dazed at what he just walked into and you can’t help panting out his name because it’s the only fucking thing in your stupid fucking brain— “U—shi—ji—ma?” you gasp, and then you’re squeaking and you’re tipping over that edge and your cunt is quivering around the slick muscle of Tendou’s tongue inside, goddamnit you are going to kill him for not locking that door, except who cares because he’s still licking and you’re writhing in his grip with his fingertips pushing into the fat of your thighs while he keeps you in place, and your boyfriend’s roommate is looking at you!—

And then Ushijima disappears out of the bedroom and you hear the door of the bathroom slam shut. Tendou’s grip eases, and he rolls to the side on his narrow twin bed to make room for you to fall back down flat onto it.

“You…didn’t lock the door.”

“No way,” he laughs, wiping his mouth. “Wakatoshi has a key, y’know. It’s his room too.”

The most annoying part is that Tendou does not look the least bit remorseful. You growl and attempt to push him off the edge of the bed with your foot (unsuccessfully). “You could’ve put a sock on the doorknob! Or texted him!”

“Aw, come on. We sexile him so often I feel bad…I thought he’d be out for longer.” Tendou rubs a circle on your back, still suppressing laughter, but that doesn’t help your frayed nerves.

“He saw—everything! He totally saw me cum, and I said his freaking name—“ You roll onto your stomach and stuff your face in Tendou’s pillow to muffle a scream. “Oh my god. I want to die. I wish we could get struck by lightning right now.”

“It’s okay, babe! It’s not that big a deal, I promise.”

You glare at Tendou, who inexplicably seems to believe what he’s saying. “Shouldn’t you be jealous or something? Another guy saw me naked.”

“Wellll…I’d be jealous if it wasn’t Wakatoshi.”

Ugh, what is that supposed to mean? You frown, irrationally annoyed at the implication that Ushijima would have zero interest in your naked body. “Yeah, I get it, he doesn’t see me like that. But it’s still embarrassing.”

“…You think Wakatoshi doesn’t see you like that?” Tendou shifts himself to hover over you, smirking down at your body. “He went to the bathroom, right? …What do you think he’s doing in there?”

What is Ushijima doing in the bathroom? You can hear the shower running through the thin wall between the two rooms. It’s the middle of the day, and he didn’t come from the gym. “He’s showering?”

“Hm…so Wakatoshi came in and saw you—“ Tendou punctuates this with a kiss on the side of your neck and you shudder. “You, the hottest girl on the fucking planet. Naked. Cumming. And you said his name.”

“Um—it was an accident...” Fuck, you shouldn’t be letting Tendou mess around with you while Ushijima’s probably like six inches away through the wall, but you have a bad habit of getting caught up in Tendou’s pace.

“You did. You moaned Ushijima all sexy—you know how sexy your voice sounds when you cum?” Tendou sighs and slides his hand up your inner thigh, hooking it over his hip. “Wakatoshi hasn’t heard a girl moaning his name in a while. What he’s doing right now…he probably can’t help himself.”

“So you think he’s—“ You bite your lip and squeeze your eyes shut and try to stop yourself from picturing Ushijima in the shower, water dripping over those perfect muscles while he…um…does some self-care. “Oh my god.”

“Aww, you like that? Me and Wakatoshi both want to fuck you…that makes you horny, yeah?” You can feel Tendou shuffling with his sweatpants and pulling his cock out to line it up with your bare tummy while he layers kisses over your cheeks and gropes one of your tits. “We should give him something to jack off to… I bet he can hear everything. I bet he’s dying to hear what that cute little voice sounds like when my dick is stuffed up you instead of my tongue…”

No. Nope, nope, no way. Tendou’s too fucking good at this. Your pussy is twitching—dripping your juices sticky all over your thighs, but you also feel like you might spontaneously combust if he keeps talking. “I—I have to go back to my room,” you blurt before you can change your mind.

Tendou blows out a low sigh, then laughs and falls back to the side and pushes his hand through his hair like he never really meant any of it. “If you insist, princess.”

“You better apologize to him for me,” you say, rolling your eyes as you wiggle back into the pair of shorts you abandoned on the ground.

“Sure, okay. But the option’s open! Believe me, Wakatoshi wouldn’t mind.”

Wouldn’t mind what? you think. Somehow the obvious answer escapes you.

That is, until you meet them for dinner a week later (you’ve been avoiding Ushijima, and by extension you’ve been avoiding your boyfriend too) and Tendou decides that it’s time to be upfront, so as you’re sitting across from them at the booth in the dining hall trying to sneak leftovers into your backpack because you’re running out of meal points, he just comes out and says it.

“So (Y/N)— have you ever heard of polyamory?”

➠ [Part 2]

[rjhpandapaws]

A Cup of Something Better

Ch7: When Stuck in One Place, Try Another

Hank was in a tight spot, his manuscript was late already, and it was only going to get later. Hank was out of ideas, well, kind of, distracted was probably a better word for it. Somehow he didn't think his editor would take the excuse of 'so I'm gonna need an extension on that deadline because I'm out of ideas, and also the time I could have spent writing I've spent thinking about a guy that I've seen like once,' all that well. Kaya was great, don't get him wrong, she put up with a lot of his bullshit, but even she had her limits. Hank being almost a month late with a manuscript was definitely one of them, that he unfortunately knew from experience. Best to get this over with. After his meeting with Kaya he was meeting Jeffrey for lunch, something they didn't do as often as they should.

Figuring he'd sat outside her home office long enough, Hank turned off his beat up old car and got out to head inside. The sooner he got this over with the better. She met him at the door, her red hair tied back in a bun, her green eyes were narrowed behind wide red framed glasses. He was definitely about to get an earful.

"You're late," she said in place of a greeting stepping aside to let him in, "but im beginning to notice thats the one garuntee with you."

"Good afternoon to you too Kaya," Hank remarked letting the tall redhead lead the way to her office.

She sat in her office chair and Hank took the couch. Kaya waited until he was seated before she spoke, "Please tell me you have something, even just a progress check. You're creeping up on a month and the company is starting to breathe down my back."

Hank cleared his throat rubbing at his beard, trying to find words that wouldn't get him flayed alive, "the college has been keeping me pretty busy, when I've had time to write I havent been able to get anything down. I was, um, I was wondering if I could get an extension or maybe a hiatus period. I honestly thought I'd be done by now, I'm sorry Kaya."

She sighed, an incredibly swdate response compared to the anger that was burning in her eyes, "an extension Hank? You come in here a month overdue with nothing to show for it and you have the nerve to ask for an extension! You never fail to amaze me. I'll see if I can get you marked as on hiatus. I'll cite your being a professor as my reasoning." Hank breathed a sigh of relief, though the feeling was short lived as Kaya continued, "If you do something like this again the company is going to drop you most likely."'

"Thanks Kaya." Hank responded, "I know I'm not the easiest to work with, but this shouldn't happen again."

She watched him stand with a distant expression, "you know what happens if it does."

He nodded as he made his way to the door, "Have a good day Kaya."

"You too Hank."

Hank figured this was a long time coming, but it was still a surprise to hear just how close he was to being dropped. Not that it wasn't deserved, only a few of his manuscripts had ever been on time. For a few months out of the year he could blame it on being a professor, but the main reason for it was just that his writing process was unstructured and slow.

He needed a pick me up if he was going to be dealing with Jeff as well as Kaya. He drove the familiar route toward the university, planning to stop by the cute cafe again. He parked and walked into the cafe, making his way to the counter with plans to try that same latte again with less espresso since he was feeling more human today. There was a different barista working the counter today, Josh, according to his nametag.

"Hey," Josh said with a charismatic smile, "welcome to Hand Brewed Hope, what can we get started for you?"

"I'll take a medium vanilla latte with two shots of espresso," he almost ordered something for Jeff but then thought better of it.

"Connor will have that down at the other counter for you when its done," Josh said handing the cup off to the other barista.

Hank followed the action with his eyes and then his brain froze. It was the barista from yesterday, he figured as much from the name, either the kid from his night class or his twin. He was just as struck by Connor this time as he had been before and it took all of his strength not to just stare. If anything he was more attractive now that Hank was awake enough to take in more than just his eyes.

Connor was tall, maybe a couple inches shorter than Hank. His brown hair was styled back neatly save for one errant curl that fell defiantly onto his forehead giving the look boyish charm. Hank caught himself staring and decided to make conversation.

"So, uh, Connor, was it?" Hank asked in the ineloquent way that seemed to be the usual of him when he was around the barista.

"Yes professor?" Came the almost immediate response and Hank needed a minute.

Hank stared again, trying to assess if he had in fact heard that correctly. Upon the realization that he he had, his stomach turned on itself. Nothing said dirty old man quite like crushing on one of your students.

"Well that answers that I suppose," Hank said, and hopefully he didn't sound like he was choking on his words.

Connor couldn't be more than in his early twenties at best, and Hank was turning thrity-nine come September. On top of being his professor, the age difference would make anyone uncomfortable. This crush needed to be tucked away, it couldn't become anything. He was pulled from his thoughts by the paper togo cup coming into his line of sight. He took it with a weak smile.

"Have a good day professor," Connor said kindly as he turned to leave.

"You too kid," he responded lifting the cup in place of a wave as he left the cafe like the devil was on his heels.

He could already hear Jeff giving him a hard time about falling for yet another pair of pretty brown eyes, as well as the following lecture about appropriate behavior. He rolled his eyes at his own thoughts and started his car heading to their usual place, a diner by the police station. He drank from the latte, deciding that two shots of espresso was ideal, the bitter perfectly balanced by the vanilla.

Hank arrived before Jeff as was usual and picked a table close to the door, somewhere easy to spot. Jeff arrived a few minutes later, sitting across from Hank. He eyed the coffee cup.

"Good to see you're as much of an asshole as I remember," Jeff joked in way of a greeting, "stopped for a fucking coffee and didn't even get me anything."

Hank laughed shaking his head, "I don't see you for six months and the first thing you do is bitch at me for not buying you a coffee. Some friend you are."

"How's the new book coming along?" He asked looking over the menu.

Hank winced, "I asked to be put on hiatus with my publisher because of got nothing in me right now."

Jeff gave him a sympathetic smile, "how's the university treating you then?"

"Good," Hank replied setting his own menu down having decided on a bacon burger, "night classes are pretty relaxed. How are things at the station?"

"Hectic." Came the reply as Jeff flagged for a waiter, "just got a bunch of new academy graduates and they all think they're hot shit."

"You know how it is, give them a few months and the gravity of the job will set in."

There was a lull in the conversation long enough for them to place their orders. Then the topic finally turned away from work. Though Hank didn't like the new topic that much better.

"So you seeing anyone Hank?" Jeff asked right as he was drinking from his latte. His choking must have marked him as guilty because Jeff continued with, "let me guess, brown eyes."

"Its complicated," Hank replied when he caught his breath, staring at the table as though it held the solution to all of his problems, "he's one of my students. I met him here though." He said tapping the paper cup, "he's a barista."

He could feel Jeff's eyes on him and he looked up. "You've got it bad, its written all over your face." Hank could feel the lecture coming, "you know you can't do anything right? At least not until the semester is out."

"I know that Jeff, jesus." The second half took a little longer to catch up with Hank, "wait what?"

"He's taking night classes right? So that usually means older students. Try talking to him outside of class, like at the shop once the semester is over," Jeff said casually, as though he wasn't suggesting that Hank talk to a guy that was younger than him but also definitely out of his fucking league.

Hank was saved from having to reply when their food arrived. Content silence followed as they enjoyed their lunch, though in the background Hank was overtaking what Jeff had said. Could he approach Connor? Would that be okay? Worst comes to worse Connor would just assume him an overly conversational customer. It couldn't hurt to try he supposed, but then again he'd always been a sucker for brown eyes.

They switched to lighter topics until it came time to part ways. Like always they parted with the half empty promise that they would do this more often. Hank giving a less empty promise that, yes he would at least try and talk to Connor when the semester was out.

Hank had left in a better mood than he had arrived in. For the first time in months he felt inspired, he wanted to write. Not for his manuscript, but maybe it was time to start a new project. Something that better fit what he was feeling, something light and happy. A short piece probably, but well worth the wait. Something that reflected the warmth that can be found in warm brown eyes.

[marshmallow-phd]

Memories Past

Part of The Untamed - EXO Wolf Universe

Genre: Supernatural, Wolf Au

Pairing: Kris x Reader

Summary: The last thing Kris wanted was to move on. He was perfectly content wallowing in his misery while pretending everything was okay. But when you come walking into his shop with a broken down car, he realizes the thing he’d been avoiding the most just might be the cure he always needed. He just couldn’t believe that it’d been you all along. Kris had been your best friend when you were kids before he’d moved away without a word of goodbye. Now nearly fifteen years later, you run into him again by pure coincidence. The memories come rushing back to you, stirring something inside. A childhood crush shouldn’t upend your picture perfect life, but sometimes, destiny has other things in mind…

Part: 1 I 2 I 3 I 4 I 5 I 6 I 7 I 8 I 9 I 10 I 11 I 12 I 13 I Final

**

This was the ultimate adrenaline rush.

Running through the woods with the stars above was definitely a thrill for any average werewolf. That was the time they were one with the forest, truly at home. It was only natural for that to be where a wolf sought solace.

But this. This right here was its own kind of high. With the rumble of the engine vibrating the whole car, Kris felt in complete control. Pushing his foot down on the gas pedal, he revved his motor threateningly, letting his opponent know who the winner would be at the end of this mile.

The flag girl stood safely off to the side, the white polyester cloth held up high for both drivers to see. At the race handler’s signal, she threw the flag in the air and they took off.

Kris nearly cursed to see his opponent had half a car length’s jump on him. Shifting gears, he pushed the pedal down even farther, the engine roaring and straining in protest. But Kris knew his car inside and out. He knew what it could take, having torn the engine apart before rebuilding it to the perfection it was today. And his baby never let him down as he watched the nose of his car inch up to be head to head with his opponent.

Flipping up a hidden switch, Kris pressed that fun little red button, giving him just the boost he needed. The car shot forward thanks to that punch of NOS, propelling him past the other driver and crossing the makeshift finish line.

Victory was his. Little yelps and laughs of celebration escaped his lips as he grinned from ear to ear. As he circled around back to the main area, he parked his car along the rows of other souped-up vehicles. Getting out of the car, he rounded to the front and leaned back against the hood to wait for his payment.

Jimmy, a short bald man and Kris’ fellow Chinese man, came up to him with too much energy. Kris held out his hand for Jimmy to take, pulling him into that classic brother half-hug.

“What’s up, man?” Kris smirked, knowing exactly why Jimmy had come over to him.

“I gotta say, you can race like no one else I’ve ever seen before,” Jimmy praised.

Kris laughed. Little did any of these people know that what made him so good was his werewolf reflexes. His timing was better as well as his ability to process a situation and make a quick decision. Very handy when the race usually only lasts ten seconds or so.

“Just lucky, I guess,” he shrugged.

Jimmy scoffed. “Yeah, right.” He held up a thick roll of cash. “Your take in the winnings, Racer King.”

“Thank you,” Kris grinned, pocketing the money.

“Still not going to count it?” Jimmy sighed.

“Told you,” Kris said as he headed back for the driver’s door, “I don’t do it for the money. It’s just a nice bonus.”

“I’m going to start taking a bigger cut, then,” Jimmy warned.

Kris shook his head. “No, you won’t.”

Even seated inside the car, Kris heard Jimmy mumble playfully, “Punk.”

Taking off down the road, the smile on Kris’ face began to fade.

Illegal street racing wasn’t exactly the safest hobby or activity to partake in, no matter how good and isolated the location was. Years ago, he’d dabbled into it. Until Jiyoon scolded him and made him quit.

Now, almost as soon as he’d settled back down in this town, he’d scoured all over the place to track down the races.

Was he being slightly self-destructive? Not completely. He was safe in how he raced, careful until the finish line.

Was he just running away without going anywhere? Plausible.

The drum-heavy music that blared from his phone mercifully pulled him out of his thoughts. Pressing the phone button on his dash, he answered the call through the Bluetooth set up.

“Yes, Tao?”

“Kris-ge,” the younger wolf whined. “Are you almost home? Sehun and Chanyeol are threatening to leave without you.”

Kris shook his head, exasperated. Twelve was just too many members for a pack. “If they do, they’re on bathroom duty for two weeks.”

Tao repeated Kris’ threat to the others which lead to several unintelligible cries of protest in the background.

“I’m almost there,” Kris groaned. “Hold on for five more minutes. Think you guys can sit still long enough?”

“Sure,” Tao replied. “I can, at least.” There was a pause and Kris almost hung up the call when Tao added, “Hey, Kris? Where you have been going lately? Between you and Junmyeon, I’m getting worried.”

“I’ve just been out running a few errands,” Kris lied, if a little guiltily. He knew if he told the others that he’d been out racing, they’d want to come along to watch. Considering the fact that drag racing in the streets was highly illegal, there was always the chance of the cops coming out and breaking it up and topping it off with a few arrests. Kris didn’t mind if he spent the night in jail, but if the others got locked up with him, Junmyeon would have a fit. Better to keep his brothers out of it. “Don’t worry about me. I’m fine. I’m pulling up into the driveway now.”

“Okay.” Tao hung up without saying goodbye.

Pulling up around back, Kris turned off the engine and sat in his car. Without any prompting the boys ran out the door and huddled around the car’s left side. It was hard, but he resisted rolling his eyes as he got out of the car.

“Let’s go.” He tried his best to not sound as irritated and annoyed as he felt, but considering the questionable glance that Chanyeol gave him, he must have failed. At least tonight, Yixing and Minseok were going with them. That meant they’d be getting back earlier from the run since they had class in the morning and would be more adamant about getting some sleep.

They all headed for the forest, stripping themselves of their clothes to be picked up on the way back.

**

“Are you serious?” Ji Yeon gasped.

By pure luck, after Huan had dropped you off fairly early for class, Ji Yeon had found you just sitting at one of the stone tables in the courtyard as you waited for it to be an appropriate time to head to class. The two of you were quick to exchange numbers and then you told her about your ordeal on the way home the previous night.

“I knew yesterday was just going way too well for me,” you laughed, shaking your head.

“Where did you take your car?” Ji Yeon asked.

You frowned as you thought to remember. “Um, it was called Lang Auto Shop?”

Ji Yeon’s eyes lit up. “Really? I know the guy that owns that place! You, ma’am, are in very good hands. He’s a magician when it comes to cars. And, he won’t overcharge you. That is the real magic.”

You couldn’t help but giggle. The picture forming in your head was of a kind old man with a too-long beard that felt like everyone’s grandfather.

All too soon, it was time for both of you to get to class. Luck seemed to be on your side as your lecture halls were right next to each other, giving you a little more time to talk before you had to separate. Unfortunately, your schedules didn’t match up for the rest of the day, but Ji Yeon promised to text you to set a time for lunch tomorrow.

The rest of your school day was spent with your mind pacing back and forth. You wanted to focus on the lectures and PowerPoints that occupied your class time, but you were worried about your car. Two different people had sworn up and down that the owner of the body shop was a fair mechanic, but there was only so much they could do if your engine needed a part that cost more than a grand. The move had put a dent into your savings as well as Huan’s and the last thing you needed was a hefty mechanical bill.

Finally, the time for Huan to come pick you up from the university and take you to the shop had come. You had to miss out on your last class of the day to make it before the shop closed, but you figured one missed session early in the semester wouldn’t hurt you.

Hopping into the passenger’s seat of his well washed black Mercedes, you leaned over the middle console and gave your fiancé an appreciative kiss before greeting him. “Hi.”

“Hi,” he purred back, stealing another kiss. “How was your day?”

You shrugged. “Fine. It’d be better if I wasn’t panicking over my car, but, you know, life.”

Huan just laughed at you. “Yeah, life does that.” As you put your seat belt on, he turned to the GPS, “Okay, what was the name of the shop?”

“Lang Auto Shop.”

Just like you, Huan seemed to find the name strange, but interesting.

It only took about fifteen or twenty minutes to get to the shop from the school. Huan parked right outside the garage doors and both of you got out to find an employee.

“Can I help you?” One of the mechanics approached you, wiping his hands on an already dirty rag. The patch on his coveralls said “Brian”. He certainly looked like a Brian with his blonde hair and cheerful grin.

“Yeah, my fiancé’s car broke down last night and she had it towed here,” Huan explained. “She left the spare keys with a note about what happened and so we were just seeing if there was any update on that or if you were able to even get to it.”

Brian nodded. “Yeah, yeah. Silver four-door, right?”

“That’s the one.”

“It was actually a simple fix,” Brian said to your relief. “Two of the wires under the hood had been rubbing together and the heat had melted the rubber coating on the outside and shorted the fuse box. We were able to replace the box and wrapped up the expose parts of the wire. I think it ended up being about a hundred dollars or so. We’ve got the invoice in the office.”

Brian motioned for you to follow him, but while Huan did so, still talking to him about the wires and what had gone on with your car, another mechanic in the shop had caught your eye. Bent over and inspecting the engine of a nice mustang was someone that you never expected to see again in your lifetime.

“Kris?”

At the sound of his name, Kris turned and met your eyes. When he did, his jaw went slack and his hand that was keeping him balanced above the engine slipped, causing his head to hit the lifted hood.

You snickered, not quite able to believe this situation in the slightest.

Rubbing the top of his head, he stuttered, “(y-y/n)? W-what are you doing here?”

Over your shoulder, you pointed with your thumb as your good-as-new car parked just outside. “My car broke down last night and we brought it here. This is just insane. Is this where you guys moved to?”

Eyes still wide open in shock, Kris gave you a shaky nod. “Yeah. Yeah, this is where we moved to.”

Something… strange was happening inside you. While Kris had always been slightly taller than you, now he just seemed like a giant, much taller and toned than you had ever imagined him to be. Not that you imagined what adult Kris would look like. Much.

As his brown eyes stared down at you in amazement, your heart started speeding up on its own. You scolded it for getting so worked up over nothing. Of course, Kris did seem to turn into a very handsome man, but that was to be expected. He was a cute kid so why shouldn’t he be an attractive adult? The ring on your left hand was suddenly much heavier.

“Hey, honey.” Huan came over and joined you, planting a kiss on your cheek. Affection like that was nothing new from him, but now you felt uncomfortable at his public display. Sensing some of the tension between you and Kris, he asked, “Do you two know each other?”

“Yeah,” you admitted quickly. “Huan, this is Kris, an old friend of mine. Kris, this is my fiancé, Huan.”

Huan, ever the pleasant and outgoing type, held his hand out. “It’s nice to meet you.”

On the other end, you could see the strain it took for Kris to return the gesture. “Pleasure to meet you, too.”

“Wait,” Huan grinned down at you. “Is this the Kris that you used to talk about all the time?”

Your own eyes went wide with panic. “N-not all the time.”

Kris laughed. “I’m a pretty impressionable guy, so I’m not surprised.”

That made you roll your eyes. Some things never change.

Huan didn’t seem to like the direction the conversation was going, so he looped an arm around your lower back. “Well, it was nice meeting you, Kris, but we should probably get going.”

“Yeah,” you agreed halfheartedly. Seeing Kris again so randomly was making your mind fuzzy. You needed to get out of here, but you didn’t want to leave.

“It was nice to meet you, Huan,” Kris said sincerely. Looking back to you, he gave a soft smile, “It was really good to see you again, (y/n).”

It was impossible not return it. “You, too, Kris.”

Your footsteps were heavy as you walked away from the shop. What strange coincidence was this?

Driving home in your newly fixed car, you were too preoccupied and lazy to cook anything for dinner so you picked up some take out instead, getting both of your usual orders.

At the table, Huan talked about his day like normal, but you found yourself only replying with “hms” and “huhs”. Kris’ face kept floating along in your mind. What had he been up to all these years? Did he go to the same school that you went to now? Did he work at the shop or own it? How were his parents, who always treated you like one of their own?

The muscles in the corner of your mouth pulled up at that last question, remembering the fond memories of playing at Kris’ house and being a bit spoiled by Mrs. Wu. Having no daughter of her own, she kind of doted on you, much to Kris’ irritation.

“What’s the smile for?” Huan asked.

You blinked, looking up from your food. “What?”

“You’re grinning,” he pointed at you with his fork. “What were you thinking about?”

“Just… fond memories,” you shrugged. “Kris’ parents were always really nice to me. I was just thinking about them.”

Huan nodded, looking a little relieved. “Oh, okay.”

He dropped the subject, much to your own relief.

Later that night, after the two of you had crawled into bed and said good night, you found yourself just lying there, staring at the wall and unable to fall asleep. Huan had no trouble drifting off, snoring loudly behind you with one arm draped over your waist, lazily holding you close.

Careful not wake him up, you slowly got out of bed, letting his arm slide off of you. Walking into the closet, you closed the door before turning on the light.

While most of your belongings were unpacked and put away, there was one box that you hadn’t quite gotten to yet. Most of the objects inside were things you didn’t really touch or hadn’t thought about in a long time so there wasn’t any hurry. Pulling the box down from the high shelf, you quietly set it on the floor and opened it up.

A lot of the knick-knacks were from your childhood; first day photos, crappy art projects, a yearbook here and there. Underneath all of that, though, was a very special shoe box. You’d put it away a long time ago, sometime before your sophomore year of college as your teen years were put behind you and real adulthood was coming along.

The contents inside were your most precious items. Items that reminded you of your best friend before he abruptly moved away without a single word of goodbye. It hurt to think about still, how you cried for a week straight while your mother held you and rocked you to sleep. All you wanted was your best friend back, but you didn’t know where he’d gone.

And now he’d magically appeared in front of you. What a jerk.

One by one, you pulled the items out, smiling as you did so. There were a few pictures of you and Kris from your zoo trips and birthday parties. Random rocks you’d found that you once thought were cool and even a red leaf that you’d laminated because you thought it was pretty and you didn’t want to lose it occupied space in the box. But the one thing that you were actually looking for was buried all the way down at the bottom.

Trying not to break the somewhat tangled chain, you pulled out the necklace and held it up.

On your thirteenth birthday, your mother surprised you by having the dumb moonstone that you’d always carried around in your pocket turned into a necklace that you could wear. The rock had always served its purpose, the one Kris had disposed upon it all those years ago. With it in sight, you really couldn’t think of anything else but him.

Sitting there on the floor of your closet in the middle of the night, you fiddled with the necklace, turning the stone in your hand over and over again. Was it a work of fate that he magically appeared in your life again? Or was it just a stunning coincidence?

Either way, you had an inkling feeling that your life was about to get a little complicated.

**

It was supposed to be a normal day at work. Kris was simply supposed to go in, work on the cars for the day and then go home to have dinner with the boys and maybe get some work done on his own baby.

The silver car that was parked out in front of the shop when he arrived in the morning didn’t seem like anything extraordinary. By lunchtime, he was able to get to the car, finding the problem right away thanks to his good eyes and the note left by the owner. He’d smiled when he read the name, thinking immediately of his childhood friend.

Never, ever in a million years would he ever expected that the same person who left the car and note would really be his old childhood friend – you. And not only that, but the biggest surprise was yet to come.

You were his mate.

The clenching feeling in Kris’ chest was almost overwhelming the second his eyes settled on you. Of course, he recognized you right away. You’d hardly changed at all, even though more than fifteen years had passed.

It was incredible. Something like this was rare, having known his mate since he was young. It seemed impossible that the one destined for him would be you.

And of course, being the smooth operator he was, he’d managed to slip and hurt himself on the car he was working on.

Then things just got worse.

A man came up to you and kissed you on the cheek. Reflexively, Kris’ muscles tightened on the wrench he gripped in his hand. The wolf inside growled at him to do something, to get that man away from his mate. But that was your fiancé. He couldn’t exactly just shove the guy off of you and steal you away.

Driving home that night, Kris felt like there was a war going on inside him. He’d held onto the memory of Jiyoon for so long, he didn’t know it would be this intense like to have those feelings washed away.

Kris had never wanted to find his mate. To him, no one could compare to Jiyoon. But… you felt like a mercy from Fate. The only person who could out shine Jiyoon would be the first girl he’d ever had a crush on.

But you had a fiancé. You’d already promised to spend your life with someone else. What was Kris to do about that?

Maybe this was for the better. If you were with Kris… something bad could happen to you. He couldn’t let you end up like Jiyoon. He didn’t want the same thing again. So, maybe this was meant to be. Kris had found his mate, but you could be happy with someone else. And… maybe you two could just be friends in this lifetime. The wolf didn’t like that idea.

A ferocious war indeed.

With heavy footsteps, Kris walked up to the farmhouse and stepped inside to the kitchen, expecting Kyungsoo to be slaving away at the stove on dinner. However, the house was quiet and no one seemed to be around.

“Hello?” Kris called out.

“No one’s home.” Junmyeon stepped into the kitchen. He was dressed down in sweats and a tank top, the complete opposite of his usual professor get up. In fact, he looked like shit. “They all went out for pizza a few hours ago. Chanyeol said he would text you.”

Frowning, Kris pulled out his phone. Sure enough, there was the text on his screen. He never heard the notification, probably because he was too lost in his thoughts. It was miracle he even made it home without an incident. He shrugged it off, not too put out by it. There was plenty of food in the fridge that he could eat and by now they’d be done and on their way home. Instead, he turned back to Junmyeon.

“What’s going on with you?”

Junmyeon sighed heavily, shuffling over to the breakfast booth. He sat down with a thump and rested his face in his hands.

Kris sat down across from him. “Junmyeon?”

He looked up and stared at Kris. “You don’t look much better.”

“Yeah,” Kris scoffed. “I just got the surprise of my life today.”

Junmyeon raised an eyebrow. “Oh, yeah? I bet I can beat it with what happened to me last week.”

Sitting back, Kris smirked. “Really? Fine. We’ll say it at the same time and see who wins.”

Junmyeon actually laughed. “Alright. Deal.”

Kris held a hand up along with three fingers that went down with the numbers. “Three. Two. One.”

“I found my mate.” “I found my mate.”

The alpha wolves stared at each other in shock.

“Well,” Junmyeon swallowed, “this is quite the development.”

“Yeah,” Kris nod. “You got that right.”

Thunderous footsteps shook the house and the rest of the pack came tumbling into the kitchen from the front of the house. They were wrestling around and joking with each other, but when they noticed the two alphas sitting in the booth, the chatter stopped.

“Anything you guys want to share?” Minseok asked.

Kris looked at Junmyeon and waved his hand out. “You first.”

Junmyeon dropped his head down to the table and groaned. For Junmyeon to be this conflicted about finding his mate, the situation had to be either highly comical or deep trouble. Kris was curious to find out which one it was.

[toadallytickles]

So like, since yesterday I’ve been wanting to write this, but now getting to it at 9:58pm (post edit: ya i took 3 hours to write this, nothing new) I’m like.. super anxious to write about it, I don’t know why. Well actually I’m always shy about posting personal posts, but I think I’m just extra anxious about this post is because it’s a weird topic, sort of… maybe I’m scared it’ll be taken the wrong way. It’s not a bad topic, I reassure you. It’s more of me writing out my true feelings on this subject because it’s a mixture, and I feel weird about it, but I also feel there is some self-discovery in it, and writing it out is my way of getting it out, instead of bottling it in. And I surprisingly get compliments on my personal posts for how they’re relatable or helpful or they’re just interesting to read as a way to get to know me. I appreciate those kinds of compliments greatly; it’s just hard to keep them in my head!

It’s on relationships, by the way. 

Basically, I have this one really good college friend who I have called ‘Curly Headed Fck’, because he has VERY CURLY HAIR, IT’S A MESS, but it’s gorgeous, he’s gorgeous- my second mom actually loves him and she’s only seen him for like 2 minutes. SEEN HIM, hasn’t actually MET HIM. Also, it’s a Step Brothers reference. Anyway I won’t call him that anymore because its mean, I’ll just call him C. But yeah.. he’s a really good friend of mine, really good. Like…  I don’t want this to sound like “ooh imma special snowflake. im exclusive.” But like.. it’s not only hard for me to make friends, but I have a really hard time connecting with people.. like, finding that “spark” that makes you “interested” in someone, and I mean that in the platonic way. Y’know.. like the interested as in “I really want to be good friends with this person! I want to get closer to this person!” I unfortunately don’t feel that “spark of interest” a lot of the time.. and it’s okay, I think.. it just sort of decides who I let get close to me. Usually it takes some initial contact and talking for me to ever feel it, but for C it was right when I heard him speak out loud to the class for the first time. It was the very last class of the night of a new semester, a lot of us didn’t know each other, and at the start of it we had to say what our last jobs were, and his answer, from the back of the room, alone, was “exotic animal handler” and I turned around, looked at him, and said to myself, “I’m befriending that person!” And yes… I am a simple girl, easy to please, okay- But I felt that “spark” when he said that. And luckily from the first class that day, I was put into a group with him for future classes. We were both really shy and quiet from the start, it wasn’t until about week 4 I got his number after he invited me to have lunch with him between classes. And from there… our friendship gradually grew as the weeks went on. We’d hang out during lunch and after classes a lot, and he’d talk sooooooooo much to me, and I would just sit there and happily listen because I’m not good at talking or telling stories, and I didn’t want to embarrass myself in front of him. We had a lot in common about being quiet people, and being bullied as kids, and self-esteem issues, and not having a lot of friends. Things like that brought us closer. We had that teasy-flirty/playful relationship, though unfortunately that got us into a lot of mini arguments, and I took that as a red flag.. say, if we did date. And I mention that because I have considered and thought about if we were more than friends. I don’t want to say I liked him, I’d rather say that that “interest” turned romantic, and it’s still here to this day… but now I will have to get over it. Before I get into that, I just want to say that we could have been a lot closer, maybe to that romantic point if I wasn’t already crushing on a mutual friend that wasn’t really giving me the time of day. That’s one thing I do regret about that semester. It was my favourite semester, but I wish C and I hung out a lot more. I was so focused on this other boy for nothing.

(under the cut because it’s 2,180 words long RIP) 

After the semester and we had to part ways, we texted A LOT, and we even talked about the potential of us dating because we were that close, and he had feelings for me, but I was just interested in him, and I couldn’t do the distance, and the small fights bothered me. And by “interested”.. I mean I have this mental list in my head of people I’m romantically-interested in and could potentially date if it went into that direction and we weren’t very distanced, since I really rely on physicalness. I only have C and one other person on this silly mental list. That’s just how close we were. Anyway.. in the middle of summer break, I found out he wasn’t coming back for 2nd year since he had a hard time  in the 1st.. and it really hurt because then when would I see him again? Like.. he’s my favourite person from college. He’s just one of my favourite people in general! A lot of my friends dropped out of college actually, which made my second year tough for me. Though of course, it’s no one’s fault. Its personal choices. Anyway.. our texting continued of course.. but things turned more… sexual/flirty between us after I was able to open up about my kink to him, and he found it interesting and talked about how he’s always been interested in BDSM things.. so like.. there was maybe this possibility in the future when we see each other again…….~ And like… it’s odd for me to say this because I identify as asexual, though like.. and it’s so awkward for me to type this honestly aah.. but I did sort of find him sexually attractive, and thought about him in that way. And that’s the first time I’m admitting that. Though it was very unlikely to happen, it was more of the thought I liked. ANYWAY MOVING ON- I send him memes of his favourite show, and he sends me pictures of what he does at his job, and insects for me to identify. We have that cool sexual/flirty/playful platonic friendship, and he’s one of my favourite people.

Yesterday evening, I identified a spider for him, and what I do is send a good clear photo from Google of the spider along with its name. And he replies to me with, “I showed my gf and she freaked out.”

And like... there’s suddenly this weird, empty pain in my chest. Like.. what the fuck? A… girlfriend? Who is she? Since when? Why? How?

My initial reaction to be honest. I was feeling everything in that second of reading that. I was shocked, and then mad, and even jealous I hate to admit, and then sad.. and then confused… and then I was just a messy mix of emotions, and I still am right now. I do not know what to feel, and this is why I’m writing this post out.

Maybe it’s pathetic to you that I’m writing this post because I’m 21 and you assume I have experience with relationships- and that’s the thing! I have no experience whatsoever! This is an entirely new situation to me! I’m at that age now where my good friends are getting into relationships and I don’t really know how to be about it! Like I didn’t go through that stage of when we were all like 12 and having crushes and dates. I missed that, like I know nothing, ha-

This probably makes me sound like a “crazy, jealous, over-dramatic friend,” and I mean.. I hope I’m not, I don’t think I am… though it does sort of feel like I’m missing a piece of me, or C has been taken away from me. And yeah I’ll admit I’m a little jealous, I do wish it were me with him, even if I didn’t have full romantic feelings for him, it was just an interest in him. And I’m a little heartbroken about it too. Not because it isn’t me.. but like what happens between us now?

I am very aware I can still be friends with him. This post is more about me venting about it and how I’m going to deal with it.

Because I have no control over this. We’re our own people. We have our own lives. We’re 5 hours away from each other. We saw each other for 2 minutes back at the start of January. Talked about meeting up this summer and it never happened. I was in college. He was working back in his hometown. Like obviously he’s going to move on with his life and meet new people and make connections. Obviously he wasn’t going to wait until we meet up again. It makes complete sense.

It’s just weird though.. it feels weird, I feel off about it. I think it’s because now I don’t know how to talk to C. I mean.. obviously like a regular person, but am I still allowed to spam him with memes? Is it weird to talk about this topic, or that topic? It’s just things that we normally talked about and how we talked are now likely exclusive to their relationship. Again, obviously. Though it just feels like it’ll be awkward to talk to him, and I haven’t talked to him since yesterday. And I know this happened recently because we were talking like we normally do a few days ago. So it’s just weird that suddenly things will be different now.

I’ve already been through this with Boy™ (who will be losing that title unfortunately), but we were strictly platonic friends and I am friends with his girlfriend anyway.. so it wasn’t heartbreaking or rough on me, but that was just my first taste of having a good friend get a partner. Though now it feels weird when it’s a good friend who I was interested in, and we had some sort of intimacy. (post edit: That’s probably why I feel weird about this! Because I’m platonically intimate with my good male friends-! Of course there’s gonna be some little “attachment” to said-person!)

And it worries me a little for the future when maybe all my friends get partners! And that’s completely normal and valid, it’s very likely to happen- it’ll be super interesting when it does! Though for now.. it’s such a weird and interesting thought. Like right now.. I feel like less of a friend to C.. so will that happen to me too with everyone else? Will I forever be a third wheel? I don’t know! These are my feelings as of now! But overtime as I experience these situations, I will learn how to really deal with them and be a better friend and person!

I remember C and I talked about self-esteem, and he always put himself down and said he’d never find someone. But I mean… he found someone. Like, how can I not be happy for him? Like yes, I feel off, but this is something he has wanted and felt he wouldn’t get, and he got it! Actually now typing this, I should text him and remind him that he said that to me, and say I am happy for him. That’s what a real friend would do, be happy for them.

And it makes me feel better too! If C can get a partner, I can too! Even if I’m not seeking at the moment, it does give me hope for the future! I mean, it’s going to be super weird when I get into a relationship, but that’s another topic- HAHA EW!

 Yeah.. I don’t really know how to end this. Really this post was about me venting my feelings and figuring them out since they’re all over the place because of this new situation, and how I’ll deal with it, and I do hope if you read this far you enjoyed it, or got something out of it, or maybe you now think I’m dumb- that’s okay too, this is a really messy post, and I have to go to bed because I have a dentist appointment tomorrow at 8:30am to fill a cavity R I P . Sorry if this was a waste of your time though LOL.

But honestly, I do feel A LOT better now after writing this out, and I don’t regret it at all, but wish it was cleaner. But yeah.. I’ll text C tomorrow to “congratulate” him or something. I’m sure in the end as we had that sort of friendship, he’d appreciate knowing that I’m going to be okay and knowing nothing will change between us.

[onrainynights]

So I'm about to tell y'all a tale, buckle up. Everything here is 100% true, except names are changed or shortened because duh. Also warning there is slightly nsfw content, nothing explicit and only mentioned but still warrants a warning.

So, I'm 17, almost 18. I'm a high school senior. The story starts almost two years ago, in the fall of 2018. I was a sophomore. One of my best friends, V, was in our school's show choir for the first time, and had made friends with a new guy one year our senior who was also in slow choir. I knew before I met him that he was gay, because V told me. This guy can be called E. One day, he sits at our lunch table and I'm not really paying attention to his conversation with V, I'm just eating my lunch. But then I look up and my first thought when I see him is "eyebrows" because he has really thick eyebrows and then "wow he's actually really cute." He was the first person I was attracted to in over 2 years. I proceed to ask V all about him while admiring him from afar for several months. At this point its nothing more than attraction because I've never really had a conversation with him. Then, in the spring, I volunteered at the show choir competition my school hosted. I ended up talking to him (yay), and he hugs me within minutes of meeting me. One of the first things I ever say to him is "I like your eyebrows." Things are slightly awkward, because I'm an awkward person, and so is he, but it's pleasant. Unfortunately I don't get to spend too much time with him because we both had things we needed to do and there was A LOT of drama that night not involving either of us.

After that point we would talk occasionally but never really got to know each other, UNTIL fall of my junior year and his senior year. By this point I had a crush, but it wasn't more than that and I didn't feel we knew each other well enough to warrant me telling him my feelings. We were both in the fall musical. At auditions, we were friendly. Except he asked me about J, a guy one year younger than me, who was also just as gay as both me and E. The way he asked me "Who is that?" I knew, immediately, that he was attracted to J. He sounded exactly like I did when I first asked V about E after seeing him for the first time.

Regardless, E and me talked a lot more during rehearsals, though we usually kept our conversations light in topic. We flowed well, and he was just as physically affectionate as I was. After a few weeks, I see him cuddling with J during rehearsal, and a friend informs me they started dating. I asked them both questions about how it started—a Snapchat story, go figure. At first I was jealous, but I saw how happy E seemed, and that was all that mattered. But I didn't really know J, like at all other than his name, so I started spending as much time as I could with the both of them. They were a cute couple, I have to admit, but they always did PDA because of J's homophobic family. They only ever saw each other at school.

The first time I talked to J without E there, we bonded. I don't remember over what. The next time, we were alone because I pulled him aside after he made a dirty joke that I honestly couldn't tell if he meant (he did. It was hilarious, and I told him up-front that I wanted to be friends with him. He enthusiastically agreed.) The time after that, it was because I decided he should know about my feelings for E. I didn't want him to potentially find out later on and think I was trying to steal his boyfriend. He was amazingly mature. He said he felt bad for taking E from me when I had liked him longer, but I assured him that E didn't belong to me by any means and besides, J made E happy and that was all I cared about. I think I was already in love with E by this point but I didn't know it yet. J and I joked about my feelings for E whenever we were alone. We got along really well and it was a great time.

One time I cuddled with them, and it was nice, and when E had to get up J and I kept cuddling and talked about how much we both just wanted E to be happy. It was really nice.

And then, closer to the opening night of the show when the set was being built and there were more places to be out of sight, something strange happened. Now, earlier when I said PDA I meant they made out in front of others frequently, and the first time they did anything sexual with each other was in a well-known security camera blind spot in the upstairs math hall after all the teachers had gone home. I know that because J and E (mostly J) liked to tell me about their sex life. In fact, I knew more about their relationship than most people probably did.

So we were backstage one day, when E wasn't needed on-stage much despite playing a main character. There were two prop chairs between the three of us. J sat on E's lap on the chair that had a higher back and I sat as close to them as I could in an office chair. They weren't kissing or anything, just talking.

It was innocent, at first. But then J started working E up, if you know what I mean. It wasn't really uncomfortable for me, because J somehow made me feel ~included~ in their activities. He would whisper something lewd to E, who would blush or say something back, and then would tell me about how affected E was, how hard he was. At some point I think E mentioned not wanting to come in his pants, but I'm not sure. I kinda forced myself not to look into this event after it happened, so the details are a bit fuzzy. Eventually, E made J stop because he had to go on stage soon and didn't want to have a boner while pretending to be straight. J and I talked afterwards, but I don't remember what about, and it was never mentioned between us again. I'm fairly sure that J was a bit of an exhibitionist, and that E wasn't really one but wasn't opposed to what J was doing, either.

Honestly, in hindsight, I'm not sure what to think about this, because I was always so certain they both viewed me 100% platonically, but then they included me in their "sexytimes" without hesitation. In fact, at one point a plan was in place for me to room with them on an overnight trip so that they could do the do without making their roommate uncomfortable. They were both fully aware that I was probably the only person who didn't mind their PDA, and that sentiment may seem incongruous for a love triangle such as this, but I never questioned it. I loved E selflessly, and so it made me happy to see him happy, no matter what—or who—was doing so. Also, I think perhaps I was crushing on J at some point, but I'm not sure. These screenshots are of me explaining the event to a very close friend a few days ago after the shock wore off that I hadn't told her about it as soon as it happened.

At some point, a mutual good friend of mine and E's, who we'll call A, hosted a party for the cast of our musical. I'm not sure if this was before or after the casual exhibitionism incident, but I'm inclined to think it was before.

This party did not involve alcohol of any kind because theatre kids don't need any to make a party unique, wild, and totally unforgettable. It was small, with maybe 20 people at its peak. E and I were there and J was not, because his family thoroughly sucked ass. Anyway, at that party E told me he was in love with J, and wanted to marry him some day. I, obviously, thought that was kinda crazy to say after knowing each other for two months, but I held my tongue because E smiled so widely when he said it. Later that same night, everyone was sitting around a fire, playing a game somewhat similar to truth or dare. Due to a lack of seating, E ended up sitting on my lap for most of the game, which lasted over an hour, my hands around his waist. It was very nice, and when he got up he laughed and said he forgot he was sitting on my lap. He forgot little things like that a lot. I always found it endearing.

Then the show performed and then it was over, and I didn't get to talk to E again until a few months later, and I never talked to J again. Unlike most teens, I do not talk to people online /through text unless I already know them super super well. I hate getting to know people over text. By the time I see E again, because he's the student assistant in my choir class that semester, he and J have broken up. It was messy, and E is hurt. They're on-again-off-again for several months, but I can never forgive J for hurting E, not when he had talked about only wanting E to be happy. Despite that, I wish I could have spent more time with J. He was a good person, but he and E had a toxic relationship after the honeymoon stage, I think because J simply was not ready to be in a serious relationship. (A agrees with me fully on this.)

So E talks with me and a mutual "friend" (we're all friendly but I wouldn't consider this person a friend. Funnily enough, he also had a crush on E at some point, and we bonded over this. Funny how that happens.) about his relationship, and the things he says raise some red flags about J (including J doing something E didn't like during sex and then not stopping when E asked him to. I was very very angry at this but tried not to show it). It became clear to me that their relationship was toxic, but I didn't feel like I could do anything about it. In hindsight, I should have known their relationship was doomed a lot sooner.

Specifically, there was one point during the musical that J had to resolve things with his ex, who was a friend of mine (who I didn't know was queer and wasn't supposed to until E accidentally let it slip.) While J and his ex talked, I cuddled with E and reassured him that everything would be ok. He was convinced that J would cheat on him or get back with his ex. This lack of trust should have been a sign for me, but I didn't realize it until much, much later. I was focused on comforting E at the time and J couldn't have been farther from my mind.

Then, after E and J got back together again for the last time, covid happened, and school closed. I haven't spoken to E since, and no one knows what's going on with J. The only thing anyone knows is that they're not together anymore, and from what I can tell, they're not in contact at all and aren't going to get together again. E graduated, J is at a different school, and despite everything, I miss both of them.

Every day, I pass by a photo of E and A in the hallway of my school, and my heart swells, and I feel like crying. A graduated too, and she's moving thousands of miles away at the end of October for college. E is still living in our town, going to community college, but I never get to see him.

Our school is doing a fall play instead of a musical this year, and E and A are coming to visit and see a rehearsal before A moves away. It could be one of the last times, if not the last time, I get to see either of them. I'm going to tell E about my feelings, because for the first time since I realized my feelings for him were not skin-deep, he's single and not recovering from a nasty breakup. I'm not expecting him to return my feelings, but I'm expecting surprise. I've been very careful up to this point to keep my feelings from him—I thought it would be selfish to tell him when he wasn't emotionally available. A loves the idea—apparently she thinks someone confessing feelings for her after years would be sweet—but I know that if someone did that to me I might not be so happy. I would be shocked and surprised first, and then my reaction after that would depend on the person.

Also, to complicate all of this, I'm trans and he has expressed confusion about that before (poor guy is uneducated in that department, but not bigoted and certainly better than some gay men can be, but I still have no clue if my trans status would deter him from having feelings for me)

My feelings for this guy are deeper than anything I've ever felt before. I really love him, and I know that I'll regret it forever if I never tell him. His visit feels like it's as close to the right time as I'm gonna get, and it might be my last chance on top of that. I don't need him to return my feelings, but I need to know that I did everything I could to take my chances.

TL;DR: I'm a gay idiot but I'm finally gonna tell him how I feel

[captainolive23]

Fun Facts about Lawrence, Kansas

(So this is mostly just for people who want their fics to be accurate. I'm not saying you have to use these things in fics but if you want to, here ya go.) Ok so as someone from Lawrence I have trouble reading supernatural high school au fics that take place in Lawrence because of all the inaccuracies. Which is the sucky part of having the main characters from your favorite show be from your home town. Ok so first off if your fic takes place before 1997(1996?) then there was only one high school in town (Lawrence High) but if you're making it take place in modern day then there are 2. The newer one is the one I went to so I'm gonna give you some facts about Free State cuz I don't know shit about Lawrence High. -Free State was designed by a prison designer. -they were going to name it "Quantill High" but if you know anything about Lawrence history you know that Quantrill was a dude from Missouri, who during the civil war came over to Lawrence and burnt the town to the ground and killed a shit ton of people. -when you first walk into free state you see the main common area which is also the lunch room. There's two main doors leading into this area. One is on the side that faces the main road and the other is on the side that faces the student parking lot. The entrance to the office is on the side with the parking lot. -up until my senior year anyone could pretty much walk in the doors any time of day. Then in my junior year there was a remodel and the office got moved so they started locking the doors during the day and if a parent needed to come in or if a student got in late you had to get buzzed in through the office. -one security guard is total dick and will get after anyone for anything. Like wearing hats for example. While wearing a hat was against the dress code, none of the teachers gave a shit. The principal didn't give a shit either. Hell the other security guard really didn't give a shit. But one time it was snowing and it was cold as fuck and I was wearing my hat. The second I walked in the door this guy was yelling at me for wearing a hat. -so the average school day goes from either 0 hour to 6th hour or 1st hour to 7th hour. Most people go 1-7 but one of my friends went 0-6 since she had to be at school super early every day anyway. 0 hour starts at 7 am. 1st hour starts at 8. I wanna say that 6th hour ends at 2:20ish but I could be wrong. 7th hour ends at 3:10. -there are 3 lunch periods taking place throughout 5th hour. 1st lunch was preferred by most people but second lunch was nice to cuz it cut 5th hour in half and made it feel waaayy shorter. -we also had open lunch where we could leave to go to one of the restaurants or stores that surrounded the school. There was taco bell, burger king, McDonald's, starbucks, Jimmy johns, arbys, little ceasars (which tastes like the schools pizza so we avoided going there), dominoes, Chipotle and orange leaf(frozen yogurt place) and there was a Wal-Mart, CVS, a dillons (krogers grocery store), hyvee (another grocery store) and sprouts (organic food grocery store). If you had a car you could probably go other places too but lunch was only 30 minutes long so most people didn't. -wednesday and Thursday are short days. Until my senior year (so last year) Wednesday schedule was 0,1,3,5,7 starting at 7 and ending at 2:30. Thursday was 2,4,6 and was late arrival so school didn't start until 9 and went until 2. That switched my senior year so now Wednesday is the super short day. -they also started holding classes at the new career and college center during my senior year. Basically juniors and seniors can take one 3 hour long class at this place and get college credit. The class I took was forensic science but there was also a nursing class and a robotics class. There were others to but I don't remember them. You could either take the class in the morning or in the afternoon (which is what I did) and it only lasted one semester but if you took the science class that gave you a whole science credit instead of half a credit like a normal science class. -you only needed 3 science and 3 math credits to graduate but it you wanted to go to college you needed 4 of each. You had to have 4 English credits to graduate. -senior consumer math taught you how to do taxes and shit. -as long as you're not an overachiever senior English classes are fucking easy as hell. My first semester class was myth, fantasy, and folklore and we barely had to to any writing and my teacher read to us cuz it was the first class of the day and Mr. Wolak was about to have his first kid so he was practicing his character voices. And the second semester class was a little harder cuz it was mostly writing but Ms. Elliot was super laid back (someone brought pot brownies to her class once and she ate one even tho she knew there was pot in it. Seriously there's a reason she was everyone's favorite teacher) -the dress code was not heavily enforced. The only person who really cared was the security guard I was talking about earlier. -juniors and seniors could be office aids or teacher aids. Becoming a teacher aid was a little harder cuz you had to get a note from the teacher and permission from your counselor but becoming an office aid was pretty easy as long as there was an opening. -you only had to have half a P.E. credit (one semester) to graduate. Most people took more since it was an easy a. -you also had to have half a foreign language credit. So now we're going to get into actual stuff about Lawrence. -LAWRENCE IS NOT A SMALL TOWN. In the 80s and early 90s it kind of was but it's not anymore so if you're writing a fic that takes place in the 80s or 90s then it's fine to write it as a smallish town. But if you're basing it in modern day Lawrence it's not small. The high schools are getting so overcrowded they're thinking of building a third one. -there are 14 elementary schools. 4 middle schools(which were junior high (7-9th grade) until my 8th grade year when it switched to middle school(6-8th) in 2011). There are 2 high schools. There's also a bunch of private schools but idk how many since they're not on the district website. -downtown Lawrence has a bunch of really cool old houses and all 3rd graders in the town get to take a tour of downtown Lawrence and see all the historic spots (like the giant boulder in the park and the oldest cemetery in town) -the sorority and frat houses are in downtown Lawrence. -there's this really creepy mansion between the frat houses that I always thought looked like a castle and I'm pretty sure a dentist lives there or at least did when I was little. -the guy who invented basketball lived here. -a couple years ago they blew up one of the dorm buildings cuz they built a new one and it was this huge thing that anyone who didn't have to work that day went to watch. I still have the video on my laptop. It was awesome. -the one place almost every teenager in town goes to hang out is java break. Its been here since my mom was a kid. They make milkshakes and smoothies and you can add cereal to them. There's a room in the back that's basically the graffiti room. You can draw on any surface you can find in there. There's some really cool art work in there and every once in a while they go in and paint over it. Most people just draw dicks tho. -the last day that the outdoor pool is open every summer they have a dog day where people bring their dogs to go swimming. I've never been since my dog hates water and other dogs but it always looks like fun. -on the 4th of July they have a firework show by the river which is next to downtown. I usually go to the hospital parking lot to watch it. -there's this one homeless dude who lives near the river who has chickens and the cops just sort of leave him alone cuz he's far enough away from any residential areas that he's not bothering anyone. -Lawrence is the most liberal town in Kansas mostly because Its a college town. We are an island of blue in a sea of red. -there are still racist homophobic douchebags here but not nearly as many as you would expect. There are a couple assholes that like to hang confederate flags on their trucks. Unfortunately said douchebags went to my school. They didn't have many friends tho. -the the Campbell's own pretty much everything in town. Every time they start another housing community they named it after one of their kids. From what I've heard most of their kids are pretty nice but I knew one of them and he was a total dick. He was the stereotypical rich white guy. -the other super rich family in town is the Compton's. They own peacocks, zebras and a camel. -both families live in these super huge mansions near free state high school. The Compton's oldest son dropped out of college to become a rapper and from what I heard he sucks at it. -for a long ass time there was only one place in town you could get fried chicken (kfc) but in the past 2 years we've gotten about 10 different fried chicken places. All of them within about a 3 block radius of each other. -for a long time (about 20 years) there was a bridge to no where next to the movie theater because they started building a road but then had to stop cuz they didn't have permission to build through the marshlands. They recently finished it. -the movie theater got remodeled in the last couple of years and it used to be super gross but now it has reclining seats that are super comfortable and it's a lot cleaner than it used to be -south park is downtown and it has a gazebo. -every year the humane society hosts a zombie walk downtown and it starts at south park. Its a really big thing. People decorate their jeeps with zombie parts and fake blood and have "zombie hunter" stickers. People dress up as either zombies or zombie hunters and walk through downtown. Some of the zombie costumes are fucking amazing. And there's always this one guy that goes with his daughter and they run up to random people and scream in their faces. My best friend got her picture in the paper one year cuz her zombie costume was that good. Anyway that's all I can think of for now. If anyone wants a part 2 or has any questions just ask and I'll do my best to help.

[lalainajanes]

Klaroline as mates and Caroline questioning Klaus' sanity and/or thinking he was knocked on the head one too many times in the last thousand years for this to even be a possibility. :]

Everywhere With You

She stumbles, deliberate and maybe too theatrical, wind milling her arms and tottering like the heel’sshe’s wearing are going to be her downfall. They’re not - Caroline spent muchof her early teens prepping for Miss Mystic walking the stairs of her house ina cheap pair of pumps from Payless (getting her mom to buy them had been an ordeal) with a book on her head – butthe creep who’s following her has no way of knowing that.

Caroline lets herself crash into a light pole, makes a showof catching her balance, and throws her head back with a laugh that’sboisterous and supposed to sound slightly drunk. She closes her eyes andfocuses her hearing waiting for whoever’s been on her tail to make a freakingmove already.

She usually sticks to blood bags, because that’s what goodvampires do, but tonight she’s willing to make an exception. If some creep’sgoing to pick her as an easy mark Caroline’s going to make sure he regrets it.

She holds her breath, her hair spilling down in messy wavesto cover the red of her eyes and fangs she’s let out. She’s sure someone hadbeen watching her, that the rustling of leaves in the trees that line thispathway back to her dorm room had been caused by something other than animalsand the wind.

Nothing moves, now one ambles out of the woods or speeds upthe path.

Still, Caroline knowsshe’s not alone.

It’s been a weird couple of weeks.

The transition to college life hadn’t been as smooth asshe’d always expected. She’d been so excited at graduation, ready to have akickass summer and tackle college. She’d convinced her mom to take a quick tripto the cabin with her and they’d had a great time talking and watching moviesand lounging on the docks. She’d started to feel jittery then, almost likeshe’d forgotten something important, had wracked her brains for what it couldpossibly be.

Repeatedly, even when she’d known it was silly.

When they’d returned home she’d scrubbed the house from topto bottom, organized and rearranged until her back ached (no small feat givenher vampire status) hoping to put the feeling to rest.

Nothing had helped and her bad temper had continued to grow.She’d mostly managed to keep a lid on it, her mom’s odd hours helping. Carolinecould manage a sunny smile and genial chatter for the hour or so they spenttogether at meals. Still, she’d caught the worried looks her mother wasshooting her, had to brush off and redirect concerned questions.

Caroline had started taking long walks, plodding through thewoods that surrounded Mystic Falls trying to figure out what was wrong withher.

At first she’d chalked up her moodiness to the fact that shewas lonely. Bonnie was gone for the summer, Tyler’s return date unknown as heseemed reluctant to leave the pack he’d befriended and Elena too wrapped up inher weird Damon thing to have muchtime for her. Caroline had tried to get a jump on her classes, purchased hertextbooks (required and supplemental)but when it came time to sit down and read them her brain just wouldn’tcooperate.

She was constantly restless, could barely get four hours ofsleep in a night, consumed extra portions of blood and binged on Cheetos tocompensate.

She’d desperately hoped that things would get better onceshe was settled at Whitmore. She’d planned to dive into extra-curricularactivities, hoped that being busy was what she’d need to feel normal again.

Six weeks into her semester she was forced to admit that allthe clubs she’d joined and committees she was a part of hadn’t helped as muchas she wanted them too. It was a littlebetter, true. She could get through a lecture, was on top of her homework. Hersleep schedule was still a mess and she had made zero new friends. Caroline’sold ones weren’t big fans of her either at the moment.

The feeling that something was off was like an itch, aconstant nagging irritant that she just couldn’t figure out how to fix. Maybeshe was just looking for another outlet and she’d imagined the eyes she’s beenfeeling on her all evening.

Caroline groans aloud, forcing her fangs away now that itlooks like she’s just a paranoid nutjob. She sits and flops back onto the grass(she’s in no hurry to get back to her room, she’s been snappy and extra cuttingwith Bonnie and Elena lately and they’re really not having it anymore, not thatCaroline blames them). She’s tempted to scream but settles for kicking herheels into the ground for a moment, shaking her head and clenching her fists.

She’s too old for tantrums but it’s not like anyone elsewill ever know.

She relaxes with a sigh, scrubbing her hand over her face infrustration. “Maybe I’ve been cursed or something,” she mutters. “I’ll getBonnie to check. If she’s stilltalking to me.” A noise from the treeline breaks into her self-pity party andCaroline tenses, rolling over and digging her hands into the ground in case sheneeds to spring.

She expects a smarmy frat boy, his hands up like he’s not athreat (which he wouldn’t be, but still) even as his eyes rake her over.

She does notexpect a giant freaking wolf.

The wolf’s golden in color, thickly furred and powerfullybuilt. It keeps its head is down, its pace sedate, no hint of teeth oraggression visible as it pads in her direction. “What in the…”

She’s just gathering herself to run when its head lifts, asif it had understood her words, meeting her gaze directly. Caroline deflates,because the tiny bit of hope she’d had that it was just a wolf (its size made it unlikely but a girl could dream) –something that she could outrun – is dashed.

Good thing she’d never deleted Klaus’ number. She’dconsidered it often over the summer, his words, the weight of them, ringing in her mind. Her last love was a long waysoff and she had a long list of things to achieve before it was something shecould even begin to consider.

She’d stared at it in the darkness of her bedroom, duringthose nights where sleep just wouldn’t come, thumb hovering over the screen andunable to make the final tap that would erase him, put him out of her reach. Atthe time she’d been annoyed at herself, at the tiny voice that insisted shedidn’t want to make it impossible tocontact him.

Turns out that tiny voice totally had her back because itwas entirely possible she was going to get chomped on tonight.

Again.

Caroline gets to her knees, holds her palms up and speakssoothingly, “Nice, wolfy. Good boy. I know we’re like, mortal enemies orwhatever, but I’m really not that tasty. Promise. The amount of artificialcolors and flavors I’ve been ingesting lately is really going to screw up yourdigestion. Trust me.”

It snorts, almost like it’s amused, but doesn’t halt itsapproach.

She stills when it gets close, breath coming out in analarmed huff as its snout nudges at her hip. She swallows back a yelp when shesees its jaws open – because those teeth were no joke – but he merely bitesdown on the hem of her denim jacket, tugging firmly in the direction of thewoods.

Caroline swallows, and tries to sound confident, “Uh, nooffense but I’m going to have to pass. I’d rather my body be found, you know?Have a nice funeral.”

He lets out another noise, this one impatient, dropping herjacket and licking her wrist. “Ew,” she squeals, pulling away. “Slobber, much?”

The wolf’s clamped down on her jacket again and this timeit’s less of a tug and more of a drag. She debates ditching it and making a runfor it but that seems like it’ll only piss off the werewolf – not something shewants to do. She might have an advantage in the woods, she knows the trails(running has been one of her attempts to cope with her never-ending ennui) andif she could just get up a tree she’d be able to call for backup.

“Okay, okay.” Caroline climbs to her feet. Her jacket’sreleased and the wolf circles behind her, cold nose nudging the back of herknee. She turns and gives her best unimpressed look, not that it gets much of areaction, but she starts walking towards the trees. “Kidnapped again. Notawesome,” she grumbles. Though she has to admit that this wolf might be hermost pleasant kidnapper yet. He hasn’t even growled at her.

She tries to speed up but the wolf stays on her heels.Caroline’s never been herded before but she can safely say she’s not a fan. She recognizes the path hedirects her too, knows it’s one of the ones that leads to the backroad on theother side of the forest. She’s taken aback, having anticipated he’d force herdeeper into the woods and not towards civilization. The trees are spindliertoo, unfortunately, nothing that she can scale high enough to get away fromsnapping teeth and claws.

She tries to stay calm, ignores the more rapid beating ofher heart. Caroline reaches into her pocket, grips her phone tightly. Maybeshe’ll get lucky and there will be a car she can flag down on the road. Thewolf bounds ahead of her at the edge of the forest making a beeline for thelarge black SUV that’s parked on the shoulder.

She should make a run for it but her feet won’t cooperate,random pieces of information clicking rapidly into place.

She knows thatSUV.

She hears a sharp crack before she can say anything, followedby the crunch and squish of bone and cartilage and sinew shifting. She takesthe few paces forward so she can see the transformation, just to confirm whatshe’s begun to expect.

It’s quicker than she’d expected, more quiet too, only a fewharsh exhalations as Klaus shifts into the form she recognizes.

Well, mostly. She’d never seen him totally naked before.

Except for those dreams that she pretends she doesn’t have.

Her eyes drift down his back before she can think of why sheshouldn’t let them, noting the parts of his anatomy she’d not had the chance toperuse that long afternoon where he’d been trapped in Silas’ mind game. It isn’tuntil Klaus stands, a graceful movement of muscle and skin that she can’t helpbut be a little mesmerized by.

Something he clearly notices if the unbearably smug littlesmirk he wears is anything to go by.

She whirls, crossing her arms and straightening her spine,“Yeah, I’m going to need you to put on some pants.”

His laugh is soft but she hears him opening a door,rummaging around. The quiet jangling of a belt and the whisper of fabric followshortly after. Her foot begins to tap without her permission, her impatiencegrowing as questions begin to whirl. She wants to peek over her shoulder(because seriously, how long could it take?Pants, shirts. Easy peasy).

“I’m decent, sweetheart,” he says, after an agonizingly longtime.

She spins on her heel, “I highly doubt that,” Carolinespits. He’s got his arms lifted, fiddling with the ever present cords he wearsaround his neck and this time she keeps her eyes trained firmly on his face andnot on any lifting his shirt may ormay not be doing.

Klaus grins, amused. “Perhaps you’ve a point.”

Her eyes narrow as she takes in his complete ease. It justwasn’t fair. “Decent people don’t scare other people half to death by being acreepy stalking giant ball of furry death, Klaus.”

He sobers, if only slightly. “I apologize if I scared you.It wasn’t my intention. I didn’t mean…” he trails off and it might be the firsttime Caroline’s ever seen him stop to consider his words.

“You didn’t mean what?”she presses. “What are you even doinghere? New Orleans sounded pretty freaking great when you described it. Did youpiss everyone off and get kicked out or what?”

His eyes light up, “Ah so you did get my message. I’dwondered.”

She hopes it’s dark enough that Klaus can’t see her facebecause she knows it’s possible she’s blushing a bit. She’d listened to hismessage more times than she’d ever admit, had a hard time tamping down thewants it brought out in her.

There was plenty of time to explore the world, she had toldherself. Her mother only had a finite number of years and the least Carolinecould do was get a college diploma she could brag about before she had to gooff the grid with her never aging face.

He continues, leaning back against his SUV, not waiting forher to reply. “And while I wouldn’t say I was kicked out of New Orleans therewere several people who were most displeased with my behavior.”

“Did you try to murder them? Because that’s not the way tomake friends and influence people, Klaus.”

He hums, lips quirking up in a smile, “Debatable, love.However as a matter of fact I did not. I merely got a bit… moody.”

“You?” Caroline gasps in mock surprise, laying her hand overher heart, “Well I never.”

He sighs in exasperation but it’s playful, pushing away fromthe vehicle and walking towards her. “After one particularly rousing fightRebekah told me that if I didn’t get out of her sight she and Elijah would teamup, find a witch, and smother me in my sleep. Repeatedly.”

Caroline shrugs, “You kinda have something like that coming,don’t you think? Given the whole dagger thing.”

“She found those. Unfortunately. Leaving me no other optionbut to retreat from the house.”

“And what, you came here? That’s an awful long walk.”

“Not directly. This was nearly a month ago. I headed out tothe Bayou, turned, wondering if some time as a wolf would help my temperament.”

“And did it?” Caroline asks, curious where this story wasgoing.

“I never got a chance to find out. I couldn’t turn back.”

“But you just…”

He shakes his head, “I went back to the house, had a greatdeal of difficulty communicating my dilemma to Elijah, as I’m sure you canimagine. Eventually, he got the gist of it, found a witch.”

“And the witch turned you back?”

“If only it were that easy,” Klaus says, the twist of hislips wry.

She’s about to ask what exactly that means but he steps a little closer, reaching out and wrappinghis fingers around her wrist. It’s gentle, something she feels like she canbreak if she needs to though she has no immediate urge to pull away. Herquestions stick in her throat when his thumb flutters over her pulse point, hereyes widening in shock at the jolt it sends up her arm. When he speaks againit’s quieter, with a hesitance that’s uncharacteristic, but he’s close enoughthat she doesn’t need to strain. “What do you know about mates, Caroline?”

“Mates,” she repeats slowly. “I know it’s about the leastsexy word for significant other there is. And that Dawson’s Creek made ittotally gross. Just because a boy thinks he’s your soulmate doesn’t mean heowns your hymen.”

He’s still touching her, and she still doesn’t mind, hisface relaxed and filled with a fondness that’s hard for her to look away from.“In terms of werewolves, love. It’s old lore, something I myself discounted soit’s reasonable that you’re unfamiliar with the stories.”

“Werewolves have mates?”

Klaus nods, “I was skeptical too. But the witch insisted,even under Rebekah’s very dire threats, and I thought it wouldn’t hurt to tryher suggestion. Reasoned that I could always find someone more competent lateron.”

“Okay,” Caroline drawls, knowing she’s missing somethingfrom Klaus’ expectant gaze. “So what happened next?”

“We drove to Whitmore. I weathered Elijah’s incessantcomplaints about the fur on his upholstery. We parked outside your dorm roomand I was finally able to change back.”

Her jaw drops, a staccato burst of laughter spilling fromher. Klaus doesn’t even twitch, eyes knowing and patient. “You’re saying thatI’m…”

“Tell me, Caroline, did you feel off this summer? Pricklyand not quite yourself?”

How could he know that? “I…” she splutters for a moment, “Iwas just adjusting, you know? Things haven’t exactly been sunshine and rainbowsfor me, you know? I’m not…”

“My sources tell me Tyler hasn’t returned. That he’s met alovely young werewolf in his travels and seems loathe to leave Carson City.”

“That,” Caroline snaps, tugging her arm away from him, “isnone of your business.”

Klaus holds up his hands, dips his head in contrition,“Apologies. But I wonder if you’ve missed him like you used to. Or has itchanged, grown more distant?”

A small thread of alarm grows in Caroline at his tooaccurate words. “How do you know that?” she hisses.

“Call it a hunch. And you’ve not taken up with any of thecollege boys who seek you out.”

She throws her hands up, “Okay, seriously. How long have youbeen stalking me? That’s not okay, Klaus.”

Klaus’ eyes flash gold, a hint of temper in the set of hisjaw, “I had little choice, Caroline. I have no desire to live as a wolfindefinitely. I’d not have disturbed you, I haven’tdisturbed you, but tonight I couldn’t help it. The pull to you was stronger inthat form than I had anticipated and I couldn’t resist it.”

She digests that, studying him warily, “How long have youbeen here?”

“I arrived your first week. Right around the time yourirritability became a little more manageable, I’d wager.”

Bonnie and Elena had been alarmingly close to joining forcesand snapping her neck just to get some peace those first few days of sharedproximity, Caroline knew. It was only the easing of the varied extreme moodsshe’d been experiencing that had led them to back off. At the time she hadn’tput much thought into the change, just relieved she was functioning at areasonable level once more.

“So you’re saying I felt better because you were around.Because I’m your…” she can’t say it. It seems too crazy.

Klaus has no such issue, the word spilling out crisp andfirm, “Mate. Precisely. Proximity eases the worst of the symptoms though you’llstill be off unless we have regular contact.”

“Contact,” Caroline repeats, slightly dubious.

Klaus watches her carefully, eases back into her space. Heskims his fingertips up her arm, leaving a trail of goosebumps in his wake, andshe fights a shiver. She shouldn’t wanthim to touch her but she body aches for more now that he is. His palm settleson her neck, slipping under her hair to cup her nape. She knots her hands inher skirt to keep from reaching out to him, thanks her lucky stars her bra hasa molded cup. “Physical contact,” Klaus elaborates, low and with an edge of roughnessthat has her stomach clenching.

She takes a shaky breath, tries to gather her splinteringthoughts. “You’re insane. I can’t…”

He takes her other hand with his free one, tangling theirfingers together. “I know this isn’t something you’d planned for, Caroline. AndI truly meant to stay away. But I couldn’t.”

She can’t think, not with the way he’s touching her.

Caroline grits her teeth and takes a giant step back,shivering for an entirely different reason, feeling cold and a return of thatprickling uncomfortableness. Klaus’ body goes taut, his stance widening as hefights to stay still. She takes a deep breath, “I’m not sure I buy this.”

His snort is derisive but she shoots him a quelling look, “Iadmit you’ve made some sense and some of your arguments are… persuasive. But Ineed to think. And do some research.”

He looks like he’s about to protest but she cuts him offquickly, “You’ve had time to think this through. I get the same.”

His expression conveys his displeasure but he nods, a shortjerk, and his eyes never leave her face. She takes a step back, “I’ll call you.When I’m ready.”

Klaus’ makes a soft noise of assent. “Fine,” he replies. “I’llbe waiting.” The words play on a loop as she retreats.

It was probably a bad sign that she found them comforting.

[kylieclarke-bct]

Week 4 + 5 - Research and Development: Play and Interaction:

Week 4 and 5 have been slow for both Studio and Play and Interaction. I unfortunately did not get as much research as I would have liked to get in week 4, which is why I am combining the two weeks together into one blog post. This does not mean research will stop though. I will still be reading into certain elements through the process, for both studio and play and interaction.

As a brief overview as to where I am at: 

Child Poverty - Week 4 was the end of our research topics for studio. This meant that I completed prison integration and we decided to not focus on that for this semester through studio. Amanda looked into Child Poverty so after having a discussion with her, I managed to gather a lot of info in one studio session. In week 3, I initially wanted to research my own facts around Child Poverty, though for one - it was already being done in our studio group and two - I thought it would be better for myself and our team to focus on a subject/idea none of us had looked into yet. This also means that marking later on will be easier as Ben can clearly see what I have completed for studio and play and interaction. 

Installations and events - this was a very trick topic that I first attempted to find more about, and ended up only finding one event, and a few organisations that had conversation evenings/awareness talks based around Child Poverty in NZ.

Applications - I started to think about more, how will we be able to connect with the parents and children? and how will we keep them engaged enough for them to come back and do business through us again? This is where I started to look into apps, child friendly + games + input/output + child poverty related.

Idea’s starting to form - possible application idea for children to interact with Doodle Dolls affectively. 

Child Poverty Main Facts: (That have surfaced from Amanda’s Child Poverty research for Studio)

Child poverty “can lead to serious and prolonged mental illness in children” (Feek, 2017), that can eventuate into a problematic adulthood that has a negative effect on both the individual and society as a whole (Peters & Besley, 2014).

Poverty rates are consistently higher for those aged 0-11 years old, compared to children 12-17 (Feek, 2017). This is Doodle Dolls target market.

Child poverty rates are increasing at a rapid rate. As Roy (2016) states, “one-third of the country’s children, or 300,000, now live below the poverty line – 45,000 more than a year ago”.

Stuff (2016) estimates that “…90,000 kids are living in severe poverty” and that “New Zealand has a goal to halve poverty by 2030"

Peters & Besley (2014) state that “New Zealand has substantial rates of child poverty and material deprivation. These rates significantly exceed those of many other developed countries and, at least on some measures, are much worse than three decades ago. The evidence suggests that child poverty, especially when experienced in early childhood and/or when persistent and severe, can be very damaging —both to the children directly affected and society as a whole. Amongst other things, child poverty contributes to the large educational achievement gaps between children from lower and higher SES backgrounds. For such reasons, there is a powerful case for reducing child poverty. I have argued that decision-makers have the available policy tools to alleviate child poverty and mitigate its effects–at least to some extent. The issue, in other words, is not the means, but the political will.”

Sadly, “NZ has the worst teen suicide rate of the developed world, with 16 suicides per 100,000 in 2016" (Fyres, 2017)

Feek (2017) suggests that “Prevention is the key; which can be aided by policies that support better incomes…“. Hopefully Doodle Dolls will be the beginning of a solution to end New Zealand’s dismal child poverty rates.

Installations and Events:

FLY ME UP TO WHERE YOU ARE: The Contact Festival Playground

Fly Me Up to Where You Are New Zealand in Upper Frank Kitts Park is the culmination of a four-year project that began in 2012 and has gathered 15,000 flags made by children aged 8–12 at Decile 1 & 2 schools in Auckland, Christchurch and Wellington.

The project encouraged the children to tap their creativity in order to process their concerns, hopes, dreams and ideas. It offers a platform where their voices can be expressed as a collective artwork.

Fly Me Up was facilitated by artist Tiffany Singh, who considers it a priority to provide a space for learning, sharing and connecting to the world around us. Her hope is to ignite enthusiasm and responsibility in our younger generations for the wellbeing of the community and the world we wish for.

When I found this event, I thought it was such a brilliant idea, it was a shame the flags were up for only so long. I was also touched by the amount if children writing quite serious things on these flags. According to a Stuff article by Rachel Thomas, “While some wanted people to recycle and "be happy", Auckland-based creator Tiffany Singh says the biggest thing our youth wanted were basic needs.” "In terms of being safe and warm and having food on the table ... that was eye-opening." The simple fact that these children knew they were struggling, and knew their families were in a tough place makes them that much more inspirational and makes me what to be able to connect to the children themselves through the Doodle Doll process, rather than just having adults send in their child’s drawings. 

Stuff article: http://www.stuff.co.nz/entertainment/arts/77297349/nz-festival-flag-art-project-collects-dreams-of-kiwi-kids

Website: http://www.festival.co.nz/2016/events/fly-me-where-you-are-new-zealand/ 

I also found some support groups for poverty and hardship that were promoting classes/advice for people in need. (Save the Children, Child Poverty Action Group (CPAG), Just Speak.) The only issue with this, is you had to be looking for the help to find it. Doodle dolls is an opportunity for children to put themselves in a better place, as well as have fun while doing it. Another issue is, if the parents do not not get something out of it, why would they put the effort into sending an image for their child if all they are trying to do themselves is put food on the table for the family. What are these families priorities? 

Applications: 

This research has been started, though will be extended into week 6 and through my play testing process. What makes a good application? What makes children want to use it? What will keep the children/adult coming back to use it? Talking to Ben on Thursday really helped with this. He mentioned that I had to make sure the app was for a purpose. I pitched the idea that it would be an app version of our business (adult uploads an image through the app and then is alerted when the application is complete, though Ben stated that this wasn’t necessarily faster/easier and wont have the users coming back. 

Games are so commonly downloaded on the app store, in fact, Over 5 million iOS games are downloaded per day by 63 million iOS gamers in the US and EU. Games represent the largest single App-category on Apple App Stores, and account for half of the downloads of both free and paid Apps. In New Zealand alone, mobile games have been downloaded more than 130 million times in the past year. Games such as Flappy Bird, was such a huge hit for such a simple game, simply because the game was addictive and kept the user coming back, trying to bet their own high score. 

I initially wasn’t going to include games into this app, though doing more research into it and how children’s applications are based around entertainment and education through fun learning could be an interesting way to engage our child users + keep the parent happy that they are having fun and learning at the same time. If there is a way I can combine teaching the child about poverty and hardship in an interesting and engaging way, through an app that also connects the child to the parent, then I think Doodle Doll’s will be starting something really positive. 

I have found a website where it shows highly rated games for children. they state that for children between 5-8, “...socialization and creativity are key -- and believe it or not, there are several quality apps for that! When choosing apps for this age group, go beyond the usual arcade games (although those can be fun) to apps that help kids express their feelings and unleash their creativity.”

https://www.commonsensemedia.org/lists/best-apps-for-kids-age-5-8# 

Next plan of Attack: Developing ideas:

Ben’s advice to complete before next class (pitch and presentation week) was to create a few user flows for adults and children in a early stage of app development. This will be interesting to develop and test when I have an early design of my chosen app. I am going to play around with several ideas, including games and other activities, or just a mobile version of Doodle Dolls. Play testing both will give me a large ground to cover and will allow me to eliminate ideas when I come across them if they are unsuccessful. 

User flows + updated pitch and youtube presentation is the goal to complete in the last week of semester. Heaps of work to do!

References: 

About us. (n.d.). Retrieved from www.cpag.org.nz/about-us/

Best apps for kids age 5–8. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.commonsensemedia.org/lists/best-apps-for-kids-age-5-8#

Child poverty and injustice - justspeak. (n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.justspeak.org.nz/child_poverty_and_injustice

Fly me up to where you are new zealand, 27 feb – 19 mar 2016 – new zealand festival. (n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.festival.co.nz/2016/events/fly-me-where-you-are-new-zealand/

The issues. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://savethechildren.org.nz/the-issues/

Over 5 million ios games downloaded per day. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://newzoo.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/Newzoo_Distimo_press-release_1805111.pdf

Pullar-Strecker, T. (2013, October 30). Nz game studios report huge growth | stuff.co.nz. Retrieved from http://www.stuff.co.nz/technology/games/9341992/NZ-game-studios-report-huge-growth

Thomas, R. (2016, March 1). Nz festival: flag art project collects dreams of kiwi kids | stuff.co.nz. Retrieved from http://www.stuff.co.nz/entertainment/arts/77297349/nz-festival-flag-art-project-collects-dreams-of-kiwi-kids