#like when your grandad gets a front lobe injury and comes on to you

[shallowrambles]

I'm so bothered by the fetishization of twins and triplets, actually. If I could erase anything, it'd be the flippant references to this. :(

To be clear, I'm not pro-purity culture. I just- this one stings and I have to literally curate my experience so hard because of it

I can't stand when it's used as "code" for "queer experience" either because it's just positioning queer as "unnatural / evil," and that bothers the heck outta me when they're equated. Inappropriate boundary crossing, grooming, and abuse =/= insta-queer. It's like HMMM. The way ppl stan the crowley hookup when it's a shows canon incest kink interest squicks the fuck outta me and like...the whole Demon!Dean is a study in disinhibition! Disinhibition was shown as very evil / shameful / uncomfortable experience for Dean, like, the entirety of season 10...Sam even tries to comfort him about it. But because Crowley-Dean supports those sides of Dean ppl want in their ships, they overlook that aspect of it.

There's also the American-ness of howling at the moon and total "I do what I WANT" as being a good thing, when it's clearly shown as...not. There's gotta be balance, man.

Reduced inhibition is OFTEN used as circumvention of consent, as Dean recounts in his John-and-the-bar story. And disinhibitions are ofc not always a reflection of true self. I'm thinking of a neuro unit, where an injured TBI survivor hits on his granddaughter. Is that his "true personality?" Of course not! It's a loss of free will, judgment, and choice due to the injury and/or disinhibition.

And this is a show about free will, after all.

Drinking and drugging tend to ‘loosen you up’ by reducing inhibitions. But they remove your judgment and CHOICE about things, too. That's not necessarily free will. Reduced inhibitions can be enjoyable, but they can also create risks and dangers. Our inhibitions serve to keep us acting within an acceptable threshold; reducing these inhibitions can push you past the threshold.

Drug addiction is sometimes potrayed as "freeing" but ofc that isn't the complete story. Even so, the show doesn't agree that the punishment fits the crime. Like Crowley, Randy is complex, and he has real feelings and emotions for his relationships!

I feel like the Claire episode puts this in full display:

///

10x09

DEAN: All right, so I get there. I sneak in, and it is nuts. I mean, people are drinking and they’re smoking and they’re—they’re snorting whatever. There’s a five-hundred pound guy on stage with a Mohawk just screaming. And, uh, my mind is blown. I don’t even know what to do. Then this girls walks up and she says “Hey, why don’t you come over and sit down with me and my friends at our table?” All right!

SAM: Yeah, and they get him drunk. First time.

DEAN: But not fun drunk. I’m not quite sure what was in that stuff, but the room starts to spin, and I feel like I’m going to puke … forever. And right about that time, I hear him. “Dean Winchester!”

[Cas looks confused, but Sam just smiles.]

DEAN: My old man. I don’t know how, but he found me. And now I’m really freaking out, because he’s just standing there, not saying anything. I look around, and everybody else is freaking out, too. In fact, nobody’s even looking him in the eye. And finally, this one guy with, like, a safety pin through his nose and a—a “Kill Everything” tattoo looks up and he says, “Sorry, sir.”

---

[Claire is sitting on a bed by herself when she hears footsteps. The door opens, and Salinger is standing there. He motions for his men to leave, and he turns to Claire.]

SALINGER: Hi. [He finishes off his beer, then turns and locks the door.] It’s Claire, right?

[She won’t look at him, until he’s standing in front of her. He reaches down, taking hold of her chin, making her look up at him.]

You really are a pretty one, you know that?

[She lifts her leg, kneeing him in the groin. She runs to the door and tries to unlock it, but Salinger is right behind her, grabbing her as she screams.]

[One of Salinger’s men opens the front door to find Cas, Sam, and Dean standing there. Cas lifts a hand, and the man goes flying backwards.

--

CASTIEL:

Where’s the girl?

[They hear screaming come from upstairs. In the room, Claire is screaming, trying to fight Salinger off. He’s trying to hold her down, and the door flies open. Castiel is standing there, and Salinger turns to look at him, giving Claire enough of an opening to kick Salinger in the face and get up. She kicks him, over and over again.]

CASTIEL: Claire. Claire!

[Castiel grabs her arm, and she finally stops kicking. Cas leads her from the room. They walk downstairs, and Claire moves away from Cas.]

--

[Claire climbs into the back seat of the Impala, and Castiel sits beside her. Claire smiles.]

CASTIEL: Are you okay?

CLAIRE: Yeah.

[She moves over, laying her head on Castiel’s chest, wrapping her arms around him. Cas hugs her back. Sam climbs in the front seat and glances back. He turns his head back towards the house as he hears shouting, then leaves the car as fast as he can.]

///

10x10

(Scene changes to Castiel pacing in the bunker library.)

CASTIEL: She barely speaks to me.

(Sam comes into view, sitting.)

CASTIEL: She’s like a wounded animal, just watching me.

SAM: Look, Cas, you know what? You really tried to do the right thing that night. You did. This guy Claire was hanging out with, Randy, all he did was use her.

CASTIEL: Well, she thought he was kind. And for that, she loved him. Shows how little kindness there was in her life. You know, whatever Randy did, he didn’t deserve –

SAM: No, yeah, I know, I know. I hear you. Dean has had to kill before. We both have. But that was –

DEAN: That was what?

(Sam rises, surprised. Dean walks in from the war room.)

SAM: Dean.

DEAN: That was a massacre. That’s what it was. (Dean looks from Sam to Cas.)

DEAN: There was a time I was a hunter, not a stone-cold killer?

(Cas and Sam look troubled.)

DEAN: You can say it. You’re not wrong. I crossed the line. Guys, this thing’s gotta go.

(Dean looks down at the Mark of Cain on his arm.)

///

And 10x22

MR. McKINLEY: By suggesting my daughter was a slut?

DEAN: I'll admit that thought crossed my mind. Then I came here, and I smelled the deceit and the beatings and the shame that pervade this home.

MR. McKINLEY: You shut your face right now.

DEAN: And you know what? I don't blame Rose anymore. No wonder she put on that skank outfit and went out there looking for validation, right into the arms of the monster that killed her. (Dean looks at Mr. McKinley and in a very calm voice says) Joe, who did this?

[dave-meowstaine]

All the asks :-)

I knew this was coming haha

1: Full name - Tyler Alistair Wilson-Poole

2: Age - 19

3: 3 Fears - Being alone, complete darkness, clowns

4: 3 things I love - Lizzie, music, video games

5: 4 turns on - Long hair, glasses, dark hair, intelligent 

6: 4 turns off - Unhygienic, rude, annoying, arrogant 

7: My best friend - Ed Culling and Lizzie

8: Sexual orientation - Pan

9: My best first date - This is hard… honestly, and I’m going to count this as a first date because it technically was our first date together, when Lizzie and I went to the arcade, played bowling and pool, and then went to Pizza Hut. It was the night before she had to go home and honestly I couldn’t ask for a better way to end our time together

10: How tall am I - 6ft

11: What do I miss - I miss Lizzie so much it fucking hurts..

12: What time were I born - Around 6 in the evening

13: Favourite color - Definitely red

14: Do I have a crush - I have a pretty big crush on a certain woman ;)

15: Favourite quote - “It’s not about the hand that you’re dealt, it’s how you play it.” I said this to Lizzie when she was convinced we wouldn’t get to be together and we ended up being together in the end so…

16: Favourite place - In bed snuggled up with Lizzie

17: Favourite food - PIZZA

18: Do I use sarcasm - Naaaaaah ;)

19: What am I listening to right now - Basshunter LOL

20: First thing I notice in new person - Usually their height. I’m pretty tall, so I notice a person’s height straight away

21: Shoe size - Size 6

22: Eye color - Dark blue eyes

23: Hair color - Dirty blonde. It used to be REALLY blonde but it got darker and darker over the years

24: Favourite style of clothing - Band merch, obviously. But honestly, Lizzie has made me fall in love with dressing smart because it really compliments my figure and makes me look hot as fuck

25: Ever done a prank call? - Yeah, only a couple though

27: Meaning behind my URL - Dave Mustaine. Cats. Need I say more?

28: Favourite movie - John Carpenter’s The Thing

29: Favourite song - I don’t really have a favourite song. It changes all the time

30: Favourite band - Again, it changes all of the time. If I was pressed, I would probably say Slipknot though

31: How I feel right now - Happy because I spent the past 3 hours on the phone to Lizzie but now she’s gone back to work and she won’t get off until 5am my time..

32: Someone I love - LIZZIEEEEEE

33: My current relationship status - Happily in a relationship with Lizzie

34: My relationship with my parents - Really good. I love my parents and we get on super well

35: Favourite holiday - Probably Scotland

36: Tattoos and piercing i have - No tattoos but I have my septum pierced and three hoops in my left ear lobe

37: Tattoos and piercing i want - Too many tattoos to count, and I’m not sure about piercings.

38: The reason I joined Tumblr - My sister used to use it YEARS ago (like a good 7 years ago) and got me into it. I went through several different accounts before finally getting into it properly and that was this account.

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? - I don’t hate her. I can’t say whether she hates me or not, seeing as we didn’t exactly end on good terms and she blocked me lol

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? - The only person who would do this is Lizzie and I wake up a good 6 hours before her in the morning, and we always fall asleep on the phone together. Yeah, time differences are a bitch. I haven’t slept in 34 hours ayyyyy

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? - The last person I text was my mate Choc and no I haven’t kissed him

42: When did I last hold hands? - I held my sister’s hand when it was my Grandad’s funeral last week

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? - Literally about 10 minutes. Unless I shower, then about 20-30 minutes.

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? - Never shaved my legs before

45: Where am I right now? - In my room

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? - Lizzie would be there. Although if I was drinking, she would probably be drinking too. And we like to get shitfaced together so…

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? - LOUD

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? - I do

49: Am I excited for anything? - I’m just trying to keep everything together until I get to be with Lizzie again

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? - Yeah, Lizzie

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? - A lot, to be honest. Mainly in college and in front of family.

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? - I hugged my mum not too long ago

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? - I don’t even want to think about that..

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? - Not that I can think of

55: What is something I disliked about today? - Nothing, to be honest. Today was a good day

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? - Can I meet Lizzie again? I wanna be with her so bad

57: What do I think about most? - Lizzie 

58: What’s my strangest talent? - Umm… I can puff the underneath of my chin out

59: Do I have any strange phobias? - I don’t really have any phobias

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? - In front of, to be honest. I love having my photo taken

61: What was the last lie I told? - That something was fine when it wasn’t

62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? - Depends who it is. If it’s my friends, then just on the phone. If it’s Lizzie, definitely video chatting online

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? - I’m not sure about ghosts, but I think it would be cool if they did exist. Aliens definitely exist. We simply just can’t be alone in this vast galaxy

64: Do I believe in magic? - Again, it would be cool if it was real but no, I don’t.

65: Do I believe in luck? - Yeah

66: What’s the weather like right now? - Really fucking cold but otherwise clear. It was snowing heavily on Sunday though

67: What was the last book I’ve read? - Demon Thief by Darren Shan

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? - Fucking love the smell of gasoline

69: Do I have any nicknames? - Not really. Not anymore.

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? - I’m really lucky and never really had any bad injuries.

71: Do I spend money or save it? - Spend it unless there’s something that I must have. Or a certain person needs something

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue? - I can’t

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? - Some parts of my bed sheets are pink

74: Favourite animal? - Chimps

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? - Reading my book in bed

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? - It’s just Satan

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? - Africa by Toto

78: How can you win my heart? - You can’t. Lizzie already owns it

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? - I honestly have no idea…

80: What is my favorite word? - Don’t really have a favourite word.

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr - I don’t do favourite blogs

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? - REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? - Not that I know of

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? - Teleportation. I would love to just go anywhere in the world whenever I wanted to. I would go grab Lizzie first and take her where ever she wanted to go

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? - Nothing that I can think of. I don’t like lying and don’t have anything to hide

86: What is my current desktop picture? - It’s a screenshot from World of Warcraft. It’s my Human Fury Warrior riding the Iron Bound Proto-Drake across Tanaris in front of Argus. 

87: Had sex? - Many times

88: Bought condoms? - Many times

89: Gotten pregnant? - Lol no

90: Failed a class? - LOL I straight up got kicked out of my old school

91: Kissed a boy? - I have

92: Kissed a girl? - I have

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? - I can’t recall but I’m sure I have

94: Had job? - Yes, I have had job. Very good, very nice. 

95: Left the house without my wallet? - I went to Scotland last week without my fucking wallet…

96: Bullied someone on the internet? - No

97: Had sex in public? - Not outright had sex, but done stuff

98: Played on a sports team? - Yeah, a lot actually

99: Smoked weed? - Yep

100: Did drugs? - One of the drugs, please. Nothing except weed, to be honest

101: Smoked cigarettes? - I do

102: Drank alcohol? - When I can. I love going to the pub with my mates

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? - I used to be, but then I really needed to put weight on so I started eating meat again

104: Been overweight? - LOL have you seen me?

105: Been underweight? - My BMI used to say I should be dead  :)

106: Been to a wedding? - I haven’t. The first one I will go to will probably be my own

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? - Only five hours?! 

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? - Pretty sure I have

109: Been outside my home country? - Several times. Been to Greece and Holland a couple times each 

110: Gotten my heart broken? - LOLOLOLOLOLOL

111: Been to a professional sports game? - Yeah, I used to go watch the Ice Hockey every weekend with my dad

112: Broken a bone? - Thankfully not

113: Cut myself? - Unfortunately yes

114: Been to prom? - I actually didn’t go to my prom

115: Been in airplane? - Yeah, several times

116: Fly by helicopter? - Nope

117: What concerts have I been to? - Hold up, I have a list for this one:

♫ Slayer♫ Anthrax x2♫ Megadeth♫ Metallica♫ Napalm Death♫ Alestorm♫ Children of Bodom♫The Raven Age♫ Kvelertak♫ DragonForce x2♫ The Heavy♫ Hawkwind x5♫ Pulp♫ The Kills♫ The Strokes♫ The Vaccines ♫ Echo and the Bunnymen♫ James ♫ Seasick Steve♫ Jack White♫ Neil Young and Crazy Horse♫ Dengue Fever♫ Afro Celt Sound System x2♫ Goat♫ McFly♫ Rolf Harris

and many more that I’ve forgotten to list

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? - Yeah, I’ve fancied a lot of guys in the past

119: Learned another language? - I “learned” French for GCSE but nothing I can remember. Lizzie needs to and is going to teach me Spanish, though. We want our kids to be bilingual like she is so I need to be able to speak Spanish as well

120: Wore make up? - Yeeaah

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? - Lost it when I was 16

122: Had oral sex? - A lot. Given a lot too

123: Dyed my hair? - I dyed it once purple and red

124: Voted in a presidential election? - I’m British but I voted in the general elections

125: Rode in an ambulance? - No, thankfully

126: Had a surgery? - No, thankfully

127: Met someone famous? - I’ve met so many famous band members

128: Stalked someone on a social network? - Yeeaah

129: Peed outside? - Hasn’t everyone?

130: Been fishing? - Nope

131: Helped with charity? - Yeah

132: Been rejected by a crush? - Too many times to count lol

133: Broken a mirror? - I once dropped a mirror on my toe. Blood everywhere

134: What do I want for birthday? - I need tattoos so probably that

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?

Nova Lynn Wilson-Poole

Lara Mileena Wilson-Poole

Anri Sophia Wilson-Poole

Raiden Aldren Wilson-Poole

Furion Axel Wilson-Poole

136: Was I named after anyone? - Nope. My middle name is my dad’s name, though

137: Do I like my handwriting? - My handwriting is the worst handwriting I’ve ever seen. Many people will back that up

138: What was my favourite toy as a child? - I didn’t have a favourite, I loved them all equally

139: Favourite Tv Show? - At the moment, Wilfred. LIZZIE WE NEED TO FUCKING FINISH IT COME BACK HERE SO WE CAN

140: Where do I want to live when older? - In Malmesbury still, where I currently live, to be honest.

141: Play any musical instrument? - Guitar, bass, and a bit of the drums. I also used to play the trumpet and my teacher said I was the best student he ever had

142: One of my scars, how did I get it? - All of my scars: self harming

143: Favourite pizza toping? - Meat feast

144: Am I afraid of the dark? - Only complete darkness

145: Am I afraid of heights? - I get really bad vertigo. We went to the museum in Edinburgh and went to the top floor, and I completely freaked out. My head was swimming so bad that my whole body felt like it was continuously falling

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? - Not that I can think of. I never sneaked out of did anything particular bad when I was younger. Then I got to an age where my parents believed that I need to make my own mistakes and that I was old enough to take the consequences and make my own decisions in life

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? - Lol too many times to fucking count

148: What I’m really bad at - I’m bad at communicating how I feel a lot because I’m scared how I feel like hurt or upset others or cause an argument. It’s past mental abuse great?

149: What my greatest achievments are - I probably have loads but I’m honestly too tired to think right now..

150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me - I’m sure there’s some fucked up shit people have said to me, but I don’t make a habit of remembering that sort of stuff

151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery - Pay off the rest of Lizzie’s lease on her apartment, go over to America to meet her friends and family for two weeks, and then buy her a  one way plane ticket to fly back with me. 

152: What do I like about myself - I’m perfect  ;)

153: My closest Tumblr friend - Nick @chuck-fenriz

154: Something I fantasise about - Lizzie. A LOT

Took me a long ass time, literally an hour, but here you go! Sorry that I ran out of steam towards the end haha :)