#like yes of course we'd only be doing what we're *able* to do in terms of work

[alastors-wife]

I have no idea how some of you guys are able to get super into politics & reading about communist stuff because accessibility wise??? it's been a nightmare for me

[the-avs]

Promo~?

As the camera flickers to life, thanks to some fiddling by a man in a blue suit, you were able to see four individuals. The TV-faced man sat back down, sighing and breathing heavily, as though he had just performed serious labor. On the far left, just beside the TV-headed man, was another man with red hair and deer ears, and a sinister smile painting his lips as he sipped on what looked like black coffee. On the other side of the TV man, there was another man smoking a cigar with pink fumes swirling around the room, and wearing a large red coat with striped neck fluff. And finally, on the far right, there was the only girl in the room, a young lady with red, white, and black swirled hair, scrolling on her phone with a bored expression. She appears the most trendy of them all in terms of her clothing.

"Phew..." the TV man panted, turning to face the deer-eared man beside him. "Fuck, Alastor, why did you insist on this camera?" he demanded between breaths, the deer man simply lowering his mug from his lips and setting it down onto a coaster on the table.

"Ah, tsk, tsk, darling. You simply don't know the difference between class and 'trendy'. Rest assured, an older camera will do us just fine," the man assured. He then tilted his head, his smile never dropping, although he looked confused. "So I suppose it's on then, yes?"

"The fuck- Of course it's on! We're rolling! Fuck, let's just go down the line. Vel, you first, because I can't breathe," the TV man insisted, drawing out a groan from the girl. She didn't put her phone down, but she did spare you a look, looking at you with a bored expression.

"Fine. Name's Velvette, youngest overlord and ruler of social media 'n shit. Yadda yadda, you get the gist, don't be a dick, don't be a fashion disaster, and we'll get along fine," she listed as though it was nothing before quickly returning her gaze back to her phone.

The man beside the young woman gave a sinister smirk, a sickening look of lust painting his already creepy face. "Heya, sweet cheeks. Name's Valentino, owner of the Pride Ring's porn industry. Need a guy, a girl, something in between? I got you. I also accept 'sir' or 'daddy'~." Creep. Luckily, the attention is quickly taken off of him when the TV-headed man feigns a cough to get your attention.

"Ignore him, ignore him," he tried to laugh it off and be nonchalant. Valentino was still creepy, though. "I'm Vox, of course, the CEO and main engineer of VoxTek and numerous other products you may have heard of, including Voot Floops, VVs, the sound system Valkyrie, and of course, the Vogitek music app, not to mention VoxTube and the like. Pleased to make your acquaintance~" he said in a charmingly fake, yet professional tone, clearly attempting to maintain the appearance of the group's leader.

"Vox, darling, this isn't an advertisement," the man beside Vox said with a chuckle, a Cheshire grin spreading on his face. "Greetings, you wayward sinners! I'm certain most of you already know of me, but for formalities and politeness sake, I'll introduce myself. You may know me as the Radio Demon, my name is Alastor, darling! A pleasure to meet you, certainly, quite a pleasure! Now then, you see, we on the AVs have been rather bored as of late, and we'd like to socialize with those around us, so... would you be so kind as to give us a promo, dear~?"

(( Feel free to ignore, interact if not tagged, or ask for your tag to be removed!! :D ))

@human-monokuma @unknown-ultimates @ultimate-rider @pizza-for-my-friends @bartender-husk @bigkaijubaddie @hellhound-loony @hoshi-neko-hikari and anyone else!! Tagging is hard lmao-

[uglytsumugi12]

shine▲polyhedric tri-lights 【ep 9】

♢ characters: natsume, sora, tsumugi, madara

♢ season: winter

― ☆ ―

Natsume: Haa, haa...

Tsumugi: Mikejima-kun-- we finally caught up with you, so-- release Sora-kun already, please!¹

Madara: Hahaha! You're perseverant, aren't you? Running for so long must've gotten you aaall tired ♪

As promised, here's your Sora-san. He isn't harmed, so rest assured.

Sora: Yes, Sora's okay!

Natsume: Get away from SoRA, thEN. Do you really think you'll get anything from leading us oN?

Tsumugi: Natsume-kun's right. When we passed through the entrance, we were able to get in without any kind of pass. That means the receptionist was aware of this whole thing, right?

You normally aren't able to get in Yumenosaki Academy without an ID or without wearing a uniform. Why'd you make us come all over to this place?

Madara: Oooh? So you haven't realized yet? But, even here, isn't it obvious?

There's only one thing you'd do on a tennis court! Play tennis, of course!

Natsume: HuUH....!?

That guy caused all that fuSS, only because he wanted to play tennIS!?

Madara: Well, was it really that much of a wrong thing to do?

You see, I started thinking as I went home yesterday... "What is Switch lacking?", and then—

Then I realized that no one in Switch had shown their true nature yet.

Tsumugi: True.. nature..?

Madara: Hmm.. It seems you don't really get what I mean. Let's use a different term than "true nature" then, shall we?

Humans have needed fight-or-flight instincts to survive since ancient times. You have this instinct replaced today with the enjoyment of sports.

You guys are intelligent and kind.

But if that kindness and intelligence keep you away from your "shining and improving" goal, I'll make it my job to bring out your fighting instincts. 

Natsume: Fighting instincTS...

This is ridicuLOUS. Humans know how to avoid fighting through communication, art or entertainmENT.

Such instinct is obviously foreign to today's socieTY. Just how old-fashioned is your thinking procESS?

Madara: Hahaha~. Then, I wonder... Would you still feel that way if I hurt Sora-san before your eyes?

Natsume: .... !!

Madara: Listen, Natsume-san. You've been keeping your fighting instincts away.

Magicians have been oppressed and hated since ancient times, so I understand that psychological projection² you're doing.

But you understand this would be a situation where you'd need to fight back, right?

Natsume: TcH....

This is getting very uncomfortabLE, Mikejima-senPAI. Enough with the pointless conversation alreaDY.

Get to the point, Mikejima Madara.

Madara: ....There we go~. Now that's a nice way to reveal your true nature ♪

Play tennis with me, and if you win, I'll give you Sora-san back. Of course, there'll be a handicap on my side.

For example, you guys can play doubles against me... hm... No, it's unfair if it's just that. I've already played with the tennis club as a backup player.

If you win one game against me, victory will be yours. Now that should be fair.

That's not a bad deal, right? Alright you both, show me what you've got!

Natsume: It looks like you set everything up for uS... I still don't trust that kindneSS, though. It's way too unusUAL.

SenpAI, we'd only do him a favor by listening to hiM. Let's save Sora and leaVE.

Tsumugi: I see... Got it.

Natsume-kun, shouldn't we take on Mikejima-kun's proposal?

Natsume: Are you even listening to mE? I said we'd be better staying out of thIS.

Tsumugi: Well... I can understand that you're suspicious of Mikejima-kun, but still—

I can't see him having bad intentions. He did make preparations for this confrontation to happen and, I feel it was surely out of concern for Switch.

Tennis... Since we're here, it won't hurt to give it a try, right?

Natsume: ......

SiGH, looks like arguing is pointLESS.

I guess I'll join you in this kind of joke this tiME.

...TheRE, happY?

Madara: Right answer! I know this situation is very hard for you guys, so—

You better show me through this battle that you magicians can turn hardships into miracles ♪

Sora: Shisho, Senpai! Do your best!

Tsumugi: Of course, Sora-kun.

Sora-kun is a very important member to Switch, that's why...

We'll battle until the end to bring him back. No matter how hard this situation may be, we aren't allowed to give up before the fight even begins!

— 1- i wanted to transcribe a sort of huffing, exhausted kinda vibe from the dialogue i hope it makes sense 2- ok in case u didnt know this is like. a defense mechanism where someone denies their own emotions n such subconsciously, which leads to them believing that people are only making up those feelings abt them (in that context for that matter)

― ☆ ― ♢ previous chapter ♢ next chapter

✦ masterlist

[engbergeurovacay23]

Tuesday in Axes-les-Thermes

The place we're stating in Ax-les-Thermes is just so incredible in terms of its spaciousness and views--and general niceness, except for the lack of t.p. when we arrived ;) When we woke up on Tuesday morning, it was a cool and misty morning here in the French Pyrenees and we opened the big sliding doors to the decks (of course, there are no screens in the doors, as there are not in the windows -- which is another one of those "welp, I am American and I am used to screens in windows and think they make sense" kind of things). With the doors open, the cool air in the home was wonderful. This place also has electric shutters, which, interestingly, we have in Albuquerque, which were installed in 1982.

Interesting side-note-style story: our bedroom shutter broke in May of last year ('22) and the company could not get a motor, since they were coming from France and everything was still pandemic-backlogged, and they wouldn't even service our crazy shutters, since they're 41 years old. Anyway, with the help of a friend who knows the window/shutter people well, we were finally able to get our bedroom shutter fixed this last May (so, a whole year later!) and we were like, whoa! behold! let there be light! It was amazing to have light coming through the window again and not sleeping in a total cave.

Anyway -- yes--shutters. Shutter technology has really improved since 1982! Here the shutters are virtually silent. It is amazing. Ours in Albuquerque sound like metal scraping on metal with a very tired, elderly motor working as hard as it can ;)

Once we'd had breakfast on Tuesday, we decided to go down to Ax-les-Thermes town proper (down the steep hill from our house, about 4 minutes in the car) and take the gondola up to the Ax-3-Domains ski area. I can inly imagine what this place is like in the winter! The gondola ride is no longer than a tram ride in Albuquerque -- and maybe as far? But, the gondolas are typical ski area gondolas, and people take their skis or mountain bikes up to the ski areas from town in them. So, we all went up, and then Eric and both kids got outfitted for mountain biking. The kids started off in the little terrain park and Cece was so into it! Rowan used it just as a warm-up and then decided he wanted to do the downhill mountain biking with Eric, so they both got the full body gear and full-face helmets. I stuck around and watched Cece in the terrain park and then, after a little while, she was tired and needed a lunch break. Eric and Rowan were off, up the chair lift, at the top of the mountain and we expected we'd just meet them back in Ax-les-Thermes later, and pick them up with the car from the bottom of the gondola.

So, Cece and I had a bit of an adventure getting lunch. So, I repeat, we are at a ski area . . . in the summertime. Even though there is mountain biking, it is not busy at all, and just a few of the shops and restaurants at the base of the ski area, where the lodging is, are open. When we were looking for some lunch, we saw that a few food-oriented places were open and we went into one that seemed to sell roasted chicken, some pasta, some frites (fries), and vegetable quiche. I was trying to make out the sizes of the portions and it seemed that their offerings were quite large. I asked whether--thanks, Google Translate-- we could get just a child-sized portion of roasted chicken, and the man said, no, only whole rotisserie chickens were on offer. I asked if Cece could just get the "frites''' then, and the proprietor said yes. I also asked for the vegetable tart. So, a little bit--five minutes or ten-- later, we got our food and it was a ton of very delicious fries and the vegetable pasta, which wasn't exactly what I ordered but was still excellent. Afterwards, I asked whether I could order a milk for Cece and the guy explained that he'd already made an accommodation by selling me frites without a whole chicken and he only had the tetrapack large boxes of milk. Also, it appeared that there were only bottles of ketchup and other things -- not small sizes. It was so odd. I mean, this is like a food shop at the base of a ski run. I have no idea why they only sell cartons of milk, bottles of ketchup, and whole chickens. The guy was pretty nice about all of it, but it was still a head-scratcher.

We have a joke in our family about how me eating fries with a fork "brings shame to the family," because Eric thinks it is so funny that I would eat fries with a fork. Now, the kids always remark on it. And I continue to do it as a matter of principle--and stubborness. As with pizza. Always a fork and knife. And that is common in Europe, so, there! Anyway, so, Cece and I enjoyed a lot of hilarity eating our fries with a fork and I actually ate some with a wooden knife, because we only had one fork. It was quite a sight to see--which no one, unfortunately, saw. Especially Eric. Cece seriously wanted me to take video of us "bringing shame to the family" ;)

Cece did one more go at the terrain park and then we took the gondola down to town. Once we got to the car, we went back to the house and changed Cece's shoes because hers were soaked. I guess I forgot to mention that it was quite cold at the top of the mountain and the grass was very wet, so Cece's boots got soaked with her riding. Also, Cece got shocked by an anti-cow wire, when we were hiking before the riding began!! We were approaching a trail and there was a wire along the side of the trail, which we thought we'd just duck under. None of us imagined it was intended to shock cows! Cece started screeching and crying--because she'd grabbed it with her hands to go under it-- and we were so worried! Luckily, I mean so luckily, she was just fine, but her leg ached from the electricity going through her hands and through her leg and into the ground!! Poor thing! Perhaps we all should've known that about the wires (which are everywhere), but there were no signs of any kind. Maybe French people just know about these wires and no warnings are needed.

Anyway, so, in the afternoon, it wasn't long after Cece and I returned to Ax-les-Thermes that Eric and Rowan called to say they were coming down the gondola. We picked them up and Rowan was, again, starving. We got him an assortment of items at the Spar grocery -- two yogurts, a box of crackers, and something else that I can't recall . . . Eric had some mushroom pizza. My kids won't eat pizza, so we had to assemble something else for the boy! Eric and Rowan apparently had so much fun mountain biking, though the trails were very hard, apparently! And their path was blocked once or twice by some high mountain cows with picturesque bells who were living a life of luxury up there on those slopes!

After we all reconvened, it was time to try to go to the thermal baths that help this town have its name--they give it the "thermes" part. So, we waited in a short line at Les Bains de Couloubret and then approached the counter to pay. But, as we've seen elsewhere, there were all kinds of rules and signs and we tried our best to see whether our swimwear would comply. France is well known for its egalité perspective, which is why they don't allow "obviously religious" clothing in public schools (this has been covered amply in the news), so the sign showed that a "burk-ini" could not be worn, but neither could some other kinds of swimwear that we had a hard time figuring out. Turns out, our kids' one-piece, sort of wetsuit-material swimwear was a no-go, said the man at the counter. So, we left Les Bains de Couloubret and went on our next adventure: grocery shopping. We ended up in the exotic location of Aldi in a neighboring town. And wouldn't you know it, there was a pair of boys' trunk swim bottoms there and I was like, hot dog, let's get these and then maybe we can pass through the protocols at Les Bains de Couloubret tomorrow! Soaking in hot water was high on my list of things to do in Ax-les-Thermes. Cece had another two-piece swimsuit that we were pretty sure would work. So, you'll have to read the next post to see whether we were successful in our next attempt.

After Aldi, we came home and ate dinner and then went on a little tiny hike to the end of the block here (before Eric had to get on a Zoom call at 9 p.m. here), down an incredibly steep slope but on a trail that was clearly a trail. It was so overgrown, well, canopied, by trees that it was nearly dark, or dusk-like. We wanted to try again on that trail when we had more time, so that was also put on the to-do list for Wednesday--as was the kids and I taking the train to Toulouse, while Eric road-biked! The next entry will detail those adventures, all leading up to our departure from France on Thursday, when we fly from Barcelona to Munich.

I am not sure I have any profound insights to close this post with. I will say the kids are tearing through the books they brought, so in Toulouse, we have on our list an English-language book shop. More soon!

[thelasttimebender]

So I feel like, or maybe I'm more so really hoping, that the conversation about politics is starting to shift away from placing so much emphasis on the largest government bodies (e.g. federal governments) and is more so shifting to placing a greater emphasis on more local forms of government (e.g. municipalities). And I'm really happy about that. Don't get me wrong, there are some things that only the federal/state/provincial/regional/etc government can enact but honestly, most of the things that affect us on a daily basis tend to be governed more so by local governments. Of course, it also just depends on where you live and how your particular system works but I feel like this is broadly applicable to most people. This is also why it kinda upsets me to know that most people get more involved in federal elections and the political apathy intensifies as you go down the scale of governmental bodies.

Think about it, your local representatives, in theory, care the most about you as an individual voter than a federal leader. Federal leaders care about the largest scales of areas beneath them (e.g. states/provinces) so you are probably going to hear them taking more in terms of "the people of X state/province deserve Y". State/provincial leaders speak about people on the municipal level so you will hear them talking in terms of "the people of X region/X city deserve Y". Local leaders speak about people on a municipal level as well, but they are usually solely interested in the municipality they are running in. If you have any qualms about politics, yes vote in your broader elections, but you specifically need to vote in your municipal elections.

I've also been thinking about this on a personal scale. Like, I feel like if you have any sort of concern or worry about something (e.g. climate change, homelessness, diversity/equity/inclusion, food deserts) it can be really hard to conceptualize those problems at the broadest possible scale because it can feel overwhelming. In turn, I feel like being overwhelmed by the scale of these problems ultimately leads us to take less action because we're sort of stunned into this state of not knowing where to even being. I think it would be really cool if as a community on this site, we could each pick something we really care about that we feel is an issue and do one thing to take a step forward into making the world a better place at the local scale. Then, if we all kept doing that over and over again we'd be taking small collective steps in a positive direction. It would also be super cool if everyone is able to collaborate in a way that facilitates the most amount of small actions (e.g. sharing resources, sharing ideas, sharing alternatives if restrictions present themselves, etc.).

I don't know, I'm mostly just rambling about some thoughts I've been having. I just feel like (for a variety of reasons) communities have become so disconnected and I feel like any action to help bring people into their own communities and try to improve them is a step in the right direction. SO, if you have positively contributed to your local community lately it would be great to hear about your story and if you've yet to participate in your community in this way, it would be cool to hear about something you have in mind to do and what steps you plan on taking to completing it :)

[kairakeiji]

"how would you feel about moving in with me?"

akaashi looked up at you with wide eyes. you'd only been together for a year, moving in seemed like something for a later time and he'd never bothered to give it too much thought, putting it off for his future self to worry about.

the boy went silent, thinking about your rather spontaneous offer. all akaashi wanted to do was visit your boba shop, not think about the long-term future of his relationship with you (not that he hadn't given it any thought though).

"one medium iced matcha latte," you hesitantly mumbled, finishing punching his recent go to order before looking up at him, voice much clearer than before. "keiji you're not saying anything."

akaashi handed you his card as the thousands of questions running through his head somehow wrapped into one "what made you think about moving in?"

you shrugged. "i mean you live down the street from here and i'm about twenty minutes away," you answered handing him his receipt. "besides,"

"it'd be nice to live with you."

and with that you went off register, moving to fix your boyfriend's order considering how slow the store was at the moment. the boy followed you, his eyes fixed on you as you moved around the bar area, "are you sure we'd be able to live together?" he asked, to which your gaze changed from the cup of ice to him. "after all, it's a big step."

"i wouldn't be asking unless i thought we couldn't do it," you responded, stirring in the matcha powder and sugar into your mixing cup.

"it would be nice living together," akaashi mumbled, observing you as your gaze went back to his drink, concentration in your eyes as you made the recipe you knew like the back of his hand, warmth filling his heart. he thought it was adorable to see you so focused, especially when it was on something supposed to be for him.

"so why aren't you saying yes?"

akaashi wasn't sure. there were a lot of perks to you moving in with him, not only would he get to wake up with you by his side but you'd both easily spend more hours together. maybe that's what made him wary, the idea of sharing a significantly bigger portion of his life with you. "do you think we can do it?" he asked.

"i think we can," you answered pouring his drink. "why do you think otherwise?"

"no!" akaashi exclaimed instantly. "of course not! i think we'd be great together."

"so we're hesitating because?"

"because..." akaashi paused, a silence that made you meet his now confused eyes. "i’m just not sure if now is the right time,” he answered, hesitation and confusing lacing his tone. “it's a big change and i just want it to be perfect, but then again that's impossible so i don't know, there are so many things to worry about with it and i'm just not sure where to start," the boy sighed.

"well...then let's not worry about all the other things," you started before pausing. "let's think about right now. what do you want keiji?"

"i want my drink," he answered with a laugh.

you couldn't help but smile at his trivial answer, "and i want you to stop living off matcha lattes," you retorted with a shrug. "but i guess we can't get everything we want in life."

"you make very good matcha lattes though," akaashi responded.

"what am i?" you asked him. "an enabler?"

"exactly."

you blinked back at the boy before groaning. “these drinks are a bitch to make you know?”

“i know,” akaashi answered with a smile. “but you do it every time for me, and i’m grateful for that.”

his sweet words instantly cooled your somewhat annoyance, your frown melting into a lovesick smile, "you know if you move in with me," you started. "i can make you as many matcha lattes as you want."

at that akaashi went silent, watching as you slid his cup to him across the counter. you looked up at him, watching him now seriously consider the offer. "okay," he responded picking up his drink, "let's do it."

your jaw went slack. "that's what got you to say yes?" you exclaimed. "getting free matcha lattes?"

"it's not just that," akaashi replied with a smile to which you looked at him confused. "i want something else too, something i know i'm sure of."

you raised an eyebrow at the boy's response, "oh? and what might that be?"

"i want to share my life with you." akaashi responded, his voice filled with certainty. “whether it be through an apartment or through time, i want to share it with you.”

“and i want to share it with you,” you answered back, giving him the reassurance he needed.

akaashi took a sip of his drink before looking to your observing eyes “delicious as always my love.”

“i’ll be sure to make you more when i move in.” you laughed.

“i can’t wait.”

aaah hi hi this is me projecting my matcha latte obsession but thank u for reading!!

pls reblog if you enjoyed! it helps a ton <33

[notafraidofredyellowandblue]

Richard Kruspe interview 'Welt' 2009

By Laura Ewert.

Some of the usual stuff (Richard's difficulty with dealing with the Rammstein democracy, this-record-is-the-last, being happy vs being meaningful, the 'old marriage' comparison) but i liked the part about the orginal lyrics of Pussy being too 'platt' which translates to 'flat' or 'uninspired' and they changed it to insert a bit of humor into it, because even though it must exhausting for the band themselves, i think the qualitycontrol within Rammstein is a good thing really.

(also, i think Richard got a bit annoyed with the interviewer, which i can understand.. 😇)

English translation:

"Rammstein are too smart to be right-wing"

They are Germany's most successful rock group. On the new album "Liebe ist für alle da", Rammstein, as usual, played the bugbear. WELT ONLINE spoke to their guitarist Richard Kruspe about porn, national symbols and the imminent end of the band.

Black hair, heavy rings, black-rimmed eyes - Richard Kruspe looks exactly as one had always imagined a Rammstein member to look. The 42-year-old sits at a large table in a room of the Universal record company in Berlin, smokes and smiles friendly. The discussion again can start: Are Rammstein dangerous provocateurs or ingenious creators of their total work of art?

WELT ONLINE: Mr. Kruspe, the current Rammstein single "Pussy" entered the German charts at number one. Despite a video that cannot be shown uncensored on television.

Richard Kruspe: Any other band would have said: We can't make a porn, it'll never be shown on music television. I heard that over two million people saw it in two weeks like this. So there are other ways too, you don't always have to bend. "Pussy" is very independent compared to the other songs on the album. Our singer Till initially only wrote the text in English and I thought it was borderline at first.

WELT ONLINE: In terms of content?

Kruspe: Yes, in terms of content. It was just too much. There is a certain kind of humor that I find good, but there are limits. Then at the request of the band Till wrote the German verses. In that way the text got a humorous touch that I can live with. It's not exactly what I define as Rammstein, but Rammstein simply is a mix of six different people.

WELT ONLINE: Who actually had the idea for the porn video?

Kruspe: We asked the director Jonas Åkerlund. He listened to the song and after three hours wrote an email back: "Let's start a revolution, let's do a porn". All you could see on the faces of the band members was a big grin.

WELT ONLINE: But you have had yourself doubled?

Kruspe: Well, that's the big question. It doesn't matter. It was a nice challenge. I always thought the porn business was dirty and cold, but it's not at all. All the people there were extremely friendly and very accommodating.

WELT ONLINE: The text is not particularly friendly and accommodating.

Kruspe: I cannot and will not say anything about the text. I am not the text writer.

WELT ONLINE: But you said earlier that the first text version of "Pussy" was a bit too much for you.

Kruspe: No, it wasn't too much for me. It was just too uninspired for me. The German verses gave it a certain sense of humor that I can support.

WELT ONLINE: It is said that this text should be understood as a criticism of German sex tourists.

Kruspe: If you see it that way.

WELT ONLINE: I don't see it that way. But can you tell me what your understanding of the text is?

Kruspe: For me it's a party song, nothing more and nothing less.

WELT ONLINE: The line "Put bratwurst in your sauerkraut" is excellent to roar along to when drunk.

Kruspe: I think that's extremely funny.

WELT ONLINE: What about those who don't understand this humor? Drunken hordes of men on the way to the "Blitzkrieg with the meat gun"?

Kruspe: There is aggression in every society. They are acted out differently. My children, who are 17 and 18, don't do that. The only thing I can do is make sure things are different in my small circle. But when you start thinking about these things as an artist, you start limiting yourself. But I have a problem with censoring myself. I grew up in a system where I was constantly censored.

WELT ONLINE: Doesn't the question of responsibility arise?

Kruspe: I'm not someone who goes out with a raised finger and says: That's how you have to do it. We never did that.

WELT ONLINE: But don't you also say that you want to criticize something by exaggerating social situations?

Kruspe: Yes, you could say that. But that still doesn't mean that we tell people how to live. Everyone is responsible for their own life. Everyone has to have their own experiences in order to learn from them. We are not the Messiah.

WELT ONLINE: So is your music just acting out your own personalities?

Kruspe: When making music, of course, a dynamic of its own develops that you have to live with. These are things that cannot be influenced.

WELT ONLINE: The cover of your album is reminiscent of paintings by Rembrandt.

Kruspe: Hieronymus Bosch is a better comparison. The cover was created in collaboration with a Spanish artist who just tried things. Journalists are always entitled to question the meaning. But good things happen out of a certain naivety.

WELT ONLINE: What is that metal toothed monster up there on the cover on the right?

Kruspe: It should be some kind of alien. I already forgot. It was pretty good what the artist had thought out. Some kind of alien that eats up all consumption. Very philosophical what he has built there.

WELT ONLINE: And the naked woman lying on the table has her hands chopped off, right?

Kruspe: Yes, but that shouldn't be taken literally, in the sense that a woman is being massacred.

WELT ONLINE: It looks like an offering.

Kruspe: I see more the abysses of this world in the picture.

WELT ONLINE: Next to the woman on the table are two men closing their pants. Are you one of them?

Kruspe: No, I am not.

WELT ONLINE: It's a rape scene really, isn't it?

Kruspe: If you want to see it that way. I always find art interesting when it leaves things open.

WELT ONLINE: Let's come back to ...

Kruspe: ... to the difficult questions? Don't you have something else to talk about? Something nice? About life?

WELT ONLINE: I still have one question about the record.

Kruspe: Okay, one more.

WELT ONLINE: You are clearly using national symbols. Be it the German flag, the desk reminiscent of pictures of Hitler's speeches ...

Kruspe: Yes, but in a very humorous way. "I can't get laid in Germany" is very funny.

WELT ONLINE: Well I don't think you're right-wing.

Kruspe: No, we're too smart for that (laughs).

WELT ONLINE: Why does sex always have to do with fighting and war in your songs?

Kruspe: For me, sex always has to do with passion. I am a romantic. On the other hand, I like it dramatic. We'd have to go back a long way to my childhood to see what might have gone wrong. I believe that musicians more or less unconsciously always bring things across in a dramatic and painful way. At least that is how it has to be for Rammstein.

WELT ONLINE: Are you a believer?

Kruspe: Religious? No. I believe in justice.

WELT ONLINE: A justice that arises out of the human being, or one that is imposed from outside?

Kruspe: I think there is an idea. Some say this is God. Before things are done or before they arise, there was always an idea from which there is also a sense of justice. Do you understand? I believe that it is important in life to be punished for certain things. I believe in the fate principle and the karma principle.

WELT ONLINE: But if there is this punishment, won't Rammstein face a hefty punishment?

Kruspe: We only speak out what is reality or what is part of society. The Church used to say what is good and what is bad. That's bullshit. Just because someone has a sexual orientation that the Church classifies as evil doesn't mean it is wrong. On the contrary.

WELT ONLINE: Does "love is there for everyone" also mean that any form of sexual love, including that which is socially ostracized, is a part of humanity?

Kruspe: "Love is there for everyone" is a very Christian thought. Of course you have to ask yourself, is love really there for everyone? I would wish it to be that way. Can we forgive those who misunderstood love? I often think about it and fail and get a little further and go back again. Especially when you turn 40. A lot happens there. Especially with men.

WELT ONLINE: Yes? What?

Kruspe: For me there are two options in life. Be happy or be meaningful. And as a musician you naturally try to lead a meaningful life. The big problem with me is that my longing for happiness is great, but the strength I need to be creative comes from suffering. Even if you do not suffer, you try to bring it into your life somehow in order to be able to create again. A cycle. If I were happy I'd know I would never write again. I tried to find happiness outside of myself. And now at 40 there comes the point where you try to find something inside me that makes you happy.

WELT ONLINE: Can't you catch the creative moments by now?

Kruspe: I used to try drugs. I used cocaine a lot. You reach dimensions that you would otherwise never be able to reach. You can edit a kick drum for eight hours. This creative power comes to me in different moments. It's buzzing in the air and the only thing you can do is be open. And then the moment is gone again. As if a cloud is passing by and you reach for it and then wait for the next cloud.

WELT ONLINE: One hears that the current record could be the last of the band. Is Rammstein going to dissolve?

Kruspe: At the moment I couldn't imagine going back to the studio with the experiences of the last record. But I could imagine touring further. In a band you're trapped in an image. It's like a soap opera that never ends. You have your character and you play it. And then this Rammstein democracy. We have discussions every day. Everything is talked about and talked about. And voted. In a band you don't have that kind of sexual discharge that you would have in a relationship. It's like a long marriage with us. You just don't like to sleep together that much anymore.

[ofeliaslullaby]

Fleabag Season 2: A Discourse on Love

Finally caved and watched season 2 of Fleabag. And I say caved as if I haven't been waiting for this show to come back for a solid 2 years...but I was saving it for a day when I truly needed something to rival my own stuff. I knew Fleabag would, because it had when the first season premiered in the US. The poetry of the show really has a way of putting some things into perspective. Season 1 seemed like a discourse on friendship, grief, guilt and self-worth. Season 2 felt like a discourse on love. There will be spoilers.

Firstly:

This season was a love story. Not the storybook, happily-ever-after love (There are no happily-ever-afters in Fleabagland, just there-will-be-pain-but-it-will-get-better-afters), but love in all it's grotesque complexity. After watching the season I took the "this is a love story" opener to not just be about Fleabag's ironic love for the Catholic Priest, but loving yourself (Belinda's monologue, Claire's haircut, Fleabag's new care for herself), familial love (Fleabag's relationship with her sister and father), Martin's love for Claire, and Claire's love for her work and Klare (Claire/Klare will never not be funny and cute). And the Godmother "loves" the Father and art but really I think she just loves attention and the idea of eccentrism.

The first episode hits you hard. It takes place over a year after we leave Fleabag at the end of season 1, and she's doing well, as is the guinea pig café. She is seemingly no longer blaming herself for Boo's death, no longer using sex as a form of escapism, and genuinely valuing herself. We once again get to voyeur through some of Fleabag's life moments. When it all kicks off we go from insufferable family dinner/engagement party for the Dad and the Godmother (who I didn't even remember were not married) with the Catholic Priest they got to marry them, brother-in-law Martin who we despise and the sister we haven't spoken to in over a year; to a tragic and intimate scene in the restaurant bathroom between the two sisters, and almost immediately back to the awkward dinner table where all hilarious hell breaks loose. This formula continues, as it did in the first. If you're not laughing, you're wanting to cry. Such is life, I suppose.

You get a little more context this season behind Claire and Fleabag's relationship. Like all relationships its complex (I feel like there were times when it felt like my relationship with my older sister), but there is love there. So much love. In the bathroom scene in the first episode it is obvious Fleabag is concerned for her sister, while her Claire is distraught, embarrassed, and eventually we come to find out relieved. When they get back to the table and Martin makes remarks that are clearly only hurting the Claire's feelings, Fleabag intervenes because she loves her sister and doesn't want to see her suffer anymore that night. Championing Claire to leave Martin (was rooting for this), that was love. It was obvious Martin loved Claire, he says as much in the scene, but they were not right for each other. Just because you love someone doesn't mean you're meant to be (something we get shown more than once in the finale). A defining moment in their onscreen relationship is when Claire says to Fleabag that the only person she'd run through an airport for is her. A few episodes before this scene we'd learned that what always looked like disdain on Claire's part was jealously and resentment stemming from her own feelings of inadequacy. By the finale I feel like Claire had gotten over some of those issues. When she leaves the wedding for the airport (guess there was someone else she would run through an airport for), I was cheering for her. Phoebe and Sian have so many dynamic scenes together that wouldn't work if the two didn't have amazing chemistry. I love them as sisters, and I love the characters' relationship.

Speaking of chemistry:

Of course, Fleabag would fall in love with the emotionally unavailable. Phoebe and Andrew's chemistry is so good. They played easily off each other's quirks and The Priest sees Fleabag in a way the other characters aren't able to (he notices her zoning out/fourth wall breaks). I could've watched this relationship play out for years. But alas, some things aren't meant to be.

It was obvious the two would end up together, just as obvious as it was that they were never going to last, as friends or a couple. When Fleabag breaks the fourth wall early on she says "we'll last a week". They're both a little dysfunctional, and we never fully get to hear why The Priest is the way he is (he always gets cut off when he tries to explain his past, only getting as far as "When I was a child..." and that he wasn't close to his mother). Through their relationship though, we see that even though it's been some time Fleabag is in fact still coping with the death of her mom and Boo. I feel like part of what she was looking for in their relationship was reassurance, as she turned to the Bible and prayer (something she would never have done previously, as an atheist), where she would normally have only turned to sex and alcohol or other ways to harm herself. When she and The Priest finally do have sex, we the invisible friend have our view almost immediately cut off. Has Fleabag ever done this? She usually narrated her sexual exploits. I feel that adds to the fact that this intimacy with the Priest was love, not a means of escape like the other times.

What I said earlier about the Godmother I say with a tiny grain of salt because I do realize that it's all subjective. We only see Fleabag's point of view. However, she's still the worst. She collects "friendships" like commodities and talks about them in terms of listen descriptors, most clearly shown when she introduced people in the finale. There is no real redeeming of the Godmother for Fleabag after she went from being the Mother's "best friend" to the Father's special someone. And it's hard to tell if the Father really loves her or if he's afraid of her/afraid of being on his own. Fleabag has a lovely heart to heart with her Dad (which acted also as a callback to a scene a few episodes earlier at the mother's funeral) in the finale where in a foreboding moment he says to her "I think you know how to love better than any of us. That's why you find it all so painful." Fleabag replies to us voyeurs tersely, "I don't find it painful". She definitely did. Look at the way she dealt with Boo's death. Yes, there was guilt, but she loved her. She loved her mother and having to see her Godmother with her Father, and being told snyly says she modeled the bust after her mom, her reaction...that's pain from love. We know Fleabag's love and grief for her mother were just as strong as the love and grief she had for Boo. In a flashback scene to after her mother's death, she tells Boo she doesn't know what to do with all the love she felt for her mom and how painful it is. Boo says to give it to her, she'll take it. Boo was a real one. I don't remember Fleabag breaking the fourth wall in these flashback moments (maybe I need to watch it again), but that got me thinking that we're probably taking the place of Boo. The person she lost who shared her laughter, her love, and her grief. We're her echo.

The final scene is heartbreaking to watch play out. You kind of know it's coming especially during his wedding speech, which he seemingly recited to her. The whole season spanned such a short period, but there is an immediate investment in what could be between these characters, and for the Priest this was the only real way this could end. There was no way he was leaving the priesthood. He warned her and thus we were warned, but we don't listen when it comes to the things we want. I was sad for her and him, but as Brittany Howard sings out to the credits (and The Priest's fox-foe pursues him); with a shake of the head that says "you don't need to follow me" and a wave goodbye we, the invisible friend, are reassured she's going to be alright. This was a wonderfully poignant way to end the series. It basically ended as the pilot ended, Fleabag on her way with the stolen bust of her mother in hand. I don't think it could've ended any better.

*I've had this in my drafts for maybe six months, started a new blog, decided to finally edit and post it. If you're reading this I hope you enjoyed it. -S*

[aboutlouishofmann]

A Life Devoted To Music

[Original interview here which is already in English. I'm just testing. All images curtesy of cinema.de]

FRIDAY, 7/5/2019

A LIFE DEVOTED TO MUSIC

In PRÉLUDE Louis Hofmann plays a talented pianist.

Rising star Louis Hofmann has often been seen at FILMFEST MÜNCHEN — for example, in the tender coming-of-age drama CENTER OF MY WORLD. By now, Hofmann is well-known all over Germany thanks to the captivating mystery series DARK. This makes us all the more delighted that this up-and-coming actor is returning to Munich this year with not one, but two exciting films. In PRÉLUDE, he plays a talented musician who experiences the downside of being an artist; and he also has a role in THE WHITE CROW, about Soviet ballet dancer Rudolf Nureyev. We met the amiable actor at the world premiere of PRÉLUDE and asked him about his own experiences as an artist and how life in the spotlight affects a person.

In PRÉLUDE, you play an aspiring pianist named David, a freshman at a conservatory who's under pressure from the beginning. What was it about this story that caught your interest?

In 2015, I was invited to a casting for PRÉLUDE. I think I'd read only a small blurb about it, but it won me over right away and I knew I absolutely had to play this part. I don't know whether I'd already seen WHIPLASH. I grew up around lots of music and have an affinity to it — and probably a fascination with sadness as well. I thought if the script fulfills the promise of that little blurb, I've got to be a part of things. Then I went to the first casting with director Sabrina Sarabi and we simply got along very well and I noticed that she does very fine work.

When did you finally shoot the film?

Two years ago. It was hard to get all the money that was necessary. It is just a small film, after all. I'm still glad that we made it even though we didn't have much money. Being so close on set was also great. On the first day of shooting, there were maybe 15 of us on the set. It took some getting used to, because I'd just come from DARK, where we'd had 100 to 150 people. That was our own little microcosm, and working with such a small team was something I enjoyed to the fullest.

Is that something you generally prefer: a smaller scale?

No. I just prefer good material.

What does good material consist of?

That's the question. There are only the standard responses: well-developed characters, a nice development of the role, a story that's exciting, not one that's narrated. David is somebody I can identify with to a good extent. He's sensitive. He has this great ambition that I carry within myself. When he does something, he jumps in wholeheartedly. That's also the approach I take to my own work. That's why I understood him right away.

You mentioned that music has always been very important to you. Do you play an instrument?

I played violin for a year, because my brother played violin. I stopped pretty soon after that. Then, at age eight or nine, I began to play the drums. I did that for eight years.

Do you still play?

I stopped when I moved from Cologne to Berlin. I didn't have a drum set there, nor did I have the infrastructure: a place to rehearse and so on. I didn't take it up again until this year. I rediscovered how awesome it is and how much I'd missed it — how I'd totally been caught up in the piano as well. I used to be able to play chords or three-finger accompaniment. Classical pieces, though, were pretty foreign to me. I somehow put in a lot of effort with a teacher, without being able to read music. We did it with videos. I think it helped me a little to be able to play the drums. But to learn a new instrument and suddenly understand how it works and to be familiar with the keyboard and to get into the groove when playing: that really did a lot for me. In addition, it was just extremely good preparation for the part. It made the character accessible to me, which is something I hadn't really expected.

How long did you practice?

After I got the role, we did two years of workshops. In the end, we had two-hour lessons, five days a week for three months, and then two to four more hours a day of practice.

That's a lot.

You're right. But it's great. At first it's so difficult. The first two weeks were so rough: you're really just searching for the notes; your fingers don't understand it all just yet. You feel like a dyslexic on the piano, just so amateurish. And suddenly after two or three weeks, your fingers start doing what they should. You follow the instrument, and it's simply awesome.

Are you still doing it?

Unfortunately not. No, because I can't read music and because I'd noticed that I get bored easily because I only ever play the same pieces. My roommates and I have a piano, and I play it sometimes, but not like before.

What kind of music do you listen to?

Mainly indie rock, indie pop, alternative. Sometimes soul classics, chansons, or jazz hip-hop.

Can you name two or three artists?

Two or three artists I can name... Somehow that's always pretty hard to do. Right now I'm really looking forward to the new Dope Lemon album that's coming out soon. As for indie pop, Bon Iver is one of my heroes. Parcels is great. I could go on forever. Music is a really important part of my life. I just immerse myself in it and discover new artists. It's a lot of fun.

There's this gotcha question that I once picked up from a job interview: If you were a song, what song would you be? That is, a song that describes you very well.

I have no idea. I think the songs we listen to speak to only part of ourselves. The first song I thought of is "8 (Circle)" by Bon Iver. But that's just my melancholy side. It wouldn't describe me completely, because I also have a non-melancholy side, a very happy side, that I wouldn't be doing justice to.

Now that you've had a brief look at the life of a musician, even indirectly, what would you say is similar to or different from the life of an actor?

The pressure is what they have in common. The expectations one has of oneself. The competition. Although I have to say we're a generation, I think, who fight more alongside each other than against each other. For a pianist, it's a more individual fight than for an actor, because as an actor you normally don't perform alone.

In the film, David has to put his personal life on the back burner in order to get somewhere as a musician. Since you said that you enjoy immersing yourself, to what extent do you find yourself having to put your personal life on the back burner?

Since the work always comes in phases, you only have to do that in phases. And then I do that. In recent years, I've also learned that you can't completely separate the two — that the project phases should intersect more with the phases of free time. I've always felt that I've completely forgone personal life while working, up until the end of shooting. At some point, I no longer thought that was a good thing. In this line of work, you have to watch out, otherwise you'll start thinking of the year only in terms of blocks of time. I've resolved to be aware of this for more than a whole year again. Theater actors can probably do that a lot better, because they have regular work. They're able to balance their personal lives and their work more easily. That's a small obstacle that a film actor has to overcome at some point.

Let's assume you have free time. What do you do to unwind after work?

I had a hard time of that in Berlin. But this year, I went back to some old hobbies, like the drums. Also skateboarding, climbing, bouldering, and so on, to find balance. It's just about doing something that no one judges and where there's no output. Where you're not forced to deliver output. Because all you do when playing is give, give, give. You learn something, too, of course, and it gives you something back. But it's very relaxing to just do something that no one is appraising.

And where you're not being watched.

That, too, yes.

How often does it happen nowadays that you're recognized out on the street?

Sometimes. Occasionally. There are days when nothing happens, and other days when it happens several times. It also depends on whether I'm in a bar or another place where people gather.

Imagine that for some reason you had to do something other than act.

What would I do?

Exactly.

Hm. That's difficult.

Did you always want to be an actor, or were there alternatives?

A soccer player, of course. I definitely wanted to be a soccer player. When I finished high school, I was also very interested in psychology — and art. But I don't believe that I'd study art or psychology, even though I was still saying that two or three years ago. I also have a lot of fun working behind the camera, and I've been a set manager for short films. I enjoy organizing a set in the extreme, because I also have experience in how these things work. I'd probably still prefer to stay in the world of film and then maybe try to develop material or help to see it realized.

So you could also imagine directing and scriptwriting?

Probably not scriptwriting. I'm more the kind of person who reads the script and says, "Oh, that's what happens. I think it'd be great if this and that also happened." I don't think I could write a story myself. I have a lot of respect for those who can.

What else are you up to next?

On Monday, we started filming the third season of DARK, so I'll just do that for now. That'll probably take another six months. After that, we'll be done. The series was planned as a trilogy from the beginning, so the story will conclude with the third season.

That's all from me. In closing, do you have any more comments you'd like to make about your film?

I think Sabrina is very talented, and I'm very proud of this film and hope that people will see it.

[skys813]

Discovery

Chapter 5 (Arc Finale)

Me: Before we start, is there anything you'd like to say, Anxiety?

Anxiety: *gives me a hard look and then looks away* No.

Me: I see. Let's begin, then. Over the past couple of weeks we've been struggling to deal with a new possibility. I'm aware that in every happy reality Research conjured for us we were in a romantic relationship with implied sexual undertones. The new possibility suggests that we don't find a romantic or sexual partner in the future. Up until now it's only been a vague suggestion, however, after further examination, I thought it would be best to bring it to the council's attention as a legitimate possible plan for the future.

Anxiety: I don't see why this is relevant given that Sexuality is obviously a lesbian. Haven't we been over this already?

Me: Actually, we haven't. That was a suggestion you made, not a fact of life. Which brings us to our first issue; determining Sexuality's true orientation. I'd like to bring some memories to the front if you don't mind. Let's start with a few questions I asked after I first learned what sex was. "Do I have to? Can I be married without doing it? Can I have kids without doing it?" Our first reaction was aversion. Of course, that's normal at the beginning, but those feelings never went away. Instead, it changed to reluctant acceptance that this is what would happen to us. The truth is that we never felt sexual attraction towards anyone, regardless of their gender. We knew instinctively we wouldn't like sex in any form, but we pushed the feeling down and convinced ourselves that it'd be fine and we'd just have to do this for love.

Love: Is that not true? The only lifelong bond that allows us to be as invested and dedicated as we wish to be is a romantic one. Friendship can be strong, but it's not the same, Sky. We would not be prioritized the same way, you can't expect that of someone. If they have a romantic relationship with someone else, they have to prioritize that person above you, regardless of how close you get. Only a romantic bond guarantees you that level of trust and faith in each other. The exclusivity.

Me: I understand and accept that we wouldn't always be prioritized above the person's romantic relationship, but the rest is simply not true. It's possible. Research, if you'd be a dear, and pull up the definitions of a Queerplatonic Relationship and a Zucchini.

Research: A Queerplatonic relationship is defined as "a committed relationship that is neither romantic nor sexual in nature but is based on an emotional bond beyond friendship, often between aromantic and/or asexual people" (AVEN, General FAQ, Definitions). "A zucchini is a partner in a queerplatonic relationship. The commitment level between partners is often considered to be similar to that of a romantic relationship, but with platonic love. Zucchinis may be of any romantic or sexual orientation" (AVENwiki).

Me: Thank you, darling. As you can see, it's entirely possible. In fact, it's so possible and has been felt and established by enough people that there are terms to describe the relationship we want. That's what we were looking for all these years, not some romantic relationship, much less a sexual one.

Anxiety: I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you've only proven sexuality is ace. Romance has been on board waiting for Prince to show up since day one. And we already agreed that Sexuality's orientation would be irrelevant to us in such a scenario as we would want him to be fully satisfied in the relationship.

Me: Romance hasn't actually been very vocal about her desires, she's been going along with whatever you and Research determined would be the best scenario. Again, let's pull up some memory files. First, there was her "crush," which she picked out for us much like one would pick out fruit at a stand, and is also a shared experience among other aromantics. We were never jealous of his relationship with our best friend or hurt by it, but instead helped them with arguments and were happy for them when they were happy. She shies away from any possible romantic partners under the guise of obeying our parents and religion when we all know full well we're stubborn and reckless enough that if we had ever desired such a relationship we would've acted on it by now. But we haven't.

Anxiety: Because no one has been worth the risk! We just haven't had the chance to meet the right person and it was never the right time before. We were too young.

Me: No one? When was the last time you saw Romance actually consider anyone as a potential partner?

Anxiety: That's because we're waiting for Prince, no one else is worth considering.

Me: That makes no sense and you know it. We can't find him if we never look. And Romance isn't interested enough to look in the first place. The fact of the matter is that she hasn't been active since we finally settled comfortably in our relationship. We might not use fancy terminology, but that's the nature of the bond we established with our best friend. The meaning we agreed upon for the relationship is the same as the one listed for queerplatonic relationships.

Anxiety: It's just too risky, it's irresponsible to put all your eggs in one basket like that. Friendships are fragile and fleeting-

Me: So is every other relationship. Friendships are not less than other bonds, they're equal and valid and they are what you make them. I believe in this one.

Anxiety: Fine. Don't listen to reason, whatever. But you might want to consider Love's needs and that certain aspects of our dreams would be off the table right off the bat if we went along with this madness, such as children and the home life we were so desperate to create one day. That's a dream you can't deny. You can't adopt children in a platonic relationship, so unless you plan on being a hypocrite and going out to have sex, praying not to catch an STD, and hoping to get pregnant that way, children would be completely off the table for us.

Me: First of all, it wouldn't be hypocritical, asexual people can have sex. But I do agree that that option is extremely unappealing all around. However, it wouldn't be as big a deal as you're making it out to be. Our motherly instincts can still be fulfilled if we add the found family element; we'd build a group of friends and mother them just like we used to. Love, how do you feel about that?

Love: I want children. We've always wanted children, I can't let go of that dream overnight. Mothering some friends isn't the same, I don't know if it'll be enough. I can agree to build new visions and scrap the old ones and incorporate Sexuality and Romance's identities, but you can't ever expect me to stop wanting children. I'm sorry.

Me: Don't be, it's who you are. Thank you for being so understanding. Research, what do you think?

Research: To be absolutely frank with you, I'm glad this is who we are. No husband to tie us down, fewer responsibilities, financial independence. It spells out a lot of opportunities to explore the world that we might not have had otherwise. And, no offense, Love, but children are expensive as hell. Our horizons just quadrupled without that financial and emotional burden. I vote yes.

*an awkward pause where Anxiety fumes on the side and refuses to say anything*

Me: .......Anxiety?

Anxiety: I'm the one who played the dreams. Are you happy now? You were right all along, and I was wrong. We're aro ace.

Me: I know.

Anxiety: *head snaps up* What?! You knew? How? And how long have you known? Why didn't you say anything?

Me: I think the meeting's done now, let's continue this privately. Love, Research, please act according to the council's decision and inform everyone of the verdict. Thank you. Anxiety, walk with me, darling.

Then.....

Sexuality blinks sleepy eyes open and looks around. Someone is by her bedside that she's only ever seen from afar. She tentatively lifts her hand and runs her fingers through Libido's hair. Her birthmate. What was she doing here? Libido stirs and murmurs something incoherent in her sleep before slowly opening her eyes to look back at Sexuality. Libido smiles softly.

Libido: You're finally awake. *jerks up frantically* Oh shit, you're awake! Oh my God, how're you feeling? Are you okay? Does anything hurt? Who do you want me to get for you? Do you want some water? Of course you want some water, what am I thinking-

Sexuality grabs Libido's sleeve as she makes to get up. Libido looks back, concerned and on the verge of panic. Sexuality shakes her head and tugs Libido back to her side.

Libido: Are you sure you don't want me to get you some food and water? You've been out of it for a while.

Sexuality shakes her head again and tugs Libido back down into her chair.

Libido: Okay, then. Um. Let's see, how do you usually communicate with Romance?

Sexuality: *gestures in sign language*

Libido: Oh, yeah, that makes sense. I don't know any signs though. Do you want me to get Research? They might be able to translate. Actually, they'll know what to do about all of this and what you need and-

Sexuality grabs and squeezes Libido's hand and she falls silent. Sexuality smiles briefly and shuts her eyes.

Libido: Oh. You're tired, yeah, that makes sense, too. Sorry about all that. Go back to sleep, sweetie. I'll notify the others when you're ready.

It was a while later before Libido realized that Sexuality had been fully aware and responsive during those few minutes without throwing up. On top of that, she'd made contact with Libido without any noticeable harm befalling her. Sexuality was, at long last, fully recovered.

Meanwhile.....

I walk with Anxiety down to his room. It resembles a library, but instead of books, there are notebooks, each and every one of them filled to the brim with scribbles and half-finished thoughts.

Anxiety: Welcome to my lair, oh annoying one. Have a seat.

Me: I think we need to discuss why you're so against us being aro ace.

Anxiety: I already made it very clear-

Me: The real reason, Anxiety.

Anxiety glowers at me for a few minutes. I don't look away and he finally backs down grudgingly.

Anxiety: *sigh* Do you remember what we were like when we were a kid? What we thought of ourself?

Me: How can I forget? I was the brattiest, most arrogant child I've ever had the displeasure of having to think about.

Anxiety: *shakes his head* I mean before Prince, specifically. We were in a low place and we had accepted that we would die old, bitter, and alone. I just don't want us to go back to that again. It was devastating enough the first time around for all of us. At least like this, it would've only hurt Sexuality and Romance.

Me: Anxiety, listen to me. We are not who we were five years ago. That vision of the future was built on self-hatred and hopelessness, that's why it looked like a doomsday vision. This time we're rebuilding to take care of ourself and every aspect of who we are. We don't have to sacrifice Sexuality and Romance to be happy. We can just build a future that makes all of us happy by accommodating them too. We would've never been happy if we'd tried to suppress them.

Anxiety: *shakes his head stubbornly* We can revert right back to where we were, not enough has changed, not nearly enough. I've just collected more reasons to hate ourself since then, there's no guarantee it won't happen.

Me: *eyes sharp, trying to casually scan the notebooks* There is one thing we could always do..... If you'd allow us, I mean.

Anxiety: *torn between hope and trepidation* Like what exactly?

Me: Burn them.

Anxiety: *stands up and positions himself between me and the nearest shelf* Get out. Get out right now!

Me: *stays seated calmly with my eyes fixed on his* Only the notebooks where you write all our faults. The memories would all stay intact. All your other notebooks would stay exactly where they are. I'm only suggesting we let go of the guilt. Those notebooks are as old as I am, cataloging every tiny mistake we've ever made, every embarrassing thing we've ever done, every regret. You're absolutely right, we can't move forward until we've let go of all of that. We have to move forward, Anxiety. The council has come to a decision. Something has to give or we really might revert back to what we were before.

Anxiety: Then we would've learned nothing! Do you want to repeat all the mistakes we've made?

Me: A gentle reminder that you're the reason we made some of the more serious mistakes.

Anxiety: Don't you think I know that? That's why I refuse to let go of them. If we never forget, if we never stop regretting them and feeling guilty for them, then we'll make up for it and we'll never do those things again.

Me: Darling, that's ridiculous. You do realize that you've written down things as small as chopping the wrong vegetable by accident at our job, right? And the serious errors in judgment are almost all from our childhood, from years ago. We've grown, we've changed, and we're past that now. We can't stay this way forever, hating ourselves for every tiny inconvenience we've ever caused anyone. Please, Anxiety, we have to burn those notebooks.

Anxiety: No. You don't understand. We can't! No! *clutches at his head and his breathing becomes shallow and rapid* I can't. You can't. I can't.

Me: Anxiety? *gets up slowly* Are you okay?

Anxiety: No! We can't! We'll never be good enough. We'll never be happy. You can't erase the past. We're horrible, can't you see that? So horrible. Horrible. Horrible!

I notice a smoky shape formed behind Anxiety, whispering in his ear and grinning at me. The time for conversation is over. I carefully sidestep Anxiety who is too wrapped up in his sobbing to notice my movement and try to punch at the shadow. My hand goes right through it. Right, then. Those notebooks need to burn. Now. I step behind them slowly. The creature turns to watch me but continues whispering to Anxiety. I reach for a random notebook to test out the waters. No reaction besides a widening smirk. Good. I quickly scan through the notebooks until I find the section I need before looking up again. The shadow is still, watching me with a contemplative frown while Anxiety drops to hug his knees and hide his face as he cries. I collect the notebooks loosely in my arms, carefully noting how tense the shadow is getting. It stands between me and the door. I had a feeling it would find a way to stop me if it wanted to, smoke or not. I edge my way back to the table and set the notebooks down. The creature relaxes. I sit down and pretended to start reading one. After a few moments, it loses interest in me and goes back to tormenting Anxiety. It starts to whisper faster, progressively more aggressive. When it looks to be distracted enough, I grab the notebooks and run. I hear a shriek of anger not long after but it doesn't follow me. I run and run until I reach the common room and dump the notebooks on the floor.

Me: Research, get over here! I need lighter fuel! Love, if you could grab a lighter for me, that'd be great! Now!

They get up from the couch without a word and go about getting the requested items as I start tearing the notebooks apart. By the time they get back, I've torn haphazardly through the notebooks and stacked them in a hollow pyramid shape. Research douses them all and I give Love a handful of paper to light before I carefully place them under the rest and watch the fire spread. Anxiety rushes into the room with a much-faded version of the shadow I'd seen behind him, but by then even the topmost of the pyramid had caught fire. The creature shrieks and Anxiety faints into Research's arms.

Research: *sighs* I should've known something like this would happen. I'll take him to the infirmary.

Love: What just happened? Who's Research taking to the infirmary and what did we just set on fire?

Me: Don't worry, Love, everything's going to be okay now. C'mon, let's sit down and I'll tell you everything.

Then.....

Romance jerks awake gasping and clutching at her neck and chest and starts coughing. Sensuality rushes into her room and gives her a crushing hug.

Sensuality: You're alive! You're awake! Oh thank God, I won't be left with just Aesthetic for company!

Aesthetic: Hey! I can hear you, you know. And good grief, get off her before you really kill her. Welcome back, Romance. How're you feeling?

Romance: *gestures for water*

Sensuality: I got you, just a second. *runs out of the room*

Aesthetic: *hands Romance her board and marker* Figured you'd have a lot to say after being out of it for so long. Wanna elaborate on the whole "help Anxiety" message you left? Cause it really didn't help, for the record. What'd you want us to do, tie you and Sexuality up and dump you in the basement for him?

Romance rolls her eyes as Sensuality comes back in and accepts a glass of water with a quick nod of thanks. She downs the whole glass in three giant gulps and sets it down before relaxing back against her pillows a bit. She starts writing.

You're both idiots, for the record. I bet you didn't even try to figure out what I meant, just sat around worrying as usual. It's alright, someone must've figured it out since I'm awake now. We'll all hear the story in detail, I'm sure. Right now, though, I'd much rather discuss Sexuality. Is she okay?

Sensuality: Well......I mean, she's definitely safe now, we made sure of it, right Aesthetic?

Aesthetic: *nods her head with a smile* Don't worry, Romance, we took care of our little sister. She's safe.

Romance: *relaxes a bit more*

Good. At least you did something right. Who's guarding her? Libido, right?

Sensuality: *shocked* Yeah, actually, how'd you know? I thought you'd be upset.

Romance: *smiles* *writes*

They were never meant to be apart. They're different, but they're still birthmates. You know how strong that bond is. They'll figure it out. They just need time. We all do.

[sheerioswifties]

Find a cheap storage unit in your area. Fit as many of your things as you can in their, the essentials in your car. Start a go fund me on tumblr for future costs you may have. I’m sure people on here would be willing to help out

Cheap storage unit✅, it's been hell figuring out what we could keep bc it's not climate controlled but of course the precious things we want to keep most, pictures videos vinyls my giant makeup collection/kit/setup and hard drives, guitars, etc- all get ruined in storage in the wrong environment so just hoping the damage isn't too bad. Also, it really sucks trying to pack for storage-possibly long term, who knows- when you only have a very short amount of time bc there's different ways you gotta pack for storage as opposed to just a place to place move. It's a nightmare. No time to pack things correctly at all. No time to do all the laundry- THAT'S a whole story in itself omg.. but yes...

Oh yeah, and just a few months before they did this, I was gifted a beautiful 3/4 size grand piano. That we wouldn't be able to store. So we'd finally arranged to donate it to a local venue we love, but then it had to close indefinitely because of the virus... so I'm heartbroken bc I think we're straight up going to lose that piano, Bill and Jeanette are either going to trash it or try to sell it for themselves or idk what💔 @taylorswift would you like it? :)

Not sure if this was for the game but! Here's the link for anyone wanting to play:

B's Quarantine Game

[bluewatsons]

Sabra Embury, Are We Too Quick to Call Everyday Assholes Narcissists?, Vice (August 17, 2016)

Vice: It seems the label "narcissist" is more ubiquitous than ever, used to describe every power-hungry egomaniac.

Kristin Dombek: My hunch is that the popularity of the word, as an insult, or a citizen diagnosis, these days, is partly about a fear of the internet itself, where it spreads. About how we have to deal with so many people so quickly, without being able to test who they are behind the images and words they put online. More generally, the commonness of the term these days is an example of the dominance of psychological language in our everyday ways of relating to others and thinking about ethical problems. It worries me that we've come to use psychological diagnosis in a very unexamined way in everyday conversation, as if it's scripture, as if its categories are clear and true, and we can just fit people into them. Historically, that kind of language has often had an agenda, under the surface.

Vice: For those who are unfamiliar, what's the difference between a narcissist and a sociopath?

Kristin Dombek: People must ask the internet this all the time—"Is my boyfriend a sociopath or a narcissist?"—judging by the number of posts on this topic on relationship self-help sites. Neither a narcissist nor a sociopath can give real love, people tend to agree about that. But while both are just tricking you and using you, or so the story goes, narcissists are more focused on getting affection and attention they need to maintain a grandiose, vain self-image, while sociopaths don't even give a shit; they're just trying to get power and win. The narcissist might drop you and then keep coming back to try to persuade you that he's actually cool and perfect, and that it's you who is the problem; the sociopath might just take off when she's done. The studies that claim to show narcissism is actually increasing are not convincing to me, so I got interested in the question of why narcissism [has become] one of our most common fears about other people. Fear of narcissism is a little different than fear of sociopathy or psychopathy; it's about fakeness, and performance, about the possibility that someone can seem to have a warm, charming surface, but under the surface, total absence of empathy, total emptiness.

Vice: And that emptiness is definitely more nurture than nature, right?

Kristin Dombek: There's a total lack of consensus in the psychology literature I've read. But dating self-help sites tend to present it as a natural thing, like an essential category--Some people just don't have empathy. You can feel better about your ex-boyfriend because he's essentially a narcissist, he's not capable of love, he'll never change . It's not that he chose not to feel empathy for you, he's not capable of empathy at all. You were fooled . The commonness of this story makes me suspicious.

Vice: Just as there's a spectrum of autism, do you think there's a spectrum of narcissistic personality disorder? Or do you see it working in stages--early inward versus full-blown zero-empathy monster?

Kristin Dombek: These are huge questions. If you look across the subfields of psychology, there's a good deal of disagreement about whether narcissism is a thing we are or a thing we do, if it's better defined as a clinical condition or a spectrum, a thing in the brain or a thing at all, a permanent and untreatable lack of empathy or a condition that can be healed. The lack of consensus is so great that the American Psychiatric Association came close to removing "narcissistic personality disorder" from the last edition of Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders . And yet there are hundreds of websites about toxic and fraudulent romance that dispense advice about "narcissists" as if the term is clear-cut. I've read enough to become a committed agnostic. When the word comes up in my head, it feels more useful and accurate to think of it as a thing we do—as a thing I do, and have to work against doing, and a thing others do, and I have to work to understand them. In other words, since the word is there, shouting at me, when I do something shitty or cold, or someone else disappears, I'm trying to make it more flexible.

Vice: In the debate of who did what wrong, I guess it's all pretty relative.

Kristin Dombek: There are assholes, of course. But yes—my hunch is that I'm fascinated by the way these diagnostic terms shape our stories about romance, gender, sexuality, generations—our feelings about the culture and condemnations of whole groups, like millennials. And worried by the way the word "narcissism" helps us fetishize our own empathy, as if "we" always have it and "they" don't.

Vice: You say that Freud argued that narcissism, at its base, stems from an instinct of self-preservation, especially when dealing with cold, cruel, or violent parents. Is this at all related to the type of narcissists who are constantly posting selfies?

Kristin Dombek: The social psychologists who warn of a narcissism epidemic today, citing selfie-posting and so on, actually believe that the thing they're calling "narcissism" comes from too much parental attention and coddling; they think narcissists have too high self-esteem—which is the opposite of what Freud thought. Are they talking about the same thing, even? I'm not sure. But no, we'd better hope that all people who post selfies are not necessarily people with personality disorders. Selfies are shared and shared for the sake of contact. I've noticed that some of my most wildly generous, empathetic friends post the most selfies. Why is this? It seems too simple to claim that anything that is expressed through self-representation is necessarily self-absorbed or vain. Sometimes selfies are posted for vain reasons, sometimes for no good reason, and sometimes for important, generous, even revolutionary reasons.

Vice: Speaking of revolutionary self-representation, you briefly mentioned novelist Karl Ove Knausgaard and the success of his memoirs being treated, by some, as a symptom of all this.

Kristin Dombek: What Knausgaard has done is mysterious, isn't it? Knausgaard has been called narcissistic, and many have cited the popularity of the memoir genre as a sign of a cultural shift toward narcissism. But this doesn't make sense to me. For every one person who writes a memoir, there are multiple people who read it, right? In the case of Jeannette Walls or Cheryl Strayed, a gazillion people. So even if Jeanette Walls or Cheryl Strayed were narcissists for writing about their lives (and there's just no way they are, or their books would be boring and non-revelatory and people would not love them as they do), then what about all the people who are reading their memoirs? It's hard to imagine cold, non-empathetic, entirely self-absorbed people caring enough to read hundreds of pages about someone else's life. My point is that maybe it's not the "I" that's the problem; maybe the "I", as a mode of expression, in image or writing, or music, for that matter, can be humble or tyrannical, generous or attention-seeking, conservative or revolutionary, and so on.

Vice: Is there a common "tell" you've noticed among people with full blown NPD? From all your research, have you noticed an ability to meet people and see characteristics of NPD emerge sooner than later?

Kristin Dombek: There are many posts suggesting "tells," ways to test people and diagnose right away. I'm more trying to learn how not to do this. Diagnosis can protect you from being exploited. Also, it's fun, sometimes, to talk about with friends. Maybe I'm a spoilsport by worrying over it. But there's a structural similarity with every kind of bigotry, everything that causes the horrors we see in the world--to put people in a category first and then decide how to treat them. I think most professional psychologists would agree we should be more cautious. The APA, this week, published a message to its members not to be tempted to diagnose certain political figures from afar; there's a standard that's been in place since 1972, the Goldwater Rule, that forbids diagnosing people you have not examined yourself.

Vice: Do you believe a symbiotic relationship between empaths and narcissists exists? That the empaths are "consumed" and emptied so that they too eventually become narcissists themselves, like some vampire apocalypse?

Kristin Dombek: That's a story that's told, again and again, online. And it's a compelling one—it must be. The thing is, everyone ends up, at one point or another, thinking that their partner is the narcissist, and they are the empathetic one, right? There are all these moments over the course of an ordinary relationship when your partner (or parent or boss) can look evil, and when you do, to them, too. In the book, I'm trying to tease apart that vulnerable moment when we fear the other's selfishness, and the way our habit of diagnosis overdetermines the moment, encourages us to label things as mental illness when we might be better off sitting in the difficulty without deciding what it is. What happens if we let the psychological language go, and the moral language, without labeling it "selfishness" or "vanity" or, especially, "pathology"? What if, in other words, we're able to let their actions not necessarily be about us? I think there's a lot of sweetness in the moment just after that, sometimes, when we accepted one another's temporary self-absorptions, and them, ours.

Vice: The age-old wisdom that says don't take things too personally.

Kristin Dombek: That's the joke that fearing narcissism always plays on you—when you start calling others assholes, you're giving up on them, and then you're one, too. You're interpreting the actions of others only as they affect you. So while that story about the vampire apocalypse can be true of some relationships, its popularity tells a deeper story about being human, maybe the deepest one. When others look more selfish than we do, that's often the moment when we're most stuck in our own position, mistaking it for the center of the universe.