#listen. I did create them to trick my brain out of drawing just fanart and into original art and didn’t

[wigglebox]

Arrival! [original characters Max and Jude]

[perlumi-delirium]

A bit of rambling ramble under the cut

I honestly don’t know what I’ve been doing these past months. Even excluding the fact that I seem to have no recollection of febrary at all, I feel like my feelings on things have shifted so much that I’m at a loss of what to do. Maybe it’s because I’m growing up, maybe it’s because of something else, but I’ve become pretty distant with a lot of fandom stuff these past months. Well, to be entirely truthful, I did continue to spend time in fandom, but away from this account and the memories it ties me to. It feels a bit like running away, somehow. I’ve made another identity for myself, another account -away from tumblr entirely, I can’t keep up with this website these days. 

What I’m trying to say I guess is that I don’t even know how to approach some fandoms I was in before January happened. Particularily the TMA fandom, since that was my main point of focus at the time. It’s been really strange for me to realize that I don’t actually... feel like interacting with the fandom at all, when fandom has been essential to my enjoyment of something for several years now. 

But when it comes to TMA I feel like I’m just... indifferent? Maybe it’s because I actually have IRL friends I can chat with when I want to talk about it. (Neja, Chyw, Uni, if you see this I love you very much and I love our conversations!!) Or maybe it’s because it’s a podcast and I proceed things differently? Idk. 

It just has become clearer and clearer for me over the past weeks that I’ve been away because I actually wanted to be away, and not because I just couldn’t come back. 

It feels super strange to say, but I... don’t want to read tma fics all that much? I don’t want to listen to theories, or interact with people I don’t know and get stressed about way too many things again for no reason. I’m fine doing it with my friends, but actually interacting with strangers again, for the sake of fandom? It seems impossible to me. At least for this fandom. 

I enjoy doodling occasional potential designs of some characters, but I don’t want to share them either -because I’ve got that shitty fear that they’re either not interesting enough or just meh, idk. I’m sure nobody would judge me, it’s more that I don’t want anyone to ever take whatever I’m doing seriously when I honestly have legit forgotten things I have done recently. Sometimes I find a drawing that I don’t remember drawing, or a fic idea that doesn’t feel like my own, and I’m convinced my brain’s playing tricks on me. (okay, it sounds bad and ominous when I put it like that, but I swear that for the most part I’m okay, I’ve just had a rough year so far.)

I’m tired of stressing myself out for something that should -and for the most part actually and truly is- fun. So yeah. I still can’t believe I’m saying this, because it doesn’t feel like... me, you know, but I don’t want to draw fanart and put it on my blog, I don’t wanna listen to theories all that much, I don’t want to read fics I’ll never be able to write comments for... I just... don’t and it’s making me feel shitty. 

I’ve been coming to terms with it. It shouldn’t have been this hard, tbh, but fandom has been such an essential part of me for the past years that I just can’t seem to fathom a life without it. And I’m not saying goodbye to fandom alltogether! There are shows and animes that continue to draw me in, so I’ll probably continue to create content for them, although maybe it will never be on this account again. 

But I probably won’t ever write something TMA related. I do feel like I’d enjoy looking at more fanarts sometimes, so maybe I’ll come to do that from time to time. But I don’t want to read fics, or theories, or just, take it all seriously again. I don’t care for ships or AUs or whatever, I just want to cry over Melanie and Daisy and be done with it.

Just thinking about reading a fic and writing a review utterly exhausts me in advance, I don’t know why. I don’t wanna feel guilty again for reading fic without commenting, or even worse, feeling guilty because I don’t read fic when someone recced me one or something. 

I love TMA to death, but I also feel like I’m more comfortable loving it from afar, and being pretty much passive in my enjoyment of it. It’s a weird feeling. It’s not necessarily a bad one. I’m fine with being a nobody, a “casual” fan, whatever. I don’t want anyone to have expectations for me. I’ll just do my own thing, away. And it’s not a bad thing! I just need to truly believe it’s not a bad thing. 

This post is probably a mess, but I felt like I needed to put it into words. If you read this then, idk, thank you for being curious about my thoughts when you have no obligation to? 

[sabrinaleethings]

Writer’s Block: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Howdy internet!

I haven’t always been a writer, in fact only within the past few years I’ve started doubling down and taking writing seriously.

I went to college for illustration back in 2015, and it was then I hit my first mental block when it came to artistic inspiration. It sucked! I remember distinctly two separate pieces I had to do where I couldn’t for the life of me get the pencil on my sketchbook, and ended up handing in my assignments late because I couldn’t for the life of me get through whatever artistic block I was struck in.

That leads me to now- artist block and writers block varies from person to person. Sometimes mental health issues like depression or anxiety causes people to avoid writing (or drawing etc.) - and sometimes make it physically impossible get anything done. If you know that this is one of the main factors in keeping you from doing what you want to do, please talk to someone! Seek help from someone you trust, whether it be a friend, your family, or even a doctor!

Now, if there’s more to your story (pun fully intended) and somehow you’re finding yourself stuck in the middle of a scene or a random dialogue, or terrified to write very beginning of your piece, I’ve got a few tips and tricks I use to bust through the mental wall and create some kick-ass products!  

Let’s do this!

Let’s Start at the Beginning, shall we?

So, before you’ve even started anything. Let’s say your given a task or you have the itch to write- you know the one where your hands are BEGGING you to type something, or write something, but you just....can’t? 

Happens to me all the freaking time. Here’s what I do:

If I sit down somewhere to type or write and my mind is like a huge bowl of pudding, I move my booty. 

Sometimes changing your work space, or even the physical location of your body can clear up some of the gunk in your brain. 

Instead of sitting in your bed (like I usually do) move to your desk, take a notebook outside on your porch, sit on the couch (with the TV turned off), go to your local library or bookstore, become a hermit in a cafe somewhere- you’d be surprised at how well this works!

Skim through some of your favorite books for inspiration

This gets your brain moving in a “writers” kind-of way!

I like to flip through my Maggie Stiefvater books and read random scenes, or (my favorite) read some poetry (My go-to being “Our Numbered Days” by Neil Hilborn) 

Check out some art or fanart from your favorite fandoms or artists!

Now, don’t let this be your excuse to procrastinate and get stuck on tumblr for hours on end (*cough cough* @me) 

The key here is to yes, scroll through tumblr artists, instagram drawings, or even your favorite art book, BUT while doing this, let your mind wander. Imagine your own scenes or scenarios in your head while you do so-you’d be surprised how easy it is to clear the clutter in your head when you let yourself zone out and relax! 

Now, the ugly sorta trick that I do sometimes (even though it’s gonna sound awful). 

Just do it. *Insert Shia LaBeouf*

Put your hand to the paper, put your fingers on the keys, turn on your audio recording device and just bullshit something. 

If I’m sitting at my computer with severe mental block about a scene I’m writing, and I can’t seem to break the funk, I just start typing something. Alot of the time it’s a “what would happen if...” and I write it. Usually it begins like a rusty machine, rough and crappy, but once you get your fingers moving and your thoughts begin to just lay themselves down on the paper or on the screen, most of the time your good to go and the mental block is gonzo! 

White Space Anxiety

Whatchu talking about, Sabrina? Wellllll have you ever got a new notebook and you just, cant wait to start writing something in it, but suddenly nothing seems worthy to be written down? Have you ever opened a new word or google docs document and suddenly your fingers forgot how to word? 

Lots of peeps, (me included) suffer from this type of writer’s anxiety and it prevents us from actually writing anything- total writer’s block!

Whelp let me help with what I’ve found that works:

Skip the first page!

If you got yourself a fancy new leather bound, engraved, blessed journal, or a fresh new staple’s notebook with the fancy cloth cover, just flip past the first page (the one where a bookplate or “title page” would go-) and start from page 2 or on.(If you’re super desperate like me, start five or six pages in!) By doing so, you’re tricking your brain that you’ve already written in said journal and most of the anxiety about making things “perfect” go away!

If your typing on a document, turn the font to like, a hundred!

I sometimes do this if I feel I keep focusing on the quantity of words I’m able to pump out on the first page, rather than what I should be writing. 

By super pumping up that font size, you’ll fill the first few pages faster and almost immediately, and the happy hormones in your brain are gonna be like, “yes! you’re writing, good job-keep going!”

Once you’ve written like six or seven pages (maybe more depending if you went for the 150 pt font) reset the size back to normal when you feel like stopping or you feel like you’re on a roll, and voila! You’re on your way to a productive (and self-satisfying) day!

Okay, now that you’ve gotten at least something written and you find yourself in the middle of an idea or scene and suddenly ... dun dun dun You’re mind is drawing a blank. Writer’s block has fully set itself inside your noggin right in the middle of all your hard work, what do you do now!? 

Writer’s Block Right in the Dang Middle

It sucks, and it happens.

Sometimes if you’ve been working a lot, and you’re not realizing how exhausted your mind actually is - it can feel like it turns off sometimes. 

If you don’t have a strict deadline, and you’ve gotten a bunch done, sometimes taking a break is what you need. It sucks, because I know how much you want to write, but your mental health comes first and you deserve a break too! 

Whether you just take a walk, or go grab some wine or juice, give your brain a break!

Do something other than writing- go stimulate other parts of your brain, come back, and see the difference!

Along the same line, if you do indeed have a deadline sneaking up on you and you’ve got yourself a bunch more to do but get stuck, try these things:

Take a short break.

Short meaning don’t spend hours and the rest of your day/night trolling through the internet or lose yourself neck deep in conspiracy theories on YouTube (I feel personally attacked here)

Save your work, get up from your spot, and leave the room if possible.

Leaving your room and physically moving your body, gets your blood pumping again and wakes you up subconsciously and that alone can help! 

Drink water. H2O. Agua.

Sometimes, after I’ve been typing for what feels like forever, I don’t realize how much time passes, and suddenly realizes it’s been four hours and I haven’t had anything to eat/drink.

It’s easy to get dehydrated and as living beings on this place called Earth, we need water. Sometimes drinking a big glass of ice-cold refreshing water is just what your body needs to do its job! (Did I make you thirst? Good, drink some water! Take care of yourself!) 

If you’re in the middle of a scene and can’t physically put into words what happens next:

Skip the scene!

Don’t stress yourself too badly on it if it’s not coming to you naturally. Move on to the next part in your piece, and start with a fresh idea! (You can always go back after, and finish/include the part you skipped!) 

Re-read the last couple paragraphs you’ve written, and change up the last couple sentences (sometimes even paragraphs). Completely re-write them, or get rid of em!

Sometimes a writer’s block in the middle of the scene can quite possibly be your own novel or piece’s way of telling you that you’ve dug yourself into a little bit of a ditch and now you have to climb out of it. Meaning the way you’ve ended things in the previous sentences, don’t allow for a good, fluid transition into the next part of the scene.

Totally re-write the scene or idea that your working on!

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve deleted entire pages of crap that I could not continue to write, because I kept getting stuck.

Sometimes after fleshing out a scene or idea so perfectly, things become stale and unable to be continued simply because there’s something, some element or transitioning, just doesn’t work. Taking a great big hypothetical rubber eraser and getting rid of everything might just be the way to go!

More simple things to do if you find yourself with a writer’s block in the middle of your piece

Plan out what you’re going to write.

If you’re a ‘pantser’ (someone who writes without any, or very minimal planning beforehand) sometimes you need to plan your next moves - not only will it allow you to better flesh out your plot, but it can show you possible plot holes that you’re stuck in at the moment. It can also give you a very specific direction to move in if you know what happens next. 

Change the music you’re listening to/ put on some tunes if your not!

Google “inspirational quotes for writers” ... trust me on this one.

Go make some food... and then come back quickly after!

*Make sure it isn’t a super carb-heavy or ‘thick’ food- you don’t wanna be sleepy afterwards!

And along with the previous point-brew some coffee or tea!

Curse. Heavily. Outloud.

Of course this all depends where you’re located.

And if you can’t curse, or don’t like to, sing loudly to yourself or yell random things out loud!

Ideas include: “Let it go, LET IT GO...” “I will write this fudgning piece of doo doo even if it kills me! You got this, you lovely, talented writer, JUST DO IT.”

In conclusion to this super long, probably-never-will-be-read-post- writer’s block happens, and it is something that can be overcome if you allow yourself to try something different! 

Holy guacamole that was a long one- sorry about that.

Anything I’m missing? What have you tried that has actually worked? Let me know!