#little do they know – once the girls hit elementary school they start recounting all the parent-gossip they overhear

[livwritesstuff]

Honestly, Eddie doesn’t know why it had taken so long for him to realize his and Steve’s children could understand the shit that came out of his mouth.

(It took an embarrassingly long amount of time).

Even when Moe’s third or fourth word was fuck, he didn’t realize it (and she was using it mostly correctly too, which should have been a serious flag, but nope).

What made him realize it was when they started repeating the shit that came out of his mouth. 

To strangers.

In public.

The first time Eddie had been really caught off guard by something one of his daughters said was when Moe, who was three at the time, had proudly announced to an unsuspecting grocery store cashier, “Daddy says my Papa’s a DILF!”

And, like, Eddie had just heard the term for the first time, and obviously he was goddamn delighted by it because…duh. Steve. 

It just hadn’t occurred to him that his toddler might have caught it too, but little pitchers have big ears, or so the proverb suggests, and Eddie had taken it as a wake-up call that Moe isn’t a baby anymore (tragic as it may be).

He’s not the only problem though – Steve is just as bad, (if not worse, because he really doesn’t bother to check where their kids are before he starts running his mouth).

One particularly damning incident was at a restaurant, which is something they don’t even do all that often because, seriously, going to a restaurant with very young kids should be an Olympic event or something.

(The last time they all went out to eat, Nancy and Robin had made a drinking game out of all the times Steve and Eddie had to take a child to the bathroom and ended up so far gone that Eddie had needed to drive them home).

The incident started with the waitress asking, “Can I get you started with anything to drink?”

And it had ended with four-year-old Moe confidently announcing, “My Papa needs a fucking margarita.”

Thank god, the waitress had been a twenty-something college student and thought it was hilarious, but Steve had still been completely mortified.

[deluluass]

Red, like blood. Blue, like love.

Content warnings: rape/noncon; nsfw; bullying; soulmates au

Prompt: 88 & 183

There’s someone for everyone, you’d learned growing up.

 "Remember, blue means happy," your mother would say. "The happiest you'll ever be.”

She liked reminding you about this fact— for it is an indisputable truth, every so often when she could still carry you. You’d be hugged from the back, as she recounted stories of first meetings, serendipitous and life changing in their nature; belonging to those who’ve lived long before you, sometimes even those who’ve only lived in tales.

Mostly, your mother loved telling those involving the people she knew. And if you’ve behaved properly, she would tell you about hers. 

Tracing your palm, starting from the forked lines to the dashed ones on your fingers, she’d say, “These would start to glow like stars.”

“That’s weird!” you’d burst out, shrieking a laughter as she tickled you. 

“Listen carefully,” she chastised. “Blue is for your soulmate, okay?”

And you’d repeat: Blue is for my soulmate.

“Then, mama,” you tugged at her sleeves, “What if it’s really, really bright red! Like! Bloody glow sticks! Say, mama, you see, everyone at the park was talking about the man who died because he touched someone and his hand became bright re— ”

You never brought that up again. What your mother said about it had been enough to never make you forget.

“Tell me if you get red,” she said firmly, clutching your arms as if she feared someone would snatch you away from her. “Red is bad, my heart. Red means run.”

 It hadn’t nearly been as gruesome as your mother made it out to be. 

Case in point, when you turned twelve the couple three houses down your street found out, shortly after their honeymoon, that their palms gleamed a fierce red once they clasped each other’s hands in front of the neighborhood aunties.  

Their marriage ended with a swift and ordinary divorce, a year or so later.

Red: Not just an ominous warning for homicide, then. That was a relief, you’d thought.

Contrary to how your mother framed it, you were thankful, actually. It helped some of your friends escape from potentially hellish relationships. How lucky is it that you lived in a reality where the universe seemed exceedingly benevolent. Though, you sometimes have to question if that generosity extended to everyone.

Fat lot of good it did for you. 

Because, from where you’re standing, it doesn’t have to take some arbitrary and unsolvable scientific mystery to heed that Oikawa Tooru must be avoided like the plague.

Any person in your shoes would be conditioned to do exactly that. 

You’d first met in Elementary. You thought he was the prettiest kid you’d ever seen, with chestnut curls and doe eyes and lashes that swept past his cheeks, and when you’d asked for a hand shake he’d called you “the ugliest girl I’ve ever seen” and “fart face.” 

Recess and lunch were when he’s most fearsome. Spiky burdocks slapped on the collar of your dress; dead lizards in your food; the boy was determined. The worst part was that it always happened when no one was looking. And if someone were, it was his best friend. So when you finally told on him to your mom, both your teacher and the principal simply judged Oikawa as the victim of an attention deprived child.

“Please discipline your daughter,” they told her. “We are all aware of your situation at home, but do ensure that she’s not getting out of control.”

You couldn’t even muster up the strength to defend yourself. In that moment all you could do was swear that you’d never allow anyone to talk to your mother in that way again. 

You moved out of that school. 

You didn’t wait for your palms to flash a warning signal because, somehow, you knew that boys who discover early that they could get away with anything cannot get any better. 

There’d been no way to be sure of that until Aoba Johsai— after a peaceful interim of no Oikawa; no red palm lines (and no blue ones, either).

The proof hit you in the face. Literally. 

“Oi, Shittykawa!”

Heat permeated from your nostrils as you patted your cheek, detached and staring back at the large gymnasium. 

“You hit someone!”

How unlucky did a person have to be to bleed right on the first day of classes? 

You tried to lean forward. “It’s okay,” you slurred nasally, pinching your nose and averting your embarrassed gaze from the boy kneeling next to you.

“Trashykawa! You better hurry and apologize!”

“Don’t be mad, Iwa-chan,” that disgustingly saccharine voice came from behind you, making you flinch, as if the years you’d spent apart had done nothing to purge it out of your system.

In all honesty, you hadn’t really cared for whoever was responsible for the ball that careened all the way to where you were standing, so sure that it had to be an accident. No one in their right mind would want to injure someone they barely knew, especially if said someone is a couple of feet away from you. 

Morally and athletically, it should’ve been improbable. But then you saw who did it and everything made perfect sense.

Iwa-chan. The boy beside you. Iwaizumi Hajime.

If he’s here, then— 

“You,” he whispered. 

“Eh?! Gosh, I’m so sorry!” Oikawa Tooru gasped. “You’re bleeding.”

Time is cruel. It wears down on you, tears you and molds you into something you can’t even recognize, if it decides to. (Fate, more so). You didn’t know if you wanted to cry or laugh, looking at him. If the universe were so benevolent, then perhaps Oikawa Tooru had received all of its favor.

He was beautiful. You’d known this before, but with all the baby fat replaced with sharp yet slender angles, figure lean and imposing even when he’d lowered himself to meet your eyes, Oikawa didn’t seem real.

“I did hit someone, didn’t I?” he pouted, wiping the dried blood atop your lip. “And such a pretty girl, too.”

That volleyball existed should’ve made life better for you. It didn’t. If anything, it seemed that out of the court, when he’s not taking names and being praised like a god, you were his little pastime. Something fun to take his mind off whatever it is he thinks about it. 

The mocking comments, you could handle; every time you’d recite and he’ll interject with something playful and then the entire class would laugh (because he’s Oikawa) and your professor would reprimand him but you could always tell that they, too, are holding in a giggle. 

Those were easy to bear, because although his insults hit way too close to home, it’s just— it’s just so petty.

Really, it’s the aftermath that does the damage.

“They’re like Christmas lights under your skin!” 

This topic pops up every month or so. Most people your age can be lucky enough to meet their soulmate this early. 

“And it’s the most awesome feeling in the world,” your classmate sighed. “When we touched hands? Man. We just- we glowed.”

Then, the others would poke fun, faking a gagged expression, but they’d always ask afterwards, “What happened next?” And everytime, you’d watch from the sidelines. Like an uninvited audience. 

You tried being a part of it once, wanting to share about the time your close friend met her soulmate. But all you’d gotten were side eyes and titters, as if they were laughing about a joke only you didn’t know about. 

“They’re so mean to you.” 

You groaned.

Oikawa was seated behind you, resting his head against his elbow. Everyone was too busy talking about blue lights and destined souls to notice what’s happening at the back of the room. 

He continued, “Not including you in conversations, treating you like an outsider.”

You didn’t bite, focusing on the opened book in front of you.

“Must be lonely, having no one.”

“Oikawa,” you muttered under your breath. “I don’t have the energy for this.”

The silence that came after that was unexpected. You were sure it would be short lived; he’s just gearing up for more. He usually went at it until you’d have no choice but to physically remove yourself from his presence. You’d thought once that that may be why he does this so much. Maybe he still thought you were the “ugliest girl” he’s ever met and he wants you out of his sight. Because Oikawa’s infantile like that.

But the silence stayed, accompanied by the background noise of eager conversations; lingering some more as white, fluffy clouds passed by the glass windows. 

When he broke it, all Oikawa said was, “Soulmates, huh.”

You felt a finger touch your back, drawing the barest of lines over your uniform. He removed them just before you could stand up and leave. 

You disliked those moments with him. 

You disliked him especially when he played. 

Oikawa’s a monster, be it in volleyball or with you. There are times, though, that you’d notice some things that you think you’re not meant to see. Like after a serve— its impact booming throughout the court, he’d have this puzzling expression on his face. 

It looked like....anger. 

He scored a point, right? Everyone’s cheering for him, aren’t they? Wait, didn’t they win?

You thought maybe it’s the adrenaline making him nastier than usual, but sometimes you’d pass by the gym when he happens to be alone. And that anger is still there, punctuated by the sound of the ball exploding against the floor. Jump. Hit. Spike. Jump. Hit. Spike. He’d do it, again and again and again. 

As if he’s trying to grasp something even he cannot reach. 

Those instances should’ve taught you that the best thing to do is look away. 

That’s what you should’ve done. Look away.

They lost the Interhigh tournament.

You knew this not because you’d watched, but because for one day, Oikawa Tooru wasn’t your bully. 

The derision was replaced by sulking. He didn’t speak for the entire period. The funniest thing about it was that everyone kept staring at you. Like somehow you’d been the cause of this, when all of them were lamenting the loss just as much as the team itself. 

 What was supposed to be a reason for celebration suddenly became a crime that you had to explain for.

 “Great,” you grumbled to yourself. “One time I don’t have a target on my back, now I’m the bad guy.”

Trash bag in hand, the scraps inside rattled against each other as you stomped to the recycling bin, both sleeves of your P.E jacket folded up to the elbows. You affected a tone, choosing to mock the grating way some of classmates talked:

“Oh, hey, if it’s not too much,” you began. “Can you please be his punching bag again? If you will, can you relieve our superstar’s burdens? By, I don’t know, alluring him into walking all over you? Like the good old days! Please, oh please? We rely on you, oh Great Punching Bag! We Beseech thee, oh Esteemed Doormat! We compel— dude, what the fuck?!”

Crumpled papers and steel and tin cans rolled to the ground. You didn’t pick them up, like you should’ve; you left it there, trash bag lying open, and grabbed the ball that whisked mere inches from your face. 

This time you’re not making the same mistake. The asshole is more than capable of suspending what little morals he has, just to hurt someone he barely knew. As well as athletically adept (an understatement, that) at hitting a walking target; or not hitting it, in this case.  

You stormed the almost empty gym. Oikawa is a ray of sunshine, greeting you with that smile. It makes you want to punch him.

“What is wrong with you?” you spat. 

He chuckled. “Whoops. Sorry!” 

“I’m not having this-” you shoved the ball to his stomach. He didn’t even blink. “This isn’t gonna slide anymore, Oikawa.”

Wide grin still in place, he took it from your hands with his much larger ones and said, “Wow, you’re actually mad this time. ”  

Then, he added, “I didn’t mean it! Honest!” 

Must be nice, you thought with a scowl, to be him. Anyone can be sincere if they look anything like Oikawa. 

“Sure. Fine. No, actually,” you glowered. “You know what?” 

“Hm?” He tilted his head. Oikawa tilted his pretty little head.

You seethed. “I get it. You lost. That doesn’t mean you get to take it out on me. I mean, what did I ever do to you, Oikawa? I have-” you exhaled, surprised by the break in your voice. 

“I haven’t done anything to you. We stopped being kids a long time ago. That shit you pull should’ve ended by now. We’ve grown.” You jabbed his chest. “But I see that maybe not all of us have.”

His pleased expression hadn’t dropped. “Ouch,” Oikawa grimaced, glancing amusedly at the place you’d touched. “How mean.”

This isn’t going anywhere. 

You don’t know why it took you this long to realize this, as you shifted your gaze away from him, noticing the gashes on the floor that tear the surface like scars that never healed. That must’ve been because of him, with the amount of practice he does. 

“It won’t be enough, won’t it, Oikawa?” you whispered. “Not for you.”

The smile that’s been there since you arrived tensed, straining at the corners of his lips. 

“Yeah, I’ve been told,” he beamed. 

He was bathing in his own sweat, seeping through his shirt and matting his hair to his face, and he looks— Oikawa looked tired. His eyes were sunken in, too. Did he even sleep?

You’re so used to seeing him not a hair out of place, with a sweet scent that you amusedly thought lures his gaggle of admirers into following him everywhere. It takes you aback, honestly. Particularly the wobble in his step as he bent and squeezed his knee with shaky fingers.

You don’t think he’s aware he’s doing it in front of you.

Then, just like that, everything seemed to have added up.  

“You’ll never be happy,” you said.

You should’ve stopped there. You should’ve left. Instead, you looked him in those brown eyes, the warm hue becoming a lot colder as he moved closer. 

Oikawa sneered. “And what do you know, huh?” 

(Go. Leave.)

“Nothing,” you told him. “I don’t- I don’t know. Because, I don’t get it.”

(Shut up. Shut up.)

“Why you try any harder, I don’t know. Win or lose, it’s all the same. You’re still the same. You’re still awful and annoying and- and still you.” You laughed, unsure why you’re running your mouth like this. 

“Win or lose. Oikawa is still Oikawa,” you breathed in. “Nothing more, nothing less.”

His teammates must’ve gone somewhere. For lunch, maybe, you thought as you eyed the abandoned bottles and used towels scattered around the court. “Besides,” you huffed, not without a twinge of envy. “They’ll all still love you, either way.” 

Everything went still for a while, and you’d just realized what you’d just said.

“What about you?” 

You looked back at him.

“What?”

He tipped his chin. You stepped backwards. 

He brushed your wrist.

“Don’t touch me,” you hissed, but he only smiled and wrapped his entire hand around it. 

Oikawa had been your first bully. Before you could even comprehend what that meant, Oikawa had been the source of your mother’s worries whenever she parted with you at the school gates. It is funny, thinking about it, for letting this boy affect you despite making an effort to stay away the first time. 

But it is only now— now that he has a firm hold on you, gentle yet smothering— that you truly feared Oikawa Tooru. 

It rattled your breath, squeezing your heart and refusing air to pass through your lungs, as you felt a shock zap through you. And apparently through him as well.

You broke away from each out with a cry.

Your hand was burning. That’s the only explanation for it. Your hand was burning and any moment now smoke will diffuse from the pores. 

You waited. Any moment now. But the more you stared at it the more tiny spots of flames sparked under your skin, bursting along the palm lines— first, the forked ones; then, the dashed lines— glaring back at you, glowing brighter, blotting and spreading until they mapped your palms then your entire hands like constellations. 

“Red is bad, my heart,” your mother said. “Red means run.”

“I knew it,” you scoffed, shaking your head. 

Well, it’s not as if this is news to you. 

“What about that, Oikawa?” You put both your radiating hands in the air. “The universe is telling us, you and I? We just don’t—”

Why are you crying?

Why is Oikawa crying? 

“I knew it,” he croaked.

Your mother made the red light sound so horrifying for a reason. 

There has to be a reason, too, why the universe is warning you so late into your life. You’d actually ran before. And when you thought it a waste of money, you chose to stay and not fight back; thinking that his punches have become less severe, degraded into verbal taunts that induce social exclusion at most; that, certainly, red doesn’t forbode something as bad as murder, right?

Well, what now? You were wrong, after all. This time you have a feeling that you actually need to hide. 

Because Oikawa’s looking at you like you’re the last two people left in this Earth. 

Just you and him. Without any need for anybody else. 

You didn’t breathe, attempting to bolt despite the overwhelming need to throw up right where you're standing. He stepped closer, faster than you’d liked, and touched your face, caressing your cheek up to your aching temple.

“You should really stop trying to run away,” he said, voice low as if he’s sharing a secret. “I’ll always find you, you know?”

You didn’t have to look to know. Even if you closed your eyes, as well, you know it’s still going to be there; glowing in the darkness behind your eyelids.

“Me and you—” Oikawa sighed. 

Listen carefully, your mother said.

“ —we have a connection that no one else will ever understand,” he said.

The light emitting from his hand was so harsh it hurt you, pricking your sight until it drew fat tears, reflecting against your damp face and tinting the fallen streaks with bright—

Blue means happy, she told you. The happiest you’ll ever be.

And you’d repeat: Blue. Blue is for—

“My soulmate," Oikawa said, before locking you in a deep, searing kiss. 

The lights didn't die even as he dragged you into the storage room.  

"Hey, where'd senpai go?" 

The rest of the volleyball team came in droves, occupying the hollow court with their squeaking shoes and questions about Oikawa's whereabouts.

"Must've gone somewhere," you heard a deep voice say. 

You could answer that question. All you  had to do was scream. They weren't so far from the room that they wouldn't pick it up over the noise of their volleyball practice. Really, if you needed to, you could even outshout their guttural yells of "Nice kill!"

Though, you'd have to remove the underwear lodged in your mouth first. 

Yours, in fact; soaked now by your own saliva, drool dripping to your chin as your wrists chafed against the rope that's keeping them tied at your back.

"Feels good, doesn't it?" You felt every sickening movement of Oikawa's lips against your throat. "Feels good when you- ah, fuck- when you give in."

With the cloth muting your shrill bawling, you tried your best to recall how you ended up here: seated on his lap as he sluggishly humped himself against you, his still glowing hands cupping your ass.  

The only thing left on your body was your bra, and even that he's already lowered to let your tits spill over the top. Your pants and t-shirt and jacket are lying around somewhere. You couldn't determine where in particular; the only sources of light were behind you.  

He was leaving imprints of blue all over your skin; around your waist as he slithered his hands to reach your breasts, scantily brushing over the hardened nipples and making you keel over.

"So sensitive," he tutted, smooching your neck so gently that even the underwear couldn't muffle your loud yelp when he suddenly bit into the flesh. Hard. 

You wanted to claw his eyes out and call for help and you wanted badly to scream don't do that Oikawa someone please save me he's gonna kill me he's gonna kill me-

But the gag remained intact and the boys outside continued their game, ignorant that their precious captain is taking everything away from you. 

Sharp canines bruised your skin, provoking a fresh batch of tears as he sucked and licked every after cruel bite. 

Then, when you thought the worst had passed, he removed his mouth from your neck to spit onto your bare cunt, allowing it to slide from the hair on your mound to the nub sticking out in the middle.

(It is not enough that he is killing you. Oikawa must defile you, too.)

His fingers gripped the insides of your thighs open when you tried to shut them together. "Don't be a brat," he clicked his tongue.

"Be a nice little kitten for me," Oikawa drawled, smearing the slick that's soaking your folds against the spittle coating your clit.

You didn't notice when he'd taken his cock out, you only realize that he's about to enter you when he teased your entrance with it, pushing the tip to nudge the drenched hole, only to pull it back again.

And you didn't dare look. The feel of it almost stretching you out with just the head is already driving you to insipid begging.

"What'd you say, kitten?" he pouted.

Oikawa you've already taken too much is it never going to be enough Oikawa let me go.

"I can't understand you," he chuckled. "Here—"

He pulled the underwear out of your mouth as he thrust all the way inside, your back arching, driving him deeper, as his cock throbbed against your pussy walls.

"Now, what were you saying?"

You swallowed your cries and heaved and swore you were gonna tear his heart out after this. 

"Say," he whispered, sniffing your wet panties without breaking his gaze. "If everyone saw us right now, how'd you think they'd react?"

It was so reverent, the way he did it, blue light revealing that he closed his eyes as he took a whiff, as if he hung onto your scent like a lifeline.

But you thought that'd been a calculated move, because as you dumbly stared at him, he immediately gyrated his hips under you, rocking back and forth ever so slowly, and you remembered that you had to keep quiet.

His cock was so big inside you, making you bite your lip as it filled you up, the curved tip hitting a spot that has you squirming in his embrace.

"At this point they'll know how much of a whore you are," he said, tangling his muscled arms around yours and anchoring you to his body. "Made just for me."

"Oika-Oikawa…"

You don't know this person. 

"Help..me.."

You don't know who's speaking out and whimpering for Oikawa, on her knees and bouncing up and down on his lap with weak, quivering thighs. 

It couldn't be you.

"Help you?" You felt him nuzzle your neck. "I thought you wanted me to stay away, though?"

Someone mewled out a pathetic, "N-no."

"No? Then what d'you want, kitten?"

(Oh. Oh, he feels so fucking good.)

Your belly has never felt this hot before and it's driving you crazy that you're chasing for something you cannot see and it feels so near but there's something, something that's keeping you from it that all you can do is grind your sopping cunt closer to him.

"Wanna- I wanna cum."

Oikawa kissed you on the forehead, and then he said, "Go ahead, then."

He released your arms. 

Then, he's scooping cum off your pussy, making sure to drag his fingers under the lips, before circling your large, swelling clit. Then, he's sucking your tits and swirling his tongue around a nipple and you're so so close.

"That's it," Oikawa sighed. "Ride my cock, baby."

His rough palm slapped both your ass cheeks and the cry that erupted from you only made him laugh. 

"Make yourself cum on my cock," he grunted, licking his smiling lips as he leaned back against the wall, hand idly rubbing your dripping clit. "You're making a mess, darling. Leaking like that."

You're quivering all over; your cunt is spasming and your legs are complaining beneath you, but you don't stop. You lift your hips and then sink your pussy down, down until you feel his balls touching your sore ass, the sloshing sound growing louder as you move faster. 

You don't think about what this'll all mean later, what you're doing giving in to him, when you scream out his name. But as soon as you did, Oikawa's growl had been your only warning.

He grabbed the back of your head and kissed you, plunging his tongue into your throat, his strong arms pressing you so close to him you can no longer tell his skin from yours, his battering heartbeat from yours. 

You didn't move—weren't allowed to, when he hammered his cock into you, pounding your cunt and fucking you raw until you're breathless and nothing but a shuddering wreck, splitting at the seams in his hands as you feel thick spurts of hot cum slide out of you. 

"My pretty girl," came his hoarse whisper. "My pretty, pretty girl."

The lights have dimmed, when he cradled your shaking form and moved out of you, faint traces left on just the palm lines and fingertips. 

They were flooded by the sudden brightness that enveloped the storage room.

"Holy shit."

You pressed your eyes close, your entire body prickling at Oikawa’s touch.

It shouldn't be surprising, at this point, that Oikawa, as quick as he'd stripped you off of everything, has already covered you back in your jacket. The smell of it striking you ruthlessly, that old cologne that you always use to school reminding you of who you were, before all this.

Had it only been a few hours? It felt like a lifetime ago.

"Ah," Oikawa murmured. "They caught us."

"Oikawa,” someone roared. Oikawa held you, hiding your face against his chest. “Why you son of a-"

"C-coach..! Stop- Oi, someone help me hold him- no, coach! "

You heard him chuckle. “Sorry about this, everyone.” He held up his hand and you had to keep yourself from sobbing. “But, look.”

There were several gasps. 

(Everybody knows now.)

“You..and her?” 

The boy who said that sounded so astonished, clearly overjoyed for some reason, that it revolted you.

“Mhm,” he nodded, a smile in his voice. “Now, can you guys please give us some privacy?” 

Feet shuffled out of the room, along with stuttered apologies. They all left. 

Except for one.

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa pouted.

“What did you do, Oikawa?”

A beat. Then, he repeated, “Iwa-chan.”

Please. 

Iwaizumi didn’t say anything. 

Please help me.

“Sure,” he grunted.

He was gone, too, after that.

You were back in the darkness, with nothing but the faltering red and blue on your hands and his, while he untied your wrists and kneaded the abrasion away, cooing sweet nothings to your ear. 

“I hate you,” you rasped. 

“Don’t say that.”

“I fucking hate you-”

“Please stop yelling-”

“I won’t ever forgive you, Oikawa!”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he cried, shaking his head as he brushed your tear-stained cheeks with both thumbs. You clutched them, wanting him off you, but he only latched himself firmly into you. “We’re meant to be.”

“You’re the only one for me.” 

Oikawa brought your numb hand to his face, pressing a kiss to your palm, the red light basking him in its soft glow.

“And I’m the only one for you,” he said, intertwining your fingers together. 

The lights flickered in and out, at first, as you stared vacantly into it, the red and blue swallowing each other. Until they finally disappeared, leaving just you and him, curled against each other in the shadows. 

[purplesurveys]

1175

What’s the last vegetable you ate, and when did you eat it?  My dinner had broccoli and bell peppers in it.

What was your last Facebook notification for?  It was Aliyah replying to our comment thread on one of my posts. There wasn’t anything in her comment that was worth replying to anymore, so I just reverted with a Haha react.

What bands have you seen live? Paramore, Coldplay (not super legally), and One Direction.

Tell me an interesting fact about your mother:  She almost became a flight attendant, but she failed the final screening because of her height. I think the idea of her nearly having a completely different career is very interesting.

What do you think is the most important thing to happen to you before the age of 13?  In my case, probably getting my period. I got my first one when I was barely 10.

What were you super against as a young child but aren’t anymore?  Chicken curry. I also hateeeeeeeed Dora the Explorer with a passion, but now I find the show hilarious haha.

What are your plans later today? My work sched this week had been so fucking PACKED, that I want to do nothing but catch up on sleep all weekend. But seeing as I’m a proponent of revenge bedtime procrastination, I also highly doubt I’d let myself fall into a nap (Exhibit A: Me currently taking this survey at 2 AM...) If anything, I’ll probably just continue watching BTS In The Soop and finally start on Season 2 of Bon Voyage.

Are you doing anything exciting this weekend?  Well, it’s the weekend already, so...that ^ I will also have to take Cooper to the vet this Sunday.

Who do you talk to the most? Other than my team at work, Angela. I’ve been extra talkative these days because of our now-mutual excessive love for BTS, that I sometimes feel bad that I keep bombarding her with messages.

What are some things you do regularly that make you feel old?  Talk to my friends who are still in college, especially when they update me about the current happenings in UP that I have absolutely no clue about anymore.

Who is your best guy friend(s)?  I don’t have any best guy friends.

Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?  Neither; I’m fine with my tannish skin tone.

If you had a tiny scar on your face, would you get it removed or just keep it?  Keep it; I already do.

Have you had an x-ray in the past year? Nah. My last one had been nearly 5 years ago, when I needed to get my back checked for scoliosis.

Do you think your first love still loves you?  No. And that’s okay. :)

What is something that is “going right” in your life?  EVERYTHINGGGGGGGGGGG I am so so happy with my life right now weeeee. I have the job of my dreams – I’m even working with THE ACTUAL K-POP GROUP SLASH PHENOMENON SLASH ICONS BTS for one of the clients I handle FHKDHGKHGFDKGHDKGH, I have the best and most supportive friends in the world, and I am now starting to grow my collection of BTS merch with my hard-earned money. Everything is going abso-fucking-lutely perfectly, and to think I didn’t think I would make it past 2020.

When did you feel ready to start dating?  Middle of high school.

When was the last time your pet bit you? If you don’t have a pet, have you ever been bitten by someone else’s?  I was play fighting with Cooper earlier tonight, and he got a little bit excited and ended up biting my upper lip quite harder than usual. It stung for a while, but it’s okay now.

Where were you the last time you made out?  I think it was my bedroom.

When was the last time you cried tears of joy? Yesterday.

How do you type your sad smileys?  Just this :(

Do you have “decorative hand-towels” that cannot be used in your house?  Nope.

What was the last soda you drank?  Probably the Coke I drank at an org event last year, pre-pandemic, out of sheer thirst. There wasn’t any water being served so I just gulped down the soda and tried to ignore the annoying fizziness. I don’t drink soda.

What was the last thing someone made fun of you for?  I was having a video call session with my workmates this afternoon as a way to end the week on a good note, and I recounted my experience of being locked out of the office while I was in the middle of a presentation for a client, and how I managed to get myself back in.

Have you ever had any type of surgery?  Nope.

Should kids be allowed to get tattoos/piercings without parental consent?  No.

Who was the last person to hit on you?  No one has in a while.

What was the last thing you decided not to do, that you were supposed to?  A deliverable a client asked me to do. It can wait til Monday.

What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to tell someone?  Maybe straight up admitting to my mom that she can be hurtful sometimes. It’s hard because she never actually processes things like that and they do nothing but vanish into thin air, even though it takes everything in me to be that honest.

What do you put on hot dogs?  Mayonnaise.

Ever fallen in the shower?  Like once, when I was 10 or 11.

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever called someone you care about?  Continued from last night. It was probably ‘bitch.’ Based on what I’ve learned from my mom, I put extra effort in particuarly watching what comes out of my mouth, because I know how words stick.

Do you think that things will get better?  I did, and now it has.

Have you ever legitimately saved a person’s life?  I think I may have. The story is a little triggering though, so I wouldn’t share it.

What’s your favourite book genre?  Doesn’t really count as a genre but I like auto/biographies.

Have you ever walked out of a movie at the theatre?  I’ve felt like it, but I’ve never done it.

Do dogs like you?  Yes, at least for 99.5% of my experiences.

Would you say that you project an air of authority?  In certain circles. But there are some groups where I trust others to lead rather than me.

Have you ever jumped off a high dive into a pool?  Nah, because I’ve never seen one. But even if I did, I think I would be too scared to do it hahaha.

Do you use one towel when you shower or two? (one for hair, one for body)  One. I use it to wash my entire body already.

Have you ever been to one of the great lakes?  No.

Who do you know that had a baby recently?  The son of one of my old college instructors. I believe she had been born in March because that prof recently posted family photos on Facebook that celebrated the baby’s first monthsary.

Do you like Usher’s songs?  Not in particular.

When was the last time you went to a waterpark?  Not a big fan of these as I find them unhygienic haha. The last time must have been...like anywhere between 12-15 years ago.

Have you ever ridden a train? Just once, and I had to go with Jum because I didn’t want to go alone.

What do you eat your French fries with?  Mayonnaise. If there isn’t any available, I’d want the fries to at least be generously sprinkled with salt; otherwise I’d find it too bland.

Do you have family problems?  Nothing blatant, but I know we are more dysfunctional than how we make it out to be.

What’s the last food you ate that was stale?  Pizza. I got two extra large boxes for my birthday last Wednesday and until now we still have some of it around :((( I ate some slices at around 3 AM earlier and they were tough as fuck to chew, hahaha. Still good, though.

How do you like your grilled cheese?  I don’t have grilled cheese sandwiches often. Surprise me.

What is the most challenging meal you have ever cooked?  I don’t cook.

What was your favorite thing to do as a little kid?  I liked watching my cousin play video games; playing outside; and answering my friends’ autograph books (aka my pre-survey days, lol).

Have you ever been close to drowning? Yup but just once. I was swimming and was just about to come up for air when one of my cousins, coming from the bottom of the pool, suddenly started to playfully pull me down. I was nearly out of breath by then and he had a much stronger grip on me, so I struggled for a while and ended up panicking and thrashing around a bit before I was able to wriggle myself free.

Have you ever had a panic attack?  It’s rare that it happens, but when it does it’s really bad and there’s no telling when it would subside.

Do you like doing housework?  Some, and only if I’m in the mood to. If I feel like I have to do it, then I get lazy.

Would you ever get implants?  I considered it before as a teen, back when small-chested girls were still bullied or made fun of on an everyday basis. How fucked up is that? I’m so relieved at how much social media has progressed.

Do you own a robe?  No.

Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? I have a younger sister but she’s barely a baby; she’s literally turning 21 this year. Nina.

Do you like crust on pizza or do you cut it off?  I like crust as long as it’s normal crust or stuffed crust. I can’t stand thin crust.

What was the last song you listened to?  Euphoria - credited to BTS, but it’s a Jungkook solo.

Have any of your family members been to jail?  Not blood relatives, but I know of super extended unrelated family members who’ve been to prison. Is there anyone that you feel you still need some closure with?  I don’t think so. Sometimes no closure is closure.

Can you remember when you first learned how to read?  I can’t, actually. All I remember is that I suddenly wanted to read everything by the time I was 5 and asked for nothing but storybooks every Christmas.

What event in your life has transformed your personality the most?  College. Gabie also had a very big influence on me during our relationship.

Have you ever had any teeth pulled?  Yes, but it was because it was already decayed.

Do you still want to be what you wanted to be in elementary school?  No, but I do elements of it in my work so that works out well for me. I wanted to be an author when I was in grade school, and today I regularly write various materials in my job.

What’re some TV shows that you would like to get into?  I just wanna get reconnected with The Crown again. I was already into it but I had to stop watching for a LONG time, because the show had some personal connections to my ex and so it seemed hard to get into the new season without breaking down lol. Now that I’m doing fine, I feel like it’s a good time to revisit the show.

How would you feel if you were drafted for the military?  Won’t happen here, but it’s the kind of situation where I wouldn’t really have a choice and would have to follow.

What is your favorite Queen song?  I don’t have any.

Do you know how to use any foreign currency? What do you mean, use...? Don’t you just use money to pay?? Hahaha or if you mean convert, then yeah I know how to do that with several currencies – US dollar, Korean won, Euro, Japanese yen, and whatever official name the pound has.

Been kissed by someone who you knew was “bad” for you?  Nope.

Ever taken an at-home pregnancy test?  I have not.

When was the last time you were at a loss of what to do?  I usually don’t have plans laid out on weekends these days anymore, so lately it’s all been a matter of winging it and just wanting to make sure that by the end of the day I get to say I made the most out of my free time.

What did you do on your favorite date with a guy/girl?  The time we did museum hopping + Italian dinner, or the one where we had French dinner + jazz bar.

What’s a movie you have seen in the theater more than once?  I never do rewatches for movies still in cinemas.

What is the reason you’re still alive?  I was stubborn and wanted to see if life would get better; I didn’t want to leave my dogs behind; I didn’t want to miss out on how potentially great and exciting my life could end up being; I didn’t want to cause and leave an even bigger emotional rift on my family.

I’m so happy I stayed.

Have you ever had sex in someone else’s bed/bedroom?  Yeah. Not the best decision, and I wouldn’t do it again lol.

Do you ever brush your hair before you go to bed?  Sometimes, so that it doesn’t look like a bird’s nest when I wake up the next day.

Have you ever had a dream about sleeping with a celebrity? (You don’t have to give details.)  I don’t think so. I have definitely imagined it in...other ways, though.

Has anyone ever told you that they needed you? Do you think they meant it?  Both in the superficial and loaded senses, yeah. 

How did you feel when you woke up today? What was the first thing you thought about?  I felt kind of like shit, just because I slept for only 1.5 hours – my body automatically wakes me up by a certain time, no matter what time I fell asleep. And also because my back and shoulder muscles were killing me with how sore they felt.

Do you still tell your parents that you love them?  I show it, but I don’t say it. I’m pretty stingy when it comes to that phrase.

Have you ever said “I love you” to someone you weren’t going out with?  Yes? It shouldn’t be limited to people you’re dating? I express it to Anj and Andi all the time.

Have you ever been threatened before?  Sure.

Would you date someone with a physical disability?  Yes.

Think of the last person you had sex with. Do you think they’ve slept with anyone else since they last slept with you?  Purely guessing, it’s likely. I’m not updated about her life anymore, though; life has been going on as if she never existed.

The last time you dyed your hair, what color did you dye it?  I’ve never had it dyed.

Think of the last time you went out to eat. Who paid?  I went out by myself, so I paid.

Do you save at least 15 percent of your income?  Yeah. I had a very good saving streak in which I was able to save anywhere around 50-60% every month...and thennnn I became a fan of BTS early this month LOOOOOL so now I’m back to like square three when it comes to my savings haha. Like I still know my limits and when to fucking stop taking out money from my bank account, but I’ve been spending dramatically more than I have been in the last few months.

Do you ever go on Reddit? If so, what are some of your favorite subreddits?  I used to go much more regularly, to the point where it was a part of my daily routine. Now I go at least once a month. I usually check out the Ask Reddit (for anecdotes), Today I Learned (for trivia), and GMM subreddits. Sometimes I’ll get on the Squared Circle subreddit as well to be updated on wrestling.

Were you ever a flower girl or ring bearer in anyone’s wedding when you were little?  Many times as a flower girl, yeah.

Are your parents in good health?  Fortunately, yes.

Have you ever been a caregiver to a sick/disabled relative?  Nope.

Is there any type of medicine you can’t take? For what reason?  Not that I know of.

Do you have a favorite pair of pajamas? What do they look like?  I don’t have pajama sets since I find them too warm.

Do you have any interesting pillow cases?  Eh, I don’t think so.

If something on your body hurts, which part is it most likely to be?  Shoulder muscles or my lower back.

Are you more afraid of spiders or bees?  Bees.

Have you ever worn fake nails? If so, what did the last pair you wore look like?  No.

Is Russian or Native American history more interesting to you?  Native American.

[chxronica]

Weeds are flowers too (once you get to know them) - 2

Word count: Roughly 2600 

Summery: Toni takes Cheryl up on the flowers she owes her

Chapter 1 || ao3 link

 After a rather interesting encounter with the brunette beauty that just happened to be a tattoo artist next door, Cheryl was left expecting something. What she was expecting was beyond the comprehension of the redhead, but she was determined to find it out. That was if she could make sense of the whole situation and why she wanted something.

Everytime she tried to think about what was bugging her, her mind drifted back to Toni; but that couldn’t mean anything. Right? Right. So, there had to be something else that she wanted, or maybe it was just a want for a friendship of some kind. The brunette seemed interesting but nice enough, and there was the added bonus of her being nice on the eyes.

She shook her head to get rid of the thoughts before focusing back on the bouquet of flowers she was making for someone. Ever since her conversation with the other girl, he business has picked back up. Which meant she was back to spending her day helping old ladies and hopeless romantics, or what she enjoyed really. It was fun to help people find the love because she was romantic at heart.

Finishing up the last of the flowers she smiled at the teenager in her shop. It wasn’t often that she got younger girl’s buying romantic bouquets for someone. Most of the time it was some dorky boy who couldn’t shut up about the cute girl or guy he was buying them for. Those types of purchases never failed to warm her heart

“So who’s the lucky boy?” The redhead teased lightly as she rang up the order, making sure to put the discounted price. She had enough money that she never had to worry, having inherit millions, maybe even billions, of dollars from her dad. It was her chose to give away most to scholarships and go into something she loved, just leaving enough to live comfortably

The question brought a shy smile to the girl’s lips and a deep blush to her cheeks. She stared at Cheryl for a few seconds before she finally spoke up. “It’s a girl actually, not boy.” The customer, Dani, told her. If the florist was being honest she wasn’t surprised by the words that left her mouth.

Dani had been a regular at the flower since she was maybe twelve, that was when he mother died. Her elementary school was just a block away, so one day she stumbled upon the small flower shop and fell in love with it. Since that day, Cheryl has always had open arms for the little, or not so little anymore, girl whenever she needed a getaway.

A grin took over her features as she thought about all the different ways she would talk about people, almost how a little sister would talk to an older one. “Please tell me that it’s who I’m thinking.” At her words she took of the price of the flowers completely, wrapping them up fully.

With a small giggle and another blush, the teenager hopped up onto the counter and sat with her legs cross, waiting for her sister like figure to do the same. Rolling her caramel eyes, the redhead put the flowers on a chair and sat across from her. “It’s one of these talks.” Her tone remained light and teasing as the other girl sighed and leaned back.

“She’s just so perfect and I never thought that she would like me back, but then we were walking back after getting lunch and she turned to me, with those perfectly blue eyes, with a huge grin.” Dani began to gush almost instantly, recounting the tails of what had happened for her to but flowers. Or more specifically when this happened, so Cheryl knew if she should be offended that she was just finding out.

“And she just… she kissed me. I swear it was the most perfect thing to ever happen to me. Her lips for so soft and she just kept kissing me, in the middle of the sidewalk. It left me speechless, so now we’re just taking things slow.” Her friend continued, a lovesick grin on her face as she did so.

Cheryl sat up slightly and gave her a very serious look, which was hard because all she wanted to do was squeal for the other girl. “When did this happen?” She question, finding it extremely hard to keep a straight face in this situation. The number of times that Dani had talked about her best friend and not realized she was in love with her was unimaginable.

“About a week ago.”

A dramatic gasp escaped the florists lips as she lightly hit her ‘sister’s’ arm. “How could you?!” She put a hand over her heart, feigning being wounded which only brought a giggle from the teenager. It warmed her heart that she was finally back in a good place.

“I ran here when it happened, but you weren’t here.” She replied with a exaggerated pout her way. That thought brought a small blush to Cheryl’s cheek , because she knew exactly why she wasn’t there. She was over at the tattoo parlor unknowingly crushing on the cute tattoo artist.

Before Dani even had a chance to reply, a small bell chimes that brings both of their attention to the door. The person standing there, of course, was the one that had just been occupying her thoughts no less than a few seconds ago.

Toni gave both the girl’s a smile before glancing at the sign on the door. “Is this a bad time? The sign said you were open?” Her voice is questioning as she shut the door behind her. Might as well commit to the visit already, a part of her was hoping that Cheryl wouldn’t be there.

Almost instantly the redheaded florist had launched herself of the counter to talk to Toni, which brought a small giggle from Dani who remained where she was. “Dani was just leaving, weren’t you.” She told her, trying to shoo her off the counter and towards the counter.

“I’m actually just about to start my shift.” She gave her a small smirk before jumping off the counter and turned to face Toni. “Don’t mind her, she’s been going bonkers in the heads recently. Can’t seem to remember anything, must be the age.”

Toni laughed at the teenager’s words, which received a light shove from Cheryl. This was only their second time talking, but she was embarrassed and everything just felt natural with the tattoo artist. Taking off her apron she threw it at Dani, “Great, you can go sweep up the backroom.”

The youngest girl groaned as she caught the apron, knowing that she got herself into this mess. A small smirk is plastered on her features though as she heads to the back, leaving the door open. Cheryl might not know it, but it was obvious that she wasn’t straight. That was a guarantee just from how flustered she got dealing with the cute customers.

“So how can I help you?” The florist asked, giving her best grin that she was able to conjure up in her already flustered state.

A small giggle came from the tattoo artist at the whole encounter that had just happened, and Cheryl’s attempt to “cooly” transition into a new subject. She acknowledged the words before walking down one of the isles, the redhead following behind her. “I want to buy some flowers.”

“First purchase is on the house remember?” She teased her, picking up random flowers as she walked. There was a lot that went into buying the perfect bouquet, but Cheryl really didn’t want to come off as prying by asking the questions that would determined what she need.

Dark eyes roll at the eagerness in the florist voice. “What type of flowers should you buy for your girlfriend?” She asked her, which for some unknown reason had made the redhead’s heart drop into her stomach. Yet, she was still naive enough to think that those feelings had meant nothing at all. It was probably just something she had eaten for breakfast.

Truth be told, Toni didn't even have a person that she was interested in let alone a person that she was actually dating. She honestly had just wanted an excuse to see Cheryl, but couldn’t think of a reason a person like her would be buying flowers that wasn’t depressing. In hindsight maybe it would have been better to say that her grandmother died, because of the ways Cheryl’s face falls for a brief second.

“Well…” She trailed off as she grabbed a flower, showing it to the tattoo artist. “This flower, the amaryllis, represents splendid beauty and worth beyond that.”

Toni nodded at that, making sure it’s added to the budding bouquet of flowers in front of her. This process continued as Cheryl suggested different types of flowers.

“A pink carnation, symbolising the love you have for a woman or your mother… A hydrangea shows heartfelt emotions… And finally, violets and lavenders.” The redhead had finished up making the flower bed, managing not to become a flustered mess this time.

The whole time she was explaining the types of flowers Toni had just nodded, a small smile plastered on her features. She followed the florist around the store, slightly suspicious at the last two flowers that she had picked. It was only make the redhead’s gay vibes stronger than ever.

She was lead to the checkout, even if she was getting them for free there was probably something inventory wise that needed to be done. “So Blossom, you must have all the girls on you?” It was a little dangerous to be testing the waters now but Cheryl almost throwing the flowers was worth it.

Pale cheeks almost instantly grew a deep red as she began to stumble over her words. “The girls? Over me? No! I mean no. I’m really straight. Like straighter than an arrow straight, yeah… straight! No girls for me.” She quickly replied only getting more flustered with every new word she said.

One of Toni’s perfect eyebrows go up as a small chuckle comes from how fluster the florist had gotten at one general statement. There was no way in hell that she was actually straight. No chance at all. “Are you sure about that?” She teased easily, leaning forward on the counter.

The blush on the florist cheeks only deepen at the close proximity that they now were. “Yup, sure as ever!” Her voice comes out as a squeak, which only managed to make her more flustered than she was previously. That might as well been worthy of an award at this point because she didn’t think that was possible.

“So you wouldn’t be interested in going to pride with me next weekend?” The tattoo artist asked as she carefully examined the flustered girl with a satisfied smirk. Maybe it was a little fun to make her fluster. Okay, it was a shit ton of fun to make someone who seemed so put together so flustered at one little suggestion.

The questioned seemed to conflict the redhead woman, because on one hand she got to hang out with the girl she already felt something with but she had no place at pride. “Can straight people go to that?” She asked her, once the burning in her cheeks had died down just a little.

That brought one of Toni’s cute giggles, not that Cheryl had found her cute in any way. Well, she was cute but not in the she was gay for her way. Just in a way a person would admire a cute friend. She was allowed to think that a girl was cute, hell even hot in the leather jacket and tight jeans, and it mean absolutely nothing. Except in the redhead’s case it had actually meant something. Something that she wasn’t ready to admit to herself.

Before either of them could reply, Dani is flying out of the back room with a childish grin on her features. “She would love to go with you! I was going to drag her along with me anyway.” She said excitedly, taking over ringing up the tattoo artist so that Cheryl didn’t mess something up in her flustered state. “I’m Dani by the way, Cheryl’s little sister like person.”

Another laugh came from Toni as she took the flowers from the energetic girl, eyes glancing at the flustered girl as she did. “But shouldn’t you go with you girlfriend?” Cheryl asked her, sending an harsh glare in the direction of the teenager, who just ignored it completely.

That question actually made the shortest girl in the room freeze, not expecting her lie to come back and bite her in the ass; but it was so she had to actually think of another lie. In a couple weeks she can just tell the redhead that the two of them had broke up. “She’s going to be out of town.”

Dani grinned at that, writing down something on the receipt. “Text Cheryl whenever, she had noooooo life. I mean it. She spends like her whole day selling flowers and hanging out with old people.” That earned a proper playful wack from Cheryl as she moved from behind the counter, going to guide Toni to the door.

Once they’re out the door she finally finds the urge to speak again, the embarrassment beginning to wear off finally. “I don’t spend all my time with old people, I have friend.” She told her with an awkward chuckle, not wanting to appear lame to the cool and hot tattoo artist.

That brought a chuckle from Toni as she shook her head at the still flustered girl, at least it wasn’t as bad as it was early. How flustered now is what she considered a win, just based on her past history of blushing around the girl. At the amount she had done it, it was hard to believe this was only their second time talking to each other. It was actually scarring Cheryl a lot because she was supposed to be straight, which meant that she didn’t become a flustered mess around one cute girl from time to time.

“I will text you sometime, so you don’t have to hang out with just old people and a teenage girl.” She teased lightly, holding up the the receipt Dani had slipped in her hand with the bundle of flowers when Cheryl was trying to get her out of her. That brought a huff from the redhead as she pouted at Toni.

“Until next time.” She gave her a quick peck on the cheek before heading next door. The flowers were now going to become part of the tattoo parlor decoration because she had no time to run them home. Maybe she’d take them home, but it would be nice to have a constant reminder of the adorable redhead next door during work.

The simple peck of the cheek had left Cheryl the most flustered she had ever been, standing there frozen with fiery red cheeks. Caramel eyes stared after as she opened up the place, continuing to stay on the building long after Toni had actually entered it. Her thoughts are interrupted by Dani dragging her into the store singing a childish song about the two of them and her “crush” on the tattoo artist.

[superfamilyreaderimagines]

I had gone home that day just completely in a gloom. To start it off, Blake and I had been dating for a couple months now. We met in physics, becoming partners at first, then we started to become friends. Then Blake went to me saying they had a crush on me, and ended up beginning an adorable relationship. Both of us were quite inseparable, and since I had never been in a relationship before, it was nice being with someone just as naïve as myself. That was until it came time that Blake’s mom being apart of the U.S Coast Guard had to move to the West Coast. Not wanting to do a long distance relationship, we both mutually discussed it would just be better to break up. That was today. Once I got home, I went straight to my room with my headphones in even though no music was playing. Ending up not wanting to do anything, I closed my door and just flopped face down on my bed. I didn’t want to cry, didn’t want to listen to music, didn’t want to watch TV, or do homework. I just didn’t want to leave the bed.

Throughout the hours that I just stayed in there, I only moved once so I can breath, and ended up flipping over onto my back. Looking up, thinking about the situation and whether I did the right thing, I also heard in the background the muffled noises of my family’s actions. Peter had earlier knocked on my door, but it was responded with a slow ‘go away’. Peter didn’t push on it after, so I was just left with my thoughts for the next couple of hours. That was at least until I heard another knock now.

“I said go away, Peter.” I said responding to the knock calmly.

“Actually I’m sure I’m not a teenage dork listening onto this conversation as we speak.” I heard my dad say, followed by a quick little nudge, most likely from Peter after what our dad said. Tony’s banter and usually hilarious remarks against serious and boring situations would make me laugh, but all I could do is slightly turn my head to the door.

“I’m not a dork.”

“………….ehh.” Tony said, but I could tell just by the way he said it he was most likely smiling. I turned my head back to the ceiling at that point. After about 20 seconds give it or take, I heard the door open and close. Then I heard footsteps go to the edge of the bed before the whole bed shook as Dad had flopped right on to it, laying next to me.

“Something wrong, kiddo?” Dad asked, looking at me now.

“…*sighs through nose*” Was all I responded with.

“Peter said something about a certain something. Said you ditched the group meeting at school today. Now don’t ever quote me on this because I do not want this on my record, but any reason you didn’t go to mathletes today?” Only action that came from me was my involuntary blinking and breathing. “Is this what’s gonna happen? Just sighs and ceiling gazing today? Because I don’t know if you noticed but Steve is almost home from Whole-Paycheck, meaning he’s pulling up his sleeves for this one. Not that he never does, I mean that quiche last week is still haunting my drea-.” Dad had began to ramble, making me slowly, but noticeably turn my head towards him with a blank stare, wondering what the point of where his conversation was steering off to. He noticed before he could finish his last word.

“Ok. Sorry, moving on.” He said looking right at me trying to read what’s going on. “Unless all you want to do is just stay in here all day.” He said, trying to see if I would react. After not moving, Dad said, “Ok, we can do that.” He finished saying, looking back up at the ceiling with me following. I couldn’t really care much if he stayed, after all this was his way of just trying to care for me so it didn’t seem fair if I all of a sudden got mad at him. We kept looking at the ceiling. Dad stayed quite the entire time he just laid there. He would fidget around, and keep looking around, but he never spoke. First a minute went by like this, then 2, then 4, then 5, and at that point I was getting the idea. He was there ready if I needed to talk. And that made me sad, because I realized I did want to talk.

“Dad?”

“Hmm?” Dad hummed looking back at me right away.

“How…” I began to say, but couldn’t come up with the words yet. After all, I don’t know if he even ever had a situation where they both agreed to calling it off.

“How did I become the guy in the relationship that burnt everything gourmet?” He said, making me smile a bit since it means this whole time he was probably, no, most definitely thinking about Pops cooking still. Then I ended up turning my face a bit solemn as I asked:

“How did you deal with a break-up.” I asked, looking at his eyes after I asked. In it, I could see all of the sudden realization hit him like he flew into a brick wall, which did happen once and I just so happened to have been watching the surveillance cams at that moment. He looked up for a little bit trying to think about what he would say now.

“I’m guessing you broke up with Bl….” Dad said, not trying to say Blake’s name.

“Blake’s mom is moving posts. Leaving the upcoming month. We talked about it, and we both didn’t want to do long distance. So we just…stopped it.” I finally explained out loud. I am in fact sad about it, but I don’t feel like crying. After thinking about it, I think it’s because I more of just don’t know what to do now, I don’t know what even to feel. Like I just…don’t know. At the moment.

It was Dad’s turn to start sighing and huffing as he thought about it.

“Well, yes I have in fact dealt with break ups before. Mostly ones where I broke up with the other. Sometimes then I was gloomy. Although there was this one girl, when I was in elementary, that accepted my Valentines day card and broke up with me a week later. That didn’t really hurt me as much, but I was still sad. I think that happens with all of these situations. No matter who broke up with who. It’s not so different from having a friend leave or move.” Dad said. I think he was trying to search for something in his brain to help with my situation. Then his eyes lit up slightly as he thought of something and turned to look at me.

“Remember that friend of yours, Bethany Williams, the one who also moved away? To London?” I recounted the memories of Betty and nodded “You were devastated, ended up going home and crying for hours. You went to school the whole week looking so depressed, honestly it broke mine and Steve’s heart. Usually someone so bright about the situations they were handed looked like they were having their first ever existential crisis. I mean we did what we could to cheer you up because we wanted you to be happy, but it seemed different than simple fears and monsters under the bed.” Dad said. I had shifted my whole body to my side now so I can look at him better as he talked. I had never even thought about it. How much I had missed her and what I was going to miss from her at the time. And how Dad and Pops would stay up with me every night till I fell asleep. “Slowly though, you started to really smile again. You started talking about her less and less, until there was weeks before you didn’t even think about her being gone. Then it was no time at all, you stopped worrying about it.” Tony said, trying to analyze that, hoping it would help.

Dad sat up, turning towards me. “Y/N, look. I’m not going to say that you’re gonna be fine right after today. It depends on how you deal with it to make you feel better. Now that you’re becoming an adult, I understand that a simple lullaby isn’t gonna cure all the boo-boos like before. So if you want to go ahead and stay in here and think, then that’s ok. Okay?” Dad said rubbing my arm, comforting me.

“Okay.” I simply responded, giving a thankful smile. He simply chuckled and got up to leave.

“Call you when dinner’s ready.” Dad said one last thing before leaving, closing the door behind him.

After he left,  feeling a burst of some energy, I sat up and looked at the door. After what he told me, all I could think about was how do make myself feel better. How did I before make myself feel better. It became blatantly clear once he left, because once I was alone again, I started to feel sad again. ‘Maybe that’s it.’ I thought to myself. With that realization, I slid off the bed and took a step outside. Both Dad and Pops were in the kitchen.

“Hi Pops.” I said walking up to them, seating myself on the bar stool in front of the counter connected to the stove.

“Hi Y/N.” Pops said. I looked at one of the counters to see opened up groceries. Dad looked between Pops and me once, before grabbing an apple, and sitting on the seat next to me. Pops gave us a smile before turning around and taking a few steps towards the cupboards took look for something. I didn’t look over at Dad, but call it intuition, but I can tell he knew why I came out here. Especially since he had just told me to do what I needed to feel better, and then I all of a sudden come out to hang out with my fathers. I didn’t want to be alone right now. Dad put his arm around my shoulder to give a side hug which I leaned into, also signaling to me he did know. Before letting go, he went ahead and patted my shoulder before putting his arm on the counter.

“So what are you doing?” I tried to ask to escape the uncomfortable silence that started to slightly grow. With that, I ended up spending the rest of the night just in the kitchen and living room till I went to bed, hoping to wake up tomorrow strengthened enough to wake up early to my homework. I was not going to fail that Calculus test.

Alright guys! Here’s a long one for you. Since I am at the moment coming up with the prompts, it takes longer. But at least I made this long hopefully enough to keep things holding. I think in this, Tony understands that his kid has these ways of dealing with problems, and is just trying to help how he thinks he would wanted to be helped. Sorry if he seems a bit out of character, just know I tried!

Otherwise, have a goodnight everyone!

[yuehong]

I am about to finish my studies soon (ugh) and I started to reflect on a lot of stuff. It's pointless to share everything here, though, one thing which frequently comes to my mind are racial issues (unsurprisingly). I feel like dumping some stuff on my blog for no specific reason. Some of these have been mentioned before. The way my brain works is sometimes weird when it's past midnight.

When I was 4, I was bullied in kindergarten. Children made fun of my name and I went home crying every day till I switched to another kindergarten.

In elementary school our crafts teacher decided to let us design masks for carnival. She had a few suggestions like clowns, monsters, animals and Chinese. She described how they looked and drew a caricature on the blackboard. The other kids compared the image to me. I felt extremely uncomfortable and cried (again). I left the room to calm down. The teacher apologized by claiming that she had no ill intentions and that it was meant in a positive way as Chinese tend to have cute little noses.

Also, while I was elementary school age, my sister and I were wearing a Chinese shirt when we went grocery shopping with my dad. A lady with (probably) her child pointed at us, telling her child: "Look, there are Chinese!"

Also, during elementary school some of my classmates at some point learnt the German chant "ching chang chong - Chinese im Karton" (ching chang chong - Chinese in cardboard box) and followed me around while saying that.

My elementary school teacher also often wanted me to say things in Chinese or sing Chinese songs in front of the others.

When we started to receive grades in school, my mother told me, I needed to be great. Later, when I had to look for a job and had the same qualification as a German, the employer would choose the other person first. I was 8 at that time.

A guest in our restaurant brought a coin of the Qing dynasty to us. He told us it was the possession of his grandfather. He didn't know why he possessed it. My mother knew. Because of colonialism.

I cannot remember any representation of Chinese in media aside from the comic WITCH during my childhood.

After elementary school one goes to secondary school based on qualifications during the last year of elementary school. The "good" students go to the Gymnasium. My mother regularly read a newspaper about German-Chinese issues. Often economy-related. In one issue, a Chinese girl wrote about her experience at Gymnasium. She took part in a competition and placed second. While the school paid tribute to the winner, the Chinese girl was in the audience. She was approached by a stranger who asked her what she was doing there because that person assumed a Chinese couldn't be good enough to go to Gymnasium.

Once after a school trip I was sitting on the bus. Some of my classmates thought I already got off the bus and started to talk about me. The content in and on itself wasn't negative. They started to project from me onto 1.3 billion other people. I noticed, to them I represented all Chinese people.

During a violin event a girl told me I didn't look like a Chinese because my eyes were too big.

When I was in 7th grade, the "red spies" who came to steal and copy German technology hit the news. During a certain period of time then news frequently reported such instances. On a German-Chinese forum, several Chinese wrote that they suddenly found themselves jobless because their employers fired them without any reason (aside from fear that they could be spies). I realized my mother was right. I will have a disadvantage on the job market and I am easily disposable.

In 7th grade we had a skiing excursion. There was a presentation on climate change and the teacher claimed that China had a major impact on the climate. Responsibilities of other countries went unmentioned. I cried (a reoccurring habit). My roommates during the trip told the teacher and he apologized and explained that he understood that European countries had a big footprint.

In 9th grade I found a note next to my seat in the bus, roughly saying "You look cute Manga girl. Call me: xxxx".

A half-Indian friend wrote me that their brother liked his time in the US a lot. Less people would be envious of his success despite him being Indian. Later on that friend wrote me they were bullied. It was evident that them being half-Indian was a factor. I was... too young and my support was useless and not helpful at all. (still young tho and still making so many mistakes).

When I aced an exam, a friend would say: "That's our Chinese!"

A friend would randomly say "Confucius said"

A teacher would ask if Chinese used huge keyboards with all hanzi characters to type into their computers.

A teacher jokingly said, I would be an expert in eating dogs.

In grade 12 (roughly a year before graduating) an epidemic broke out in Germany and few other European nations. Chinese scientists figured out the genetic makeup of the specific virus and Spiegel ("mirror", a German news agency) wrote an article about how it was possible that out of all things it was Chinese scientists in Shenzhen who figured out what virus was causing troubles. Their answer: It was pure coincidence.

A student and a teacher would discuss that Buddhism is sexist because no female found enlightenment. At some point I was like no, and their only response was, oh.

During preparation courses for university another Asian guy in my course said if his family stayed in their home country, he'd be a farmer with several wives now. His new-found ethnically European friends laughed.

The week before first courses started at university for me, a group of drunk students stood in front of my dorm and called me "Ling Ling". I didn't know them.

Autumn after my first year in university, a 15 yo half-Chinese boy was beaten up in Hamburg by right wing extremists. He suffered trauma.

In the canteen a group of students were joking about how Muslims are terrorists and had several wives.

In the canteen a guy told his friends he would go to Thailand for vacation. His friend told him, he should get a Thai girl as souvenir.

A Chinese overseas student admitted to me they felt depressed because of how Germans saw themselves above Chinese and the effeminating view on Asian men.

A few German people told me, colonialism had good aspects. One of those people is one of my best friends.

In a students association which promoted social internships, they used random pictures of "poor, little African children" as advertisement for their volunteering program.

A Chinese overseas student recounted they could not join German flat sharing communities. He was denied because Chinese cuisine had a too strong smell due to spices and garlic. They didn't want that in their flats.

A Japanese friend of mine who came to my city and paid a visit to the museum was followed by a few guys who would chant "ni hao" behind her.

I joined a volunteering program in China. Another international participant was very vocal about how China is bad in so many ways. There was no real coffee. The food is too fatty. It is no wonder that Chinese men don't grow muscles. She had no interest in learning about Tibetan Buddhist art. "If it was Italian art from the renaissance, ok. But Buddhist art? Hmpf. No".

The Chinese in the organizing committee would frequently use the word 那个 (neige, "that") to describe things. Some of the volunteers would parrot them. (I am not sure if there is a relation but 那个 does sound similar to the N-word.)

An ethnically Chinese girl who was raised in Germany rejects her Chinese heritage and Chinese people.

Once I was waiting for a friend. Some guy would ask me where I was from. I said Germany. They laughed.

Often when people ask me where I am from and I respond with Germany there would be surprise in their mimic followed by silence.

My mother grew tired of people asking her when she will go back to China. Now she answers, she will first have to clarify whether she will still receive pension abroad.

I heard people say that the person who thinks something is racist, is the racist person because they interpret something as racist.

Someone told me they can't stand Mainland China

Last autumn I woke up in Hong Kong to the news of a right wing party being elected to the third strongest party in Germany.

A Chinese overseas student told me she got assigned the easy parts in projects because her German was not good enough. The subtle feeling of superiority makes her uncomfortable.

A select few instances. And the conclusion: My life is good. The things I faced are pretty common for German-Chinese to my understanding. I'm sure all German-Chinese have experienced a subset of my experiencs. And they have experienced things which I haven't. I'm sure there are people who have it worse. My experiences were probably on the lucky end. But I still want all of this to end.

[evakfanficsrecs]

YOUSEF/SANA FANFICTION RECS MASTERPOST

Hello! I know you’re probably confused as to why an Evak fics recs blog is posting a Yousana masterpost right now... At first I only meant to reply to an anon’s request for a few fics, but then it kinda turned into this, so I hope y’all don’t mind. I think we all are in the need for some kind of glimmer of hope and light in the form of fluffy fics right now anyway. 

The list is divided into oneshots and chaptered fics and will be updated over time, so make sure to like/bookmark it. My personal favorites are tagged with a “ ★ ”. Completed chaptered fics are tagged with a “ ✓ ” 

All the fics can be found under the cut. Have fun.

*

Besides all of the ao3 fics bellow, I wanna quickly mention the lovely Anna and her writing tag, where you can find some of her answered Yousana prompts. Her writing is beautiful and she was one of the people to start writing Yousana, so give her some love!

*

ONESHOTS:

plain black coffee (with a side of sugar) by meridianline Summary: He's Elias' cool friend, the one who gets all the girls. There's no way he's interested and Sana's not a girl for pipe dreams. So why can't he just leave her alone? Or, Yousef catches Sana, after the Facebook add.

All you have to do is stay by minttobe_treehill Summary: And there it was again. The feeling of his eyes on her. Or, the girl squad + the balloon squad go to a party together.

Captain of the Football Team by mango22 Summary: Yousef holds his daughter in his arms for the first time.

Mutual by sterekwonders Summary: Sana had known from the moment that she started liking Yousef that the attraction was one sided. But sometimes, life isn't always what it seems.

just a little longer by kingsandqueensofthebarrel Summary: Sana and Yousef aren't dating. But they are in love.

sana x yousef | beginning forever by WritenStuff ★ Summary: Excitement and nerves run through Sana and Yousef as they begin this new chapter of their lives together. So many firsts to savour and enjoy. Well, if Sana can brave leaving the bathroom that is. Forever starts here.

Chicken by nusmag Summary: Sana’s pretty sure it’s Vilde who orchestrated for her brother and his friends to play a game of chicken with them. Yes, she’s with Magnus, but as she sagely elaborates, the game isn’t about kissing — it’s about exactly the opposite. Sana agrees to this game about non-kissing, determined to come out on top whomever she plays with. Only it turns out Yousef is quite determined to win, too.

When Did You Fall For Me? by mango22 Summary: Sana asks Yousef when he knew he loved her.

I want you and I always will by nicospenguin Summary: Girls and balloon squad decided to organise a horror movie marathon. Sana is not happy.

sana x yousef | jealous by WritenStuff Summary: When the balloon squad interrupt our study buddies, Sana and Isak, Yousef is hit with the green beast.

Eid Mubarak by mango22 Summary: Yousef spots Sana outside the mosque after the Eid prayer and for a moment forgets how to breathe.

I don't wanna say that love is a waiting game by minttobe_treehill Summary: Sana smiled, both dimples on full display, and looked down, not really knowing what to say or what to do. And Yousef lingered his gaze on her, softening his features in an instant. If Isak hadn’t been standing right behind Sana, nobody would’ve seen it. Or, Isak and Sana are biology partners. Isak meets Yousef. What could go wrong?

a ghost made flesh by thefudge ★ Summary: He wants to raise his eyes and catch her looking, like he did before. He wants to see the deep pool in her eyes, the desire for a beginning.

Jealousy by mango22 Summary: Yousef is Jealous™ of Isak of all people and Sana finds it funny (and maybe even likes it a little bit). 

floating (like balloons) by OHfairytales Summary: Yousef's eyes found her immediately when she passed the living room. He was caught staring at her, his fingers pushing away his dark hair from his eyes. He smiled hesitantly at her and her heart broke one more time. He was so beautiful. Lower your gaze. Or – Sana tries to reflect and find back her inner peace after Yousef’s devastating text message.

i might be okay, but i'm not fine at all by meridianline Summary:  It's been a week but Yousef still messages.

It's all going to be okay by Nothesc Summary: “Does this have something to do with my sister?” Elias said making Yousef stop dead on his tracks. Or, Elias notices that something is going on with Yousef and decides to ask him. Set after 4x03.

Text messages by Nothesc Summary: Text messages on Saturday, Sunday and Monday between Sana and Yousef. Set after 4x03.

sana x yousef | add friend by WritenStuff Summary: Send failed. You don’t have permission to chat with this person. // It takes a moment for Yousef to realise what's happened. It must be a mistake, surely. 

Are you ignoring me? by b43b3n Summary: She unfriended Yousef and immediately regretted it, but the website about getting over ex boyfriends told her that she had made the right move.

faithless by thefudge Summary: Post 1x03. You can't part if the air between you is always an arrival. 

Is it just me or do you feel it too by HALLElujahaha Summary: Yousef is malfunctioning and becoming very poetic when he sees Sana, as per usual. 

it changes everything, by kingsandqueensofthebarrel Summary: By the time she put the cup back on the table and the smile back on her face the others had already approached. Her heart stuttered painfully in her chest and if this was heartbreak she never wanted to feel it again. 

Even On A Bad Day by sterekwonders Summary: Sana was having a bad day but not all bad things have to stay that way. 

jeg dømmer ingen (wallaahi) by Fandine Summary: On the way back home from school–-elementary school, she’s either in second or third grade–-baba tells her about Yawm al-Qiyāmah. About how the ground will crack and flaming lava will erupt. About how lightning will strike and everyone will collapse, will fall dead. About how everyone, those who die that day and those who died million years ago, those who were already buried, will rise, their bones lifting and their skulls turning so they face the sky. Yeah, them, us, we will all go to Allah for judgement. She doesn’t know what judgement means, but Sana knows she’s afraid. 

Sunshine, Freedom, And A Little Blue Flower by mango22 ★ Summary: Sana asks Yousef what he wanted to say at the end of the night? And he replies in typical Yousef fashion. 

How Lucky You Are Sana by mango22 Summary: Yousef visits Sana at school after the seventh message is left on read. 

Dying to try by Nothesc Summary: “What was I going to say?” Yousef said with a shy smiled. Or, what would've happened if Sana and Yousef hadn't been interrupted at the end of 4x04. 

in the rain, give you sunshine by cynical_optimist Summary: “Do you ever worry?” Isak asks. “Because I haven’t seen it.” Sana smiles, shakes her head. “Never,” she replies, and she isn’t sure whether she’s joking or outright lying. - Sana tries to repair something.

still, like dust, i'll rise by meridianline Summary:  Sana, after she sees Yousef and Noora (at the end of 4x05)... 

Every Saturday. by Thesuncameout Summary: Set after S04E5 Clip 5.

Two sides to every story by neomaxizoomdweebie Summary: Sana had always had a lot of self control. Her homework always got done, no matter how boring the assignment. She always went to basketball practice, no matter how tired she was. She never yelled at Vilde, no matter how infuriating she was being. But as it turns out, even she has her limits.

What We Could've Been by mango22 Summary: Post 4x05. Sana and Yousef have an honest conversation. 

Who I am by HeWhisperedBrave Summary: Sana is left numb and in shock when she sees the boy she's in love with kissing her best friend. 

I didn't ask for it. by surrealdelicacy Summary: Sana - after she saw Yousef and Noora kiss. 

Saturday May 13th 2017 by Minkefreak Summary: Sana goes to the last place she expected to go and finds some comfort. 

Let me explain by Nothesc Summary: Yousef kissed Noora back but he stopped it, because he realized he couldn't do it. 

I'm Sorry by Thesuncameout Summary: Sana and Yousef resolve (some) of their issues, Sana actually opens up to someone for once, and finally, finally she can pray. 

Bliss by narratrice Summary: In which Sana and Yousef's alternating points of view recount their shared experience the night of their heart to heart by the basketball court. Nevermind these precious gumdrops' lack of communication in the past few episodes and let's just reminisce for a moment.

Basketball by Nothesc Summary: 5 times Yousef made Sana smile with basketball and the one time Sana did.

something just like this by deansfallenangel Summary: Noora never had a thing with Willhell and started dating Eva instead. She also never kissed Yousef who's in a happy relationship with Sana. Or in which Nooreva and Yousana go on double dates, at least 50% of what happens in canon isn't acknowledged and everyone is happy.

sana x yousef | beautiful, intimate, odd thing by WritenStuff Summary: Kissing was an odd thing. A beautiful, intimate, odd thing. 

goosebumps by vacant Summary: “Fuck. Is this really happening, Sana?” He asks with a laugh, warm against her cheek. 

Used To This by omgbellamy Summary: Sana and Yousef finally have a talk regarding the texts Noora showed Sana in the latest clip. They lay everything out on the table.

paper thin in love with you by idontshaveforsher_yesyoudo  Summary: Their first date is to the movies. 

Colors by mango22 Summary: A soulmate au where whenever your soulmate touches your skin, the part they touched turns a different color. And not faded colors, but like bright rainbow colors. 

communication by vacant ★ Summary: A novel concept: Sana and Yousef talk.

The Daycare. by Thesuncameout Summary: When Sana has to enter the battlefield that Yousef calls his workplace, aka the daycare. 

Oh, I Think that I Found Myself a Cheerleader by ifwallscouldspeak ★ Summary: Contrary to popular belief, Elias Bakkoush wasn’t clueless when it came to Yousef and Sana’s feelings for each other. If anyone was clueless about this whole thing, it was Sana and Yousef. And Elias? Elias was fucking fed up. (Or, five times Elias tried to set up his best friend and his sister, and the one time they finally get together.) 

Not enough by Angelinee Summary: Carrots are thrown. 

to open the world and send it reeling by Odestaholyship Summary: What would have happened if Mama Bakkoush hadn't interrupted Yousana's goodbye?

Truth or dare by Nothesc Summary: All the squads get together to play a game of truth or dare and well, things get interesting.

Don't You Let Me Go Tonight by SEHale Summary: Loosely based on the prompt: "Sure, I used to be a regular, but I literally haven’t been to this coffee shop in two years. How do you still remember my order?" Or, an AU where Sana leaves for university having never resolved or confronted her feelings for Yousef, who is not only her brother Elias's best friend but also the local barista at her favorite coffee shop.

Months by Angelinee Summary: Yousef comes home from Turkey and is met with Sana and the balloon squad. 

A Lazy Saturday by Thesuncameout Summary: Lazy days are Sana's favourite.  

I'm A Little Bit Lost Without You by SEHale Summary: Based on the prompt: “I’m a new hire and you’re trying to show me how to use the espresso machine. I actually already know how to use it, but I’m pretending to be incompetent so that you’ll keep talking to me. Please don’t fire me.” Or, an AU where Sana works part time at a coffee shop to earn money while studying at university, and new hire Yousef is taking up another barista job for the summer while kindergarten is out.

CHAPTERED:

Red Velvet by mango22 ✓ Summary: Sana tells Yousef about her "Russe Bus Money" dilemma and he comes up with a plan to help her. A plan which involves a lot of kitchen shenanigans and one perfect red velvet cupcake.

Science Buddies by Bellakitse ★ ✓ Summary: Sana opens her mouth when she hears the front door open followed by the laughter. She picks out one voice in particular. “Crap, it’s him,” she whispers as she quickly smooths out her clothes, running a finger under her bottom lip to check her lipstick isn’t feathering. Isak’s eyes widen and mouths ‘the boy’ to which Sana nods furiously too, she doesn’t get to do anything else as Elias and Yousef enter the living room, stopping short when they spot Sana and Isak.* Isak and Sana study at her place, she tells him what’s been bothering her. Isak meets Yousef.

✓ read at 21:30 by asteriaria Summary: Yousef spends an unnecessary amount of time on texts.

evak & yousana | the hot baristas by WritenStuff Summary: When Isak finds perfection works in the local coffee shop, he can't resist dragging Sana there for their biology study date.

The Chronicles of Texts by Ms.Bakkoush and Mr.Acar by Thesuncameout Summary: A series of messages between Sana and Yousef.

A kid's play by Nothesc ✓ Summary: Monday is Yousef's free day, he has Sana's number now and the kids from his kindergarten are performing today. Sounds like a good plan. Basically, Yousana being cute and going out on a ¿date?

erasing myself from the narrative by asteriaria Summary: The crash, the tumble, and the burning of the girl she once was. Or, what happens to Sana after the disastrous, fiasco of a party in S4E5.

The Opening by Rumaan ✓ Summary: With his mind in chaos, Yousef can't forget Sana's words about prayer.

Possibilities by Nothesc ✓ Summary: Two endings based on yesterday's clip (clip 2 4x09).

I'll Be Coming Home, Wait For Me by dahlstrom ★ ✓ Summary: dinner!au; Even and Yousef open a 1950s American-style restaurant together - Even is the creative genius in the kitchen, Yousef keeps the trains running on time, and Isak, Chris B, and Magnus are all along for the ride. Falling in love over food while Elvis serenades from the jukebox. Welcome to the Throwback Diner. 

Find My Way Back by mango22 Summary: The story of Yousef and Sana's relationship and how it progresses after season 4 ends. 

Turkey by Thesuncameout ★ Summary: When university student Sana Bakkoush goes on a trip to Turkey with her best friends, she meets a certain tour guide who's warm brown eyes, and floppy hair, captivate her. And suddenly her three week trip becomes something much much more.

We met in a kindergarten by Nothesc Summary: Sana has to pick up her niece from her kindergarten and there she meets a very interesting teacher.

Raindrops and Sunshine by Rumaan ✓ Summary: Sana rushes to the airport to tell Yousef how she feels.

[thepracticeofthought]

My History

Most things require context so it would make sense that I sort of paint myself as a character before we enter into the realm of my mind.

I was born in Nashville, Tennessee, and was there for less than two years before I was moved to Michigan for a myriad of reasons, for the next six or so years I was raised with my younger sister by a mother who was mostly away at work and a disillusioned depressed father who was no less that reckless with our upbringing. It was one of many reasons my parents got divorced.

Meanwhile in school I made and lost friends like paper airplanes in my early years of elementary school. Gaining one, then a few, before losing them all for another one.I was pulled back in third grade and winded up taking the second half of second grade and the first half of third grade twice. I participated in the boy/girl wars back in the day, what a fiasco. I may have even participated in bullying a girl out of our school (something I only horrifyingly remember now). In the wake of this event I settled on three friends who I clung to for the remainder of my elementary school years.

Noteworthy events in my elementary school years after that:

 A kid made fun of me for being gay specifically ‘liking dicks’, but I didn’t get it so I just joked along.

I had a number of crushes which all ended horribly, teaching me early that romance was to be repressed until only the most opportune times.

I gained a nostalgic love for dominoes because that was the pizza they served on pizza days.

I was really bad at multiplication tables so much so that I was taken out of the class to study them.

I re-met an old friend from my first time through third grade who came out as trans since I had last met her. She got everyone to bully me near the end of fourth grade and let me into the girls bathroom one time. (She apologized to me years later and I wish her luck in her endeavors.)

I believed very firmly in ghosts until someone pointed out that that didn’t really make sense. It was very hard to get over it.

My friend group always started tag during recess

One of my friends allegedly made out with me while I was asleep during one of my birthdays. To this day I don’t know if that happened or not, but it taught me about the need for consent and I realized I didn’t really care.

I talked politics with my friends for the first time in fifth grade. It was odd.

Two of my friends were jewish, the other was catholic, but I never knew what I was when it came to religion.

I also participated in a home made movie with my friends which was cool.

I joined a boychoir and met a new friend.

Now I take turns to describe my two houses. My father started dating a woman who would eventually become my step-mom only a number of months after the divorce. My father was very stressed and got a cheap condo in a bad neighborhood far from our school. He shouted at me a lot and his parenting style was both dismissive, judgmental and hostile. I took the brunt of the force from him and my step-mother through our middle-school years, but the threats they levied against my sister in later years were far worse in every way. 

My mother was also quick to get back into dating but she’s far more headstrong than my father, and once she allowed herself, far more aware of what she wanted out of a relationship. Unfortunately, what she thought she wanted she couldn’t find, a self-confident and healthy person. Instead, she introduced my sister and I to multiple unfortunate cases, the worst of which I’ll call Dan. He gave me a nerf gun for my birthday and then I accidentally shot him in the eye, so he threw me up against a wall and my mom made me apologize for it. To be fair, my mother had no idea what the whole story was until years later when I recounted the story to her, and my mom made Dan go home that night.

As for a school life, I got pretty sick early on in sixth grade, in a really lame way. We thought I had a cold, so I stayed away from school for a while only to return to school and instantly get sick again. I visited doctors and this went on for about a month before they realized that I had mono, ‘the kissing disease’. The closest I had gotten to kissing at that point was denying blatant advances from girls, so we theorized that I got it from singing in boychoir. Imagine telling that to middle-schoolers when you get back from a three month break from school. My only friends were in boychoir for a long while but they were great friends so it was good.

Maybe good is an exaggeration, my middle-school years were some of the hardest years of my life. I never stopped feeling happiness, but life was a very painful gray sprinkled with hard to find happiness. I’ll list now some things that happened:

All of my elementary school friends and I lost touch. One went to a different school. One became horribly depressed and I didn’t know how to help him, then he transferred while I was sick. The last gave me an ultimatum, struggle to become popular with him, or don’t talk to him (and, yes, he is still a huge ass).

I became friends with a dude who I learned many years later was autistic, but at the time I just figured was ‘not so good at social interactions’.

I became friends with a dude I used to bully in elementary school, who was strange, but passionate.

I became friends with another dude, who was wholly unremarkable, and he was my best friend in middle school, though confident he didn’t feel the same toward me.

I was hit on by a few girls, and as-per-usual, did not reciprocate for one reason or another.

I fell in love whole-heartedly with the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic show, completely separate from the internet hype. I actually discovered the show on a trip to the Dominican Republic since it was on the only channel with English on it. My sister and I watched it to bond. The friendly, understanding nature of the show reassured me that my approach to trying to solve interpersonal issues was well grounded and re- taught me some important values.

I discovered pornography somewhere along the line.

Highschool arrive and I immediately joined the robotics club with my favorite friend from middle school and we were instantly separated as I quickly Domino Effect-ed my way into another large friend group of people one year older than me. Here I met my best friend, objectively. I got into League of Legends, my friend group avoided doing work in robotics and I faded into a happy monotony for three years.

My home life had stabilized. For a long time my mother had been living off my grandparents money, but she had hit the jackpot with a few jobs in a row and was only climbing. As for my father, he had given up on his second dream and had allowed himself to get some easy certificate for something computer related and got a stable, reliable job. My step-mother also made money a lot easier for him and the marriage only made things even easier.

As for emotionally, this is where the abuse story becomes my sister and honestly it’s not my story to tell, but I felt both helpless and enraged at how they treated her. They’ve gotten better, but my step-mom has never really stopped being bad for my sister.

My last year of high-school my friends were all gone from school. I saw most of them online or at hangouts (half of them went to the local colleges), but at school I became friends with a number of people I worked on projects with. I drove them home since I had a car. We climbed buildings illegally in our spare time, eventually getting caught later in the year.

Finally, college came around and I got in somewhere with my mothers full support so I went and now after so many existential crises about my purpose, love, and the life we have. I feel the need to express myself here, on the internet.

[novemberrxin]

How That Taste? • Jade - "Soulmates? I think they exist. Just not always romantically." "I think they are certain people you will meet in your life who you just connect with more than anyone else and you know it isn't a typical thing and you understand each other perfectly. And this person won't always be your "significant other", I mean it could be. Or they could be your friend, sibling, or a parent or your mentor, or the person you're dating or whoever. It could be just anyone you've ever interacted with." - It was the summer of '77, and I was eleven years old when we had been invited to this kid's birthday party at a rollerskating rink. Of course my mother had accepted the invitation since she was fond of roller skating and that particular rink, was exactly where she had met my dad years back. My mother loved to recount the story of how her and my dad crossed paths everytime a relative came by to visit, or at the grocery store, she'd tell the story to strangers. She went out on a Friday night with friends, and well my dad and his friends just came by to look at one thing, girls. As my dad was going to the bar to buy a beer, my mom walked by, and the moment they locked eyes, they were inseparable. Boom. Years later, I was conceived. I was born on August 22, 1966 in Los Angeles, California. A dark haired and blue eyed baby. Months after being born, we moved to Hollywood. And as I grew, I started attending to Lockwood Elementary School. As an only child, I liked being outdoors playing with the other kids in the neighborhood. Sometimes I gave my parents a hard time going back inside to take a bath and go to bed because I had school the next morning. And the next day right after school and homework were done, I'd be outdoors playing hide and seek or jump rope or anything a kid from the neighborhood came up with. It was the year 1976, when a new set of family moved in right next to us. A couple and their son who looked around my age. Maybe a little older. Anyways, I avoided this new kid because he looked like trouble. He looked like the type of kid to do something mischievous and then put the blame on you and I sure as hell didn't want to risk it. Although we knew of each other, because we practically lived right next to each other, and went to the same school, I still avoided him. I don't know if it's a rumor or it's true, but I heard he once got in a fight at school. Honestly, this boy scared me a little even though he's never done anything to me. Just his wild personality. We would see each other a lot during school and after, but we hung out with our own little group of friends for the rest of the year. Then 1977 finally came around, and like I said earlier, we had been invited to this new kid's birthday party. His name was Pablo or Paolo. Something like that. Honestly, I had no idea. And it turns out my parents were friends with his friends for some time now and this Pablo kid's mom had asked my parents to come. Since we had no idea what this kid liked, but the G.I. Joe were selling out like hot cakes, we ended up getting him a G.I. Joe toy set. We arrived to the rollerskating rink, and there was kids scattered everywhere. Loud music was playing inside and my mom had handed me the gift. "You'll give him the gift personally alright?" My mom commented. Of course, it was really freaking awkward, because I didn't know any of the kids here except for Pablo. Whom I wasn't even friends to begin with.. As the grown-ups chatted, I took a seat on a nearby table with the gift still in hand. My eyes scanning the place, looking for the familiar blonde haired boy, so I can give him the gift we had for him and get this over with. Finally, the boy appeared with his blonde hair stuck to his forehead, looking like he just ran around the whole neighborhood. "Hey." I said, jumping up from my seat. The boy just looked at me all confused, and I added, "this is for you. Happy birthday, Pablo." I said. Then the boy spoke up, "It's Paul. But thanks." He said taking the gift from me and putting it with the rest. "So what's your name?" He had asked. "Jade." I answered. "Come hang with us." He said, and I followed. After his birthday party, one evening, I was hanging out with my group of friends, when Paul came up to us, and thanked me once again for his G.I. Joe toy set. That he had really liked it. That day, my group of friends and his became one, as one of his friends named Robbie suggested we play ding dong ditch. Of course, we all agreed and once the last ray of sun went down, we all met outside by the park, Robbie deciding that he'd go first. Everyone else hid behind the bushes while Robbie stopped by the nearest house, and quietly walked on the front porch, ringing the doorbell and just barely had enough time to hide as someone opened the door and looked around then went back inside. We did this to various houses, and we were able to get a rise out of some people which we found hilarious. "Jade, you're up." Paul said. "Huh? Me?" I said. "Yeah!" Some kid yelled. "O-okay." I said, rising from the behind the bushes and went up to the nearest house. I quietly walked towards the front door, and gulped as I rang the doorbell, then made a mad dash to the side of the house. Someone opened up the door, and they walked to the side of the house where I was hiding. "I seen you!" A fat man yelled as I started to take off towards the bushes. Everyone else hiding, also started taking off, as I caught up to them and we were laughing our asses off. The man was barely able to keep up as we turned around a corner and ran a bit more, then we stopped to catch our breath. "Woo! That was close!" Paul said laughing. Summer of 1977, was a hell of a summer and with these new friends I made, we were always up for adventures. Paul and I spending a lot of time together -- joined at the hip. I never thought that this wild kid, whom I was once scared of, was going to become my best friend one day. And one of the lessons I learned was don't judge a book by its cover. We spent so much time together, that his parents and mine started to suspect if we were secretly dating, and his personality started rubbing off on me. The shy, quiet girl that was scared of own shadow was replaced by a goofy, confident, and fearless girl. So pretty much, Paul had a positive impact on me. Later, we moved onto Le Conte Middle School, then graduated into Hollywood High School down the road. It was August 22, 1981. Which meant today was my birthday and I was turning fifteen. Me and my friends had plans to attend the first three periods, then cut class and go celebrate my birthday in a restaurant or something. Classes were boring as usual, that I was nearly falling asleep during third period. "You're going to fail the class if you fall asleep." Paul remarked and I laughed. "I'll just copy the notes off from you." I retorted. "Let's get out of here?" Paul suddenly asked. "Third period isn't over yet though." I replied, raising a brow. "Don't worry, just follow my lead." Paul answered, ripping up a piece of paper from his notebook and crumpled it up. When the teacher turned his back to us to write on the whiteboard, Paul threw the crumpled paper across the room, hitting the teacher on the shoulder. A few chuckles erupted, and the teacher quickly turned around. "Alright, who threw a paper?" Mr. Cooper asked irritated. "It was her!" Paul suddenly shouted, pointing at me. I slowly turned to face him, shocked. "Mr, it was him!" I quickly answered. "Both of you! To the dean's office!" Mr. Cooper said, writing us down a referral as we picked up our stuff. Once we were out of class, Paul laughed, "And that's how you get out of class early." I laughed, shaking my head. With him, your day would never be boring. And that was a promise.