#living without my cringe
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AGHHhhh I swore off Inanimate Insanity after the Cabby disrespect but then I heard they were KILLING PEOPLE IN THE FINALLE???? I want to rewatch the season before I draw anything serious but Oh my god the plot twist makes me feral
#inanimate insanity#art#digital art#fanart#ii yinyang#ii mephone4#ii paintbrush#ii cherries#ONE OF MY MAIN PROBLEMS WITH THE SERIES(other than the ableism lol) WAS HOW THE CHARACTERS NEVER AKNOWLAGED THIER LIVES OUTSIDE THE SHOW#Seriously going feral over the twist it was actually worth the wait I think#now for the horrors of trying to rewatch earlier episodes will I be able to do it without killing myself from cringe? find out soon#also I have a hard time rewatching things in general my brain just struggles to sit still for that long with things ive already experienced#Also I made the Cherries transfem bc I forgot to doublecheck their gender before drawing them and I like the design too much to change it#They need the prize money to pay the debt from their double transition
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I made my post about Dean Highbottom and then as I was writing my tags realised that his Hunger Games counterpart is Haymitch. and now my head is in my hands and I don’t think I’ll ever recover
#IM GOING TO CRY. I am part of the system I never wanted anything to do with it#I killed so many people without laying a hand on them. I never ever asked for this. I tried to say no. my hands are still bloody.#both turned to drugs to cope. both had a mentee who reminded them of someone they hated so much#(snow reminded the dean of his old friend. katniss reminded haymitch of himself)#both knew exactly how the games worked and all of its consequences because one made it and the other lived it#both lived in the shadows of the past and never really got out from it#but in the end one of them chose to be cruel to the children who they were asked to mentor#and the other loved even when it was killing him#god. twenty three years and they never managed to drown the fire out of him. his heart broke again and again#but he held onto those shards even as they made his hands bleed. and then one day two children appeared and pieced it back together#and some of it was missing and always would be. you can’t undo twenty three years of alcoholism and pain and grief and self loathing#but a lot of it was still there. far more than he ever even believed could have survived#Haymitch I love youuuuuuuuu I will always love you#and Dean Highbottom you were kinda cringe and lame. guynobody ass bitch. do better#haymitch abernathy#dean highbottom#thg#the hunger games#a ballad of songbirds and snakes#abosas
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Honestly Rayla is equally 100% ride or die for Callum too.
That's so true I almost mentioned it in that post. They're so ridiculously feral for each other it's hilarious to watch. Callum's the legitimate "we ride AND die together" whereas Rayla is the "I will ride and die FOR you" sort of deal yknow?
Could be literally any situation, no matter how dangerous, and she's already decided she will die here. Does it ensure Callum lives? Then batter-up buckeroo we're going in swords blazing! Everyone cheer and clap for her human or she'll blow this whole place up. Kinda person who says "even if you hate me I'd still lose everything if it meant you were okay". She thinks they're in a tragic love story where she's always at risk of losing him but that's okay as long as it keeps him safe and happy like y'know Viren parallels, she'd risk losing her very self for him over and over. Except Callum would wait until the end of the world itself, and even beyond, and she wouldn't even have to ask.
The difference between them, really, is that Rayla will die for Callum on any given day. Callum will kill for Rayla on any given day. Something something matching sets
#tdp#the dragon prince#asks#rayllum#tdp callum#tdp rayla#talk#someone in the tags of that post said 'raylas self loathing works hard but callums devotion works even harder' and they own that post now#its theirs. they summed it up beautifully. they own it#'yes hes cringe but hes MY cringefail loserboy!!!!! get your OWN'#everyone else would say the 'hes a 10 but--' except for rayla. shes just 'hes a 10. hes just a 10 striaght-up'#he is not. he is so not a 10 i love him but hes not a 10 shes just so ill for him#so insane that the girl who has issues abt not being or being wanted by anyone or not good enough for ppl to stay/want her#proceeds to find maybe the 1 guy in the entire world who will choose her no matter WHAT#and even when SHE was the one who left & he was pissed he was still 100% sticking by her. hes staying#oops she showed him affection. now hes stuck forever! shame. welp guess thats how it goes!#and its partially bc of that she'd die for him. she needs him to b okay even if shes not there. mix of that loathing like#'he could still b happy without me so i need to ensure he lives so he can STAY happy at my own detriment. he means more than me'#girl if you died he would literally crumple into dust. fold in like cardboard in the rain. lay face-down in the sand & just die there#same w callum hes like 'i can hurt myself over & over for her if shes alive. if the danger is dead then she can live longer. i will live bu#tear myself apart so long she is safe'#bestie. if you reach the point of no return she will sacrifice herself to get the old you back WHAT THEN
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" Losing battle of loss "
#hi guyyss X33#im feeling really really bad :3#the emptiness is consuming me day after day after day and i don't know how much more i can handle#it hurts to see that all the people i care about have better things to do than talk to me . i don't like being people's last option .#im being selfish . im being a bad person . i know these people have their own busy lives and yet i still choose to feel hurt over the fact –#– they aren't here to talk to me 24/7#it's even worse since i feel like they're all going to die . or that im going to die#i don't want to lose them . i don't want them to leave without me even saying goodbye . i don't want this to happen again .#*sigh*#anyway#because im feeling so terrible . i decided to make a drawing to feel a bit better#i don't typically vent through art cuz it's really cringe but i guess i feel a bit better#im also trying to write something so i can express my feelings . though i guess it's pretty bad#ill get back on my feet soon though !! i just know it !!#ill get that spark eventually !!#okay#bye-bye#dhmis#dhmis art#dhmis au#high voltage au#dhmis tony#tony the talking clock#dhmis hv tony#tw bugs#i guess ?#pls ignore me
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tag vent
#i have to move back to my hometown due to a mistake. a misunderstanding. and being too trusting in others ideas#and my boyfriend is moving an hour away as well. neither of us have been able to get a car or license yet due to money and i dont know when#we can see eachother again after we both move. since we started dating weve been sleeping in the same bed because we were/are roommates#just being gone for the weekend in my hometown is hard because i cant stand to be here but its worse because hes not in my bed every night#ive grown so used to falling alseep in his arms that i dont know what to do at night. i dont feel safe without his arms holding me#ive never felt safe where ive lived before. ive never felt safe in a relationship. ive never felt loved for who i am. that was until him.#now i feel safe in our home. i feel safe in our relationship. i feel loved for who i am. and now we have to be so far apart.#ive done long distance before but this is going to hurt so much my cat loves him she is super cautious and scared around new people but#she loved him since the start. not to mention shes my esa so that really mattered to me. he wants to move with me but it isnt happening#he got definite housing an hour away for super cheap in a town where he knows everyone and i have possible in a town where im surrounded by#people i know but am terrified of. im scared to move back here but have no choice. unless i make that terrifying choice of going with him.#the apartment he is getting is a two bedroom. id only have a studio. hes offered for me to come but im scared to move that far away again#i want to be with him but im scared to move to a whole new town with him. i know hes an amazing guy but we'd be moving away from my friends#and family. i already have to move away from all my friends if i go back to my hometown but this would be a different story.#moving to a whole new town with a guy that i only started dating 2 months ago? like yes. i lived with him previously and knew him for longer#than we dated but im still scared. i think rightfully so. but still.#but there are some pros to moving with him. hometown has no music scene and his town does and thats really important to me.#we'd also be close to his family. but farther from mine. hed be around friends and id have none no matter where i go.#idk im just rambling but i really needed to vent. i lost my best friend recently to the point of them siding with strangers almost and they#helped them break and enter into the house to intimidate me and bf and then a few days later came with cops after saying repeatedly that#they were an anarchist and acab but only when they dont use them apparently. because i guess morals/values only matter when its convenient#im so tired though but i cant sleep so i might write some cringe poetry and try to chill out before going on a late night/early morning walk#tag vent#vent in tags
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figured out how to edit the game files and combine some mods so i could try out different things with gale's earring because i have a lot of thoughts... also gale's earring should really be positioned lower but i'm having an issue with one of the mods, oh well
#baldur's gate 3#gale dekarios#oc: elenion silverdew#gale x tav#okay here's my thoughts that i didn't wanna put in the main post:#i think gale should choose--on his own without being prompted by anyone else--to leave his earring at stormshore tabernacle#but i don't think he should replace it immediately. elenion certainly wouldn't ask him to.#they WOULD be surprised and would wonder if he intends to replace it but they'd never press him to do so. especially not right then.#not when he has so much he needs to process and there's still no guarantee they'll both live through all this anyway.#however i do think gale brings up wanting to get a new earring sometime before their wedding#and i'm torn between 1) elenion offering to share his favorite pair of earrings with gale as a symbol of their bond#or 2) elenion offering to take gale shopping and gale just gets a simple stud that matches the jewel on his earrings#(i mean it IS blue which tim downie says is gale's favorite color so...)#OR 3) same as 2 but gale ends up picking out a gold sun to match his silver moon#okay whoops i just wrote an essay in the tags about something nobody but me cares about. oh well!#otp: you put the stars to shame#yeah i'm going to be cringe and assign an otp tag to gale and my oc. and what about it.#creme don't look
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Imagining my poor maritime crew in a Sci fi setting is also so fucking funny to me
Worlds first crossover with an astounding 100% mortality rate
#to be honest i think most of my ocs were born to die is a tragic unsolved boat incident where the boat mysteriously arrives back to shore in#one piece without the crew Obra Dinn style#but tragically they were forced to live in a cringe ass sci fi planet where they gotta do shady shit to survive. truly sad#let them die at sea. its what they would have wanted#asks#zombiesama#my ocs
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//it is so fucking hilarious to me that craig & tweek have ended up in basically completely opposite social circles so their only real overlap is each other
#misc :: ( ooc )#//this is why - despite living in a small town - they go literal YEARS without speaking to each other i suppose#//like tweek vibes with the goth kids#//craig thinks the goth kids are cringe#//tweek doesn't mind commiserating with stan from time to time and holds some softness for him#//craig upholds stan as the worst of the core 4; their leader; at least 80% of the reason for the shit those guys get into#//(which is hilarious bc stan is NOT the leader even slightly and mostly just goes with what the other guys want)#//(he's more of an enabler than an instigator)#//they both know clyde but not at the same time#//clyde starts checking on tweek more after craig stops speaking to him (clyde)#//tweek fucking hates cartman's stupid ass#//craig thinks cartman is so funny and is maybe the one guy on earth who actually respects him a lil#//(ginger's) jimmy fucking HAAAAAAAAATES tweek but is EXTREMELY ride-or-die for craig#//which is 90% of WHY he hates tweek but whatever#//tweek plays dnd with star's kevin but kevin thinks craig is an ASSHOLE (he's right)#//my default hcs for red are the same as jimmy; closer with craig and therefore tweek can go fuck himself#//IT'S JUST SO FUNNYYYYY THEY END UP DEVELOPING COMPLETELY POLAR OPPOSITE RELATIONSHIPS WITH MOST PEOPLE
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hearing my friend talk about her roster sounds so outlandish to me. like im glad for you bbg and it's so interesting but i don't think i can even imagine being in that same headspace. i can maybe like someone like once a year
#i fully think i might be somewhere on the aroace spectrum#but i know i do genuinely want to be loved romantically#just it's so weirdly difficult for me#and i tend to confuse platonic and romantic feelings#i also realised there were times i just desperately wanted affection i kind of fucked things up for myself more than i should have#when i felt so lonely i latched onto the first person who made me feel seen without me thinking#i can see that i was just feeling a lot during that time and im happy with being friends#god i was such a mess#but also if i didn't go through that i wouldn't have grown into the person i am now#i can cringe at myself and maybe fall back into bad habits but at least now i know better#and this all depends on the person#personally i don't like the idea of rosters and thinking about it stresses me out but everyone has they're own way of things#txt#little ramble#it's also a little frustrating and lonely trying to navigate through my own lesbianism since it still all feels so fresh#im trying not to feel too isolated but ill live#and im still growing so i recognise ill still make decisions i will regret#but i will be more gentle with myself#it's so hard to let myself be happy#actually fuck rosters i don't like thinking about people in that way
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fuck! its lonely as hell here. ive been bad at admitting it but i dont know if this is viable long-term unless i start making friends here or Really Really pouring into writing, which hasn't panned out and probably wont until i get back on antidepressants (oops! shouldn't have gotten off of them after all!). it was manageable when every single thursday i had therapy and i had an extremely regular calling schedule with other friends. but. fuck.
#i get that im depressed and kind of in a cringe era (no writing no accomplishments just working and going home etc)#but that doesnt mean i dont miss people when they stop calling#i Need connection. really badly. without connection i feel too numb to do anything.#and i need to start figuring out how to make friends here but its so fucking hard as an adult#ive lived here over a year. 6 months of that my brother lived with me and so it wasnt cripplingly lonely#but now....................#i need someone to live here. i think. like. its so Fucking lonely by myself.#but i just dont connect with a lot of the girls i match with#and the last one i connected with we had really big fundamental differences and i think we wouldve been bad for each other so i broke it of#have we considered im actually just an insecure awkward extrovert. have we considered that.
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I've maybe asked you this before but have you ever played undertale? You strike me as the toe to go feral over it.
Fantastic question you're absolutely correct I played that shit back in 2016 I have never been the same since truly I have had some embarrassing forms of undertale phases but absfuckinglutely yes I fucking adore undertale
although I've never gotten into analysis or anything much for ut,,, but also like. GOD don't get me started. the true lab . the genocide route. oggugghh my god the walk through old home on true pacifist. CHARA. GOD DO NOT GET ME STARTED ON CHARA. LOOOOOOOOOOOORD
#resident chara kinnie#i live and die by my chara is not a villain stance#i could go on about it for ages it's embarassing a little#i was. So Young during my undertale fixations that like I cannot look back on them without cringing violenty#why was i obssessed with sans. why did i read those things. why am i like this /j#i'm normal now i swear (lie)#undertale
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hey siri how do I stop feeling gutwrenchingly anxious in the guilt way for using the treatment methods available to me to not be in constant misery
#starlight personal#it’s very bizarre to have my life going objectively well - work is good! personal life is good! family is good!#and still be very mentally ill and feel like I’m faking it even though I know damn well I ain’t scream-sobbing every couple of days alone in#my apartment for attention because What Attention??? my cat????? Bug is never moved by my tears she cares only for string and wires#like I know that cannabis has been immensely helpful to getting me to fucking sleep on a regular schedule and that’s integral to -#my functioning and I know that having emergency klonopin in the event of a total breakout is helpful#and I KNOW that my PMDD and depression and anxiety are very treatment resistant and ketamine is the only thing that’s provided any -#meaningful relief and logically I know I’m not abusing any of these#I’m getting a promotion at work I still go out to see friends regularly I have hobbies I have a girlfriend (??? Wild right)#like clearly these things are working because i’m better now than i was for years leading up to now#SO LIKE. DON’T STOP USING THE THINGS THAT HELP. LOGICALLY THIS MEANS THESE ARE GOOD FOR ME#I always roll my eyes when ppl go off their meds b/c they’re feeling better like babes that’s what the meds are meant to do#if you stop taking them you stop feeling better - but it’s REALLY HARD to get past the cultural conditioning#the feeling that ‘but I can white knuckle my way through this I can force myself to live without’ like WHY BITCH#WE DON’T HAVE TO LIVE WITHOUT#AND ALSO. WE’RE STILL GENERALLY MISERABLE BRO. EVEN WITH OUR LIFE IN A BETTER PLACE!!!#DO YOU NOT THINK THIS MEANS THAT WE SHOULD USE WHAT WE KNOW WORKS TO BE LESS MISERABLE#basically it’s really hard to not feel like a loser when the only things that help are ‘fun’ drugs like weed and psychedelics#I feel like I’m being a hedonistic reprobate which 1) is actually kinda cool now that I wrote it out#2) @ myself were not a good enough liar-faker that every medical professional we see wouldn’t pick up on that if that was our motivation#time to remind myself that it’s arrogant to think I could trick many trained professionals without actively trying tbh#that generally helps me get out of my self-pitying ‘ohhhhh I’m awful and lazy and bad and abusing substances’ spiral#to be very mentally ill on main it is weirdly reassuring to be like ‘just as my fanon interpretation of obi wan kinda hates himself but is -#practical enough to take care of himself even when it makes him cringe and want to scratch his face off; I too am aware that self-care is -#radical and punk and In Fact Necessary to beat back the dark and live in the light with hope so yes even though I doubt and -#feel squiggly and guilty about it I’m not going to NOT prioritize my health and well-being b/c self-hatred and self-denial benefits no one’#thank you inner obi wan i love projecting my issues onto you mwah mwah mwah smooches for my favorite boy!!!!!#and smooches for me I’m going to be proud of myself gosh darn it even if I have to fake it at first#see I wouldn’t be able to be nice to myself like this if I hadn’t been doing ketamine treatment for a year IT WORKS BRO KEEP IT UP#SCHEDULE THE DAMN APPOINTMENT AND CLEAN YOUR BONG
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i'm supposed to be doing something but instead i'm thinking abt how rusty and malcolm are inextricably linked. like. both of them had their fucked up robot dads (who they thought were dead) die on the same night at the same time cos it was the same thing, it was the same incident. rusty and malcolm are the same guy but they're never going to be the same guy. they're brothers but they're not brothers. they're sons but they're NOT sons. not anymore. they both live in their father's shadows in some way, they both take up the mantle, they both kind of suck at it. idk. idk. idk.
#kirbco brand cola#i know that it is too much to ask to not be judged for all my unhinged vbros posting so i shan't as for that. i shall merely sit with it#do some guided meditation so i can live with myself even tho i'm like absolutely sick in the brain abt this show#i have not had like 'fandom' blog theme shit in forever#cringe is gonna follow me to the grave#when was the last time i posted abt media in such an earnest and unhinged manner#i know i have had a lot of media flirtations recently#and like i get into things and make art for them but#it's not the same as whatever is going on here#this sucks and also i get really sad when i think abt it fading out#like it's too much but also i don't wanna be without it. i like having something to do with my stray thoughts#my vbros tag
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Work process or something for. Idk. A Toast To The Pigs. How long until I get overwhelmed, I wonder? I'm very bad at organizing shit on an average day.
So far Ch 3 is at 8.3k and Ch 4 is at 8.2k respectively. Should probably pick up the pace from there.
One thing I hate about Scrivener is that when you copy/paste in a web browser, it doesn't keep the formatting. So you lose your italics, your bold, your underline... so you have to do it manually. But it does help to keep things in order. So there's that.
#anyway#idk if i should put this in the main tag or not but well. gestures. this is here now. enjoy#idk i'm bored. i feel cringe posting this. i'm autistic adhd disaster look at me go#the very harrier song is 'outta my head' by daughtry btw#'ain't no doubt a bout it | i can't live without it | tried to forget you but i | can't get you out of my head|#'just when i think you're gone you | come back and turn it on and | just like a simple song i | can't get you out of my head'
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wiki how do I stop spiraling about my life once every 2 weeks I'm getting sick of it
#personal#i just want to make things so bad#it hurts to even look at something anyones made bc im not doing it#i started so late and its still so hard. i got months without doing anything bc im just exhausted from daily life#if i spend more time with my girlfriends i feel like im closer to them but then i have no time for art#if im making something im spending less time with them#and i like my job so much. i really do. i even considered just saying fuck it and going into library sciences#but i still come home barely able or willing to talk sometimes. and i dont know how to fix that#and i feel so unfulfilled and extremely lonely even tho i have friends#but i can barely get myself to draw or write even when i have so many ideas#i feel so uncomfortable in my body and so tired of trying with therapists and doctors#all of it makes me so anxious i feel sick#so Frustrated i feel dizzy. and then i still cant do anything!!!!#i dont want to live here anymore i just want to be with everyone else. but everyone is moving away or planning to. us included#but no one in the same place. it makes me so sad#i dont know what to do or how to do it when i dont have motivation to do the bare minimum#maybe i just like torturing myself by thinking i can do the things i want instead of aceepting i cant. :/ cringes#for anyone that has somehow read this far ill be ok in like 20 minutes im just having a moment dw. im fine. will handle it like an adult#and not spend to much time thinking about this
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GUYS!
HOLY FUCK
I couldn’t remember the name of this old creepypasta comic series for the life of me (for a literal 2 years) but I found it and…
you’re telling me…
that all these years I’ve been gone…
and out of the loop of creepypasta in general…
that PASTAMONSTERS has STILL been going on?!?!
At least until 2023?!?!
GOTDAYUM
I gotta reread the whole thing, my memory is fuzzy.
#been getting back into old interests#after dropping my interests due to bullying and shame and cringe culture#this was common for me to do throughout middle and highschool#I just wanted to fit in and make friends#I can’t help I was born neurodivergent and ended up being the weird kid#finally got tired of it all after 3 years since graduating#now here I am being cringe but freely without shame#at least there’s some safe spaces on the internet#I’m going to live out my cringe phase as a young adult#have fun before I get older and get into more mature interests#op rambles#adam rambles#op speaks#creepypasta#pastamonsters
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