#logn rant

[joculatrixster]

hey cr mutuals guess whos problematic again...

[illuminakisser]

havent drawn her in a logn time

unfollow me if you are expecting me to make a bright rewrite on day, i wont.

kinda important rant under cut

i shouldve said this months ago but could never word it properly.

please dont expect me to post scp art anymore, i quit this fandom.

this used to be the fandom that i was interested in the most, its the one i have been in for the longest out of every other one ive been in.

but a few months ago, i found that because of the bright situation, my mental health had only been becoming worse and worse.

it was a hard decision, since i met so many of my friends due to this fandom and have many good memories from it, but i decided to quit.

to everyone i met due to being in the scp fandom, those who i knew even before who also got interested in this fandom, and those who i may have not talked with much but still talked with, you are all some of the most amazing people ive ever met.

thank you for always being with me,, ily all!! /p again im sorry for not saying this sooner

(oh btw if youre worried about me,, my mental health still isnt the best but its gotten better!!)

[delzinrowe]

How would Reggie react if his wife (reader) is a bio terrorists ?

I'm so sorry it took me over a damn month to get to this, I'm so genuinely sorry. My brain has been deep fried and I haven't been in a Reggie mindset for years. But yesterday when I showered it hit me.

Listen, Reggie would be FREAKED OUT.

He already has to do somersaults to keep his brother in check even without the smoke, but now he has to deal with his brother developing strange creepy powers? Safe to say that anytime he's home with you, his wife, he'd let out a big sigh as the stress falls of his shoulders. It's an almost daily occurence that you sit on the couch while he's laying beside you with his head on your lap, you stroke his hair as he tells you of all the mischief Delsin has done lately. Occasionally it makes you laugh because it seems so silly and you're not half as aloof as Reggie pretends to be.

However, when he comes home one day, fully ready to ramble on about Delsin's latest mishap, he's confused when he can't find you on the couch as per usual. Instead he finds you in the kitchen with your go-to stress snack, munching away as you look like you're about to take the biggest exam in human history. You have to tell him VERY slowly and calmly of your discover of your powers. At first he might think you're joking. He comes home daily, ranting about his brother's powers, surely you jest. But no. You assure him that you're genuine and honest.

Reggie.exe stopped working. For a solid few minutes he stands there with wide eyes, internally his thoughts are raging with the wildest emotions. Truth be told, except for sheer bewilderment he doesn't know how to react. He loves you, of course he does. He wants to support you and protect you, but you just told him you have similar powers to those other bio terrorists?

It would take him days, if not a full week, to come to terms with it. Only when he sees how hurt you are over the fuss he makes he realises what an ass he was with his reaction. It's not just his life that changed, yours changed drastically. You having to deal with those newfound powers must be a strain on you and Reggie realises almost too late that he only added to your destress.

One day after a logn shift he stops at your favourite fast food place and gets your go-to order. (this man has memorised every single one of your favourite things, no matter what. he's THAT whipped).

He also stops to get a nice flower bouquet so he can apologise. He makes a mental note to ask about your powers and your feelings about them, since he tried to avoid the topic.

You can't be mad at him for long when you see the whole load of gifts he brings home to apologise to you. He saw a plush that looked like you'd like it, and then he found another one, as well as some packs of your favourite snacks. He didn't mean to have a whole arsenal, but now he does and you can only smile.

It takes some getting used to your powers but it's you, after all and despite everything it's you, the one he married out of love and that won't change, bio terrorist conduit or not.

[blooscluessucks]

BEATSABER RAMBLE.

Okay so hi!

Welcome to my huge hyperfixation on beatsaber, the topic im ranting about today! or infodumping, im just gonna give a bunch of knowledge i have on it, why i like it, and most importantly, THE OST7. [i have absolutely no clue if there is a character limit, we will just have to see :>]

im adding a red more thingy because this is logn...

okay so so so beatsaber is a virtual reality game where. you pretty much slice blocks to rhythms! its a rhythm game, obviously something i would like, since. i really really like rhythms... anyways, its kinda like- if you remember the fruit ninja game, its kinda like that, except theyre blocks that are heading straight towards you. with arrows, that you have to slice with rhythms. it sounds odd now that i say it, but oh well-

Anyways, there are game modes that are the following: Easy, Normal, Hard, Expert, and Expert+. I typically play on expert+, but for some songs by camilla, i sometimes have to play on expert. Camilla is an artist featured on beatsaber, and their songs are generally the 'boss' songs you could say! I really like their songs [even though they frusterate me sometimes...] and theyre amazing! I personally started on normal mode around? June last year with the song Crab Rave!! I think i got really obsessed around that point and sat there on a singular song for about an hour just trying to get this one song up to expert for no reason actually-

Back to the levels, one thing ive notice about them is that different techniques are typically added whenever you advance a level! i dont know off the top of my head about the jump from easy to normal since i never really? played on easy, but i think from normal to hard, there are more cross overs? By that i mean that you cross your sabers to hit a double block or instead of hitting right hand blocks on the right side, they are on the left side! And im not! sure about hard to expert other than a speed difference and a few different repitive patterns, but on expert plus, its more chaotic you could say. Instead of repitive patterns that occur in different songs, its typically alot of chaos, though there are patterns in there, weaved in. I used to really hate expert plus because of that, since i relied HEAVILY on the pattens, but once i got the hang of it it was alright :>

I learned different techniques and habits either first hand or by watching other people play! You shouldnt move TOO MUCH once you get on really hard songs, as in, you shouldnt over exaggerate your swings and such. The reason is that the harder songs involve more excercise, and so youll get tired a whole lot quicker if you move more than necesarry. adding on to that, you should try and use your wrist to swing! you still can use your arms, but personally, i mainly use my wrists, especially for chain notes [idont know how to describe that pattern-] because it can be quicker in a way, and again, it limits movement! You should also take a huge advantage of the practice mode! Say that you are on this one song, and youre doing really good! except every single time you play it you mess up on this one part. With the pracctice tool, you can slow it down to a good pace where you can analyze the notes slowly, also at a specific part! ive taken great use of that tool, i use it quite frequently actually! i also tampered with my controllersettings in the game, changing the? position z i think, i turned it all the way up to 10cm, which moved them further away from my hands, which helped me alot, though different people have different preferable settings, and they also might not want to change it!

ANYWAYS ENOUGH OF MY LITTLE WEIRD TECHNICAL TALK, LETS TALK ABOUT THE NEW OST7.

So, today beatsaber released a new ost [original sound track]! This was actually really exciting because they hadnt released a new one in a long time, but in december, they released the ost6, and then they released the ost 7 today in a short time period!! now the ost7 is actually PHENOMINAL. The mapping is actually amazing, like the jump of mapping from the ost5 to the ost7 is insane. So the new songs in the ost7 are:

Damage by F.O.O.L

This one frusturates me specifically because of the odd patterns if has. its really weird and it should be easy, but its not. its odd, and while the song it amazing as well as the mapping, it frustuates me.... But overall its amazing and i love it so much!!!

Lustre by Camilla

ITS CAMILLA!!! i previously mentioned them, but they are generally the maker of the boss maps, which did not dissapoint in this new ost. I realllllly love it, and while i can only play it on expert, its amazing, the song is super cool, and overall, id say its my favorite in the ost!!!

The Master by Teminite x Boom Kitty

This one is really cool i really like the speech thats included in it!! Its pretty much the storyline of you fighting a villain or smth, with it saying your skills are good, and after the first chorus[sorta], it says something like im impressed, but can you beat this, and then if you finish that section, it? dies kinda- its silly and i like the mapping :>>>

Untamed by Linsdey Stirling

This is probably the easiest song in the ost! its really fin, i like the violin, and its cool! i dont really have much to say on it other than i got a full combo on it first try- [also that if gives me arg vibes....]

and last but not least, we have

World Wide Web by Nitro Fun

This one's patterns also frustrate me, but i rellly really like the song!! i dnt have too much ot say about it other than the fact that i died the first time i played it-

The OST7 also brought new lights to the game which were REALLY COOL!!!!

anyways i dont have too much else to say, so go watch this video of Lustre by Camilla on expert because its my favorite song, and i can play it full combo :>>

This song is easy, definitely not ht hardest i can play, but i really like it so!! :>>> [also i do realize there is alot of mistakes in the video, i watched it.]

anyways, thank you for coming to my ted talk!

[sybbi]

Not to be a bitter hag but the amount of ppl getting worried over the state of CorpoPride/rainbow capitalism this yr is making me roll my fucking eyes. Damn, it's almost like exactly what every rural/red state queer person was trying to tell y'all!! Better to have their support not bc of merchandise but bc of the environment and sociopolitical climate that marketing to us signals!! I've written out rants on this before where I said that, yeah, the shallow marketing gets annoying, but marketing as a whole is a shallow industry; so logn as you try to remain an educated consumer, you shouldnt get your panties in a twist. For anyone who's lived in a place where you can still get called faggot in public and have your car keyed and house egged and death threats etc etc sent your way if you're out, seeing rainbow shit one month out of the year was at least comforting bc it implied some measure of broader acceptance and safety, even if safety and acceptance was inaccessible or hard to come by in your area! It gave hope that change, even if it was slow, was coming to you, or that getting to a better place was going to be easier! And now that it's winding down, imagine how fucking terrified people on the front lines of old timey homophobia aka "We want you fucking dead and have the means to make it happen" homophobia are!!!! I swear some of y'all just wanted to complain to complain and don't think critically for shit!!!

[gronjon44]

So I wanna talk about Halo Infinite and one of the most important parts of it

(⚠️SPOILERS⚠️for the game btw) so if you haven't beaten it then I suggest you skip this and then return later

So anyone who's beaten the game should understand when I say that, in Infinite, Chief is at arguably his lowest he's ever been; having lost one of his biggest battles with the Banished while on a mission to destroy Cortana permanently, he's already not having a great time.

But I wanna talk specifically one of the most important interactions in the entire game (and it happens roughly near the final mission)

This is the game where someone finally asks Chief the important question that I don't think anyone has ever actually asked: "Are you okay?"

Nowhere in any other game I believe, does anyone take the time to ask if he's actually OK also don't bring up Halo 3 with Sgt Johnson his vitals litterally went dark thats a different kind of concern

Weapon is the only one to ever ask if he's actually doing okay, and instead of giving him half assed response or an excuse he openly admits he isn't; Weapon asked him 3 separate times in the game if he was okay and he only ever answered once on the final time.

And can you blame him for not being okay?

Ever since Halo 3 Chief has had wave after wave of hardhip thrown at him, and it starts with Cortana being left behind on the Halo with Gravemind after Halo 2.

And when you look across the game you realize that a key part of its themes and plot is the pain/guilt that Chief feels towards everything that's happened (especially to Cortana)

Everything he believes in has been put to the test more times than ever, from Cortanas capture by the Gravemind, the battle with the Diadact, and the events of Halo 5 with her eventual Rampancy.

He constantly blames himself and burdens himself with everything that's happen, he's been doing it since before he met Cortana. It's pushed him so far that, at times, he doubts his own decisions more than ever, hoping that he did the right thing.

It's why the comment Echo-216 makes about how Chief respected Escharum in his final moments is so important, because he knows exactly what was going through his mind in those last moments.

Ans it isn't just present events of the games either.

The game draws from his origins before CE in the Fall of Reach Novel, where he suffered the loss of fellow soldier and close friend Spartan-034, Samuel (the pass codes for Weapons shutdown sequence all refference Sam)

And looking beyond that he still carries the weight of his mistakes, both past and present.

He's lost battles before, and he's always bounced back; the loss to Atriox and the Banished however, seem to have pushed him father than before, almost as far as when he lost Sam and his other Spartans during the events of Fall of Reach.

He's on the brink and facing odds that, for the first time in a long time, are showing cracks in that expressionless gold face plate.

Echo-216 said he wasn't like Chief, that he deserves to be buried in the Condors with the other UNSC soldiers who died fighting the Banished, but he's wrong.

Chief knows exactly how he feels, and knows they aren't different; Chief wishes he could've died protecting Cortana, that he could've been there to die with his Spartans who were left behind on Reach, to die with Sam when he sacrificed himself to stop the Covennant ship.

And it isn't just Cheif feeling the weight of his decisions, others carry that weight. Others... like Cortana.

Cortana fought everyone to do what she thought was right, to win a fight that she felt with evrry fiber of her being that she was the winner in. But she failed, she failed in the worst way.

In her own words, because of her, she created an enemy that was pointing a weapon right at the universe... an enemy that had nothing to lose.

Even the Weapon, someone who didn't even meet Cortana, felt the weight of her decisions, the weight of Chief's distrust, the sheer weight of everything around her...

And it nearly crushed her back.

She was ready to sacrifice herself, just like Cortana did, snd was ready to own up to her mistakes in and instant.

But she didn't have to, because in that moment, Chief saw that spark, the part of her that made Weapon part of Cortana. And he wouldn't lose her a second time.

Cortana was always the first person to know Chief, someone who wasn't a Spartan.

She didn't have to ask him anything because she knew him that well.

And to see someone else develop that trust with him, someone who he's only known for a few days maybe, and to see him openly admit just how hard it's been for him, says alot about Chief as a character and for Infinite as a game.

The sheer amount of humanity in this game is just out of this world and frankly, Halo Infinite has cemented itself as my favorite of the games.

[villainsandvictimsalliance]

I really think Dabi, Tomura, Toga and Spinner deserve a house to live in. Just hear me out.

I'd adore to see Dabi back with the Todorokis and Spinner being able to see his family again, and I adore the fanfics where Tomura and Deku become like brothers and the ones where Toga finds another family too. That's because they deserve to feel safe around people who supports them and love them, as much as they deserve help when correcting their ways and paying for their crimes. It's gonna take some time for them to heal mentally and physically, and dealing with the experience of being in jail can also be a whole deal of its own.

But we can't just ignore the fact that Toga, Spinner, Dabi and Tomura made a life their own already and they made a home of their own, a place where they were accepted, even if not in the best terms. What the League went through together, what the League represents, that's something that cannot be erased in favor of returning the four of them back to society. There's still so much other wouldn't understand, experiences no one else would get, except each other.

Tomura can't never go back to his family, and I don't think Toga would want to do so. And even if Dabi and Spinner want to and can do it, things will never be as if nothing had ever happened. Being surrounded by things from their past is gonna be hard, and it's gonna take some determination to make everything work out.

In that light, I think at some point it'd be a relief for them to have their own house, their own home. They lived with each other in the worst conditions ever, so the daily interaction wouldn't be a problem. And they are a family. They look after each other, they care, they worry, they love each other and went against the world side by side. Nothing creates a bond like going through trauma together, so what they have won't fade away just that easy.

They're gonna need supervision, of course. But it's important for them to keep their independence. After all they fought for, losing their right to be themselves and choose for themselves would be a tragedy. They were fighting to exists, to be who they are, to have a voice, to be respected, to be visible, to be acknowledged... That's why, for example, you cannot deny Dabi because you want Touya back. You cannot deny Spinner in order to get Iguchi, or Tomura because you want Tenko better. They need to be accepted as a whole, without it meaning people should forgive or excuse their actions. Things are what they are.

So... That's it. They deserve their own house.

[prenvii-moved]

ok wait im in a small ranty mood

[thebigg-v3]

AI – Thoughts and Rants

This summer semester I decided to take Introduction to Artificial Intelligence, which the university I go to offers as an elective for CS majors. Which is awesome, I know! As a computer science student I had been curious for a while about the robots, talking computers that assist Iron Man, and even the “magic” behind things like Siri. Yes even I, someone who is in the “know” about a field like software engineering, which is intertwined with AI in more ways than one, fantasizes (or used to, maybe?) about a future where robots assist us on all kinds of tasks and make our lives better/easier, or in the case of I, Robot, a lot worse. All jokes and fiction aside, the fact is that AI exists already in our lives. In fact it is so infused with our day-to-day lives that we don’t even notice it. You ever look at the weather app on your phone? Do you ever go to Google Translate? Do you ever ask Google for directions? Do you ever ask Siri anything? All of these things use some technique that was born in the field of AI, or machine learning (which is a very close sibling to AI). I could go into all  kinds of impressive, and not-so-impressive, techniques that I learned about in the class. A-Star search; Informed Search; Probabilistic Reasoning; Markovian Models; Neural Nets, etc. But this is not the reason why I write this.

The reason why I write this essay/blog post is because a friend of mine, who is planning on taking the class next semester, asked me a very simple question, “How is AI?”. Well...the truth is that is not a simple question at all. It’s a tough question. Because I do have MANY reservations about AI. They range from the philosophical, technical and even reach out to my ethical concerns about Artificial Intelligence. Now, before I go on, I want to be clear about something: THIS IS A BIASED PIECE. As I go on, you’ll notice I have specific opinions about AI as a software engineer. I also want to state that this is NOT a piece meant to attack/offend anybody/anyone/ any organization that is researching AI or building products powered by AI/machine learning. I think you are all awesome people(a little crazy, but in a good way), and you have my utmost and sincere respect. Now that that is out of the way, let’s get down to business.

Before coming to this class I thought AI was an awesome/fascinating field(at the moment I still do). That with everyone—mainstream media, programmers, Google, Microsoft—hyping up AI, I thought to myself, there has to be reason for all the buzz and fuzz about this “AI thing” . And to be honest, MOST of it is undeniably granted. So...as a software engineer I was surprised by how mathematical AI really was. You’d think that a field that is, as stated before, so infused with our lives would be somewhere on the vicinity of software engineering in regards to practicality. But it’s truly not. The truth is that a lot of problems, rightfully so, have to be theorized/generalized in some way before they’re solved in an intelligent manner by a machine. And this makes sense. Think about it, if you want to talk about path-finding, “paths” aren’t simply cities A-F, and find the shortest path. This could be the surface of a new planet with a different landscape, New York, a colony in the moon or you might even have a case where you’re concerned about the cost of moving a piece on a chessboard. It’s also not just about making the algorithm fast. And it’s not that AI doesn’t welcome nice Big O notations like constant time and linear and logN—and these are becoming less central to any algorithm given all of the crazy-fast hardware we have today and the crazier-faster that is still to come. These are, like any algorithm, preferred over N^2 or something above that. However, AI’s top priority to my understanding(at least if I learned what I was supposed to learn), is to solve problems, or find answers, in an intelligent way.

But what the in the world does intelligent mean, anyway?

This is when AI becomes philosophical. And, if you ever take this class(or at least the specific AI class I took), you won’t be tested on the philosophical definitions of AI. But even though you won’t be tested on those when doing the projects, which is the most important part of the class, you won’t directly use anything philosophical, it’s worth keeping in mind that any algorithm in AI is trying to do things intelligently. This means that brute force is not welcome; that randomness, with some exceptions(like hill climbing), is not very welcome; most things that aren’t generalized(in an intelligent manner) are not very welcome. This is one of the reasons why AI is math-heavy: AI scientists need a way to generalize intelligence. But how general can intelligence really be? Can it really mimic the intelligence of a human to the point that it can compose songs, write an essay on the politics of the world and even make moral judgments? At the end of the day, not really. I mean you can take all of the songs recorded up to this day, and write a fancy neural net(don’t ask me how they work, they’re not super-complicated, but not a walk-in-the-park either) and it can classify and recognize some patterns and put something together….but it’s just re-mixing what we’ve already heard and listened to a million times. So no, AI is not that general. The AI of today is very narrow. This is not to say that it is useless. AI is very useful and will be in the future; speech recognition will get better; self-driving cars will improve; it will be able to write “better” songs. But AI won’t have a face; it won’t (and this is subjectively my opinion) have the ability to make moral judgments(and if we allow it to, then we are fools buying snake oil). As a software engineer I found the radical uses of Bayes Theorem somewhat interesting, but not very exciting. I found myself subscribing to the idea to program intelligence into the machine, rather than program it and tell it what to do. This, if I’m being frank, made me a little uncomfortable. As a software engineer I like tinkering with machines, I like to write programs that solve problems(rather than “program” intelligence and let It solve the problems for me). I felt as if I were being submissive to this idea—I know, it’s a stretch. And yes, I am probably romanticizing programming as a craft, but I’m sorry, I can’t help it. Speaking of programming machines, that reminds me, to the AI people(and I’m speaking about the specific people that guided me throughout the class—professors and TAs) the code did not matter. Which struck me as surprising, and a little unnerving. To them all that mattered was the theorems, excel charts and “report”. Which again, given the fact that the code itself in practice is the building block for the AI agent to do whatever it is that it needs to do, was unnerving—borderline frustrating. I don’t write code to plot charts, theorize formulas or see trends. That’s not to say, I write code without documentation. Documentation is not what we are talking about here. Indeed, self-documented code is a must. But to write code to satisfy Bayes Theorem? That itself is frustrating and, in my opinion, goes against the spirit of creativity in programming. It goes against the lemma I follow when I code—hack away. Hack the malloc calls to the point where all of the segments you allocate are continuous; trick the OS into caching at all levels only your processes; manipulate CPU priorities to make your process priority 1 because the game you’re building is over-bloated with physics calculations and unnecessary art, and that computer does not have a GPU. AI felt nothing like hacking computers. AI felt nothing like engineering solutions. It felt like forcing code to comply with some theorem—Bayes Theorem,  making informed decisions, Perceptron, etc. I seriously respect these techniques, because all of them are incredibly cool and quite impressive. And heck, software engineers do use these techniques today. But, in my humble opinion, an engineer doesn’t have to fully comply with a mathematical rule. They are nice because they make a bunch of assumptions that MOST of the time are true. But in engineering, when we have to directly sometimes interact with hardware and users, some of these assumptions are not very useful in practice. Sometimes as engineers, if we were building an OS, one might have to hard-code stuff with macros in C to make a specific architecture/piece of hardware faster. Sometimes in software engineering, one doesn’t have the luxury of just “throwing memory” at a problem—which is part of the idea of machine learning, along with some statistics. Throw memory at it, implement perceptron and you can classify pictures! Engineers have to keep in mind the cost of adding two gigs of ram—cost in terms of money and resources. As an engineer, when handling CPU scheduling, sometimes one doesn’t know what the best scheduling scheme is. Sometimes engineers have to wait till users actually use the software, and get a “feel” for what’s the best CPU scheduling scheme, given the different use cases. AI doesn’t like hard-coded macros, that’s not intelligent. AI doesn’t love edge-cases hacks, that’s not intelligent. AI doesn’t care about beautiful code that might be 10% faster because one follows good practices. AI, from the impression I got in this class, is almost programming-independent. One might even say it finds programming languages hindering because there isn’t a language that fully expresses how “great”(ahem, intelligent) It really is. I could be wrong about these assumptions. Because, heck, what do I know? I’m only a software engineer.

Despite my reservations about AI, I highly recommend taking the class as a CS major. Having said what I said, AI is not going away. For better or worse, it will stay in the lives of people, software engineers and not-software engineers. It is and will be a necessary evil of our present and future. Take the class, get a feel for what you think of it. And if you’re like me—you like to hack computers—you’ll survive in that jungle of probability and intelligence greatness. I honestly can’t tell you to stay or not, that’s your choice. In the meantime, I choose not to.

[imagirium]

At this point, idk if i should even bother so much. I prefer honesty over anything, and I prefer when people just come forward and say it, instead of not saying anything at all. I’m not psych and i can freaking notice.

[timelessusagi]

-I need to rant sorry

I’m sick since Monday, I have terrible headaches, feel week, cold and hot and the same time and often felt queasy. I wanted to go to school, today I went to bed around 21:30 and couldn sleep until 24:00 were I fell into a half sleep wiht weird dreams, I woke up a lot but was really awak again at 4 a clock in the morning. I waited for my mother to get up two hours, she said I could stay home but I needed to set my alarm fro 8 to help my grandma put King in a transportbox so she could bring him to the vet I rested until 8 but she didn’t came first, I told myself I could rest a bit more when she suddenly stomred into our flat and asked me while I’m not in school. I told her why, she disappeared again because the vet was still closed, I tried to rest again and fell half asleep when she came again. I helped her put King in to the transport box and stayed awak after she was gone because it was worth it to go to bed again. When she came back around 09:45 did I help her to feed King with some food from the vet that should help him get better, she mentioned that I should maybe do the dishes to help my mom when I was at home doing nothing all the day. I made a note in my head and told myself that I would it in the afternoon when I feel better

Yeah, I had my peace until 11 when she came again to look if King was doing okay. She started to clean up something in the kitchen and got mad at me for not doing the dishes. I tried to tell her super exhausted that I would do it and that she should please leave know and that I would take care of what she was cleaning up, she didn’t I tried to tell it her again and again but she did it herself and left

I’m tired of this I had maybe 3 hours of sleep, my head hurst horrible and I’m super exhausted. I will do the dishes when I rested enough. I’m just tired of her desperetly trying to help me and my mom when we already told her that we would do the houshodl ourselves, but she doesn’t listen. I’m tired of her telling me I would be lazy, I try to do my best but I’m deperessed I already feel horrible and it’s not like I’m doing nothing. I have to work hard every day to get better at drawing if I ever wanna study art and animation do I need to get better. They sometimes take only 10% of the whole course and I just feel so bad. I’m already stressed enough with worrying about my friends, king my mother I just need to do everythign slow and when I can concentrat enough but she doesn’t get it and I feel bad because she’ s probably nto trying to be mean she jsut wants to help but she#s nto helping this way and I had to get loud again and I was probably super rude even thou I didn’t want to be but I’m just so done with everythign