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lesser-mook · 3 months

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She Said: Hollywood's Humiliating #metoo Disaster

28:00 Absolute Ego-trip, you get rid of powerful men, only for men to still build the skyscrapers you work in anyway, soooooo where’s the W when men are still carrying the team anyway.

And why is it always W “for women”, like you lovable chumps are a different species or some shit. A W for women is W for everyone lmfao.

Be careful of divisionary language. (which I will mention later)

You wanna get more women working in sewers or in Power Plants or Welding? Or the only W for women is when sitting their tush in comfy office seats while men are still one’s actually making the country function on mass doing jobs we don’t even know exist. Hold men accountable at their worst, and we all really need to remember what a Man is at his best while the country’s lights are still on & various other securities have been maintained because of those creatures called “males”, you’re fucking welcome btw.

Better start counting those blessings and be humble, all of us.

God’s greatest curses to women were the womb and the attention of men, his greatest gift to this day is the honor to deliver life and the fact that men give a single shit about women at the expense of men (Yes I basically said the same thing twice, that’s the point).

And the fact that that fuck to give is 100% involuntary so even when dealing with women is logically counterproductive in every way, men can’t turn it off and want to want women anyway.

And you want to know the tragic sick part of that statement/divisionary language I just asserted “ even when dealing with women is logically counterproductive in every way”, that’s only the case- because on a cultural level- You guessed it:

The disconnect is all manufactured/forced/unnatural tension meant to drive you apart and plant the seed to resent resent resent, and you don’t even know why, but the things you read and see tells you that you should.

(When in reality in a lot of workplaces: it’s chill when people allow themselves to just let the social process flow naturally, and stop second guessing everything.)

When men aren’t having as many families because they’re weighing the risk vs reward of even dealing with the women of their own homeland, that IS A SERIOUS PROBLEM. And that’s not Men or women’s fault, you point the finger at your culture, society, the village. Why are men walking away? And please list a reason that doesn’t involve disrespecting men or insinuating men are lacking in some way & women are just ahead (came out the womb at 99LVL) because that attitude is part of what got you here, gaslighting around the goddamn issue, making men the issue 24/7, division division division.

The division It’s not natural family, it’s orchestrated. That’s part of the plan baby.

Women in nature are not counterproductive to a man, you better believe it.

All of this negativity, coaching women to reject advances, be spooked if a man so much as say good morning and planting seeds of resentment in men because women seem entitled while providing next to nothing and ungrateful for shit they don’t even know men die doing on a daily basis.

It’s all orchestrated, it’s not natural. Men and women together is the design, it’s what builds a country to begin with.

This corrosive culture is what you get when people on top controlling what you read and watch- are trying their goddamn hardest to go against the intended design of the universe.

I repeat, that’s the beauty of this film:

26:25 Before we ask "What If women ran the world-", Look at MeToo's body count, look at the anti-human responses, and see how some women can't handle authority on a small scale.

Hell look at cancel mobs, Witch Hunts of old victimized women, cancel culture is the creation of women and simulates witch hunts, like what the hell.

A cancel mob is a form of social authority, if you can’t even handle that, why the hell do we think we wouldn’t end up in a war with women in charge?

So imagine that shit on a National level but you wanna tell me if women were in charge we’d be all Kumbaya? Oh fuuuuuck all the way off, if you think women are these pacifists out the womb you’ve never had to live with more than one woman at the same time in your life.

Strife & ego is a human thing, not a man thing. Women are often just way more subtle about it than men which is why men get reported more on mass.

It’s not that female pedo’s don’t exist for Chris Hansen to catch, they’re just smarter than the male pedo’s lmfao.

36:10 Again, the disconnect in the workplace it's not an accident, that’s the point. The division is the entire point. Not talking to each other, women are being weaponized against men, breaking men like dogs, making men distant from women, that's the entire fucking point. Wake up. A movement for justice became an egotrip, to serve only disconnect. Which hurts women anyway.

That's the punchline.

Social-Engineering, watch those birthrates plummet baby.

Down down down, weaker and weaker country. Weaker superpower, weaker, rival. Awfully convenient for any who’d love to see your land crumble.

Surprised after 50 years your Gov. doesn’t take more steps to encourage more stronger family units & fix the sex disconnect (Because better culture mean better sex relations, means one more step toward better national prosperity), hmm almost as if-.

#youtube #women #men #disconnect #division of the sexes #wake up #misandry #me too movement #me too #sex relations #america #rant

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holdharmonysacred · 2 years

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Actually Iruma-kun’s handling of the main class in general is just super super good. Because the vast bulk of the class really does start off as just a bunch of funny background chumps who don’t really do anything other than Exist and make Iruma’s class not empty. But then the “Iruma gets turned evil for a week” arc happens and forces the cast into a situation where now Everybody In The Class has to actually Do Things, and the manga finally gets to show off who these characters are and what they can do, and this massive jump in importance for everybody else in Iruma’s class stays for the rest of the series and it’s so good. The series before that arc was great, but I really do think that arc and the way it turned The Entire Class into a genuinely lovable Squad was the point where the series got Really Really good.

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eightysixed · 3 years

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happier than ever

You call me again, drunk in your Benz Drivin' home under the influence You scared me to death, but I'm wastin' my breath 'Cause you only listen to your fuckin' friends I don't relate to you I don't relate to you, no 'Cause I'd never treat me this shitty You made me hate this city

words: 3.2k plot: emma and tomo’s relationship, in a nutshell. trigger warnings: abuse, assault, drugs, cheating, violence, blood, suicidal ideation, nsfw

Five years is a lifetime when you’ve just begun your twenties. It’s half a decade of years so formative and important that you don’t really realize their importance until they have flown past.

Emma spent those years with Tomo.

[ SEPTEMBER 2014 ]

A twenty-one year old goes to an Outkast concert. She gets propositioned by a guy. Rough, pushy, handsy, it’s enough to make her feel suffocated, plan paths of escape or desperately look for a face in the crowd that could intervene. Then he comes in with his buddies and they all but rescue her. How ironic Emma thinks, years later. What a Disney-ified, damsel in distress moment to have and to meet by.

They spend the rest of the concert together, follow it up with an after hours at Los Coyotes, wolfing down soft shells in between food-spitting laughter. Emma, Tomo, and his two buddies. The energy is infectious, and she doesn’t want to say goodbye at the end of the night. It’s a feeling she has never felt before; those sparks in his eyes that are in hers too, the way he grounds and floors her. They exchange numbers and Emma’s face lights up as she’s getting off her Muni owl: it’s a text from him.

It doesn’t take long for his contact name to acquire an Emoji heart next to it, the girl who ridiculed these kinds of things in high school now finding herself enamoured, head-over-heels, and not caring for the criticisms of formerly cynical self.

[ OCTOBER ] A month later and she’s packed up and moved into his place, about as happy as she has ever been of late; everything in life falls into place with him, just makes sense.

[ NOVEMBER ] He gets エマ tattooed on his collarbone; her name in katakana. She gets 23, his lucky number.

They spend thanksgiving with her mom in Cupertino. Frankie hasn’t seen Emma this animated again in a long time, composes a poem about in her head as the green beans and pumpkin pie are passed around. Later of course, she pulls out the baby photos, much to Emma’s embarrassment and Tomo’s delight. “You were such a fat baby, Jesus,” Tomo laughs. “She looks like she ate baby Jesus,” her mother quips.

When her mom falls asleep, they sneak out and climb up Emma’s childhood treehouse armed with blankets. They gaze at a sliver of night sky through a gap in the roof as Emma tells him her childhood dreams of flying to space and inventing computers that could contact extraterrestrial life. They kiss, they make love, Emma ponders her stance on marriage being outdated and for chumps and losers next to a snoring Tomo.

[ FEBRUARY 2015 ] Their first Valentine’s day together they drop acid at Pier 39. An irate parent yells at them for making out on the merry-go-round in view of children; have they no shame.

She makes new friends, dozens, someone always at their place as Tomo plays them new tracks, smoke weed together, and watch the oil projector light show make shapes on the ceiling. They talk about the future, fame, and world domination.

They don’t discuss babies because neither of them care for that sort of shit — but they do talk about moving into a bigger place together, maybe getting a dog or two — the breed is subject of many arguments.

[ MARCH ] In peak puppy fever, Emma adopts a two year old rescue bulldog named Tito. It’s the first, tiny sign of a crack in their relationship, of dissent — she thinks she sees Tomo glare at the precious pup when he thinks she isn’t looking. But maybe she imagined it. He does shed and slobber uncontrollably after all, and her boyfriend happens to be a clean freak.

[ JULY ] That summer, Emma braves a plane once more to see Tomo play in Atlanta. His set is off the walls and for the first time, she is amazed to see just how many fans he has, how far this boyfriend of hers has come from making tracks in his living room. It’s just too bad she is fast asleep when he tiptoes out of their hotel room to meet one of said fans for a back-alley blowjob.

They roadtrip across the South to play some more venues and the pattern repeats itself in Louisiana, Texas, New Mexico. She wakes up in a cold sweat one night in Vegas, confused as to why he’s gone. “Out getting food. Got hungry.” The message hits her in a weird place, but she is tired, sleepy, and in a haze; Emma accepts, does not question. He even returns with some Taco Bell for her.

Timeskip — 3 years:

[ APRIL 2018 ]

Emma is on her hands and knees in a bathroom, vomit dripping off the toilet rim. She can’t remember how or why she got here, but she’s here. Everything seems to be swimming backwards. Eventually she is able to collect herself off the floor, splash water against her face and wall-to-wall stagger back out of the bathroom. It didn’t work, she’s purged the worst of it but still feeling funny. “Oh, Emma, there you are.” A man’s hands wrap around her. He says he’s friends with Tomo. Says he’ll take her to him. Fade to black.

Waking up with strange bruises should not become a norm, but it does. Emma dismisses it, goes to work, does her best.

Things with Tomo are a violent rollercoaster; some days are great, some days nondescript; and some days downright nightmarish. They fight, throw shit, break shit, yell at each other. Things almost border on the unacceptable as words turn into threats, threats turn to action. A hand around the throat; a body pinned to the wall — her body, of course. His weed grinder he threw that hit her in the head which he swore he’d meant to only toss at the wall. It never crosses a line into the unacceptable, though. That’s what Emma tells herself. He might push her down on the bed, sure, but a bed was soft. He might squeeze her throat in the heat of an argument, but never so much that she’s passing out. He doesn’t hit, kick, or punch her. That was what abusers did, not him.

She tells herself he can’t help it, his mother used to punish him and his father didn’t love him and now he lashes out the only way he knows how, on the only person he can. He didn’t grown up in as loving a home like she did. He had his reasons. It was okay. They were okay. And the makeup sex afterwards? The best ever.

[ MAY 2018 ] A month later and Emma is walking in on some girl riding Tomo’s dick like the world was ending, right there on their couch. On their goddamn couch they picked out together, hauled up the stairs with the delivery men. Somehow, the worst part about it all, Emma’s fucked up brain tells her, is that Tito is there to witness it. Her innocent, furry son, witnessing his ‘dad’ for all intents and purposes, cheating on his mom. A ridiculously thought but one she has nonetheless as she’s driving away, Tito next to her in the passenger seat. She goes to sleep at a friend’s and sobs the entire night.

Despite herself, she doesn’t break up with him; but the rift is a mile wide and constantly palpable. Tomo becomes relentlessly apologetic. Not only does he beg forgiveness, he does it live on-air at a radio station, on social media, Emma bombarded by strangers she doesn’t know writing her to take him back. Then he goes and uses her personal kryptonite pulls a Lloyd Dobler outside her work with a Cocorosie song she was absolutely weak for. She hates making a public scene but the sentimental part of her is melting at the gesture, the boombox, all of it. Emma stays. He’d been a shitbag, but he was her shitbag, with all his lovable and terrible qualities wrapped into one person, and she just had to take the shit with the good. Because there was no one else she’d rather be with, ripping side-stitches from too much laughter at four in the morning, tears in her eyes for a good reason this time, from one of his horrifying jokes.

He was hers and she was his, that’s just how it was to be. Well, as much as she could call him hers when he seemed to be everybody else’s in the process.

Emma does ridiculous, degrading, uncomfortable things in the name of love, and yet in the end she can’t hold on to the love she had for him in the beginning. Way back when they were going up on that ferris wheel at the pier and he looked at her like he had nothing but love in this world, for her. That was what hurt the most, because now the ferris wheel only went down.

There are threesomes, fivesomes, sixsomes, so many bodies in between hers and the one she loves, all in the name of exciting him, holding onto him, trying to be something for him that measured up to Enough. But none of it is enough. None of it makes him happy, nor did it make her happy. She gives him an inch and he takes a mile and then demands more, smiling with blood in his mouth. She breaks down and becomes something she doesn’t recognize in the mirror. Whether it was an act of revenge or desperation, or finally wanting to give him a taste of his own medicine, Emma sleeps with Corey, one of his best friends. She takes pictures, sends them to him “by accident”. She hates herself through it all, every moment of it, mostly for what he made her into. And yet, underneath all the layers of attempts at hurting him she was really just crawling on all fours, begging him to love her again, need her and want he the way he did in the beginning. Craving to get that first hit back, the one she had been on a residue high off of for four years, the one that now tasted metallic and rancid in her throat.

The worst part? Tomo doesn’t care. He texts her back, telling her to have fun, to send more pictures. She’s never felt this hollow, this empty, this non-entity of a being. The day of her high school graduation flashes in her mind, her dad telling her to never lose her identity, the core of what made her, her. Emma took that core and probably threw it into the Pacific. Somewher between Japan and California, it lies at the bottom of the ocean.

[ APRIL 2019 ]

Turns out, Emma could draw a line, and that line was becoming accessory to a drug deal. She knew Tomo sold on the side to make up for all the money going into the records, but it had always been a few pills here and there, nothing big. But this? Fentanyl, Xanax, bricks of coke and hash? It was a lot. It was too much.

He sells the drugs and her to go with it, and that’s the end right there. The package she delivers to the apartment he asks her to deliver it to turns into a hostage situation, and she leaves hours later, bruises and caked blood on her. She can’t go home, doesn’t want to. She wants to jump off the bridge she’s crossing from Oakland back to the city. Any bridge, any of them would do. She understands why people jump from the Golden Gate now, or maybe always had. She was there now, climbing the railings, she was ready. She wanted that plunge so badly, would be sad to leave one parent, but good to be reunited with the other. Maybe there she’d be happy, maybe there she’d find peace.

She calls Ben that night. She’s dry eyed and unemotional, but as soon as she gets the right words, verbalizes her situation, she’s sobbing again. Tomo is out of the city, across the country in Philly on tour. Now was the time, if there was any time for it. She’s not even done with the call when Ben is getting in his car to drive to her. It’s 6 hours from Ojai to San Francisco; he tells her he’ll be there in five. She never deserved a friend like him and never would, Emma thinks as she packs, hastily because somehow Tomo walking through the front door as a ‘surprise’ wouldn’t be out of the question. In the end, she can’t pack everything, has to leave so much behind, her records, books, knickknacks. Five years in this apartment and she’s leaving all of it behind, making a getaway in the middle of the night like some kind of burglar.

By three in the morning he’s here, and they get to packing her suitcases in the car, stacking them as best as they fit in his trunk and backseat, all of Tito’s things and then Tito on a bed in the seat in the back. Emma is in busy mode, stacking and packing everything as fast she can, still somewhere in the back of her mind thinking Tomo would appear at the last minute, and how with Ben here, things could get ugly. She doesn’t want them to get ugly. She loved him far too much to see him have to deal with Tomo, the only person in that specific firing line should be her and no one else.

They drive off. She only feels herself unclench an hour out of Daly City, somewhere in between the Bay and Southern California, where she can exhale. She’s still looking behind them constantly, wondering if every passing car could somehow be him. The saddest, most desperate part of all this that a part of her wants him to have followed. One last ditch attempt to get her back. An all out attempt, one where he would get on both knees and apologize, swear to never be this way again and follow through with it, because he was her person, he was her only person, there was nobody else in this world for her but him, but what do you do when you had to run from your person in the dead of night?

She pulls her raincoat tighter when they stop to get gas, a cold and windy middle of nowhere gas station. She’s not sure how she ends up embracing him, but they’re in it, and feeling someone’s arms around her, somebody that actually cares, who’d never hurt her, who was family, was her mom and his sister and everybody she loved rolled into one, feels like a reprieve. She feels like dirt for making him do this, making him worry, Emma was a piece of shit for that.

She says as much. He tells her to shut up, that she’s nothing like that and this was nothing that he wouldn’t have done for her on any night, any time at all. And maybe that, that was the night she fell in love with him a little bit, or realized she had always been, all along, but God likes to play Lucifer’s games with the little lives he watches over, and it wasn’t made to be, too late anyway since she’d left her heart in somebody else’s hands where it would stay. And he doesn’t need a mess like her anyway, just thinking of the name Catarina was enough. It had been five years but she still remembered the day like yesterday. How low he had been back then. How they would get high together and feel miserable together because at least they had that. They had Weetzie too, but she hadn’t experienced loss like they had, she sympathized but she’d never know what this particular slice of hell was like. But Ben and Emma knew. She knew it in that part of her ribs that met his, and she did not know what she would do if she didn’t have that, have Ben Abrams in her life.

[ MARCH 2021 ]

Fast forward two years, and the ex is in town. Here, in Los Angeles. That very ex you worked so hard to forget, to heal from, to act like he wasn’t there. And yet, reminders of him were constantly there, everywhere. She doesn’t tell her friends, doesn’t tell anybody he’s in town, just balks when his so called best friend turns up in her neighborhood. She nearly grabs Tito and runs the other way, but it had been too late for that and they have a forced, awkward catch-up. He’s oblivious to anything happening, had barely known about her and Tomo breaking up. Figures, Emma thought, that he would act like nothing happened at all.

He’s in town, and every day she goes to work dreading something happening. She thinks she sees him outside the tattoo parlor’s window, but it’s someone else entirely. She’s losing it again, losing sleep, falling prey to her nightmares. Has a boyfriend now but even that doesn’t help, if anything, he’s a guilty reminder of just how little progress she had made, because she couldn’t devote the time and attention somebody like that needed in her life. Not when all she could think about was him.

The worst part is that once he’s long gone again, back up north, she’s feeling that hollow feeling again. Feeling upset that he didn’t seek her out, didn’t come see her. Even though she knew what an unmitigated disaster that would’ve been, the horrible, rotten part of her wanted it. Of course it wanted it. Two years and her skin still itched for him like an addict longing to be in the throes of fullblown relapse. But he didn’t track her down, call, or text, and that was that. Her only run-in with him involves a party flyer papered on a wall, his name in big stylized letters as the headlining DJ at the club. She stares at that flyer for a little too long, it burns itself in her eye like she’d looked at the sun for too long. And then she does the worst thing she could probably do, go on instagram. Only to find he has a new girlfriend. A brunette with tattoos who looked fun and flirty and everything she had been all those years ago.

That was the last tip of the scale. She reactivates her Tinder, finds some half okay looking guy, makes plans to meet him that night. It’s terrifying, so terrifying going through with, but she gets sufficiently drunk, then high on top of that, and goes through with it. Thinking of another boy’s name the entire time, his face, his body, hands and all the rest. Twelve hours later she’s leaving his apartment, no longer the nun of two years she’d become and feeling shitty about that on top of everything else. It was probably time to go see Karen again she thinks, smoking a cigarette under the sun that melts her while waiting for her Uber home. Thanks friends, thanks family, I’ve made terrific process with all your help and am now back to square one. Thanks for everything.

Maybe in a decade’s time.

Maybe she’d be over it by then.

#billie eilish and her new album sponsored this para #literally billie wrote this song for emma i die #did i have his s.para tucked away for 2 whole years because i was too lazy to finish it? yup #emma #self para #self para: emma #npc: tomo slater

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moominquartz · 5 years

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rating: G fandom: Steven Universe prompt: Secret Relationship word count: 1.4k requester: @krisseycrystal

Sharing an Ube Roll After Hours

In the Spacetries Bakery, past closing time, Lars and the Cool Kids have a heart-to-heart.

The ship in this fic is Lars/Jenny/Buck/SC, and it was so much fun! I haven’t written a poly ship in a long time. I hope y’all like it! It takes place pre-Little Graduation.

[Read on AO3]

“I… I can’t believe it.”

Lars struggles to wrap his head around the idea as he stares at the three of them. Sitting in his bakery after hours, the doors are locked and the lights are dimmed. The original trio sits at one of the only booths in the joint, all splitting an ube roll, while Lars leans against the counter by his empty display.

“Seriously. All of you?”

“Sure.” Jenny says it like it means absolutely nothing at all. Like it’s the easiest thing in the world to admit. “I like Buck and Sour Cream, and they both like me and they like each other. So why should we have to pick and choose?”

Lars’s brain is broken. “B-but… That’s so easy.” And it’s so hard? Why can’t he comprehend this?

“’Sides,” Buck says around another bite of subtle sweetness, “it’s pretty fun to go on a date with more than one person.”

Is it? Lars has never done that before. The only person he’s ever dated was Sadie, and…

“How come I never knew? How long have you guys been...?”

“A few years now,” Jenny answers with a grin.

“You never knew because we didn’t want you to know,” Sour Cream adds, which is honest if nothing else. “It was nothin’ personal. Most people don’t know, and that’s how we like it.”

“Less people being nosy,” Buck agrees.

“I tell my daddy that I’m gonna get an apartment with my two ‘besties,’ and he’s all about it.” Jenny laughs. “But if I told him I was dating two bi guys, he’d probably flip a lid.”

“H-he would…?” Lars’s voice is more nervous than he should be.

“Over the two guys thing,” Sour Cream clarifies.

Buck nods. “Not because he’s biphobic or anything.”

“That’d be super lame.”

“Yeah. Biphobia is for chumps.”

Lars wants to beg them to slow down, but at the same time, he’s realizing that… this actually makes a lot of sense.

How many times has he seen them walk down the boardwalk, arm-in-arm? How many times has he seen them on the beach, curled up a little too close; had hands linked in what looked like a prayer and broken up too quickly as he came near? How often has he felt like a ‘fourth wheel,’ on the outside looking in?

He’d always chalked the latter up to his own intense social anxiety, but maybe there’d been more to it. Maybe he’d felt like that because there’d been evidence for it right in front of him, and he just hadn’t known this kind of thing was possible.

“I’m… really happy for you guys.” They all turn to look at him, blinking in surprise, and Lars feels… surprisingly heartfelt. He laughs, the sound less nervous, softer. “I’m real honored you’re opening up about this to me. I promise I won’t spill the beans to anyone.”

Jenny sighs. “Oh, honey.”

Lars blinks.

“We’re not giving you all the back story because we think you’re a super chill friend.” Buck pauses. “Although, you are a super chill friend.”

“Th...thanks?”

“We’re asking you, dude.” Sour Cream shifts so he’s no longer got an arm wrapped around Buck. He picks up the fork, breaks off a piece of ube roll, and extends it to him. “Make our trio a quartet.”

Huh.

“Huh?!”

“Everybody knows you need four wheels on a car,” Buck says with a solemn nod, like that’s some wise proverb everyone’s grandma says.

“Four pieces to a band; vocalist, guitar, keyboard, drums.” Jenny hums in agreement.

“W-wait, wait, wait!” Now he desperately needs them to pump the metaphorical brakes on this conversation! He’s waving his hands wildly, face burning — which shouldn’t be possible because he’s undead, and yet! Apparently dying doesn’t absolve you from the mortifying ordeal of having your embarrassments broadcast to the entire world! “What are you guys talking about? Me?”

“Is… that a no?” Sour Cream asks, crestfallen, fork setting back against the plate.

“It—it—” It’s … not a no? That revelation slaps him in the face. Hasn’t he always been envious of what they’ve had? And here they are, inviting him into it. So what’s his hang up?

“It’s… It’s a why me?” The question comes across as somehow both self-deprecating and disrespectful to them, but he can’t wrap his mind around it. “You guys were looking for a fourth, and you picked me?”

“Well, sure!” Though she says it with cheer in her voice, there’s a look on Jenny’s face that Lars has seen too often and knows too well. She’s reading him, and she’s concerned. “You’ve practically been one of us for like, two years now. And you’re a real sweet guy, Lars. You’re like a pineapple.”

“Prickly on the outside and soft on the inside, huh?” Lars sighs.

“Actually.” Buck speaking up surprises him; he even removes his sunglasses, which almost never happens. “I think you’ve become softer over the years, man. You’ve got a lot more emotional intelligence than you did as a teen and you’ve become more genuine, too. We all have. And it’s really shining through in you.”

Sour Cream smiles. “I’m bad at words, but you’re pretty hot, too.”

“I…” His voice fails him suddenly, and his eyes start misting, and it’s not because of the ‘hot’ thing.

It’s partly because of the ‘hot’ thing.

“Y-you guys would… seriously want me around?” His voice breaks, and it’s pretty pathetic. “All of you?”

“Of course,” Jenny says with all the sincerity in the world. She pats the empty seat next to her, raising an eyebrow, an open invitation.

Lars has never thought of himself as lovable.

He’s made mistakes. More than anyone else ever has, probably. His social anxiety led to him a landslide of them: purposefully throwing school so he wasn’t seen as ‘nerdy;’ overemphasizing his own masculinity to the point of toxicity, because heaven forbid someone see him as even slightly feminine; mistreating Ronaldo, who used to be his best friend; and then he repeated that mistake, over and over and over. With Steven, it was like water off a duck’s back; that boy didn’t care what anyone thought of him, and he had enough in him to love every person in the entire universe.

But Sadie… Sadie hadn’t been like that. She hadn’t deserved it — more so than anyone else. She’d been kind, and caring, and sensitive. And Lars had needed someone like that, someone willing to pry him open and listen to him when he needed it, someone to trust him enough to let him do the same. But she wasn’t ‘cool,’ and he couldn’t be allowed to be seen with her like that, and so he did things like pretend he hated her when she wasn’t around and like he didn’t want to be with her when she was, and then he still expected her to be there for him and—

“Hey.”

He blinks and realizes he’s crying.

Sour Cream has a hand on his shoulder, concern on his face, and Lars doesn’t even remember the three of them standing up, but suddenly they’re there, and then Buck pulls him in for a tight hug. Then Jenny joins, and the three of them are surrounding him, holding him, enfolding him in all the warmth and love he never thought he’d ever earn.

And slowly, through the tears, Lars gives a soft laugh, arms wrapping around them in turn. “Hey, uh… if you’ll have me… then. Yes.”

Jenny squeals, leaning in to plant a solid kiss on his cheek. The motion is dizzying, something he’s seen Shep and Sadie do dozens of times and felt the green monster burning in his chest — not for Sadie, but for what they had.

“You guys… wanna head back to my place?” Lars asks, cheeks heating up, even though this is no different than anything else he’s ever asked of them. “There’s… this new horror flick on Webflicks, if you guys are up for it.”

“Sweet. I love sampling that stuff.”

“Sure thing, babe, I’ve been meaning to see that one.”

“Buck is pleased.”

Buck takes Lars’s hand as they all separate, and it’s the smallest thing, but Lars feels his spirits lift, heart beating as fast as it can, to do the same things they always do in a new, exciting context.

Lars is pleased, too.

#su #su fic #lars barriga #jenny pizza #buck dewey #sour cream (su)#i have no clue what their ship name is so please enlighten me if you know it #isaiah writes #isaiah original

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pass-the-bechdel · 5 years

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Marvel Cinematic Universe: Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

Does it pass the Bechdel Test?

No.

How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?

Four (23.52% of cast).

How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?

Thirteen.

Positive Content Rating:

Three.

General Film Quality:

Loads of fun, though tonally dissonant; works best on first viewing. Easily the superior film of the Thor franchise, though that’s not a huge achievement considering its predecessors.

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) UNDER THE CUT:

Passing the Bechdel:

Sigh.

Female characters:

Hela.

Scrapper 142 (I know, she is credited as Valkyrie, but since the name is never used to address her in the film it doesn’t count by the rules of this blog; if she didn’t happen to be referred to by her scrapper number a few times, she wouldn’t count as a named character at all).

Topaz.

Natasha Romanoff.

Male characters:

Thor.

Surtur.

Skurge.

Loki.

Stephen Strange.

Odin.

Volstagg.

Hogun.

The Grandmaster.

Carlo.

Korg.

Bruce Banner.

Heimdall.

OTHER NOTES:

The use of Immigrant Song is my favourite thing about this movie, to be honest. I don’t mean that as an insult, it’s just such a good choice.

The inclusion of Doctor Strange in this film feels like a pointless misstep, a distraction at what is really a vital early point in establishing tone, especially considering this useless scene is what leads us in to...

...the literal death of Odin and introduction of Big Bad Hela, all of which should be emotional and intense and is instead flat and dissonant in the extreme. Watching this for the first time, I was very concerned that the whole film was just gonna end up gimmicky and soulless. While it does pick up, I was also not wrong about that early assessment.

Not that I was attached to Thor’s friends from the previous films, but they sure do just kill them off without fanfare, except for Sif who just doesn’t appear at all (logically, we should assume she dies off-screen, otherwise there’s no reason for her not to be up-front with Thor at the end of the movie). Fandral doesn’t even get a line in before he croaks, that’s how irrelevant these franchise-veteran characters are. Emotional engagement in plot and character is for chumps, anyway.

*whispers* Jeff Goldblum is here.

“Piss off, ghost!”

Hulk reveal is pretty solid, if you manage not to have been spoiled (a tall order, since it was in the promos).

Heimdall is still the MVP of the Thor franchise.

Can’t believe it took this long for any movie to squeeze some real fun and heart out of the Hulk character. This is way better than embarrassingly forcing a love match on him.

The valkyrie-battle memory is soooo good-looking.

This movie is too recent to be using the word ‘gypsy’...

Thor’s story about Loki pretending to be a snake when they were kids is the good shit.

But, Immigrant Song is still the most inspired choice of the film. Not sorry.

So, this is one of those movies which I felt was pretty over-hyped, to be honest. It is great fun, don’t get me wrong, it’s fresh and hilarious and subversive and way the Hell better than the previous Thor films, plus it has a great cast and strong visuals and they used Immigrant Song really effectively...but the tone of the film is an absolute fucking mess, the plotting is a shambles, and there’s nowhere near as much heart and weight underpinning it all as what there should be for a movie involving the near-total destruction of an entire civilisation. The majority of the movie is handed over to a shenanigan-heavy side-plot of no consequence to the central conflict, while the central conflict - LITERAL RAGNAROK - is relegated to a handful of scenes sprinkled across the film, obliterating any chance of it seeming meaningful or even particularly serious. The strongest point of the story is the final act, once Thor and company finally get to Asgard to confront Hela, but the narrative doesn’t earn that strong finish; it just goes to show how much more engaging the rest of the film could have been if they had stayed on track.

This is a big part of why this movie - while a delightful surprise on first viewing - doesn’t age particularly well on repeat; this was my fourth time through, and by the third quarter, as Sakaar draaaagged through its roster of jokes and pratfalls, my attention span was waning fast. Even if the entire garbage-planet sidebar was not distracting from what should have been a very serious main plot, I’m not sure it would remain engaging long-term, since it is rather spare and low on emotional/character investment; it’s not a pitfall of comedy that has to exist (heavily-emotional and/or dark comedies are definitely a real thing), but unfortunately, this is not a movie that is very interested in what has come before it, and it expresses that disinterest by neglecting any element of the established Thor mythology which might have brought this plot a sense of meaning. As such, rather than feeling like ‘the Thor movie that finally got it right’, it’s more like a reboot, with old characters unceremoniously ditched and any sense of purpose or import in old story threads or histories gone right alongside Asgard itself.

I’ve seen people praise this film for its ‘anti-Imperialism, anti-colonialism’ message, but I feel it’s a point weakly made onscreen; any depth to that argument would require a more sincere effort from the script in addressing those scant Asgard scenes, and as such, I feel that this element - though it isn’t completely wishful thinking - is much more in the eye of the beholder than it is a function of the narrative itself. The attempt to engage with any thoughtful discussion on Asgard’s legacy is a swift casualty of the film’s overall superficiality, just the same as the devastation of Asgard and the decimation of its population is blithely underplayed because, hey, Thor vs Hulk is worth way more attention than genocide, right? It’s that tonal dissonance in the two pieces of the plot which keeps me from really relaxing and enjoying the lightness, because that lightness is both excessive and out-of-place; I feel uncomfortable being asked to just shrug and go with it, I want to be emotionally involved and moved by the plight of the Asgardians, and instead I’m stuck watching Thor get a haircut and an eyeful of Hulk dick. Under almost any other circumstances, I would be all about a hard-comedy version of Thor, especially after the generic drudgery of the earlier installments in the franchise, but at the same time as Ragnarok? Not so much.

That said? This film is definitely not without quality. Comedic quality, for sure (anything with Taika Waititi’s name attached is worth a look), and there really are some great casting flourishes (though I maintain disappointment that the Asgard plot is so undersold, because it means Karl Urban and especially Cate Blanchett are under-utilised); for the interests of this blog, it’s that Scrapper 142 aka Valkyrie who forms the highlight (and she’s a worthy highlight without the context of this blog, too). Valkyrie’s drunk, angry sauntering and her snappy disregard for Thor’s righteous pontificating positions her within an archetype normally restricted to male characters only, too loose and unseemly for a female character, who might be found dislikeable and (horror of horrors) too sloppy to be sexy, whereas a man in the same archetype is funny, a ‘lovable asshole’, and the perception of his appearance is not tied up in his behaviour the same way nor is he under the same pressure to prioritise his appeal for the audience in the first place. Angry male drunkards who begrudgingly tag along with the protagonist in the end because they’re surly but not bad, those are a dime a dozen, but a woman in the same position? A rare gem indeed. And Valkyrie is more than just a fresh twist on an old cliche; her personality is grounded, it has a relatable simplicity (disillusionment with a side-order of survivor’s guilt), and there’s a confidence about the way she and the unspoken parts of her life are presented, without need to force a connection with Thor and his personal plight in order to justify Valkyrie’s actions or relevance to the plot. She’s an entirely self-contained character who could just as easily have the story to herself with no further mention of Thor et al., and that’s the hallmark of any well-constructed character: the ability to stand alone.

As a whole, this movie is far from bad - when I call it overrated, I am very much talking about the fact that it’s mostly a string of shenanigans with minimal narrative underpinning, and while that’s not a terrible thing in itself, I do think the hype around this movie implied that it had something more to offer than just laughs and a retro look. For me personally, the lack of emotional engagement and character stakes is close to a fatal flaw, and so while I enjoy this movie on a superficial level, it gives me nothing I need in order to really dig it (for others, obviously, this is not a problem). It always rubs me the wrong way to see something completely disavow previous chapters in the same story - there’s a big difference between developing an idea in a new direction, and simply ditching whatever you didn’t like about what came before - and I would have preferred to see this film make its changes with at least a modicum of respect for the foundations it is building upon (basic as the previous Thor films were, they weren’t catastrophic embarrassments). And yes, ultimately, the burying of the Ragnarok plot under a pile of Planet Garbage (feat. Jeff Goldblum) is just a little unforgivable in my mind, and it’s the first thing I think of whenever this film pops up; I really, really wish that Ragnarok were not part of this plot at all, that the Sakaar part of the story (i.e. the part that The Powers That Be were actually invested in, clearly) formed the bulk of the second film in the Thor franchise instead, since that movie basically sucked and took itself too seriously, and then the Thor film which took itself seriously could have been actually about Ragnarok. Basically, I wish that Marvel had gotten their shit together sooner rather than later with this part of the franchise, because while this worked out fine for them monetarily, narratively it’s just not a step I can get behind.

#Thor: Ragnarok #Marvel Cinematic Universe #MCU #Bechdel Test #female representation

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kakuzuko · 3 years

Note

Often it’s said he slept in a barrel. Basically he was the bawdy lovable rouge of the Ancient Greek philosophers romance game. “In a rich mans house the only place to spit is his face” Plato (I think) trying really hard to do taxonomy and come up with a concrete definition for human and barrel sleeper is like oh unfeathered? Two legs? If I pluck this chicken it doesn’t have feathers anymore lmao get wrekt (personally I think he’s a chump for this one it’s a bad faith interpretation to include forcibly removed feathers in “unfeathered”)

man im trying SO hard to wrap my head around these words but i honestly have no idea what any of this means. thank you anyway! I looked up pictures of him and he was in a rather large pot in each painting and not a barrel, which makes a little more sense, so the hermit crab thing made sense i mean as long as the dudes comfy and safe in there do what u want. I have no idea what youre talking about featherless chickens

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eyeliketwowatch · 6 years

Photo

A Chump at Oxford - Episodic Hodge Podge, but quite funny in places

Hadn’t seen this one before, although the “butler/maid” sequence looked sort of familiar. As usual with these longer ‘features’, the story tends to be a bit convoluted and meandering, but there are some gags and sequences in this one that really stand out as some of their funniest moments on film. Also features a young Peter Cushing in a small role as a student prankster. Interesting to see Stan play a different character (his british lord, once a window falls on his head and helps him regain his memory), but it isn’t long before the audience (and Oliver) gets to missing our lovable Stan, just proving how wonderful his usual characterization is.

I thought the “extra hands” sequence in the hedge maze was brilliant and rivals the Marx Brothers ‘mirror routine’ in Duck Soup for sustained hilarity.

3.5 stars out of 5

Released 1939, First Viewing June 2018 (although parts of it may have been seen before)

#1939 #Stan Laurel #Oliver Hardy #Peter Cushing #Alfred Goulding #James Finlayson #Charlie Hall #Comedy

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elcinelateleymickyandonie · 3 years

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IRIS ADRIAN.

Filmography

1930 The Vagabond King

1930 Lord Byron of Broadway

1930 Paramount on Parade

1930 Let's Go Native

1930 Midnight Daddies

1935 Rumba

1940 go west

1941 Meet the Chump

1941 Island of Terror

1941 The Lady from Cheyenne

1941 Road to Zanzibar

1941 Too many blondes

1941 Calling the Wild Geese

1941 Sing another chorus

1943 The Crystal Ball

1943 Calaboose

1943 He's my boy

1943 Ladies' Day

1943 Taxi, sir

1943 Lady of Burlesque

1947 Fall Guy

1947 Philo Vance Returns

1947 Love and Learn

1947 The problem of women

1947 The melancholic widow of Wagon Gap

1948 Smart Woman

1948 Out of the storm

1948 The Paleface

1949 Miss Mink from 1949

1949 my dream is yours

1949 Sky Dragon

1949 Flamingo Road

1949 The Lovable Cheat

1949 Mighty Joe Young

1949 Yukon Trail

1949 Woman on Pier 13

1949 Hard Assignment

1949 Always let them laugh

1957 The Helen Morgan Story

1957 Carnival Rock

1958 The Buccaneer

1961 Blue Hawaii

1961 The errand boy

1964 Fate is the hunter

1965 That damn cat!

1968 The Odd Couple

1968 The Love Bug

1971 The Barefoot Executive

1971 Scandalous John

1975 The Apple Dumpling Gang

1976 No deposit, no refund

1976 Gus

1976 The Shaggy DA

1976 Strange Friday

1980 Herbie Goes Bananas.

Créditos: Tomado de Wikipedia

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iris_Adrian

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darkfrog24 · 11 months

Text

404 coolness not found

GINEVRA: Remember, Tybalt, October got brainwhammied hard into thinking she's a sweetieniciepants meebly-meeb. When we see her, try to play it low key.

TYBALT: I have had four months to mentally rehearse this. I think I can manage not to completely alienate my own wife.

OCTOBER: *shows up*

TYBALT: I'M TYBALT AND YOU SHOULD BE YELLING MORE. HANG ON, I GOTTA PUNCH A WALL AND ALSO SOME PEOPLE.

OCTOBER: *nopes out*

TYBALT: ?

GINEVRA: Is it a diplomatic incident if I smack you?

TYBALT: We both know it isn't.

#sleep no more spoilers #october daye spoilers #lovable chumps #october daye #seanan mcguire #sleep no more #I haven't read Innocent Sleep yet so I don't know if Raj predicted this would happen #original posts

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entergamingxp · 4 years

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Making a Video Game Hero: Sports Edition

May 29, 2020 1:00 PM EST

Our latest Making a Video Game Hero series takes to the digital sports arenas around the world as we strive to create the best athlete.

Thus far, these lists have been relatively easy to put together. After all, whether you’re platforming in 2D or 3D, you’re still jumping around. Action-adventure is a little murkier, but even there, you basically know what you’re getting yourself into. However, when trying to build the ultimate sports game star, we ran into some obvious difficulties.

What sport are you playing? How do you possibly weigh the difference between a silky smooth jumper and a devastating stiff arm? We decided to just do the best we could to build the Bo Jackson of virtual sports. Except without, ya know, the crippling hip injuries that will derail his career before it really gets started.

So, what does this monstrosity of bulging muscles, computer-like intelligence, and boyish charm look like? Well, give our creation a look below, and be sure to let us know why we’re wrong in the comments below. And remember, the only rule is we can only use one character per game entry. Otherwise, this would just be all Backyard Sports characters.

Brain: Pablo Sanchez (Backyard Sports) Runners’ Up: Tom Brady (Madden NFL 09), Tiger Woods (Tiger Woods PGA Tour 14)

Tom Brady in Madden NFL 09 is the football savant’s most cerebral version. While his arm skills are worth salivating over, it’s the star’s mind that makes him one of the all-time greats. And while he lost that season in real life due to injury, his virtual counterpart tore up the NFL with reckless abandon.

Likewise, there aren’t many athletes that possess the same killer instincts that Tiger Woods had in his heyday. While we can argue over which video game version is his best, you can’t tell us there’s a virtual player who dominates with their brain and brawn more than Tiger did.

However, our ultimate choice is Pablo Sanchez from the Backyard Sports series. Look at the young lad. If you’re on the playground and selecting your first pick for any sport based on appearances, Pablo is one of the last kids you pick. He’s short. He’s got a potbelly. Heck, he even pretends like he can’t speak English, tossing in an unneeded communication gap for literally no reason. But then you see him on the field.

Regardless of the sport, Pablo Sanchez is, in action, the most dominant athlete in the video game sports world. He is good at everything. Literally everything. That talent has to come from somewhere, and it’s definitely not his 8-year-old beer gut. He’s like that kid in intramurals who was a stud in high school but came to college wanting to party more than practice and got kicked off the football team. Now he looks out of shape, but if you give him a sliver of lane, he’ll still dunk all over you. Not that that specific situation ever happened to me, or anything.

Put that propensity to be great in a genetically superior body and you have something truly scary on your hands.

Eyes: Vladimir Guerrero (MVP Baseball 2005) Runners’ Up: Barry Sanders (Madden NFL 99), Kobe Bryant (NBA Live 2005)

Barry Sanders is one of the best to ever lace up. What set him apart from other running backs was not just his other-worldly body control that let him slip away from would-be tacklers, but his vision to find a sliver of daylight where no one else could. Plus, he was the subject of one of the best video game commercials of all time.

Kobe, on the other hand, had that locked-in glare that made opponents whither late in games. The Black Mamba was one of the most intimidating players in the NBA. When he got serious, you knew you were in for a show.

However, our choice for eyes is Vladimir Guerrero. Vlad never saw a pitch he couldn’t hit. Just watch some of the garbage he’s able to get a hold of in this video. And, in MVP Baseball 2005, the man was absolutely dominant. Manny Rameriz gives him a run for his money, but Vlad is certifiably that dude. He hit pitches off the ground, for goodness sakes!

Mouth: Michael Jordan (NBA 2K11) Runners’ Up: The Announcer (NBA Hangtime), Quentin Sands (Blitz: The League)

Please tell us you’ve watched The Last Dance by now. For sports fans, it is must-watch TV. Like, take a break from reading this, flip to another tab, and enjoy 10 hours of some top-tier content. Now that you’ve seen it, you know that MJ isn’t just the greatest basketball player ever. He’s also a truly next-level trash talker.

Sure, if our abomination had the booming voice of the Hangtime announcer, he’d be fun to hang out with. And, Quentin Sands certainly knows how to talk some junk. That said, Jordan takes it to a different universe. While some are going to say we’re wasting our Jordan slot on his mouth, others will remember he allegedly killed a man’s whole career just by talking to him. Ruthless.

Torso: Jadeveon Clowney (NCAA Football 14) Runners’ Up: Dante Culpepper (Madden NFL 06), Karl Malone (NBA Jam)

Dante Culpepper in Madden NFL 06 was an absolute hoss: impossible to bring down in the backfield and nearly unstoppable once he got up to speed on scrambles. His insane power would make for an excellent base for our monster.

Likewise, the Mailman was a force in NBA Jam. His defense and dunking were off the charts, making him the perfect counterpick when your friend inevitably selected Scottie Pippen and Horace Grant.

However, neither of those characters were inspired by this kind of real-world performance. That hit from Clowney might be the greatest hit anyone has ever laid out in any football game ever. Best of all, his NCAA Football 14 counterpart is capable of the same type of backfield destruction. Good gravy.

Left Arm: Ken Griffey Jr. (The Ken Griffey series) Runners’ Up: Michael Vick (Madden NFL 2004), Mike Tyson (Fight Night Round 4)

Some will probably balk at having Mike Vick’s arm as the option over his legs. That said, the sheer power that his Madden NFL 2004 character was able to generate essentially made EA rewrite the game’s defense for Madden NFL 2005 to compensate. The things he could do in that game were downright silly.

Another potentially surprising inclusion that comes due to our one character per game rule is Mike Tyson. While his turn in Punch-Out!! is legendary, we’re saving that game for something else. Iron Mike’s left arm is earth-shattering in the real and virtual worlds. Watch him throw punches as a 52-year-old man and then imagine taking one of those to the dome in his prime. No thanks!

But, for our money, we’re getting Griffey. If you were a ‘90s kid, there wasn’t a more lovable baseball star than Ken Griffey Jr. He has four different video games with his name on them and is among the best in every single one of them. We’d probably go with his Slugfest version, but you’re welcome to your preference. Regardless, there isn’t a left-arm we want more than The Kid’s.

Right Arm: Waluigi (Mario Tennis) Runners’ Up: Steph Curry (NBA 2K20), Scott Stevens (NHL Hitz 2002)

Steph Curry might just be the best pure shooter in NBA history. His touch from beyond the arc is without equal in the modern game and he makes full-court shots look routine. And Scott Stevens had one of the meanest right hooks in NHL Hitz. If you got into a fight with the New Jersey Devils’ man, you already knew the knockout was coming. But we can do better than either of those.

Waluigi was created in a vat at Nintendo for Mario Tennis. And, to this day, Nintendo refuses to allow him to take his talents to anything other than side games. They’re too scared to see what Waluigi could do to their poster boy in a mainline Mario video game.

We’re not afraid though. Instead, we’ll use what Nintendon’t and graft the best Wa brother’s arm onto our monster, turning his right arm into a machine of sports prowess.

Legs: Devin Hester (Madden NFL 08) Runners’ Up: Didier Drogba (FIFA World Cup 2010), Tony Hawk (Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 3)

Excuse the potato quality, but watch this rocket Drogba delivers from almost the centerline in FIFA World Cup 2010. Sure, it’s on a lower difficulty, but the power that the man from the Ivory Coast possessed in that video game was astounding.

Tony Hawk brings a bit more finesse to the party. His level of control with his feet baffles the mind. Later games would let him do more with the board, but THPS3 is the series’ pinnacle. It’s the Hawkman at his best.

However, Devin Hester is the first Madden player to get 100 speed. Seeing him line up for a return caused grown men and women to immediately wet their pants. He was absolutely a game-changer in Madden NFL 08, and we had to include him here.

Mentor: Doc Louis (Punch-Out!!) Runners’ Up: Bo Jackson (Tecmo Super Bowl), Stretch (NBA Street)

Sports aren’t just about your own personal skills. You need someone to teach you how to be great. Jordan had Phil Jackson. Brady had Bill Belicheck. Even an early prodigy like Cristiano Ronaldo needed a top-class manager in Alex Ferguson to completely bring out his visionary skill.

And so, our creation needs his own mentor. While we considered going with an all-time great player like Bo Jackson or an old-timer who still has it in Stretch, we ultimately went with Doc Louis.

After all, if he can take that chump Little Mac and teach him how to beat the video game version of Mike Tyson, imagine what he can do for our hulking behemoth. Our creation will not only outplay his competition but with Doc Louis’ help, he’ll outwit them too.

So there you have it. Our third video game creation is finished. Are there any changes you’d like to see? If so, let us know about them in the comments. And check back soon for our next dive into the wonderful world of human body modification. It’s sure to be a doozy.

May 29, 2020 1:00 PM EST

from EnterGamingXP https://entergamingxp.com/2020/05/making-a-video-game-hero-sports-edition/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=making-a-video-game-hero-sports-edition

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btsboysenthusiast · 7 years

Note

Describe your favorite people ?

probably my friends or my martial arts coach.

My three best friends are pretty lit. I’ve known one since we were in second grade and we’ve been good friends since fourth grade, better than before. This friend of mine has the most honest and crude humor, but you can’t help but love her for it. She’s also really good at drawing in an animated like style, since she’s considering it for her career. She once made over 200 frames for an animation project which is pretty bad ass. BUt that doesn’t mean she isn’t good at other stuff too. She’s also very honest and chill. My friend can be intimidating sometimes, but deep down she’s a softy with a crap ton of empathy. She can be private sometimes, but it makes the moments when she confides in me more special. I’m very thankful to have her in my life.

Another since 3rd grade. She was new to town and I became her first R E A L friend (the other chumps don’t count). I remember our friendship first picking up steam when we bounded over a book that had gross facts. She’s also an artsy fartsy girl, but she’s more about illustration and classic art. One time she wrote a whole 80 page comic. This person is really progressive, a total art hoe, hilarious, thoughtful, and talented af. LIke she can sing and draw, which is not fair to talentless scum like me. I’m pretty glad we’re friends too since we’ve been through hell and back, along with the other two.

The third one I met when we were in the boring business simulation class in middle school. I didn’t like her at first since she was scary, but honestly she’s harmless... mostly. Something I like about her is that she’s real and honest about the things people nowadays feel as if they have to be ashamed of. I admire how honest she is about the things she likes, her sexuality, and she’s gotten better at being vunerable which is also pretty badass. She’s a talented dancer and poet, which is also unfair.

Basically, my best friends are prettier and more talented than me tbh.

Something I love about my friends is that they’re all wonderful as people. Like they’re artistic, ambitious, driven, creative, down right hilarious, thoughtful and always there when you need them. This doens’t mean my other good friends aren’t special, but these people mean a lot to me and I’ve known them longer. I’m honestly blessed to have the friends I have today, espescially because a few years ago I was in in some unhealthy friendships.

I do want to shout out to my other friends, like the one who introduced me to tons of new stuff and met in a random aisle at Target before. The one who is lovably akward and loves cats and hoardig books. The one who dresses as the “you know I had to do it to em” guy for Halloween. There are so many other different friends I love dearly, but I’d be here all day.

My martial arts coach means a lot to me, mostly because he’s the first adult I felt safe to confide in for the longest time. He has lived such a meaningful life and I hope I can have the courage to ask him more about it. He was there for me during a rough time in my life, and he’s the number one class clown in his OWN class.

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watusichris · 7 years

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Replacements, 1st Time Around

In 1983, the Replacements hit Los Angeles for the first time. I followed them around for a week or two. This story, from the Dec. 2, 1983 issue of the Los Angeles Reader, is being posted in acknowledgement of the band’s splendid live album “For Sale,” which is being released on Friday by Rhino and is utterly tremendous. ********** During a Midwestern winter, when the seasonal temperatures gravitate toward the arctic, a rock ‘n’ roll band has to play hard just to stay warm. Judging from the rather limp records that emanate from the region, there are a lot of frozen butts in the heart of the nation. Midwestern rock hasn’t had much to offer since the garage-band heyday of Chicago’s Shadows of Knight and Minneapolis’ Litter, besides the pre-punk spasms of the MC5 and the Stooges.

Last week, though, a Minneapolis band pulled through L.A. and proved that there’s no energy crisis in their particular basement. The Replacements knocked out four superior sets of go-for-the-throat rock ‘n’ roll in the local clubs. I’ll borrow one of their song-title catch phrases: Color me impressed.

The Replacements have been together since 1979. They’ve released three records’ worth of original material (two albums and an EP) that could blow Violent Femme Gordon Gano’s precious little gonads from here to Maine. After hearing them on vinyl and in concert, there’s no doubt as to who the true Kings of the Great White North are.

The records, all on the Twin Cities-based Twin/Tone label, are all raw, unmanicured productions that opt for scurvy power rather than flat professionalism. Sorry Ma, Forgot to Take Out the Trash, the debut album released in 1981, is a sort of song cycle of 18 tunes about cruising, partying, romance, dope, drunkenness, and the other senseless pursuits of adolescent Midwesterners. Its 1982 follow-up, The Replacements Stink, is a harder, louder eight-song EP that refines the first record’s sound into a murderous ball-peen screech. The latest LP, Hootenanny, is a lovably sloppy, diversely programmed collection incorporating blues, country, and folk elements hitherto unheard on the group’s recordings.

The great virtue of the Replacements’ records is a charming insouciance about polish, cleanliness, subtlety, taste, and other non-rock ‘n’ roll concerns. The band comes on like a disarming juvenile trash compacting of the pre-’66 Rolling Stones, the New York Dolls, the Stooges, the Sex Pistols, and the Ramones. Crudity, humor (much of it self-deprecating), velocity, and high volume are the hallmarks of the Replacements’ style. The Dolls are their most obvious role model: The ear-scraping abandon of Bob Stinson’s guitar recalls Johnny Thunders at his most frenetic, and vocalist Paul Westerberg’s drunken, hoarse warbling is comparable to the caterwauling of the pre-solo David Johansen.

Westerberg writes the lion’s share of the band’s material, and it is largely terrific stuff. He’s at his best when confronting the trials of Everykid, whether goofing off at the bus stop (“Hangin’ Downtown”), lusting after the girl who works at the corner store (“Customer’), lamenting the necessities of lower education (“Fuck School”), or confronting the idiocies of average teenage social behavior (“I Bought a Headache” and “Color Me Impressed”).

Though many of the numbers are smash ‘n’ snarl thrashers, there’s enough variety in the Replacements’ sound to keep them out of sticky-floored identipunk corners. Many of Westerberg’s most effective and affecting compositions are ballads – “Johnny’s Gonna Die” (a premature elegy for the graveyard-bound Johnny Thunders, on Sorry Ma), “Go” (on Stink), and “Willpower” (on Hootenanny). The group also shows an increasing affinity for inebriated blues and boogie; the standard mode of Midwestern barroom bashing is utilized to ironic effect in “White and Lazy” (which sounds remarkably like the Dolls’ boozy remake of Bo Diddley’s “Pills”) and “Take Me Down to the Hospital.” Westerberg is also reportedly a prolific writer of folkish solo material: This side of his style is reflected on record in the non-LP B side “If Only You were Lonely” and the caustic, basement-tapey self lampoon “Treatment Bound,” which concludes Hootenanny: “We’re getting’ noplace as fast as we can/We get a nose full from our so-called friends.”

This daffy catalog of styles, as well as some wonderfully blatant cops (everything from the Dragnet theme to “Frere Jacques,” “Oh Darling,” and “The Twist”), combines with Westerberg’s nose-thumbing take on dumb youth angst and the band’s flat-out, heated performance methodology to make for rock ‘n’ roll that is alert, aware, pointed, and funny. On their records (and I wouldn’t part with any one of them), the Replacments are unbeatable. Onstage, even when approaching the boundary line of chaos, they’re among the most special of live bands.

I don’t know where you suckers were last week, but the Replacements shows in L.A. were without exception under-attended. Well, you blew it, chumps, and don’t let it happen next time. This is a band that can knock you out of your Nikes even on the slowest and worst of nights, and they shouldn’t be missed.

Visually, they’re an unprepossessing lot. Paul Westerberg is an emaciated rail who looks like he rolled out of bed just before the gig; his sole concession to onstage fashion is some poorly applied eye makeup, which just emphasizes the beatness of his wardrobe (faded flannels and T-shirts and well-worn jeans) and the comatosity of his appearance. His face is perpetually creased by a knowing smirk; like Popeye, he speaks and sings out of the corner of his mouth.

Guitarist Bob Stinson is the group’s fashion plate: He usually plays in a polka-dotted skirt, or in his jockey shorts. The pocket of his blue denim jacket holds his toothbrush. His brother Tommy, the group’s bassist, and drummer Chris Mars are little babyfaces (the junior Stinson joined the group when he was 12). For all his youthful appearance, Mars possess a deadpan wit: Shortly after Kristine McKenna pegged him as a Yale student in the Times, Mars showed up on the Music Machine stage wearing a T-shirt hand-lettered in Magic Marker with “YAIL UNIVERSITY.”

“Loose” is a term that can be used to describe a typical Replacements set. Some songs do not so much end as break down in a clatter of drums and a squawk of feedback. Westerberg and the young Stinson are often to be found in conversation during a guitar solo. Blown key changes occur with regularity. The band is frankly casual about its performance demeanor. At the Music Machine last Wednesday, Tommy Stinson leaned over in midtune to grab a beer, and his bass immediately came both unplugged and unstrapped; he unhurriedly refitted himself, in time to pluck the last two notes of the song.

This is definitely a group who hold to their professed sub-professional standing (“The label wants a hit/But we don’t give a shit,” they sing in “Treatment Bound”), but their carelessness and blithe disregard for even the basics of showmanship never interfere with the impact of the show.

They heave their way through a set at eardrum-crushing volume, with Westerberg, his vocal cords ready to snap at any moment, screaming to be heard over the din. Bob Stinson’s Fender spits out withering clusters of spike-toned notes, underpinned by Westerberg’s brutishly loud rhythm guitar. And Tommy Stinson and Mars provide a relentless backup. As wiggy as the band can get, its musicianship is generally of the highest caliber.

They provide more than a few laughs, too. They’ll switch instruments to play the title track from Hootenanny. They’ll rock out on “The Marine Corps Hymn,” essay Hank Williams’ “Hey Good Lookin’” or T. Rex’s “Twentieth Century Boy,” or perform a country-and-western version of their “God Damn Job” (lyric: “I need a god damn job/I need a god damn job/God damn it/God damn it/God damn/ I need a god damn job”).

I got hooked on the Replacements’ energy and sharp-incisored humor at Club Lingerie two weeks ago, where, looking a bit singed from the road, they wowed some of the assembled waxworks with a ragged but involving set. I wound up following the group around town during the next few days. They did a sizzling marathon hour-and-a-quarter show at the Cathay de Grande on Monday night, and a tough, nutty, erratic one at the Music Machine on Wednesday.

Musically, they were at low ebb at their return Cathay engagement on Thanksgiving, but that set may have been the most revealing of all. The house was filled with Mohawked dolts panting for Social Distortion. The Replacements, who could easily have mowed their audience down with a show comprising their short, fierce, hardcore-styled tunes, instead opted for the opposite tack. They began the show with the blues shuffle “White and Lazy” and made their alienating way through every ballad, country tune, and slow number in their repertoire. The leftover turkeys in the crowd were gobbling as the set oozed its way to a conclusion, but it was the Replacements who were having the last laugh on the fashion-conscious ex-surfers in leather. As Tommy Stinson said in mock admiration, “Wow, punk rockers.”

Remember when punk rockers gave their audiences the raspberry (or worse), disassembled rigid expectations, and guffawed at the status quo? At the Cathay on Turkey Day, the Replacements proved something besides the fact that they are a great rock ‘n’ roll band. They proved that they may just be the last real punk band in America. Come back soon, guys – there are some other folks in this sleepy town who could use some waking- and wising-up.

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thelibraryfyi · 5 years

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Sixty zippers

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Junk MTV quiz graced by fox whelps. Bawds jog, flick quartz, vex nymphs. Waltz, bad nymph, for quick jigs vex! Fox nymphs grab quick-jived waltz. Brick quiz whangs jumpy veldt fox. Bright vixens jump; dozy fowl quack. Quick wafting zephyrs vex bold Jim. Quick zephyrs blow, vexing daft Jim. Sex-charged fop blew my junk TV quiz. How quickly daft jumping zebras vex. Two driven jocks help fax my big quiz. Quick, Baz, get my woven flax jodhpurs! "Now fax quiz Jack! " my brave ghost pled.

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spicynbachili1 · 6 years

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Dark Souls characters, ranked

The misplaced souls of Lordran

To play Darkish Souls is to hunt victory in a land outlined by failure. Lordran, the sport’s fictional kingdom, is dying. The once-great gods have deserted their bastions, fleeing a world in determined want of a savior. Each crumbling metropolis stands as a tragic reminder of what may have been; echoes of progress all however forgotten. A plague of undeath curses those that stay, lowering their existence to a cycle of dying, rebirth, and slowly hollowing souls. Everybody who travels to Lordran is doomed to fulfill a merciless destiny, however that does not cease individuals from making an attempt.

Darkish Souls has a surprisingly deep forged. They seem to be a unhappy lot. Every character gamers encounter is dying, damaged, or within the midst of a disaster. However regardless of the dire circumstances of their existence, these wayward adventurers are brimming with character. They’re warriors, healers, and students — individuals who can be destined for greatness in another kingdom. In Lordran, nonetheless, they’re doomed. Via a mixture of indirect storytelling and nihilistic inevitability, Darkish Souls‘ characters are among the many most fascinating NPCs in latest reminiscence.

It is excessive time somebody ranked them.

61. Petrus of Thorolund:

Petrus ruins what’s in any other case one of the crucial memorable moments in Darkish Souls. After escaping the Undead Asylum and arriving at Firelink Shrine within the claws of an enormous crow, the Chosen Undead’s first steps on Lordran soil are tentative and stuffed with thriller. This can be a land of unknowns, a spot that the gods have forgotten. However all that magic and momentum is ruined when gamers inevitably stumble upon Petrus of Thorolund, a dopey cleric with what is sort of probably essentially the most punchable face in online game historical past. Something appears doable in Lordran, however Petrus’ pageboy haircut is just too terrible to imagine.

60. Kingseeker Frampt:

This serpentine noodle is essential to Darkish Souls‘ story. He is additionally an abomination. Destructoid’s Co-Editor-in-Chief Jordan Devore summed up Frampt’s existence eloquently:

Some monstrosities are higher left loud night breathing for all eternity.

59. Pinwheel:

Pinwheel capabilities extra as a cautionary story than the rest. Pinwheel is arguably the best boss in Darkish Souls, greatest seen as a hollowed husk extra desirous about researching necromancy than fight. The masks that adorn its face — a Father, Mom, and Youngster — indicate a merciless destiny involves those that search energy.

58. Vince of Thorolund:

One other cleric, one other ugly mug. It’s protected to imagine that there are not any respectable barbers in Thorolund.

57. Nico of Thorolund:

Nico’s solely redeeming high quality is that his helmet obscures what’s undoubtedly one other atrocious hairdo. He and Vince appear to be shut; perhaps they discovered love in Lordran.

56. Rhea of Thorolund:

There’s tragedy on the coronary heart of Rhea’s story, however her best crime is associating with the Thorolund goof troop.

55. Rickert of Vinheim:

Most of Lordran’s blacksmiths are nice. Rickert, nonetheless, sucks. He’s content material to be locked up for an eternity, and that’s effective as a result of he is totally ineffective.

54. Griggs of Vinheim:

Griggs is boring. He’s outclassed by his mentor in each conceivable manner, from spell choice to hat dimension.

53. Paladin Leeroy:

This man is so near greatness. His huge hammer, Grant, is an intimidating weapon and his Sanctus protect appears to be like rad. However the truth that he’s a strolling Leeroy Jenkins reference kills his placement on the record.

52. Darkstalker Kaathe:

Darkstalker Kaathe is the inverse of Kingseeker Frampt, which is superb. However the truth that Kaathe and Frampt are probably two serpents sharing the identical physique means this slippery dude sort of sucks too.

51. Eingyi:

Eingyi is an egg-bearing chump who’s blissful to serve one in every of Darkish Souls‘ most beloved characters. He’d place greater if he weren’t so gross trying.

50. Prince Ricard:

There are a handful of Darkish Souls characters outlined solely by their mediocrity. Ricard is one in every of them, an undead noble whose deft rapier stabs are finally forgettable.

49. Seath the Scaleless:

Controversial opinion: Seath sucks, appears to be like dumb, and is an entire and utter nerd.

48. The 4 Kings:

The 4 Kings have a twisted, vaguely metallic look they usually hand around in the endless darkness of The Abyss. That is cool. However it’s laborious to disregard the truth that greater than 4 kings spawn throughout their boss struggle. What’s with that?

47. Nightfall of Oolacile:

Nightfall’s presence in Lordran alerts the beginning of Darkish Souls’ glorious Artorias of the Abyss enlargement. Previous that, she’s a confused time traveler who is comparatively bland in comparison with most characters.

46. Knight Kirk:

Kirk, Knight of Thorns, is sort of a center faculty bully. He comes out of nowhere and assaults you with obvious glee. And like coping with a bully, the one factor worse than probably getting your ass kicked is understanding that beneath his prickly exterior is a tragic child who simply needs consideration.

45. Maneater Mildred:

There’s one thing to be mentioned about an individual who’s keen to strip off their garments, put a bag on their head, and run by means of a toxic swamp simply to hack individuals aside with a machete. Mildred scares me, however I am impressed along with her dedication.

44. Elizabeth the Mushroom:

Elizabeth will get factors for being an enormous speaking mushroom, however she pales compared to the lovable — and surprisingly lethal — enjoyable guys in Darkroot Backyard.

43. Quelana of Izalith:

So far as pyromancers go, Quelana’s a professional. In actual fact, she’s thought of the mom of the fiery artwork. Regardless of her spectacular resume, Quelana is the black sheep of her household. It’s not as a result of she’s into beginning fires, although. Quelana’s an outcast particularly as a result of she’s the one member of her clan that isn’t fucked up in some horrible manner. Solution to kill the curve, firestarter.

42. Undead Poison Service provider:

Right here’s some lore hypothesis: This poison-slinging service provider is crushing on her male counterpart huge time, however he’s in love with another person. And so, she waits for an eternity, promoting knives and sewer moss as a intelligent manner of keeping track of her unrequited love with out seeming too apparent.

41. Undead Burg Service provider:

This dude’s a nutter. He has some weapons to promote, positive, however his singular obsession with Yulia — who or no matter that truly is — dominates his ideas. Possibly it is his uchigatana. Maybe it is his favourite bucket. Or perhaps, simply perhaps, it is the long-forgotten title of a lovely woman from close by he as soon as knew…

40. Princess Gwynevere:

Gwynevere is not actually within the recreation. The larger-than-life lady gamers encounter is definitely an phantasm. However even nonetheless, Gwynevere’s remembered by gamers as one in every of Darkish Souls‘ greatest, uh, belongings.

39. Blacksmith Vamos:

After trudging by means of the Catacombs, it is good to fulfill a skeleton that is not hell-bent on murdering you. Vamos is a group of bones who is aware of his manner round a forge. His defining trait is his skeletal beard, which appears to be like as if it is assembled from finger bones. That is as spectacular as it’s macabre.

38. Sieglinde of Catarina:

One of many hardest components of rising up is watching your dad and mom begin to lose a step or two. Sieglinde spends all of her time in Lordran chasing down her father in an effort to get him to simply, like, decelerate for a minute. She’s an incredible daughter, however an in any other case one-note character.

37. Witch Beatrice:

Though she will get little display screen time, Witch Beatrice is rad as hell. She absolutely commits to her namesake, carrying a haunting gown awash in deep purples with a gnarled wood catalyst in hand. Beatrice is a summonable character who can hurl spells on the Moonlight Butterfly and 4 Kings bosses, and whereas her presence is welcome, it additionally leaves you wanting extra.

36. Ceaseless Discharge:

Ceaseless Discharge locations this excessive particularly as a result of his title is without doubt one of the grossest doable combos of phrases within the English language.

35. King Jeremiah:

At a sure level, Darkish Souls gamers understand style is extra necessary than kind. Jeremiah understands this, and his bulbous crown works as each an homage to Demon’s Souls and an absurd look that’d slot in on the Met Gala.

34. Alvina:

A fats cat with the present of gab. What’s to not love?

33. Anastacia of Astora:

Anastacia is maimed, tongueless, and trapped. Her existence is a merciless reminder that retaining the age of fireside going comes at a really steep price. Regardless of by no means uttering a single phrase, her presence is sorely missed ought to gamers enable sure occasions to transpire.

32. Knight Lautrec of Carim:

Lautrec is a dick. An absolute madman. A terror in gold-plated armor. However for as annoying as his actions over the course of Darkish Souls are, it’s laborious to fully despise him as a result of he appears to be like so rattling cool.

31. Marvelous Chester:

This man is a grinning hunter ripped from one other world. He is mainly a Bloodborne cosplayer, and since Bloodborne is so good, Chester locations greater than he has any actual proper to.

30. Patches:

I hate Patches. I hate him so goddamn a lot. However I’m additionally frightened of him. Spending numerous hours in his signature squatting pose will need to have toned his physique to Adonis-like proportions.

29. Crestfallen Service provider:

Take a look at this stoic motherfucker. Simply have a look at him and inform me you’re not impressed.

28. Crossbreed Priscilla:

As her title implies, Priscilla the offspring of a dragon and a god. She’s one other character with an unlucky backstory. Gwyn feared her energy a lot that he locked her inside a portray to maintain his realm protected from Priscilla’s harmful potential. Priscilla, nonetheless, is not outwardly hostile. In actual fact, she’s relatively candy. She’s trapped, however totally nice, content material to be left alone with the opposite castaways within the Painted World.

27. Ingward:

Ingward’s spooky as hell, and whereas not a specter himself, he spends all of his time with ghosts. He is notable not just for his wraith-like masks and placing purple robes but additionally for his position in flooding New Londo. Flooding a complete metropolis is harmful work, however what’s much more spectacular is how rapidly Ingward provides away the important thing to the floodgates he spent untold years watching when you ask him properly.

26. Lord’s Blade Ciaran:

Ciaran’s a talented murderer with a watch for style. She seems in Oolacile to pay respects at her former companion’s remaining resting place and is so upset at dropping a companion that she’s keen to depart her weapons behind in alternate for a fleeting reminiscence. Ciaran’s one in every of many Darkish Souls characters who deserve extra direct consideration; she’s a mysterious lady who lets her blades do the speaking when push involves stab.

25. Chaos Witch Quelaag:

One other youngster of Izalith, Quelaag’s present kind is that of a bare-chested lady rising out of a horrifying spider’s sternum. She’s imposing, quick, and doubtless chargeable for awakening a brand new kink amongst Darkish Souls gamers.

24. Darkish Solar Gwyndolin:

Gywndolin is the chief of the Darkmoon Blades and the final remaining god in Anor Londo. He’s the youngest youngster of Gwyn and spends his time lording over his father’s ceremonial tomb. Though his kin’s affiliation with gentle and hearth is effectively documented, Gwyndolin’s penchant for magic and moon-based powers make him one of many recreation’s most complicated and memorable characters.

23. Quelaan:

This daughter of Izalith is the saddest member of a cursed household. The Honest Girl, or Quelaan as many want to name her, is an element spider, identical to Quelaag. However in contrast to her sister, who appears to thrive in her newfound kind, Quelaan is in a state of fixed struggling. When the Chosen Undead first encounters this Fireplace Keeper, she’s dying a gradual and painful dying, blind and motionless. Gamers can converse along with her by carrying a particular ring and help her restoration by sacrificing hard-earned humanity. It’s price it largely for the satisfaction of understanding that you simply helped save one of many recreation’s purest souls.

22. Oswald of Carim:

Oswald appears to be like like he solely smokes clove cigarettes. He’s a grown-up goth who prefers to maintain monitor of Lordran’s sinners from a darkish nook of the Undead Parish’s bell tower whereas listening to Siouxsie and the Banshees.

21. Large Blacksmith:

This towering tradesman spends all of his time hammering away at tools he may by no means hope to make use of. His nice character and mellow demeanor are a welcome salve to the cruelties of life in Lordran.

20. Shiva of the East:

Shiva may get by on fashion alone. His armor echoes his Japanese origins, equal components sensible and stylish. When push involves shove, Shiva’s no slouch with a blade both. Because the chief of the Forest Hunters, Shiva prides himself on his potential to topple intruders with exact strikes and lethal effectivity.

19. Gravelord Nito:

Out of all of Darkish Souls‘ bosses, nobody conveys the sport’s “put together to die” mantra higher than Nito. The lord of the lifeless is an enormous, shifting assortment of skeletal stays which have mixed because the personification of Demise itself. Nito’s able to inflicting dying and sickness from his cozy sarcophagus within the Tomb of the Giants, which is a real testomony to his energy.

18. Laurentius of the Nice Swamp:

Of all of the characters that come to inhabit Firelink Shrine, Laurentius is well essentially the most endearing. Positive, he attire like a hobo and considers a nasty swamp his splendid atmosphere, however in contrast to Shrek, Laurentius is the sort of individual you’d need to get a beer with.

17. Crestfallen Warrior:

The Crestfallen Warrior is the primary individual the Chosen Undead encounters after fleeing from the Undead Asylum. He’s melodramatic and dour however nonetheless manages to share details about the world with some darkish, witty humor.

16. Darkmoon Knightess:

All through the Darkish Souls video games, Fireplace Keepers are typically damaged, often-disfigured characters. Whereas the Darkmoon Knightess isn’t any completely different, she’s extra proactive than her friends. Lined in brass armor to cover her “ghastly” kind, the Knightess watches over Anor Londo’s predominant bonfire with a blade at her facet.

15. Executioner Smough:

This impossibly-large man as soon as served as Anor Londo’s heavy-hitting executioner. He’s huge, imposing, and identified for his yucky little tendency to cannibalize his victims. Smough is one-half of Darkish Souls’ dream crew, and whereas he performs second fiddle to Gwyn’s knights, defeating his companion earlier than tackling the executioner provides Smough a chance for a twisted little bit of revenge.

14. Dragon Slayer Ornstein:

If Smough’s hulking determine is his defining trait, Ornstein’s high-energy acrobatics are a obligatory counterweight. He zips round Anor Londo like a gymnast with undiagnosed ADHD, thrusting his lightning-infused spear with stunning precision. The opposite half of the Darkish Souls‘ dynamic duo, Ornstein is what occurs when your hyperactive good friend begins weapons coaching.

13. Gwyn, Lord of Cinder:

Gwyn’s legacy is a world completely marred by tragedy. His tireless pursuit of a continued age of fireside is the direct reason for a lot ache. By the point gamers attain him on the Kiln of the First Flame, the Lord of Cinder stands over a smoldering flame, the results of his life’s work actually dying earlier than his eyes. The struggle in opposition to Gwyn is a poignant end result to the Chosen Undead’s journey. It lacks the bombast of different boss fights, as an alternative reveling in a haunting melancholy that’s made all of the extra memorable by the sport’s greatest piece of music.

*Creator’s Be aware: I can’t hearken to his theme with out immediately tearing up.

12. Hawkeye Gough:

Hawkeye Gough cannot see. In some unspecified time in the future, a thick resin coated the archer’s helmet, which leads the enormous to suppose that he is blind. Gough’s a retired knight who chooses to spend his remaining days whittling wooden carvings infused together with his booming voice. Whereas that is extraordinarily chill in its personal proper, Gough’s legacy is elevated to new heights by his potential to shoot a dragon out of the sky with out even seeing it in flight. That’s legendary.

11. Andre of Astora:

This strapping chap is the primary motive millennials are selecting to enroll in commerce faculties relatively than formal training. He’s a barrel-chested blacksmith with a bitchin’ ponytail who’s as even-tempered because the merchandise he produces.

10. Sif, the Nice Gray Wolf:

Sif is loyal to a fault. She’s an previous wolf who has survived numerous battles and performed an element in among the most important moments in Lordran’s historical past. Regardless of all that she’s seen and completed, Sif stays loyal to her former grasp and spends each waking second guarding over his gravesite. Sif does not need to struggle the Chosen Undead. She solely needs to ensure her grasp’s remaining resting place is left in peace. Squaring off in opposition to her is totally heartbreaking.

9. Massive Hat Logan:

Massive Hat Logan is the patron saint of social nervousness. He’s a strong sorcerer so consumed by a thirst for arcane data that he, Logan, selected to put on a huge ole’ hat to keep away from the lingering stares of random passersby. Like so many sensible minds, Logan appears to lack frequent sense, as evidenced by his uncanny potential to be captured a number of occasions.

eight. Domhnall of Zema:

In a world the place everyone seems to be cursed, dying, and going insane, Domhnall stays chipper. He’s a service provider who at all times manages to get his fingers on unique armors with out making an attempt too laborious. His signature greeting, “Aye, siwmae,” is as iconic as his eclectic getup, and Lordran’s a greater place with him in it.

7. Oscar of Astora:

Though Oscar makes all of it of three minutes into Darkish Souls earlier than he meets his finish, he’s arguably essentially the most useful character in the complete recreation. The noble knight manages to free the Chosen Undead, inform the participant’s journey, and go on his Estus Flask earlier than taking his remaining breath. Oscar does a lot with so little display screen time that preventing his hollowed husk later within the recreation virtually seems like a criminal offense.

6. Knight Artorias:

The parable of Artorias is simply as spectacular as Artorias the online game boss, and that is saying one thing. Artorias is the sort of warrior that is spoken about in hushed, reverent tones. The Abyss’s name addles Artorias’s thoughts, and a latest battle has shattered his arm by the point gamers encounter him in Oolacile. However regardless of his situation, he is nonetheless ready to struggle the Chosen Undead together with his nondominant hand, a contact that’s efficient for conveying his fight prowess and hammering residence simply how a lot his trustworthy companion, Sif, means to him. That’s the signal of a superb pet proprietor.

5. Havel the Rock:

Havel’s an plain badass. His armor is constituted of large items of rock, and his most well-liked weapon is a tooth ripped from the maw of a dragon. Whereas Havel is greatest referred to as Lordran’s most completed — and lethal — doorman, uncovering his gear in Anor Londo reveals his extra secretive facet. Alongside together with his armor, weapon, and greatshield, Havel additionally as soon as possessed a wood membership infused with Occult energy, a component able to harming even the gods. Havel was so assured that he was ready to kill Lordran’s gods with a wood stick. Respect.

four. Siegmeyer of Catarina:

The large boy. The absentminded adventurer. The Onion Knight. Siegmeyer is the Darkish Souls’ beating coronary heart. Upon first assembly Siegmeyer, he is perched exterior of Sen’s Fortress, defeated by its locked gate. He comes throughout like a plump model of Eeyore at first however following him by means of Lordran reveals a warrior pushed by a reckless streak. Fast to throw himself into hazard and nice to have a chat with, Seigmeyer is sort of a cool uncle that exhibits up each few months when his spouse “unintentionally” modifications the locks once more.

three. Solaire of Astora:

No online game has a extra entertaining mascot character than Solaire. He’s the Billy Hatcher of Darkish Souls, a plucky hero who’s as charming as he’s environment friendly. Every thing out of Solaire’s mouth is pure gold; his persistent need to assist, his “Reward the Solar” catchphrase, and his honest want to be as “grossly incandescent” because the solar are brilliant moments in a depressing recreation. He’s an excellent bastard who understands the significance of serving to a good friend in want. We may all study a lesson from Solaire.

2. Iron Knight Tarkus:

Tarkus is the definition of an Absolute Unit. He’s bulk personified, an indomitable mass of black metal and grit. Tarkus will be summoned precisely as soon as in Darkish Souls, however he understands a robust first impression is all that you simply want. If summoned, it’s solely doable Iron Knight Tarkus will tackle the boss of Sen’s Fortress solo. He is a tank. A fixer. The sort of man you’ll be able to depend on to get shit completed. Simply do not ask him to wash your rafters, he is sort of clumsy.

1. The Chill Hole in New Londo:

This Hole is the only greatest a part of Darkish Souls. He’s undead and completely loving it. He’s content material to spend an eternity laying languidly above the ruins of New Londo, blissfully unaware of the chaos that surrounds him. He does not struggle. He does not even acknowledge your presence. As an alternative, he simply stares off into the space, dreamily pondering something and nothing unexpectedly.

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