#love how kalahari down started playing

[huevobuevo]

Some more concept think pieces for the cowboy au that I’m too busy to crop bgngjdjdn

This was just testing out design choices and messin with their color schemes or whatevas, there’s also a brief mention of Angela’s Quinceañera which DOES play a big part in the story (which I WILL get around to posting about (someday)) but I’ll get a bit more into that in another post. I just like drawing pretty dresses :]

[laetan]

Pspsps all the asks as a treat

you pspsps at me like The Cat? Jail.

Jk thank you, I love this.

1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?

Closed. I usually straighten up my room before going to sleep. 

2: Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?

Yup, where I work they have an outreach program for people that are homeless and collect them. 

3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?

I usually tuck then in on one side 

4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before?

God I wish

5: Do you like to use post-it notes?

Sometimes? I feel like I end up with lil piles of them

6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?

I'm very pro coupon but also unfortch v forgetful so

7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?

Bear, can't punch a swarm of bees

8: Do you have freckles?

Yep! 

9: Do you always smile for pictures?

I'm weirdly bashful about pictures but getting better. I try. 

10: What is your biggest pet peeve?

Oh my god whistling, or repeated throat clearing, makes me wanna die. 

11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk?

No

12: Have you ever peed in the woods?

Mhm! Campint,, baby 

13: What about pooped in the woods?

See above lol

14: Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing?

There's always something stuck in my head

15: Do you chew your pens and pencils?

Not really

16: How many people have you slept with this week?

I'm choosing to read this as sleeping in the same bed as someone. But none, unfortunately. My girl’s out of the country rn

17: What size is your bed?

Twin. 

18: What is your Song of the week?

Ooh that's hard. Maybe Kalahari Down?

19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink?

Gender is a construct

20: Do you still watch cartoons?

Sometimes, not all that often

21: Whats your least favorite movie?

The one that comes to mind is Groundhog Day. I know it's samsara, I do, but this dude's first instinct when he starts repeating the day is to manipulate women, like that aint it, chief

22: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?

No one shall get my treasures, trick question

23: If you’re a girl, bra size? If you’re a guy, pants size?

I like that we're using pant size as an equivalent 

24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in?

Ranch

25: What is your favorite food?

Hmm gyros, love Greek food

26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love?

Mad Max: Fury Road

27: Last person you kissed/kissed you?

The Girf

28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout?

I wasn't. Did go to girl scout day camp once or twice 

29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?

Guess it depends how much I'm being paid

30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?

In the last month. I have elderly pen pals

31: Can you change the oil on a car?

Yep!

32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket?

Nope, nice try officer

33: Ever ran out of gas?

Also no, I'm too neurotic for that

34: Favorite kind of sandwich?

I love a reuben or a cubano

35: Best thing to eat for breakfast?

The truthful answer is whatever I can manage to but like fancy breakfast, love waffles

36: What is your usual bedtime?

Like 8-10, I'm an old man

37: Are you lazy?

That's a loaded question. I hope not

38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?

Already answered!

39: What is your Chinese astrological sign?

I'm not actually sure

40: Are you horny?

( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°) 

41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions?

Nah

42: Which are better legos or lincoln logs?

Ooh they both have their benefits tbh

43: Are you stubborn?

To a fault.

44: Who is better…Leno or Letterman?

You could hold my family over a pit of lava and I would not be able to pick these men from a lineup.

45: Ever watch soap operas?

Jane the Virgin is technically a telenovella, loved that dhow

46: Are you afraid of heights?

Ish? Like self preservation not paralytically 

47: Do you sing in the car?

Not really, multitasking is tricky

48: Do you sing in the shower?

Sometimes

49: Do you dance in the car?

Often

50: Ever used a gun?

I have

51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

God, probably as a child? Not for a long time

52: Do you think musicals are cheesy?

Yes and I adore them

53: Is Christmas stressful?

Sometimes, like there's a lot going on around the holidays and sometimes it makes me sad

54: Ever eat a pierogi?

God I love pierogis

55: Favorite type of fruit pie?

Ooh key lime or blueberry

56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

Firefighter! Specifically a hot shot

57: Do you believe in ghosts?

I think so, like I think there's a lot of stuff I don't understand and don't know enough to say no

58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

Weirdly often

59: Take a vitamin daily?

I try, doesn't always happen

60: Wear slippers?

Yes, my feet are So Cold Always

61: Wear a bath robe?

Nah

62: What do you wear to bed?

Usually like boxers and an undershirt or whatever shirt I was wearing 

63: First concert?

I think technically it was Bruce Springsteen

64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

Target

65: Nike or Adidas?

I have no opinion tbh

66: Cheetos Or Fritos?

Cheetos

67: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

Sunflower seeds

68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?

Like the jazz quartet? 

69: Ever take dance lessons?

Nope, never did

70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

Working in non-profits. Or whatever else she decides to do

71: Can you curl your tongue?

Yep, but only once 

72: Ever won a spelling bee?

God no, I'm a terrible speller, worse out loud

73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

I'm not really a crier

74: Own any record albums?

Nope 

75: Own a record player?

Nyet

76: Regularly burn incense?

Noooo don't like the smell

77: Ever been in love?

Yeah. More than once 

78: Who would you like to see in concert?

Already answered!

79: What was the last concert you saw?

Mmm not actually sure, it's been a hot second. 

80: Hot tea or cold tea?

Hot!

81: Tea or coffee?

Tea, always

82: Sugar or snickerdoodles?

Sugar! I just made some Actually 

83: Can you swim well?

Not really. I learned in highschool after having a weird phobia around it from almost drowning when I was a kid, so I can keep myself afloat but I'm not fast

84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

Yes..? Can people not do that…?

85: Are you patient?

Lord no. Fatal flaw.

86: DJ or band, at a wedding?

DJ 

87: Ever won a contest?

I won a box of lucky charms that was just marshmallows

88: Ever have plastic surgery?

Reconstructive, yes

89: Which are better black or green olives?

Black, green are too salty

90: Can you knit or crochet?

No, always wanted to learn tho

91: Best room for a fireplace?

Hmm. The center of the house, especially a cabin

92: Do you want to get married?

Yes

93: If married, how long have you been married?

Not yet

94: Who was your HS crush?

Someone who had no business being

95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?

Nah, I just get passive aggressive 

96: Do you have kids?

No

97: Do you want kids?

Mm not really. Thought about fostering but giving birth is horrifying not to mention I'm not ethically comfortable with having kids

98: Whats your favorite color?

Red or blue

99: Do you miss anyone right now?

Terribly.

[puckrph]

“BRONCO" STARTERS

taken from orville peck's new 2022 songs. feel free to change pronouns, etc.

DAYTONA SAND

' we've got major blues. ' ' i hope you brought your walking shoes, 'cause it's quite a ways, from what i understand. ' ' rack 'em up. ' ' i think i could've been your man. ' ' long hairs, slow eyes... i like your style. ' ' we both ain't got a job. ' ' nothing seems to last that long. ' ' take me home to mississippi. ' ' it's not tat i don't care, it's just hard to make a plan. ' ' i'm not mad, for what it's worth. ' ' you always take the dare. that's what i learned. ' ' i'm getting tired of this earth. ' ' they say some stones are better left unturned. ' ' is that another whispered plan? ' ' i've been around long enough to know you can't trust a man. '

THE CURSE OF THE BLACKENED EYE

‘ i’ve been hiding out. ’ ‘ darling, i can feel it coming every time. ’ ‘ i sat around last year wishing so many times that i would die. ’ ‘ it follows me around. ’ ‘ nothing to lose. ’ ‘ wouldn’t miss it, anyhow. ’ ‘ it ain’t the letting go. it’s more about the things you take with. ’ ‘ i can feel it getting closer with every kiss. ’ ‘ you gotta beat or join ‘em. ’ ‘ try to act surprised. ’ ‘ just flip a coin, because i’m too bored to lie. ’ ‘ you always said i should work on my escape. ’ ‘ have a heart too long, it’s bound to break. ’ ‘ you’re acting out the opus of your last eternal ache. ’ ‘ just sing the song, for heaven’s sake. ’

OUTTA TIME

' i'm outta time. ' ' he tells me we've got something special. ' ' some things ain't what they seem. ' ' reno never felt so slow. ' ' i'm a wednesday child with a rented ride and a head that's full of woe. ' ' drag me into the party. i guess i've got nowhere else to go. ' ' i guess i've got nowhere to go. ' ' i've got a man to my left and one on my right, and they tell me 'bout what they know. ' ' i want a little less conversation, please. ' ' let's go, baby. i'm outta time. '

LAFAYETTE

‘ i knew that i’d lose you the moment we met. ’ ‘ the bayou still sings every night in my head, though i can’t understand what it wants. ’ ‘ i love when it rains, but i hate getting wet. ’ ‘ i never thought it’d be me that you’d haunt. ’ ‘ words don’t matter. it’s what’s in your head. ’ ‘ if you don’t ask, then you’re bound to not get. ’ ‘ i still know what you said wasn’t wrong. ’ ‘ i can’t turn a corner or walk down the street without seeing your face come along. ’ ‘ i recall somebody saying there ain’t no cowboys left, but they ain’t met me. ’ ‘ they ain’t met me, and they ain’t met you. ’ ‘ the months march away. ’ ‘ it hear it takes years for the heart to reset. ’ ‘ one of these days, i’ll be done with regret. i didn’t think it would take me this long. ’ ‘ i remember how you loved this song. ’

C'MON BABY, CRY

' i can see the sadness in your eyes. ' ' you've been trying to hide what you left behind. ' ' they say it's darkest before the dawn, but you've been smiling for so long. ' ' a thousand teardrops can't be wrong. ' ' i don't want you to be afraid. ' ' let me see you cry. ' ' i got an hour or so. ' ' take my hand and let it go. c'mon, baby, cry. ' ' i can tell you're a sad boy just like me. ' ' don't deny what your poor heart needs. ' ' it's been so long since he called your name. ' ' you're on the run from a losing game. ' ' just bat your eyes, baby. ' ' let me feel the pain. ' ' three words everybody knows. ' ' must be nice where lovers go. ' ' take my hand, don't let it go. just cry. ' ' take my hand, darling. ' ' call me up anytime. '

IRIS ROSE

‘ i would’ve wanted you to watch me play, but i hear the songs there are better. ’ ‘ i’d give it all to hear you call me. ’ ‘ i know that’s why we don’t say never. ’ ‘ i wish you’d stayed. ’ ‘ maybe i’d be the same. ’ ‘ get along, darling. ’ ‘ let’s sit alone together and watch the sky. ’ ‘ they tell me not to cry, so i just sigh. ’ ‘ i think about you nearly every day. ’ ‘ dream a lot, and it starts to sting. ’

KALAHARI DOWN

‘ i was born in the badlands. ’ ‘ it was a strange place for a boy to drown. ’ ‘ you’ve been gone away, and i’ve been riding around. ’ ‘ i’m writing out a song on my daddy’s guitar. ’ ‘ did you find your way? skip another town? ’ ‘ i said i couldn’t stay, but it’s different now. ’ ‘ i’m always down for hanging around. ’ ‘ baby, there ain’t a trail to follow. ’ ‘ better off alone, if you ask me. ’ ‘ maybe next time i’ll take you with me. ’ ‘ tell me not to frown. ’ ‘ what do i know? a bunch of sorrow. ’ ‘ maybe someday i’ll get to see it all. ’ ‘ i still hear the sound. ’ ‘ i left to roam on a reckless wander, raising sand on the setting sun. ’ ‘ keep an eye on that dusty highway. ’ ‘ tell my mother i’m nearly done. ’

BRONCO

‘ pack your bags, baby. ’ ‘ you gotta bolt when you see the gates are down. ’ ‘ baby, i’m on fire. ’ ‘ i’m just my daddy’s child running something on the wire. ’ ‘ who’s laughing now? ’ ‘ forget about the score. who cares anymore? ’ ‘ bad news, buddy: every dog gets its day. ’ ‘ catch the sun, let them say your name. ’ ‘ i’m sick of waiting for the hole to mend. ’ ‘ play it out like it’s all pretend. ’ ‘ it’s just another scene. ’ ‘ you’ve gotta live with what you said. ’ ‘ can’t you see the gate from here? ’ ‘ nothing holds me back at all, there’s nothing left to fear. ’ ‘ best of luck, my dear. ’

TRAMPLE OUT THE DAYS

‘ you’re awake. ’ ‘ the season’s gray. ’ ‘ you drive real fast. ’ ‘ i can tell that it’s just not your lucky day. ’ ‘ give me nothing. you’re the one i chose. ’ ‘ baby, the light stays longer when it rains. ain’t that a shame? ’ ‘ toast our mistakes. ’ ‘ i hate to say i spent it all on masquerades. ’ ‘ i’d forgotten how it goes. ’ ‘ take a seat while i trample out the days. ’ ‘ your eyes grow cold into the night, babe. you start to fade. ’ ‘ you had your reasons, but i’m telling you that seasons always change. ’ ‘ watch me waving as i go. ’ ‘ bury my heart at the rodeo. ’

BLUSH

‘ i still think of calling. ’ ‘ you met me alone in the city. ’ ‘ my dad liked to run. ’ ‘ i couldn’t picture your face, but i knew it was pretty. ’ ‘ i saw love in your eyes, but i didn’t know how to begin. ’ ‘ baby, some of us, we ain’t meant to win. ’ ‘ come and find me, waiting on the street where we met. ’ ‘ i haven’t found the time to forget. ’ ‘ funny what we lose when we bet. ’ ‘ i was holding too tight. ’ ‘ i had a dream we were fine. maybe somehow we were, in between. ’ ‘ there’s something about men that i don’t understand: they’re always leaving wherever they’ve been. ’ ‘ i don’t know much about love. ’ ‘ i don’t know much about love. still, i give it a try now and then. ’ ‘ i guess it’s been long. ’ ‘ i haven’t gone back that much to your city. nothing compares to the night we were there. ’ ‘ it’s okay. i don’t want your pity. ’ ‘ i don’t want your pity, but spare me a thought if you’ve got any heart. ’ ‘ spare me a thought if you’ve got any heart. i know you had one, deep inside. ’ ‘ i don’t miss you that much, but baby, watching you blush... ’

HEXIE MOUNTAINS

‘ young man, fill yourself with dread. ’ ‘ come home. ’ ‘ come home to begin another end. ’ ‘ it doesn’t feel right to see you, friend. ’ ‘ wouldn’t it be nice if i could sleep in my own bed? ’ ‘ what happens when the well has dried? ’ ‘ i can’t find the words. ’ ‘ i guess it’s time to move on once again down the path less tread. ’ ‘ wouldn’t it be nice if i could let the dead stay dead? ’ ‘ take me far enough to say we’re gone. ’ ‘ i haven’t been out in so long. ’ ‘ i’m not saying i’m not scared. ’ ‘ wouldn’t it be nice if i could hold it off again? ’ ‘ wouldn’t it be swell if i could get things off my chest? ’ ‘ maybe you’d learn to live with what’s inside your head. ’

LET ME DROWN

‘ i’ve been finding it hard to be kind. ’ ‘ i’ve been out there, losing my mind. ’ ‘ i still keep on searching for what i can’t find. ’ ‘ let me drown. ’ ‘ there’s nothing left but the summer rain. ’ ‘ drag me ‘round ‘til i never complain. ’ ‘ suddenly, we’re writing out the same old lie. ’ ‘ baby, i can be the one you drown tonight. ’ ‘ i had the sun in my eyes. ’ ‘ we’re no worse off than the worst of them, it’s fine. ’ ‘ i never knew where home was. ’ ‘ i spent a lifetime alone. ’ ‘ we had it one time, but it’s gone now. ’ ‘ i know with pleasure comes pain; i figured we were the same. ’ ‘ as i get older, i get more afraid. ’ ‘ i can’t be kind since i lost my mind. ’ ‘ this town just ain’t big enough for the both of us now. ’

ANY TURN

' pack it in, pick it up. ' ' i'm crying all night. ' ' dreaming about the time—but you can't now, never mind. ' ' i'm gonna find any turn. ' ' something about a horse, and a man, and a cadillac. ' ' set them up in the motel room. ' ' baby, it's all come and go. ' ' i feel down tonight. ' ' yeah? where's home tonight? ' ' set it all on someone else's bill. ' ' boredom's gonna get you. '

CITY OF GOLD

‘ i used to find hope in the wreckage. ’ ‘ all i can feel is the feeling that we’ll never say hi if ever we pass. ’ ‘ you know all good things come to an end. ’ ‘ i’m too easy on giving out chances. ’ ‘ you might think that i’m strange,  but i come with a pain. ’ ‘ some folks think about their lovers, some folks think about their goals; i’ve been thinking lately about the way you’d speak to me. ’ ‘ i’ve been thinking lately about the way you’d speak to me. ’ ‘ i think it’s time i disappear. ’ ‘ i’m feeling old. ’ ‘ just sit with me, morning and nighttime. have me on your front porch. ’ ‘ i’ll be still. i’ll be quiet. ’ ‘ i never knew why it was so hard for me to be who you want. ’ ‘ i’ve thought about finding new lovers, thought about burning the past. ’ ‘ all that i want is a kind heart to haunt. ’ ‘ my shrink says it ain’t too much to ask. ’ ‘ i’ve been told you’re fine. ’

ALL I CAN SAY

‘ lay in bed, sleep the day away. ’ ‘ think of all the things we used to see. ’ ‘ i know this time tomorrow i gotta go. ’ ‘ love doesn’t live here anymore. ’ ‘ all i can say is goodbye. ’ ‘ i sit alone anyway, every night in your arms. ’ ‘ count the lights, think of what we had. ’ ‘ i’m headed back west. ’ ‘ drive ‘til we’ve got nothing left. ’ ‘ i’m scared to death. ’ ‘ i hate springtime anyhow. ’

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #458

“i was unprepared for fame, then everybody knew my name”

What does your doormat say? I... actually am not sure. I don't pay any attention. What do you order from most sit down restaurants? Chicken tenders are my go-to safe option, ha ha. Or shrimp. Who was the last person you talked about love/relationships with? Sara. I wanted her advice. Where was the last place you thought about having sex, other than your bed? This was way too long ago, dude. Do you remember the last time you went against someone’s advice? Very recently. :x What day would you consider the best day of your life? Why? Idk, really. Would you say you’re too experienced or too unexperienced for your age? I am embarrassingly unexperienced. What is your favorite neon color? Ever buy nail polish that color? Hot pink. I don't care for nail polish. Has anyone ever mistaken you to be a member of the opposite sex? No. What is the greatest source of happiness in your life? Uhhhh... What was the last charity/cause you donated to? Children With Hair Loss, when I cut a shitload of my hair off for the style I have now. Getting that certificate that my hair was used is to this day one of the warmest feelings I've ever experienced. Who was the last person you got a handwritten letter from? Sara. What is something you know very little about? Economics. Have any of your worst fears ever come true? Yes. I lost Jason. Is anyone in your family divorced? My parents, three of my siblings (all have since gotten remarried and are very happy<3), and I'm sure more distant relatives, too. Does your family go ‘all out’ during the holidays? No. How often in a year do you go to the mall to get new clothes? Pretty much never. Who was the last person to call you beautiful? What was your reaction? Someone on Facebook when I updated my profile pic, probably. I was very flattered, of course. As someone with a SHIT self-image, it means a lot to me. Do you ever get paranoid about who your significant other hangs out with? I'm single, but hypothetically, nope. Did you ever call any teachers by their first name? Who? Some, but only because they preferred it. I don't remember all of them, other than it was common in college. Do you blow-dry, towel-dry or air-dry your hair? Towel-dry and best I can first, then let it air-dry. Have you ever wanted to be in a band? ... One of the reasons I chose to go to actual school instead of homeschooling when I started HS was because I liked the thought of making actual friends and maybe being a guitarist if any wanted to start bands lmao. What is your favorite flavor of gum? Watermelon, probs. Are you a good leader? lol no Would you ever go bear hunting? I'm strictly opposed to hunting for sport, but even if I wasn't, I would NOT be going after bears. Have you ever picked flowers out of someone else’s garden without asking? Wow, no. Have you ever won money by entering a contest/raffle? No. Who is your favorite philosopher? I don't have one. What restaurant would you choose to go to for breakfast? I'm a v basic bitch and love me some Waffle House lmfao. How much money do you think you cost your parents? I. Don't. Want. To. Know. With so much medical stuff... holy shit. Do you eat any meat other than turkey on Thanksgiving? I eat spiral ham, because I don't like turkey in that form. Does your cat give you kitty kisses? Yes. :') Have you ever lost anyone close to cancer? Close, no. My mom was a close call, though... Her cancer was very, very close to being stage 4. Have you ever been to a waterpark? Yeah, as a kiddo. Describe the person you like/love in one word: Hilarious. Do you enjoy creative writing? Hell yeah man. If so, what things do you like writing about the most? Meerkats in a fantasy setting. Do you own any windchimes? Yes. Mom has one, I believe. Have you ever been known for something extremely negative? No. Would you say you’ve made a lot of people proud? Hell no. Have you ever been in a relationship with someone for over a year? Twice. Do you still have feelings for any of your exes? I think I've made that abundantly obvious in the past few surveys lmao. Does your birth name mean anything in another language or sense? It just means "of Britain." I wish my name had better meaning, lol. What is your favorite desert? THE KALAHARI because MEERKATS!!!!!!!!!!! :') Have you ever been called a good kisser? Well not directly, but no one's ever complained? Have you ever stepped on a bee? No. Who is your newest friend? Hmmm... I haven't made a new friend in a very long time. Tell me something about yourself that you don’t normally tell people. I'm an RPer. The last song you heard, what does it make you think of? That I wish I was NEARLY as hot as her lmao. What do you like about your birthday? We go out to eat wherever I want, yum. The person you’re thinking about - what are you thinking about them? That he needs to mESSAGE ME BACK Are you currently sick at all? No. Has anyone ever asked for your autograph? Er, no. What’s one subject that makes you feel uncomfortable? Sex. Who did you last send a friend request to? Idk. What candy makes your face pucker? None that I've tried. I handle sour treats very well. Do you believe that the number 13 is unlucky? No. Do you know any marines? Jason's dad was one. What’s your favorite Halloween movie? Hocus Pocus. :') Do you know anyone who does a lot of pills? I guess me, but they're prescription pills, and I don't abuse them. Mom has a lot, too. Who’s your favorite rapper? And your favorite song by this rapper? Eminem. Either "Love the Way You Lie" or "Space Bound." Has anyone ever made a promise to you that they’d change? Who? No. Have you ever had the cops called on you? For what? Nope. What race do you see the most in your neighborhood? African American. Have you ever walked in on someone accidentally while they were nude? No, I don't think so. Have you ever wanted to get your monroe pierced? Nah, it'd look weird on me. Do you own anything that involves Betty Boop? Nope. Can you remember the last song you listened to? Yeah; I'm listening to Lauren Babic and Halocene's cover of Linkin Park's "Bleed It Out" right now. What is your favourite flavour of Skittles? The sour ones!! Red was always my favorite. Who taught you how to ride a bike? My dad. Who of the opposite sex has seen you at your worst? Girt. Jason is a very close second, but Girt... he saw me at rock fucking bottom. He just showed up at the hospital unannounced after my suicide attempt (he knew because yay for writing a stupid fucking suicide note on Facebook) to help comfort me. He saw me dead to the fucking world and just done with everything. When’s the last time you were on the phone after 2 AM? Wow... probably not since a few days before the aforementioned suicide attempt and I called Jason's landline, desperate to talk to him. His mom picked up and talked to me for like two whole fucking hours. I'm tearing up pretty bad just remembering it, seeing as she's dead now... She cared for me so much. I miss her so, so much. Enough of this question, I'm about to start sobbing. :x What would you do if your best friend got an abortion? Honestly? Be relieved. I really don't think her body could handle pregnancy. What would you do if your father left your mother? That happened, and I hated him for years. What would you do if your bf/gf’s face became mutilated in an accident? Love them all the same. I don't care about appearances. What is the weirdest thing you have ever seen in your life? *shrug* Have you ever dated two different people with the same name? No. That would be so weird. What are you deathly afraid of? Pregnancy. Internal parasites. Which unborn babies technically are. Do you know anyone who’s addicted to drugs and, if so, are you friends with them? I know many potheads, and one I'm pretty close with. Have you ever owned a golf cart before and, if so, what color was it? No. Do you have a sibling who’s a complete deadbeat and, if so, which sibling is it? Definitely not. All my siblings are hard workers that have dreams and aspirations they're either working towards or have achieved. Do you own the new Guitar Hero and, if so, what’s your favorite song on it? I have no clue what the newest one is. My favorite song to play in any of the games though is The Eagles' "Hotel California." It just feels good to play, and the ending solo fuckin' slams. Have you ever done anything dangerous enough to have risked your life? An overdose on cold medicine. What was the most length you’ve ever cut off your hair and why did you cut it? 8+ inches because I no longer wanted long hair. Have you ever overcome a disease that was life-threatening and, if so, which one? No.

[babybluebex]

of thieves and fourths [prologue]

pairing: billy/four x reader (Y/N)

summary: billy departs to ukraine for a job, begging for you to come with him, and you would have, if you had known that this job would end with his death. 

word count: 1862

warnings: su*cide mention, death

song: we appreciate power - grimes

a/n: an anon asked me to write a new 6U story, so here is the prologue! enjoy, and let me know if you’d like to be tagged in the next parts!

A thump sounded, and I looked off to the window. The wind rippled my curtains aside, and I saw a soft flash reflecting my candlelight. “Jesus Christ,” I mumbled, swinging my legs out of bed and quickly crossing the room. I pushed my curtains aside to expose Billy. He gave me a cheeky grin and swung a boot-clad foot through my window. “What’re you doing here this late? You’re gonna get yourself killed!”

“I’d have to be caught first,” Billy laughed. He pushed the hood of his jacket off his head and ruffled his blond curls, and he sat at the edge of my bed, the springs squeaking. “Is she asleep?”

I looked to the other side of the room, where Clara slept. Clara was ten while I was eighteen, and we chose to room together at the girls’ home. I never quite knew my parents, but it must be for the best-- any person who abandons their newborn was no person I wanted to know. I had moved from home to home my whole life, finally taking up residence in the girl’s home in South London. I had barely a month left before I was to move out, since eighteen was when we aged out of the home. “Yes,” I replied. “Why are you here this late?”

“Why’s your candle going?” Billy asked.

“Couldn’t sleep,” I replied. “Didn’t want to turn on the light and wake Clara. Why are you here?”

“I’m going to Ukraine,” Billy told me. “For a job. And I want you to come with me.” 

“Ukraine?” I breathed. “For what? What’s Ukraine got to steal that London doesn’t?”

“Y/N, please,” Billy sighed. “You hate this place. You always have. I’m giving you an opportunity--”

“For what, though?” I asked. “To go with you and watch you get arrested? Billy, I love you, but your life isn’t-isn’t mine. I don’t want a part in whatever you’re going to steal. I love and I’ll stand by you, but I’ll keep my distance from the job.”

“I’m not leaving without you,” Billy said. He took my hand tightly, and his voice raised slightly, enough for me to shush him. 

“Please,” I said. “Billy, you should go without me. I would just hold you back from the job.”

Billy looked at our intertwined hands, letting his thumb pass over my hand. “The Kalahari,” he said softly. “S’what we’re after. It’s in a museum over there, in Kiev. We’d come back home once it was done.”

“Once it’s stolen?” I asked. “Billy, I can’t. I have Clara and the other girls here. I’m sorry, my darling, but I can’t.”

“Y/N, please,” Billy pleaded. 

“I’ll see you when you get back,” I said softly. “Babe, go. Do it. How long do you think you’ll be gone?” 

“A month,” Billy said. “Maybe more.” 

“When you get back, I’ll have moved out of here,” I told him. “Come find me when you come back. I want to be with you, but… I can’t go with you to Ukraine.”

Billy nodded slowly. “Can I have a kiss before I go?” 

I leaned in and gently kissed his lips, and his warm hand came to cup my cheek. Billy and I had met when he tried to pickpocket me on the street, but, with my time living on the streets, I was able to save my wallet and catch him. He took a shine to me, and it was quickly clear that we were meant to be more than friends. He wasn’t allowed inside the house at night but, thanks to years of gymnastics, he could easily find a way into my bedroom window. He visited often, and I was falling so much harder for him than I could have ever imagined. I never thought love was in my cards, but my Billy proved me so wrong. He loved every inch of me and he showed me that my life didn’t have to be disappointments and abandonment. Billy never knew his parents either, never really had anybody to care too deeply for him, and he was hesitant to have any sort of relationship. After all, he was older, and a criminal. I helped him as much as he helped me. 

“I’ll miss you,” I whispered.

“Please do,” Billy said. “It’ll help the job if I know you need me.”

“Why, so you can impress me?” I asked.

“No, so that we can get on with it and get home,” Billy laughed. His lips quirked into a smile, and I kissed the tip of his nose. “I’ll miss you too.” 

Across the room, Clara made a small squeak, and she sat up slowly. “Y/N?” she mumbled. 

“I’m here, love,” I said, standing up and crossing over to her bed. 

“R’you talkin’ to someone?” Clara mumbled and yawned. 

“Umm--” I began, and I looked back to see the curtains swaying and my bed empty. “Only myself, lovie. Go back to sleep.” 

“You smell good,” Clara whispered, burying her face back in her pillow. 

I knew that she could smell Billy on me, and I just smiled. 

Our houseowner called my name the next day at breakfast. “Y/N! Letter for you!” She dropped the envelope in front of me, and I wiped my mouth clean. My name was written on the front in red, and I recognized the handwriting.

“Who’s it from?” Clara asked from next to me. 

“Why’s it matter to you?” I giggled, popping the envelope open. 

“That means Billy,” several girls tittered at the table. 

“Billy did not--” I began, and I read the letter. He had left for Ukraine that morning. He told me that he had left me a present on my bed, and he told me that he would be back by the end of the month. “I-It is from him. How weird.”

“What’s it say?” I was asked by several of my girls. 

“Umm, p-private,” I said, standing up from the table. “Excuse me, ladies.”

I hurried up to my room and threw the door open, and I found my window open, a dark blue hoodie hanging by the window latch. I took it up in my arms and held it close, and I pulled it on. It was still warm. He was just here. I leaned out the window and looked up and down the street, and I saw a blond figure turn onto an off street on a skateboard. My Billy. 

The month passed with little correspondence. Billy didn’t have a phone-- he couldn’t afford one-- so I had to wait on letters. I got one about once a week, and I kept them under my pillow. His written words helped me feel as if he was there with me, safe and only committing petty larceny. I felt sick every time I remembered what he was doing and what the stakes of his misadventure was if he was caught. I watched the nightly news for any word of any activity to the Kalahari, a priceless diamond necklace that bounced from museum to museum due to it being the most expensive necklace ever created. It was valued at nearly $55 million, but was considered by most to be priceless. It was the ultimate prize for a thief like my Billy, and I understood the appeal. Who wouldn’t want to be internationally known for what was considered an impossible crime?

A month passed, then two. A letter told me that the plan was taking far longer to come up with than anticipated, and that he would be home by the end of the year. He guaranteed it. By three months, I had moved out of the girls’ home and had started the process of adopting Clara. She was my sister, regardless of blood, and I wanted something better for her than what I had had. We were in the process of a fostering period, to make sure Clara fit into my household, when we were watching the news one night. Clara was asleep, her head in my lap, when a headline came up: KALAHARI STOLEN; SUSPECT ON THE RUN. 

“Today in Kiev, the priceless necklace known as the Kalahari was stolen by a group of thieves. Three were apprehended, but one evaded capture. The one thief that was able to evade capture is believed to have the necklace on his person.” A grainy security video played, and I recognized my Billy, even though his face was covered. After a moment, Billy turned to look over his shoulder, and, even though the quality of the video was poor, I could clearly identify him. “The man was identified by Interpol as William Robin Davis, a British man with a history of petty larceny. If you have any information about Davis’s whereabouts, call the number on screen.”

Billy had the Kalahari with him, wherever he was. If I knew him at all, he was probably halfway home by now. 

Another month passed with no word from Billy. I thought that he would send a letter to assure me that he was okay, but no such letter ever came. School started for Clara and she told her teachers that she lived with her sister. I was flattered by how easily Clara called me her sister, and she even mentioned my boyfriend. She knew what Billy had done and swore to keep it secret, but I felt terrible for making a young child keep anything a secret, especially about something like this. 

Then, six months after Billy first left for Ukraine, another news bulletin captured my attention. “In the ongoing investigation of the robbery of the Kalahari, a body has been found that Interpol believes to be thief William Davis. The body was found in North London, and police believe the cause of death to be via suicide. Stay tuned for more details.” 

The next day, the conclusion to my Billy was announced. The corpse was confirmed to be his and, after an autopsy, the world was told of how he had killed himself. Clara watched with me as I struggled to breathe, and she gave me a hug. My world seemed to fall apart.  My future had included Billy for as long as he had been in my life, and it hurt to know that he was dead. He had succeeded in the ultimate robbery, but it wasn’t enough to bring him back to me.

I chose to go to his funeral. His mum was there, and, knowing that we had been together, put an arm around me. She was crying hard, but I couldn’t even manage any tears. What would become of me and Clara? My plans included Billy coming home and helping take care of Clara, providing for us with money that he had gotten from the Kalahari. 

The service was short, and, as I turned to leave, I heard the wind blow through the dead trees. It felt almost as if my Billy was there. I swore that I could feel his arms around me. Maybe I could even hear his voice, if I listened to the wind hard enough. My Billy was still with me, even if he was dead. 

[curtashiism]

Long rant/vent ahead

It’s hard, because I know I genuinely love biology. I love learning about anatomy and physiology, and I have an affinity for bio as a whole. But I don’t know that it’s really what I want to do, and I feel like I was never given the chance to fully explore what I actually wanted to do because of my mom’s manipulative behavior to me growing up.

When I was younger I wanted to do something with music, but my mom told me I wouldn’t be good enough. I didn’t have the talent my sister did at the cello, which was why they sunk so much money into her cello rental and lessons but wouldn’t get me any lessons.

My mom told me future was in academics and I never really questioned it. Her grandma had a premonition (my mom’s words, not mine) that I would go into the sciences. So my mom never let me consider anything else. She tried her best to shut any other ideas I had down. She never came to a single one of my track meets when I ran in 8th grade. I mean, I finished dead last in every race except the one time I finished second to last, but that’s not the point. I shouldn’t have had to be good to earn her involvement. But that’s how it was with her. She only cared when it was something I was good at- academics. She’d come to the awards ceremonies when I made honor roll, but never cared about my other interests.

So I settled on the medical field at some point- I thought a doctor or vet for a while but I’m not good enough at math, physics, or chem, so now I’m thinking public health.

Before I started college, I wanted to take a break from school, get a job, and figure things out. But my mom didn’t want that. She thought if I did that, I’d never go back to school, and we couldn’t have that now could we? So she did what she does- she manipulated the situation to get what she wanted to my detriment. It didn’t matter that I didn’t want loans. She said “we all go into debt, suck it up” and told me if I didn’t start the next term she would kick me out.

So I did. Then once I had the loans finalized, she told me she was never going to kick me out, she just wanted me to “get my life together.” Because clearly it’s not my right to make those decisions, it’s hers, and if I wasn’t ready to start college at 19 my life must have been falling apart.

So now here I am, entering my senior year of college at 26 years old, panicking because I need to start preparing for a Master’s program but I don’t FEEL ready at all and I’m not sure this is actually what I want to do. I like the arts. I want to learn more about them. I want to learn to play the violin, I want to see if I can act (I’m practicing voice acting and am loving it and my friends say I actually am not bad at it and I have a cute voice perfect for child characters), or maybe even try to write a play (I love theater and I love writing.) Hell, I think I’d be happier joining the Peace Corps or going to the Kalahari Desert to volunteer with the meerkat study project for a year. I’m not ready for grad school- but I feel like I HAVE TO do it.

But that’s the thing. I try so hard to get my mom to approve of my decisions for just ONCE in her life. But even when I do exactly what she wants it doesn’t happen. She wanted me to do the science stuff to begin with- but when I tell her there’s a couple of MPH programs down in NYC, I would just need to finally get my driver’s license and a car, she starts making me defend my decision. She asks all these questions that make it sound like I’m some kind of idiot for wanting to get a Master’s degree. And maybe I fucking am, but not for the reason she thinks.

I told her I was going to learn the violin and her reaction was to get mad that I asked if I could practice it in the apartment during my visit home. When it looked like I was going to get to study abroad in London, before COVID, she made it all about her and her letting go issues.

When I graduated with my Associate’s degree- I’m the only one in the immediate family to do so, by the way- my mom cried before my graduation. Because she was devastated it wasn’t my sister.

And I honestly don’t know why I still even try. I know she has four kids but only cares about one. She will NEVER care about me or actually be proud of me. Not if I get a Master’s degree, not if I become a doctor, not if I became a tapdancing polyglot brain surgeon who cures cancer on the moon. She isn’t capable of it. On top of that, she has no grasp on who I actually am as a person.

She has a twisted and distorted view of me where I am a manifestation of all the things she fears are true of herself. All the things she doesn’t want to be, she projects onto me. She calls me hateful and judgmental and mean because I tell her not to call me when she’s been drinking. One single, solitary boundary I request and that’s too much for her. She was jealous of me as an INFANT because my dad doted on me. You have no idea how many times she’s been in the middle of a bender and accused me and my dad of literal incest because we’re close. “You’re his second wife” “there’s some Mormon shit going on between you two!” She doesn’t know the first thing about me. She told all my relatives that I only was in the orchestra as a teen because I wanted to be like my sister, not because I actually liked to play.

I do not admire a single thing about my fucking sister. This is the same sister who conspired with my first boyfriend and got him to sexually abuse me. The same sister who got high on meth and fucking raped our little brother. The same sister who told me about this while she was blackout drunk, then licked my neck. The same sister whose behavior I told to my mom and got a response of “well to be fair I’ve fantasized about your neck too!” Oh but see, if my mom was to be believed, my fucking sister never did anything to hurt my little brother, no sir. He made it up for attention, and I “planted lies in his head because I wanted to prove an agenda about men being able to be raped by women.” Because she thinks I’m so evil I would use my little brother as a pawn for a social experiment just to hurt my sister.

I don’t admire anything about my sister. I barely even fucking feel sorry that she fell into sex trafficking and had the same thing done to her that she did to my little brother. I should be upset about it, but I just feel apathetic, especially since she got to see her abuser put behind bars while my little brother is still dragged out to visit her every time my folks (who he still lives with as an adult) decide to see her. She’s a shitty person. The world will be a better place when she fucking dies. She convinces everyone she meets that she’s a wonderful person because she tells them what a long journey she’s been on and how she’s working so hard to heal through her faith (conveniently leaving out the part where she victimized others as much as she was a victim herself). Bitch, you don’t get a cookie because you fucking went five years without sexually abusing your younger siblings. Jesus isn’t fucking proud of you. I’m certainly not.

But of course, since she’s the one my mom favors, she can do no wrong. My mom is no better than her in my eyes.

So that brings it back to, why the FUCK do I want her approval?

Why the fuck do I care?

She certainly doesn’t care about me. If all the above shit isn’t proof, the fact that she got drunk when I was 15 and said she wished she could kill me is. The fact that she gave me PTSD from all the shit she put me through is proof. The fact that she made me coming out as a lesbian all about her is proof. The fact that she would go on a hateful rant about trans people- even though she doesn’t know I am, she knows I care deeply about the issues which should be enough but some isn’t- is proof. The fact that she honestly can NOT remember what my birthday is and has to be reminded by my dad is proof. The fact that she once called me a bitch on my birthday, which she forgot was my birthday until my little brother reminded her, is proof. The fact that she tried to tear my dad and I apart because she was too insecure to handle my dad “choosing his kids over her” is proof. The fact that she put me in the position of having to let her scream and throw things at me to protect my younger brother, because the alternative was letting her hurt him instead, is proof. The fact that I self-harmed for nearly a decade because of her and only got clean when I moved 3,000 miles away (what a coincidence!) is proof.

She’s fucking sick and is never going to be anything approaching a good mother to me because she doesn’t see me as me, she just makes me the lightning rod for her anger whenever she gets pissed off. When she’s pissed off, I’m an emotional punching bag, and when she’s hurting I’m a substitute therapist who will do all the emotional heavy lifting for her because she fucking knows how to use my compassion and guilt complex against me.

She has reasons, in her head, for why I’m so awful and deserving of her anger, which it took me years to learn weren’t actually excuses because I was a CHILD and she had no right to hold shit against me. And I know the truth is that she’s never proud of me because she doesn’t actually want my success- especially not when my sister doesn’t have it. She treats me the best, the nicest, when I fail, because that’s what she wants for me, even if she pretends otherwise. She’s sick and she’s so determined to play victim for her whole fucking life that she will never NOT be sick this way.

And I’m even sicker than she is because I still try after all these years. The real definition of insanity is repeating the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. I just keep getting my hopes up that one day, I will say the magic words that will make her actually be supportive. Like if I get a magical piece of paper to show her she’ll think I’m actually worth something, but she never will and I’m an idiot for hoping. If she hasn’t got it by now, she never will. My dad loves me for me, my brothers loves me for me, my grandma loves me for me, my aunts and uncles and cousins love me for me, my friends love me for me- it’s just my mom who can’t figure out that I’m worth more than what I can do for her.

Fuck her. I’m either going to go to grad school or I’m not, but whatever I do will be awesome. I might act or play the violin or write plays or I might study ethnomusicology, or who knows, maybe I will go through with this public health stuff. Either way I’ll be surrounded with people who actually see me for me and are capable of feeling joy at my accomplishments. Maybe I’ll stupidly keep trying to include her, but I’ll have others around me when she inevitably disappoints me yet again. And she can’t say the same because she drives everyone who might care about her away.

[crowwingedangel]

My vacation, Part 2: Colossalcon!

This is for everyone who keeps asking me how my time going home/at the convention was. Actually, I’m not very good with talking about my emotional reactions and things on the spot… I’m a writer. I do much better writing it out. So that’s what I’m doing now! If you’re one of those people who wanted to know, or are just curious, feel free to look under the cut!

Below is my experience at the convention! It’s long and will have photos, so check it out! 

Wednesday 

So I got to Kalahari around 5 and parked my car. It was still pretty early, so there was plenty of parking around. I went to check in, only to learn that my room was fairly close to where I parked my car! SCORE!  

I then spent some time making trips to the room with my stuff... I brought a bunch of food, since I knew con food is really expensive, and the room itself was a lot... and I had a VIP pass, so this con was costly enough already. Heh... Luckily though, I got all of my stuff in just before the rain showed up!

My friend I was sharing the room with wasn’t going to arrive until Thursday afternoon, so I had this night to myself. I went and registered for the con and got my pass, then I proceeded to walk around... get the layout of the land, as it where. Alas, my phone was pretty full, so I didn’t take lots of pictures of everything I saw... In fact, I only took a few the whole weekend. But a lot of people took photos, so check out the colossalcon tag if you want an idea of what I saw!  I wandered around for a while before heading back to the room and deciding to spend the night chilling... I took a nice bath in the giant tub, then spent the evening making a semi-update for Crimson Wings. That mutant class update? Yeah, I made it during this down time. Eventually I went to bed, knowing I’d have a long day following. 

Thursday 

The con officially began! I took my time waking up in the morning, and decided to explore for a while, waiting for my friend to arrive. I didn’t wear any cosplay that morning, wanting to save it for when she got there, and wanting to look at everything for a while as myself before I changed...

So I went! Not knowing what to do other then look around, I guessed. But luckily, I came across the usual “I need friends” signs that happen at cons. So, seeing as I was alone, I decided, “why not?” I approached, and made some new friends and we all hugged sexy Jesus (yes you just read that). You may have figured out by now that I don’t really like using people’s names on the Internet so... I’ll just say that the two girls had the same name and the guy’s name was my middle name! There, now some of you may know one of their names...

We hung out for a while and met up several times throughout the con! I’m very socially awkward at making friends, so I’m kind of proud that I managed it... But two of them were dressed as two of my favorite twins when I first saw them, so that helped! We went to the game room and played things for a while, mostly team music games. One of them was like a master at them, but we did pretty good as a team! 

Eventually went to the craft fair and saw all the cool stuff people had made and were selling. Eventually my friend arrived and we had to split up, but like I said, I kept in contact with these guys after!  

So I met up with my friend, the one who basically functions as my editor for my writing... Did you know my writing has an editor? Well, now you do. I helped get her stuff to the room, and while she got settled, I changed into my Edward Elric cosplay. I don’t have any pictures of this cosplay, but a bunch of people took photos of me, so if one turns up, I’ll put it here!  We wandered about and I showed her around. And we finally started buying stuff. I got an Non-binary and an Ace-ace patch. I don’t know what I’m going to put them on, but I liked them! I also got one of those ironed-bead sprite Mad Dummy and a small fox pattern pouch... But then of course I finally found the plushies in the dealer room. And there... was a chubby lucario. I made him mine. ...Well, he was always mine, wasn’t he?! He’s actually under my arm right now as I type this! He’s some comfy! Oh, I can take a photo of him right now, can’t I?

Here he is! My fat boi! So chubby and cute, I love him! 

Eventually my friend and I made it back to our room and chilled for the rest of the evening, eating snacks and reading webcomics. I’m pretty good and getting my friends into more webcomics, I think... I had her catch up on a pretty long one that night while we listened to the sounds of party around us.

Friday

Friday, oh boy what I day. It was certainly fun and interesting! So, I (and my grandma, she did the sewing part) worked very hard on a cosplay of RGB from The Property of Hate by @modmad. 

I think it turned out very well, and you can see more pictures in my post here. But, being summer and all, it was very hot and the head was pretty much and oven. I could only wear it for bursts of 20 minutes to half an hour at a time before I’d need to go back to the room and rest. I still think it looked cool though, and some people recognized who I was so mission accomplished I guess! But also... @modmad, is his vision really as limited from that screen as I could see? Because there is no peripheral vision at all, someone get him a seeing-eye hero!  

I wandered about the convention a lot that day sans the head so that I could... be alive, haha. But I bought myself some manga and ordered a commission that I will probably fill you all in more on later once it is made! ;3 (It’s Crimson Wings related.) It’s by the same artist I bought some buttons from a few years back... And I bought more buttons, of course! I needed my snoot-snoot seal!

In the evening, I had my VIP autograph session... I had brought something for most of them (at least the ones I had stuff for, unfortunately I didn’t own anything to bring for the two ladies :C). I knew I was going to be meeting Steve Blum, so I switched into my Terriermon outfit I had made with my grandma. At the session, I met up with the trio of friends from the other day (I had met up with them earlier that day too, but only for a few minutes). We talking in the lines and such while we waited! I got to meet a few awesome people, including Chris Patton, who I caved and bought a Greed poster to have him sign... I love Greed, you guys... I also met Vic Mignogna and had him sign my FMA Brotherhood DVD set, and met Steve Blum and had him sign my Digimon Tamers DVD (he also kept talking in Guilmon’s voice and I was losing it.) My friends also had Vic do the coffee scene from Ouran which you can see on one of their instagrams here! I also got photos with Vic and Steve because I am weak.

Awesomeness.

Then later that night my editor friend and I went to the Kalahari pool for the after hours time we had! We went nearing midnight, and did stuff like the wave pool, the hot tub, and the lazy river for a while. We were about to leave when I ran into the friend trio again, so we went back into the wave pool for a while before finally heading back to the room. It was like 3 in the morning and I had an early Nintendo photoshoot I wanted to get to!

Saturday

Saturday I cosplayed as Pit the whole day. Nintendo had an early photoshoot that day (well, early considering how late we were up that night and how it’d take a while to get dressed. We’re still waiting for all the photos to come out from it, but it’s page is here. And one photo is out at least with me and the other awesome Pit in it! 

It was a lot of fun, and all the smash brothers poses and things were a blast and I hope more photos show up soon! Like we beat up Sandbag and there was the smash ball and-... lots of playing around, I hope they turn up. Unfortunately the Zelda shoot was at the same time, so no Zelda or Link for us... what’s up with that? 

Anyway, after that my friend and I hung out in the room for a while, needing to relax after being up so early... I showed her some youtube videos and made her laugh so hard she fell off the bed. Good times! Then we headed back to the con and did more shopping around, smaller things like charms and stickers now, and went to some panels. I said good bye to my new trio of friends who were leaving that afternoon, and hopefully they are doing well! 

By the evening I had to go to the room a while because I wasn’t feeling great... I actually bought some actual food at the con because the food we had was basically running out and I needed something to settle my stomach. But when we grabbed food we headed to the Masquerade (The skit / cosplay contest) and watched that! I still chuckle that Tony Stark was the host. It was a lot of fun, and the skits were fun, including some really good singers and a Nurse Joy who wanted to become a trainer (that one had some very clever props, just saying). And those cosplays were amazing. Much appreciation. The halftime show was hilarious, our side’s champion two girls beating the other side’s two men at a blind-folded donut eating contest-... It’s a long story, and this is long enough as it is, haha.  

After it was over, my friend and I headed back to the room and ended the night watching some youtube.  

Sunday 

Alas, the con was basically over. I wore my Terriermon cosplay that day since it’s the simplest and isn’t hot. We had to check out by ten, and my friend had to leave at ten, so we basically got up in the morning, packed my car, and parted ways as she was picked up. I stayed a little longer to check out the flee market. I found some good stuff and spend more money (of course! More pokemon plush for me! ...And some really old digimon toys. Nice.) Once I felt I had checked everything out and had basically spent the last of the cash I had brought with me, I headed back out to my car to start my drive to my parent’s house...   I arrived, and then had dinner with my family, including my aunt and uncle at a restaurant, then turned in for the night, having to catch an early flight back down here in the morning... 

AND that was the con, everyone! It was a lot of fun and I tried to sort out as much as I could here! I hope that helped answer the basic question of how it was! If you have any more specific questions, feel free to ask! 

[seedtolife-yt]

Gardeners in you must be very excited as the spring has begun. I know I’m. I can’t wait to get outside to see new surprises in my garden. All the seedlings have started sprouting and spring flowers are blooming. As the temperatures have started rising, to stay hydrated we can grow some juicy watermelons.

History of Watermelons

Did you know that watermelons are ancient fruits that are being cultivated since prehistoric times? They were growing in wild in the Kalahari desert in Africa. Those fruits were not sweet-tasting like today’s watermelons. They were also found in the tombs of Egypt at multiple archaeological sites. These discoveries show that watermelon was being cultivated since ancient times. Inner green and bitter parts gradually were replaced with red mellow parts by selective breeding and advances in agricultural technology. Seedless watermelons were discovered by Japanese scientist Professor H. Kihara.

Growing Climate

Watermelons grow well in a tropical and temperate climate. Last year, I grew some baby watermelons in a container. Usually, summer in my region is harsh and the temperature is consistently is above 100°F. It affects even heat-loving plants like watermelons. But last year, I installed a quick homemade trellis in a 17-gallon container and I could enjoy a refreshing harvest.

The benefits of growing watermelons in containers

You can control the amount of space it occupies and also the amount of water. Watermelons like consistent watering. Perfectly watered watermelons are sweeter in taste with juicy pulp.

Also, you can protect the plants better by covering them using either a tarp or shade clothe during constant rain and extreme summer heat if the plant is contained.

Keeping watermelon plants potted and growing them vertically also saves a lot of space. Planting them in the ground occupies a considerable amount of space since if grown directly in the ground the recommended spacing between two plants is about 6 feet. If you have a big yard then it is not a problem but for urban gardeners, potted plants work the best.

The plant is a creeping branching vine. The tendrils are the coiled structures that easily grab onto the trellis helping the vine grow upwards. With the plants wrapping around on the trellis, a beautiful vertical structure can be created in the garden. The vines still can get unruly like a toddler and try to wrap onto the branches of the adjacent plants. So you may need to keep guiding them and if you choose a big fruit variety you may even need to support the fruit to ensure that it doesn’t break off of the vine.

When grown vertically in containers, it is easier to protect fruits from animals. I have seen a friend of mine was growing watermelon and rodents used to nibble on the fruits.

Growing Watermelons in the Ground

When grown in the ground watermelons can act as a ground cover, somewhat like a mulch, and retain moisture in the ground. The fruits may need extra protection to keep them dry. You can use some straw, cardboard or readymade stands to keep them away from the ground and getting damaged by moisture.

The harvest is definitely bigger if watermelons are grown in the ground as plants can grow unrestricted.

You can grow bigger varieties easily in the ground.

Why choose a Small Fruit Variety?

If you have decided to grow watermelon in containers then I would recommend picking a small fruit variety like baby watermelons. They mature faster compared to the regular varieties.

If you have a small family then it is better to grow these tiny varieties because you don’t have to worry about storing the leftover fruit after cutting it open.

If you want to avoid sweet fruits for some reason then smaller fruits are better for potion control.

Soil Requirement/ Sun Requirement/

Watermelon like the soil well-draining sandy loam and moist with pH between 6–7 i.e. slightly acidic. Watermelons are heat and sun-loving plants.

Optimal Temperature

They are not at all cold tolerant. They do not well when the temperature drops down to 50°F and below. At these lower temperatures, plants may survive but the fruit doesn’t mature. The optimal temperature for growth is 65–95°F. I live in Texas where summers are exceptionally hot and the temperatures are in the mid to high hundreds and it is normal to have heat waves lasting up to a week or more at a time. In my zone, i.e. zone 8, Watermelon plants do well from spring-early summer and then again late summer-early fall in my region. During the extreme heat of summer, the leaves start drying up and turn yellow. You might even feel that they are not going to survive the summer but they recover as soon as the temperature starts dropping down.

Watering Needs for Watermelons

Watermelons need a good amount of water and nutrients to keep growing as they also grow a lot of foliage too. During summertime, I keep pruning the leaves to divert all the nutrition towards growing fruits.

When to Start the New Plants

Now let’s see when to start the plants. If you have a short summer in your region then you can start the seedlings indoors in late winter, about 6–8 weeks before the temperature in your region reaches about 70°F. At that time they will be ready for transplanting outdoors.

Or start the plants directly outdoors 2–3 weeks after the danger of the frost is over and the temperature is consistently warm. The seed to harvest time for watermelon is approximately 80 days. It is longer for the bigger varieties.

What to feed the plant to get the best fruits?

In the initial period, I want the plant to mature faster so I feed fish fertilizer every 2 weeks for a couple of months and also when I transplant the plants in the final spot I add a mixture of blood and bone meal to provide both nitrogen and phosphorus so that the fruit-bearing and maturation occurs. I also add some azomite to give my plants complete nutrition. The blood and bone meal are long-term fertilizers and I start seeing their result in about 2 months after the application. I frequently feed some compost to my plants.

Are Watermelons Annual or Perennial Plants?

Watermelons are annual plants so you have to start them every year. They can easily be grown from seeds. Unlike a longer growing period, germination time is much shorter, usually between 3–10 days. You can see healthy seeds sprouting only in a couple of days. This year, I’ve decided to grow some of the germinated plants in a raised bed. I’m still planning to grow them vertically though.

Parts of the Watermelon Plant

Roots

Watermelon has a taproot system and the roots are delicate. It matters more when you grow the seedlings in some pot and then try to transfer it in the ground. They can easily get damaged especially while separating the seedlings and if you are not gentle with them while planting.

Leaves

The leaves are partitioned into several parts and look very attractive. But they also attract several pests like aphids, cucumber beetle and several other. Beneficial insects play a key role in taking care of the plants in a safe way. I keep removing the dead and yellow leaves during summertime to reduce the energy needs of the plant.

The stems are covered in hairy structures and they branch. They also have coiled structures on their stems called tendrils that help the plant get support.

Flowers

Flowers start developing after about a couple of months. At first predominantly male flowers develop and once the plant is mature enough to bear fruits, both female and male flowers appear. It is not hard to distinguish between male and female flowers. female flowers have a small fruit-like structure under the flower. If the pollination is successful this tiny fruit becomes a mature fruit. It takes another 1 1/2- 2 1/2 months for the fruits to get ready for the harvest.

How do you know that the watermelons are ready for picking?

It can be tricky to know if the watermelon is ready to be picked or not. If you wait too long then the fruit might fall off from the vine or if picked early, it may not reach its maximum level of sweetness. I keep checking on the fruits mainly the tendril near it. Once the tendril turns brown, you can harvest the fruit. Waiting longer even after the harvest makes the watermelon much sweeter. You can see here the skin is very thin and the fruit is very juicy.

Watermelon Nutrition

About 92% of the watermelon is water. The rest is mainly carbohydrates mainly sugars, anti-oxidants, vitamin A(31%), vitamin C (37%), vitamin-B 6 (5%), and Magnesium (7%). It contains very little proteins. The fat co

[wikitopx]

The beautiful forested slopes, clear lakes, and flower-filled valleys have attracted nature lovers, vacationing families, seekers of peace, and pointing to people in so many ways. system.

This picturesque Pennsylvania mountain in northeastern Pennsylvania overlooks the Delaware River and Delaware Water Gap and borders Wallenpaupack Lake and Wyoming Valley. Here are the best things to do in the Poconos, PA.

[toc]

1. Delaware Water Gap National Recreation Area

The breathtaking natural beauty of the area surrounding the Delwar Water Gap has been touristy for more than a century, and it is considered one of the natural wonders of the world. To protect it, manage it and tell the world about it, this area was declared a National Recreation Area in 1978.

It is a large park that covers 40 miles of the Delaware River, 67,000 acres of mountains covered in dense sub-forests, valleys, submerged plains, exploding ravines with rhododendrons exploding in bloom in the beginning.

Spring, native Sam large forest, and abundant wildlife call it home, including bears, foxes, lynxes, chipmunks, deer, and more. Visitors can enjoy more than 100 miles of trails that take them to the most beautiful waterfalls, canyons, and ravines.

Those who like to drive can enjoy more than 100 miles of scenic beauty. About 27 miles of the Appalachian Trail passes through the area. The Poconos is a spectacularly beautiful region excellent for bird watching, zip-lining, hiking, fishing, canoeing, golfing, skiing, parasailing, and whitewater rafting.

The charming small towns that dot the region are all unique and make a visit to the Poconos a true delight. Keep reading for more things to do & where to stay in the Poconos.

2. Bushkill Falls

High up in the Pocono Mountains, the crystal clear water of a narrow stream tumbles down the cliffs and makes its way to the Delaware River far, far below.

The stream sped up as it ran toward the first of the eight, Pennell Falls, continuing through the narrow Glen Glen and upper canyon until it fell down a 100-foot-high cliff, creating Main-coated waterfall. rate. It forms a beautiful, deep, cool lake surrounded by ferns and flowers before dropping an additional 70 feet.

The whole area is intersected with narrow trails and observation areas that offer an unforgettable day of exploring and spectacular views. Get a map of the trails to find the one that appeals most to you.

If you're lucky, you might spot many birds living in this lush area. Wild animals like black bears, foxes, and bobcats are there too but are more elusive. After your hike, you might want to relax with a paddleboat ride, play a game of mini-golf, or sit on a bench and feed the ducks.

3. Hickory Run State Park, Pocono Mountains

Hickory Run State Park, located in Carbon County, stretches over 15,990 acres in the forested western foothills of the Pocono Mountains. The park is popular for Boulder Field, a flat area covered with large, round boulders that look like the surface of the Moon.

Sand Spring Lake has a lovely swimming beach and a golf course, and this is one of the three fixed points for orientation courses. The area includes hundreds of picnic tables, playground equipment, and restrooms.

Many streams and lakes in the park are great for brook and brown trout fishing, and hikers can enjoy more than 44 miles of trails. Some of the trails are permitted for cross-country skiing and others for snowmobiling in the winter.

The best time for hiking is June when the rhododendrons are in full bloom. The park is also popular for Geocaching, high tech treasure hunting with the use of GPS.

4. Poconos PA: No. 9 Coal Mine & Museum

Experience firsthand the dark world of coal mining by visiting No. 9 Coal Mine, the oldest continuously running anthracite coal mine in Lansford, Pennsylvania, 1600 feet into the mountainside.

The mine operated from 1855 to 2002, when it was closed and converted into a tourist attraction and museum. Trained and experienced guides will take you on a walking tour deep into the mountain and tell you the horror stories of the lives our ancestors who worked as miners had to endure.

You will see the original 900-foot deep elevator shaft that was used to haul coal cars to the surface, a miner’s hospital, and the underground mule-way. The museum is located in the former miners’ shanty and it contains original tools such as picks, drills, shovels, saws, axes, blasting tools, and even miners’ caps, lamps, and lunch cans.

5. Great Wolf Lodge Waterpark, The Poconos

To say that Great Wolf Lodge is kid and family-friendly is a gross understatement. Located in Scotrun, a small town between Mount Pocono and Tannersville, this resort is all about family fun.

It starts with the hotel suites that have ‘wolf dens’ and kiddy camps with kiddy bed bunks. And then there is a large, water park that operates year-round to entertain the whole family with thrilling rides, water slides, swimming pools, etc.

Enter Fort Mackenzie to get splashed and soaked until you escape through the Totem Tower slide. Dare to try Hydro Plunge, a roller coaster made of water. Let the kids go crazy and escape to the North Hot Spring soothing warm pool where no kids are allowed. Wherever you go, the temperature is a perfect 84 degrees even if it is snowing outside.

6. Poconos weekend getaway: Promised Land State Park

High on the Pocono Plateau, over 1,800 feet above sea level, Promised Land State Park is 3,000 acres of a natural wonderland. It is surrounded by over 12,464 acres of Delaware State Forest, densely covered with oak, beech, hemlock, and maple. It includes two lovely lakes, one with a well-equipped picnic area, a popular starting point for exploring the area.

The area is located in a picturesque forest next to the Promised Lake and has a playground, water, sand volleyball court, basketball court, and two sandy beaches. Concessions nearby provide boat rentals.

Both Promised Land Lake and Lower Lake are great for taking a slow canoe trip, and if you are a fisherman, try your hand at catching some bass, pickerel, yellow perch, or catfish.

Hikers have 50 miles of trails that intersect the Promised Land State Park and the Delaware State Forest for exploration, nature study, bird watching, or just reveling in the pure joy of magnificent nature. Don’t forget to stop at the Masker Museum with interesting natural history displays, including mounted animals.

7. Quiet Valley Living Historical Farm

The Quiet Valley Life History Farm seeks to preserve Germany's unique heritage in Pennsylvania. Guides dressed in traditional clothing re-enact scenes from daily farm life for visitors and provide information about the founder of the farm, Johann Depper.

The expansive farm includes pastures, streams, and forested areas, and goats, cows, horses, sheep, chickens, pigs, and other animals roam the 114-acre area. Visitors can walk through a vintage farmhouse, a cabin, a smokehouse, and a handful of little barns.

The quiet valley is open to individual and group tours, and the farm can be rented for birthday parties, weddings, and other special events.

8. Poconos weekend getaway: Kalahari Waterpark, Poconos

Pocono Manor is home to Kalahari Water Park, 10,000 square meters of African themed water park. This indoor waterpark has fun and challenging attractions for the entire family, including indoor surfing, body boarding, and waterslides.

Visitors can wind down by floating on the lazy river or lounging in the hot tub. On warm days the roof of the water park can be retracted to let the sunshine in.

The Kalahari Waterpark is part of a resort that has nearly 460 luxurious suites. A vast convention center, spa, restaurants, and family entertainment center make the Kalahari Waterpark a one-of-a-kind spot for corporate events, parties, retreats, and other special gatherings.

9. Claws 'N' Paws, Pocono Mountains

Claws 'N' Paws is a zoo and animal park that hosts many fascinating programs throughout the summer and fall months. Visitors can have up-close encounters with more than 120 animal species, including parrots, reptiles, alligators, and pythons. Claws 'N' Paws also has a variety of baby animals at its facility.

At the petting zoo, visitors can interact with deer, lambs, and goats. Dinosaur Outpost, a recent addition, is an interactive space where adults and children can go to dig fossils. Finally, the Claws 'N' Paws allow visitors to feed parrots with the help of animal park staff.

10. Eckley Miners' Village, Poconos

Eckley Miner's Village was a bustling center of activity from the mid-1800s to the mid-1900s. The central part of the village consists of a museum, two churches, a sports club building, a company store, and some outstanding houses. At the visitor's center, guests watch a video that explains the hardships of mining life as well as the history of the village.

The churches and social club give visitors a glimpse into the day-to-day lives of the miners who lived in Eckley Village, along with their families. At the store, visitors learn about how company stores operate and why miners avoid them. Before leaving, guests can receive souvenirs in the Eckley Village gift shop.

More ideals for you: Top 10 things to do in Vermont

From : https://wikitopx.com/travel/top-10-things-to-do-in-the-poconos-703344.html

[iratobs]

*CALLED TO BE DIFFERENT*

⛪ IFC SUNDAY SERVICE 08/SEPTEMBER/2019⛪

PREACHER: APOSTLE GIFT SIRA.

MESSAGE TITLE: *CALLED TO BE DIFFERENT*

SCRIPTURE: *MATTHEW 5: 13-16*

☑ *OBJECTIVE*

⏩ The objective of this sermon is to bring awakening to the founding principle of being a seasoning agent and becoming light of divinity in this dark fallen world we are in as salt and light .

☑ *INTRODUCTION*

⏩ Now after Jesus had ministered to the crowd, He decided to climb to the top of the mountain to spill out the heart of His mission. He began approaching the disciples' mindset and breaking through the problems in their lives so that these principles of life can be lived out by them. Of course He was always looking at them. But now He was looking at them as a top manager giving the scope of the operations and trusting each key man to be faithful to carry out their work.

⏩ He starts His Sermon on the Mount, by telling His followers that people who receive these blessings of the Kingdom of God, matter and because of that, there are great responsibilities to be accomplished by them.

⏩ God has created everyone for a significant purpose and has equipped us with potentials to carry out this purpose.

🔶 *WHY ARE WE CALLED TO BE DIFFERENT?*

↪To bring distinctive flavor of God's values to this world by being a seasoning agent.

🔸 *YOU ARE THE SALT OF THE WORLD*

↪In the ancient world, salt was very valuable: the Greeks thought it contained something almost divine, and the Romans sometimes paid their soldiers with salt. A soldier who didn't carry out his duties “was not worth his salt.”

⏩You are a seasoning agent. In a sense, you can bring the distinctive flavor of God's values to all lives around you. You can make life palatable.

⏩ If you are a follower of Jesus living the beatitudes, you matter. You have an important role to play because you are the salt of the earth and the light of the world by having Godly character and doing God's good work by serving others for the glory of God.

↪Salt (called sodium cloride which is the chemical name for salt) is special because of its unique properties that makes it useful. Sodium is an electrolyte that regulates the amount of water in our body. Sodium chloride is used to treat or prevent sodium loss caused by dehydration, excessive sweating.

🔵 *Benefits of Salt:*

🔹 *Salt Preserves:* We are to preserve whatever we come in contact with. When you are around others who might be less grounded in their faith, do you preserve what faith they have or do you exemplify a behavior that has them to question their faith? Ask God to help you be a better example for others to help preserve them in their faith.

🔹 *Salt Purifies:* Just as we are purified through Jesus Christ. We can purify others in their walk with God by encouragement, involvement, and through the teaching of God’s Word.

🔹 *Flavors:* Christianity is not dull and boring. We are to have flavor. Don’t be so dull that when others see you they think, “Why would I want what they have?” We should exemplify a lifestyle that is full of flavor. We have tasted the flavor of the Lord.

🔹 *Salt Penetrates:* Salt penetrates 100% of the time. We should also be penetrating 100% of the time. We should not let the secular things of this world penetrate our life, but we should be penetrating our community with the good news of Jesus Christ.

🔹 *Salt Provides Traction:* Many times, we will find ourselves in the presence of people who are living slippery lives. We are to give them traction with the foundation of God’s promises and truths. Do not let their slippery lifestyle slip you, but give them something to hold onto so they don’t fall.

🔹 *Salt Works Quietly:* Just as salt delivers such an impact without making a beep, we too should not make a big deal when we are helping others. We are to do these things unto the Lord and not get caught up in anyone noticing us.

🔹 *Salt Creates Thirst:* We are to leave people thirsty for more by the way we Live our lives as Christians . This will make people want to know what we have.(People in kalahari desert use salt to their advantage. How? Monkeys are good at discovering water source hidden from people, so what they do is they get the monkeys, feed them with salt till they become thirsty and when released, they run to the water source. The people follow these monkeys slowly to discover the source of water). Ask the Lord to give you a lifestyle that would make people thirsty to know what hope you have.

🔹 *Salt Heals:* (Cleanse wounds as antiseptic physically) Although we cannot heal anyone, we know the antidote for healing. Dr. Luke tells us in Acts 3:18, “Repent and be converted, so that your sins may be blotted out.”

🔹 *Useful in numerous products:* We should not eliminate any person because of race, gender, or lifestyle. God is able to use us in every situation as long as we are willing. Ask God to give you a willing heart and to submit to His agenda, not our own.

🔹 *Inexpensive but valuable:* We have the most valuable news that anyone can hear. This is not only valuable, but it will not cost anything that they can not afford.

🔹 *Works in all temperatures:* Do not let people’s attitudes discourage you. Ask the Lord to use you in all areas. Also, do not be acquired to working in only the air-conditioned church. Ask God to give you opportunities to serve outside in the community.

🔹 *Salt was Created by God:* Remember that you are a creation and not the creator. We belong to God. Ask God to use you however, whenever, and wherever.

🔹 *Salt Symbolises covenant and sacrifice;* (Numbers 18:19) because pure salt does not break down naturally, and neither should our covenant with God.

✅ It's our Christian character that will make people thirsty for the leaving water which Jesus Christ alone can give( John 7:37-38).

✅ Jesus says we are the salt of the earth, but it becomes worthless when it loses its flavour, in other words, its worthlessness is because its no longer possessing it's defining property (flavour). As Christians, we are to possess the unique Kingdom characteristics Jesus outlined in the Beatitude in (Mathew 5:3-12)

🔶 *YOU ARE THE LIGHT OF THE WORLD*

⏩ We are called to be different by reflecting the light of God through good works.

⏩ The job description of a Christian is not only to maintain personal holiness, but also to touch the lives of everyone around you. (We are supposed to become lights of divinity in social systems of men)

⏩ For example; at work, homes, communities we live in, by our deeds of “good works.” “Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good deeds and glorify your father who is in heaven.”

🔴 *BENEFITS OF LIGHT:*

♦ *Clarifies:* If it is dark enough, we can not see too far ahead of us. Light clarifies these things, so that we know that they are there and keeps us from running into them. We should clarify the bumps on the road that people will hit with the worldly lifestyles they are living.

♦ *Inspires:* You may have found yourself lost in the dark at some point in life. Once the light clarified your path, it gave you inspiration. We should also inspire people with the message of salvation “We know where we are going when we die and they should too.”

♦ *Reveals:* Sometimes people may have a seared vision of life and may not see the whole picture of a situation even if it is right in their face. We should reveal these truths to them and urge them to chose the right path. We can reveal these truths by aligning them with the Word of God.

♦ *Reflects and Brightens:* We should reflect the love and grace of God upon others. When we reflect in our lifestyle what God has done for us, it makes a tremendous impact on all of those keeping a keen eye on your every move. People are interested in what Christians have and do. Let’s show them that our joy and hope is in the Lord.

♦ *Provides Pathways and Guides:* Many people in our society today are coming from verbally abusive homes or relationships and they feel as if they have no other path other than to stay living how they are. We are obligated to provide a pathway for them, leading them to faith in Christ.

♦ *Convicts:* Imagine how much mischief we could get away with, if there was no light. What if the sun never rose? We would be able to get away with pretty much anything including deceiving ourselves. The light convicts us of how we really look and where we really come from. We are to convict by the teaching of God’s Word.

♦ *Irritates Those in Darkness:* The light irritates those who enjoy the darkness. Ask God to give you the patience of dealing with skeptics.

♦ *Provides Vision:* Just as physical light gives us vision to see, we should also give the spiritually blind a vision. It’s amazing how the blind man in the Bible recognized Jesus from afar, but the Pharisees who could physically see Him, were spiritually blind.

♦ *Protects:* Darkness is dangerous, but Light eliminates darkness, fear and it allows people to see clearer. We should also shine our light on others to protect them from the evils of spiritual darkness.

♦ *Reflects What is Missing:* It is amazing how light not only clarifies what is actually there, but also reflects what is missing by giving us a shadow. Ask God to allow you to work in others lives to show them what is missing. We will always be searching for that next temporary fulfillment until we accept the ultimate fulfillment of Jesus Christ.

♦ *Beams to the Most Remote Areas:* Just as light beams to every nation on this earth, we are to bring the message of salvation to every nation. There is one key word I would like you to look at in the passage of Matt. 28:19-20. The word “all.” We are to go, make, baptize, and teach….where? “All” nations.

♦ *Light is a symbol used to mean awareness, knowledge, and understanding;* Therefore, we ought to witness to others the truth of God's word pertaining life on earth and life after this earth.

✅Eph. 1:18 " The eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that you may know what is the hope of His calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints.

✅Let's walk in the light of the Lord as stated in Isaiah 2:8;

✅Jesus is the true light, who gives light to everyone. ( John 1:9 NET) .

✅He said "I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have light of life ( John 8:12)

✅ We have been called to be different (1 Peter 2: 9 "But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for He called you out of the darkness into His wonderful light." [ NLT ] . As God's chosen people we possess the properties which affect things around us positively for the glory of God. We are all Called by God to influence the world around us.

✅ The greatest problems that have beset the Christian church is one of not realizing who we really are and because of that we have neglected to take our responsibilities seriously. This I believe is the heart of these verses 13-16.

➡ The Church of God is getting more worldly, trying to be diplomatic and playing religion by having a form of godliness and denying God's tranformimg power to work in us ( 2Tim.3:5) leading to the loss of her saltiness.

➡ The world is waiting for the church to wake up and live under its calling. Christians, live like Christ and the world will cast its eyes on you! The more we think, live and act like the world, the more we have lost our salt and good for nothing but being tread upon.

➡The problem with Christians is not that Christians are not where they should be; the problem is that they are not what they should be right where they are.”

☑ *CONCLUSION*

🔘 If you are a follower of Jesus and you are living the beatitudes, you matter. You have an important role to play in this mission of being the salt and light to this world, which He has given to us. This can be done by possessing and exhibiting godly character and manifesting good works that bring glory to God.

🔘 Our aim is to make His name great and honored by the way we live our lives. By living as salt and light. We glorify God and this bring others along to glorify Him too. We are to be glorifiers and we are to develop glorifiers.

🔘 Commit yourself now to practice the beatitudes by asking God to help you make them your living principles of life. Allow God to begin to remake your whole life, and creat a radical positive transformation to influence those around you towards God's will.

🔻 *APPLICATION QUESTIONS*

▶ Have you ever let the Lord look into your heart and let Him tell you the reason He is allowing you to live today?

▶ God's purposes shape our purposes. How have you allowed God to shape the things you do today?

▶ God is asking you today, Have you lost your saltiness?

▶ Have you compromised your faith by siding with the world?

▶ Have you lost your goal of being like Jesus?

▶What type of salt and light are you? *1 John 1:5* "This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. *6.* If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. *7.* But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin. *8.* If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. *9.* If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. *10.* If we say we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us". (ESV)

[doodlewash]

The Backstory

Throughout my life, there have always been two interests that stand out among the rest: animals and art. I’m pretty sure I’ve loved animals every single day of my life, and I’ve been drawing for as long as I could hold a pencil. As I grew, my preference in media changed from sketching to photography to sculpting to painting.

During summer before my senior year, I found myself short of the minimum community service hours required for graduation, and as fate would have it, my mother found an ad in the newspaper for teen volunteers for our local zoo’s summer program. And it was that volunteer experience that would end up shaping the rest of my life.

During that summer and the year to follow, I would end up logging nearly 500 hours at the zoo before leaving for college. During college, I studied both zoology and psychology and got my first paid position at another zoo as a camp counselor. Unfortunately, my college days would come to an end earlier than I anticipated when my health started to decline.

Upon returning to my hometown with two associates degrees in hand and no idea what I was going to do with my life, I began working as an assistant at a photography studio while also returning to my local zoo as an intern with the hopes of joining the staff someday. A couple years later, my dream came true. I got a job as a full time zoo educator at the zoo I had been visiting since my second birthday.

I adored every second of being a zoo educator, even the ones where I was at my wits ends with the kids or covered in animal feces. I eventually rose to the position of managing the department, but unfortunately, I learned the hard way that my INFP personality was not well-equipped with traits that would allow me to enjoy managing people instead of actually educating. With my health once again deteriorating rapidly, I made the impossible decision to leave my zoo after well over a decade of commitment to them. 

Discovering Watercolors

As luck would have it, I found watercolors through the zoo as well. In those last few months I was working there, I was planning a craft for a new program when I came across these little watercolor animal silhouettes and very suddenly, it was like a flip switched in me. I was immediately drawn to the way that watercolors flow and the range of color, texture, and emotion they are able to evoke. I had to learn more about this medium.

So, one thing you might want to know about me is that I have a bit of an obsessive personality. When I latch on to something that I am passionate about, there’s really no turing back. I’m not great with anything technical and my chronic pain makes it difficult for me to remember important dates or what I ate for breakfast yesterday… but it’s been fourteen years since I first learned to handle an opossum and nearly three years since the last time I taught with one, but I could still talk your ear off about all their fascinating adaptions. The same thing happened to me when I found watercolors.

I had painted with oils and acrylics before, but I’m rather embarrassed to admit that I didn’t know professional watercolors were even a thing. For whatever reason, they weren’t a part of either of the only two art classes I was able to take in school and I hadn’t even seen a set of Crayolas for years.

But after that first spark of curiosity, I spent months researching the ins and outs of watercolor, what colors to chose for a palette, how different pigments reacted with each other… I read blogs and watched videos for hours on end, all to learn as much as I could and teach myself.

And to be entirely honest, after two and half years, I haven’t stopped.

Inspiration from Africa

It shouldn’t come to anyone’s surprise that I find my inspiration in wildlife. I have the utmost respect for our planet, and I feel it is our responsibility as a whole to take action and stand up against all the wrong humans have done and are currently doing to the millions of other species we share it with. As cliché as it might sound, I am inspired by a greater desire to help speak up for those who do not have voices, and I hope that my artwork serves as an extension of that passion in some small way.

My ultimate lifelong dream was to visit Africa and after years of saving, I finally took myself on that trip to Botswana and South Africa in 2013. Due to my work schedule, I had to travel during the off season which led to an incredibly interesting adventure in more ways than one. I was traveling by myself to another continent, and the company I booked with changed guides on me at the last minute to someone I had never spoken to and with whom I’d be alone with for the next week and a half. There was plenty of panic, anxiety, mishaps, and rain that trip, but I was standing in Africa and despite all the bad, nothing could compare to the comfort I felt from Africa herself. There aren’t words to express the absolute bliss I felt standing on African soil.

The experiences I shared there are enough to inspire me for a lifetime. I got to watch a small pride of young lions trying to stay cool under a tree in the hot Kalahari sun. One of which was playing gently with a butterfly like a house cat might. We came quite close, a little too close for comfort, to a herd of bull elephants along the road outside the Makgadikgadi Pans and watched them under a moody grey sky. I was privileged to have an incredibly rare opportunity to watch a couple of adolescent hyenas babysit two cubs while we heard the rest of the pack in the distance, presumably in a hunting party. And among many other experiences, I got to fall asleep to the roar of a rare subtropical storm filled with the beautiful chorus of frogs, insects, and birds as it poured down in Maun. It’s been over four years, but the memories are so vivid still that it brings tears to my eyes thinking about what a breathtaking experience the trip was.

Artistic Process

There’s no secret here. Regardless of medium, be it photography, painting, or sculpting, my love for animals inspires nearly every piece I create. Having been a photographer who loves to paint the same subjects that I photograph, I’m well-stocked (pun intended?) as far as references go. Whenever I’m stumped for a subject, I need only to open up my storage files and take a look for something that calls to me on that given day.

In connection with my desire to help spread conservational messages, I love featuring flagship species (beloved animals that help people to focus on a broader conservation effort) and some of the lesser known beauties in my artwork to help spread awareness. I have a very strong preference for painting animal portraits, and one of the comments I get most consistently in regards to my artwork, whether photography or painting, is that people feel very connected through the eyes of the animals I paint. This is perhaps the greatest compliment anyone could give me, and am still humbled each time I hear it.

Tools of the Trade

My first and greatest love in watercolor paints is Daniel Smith. When I first began researching color selections, I came across the wonderful Jane Blundell’s website and, paired with many other resources, began building my palette of Daniel Smith colors, which I used almost exclusively inside an 18-well Mijello Fusion palette for my first year of painting.

I will never be able to say for sure if those paints and that palette are only my favorites because they were my first real watercolor supplies or if they would have ended up there regardless, but I do adore them. My other favorite brands include M. Graham for their vivid pigmentation and eco-friendly business practices and Schmincke for their silky smooth texture and soft coloration.

As far as brushes go, I have several in my arsenal I happily use including a Princeton Elite Size 12, a Silver Black Velvet Size 10, an Escoda Versatil Size 8, the Princeton Neptune Size 4 Quill, and the very convenient Pentel Aquash Water Brushes. Arches 140lb Cold Pressed is my go-to watercolor paper, though also have been using some Strathmore 500 Series lately. I also recently took on the challenge of compiling and testing over 25 types of watercolor paper from different brands and there are some I’m quite eager to add to my collection as well.

Recently I’ve started enjoying other water-based mediums such as gouache and inks, but I owe them a lot more time before reporting any findings.

The Working Artist

A little over a year ago, I decided I wanted to put all of this silly, obsessively-compiled information to good use and started an educational YouTube channel. I primarily focus on product reviews, tutorials, and other geeky mini series like my Color Spotlight series where we focused on a different pigment each week for eight weeks. Last month I also had a ton of fun producing daily time lapse videos for World Watercolor Month!

My chronic pain unfortunately pushed my out of a career I never expected to have to leave. Coming to terms with that has been very difficult, but I have found a renewed joy in sharing both my passion for watercolors and my love for animals with my community. I am diligently working to spread my passion for both watercolors and animals while also making my artistry and educational materials responsible for my livelihood. Thanks to my amazing Patrons and those who support me through my online shops, I get a little closer to that goal every day.

I am very active within my YouTube and Patreon communities and love forging connections with other aspiring artists. I’d be thrilled to see you all around if you’d like to join us! 

Thank you so much to Charlie for sharing my story and my artwork with all of you lovelies on Doodlewash. Happy Painting!

Denise Soden Website Etsy YouTube Patreon Instagram Facebook Doodlewash Gallery

#WorldWatercolorGroup GUEST ARTIST: "In Liquid Color" by Denise Soden - #doodlewash #animals The Backstory Throughout my life, there have always been two interests that stand out among the rest: animals and art.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #426

“insatiable furnace, burning up our surplus  /  watching all essential life become another servant”

Are you a brunette? Yep. It is way past due time that I get it dyed... What is your favorite channel on TV? I don't really watch TV, but if I did, I'm pretty sure it'd probably be Discovery. Have you ever been to Chicago, IL? Yes!! It's my only experience with a truly BIG city, and though I'm not a city person, the experience was pretty magical. It was something I wasn't even remotely used to. Just so much life and business and energy to feel there. Who was your first friend? Brianna. She was the sister of my older sister's best friend. What is your favorite holiday? Christmas. :') Do you regret your last kiss? Nope. Have you ever taken a karate class? No. Who was the last person to tell you ‘I love you’? My mom. Have you ever been to the Statue of Liberty? No. Do you live on your own? Noooo. I don't think I ever could. I would have to stay VERY busy, or else the loneliness would kill me. Hell, even if I was very active in stuff, I still don't know if I could. With how bad my depression is capable of being, it doesn't sound smart at all for me to move out unless it was with somebody. Are your the oldest child? No, I'm the middle kid. How many X-rays have you had in the last 2 years? Two, maybe? One for my legs and the other for my teeth. Are you on good terms with your last ex? Yeah, we're best friends. Do you have scars you don’t like to talk about? Nah. Do you freak out if a bee/wasp flies near you? ... yes lol. What subjects in history interest you most? The Holocaust. It's just so... shocking and extreme that it's oddly fascinating, but of course horribly sad. Are you superstitious in any way? Nah. How do you get rid of anxiety? Do what? Are there any items of jewelry you never/rarely take off? Yeah, my two rings, my lip piercing, and tragus piercing. Has a song ever made you cry before? There are many. ^If so, what about it brought you to tears? Again, I said "many," so this would be a horribly long list. There are four though - "Eternally Yours" and "Another Life" by Motionless in White, "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin, and "The Mortician's Daughter" by Black Veil Brides - that I really, really try to avoid, because I WILL cry. They're all associated with Jason for one reason or another. "Stairway to Heaven," especially, is absolutely forbidden for me to listen to. Would you consider yourself open-minded? Very, honestly. Have you ever met someone online that you wanted to meet in real life? I've met Sara! :') There are a handful of others I'd love to meet, too. Tell me about the last thing that made you laugh until it hurt. Wow, I have no idea. I don't remember the last time I laughed THAT hard. When you graduate, what color will your gown be? Ugh, it was this insufferable red. We got to vote on it, and I really wanted navy instead, as it looks more formal and not as obnoxious to me, but red won. Do you own a gun? No. My household legally can't because of my suicidal history. What color of shirt are you wearing? It's a black tank top. Do you use any acne medication? Nah, I don't really get acne anymore. Are you emotional or very stoic? I'm emotional as shit. Have you ever watched an anime series, start to finish? A few. There's Fullmetal Alchemist (as well as the Brotherhood expansion), Deadman Wonderland, and Ginga Densetsu Weed. I've seen bits of others. Which baby animal is your favorite? MEERKATS!!!!!! :') Once they reach three/four weeks, they're fucking precious. I also really like kittens. Do you like jam on your toast and biscuits? Sometimes. Have you ever reread a book? It is very, VERY rare I do this. The only cases I remember are for Because of Winn-Dixie and Meerkat Manor: Flower of the Kalahari. Do you have any religious symbols in your home? I think Mom has some religious quotes on the walls? What religion do you identify with, if any? None. What is you favorite flavor of pudding and/or yogurt? I love chocolate pudding, but I'm not very big on yogurt because of the sourness. I can sometimes eat a cookies 'n cream one, but occasionally I'm like "ew." We’re going to the best amusement park ever, first ride you choose is? One of those water rides where you go down a big slope. Did you have intense night terrors as a child? No. Know anybody who works in a tattoo parlor? No. That'd be dope. Have you ever had a piercing get infected? Ugh, yes. Worst was the first time I got my tongue pierced. It was early into infection though, thank God; I ended up having to take it out and get it re-pierced later. Have you ever shoplifted? No. Do you hate when people say, "Everything’s going to be fine,“ when it’s not? Sometimes. It can feel kinda dismissive of your extreme situation, and sometimes, things simply won't be okay. Like, you can't tell that to someone on their death bed. Do you check your fire alarms when you’re supposed to? No, oops. Are you a shorts-wearing kind of person? Absolutely not. Nobody wants to see my legs, not even me. Is your grandparents’ house obsessively tidy? My grandma's sure as hell was. She was very old-fashioned and "proper" and took cleanliness and manners very seriously. Do you know how to jumpstart a car? Nope. Would you date someone 8 years older than you? Probably. What did you do today? I WENT TO THE GYM AND DID A FULL HOUR OF EXERCISE!!!!! :') For once I am SO fucking proud of myself. I left drenched in sweat, but I also left with a feeling of great accomplishment. I'm going to be going twice a week now with a personal trainer. (: Who was the last person you fell asleep with? Sara. Have you ever punched a hole in the wall? No. People doing that shit terrifies me. Have you ever felt replaced? Sure have. Have you ever kissed someone who was high? No. If you caught your significant other cheating on you what would you do? I don't have a partner, but hypothetically, leave their ass in a blink. I don't fuck with those kind of people. Do you know who Jeffree Star is? Well, yes. I watch him on YT sometimes and (astonishingly) love his music, and I find his work ethic extremely inspiring. That man knows how to hustle. What’s your favourite alcoholic beverage? Probably sangrias. When was the last time you saw a photo of your ex? "The" ex, it's been years. I've removed all pictures I have of him, irl and digitally, because it's triggering for me. How many push-ups can you do? Probably zero. Do you play any games on your phone? There's Pokemon GO, DragonVale, and Dragons of Atlantis that I play semi-regularly. Have you ever received a compliment from a stranger? Yes. Have you ever shaved your face? Just my upper lip to avoid the lady stache, ha ha. What colour is your front door? It’s white. Do you take the stairs or the elevator? If an elevator is available, I will ALWAYS use that. I have an extreeeemely hard time getting up stairs because of having just about no leg muscle. Do you get motion sickness? No. When was the last time you went to your favourite restaurant? Oh man, it's been forever. :/ Olive Garden sounds soooo good right now. Do either of your parents have any tattoos or piercings? No. Well, Mom has her earlobes pierced once, but that's it. Are you desperate for anyone’s approval, in particular? It's funny, even though he hasn't been a part of my life for years, I still desperately crave what I think would make Jason proud. There have been many times where my mind has wondered to what he would think of me now... and I know it's not good. Are there any activities you enjoy doing, but can only do for a short amount of time before you get bored or tired of them? Reading. When was the last time you felt hopeful, and why? Today, after finishing my workout at the gym. I think, finally, that I may be taking another stride forward in life. Do you find yourself asking for the same things for your birthdays and for holidays? Ha, yup: a new tattoo, 100%. What is something someone recommended to you that you disliked/hated? Girt's recommended some music to me before. He loves sharing songs he likes with me. Of course I didn't tell him it sucked, ha ha. What’s a fact about the last person you kissed? She is very passionate about animals, reptiles in particular, and is simply amazing with them. If you had a child, would you rather have a girl or a boy? A girl for sure. Has anybody ever accused you of doing drugs? No. Have you ever fallen asleep with the last person you kissed? Yeah. Honestly, do you think that you will wanna settle down in the same town you’re currently residing in? HELL no. I hate this place. Does anyone call you darling? If so who? Sara does sometimes. Are you close to any of your cousins? No. Are you a romantic person? I think I am. What’s the coolest thing you’ve seen out the window of an airplane? Mountains. Have you ever been in the mountains when the moon and stars were up? NO BUT FUCK I WANT THAT. Just lay in a grassy spot with some s'mores or something and just ~vibe~. Do people like your hair? I get complimented on it a bit. Have you ever held birdseed and a bird came and ate out of your hand? Yeah, at a bird sanctuary. Could you ever live in Alaska? Hell yeah, I'd enjoy that. On the main page on YouTube, what’re the three recommended videos? There's one by a WoW gold maker, a song by 3TEETH, and a video of bullsnakes hatching. Do you really care how many friends you or anyone else has on Myspace/Facebook? Couldn't care less. I only "friend" people I know and care about. Does your significant other have any piercings? I'm single. Do you ever get bored of yourself? Oh, all the time. I feel like I'm extremely dull and plain and, well, boring. How many band shirts do you own? Which? Oh goodness, I have no idea. I own a lot. Do you go to shows mostly for the music, the moshing, or the merchandise? I go for the music. It's nice to buy merch, but it's SO expensive that it's dumb. Moshing, I think is just stupid. Have you ever had anything pierced that you don’t have now? Many places, actually. So many holes closed because piercings had to be taken out when I was in the psych hospital. I was so annoyed. Who were you with the first time you watched the last movie you watched? I was alone. Do you have any twins/multiples in your family? Are they identical or fraternal? No. What is the highest number of jobs you’ve had at one time? One. Is your mom a good mom? She is the actual best. Last thing you threw in the garbage? The crust of some leftover pizza I had this morning. I generally eat the crust, but this time it was WAY too hard.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #262

WoW will probably start to take over my life again tomorrow oof so expect surveys to slow down some.

What do you wish people wouldn't call you? The only one I don't really like is Girt calling me "kid." He doesn't mean it in a derogatory way or anything like that; he's just always called me that since I was a high school freshman and he was a senior. Now as an adult that's been through things I don't believe anyone deserves, it's kinda weird but more so frustrating as, regardless of his intentions, I somewhat feel belittled. I've never said anything directly about my discomfort, though, so it's my own fault. I just don't want to make him feel bad for doing it for years lmao. What do people say about your name upon learning it for the first time? They don't say anything; my name is very ordinary. Why did you choose the hair length you have? I have a few reasons. The biggest is because I was just bored of average, long hair, and the fact I was at the time having a very hard time with self-care. My hair would get incredibly knotted to where it was hard to even brush it sometimes. Makes me shiver thinking back on it. For my own sanity and ease, it needed to be gone. Also, with how STUPID hot I get, cutting it all off helped with the weight of my hair (it's v thick) but more importantly how hot it made me it the warm months. Zero regrets chopping it all off, omg. If your hair could be ANY color, what would you pick? At this very moment, I really want silver hair. Do you wish your hair was longer or shorter than it is now? It needs a trim. Do you think you're attractive? (It's okay to say yes =P) No; I think I wouldn't look ALL to bad if I lost some more weight (I've literally been on a weight loss plateau for two fuckin years). When I was perfectly healthy, I didn't think I was very pretty even back then, but now that I look back, I feel I was decently pretty. Not gorgeous, but. What is your favorite band? Ozzy Osbourne. :') What is your favorite movie? The Lion King. The second one is like directly behind it. Finding Nemo is also very precious to me. What is your favorite book or magazine? The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton and Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo. What is your favorite song? Ugh, this is impossible. I love way way too many. I suppose maybe... "Death Inc." by Motionless In White? Idk. What is your favorite color to wear? Black, duh. If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would you go and why? South Africa because I want to spend time with and take pictures at the Kalahari Meerkat Project and especially pet a Whiskers meerkat. I WILL cry. Meerkats literally changed my life. So many people I wouldn't know... If you got the chance and wouldn't get caught, would you cheat on a lover? NOOOOO the guilt though. Someone drops a fifty dollar bill and doesn't notice. Will you tell them? Definitely. I'd feel awful otherwise. Would you ever pierce something on your face? I already have my lip and tongue pierced, and I did have my nostril pierced, too. I want more, particularly an undereye microdermal if I can switch to contacts... which I don't like. I think it'd look pretty dumb with glasses. Are you selfish? EVERYONE should be to a degree depending on the occasion. Doing what is best for you is not a bad thing. Are you mean to people who are different from you? Wow no. I find people "different" from me interesting. Do you make fun of obese people? By the BMI definition, I am one of those people. So take a guess? Do you eat when you're upset? I have to fight that extremely hard, because I usually do experience the impulse to comfort eat when I'm very depressed. I've gotten way better at it, though. What if you had to choose between feeding yourself or feeding your pets? I honestly don't know for sure what I'd do... but I think I would prioritize my pets, honestly. It would break me to watch them suffer and lose weight. What if you saw someone being beaten on the street? YOOOO I READ THIS AS "EATEN" FIRST. But anyway I'd call the cops ASAP. There's a possibility I'd intervene if I felt myself capable of taking on the assailant. What if it was you being beaten? According to the night terrors I've had beyond count, curse like a motherfucker and fight back while calling for help. Who's the most important person to you (related)? Mom. Who's the most important person to you (non-related)? Sara. What's more important to you, happiness or success? Happiness. What's more important to you, your happiness or someone else's? Depends on the person. List the ten most important things to you: Oh, yikes. No order: 1.) My peace of mind, health, and happiness; 2.) my family; 3.) my pets; 4.) my career future; 5.) my friends; 6.) a YouTuber I've never met lmao; 7.) my pebble from my partial hospitalization program; 8.) Teddy's ashes; 9.) the Mark mug Sara gave me sobs; 10.) and the RP site I'm on. Like if it disappeared tomorrow with all the profiles and history and stuff I would break the earth in half oof. Have you ever lived in a mobile home? No. Have you ever had your bedroom in a basement? No. How many times in the past week have you eaten fast food? Hm. I don't think once. In the house - shoes, socks, slippers or bare feet? Bare feet.\ Do you consider dogs inside or outside pets? Usually indoor, depending on the breed and the time of year. What’s your favourite piece of furniture in your house? ig my bed? Have you ever had a crush on a friend’s parent? Yikes no. Do you prefer carbonated or uncarbonated drinks? Sucker for carbonated over here. Favorite thing that you can see up in the sky? A full moon. Would you rather eat at the table or in your room? I'm so used to eating in my room. Do you like the sound of birds singing when you wake up, or is it annoying? I love it. If someone gave you a kitten, would you keep it? I'd love to, but it'd really be my mom's choice. What’s your ideal activity for a rainy day? Nap oh lawd. Favorite type of cracker? Cheez-Its. Banana sandwich... yum or yuck? Only yum with peanut butter. Animal you like to watch but sort of creeps you out: Spiders. Bagels or English Muffins? Bagels. Do you like to daydream about sex? I do it sometimes. Which of your parents do you laugh more with? My dad is really funny. Have you ever been to an open casket wake or funeral? Wake, yes. Who mows the lawn at your house? A family friend. Have you ever written a story from beginning to end? When I was little and was writing that meerkat story, yes. I started on the sequel but didn't get far. What’s a big turn on for you? Being genuinely interested in what makes me me. Actually wanting to know the littlest things about me. Just show sincere interest. Are you doing anything tomorrow? I do know I'm fuckin finally getting my laptop home. Does your car have a name? N/A Do you own clothes from any celebrity clothing lines? No, but a bitch is getting a Cloak shirt or hoodie at some point. Who was the last person you ranted about? My bitch of a cousin for being a disrespectful fuck when all my dying grandmother wants is to talk as a group with the whole family. I ranted to Mom though, not in the group chat because I'm actually mature enough to not talk shit when, again, all our grandma wants is peace and love between us at the end of her life. I was SEETHING. Know any magic tricks? I don't remember any. I LOOOOOVED those magic kits as a kid, though. Is there music in your head right now? Right now "Dirty Pretty" by In This Moment is on, so does that count as "in my head?" Would you like to become a dancer? It'd be very cool, most certainly, and due to taking dance classes so long, I tend to think of potential dances in my head when I hear like... any song, lol. I'd love to be one if I had the grace and endurance + no hyperhydrosis. Name one person of the same sex as you you wouldn't mind doing: Hunny I'm bisexual, there's a lot, lmao. Dream woman? Uhhhh. Maybe my friend Alon. She was like one of my first hints I wasn't straight, lmao. But idk, I find soooo many women to be attractive. What is the most gory film you've seen? One of the Saw movies. What a surprise, ik. Ever fallen down a hole? ZOINKS no. Do you work better in a clean or messy environment? Clean, durr. Do you know any vegans? Only online. Do you like bananas? I am VERY picky with bananas. They have to be perfect. My preferred ripeness lasts only like, two days. .-. What's a film you've seen that confused you? Oh boy, idk. I don't watch many films... especially if I'm confused and the plot isn't great, I'll stop watching. WAIT!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!! I went to see Warcraft when it came out and I was so fuckin lost just because the orcs' voices are so goddamn deep that I just sat there like "uhhhh sir come again????" I didn't play Classic, and I'm not great at remembering every aspect of the plot, so. I'm to this day p confused lmao. Do you ever wear black lipstick? I really only ever wear black. What is next to your bed? I have a white shelf to my left where I put my meds, a drink, the fan... that kind of stuff. My cat's food bowl is to the right of it on the floor. Are your fingernails dirty? Nope. Have you ever fell for someone believing you could "fix" them? Not for that reason, no. Describe a picture of yourself that you hate: LASKJDLKFJAOWJE my friend took a picture of me eating a hot dog once and joked she was putting that shit on Facebook and it was funny as shit but thank Christ she was in fact joking. Would you rather play a good or an evil character in a play? While I'd love to be the evil one, I'd probably make it too cheesy because I am a BAD actress. Has anybody ever lied to you just to impress you? Story of one of my "best" friendships. What's your favourite shade of blue? Baby blue, probs. Can you remember a world before iPods? I do indeed. On rides to school when I sat in the back, I would bring one of those portable CD players with me to play discs. Where did you go on your last date? I can't remember the place's name... Lume's? Something like that? Breakfast place in Illinois. Do people find you "cute"? It happens sometimes. Who does the best remixes? Oh idk, I don't pay much attention to this. Where do you get your news? Facebook, lmao. What social stigma does society need to get over? What DOESN'T it need to get over???? What was the last photo you took? Probably something funny on Facebook to send to Sara lmao. I will get memes to her some way. What mythical creature do you wish actually existed? As badly as I want to say dragons, I don't think it'd be a great idea, heh... Maybe dryads. What are you interested in that most people aren't? As of recently, TARANTULAS. I've fallen in LOVE with them. What's the most ridiculous thing you have bought? No clue. What sounds hit you with major nostalgia every time you hear them? The gem collecting sound from Spyro. It was my text ringtone on my last phone! I need to move it over to my current one. What was the biggest realization you have had about yourself? I was possibly the bigger villain than Jason in the breakup. But idk. What topic could you spend forever talking about? Gay rights. Which way should toilet paper hang, over or under? In the original patent, it was designed as going over. GMM knowledge. Therefore I find over as correct, BUT I ultimately don't care like... at all. I don't even really notice when I go in the bathroom. Are you usually early or late? Usually slightly early. What do you wish you knew more about? Politics so I could be a more helpful member of society alksdjfka;lw What is the most annoying question you've been asked? It's not really like, annoying I guess, but the closest would be just how frequently people see my lip ring and ask if it hurt. It's incredibly sensitive skin, and even if it wasn't, a needle went all the way through it. Like... guess. News flash: being stabbed hurts, lmao. Like I always explain that it's not awful, but duh, there is pain. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Yummm chocolate. What was the worst phase in your life? 2020 thinks it's a bad guy, but lemme tell ya, shit's got nothing on 2016. Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? I hate sprinkles on anything. Just an annoying texture with negligible flavor. The last time you went out to eat - what did you order? It was just a milkshake. Do you have all 32 teeth? I'm missing two wisdom teeth that just never grew in. Do you know how to do the moon walk? Never tried. What is one of your favorite comedy movies? White Chicks. Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice? Yeah. I don't think I do. Onion rings or french fries? Fries. Not an onion ring fan. Who is the best cook that you know? Sara's mom is great, omgggg. She's cooked things I generally don't like yet I wound up enjoying. Can you name 3 different dinosaurs? Let's see: Spinosaurus, stegosaurus, velociraptor. I was a dino kid, man, just gettin' started. *finger guns* What's the largest amount that you can juggle at one time? I can’t juggle. What was your favorite thing to go on at the playground as a kid? I'd daaaash for the swingset. Do you know how much you weighed at birth? How much? Ummm I think 6-something pounds? 7? Where do you spend most of your time at? At home. In my bed. Exciting stuff, y'know. What noise does your favorite animal make? If my memory serves me right, they have over 40 vocalizations, but I'd say barking and chirping are the most ordinary/basic. Have you ever fallen in the toilet when you were little? lol I don't think so. What is the best kind of mac & cheese? I'm a basic-ass Velveeta bitch lmao. Who is your favorite oldies band? Boy oh BOY, you're asking a classic rock/metal addict. Of course it's Ozzy tho. But I love soooo many!! What is your favorite farm animal? Pigs! Do you like to play Monopoly? I'm not a big fan, no. What is the most fun restaurant you have ever been to? I like the vibe of Buffalo Wild Wings. Or I just have good memories there. What size bra do you wear? I'm actually not sure. I haven't bought new ones in a while and I don't think the ones I currently have are the right size anyway. Do you have a ceiling fan in your room? No. Who was your favorite Sesame Street character? I don't remember too well, but I think Cookie Monster? What about Muppet? Idr. What was going through your mind during the presidential campaign? I am sadly paying no attention. What do you think of the Duggar family ( 17+ kids )? Could you handle taking care of that many children? Ew, hell no. I don't believe the number of children warranted in a family should be legally monitored, it's much more difficult than that, BUT RATHER I'm very firm about knowing when it's more than enough. Population control is a thing. NOBODY needs that many kids imo, not even close to that. So far, what is the number one, best decision you have ever made? How has it affected your life? Letting go of Jason/accepting life without him. It has made my life much, much brighter and healthier. Have you reunited with any old friends recently? Was it awkward, or just like old times? No. When was the last time you talked to your first ex? February of 2017. Wow... been a long time. How different is your online personality from your offline personality? I am MUCH more outgoing and talkative online. What are your favorite holiday-themed movies? Jim Carrey's How The Grinch Stole Christmas, Hocus Pocus, The Nightmare Before Christmas, etc... Do you listen to Christmas/winter-themed music when the season comes around? No. Is there anything that you do that’s potentially controversial? Yes. What is your most recent obsession? Most recent, whew, tarantulas. I'm really gonna try talking Mom into letting me get one when/if we move. Do you say “merry Christmas” or “happy holidays”? To you, does it really matter which one is said/you say? Do you do your best to remain politically correct? Instinctually, I say "merry Christmas;" that's what has always been said around me. I personally see zero problem in calling it whatever... Like just appreciate someone wishing you well. You get the concept, and that's all you really need imo. As for political correctness, I'm kinda... down the middle? Like I feel it's been taken way, way too far, but I see some caution in wording as wise. If you could relive one week of your life, which would it be, and why? Would you do anything differently, or keep it all the same? Ugh, my first visit at Sara's. I just loved it so, so much. I think I wouldn't change a thing. It felt perfect. Is there a part of your life you wish you could remember, but can’t? Sometimes when I take these surveys and they ask "how old were you when...", ha ha. Frustrates me. What was the last thing/event to trigger a painful memory? It was last night, actually. The Final Fantasy VII remake is out, and I started watching a YouTuber I like play it. Jason got me to play the original, playing it a lot when we spent time together, but I only got a bit beyond half-way through before my PS3 broke. Cherished memories, so it was decently triggering indeed. I loved the game though and ABSOLUTELY want to see it played out in its entirety, so I shoved past the pain and am glad I did. Now I'm anxiously awaiting the next video aljkdsjfawe Y'ALL I wanna play more FF. What do you think of people that choose not to vote? I can't say anything, seeing as I never have voted before... Are you keeping anything from the people you love? Nothing important, no. Have you ever written a suicide note, whether joking or not? Yes, and that stupid novel is one of my biggest regrets. Who the FUCK would joke about that, though. When was the last time you let something ‘go to your head’? Not even like an hour ago. This happens allllll the time. When are you most likely to show off? Maaan Guitar Hero used to be good for that shit, ha ha. I was an expert at that back in its day. I haven't played it in forever, and on the rare occasion I do, I am suuuper rusty. Which would you prefer: spectacular view of the ocean, or of the mountains? MOUNTAINS!!!!!! Do you follow any dating rules/play any dating games? No. When was the last time you felt extremely confident about something? ME????????? CONFIDENT???????????? WHAT A CONCEPT!!!!!!!!!! When was the last time you blew the seeds off of a dandelion? Wow, not a clue. Probably not since we lived at my old house and I would go on walks down the path. What was the last thing that happened that you couldn’t explain? Oh I dunno. What do you do with all of your spare change? I just keep it in my wallet. Where did you hear about your all-time favorite band? He was and still is one of my mom's favorites! How many cans of soda do you drink in a day? AHHHHHH soda is my biggest nutritional weakness. I refuse to let myself drink more than one a day now though. It's funny and disgusting, when I was HEALTHY AND SKINNY I could on a rare occasion start a fourth can in a single day. Nowadays the thought almost makes me shiver. What is the oldest thing that you own? and the newest? The oldest thing, ummm. Not sure. Probably a stuffed animal in the attic. I just got two new books today! Is there anything you wish you had never found out about? Yep. A number of things. What is something that you refuse to believe in? Astrology. What is something you wish more people believed in? Gay rights. What food is your ultimate comfort food? Ice cream. Have you ever put anything inside a time capsule? What? OMGGGG I remember doing this in elementary school as a class! I don't recall what was in it, though. Is there too much violence on tv, or are people to sensitive? Too sensitive, but also negligent. It's got a lot to do with raising, imo. Don't show kids wild shit at too young of an age, and when they are shown this kind of stuff, you make it obvious that the behavior/content is unacceptable irl. Entertainment is not responsible for someone's shitty actions made with their own volition. What is something you used to fear, but no longer do? My first huge fear was thunderstorms. Now I enjoy them lol. Do you think it’s important to know a 2nd language? Not mandatory, no. Especially depends on if you're going anywhere. Do you know anyone that’s just naturally good at almost everything? My old friend Hannia IMMEDIATELY came to mind. She was the best in class GPA-wise, first chair for flute in band, and just in general STUPID talented. Do you know anyone that’s just bad at everything? BITCH ME What is one emoticon you use often? A sarcastic :^) or <3 What is one emoticon you almost never use? A lot, particularly ones with equal signs for eyes.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #238

“crimson calligraphy written on the trees, creature from the grave, headless and hellbent for me.”

Have you ever played golf? Like, mini-golf. Is there a lake near your house? No, but there's two small ponds down the road. Have you ever made your own pizza or pasta dough? No. Have you ever watched an entire season of a tv show in one day? Uhhhhh how long are the first few seasons of Supernatural? Because Jason and I fucking binged it, and I honestly think that's partially the reason I don't even enjoy TV anymore. Like I liked the show, but jfc it became torture at some point. Not his fault at all, I just never pointed it out. BUT ANYWAY, it's definitely possible we did. What did you have for dinner tonight (or last night)? A ham and cheese hot pocket. Do your parents do things that ‘embarrass’ you? This is so mean, but my mom makes the cringiest jokes and such imo that gives me mad secondhand embarrassment. Do you like any Bon Jovi songs? Yeah, a decent handful. Who was the last person you were in a car with? Mom. Do you give people second chances? Ha, more than "second." How’re things between you and your most recent ex? We're totally great. Really as if we didn't even break up, considering I mean... nothing emotionally has changed. We just know that being together right now isn't the wise decision. It's frustrating as hell, though. We've already established we're not going to "wait" for each other, but neither of us are actively looking for a new partner, either. I want her, and from what I can tell, she wants me, too. We kinda just... don't talk about how unfair it all is anymore because we both get too upset. I was even supposed to go up there with her and her fam for her birthday and Christmas, but that's changed because she and I agree it's too soon after splitting, making it only more difficult to be around each other. We'd want to cuddle and kiss and such by instinct, so we're trying to wait until the wound isn't as fresh. Though honestly, I don't know how visiting period would go consider as said, there has been zero change in romantic attraction. Ugh yeah I just hope she figures out what she wants and all and we can get back together. Have you been to a wedding this year? No. I'm going to my half-sister's next year, though. Are you an aunt or uncle? Yes, and another niece is on her way. :') Do you expect to be married in the next two years? Probably not. What season is your birthday in? Winter. Have you ever been hunting? Fuck that shit. How often do you walk around barefoot? Always in my own house + in other houses if I'm allowed to take my shoes off. When you eat take-out, do you just eat it out of the containers provided? Usually, but it does depend on what food it is. Ex., those little boxes that have rice in them from Chinese places? I'm using a bowl. From the container is just messy. Would you need to sleep with someone before considering marrying them? Nah. Do you carry condoms? No. Would you date someone who has a hearing aid? ... Yes...? "No" is just... so rude?? Like that is something the person absolutely cannot help, nor is it a HUGE thing. It's just a hearing aid, dude. How organized are the files on your computer? Pretty decent. Folders and such. Could be better still, probably. Have you ever been to a strip club? Nah, not my scene. Have you ever brought home a stray animal? Pleeeeenty of cats. Are you physically strong? No, especially not my legs. I've got a newborn fawn's legs, jc. Still working on building the muscle back up. Would you date someone with braces? Oh my god, fuck off. Yes I would. I was the person with braces dating someone without them, so 1.) I obviously can't say shit, 2.) they're taking care of their goddamn teeth, and 3.) I dunno, wearing braces has no goddamn impact on personality???????????? Does scuba diving interest you? Not to an incredible degree, but it'd be cool. Would you ever ask your parents for relationship advice? Maybe for certain topics. Do you think people look up to you? Y'know that "oh no hunty WHAT is u doin" meme??? That's me if someone does. How often do you have trouble sleeping at night? *blinking* There are people who don't??????? Do you blush easily? Ohhhhhh yes. Do you get angry at yourself or at others more often? Hm. Not sure. Can you name five current world leaders? AHAHA nope. How many times have you had the flu? Zero. Do you think imagination is valuable? Oh hell yes. We would be NOWHERE CLOSE to where we are as animals without it. Who or what are you most impatient with? I don't know. When was the last time you mowed a lawn? Never. Have you seen all of the Star Wars films? No; seen only the first three with a friend and saw zero appeal. He didn't either. How about all of the Harry Potter ones, so far? I haven't even seen one. Jason and I started the first one together but. Paid way more attention to each other than the movie lmfao. What part of the newspaper do you typically enjoy reading? None. I collect my school's papers now though 'cuz I'm the photographer for it. :') Have you ever made a website, even a simple one? Four that I remember. The ancient and now-defunct ones were back when I think this site called Wetpaint was a host for simple sites, and a lot of us RPers posted our mob info and stuff there. I had one for Talons, one for Connrads. Ha, out of curiosity, I think I looked for them not all too long ago since I never actually deleted them, but I think the site itself was re-purposed. NOW, I have a Wix site for my photography, and then Kalahari Manor is a ProBoards-hosted site. Which was better: your childhood or your teen years? Jfc, childhood. Teen years were a chaotic and rancid cesspit in terms of mental health. What was your reaction to your first time falling in love? I truly imagine that realizing I was *in love* with Jason surpassed what a high probably feels like lmao. What does it take for someone to win your heart? I'm actually putting thought into this one and I think what appeals to me in a person most is just being friendly with a good sense of humor and obvious, shameless concern for others. AND JFC, HAVE EMOTION. Don't be a brick wall with me. Lacking an emotional side, positive or negative, is such a turn-off to me. I'm not attracted to robots. Being a gentle person is important, and for me personally, you need to actually act like you're into me. Not just between us. Do not make me a secret. AND BE CREATIVE AND WEIRD AND FRESH!!!!!!!!!!! There's nothing wrong with more "vanilla" people, but just for me myself, I need someone who stands out for some good reason. lol okay this answer's actually getting kinda long, I'll stop. There's a number of ways. What is one thing you would rather be doing? Ha ha yo real talk, Sara and I are getting all emotional and deep into our relationship, platonic or romantic, and I want me and her in her bed right now tearing each other up alsdkjfla;kwejre I love her a lot ok. When was the last time you changed your mind about something? OKAY SO I started a new birth control, right? It. Sent. Me. BACK. With my PTSD. How? Idfk, but I was suddenly obsessing over Him again, badly. I stopped that shit, and wha'd'ya know, two days later, I'm like "lol wtf I don't want him why did that just happen hunty was u ok????????". SO YEAH, that was a trip. Do you know anyone with a lisp? I'm not sure. Possibly. How much weight can you lift at once? No clue. Not a lot. Do you ask guys out, or wait for them to ask you out? I've never asked a guy out, but I wouldn't say I wouldn't. Do you like the last person who showed interest in you? I love her. Describe the last person you stared at? I have no idea. Do you like dating one person at a time, or multiple people? I'm personally monogamous. Have your experiences made you more or less sympathetic to others? MORE. Do you find smoking unattractive? I do. Have your parents ever searched your personal belongings? Mom has. Where did you get your last bruise from? ... Well. This is uh. Awkward. Tying into when I was on that medicine that made my libido fucking uncontrollable (thank the fucking lord I'm back to normal), my breasts are lookin rough, sister. Are you looking forward to anything? Nothing in the VERY near future, I think. A bit further off, Christmas. I can't wait to see the kids so excited again, and for once, we come together as a true family. Plus my #1 wish is to have my Mark tattoo improved at an amazing parlor, and I'm pretty sure that'll be happening, just obvs. not on Christmas Day itself. I'll just be fuckin STOKED when I *know* it's happening. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Yes. How much money did you spend today? $1.25 for something from the vending machine. I didn't have breakfast, so I was really hungry. When you’re bored in class, what do you usually do? Try to not doze off. If we're not doing anything, then I'll play around with my phone. Have you ever had a song stuck in your head for more than a day? Oh, definitely. Ever walked into the guy’s bathroom? HA as a stupid elementary school with her friends, we sure did during a work day (my mom used to work with special ed kids at school). We thought we were soooo rebellious. How many wives or husbands do you want? One. What happens if you fall in love with your best friend? Ha, did. I still am, and we hope to be back together someday. Has a teacher ever flirted with you? Not that I know of. Thankfully. Is it okay for friends to kiss each other, as friends? It's not my thing, but sure, if it's consenting and both are aware it's platonic. Do your wishes ever get granted in the worst way possible? Probably in some way at some point I don't recall. How do you feel about your naked body? NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO Have you ever been called obnoxious? I don't think so, anyway. Do you wish you had a bigger family? No. Which friend would you kiss full on the mouth, no questions asked? Sara. Can you do a split or stick your foot up next to your ear? Nope. When was the last time you complained about something? I was venting some mild frustration to Sara earlier tonight. What is your favorite color combination? Favorite is probably pastel orange and light blue. Love it. Then there's pastel pink and purple. Okay pretty much any combination is about the pastels When was the last time you spoke in front of a group? A month or so back when I had to do my Lifeline presentation in FYS. Do you like group projects, or do you prefer to work alone? I strongly prefer working alone. There's no disagreements, compromises, incompetent partners, etc. Have you ever been told you were going to Hell? Yup! (: Indirectly, but. How did you respond? I don't recall, but I wish I did. Who is the most argumentative person you know? She's not in my life anymore partially BECAUSE of that shit. Do you know anyone who is crazy about proper grammar? Yes, but she has OCD as a valid reason. I'm pretty particular about it too to a degree. Who was the last person to make you feel special? Oh my gosh, my therapist told me she was so proud of me and the progress I was making that I just entirely lit up and became a total beaming ball of giggles and "thank you"s. Would you feel funny if you kissed somebody of the same sex? No, I'm bi. If your best friend grabs your hand, what do you automatically do? Squeeze it. What’s something you can cook or bake like a pro? Cheesy and spicy scrambled eggs, man. Also known as the only thing I can properly cook lmao. Do you tend to flirt a lot, even when the person isn’t single? Fuck no, if they're not single. I'll flirt with my s/o when I see it appropriate or relevant, and in a case where we're both single, I'd be very subtle about it because shy. What’s something that you think is really cute? Off the very top of my head, the Ewoks from Star Wars, oh my fucking god. They were the only thing I enjoyed in the movies. What’s a pretty bird? I mean... pretty much all of them. BUT, can we take a moment to appreciate the bearded vulture? like???? they're fucking BADASS???????????? Besides sleeping, what do you do in bed? Almost... everything. It's the reason I endured/am still recovering from muscle atrophy in my legs. Have you ever hacked into somebody’s account? Playfully, back when that was a thing for friends to do and post lovey-dovey stuff about them everywhere. Megan and I, and I believe Mini and I as well, did it to each other. Possibly more. Is having to pee really badly worse than being really thirsty? Oh hell yes it is. The former can get to a point of hurting. Have you ever touched a Qu'ran? No. Do you love animals more than most? Oh definitely. Why do you eat fast food? It's easy to grab when on the run, and Mom has almost zero time to cook. Then we both have school. Most often I just warm things up in the microwave or grab something substantial enough in the fridge. Is there always going to be that one person you and a friend makes fun of? I guess you could say indirectly, yes. Just something she said in a certain way became an inside joke. Her as a person, no, I wouldn't do that. What is a bad habit of yours that you’re actually trying to fix? Having terrible eye contact. I have a very hard time maintaining it, but I've been trying to keep that weakness in mind when talking to people. Do you write out your feelings? That's one reason why I take these surveys, yes. Do you have bills to pay yet? It's embarrassing that I don't. Not saying like, I want to pay bills, what madman would, but I do want to feel more like a proper, independent adult. Will you be changing your hair any time soon? Not the style, but one thing I'm asking for Christmas is a professional to dye my hair silver. I say pro because my hair does NOT hold color, and because of the bleach needed, Mom's concerned I'll damage my hair if I put my trust into anyone less qualified. Does your mom have a celebrity look-alike? I don't think so, but she looks UNCANNILY like her firstborn daughter. It is SCARY. Is there something you wish you could learn to do? There's loads of stuff. Probably above all, cook. Or stop procrastinating. If you could be amazing at ONE thing, what would it be? Drawing precisely what I see in my head. Because of how important they are to me, I would pay BIG FUCKING BUCKS to get how my 'kats look onto paper. What do you wish people would pay you to do? Complain about my weight. :^) I'd be able to just pay for surgery to fix that within a day. Do you take good pictures? I personally think I do. I mean I wanna be a professional photographer. How would one go about impressing you? It depends on the subject and difficulty of whatever. What probably impresses me most would be someone maintaining a mature, peaceful attitude when there is reason to act otherwise. Self-control, that's it. Do you automatically apologize if you walk into somebody? Duh? Tell me a memory of this summer: It was fucking scorching and I hated every minute of it. What’s something that you don’t need, but really want? Hmmmm. OH, HELL YES. IF I had the proper body to even remotely pull them off, I. Would wear. NOTHING. But corsets. Jesus FUCKING Christ they are so hot. What do you draw more than anything else? Just about all I draw is meerkats. What’s the most favorite class you’ve ever had? The Digital Photography course I took in high school. Or Art Honors my junior year. I really enjoyed the stuff I made. For each person you’ve kissed, describe your feelings in one word: Jason: melancholy; Tyler: dramatic; Girt(?): loyal; Sara: ideal. How do you react when you trip or stumble? Gasp and carry on. If it was a more serious trip, I look around at who saw. Are you good at “biting your tongue”? NO. Why do you love the one you do? She's been there for me without fail, has undying faith in me, supports me through everything, is honest, she's funny and very unique, her adoration for animals shows a great level of compassion, she trusts me so much despite her history, she stands extremely firmly for what she sees as right and wrong... okay I can honestly write an essay on why I love her. Would you rather get [another] tattoo or piercing? GIMME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 THE TATTOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111111 Do you have long or short legs? I'd say they're normal, idk. When do you listen to Nickelback? *shrugs* When I wanna? Would you rather make the first move, or your crush? Them. I'm shy.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #76

“yeah, you’re a crazy bitch, but you fuck so good.”

do you ever think about what went wrong in your last relationship? we each made mistakes, and i feel more certain of this now that jason and i have talked. i, for one, gave up on life while still being alive. on jason's end, he, too, gave up on me instead of trying to rebuild me. do you know your best friend’s middle name? yes, colleen. she goes by her middle name, but her "real" name is elizabeth. you have to get a piercing, what do you get? vertical labret on my lip. would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler? a standard poodle. ever driven into the ghetto to buy drugs? no. mom denies it and got pissed once when i mentioned it, but we once lived in sharpsburg, and that was totally the ghetto. do you own a gun? as i'm mentally ill/have had suicidal tendencies, i legally can't. my mother even can't because i live with her. would you rather sleep with someone or alone? with someone. while it's less comfortable, it's comforting. are there any songs that remind you of falling snow? or any songs that remind you of winter time but are not necessarily about that? dude, i have noooo idea why, but for whatever reason, "dreamer" by ozzy osbourne definitely brings to mind winter for me personally. is there anything coming out soon (books, albums, movies, video games) that you're looking forward to? hmmm, i don't think so... but then again, i live under a rock and am not informed on what's coming out so- wAIT IS OUTLAST 2 OUT YET what is something you wish you had learned earlier that you know now? how would this have helped you if you'd known it then? i don't know if there's anything, honestly... i used to say i wish i'd known jason would leave me, but i guess i don't now. because i loved, beyond explanation. i loved with such a naive innocence, and i don't regret that. when you’re interested in someone, do you let them know? according to my history, i do. what was the last compliment you received? someone liked my hair. i got compliments on it non-stop at the hospital. do you have any siblings? are they older / younger? 
 including half-siblings, tiffany, misty, bobby, katie, and ashley are older. nicole is younger. have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced? it has been pierced before, and i plan on doing it again very soon. favorite shoes you have EVER owned? the finding nemo once i had as a kid were fly as FUCK allergic to? pollen and silver favorite fruit? strawberries who was your first prom date? jason where did you live the first time you moved out of your parent’s house? i lived with jason, amanda, and jacob. if you were to have sex right now, would you use a condom? in almost all cases, yes. the only situation where i wouldn't is if i was with jason at this very moment and he wanted to have sex, and he didn't have any. just apply the pull out method, and besides that, i shouldn't be ovulating right now, so i wouldn't get pregnant. do you think it’s bad to have sex at your age? no, i'm an adult. have you ever wanted to get drunk and take your mind off of everything? i sure have. how long do you think you will live? eh, probably early 80s, maybe even 70s... i'm not the healthiest person, mentally and physically. have you ever been stung by a bee? i have not. do you like the snow? very much so. how old are you? do you feel as old as you are? i am 21, but i certainly don't feel it. does the quality of a video, on youtube or a television, matter to you? at least very mildly, sure. it needs to be watchable at least. do you tend to listen to music that embraces your mood or does music dictate your mood? is it a little bit of both? i tend to embrace my mood with the music i pick. are there any books or films that have influenced your philosophy? if so, is there one you could name in particular? "johnny got his gun," i r8 8/8 what is the cutest animal? meerkat pups, oh my GOSH what seasons seems most fitting to your personality? in what ways and why? autumn, because everything is dying. :'D do you think you would be a good parent? i don't know, honestly... blue, black, or red pens; or another color? black do you like watching people play video games? yes, i do!! idk why, it's just entertaining to me. when was the last time you swam in a pool?  years ago what are your parents views on sex? err, in regards to what about it exactly? have you ever babysat before? yeah, for the neighbor. if your current boyfriend/crush suddenly moved away what would you do?  i'd be pretty devastated, honestly. if your best friend revealed she was a homosexual, what would you do?  well that'd be a problem, as she's married to a man. i'd be pretty concerned about what she'd do. have you ever dreamed about your wedding? i have. do you delete pictures of you and your exes off of facebook? nope. j and my pictures are still up there. ever plaigarised? no. i have too much respect as a writer. do you edit your profile pictures before posting them?  i do minor adjustments, of course. i was a digital photography student, we know aaall about the mandatory deception of editing. :P what's your middle name?  marie what's your wallpaper on your phone? lock screen is the bogeyman from "silent hill: downpour," but the artwork is from "anne's story." home screen is pyramid head from the white hunter comic. favorite tv commercial? the dirty mr. clean commercial mAKES ME SOB YA'LL SHOULDA SEEN ME THE OTHER DAY I WAS DONE what is your favorite type of cat?  hmmm. persians, sphinxes, ragdoll, etc... what religion were you raised in? are you still that religion, if you had one? catholicism, and no. i'm christian now. would you ever consider getting dreadlocks? nooooo. how many times is your cartilage pierced in your ears?  once. do you prefer to spend more time with your SO, family, or friends? why? in my history, my s.o. jason really just touched this part of my brain that just REALLY made me happy. if you see a homeless person asking for money, do you give them any? i'm not going to lie, no. i don't know that person, and WAY too many assholes are deceptive little shits. what will immediately disqualify a potential SO?  smoking, doing drugs, excessive drinking, abusive past, and i'm certain there are others i'm forgetting... i am honestly VERY picky. when was the last time you really panicked? when i overdosed a few days back. do you ever get eczema? nope. have you ever witnessed a serious physical fight? i have not. is there anyone you would do literally anything for?  honestly, yes. i'd kill for jason. it's very unhealthy and i wish the mentality would stop, but i honestly can't do much about it... do you enjoy corn on the cob?  i do. in your opinion, what's the ideal age to start having children? about mid-20s. what's the longest you've ever slept in one go? it HAD to be almost 12 hours. jason and i were up almost the entire night being horny whores and when i fell asleep, i was GONE. have you ever dated someone with an accent different than yours? no. does caffeine affect you, or not so much?  not very much at all. would you ever want to follow down the career path of your parents? no. but then again, they both dropped out of/didn't go to college, so... guess i'm not too far off. do you think “sleeve tattoos” are a good idea? *sexual moaning* if you have any tattoos, do you reckon you might regret them when you get older and have children? i sure won't. is there anything in particular that your parents argue about? what? just gonna say there's a reason they're divorced. do you act differently around the person you like? i mean, i'm happier. kissed someone you didn’t like?  on the cheek, never on the lips. ran a red light? no. experienced love at first sight?  nope. pointed a gun at someone?  no. had a gun pointed at you? no. dumped someone?  yep. lied to avoid a ticket? no. ridden in a helicopter? no. made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? i woulda preferred you to rip my fucking heart out. eaten snake?  omg no. puked on amusement ride?  no. been in a band? nope. been in handcuffs? i've been in full-body shackles on one occasion. i was going from the mental hospital to the court. what is your favorite breakfast food? pancakes. who do you (romantically) love? my ex, jason. do you enjoy kissing?  sure, yeah. what about making out? i r8 8/8 m8 where are you most ticklish? MY FEET HOLY SHIT where do you want to get married? gothic-styled mansion or similar building pls do you plan on having both your parents at your wedding? yes. have you ever slow danced to a song you didn't know? no. if you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go and why? south africa. i want to photograph the meerkats at the kalahari meerkat project. describe your perfect partner. his name's jason. would you prefer to be a vampire or a werewolf? vampire, i think. the werewolf transformation seems painful. most embarrassing moment?  borderline having a panic attack because i was like really close to having an orgasm for the first time and i didn't understand what was happening to my body lmao. jason was super cute and sweet about it though and helped me calm down. would you ever consider getting married?  i want to get married. if it were possible, what exotic animal would you keep as a pet? if it weren't so bad for them, i'd totally have a meerkat. what is your least favorite thing about your appearance?  my stomach. ew. have you ever had a bonfire on the beach?  no, but that sounds cool. do you listen to music while driving?  it has to be VERY quiet. or else i can't concentrate. have you ever received an autograph from a celebrity?  no. can you honestly say you’ve been drunk before? i have. is there a certain color of eyeshadow you prefer, if you wear eyeshadow? black as my soul. would you ever do something you didn't enjoy sexually just to please your partner? depends on what, really. like there are some situations where i'd absolutely draw the line, but here's an example: i don't like oral, but i guess i'd give it sometimes if it made him happy. when was the last time you watched south park?  probably not since j and i were together... i remember one occasion where we chilled in my room for hours watching it. are you italian? no. where’s the nearest game stop near you?  in rocky mount, by wal-mart. do you have any best friends that you only know online? i guess i still consider mini at least a very close friend, despite not talking much. i have other very close friends too, but not best, i guess. if you could, would you want to stay young forever? yes. being elderly is just, in general, inconvenient. not saying old people are, just the state of being old is. are you interested in anime? no more, no less than the usual person. hogwarts house: just took a quiz, and apparently i'm a mix of all? i very well coulda been off, 'cuz there was a lot of harry potter terminology that i don't know... what’s “out of bounds” for you during sex?  do. not. hit me aggressively. main thing. hickies - get ‘em or give ‘em?  i enjoy getting 'em, enjoy giving 'em. are you okay with rough sex?  hell yeah. i think i'd prefer soft and sensual more frequently, but i'm not totally opposed to just fucking. how big was the biggest dick you’ve ever seen? was it in a porn or in real life?  this survey sure took a sexual turn. but i've only ever seen one penis, so... how do you feel about daddy dom/little girl roleplaying?  nO JUST NO do you have any sexual regrets? i regret not going all the way with j. he was my first love, and he deserved to know me in every single way possible. have you had anal?  no, and i don't want it. do you like to spank/be spanked? i like being spanked, but not too hard. do you like teasing or would you rather get straight to the point? tEASE TEASE TEEEEEAAAAAASE are you able to have emotionless sex? fuck that. sex should be the epitome of physical displays of affection, imo. does penis size really matter?  honest to god, i don't care. it's not like a man can choose how "well-off" he is. describe an orgasm. oh wow. i don't actually think i've ever properly orgasmed, but i was extremely close once and totally panicked. it felt totally otherworldly, and i honestly felt like screaming, puking, and just exploding all at once??? i was so scared at first, but as i calmed down, shit was awesome. what’s the longest time you’ve had sex for? never had sex, but done sexual things for hours... like, all night. if you could change the person you lost your virginity to, would you? i would change the fact i didn't lose my virginity to jason. what’s something sexual that you thought you wouldn’t like, but ended up liking? anr/abf surprised the FUCK out of me. i honestly thought it'd be really awkward and uncomfortable, but it's honestly an extremely stimulating and motherly sensation okay i'll stop before this turns into a pornish thing. but basically it taught me ya can't totally judge some things 'til you try it. give your best sex advice, GO. uhhh. ever tried sucking on your partner's tongue while making out? turned my ex the fuck on, at least. would you say you’re good in bed?  have evidence i was good enough. do you like gagging on cock/having someone gag on your cock? why? i just choked on my fucking drink. but no, because i like air. when it comes to oral, are you gentle? do you use your hands too?  i. was so. timid giving oral. i was so scared i was going to hurt him. i don't think i've ever used my hands at the same time. okay, how do you feel about handjobs? since we were stuck with foreplay due to my abstinence, we relied on handjobs a lot. they're great. have you had any unwanted pain during sex? i've had pain while being fingered, sure. but i guess it wasn't entirely unwanted. has anyone drew blood from you during sex, whether it was by cutting, biting, or scratching? how did you feel about that? no, never. have you ever fucked someone who was sad? did it help them emotionally or make it worse?  i'm sure i have, and he's done it to me when i was sad plenty of times, and yes, it's honestly a great mood booster. are you more submissive or dominant? i'm definitely more submissive. who’s your ideal sexual partner?  jason was nothing short of perfect. are you accepting “applications” for a partner? lmao fuck that i don't do no "applications" for this kinda shit. who was your first kiss with? first person to kiss me was juan, but the first person i kissed who reciprocated my kiss was jason. how far have you gone sexually? depends on how you rank sexual things, idk...? did you shave your legs today? done with the sexual questions, eh? anyway, no. have you ever made out with someone in public at all? no. do you think masturbation is dirty? not necessarily dirty, just lustful. have you ever made out in a hot tub? *adds to bucket list* do you play with the other persons hair when you kiss? jason had long hair for a male, to his shoulders, and yeah, i liked playing with it. have you ever smoked pot? nope. do you sing in front of people? NOOOOO. ever lived in a trailer park? no. have you ever had dandruff? no, but i have a dry scalp. though both cause flaking, they're still different. what would people say about you at your funeral?  i was very quiet and thought too much. what lessons in life did you learn to hard way? your actions have consequences. would you ever give up your life to save another?  i'm not going to pretend to be a superhero. it depends on who it is. what is stopping you from living the life you want to live?  money, health, willpower... ever held a newborn animal? kittens, yes. how do you dress when you’re not at work? i don't have a job, so. but when i'm home anyway, i'm dressed for comfort, usually in my pajamas. if i'm going out, i will dress usually in something like yoga pants and a graphic tee. do you care overly about other people? the only person i'd say i care "overly" about is jason. what was your favorite pokemon as a child? charmander (: do you know what the heck the difference is between the statements “we’re just dating” and “we’re together”?   technically the same in my honest opinion, but at the same time, "we're dating" also sounds more casual. if a person is brought up speaking both spanish and english in equal amounts and equally fluently, which language do they think in?   *KA-BOOM* have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced?   it was pierced for many years, and i'm planning on getting it re-pierced very soon. last film you watched?   i just finished "finding dory" actually, now i'm watching "zootopia." when consuming a beverage that comes in a can, do you prefer to drink it directly from the can or do you pour it into a cup?   i like to drink it from the can.  tastes sliiightly different and is colder. what do you do to cure a headache?   sleep or take medicine. do you still possess any belongings from your childhood? do they hold some special significance?   absolutely.  i actually have two things i call "treasure boxes" where i hold certain, very special belongings.  nostalgia overdose. are any of your fingers or toes deformed? what about the nails?   no.  i would, however, call one of my nails unusual.  my right ring finger, its nail curves inward towards the base definitely more than it should.  it's so weird considering both my immediate sisters have it, too. when yawning, do you cover your mouth?   always in public, yes.  it just seems polite. as a kid, did you love playing on neopets?   neopets and webkinz were my SHIT.  i was more into webkinz, but neopets was amazing, too.  i loved the dragon one and the newer one that looked like a doggish thing with a stripe going down its body?  i think it started with an "x"? what is the background on your desktop? why’d you choose that?   on my own laptop, it's trico and the boy from "the last guardian" bc i love that game and its artwork.  on the laptop i've been using for like three months, it's a picture of my sister ashley and her baby aubree at the beach. are you comfortable with people going through your phone?   no, and i don't know why, actually...?  like i have NOTHING bad on there, it's just... weird? do you tend to daydream a lot? if so, about what?   i do, aaaaa lot.  aaand it's always about jason. e_e have any interesting conversations lately?   ohhh god.  not necessarily a convo, but lemme just make this known. chelsea: *creates fire w/ hairspray and lighter* *screams ensue* YOU ALMOST MADE ME COME HARDER THAN JASON EVER HAS then came the laughter and the stomachache from all the heaving what do you have pierced on you?   now?  only my ear lobes, and i'm livid about it.  i had to take my fucking piercings out at the hospital, and they closed up.  my ear lobes didn't tho, i guess 'cuz i've had them since childhood... but i am actually pissed. where do your grandparents live?   maternal: well, she technically lives in florida, but stays in new york with her son's family a load.  paternal: michigan. pencils; mechanical or traditional?   mechanical, by far.  eliminates the need to sharpen. what was the last zoo/aquarium you went to?   asheboro zoo or whatever it's called. what is the last big risk you took? did it pay off?   talking to jason face-to-face, absofuckinglutely.  that could've so easily ended in another suicide attempt.  but anyway, yes, it paid off. what's the closest you've come to death?   overdosing, i guess. what chocolate is your favorite?   milk who is your favorite blogger?  i don't really have one. what was the best thing you were given?  jason's love and attention, even if just for three and a half years of my life. have you ever cheated on your partner?  nope. are you over your past?  not in the slightest. did you try to change for a person?  ha.  he left too soon to give me a chance. e_e are you in a good or bad mood?   eh, i'm good for now. name someone you can’t live without.   no one.  after losing jason, well, i'm sure i can survive without anyone, ultimately. are you a crybaby?   10/10 do people praise you for your looks?   no. SEXIEST disney character that's not human?   okay sorrynotsorry but scar and steele are SEXY do you believe in the phrase “if it’s meant to be, it will be”?  ha!  no, sorry.  i refuse to believe jason and i weren't "meant to be." what do you put on hotdogs?  ketchup and mustard do you know how to play chess?   no. did you/are you going to go to prom?  i went to jason's senior and my senior.  man... i remember how shy he was when he asked me... it was so cute. :/ what’s the most physically painful thing you’ve ever experienced? having a pilonidal cyst opened and drained while still conscious and insufficiently drugged.  FUCK THAT. what’s the most emotionally/mentally painful thing you’ve ever experienced?   jason leaving me. have you ever legitimately saved a person’s life?   not to my knowledge. are you a very open or private person?   open online, private af irl what do you get complimented on the most?  my hair who was the last person you talked about sex with?  chelsea or colleen what was the last deep conversation you had about?   jason.  i was talking with chelsea. why do some girls become so dependent on their boyfriend/husband?   well, i, for one, was rather dependent on jason, and it was because i needed a pillar, and he was strong, but i guess i put too much weight on him... i had no fucking idea it was too much.  as well, it was because i am not an independent person.  i'm a follower and act like a dog on a leash towards the people i trust.  it's simply my desire to be a loyal companion.  i don't know how to change that. do you enjoy going to church?   i do, but not for TOO long. what do you have tattoos of/what do you want tattoos of?   oh god.  you asked for it.  as for tats i have, i have a semicolon butterfly on my right wrist, "perfectly flawed" written on my left, upper arm, and "ohana" written on my right collarbone.  as for what i want, i have about 100 ideas, but i'm going to only list the ones i am quite serious about.  my next tat is of "denialism" by da's tatchit, and it's going on my right upper arm as a half-sleeve.  here's the list: - "... and you ain't got his smile" written maybe under my left breast.  it's a harley quinn quote, and i want it as dedication to jason.  which no, i will not regret. - the magic sigil thing from "shadow of the colossus" somewhere - either a pyramid head, robbie the rabbit, or halo of the sun tat to pay tribute to "silent hill" - "he who knows pain is dangerous" written somewhere, which is a rammstein lyric, in either english or maybe german - spider sternum tattoo - a hydra coming towards the viewer with "from slave to master, i've become the hydra" (otep lyric) written in a semi-circle above it.  i honestly want this on my lower stomach, like, starting above my private, but i most likely will not do this.  still thinking of where to relocate it. - "i believe what doesn't kill you simply makes you stranger" written somewhere, a quote from the joker. - "how long is forever?" "sometimes, just one second" from "alice in the wonderland."  i want the quotes in speech bubbles vertical of each other. - a harley quinn-esque design with "rotten" written on it.  on my right asscheek.  yeah.  talk about slutty lmao. - a large viper on one of my hips. - three sketch-style arrows going down my left lower arm - "once upon a time, i ripped the wings from my spine, but when i hide inside your eyes, i still pretend that i can fly" (otep lyric) written along my spine I HAVE SO MUCH MORE.  but my phone's dead (i have more ideas on there) and i have even more saved to my dead computer... are most of the adults you know married or divorced?   divorced... it's so sad. :/ when was the last time you were mistaken for a mom?   at therapy some time ago.  mom was with me, and she was babysitting. what is your mom’s and dad’s favorite tv show?   mom's: "the big bang theory," probably.  dad, idk. have you ever suspected your mom or dad of having an affair?   nope do you think buying second hand clothes is gross?   certainly not. does it gross you out when your parents kiss?   well, they're divorced, sooo... does your dad swear?   yeah. do you sweat easily?   i sweat like an obese pig.  it's due to one of my medications. if your last kiss asked you on a date, what would you say?   "absolutely!" when you like someone, do you picture what your children will look like?   no. when was the last time you drank strawberry milk?   elementary school when i tried it for the first time.  absolutely fucking disgusting. do you own a pair of fingerless gloves?   yup.  i was big into that in high school. did you have a good driver’s ed teacher?   he was fine, but i am 100% certain that on one occasion, if i had listened to him, we would have died. if you have siblings, which one of you is going to be married first?   ashley's already married, i'll probably never find anyone, so i guess nicole's next. did you kiss the last person you really wanted to kiss?   like, do you mean did i kiss him the last time i wanted to kiss him?  if so, no.  he barely even let me hug him. when your last relationship ended, how long was it before you felt ready to think about being with someone else?   it's been over a year and i still don't feel entirely ready. do you think it’s wrong for someone to commit themselves to a long-term relationship at a young age? explain.   no, and there's no real need to explain...?  obviously, even young people are capable of sincere love? are you legal to drink?   yep. do you have any dirty pictures on your cellphone?   i do not. what do you want more than anything in this world?   jason. last time you felt physical pain?   earlier today.  my stomach was hurting. last time you felt emotional pain?   i'm clinically depressed.  i live with emotional pain. what are you listening to?   "american horror story" is on.  it's actually a ptsd trigger, so i'm trying to watch it again to like... edit the memory.  i'm doing it with chelsea so i won't be alone. do you like your handwriting?   i do. do you own any dresses? if so, what colors are they?   i do not.  i wish. when was the last time you went tanning?   never. have you ever been in a car accident?   quite a mild one.