Yan!TF2 × reader headcannons (SFW and NSFW)
// obsessive tendancies, mentions of violence, blood, sexual themes, noncon
[SFW]
Let's start with the defense classes
Defense:
Demoman
Deffo didn't admit that he loved you
Tbh he probably blamed it on his drunkenness
But dude you're always drunk
I mean seriously if he sobers up he'll genuinely die so like-
He would usually drink with you or just around you if you don't drink
He's generally a fun chill guy to be with
He would watch you from a distance at times, especially during battle you might distract the cyclops
He's okay with you asking questions
One time he broke his eyepatch and needed a new one
You gave him a nice black eyepatch with the demoman emblem on it
He gets all red whenever you say his full name, because he knows you remembered it
He is generally against kidnapping, I mean especially since he lives with his ma he'd rather not
And because he's a gentleman
If you ever reciprocate his feelings he'll make sure to treat you right
He is a messy person but for you? He'll clean
Probably would get carried away and make home made bombs with all the cleaning supplies 🤦♂️
Takes you to meet his mom
"ooo Tavish, yer gonna get me some grand kiddos are ya?"
That made you both blush like crazy
Soft cheek kisses
Probably made a special bomb and named it after you
"this one's for you, luv!" *Proceeds to set off all stickybombs which blows up the entire enemy team*
Blew up the last guy who looked at you funny
Hell, even worse when they make a sexual remark to you scout probably did it
Likes to give you your space but when he's paranoid he follows you to wherever or watched you from a distance
Heavy
Two words: big boy
Hugs are 10000000000/10
Sometimes it fewls suffocating but man it's like hugging a cloud
Soft forehead kisses
Russian pet names
He sometimes lets you touch Sasha, that's how he knows he loves you because he doesn't even let medic, his best friend, touch her
Probably named a gun after you or one of the pet names he calls you
You definitely met his family and they loved you
Zana especially
Doesn't get jealous easily but will not hesitate to unload 12 pounds of bullets into someone who even LOOKS at you the wrong way
Lord have mercy on the ones who dare flirt with you, rest in pieces scout
Doesn't really follow you anywhere (you're a bit too fast for him) but he does watch you and check up on you
He preforms okay on the battlefield but when you're around, he'll show off
Will cook for you, mainly russian dishes
He's very against kidnapping and would rather not do it
Doesn't shut up about you when he's around medic
Engineer
F l u f f y
Very softspoken in general but he gets all flustered when you talk to him
Will check up on you occasionally
"Darlin'" "Honey bunny" things like that y'know
Huge smile when you're around
Will cook for you most definitely, knows what you like
Makes little robots for you
Likes seeing you use his dispenser
Doesn't get jealous easily either but will try and take you away from someone who wants your attention
Likes just having you in his presence, doesn't need to talk to be happy with you around
Very very against kidnapping like all other defense classes, wouldn't do it unless if he truly felt the need to, last resort kind of thing
The last guy who flirted with you had a sentry gun shoved up his ass
Doesn't really follow you anywhere
Offense:
Scout
Nothing short of a horomonal teenager
I mean he's 21 but
He gets so giddy around you, very loud, tries to show off
He loves you very much
"oh yeah? Well I once absolutely smashed a guy into peices, he was still screaming when he was dead!"
He brags about brutal things but hey you love it since you're also brutal
Flexes his non-existent muscles around you
Would talk about his mom to you all day
Definitely got a tattoo of your face and name somewhere on his body, most likely his bicep
Your name is probably misspelled too but you never say anything about it because he can't read so it's fine
He hasn't really thought about kidnapping in all honesty, again, a last resort kinda thing if he can't get you to love him
He will make a damn SCENE if anyone flirts with you
"you think that's funny, chucklenuts? I eat guys like you for breakfast lunch AND dinner!" "I'll blow yer freakin head off if ya talk to y/n like that again!" Would definitely drag you away
God help anyone that makes you uncomfortable, he'll fuck them up, if that person is medic I mean he'll try to but we all know how fucking scary medic is
Follows you at times
Pyro
"Mphmphmpph"
Seems more lovey around you
Definitely gave you a hand full of the enemy's bloody bones thinking it was a bouquet of flowers
Absolute baby
Just so precious, scary but precious
Hugs for days
Good luck trying to get their ass off of you when you're on cease-fire
Very warm though, they smell like smoke with a bit of blood
Likes petting you
Isn't against the idea of kidnap because they don't realize what they're actually doing, they think they're just taking you to a magical place
Snuggles
When someone flirts with you their whole world changes
Gets angry and starts yelling at them
"MPHMPHMOHMPHHH! MPHMPHNHUMAHUMA!" - Pyro 2021
Will not let you get a checkup alone, he trusts medic but not with you
Very sweet tho, he'll turn around when you need to strip down
Will follow you almost EVERYWHERE and if they can, while holding your hand
Soldier
Yells at you a little less than the others
At first doesn't realize how he feels but then realizes that he loves you
Is pretty protective over you
Rants about America all day to you
Probably got you an american flag to wear
Doesn't really take off his helmet but he likes seeing you in it, makes him proud
If you ever live with him you'll find out that he owns like 20 racoons
"YOU ARE CUTER THAN A RACOON" "YOU WILL BE SAFE ON THE BATTLEFIELD, DO YOU HEAR ME MAGGOT?"
He loudly wakes everyone up in the morning but tries to avoid waking you up
Loves you as much as he loves America
Will show off on the battlefield for you
Isn't against kidnapping you, he probably did it early on if you showed immediately that you didn't reciprocate his feelings
Will blow any guy that hits on you to absolute bits
"MAGGOT DO YOU HEAR ME? YOU WILL LEAVE THE LADY/MAN ALONE THIS INSTANT!"
Probably put you on his back and rocket jumped just to show you what it felt like
Follows you around a lot, it's really obvious because he wears a bucket over his head and crashes into things, when you look back he'll stand behind a lamp post or somewhere really obvious
Support
Ah yes, everyones favorite class including mine
Sniper
Very quiet
Takes secret glances at you
Pays more attention to you than the others
S h y
Asks how you are, how you slept, etc
Doesn't really need to be holding you, tbh he's against PDA
But he likes being in your presence
Just sit down next to him and he'll be fine
When he's on the battlefield, he'll look for you and make sure you're safe
God forbid anyone try to hurt you, he'll make them suffer
Talks about Australia to you and accidentally admitted that he wanted to take you there
Doesn't like the idea of kidnapping but he isn't totally against it, I can see him doing it
He smuggled you all the damn way to Australia
He'll nonchalantly show off to you on the battlefield, he'll let you get cornered and come in to save the day
"love" is a word he uses a lot with you
Will grumble to himself if he sees someone flirting with you
If it's a random person, well, that'll be the last time you ever see them
Has talked about you to his parents
Kind of follows you? I mean he sits atop a high placeand watches you through his scope whenever you're going somewhere
Spy
SEDUCTIVE ASF
He knows what he's doing
Will kiss your hand a lot
Likes to flirt with you and see you blush
"honhonhon"
Sleazy french fucker
Watched you from afar at first then approached you a little later
Isn't against the idea of kidnapping, pro kidnapping, definitely did it not only to have you to himself but for some sort of sexual satisfaction
Just very uh... Lewd? Can't find the right word
He treats you very respectfully though
If he hears anyone else flirting with you he'll be fuming but won't show it
"Oh please, like you could EVER satisfy y/n's desires"
That person mysteriously disappeared that night
Very cocky bastard
Definetly follows you home, not only that but he watches you through your window
And stalks you
He knows everything about you
Would get you either by knocking you unconscious or by blackmailing you
Medic
B a s t a r d
Gets LOUD when you're around
And giddy
Very touchy, always has a reason to put his hands on you
Talks a lot with you around, I mean he already talks a lot but now he won't shut up
Keeps his office nice and clean for you
He restocks on everything so when you come around you can take a loot at all his medicines
Big smile :D
Like spy he is not at all against kidnapping you
Makes sure you're comfortable during checkups
Will make you wait to be seen last just so he can take his time touching your body
"it's all part of the procedure".mp3
Compliments you in weird ways, ex: "your skin is so smooth and lovely, it's the perfect texture to make leather out of" "you have an amazing colon"
Look he's just trying his best here he has a screw loose
You're the only member who he's careful with really
Sometimes allows you to get hurt or has you get hurt by something just so you can see him
Always follows you wherever
Knows everything about you
If someone is flirting with you, he'll get quiet at first and use a low tone to speak to them
"you have guts talking to y/n like that"
They were never seen again
With kidnapping, he won't hesitate to use blackmail against you, or will just use anesthesia
Bonus: Pauling
Pauling
This lady values her work over her life, but to her you're so much more important
Will call you a lot on the battlefield to check in on you
Won't give you extremely hard missons to do because she doesn't want you to get hurt
"Hey (class), Pauling here. I need you... No not like that I just- I mean- for a mission yeah a mission"
Gets all flustered when you're around
Will take her only day off to spend time with you, what a sweetheart
Keeps multiple tabs on you
Follows you around
Doesn't really have time for kidnapping
But if it comes to that, she'll make something up so she has a reason to kidnap you
If anyone else is flirting with you she won't show that she's annoyed
She'll make something up as an excuse to execute them
[NSFW]
Defense
Demo
Has definitely thought of what you'd look like while naked
B l u s h
Has used a mental image of you to get off before
Probably has an actual photo of you
When he drinks a little more than usual, he'll accidentally brush his hand against your ass or get touchy with you
Will not force himself on you, he's 100% against that
If you decide to have sex with him, praise is what you're gonna get
"you're as beautiful as a shot of whiskey in the sunrise"
Very gentle with his hands
Heavy
Not the type to masturbate
Unless if he gets THAT worked up
Again, against forcing himself on you
But if you want it no doubt you will top
He's also gentle with you
And loving
Praise is all you're gonna get
Sometimes russian sometimes broken english
Either way he will worship your body
Engi
Again, a more modest guy, doesn't really touch himself
Might just use a robot to pleasure himself when thinking about you
Probably has a photo of you and him around his workshop
Never forces himself on you
He's sweet and gentle when you do want it though
Sometimes gets help from his robot friends
Offense
Scout
Gets off on thinking about you
Won't force himself on you though
Sexual remarks × 100
Calls you handsome/beautiful in bed
I wouldn't say he's the best in bed but hey he's good I guess
Cuddles after sex most likely
Probablh threw out all his sexual magazines because they just didn't do the trick anymore
Sometimes when he runs past you, your shirt/skirt gets lifted up by a gust of wind and he can't help but look ( ͡◉ ͜ ʖ ͡◉)
Since I hit the text limit, I'll be making a part 2, stay tuned
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Cats, Children, and Click: HUNK ALERT Gorgeous with a winning smile 5 year old Flava longs for a loving home & family Please consider adopting or fostering SUCH A SWEETIE Flava 65927 5 years old, 68 lbs At Brooklyn ACC waiting 4 LUV TO BE KILLED - 6/22/2019 Looking for a tasty treat? Flava is everything sweet and scrumptious. This sugar bear has a smile that will melt the heart with ease. Dressed in delicious shades of chocolate, with a teddy bear face. That smile though! Flava earned merit for braving through trying times. He was brought into the shelter without any prior info. He allows all handling, stays close to staff and obeys instruction. He also has done lovely with the other doggies during socialization. Yes the shelter is a scary place, filled with strangers, so this fella would make anyone proud with his flexible, trusting character. Flava is young, healthy, smart and a really good boy. He was willing to give the shelter and everyone a part of it a chance, therefore he deserves one. If you would like to save this most handsome doggie, please do no wait as time isn't on his side as the minutes close in. Message this page now! FLAVA@BROOKLYN ACC Hello, my name is Flava My animal id is #65927 I am a male brindle dog at the Brooklyn Animal Care Center The shelter thinks I am about 5 years old, 68 lbs Came into shelter as a aco impound 6/13/2019 Flava was placed at risk due to behavioral concerns; Flava is not thriving in the shelter environment and is displaying fearful behavior, we are not able to place Flava into the adoption rooms due to this fearful behavior display. We are recommending placement with an experienced dog adopter. Flava was diagnosed with dental disease and a fractured tooth but otherwise healthy. My medical notes are... Weight: 68.8 lbs Vet Notes 6/14/2019 DVM Intake Exam Estimated age: Approx 5 years Microchip noted on Intake? Negative, placed at intake History : Stray Subjective: BARH, very hyperreactive/jumpy to touch and sound, very tense and hunched, whale eyed. Not interested in treats. Soft muzzle placed as precaution. No overt signs of aggression during exam. Evidence of Cruelty seen - none Evidence of Trauma seen - none Objective: P = wnl R = wnl BCS = 5/9 EENT: Eyes clear, ears clean, no nasal or ocular discharge noted Oral Exam: limited - fractured canines, tartar PLN: No enlargements noted H/L: NSR, NMA, Lungs clear, eupnic ABD: Non painful, no masses palpated U/G: Male, two scrotal testicles MSI: Ambulatory x 4, skin free of parasites, no masses noted, healthy hair coat CNS: Mentation appropriate - no signs of neurologic abnormalities Rectal: Externally normal Assessment: Dental disease with fractured teeth Prognosis: Good Plan: Start trazodone 5 mg/kg P BID indefinitely for shelter anxiety Neuter. Recommend dental procedure with xrays upon placement. SURGERY: Okay for surgery Details on my behavior are... Behavior Condition: 3. Yellow Behavior History Behavior Assessment Was tense and alert but allowed to be walked. Date of Intake: 6/13/2019 How is this dog around strangers?: tense. How is this dog around children?: Unknown. How is this dog around other dogs?: Unknown. How is this dog around cats?: Unknown. Resource guarding:: Unknown. Bite history:: None. Housetrained:: Unknown Energy level/descriptors:: Med Other Notes:: tense on intake. Medical Notes: N/A For a New Family to Know: Go slow ====================== Date of intake:: 6/13/2019 Spay/Neuter status:: No Means of surrender (length of time in previous home):: Stray, no known history Summary:: Leash Walking Strength and pulling: Mild pulling Reactivity to humans: None Reactivity to dogs: None Leash walking comments: Fearful during walk Sociability Loose in room (15-20 seconds): Neutral-tense body, stays near handlers, tail low, explores room somewhat, but checks in with handler, ears forward, closed mouth Call over: Approaches with coaxing Sociability comments: Handling Soft handling: Tense body, low tail, stress yawn, tense head, panting, lip licking, ears back, accepts all contact Exuberant handling: Tense body, low tail, panting, lip licking, ears back, accepts all contact Handling comments: Arousal Jog: Follows handler, fearful, low tail wags Arousal comments: Knock Knock Comments: No response to knock; Approaches assistant, slow, low tail, stress yawn Toy Toy comments: No interest Summary:: Flava was surrender as a stray so his past behavior with other dogs is unknown. 6/14: When off leash at the Care Centers, Flava greets the novel female dog with a neutral posture. He is sexually motivated but does not mount. 6/17-20: Flava was nervous today when introduced to a novel female. He is sexually motivated as he licks her genitals and chatters. He does not attempt to mount her and listens to handler interruptions. Date of intake:: 6/13/2019 Summary:: Tense; Allowed handling Date of initial:: 6/14/2019 Summary:: Tense, cowering, whale eyed, easily startled; Muzzled as a precaution ENERGY LEVEL:: Flava has been observed to exhibit a medium level of energy during his interactions in the care center. BEHAVIOR DETERMINATION:: Level 3 Behavior Asilomar: TM - Treatable-Manageable Recommendations:: No children (under 13) Recommendations comments:: No children (under 13): Due to Flava's overall timidity and fearful behavior, we feel it would be best for him to be placed in a stable, adult-only home environment to ensure his success. It is advised that the new adopters should be able to exercise appropriate and safe management when handling Flava, allowing him to acclimate and decompress at his own pace. Force-free, reward-based training only is advised when introducing or exposing Flava to new and unfamiliar situations, as well as utilizing guidance from a qualified, professional trainer/behaviorist. Potential challenges: : Fearful Potential challenges comments:: Fearful: Flava exhibits fearful behavior during his interactions in the care center. He has been observed to display fearful body language (tucked tail and tense body) and is easily startled by loud noises or sudden movements. Flava has not been observed to escalate beyond these observed behaviors, but does solicit attention even though he is overall timid and wary to interact. Please refer to the handout on Decompression period. *** TO FOSTER OR ADOPT *** HOW TO RESERVE A “TO BE KILLED” DOG ONLINE (only for those who can get to the shelter IN PERSON to complete the adoption process, and only for the dogs on the list NOT marked New Hope Rescue Only). Follow our Step by Step directions below! *PLEASE NOTE – YOU MUST USE A PC OR TABLET – PHONE RESERVES WILL NOT WORK! ** STEP 1: CLICK ON THIS RESERVE LINK: http://bit.ly/2ynocEZ Step 2: Go to the red menu button on the top right corner, click register and fill in your info. Step 3: Go to your email and verify account \ Step 4: Go back to the website, click the menu button and view available dogs Step 5: Scroll to the animal you are interested and click reserve STEP 6 ( MOST IMPORTANT STEP ): GO TO THE MENU AGAIN AND VIEW YOUR CART. THE ANIMAL SHOULD NOW BE IN YOUR CART! Step 7: Fill in your credit card info and complete transaction HOW TO FOSTER OR ADOPT IF YOU *CANNOT* GET TO THE SHELTER IN PERSON, OR IF THE DOG IS NEW HOPE RESCUE ONLY! You must live within 3 – 4 hours of NY, NJ, PA, CT, RI, DE, MD, MA, NH, VT, ME or Norther VA. Please PM our page for assistance. You will need to fill out applications with a New Hope Rescue Partner to foster or adopt a dog on the To Be Killed list, including those labelled Rescue Only. Hurry please, time is short, and the Rescues need time to process the applications.
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Jason-a-thon, part 3
Warning, Spoilers Ahead…
Batman #409, “Just Another Kid On Crime Alley!” by Max Allan Collins, Ross Andru, and Dick Giordano.
Batman leaves Ma Gunn’s School: “To think that urchin had the gall to steal the tires off the Batmobile! But I guess a kid who can fend for himself on these streets isn’t going to be easily intimidated. The kid’s got street smarts, all right – but if he wants to get out of this hellhole, he’ll need a more conventional education. And Ma Gunn with her ‘School For Boys’ should be just the person to put Jason on the right track. Of course, it’s said her teaching methods are a bit on the unorthodox side.”
Bruce is rather impressed with Jason’s moxie. However, the school isn’t working out like he intended.
Ma Gunn assumes Jason is a stoolie of the Batman and orders the rest of the class to “snuff” him.
The class jumps Jason who gives as good as he gets. Unfortunately, Jason loses due to sheer numbers.
Ma takes the time to correct her students’ grammar: “It isn’t ‘learn’ him, luv – it’s ‘teach’ him. And it’s an ‘extensive’ period of time.” Well, Ma is a teacher.
Ma comments that Jason is a “spunky little bloke” while watching the brawl.
Jason angrily denies being a snitch: “I ain’t no stoolie! And Batman’s no friend of mine – I stole his tires!”
Ah, yes, Jason’s true claim to fame – the theft of the Batmobile’s tires.
Ma orders the boys to find him a bunk: “Always room at Ma Gunn’s for a promising pupil!”
Bruce visits medical clinics in the Crime Alley neighborhood. He’s searching for records on Catherine Todd. It’s a nice scene that shows Bruce didn’t drop Jason off and forget about him.
Bruce discovers Catherine Todd died of an overdose last February. The date of the Wayne’s murder changes – the most common date is late September, around the 25th. The February overdose would fit with the date – especially if Catherine overdosed in late February and Jason lost track of the days as he lived on the streets.
Bruce accompanies Vicki Vale on her visit to Ma Gunn’s school. Bruce offers to fund Ma’s school but she declines.
Bruce and Vicki leave the school and Ma Gunn returns to the boys’ lesson of the day: guns.
“This old dame is batty.” Jason’s not a fan of the curriculum and leaves the school during the night.
Jason mentioned in a recent Red Hood & the Outlaws issue that he disliked living at the Ma Gun School as a child. It’s implied that he spent a significant more time there than the two nights he stayed at the school in the post-Crisis ere.
Batman requests Willis Todd’s information from Commissioner Gordon: “Catherine Todd’s husband is one Willis Todd – a small timer who grew up on Crime Alley. He began as a numbers runner – graduated to boosting cars. Worked in chop shops all over the city. He’s believed dead – he’s said to have double-crossed his boss, a fellow named Two-Face.”
Jim questions Batman’s interest in Willis Todd: “It’s personal, Jim. Let’s just say I have an interest in a young man who has lost his parents to crime.”
The above scene demonstrates that Jim Gordon knows the true identity of Batman. Batman’s in his office asking about Willis Todd – shortly afterwards Bruce Wayne adopts Jason Todd. Jim isn’t an idiot – he’d connect the dots.
Batman decides to visit Jason but the school lights are out. Batman comes across a car with missing tires.
Batman tracks down Jason: “You didn’t keep your end of the bargain.”
Jason explains the school is “a kindergarten for crime.”
“I don’t wanna learn to be no crook. I just boost what it takes to survive.”
Yeah, why be a crook when you can be a crime lord! Jason’s a firm believer in “go big or go home”.
I’m kidding, we all know Jason is the street rat with a heart of gold.
Batman makes Jason return the tires.
Jason reminds Bruce: “Just ‘cause I’m a kid from Crime Alley don’t make me a liar! Not all adults are saints, y’know!”
Ma Gunn and her students rob a museum but are interrupted by Batman.
Ma asks Batman: “You wouldn’t hit a lady?”
Batman replies “Never” and punches Ma in the face.
Jason arrives and finishes off the last henchman.
Batman questions why Jason is at the museum: “I didn’t think you believed me about the museum heist – somebody had to stop it.”
“You could’ve called the cops.”
“I’m no stoolie – besides, where’s the fun in that?”
Jason continues: “You know, if you turn me over to the social workers, well…the chances of a kid my age findin’a decent home are slim.”
“Don’t bet on it…Robin.”
The issue ends with Jason and Batman’s smiling faces.
I love Jason’s post-Crisis origin.
1) He’s no longer a weak, carbon copy of Dick.
2) Jason’s new background allows him a different perspective on crime and criminals from Bruce or Dick.
3) It also provides a different skillset and experience from Dick’s initial days as Robin. Dick started out as a master gymnast but Jason has mastered street smarts from a young age.
Up next: Jason encounters Two-Face!
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