“ - but have you ever considered, I don’t know, not sucking all the time? Just a thought.”
It takes the combined grips of Nuisance and Hound to keep the wriggling, snarling body beneath Fox from throwing him off its back. With three years’ practice of having to fix his own rickety desk chair over and over again, the movement merely ruffles the proverbial fringe on his helmet.
“And I don’t mean that as an insult, necessarily. Well, I do a little bit. But also I have some amount of empathy for the no doubt immense amounts of trauma that had to go into the creation of something so dysfunctional as you, on a very personal level, so have you considered going to the root of that in a way that’s like… useful? Instead of wasting it all on kriffing Kenobi, I mean. Look at the guy. All he does all day is drink tea and commit warcrimes. I bet he knits for fun. Bit of an embarrassing nemesis, don’t you think?”
“I”, says Kenobi, then pauses. The space between his eyebrows is creased with uncertainty, and he looks deeply torn between continuing rocking the shaking Duchess of Mandalore against his chest from his corner of the throne room and re-activating his lightsaber to continue losing his fight against the Darksider Fox is currently sitting on. “I feel like I should object to some part of that, but I’m not entirely clear on what. Or how this happened, again. Isn’t Mandalore a few star systems from your purview, Commander?”
“Probably the warcrimes”, mutters Nuisance underneath his strained breath.
“About as far from my supposed assignment as yours, General”, says Fox a little louder.
Kenobi twitches. Fox cannot claim to know which of them does it. Both, maybe. Probably.
“I will - taste - your - flesh!”, heaves out Darth Maul, snarling and hissing.
“Oooh, kinky!”, calls Grids, from the corner where she’s got her stun-setting aimed at the other Zabrak, currently passed out cold. Fox sighs deeply. He knew he shouldn’t have taken those three - any combination of Grids, Hound and Nuisance in a room together usually spelled chaos.
Unfortunately, it also spelled competence. The Basic alphabet can be funny that way.
The point being: as of some months into the war, one of Fox’s assigned tasks is the surveillance of all GAR-wide communication. All command-class staff theoretically got that memo, but no one seems to have read the fine print where that includes both professional and personal communication, as well as any and all comm devices registered or suspected to be registered to that person. Especially not one Anakin Skywalker and Padmé Amidala.
The point further being, if that sounds both immensely impractical and sort of terrifying in a democratic supposedly non-surveillance state, you’d be bang on the credits, and to Fox’ eternal chagrin the singular person in this whole useless army who’s spent the second of thinking necessary for that conclusion.
The final point being, when one frantic General’s mad dash across the Galaxy to rescue his teenage sweetheart from the spectre of his supposedly dead nemesis crosses his desk on its way to the Chancellor’s inbox, it doesn’t take much time for him to block any and all trace of it across the digital space of the GAR commboard and take matters into his own hands.
“ - which is why I told Thorn to suck it up and be in charge for a few days, and also why you’re still alive, your Highness, very welcome, was no trouble at all”, he concludes, drily. The Duchess stares the wide-eyed look of someone attempting to reconcile clones with ‘sentience’ or perhaps ‘personality’ in her head, but won’t say it outright.
Or the look of someone who’s just been violently overthrown and nearly murdered, perhaps, Fox allows.
“Um -“, Kenobi hedges, blinking rapidly.
“And the reason you’re still alive, probably. You’re welcome for that too, by the way”, Grids calls from the back of the throne room, cheekily.
“Alright”, says Kenobi, loudly. There’s color back in his deathly-pale cheeks, Fox notes, even if that color is a lot of red. It doesn’t fade very gracefully into his beard. “Opinions on whether or not I had everything under control notwithstanding -“
“You really didn’t”, Hound supplies helpfully.
“ - opinions notwithstanding, I am admittedly still lost on why you’re now sitting on Darth Maul and attempting to, to - jeer at him, Marshall Commander!”
“We’re not jeering, we’re trying to create a safe space and lay the groundwork for more open communication”, Fox says, primly.
Maul screams into the ground, attempting for the umpteenth time to rear up and visit great violence upon Fox, which admittedly has him rattling in his crosslegged seat atop his back.
Kenobi raises a perfectly plucked eyebrow. “Safe space?”
“He’s restrained and not stabbing anyone, I personally feel much safer than before”, Grids muses. “Watch the teeth though, Hound. Little biter.”
Indeed. Fox’s right greave will have to be replaced posthaste.
“And anyways, the point isn’t to jeer at him, it’s to make clear that he’s focusing his energy in the wrong places and could be doing much better things with his admittedly not-great life”, Fox adds, shifting to cast a pointed look down at Maul. The Sith is panting open-mouthed into the durasteel floor, sharp teeth gnashing wildly as his piercing yellow eyes shine with barely restrained rage. “I’m just saying - aim higher. You aren’t seeing the forest for the Kenobis, Maul. Can I call you Maul?”
“I will feed you your own entrails”, yowls Maul.
“See, that’s exactly what I’m talking about. Right now, I’m an easy target to focus all that built-up rage on, but is killing me really going to help you achieve any of your goals? No! Think about it - when it all comes down to it, who sent you on that mission to Naboo in the first place? Who made sure the Jedi and, by extension, Kenobi would be there to kill you? Who used you as a dejarik piece and then cast you aside the second you outlived your usefulness?”
Beneath him, Maul slowly stills in his struggle, still panting heavily. Hound and Nuisance don’t let it deter them in their vigilance, because they’re damn good vod’e and possess an ounce of common sense.
“And, look, I get it. I could spend the rest of my life punching every civilian who spits on me in the streets and it would even be satisfying. I could hit back the Senators who think of clones as easy targets. Or - I can aim my sights at who’s on top. And I think you know who I mean, because you know as well as I do the same damn man has ruined both our lives.”
Kenobi makes an alarmed noise, and Maul an interested one - not that Fox is going to let him walk out of this place awake. Still, he tilts his head in a way he hopes conveys his helmeted grin successfully to non-vod, as well as the bloodlust behind it. “You’re also welcome for the fact that the Chancellor won’t have heard of your spontaneous resurrection yet, by the way. You’ll retain your element of surprise instead of gambling it away on petty revenge on Kenobi.”
“He cut me in half!”
“He killed my master!”
Fox waves their protests away.
“Also, that’s treason!”, Kenobi adds, sputtering. Fox grins. Kenobi purses his lips, and continues. petulantly, “…do you have any proof?”
“So. Much. Proof”, says Nuisance, dreamily. “Like, do you want it alphabetically or by date?”
Which is when the Duchess, of all people, bursts out into barking, crazed laughter.
“You - you’ve certainly given yourself an edge in that fight, Marshall Commander”, she wheezes, brushing tears from her eyes. Fox raises his eyebrows at her, which she somehow seems to be able to tell, because she gestures at the clunky handle dangling from his belt.
“What, this old thing?” He unclasps the black rectangle from its hook, holding it up in the air. Maul stills strangely beneath him, and Kenobi goes ghostly pale again. Fox is starting to get a bad feeling.
“I took it off Viszla and beat him over the head with it. I figured he’d taken it off a Jedi cadet or something. What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
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a simple stray kids guide (for baby stays) ✨
overview: stray kids, or skz for short, is an 8-member korean boy band that debuted on march 25th, 2018 under jype ent. they were formed through a survival show in 2017 with originally 9 members, but one member left the group a year after debut for unknown reasons. there are three subunits to the group: 3racha the rap/producer unit, danceracha the dance unit, and vocalracha the vocal unit. of course, though, all of them do a bit of everything.
stray kids were considered an “experimental group” since the leader of the group was tasked with choosing all the members himself, and coming up with the name, logo, and fandom name of the group. as a group, they produced all their own music as well. they were relatively small for a while but by the time they released their song god’s menu, they were growing in popularity.
now stray kids have had many accomplishments, including: performing at lollapalooza 3 times now, being the first k-pop group invited to the met gala, becoming ambassadors for brands like versace and gucci, winning around 82 awards, and producing an ost for the deadpool movie. they've also recently set a guinness world record for the first ever group to have #1 albums 5 times in a row over the course of only 8 months!
while they are incredibly talented and successful celebrities, they’re also very down to earth, and very connected with their fanbase. they’ve shown openness and vulnerability with their fans by releasing songs with serious topic matters, crying on stage, and talking about their emotions/experiences. personally, they’re the only band i’ve ever seen who feel genuine love for their fanbase.
name: chan bahng
english name: christopher
stage name: bangchan, cb97 in 3racha
age: 26 (october 3rd, 1997)
nationality: australian-korean
languages: english, korean
positions: leader, producer in 3racha, dancer, rapper, vocalist
skzoo: wolfchan
instagram: gnabnahc
basics: chan was born in korea, but moved to australia when he was about 3 or 4 years old. he remained there with his two younger siblings, hannah and lucas, and their cavalier king charles named berry, until he was 13 when he went back to korea to become a k-pop trainee. he trained for about 7 years until he was finally able to debut as stray kids’ leader. chan is very reliable as the leader and dad of the group, but he’s also australian, so he adds to the chaos very well.
fun facts: chan has hypermobile arms and legs, and can turn his hand 360°. he sometimes wears wrist and knee braces due to overextension. chan won many medals in swimming growing up and could’ve gone into that career. along with that, he’s also good in many other sports like soccer and track. chan's hair is naturally curly!
name: minho lee
english name: rhino (yes i’m serious)
stage name: leeknow
age: 25 (october 25th, 1998)
nationality: korean
languages: korean and basic english
positions: lead dancer in danceracha, vocalist, rapper
skzoo: leebit
instagram: t.leeknowsaurus
basics: minho was born and raised in korea as an only child, aside from his cat siblings soonie, doongie, and dori. he moved out of his parents’ home at a fairly young age in order to be closer to his university, where he was said to have studied dance and comp-sci, as well as worked as a waiter for some time. he was called in to train under jype in 2017 and he ended up passing the dance test in only 2 weeks, the shortest period among jype trainees. minho is considered to be a “tsundere” since he’s very blunt, loud, and a bit rough generally, but is very kind and caring inside.
fun facts: minho toured in japan with bts as a backup dancer when he was in highschool. minho has acrophobia, the severe fear of heights, and he cannot swim. minho is well-trained in taekwondo, boxing, and bodyguard martial arts. minho said that the reason he isn’t comfortable showing his abs like some other members do is because he has a scar on his stomach from a surgery he had as a child.
name: changbin seo
english name: lewis
stage name: spearB in 3racha
age: 24 (august 11th, 1999)
nationality: korean
languages: korean and intermediate english
positions: producer in 3racha, main rapper, vocalist, dancer
skzoo: dwaekki
instagram: jutdwae
basics: changbin was born and raised in korea, along with his older sister, in a fairly wealthy family. he originally joined jype as a trainee at age 17 to debut as a vocalist, but was convinced to debut as a rapper by a counselor. unfortunately i don’t know much about changbin’s trainee days, other than he trained for about 2 years, and he was part of 3racha who uploaded their first rap song on soundcloud in 2017. changbin is a pretty silly and loud person, but has been described by his members as someone they can approach and who will notice/remember the smallest things about them.
fun facts: changbin prefers plants as he’s allergic to both cats and dogs. changbin is a blackbelt in taekwondo, and he named his own pecs "jut" and "dwae". changbin has said he would like to own his own gym or be a tattoo artist. changbin is the shortest member at 5 '6. changbin was named the fastest male rapper in the k-pop industry with 11 korean syllables per second, i believe.
name: hyunjin hwang
english name: sam
age: 24 (march 20th, 2000)
nationality: korean
languages: korean and advanced english
positions: dancer in danceracha, vocalist, rapper
skzoo: jiniret
instagram: hynjinnnn
basics: hyunjin was born and raised in korea as an only child, along with his long-haired chihuahua, kkami. he was approached by two k-pop company scouts at a young age, one of which while he was out shopping with his mom. and, of course, he chose jype. he trained as a dancer, and admitted he had hated dancing at first due to the emotional toll it took on him, but now he says dance is like another language he can speak. unlike minho, he attended university online, all during his busy career as an idol. hyunjin is introverted, but very silly and dramatic at the same time.
fun facts: hyunjin has a fear of sudden loud noises, like balloons popping. hyunjin is the tallest member at 5 '11. hyunjin was going to be an interior designer before he became an idol. hyunjin is an artist in multiple forms of media, but he’s most interested in sketching and painting. hyunjin had a live called “counseling center” where he would read his fans’ comments and give them advice/encouragement. hyunjin once broke his hand and now he can't really bend his right pinky finger.
name: jisung han
english name: peter
stage name: han, and j.one in 3racha
age: 24 (september 14th, 2000)
nationality: korean
languages: korean and advanced english
positions: producer in 3racha, rapper, dancer, vocalist
skzoo: han quokka
instagram: _doolsetnet
basics: jisung was born in korea like his older brother. his family moved to malaysia when he was about 8, where they stayed for a while before coming back to korea. his parents weren’t particularly supportive of his desire to become a trainee at first, but they made a deal with him that if he could be accepted into a company before a certain amount of time, they’d let him continue. if not, he’d have to go back to school to get another job. luckily he made it into jype, and became chan’s very first member of choice. like hyunjin, jisung is an introvert, but he’s very loud and energetic at the same time.
fun facts: jisung started learning english in malaysia, which may be why his accent when speaking english is faintly british. jisung has been open with his fans about his struggles with social anxiety and depression. he also supposedly has trypophobia, the fear of clusters of holes, but that isn’t proven. jisung has a bichon frise named bbama. jisung and hyunjin were the real enemies to besties.
name: yongbok lee
english name: felix
age: 24 (september 15th, 2000)
nationality: australian-korean
languages: korean, english, basic french
positions: dancer in danceracha, vocalist, rapper
skzoo: bokkari
instagram: yong.lixx
basics: felix was born and raised in sydney, australia, with his older sister rachel and his younger sister olivia. he was 17 when he moved to korea to become a trainee at jype, where he studied korean at the same time, as his parents didn’t raise him to speak the language very much. it’s been said by chan that he was particularly hard on felix during their time before debut because he saw potential in him, and he wanted him to do his best to succeed. felix is known as the sunshine of the group, for the fact that he’s incredibly sweet and happy.
fun facts: felix debuted his runway model career at a louis vuitton fashion show. felix is a 3rd degree black belt in taekwondo, which he won 63 medals in over the course of 12 years. felix has a very deep voice that doesn’t match his face, and he will occasionally make his own asmr content. felix donates often to children in need, and has even volunteered in laos with unicef. felix is so afraid of scary things, he’s admitted to reading his bible after watching a horror movie. felix cries easily.
name: seungmin kim
english name: sky
age: 23 (september 22nd, 2000)
nationality: korean
languages: korean and advanced english
positions: lead vocalist in vocalracha, dancer, rapper
skzoo: puppym
instagram: miniverse.___
basics: seungmin was born and raised in korea, along with his older sister. he moved to LA as a child for only about 3 months, but that’s where he started his study in english and where he got his english name from a teacher. he trained for one year after winning 2nd place in jype’s 13th open audition, before debuting with stray kids. seungmin is basically an ambivert (it’s not conclusive if he’s introverted or extroverted), and tends to playfully bully his members. he can be pretty random and silly.
fun facts: seungmin wanted to be a baseball player before becoming an idol, and he actually pitched a strike at a game for the second time recently (the first time he was about 9 years old). seungmin was into boxing, although i’m not sure if he is anymore. seungmin and felix have a live called “cat puppy school” where they just mess up recipes constantly. seungmin is the only idol i’ve seen that seems to have autistic traits, from my own autistic prospective. although, i’m not diagnosing him of course!
name: jeongin yang
english name: bobby (i refuse to call anyone under the age of 60 bob)
stage name: i.n
age: 23 (february 8th, 2001)
nationality: korean
languages: korean and intermediate english
positions: vocalist in vocalracha, dancer, rapper, maknae
skzoo: foxi.ny
instagram: i.2.n.8
basics: jeongin was born and raised in busan, korea, along with his older brother who’s in the military, and his little brother yoon. he was a trainee for about 2 years, and was only 17 when they officially debuted. he bonded especially with hyunjin, who basically took him under his wing at the time. jeongin is introverted, but follows his hyungs’ lead into chaos. he’s very clumsy, and he’s known as the spoiled maknae. the “baby bread” of the group.
fun facts: jeongin wanted to be a kindergarten teacher, social worker, or priest before becoming an idol. jeongin has a more nasally voice, so he’s particularly good at the trot singing style. jeongin has claimed he was a naughty child, running away from home and laying down in the middle of stores when he couldn’t get what he wanted. jeongin is incredibly good with fashion, so his members come to him for advice, and he often posts ootd’s on his instagram.
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