#malcolm murray

[witchofthemidlands]

they're frenemies, they're strays, they're forced found family bound together, in the most dysfunctional manner, this is going to end horribly.

sembene is not being paid enough to be dealing with this chicanery, the bisexual american who's just fucked dorian gray is probably a werewolf, vanessa needs love, care, a hug, a sweet kiss (preferably from me because not to be lesbian but oh my god) & probably exorcism, victor frankenstein is a pathetic wet cat (affectionate & derogatory at the same time i love this man) doing his thing & no one in the core team knows. mina murray's dad is a hypocritical hoe. they're torturing this years uk eurovision entry.

[rosalie-starfall]

Penny Dreadful

Glorious Horrors - 2015

[beautifulgiants]

Penny Dreadful article - Radio Times I think, before season 1 premier in UK

[issacharmastersdp18]

So, I’m just getting around to making this post

Of course, the character of Pluribus Bell didn’t make it into The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes film

But when reading the book…

Am I the only one who pictured him more or less like Mr. Lyle from Penny Dreadful?

[defiant-art]

I’ve been watching Penny Dreadful :3

[glitterypin]

[everydaywomble]

More memes! Will it ever end

[omnishambolic]

TTOI + Reductress Headlines

[asexplainedbyttoi]

America right now

[underestimated-shadow]

Favorite Actors

Ben Mendelsohn (Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, Bloodline, Ready Player One)

Ewan McGregor (Star Wars, Moulin Rouge, Halston)

Martin Short (Father of the Bride, Only Murders in the Building, Inherent Vice)

Timothy Dalton (Penny Dreadful, James Bond 007, Hot Fuzz)

[witchofthemidlands]

this is, first & foremost an apology to my followers, especially my mutuals who are about to witness a woman's descent into madness: i discovered penny dreadful, i will never know peace again, i'm 6 episodes in, i may do something that will land me on the news

i studied, for my degree, i studied gothic literature for THREE YEARS, THREE YEARS, i studied my second favourite book on the world, dracula, jekyll & hyde & frankenstein. a core part of my degree was on adaptations of dracula, jekyll & hyde & frankenstein BUT I NEVER CAME ACROSS THIS SHOW UNTIL NOW 😭 my parents had this show on dvd (which is how i have been able to watch it because it did cross my radar a few months ago when i saw gifs of billie piper's character) MY PARENTS HAD THIS SHOW ON DVD SINCE IT CAME OUT & THEY NEVER SAID, they watched me, they watched me struggle through analysing one of the WORST dracula adaptations i have ever seen just so i had another adaptation of the character to analyse to add to the 4 other adaptations i had to write about at the time & i will now never forgive them because they never thought to mention THIS MASTERPIECE 😭😩😭 i haven't seen their version of the count of dr. jekyll & mr. hyde yet, i'm only 6 episodes in BUT I HAVE SEEN MINA! I HAVE SEEN VANESSA (not to be a lesbian but oh my god oh my god 🥵😍🥵 please destroy me with your witchy aura & step on my neck, can i be dorian gray 😳) who to me feels like a mix of the mina from the novel & lucy westenra & I HAVE SEEN FRANKENSTEIN & HIS CREATURE & this has to be the BEST version of victor frankenstein i have ever seen in all my years of loving that book, studying that book & going through as many adaptations as i can find. that man IS victor frankenstein, he is pathetic, he is ✨dramatic✨ he IS the character i have loved & loathed for all these years since i was young & discovered that book. i know. i know in my SOUL that penny dreadful will do jekyll & hyde & my dear count dracula justice if they are as much a masterpiece as penny dreadful’s version of frankenstein is. this show has everything for me, it is gothic, it has billie piper as the lovely brona, eva green as vanessa ives: one of the most beautiful characters i have ever laid eyes on, it focus on elements of dracula, my second favourite book in the world & it DOES IT WELL!! it's the best version of frankenstein i have ever seen, the creature is frankenstein's creation & also reminiscent of the phantom of the opera in the most masterful way, the guy who sang the epics on hadestown has somehow got me liking dorian gray, despite the fact that i have never liked that story, the somewhat irritating american man is probably a werewolf & if he’s not i'm still going to think he's somehow a werewolf, i don't think i will ever like a timothy dalton character but i have got to appreciate how this is pretty much the exact same character as his character in doom patrol what with the dysfunctional found family of misfits, the mentally ill, the probably powered individuals & the ✨old man angst✨. the scripts are incredible, the aesthetics are sublime, i can't believe i've only come across this masterpiece now 😭

[just4xu]

[thekingofspin]

you know when people are like "this is my comfort character" and pick the least comforting character to ever be made?

I'm like that but with shows.

like "the thick of of is my comfort show" what? the show with nothing but constant yelling, swearing and insults and absolutely no comfort whatsoever? that's really what you're going for?

yes. that's the one.

[oh2e]

A (long) Collection of TTOI Quotes

He’s as useless as a marzipan dildo

I’m going to have to mop up a hurricane of piss here

He and Hewitt are tight as arse cheeks

‘How fucked am I? On the fuckometre?’ ‘Oh 12’ ‘yeah 12’ ‘out of what?’ ‘50’ ‘oh…. mine was out of 10’

Tiny little dick the size of a bookie’s biro

There’s no time to go home I’ll pass myself on the way back in

I can only cook with what I’m given. You give me Hugh Abbot I’ll give you bangers and mash, you give me Jerry from home office then I can raise it to fucking risotto and scallops

I am king of remembering my own password

‘Shagging your way to the top is it?’ ‘Yes well I’m not Scottish so I’ve got to get in somehow’

How much shit is on the menu and what flavour is it?

‘What do you want Malcolm’ ‘Two bits of tit. Two titties.’

Come the fuck in or fuck the fuck off

“What about just firing him at a wall from a cannon?” “I know we force feed him a mixture of garlic and Dettol in cup a soup” “What about the old red hot poker up the arse?” “I’d like to nail him to a tree through the head and watch lice slowing crawl over his body eating off all the flesh”

“Has security checked this [plant]?” “For little terrorists?”

This is the problem with the public - they’re fucking horrible

Not only was it a shit idea to ruin my holiday, it was a shit idea you stole from the government to ruin my holiday

Ah that’s like smoking dead skin that is

You’re the fucking shittest James Bond ever - you’re David Fucking Niven!

You’re like a sweaty octopus trying to unhook a bra

You take the piss outta [Al] Jolson again and I will remove your iPod from its tiny nano sheath and push it up your cock! Then I’ll plug some speakers up your arse and put it onto shuffle with my fucking fist

Ithought you said no one reads these except political obsessives and mad Christians in wheelchairs but loads of people read mine

“I am not the story here” “Well no you kind of are though Malcolm, they spelled your name right and everything”

Come with me before I put your nuts in a book and squeeze them so hard that they come out like pressed fucking flowers

You’re The Ben….Ben Nevis…Bentally Ill…

Tickety fuckity boo

“Anyone seen Jamie?” “Oh don’t tell me he’s gone feral cos he was fucking terrifying when you had him on the leash.”

I’d love to stay and talk to you but I’d rather have type 2 diabetes

Mr Baby New Potato Head

It sucks cock so deep the bell end is wearing your appendix as a little hat

This is an operations room so unless you want your tonsils out by keyhole surgery from this key here, piss off!

Cliff Fucking Lawton! Nice. Was the Cilit Bang man not available?

To a guy who loses it so bad he needs a sat nav to find his own nipples

I’m feeling about as up to date as a Gregorian calendar

“You couldn’t organise a bum rape in a barracks.” “Au contraire”

You’re about as secure as a hymen in a south London comprehensive

Stop fucking blinking or I will take your optic nerve and fucking strangle you with it

Hanging round like a couple of school secretaries in the summer holidays

It’s like a prostate consultant’s waiting room in here

You will be sorry you inflatable cock!

I am going to have your intestines as a skipping rope and your lungs sundried and turned into a fucking waistcoat

Or will Dan Miller pull his scalp off and use it as an oven glove?

Enough of the pleasantries let’s just oil up and get fucking

A towel rail shouldn’t take up a whole wall, that’s not a towel rail it’s a climbing frame.

I’ve got a to-do list here longer than a fucking Leonard Cohan song

More on my plate than a spinster at a wedding

The only other candidate is my left bollock with a fucking smiley face drawn on it

Feels a bit like my head’s made entirely of smoke alarms

Fuck the Is and fist the Ts

May as well ask what I think of skirting boards, I’m sure we need them but I don’t know why

“No no I didn’t say that” “Well you sort of did with your face”

Let me row back a little bit, perhaps all the way back to the boathouse

She’s not bent either in the sense of being corrupt or being gay and by the way that’s an incredibly homophobic headline you massive poof

Omnishambles, from bean to cup you fuck up

I’m on my way to wipe my arse on pictures of Nick Robinson

“And I’m not doing terribly am I?” [Malcolm looking out the opposite window] “I love the way they’ve sandblasted here. It looks so clean.”

No no, don’t get up - I’m not viagra

He’s a fucking knitted scarf, he’s a balaclava.

The only thing John Duggan is doing here is depriving a village somewhere of a twat

You write almost entirely in generic meaningless buzzwords don’t you?

I will tear your fucking skin off, I will wear it to your mother’s birthday party, I will rub your nuts up and down her leg while whistling Bohemian Fucking Rhapsody

She’s behaving like a squirrel in a pedal bin.

Or I’ll have to tear my eyelids off and scrunch them up into fucking earplugs

I’m flypaper for dickheads

I think you’re wrong Malcolm you’re like a sultana in a salad

Sorry I can’t make espresso but I’ve made this so thick and black it’ll be like drinking fucking plimsoles

Well fuck a pot noodle. Sam, prepare my horse. I ride to DoSAC

The only fucking vibe you need to worry about is the one your wife hides in her knicker drawer

See you later and remember my door is always locked

* Tintin’s sexy sister to Ollie

What I really need is to shoot you all in the back of the head FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. but I can’t because it’s illegal.

I reserve this level of anger for when I’m flying Ryanair

As about a strong defence as ‘the fertiliser in my homemade bomb was organic’!

She’s a fart in a frock and we both want her wafted out of here

She’s going to have to fall on her sword, which means that we’re going to have to stick one in the ground, trip her up onto it and get someone jump up and down on her back for ten minutes

She’s going to kick her own head in which’ll be easy because she does yoga

I’m looking for Mr Oliver Reeder? He looks a bit like a Quentin Blake illustration

“Is she fucked?” “Like Caligula’s favourite watermelon.”

Can I bring you a shot glass? And some bleach?

You can’t look a gift corpse in the mouth

“It’s over the fat lady’s singing” “No she’s not, the fat man from the go compare advert is talking”

I’ve got my cock out, it’s covered in breadcrumbs and the fucking pigeons are circling

Have I just stepped through a portal into a sausage machine because this is making mincemeat out of my head

Sit there and ogle me like a page three girl

I’m as busy as a two-twatted hooker

Now I have to step in your shoes but after you’ve shat in them

I don’t just take this fucking job home you know. I take this fucking job home, it ties me to the bed and it fucking fucks me from arsehole to breakfast then it wakes me up in the morning with a cupful of piss lung in my face then slaps me about the chops to make sure I’m awake enough to kick me in the fucking bollocks. This job has taken me in every hole in my fucking body.

Everything is fine I’m like lube at a funeral

If you pull off again I’m going to stick the meter so far down your throat you’ll be able to tell the price of your next shit

You closeted regency homosexual

It’s been a bit like renovating an old, old house. You can take out a sexist beam here, a callous window there, replace the odd homophobic roof tile, but after a while you realise […] the foundations are built on what I can only describe as a solid bed of cunts.

Shit in the couscous

[pedroam-bang]

Penny Dreadful (2014-2016)

[laikuh]

malcolm & vanessa // penny dreadful s1 // chelsea wolfe - "the warden"

Tore off my limbs and my breasts The heart it's heavy in the chest Pulled out my tongue so I can't speak the truth The picture in my vision it's the sun, it's you