#mand i wish i was good at art

[caracalliope]

"i feel really complicatedly about her getting trickster'd" -- ooh! Are you willing to share?

Yes, I'd love to! ♥♥♥

[this is about Rose Homestuck because of course it is, and it's vaguely inspired by this gorgeous piece of art. It's also about addiction and self-harm.]

OKAY so, in Homestuck there are many different takes on addiction. Tricksters are used, in part, to explore addictive highs and their aftermath.

Some characters become addicts due to a combination of remorse, loneliness, hopelessness, and an unwillingness to face the truth. For each of them (Vriska, Roxy*, Gamzee, Mom Lalonde), I think the Trickster transformation would lead to turbocharged, candy-cane avoidance of their own issues.

For Kanaya and Jane (I mean specifically the Jane who bought elixirs from Gamzee, I'm ignoring any post-canon material here), addiction is externally imposed, a habit they picked up at a moment of vulnerability, extremely biology-driven in Kanaya's case. It robs them of their dignity. It's foreign to who they are and who they want to be. In a Trickster transformation, I think they'd both default to (their own species' equivalent of) wanting BABIES BABIES BABIES in a way that's separate from their actual priorities and values.

And then there's Equius. His addiction is as follows:

Unfortunately, you SUCK AT ARCHERY. You have not successfully fired a SINGLE ARROW. Every time you try, you BREAK THE BOW. You are simply too strong. You have broken so many bows, it has developed into a habit BORDERING ON FETISHISTIC. You have to stop. But addiction is a powerful thing.

He breaks things! Would he break more things as a Trickster? I don't think so. He's uncomfortable with his STRENGTH and wishes to be good at something he can't ever achieve, that's why he developed an addiction to doing something he sucks at. (Well, that and the impossible forces of genetic determinism and narrative parallelism ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.)

Which of Equius's vulnerabilities would Tricksterdom build on? I think it'd probably take him in a horny-to-be-dominated direction which has nothing to do with his addiction to breaking bows.

Tricksters are childish and selfish, they don't care about the consequences of their actions. And freedom from consequences is what they offer. But for Equius, freedom from consequences and loss of control is a self-destructive kink thing.

His addiction builds on the opposite of that urge. He wants control over his body. He wants consequences.

Okay.

So, Rose?

Okay, so. Rose.

The first thing Rose gets addicted to is power/knowledge/power obtained through knowledge, and - especially - knowledge obtained through power. That is how her gothic woespiral happens, way before she starts drinking.

And she feels invincible while learning things that are probably better left unlearned. But she's also willing to surrender parts of herself in the process. In fact, she's eager to surrender parts of herself.

Theatric self-destructiveness is always a part of it for her. It's not just a side effect of her addictive spirals, it's a major motivator. She wants control, power, knowledge... and to burn away.

And then!

Then her mom dies, and she becomes addicted to alcohol.

In the case of drinking, the whole thing is subtly framed as the cost of seeking knowledge.

She tried making various things with Game magic, including apple juice, and apples in general! But apples are much harder to make than shitty apple cider.

ROSE: Why do you thing, HIC!!! Why do you think Adam mand Eve were punished for biting in to one?? ROSE: They attemped to pentetrate an indivisible unit, uf fundamenetal knowledge. To consume the interior of a thought whish cantot be reduced any further. ROSE: This knowleshe was for BIDDEN..! Hic. So humanity was forever bandished to live in sin, and, hass strive ever sinse to redeem isself from the hubrinse of this innallectual foily. ROSE: Hahaha! , Foily. ROSE: *FOLLY. :) ROSE: Or what about, the tale of Isaac Newdon under the tree?? He was BONKED on the head by an apple. ROSE: Not reallyan apple though... an atomic idea. An emlemental unit of inspripation itself, id clocked him right on then noggin ... DAVE: well shit DAVE: looks like i wandered into a really weird uncharted side of town tonight DAVE: its called the drunk rose district DAVE: and i am scared out of my fucking mind

What knowledge is drunk Rose seeking? The elemental components of the universe, and also wtf her Mom had been thinking for all those years.

Rose first tried a martini because she was curious what her mom loved so much about it. She hated the taste. But later, she goes back and starts drinking anyway. I believe that's because she has a tangle of grief/guilt about looking down on her mom for drinking.

Drinking is in part a concession - to her mom's memory - and in part self-punishment. It's not an escape from consequences, it's one big consequence.

In short:

In Rose's case, addiction is very closely tied with the need to break everything down into component parts and hurt herself in the process.

But what about the Trickster transformation?

Well, I think that they have nothing to offer to her that she usually seeks in addictive behaviors. Tricksterification is not a cerebral thing. It's not going to bring her any scorching, cathartic clarity.

So I think ultimately it could work on her in one of two ways:

1. She remains fundamentally unchanged, apart from a wardrobe upgrade, like Dirk did. In Dirk's case, it's very much an "imprisoned in his own mind, which he would love to escape from but can't" kind of thing. For Rose, I think it's more that there's nothing that Trickster candy can offer her that she really wants or craves.

That's what I imagine is happening in the linked art. I like it as an option.

2. She embraces self-destruction fully, with no regard to love or to her friends needing her. I imagine that for this she'd be trapped in a morbid, frothy little-girl outfit she'd hate, and she'd... set her own planet on fire? Maybe. Or make an awful deal she can't take back later when she's sober. Or create a new, more optimistic timeline that is intentionally based on her own destruction.

Or she'd go on to seek knowledge at everyone expense, forgetting they're real people and trying to reduce them to conceptual atoms. I do not like this option.

But it's morbidly fascinating to consider. And hey, that kind of morbid fascination would be a main driving force for Trickster Rose!

_____________________

*with Roxy, there's also the fact that she wanted to connect with her dead mom. And punish her dead mom for being dead. And be punished by her dead mom, even, possibly. So there's some intentional self-destructiveness there too, as well as in Vriska's addiction to luck. But I think their need to escape from consequences is stronger, which is why Trickster candy would have a straightforward effect on them.

[kurowrites]

Snow - Chapter 3

Entire fic. AO3.

---

When Wei Ying wakes up, it’s dark outside. He checks his phone, wondering if he somehow slept away the entire night, but it’s still evening. He slept for maybe two hours. The nap has worked wonders though; he definitely feels better now. Reaching for his new dressing gown, he slips out of bed and follows the light coming through the crack of his bedroom door. He finds Lan Zhan seated at his rickety kitchen table that also doubles as Wei Ying’s work desk, reading a book about… art history, it seems.

Lan Zhan looks up when Wei Ying enters the kitchen, and puts the book aside when Wei Ying comes closer. He doesn’t say anything, but Wei Ying can feel him take in Wei Ying’s appearance, checking his current condition. He smiles at Lan Zhan, assuring him that he feels much better now.

“If you are hungry, I will make dinner,” Lan Zhan offers.

Wei Ying unashamedly loves being fed, so he accepts the offer without a second thought. He doesn’t even care what Lan Zhan will make; it’s food. Delicious, delicious food. He watches as Lan Zhan prepares all the ingredients and begins to cook, and it’s clear after only a few minutes that Lan Zhan definitely knows his way around a kitchen. In fact, after only two days, he probably knows his way better around Wei Ying’s kitchen than Wei Ying himself. Wei Ying has never been a good cook, and people generally tend to react to his attempts at cooking with horror.

Lan Zhan, on the other hand, moves as smoothly as a professional cook, clearly following a set sequence of steps that he has memorized, no need to look it up on the internet as Wei Ying would have to. When the pot of what might or might not be some kind of beef stew is happily bubbling on the stove and all cutting boards and other tools have been cleaned away, Lan Zhan turns towards Wei Ying with an invariably serious expression on his face.

“You shouldn’t let strangers into your apartment,” he says.

It’s a complete non-sequitur that makes Wei Ying laugh.

Did he really wait to say this until the pot of food is almost ready to be eaten?

“That’s rich, coming from you of all people,” Wei Ying tells him, but not in a mean way.

Lan Zhan is right, obviously. You never really know what people are, and some of them are very good at hiding the ugly parts inside. Some people will show you a gentle smile and then beat you mercilessly once you put yourself in their power. It’s always a gamble, unpredictable and dangerous. But Wei Ying wouldn’t be here if he didn’t know how to trust. He would’ve never made it to this place if he hadn’t taken Jiang Fengmian’s hand that day and believed him when he said he was going to make Wei Ying a part of his family.

There’s something about Lan Zhan that makes him want to trust, just like he trusted Jiang Fengmian. There’s a solidity, a steadiness to Lan Zhan that makes him seem implicitly trustworthy. At the same time, even here in this kitchen, in a setting as domestic as cooking a meal, he looks somehow removed from the mundane, from earthly concerns and malevolent scheming. Wei Ying feels that if he can’t trust this man, there is little hope left in humanity.

Sure, the beautiful face doesn’t hurt. But Wei Ying is absolutely sure he could pick Lan Zhan out of a line-up of identical people blindfolded simply through his presence. He doesn’t think he’s ever been drawn to another person more. It’s hard not to reach out and touch him when he’s standing right there, looking at Wei Ying with an intent that gives him pleasant shivers.

He then remembers that Lan Zhan already let Wei Ying touch him once, without complaint. So, he decides it’s silly to repress his desire and just touch. He steps forward until he’s right in Lan Zhan’s space, until he can lean against Lan Zhan’s tall figure and sink his fingers into the softness of Lan Zhan’s white jumper again. He rises onto his toes, his lips nearly touching Lan Zhan’s ear.

Oh god, Lan Zhan smells really good, he notices.

“But you wanted me to let you in so very, very badly,” he whispers in Lan Zhan’s ear and laughs quietly when his impertinence isn’t answered by a scolding, but by a slight shiver.

“If I had met you at a bar or a club, I might have taken you home, regardless,” he continues his tease.

It has the desired effect. Lan Zhan’s eyes flash, and there’s suddenly a hand squeezing his hip, possessive. The next moment, Lan Zhan relaxes, and the mask of impenetrability slips back on his face. But the slip of control was enough for Wei Ying to understand. He leans in closer, placing a soothing kiss on Lan Zhan’s cheek.

Ah, so soft.

Lan Zhan doesn’t need to know that Wei Ying has never taken any person home from a bar or club, or that his love life mostly consists of playful flirting that he can never bring himself to turn into more. A little jealousy might be just what Wei Ying wants right now.

“Is that what you want, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying asks with a mischievous little grin. “Do you want me?”

Lan Zhan doesn’t answer, but the grip on Wei Ying’s hip gets tighter.

“I can be yours if you want to,” Wei Ying whispers against Lan Zhan’s lips. Feeling courageous, he lets his tongue flicker across Lan Zhan’s lips; a tiny lick.

The next thing he knows, he’s being kissed within an inch of his life. Lan Zan presses him against the countertop and devours him, and wow. That’s really, really hot. Wei Ying wasn’t actually hoping for such an enthusiastic response, but it’s not like he’s complaining. On the contrary, he’s quite happy that he read Lan Zhan right. That carefully calm and collected exterior apparently hides a brightly burning fire. Wei Ying is delighted.

Lan Zhan eventually draws back, and he fixes Wei Ying’s dishevelled appearance with a frown.

“Do not tease,” he says. “You are still recuperating.”

Then he turns back towards the pot still simmering on the stove, and Wei Ying remembers belatedly that they’re in the kitchen and are preparing dinner. He was so immersed in Lan Zhan that he completely forgot about that part. Luckily for him, Lan Zhan seems to have his rational brain still turned on, and there will be no emergency calls for a kitchen fire made tonight.

Lan Zhan finishes the preparations for the meal, and before long, they both sit down for dinner at Wei Ying’s rickety kitchen table. The table has been cleared of the usual mountains of papers Wei Ying tends to let accumulate, and Wei Ying spots them, neatly ordered, on an empty spot on the kitchen counter. Lan Zhan is really good at cleaning up his messes, he thinks to himself. He wished were half as good.

During the meal, Lan Zhan is as taciturn as he’s been so far, concentrating on eating rather than conversing with Wei Ying. Wei Ying watches him eat and lets his mind wander for a little. Mostly in the direction of how he managed to reel in an ideal man like Lan Zhan with barely any effort. He coughed on him, for heaven’s sake. Wei Ying would get upset if Jiang Cheng coughed in his face, and he would die for Jiang Cheng.

Once they have both finished eating, Lan Zhan raises from his chair and starts cleaning up. When Wei Ying tries to get up as well to help, he finds himself gently pushed back into his seat. Lan Zhan tucks a loose lock of Wei Ying’s hair behind his ear and shakes his head.

“You still need to rest.”

With that, he turns towards the sink and starts washing the dishes, putting everything away, and even cleans the kitchen itself until everything is absolutely spotless. Wei Ying marvels at it. He doesn’t think his kitchen has looked this good ever since he moved in here. Everything is in its place, and all the counters are spotless.

When Lan Zhan is finally done, he shows a hint of insecurity for the first time. He stands in the middle of the kitchen, his gaze flickering over to Wei Ying for a moment

“I should go home,” he says quietly.

Wei Ying pouts at him. He doesn’t even have to pretend. He knows he should be more careful, but he enjoys Lan Zhan’s presence, the way Lan Zhan pays attention to him. He wants Lan Zhan to stay.

He might be getting spoiled already. But he’s still a little sick, a little tender from the fever; that will have to be his excuse.

“You’re going to leave me alone?” he whines.

Lan Zhan hesitates, looking towards the kitchen door that leads into the narrow hallway of his apartment that only consists of three room: the kitchen, the bathroom, and the bedroom.

“There is only one bed.”

“It’s a large one,” Wei Ying suggests slyly.

Come on, he thinks at Lan Zhan desperately. I know you want to.

That makes Lan Zhan frown. “I told you not to let strangers into your home.”

“And I told you I might have taken you home with me anyway,” Wei Ying reminds him. “So you would have ended up in my bed one way or another. Unless you would’ve preferred me in your bed, of course.”

There’s that flash of Lan Zhan’s eyes again, the way his gaze zeroes in on Wei YIng. Wei Ying glories in the expression. It feels exhilarating, somehow, to know that this beautiful, rigid man wants him.

It feels too good to be true. He doesn’t want to let go. Not yet.

“Is that a no?” Wei Ying asks, but he knows that he’s won. For now.

Lan Zhan sighs deeply, as if he’s asking himself how he got himself into this ridiculous, impossible situation.

But he pushes Wei Ying towards the bathroom to brush his teeth and picks up his own pretty leather briefcase to fish a small travel set out it, containing a toothbrush and some other products. When Wei Ying eyes it suspiciously, he tells him that he always carries it with him. Wei Ying sticks his nose into it curiously, and finds hand disinfectant, antiseptic, band-aids, and other useful things. This man is prepared for everything. It’s a little impressive, and also a little hot.

And this hot man ends up in Wei Ying’s bed. He borrows one of Wei Ying’s usual sleep shirts he generally wears in lieu of an actual pyjama. The t-shirt with the logo of a metal mand looks both hilariously out of place and offensively good on Lan Zhan. A very prim and proper rebel, with a figure that’s nothing to sneeze at. No, these shoulders alone are dangerous to Wei Ying’s health.

As Lan Zhan finally lays down next to Wei Ying, Wei Ying can’t help but feel a shiver of delicious excitement. He actually got this man into his bed.

Wei Ying wriggles closer, unable to stop smiling. He loots for Lan Zhan’s arm and wraps it around himself when he finds it. Lan Zhan lets it happen without comment, and even adjusts his hold on Wei Ying, pulling him closer until his nose is almost pressed to Lan Zhan’s clavicle. Wei Ying doesn’t complain. After all, Lan Zhan smells amazing.

Lan Zhan buries his own nose in Wei Ying’s hair and stays like that. After a few minutes, his breath evens out, his hold on Wei Ying’s middle growing slack. Wei Ying is impressed. He fell asleep just like that, a strange person in his arms. Wei Ying could do anything to him right now, he thinks with glee. He pokes Lan Zhan once, experimentally. Lan Zhan shifts, and snuffles in Wei Ying’s hair, but doesn’t wake.

It’s cute.

Fuck.

Wei Ying would feel bad waking Lan Zhan up again, so he leaves him be.

Wei Ying is usually more of a night owl, but he’s still not entirely recovered from his fever, and Lan Zhan’s smell and warmth are better sleeping pills than anything he’s ever tried.

He follows Lan Zhan only a short while later.

[iambountyfan]

iambountyfan; echoes - Ruzina Frankulin, Darko Škrobonja, Ane Paška our tribute project ECHOES FROM OUR PAST features a variety of musicians, artists and creatives from all over the world; today we proudly present one of the finest works within the tribute, and are joined by Croatian composer, musician and sound designer Ruzina Frankulin (Tonči Bakotin), filmmaker and DOP Darko Škrobonja and finally actress, singer and musician Ane Paška (Ana-Marija Fabijanić) ahead of the debut of their music video "Aroma Ecito", an original track created exclusively for iambountyfan. Q. hello everyone! please, feel free to introduce yourselves and tell us a bit about your work. Darko Škrobonja: 
I'm a multimedia artist and a filmmaker. I also work on various projects as a photographer, director, and DOP/cameraman. In my personal work, I mostly deal with subjects like the passing of time and the absurdity of human existence. Ruzina Frankulin: 
Just a boy who as a 4 yr. old started jumping around a portable radio cassettophone. Since then, nothing really changed regarding the sensation I feel when the right sounds and images hit me. One of the best things in my life was the privilege of being a part of the music collective Zidar Betonsky, with which I enjoyed some fantastic intimate success thanks to my partners, both as artists and as extraordinary mates.
Apart from music, I do bits of audio technology lecturing, sound design, postproduction and video filming. Ane Paška: I am somebody who likes to explore different ways how to translate ideas and inner space of imagination in the language of music, words, performance, video, film. I finished dramaturgy in the Academy of dramatic arts in Zagreb and Master Film and Video in Art Academy in Split. During these years I took part in many workshops of contemporary theatre, physical theatre, performance and many different vocal and voice education. I also play a few musical instruments, and since 2014 I've been performing exclusively author works composed of my texts, poems and music. I have created several short music films that have been screened at various festivals around the world. Q. you are all well versed in different art fields. could you tell us a bit about how the three of you met? is "Aroma Ecito" your first collaboration? D.Š.: In 2013 I was filming a short experimental film for a theatre company with whom Ruzina collaborated. Over the next few years, we got to know each other much better when he helped me with sound editing and sound design on 3 of the films I made at the Arts Academy University of Split. In 2019. he introduced me to Ane and our first collaboration "Aroma Ecito" began. R.F.: I met Darko through some short film projects and we continue to collaborate whenever there's an opportunity out of mutual interests. Darko was a logical choice for this project, because I knew we could fulfill each other in the most fruitful way; the same goes for Ane. I met her about two years ago when a friend suggested that I go see one of her live performances. I don’t go out often as I've lost interest in the local scene, but it turned out it was well worth leaving the studio. I consider her as probably the most exciting upcoming music artist in Croatia at the moment. We are preparing some things together, cooking well behind the scenes. A.P.: When I decided to record my music album, a friend of mine recommended Ruzina and his music studio. 
We met after one of my performances and both of us had a great wish to create something together. Right now, we are in the process of recording music and this collaboration is really fantastic to me. Ruzina also introduced me to Darko when we were planning to make “Aroma Ecito”.

Ane Paška, photo by Kaja Zulin Q. what are the biggest inspirations behind your creative drive? D.Š.:  The process of creating art is my only drive and inspiration to do more. Time stops, life has meaning. R.F.: There are likely tons of sound and visual imprints that I’ve absorbed during the years. It is important for me to try to keep them on an unconscious level, and use musical instruments and technology to sculpt something that has emotion. My destinations are always emotions. A.P.: Life itself! There are so many beauties in the world, evil, sorrow, happiness, misunderstandings, kindness, suffering, poetry, secrets, that art can help us embrace with all the nuances of such a complex and incredible world. Q. how long has it been since you first got in touch with the art of iamamiwhoami? which audiovisual era has been the most influential to you?  D.Š.: Ruzina introduced me to the project in 2018. and I've been a fan ever since. The present [era] is the most interesting. R.F.: I was an immediate fan since early December 2009. I do not remember how I encountered it, but I followed all first six uploads in real time and was amazed by that work. I still think that those first videos are absolutely Jonna and Claes' strongest work; I see it as reminiscent of all greatest pop electronica substruction, wicked and twisted with a fresh dose of originality. I was hoping to see a full length album released out of those. A.P.: Ruzina introduced me to the project as well and I also liked their first videos. Q. please tell us a bit about the creation of "Aroma Ecito" and the creative process behind the track. R.F.: When I was asked to create an original track for this release, I started to mess with some beats I had sitting on my hard drive for years. They didn't have a structure that could make the pop form I had in mind when thinking of a homage to iamamiwhoami, but it had a certain atmosphere that drove me to something. The rest was done by layering beat and synthesizers. And I have no idea how I am doing it. It is a child’s play where I try not to screw the purpose of the track. A.P.: Ruzina made the music and had a concrete idea of the way I should sing. On the other hand, I have seen great potential in the song for it to have lyrics that are sung in a fictional language. In such a way the song could get an even more mystical character. In the end, we made a compromise and only one verse remained fictional, but very well correlated with the rest of the song. Q. what about the video? I can tell that some of the scenes within it are reminiscent of the "bounty" series. D.Š.: Yes, at our meetings we talked a lot about the "bounty" series which became our initial inspiration for the visual style and the mood of the video. Later on, our artistic characters began to take over and we started to play. R.F.: Sure, it came from the influence of iamamiwhoami, but soon enough Ane took over with her performance and ideas which she developed with Darko, who was also responsible for completing the technical side of filming. All I remember is that somebody said the word “oranges” and there it was. Oranges hanging from strings - and we made it seem pretty effortless, although people who saw the video before release commented that it surely was very well planned. And it was indeed planned, but I wouldn't say “very well” because we worked by using instinct mostly. That’s I guess why we chose to work with each other. We just allowed dancing ideas to stick. A.P.: Two weeks before we started shooting the video, I was on a remote island with a beautiful sandy beach. I was playing with kids, and at some point, they buried me in the sand. Then I stayed lying buried in the sand for a few hours; by that moment some scenes for the video came to my head and I decided to share them with Darko and Ruzina, and suggest that this could be the material on which we could continue to build the video. The idea of oranges crooned within me for several years since pregnancy, when the oranges in my imagination grew to the proportions of an entire continent and an incredible landscape. I'm glad that Darko and Ruzina have accepted these ideas and that the filming of the video was conducted in a beautiful and relaxed atmosphere in which we gave ourselves a chance to improvise. Q. we really enjoyed Ane's performance in the music video. can you tell us a bit about the lyrics and the general meaning behind them?  R.F.: Lyrics are basically about the process of creating music or art in general. The ideas that jump and dance around you, completely free, like muses. It’s up to you to allow them to take you on- they are not always happy encounters, they can burn you as well. Important parts were added by Ane, like voice emotion and the line «smoo la te lo mande lai», which we still do not know how to explain to anyone, but we know the feeling behind it or how it looks on one's face. I think it fits perfectly for this. A.P.: Thank you very much! As I said, I had an idea to invent a language for this song, but finally we made a compromise and found a way to balance the English and fictional language into a meaningful whole that sounds good. Q. as you might know, To whom it may concern. is an independent reality that creates and releases film and music without creative boundaries. would you say that the Sensoria collective shares a similar premise?  R.F.: Well, Sensoria is basically an artistic association and as such it is a non-profit organization. We mostly deal with non-commercial content - be it sound or video. Some releases I am particularly proud of are an experimental documentary about the ocean surface (“m.ocean”) and audiovisual 7-channel installation called “Festival”, where we showed what is possible when you take seven so-called notable Croatian singers and take millisecond audio and video sample snippets to transform them to completely new electronic music with accompanying videos. These will both be released next year in physical form. This year, we are releasing music from five theatre plays for the Fractal Falus Theatre, for which Zidar Betonsky have been creating music since 1997. We recently released "Aroma Ecito" and are continuing to make music with Ane. Our website is a mess at the moment, but it will soon be renewed.

Ruzina Frankulin, press photo Q. what do you think about the current state of the music industry? do you think independent musicians carry an important role altogether and how can they work around it?  D.Š.:  Yes, their role is very important. But there's a big problem with music videos in general. They by themselves vary in quality, but the general trend is alarming. People are starting to watch music a lot more than listen to it. This is where filmmakers' responsibility toward the musicians and their work is crucial. A true collaboration between the mediums is rare. R.F.: It seems to me that the music industry is more or less on the same page all the time. The industry wants to be industry – so they see artists as its workers, to put it lightly. It is just that mediums are changing: nowadays we have web and mobile platforms, so music is much more accessible than ever before. And the industry wants to charge every click, every move of finger, be it yours as a consumer or the artists'. Schemes like “pay what you want” or nesting music as payable torrents that were introduced by Radiohead are refreshing ideas, but unfortunately they aren't working for unknown acts or bands without exposure. I am even not sure how iamamiwhoami managed to catch such big attention at first with unknown video uploads, but I am sure glad they did. Also, as I understand they had tours partially financed by their fans around the world, which is a great thing. I think we all need to adopt and try to use all we can while caring not to hurt anyone in one way or another. A.P.: I'm going to be honest, I don't think much about the music industry at all. I am committed to creating, and so far I have witnessed that creation always finds its way to people. There are things that money can never and will not be a threat to. Q. thank you for your hard work and for joining us today! we wish you the best of luck for your future endeavours. all: Thank you very much! follow Sensoria.hr and Ruzina Frankulin on YouTube | Vimeo or check out their official website: Sensoria.hr follow Darko Škrobonja on Vimeo and Ane Paška on YouTube interview by Marco Napolitano

[pcrfervid]

❝ I had the taste of blood and chocolate in my mouth, one as hated as the other. ❞

❛❛   aesthetic .  ❜❜   ―   ◜   ❏  . ― old, crisp pages of ancient texts, charcoal covered fingertips, blood smeared on a white wall, a broken crown . ― ✎penned by linny .

&. → MALE : MICHAEL B. JORDAN : TOO LATE by THE WEEKND — is that KWAME BELLO wandering through Briar Creek? They’ve only been here for A MONTH and word around the town claims that the 32/847-year-old HYBRID is known to be LOYAL and UNFORGIVING. They can be found at SANCTUARY as a BARTENDER. With them being part of the ÖRDÖGHÁZ’S ARMY, it’s only a matter of time before blood is shed. // ( linny ● 22 ● est ● he/him )

BASIC ▸

full name: kwamena ‘kwame’ bello

age: thirty-two / eight hundred and forty seven

date of birth: summer of 1173, celebrates on july 14th

occupation: bartender at sanctuary

species: hybrid

language(s) spoken: english, arabic, somali, yoruba, mande, spanish, french, italian, latin

sexual orientation: pansexual

romantic orientation: panromantic

hair color: dark brown

eye color: dark brown

notable scars or tattoos: none

INTERIOR ▸

2 positive traits: loyal, devoted

2 negative traits: unforgiving, vengeful

likes: blood, panting, drawing, drinking, smoking, sex, music, technology, learning, studying

dislikes: people who are loud and obnoxious, broken promises,

habits: cracking knuckles,

FAMILY ▸

father: kwamena

mother: haniah

siblings: ikhlas (sister), i’timad (sister), addae (brother), mawufeasi (brother)

BIO ▸

BACKGROUND

kwamena was the second born son of the king, or alpha, of a wolf pack on the coast of africa, born during the summer months of the year eleven-seventy-three. not much was expected of him growing up. at least not as much as what was expected of his older brother. his older brother, mawufeasi, was set to take his father’s crown when the time came, while kwame was second in line for the crown and status of alpha, and first in line to be his brother’s right hand. throughout his childhood, it felt as though kwame always had to fight for his father’s attention. his father showed his love through praises, most of which went to his older brother and even his younger brother. kwame, the quintessential middle child, was always overlooked. it always felt like his father preferred his brothers over him, which eventually led to kwame having a complex regarding his father’s love towards him.

his mother was a completely different story. she was a strong and maternal woman, who gave her children equal amounts of love, although she saw that kwame struggled the most with acquiring his father’s affections, and tended to dote on him a little bit more than his siblings. that caused a rift between him and mawufeasi. the elder prince wanted his mother’s attention, while the younger wanted his father’s. unlike his brother, kwame didn’t have any negative feelings towards his brother. he didn’t blame his brother for receiving their father’s praises, but his brother blamed him for receiving their mother’s.

it was two months before his twenty-fifth year when things took a turn. his brother had done something dishonorable, something he never figured out because his father and brother never spoke of it. he knew it must have been serious, because his father approached him one day and told him that instead of mawufeasi taking his crown, it would go to him instead. it was quite a shock to kwame, especially because his father and older brother had been so close to one another. mawufeasi must have done something quite terrible to have his father strip him of his next in line status, but kwame never questioned it. it wasn’t his place to. so instead, he began preparing for his coronation.

the coronation was successful and seamless on the day of his twenty-fifth birthday. the preparation process for it had been rather quick, which didn’t make a lot of sense to kwame until his father fell deathly ill weeks later. he had noticed that his father’s energy and strength had depleted over some time, but he had just assumed that it was due to him growing older. no, his father knew that death was getting closer and closer to his front door and wanted to make sure that his pack was left in good, mindful and capable hands - that was what he had told kwame on his deathbed. it had taken twenty-five years, but kwame had gotten the praise he had desperately wanted from his father. he just wish he didn’t have to die to get it.

kwame’s rule lasted for five years until his thirtieth year. he was a good ruler, firm and strong, but empathetic to a certain extent. the people loved him, all except for his older brother, who had been plotting against him ever since his coronation. somehow, kwame still doesn’t know how to this day, but mawufeasi managed to turn the people against him by spreading malicious lies and framing him for a crime he didn’t commit. even kwame was surprised by how detailed and believable his claims were - he had to admit that if he wasn’t himself, he might have believed his older brother too.

because of his royal status, and how well he had done as alpha during his reign, instead of putting him to death, they had him exiled. his mother, sisters and younger brother begged mawufeasi to let kwame stay, but the new alpha wouldn’t hear a word of it. he was exiled within the day, cast out and made to find his own home.

he traveled for quite some time, staying to himself and on his own. it wasn’t until during his travels that he came across a strange man, a vampire, that he finally had some semblance of contact with another living (so to speak) being. communication with the man, who he came to know as baldr, was rather difficult at first, with them not knowing the same language, but eventually they were able to find ways to communicate. when kwame learned of baldr’s hybrid status, he was more so intrigued than anything else. he had been told nothing good of the people whose skin burned in the sunlight, but it didn’t seem like baldr was that bad. minus the drinking blood part.

they had known each other for a while when they were attacked by a group of rogue werewolves during the full moon. he had never killed anyone prior to that, so he never triggered the werewolf curse. despite this, he had willingly jumped in front of baldr in an attempt to save him from being attacked by a werewolf while the hybrid fought off the others, which led to him himself being attacked. even though they hadn’t known each other long, the fact that kwame was willing to put himself in harm’s way to protect someone like baldr was what led to him being chosen as the hybrid’s next soldier in his hybrid army.

ever since waking up from his transition, kwame’s stuck by baldr’s side, at the very least figuratively. even when they’re apart, he still listens to commands and orders given to him by the original hybrid. he’s extremely loyal to baldr, and in turn all of the björnssons. even though they are physically the same age, kwame does see his sire as somewhat of a father or older brother figure. he’s been more of a father and older brother to kwame than his actual father and brother ever were.

PERSONALITY / FUN FACTS / MISCELLANEOUS

being alive for so long has gifted kwame with a lot of opportunities. he’s traveled the world, picked up several languages and has studied several cultures. he loves to learn and soak in information.

he loves technology. even though he’s been around to see it develop and come into fruition, he can’t help but act like an impressed grandpa whenever he sees an iphone.

after transitioning into a hybrid, kwame went back to his old home and slaughtered his older brother. no one knew who did it and nothing could be proven. his younger brother stepped up and became the alpha after that.

lowkey a hopeless romantic lol has had a lot of flings over the years and most of them have broken his heart. ends up getting drunk and lowkey whining about it to baldr whenever it happens.

he loves art! he paints, draws, sketches, sculpts - it’s a stress reliever for him.

[mamabearlarusso]

Keeping Appointments

I debated on cancelling again, given how things at work had changed, but then I'd never hear the end of it from Joey. He'd want all the details...including Johnny's address. I just couldn't handle another 'showdown' right now. So, I'm stuck in traffic on the freeway.

*clicks through radio stations* Nope. *click* Nope. *click, wipes tears*

Love hurts, Love scars

Love wounds and marks

Any heart not tough or strong enough

To take a lot of pain

*shuts off engine* (What?!...you've never cut off Joan before. Yeah, well, I'm here...so, that point is moot. Never used to be.)

Music is blasting inside, but it's not really overbearing. The place doesn't look busy at all, especially for a Friday. Just two out of a possible dozen chairs are occupied. Katy is sitting up front, reading behind the desk...and I'm instantly sent back in time.

"Hey, whatcha readin'...anything interesting?"

*looks up--a little distracted, but with a smile* "Oh, uh, hey! Just these comics that the boss keeps around."

*Sees Iron Man, Wonder Woman & Thor hardback volumes--even a couple Sandman volumes all in a stack, and the one Katy's reading at the moment...just so happens to be about the Bat Family* (Of course!)

"I don't really...they're just here, and when I get bored..."

*grins* "Hey, you don't have to explain to me. Been there, done that, Sister. Nice lookin' chair, you got there." *nods towards the back* "Is he here?"

*eyes widen with surprise* "Oh yeah! *hollers* Hey, boss!"

*hollers back* "Yo!"

"Your lady friend is here."

"Very funny, Katy!" *walks out from behind the curtain*

*playfully* "So, I'm not the only one wondering about Vicki, huh?"

*points* "You hush! *Turns to Katy* Where we at?"

"Batgirl paralyzed...by the Joker."

*Joey winces*

*mutters under my breath* "Of course, she is."

*Joey smiles and the subject is completely changed* "Okay, then...how you been?" *ushers me towards the back*

*sighs* "Two words: Mountain Magic."

"Whoa, you don't hear that too often...what's the terrain like?"

"I only had the cookie dough."

*pulls back curtain* "Pfft, well, there you go..."

"Two and half quarts of it."

*raises brow and whistles in respect, as he nods, letting the severity sink in* "Salty?"

"Pistachio."

"Nice! Syrups?"

"Three. This was all by myself...not to mention several fingers of Jack, I had before hand. I ended up falling asleep, so I don't know if I finished it all...but I made a pretty good dent."

"So, by all that, am I not supposed to already know the answer to my next question? Or do I pretend and ask anyway?"

*rolls eyes* "Yes...'Blondie' was involved. No...I don't want to talk about it, things are still...fresh and I just need time to think things through."

"Okay, but Babe, you do have--"

*looks away* "No. Don't call--he...*sighs* just, please--I know it's silly, but--"

"Hey, I gotcha. But, Mands, promise me that you'll--"

"--talk to someone. Yeah, I know...I will. I just have to stop...feeling so, damn numb first."

*nods* "Understandable." *sits there for a beat* "So, if you're numb, does that mean you won't even feel the needle?"

*rolls eyes* "Very funny, asshole! *back hands his chest* I'm not drunk off my ass, this time."

*Joey chuckles* "Oh boy, were you shit-faced! Too bad we didn't have camera phones back then. *thinks to himself for a minute and cackles* Man, you were a silly drunk."

*turns him around* "Would you get out of here, already?"

A little while later, he's working on my back again and it's quiet--sans the music and the needle. There's usually a comfortable quiet, between him and me, especially when it comes to this part--whether I'm in the seat or watching him work on another customer. There's a trust and a history built there that I could even feel, easing it's way back in last time. But now, the easy silence is allowing thoughts to pop up...thoughts that I had buried down deep and they only recently had the audacity to show their faces again.

*stares at the only thing I can really see clearly from this position, a picture on the wall...art that Joey most likely drew himself* "You know, that I'm sorry, right?"

*needle still buzzing as he keeps his eyes on his work* "For what?"

"For what I did to the family...to you...it wasn't right...total asshole move."

*turns off the needle and looks me in the eye* "Hey, you don't--"

*pointedly* "Yes. I do. Now, turn that back on, I wasn't kidding. I gotta get back soon."

*huffs, rolls his eyes and continues*

"I was being a selfish asshole."

"Well, you're being pretty bossy and stubborn right now, I don't think that balances it out?"

"Joey! After everything you guys did...you were always there for me. Your parents always gave me a place to stay, when it was too late to be out on my own. Your mom never let me go anywhere, without making sure I had enough to eat. I could always talk to you, when I didn't feel like talking to anyone. I don't know if I would have even gone to college, if it weren't for all of you encouraging me. No college means no business school...means no degree...no degree means no Daniel...no Daniel means no Sam and Anthony. No matter what's happened between me and Daniel, no matter how many times I feel like a failure as a mother, I'm not going to live in a world without my kids."

"Yah, Mama! Okay! You were an asshole, you happy now?"

I hadn't realized when the needle turned off, but he was waiting for an answer. "No. That's the problem, I feel awful. I mean, how can you even look at me right now?"

(With a complete straight face) "Because you're a paying customer." *his eye twitches and he starts smiling, as he puts the needle down, rolls his seat back and sighs* "Look...I'm not gonna lie. It hurt, pretty damn bad. But you know what Mom and Pops said?"

"I'm afraid to ask."

"'Growing pains always hurt, Mijo.' 'Everyone grows at their own speed and in their own way.' And, over the years, I've realized that you were ready for your next stage in life...we just weren't part of it."

"Joey, I--"

"Do I wish that we could've at least, had the Christmas card and kid pictures thing every year? You bet, I do. But there's no point in wringing my hands over the past. You're here now...giving me money to create my art on your skin for all time. *smiles mischievously* That's all that matters. *squints his eyes and winces* And, if by chance, I happen to leave a vengeful message on your back. Meh. Who cares, you'll never see it, right?"

*Laughs in spite of myself* "Joey! Don't you dare!"

"Then quit interrupting my art, Woman!" *buzzing starts up again*

We fell back into that comfortable silence again...like nothing happened. "So, about Vicky?"

"Just busy with work and the kids, Mandy, that's all. We'll work out a date and swing by."

"I'm thinking a weekend dinner, maybe a late lunch. I want her telling some good stories...gotta catch up on what I missed."

The drive back to the office, was painful--as expected--but it wasn't as bad as what happened when I got there. A mail carrier dropped off a thick Manila folder, with a big giant name plastered on the return address. Everything came rushing back at once, Robby mad as hell, the phone call at Johnny's, REALLY not wanting to have to deal with those damn doctors ever again. . .

As if on cue I got a call, with a look at the caller id, it was @drlivingstoneipresume.

[cutaepatootie]

Seventeen Times 17

Pairing: Taehyung | Reader Genre: ANGST / Fluff / Smut [+18] Word Count: 26k (Yep, sorry not sorry ;)

A/N: Oh, hi! First of all, this is my first time writing anything here in Tumblr, so I really hope you like it. Also, sorry for any typos but english is not my mother tongue :)

Summary: You loved him Seventeen Times 17.

You remember everything. You remember the day you met him. You remember that 17th of October as if it was yesterday.

It was a very beautiful autumn day, indeed. The trees were full of orange and yellow leaves, the ground below them covered in the lifeless, brown leaves that had fallen from their branches. The sun was shining in the blue sky and there was a cold breeze that made your nose hide behind your grey scarf.

Your black headphones had always been your best friends. Well, them and Tiara, but let's just say that they didn't give you any headaches, neither did they brought you any problems.

"Earth calling to Y/N..." you heard the familiar voice of your best friend "Are you even awake?"

You sighed loudly and took your headphones off.

"I wish I wasn't"

Tiara rolled her eyes but ignored your harsh tone. If you hated something, it was definitely being interrupted while listening to music.

"Anyway, what I was trying to say was that we are going to the skate park this evening. Do you wanna come?" she said.

"Why are you guys going to the skate park? Have you lost something there, Tia? Like your dignity, for example" you laughed, satisfied with your little revenge for being interrupted before.

That 17th of October, you weren’t in a very good mood.

"Laugh everything you want, but who laughs the last, laughs the best"

"Wow, everyone be careful, today Tiara is feeling a bit philosophical" you laughed for the second time.

Luckily Amanda, one of your other best friends, was there to stop the incoming argument.

"Jimin invited me and told me I could bring some friends" she sweetly said.

"Wait, Jimin? The same Jimin I'm thinking of right now?"

"Oh my God Y/N, how many more Jimins do you know? Manda has been talking non-stop about him all week"

You looked at Tiara with narrowed eyes.

"I know, I was just teasing her. It's called irony" you said, irony still lingering in your voice.

"Ugh, call me when you pull that stick out of your ass, you're behaving like a whore" Tia said while picking up her bag and storming out of the small park in which you used to spend your free time.

"I'll take that as a compliment! You know I've always liked whores!" you shouted, being as proud as you have always been, knowing you'd call her later to apologise.

She didn't have anything to do with your bad mood. In fact, anyone had nothing to do with your bad mood but you. You knew that, and that was why you let a long sigh escape from your lips.

"Sorry, girls, I don't know what's wrong with me lately"

Manda and the other three girls nodded.

"I don't blame you, when I'm on my period I look like the Yeti himself" laughed Soph.

"Me too, last month I nearly threw my used tampon to my brother because he took my car without asking me first" followed the laugh from the third girl in the gang; Maia.

You sighed (again) "I'm not even on my period"

"Well, so you need to come this evening then. We'll have fun" Maia smiled again.

"Yeah, Jimin told me he goes there every Friday with his friends, so there'll be tons of cool, skater boys" Manda moved her brows up and down while she looked at you, hope filling her beautiful eyes.

You had planned on spending your evening finishing that drawing you had started a month ago, that drawing that has been lying untouched on top of your desk since then. Mr. Harris, your art teacher had already given you an ultimatum. If you didn't finish it before Halloween, you wouldn't pass his subject.

But you thought twice about going to the skate park. It wasn't going to be like those boring pubs your group of friends used to go, full of drunken teenagers, smoke and sweat. You'd be in a park, with your friends and some boys, no alcohol or loud music in the way.

"Okay, maybe I should go" you said loudly, but more for yourself than for the rest of your friends to hear.

Soph clasped her hands and got up from her bench "See you later, girls"

"So tell me, Mands, what's going on between that Jimin guy and you?" you asked Manda while you both walked towards your respective houses.

You and Manda had always been neighbours. You went to the same primary school, the same high school and now to the same university. Even though you had never been in the same group of friends before, you had always been really good friends and always walked together home.

"Well... I don't know what's going between us, but I definitely now there's something going on"

You looked at her with a playful smile on your lips.

"Wow, wow, wow... What do we have here? Is Amanda Stevens in love?"

She punched your arm while you laughed loudly.

"Shut the fuck up, you whore. I'm not in love with the boy, I've only known him for a couple of weeks know"

"And? Didn't you believe in love at first sight"

"Yeah, but this is not the case. We're just..." she paused to think twice about her choice of words.

"Friends with benefits" you nodded.

Manda looked at you with fiery eyes, but then she shrugged.

"Maybe..."

"Amanda Stevens!" you shouted in the middle of the street, making your friend blush and look at you "Have you and Jimin had sex?"

"Are you nuts?" she screamed clasping her hand on your mouth so you couldn't say a word "My mom always has the windows, she could have heard that"

You looked at Manda and got rid of her hand.

"Is not as if her daughter isn't old enough to fuck with whoever she wants. Anyway, you haven't answered me"

Manda sighed before answering you "We have... But just a couple of times"

"Oh my God! You fucke... Hmfffmin" you shouted again, but this time Manda was fast enough to clasp her hand around your mouth before you could finish your sentence.

"What's wrong with you? I think I know what you need. You need to get laid" Manda smiled while she let go of you.

"What? No, I'm not some dog in heat. I'm not saying I don't want to have some amazing sex, but I'm not going to fuck Jimin's first friend you introduce to me"

"Yeah, sure. I think a couple of them are singles, and there's one that..." she started to count with her fingers.

But you slapped her in the arm and flipped your middle finger towards her while you climb the steps to your front door.

"Bring some condoms!" you heard Manda shout from her house, right next to yours. Revenge is sweet. "You know, just in case I introduce you one of Jimin's single friends"

"You should bring some too" you shouted back. "You know,  just in case you and Jimin decide to turn those 'couple of times' in a lot of times"

Yes, definitely, revenge is sweet.

. . .

Your favourite black jeans weren't clean, so you were having a small panic attack in your room. Your mom wasn't home. Again, what a surprise in your everyday life. You had no one to help you, and you were already running late.

You: girls, i'm having some closet malfunction rn  18:46

Tia: karma's a bitch  18:46

You: i didn't know karma was your second name :)  18:46

Mands: let me guess...  18:47

Mands: it has something to do with your black jeans  18:47

Tia: no, princess, karma is what's hitting you on the face rn  18:47

You: *ignoring Tiara Karma* 18:48

You: yes, and i dunno what to wear  18:48

Soph: wear a skirt ;)  18:49

You knew you friends wouldn't help you, so you opened your closet again and faced it on your own. You finally put on your boyfriend jeans and a simple white t-shirt, your black Nike Air Force and your favourite burgundy wool jacket. Last but not least you put your black beanie on and your black choker.

You: thanks for the help bitches  19:00

Mands: outsideee  19:01

The skate park was a few streets from your house, so the five of you were walking down the street. You had been before to that park, but it had always been full of assholes who thought that they were the coolest just because they knew how to do some tricks with their skates.

And as always when you finally arrived, those assholes were there. But you saw some girls too, shouting and clapping at the boys.

You instinctively rolled your eyes.

"Manda!" a male voice shouted.

Your four friends and you turned around to see a guy with orange hair walking towards you. His eyes were big and dark, and his plump lips were smiling at each one of you. It was Jimin, your friend's fuck buddy. You laughed a little at the thought of Manda's face if you said what was on your mind, but you kept your mouth shut.

They stopped in front of each other awkwardly, not knowing what to do. At least, until Tiara was introducing herself.

"Hi, I'm Tiara, but you can call me Tia. I'm Manda's best friend" she said.

You rolled your eyes again.

"Hi, I'm Jimin, but you can call me... Jimin" he laughed. Good, he was laughing at her. Karma's a bitch. "And you are...?" he asked, looking at the rest of us.

"I'm Soph"

"Maia"

"Y/N"

"Hi, nice to meet you" answered Jimin. You opened your mouth because you were dying on the inside to tease Manda, but Jimin interrupted you. "My friends are over there, let me introduce them to you. They're a bit of an asshole, but they're good guys"

You and your friends followed Jimin towards a remote side of the park with some skate ramps in it. A group of boys were laughing and skating in the ramps.

"Guys! These are Manda's friends. Tia, Soph, Maia and... "

Jimin looked at you. Good, he had forgotten your name. You didn't blame him, the poor boy had remembered four names and his brain was probably lighter than his skate.

"Y/N"

"Y/N!" Jimin repeated, sending you an apologetically smile.

"Hey! I'm Hope" a black haired boy introduced himself.

"Rap Monster" the tall boy with blonde hair said.

"Suga" the smaller one said, his hair dyed in a minty colour. He was the only one who didn't have a skate behind his arm, instead, he wore a basketball ball.

"Jin"

"Jungkook" the last boy seemed to be a little bit shy and he blushed when he introduced himself.

"There's another one, but I don't know where the fuck he is" said Jimin, looking around. "Oh, there he is. V!"

All of you looked at the skate ramp where one boy was skating without even noticing you.

"V!" shouted the one whose name was Hope.

Finally, the boy stopped and looked at the five of you. His eyes didn't even land on you. You rolled your eyes. Great, he was one of those assholes. He nodded at his friends and then you saw how he readjusted his headphones and continued skating as if nothing had happened.

"He's not in a good mood today" Jimin excused his friend.

"He's never in a good mood, he's an asshole" murmured Suga while walking away with his basketball ball.

"Someone who has a brain here" you thought.

A couple of hours later, your friends, the boys and you were sitting in the ground, speaking about anything in particular. You were surprised you were actually having fun and laughing at Jin's bad jokes, Hope's screams and Rapmon little dances. You found yourself being interested in the minty hair boy, and his crude remarks.

You don't remember what you were talking about, but you remember suddenly asking the question that had been on your head all evening.

"Guys, are those your real names?" you and the rest of the boys laughed "Because I would feel like shit if my real name were Rap Monster, no offense"

But you stopped laughing when a raspy and deep voice was heard.

"Yes, my real name is V and my last name is A" you snapped your head towards the boy who appeared in the group with his skate in his right hand "And if you'd like, my mother is a literature teacher who is in love with the alphabet and that's why she called my V" His tone was ironic, and he was laughing, but not at the situation; at you.

Everyone except you laughed at his ironic tone.

You knew very well those type of boys and nothing good could come from any of them. Of course you wasn't going to let him laugh at you.

"Excuse me, who are you?" you snapped back "I don't know you, so I don't know if your mother is a literature teacher or a psychopath and that's why she called you B" you knew he was the asshole from before, and you definitely knew his name wasn't V or B, or A.

"Who am I? Who the fuck are you and what are you doing in my park"

"Your park? You're also the builder of this place? Nice job" you were the one who was laughing at him then. "Your mom must be very proud of you. A very proud literature teacher. Or a very proud psychopath, we'll never know"

"Do you want me to make you cry, little princess?" he emphasized the word little and even though his words weren't harsh, his tone was.

Was he calling you fat or something like that?

"If someone is crying here is you. Look at you, getting annoyed by a little princess"

You watched the boy clench his teeth. If looks could kill, you surely would have been lying on the floor by then.

"Get the fuck out of here, little snot"

"Hey, relax bro" said Jimin "She's one of Manda's friends"

"Well, I don't care who the fuck she is, she should go if she doesn't wanna cry in front of her friends" the boy said, without tearing his burning gaze from you, and neither did you.

"Are you afraid that your bros will find out what a pussy you really are?" you knew you had to stop, but you couldn't. Getting him pissed was beyond fulfilling.

V was about to open his mouth when Rap Monster stopped him.

"Bro, we were just having fun"

"Tell that to that brat there" V said, pointing at you with a movement of his head.

You were about to fire back when Tiara interrupted you.

"Stop being so bitter! What's wrong with you?! They boy was just joking"

You looked at her, fire in your eyes.

"What's wrong with me?! What's wrong with you! Are you going to let an asshole like this laugh at you?"

"He hasn't laughed at me" she fired back.

"He has. He hasn't even approached you when you arrived and you are defending him now. That's why jerks like him are jerks"

"Oh, now is my fault" she laughed bitterly.

"Stop girls. We're here to have fun, not to argue" Maia says, who has been sat next to Jungkook, flirting all evening.

"I'm not going anywhere, and I'm not staying here with that brat" said V with a challenging tone. "You go or... You go"

"If she goes, I go too" Manda says, defending you. Finally!

"Me too. You didn't even approach to greet us, so you can go back to your skating" said Soph.

"No, don't go, girls. I'm going home anyway, I've more interesting things to do than arguing with a childish jerk"

"Like what? Eat five pizzas and tons of ice cream while crying and watching love films?" ugh, that awful voice again. You hated him so much.

You stood up, and were surprised when Suga followed you.

"I'm tired of this fucking asshole. I quit" he said.

"Suck my dick!" you heard V shouting.

Suga was walking towards the main road with you, and you saw him smile.

"You won't need me, I feel like that Tiara girl is going to do the job for me"

You laughed and a week later found out that, indeed, she did.

. . .

The 17th of November, Mr. Harris handed you drawing with a number five on it. You asked him about the meaning of that five and he answered that he had given you a five out of ten because it was a good drawing, but a mediocre one. He told you he knew you could do better. But the fact was, that you couldn't. Your mind blacked out each time you sat on your desk in front of your white canvas. You were starting to get frustrated.

The 17th of November, a month since you met your worst nightmare.

It had been a very busy month.

Jimin and Manda had gotten closer, and what started being just a friends with benefits thing, seems now more serious. You could sometimes see them in the backyard of Manda's house the one next to each other, stealing kisses and caresses. Were you a bit jealous? You would never admit it, but yes, you were a bit jealous. You hadn't had a proper relationship. Well, maybe one, but you didn't count it as one since it was a complete disaster. It lasted one year, but it was a nightmare.

Suga and you had become really close friends, and even though the boy didn't speak much, you felt very comfortable next to him. You both weren't so different after all. You enjoyed being in the park with your friends, having a couple of beers while chilling a bit. Suga did too.

In general, your group of friends, the boys and you had became really close. Every Friday and Saturday evening and nearly night, was spent in the skate park laughing and playing cards or basketball.  

But not everything was a fairy tale. There he was, that chestnut haired boy, with the ends of his fringe dyed green, his big black eyes, his boxy smile and his small brain. If the argument the 17th of October you both had was bad, the ones you had the 24th, and the 25th and the 30th and each passing day you met, were worst. Each argument harsher, louder and more hurtful than the previous one. But you had gotten used to it and you were ready each Friday and Saturday to fight that jerk. Indeed, everyone had gotten used to it, so when the two of you started arguing that 17th of November, nobody was surprised about it.

"Oh, shut the fuck up"

"I don't wanna shut the fuck up" you fired back.

V laughed ironically, as he always did. On his lap, Tiara was distracted with her phone.

"You know you're going to end up crying, as you always do"

You rolled your eyes.

"Ugh, you're really boring with that 'I'm gonna make you cry' thing" you took a sip of your beer "Do you have some weird fetish with seeing me cry or what?

By your side, Suga took his gaze from his phone and laughed at your comment as he always did. But V turned serious.

"A fetish? With you? I think I'm gonna throw up"

Even though you rolled your eyes and looked at him with a poker face, your heart gave a little thud in your ribcage. As it gave a little thud each time he insulted you or your physical appearance. The fact that his words hurt you made you angry. Since when do you care of an asshole's opinion?

"Okay, but do it far away please, you don't wanna ruin your girlfriend's skirt" you smiled when you watched how he tensed.

"She's not my girlfriend" he said with his teeth clenched.

Tiara's eyes widened and she immediately woke up from is lap. She looked at him with a disgusted expression, and then at you.

"You're a bitch" she murmured.

You gave her the middle finger while she walked away.

Since the 17th of October she had been laughing at V's comments about you, or your appearance, she had been sleeping with the boy you hated the most. A best friend doesn't do that. So she simply wasn't your best friend anymore. But you knew her since kindergarten and you still cared about her. You could tell she was in love with him just from the way she said his name. Just a single consonant, but she  made it sound as if it was the whole alphabet. Very deep, very, very, very deep, she was still your friend, she just had to realise what and asshole V was.

"You disgust me" you spat.

"Me? I'm not the one who hurt her this time"

"What? You're using her, you jerk. You fuck her and other two girls at the same time, I saw you last week with one of them. Don't you see she's in love with you? You has to stop!"

"Stop stalking me and controlling me, I know you'd like to be the one I fucked every night. But I wouldn't touch you, even if you paid me"

You let a sarcastic laugh out.

"That's how you care for Tiara. You haven't even listened what I have told you about her, right?"

"I don't care about Tiara, I just fuck her because she's hot and she knows it, I've warned her about it. It's her fault she hasn't listened to me"

"You never take responsibility from your acts"

"And you always speak about what I do and what I don't do without even knowing me!"

"Ugh, believe me, I don't wanna know you" you said, with a disgusted look on your face.

"Then, why are you even talking to me!"

"Because you're hurting my friend and I don't wanna see her like that!" you were shouting, louder than ever before "You hurt everyone with your disrespectful words and you need to stop!"

"Don't tell me what to do, you brat! Go home to stuff yourself with ice cream!"

"V, bro! Shut the fuck up or disappear, but stop saying those things" Suga shouts.

"No Suga, I don't care, he has to pick on my physical appearance because he isn't intelligent enough to pick on any other thing about me"

And with that, you left the skate park, walking fast so no one could see the tears rolling down your reddened cheeks.

. . .

The next day you appeared on Tiara's apartment with a bowl of cookies on your hands.

"Can I come in?" you softly asked.

She looked at you, her eyes puffy and red, probably she had spent her night crying her eyes out.

She didn't respond,  she opened the front door so you could enter in her apartment. The TV was on and there were a couple of blankets spread on the couch. She took a seat on her couch and turned on the volume of the TV.

"Tia, I'm sorry for what happened yesterday" you finally said, taking a seat next to her on the couch.

She moved so you were both on opposite sides of the couch. You sighed and let the bowl in the coffee table.

"I shouldn't have said that, but I'm so mad at you..."

She looked at you, one of her brows going up her forehead.

"Mad at you for letting that boy do whatever he wants with you"

"You know nothing"

You thought about doing some lame joke related with Game of Thrones, but thought it twice and decided not to do it in that moment.

"I know you since we were five, I know a few things"

"No, you don't know. I'm in love with him, Y/N"

You frowned, you already knew she was in love with him, but you didn't know she was so into him. The word love sounded so beautiful coming from her lips.

"Of course I know you're in love with him. You're always speaking about him, or what you did on Saturday night, or what did he had for breakfast... I've only seen you once like that, and it didn't end up well"

The room got silent and both of you looked into each other eyes.

"Why are you here then? You know everything, don't you?"

You let the air out of your lungs. You had enough with your argument with that asshole the previous day, you didn't want to have another argument. So you took a long breath and looked at your once best friend.

"I'm here because I care about you and I didn't meant to hurt you yesterday. I said that because I wanted you to realise that he doesn't care about you"

"Wow, thank you, you are the best friend of all best friends"

"I know I'm being harsh, but I don't want him to take advantage of you"

"Who says he is taking advantage of me? I fuck him because I want, I spend my time with him because I want to" she was rising her voice "Maybe you know me, but you don't know him, you haven't given him a chance. You wrote his name on your black list since the first time you saw him, and you've never tried to have a civil conversation with him"

"Neither has he"

"He's a difficult person, he trust no one but himself and his friends"

"Are you defending him? After everything he has done to you?"

"Yeah, I'm defending the boy I love, is that so difficult to understand?"

"I didn't came here to argue with you. I came here to make peace with you, I don't like seeing you like this"

"Like what? Hurt because my best friend betrayed me? Or hurt because the boy I'm in love with doesn't give a shit about me?"

You winced at her words, then and there you felt your friend's pain. You were selfish, you had always been, and sometimes you couldn't look far from you nose. seeing you like this"

"Like what? Hurt because my best friend betrayed me? Or hurt because the boy I'm in love with doesn't give a shit about me?"

You winced at her words, then and there you felt your friend's pain. You were selfish, you had always been, and sometimes you couldn't look far from your nose. But when you did, you really were empathetic. You felt other people's pain as if it was yours. You felt Tiara's pain as if it was yours.

When some tears rolled down her cheeks, you couldn't help but close the space between you both on the couch and gave her a reassuring hug. She hugged you back and you heard her sniffle.

Your hands were running up and down her back and you felt yourself forgiving her for everything, for laughing at you, for calling you a bitch, for being rude to you... She was again that same girl she was two months ago, before starting university. The crazy as fuck friend who always pushed you to parties you didn't wanna go to.

"You deserve better" you shushed her.

"The worst part of it is that I know, I know I deserve better" she sniffled again.

You let her cry a few more minutes, until you moved away, cleaning her cheeks with your thumbs.

"Are we going to spend a whole Saturday talking about that asshole?" you asked, trying to bring her up.

She murmured a soft no.

"Aren't we going with the boys this evening?"

"Do you want to?"

"N...No"

"Then we'll stay here. I'm not gonna lie to you, this cookies are the best cookies I've ever made"

She took one of them and gave it a bite.

"You have bought them, don't you?"

Both of you laughed loudly and spent the rest of the day catching up on series like The Walking Dead.

. . .

You hadn't seen the asshole for a while now. Every time you and the girls met the boys he was nowhere to be seen. You didn't miss him, though. You were more than happy laughing freely without him making some rude comment about you, or about how obnoxious your laugh was.

That evening, you and Suga had convinced the rest to play a basketball match.

Suga handed you the ball and you threw it trying to score, but you didn't. And that was when you tensed up, the moment you heard that loud and dry laugh.

You didn't even have to turn away to know who had arrived.

"Are you going to play, mate?" Jungkook asked.

"No, I was just passing by and I decided to stop by so I could say hi"

Suga handed you the ball again and you tried to score, failing again. You liked basketball, but it wasn't one of your best skills.

"This is Hana" you heard his deep voice.

You opened your eyes and turned around, losing the ball Suga had just thrown to you. You felt him looking at you, but ignored him and looked at your friend instead.

Tiara was biting the inside of her cheek and tears were starting to roll down her cheek. Your  knuckles turned white while your hands balled into fists.

You finally met his eyes, black and intense. Yours were red with pure anger. You didn't even look at the girl when you walked towards him.

"How dare you..." you said through gritted teeth.

"What have I done now?" he asked, showing you the palms of his hands as he lifted his hands in the air. He had a mocking tone, he was laughing at you, again.

The rest of the group was looking at both of you, they had stopped breathing, waiting for what was about to come. But it was the hurt look on Tiara's eyes what made you take a deep breath and not shout at the boy with chestnut hair for once.

"We're going to play basketball" you said, hoping he would get it. You were kicking him out.

"Great" he smiled at you. You were seeing red, your blood boiling in your veins.

"The teams are already made and the match is going to start. Unless you wanna sit there and watch, I suggest you to do something more interesting with your time. I'm sure you both will have the time of your lives, uh?"

You gave the girl a fake smile and didn't even look twice at V before turning away to catch the ball.

"Are you telling me again what I should do?" he shouted from behind you, but you decided to shut your mouth for once.

Tiara approached you to catch the ball and distract herself with it.

"Have you heard me?" he shouted again.

"Let's go home, V" you heard for the first time the voice of the girl.

V let out a loud grunt and then, it was just you and your friends again. That evening you had a lot of fun playing basketball and you were happy because finally, you had avoided an argument with V in front of everyone.

. . .

"Yeah, mom, I know how to cook in the oven"

"Okay, but if you have any doubt, just call me"

"Mom, I've cooked in the oven a hundred times before, I'm not going to burn the house down, relax" you laughed while closing the library door "And if I burn it down, you won't have to take care of your house and your daughter anymore, you'll have all the time you want for your beloved work"

"Haha, so funny honey. I gotta leave you, we'll talk tomorrow"

"Okay mom, bye"

"Love you"

"Love you too"

You hung your phone up and walked towards the next bus stop. You had stayed till late in the library finishing some works with your classmates.

It was a really cold 17th of December. Your beanie and your scarf covered most of your face but it wasn't enough. You texted your friends letting them now that you'll go on Saturday night.

It had been Jin's birthday nearly two weeks ago, but the boy wanted to celebrate on Saturday night at a pub in the centre of the city. At first you said no, because you knew that he was going to be there, but Jin insisted and you thought that you could do whatever you wanted, that asshole wasn't going to make your life a living hell.

The bus was nearly empty, except for you and two boys in the back. One of them had a baseball cap on his head and the other wore the hood of his sweater covering his head and nearly all his face, because he was wearing a mask that covered his mouth too.

You passed them and sat at the back of the bus. Your black headphones accompanied you and the loud rhythm of the song that was playing, distracted you completely, so you didn't pay much attention to the two boys who were a couple of seats ahead of you.

That was until you saw one of them looking at you. You looked back, but when you did the boy tore is gaze away.

Your heart started pumping against your chest when you saw the two boys getting up from their seats at the same time you did. Maybe the oven wouldn't be your main concern tonight.

The boy with the hoodie looked at you again before getting off the bus and that was the moment when you recognised him. You could only see his eyes, but you recognised them as the palm of your hand. Those black eyes. Those big black eyes you hated so much.

You frowned and V tore his gaze again. The three of you got off the bus and you saw them walking down the street, a bit hesitant. You were sure you didn't know the other boy, but you were sure the one with the hoodie was V.

What was V doing here? Yeah, the skate park was a few streets away, but the sky was as black as his eyes and you could barely see the ground you were walking upon. They weren't going to skate at midnight.

Curiosity killed the cat.

You didn't knew if it would kill you or not, but you were sure V didn't live in your neighbourhood and you wanted to know if what you were thinking was right.

You remained in the shadows, following the boys. They finally came to a stop. You stopped too and watched how the two boys got into a narrow alley. You knew that alley and you surely knew what was done in it.

You crossed the road so you were on the other side of the street and you could see what was going on into that alley without them noticing.

Under the dim light of a streetlight you saw V handing a little brown package to a boy. The other one got the money and they said their goodbyes. But just when they were making their way out of the alley, V finished counting the money and looked up. His eyes met yours and you panicked. Your heart raced against your ribcage and you ran. You ran away from that place, hoping V wouldn't follow you. And he didn't.

. . .

You were shaking while you were trying to do your eyeliner.

"Fuck, I hate this shit" you cursed.

Tiara laughed and looked at you through the mirror.

"Let me try"

You looked at her, frowning.

"No way! Look at you, the left one screams 'I'm rough' and the other one 'I'm soft as a kitten'"

Both of you laughed.

"Tonight we're gonna pick up the two most handsome boys in the club and we're gonna hook up with them" Tia said with a sad smile on her face.

Your heart raced against your ribcage with such strength you thought it'd be the end of you. It almost hurt. But it didn't race because the music was too loud, or because the pub was too crowded, neither did it race because you were gulping down your second mojito. It raced because you were scared. Yesterday you saw V dealing with drugs and you remember his jet black eyes piercing yours when he was making his way out of that alley. You were afraid of what he could possibly do to you now that you obviously knew his secret.

You hadn't seen him since then, even though Jin told you he already was in the pub.

"Why are you asking?" Jin nearly shouted so he could be heard through the loud music of the pub.

"Uh? Oh, nothing"

Jin gave you a small nudge in the arm.

"You two should bang"

"What?" you shouted, not sure if you had heard right.

"You heard me, you two should bang, fuck, sleep together, have sex... You know how that works" he was laughing at that point.

"Excuse me?! Do I look like I would have sex with that jerk?"

Jin shrugged.

"Yeah"

"Why? Why do you say that?"

"Oh my God, Y/N. The sexual tension between the two of you is evident, I bet if you two had a good round of sex you would finish all your arguments"

"Jin, the tension is evident, but it's far from being sexual. Believe me, I don't wanna have sex with him, and neither does he"

Jin laughed and disappeared through the crowd of dancing and sweaty bodies.

You were left again with Tiara and the other girls, the loud noise and the smell of alcohol.

"Hey, what's up" you heard the voice of Suga.

"Oh, hey, I was starting to think I was the only weirdo here who doesn't dance"

You both took a seat on one of the couches in the reserved area, then you placed your empty glass on the table.

"Why don't you dance?" he asked loudly.

"Why don't you dance?" you asked back, arching a brow.

"I asked first" he simply responded.

"I guess I'll have to tell you my biggest secret..." you were being dramatic and sarcastic, but that was just the way you and the minty haired boy interacted "I don't know how to dance. Have your heard that thing about the female pelvis being super elastic and bla bla bla? Well, I think I have a male pelvis"

Suga looked at you with that face he only knew how to do, with his brows furrowed and a small smile on his lips. Then, he started laughing and you did too.

"I guess since you are a boy and you have a male pelvis as every single boy out there, your explanation for not knowing how to dance is less embarrassing" you said, looking at Suga.

"No, not every single boy out there has a male pelvis like ours. Look at Hobi" he pointed towards the dance floor, where Hope was dancing next to Rapmon, who looked at him like he was nuts "He always rubs it in my face"

You too laughed again when someone plopped down in the couch that was just in front of you. You made the mistake of looking up, because you caught those black eyes looking straight at yours. They held the same look they held the previous night.

Your body tensed and you stopped laughing, he seemed pissed. Well, he always looked pissed when you were around. You had seen him on the skate park skating with the boys, just he and his friends, and he looked like a completely different boy, all silly jokes and laughs.  

Tiara and the rest of the girls appeared in the private booth.

"We're gonna play never have I ever" Soph announced "Y/N, Suga, are you gonna play?"

"Nah, I don't like that stupid game" Suga shrugged.

Maybe you didn't like parties, loud music or places crowded with drunk people, but you did like the games that were played in those parties.

"I'm in!" you happily said. Happy until you heard that deep voice again.

"Me too" he said.

You threw daggers at him with you gaze because you knew he was up to no good. He had something in mind, you could see it in his black eyes staring directing at you.

The game, nevertheless, started smooth. People made typical questions. Never have I ever gone skinny dipping, never have I ever had sex in a public place, never have I ever cheated on my boyfriend or girlfriend... Of course your life wasn't interesting enough, so you hadn't done any of that and your glass remained full the entire game.  

"My turn" said the slow voice of a drunk V "Never have I ever... Stalked anyone"

He was looking at you with an arched brow. You knew he was referring to yesterday night, he was trying to make fun of you in front of everyone, but you weren't going to let him win that easily...

You took a slow sip from your glass.

"Who hasn't stalked someone nowadays?" you said, trying to belittle the situation "I mean, if you have Instagram, Twitter or any other social media I bet you have stalked someone at least once"

You saw, with a wide smile on your face, how nearly everyone took a sip from their glass. V didn't look happy, his plan of putting you down in front of everyone wasn't working.

"Never have I ever..." you looked at him, if he wanted to play, you were going to play "Never have I ever dealt with something in a dark alley"

Everyone laughed at your words because they were a little out of context, but you were looking at V and he was looking at you with that menacing gaze of his. He knew you were playing too, and that he was walking on thin ice.

"Are you drunk, Y/N?" Maia laughed.

"What do you mean by 'dealt with something in a dark alley'?" Rapmon laughed too "Something as drugs?"

"Just something" you shrugged.

You felt V's eyes on you, his gaze burning into your skin.

Everyone in the group laughed when Suga took a sip from his glass, followed by Rapmon himself and Jungkook.

"Kookie, I didn't knew you used to deal with drugs in a dark alley on your free time" Hobi said.

"I didn't deal with drugs, you asshole. It was when I was thirteen and I met with a boy from my school to exchange football stickers" Jungkook said, his voice deep and confident but his cheeks a bit red.

Everyone laughed again, everyone except V, who hadn't taken a sip from his glass.

"My turn again" he said eagerly "Never have I ever followed someone to a dark alley because I can't keep my nose far from other's bullshit"

The boys and girls in the group looked at him with a frown on their faces.

"What's wrong with you two tonight?" Manda said.

"Too much alcohol?" you heard Jimin laugh.

"Go ahead, drink" V said after, pointing at you.

You found yourself in the middle of the private booth, being observed by eleven pair of eyes.

"Why should I drink?" you said, noticing how everyone held their breaths. They were waiting for the new argument that was about to start, but that was Jin's night, and you weren't going to give V the pleasure of ruining it "Did you saw me following my crush when I was in seventh grade?"

Everyone laughed again and you took a sip smiling devilishly.

. . .

Your mom had sent you to the grocery store to buy some groceries for dinner that night. It was Sunday, and your mom didn't have to work. Your head still pounded in your head from the previous night, but you smiled anyway, remembering the asshole's face when you put him down in front of his mates.

You were happy. Your mom was a prestigious doctor and she was never home, but when she was, you loved spending some time with her, having dinner together and watching some old good movies.

You were happy, or at least you were until you saw him in your front door, about to ring the doorbell.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" you nearly shouted as you approached him.

He twirled, his eyes and mouth open.

"I was looking for you" he said with his usual loud and deep voice.

"Shh... Lower your voice, I don't want my mother to hear you" you were confused but you tried to hide it with anger in your voice "Why are you looking for me? And how did you even got my address?"

You switched the grocery bag from your left to your right arm, looking directly at him in the eye. He was taller than you even though you were already tall. His eyes were nearly covered by his long bangs, its ends dyed green. He was wearing black, as always, and his skate was resting next to him. That was the moment you realised he had a small mole on his nose. That was the moment you realised how breathtaking that asshole was and how his black eyes shone with stars in them.

"Manda told me after I told her I wanted to talk to you" he said. You frowned because it was the first time he wasn't being rude to you or you were screaming at each other.

But that didn't mean his new attitude would change yours.

"About what?" you snapped.

"About yesterday... About the day before, too"

So he wanted to talk to you about what you saw him doing in that dark alley. He was probably going to insult you, or threat you, as always. You sighed.

"Okay, but quickly, my mom is waiting for me"

He sighed, and somehow looked insecure. You had never seen him insecure before, so it was new to you and didn't know how to take it. Was he faking everything so you would pity him and keep your mouth shut about the drug dealing?

"Why did you follow me on Friday night?"

You rolled your eyes and let a small laugh fall from your lips.

"I wasn't following you" you snapped again "I have better things to do, thanks. And if you haven't realised it yet, I live in this neighbourhood, so I wasn't following you, I was just going home"

"Yeah, but on the opposite direction"

"I wanted to give a small walk, what's wrong with it?"

V looked at you, and you knew he wasn't buying your lies.

"What did you saw?"

"Oh my God, what is it? CSI? An interrogation?"

"Answer me" he sounded serious. You wanted to keep teasing him, but you knew the kitchen window was just next to the front door and your mom would hear you at some point. You wanted to put an end to that conversation as soon as possible so you didn't beat around the bush.

"I saw you dealing with drugs, okay? I saw you on the bus with that guy and curiosity got the best of me. I thought it was weird to see you in my neighbourhood so late night. I followed you and saw you handing a small package to a boy, then I saw how the boy gave your friend the money. That's all"

V seemed perplexed. He hadn't expected you to tell him all the truth. He took a bit of time to process everything. You arched your brow.

"Was that all you wanted? Because I have more important things to do"

V sighed.

"Why do you always have to be like this?" he said, his voice raising with each word.

"Be like what?"

"Like this, so rude and bitchy"

You let a ironic laugh fall from your lips.

"I don't wanna argue right now, if you're bored, go fuck one of your girls" you said, trying to approach the door, but he grabbed your coat and stopped you "Let go of me"

"What's your problem? You like me or something? Because you're always mentioning me fucking other girls and bla bla bla"

"Do I like you?!" you started raising your voice without noticing "How could I ever like someone like you? You disgust me"

Your eyes caught something in his, but it was so fast you didn't have enough time to recognise what it had been.

"And why are you always so bitchy to me?!" he was shouting now too "Because you aren't like this to Suga or Rapmon or Jimin. You aren't like this to anyone but me!"

"Well, you should feel privileged, then" the sarcasm could be hear from miles away in your voice.  

"You have done nothing but insult me and be rude to me since the first time we met! And I didn't even said a word to you! Should I feel privileged about that?!"

"You didn't even said a word to me! Touché! You were too busy with your skate to even approach me or any of my friends the first day we met! You were one of those boys who thought no one was good enough to deserve their time! You were the first who was rude here! Do you want me to carry on? Because I have plenty things I wanna tell you!"

"What?! You're talking shit about me when you're the first here who judged me without even knowing me!"

"Well! Now I know you a bit more and I haven't changed my mind about you! Am I the rude one here? Because I called you 'jerk' or 'asshole'? Because you let one of my best friends fall in love with you and then you let her down? Because I had to hear every single day how you called me fat?!"

"What?! I didn't call you fa- "

The front door suddenly opened and your mother appeared with a spoon on her left hand and her eyes wide opened.

"What's going on here?"

You and V were breathing shakily. Both eyes were burning each other's.

"Nothing" you didn't tear your gaze from V while you spoke.

"Nothing? You were both shouting. I was about to call the police"

Both of you stayed silent, trying to catch your breaths.

"And who is he anyway?" your mother spoke again.

"I'm Taehyung" he said before you could say any other thing. You looked at him surprised. You knew V wasn't his real name, but you had never heard his real name before.

"Oh, nice to meet you, Taehyung. Are you classmates or something like that?"

She shook Taehyung's hand with a smile on her lips.

"No, we're just..." you said, unsure about what you were. Enemies?

"We're just good friends" he said, his voice smooth as ever. You shot him a glare, trying to kill him slowly with it. Good friends? You weren't friends, let alone good friends.

"Ah, I'm so glad I finally met one of Y/N's friends. She hasn't been around boys since she broke up with that boyfriend of hers, but she told me some months ago she met a really cool group of boys"

That's when you regretted telling everything to your mom.

"Mom..." you warned her.

"What?" she said looking at you, she then twirled to look at Taehyung, whose smile was wider than ever "You're one of those boys, right? Maybe I just-"

"No, indeed, I'm one of those boys" Taehyung interrupted her with a gently tone.

"Oh, I'm so happy. I was just making dinner for Y/N and I but you can dinner with us if you'd like. I always make food for more than two, anyway" your mom said with a huge smile on her face.

"Mom, he actually can't have dinner with us tonight. He has a..." you looked at Taehyung, who was looking at you with a playful smile. You knew how happy made your mom seeing you with a boy, not because she was eager for you to have a boyfriend, but because she was afraid that, after what happened with your ex, you wouldn't be able to speak with a boy anymore "He has a dentist appointment" you finally said.

Oh my God, you wanted to face palm yourself right then and there.

"At nine in the evening?" she asked, her eyes wide open. Yours were wide open, too. You cheeks burning red.

"Oh, I think you got it wrong, Y/N, it wasn't nine in the evening, it was nine in the morning. I went this morning" Taehyung said with an innocent voice. Innocent, ha.

"And did everything go okay?" your mom asked.

"Yeah, he only did a quick check-up" Taehyung said. Your gaze could nearly have killed him. It didn't surprise you that he could lie that easily.

"I'm glad to hear that. Are you gonna have dinner with us, then?"

"No" you said, but at the same time, another voice could be heard.

"Yes" and the other voice was the one from Taehyung "It already smells delicious from here, I can't imagine how it'll taste"

Your mom laughed and patted Taehyung's shoulder.

"Perfect! Come in" she said, motioning him to come into your house.

You stayed in the porch, not knowing what to do. What the hell had just happened? You were arguing with him and suddenly, your mom was inviting him to have dinner that night. And you thought that 17th of October had been the worst day of your life...

"Thanks ma'am"

You rolled your eyes. He was being so polite you were starting to think he was being himself now and that the other Taehyung was just an act.

"Oh, no formalities in this house please, you can call me Helen" your mom smiled. She loved him, you could see it in her eyes.

You closed the door behind your back and helplessly watched Taehyung grabbing the grocery bag from your arms.

"I'll bring this to the kitchen" he said.

You opened your mouth to insult him or just insult life for being that cruel towards you, but your mom was faster and she grabbed him by the arm, leading him towards the kitchen. You heard while you followed them how Taehyung was being so polite with your mom, telling how beautiful the house was and bla bla bla... You wanted to puke. Maybe if you puked on the carpeted floor it wouldn't seem so beautiful to him anymore.

"Why haven't you told me about him before?" your mom asked you in a low voice, so only you could hear him while the three of you entered the kitchen, Taehyung walking ahead.

"Because he is an-"

"Do I leave them here?" Taheyung asked, pointing the kitchen counter.

"Yeah, thank you Taehyung" she said "We'll talk about him later" you mom said, even lower than before so the boy wouldn't hear her.

You sighed, it was the only thing you could do.

"Well, the dinner will be ready in no time and the table is already set- " your mom said again, but before she could finish, she twisted around and opened a cupboard "No, we have a guest tonight" she smiled "Y/N put this on the table for Taehyung please"

She handed you a plate and some cutlery. You sighed (again) and went to the living room to set them on the table. When you returned to the kitchen, your mom and Taehyung were laughing.

"What are you two laughing at?" you snapped.

"He was telling me about why you were arguing before" she said, still laughing.

You arched a brow and crossed your arms while looked at Taehyung.

"Guys, you can go to the living room and watch some TV while I finish the dinner. Or..." she stopped and grabbed something from the counter top. "You can put this away"

She handed you a bunch of clothes neatly folded. You rolled your eyes and stormed out of the kitchen. You were angry, angry with Taehyung for lying to your mom. Mostly for telling her that you were both good friends when you were far from being that. Angry because he accepted your mom's offer to dinner with the two of you tonight. Angry because you hated him and you had to act as if you were besties. Angry with your mom because she invited Taehyung when this was supposed to be a night for just the two of you. But you weren't only angry, you were confused too. If Taehyung hated you so much, why had he accepted your mom's offer without a second thought? You were sure it was just to piss you off even more.

"Why are you following me?" you snapped when you heard the lazy steps behind you. You stopped abruptly at the top of the stairs, making Taehyung nearly collide with you. When you turned around his face was mere inches from yours, you could almost feel his breath on your lips.

He shrugged "I wasn't going to stay with your mom in the kitchen, that would have been really awkward"

"Oh" your voice was filled with sarcasm again "So you thought that following me to my room would be less awkward. In the hypothetical case that you even thought"

You saw Taehyung bit on the inside of his cheek to hide his smile "Exactly. Plus, I'm curious about how your room looks like. I bet it's covered in posters of your favourite boybands"

Ignoring him you continued your way towards you room and opened the door quickly so he couldn't follow you inside. But he saw your intentions before hand and his foot stopped you from closing the door behind your back.

"Don't even think about it, asshole" you said, trying to close the door even thought you could see his old black Vans peeking through it.

"Oh, let me see your room. Why don't you wanna let me see it? It's there something you don't want me to see?" his voice was playful now, but your was far from being playful when you spoke again.

"Yeah, my whole room" you snapped. He was stronger than you and slowly was pushing the door open.

"Oh, I know, you have your panties all over the floor. Is that it?" he said, laughing when he heard you curse under your breath "Or is it a porn magazine?"

"Ugh!" you nearly screamed when Taehyung finally opened the door, entering your room.

You helplessly watched the boy's eye scan every single centimetre of your room.

"Cute..." he smiled pointing at your pajamas lying on the floor. It wasn't panties, but it was your Sesame Street's pajamas. Your cheeks turned red and you immediately pick it up from the floor and stuffed in your closet with the rest of the clothes your mom had given you.

"I've already put the clothes in the closet, let's go to the kitchen" you said, trying to get him out of your room. It was your private space, the only place in the world were you could do whatever you wanted to, sang whatever you wanted to or cry whatever you wanted to. It was your little sanctuary and it was getting invaded by the biggest asshole in the world.

His attention, however was into something else. You wanted to die right then and there when you saw what he was looking at. His hands wandering freely over the pages of your drawing notebook.

You quickly run towards him and tried to get your notebook out of his hands, but you failed, because he held his arm out and stopped you from doing so.

"Let it go" you breathed, struggling with his arm, that followed your body wherever you went.

"They're actually really good" he breathed, his eyes focused on the paper.

"Let it go!" you screamed on the brink of tears. You didn't have any brothers or sisters, and most of the time you lived alone because your mom was working, so you were used to being on your own, to having your things untouched by anyone. You were used to having your personal space and Taehyung was invading it. "Taehyung, please"

Taehyung tore his gaze away from your notebook and his eyes focused on yours. There you could see those stars in his eyes again. You blushed again, but used his distraction as a way of getting your notebook back.

"Taehyung, huh? What's with the asshole thing?" he said, still looking at you, but you were focused on your notebook and on checking everything was untouched. "I dunno why you don't want me to see your drawings, they were pretty lit"

You looked at him, your hair all over your face and your cheeks still burning red. His eyes were looking at yours, making your stomach twist and your heart flutter in your chest. He looked serious, the cocky smile was gone and you could see he was being... Honest. Completely honest with you. Neither of you knew how many seconds passed until you tore your gaze away and hug your notebook as if your life depended on it.  

"I don't get why you don't wanted me to see your room or why you don't want me to see your drawings. I really think their amazing. What's it? You draw naked people?"

You clicked your tongue "What's wrong with you and the naked people, the panties and the porn magazines?"

Taehyung laughed and you stayed there for a moment, taken aback by his boxy smile, by the crinkles that appeared in his eyes when he closed them. You were taken about this Taehyung. He wasn't the same cocky asshole that you were used to. He was being sassy, as always, but without malice in it. His laugh didn't sound evil, nor arrogant or sarcastic, it sounded pure.

There, in that moment - in your room, with your drawings close to your chest, Taehyung's laugh filling your room, his face close to yours - you asked yourself for the first time: how can someone so wicked sound so pure? How can someone so cocky seem so pure?

"I've been obsessed over naked people's drawings ever since I was ten and saw Titanic for the first time? Can you blame me?" Taehyung joked.

You bit your lip to hide your smile, but it took over you and you found yourself laughing at his lame comment. It was Taehyung's turn now to look taken aback as he saw you laugh for the first time about something he had said. His eyes were wide and a silly smile was drawn on his lips. When you saw that, immediately stopped laughing and tensed.

"It wasn't funny" you said.

"You laughed" he said, that silly smile still in his lips.

"Yeah, because I pitied you. Now let's go to the kitchen, I'm sure my mom has already finished but doesn't want to call and interrupt us" you said as you let your notebook on your desk again.

You pulled Taehyung's back to get him out of your room, he was wiggling his eyebrows while you did so "Interrupt us?" he said, his voice cocky again.

You closed your room with a loud bang and stormed down the stairs. You could hear Taehyung soft laugh while he followed you.

The dinner was as uncomfortable to you as you thought it would be. Your mom was bombarding Taehyung with so many questions that the boy didn't even have time to eat.

"What are you studying?" asked your mom.

You could see Taehyung tense on his chair while chewing the food. He swallowed it before speaking again "I'm not studying anything"

"Oh" was the only thing your mom said. She didn't like that, good. But you saw something in how Taehyung looked down at his plate that made you stand up for him.

"University sucks" you murmured, making Taehyung avert his gaze towards you, but you weren't looking at him anymore, instead you were trying to chop your lasagna. You could see your mom looking at you "For real mom, it sucks. The teachers think they are some king of god while they are completely assholes"

"Y/N... Art isn't even a career so don't complain about how 'university sucks'" you mom said. Oh, God, you loved her more than anyone else in this world, but she could shut the fuck up sometimes. And even more if it's about this topic. "You should have saw me studying Medicine, then you would tell me if Art sucks"

"You're studying Art?" Taehyung said.

"Yeah, but as you might have noticed, she didn't want me to" you sighed. You didn't like that Taehyung was getting to know so much about you while all you had learned about him was his real name and that he didn't go to university, which you already suspected he didn't. "She wanted me to study Medicine, but I would kill myself before doing so"

Taehyung laughed softly but your mom didn't find your words funny at all "Tell me what you're gonna do after you finish your career, huh? Paint some landscapes and selling them on e-bay?"

You chewed your food without saying a word. You had had that conversation with your mom so many times, her hurtful words didn't hurt you anymore.

"She wants to open an art gallery afterwards. What a way of wasting your father's money" she said. You looked at her, telling her to shut up with your gaze. She was the most wonderful mother in the world, she has always taken care of you on her own since your father died when you were just a few months old. She has always taught you to respect other people's opinions, likings and lifes. But she didn't respect your opinion when it came to your passion.

"I don't think that's a way of wasting money" the deep voice of Taehyung said. You frowned and looked at him, you were beyond confused about how things were going tonight. You hadn't killed each other yet with a fork or you haven't thrown the lasagna to each other's faces. "I've always admired artist and how they could express their emotions through an empty canvas"

You smiled gently at him and he nodded. What was going on?! You were sure you mom must had poured something on the lasagna to relax you both.

"Well, yeah, I admire that too. But let's be realistic. Who on earth wins a living by painting and drawing?" she was stubborn. You too.

"Let's not talk about this anymore please, we always end up the same way. You won't change your mind, and neither will I" your tone was stern and your mom knew she had crossed the line.

"Yeah, let's cheer up. We don't want to bore Taehyung, right? And what are you doing if you don't study?" she said. Again, she seemed to embarrass Taehyung. But he didn't show it.

"I work at a friend's garage" he took a sip from his glass, his eyes on your mom's "But I don't plan on doing it forever. I'm just helping my mom pay the bills and my sibling's school" he then stopped for a moment to look at you, immediately turning his gaze away from yours "I play the saxophone, and I would love to become a saxophonist. I would like to go to a conservatory in the future, to learn more"

Your food was left untouched for the rest of the night, your mind was full of Taehyung. He was all you could think of, all you could look at. His eyes, brighter than you had ever seen them, his smile, his words, his voice. He was intoxicating you and a fear was starting to grow in your chest. How could you feel so drawn to someone you had hated for nearly three months? How could you feel so drawn to someone you hated until a couple of hours ago? How could you feel so drawn to someone you had started to know just a couple of minutes ago? Your mind was buzzing and you needed to sleep and clear it.

The dinner finally came to its end and Taehyung and you both helped your mother cleaning up the table. Taehyung thanked your mother for the meal and you walked him to the door.

You half closed the door behind your back.

"It has been nice" he smiled.

"Considering you invited yourself tonight..." you started to say, Taehyung's face was blank "It's been nice, I guess"

You could see his smile in the dark of your porch. You felt hypnotized by him, by this new boy you had discovered that night. He was far from being the boy you thought was behind that stupid nickname. You thought nothing was under that cocky smile, that playful look and that empty heart, which turned out to be not that empty.

"I..." he started, he looked like an insecure teenager. Now that you could see him without seen red with anger, you saw his soft features, the curve of his upper lip, his soft jawline, his nose... He was probably one of the most beautiful boys you had ever seen. "I had a lot of fun, indeed"

"Yeah, you had fun making fun of me and my room, and then you had fun watching my mom and I argue about my future" you joked, laughing as you said so.

"A little bit, I'm not gonna lie" he laughed too making you arch your brow "But, I must say I don't agree with her"

"Agree with her in what?" you asked.

"I saw your drawings, well I saw some of your drawings since you got all nervous about it and took your notebook from me, and I saw how talented you are. I think you'll be able to do whatever you want in the future, you have potential" he said. Was he complimenting you?

"I wish I could say the same, but since I haven't see you play the saxophone I can't form an opinion yet. Even though I'm sure you're really good at playing the saxophone" you said, saying the last few words with emphasis. You blushed when you realised what you had done, but Taehyung laughed, seeming oblivious to your embarrassment.

"I can show you whenever you want" he said, his tone cocky again, but in a good way.

"Oh my God, go away right now" you said, hoping he couldn't see you reddened cheeks. "Didn't you say that you wouldn't even touch me if I paid you?"

"Well, it depends. If you pay well..." he teased you, making you blush again. You only wanted to disappear into your room and hide under your sheets. Trying to hide your embarrassment you laughed too.

You too laughed for a couple of minutes more, indeed. He was trying to make you laugh and blush with the sarcastic comments that followed, it was obvious. At one point, both of you stopped and suddenly the mood changed again from a friendly one to a weird one that you couldn't quite decipher.

"Does this change something?" he suddenly said, confusing you.

"What?"

"This. Tonight. Does it changes what's between you and me?" he sounded so innocent...

"There's nothing between you and me. Just because I let you eat my mom's lasagna don't think that we're friends now" you laughed, and Taehyung did too, but he stopped before you.

"I'm being serious. I don't wanna argue with you anymore. I'm tired of screaming at each other and saying things we'll later regret when we could just get along like we did tonight"

You took a deep breath "I still have to think about a lot of things" At the end of the day he still was Taehyung, or V or whatever the fuck he was called. He was the boy who had used your best friend, and probably every other woman he slept with, and then had turned her down without a second thought. He was the boy that had been giving you headaches since you met him. He had insulted you, made fun of you and made you cry. You weren't going to forget everything just because that night he had been nice to you.

You were so deep in thought that you didn't even saw the boy approaching you, and when your brain finished its little monologue, you saw a pair of black starry eyes looking directly at yours.

"Don't think" he said before closing the small space that was between your mouths and moulding his lips against yours.

You couldn't think of anything but his starry eyes. You lost yourself in his young smell, his sweet taste and his soft lips. One of Taehyung's hand cupped your left cheek gently while the other moved away a strand of hair from your face. You couldn't think about Tiara or any of the other girls. You couldn't think about your hate for him. But you were sure that you couldn't think about your hate about him because you didn't hate him anymore. Indeed you asked yourself: had you ever really hated him?

You felt butterflies in your stomach, your heart racing in your ribcage, your breath getting heavier. You felt your lips tingle against Taehyung's. And suddenly, the stars you had seen in his eyes were surrounding you, dancing against your attached bodies and lips. Against Taehyung's soft caresses. Against your hands resting on your sides, still in shock. You had never felt anything like that, and tears formed behind your closed eyes. You were terrified of what was happening, of the way that kiss was making you feel. Was Taehyung feeling the same as you? Or was he just kissing you like he kissed every other girl? Maybe kissing Taehyung always felt like that and that was why he was so good with girls. Fuck, his tongue wasn't even in your mouth and you was already on his little finger. With one move of it he could save you, or he could destroy you, and it terrified you more than anything in the world.

Taehyung broke the kiss and softly tore his lips away from yours. Maybe in a parallel universe you would have slapped him and broke the kiss just as fast as it had started. Maybe in a parallel universe you would have said anything after or kissed him again as you were willing to. Maybe in a parallel universe you would have intensified the kiss and let Taehyung do whatever he pleased with you.  But in that universe, in that moment, you could only look at the boy who had just given you the most breathtaking kiss of your life.

. . .

You happily remember the following weeks. A few days after that December night, the classes ended and Christmas holidays started. But not without Mr. Harris, your art teacher, giving you some work for the holidays. It was something that would definitely expand your horizons: a drawing contest. You and the rest of the class had to bring a drawing the 20th of January. The drawing's topic would be open, you could draw whatever you wanted to. The winner would be announced the last day of class and would receive a scholarship to spend the last two years of the career in a prestigious university in Europe. When you told your mom about it, she nearly glued your ass to your desk so you could start drawing. "At least something that will help you in the future" she said.

On Christmas Day you and your mom went to your nan's house to spend the day with the rest of your family and the delicious turkey you nan made every Christmas Day.

You practically saw the boys at the skate park every day, but something had changed. You and Taehyung weren't arguing anymore, in fact, you acted as if you two had never argued before. Everyone was surprised of the drastic change, but nobody asked any of you about it, afraid that they would open old wounds. But Tiara did. She asked you what was going on between the two of you and you simply answered that you had discovered that you weren't teenagers anymore but you were acting as if you were, so you spoke things out and decided to make peace.

And it was the truth. You were friends now. You didn't mention the kiss you shared on your front door that December night ever again, but neither did he. You simply started all over again. You wished you had done that before. Taehyung made you laugh like no one could, one day you nearly peed yourself in your favourite black skinny jeans. You would spend those winter evenings in the park with the rest of the group, but both in your own little world. You knew the look on Suga's and Tia's eyes, they thought you and Taehyung were sleeping together, but you were far from it, or you thought so. Taehyung was still sleeping with random girls every now and then, but you didn't care as long as it didn't affect you. After all, he was a grown man and he knew what he was doing with his life.

But not everything was going smoothly. You seated in front of your desk every fucking morning, trying to draw something, anything. But as always, your mind was somewhere else each time you grabbed your pencil. It had never happened to you, and you were starting to get frustrated.

Maybe that's why you answered "Yes!" when Jimin asked if you wanted to go out with him, Manda, Soph and the boys on New Year's Eve. Or maybe you said yes because you wanted to spend time with Taehyung.

That year ended with you having fun with your group of friends, laughing, drinking and dancing (yes, Taehyung made you dance) And you welcomed the next one with a huge smile on your lips and your hands distractedly playing with Taehyung's behind your backs as you contemplated the fireworks.

The first Friday of the year the boys, Maia, Manda, Soph, Tia and you hang out together in the skate park, you remember hearing Taehyung mention that he wanted to show you something, but when the days carried on and you found out that your canvas was still blank and you had only fourteen days to give it to Mr. Harris, you couldn't think about anything that wasn't drawing.

That 17th of January (it was already 17th because it was past midnight) you were sat on your desk, nearly crying from desperation, when a soft clank was heard in your room. You looked up to your window, where the noise had come from. Your gaze returned to your white canvas when you didn't see anything there. But just as you had started to trace a line, that clank was heard again, and this time it scared you, so your pencil went over the entire canvas. "Fuck" you grumbled.

You stood up from your chair to look through the window. It faced the front of the house, so you could see whoever was walking by the street. You expected to find some kind of bird lying on the ground, but you found Taehyung smiling at you instead. You had to bite the inside of your cheek to help yourself from smiling.

You: lmao, i thought i would find some little bird agonizing on the floor, not you   00:26

TaetAe: indeed, i found one here when i arrived but when you glanced through the window, he left me alone here   00:27

TaetAe: i swear it was that bird and not me who hit your window   00:27

 You: are you sure you aren't the bird? You look like an ostrich standing there w your hoodie on lol   00:28

TaetAe: haha, rlly funny   00:28

TaetAe: btw are you coming out or are you gonna stare at me all night through your window?   00:29

You: whooot? look at your clock, i think it's too early to leave the house don't you think?    00:30

TaetAe: it never is too early ;)    00:30

You: normal people would say "it never is too late" but since you're not normal i forget you   00:30

TaetAe: HEEEEY!     00:31

TaetAe: ARE YOU COMING OUT OR WHAAAT?   00:31

TaetAe: I'M GONNA FREEZE OUT HERE     00:31

You: wow, wow, wow... relax your tits Olaf ;)   00:32

TaetAe: MY TITS CAN'T RELAX RN, THEY ARE FREEZING  00:33

You: ugh, okay! give me five minutes 00:33

You heard your phone vibrating again and again against the wooden desk. While you changed your Sesame Street's pajamas for you pair of black skinny jeans and an oversized jumper, you hear that clank on your window again and you couldn't do anything but smile widely. You finally put on your black Air Force One, your grey scarf and beanie and grabbed your coat on your way out.

Taehyung was shivering, but you knew he was overreacting. He wore just a black leather jacket over his black hoodie, a pair of black jeans and his old black Martens.

"You ready?" he smiled at you when you approached.

"Ready for what?"

"Do you even hear me when I talk to you? I told you I wanted to show you something, so I'm gonna show you something" he was smiling, and those starry black eyes made you think of that night he kissed you on your porch.

"At quarter to one in the morning? You're crazy" you clenched your teeth. It was freezing.

"Oh, c'mon. You were awake anyway!" he laughed, a white cloud of steam leaving his mouth.

You followed Taehyung as he led you through the deserted streets towards the centre of the city. Neither of you said a single word, both too occupied with their own thoughts. Taehyung was probably focused on following what Google Maps was telling him to do, and you probably was too busy wondering where he was leading you.

You soon discovered when Taehyung abruptly stopped in front of a building. It had at least four floors and was surrounded by other building of the same height. You saw how he took a small key out of his back pocket and opened the door for you.

"Close your eyes" he demanded.

"What's this Taehyung?" you whispered, more steam coming out of your mouth.

"Close your eyes" he repeated, this time his voice sounded deeper and more serious.

"Okay, but if you get us in trouble..." you said as soon as you closed your eyes and felt both of Taehyung's hands grab your shoulders. You heard the sound of the heavy metal door opening and then he lead you to a closed space, where the winter wind couldn't reach you anymore.

"I won't get us in trouble" he whispered, making a shiver run down your spine when you felt how close his lips where to your ear.

You let him put you in the elevator and you felt the machine starting to move upwards. When it stopped, Taehyung gently pushed your shoulders again. You could hear him opening another door, this made a creaking sound when it opened.

Since you couldn't see anything you used other senses. You could smell the place and it smelled like the old storage of your nan. You couldn't hear anything after Taehyung closed the door behind your backs. And you couldn't feel anything with your hands or your feet.

"Relax, I'm not gonna crash you into a wall, even though I'd love to" he whispered again.

You swallowed and kicked him in the shin with your heel. He let out a soft "ouch" and you laughed.

Suddenly Taehyung made you stop and you could no longer feel his hands on your shoulders, but you could hear his steps, moving away from you. "Where are you going?" you whispered, hoping he wasn't gonna leave you there on your own.

"Open your eyes" he said then. You could hear the huge smile that was drawn on his face.

You obeyed him and fluttered your eyes open. The room was dark, so you took your time to adapt to the darkness. What was in front of you was a big room with white walls and concrete floor. You turned your head so you could see the rest of the room, but it was empty. Empty and cold. Behind you, you saw the big metal door painted in a burgundy colour. The roof was tall and covered in dark old wood. Just above you was a huge window  and you could see the starts through it. In front of you was a spiral staircase that lead to a small room in the top floor, its walls made of glass.

"What's this, Taehyung?" you whispered, afraid one of the neighbours would hear you. He obviously didn't own the place. The idea that first crossed your mind was that Taehyung was moving into that loft. But it disappeared as soon as you remembered that Taehyung didn't have enough money to buy or rent that place.

"Your future art gallery" he smiled at you.

"What?" was all that you could say.

You hadn't thought about it before, but it seemed to the be the perfect place for an art gallery; plain white walls, open space, cute neighbourhood... Too good to be true. You looked at him confused with your brows furrowed.

"You don't like it?" the boy said, a hint of pain in his voice as the smile disappeared from his face.

"What?" you repeated, looking at the walls again, at the ceiling, at the huge window. "I... I... I love it, it's perfect" you finally breathed, making Taehyung's smile reappear. "How did you find it?"

"Well, I couldn't stop thinking about how much I liked your drawings and I thought I'd love to see them hanging on a wall, the people admiring them. And since your mom said that you wanted to open an art gallery..." he looked at the floor, suddenly shy "A couple of months ago I was here at a party and the place came to my head the other day"

You opened your mouth to say something, but shut it down as soon as you realised you couldn't say anything coherent in that moment. He thought about you and remembered what your mom said in that dinner. He searched for that place for you. "How did you get the keys? I... "

When he saw you weren't going to finish your sentence, he smiled "A friend owned me a favour, and he knows the owner of this place so..."

"I love it Taehyung" you finally said, your eyes fixed in the walls again "It would be the most beautiful art gallery in town. In that wall" you stopped to point at a smaller wall "I would hang my favourite drawing. There I would hang one of my landscapes. Maybe there I could hang some sketches. Oh, and there my charcoal drawings" you voice was full of passion and dreams, just like your head, your heart and you in general. "And when the sun entered through the window on the roof, it would point at that wall, so I would hang there the landscape I did when I went to Venice"

You were so absorbed by your own imagination that you hadn't realised Taehyung approaching you. His hands gently grabbed your waist and you froze, you shut your mouth and the art gallery you had started to build in front of you, disappeared.

"It would be beautiful" he whispered in your ear "But not as beautiful as you're right now"

You opened your eyes and your mouth, feeling your cheeks starting to heat up. His hands travelled dangerously slow until they reached the zip of your coat.

"Don't play with me, Taehyung" you warned him. You felt attracted to him in every possible way, but you weren't sure if he was too or he just wanted to fuck you like he did with the rest of the girls. You didn't want to break your short friendship.

"I'm not playing" he whispered again, his mouth finding your pulse in your neck while his hand unzipped your coat.

Had he brought you there for that? To get into your pants? You were confused. Why was he doing that? While you were confused and thinking about everything, Taehyung didn't waste his time and took off your scarf and your beanie, throwing them on the floor, quickly followed by your coat. The heating of the building was on, but the room was too empty and, because of that, a bit cold to. It was the cold that made you wake up from your trance.

"No, Taehyung, no" you whispered, as you tried to let go of his hands on your waist "Please, no"

He finally let go of you and you turned on your heels to find his confused look.

"What's wrong?" he whispered.

You blinked rapidly. What was wrong? You liked Taehyung, it was pretty obvious. He had been awesome with you the past weeks. He had showed you the real Taehyung, who he really was. A boy full of dreams, hope, happiness, knowledge (even though he didn't seem like a boy who would have certain opinions, sense and judgements) He was full of stars. But you were afraid because, even though he had shown you that good side of him, he had shown you his bad side too. That bad side that was full of hate, arrogance, hurt, anger and full of mistakes. And you were mostly afraid because you were full of feelings towards him. You had started to feel too comfortable around him. Your heart raced in your chest, and you stomach fluttered each time you saw him. You were afraid that you would give yourself to him and wake up alone the next morning, you were afraid that he would break your heart, not knowing you were the one who would break his later.

"If you're horny call other girl" you said feeling how your blood was rushing to your cheeks "I don't want you to ruin our friendship like that"

"Friendship?" he ironically laughed "We have never been friends, Y/N, and you know it. Stop playing dumb"

"What? The night you had dinner with me and my mom, we made peace and started being friends" you said, still confused about the situation. Was Taehyung trying to tell you that you hadn't been a friend to him that last month? Had he been playing with you?

He saw the confused look on your face and gave two small steps towards you.

"Yeah, we started being friends after we kissed." he said. You swallowed, it was the first time Taehyung mentioned the kiss "Friends don't feel like we do when we're together. Friends don't touch like we do. I would have never held my friend's hands while watching the fireworks in New Years Eve like I held yours"

"So you just wanted to get into my panties this whole time?" you swallowed. You remember how naive and blind you were when you were nineteen like you were then. Your self esteem wasn't one of your strong points, you didn't have enough confidence in yourself to understand the look on his eyes. That's why you didn't see how he looked at you, that's why you didn't see that those starry eyes were only starry eyes for you.

"You still think that way of me?" he sounded and looked hurt, but again you remembered how he easily lied to your mom "You think I would do everything I've done this past month just to have a quick fuck with you? If I wanted just to get laid I would have gone to Tiara or other random girl"

What? You didn't understand anything "I... I don't know. Right now I'm a bit confused, Taehyung"

"Why?" he whispered.

"Why? Well, let's think about it... Before we 'made peace' you ended up calling me fat or something like that every single time we argued" your voice was starting to raise "I don't know why you would feel attracted to someone you wouldn't even touch for money"

Taehyung clicked his tongue "Well, let me tell you one thing" his voice was deep and he sounded frustrated "That 17th of October I had had a shitty day at work and at home, so I went to the skate park to clear my mind, to be alone. And suddenly I found myself surrounded by my friends being loud with a group of girls I had never seen before. One of those girls hurt my ego and she seemed to have words to refute every fucking thing I said. I was used to girls falling head over heels for me not girls contradicting me. And that happened every time I saw that girl, she made me look like a retard in front of my friends, and maybe I was one, because I couldn't tease her about anything. She was too smart for me so I decided to pick on her appearance because it is the easiest thing to do if you wanna hurt somebody without thinking too much." he was so close now to you that you could feel his breath against yours "I'm not good with girls unless it involves sex, I don't know what to say. I can't believe you haven't realised yet how I look at you, your lips-" he traced your lower lip with his thumb as he spoke "Your ass" he laughed while saying that and you couldn't help but laugh too "I don't wanna frighten you but I've been thinking about that ass while I jerked myself off nearly every night since I know you"

If your cheeks were red before hearing that, after, they were almost in flames. You hit his arm. "You definitely aren't good with girls unless it involves sex" you laughed.

He laughed too and then turned serious again, resting both of his hands on your cheeks, his thumb caressing your soft cheeks "I'm not playing with you. I would never play with you and I never will"

You swallowed. You knew what would happen if you leaned in and kissed him, what you was whiling to do, but you were too afraid to wake up alone. You were afraid because then and there you realised you were in love with his boxy smile and his starry eyes. You were afraid because there, under the moonlight that entered through the big window in the roof, you realised you were in love with that boy. You were in love with Taehyung. Then you remembered what you nan told you once; God gives us life to live it, to feel it, to feel love, hurt, fear, happiness... You can't just don't do something because you are afraid of what's coming next.

You had always thought about your nan as a wise and strong woman. There was nothing you wanted more than to kiss Taehyung and let him do whatever he wanted to do with you, so, what if he left you the following morning? At least you would have had the best night ever with him. There was nothing you wanted more than to kiss Taehyung and so you did.

He seemed shocked when you moulded your lips against his. And what started as something innocent and delicate, ended up being something messy, passionate and almost needy. But you didn't mind at all. You didn't mind when his tongue licked your lower lip, and neither did you when his tongue entered in your mouth and found yours on his way.

Taehyung's hands travelled to the hem of your jumper and pulled it over your head. He then removed the shirt you wore under the jumper, only breaking the kiss when it was required. But he broke the kiss again when he saw your other shirt. You both laughed when Taehyung looked at you with his brow arched.

"I was cold and out there is freezing" you explained.

Taehyung gave you another kiss before pulling the third - and last - shirt over your head. You felt the cold breeze of the room hit your naked skin, your chest only covered by your plain black bra.

"Don't listen to that asshole that told you shit. You're beautiful" he whispered.

"I'll write it down as soon as we're done with this" you smiled, your arms intertwining behind his neck, your hand softly caressing the point where his hair started to grow.

"Oh, so you think we're going to finish quickly, huh?" he told you with a cocky smile on his lips. Before you could say anything, he wrapped again his arms around your waist, and suddenly your back was against you coat that had been previously thrown to the floor, and Taehyung was above you, one of his arms still around your waist and the other holding his weight so he wouldn't fall over you "I highly doubt that, baby"

The way he called you baby made shivers run down your spine and heat started to pool on your lower stomach. He then was kissing you everywhere; your lips, your neck, your collar bones, the valley between your breasts, your stomach. You moaned each time you felt his tongue placing wet kisses to your bare skin, making goose bumps appear everywhere.

"I love how you react to me" he whispered.

"Don't be so full of yourself, you jerk" you joked, moaning again when you felt him kiss your inner thighs through your trousers. Suddenly, he rubbed you through the thick material of your black skinny jeans, making you moan again, the zone getting wetter and wetter. But just as fast as he had started rubbing his fingers, he stopped them.

"Do you want me to keep doing that or are you gonna call me jerk again" his tone was deep and serious, but he was smiling while he spoke.

"I want... " you teased him, you could see his tongue licking his lower lip "I want to keep calling you jerk"

Taehyung's smile grew wider and you saw how he threw his leather jacket away, followed by his hoodie and then by his plain white shirt. You observed each centimetre of his naked torso, your mouth watering at the idea of leaving marks, your marks, all over it.

"Such a tease..." he murmured, leaning against you again. "Let's see who can tease better"

You saw his intentions when he unbuttoned your jeans and took them away with your Nikes and your socks. You saw his intentions when he leaned into you left thigh and started peppering wet kisses as he approached your centre. He rubbed his long fingers against the soft material of your panties.

"Looks like someone is ready for being teased" he smiled devilishly. He then left aside the material of your panties, making you blush and instinctively close your legs. But he kept your legs open with his hands, that were caressing your inner things. "Don't be shy, not for me"

You swallowed and bit your lip when you felt Taehyung's breath as he approached your centre. One of his hands approached the zone and started playing with your clit. A moan escaped through your lips and you could feel him smile against you. "I've been waiting for this since that first kiss I gave you" was the only thing he said before placing his tongue flat against your slit. You moaned louder than ever, you had never been someone vocal, not until then at least. "I knew you would taste so sweet, just like your mouth" he whispered.

You let your mind wander free while you felt Taehyung's tongue against you, circling, licking, kissing. You couldn't stop the intense feeling and you threw your head back, closing your eyes. Even though you opened widely again when Taehyung stopped. He was looking at you, his eyes black with lust and his lips glistening because of you. You had never seen anything prettier or hotter.

"You tease me, I tease you back" he smiled.

You smiled too, too overwhelmed by everything to form any coherent sentence. "Jerk..." was the only thing you could say. Taehyung's eyes shined for a moment and you didn't knew why his hand was lifting your waist until he slapped one of your butt cheeks. Your mouth formed an "o" when you felt the pain and the pleasure that came with it.

"Are you gonna call me jerk again" he smiled, rubbing the sore area.

You called him jerk again because you wanted to feel him slapping you once more. You had never been slapped before and you didn't knew it would turn you on so much until then. He slapped you again, and again as you repeated the words, after each slap rubbing gently the area to calm it a bit.

"Enough" he said when the both of you were panting heavily and then he took your panties of and threw the away. Without warning he inserted two fingers in you while he looked at you through hooded eyes. "Do you like it like this? Rough?" he smirked when he saw the pleasure in your face.

It hurt a bit, you hadn't had sex with anyone in a long time, but the pleasure that came with it overpowered the pain. You nodded and Taehyung grunted when he saw you did so.

"I'm so hard right now I'm actually in pain" he said, laughing while his finders pumped in and out of you. You wanted to laugh too, but instead you moaned again. As you couldn't say a word, you decided to take action. So you unzipped his trousers and he helped you get them off of him. You could see him hard through his boxers. Yeah, he definitely was in pain. You started to palm him through his black boxers and he hissed, biting his lip and fastening the speed of his fingers.

Seeing him like that, so turned on by you was what sent you over the edge. You were panting frantically as you came undone on his fingers.

"Stop please, I don't wanna come in my boxers by just you palming me through them. That would be a bit.. Awkward" he said, grunting in between words, his voice deeper than ever. "You don't realise how wild you drive me, baby"

You were still coming from you high and when you did, Taehyung took his fingers out of you and licked them clean while looking at you. You was about to come again just by that.

"Take your bra off, I want to see all of you" he said, sat in between your legs. You let go of is erection and reached to take your bra off. Taehyung hovered above you and helped, tossing the black bra with the rest of your clothes in the floor.

"Hmm" he murmured as he started caressing your breasts.

You gently moved away his sweaty green bangs of his forehead. He was so beautiful you didn't even felt shy about being naked in front of someone as breathtaking as Taehyung.

"I'm gonna make love to you all night baby" he whispered in your ear while you felt him getting rid of his boxers. Your gaze, unconsciously looked down to see him pressing down on your stomach.

You watched him grab a condom from the back of his trousers and he expertly put it on. You bit your lip when you felt his tip against your entrance and his fingers gently grabbed your chin so you would look at him.

"Look at me with those beautiful eyes" he whispered. His eyes were sweet, full of feelings. You had never felt such strong feelings inside you and you never felt them again after Taehyung. He slowly pushed himself into you, stopping a bit when he was nearly fully inside you, giving you time to adapt to him. "Oh" was all he said when he kissed you and then hid his face in the crook of your neck. You caressed his neck lovingly with your fingers, playing with the ends of his hair.

He started to move in and out, slowly at first, but getting faster and deeper with each thrust. At first it hurt a bit because you weren't used to something being inside you, but as you were getting used, your pleasure started to built up again. 

"Tae..." you whispered unconsciously.

He stopped for a moment, looking up to you again.

"Say my name again baby" he grunted as he started pumping in and out of you again.

"Tae... Tae..." you whispered "Jerk"

You could feel his smile when he pressed his lips against yours again, devouring you with hunger.

"Again" he said.

"Jerk?" you teased him. You didn't even knew how you were capable of teasing him in that moment, you didn't even knew how you were capable of forming any coherent words.

He laughed but the both of you tensed and moaned when you felt your walls clenching around him.

"Tae..." you whispered. "Taehyung... TaeTae..." you were calling his name in every possible way, and he seemed to love that.

"Y/N..." he moaned in your ear.

"Oh, Tae" you moaned to the sound of his raspy voice, full of lust, saying your name. That moment felt too good to be true. So intimate. Both of you making love under the moonlight that crept through the enormous window on the ceiling. Under the starry sky. Under Taehyung's starry eyes. Oh, you loved him so much. You loved every single detail of him. His little moles under his right eye, his lower lip, on his nose. His chestnut hair, with his sweaty bangs and ends, which were dyed green. His boxy smile. His thick neck. His puffy lips. His laugh. His voice. His way of making love to you like no one had ever done before. You loved him. You loved Taehyung. "I love you, Tae"

You were so deep in thought, you didn't even realised you had said those words until Taehyung stopped abruptly and was still inside you when he grabbed you by your back and waist and sat you over his thighs, your sweaty chests pressing into each other's. His hand that wasn't behind your back anymore, set a sweaty lock behind your ear. Your cheeks were burning red.

"Was it too soon? I'm sorry I didn't want to ruin the moment or pressure you, I-" you started to speak fast and sloppily.

"Say that again" was the only thing he said, his voice barely a whisper. You were confused but he saw it in your face, he could read you like and open book. "Say you love me again"

He had heard it. He had liked it. Maybe he loved you too.

"I love you, Tae" you softly said.

He didn't said it back, though. But he kissed you like he did, like he loved you back. You couldn't help but feel a small pang of pain in your heart, wishing he would have said it back. But you knew yourself and you knew him too. You fell so fast for everyone, it wasn't a big surprise to you that you had fallen so hard and so fast for him in such a little time. Taehyung, on the other hand, always contained his feelings and it had been surprising enough to you that he had told you what he had told you before.

Certainly, Taehyung wasn't good with words or with expressing his feelings, but he made love to you all night as if he loved you just as much as you loved him, and that was enough for you.

. . .

You silently sneaked up into your house that 17th of January at five in the morning. Taehyung was laughing softly behind you as you kicked him in the arm, making him laugh even more.

"Shut the fuck up" you whispered, smiling too "My mom's sleeping"

Taehyung made as if he shut his mouth with an invisible zipper.

"Do you wanna eat something?" you whispered as you passed the kitchen. Taehyung mouthed a short "no" and he followed you upstairs. When you were both in your room, you locked the door behind you, you were just going to sleep, but you didn't want your mother to open the door and find Taehyung sleeping next to you on your bed.

"It's tidier than the last time I saw it" he whispered, taking his jacket and hoodie off. You did the same with your scarf, your beanie and your coat. "Except for this"

You turned to see hem holding you pajamas and instantly ran towards him to catch it.

"Don't touch my pajamas" you told him in a playful tone.

"As you wish" he whispered again, placing a soft kiss on your lips. Both of your lips were swollen, red and puffy from all the kissing they had received that night. Taehyung's hair was all over the place and yours wasn't doing any better.

"Uh... Er..." you shyly said "I can lend you some oversized t-shirt, I've plenty of them.

"No thanks, I sleep without clothes" he was smiling while his words left his lips, knowing the effect they'd have on you. You gulped and nodded, facing away from him so he couldn't see you blush. You had already seen him completely naked, why were you blushing?

You changed into your pajamas and tied your hair into a ponytail.

When you turned around, Taehyung was sat on your bed with your blank canvas in his hands. "Where you drawing before?"

You sighed and sat next to him on the bed. The sun was starting to rise up and you didn't need to turn the lights on to see each other.

"Yeah. Well, I was trying to" you sighed again, some days ago you had decided to give up on that scholarship, you were sure that Felix, the boy who was always sitting in the first row, had already finished his painting.

"Why do you say it like that" Taehyung asked, looking you in the eye.

You explained him about the scholarship and about your lack of inspiration. You watched him getting up from your bed, placing the canvas again on your desk and returning to your bed again. He pushed you down with him on the bed and covered both of your bodies with the white sheets.

"You need to sleep cuddled with me, when you wake up in the morning you'll be as inspired as ever" he said giving you a soft peck.

"Cuddled with you?" you teased him. You loved teasing him, because he always teased you back, and teasing Taehyung was the best. "I didn't picture you cuddling, never"

"I don't cuddle, but I can see in your eyes that you're willing to sleep with my arms over you" he smiled. His voice was getting lower and you could tell he was starting to fall asleep.

You hid your face in his chest so he couldn't see you smiling, smelling his scent. You peppered a small kiss on his chest and you felt him put one of his arms around you while the other caressed one of your hands above his chest.

"Sleep tight" was all he said before you could hear his soft breaths. You closed you eyes hoping to fall asleep at any moment, but you found yourself an hour later looking at the ceiling. You could see through your window the sky as the sun rose up, first it turned purple, then pink, and then orange. You knew you wouldn't be able to sleep since you could still feel the adrenaline pumping through your veins and your mind sending you image after image of the night's events.

You slowly woke up from bed, careful not to wake up Taehyung. He mumbled something in his sleep, but turned around so you were now facing his back.

You stayed at the feet of your bed admiring the boy that was sleeping in it. The sheets only covered him below his hips and you could see the muscles of his back contracting and relaxing with each movement. That boy couldn't stay in the same position more than five minutes.

The soft orange morning light that entered through the window reflecting on Taehyung's black, his slightly dark skin contrasting with the fair sheets, his soft breaths contrasting with the house's silence, it all looked like a dream right beneath your eyes. In that moment, you felt that tingle on the tips of your fingers, that clarity in your head, that peace in your soul. You knew what that meant. So you ran toward your desk, careful not to wake the sleeping boy in your bed, and took your pencil in your hand. Hours passed by, you heard your mom leave the house, you could hear the birds sing as the sun was now up in the sky; suddenly the canvas that had been blank since Mr. Harris handed it to you was full of traces.

Taehyung spent that 17th of January morning sleeping in your bed while you spent that 17th of January morning drawing him sleeping in your bed.

. . .

At first, you were afraid Taehyung would disappear in the middle of the night each time you two slept together in your bed. You were afraid he would leave you after making love to you in your bed. You were afraid you would turn around one morning and find the other side of the bed empty and cold. But he was softly breathing beside you each time you woke up. He was beside you that 17th of January evening when you woke up after drawing him for more than ten hours. He was beside you when you woke up the 17th of February, the 17th of May, the 17th of April, the 17th of May too. He was beside you when you woke up the 17th of June, the day you finished your first year of university and the day Mr. Harris announced the winner of the drawing contest: you.

In those six months you and Taehyung had grown really close. In those six months you didn't talk about what you two both were, Taehyung just stopped seeing other girls, and the fact that he had done it without you telling him to do so made you really happy. The only thing you told him to stop doing was selling drugs.

Oh, that argument was though. You had been together for two months then and you hadn't been able to stop thinking about the whole dealing drugs thing. The first thing you did when he entered your room was telling him about the drugs. He got really mad at you.

His father had left him, his mother and his younger siblings a couple of years ago with a bunch of debts behind his back. His mother worked as a waitress at some cafeteria in the centre and her salary wasn't enough to pay for her children's schools. Taehyung left his studies and started working at a friend's garage. They paid him enough to help with his siblings education but not enough to pay his father's debt. Drugs was an easy way to get money and since he had started dealing with drugs his mother hadn't had to take extra hours at work.

You knew he needed the money. You knew that asking him for stop dealing with drugs would make him angry, but you also knew that if he didn't stop doing it, he would get in trouble sooner or later. Her mom was oblivious to all the drugs thing, she thought that all the money came from his salary. Taehyung left your house a couple of minutes after the argument, saying he needed to be somewhere else. The following day you spoke to your aunt, who had a small company. You told her Taehyung was a really good friend of yours, that he was mature, hard working and professional, and you told her he really needed the money. A month after, Taehyung stopped dealing with drugs and started working for your aunt at her small company. He worked from Monday to Friday mornings at your aunt's company, and some evenings at his friend's garage.

You two were really happy together, even though you only saw each other one or two days a week. He was really busy working and you were really busy with university, but still you managed to see each other every once in a while. You didn't miss him that much when you were without him and neither did he, but in a good way. You didn't depend on him, you had always been really independent. He loved that about you. If he hadn't been in a relationship before, it had definitely been because of that. He couldn't stand those couples like Manda and Jimin, who were constantly with each other or texting when they weren't. He was happy with you, you gave him the space he needed (because you needed it too) and in regard he made you the happiest girl when you were together (you made him the happiest boy when you were together too) He still went out with his friends on his own and you did too with your friends.

And even though you both were really independent, you couldn't last more than one week without seeing each other.

Maybe that was why you didn't tell Taehyung you won the scholarship. Maybe that was why you didn't tell Taehyung you would be gone far from here for two years by next year. Maybe you were afraid you wouldn't even be together by next year. Maybe you were afraid you would be together by next year. Maybe you were afraid the long distance would create spaces between the two of you. Maybe you were afraid of letting go of him.

You didn't tell him when he woke up the next 17th of July naked next to you in the small cottage you, him and the rest of the boys had rented for the summer. You didn't tell him. He seemed so innocent, so pure laying there next to you, the sun hitting his back as it had done that first morning he slept at your bed. You couldn't risk losing him. Maybe he would give up on you before the long distance that would separate the two of you when you were in Europe did.

He woke up next to you every single 17th of each month. He woke up next to you every single 17th of each month, even that 17th of October.

. . .

When you woke up that 17th of October, you stirred as you always did, feeling something heavy and hot rounding your waist. You tried to pull away from you the naked boy's leg. And when you finally did you almost screamed when you saw the time it was.

"Fuck!" you finally screamed. "Tae, you need to wake up, I'm running late for class and you're running late for work"

You shook the bed, tore the pillow away from him, pulled the sheets off of him. You tried everything, but the only thing he did was stirring and turning away from you.

"Okay mate, you've left me no other option" you murmured as you grabbed the glass of water that was on top of the night stand. "Sorry" you said before pouring the water all over his face.

Immediately he opened his eyes, searching all over the room for the source of his abrupt alarm clock. "What the fuck?!" he shouted. When his eyes found yours, he was fuming, water dripping all over his face and hair and soaking your sheets. You couldn't stop yourself, you started laughing so hard you had to climb on the bed again to stop yourself from falling to the floor. "Do you find this funny?" he said with a stern yet amused tone.

"I find this hilarious" you teased him, even though you weren't lying.

"Do you know what do I find hilarious?" he said, climbing on top of you and soaking you as well. He was only wearing his boxers, as always, and you were on your Sesame Street pajamas (you had more pajamas, but it was your favourite) You felt him against your stomach and you knew what was about to come. "This" he finally said while pulling his boxers off.

Oh, well. You were already running late. Thirty more minutes wouldn't hurt you, right?

The day had started in the best way possible, who would have thought it would end up that way? Who would have thought that 17th of October wasn't really your best day of the year?

When you went down to the kitchen, you mom was there, pouring coffee in her favourite mug. She smiled at you two and then left in a rush because she was late too. In that moment, while you ate your favourite cereal, you remembered the first morning your mom had caught Taehyung at home. That day he had been sitting exactly where he was sitting then. You had only been together for a month, but most of the time was spent inside that house, your mom would have found out sooner or later.

She had one of her night shifts at the hospital, so you had invited Tae to spend the night. You stayed up until late; what started being an innocent meet up to watch films and catch up, ended being anything but innocent. You stayed in bed until late too and decided to cook something together. The pasta was almost done when your mom opened the front door and came in the kitchen without leaving you any time to react. "Wow, hi Taehyung" was the only thing she said before looking at you with one of her brows arched. "That smells delicious, I haven't eaten anything since five in the morning and I'm starving" She then disappeared upstairs to put on her comfy clothes and Taehyung got advantage of that and went home looking like a lost puppy, a lost and very embarrassed puppy. He didn't stay at your house again until two weeks passed by.

That 17th of October was Wednesday, and you hated Wednesdays, but you were working on a new drawing and you were eager to get home and finish it. Since Taehyung had been sleeping beside you, whispering sweet nothings in your ears, teasing you nonstop, your creativity had came back to you like rain came back to earth every once in a while. Wildly, passionately, strongly and refreshingly. It was all you needed. He was all you needed.

It was Wednesday, and you hated Wednesdays because your mom had her night shift. The best way to spend a Wednesday evening is staying up till late drawing, your black headphones on and your favourite playlist playing through them. The music was so loud you didn't even heard the loud clack in your window. But the second time, you heard it and immediately, a huge grin spread through your face. When you woke up and looked through the window, Taehyung was there, looking at the floor as if he was innocent. That made your smile grew even bigger.

You ran from your bedroom and went down to open the door in a heartbeat. He was standing there, his hands on his pockets, his usual hoodie covering his head, his eyes glued to the floor.

"Where's that bird? Let me have a small conversation with him?" you joked.

He wasn't supposed to be there as that evening he had worked at the garage and he was probably too exhausted to do anything but sleep. You didn't expect him, but the fact that he was there made you the most happy girl in the world. Or so you though until you saw him glancing up at you. His eyes were full of tears, unreleased tears. He stumbled, trying to escape from you, but you weren't drunk and you were faster than him, who obviously was.

"Tae, what's wrong?" you asked him, a hint of fear noticeable in your voice.

"When were you gonna tell me?" he said, making your frown, it had all happened so fast your brain hadn't even been able to soak everything in. "When were you gonna tell me?!" this time he was shouting, angrily wiping away the tears with the back of his hands.

"Wh... What are you talking about, Tae?" you whispered, trying to make him lower his voice. It was nearly midnight and he was probably waking up the entire neighbourhood with his deep voice.

"Don't you fucking dare! Don't you fucking dare Y/N! Don't play dumb!" he shouted again, nearly collapsing on the floor as he waved his arms in the air.

You were fast enough to catch him by the shoulders and help him from doing so. He backed away from your touch as if it burnt him. When you saw his eyes clear, without tears in them, you understood everything. He had found out. He had found out you had won the scholarship and were going to Europe in less than six months. He had found out and he was going to leave you before you would leave him.

"Taehyung I... I..." you didn't know what to say. You had no excuse for what you've done, he had the right to be mad at you.

"You lied to me" he whispered through gritted teeth. You technically didn't lie to him, you just kept the truth from him, but you knew it wouldn't be fair to throw that in his face. "You're leaving me and you didn't even bother telling me. Am I that insignificant to you-"

"Taehyung-" you interrupted him, but he interrupted you back.

"Don't interrupt me" he said with his jaw clenched, you could see he was fighting against himself to stay still and to not collapse on the floor.

"Please, come in. It's cold outside. You need to take a seat and-"

"Don't interrupt me" he repeated, this time his voice was full of authority and anger. You nodded, letting him know you wouldn't interrupt him again. "You were gonna go to Europe without fucking telling me. Would you tell me then when you where there? Or would your mom do the dirty work for you?" he slurred his words as he spoke. You had seen him drunk before, that one night when you too got drunk. You were both so drunk you slept in the skate park, in the middle of one of the ramps, looking at the stars. But now he wasn't drunk like he was that night, he was so drunk his eyes were red and his bangs sweaty. You could see the sweat soaking the front of his white t-shirt, making it stick to his chest. He seemed lost. 

Just as he said those words, he shrank and threw up in the middle of your porch. You scrunched your face in disgust but put one hand on his shoulders while you let the other one waver over his back, reassuring him. In between gagging reflexes he tried to speak again, but another wave of vomit would leave his mouth has he did so. You touched his forehead to back away his sweaty fringe.

"Oh my God Tae, your face is burning" you said with a stern voice. You stayed there, caressing Taehyung's back as he threw up on your porch, waiting for him to stop, but he didn't stop. "Tae, Tae" you were mumbling then, your hands trembling with worry.

At some point, he blacked out, you caught his hoodie before he could hit his head in the floor. You left loud groans as you carried the boy inside, shutting the door with your feet. "Tae" you called him, but the boy didn't open his eyes. "Tae" you called him again frantically. Your hands slapped his cheeks a couple of times."Tae, please" your voice cracked at the end, you were shitting yourself at that point. So you did the only thing that came to your head. "Mom" you nearly shouted when your mom answered the phone. You started mumbling all that had happened.

"Stop Y/N, I'm not understanding anything you say. Is Taehyung ill?" you mom asked through the phone, her voice full of concern.

"Yeah mom, but he's not ill as in ill. I think he drunk too muck and he passed out in the porch after throwing up for nearly fifteen minutes" you said, remaining as calm as you could. You didn't tear you eyes away from Tae, expecting some reaction from him.  

"Okay, maybe he's dehydrated. Is his forehead hot?" she asked, you could hear some background sound, she was at the hospital.

"Yeah" you answered, touching it again and getting your hand wet with his sweat in the process. "He is burning, I think he has fever"

"Mhm... He probably has if he has drunk a lot. Okay, I'll be there in half an hour but you need to make him drink some water and lower the fever till I get there and I give him some pills"

"Okay, hurry up please. I'm so scared right now" your voice was barely a whisper. Then you hung up and left your phone in the middle of the hall. "Tae, please, I need you to wake up so I can carry you upstairs" you tried grabbing him by the arms and climbing up the stairs that way, but you had barely climbed two steps and you were already out of breath. "Taehyung, please" you cried, climbing another two steps. He finally moved a little, but from that position you couldn't see his eyes. He mumbled something you didn't understand and he helped you until you got to the top of the stairs.

Carrying Taehyung across the corridor towards the bathroom was the easiest part. He mumbled something again as you opened the bathroom door. As you started the water, you heard him throw up again, this time in the toilet. You caressed his hair. "Have you finished?" you asked him softly, trying to hide the panic in your voice. He nodded and you flushed the toilet before helping him sit on the bathroom floor. The water was running down in the shower as you helped him out of his hoodie and t-shirt. His eyes were barely open but at least he was conscious again. You asked him random things to help him from blacking out again. When he was fully naked you put him into the shower, sat with his back against the tiles. His hair was damp against his forehead and he growled; the water was freezing, but that was the fastest way to help lower the fever.

You hadn't time to pull your pajamas off as he started to slide from the wall to the floor, so you rushed into the cold water to hold him, hissing when the water hit you. You sat against the wall and placed Taehyung between your legs as his back rested against your chest. He was breathing heavily as he let his head rest on the crook of your neck. One you your hands rested over his chest as the other pulled his damp hair away from his head.

"Y/N..." was all he said again and again. Each time your name slipped from his lips, your heart flinched for a moment. You tried soothing him with your words, telling him he would fell better once your mom gave him some pills. He only hummed and closed his eyes.

"Taehyung" you said, afraid he had blacked out again. But he slowly opened his eyes, just a bit. You let a breath out and touched his forehead, it wasn't as hot as before. You were shuddering under Taehyung, making your body and his move at the same time. You felt responsible for what was going on, even though you knew he was the only responsible for drinking so much.

When you heard the front door slamming shut, you turned off the water and got Taehyung out of the shower, your bodies covering with water the bathroom floor. You dried softly his body with a bath robe and then you covered him with it.

"Y/N?" you heard your mother from the other side of the door.

"Yeah mom, we're here" you said. She helped you drying Taehyung's hair with a towel and then you helped her getting him in your bed.

"Go, dry yourself, you were soaking the floor, but you didn't want to leave Taehyung. Your mom gave you a reassuring nod and you ran towards the bathroom with some clean clothes. Once you were fully dressed, dried and the bathroom was clean again, you ran towards your room.

"He's asleep. He'll get better, he just needs to rest and sleep. Make sure he takes this pills in the morning and drink water ever two hours. If he needs to throw up again, I've put your bin next to his side of the bed. You nodded, it was the only thing you could do. "I've to return to the hospital, but you can call me if you need anything"

And then she left you with that boy sleeping in your bed. You got in the bed with him, but you stayed on your side of the bed, far away from him so you wouldn't wake him up. You observed his side profile, since he was facing the ceiling. A couple of tears run down your cheeks, you had messed up everything. Would he look at you ever again like he looked at you that morning while he made love to you on that exact same bed?

"Y/N?" he called for you suddenly.

"Tae, I'm here" you whispered, getting closer to him till your chest was against his arm. You saw his Adam's apple go down and up. You placed your hand on his cheek, caressing his skin with your thumb.

"Y/N" he said again. He was starting to scare you again, the only thing he could mumble was your name, and you were about to say something when you heard his raspy voice again. "I think I love you too" was the only thing he said. He didn't even open his eyes when you sat down on the bed. You were so shocked you stayed like that, sitting next to him on your bed while looking at him. Was he serious? He loved you? You knew he loved you, he had showed you every single day in that ten months, but he had never told you. Maybe he was just raving. Maybe he wasn't.

That night you didn't even get an hour of sleep, constantly looking at Taehyung, worried he would start throwing up again or the fever would appear again. But none of those things happened. He just slept under your gaze while he snored softly. By dawn your eyes were so dry from being awake all night you needed to shut them every one in a while. One of those times you shut them down, you accidentally got asleep with your head on his chest, your ears hearing the rhythm of his heartbeat. That's why you immediately woke up when you hear it starting to speed up. You moved aside and propped yourself on your elbow to take a good look of his face.

He looked exhausted, drawn out. His eyes puffy and bloodshot. You were afraid that you wouldn't see the stars in his eyes if your looked at them again, so you looked at his puffy lips instead. He stirred next to you and sat up on the bed, immediately lying down again.

"Ugh, my head's fucking killing me" he growled.

You quickly handed him the pills your mom had gave to you the night before and handed him a glass of water as well so he could gulp them down.

"How are you feeling?" you asked then, not knowing what to do or say.

"Like shit" he growled again, closing his eyes and running his hand down his face. "What time is it?" he asked.

"Half past four" you said.

"Fuck" he said with a thick voice.

He tried getting up from the bed again, but you stopped him.

"No, I've called Carol and you have the day off" you softly said, afraid he would be mad at you for calling his boss.

"Ugh... And why aren't you at uni?" he said, opening his eyes for the first time so he could look at yours. But you were too ashamed of your behaviour to held his gaze, so you looked at your hands instead. You were now sitting on your bed next to him.

"I took the day off as well so I could take care of you" you said. When he heard those words he growled for the third time and closed his eyes again.

"I don't wanna argue right now" he suddenly said "But the only thing I can remember from last night is that I wanted to talk to you about your scholarship" he sighed and then got up so now you were both sitting on your bed, looking at each other "Hey, look at me" his voice was now soft and you looked at him slowly as you noticed his hand on your chin.

"I'm sorry Tae. I didn't wanna-" you started mumbling, but he cut you off.

"Don't" he said, his voice was serious yet soft. "My head is killing me, so I don't wanna end up screaming and throwing things all over the place as we do each time we argue. I wanna know everything"

And his wishes were orders to you, so you told him everything. You didn't have to lie to him, you had nothing to hide.

"So you didn't tell me because you thought I would give up on you?" he said. "And when you were gonna tell me? The day before leaving?!" he winced when he raised his voice.

"Don't raise your voice at me" you warned him "I don't wanna argue neither" you took a deep breath "I thought you would give up on us because of the distance"

He frowned "Why would you think that?"

"Um, let me guess..." you ironically said. "You've always told me you weren't made for long distance relationships, that you need physical interaction with the person you are in a relationship and if you don't have it you pass the page and go the following chapter" you repeated his nearly exact words.

Taehyung sighed loudly. This time you were right, before you knew you had won the scholarship, he had already told you a bunch of times that he didn't believe in long distance relationships. "Maybe you could have told me and we would have thought something" he said.

"Yeah, you're right. I should have told you, but then what?" you said, you had regained confidence after seeing that you had some point too. "Would you have changed your mind just because of me? Would we spend every single evening talking through the phone or face timing? Would he just sext? What, Tae? What?" He opened his mouth to say something, but he shut it again. "It would kill us, and you know that. I just wanted it to last as long as I'm here"

You saw Taehyung swallowing slowly. "What are we gonna do?" it's all he said. He looked at you in the eye again and you gasped at the intensity in his gaze. Those starts were there again, but not shining bright as they always were, they were flickering, waiting for what was about to come. Was that the end of you? You were just gonna break because of some stupid scholarship? You would be gone for two years, then you would come back and you would be together again. Well, you would be together again if Taehyung waited for you. You were sure you could wait him for two years, but could he?

"I don't know" you said, lowering your gaze again. You wanted to cry, but you weren't going to let yourself cry again.

"Show me the drawing" he whispered a couple of minutes after, breaking the silence in your room. You looked at him again, frowned, but then got up and opened the third drawer of your desk. The drawing was neatly wrapped in plastic so the traces wouldn't run. You handed him.

He looked at the drawing for more than ten minutes, he stayed silent. So silent you thought he hadn't liked the drawing, but when his eyes met finally yours, you nearly fell to the ground. His gaze was intense as ever, those starry eyes shining brighter than ever, all yours.

"I..." he mumbled. "This is me?" you nodded "Wow, I..." he looked completely out of words as he looked down at the drawing again. "Fuck, Y/N, it's no surprise you won the contest" you were blushing, as you always did when he complimented your drawings "It's so beautiful and it's me. When did you draw this"

Oh my God. If you told him you drew him while he was asleep it would sound really creepy, but it would be even creepier if he realized it hadn't be the only time you draw him while he was asleep. "You were... Uh." fuck. It's Tae, you can tell him everything. "I drew you the first time you stayed here... While you were asleep" you whispered. His cheeks were almost red when he looked at you again, which was a new for him.

"Really?" he asked, his voice sounded as if he was out of breath.

"Yeah, It sounds really creepy I know but-"

"I love you" he suddenly said "I've always loved you but I hadn't feel the need to tell you until now. I just... I never thought I would say this but I really love you"

Your mouth was wide open and your eyes too. Tears started rolling down your cheeks, to occupied with Taehyung's words to give a shit about crying. "You don't have to tell me that-"

"But I want to" he said, his voice sounded firmer now. He meant was he was saying, and it made your heart beat like a wild horse. "I want you to know that, whatever happens at the end, I loved you" he let your draw carefully on your bed and got up from it so you were face to face then."I meant what I said tonight, I love you"

"Please, don't repeat it anymore, I'm starting to believe it" you joked. He laughed softly, his hand caressing your cheek.

"I love you, and I'll go with you to Europe"

"What?!" you nearly shouted.

"We'll find a small apartment and move into London. I'll find a job and we'll live together. No long distance relationships for us, because I love you too much to let you go"

You threw yourself in his arms. In that moment you didn't think about anything, you had heard what you wanted to heard: you would have a future together. But as days passed you thought more and more about it, you thought about it without him kissing you, without his starry eyes on you, without his touch all over your skin. Each time you thought about it, you saw the end of the tunnel getting darker and darker. You weren't meant to be together. You had never been meant to be together. You were just defying fate.

. . .

Days passed by, then weeks, then months. You two were still together, but nothing was the same anymore.

Taehyung was very excited about moving to another country. It would be the first time he would travel abroad. He was always looking for houses to rent in London near University, looking for part time jobs for you and for him... He was always so excited while you were just... You were just you.

You couldn't do anything but look at him while he told people about it.

The 17th of October turned into the 17th of November and suddenly, Winter turned into Spring. Suddenly the 17th of April became the 17th of May, and you knew that,  as fast as Winter had turned into Spring, Spring would turn into Summer. And you would  move into London. You would fly across the world. Away from your home, your mom, your nan, your friends, the skate park. Away from Taehyung.

You finished your final exams the 17th of June and you would fly to London the 17th of July. You laughed at the irony of the situation, what was wrong with number 17? That morning you went to the police station to pick up your new passport and your new student ID. On your way to meet Taehyung at your favourite coffee shop, you stopped at the bank to pick up the plane ticket. Just one plane ticket.

He was sitting there, on his favourite table just next to the window, the morning light reflecting on his face while he scrolled through his phone. He was so beautiful. He was beautiful than ever. So ready to get his heart broken.

"Hi" he smiled at you when he saw you indecisive next to the table. "Is everything okay?"

You nodded, faking your best smile. Even though he could read you like an open book, this time he didn't see the signs of warning that were all over you, he didn't see that your lips weren't painted red as they always were, he didn't see that your eyes were red for crying the night before, he didn't see the defeated look on your face. He was in his little bubble of happiness, and you were about to break it.

"You went to the police station and everything?" he asked. You nodded again, you couldn't risk falling apart in front of him without explaining yourself before, so you didn't open your mouth. "What do you want?" he asked again, pointing to the menu.

You shook your head, playing with the hem of your t-shirt under the table, your gaze fixed to your fingers.

He finally got it, because his smile vanished from his face. Suddenly he realised you weren't wearing your usual vintage red lipstick. He realised your eyes were puffy and red. He realised you had been crying the night before. "Y/N, what's wrong? Did they tell you something was wrong at the police station?" you shook your head again, not being able to form any coherent word. "At the bank?" his voice sounded confused, but mostly worried. You needed to get your shit together, or that's what you told yourself before getting the courage to look at him in the eye. There they were, those stars covering the black in his eyes. Get your shit together.

"No, it all went fine. I picked up my new passport and..." you swallowed before speaking again. "And my plane ticket" you let out a breath after the words were out of your lips.

He frowned, confused as ever. "What do you mean by your plane ticket? Did something happen with mine?"

You swallowed the lump in your throat. You felt like something had gotten stuck in the middle of your throat and you couldn't do anything but swallow hoping it would disappear. But it didn't. Maybe that was what guilty felt like. "I only bought one ticket" you said.

"Oh" he blinked a few times. He, again, could read you like an open book and he had already gotten to the last page. He knew what you meant, but he kept beating around the bush. He hadn't liked the ending of the book so he was re-reading the previous chapters, trying to find an alternative ending. But there was no book, nor alternative ending. "So you made a mistake and only bought one..."

"Taehyung," there was no point in prolonging that conversation any more. You only hoped he would understand you, that he would forgive you for what you were about to say. "I didn't buy your plane ticket on purpose," you said, and he looked at you, speechless."You can't come to London with me."

He opened his mouth a couple of times, and closed it immediately a couple more before he finally spoke. Just one word "Why?" but so full of pain and confusion that was enough to tear your whole world apart.

"It's not that easy Tae. It's not that easy to move into another country. You can't just wish it and hope everything goes right. Have you found a job? Nope. Have you found a cheap apartment we could rent? Nope. Tae, we can't just land in London with nowhere to go and nothing to do," your words came slow, you were trying to keep the emotions that were floating inside you at bay.

"For how long have you known it?" he said, his voice sounded... Emotionless.

"I've known it since Christmas," you said. There was no point in lying to him, in telling him you decided it yesterday. You wouldn't lie to him anymore. "Don't misunderstand me, Tae. There's nothing I'd want more than you moving to London with me. But you can't."

"You've decided that for me," he said through gritted teeth. Anger was filling his words but at least that was some sort of emotion. His voice was always so full of emotions, whether it'd be lust, passion, love, anger, fear...

"I've decided that for us," you said. The waitress arrived, ready to take the order, but Taehyung told her to leave.

"You don't have the right to do that," his voice was stern and you knew he would explode sooner or later. "You can't choose on your own what's best for us!" he was shouting then, and the people in the small coffee shop looked at you.

"I had to do it!" you shouted back. "I had to fucking do it. It wasn't an easy decision for me," you tried to relax yourself. "I had to do it."

You watched as he clenched his jaw, his gaze burning holes into yours. "Don't do this to me," he whispered, nearly making you collapse on the floor.

"You pay your siblings school and your father's debts with your two salaries. Your mother would be bankrupt without your help, she would only increase your father's debt with the bank. Your siblings wouldn't have the opportunity to finish their education. The bank would take the house away from your mother and then the authorities would take your brother and sister away from your mother and they would be sent to different families," you stopped to catch a tear that was rolling down your cheek.

Taehyung's gaze was severe. "I would find a job in England and sent them the money I would earn."

"How long would it take you to find that job?" you were being cruel, but it was the only way you could persuade him. "You're not even sure you’d find a job there. And if you did, what would it be? Waiter? Would they pay you enough to feed you and your family?"

Taehyung remained silent, and he tore his gaze away from you, looking through the window. You looked outside too. How could people walk through the street so absentmindedly when a boy and a girl’s dreams were shattering just in front of them?

"You wouldn't even be able to sustain yourself, let alone your family," you said again, breaking the silence that suddenly surrounded you both in the middle of the crowded cafe. "You wouldn't be able to live with yourself knowing what your mother and your siblings would be going through. You would blame yourself. You would hate yourself,  and let me be a little selfish again, I don't think I would be able to see that," you sniffled, at that point you were bawling your eyes out. "I love you Tae, more than you think, but moving to London and the consequences of it would probably destroy the love I have for you. It would destroy the love you have for me, and it would destroy us. We wouldn't be the same again," your hand reached for his through the table, but as soon as your cold flesh touched his hot one, he moved it away as if you disgusted him.

"I..." he mumbled. He then looked at you again in the eye, yours where covered in tears so the image you got from him was blurry and distorted.”We can try.”

“We can’t. It won’t work for us. We aren’t that kind of couple that is happy just by speaking a couple of hours through the phone, or by seeing each other through FaceTime, or by seeing each other in Christmas or summer holidays. We’ve never been and we’ll never be,” you said. You wished it was easier. You wished his father wouldn’t have left so he wouldn’t be in charge of his debts and his children’s education. You wished Tae had a job there in London that gave him enough money to help his family. 

You wished Tae would still love you even if there was an Ocean between you. But you knew him, and you knew he would easily forget about you if you were far from each other. He wouldn’t have enough with the calls or the holidays. And you couldn’t bear the idea of him forgetting about you, of him starting not to answer your calls, of him stopping visiting you, of him not having enough from you. 

“And what now?” he spoke again, he sounded as if he was out of breath. “What happens with us? You’re just ending this? You’re giving up on us?”

“Stop Tae, please,” you said, rubbing your temples. You knew what you had to do then, you had repeated that moment in your mind a hundred times. That was a bitter ending for everything you had shared, but it was the best possible ending. The other endings included Tae’s family being broken and with them Tae’s heart or your relationship getting cold with the distance and you heart being broken by Taehyung. That was a bitter ending, but after a couple of months, the resentment Tae would have for you would disipate and would leave just his love for you, as untouched and pure as it had always been. Sometimes, people aren’t meant to be together, and you and Taehyung were one of those sometimes. 

You gathered your things under Taehyung’s attentive gaze. You felt yourself getting weaker and weaker by his broken expression and his soft pleas as you stood up from your chair. You finally took a deep breath as you let yourself look at him for the last time. 

His mouth was open, still pleading you to stay, to give your relationship a second chance. His hair was all over his forehead, all messy from his hands that had been running through his green ends non-stop. And you finally looked at his eyes. His eyes were the thing that finally broke you. There were no more stars in them, no more constellations in which was written the love he had for you. There were no more starry eyes, just those two black orbes that once looked at you with love and affection. That was the moment you hated yourself the most. How could you be doing that to the boy you loved? You were practically tearing his heart appart. But you knew it would be best for the both of you. 

"Take care of yourself” you whispered. The boy closed his mouth and clenched his teeth. When you touched his hand with yours, he abruptly moved it away again. You flinched a bit, but you smiled. It was a sad smile, a “goodbye” smile. “I love you” 

You waited for him to repeat the words, as he always did. You waited to hear another I love you from his lips. You waited for him to say something. But he never did, and you walked away from that coffee shop and away from him.

. . .

The stars were shining in the sky brighter than ever that 17th of October, reminding you of all the things they had seen through that big window in the ceiling. You were melancholic that night, even though you were more than happy with everything that was going on in your life.

After five years you had finally returned home, you lived in a small apartment near your nan’s house, your mom spent more time with you and less at work, you had seen your old friends again and you had finally bought that attic with the big window in its celing that was now your art gallery. You had made a name for yourself in the art industry and you earned a living from doing what you loved the most: painting. 

But you always felt melancholic when you looked at the stars. They reminded you of him. They reminded you of his eyes, of his boxy smile and the first time he made love to you right where you were lying then.

You hadn’t seen Taehyung in five years. 

When you arrived home you tried reaching out to him, but you heard he had moved. He was living in another country, being a saxophonist in a school of performing arts, as he always wanted. You were happy for him, as you were happy for you. You knew you had made the right choice five years ago, but you couldn’t help but think in all those “what ifs”. What if he had found a good job in London? What if his family would have survived whithout his money? What if you hadn’t won that contest and moved to London? What if you had given him a chance and would have kept a long distance relationship? Would you be together? Would you not? Would you had your heart broken by him? Would you not? Would you be happy? Would you not? 

You tried searching for all of those “what ifs” in the starts every night and every night you would find yourself looking at that first painting you made all those years ago. The one that hung from the main wall in the gallery. The one that was illuminated by the Sun in the morning and by the Moon at night. 

The one you painted of the boy with stars in his eyes that was sleeping in your bed. The one you painted of the boy you loved. The one you never sold even if the offer was high enough to pay your rent for an entire year. The one you named Seventeen Times 17.

Because that’s what you did, you loved him Seventeen Times 17.

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Historic files propose that Mande investors (in gold and also kola almonds as well as eventually servants) connected with the Mali Empire resolved in the Akan woodland of Begho, near Wenchi (in the Gold Shore) in the very early 15th century (Hiskett, 1984 ). The development from Begho resulted in an exchange option connecting it to Jenne as well as Timbuktu via to North Africa (Dumbe, 2013 ). The Mande academic neighborhood in Timbuktu is reported to have gotten there in Dagbon (in north Ghana) around 1700 C.E. (Dumbe, 2013 ). In the 1700s, a college city of Moliyili was started outside Yendi (in Dagbon) with clerical pecking order carrying out academic centres" (Lauer, 2013, p. 168).

He is a Member of the Junction Advisors' Team for the Open Alliance Institute as well as Soros Foundations System Ahtisaari is actually also Chairman of the Balkan Children as well as Young people Structure as well as the Worldwide Action Authorities of the International Youth Groundwork, and also from the International Panel from the War-Torn Societies Task Until 2003 he was likewise a Participant from the Panel from Supervisors of the International Principle for Freedom as well as Electoral Help (SUGGESTION). Along with a commitment to motivate children to keep in institution as well as go to university to become the leaders from tomorrow, proponents relating to the importance and electrical power of a good learning by means of the angel Foundation The groundwork funds a number of plans including: 1) College Keep track of, an after-school STEM-focused tutoring plan; 2) the scholarship that supplies potential innovators and pioneers with complete monetary help to complete post-secondary learning; and also 3) theSTEAM (science, innovation, engineering, arts as well as math), a mid and also primary university project to deliver underserved trainees with discovering as well as communication chances beyond the class.