NORMANDY SR2 INFO BOARD HOLIDAY EDITION
[NEW MESSAGES AS OF 12:09]
12:09- XO. LAWSON: Good afternoon. As all of you know, it’s the winter holiday season on earth. I would like to invite @all to the starboard deck for a cultural exchange at 14:00 for anyone interested in learning about human winter traditions.
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REMINDERS:
- Candy canes are NOT weapons. ALSO they are a privilege, not a right.
- Mistletoe (the greenery hanging from the roof) is NOT edible.
- Mess Sergeant Gardner is dressing up as Santa Clause; if you see a man with a white beard and red clothing DO NOT OPEN FIRE.
- Menorahs are NOT edible.
- Hot chocolate is HOT. Human skin is sensitive. For the love of god, just be responsible.
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Happy Holidays. See you there.
12:10- FLT. MOREAU: seriously
12:10- LT. TAYLOR: how stupid do you think we are?
12:10- CHF. ZORAH: yayyy happy holidays! merry christmas, happy hanukkah, joyous kwanzaa, feliz navidad, gung hay fat choy!!! am i saying those right??
12:10- GO. VAKARIAN: someone did research last night
12:10- LC. SHEPARD: goddamn it, did grunt eat another menorah?
12:11- SPEC. JACK: im pretty sure mistletoe is edible. i mean it’s a plant, right?
12:11– SPEC. MASSANI: good goddamn point
12:11- SPEC. GRUNT: will there be food other than the roof salad
12:11- LC. SHEPARD: i would like to point out— candy canes absolutely are weapons. i dropped a guy with one once.
12:11- XO. LAWSON: Not helping, Shepard.
12:11- SPEC. GRUNT: noodles please
12:11- SPEC. KRIOS: Impressive, Commander.
12:11– SPEC. GRUNT: please teach me battlemaster
12:12– LC. SHEPARD: gladly. just suck on the tip until it’s pointy then ram it in the jugular. should work for humans, turians, drell, quarians, batarians, hanar (probably?) and vorcha. it’s messy as hell but satisfying.
12:12- XO. LAWSON: That’s it. You’ve all lost your candy cane privileges.
12:12– DR. SOLUS: Wise decision. Shepard and Grunt safety hazards.
12:12- CHF. ZORAH: seriously??? You can’t punish all of us for shepard’s bloodlust
12:12- SPEC. GOTO: so let me get this straight, miri. you trust us with your life in a firefight, but not with candy canes during a Christmas party?
12:13- XO. LAWSON: a HOLIDAY party. and yes, that is correct.
12:13- LC. SHEPARD: i mean… it sorta seems fair. i trust vakarian on my six with an SR… but with a taser? absolutely not.
12:13- GO. VAKARIAN: i think LCs been shot in the head one too many times
12:13- LC. SHEPARD: not the point, numb nuts
12:13- SPEC. SAMARA: If Commander Shepard can safely operate a live firearm, she should be able to responsibly handle a sharp sucrose stick.
12:13- SPEC. GOTO: you’d think
12:13- LC. SHEPARD: i don’t know if i can. i just get this overwhelming urge to stab.
12:13- DR. CHAKWAS: Pushing your psych eval forward, LC.
12:13- GO. VAKARIAN: called it!
12:14- SPEC. MASSANI: so this party… do we get turkey dinner if we show?
12:14- SPEC. JACK: what the fuck is a turkey
12:14- XO. LAWSON: Dinner will be at 18:00, given Gardner has finished up. No turkey, just rations.
12:14- GO. VAKARIAN: Why the hell does Gardner look like that? [image.attachment_sergeant_santa_clause]
12:14- LC. SHEPARD: huh. looks like he was born for the role.
12:14- CHF. ZORAH: this seems… offensive. why did he stuff his pants and belly?
12:15- FLT. MOREAU: compensation, zorah
12:15- CHF. ZORAH: ohhhh
12:15– FLT. MOREAU: it’s not a real holiday party without booze @XO
12:15- XO. LAWSON: the LAST thing this crew needs is alcohol
12:15- LC. SHEPARD: [image.attachment_secret_candy_canes] jokes on you @XO i bought myself some on the citadel. knew you’d pull this crap.
12:15- XO. LAWSON: fine
12:15- LC. SHEPARD: this too [image.attachment_4.5L_bottle_vodka]
12:15- XO. LAWSON: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD
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